Watch What Crappens #3134 – My Secret Santa Part One (with Reality Gays)

Date: December 25, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Guests: Jake Anthony & Mattie (Reality Gays)

Episode Overview

In this raucous crossover holiday episode, the hosts of Watch What Crappens and Reality Gays join forces to break down Netflix’s 2025 Christmas movie, My Secret Santa. True to form, the crew delivers wickedly funny, lovingly snarky, and deeply tangential commentary. While ostensibly a “movie recap,” the episode meanders through debates about low-budget holiday films, dubious Netflix metrics, questionable acting, personal holiday memories, tangents about landlord drama, and the existential crisis of quality control in Christmas cookies. This is part one of their deep, unserious dive.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Netflix's "Holiday Movie Machine" & the Why of This Episode

• Netflix Rankings Skepticism

  • The crew opens by pondering if My Secret Santa is really #1 as Netflix claims.

    “Although how real are those rankings? I don’t even know.” — Ronnie (01:45)

• Crossover Housekeeping

  • Watch What Crappens (Bravo and Housewives experts) meets Reality Gays (90 Day Fiancé specialists).

    “We’re just four friends who like to hang out... if you’re here just for the Christmas movie, go somewhere else.” — Mattie (11:58)

2. Holiday Movie Comparison—Standards Are... Low

• Improvement in Netflix Movies?

  • Ben notes My Secret Santa is “one of the best” in a sea of badness—because its storylines, though dumb, at least resolve.

    “Of the terrible Christmas movies we’ve watched... this MAY have been one of the best.” — Ben (02:26)

  • But don’t get too excited: it’s still “blandly okay, rather than entertainingly bad.” (Ben, 04:09)

• Bad Christmas Movie Hall of Fame

  • References to “Ladies of the 80s,” “Minty Village,” and “Hot Frosty” as previous low bars.

3. Acting & Casting: A Deep Dive into the Absurdities

• Alexandra Breckenridge's Underwhelming Turn

  • The crew pan her as lacking the comedic chops for a “female Santa.”

    “You needed a female Robin Williams, and she didn’t have it.” — Ronnie (06:37) “This movie would have been way funnier with Kate McKinnon as Santa.” — Jake (07:11)

• Awkward Chemistry: Mother-Daughter Hijinks

  • Ben describes recurring “herbal tea commercial” energy between Taylor and her daughter.

    "They had a lot of these cutesy moments...almost an herbal tea commercial." — Ben (09:07)

• Diana Maria Riva: The Breakout Star

  • The entire panel raves about her performance as Doralee, the landlord.

    “Diana Maria Riva. What a breakout star! Why is she not like in every movie?” — Ben (17:17 / 17:44) “She just was lonely at the end of the day. Just a lonely well.” — Jake (18:09)

4. Holiday Movie Tropes, Writing Failures, Semiotics

• Weak Character Backstories & World-Building

  • The lead’s lost punk past is anachronistic and confusing—her “screaming kittens” band seems like 1994, but her age pegs her for 2010.

    “I have a lot of questions about age here.” — Ronnie (41:43) “Her band is from 2010...what kind of band was she in?” — Ben (42:11)

  • Cookie Company Setup Quickly Abandoned

    “I assumed it’d be about this cookie company. But...she just needed a job to lose.” — Ben (51:03)

• Scriptwriting Tangents

  • Writers’ room jokes on fake names (“Carly Smails”) and IMDb stalking for background on who could be to blame.

    “Sounds like a 30 Rock name.” — Ben (27:17)

  • Canadian Productions

    “This whole thing is very Canadian. It stinks of Canada. Like maple syrup.” — Ronnie (28:15)

• Opening with False Whimsy

  • Ben on the movie’s shimmering “magical” credit sequence:

    “There’s the suggestion there’s going to be magic in this movie. And I just want to say right now, there’s no magic.” — Ben (37:54)

5. Tangents and Personal Anecdotes

• Santa/Bearded Men Fetishes

  • A delightfully unhinged segment on gay Santa fetishism—lampooning greeting cards, beard hygiene, and age/attraction.

