#3135 My Secret Santa Part Two With Reality Gays

Summary

Watch What Crappens: My Secret Santa Part Two With Reality Gays

Episode #3135 | December 26, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam | Guests: Reality Gays (Matt Rogers, Jake Cunningham, Michelle Buteau)

Episode Overview

This lively and irreverent crossover between "Watch What Crappens" and the "Reality Gays" podcast gleefully dissects a cheesy holiday movie about a struggling mom, her ambitious daughter, and a questionable snowboard academy. The hosts lampoon the movie’s plot holes, poke fun at the plausibility of its characters, and riff on the tropes and oddities unique to the world of Hallmark-style Christmas movies—with an eye (and a side eye) on representation, generational humor, and holiday nostalgia.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Fake Snowboard Academy and Plot Absurdity

• The hosts immediately call out the ridiculous premise: a daughter (Zoe) gets into a prestigious, totally made-up “Sun Peak Snowboard Academy,” which the panel suspects doesn’t exist in real life.
• [05:08] Matt Rogers: "Say that again… can’t wait till you learn to do brain surgery over there."
• They dig into the financial insanity of the tuition (throwing out numbers up to $80K) and the logistics around a “snowboarding academy.”
• [09:05] Jake Cunningham: "She said, 'oh, that’s a lot of zeros.'... Like, can this woman not determine the relationship between a numeral and cost?"
• The group wonders why the daughter, well aware of their dire finances, feels entitled to this luxury—and how the plot keeps skirting the actual tuition number.

Parenting, Blame & Why The Daughter is Actually The Villain

• The hosts dub the daughter “one of the villains in this movie,” suggesting her guilt-tripping is off-the-charts.
• [07:51] Michelle Buteau: “She just wants to make her mother feel terrible…"
• They compare her to the infamous Natalie Grace adoption story—entertainingly, if not flatteringly.
• The ongoing lack of parenting boundaries is a running theme; they wish the mom would simply say “no” instead of martyring herself.
• [15:11] Bryan Safi: “Taylor, like, put your foot down a little bit… the child’s already disappointed.”

The Hilarious Inconsistency in Set and Circumstance

• The crew notes the glaring contrast between the family’s “poverty” and their surprisingly nice apartment.
• [18:14] Michelle Buteau: “Saying that this lady can downsize is crazy. You guys called this a flop house 10 minutes ago!”
• The bleak attempts at hustle—selling records, considering OnlyFans—are satirized as dated or toothless ways to address financial desperation.

Nostalgia Tangents: Vinyl Records & Cultural References

• Discussion erupts about the return of vinyl—how it’s now more valuable and desirable, poking at the plot's out-of-touch attitude.
• [20:13] Jake Cunningham: "Joe cool. And he’s like, ‘Whoa, Screaming Kittens!’ Which is, by the way, funny that… her own daughter is so disinterested in her mother…”
• Guest Matt Rogers brings up Barbara Streisand’s epic audiobook and goes on a brief, highly entertaining tangent.

The “Bad Boy” Love Interest Who Isn’t

• The movie’s supposed “bad boy” is too polished for the description. The panel jokes about how little “edge” he actually brings.
• [37:01] Michelle Buteau: “Yeah, I mean, the whole hot chocolate thing… you’re basically asking somebody to a farty party.”
• They wish he’d been a true disaster, so his redemption would have weight.
• [37:24] Bryan Safi: "When we first meet him, he is a disaster… and then we see him get his shit together because of her. When we meet him, he’s actually like Brooks Brothers and pretty on top of shit."
• Everyone ridicules the film’s saccharine use of hot chocolate as a stand-in for grown-up romantic tension.

The (Non-)Use of the Mom's Punk Rock Past

• The mom’s music past is fun on paper but never pays off (“wasted” is a recurring word).
• [32:23] Michelle Buteau: “...the subtext was blaming it on the kid. I don't think she ever took a moment of responsibility…Like, what kind of inspiration is this supposed to be exactly?”
• [32:07] Bryan Safi: “She is going to step back into her rock star roots… spoiler alert: That never happens.”
• They lament the missed opportunity for a punky, energizing Christmas performance; instead, the big number is blandly conventional.

Gay Representation: The “Horror Gays”

• The movie gets props for actually casting horror gays who look “real,” not like West Hollywood archetypes.
• [42:12] Matt Rogers: “I appreciate…horror gays look like these two guys. They don’t look like West Hollywood guys. This was representation.”
• The panel riffs on different “gay tribes” and agree this niche was accurately depicted.

