#3132 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 1)

Summary

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Watch What Crappens #3132

Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 1)
Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam | Paige Weldon guests
Released: December 24, 2025

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Episode Theme

The hosts embark on their first-ever nature documentary recap with "My Octopus Teacher," the acclaimed (and meme’d) Netflix doc. With Paige Weldon joining Ben for this bonus episode, they deliver their signature mix of Bravo-style banter, affectionate mockery, emotional outbursts, and comedic tangents, all focused on Craig Foster’s underwater odyssey and his unlikely quasi-love story with an octopus. The episode blends humor, pop culture riffs, and genuine reflection on the doc’s emotional impact.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Initial Impressions & Motivation

• Choosing the Doc: Ben was drawn in by "My Octopus Teacher"’s buzz—especially after seeing Southern Charm’s Cameron cry over it (03:05). Paige initially dismissed it as silly, but ended up in tears, reflecting the doc’s unexpected emotional depth (02:48).
• First Nature Recap: They’ve covered nearly everything else ("except new Vanderpump Rules"—Ben, 03:48), but never a nature documentary, making this adventure feel suitably ridiculous, sweet, and ripe for Crappens treatment.

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2. Craig Foster, Aquatic Oddball

• Childhood in Chaos: Craig’s upbringing was “dominated by the rocky shore and the tide” (Craig, 08:43), growing up in a submerged bungalow—a detail both hosts mercilessly roast for its dysfunction and emotional effect ("What about your toys?!"—Ben, 09:54).
• Career Burnout & Depression: The doc’s framing is about Craig’s struggle after years as a daring nature filmmaker, leading to physical and emotional exhaustion ("life caught up with him...adrenal failure"—Ben, 14:08).
• Return to the Sea over, say, Zumba: Instead of “signing up for Zumba,” Craig copes by swimming daily in the dangerous, freezing Cape of Storms (15:25–16:15). The hosts lampoon this as a melodramatic, over-the-top midlife response.

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3. Immersive Underwater Imagery & Animal Antics

• Gorgeous Cinematography: Multiple times, Paige & Ben praise the doc’s visuals—“Stunningly gorgeous” (Paige, 17:13), “could just put on mute and be zenned out” (Ben, 06:09).
• Marine Life as Housewives Party: The duo anthropomorphize sea creatures:
  • Students dumbly checking out a "shell-ball" as foolish party guests ("Fish are dumb...tricked all the time"—Ben, 26:09).
  • Comparing jellyfish to used party favors—and their predators to Real Housewives drama ("Basically Ramona's birthday party."—Paige, 20:45).
• Animal Detours: Tangents explore whether fish/jellyfish feel pain, animal cognition, and marine dietary chains ("Who wants to eat a gooey jellyfish? Pretty much everyone in the ocean."—Ben, 22:01).

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4. Octopus Teacher: Meet Patty LuPone

• First Encounter: Craig spies a “ball of shells”—actually, an octopus’s crafty camouflage (25:31). Ben likens this fashion-forward behavior to Patti LuPone in eveningwear (29:58).
• Octopus Hiding Tactics: The octopus dazzles with her resourcefulness—wrapping herself in algae, changing color/texture, and blowing ink for escape ("That's so Patti LuPone—to be just like, take a jar of ink...throw it in your face while she runs away."—Ben, 30:55).
• Octopus as Broadway Star: Throughout, the octopus is called "Patti,” and her behaviors are reimagined as theatrical performances ("She walks like a lady"—Paige, 41:22).

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5. Developing the Cross-Species Friendship

• Emotional Build-up: The hosts mirror the doc’s slow-building trust between man and mollusk:
  • “It was like a rescue dog, slowly warming to him…” (Paige, 38:33).
  • They note when both viewers and octopus get emotionally hooked (Ben: “Did you cry at this part?” Paige: “Yes…” 37:45).
• Questioning Motives: While reveling in cuteness, they sardonically question if they're reading too much into animal behavior ("Am I projecting human aspects...?"—Ben, 38:13).
• Physical Interaction: Patty begins to touch, cling to, and even ride Craig’s hand and chest ("There’s no greater feeling on earth"—Craig Foster, 51:11). Paige describes this as undeniable pet-like affection, which elicits tears.

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6. The Ticking Clock & Impending Tragedy

• Octopus Lifespan: Craig reminds, forebodingly, that octopuses live only a year or so (41:56), setting up heartbreak.
• Dangers & Dramatic Night Hunts:
  • At night, Patty morphs into a sassy diva hunting under murky moonlight ("Patty performs only at night. She's not a matinee person."—Ben, 58:01).
  • Sharks (nicknamed "Jill Zarin" and "pajama sharks") are compared to bumbling TV villains (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's family, Home Alone's burglars).
• First Attack:
  • In a nail-biting close call, a pajama shark bites off one of Patty's arms while Craig stands by, torn over intervening. The hosts vent genuine sadness and growing frustration at Craig's passive role ("Sorry I let your arm get eaten off...Can I give you a ride home?"—Paige, 62:22).

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7. Ethics & Anthropomorphism

• Interfering or Observing?:
  • Craig’s constant angst about interfering is skewered ("Don’t talk about interfering, because you already done it..."—Ben, 58:33).
  • The hosts explore the ethical tangle—when does a documentarian’s emotional involvement justify breaking the "nature" rule?
• Octopus as Netflix Reality Star:
  • They cook up a fake version of the documentary from Patty’s point-of-view ("Her documentary: 'I pretended to be nice…then woke up and he comes barging towards me...I’m done.'"—Ben, 45:20).

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8. Comedy Breaks & Pop Culture Flair

• Bravo/Housewives/Jokes:
  • Sea creatures are recast as Housewives ("Ramona’s birthday party," “Brandi Glanville” admissions, etc.).
• Meta-References & Running Gags:
  • Ben and Paige riff on Craig’s snobbery (his “rimless glasses” mean “truly evil people”—Paige, 12:50), and his over-dramatic narration style.
  • Ongoing bits about real estate, the sadness of edit bays, and Patty as a stage icon keep the tone buoyant.
• Self-deprecating Contradictions:
  • Compassionate vegetarian angst is juxtaposed with jokes about grilled octopus cravings at Greek restaurants.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "No, there's a line that can't be crossed. You cannot have sex with the octopus. You cannot."
  — Ben Mandelker, joking about the doc’s intimacy (06:49)

• "I am just like that octopus. I'm even made of jelly. I could probably hide in a rock really fast."
  — Paige Weldon, relating to the cephalopod (05:28)

• "If you spent less time tracking and more time out with people, you would have found cocaine, okay?"
  — Paige Weldon, re: Craig’s addictive thrill-seeking (16:48)

• “She was like, she goes to this huge algae tree and wraps herself in it and then peeks out with her little crazy alien eyes.”
  — Paige Weldon (29:51)

• "[Octopuses] can look spiky, look smooth, look sexy, look beguiling. They can wear flats, they can wear tap shoes, they can wear a turban..."
  — Ben Mandelker (40:01–40:08)

• "Don't objectify me. You're octopusly objectifying me."
  — Paige Weldon, critiquing Craig's dismissiveness (54:35)

• "I'm looking at every shell she ate and the patterns she left...basically me playing Animal Crossing."
  — Ben Mandelker (48:21)

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Select Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:48 — Paige confesses she sobbed over "My Octopus Teacher," launching the recap
• 06:49 — The hosts joke about perceived intimacy boundaries between Craig and the octopus
• 14:08 — Discussion of Craig's past, work burnout, and quest for meaning
• 25:29 — The discovery of the "shell-ball"—first appearance of the octopus
• 29:58 — Patti LuPone-inspired octopus fashion analogies
• 37:44–38:13 — Tearful bonding moment: octopus reaches out to Craig
• 41:56 — The octopus’s short lifespan and impending tragedy
• 59:40–61:28 — Shark attack: Patty loses an arm, hosts react with horror and guilt
• 62:57–63:42 — Craig’s existential crisis over responsibility for Patty’s injury
• 65:08 — Craig brings Patty a mussel to aid her recovery, prompting gendered relationship jokes

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Tone & Language

The episode’s tone is classic Crappens: irreverent, affectionate, pop-culture-laden, and occasionally subversive. Ben and Paige alternate between genuine awe, empathetic tears, and snarky asides about both nature docs and themselves. Their language mixes sharp-witted mockery with sincere observation, always rooting the humor in a kind of brash, relatable sentimentality.

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Conclusion

In this first part of their "My Octopus Teacher" coverage, Ben and Paige dissect Craig Foster’s lonely underwater healing and his unlikely cephalopod muse with equal parts Bravo-inspired comedy and surprising emotion. The episode spotlights the Crappens gift for making any subject—from octopus arms to pajama sharks to existential burnout—feel like it belongs in the same wild universe as Real Housewives drama. And by the end, listeners will find themselves, like Paige, “crying again,” rooting for Patty the octopus, and maybe wondering: “Are we really so different from a mollusk camouflaging in a sea of chaos?”