    “I have a fetish of somebody being attracted to me...If it weren’t for weight loss drugs, I’d be fully in the Santa camp.” — Mattie (19:38)

• Landlord Stories

  • The character Doralee inspires stories of real-life annoying landlords and reappraising the “villain” as you age.

    “You start siding with the people that are supposed to be the villains. Like, you watch Rent and you’re like, they’re not paying their rent!” — Mattie (60:57)

• Brush with Sister, Sister

  • Jake (Reality Gays) drunkenly yelling “Twitch!” at Tia or Tamara Mowry at karaoke—

    “She turned around with fear in her eyes…her boyfriend immediately grabbed her and dragged her away.” — Jake (34:02)

6. Holiday Music Sidebar

• Netflix’s Budget Flex
  • Noting that the use of Kelly Clarkson and Ariana Grande’s “Santa, Can’t You Hear Me?” marks My Secret Santa as Netflix, not Hallmark, territory.

    “Hallmark’s not paying for that. The Food Network just is going to have, like, Paula Deen grunting into a wooden spoon." — Ben (34:49)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Netflix Rankings:

  “There is no proof. There is no Nielsen family. I don’t believe what they say.” — Mattie (01:51)

• On Diana Maria Riva:

  “She was giving a comedic performance that was nuanced and layered. I mean, every time she came on screen, I was so happy.” — Ben (17:44)

• On Questionable Writing:

  “I think you can do the formulas really smartly. Like, I still say that Lindsay Lohan movie, the first one we ever did, was probably the most successful because at least it kind of knew what it was.” — Ronnie (26:38)

• Re: Opening Credits No Magic:

  “There’s sort of the suggestion there’s going to be some sort of magic in this movie. And I just want to say right now, there’s no magic.” — Ben (37:53)

• Cookie Company’s Failure:

  “This is the beginning of Klotz Cookie Company. I preferred the story of Klotz Cookie Company...” — Mattie (40:20) “You could not afford somebody to do this poor girl’s roots.” — Mattie (40:39)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:45] – Can we trust the Netflix “#1” ranking?
• [02:26–04:09] – Assessing My Secret Santa versus the lowest points in holiday movie history
• [06:37–07:57] – Debating the lead’s comedic chops (or lack thereof) as Santa
• [09:07–10:31] – The awkward mother-daughter dynamic
• [17:17–18:06] – Diana Maria Riva praised as the episode’s MVP
• [19:38–20:26] – Santa fetishes, beard hygiene, and age-humor tangent
• [34:02] – Jake’s “Twitch!” story (Sister, Sister at karaoke)
• [37:54] – Ben calls out “fake magic” in the film’s opening
• [40:20–41:25] – Cookie company as a wasted plot device
• [60:57] – Siding with the landlord: “they’re not paying their rent”

Flow & Tone

The episode is, as promised, a hilarious, sprawling, and at times delightfully chaotic hangout—with constant detours through personal anecdotes and inside jokes. The hosts’ banter launches from the low bar of Netflix Christmas movies into sharply observed pop culture riffs, gay specificity, nostalgia, and a half-serious, half-absurd film analysis.

For new listeners:
You don’t need to have seen My Secret Santa—the hosts summarize and paraphrase, but mostly you’ll find yourself laughing at the cultural critique, asides, and meta-commentary on the mechanics of holiday TV movies.

Conclusion

My Secret Santa: Part One is more than a movie recap—it's the intersection of queer pop culture critique and holiday film takedown. Part discussion, part roast, and part therapy session about how low our holiday rom-com expectations have fallen, it’s a must-listen for Bravo fans, 90 Day Fiancé enthusiasts, and anyone who has opinions about bearded Santas, ambiguous Netflix metrics, and the sociology of cookie company management.

Stay tuned for Part Two!