Generational Humor, Dating & Cultural Gaps

• Panelists joke about being “dinks” (dual income, no kids), “sinks,” and the generational divide, especially around sarcasm and cultural references.
• [44:58] Michelle Buteau: “Gen Z is earnest. Gen Z is earnest… they actually don’t know how to say thank you.”
• This segment morphs into a discussion of Seinfeld, Soapdish, and 80s-90s nostalgia, plus modern dating woes.

The Hotel & Workplace Satire

• The hosts annihilate the movie’s depiction of hotel hierarchy and staff hiring, including the farcical way the Santa job gets filled (“only old white men need apply”).
• [54:33] Bryan Safi: "There are no jobs available unless you're an old white man who can play Santa Claus—or also probably just an old white man."
• They laugh at the overcomplicated Christmas event logistics and the oblivious, exposition-heavy dialogue of hotel management.

Italian Law Enforcement & The Vatican Ticket Tangent

• In a standout tangent, Michelle Buteau recounts getting actual traffic tickets from Vatican City, paralleling a subplot with the movie’s “bad boy.”
• [56:40] Michelle Buteau: "I got tickets for all sorts of shit going into a place I’m not supposed to go into. They’ve got cameras everywhere..."
• The panel finds this funnier and more plausible than the movie’s legal peril subplot.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [07:51] Michelle Buteau: "She just wants to make her mother feel terrible."
• [09:05] Jake Cunningham: "Can this woman not determine the relationship between a numeral and cost?"
• [15:11] Bryan Safi: "There is nothing worse than a child with dreams."
• [18:14] Michelle Buteau: "Saying that this lady can downsize is crazy. You guys called this a flop house 10 minutes ago!"
• [32:23] Michelle Buteau: "Like, what kind of inspiration is this supposed to be exactly?"
• [37:24] Bryan Safi: "I wish… when we first meet him, he is a disaster… Then we see him get his shit together because of her."
• [42:12] Matt Rogers: "Horror gays look like these two guys. They don't look like West Hollywood guys."
• [44:58] Michelle Buteau: "Gen Z is earnest. They actually don't know how to say thank you."
• [54:33] Bryan Safi: "There are no jobs available unless you're an old white man who can play Santa Claus—or also probably just an old white man."
• [56:40] Michelle Buteau: "They are tickets from Vatican City. And let me tell you, when I say I did nothing wrong in this goddamn city…"

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:20 — Movie recap begins
• 05:03-10:30 — Snowboarding Academy, financial plot holes, and “villain” daughter
• 15:05 — Parenting, boundary setting, and child guilt trips
• 18:14 — Flop house vs. middle-class apartment debate
• 20:13-22:34 — Vinyl nostalgia & Streisand audiobook tangent
• 27:00 — “Bad boy” love interest analysis and credibility issues
• 32:07 — The mother's punk past and missed storytelling opportunities
• 41:38-42:43 — Introducing the “horror gays” and authenticity in gay representation
• 44:58 — Generational difference in humor, dating woes, and nostalgia
• 54:33 — The farce of Santa hiring and hotel logic
• 56:40 — Michelle’s Vatican City ticket story

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Tone and Delivery

The episode’s tone is snarky, affectionate, and highly referential—leaning into decades of pop culture, with a particular affection for trashy holiday movies, Gen X nostalgia, and Real Housewives-style evisceration. The chemistry between Ben, Ronnie, and the Reality Gays results in a fast-paced, joke-heavy takedown punctuated by personal anecdotes and pop culture detours.

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Summary for Listeners

If you haven’t seen the movie—or even if you have—this episode gleefully rips apart every logic gap with warmth and wit. You’ll get deep dives into holiday TV tropes, generational shifts in pop culture and queerness, and the real economics of Santa gigs and snowboarding schools. Most importantly, this spirited collaboration is a sharp reminder that “we mock because we love”—and sometimes, the best Christmas tradition of all is making fun of the movie with your most sarcastic friends.

Transcript

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

Watch. Hello, everybody. Welcome to part two of the reality gays watch what happens crossover. It's part two of a glorious movie. We hope you love it.