For part two, the saga continues—with more feels, more jokes, and, probably, more shark drama.

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Transcript

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Paige Weldon]

I'm very excited too Ben picked this bonus episode. We were looking for things to cover, and I was like, okay, octopus, whatever, stupid whatever, octopus. I guess I have to watch an octopus video now. And then, of course, I cried. It's the best thing I've ever seen. And I really want to find love now.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, I mean, so what Rodney's talking about is there's this documentary on Netflix called My Octopus Teacher, and people are starting to talk about it. Cameron from Southern Charm put up a video where she was a blubbering mess.

[Paige Weldon]

And she was like, scientific is the.

[Ben Mandelker]

Most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it just felt like this was going to be a thing that people would be talking about. And if they're. If they. If it doesn't quite reach Tiger King levels, that's fine. But I just was like, this seems almost ridiculous enough and yet great enough that we should cover it. And we've never recapped a nature documentary before. We've recapped everything else, I think, except.

[Paige Weldon]

For new Vanderpump rules.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, that's true. That is basically like life on the Savannah with, you know, animals and. And, you know, lots of things with.

[Paige Weldon]

Warts, you know, eating each other.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, yeah. Throwing feces at each other. So, yeah. So this is. It's. The documentary is called My Octopus Teacher, and it's about a man who befriends an octopus. So, I mean, shall we dive in? Shall we get into this madness?

[Paige Weldon]

Yes, let's get in. Now, this is basically one big, long story told by him. Okay, so that's pretty much what you're gonna get in this.

[Craig Foster]

And it opens with an octopus swimming. People say octopus are, like, alien, but the strange thing is, as you get close to them, you realize you're very similar in a lot of ways.

[Heather McDonald]

No.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, so I have eight arms. She has eight arms. I can change my color. She can change my color. It's like, sir, what LSD are you taking?

[Craig Foster]

She can change her texture and grow horns.

[Paige Weldon]

I can change my texture and grow horns. Now, physically, that might not be true. You know, I was resisting this movie. And I have been listening to the Oprah supersoul podcast, as you know, I love it. And Brene Brown was on there. Now, I resist some Brene Brown in my life. Like, I don't need some snooty Texas woman telling me what to do. I've had one my whole life. But then I listened to Brene Brown. Love her now, of course. And her whole thing is about being vulnerable. And if you're resisting something, it's because.

[Craig Foster]

It'S bothering you on a level that you need to address, and you need to stop resisting that, and you need to be vulnerable to it.

[Paige Weldon]

And so I was like, why am I resisting this octopus thing? And by the end of this, I was like, oh, my God, I am just like that octopus. I'm even made of jelly. I could probably hide in a rock really fast.

[Ben Mandelker]

You could. I think you're, like, made for an octopus lifestyle. Just, like, hanging out in a dentist, maybe going out, maybe someone. Yeah, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm like, I want to die alone until it's time to pop out a baby. And then I'll, like, let a man in to, like, impregnate me for about five minutes. And then I'm gonna be like, kids, I want. I want a shark to eat me, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I think this trajectory really works well for you. Oh, I guess we should say that this is the. If you haven't watched the movie, there will be spoilers because we're going to recap the whole thing.

[Paige Weldon]

So that was a post spoiler warning.

[Ben Mandelker]

That was. Yeah, Post spoiler warning. Like, I mean, you had to know. So the. It's an octopus. Okay? Nature is. Nature is violent. So, yeah. So this guy, his name is Craig, and he's telling. We're seeing this beaut. By the way, the imagery is beautiful in this. So beautiful. Like, you could just put on mute and just watch it, and you'll just be zenned out. It's great. But he's like, you're stepping into this completely different world. Such an incredible feeling. And you think you're on the brink of something extraordinary, but there's a line that can't be crossed. You cannot have sex with the Octopus. You cannot. You cannot.

[Paige Weldon]

I mean, wasn't every family in the country going, please don't fuck that octopus.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don't fuck the octopus.

[Paige Weldon]

Because, you know, there's that show on Netflix right now that everyone's like, I'm canceling my Netflix. It's called Cuties. Yes. Film or whatever. And everyone's freaking out that it's child pornography and this and that. Now I have not watched Cuties because I've read all this stuff, and I'm like, if I haven't watched this, I'm probably a pedophile. Like, I'm not watching that. Like, I'm terrified to even watch it now. But I've obviously read a bunch like everyone else. But now I'm like, oh, my God, is Netflix trying to get me to fuck an octopus? Like, what's going on? Is it brainwashing?

[Ben Mandelker]

What if the octopus wants to fuck you? What about that?

[Paige Weldon]

I mean, that would be flattering. I wouldn't do it, but I would be more flattered, you know, if it were the other way around, I would be horrified. But, yeah, everyone, I think, at the same time was like, please do not that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don't have sex. The octopus. Please, please. And by the way, we never see his. His wife, if he even has one. Because I would really like to know what she thinks about this entire situation. Okay. Like, my husband is swimming out into the ocean to hang out with an octopus. I don't know. I think I would. I would have some concerns. I feel like. I feel like we don't see his wife, but I feel like it's Nicole Kidman in Big Little Lies without the abuse. Just, like, bangs and sad. Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

And he's, like, got major depression issues, as he kind of alludes to. But basically, I wrote sad movie guy alone. So that's my overall note for this.

[Craig Foster]

But he's like, it was quite a long time ago that day. It all started.

[Paige Weldon]

My octopus teacher. We're in Western Cape, South Africa. There's waves against the cliffs. And these are not like, cute waves. Like, isn't that pretty? It's like. It's like a photo. These are like biblical waves wiping out humanity.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, this is like some Mary Elizabeth mastery. Antonio screaming at you that you are in the jaws of the monster. Like, you have to get out of there.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Craig Foster]

And the place is on the tip of Africa. It's known as the Cape of Storms. My childhood memories are completely dominated by the rocky shore and the tide.

[Paige Weldon]

Boom, boom, boom, tide, tide, tide. And then we see this little tiny house, which. I mean, who builds a house right where. Who builds a house in the middle of a damn wave?

[Ben Mandelker]

I just want to see that one. I want to see that house on House Hunters International. House number three is far from town, and also the ocean knocks it over every few months.

[Paige Weldon]

House number three was owned by a very nice man who drowned in his sleep.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I just love these appliances. It's fully updated, mainly because it was destroyed about two weeks ago. And, oh, look, there goes the door. So he actually says. He's like, I grew up in a wooden bungalow as a child, and it was built below the waterline, and the ocean would knock down the doors and fill the bottom of the house with water. And it was incredibly exciting to literally live in the force of that giant Atlantic Ocean. I'm like, that sounds awful. The Ocean is like, flooding your. Your first floor every single time. What about your toys? What about your tv? Like what?

[Paige Weldon]

Like, that's what kind of life he's living. That's why I'm saying he's a depressed person. He's living in a wave, basically, a constant wave. What can you not have? You can't have a TV in there. You can't plug in your phone downstairs.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Dead fish iron anything in the foyer every single day?

[Paige Weldon]

In the foyer? Yes. Like, what, do you never iron? Like, that's. I mean, I don't either, but still.

[Ben Mandelker]

Probably so annoying in school because he goes, most of my childhood was spent in rock pools diving in the shallow kelp forest. That's what I most love to do. It's like, hey, like, you're at school. It's like, hey, you want to come over? We. I got my he man figures, I have a better idea. Let's dive amongst the kelp. It's like, oh, Craig, would you like.

[Paige Weldon]

To come over to my house after.

[Craig Foster]

School and get your feet all wrinkly.

[Paige Weldon]

Because they'll be wet the entire time?

[Ben Mandelker]

Knock, knock. Who's there? The Atlantic Ocean pouring itself in. Exciting. It's like, is that delivery? It's like every time that there's a knock on the door, you don't know whether it's like UPS or a giant wave crashing into your house.

[Craig Foster]

As an adult, I'd been separated from that, and that was fine at first until I went to Central Kalahari 20 years ago.

[Paige Weldon]

And then it's like. And now, you know, here we are. There's like, a man running with an arrow. Like a tribal guy running with an arrow. And they're chasing some animal or something. And he tells us, I was making.

[Craig Foster]

A film called the Great Dance with my brother and met these men who were the best Trekkers in the world. And to watch these men go to incredible lengths to find subtle finds in nature, things my eyes couldn't see. And they would do it for hours.

[Ben Mandelker]

They were inside the natural world, and I could feel I was outside. Well, it's like, well, yes, you're outside. Like, deal with it. It's fine. We're all outside of it. Okay, but I want to lie.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Like, you have to pick achievable goals, you know, like, you can't go to a zoo and be like, God, I wish I was a monkey. My life sucks.

[Ben Mandelker]

So 18 years later, by the way. And also, when he was making that movie, he was hot. He was real hot. I was like, craig, how about that? Bigger goal is to get, like, great dance, but get back into, like, great dance shape. How about that?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, Go back to hip hop, jazz, you know. But I think that he is still pretty hot. I mean, he had a pretty hot dad bod. I mean, look, that's dad bod.