[Bryan Safi]

The eviction notice. I'm surprised there wasn't that there. So anyway, while the land lady is. Doralee is being like, where's the money? All of a sudden we hear a blood curdling scream. Like it is. There's an intruder somewh somewhere. A knife. There was an accident. Knife accident. Something terrible. And Zoe is not Zoe, but is like. Runs down the hall and you know, of course Dar Lee knows. It's all. She's like, okay, you know what? By the way, this daughter in distress thing.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

It's getting kind of old.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

Pull this on me.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. And this tells us like, if we're reading the text of this, what does it tell us? That these two are queens and that this girl is always screaming in the apartment and she still had a free four months. And this lady is like, listen, I'm just gonna you the nicest way I can to. As far as your excuses, I don't care. Like, she sings it.

[Jake Cunningham]

That's a great line.

[Bryan Safi]

That was the best.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

So I like that she actually, she sold dialogue. Might be a little wonky. Someone else. Someone else as. As esteemed as this actress would not have been able to sell a line like that. But she did it.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. I guarantee they did not say that she should sing that line. And she made choice.

[Matt Rogers]

She made that.

[Bryan Safi]

And it was so good when she sang that. I was like this. Not only is this lady so good so quickly, but like, she also should be on Broadway like these guard something.

[Michelle Buteau]

She.

[Jake Cunningham]

She went in the key of I don't care. And everyone on set went, oh.

[Bryan Safi]

Oh, we had no idea. Diana Maria Riva.

[Matt Rogers]

Look at that. Someone's a groundling.

[Jake Cunningham]

The daughter shrieks and she runs in and she says, are you okay, Zoe? She's like, I got in. I got into Sun Peak Snowboard Academy.

[Matt Rogers]

Say that again.

[Michelle Buteau]

Can't wait till you learn to do brain surgery over there.

[Jake Cunningham]

We can unpack the idea. By the way, I looked up if there are any snowboarding schools. Turns out most people just take a couple of lessons. This is where the whole premise falls apart for me of the entire movie.

[Bryan Safi]

Well, snowboarding academy, this is where they're like, we got to bring in the Young people to watch this. So let's have a snowboarding academy.

[Jake Cunningham]

It can only be for like, four weeks, right? Because it's at this resort. Because the resort, it can't be open for that long.

[Matt Rogers]

But it's so expensive. Well, Canada, it could be open for six months, but.

[Jake Cunningham]

But it's set. It. We're not. We don't know where we are.

[Matt Rogers]

We don't know where we are.

[Bryan Safi]

You mean to tell me this girl got to be so good at snowboarding that she was able to get in a snowboard academy, and yet this local academy she doesn't have? Like, why do you even need the academy at this point?

[Matt Rogers]

You have access to the mountain Olympian.

[Jake Cunningham]

How did she get in? How did she. Did she do a virtual audition?

[Bryan Safi]

An essay?

[Jake Cunningham]

Exactly.

[Michelle Buteau]

Well, we know it's all on video now, so that's what's even trickier is she just had to, like, be in her living room on that snowboard, selling it.

[Matt Rogers]

Snowboard.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

They're like, how many followers do you have?

[Jake Cunningham]

How many followers do you have? Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

What's your audience then?

[Matt Rogers]

I just want to ask all of you, though, let's get on Santa's sleigh and take a ride to delusion land, if we may. And I want to ask you, because the way this school academy is treated, that this is the Princeton, the Harvard.

[Jake Cunningham]

Of snowboarding schools, which I don't think exist.

[Matt Rogers]

So I want to ask all of you, if you get into the sun peak, whatever, snowboarding academy, what changes in your life? Where do you end up? Where does it catapult a broken ass.

[Michelle Buteau]

Or a broken back like it does with that girl?

[Jake Cunningham]

She's a dragon.

[Bryan Safi]

More about the alumni networking, really.

[Jake Cunningham]

It's, it's all about hand.

[Bryan Safi]

If you're, if you're, if you find yourself in, you know, if you find yourself in, in Calgary and you're. And you are at a, at a party and you're looking for a job and you find that someone else who is at the academy?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, it's like, I mean, I just wish I knew her in real life so I could say, listen, your mom already has a homeless van to move into. Could you, could we try nursing? Give up snowboarding school for a while?

[Jake Cunningham]

The, the other part of this is so Mom. So the, the daughter obviously knows they're not in the best of financial places.

[Michelle Buteau]

She just wants to make her mother feel terrible.

[Jake Cunningham]

I think the daughter is one of the villains in this movie, 100%, especially because of her shifting age.

[Bryan Safi]

I, I especially because there's no actual villains in the movie, which is hard from critical.

[Michelle Buteau]

Exactly. Well, she's like that girl who pretended to be a child so that she could get adopted, but then they were like, she was an adult.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh, what was her name? Yeah, no, that was the basis of it. But, like, what was her name? She was like the Russian girl. Margaret something. Grace. Natalie Grace.

[Michelle Buteau]

Natalie Grace.

[Jake Cunningham]

Natalie Grace.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. So she's really doing that. She's just working against her the whole time. Because every time the daughter's with her, she's nice, but then the daughter's behind her back and she's like, my fucking loser mom. Didn't you have a boyfriend?

[Jake Cunningham]

Passive aggressive to her mom.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

And basically this awful academy is like, congrats, you got in. And here's how much you'll have to pay to join us because it's all in one letter. Which is not how welcome letters work.

[Matt Rogers]

No.

[Bryan Safi]

And it's like, hey, so the mom. So Taylor's like, oh, my God, I'm so proud of you. Are they going to be doing any SAT prep for you or you're just snowboarding it all day? You are thinking about your future still, right? And she's like, yeah, I got in. This is the most prestigious snowboard academy.

[Jake Cunningham]

Again, I don't know what the any of this means. Can I also say that she said, oh, that's a lot of zeros. And I wrote down we're going to see something later on where they ask her how much she costs and she just shows it to them on a phone. And I said, can this woman not determine the relationship between a numeral and cost? Like, can she not understand Arabic numerals and how they work? Because she can't even say the cost to her brother and his partner. Like, he's like, here, read this. I don't really know either. I can't understand how, like, look, look.

[Bryan Safi]

This movie might be a classic. And if they're still showing it in 25 years, we don't want to be embarrassed by this value being depreciated.

[Jake Cunningham]

How much?

[Bryan Safi]

This could be the thing that's embarrassing.

[Jake Cunningham]

How much? Did they go out of their way not to say how much it cost?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, but they said a lot of zeros. So if there's a lot of zeros, that's at least ten grand. Right? So how much did you make being Santa for two weeks? Like, is that a. Well, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, she got 50.

[Bryan Safi]

Well, remember, you got off, so it.

[Matt Rogers]

Was probably like she ends up being a billionaire. So I think it got taken care.

[Bryan Safi]

Of I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say for this Academy, it was $80,000. I'm gonna say it's $80,000 a year.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Cunningham]

But she says. But she says I can swing 40,000.

[Michelle Buteau]

Listen, I've been saving up. I've been saving up. I haven't even paid rent for four months, but I can pay half of it.

[Matt Rogers]

What?

[Michelle Buteau]

No, you can't.

[Jake Cunningham]

That.

[Matt Rogers]

I will say Santas make a lot of money because I remember when I worked at the Quail Springs Mall at the Clinique counter in Oklahoma City, that it was.

[Michelle Buteau]

Girl Santa was like, you are not sitting over here on my lap again. Clinique.

[Jake Cunningham]

Go back, go back. We.

[Matt Rogers]

I met Santa because. And they. Because they. They. He used the break room in the Dillard's that I worked at.

[Bryan Safi]

Okay.

[Jake Cunningham]

It's gotta be so creepy to see.

[Matt Rogers]

Someone do a Santa on breakfast talking. He's a biker, totally biker guy. He would come and smoke cigarettes and everything. And this was his entire job for the entire year. He worked basically just one month. And in that, he lived on that entire salary for the rest of his life.

[Jake Cunningham]

Just to remind you, he didn't just have that job at Quail Springs Mall. He did other things because he was.

[Matt Rogers]

Only the Quail Springs Santa. It was exclusive because do you sometimes doubt.

[Jake Cunningham]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

This was a malls at least.

[Bryan Safi]

Anyone who's a truth teller.

[Matt Rogers]

Santa at the Grove, I bet you is not at any other mall. Caruso locked that down.

[Jake Cunningham]

Well, I'm telling you, he works one month a year.

[Matt Rogers]

One month a year. And that's enough for him to ride his back around the country and see his bike friends.

[Michelle Buteau]

Wow.

[Jake Cunningham]

I guess I need to be a Santa.

[Bryan Safi]

Well, I mean, if you need to.

[Michelle Buteau]

Lean into my stereotype a little harder here. Yeah. Something.