[Ben Mandelker]

But he was a hot. He had like a hot, like, you know, year 2000 bod. Or maybe it was like the 90s. I don't know when it was.

[Paige Weldon]

But he's totally one of those hot guys. He uses patchouli and they're like, I don't have to take a shower because I'm hot and I'm into nature. And you're like, gross.

[Ben Mandelker]

How many people did he bore at cocktail parties? About, like, when I was in Kenya, I met the greatest trackers in the world. They could see a grain of salt and know exactly what animal it came from. It's like, great, thanks. We're trying to talk about big brother here.

[Paige Weldon]

Who invited Craig again? And he does, like, subtle things that make me think, okay, like, he's sad and approachable now because he's filming himself at his kitchen table, but he's like a snob in real life because he wears rimless glasses. And I think people who wear rimless glasses are truly evil people. Like, I think they feel like they're better than everybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

They are. Yeah. Especially when they, like, befriend octopuses. And then they're like, my friend's an octopus. And you're like, well, I can't top that. So he's tell. It's like 18 years later and he's had two years of hell and he's, like, worn out and he's just getting sick from all the pressure that's on him. Not really sure what the pressure is. Maybe the pressure to move into a house that's not getting knocked over by waves. But he. I guess I'm assuming It's from filmmaking, etc. And he just didn't want to see a camera or an edit suite ever again in his life. My great purpose was in pieces.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Because he was a documentary filmmaker and he was choosing really dangerous shit to go document. You know, it's like just walk around the desert for months at a time to find out how to track a, you know, tiger or whatever. So, yeah. Yeah, he was depressed. And I guess once he went back to the real world, he couldn't deal with an edit bay or something. I don't know. Those are depressing places, edit bays.

[Ben Mandelker]

They really are. No, it was. I mean, this was 18 years after that. But, like, I think that he just. I don't know, life caught up with him. And I read in an article that he had, like, adrenal failure or something like that, and he just wants to connect back into something. And so, you know, what is that adrenal failure?

[Paige Weldon]

Like, what is that, the gland?

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't know. Maybe. I think. I don't know. I would. I don't know. Maybe it's the adrenal system that gives you adrenaline. I'm not sure. Maybe he's like, I failed to be startled. So he. He just.

[Paige Weldon]

Nothing surprised me. I mean, I did grow up in a house that flooded every five minutes.

[Ben Mandelker]

When you wake up in the middle of the night because a wave has knocked your bunk bed on its side again, you stop getting startled by things.

[Paige Weldon]

Once you've seen your family dog be swept away to see.

[Ben Mandelker]

Once you wake up with a starfish on your face, you're no longer frightened. So he basically is like. He doesn't. He's like, he wants to be a good father to his son, but he's, like, in a funk. And he's like. He's like. So I took inspiration from the trackers and from childhood, and the only way I knew how to do it was to be in the ocean.

[Paige Weldon]

Now, that's normally the point where someone signs up for Zumba. You know.

[Ben Mandelker]

It'S a great time for Zumba. You can either plunge yourself into, like, vicious churning waves in the Cape of Storms that are like negative 500 degrees or take Zumba.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Like, I'm older, I'm slightly depressed. Adrenal shit's going on. Apparently, my wife won't even be in the same room with me. You know, I'll take a Zumba class or start walking around the neighborhood. Board games like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm always an advocate for board games.

[Paige Weldon]

Sellers, but just like, it's going to live in the ocean, you know, that's a little extreme, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And he, like, chooses, like, the worst part of the ocean. He is like, literally, it's, it's, it's. It is a hellscape of water. There's these waves crashing and craggy rocks. And it looks cold. Like, it feels cold. And he's like, the water drops down to 9 degrees Celsius, and you just have to relax. And then you'll get this beautiful time for 10 to 15 minutes, when suddenly everything feels okay. I'm like, you're getting delirious. You are going into shock and you're delirious.

[Paige Weldon]

Craig you're literally dead, Craig. I think Craig died.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think this is all from his, like. Yeah. His ghosts. Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

You're dead, Craig. Okay. Is someone going to tell Craig that he's dead? He's like, the cold upgrades the brain.

[Craig Foster]

Because you get a flood of chemicals every time you immerse.

[Paige Weldon]

It's like, dude, if you spent less time tracking and more time, like, out with people, you would have found cocaine. Okay.

[Craig Foster]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Or cryotherapy. It's like, much easier. You don't have to. You don't have to swim. So then he starts talking about how it gets easier and easier and easier. Then he goes, after about a year, you start to crave the cold. I'm like, okay, Craig, all right, now you're getting annoying.

[Paige Weldon]

All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Craving the cold water.

[Paige Weldon]

So he goes. He finds calm water. We see him diving. And again, I mean, we're probably going to say this 100 times during this. This is just a stunningly gorgeous. Yeah. Film. I mean, it is beautiful. And I think he's shooting it all himself, Right.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm not sure because there was another director that was listed and her name was Pippa. So I think Pippa might be in the mix as well. I can't tell.

[Paige Weldon]

But you think she was in the water? Because I think to get.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maybe she did the interviews.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maybe she got, like, a director credit because she did interviews. And maybe some of the nature footage.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Because, I mean, he just shot this. I mean, it is just stunning. And I don't know how much color correction or whatever was done at the end, but I was. I mean, just totally taken away the whole time. Really gorgeous work. Yeah. Okay, great work.

[Ben Mandelker]

Stupid Craig. Yeah. So he's like. He's talking about how, like, swimming through the kelp forest is really cool because it's basically like. It's a forest, but you enter from the top and you can. It's basically like flying because.

[Paige Weldon]

Right.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're not bound by gravity. And, you know, we sell these jellyfish and. And everything. And he starts talking about getting. He's like. He goes, you naturally just get more relaxed in the water. I'm like, I would not be more terrified than to be there, like, with only, like, my bathing suit on and a mask, holding my breath while there are sharks swimming everywhere. I would be. That's not my idea of relaxing.

[Paige Weldon]

Yes. I mean, and that's. I think that's why depressed people do so well in the world, because he's like, just kill me. What the fuck do I care? Oh, do you think I Care about jellyf? No. I'm going to go swim right in the middle of those jellyfish and let them surround my dead body and see if they. It's like it doesn't even occur to him, like, I could die right now because I'm standing. He's not wearing a wetsuit or anything either. He's wearing his Costco swimming shorts into the water and that's it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Well, he says having a scuba tank in a thick kelp forest is not optimal for me. What, because you don't like air? Is that. Is that not optimal? Being able to breathe?

[Paige Weldon]

Hate air, stupid. Air only pussies like air. It's like if you really want to get close to environment. Yeah. It helps to not have a barrier. And I'm like, wow, I wonder if firemen ever feel like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly. It's like I want to be more like an amphibious animal. These goals that Craig has, I think we have to. I think we need to get him to a career coach. Like, so what would you like to be? An amphibious animal.

[Paige Weldon]

All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

But you're not. So what else would you like to be? Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

Rich amphibious animal. Okay, you're getting closer. Okay. So then we see like a penis fish. We see all different kinds of fish.

[Ben Mandelker]

Weird.

[Paige Weldon]

I've never seen.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, Something in a coil. It was like. It looked like a shark, but it was like in a. It was shaped like a donut or. It's not shaped. It had like. It was like biting its tail and it was like rolling around in a donut shape. I was like, that animal has to get it together because that's not good.

[Craig Foster]

Yes.

[Paige Weldon]

The shark eating his own tail. It was like a little dog chasing his own tail. But it was a shark and he had it in his mouth. It was like a horror movie. It was weird.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. He had identity issues. He's like, I wish I could be more like a land walking animal. That's like me. I want to be amphibious. You're getting with the sharks mindset.

[Paige Weldon]

So he's like. And suddenly I realized I've got the.

[Craig Foster]

Energy to take pictures and film again.

[Paige Weldon]

And so we see all these beautiful shots. We see a fish eating a crab and then we see the fish eating his tail. And then we just see all these.

[Ben Mandelker]

Different kinds of jellyfish and weird things.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, it's. We see all these really cool fish.

[Ben Mandelker]

And like going to a party on Real Housewives of New York. Like all the people in the background who just sort of stare at the camera. It was like all those fish. Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

It's like, basically Ramona's birthday party.

[Ben Mandelker]

15 My closest fish friends. Okay, there's, like, one fish trying.

[Paige Weldon]

We've all slept with him. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's, like, one fish trying really hard for a look.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. There's, like, a little Elise fish. He just stands there in the middle of all this chaos going, yeah, she's the jellyfish. Those jellyfish, I mean, they're stunning creatures, jellyfish. What beautiful. Why do they have to be such dicks?

[Ben Mandelker]

Dude, they are dicks. Like, also, does anyone eat jellyfish? Are there. I'm sure there has to be a. They have to have a predator, right? And I'm wondering. I actually am, like, glad they have a predator, because I feel like, like, no one's here to fuck with you, jellyfish. So the fact that you're so aggressive makes me want someone to fuck with you.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And they only work in the water. Like, Craig is privileged. You know, he has, like, water land privilege because he can do both and still stay alive. But like, a jellyfish, it just looks like a. Like a used water balloon. I was gonna say used condom, but that's disgusting. But I did end up saying it, which. Anyway, it doesn't look the same when it comes out. It's just all bleh. Just empty and stuff. So let me see. What do jellyfish eat and what eats them?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm looking it up. There's an article in New York Times that says, who wants to eat a gooey jellyfish? Pretty much everyone in the ocean. Whoa. So apparently, marine biologists had believed that jellyfish don't hold enough calories to be a significant part of the ocean's food chain. But guess what? Okay. Everyone wants a jellyfish. Okay? It's 50 my best jellyfishes. Okay? And we all highly desired. I guess everyone eats them.

[Paige Weldon]

It doesn't tell me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Leatherback turtles and big. And ocean sunfish are exceptionally big, I guess. Do they eat the jellyfish? You know, sunfish. We talked about sunfish, but how they're dumb. Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

They're. They're dummies, maybe. It's like a jalapeno in the fish world. It's just like a sting.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like a wonderful. It's a wonderful spice. Well, I feel like sometimes, like. Yeah, fish are, like, their relationship to pain is, like, a little different than ours. I think that we're more babies. Like, fish are just like. Oh, well, that sucked. Anyway. Yeah, I'm hungry, so.

[Paige Weldon]

No, don't say that. How could you want to eat a fish after this movie? Oh, my God. I've been eating fish and I felt so fucking guilty. Okay, so the fish are. They show these fish that change color to wherever. I mean, there's.

[Craig Foster]

It's so neat.

[Paige Weldon]

And a big peach looks like a big peach with a squirmy tail.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

All these really weird fish.

[Ben Mandelker]

Weird aliens.

[Craig Foster]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Heather McDonald]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Heather McDonald]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Heather McDonald]

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[Ben Mandelker]

It's everything you actually want to wear. Built to hold up season after season. And, you know, in Los Angeles, it doesn't get very cold here, but it can get a little chilly. And I have my beautiful Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince and it has been perfect for these chilly evenings.

[Heather McDonald]

Yeah, I think we keep saying Mongolian cashmere so much when we're talking about Quint that that's what I went for too. I got a Mongolian cashmere hoodie, like a camel colored hoodie. And it's comfortable and it is a good get gorgeous.

[Ben Mandelker]

Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com crappens for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com crappins free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com grabens so then Craig is like, I remember the day when it all started. And then he basically starts talking about how he went to a. He found this kelp forest. And he's like, everything is murky, but there's a small patch where you can dive. And I saw a strange shape to the left, which is what this movie also could have been called because, like half this documentary is him saying. And then I don't know what overcame me, but I looked to my left and I saw a shape that I will never forget in the rest of my life. It's like every time it's like you see something to the left, to the.

[Paige Weldon]

Left, to the left.

[Ben Mandelker]

Saw a strange shape to the left.

[Craig Foster]

So he sees this really strange thing.

[Paige Weldon]

And it is pretty cool. It's like a circle. It's like a ball, but with all these shells glued to it. It looks like a collection of shells.

[Ben Mandelker]

It looks like a second graders art project. Basically. Like someone was given a styrofoam ball and they had to glue shells on it.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Or like if the cast of Little Mermaid was gonna go bowling, you know, like a seashell bowling ball or whatever.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. It looked oddly delicious.

[Paige Weldon]

And then this, these fish were like, what the hell's that? Hey, what the hell is that? Did you guys see that shell ball? Hey, did you see the shell ball? Let's go look at shell ball.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

There's like three little fish who they just like because, you know, they have big dumb eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Fish are dumb. If I'm, if I'm a fish and I see a strange ball that's larger than me that I've never seen before, I'm not going up to it. Like, how, I mean, how many nature, how many. Honestly, how many underwater videos do we have to watch of fish getting absolutely tricked all the time? It's like, oh, look, there's a lantern. Ah, I'm dead. You know, like, oh, look, there's like, this looks like a nice patch of sand. It's curiously open and then boom, there's like a flounder underneath. It's like they're constantly getting startled by other shit.

[Paige Weldon]

I mean, all you have to say is treasure chest. I mean, fish are the only people left in the world that are like, oh my God, it's a treasure chest. Did you guys see the treasure chest? I see it. I don't see it. Let's go over there. But we're always, you know, we're always told or I, you know, I'm always told or I feel like I've always learned that fish are dumb. Right. Like other animals are. I don't know, like they feel things. Or as a vegetarian, I've, I guess I've tricked myself into thinking that, like, why is pescatarian a thing? Why can you only eat fish and not other things? And people are like, well, fish are on a different level. You know, they don't, they don't feel the same way. They don't have the same feelings that other animals do. And then after watching this, I feel like a murderer who's been tricked.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well, okay, so fine, maybe apply that to octopuses. But then look at these stupid fish just going right up to this shell, this crazy ball of shells.

[Paige Weldon]

I love that. They're so curious, you know? They're like, hey, guys, this is something new in the neighborhood. I've never. You know, I just figured fish have a neighborhood. They don't have a neighborhood. They just swim around dumbly and wait for something to eat them, you know? But they do. They have, like, a little neighborhood, and they're like, something's new here, guys. We should check it out. And then two of the other fish.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're starting to make them sound like Brandi Glanville. Guys, I'm glad that we gather here by this strange shell formation, because I'd like to say that six months ago, this shell formation and I. We had sex.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, this shell formation ate me out. I've got the text to prove it.

[Ben Mandelker]

And she said that you're a bitch.

[Paige Weldon]

So two of the fish are like, I'm not staying by that stupid thing. That's crazy. I'm getting away from that. And that one dumb fish is like, no, I want to taste it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Stupid. It's like. It's like the. Like, knowing that it might be food always outweighs the fact that it might be the end of your life.

[Paige Weldon]

Always. With me, it's like when you're cleaning the cat shark. What is that? I guess I'll taste it.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, fish are. Yeah, it's like, fish, when they see a pebble, oh, man, they're like, I know it's a pebble. I've seen all these pebbles on this floor. But maybe for the first time in my life, this pebble is actually food. Nope, not food. I'm gonna spit it out again. Every single time.

[Craig Foster]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm being totally freaked out right now because on my desk, I have little stuffed animals that people have given me over the years. I have a little jiggy, and I have a little loosey. Lucy, apple juice. And I was moving them around. I just looked, you know, I was moving them out of the way for a water bottle, and I just turned around, and Lucy. Lucy, apple juice is staring right into my eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, wow.

[Paige Weldon]

Creepy.

[Craig Foster]

Wow.

[Paige Weldon]

Look away from me. I can see why Dorit got rid of you.

[Ben Mandelker]

So. So Craig is looking at this shell ball, and then suddenly, an octopus flies out. Like the. Like, the shells all drop. It was. And there's this octopus that had surrounded itself in a ball with all these shells, and it flies away. And Craig's like, at the time, I didn't know I had witnessed something extraordinary. I'd come at the end of a whole drama.

[Craig Foster]

You think, what on earth is this animal doing? I think she's a little bit afraid of me. So she lifts up this extremely slip, slippery algae and wraps it like a cloak.

[Paige Weldon]

And it. She does, she does.

[Ben Mandelker]

She was like.

[Paige Weldon]

She goes to this huge algae tree and wraps herself in it and then like peeks out with her little crazy alien eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

She looks very accessorized. She's basically, like, so glamorous in that moment. She's just, like, wrapped in algae. That was the moment when I was taking notes, when I just named her Patti. Because I was like, she's giving me lots of Patti LuPone vibes. Like, don't look at me right now. I've just wrapped my show and spin curtain. And I'm now here in my evening wear, my evening gown. I'm the octopus.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, it was a very, like, hey, Big Spanda. Like, very like, buxom moment for the octopus. And it was so cute. And then, boom, she was gone.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then I wrote, boom, she was gone also. Oh, did he say that?

[Craig Foster]

I don't know.

[Paige Weldon]

But boom, she was gone. Like, she just jetted out of there. She just dropped her feather boa and her cloak and then she, like, jetted for it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Cigarette holder.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, she's jetting through the water. And then she. He never mentions this, I don't think, but they, like, blow brown. Is that ink? Is that squid ink? I guess. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, it's octopus ink.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, octopus ink. I mean, what does that do? Is it like when a skunk shoots you?

[Ben Mandelker]

No, it's just to, like, obscure. Obscure. It's like to be like, you can't see me, you know? And that is so Patti LuPone. To be just like, take like a jar of ink. Ink that she has nearby. Just like, throw it in your face while she runs away. I said, no autographs.

[Paige Weldon]

I'll be there. And I'll be there. Listen, I'm a woman of the stage.

[Ben Mandelker]

So. So the octopus flies away. And Craig's like, well, I felt like there was something to this creature that was unusual. There was something special about her. She had a fashion sense. And I had this crazy idea. What would happen if I abandoned my family for a year and visited an octopus instead every single day.

[Craig Foster]

What would happen if I brought this octopus to Chico's?

[Paige Weldon]

I've seen what it can do with algae. What could it do with a nice wrap?

[Ben Mandelker]

What would happen if I interfered with this octopus's life and nearly got it killed a few times because of me.

[Paige Weldon]

So day one.

[Craig Foster]

Initially, she was affected by my presence, so I thought, I'll just leave the camera and get her going about her business.

[Paige Weldon]

So he leaves the camera.

[Ben Mandelker]

Please, no photos.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, turn off your goddamn cell phones. I'm not here for your amusement.

[Ben Mandelker]

She just knocks the camera right over the camera just, like, right there in her face, right by her den. And she just puts her tentacle and just, like, pulls it down, like, enough.

[Paige Weldon]

She's so cute. Like, she's kind of hiding from it with seashells, and then she, like, kind of touches it with a seashell so she doesn't, like, get burned by it or whatever. Then she touches it and then she's like that. And she just turns it down.

[Ben Mandelker]

She just like. Yeah, she literally. She literally puts it down. So then. And I'm just like. And while she's, like, getting used to this camera, he is, like, you know, roving around this area, trying to understand the kelp forest. And then he finds, like, this cave that's packed with pajama sharks. They're, like, all crammed in there like a bunch of Jill's Aarons. And they're all like, hey.

[Paige Weldon]

They suck.

[Ben Mandelker]

They suck.

[Paige Weldon]

Those sharks suck. And they have these. They're flat. Like, they're flat in shape. And then they have these eyes that look kind of like costume jewelry like that. You know that jewelry is, like, painted with glittery paint.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

And then they have these, like, two little teeth that stick out in the front. Yeah, they don't look like the brightest shark in the world.

[Ben Mandelker]

They look like idiot sharks, actually.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, they look like cartoonishly idiot. Idiot.

[Ben Mandelker]

I did like their stripes. There was something sort of cuddly about the stripes. I know it seems odd because, you know. You know how sharks are, like, the worst, but, like, in stuffed animal form, they're kind of the best. And the stripes were sort of like. They kind of. I was getting confused because I was getting, like, stuffed animal feedback from the stripes. But I was like, no, but it's a real shark, so I fucking hate the shark. But I thought, like, there was something, like. I did kind of want to, like, pet the shark in a weird way because I think. Because of the stripes.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, they did have cute stripes. And they also. I really did like their. Their triangle work on their body, like the fins or whatever they had. Yeah, seven or eight fins.

[Ben Mandelker]

Tons.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. So they look from far away, you're like, wow, what a well finned Shark. Like, that's so creative. But then you get up close to it and you're like, ugh.

[Ben Mandelker]

And they, like. They're like the family and Charlie and the chocolate factory. They're just, like, all in the same bed.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're like, oh, my God, get another bed.

[Paige Weldon]

They're also kind of like the burglars from Home Alone. Like, they've got that kind of stupid energy about them. Like, there they go, bumbling around, trying to find Kevin again.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly. That is exactly right. I did not. Like, first of all, also, if I'm, like, in the ocean and I like, oh, I'm just going to come into a cave and look, oh, there's like, 15 sharks just hanging out in here. He was, like, way too chill about that. I'm like. Like, that's. That's when I start panicking and bunk my head at the top of the cave and probably die.

[Paige Weldon]

I think that he's got serious problems at home. I mean, I think that you're right. Like, his wife. You never see his wife. His son doesn't really talk to him ever in the film. But we don't see his son till way later. And I think that he's. I think he's on a suicide mission. And, like, one day someone's gonna find my camera and see all this great work I did, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm gonna go hang out with the sharks. Yeah. He goes to hang out with the sharks and watch them. And they're just such assholes. They're all fighting each other. They're all just.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

They're just gross. And then they do everything by smell. And that's why they're in a bad mood, because they have really sensitive smells. And I think that would be the worst talent to have. That would be the worst gift, is, like, an increased sense of smell. Everything stinks.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, and also, like, in the ocean, like, there's just, like, nothing but fish poop everywhere. Like, it's all. It's like, everywhere. The entire ocean is fish poop. Especially down there on the floor. That's where all the poop lands. I mean, I think we've all seen, like, a fish tank, like, that hasn't been cleaned. And you see all that shit. And, you know, like, fish are really gross when they poop. Like, have you ever seen a goldfish when it's pooping? It has, like, this. It looks like a line of, like. Like a streamer, like a party streamer, just, like, coming out of its butt. And you're like, please, Just, like, finish with that and let it settle, because I don't. I cannot watch you swimming around this tank. Like, you have a banner behind you advertising Coors Light. Like, just drop.

[Paige Weldon]

Parading it around with the banner that says, congratulations, Aviva. You did it.

[Ben Mandelker]

You did it. You shat in the tank.

[Paige Weldon]

So he's watching the sharks, and they're smelling the octopus. So they're getting down into her little cave or her little dog bed or whatever it is, and she's so far up in there that she is just peeking out, but they can't reach her. And he's like.

[Craig Foster]

I'm thinking, how long before something happens with these animals?

[Ben Mandelker]

I would hate it if I lure her out of her den and make her extremely vulnerable. I would hate that. And then.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, I felt like that, too. I mean, I like him and everything, but I was like, don't get this bitch killed.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, what are you thinking? She has a plan, okay? She has a plan.

[Craig Foster]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

So what stinks more than a human? I mean, why aren't they coming up to him to smell his Old Spice armpits? You know?

[Ben Mandelker]

If you think he wears deodorant, you are sadly mistaken. So now, day 26. So the octopus, like, she's now, like, chilling out a little bit. And, you know, she's curious, but she's not taking. She's not taking stupid chances. She's sort of like. She's sort of, like, half in the den, but she's sort of like. She's like. You know, started to, like, now, like, hey, I'm gonna touch you. You know? And so, like, he'll put his hand out, and then she, like, puts her tentacle out and, like, touches, and it's like. It's like a Sad Day video. It's, like, very underwater and sensual and, like, you know, I started crying.

[Paige Weldon]

No.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you?

[Paige Weldon]

Yes. At this part, I started crying because she's, like, holding onto the back of her little cave and just peeking out, like, in case he's a predator. But then he reaches. Reaches out her hand, and then she reaches out her long arm and just starts, like, touching his arm. And the music, too. I mean, we can't underestimate the power of music in this. It's like, la, la, la, la, la. The most romantic shit you've ever heard. I was like, this is the sweetest.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thing I've ever seen. I know. Part of me was wondering, am I just projecting some sort of human aspects onto this octopus? Was it just like, is there food here? Is this food? Is this food? Is this their food under his arm? Like, I, you know, like, sometimes I wonder if, like, we are just projecting this emotion from the octopus, but it felt right, so I don't think it's.

[Paige Weldon]

Projecting because the octopus really did act like an animal, you know, for any. Well, we've all spent time with some kind of animal, right? And so when you're getting to know an animal and they don't trust you at first, and it was making all the same moves as, like, a rescue dog, you know? Yeah. And then when it starts to play around, how it does it and, like, lowers its head and kind of looks at you, I mean, it was so cute. And just goes to show you, everything is alive. You guys, stop eating it. Stop eating. Stop eating.

[Ben Mandelker]

Patty the pone, the octopus, and he's like, something happens when the animal makes contact. I like to call it an erection. I'm not proud. I'm not proud. I'm not proud. But this is the natural world.

[Paige Weldon]

No.

[Ben Mandelker]

And at some point, you have to breathe.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And he's a person who's a. Your talker. Like, when he tells stories, he's like, you were down in the water and.

[Craig Foster]

You'Re looking around, but at some point you have to breathe. So you go up to.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm like, stop saying me, okay? Because you're making this, like, very scary because you're saying me. And that makes me argue with him, you know, I'm like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. Don't tell me what I'm doing. How about that?

[Ben Mandelker]

So. So now. Now the octopus is at the point where it's starting to come out of the den fully. And so now it's like, full trust. And then we're watching the octopus swimming around, and that's when he starts talking about, like, they're quite amazing. They can look spiky, look smooth, look sexy, look beguiling.

[Paige Weldon]

They can wear flats. They can wear tap shoes.

[Ben Mandelker]

They can wear a turban, Page Boy.

[Paige Weldon]

Haircut, long braids down to the ground.

[Ben Mandelker]

They have so many looks.

[Paige Weldon]

Well, I didn't know this about octopi or octopuses.

[Ben Mandelker]

Octopuses, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

That they can do all that. And they grow little horns. And the way it was changing colors as it, like, past rocks or the way it hid from other things by looking just like the thing. It was really neat.

[Ben Mandelker]

But then the cool part.

[Paige Weldon]

Match texture.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

Like, that's crazy. Change their textures to look like rock and stuff.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's neat. Yeah. It is really crazy. And he's like. But once in A while. Sometimes she takes out her two little legs and starts walking along.

[Paige Weldon]

This was so good because she. Right before, right as he was saying this, she curled up. She curled all of her legs up to look like a big hairdo. It was so cute. Yeah, right. And then she kind of moved and then two little legs come down and she looks like a lady in a big dress walking around.

[Ben Mandelker]

The old lady in a dress. Hey, boys, I'm here. It's like this octopus strutting along like, yes, I made myself look like a rock because I'm here to rock your world. Hit it, boys.

[Paige Weldon]

Yes, I put. She walks like a lady.

[Heather McDonald]

Haha.

[Paige Weldon]

Because she really does. And then away she goes, just walking down the. You know, diminishing. And the judgy fish is watching her like that tramp. Look at that. Walking down.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. All those fish are so. They're so stupid though, because they don't even realize it's the octopus, probably. They're like, who's this bitch walking around? Someone go tell the octopus we've got.

[Paige Weldon]

Trash in the neighborhood.

[Ben Mandelker]

So stupid. So. And this is when you know.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

So this is when Craig tells us that she basically has one year to live. That's. That's the. That's. That's the average age or age range for a. Or age length for an octopus. So we know, like, he's already setting up. Like, don't start thinking this is going to be a. Like a lifelong friendship, because it's gonna be. It's not gonna last that long.

[Paige Weldon]

Well, and he already looks like he's holding scissors in one hand, just ready to end it on camera. Like this whole time feels like a last will and testament, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

How long do octopus live? Because in one to two years.

[Ben Mandelker]

For a.

[Paige Weldon]

Three years.

[Ben Mandelker]

Three years.

[Paige Weldon]

Well, octopus, I don't know. It just says average. Who knows? Wikipedia? Anyone can change it. Patty might have gone on here and changed it. Tell me I'm gonna live one day. I've lost them all.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm gonna live forever.

[Paige Weldon]

So I guess what's now. Cor. Even as an octopus, she can't enunciate for shit.

[Ben Mandelker]

Here's to the octopuses who launch.

[Paige Weldon]

So I guess at her age, while this was being shot, she probably only had like a year left. So this. She changes. Oh, wait, I keep going back to the lady in her dress. Okay. She puts her body in a strange form like a rock. And then two of the legs start moving again like the rock is moving. And then she changes into the wobbly, extraordinary lady. Again.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, perhaps she's trying to mimic algae.

[Paige Weldon]

Or a fucking amazing Broadway star, sir.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maybe she just wants to serve a luck.

[Craig Foster]

Well, this is how she works. The incredible creativity to deceive. An octopus is essentially a snail that's lost its shell. A soft animal that relies on intelligence. She has no mother or father. She's alone.

[Paige Weldon]

Like, oh, my God, you're killing me with this, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Craig is falling in love. So now it's day 52, and he starts talking about how, you know, if you're going to become friends with an octopus, like your kit, like your. Your camera kit, and everything has to be perfect, everything has to be instinct because, you know, you can't afford to make mistakes. But unfortunately, he was still making mistakes at that point because one day she was following me. It was such an honor. Here she was, a Broadway star following me through the kelp forest. And then suddenly my lens dropped and scared Patty away. And then she just like. Like, fuck this shit. Gone.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And she ran and blew ink at him, as she should.

[Craig Foster]

You could have kicked yourself.

[Paige Weldon]

Stop it, Craig. I could not have.

[Craig Foster]

That could have ended in the most incredible interaction.

[Paige Weldon]

Action.

[Craig Foster]

Have you ruined it forever? Will it ever trust you? And then I approached her too fast, and that's when she left the den and got a real fright and didn't come back to that den. I thought it was over.

[Ben Mandelker]

Terrorizing her.

[Craig Foster]

Was gone.

[Paige Weldon]

I know in her documentary, it's like. It's like. It's like a girl talking in the Vow, you know? And then I tried to leave and they wouldn't leave me alone. He said if I didn't come back there, he. He was gonna send everybody the video of me walking like a sexy lady down the street. What are you talking about?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, her documentary is like, so this guy, this big thing is creeping around. I'm really not sure what the deal is with him. I've, like, pretended to be nice. I've pretended to be polite. I've tried to sort of like, look ugly, dress down, sort of look like an old lady in a coat. He still follows me around. And then the other day, he just, like, throws some shit at me, which I felt like was a threat. And then I'm just hanging at my den and I'm, like, about to fall asleep, and I wake up and he just comes, like, barging towards me. And I'm like, you know what? Enough with this guy. I'm getting a straight, like, a restraining order and I'm done. I'm done. Yeah, that's her documentary.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, he is pretty creepy. So then it's very sad music because we're still on his point of view.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, well, I had these amazing experience with trickers. I wondered if anyone could trick underwater. This animal has spent millions of years practicing how to be lost. I had to learn what octopath tracks looked like. It was so difficult. What's the difference between urchin tracks, fish tracks, worm tracks, egg casings?

[Paige Weldon]

I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Mark Hellenberger. I just want him to hold a flashlight above his head, you know, like a black light.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just wanted someone to just like. Like, maybe his wife just like, find another octopus and just like, put it down there. Be like, here, can you just like, stop? Like, because she's like walked into like the living room and there's like a bulletin board with like all the. It's like. It literally is like CSI or like the Golden State Killer or something. There's like yarn from like, wait a second. I spoke to this piece of cab and it said it saw nothing. But then this enemy said that it saw an octopus. Who's lying? It's like, okay.

[Paige Weldon]

The jellyfish said she last saw a beautiful woman in a sexy dress getting a burger at Inner Trout.

[Ben Mandelker]

And there's like this crab that shows this footage of this crab because he's like, looking everywhere and this, like, crab pokes out of the sand like, seriously, wtf? Could you just, like, leave us alone? Like, we don't know where the octopus is and honestly, we don't care because honestly, she wants to eat me, so just please get away.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And then he's drawing a map of every little thing and it's like star maps, basically. And then we see it, like, going across his goggles like A Beautiful Mind.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's crazy. He's like, losing his mind over this.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. I wonder if they are going to make a movie out of this. I'll bet they do with.

[Ben Mandelker]

They will.

[Paige Weldon]

The guy from A Beautiful Mind. What's his name?

[Ben Mandelker]

Russell Crowe.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, this is probably a Russell, I think Tom Hardy.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is total Tom Hardy to me. He'll be like, super serious, you know, and he'll pucker a lot.

[Heather McDonald]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

So then we get. But they'll make it like, really gross because it's Hollywood. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

So it'll be like Kate Beckinsale or something, like trying to look ugly. But it's like obviously, like a beautiful Hollywood actress. Yeah, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

So then we see. Yeah, the crab arm.

[Craig Foster]

And those are the animals she's fleeing.

[Paige Weldon]

And then he picks up a shell to study it, and he's looking at everything that she ate and the marks that she's left in the sand and the changes in the patterns on the sand and the algae and all this stuff.

[Ben Mandelker]

Basically, me playing animal crossing, diving for, like, seashells and animal crossing.

[Craig Foster]

Within one or two meters, I felt her. I knew she was close to me now.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. She's there. Well, fuck it. If you work this hard, I might as well let him into my life.

[Paige Weldon]

So finally looking for a week. Day after day, there she was.

[Craig Foster]

It's like a human friend waving and saying, hello, I'm excited to see you. I could feel it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Except it's an octopus in a new den trying to get away from you. So she puts out a tentacle, like, all right, okay. And so they're like. They're happy. And so then there's this actually really sweet scene where he, like. He puts out his hand, and she's like, fuck it. I'm going for it. And so she just, like, swims up and just, like, latches onto his hand. And then he's like, oh, no. But I have to breathe. So he, like, goes up to the surface, and he thinks that she's just gonna, like, let go and be like, okay, back to the den. But instead, she's like, no, I'm. I want this. This is a free ride to the surface. I'm in. I'm in. And she goes with it.

[Heather McDonald]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

She writes his hand the whole way. It was so cute.

[Ben Mandelker]

It was. That was so cute when she did that.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And he's like. And there I was staring into the.

[Craig Foster]

Eyes of this incredible creature, and they.

[Paige Weldon]

Just, like, sit there and be friends, I guess, for a long time. And then she swims away from him, and he's like, it was different. This part was kind of funny. He's like.

[Craig Foster]

It was difficult to see at first what she was getting out of the relationship.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think it was pretty clear what she was getting out of it. She's like, oh, sweet. I have a giant thing that can protect me against those pajama sharks. I'm gonna be friends with it because it will surely protect me anytime I need it to be protected. That's the way animals work, right?

[Paige Weldon]

And he goes back down, and he's like.

[Craig Foster]

It's quite stimulating for that huge intelligence.

[Paige Weldon]

And they just stare at each other under the water, and he's like.

[Craig Foster]

You know, somehow she understands that this thing's not dangerous. So to do a little tango.

[Paige Weldon]

And I was like, finally some dancing, you know, because she does, like, reach her arm out and then, like, he takes the arm and.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And he's like, maybe it does give you some sort of strange octopus level of joy. Like. No. You are now her defender. She realizes this is a mutually beneficial relationship. You can defend her and she can give you. She's like, I don't know what I can give you, but you're defending me now. Okay, you're part of this now.

[Paige Weldon]

She's giving you a film and you're giving her a defense.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Paige Weldon]

So she reaches. He reaches out and she sits on his hand. And then she moves to his other hand. And then she goes to the surface again with him.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, there's no greater feeling on earth.

[Paige Weldon]

And then she goes on his chest.

[Ben Mandelker]

That, to me, was remarkable. When she was just on his chest. Like a pet?

[Paige Weldon]

Yes, like a little dog. Oh, my God.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. That was adorable.

[Paige Weldon]

She rests for a while. They cuddle, basically. And then she swims away. And then we see him later standing.

[Craig Foster]

By a tree, and he's like, all I could do all the time was think of her in water and on land. It became a bit of an obsession. You just want to visit her every day and you want to see what's going on. You couldn't wait, honey, Back in the water.

[Ben Mandelker]

Honey, are you talking about me or the octopus again? Oh, the octopus and not your wife.

[Paige Weldon]

Silence, woman. God damn it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well, I made you dinner again if you want to have it.

[Paige Weldon]

I know. We do need another camera on the wife for sure. For when he's gone. Well, Craig's gone again.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, really? So. So, Paige, what's going on with you and Craig? Well, he's been. He's been focused on. On someone else. Oh, really? Is it Diane down at the supermarket? No, an octopus. Oh, I don't know how to. What to say about that page.

[Paige Weldon]

So then he goes back and we get a close up of her face.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, what is she thinking? Does she dream? And what about?

[Paige Weldon]

Probably you saving her from sharks.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's probably like, I got the high life now. I got a bodyguard. So she's like, excited. And now he's, like, reading scientific papers about octopuses. And he's like, I did some research. She's a common octopus. A common one. She's like, fuck you. I am Patty, okay? I am doing a show every night down here in the kelp forest. You don't even see because you don't Even come visit me at night. Okay. Don't tell me. Don't tell me that I'm common.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm so glad you felt defensive for Patty, too, because I really did. I was like, that's rude.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's a spectacular octopus.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Like, she's just a common, lonely octopus looking for any man to give her some attention.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay. She's not Fantine. Okay. She is a superstar.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. So two thirds of her cognition is in her arms.

[Craig Foster]

Her entire body is thinking, feeling, exploring. She's got 2,000 suckers. And using them independently. You can compare her intelligence to a dog or a cat.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thanks a lot.

[Craig Foster]

Or even a lower primate.

[Ben Mandelker]

Patty's like, what? Part of me changing my entire body to look like five different shapes and, like, fitting in the colors for any texture says that I'm a lower primate bitch.

[Paige Weldon]

Okay, show me a dog turn into a rock in a dress.

[Ben Mandelker]

Last time I checked, no cat rolled itself up in shells and fooled a bunch of fish.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. Craig is very elitist, you know, and that's why I think he wears rimless glasses and goes down into the ocean. He's like, look at all of you. Can't even speak.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. He's like. He's painting himself out to be, like, this amazing friend, but he's actually so dismissive, calling her a common octopus. Like, belittling her intelligence and then going back home and being like, oh, I'm friends with an octopus. And the octopus is like, you are not afraid. You have not even asked me how I'm doing. You just take pictures of me.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. You're objectifying me. You're octopusly objectifying me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

So he goes. So he keeps talking about her, and.

[Craig Foster]

He'S like, mollusks shouldn't be this intelligent.

[Paige Weldon]

You're sounding gross, Greg. You're really sounding like an octopus.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I mean, you're the one who's, like, swimming in this violent water. Who's the intelligent one here, really?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. He's like, well, you go.

[Craig Foster]

You go into a place under. Under study, and on a weekly basis, you can find something new to science.

[Paige Weldon]

And so we see more of him swimming around, and then it's day 104, and it's the whale day.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Which doesn't really mean that much. You just see some whales swimming, and it's a full moon, and he's decided that since octopuses are supposed to be nocturnal, he wants to see them at night. So he decides to do a night dive, which is even crazier than doing a day dive, because it's like, A day dive. But you can't see anything except what's in your little flashlight. So he's. He's swimming around.

[Paige Weldon]

It's a universal thing that the dark is fucking scary, right? Like, it's scary to us as humans. Like, oh, my God, the dark. Like, that's where every horror movie takes place. Like, we get that. That's scary. It's also very scary in the ocean. Okay. Yeah, that's when all the scary shit happens in the ocean too.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly. Have we learned nothing from, like, the Little Mermaid? Those eels, they really come out at night. I feel like. So he's just swimming around. He's like, it's a bit scary. I'm like, yeah, no, no shit, Sherlock. And you hear the whales that, like, there's, like, in the background, you know?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

And so he's like. He goes. And she's not in the den, of course, because it's. This is like. This is when she. It's time to. This is when Patty eats, you know, Like, I don't want to be. Don't. Don't show me eating. Don't show me eating.

[Paige Weldon]

I'm.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wait till nighttime. No one can see me eating.

[Paige Weldon]

One meal a day. That's right, boys. I'll keep that body forever.

[Ben Mandelker]

And she's basically. He finally finds her, and she's basically what you would imagine Patti LuPone doing to her staff. You. No. You. No. Yeah, okay, Come here. Come here. Okay, I've had enough of you. All right, Bring me that. Bring me that glass. All right, all right, now where's that memo? She's, like, jabbing with all her tentacles.

[Paige Weldon]

I asked for a coffee, not for a toffee. It's like, Patty, your enunciation, you gotta get better.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she's just, like, catching fish. That's what she's up to.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, she's hunting and caught the neon jellyfish. Everything is so cool. It looks like it's made up, you know, it looks like a movie. I mean, it is a movie, but it looks like a fake movie. And so hyper alert because there's the sharks.

[Craig Foster]

Dun, dun, dun.

[Paige Weldon]

And he's worried because she's not in the den.

[Craig Foster]

And I was going back to shore, but then something made me veer slightly.

[Paige Weldon]

To the left, to the left.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's always to the left, to the.

[Craig Foster]

Left, to the left, right in the shallow water. Can't see what she's doing, but lightning.

[Paige Weldon]

Fast strikes, using her arm like this strange weapon. I was like, it's an octopus arm. It is a strange weapon.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's literally catching fish. She's eating like, yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

And she's like rolling her arm up in a fraction of second and then catching him. It's so cool.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, I've never seen this in the day. It's different the sharks. It's different for the sharks.

[Paige Weldon]

It's more dangerous now because the dark. I. I guess the sharks are afraid of the dark or something. Is that what it is?

[Ben Mandelker]

I wasn't totally sure. I. I wasn't. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I guess it just was safer for her at night because, I don't know.

[Paige Weldon]

Stupid sharks are always.

[Ben Mandelker]

Patty performs only at night, okay? Like, she's not a matinee person.

[Paige Weldon]

Except for Mondays.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're doc on Mondays. So then we cut back to Craig and he's sitting at his table and he's just staring off. And he's like, the first instinct is to scare sharks away, but that's interfering with the process of the forest. I'm like, you've already interfered, okay? Because you're not a member there. And you've already made her feel like she can, like, hang out with you during the day because she has a protector. So you've already interfered. So don't talk about interfering because you.

[Paige Weldon]

Already done it and you've already got your Old Spice smell all over her. She's probably like the strongest smelling thing in the ocean, you know? And I don't want to blame him because he seems so nice, but I just don't get. I don't get what he's saying. Like, yes, it's bad to interfere with things in the forest, but, like, if you see someone pull out a gun in a 7 11, you know, you want to interfere with, like, the nature of what's happening in the 7 11. Like, protect. You're already Patty do.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly. You're already anthropomorphized. Anthropomorphizing this octopus. So might as well just, like, see it through, right?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's like. Like she was out of the den near the edge of the forest, doing some press on the Today show. And that's when I saw the shark. And so here comes Jill Zarin. Like, hi. So she comes, Jill Zarin comes swimming through. And so Patty goes to hide, you know, And Patty, not Patty's strongest moment. She. Patty has really been like, on point with everything she's done all documentary, but this is bad. She just basically is like, oh, I'm just gonna, like, sit in this crack where no one will ever be able to find me. But it's like the perfect crack for, you know, pajama shark, you know?

[Paige Weldon]

Well, those shark are so stupid. Like, you just assume that they're always gonna be stupid. But even stupid people luck out sometimes, you know? Look at that guy from Mall Cop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, God.

[Paige Weldon]

So she hides in a leaf. Like, she wraps herself in a leaf, and he's like, oh, I thought she's.

[Craig Foster]

Safe right under the rock. But now there are two.

[Paige Weldon]

And now there's these fucking. I hate these sharks. I hate them. They're terrible. I hate them so much. And then one of them, she's in the crack, but I guess not all the way in. So one of them clamps down on one of her arms and it starts rolling around like a dog with a toy, which is really obnoxious. It's like a death roll. Yeah, it's a death roll, but it's, like, trying to be cute. I'm like, you're killing my friend.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's not trying to be cute. It's trying to be cute. It's just doing that thing because I think that's what. Isn't that what, like, alligators do, too? Isn't that, like, how alligators really gets you? Is that.

[Paige Weldon]

Well, yeah, they roll on you, but they roll on you to crush you. This thing, I guess, is.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, I thought they, like. I thought, like, by doing that, it sort of, like, stuns its prey. The spinning, like, you know, whatever it is. It's like when an animal starts spinning like that, it's bad news.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. So they're like, he's rolling around all over the ground, turning over and over.

[Craig Foster]

And I could clearly see her severed arm in its mouth.

[Paige Weldon]

And I was so grossed out because it looked like calamari.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. I was like. I felt bad because for a moment I was like, ooh, that looks kind of delicious. I do love. I do love. I honestly, I do love a grilled octopus. It's like if you go to a Greek restaurant and you get some grilled octopus, it is, like, so divine. So I kind of felt bad because that's what it looked like. And I was like, ooh. And then I was like, no, no, no, that's Patty's arm. No, we know. Stupid. Jill Zaron. Get out of there.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, I was having such, like, vegan, vegetarian flexitary. I was having, like, a crisis the whole time, you know? So he chomps the shark chomps down on it, and he's like.

[Craig Foster]

And then you have that terrible feeling in your stomach.

[Paige Weldon]

And I'm like, finally. At least we're on the same page now. I do have that terrible feeling in my stomach.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So now Patty's like, okay. But now she's, like, weak. And so now she's just like. She's like. And she's like, thanks a lot for the help. I mean, I befriended you for a reason. You just stood there and watched while this fucking shark ripped my arm off. And I'm just. I'm just supposed to sit here and we're supposed to be cool? No, thanks. I'm going to my den and not.

[Paige Weldon]

Only watch, but watch with a fucking camera. You know, it's like, all the crimes we see committed. Like, you see Twitter videos and you're like, why was nobody helping? You know? Like, how are you all sitting there with your cell phones out watching this terrible shit happen? And she's probably thinking the same thing about him. Like, you're filming me now, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then he's like, I wanted to help her back to the den, but I didn't need to. Like, well, oh, oh. Too little, too late. Okay, Craig, if you wanted to help, you should have helped with the shark.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, sorry I let your arm get eaten off. Can I give you a ride home? Like, no, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

And he's like, I didn't know what would happen to her. Would they finish her off that night? Well, it's a question you wouldn't have to ask if you just intervened in the first place and she threw her away.

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah, make him absolutely fucking Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Seriously.

[Paige Weldon]

So she closes her eyes under the rock, and I'm crying again. I cried like 10 times in this movie. So I'm crying. I'm like, this poor thing. And, like, her friend betrayed her. And he comes up for breath and he's like. He's so depressed, though, to. In his. You know, to his credit, he's depressed.

[Craig Foster]

He's like, I didn't know it was going to happen to her. Was this going to make her weak and vulnerable and finish her off? I couldn't help but feeling, am I responsible for this?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. Yes, you are. You are. And then he's like. I felt like it's something that had happened to me. No. Are all your limbs intact? It did not happen to you. And he. He's like, I started to think about my own death, my own vulnerability. My child. What's his face? What's his name again? Who's his mother?

[Craig Foster]

Tiny little pooper man, whatever he is. No, I hadn't been an overly sentimental person towards animals before. But she was teaching me to become sensitized to the other.

[Paige Weldon]

And I thought that was really sweet. And I also thought it was funny.

[Craig Foster]

That he's like, I'm going through my own dismembering as I walk to get myself a cup of coffee.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, Craig, also, you're not that sentimental because you let your friend's arm get ripped off by a shark.

[Paige Weldon]

So.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Paige Weldon]

And also, I was thinking about real estate. Like, how much does that place cost? Because, wow. I mean, this place was amazing. I mean, we. The house looked beautiful. Oh, I thought.

[Ben Mandelker]

You talking about the octopus den. I was like, I thought you're making a joke about the octopus den.

[Paige Weldon]

No, that's like the underground parking of an apartment. But this. His house is gorgeous.

[Ben Mandelker]

Gorgeous.

[Craig Foster]

And he's like, look at me, so depressed.

[Paige Weldon]

And he's looking out on this balcony that looks over the entire ocean. I mean, it's stunning. It is beautiful. But then I was like, but you can't plug in a TV because you live at the water line. So is it worth having this beautiful of a place if you can't even watch tv? Seriously?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, they probably don't believe in tv, okay? They probably, like, they read books.

[Paige Weldon]

They had to, like, drive into the city's Applebee's to watch this on Netflix.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So then. So he goes back to visit her the next day, and he's all scared and she's alive and breathing, but she's weak and she's dull and white. She doesn't even have the energy to change colors. So he's like, I know I shouldn't interfere, but I must. So I got her an appetizer here. A muscle. I'm like, oh, so now it was cute. But I'm also like, oh, so now it's okay to interfere. You're allowed to, like, like you're gonna serve her a muscle. Okay. Looks delicious. Where's the aioli? Where's the aolie?

[Paige Weldon]

Yeah. And he opens it for her. It's really cute. He's like, you're not feeling well. Let me open this muscle for you. But it's such a man thing to do, isn't it? It's like he cheats on you and then he brings you chocolates the next day. Like, oh, that fixes everything, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, the muscle fixes everything. And meanwhile, the muscles are like, what? What did I do to deserve this?

[Paige Weldon]

I felt so bad when she was all Dolan white. It was like in cocoon where they were all young and vibrant and then they turned old again. And Died. It was like those last shots, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So I never saw Cocoon, but I didn't recently read the plots. I did recently read the plot description on a Wikipedia and that's really not a lie. It sounds like I'm making a joke, but I was like, I went on a strange, I went on a strange journey about Cocoon.

[Paige Weldon]

Okay, so you have.

[Ben Mandelker]

I want to see it.

[Paige Weldon]

Cocoon, Steel Magnolias and the Color Purple.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh my God. I'm just be crying all day.

[Paige Weldon]

Well, Cocoon is more of a comedy. I mean it's like, like it's got some drama in it. It's more of a comedy.

[Ben Mandelker]

But there's death. You know, I'm very sentimental these days, even though I haven't cried yet in this movie. I, I, I, I, I get sentimental when I think about death and it makes me like really tear up very quickly.

[Paige Weldon]

Ben, you're talking about wanting to eat an octopus while you're watching an octopus.

[Ben Mandelker]

Human death. Human death.

[Craig Foster]

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part.

[Heather McDonald]

One of a two part recap for part two.

[Craig Foster]

Go look for the recap that says part two.

[Paige Weldon]

See you over there, suckers.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison block.

[Paige Weldon]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.

[Paige Weldon]

Get on the right foot With Chrissy off we never miss her call. It's Diane call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Ben Mandelker]

Erin McNicholas she don't miss no Tricolus Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go we all go for Hugo Jamie she has no less.

[Paige Weldon]

Namey she's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jessica Trots she's our favorite streamer.

[Paige Weldon]

Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets a name from us it's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is living with Michelle Vivian I.

[Paige Weldon]

Love a Ya Olivia Williamson.

[Ben Mandelker]

She sure is as swell. It's Raquel.

[Paige Weldon]

Yes we can. It's Savannah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Heather McDonald]

Darn skippy.

[Paige Weldon]

It's tippy. And our super premium sponsors.

[Ben Mandelker]

Make way for A.J. lopez.

[Paige Weldon]

She's VVIP it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ben Mandelker]

Somebody get us 10ccs of Betsy MD.

[Paige Weldon]

We'Re taking the gold with Brenda silva.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's get get real with Caitlin o'.

[Craig Foster]

Neal.

[Paige Weldon]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Ben Mandelker]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

[Paige Weldon]

Let's go into the woods with guy tubbs.

[Ben Mandelker]

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master. The master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen plish, my favorite murdo Karen mcmurdo.

[Paige Weldon]

She's a total knockout. Out.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's Katie manock in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie peacock g It's Lisa h. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz sarthi, always killing it. It's lola al kalani.

[Paige Weldon]

The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca cloud.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maximum love for Sandy maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah lemke.

[Paige Weldon]

We cannot tell a lie.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sarah tellifson, Shannon out of a can and anthony. Please don't stop at solely and pop. Let's take off with tamla plain. You'll always get the full story with Tori parsons.

[Paige Weldon]

She ain't no shrinking violet coutar. We love you guys.

[Heather McDonald]

If you like watch what crappens you can listen ad free right now by joining wondery plus in the wondery app or on apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.