[Bryan Safi]

Well, I did. I crunched some numbers just now and I was like, okay, the way that. The way that they're talking about this nobody academy, I was like, let me find what tuition costs for a comparable experience. So I looked up what the tuition is for Phillips Exeter Academy and for a variable. Yeah, it's about $70,000. Just under $70,000 a year for boarding students and it's about 55,000 for day students. So we're going to say she would be considered a day student because we see she goes back to her apartment. So we're going to say it's about a $55,000 tuition to go to snowboarding AC. So that is. That is quite high. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

But only $25,000 because she works for them.

[Jake Cunningham]

I could not.

[Matt Rogers]

By the way, we never really said. She never ended up claiming Zoe as her daughter as Santa.

[Bryan Safi]

How does that work? How does that work?

[Matt Rogers]

We never saw that. We just saw that.

[Michelle Buteau]

Hired her to immediately get in background check.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh, my God, you're right.

[Matt Rogers]

So the whole point of her getting the job, we never saw how she Hood. Right.

[Bryan Safi]

That's her daughter.

[Jake Cunningham]

Jingle bells, ho, ho, ho. This is my daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

So actually, what. So for people who may not have watched this movie, what is about to come out is the revelation that this tuition is. Is. Is incredibly high, especially for an academy that is not going to prepare this girl for college. And she. But you can get a 50 discount if you work at the resort that. This academy.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah. This is provided by links the Exposition gays who. Who. Tell us.

[Bryan Safi]

If you're wondering what the hell we're talking about. That's what we're talking about here. Yeah, but we're saying that, like, you have to. You can. If you work there, your children get the discount. But we actually never had a scene where she. Cat. She actually tells the hotel, I have a child that's going to your academy.

[Michelle Buteau]

And I thought that they actually did a good job when I was watching it, because at the end they did explain, like, oh, she did use her Social Security number, but. And it came up as her real name. She just used a fake name. But her real Social Security number. But it's still. I was like, this doesn't make sense. Wouldn't they do a background check? Wouldn't they do this? But they explained why they didn't do it.

[Jake Cunningham]

Ryan Eggold said, don't we need a background check for something like this? And Tia Maury went, we don't have the time.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, we don't have time.

[Jake Cunningham]

We don't have time if he's a predator or not.

[Michelle Buteau]

With just someone.

[Bryan Safi]

Because maybe she was sitting right on.

[Michelle Buteau]

His failure for a couple of hours. We don't need to check up on him.

[Jake Cunningham]

That was the craziest thing. When she's like, the tree lighting is in three hours. We ain't got the time.

[Matt Rogers]

Especially in this day and age.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, right.

[Bryan Safi]

Listen, we're losing traction to the Santa that's across the way at the Klotz cookie company. We can't lose any more customers.

[Jake Cunningham]

So.

[Bryan Safi]

So now. So Taylor is like, I have to.

[Jake Cunningham]

I gotta make money somehow.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. By the way. And really, this kid. This kid knows exactly how poor they are and still should be like, snowboard Academy. No, it's fine, Mom.

[Jake Cunningham]

I don't have to do this.

[Michelle Buteau]

There is nothing worse than a child with dreams.

[Bryan Safi]

Amount Taylor, like, put your foot down a little bit. Like, you know, Taylor was acting like she can't disappoint her child. No, the child's already disappointed.

[Jake Cunningham]

Exactly.

[Bryan Safi]

Put your foot down. Be like, no, you're going to, you're going to school. Actually, you're not going to snowboarding academy.

[Michelle Buteau]

How about like get a part time job, you know what I mean? Like work, right?

[Jake Cunningham]

You're, you're 15 also, we're just like, why aren't kids working these days? Lower that circus.

[Michelle Buteau]

I've got a five year old who made this iPhone and it's the best thing I've ever mix a smoothie.

[Jake Cunningham]

Those, those tiny fingers really just get into all those.

[Matt Rogers]

Clothes at Old Navy.

[Bryan Safi]

Rather than doing something like saying, hey, if you want to go to snowboarding academy, that's fine, but you need to get a job too. Instead she goes and brings her albums to the local record store. Because in this like Christmas oriented town there also happens to be like a cool trendy record store, a used vinyl.

[Jake Cunningham]

Store with a guy who really thought he wanted that Jack Black role in High Fidelity.

[Michelle Buteau]

He did. God bless his heart, you know, Bless his heart.

[Jake Cunningham]

But you know, I know if I could have done that.

[Michelle Buteau]

I just saw her going to that used record store and I was like, you are in a poor mindset. You've got to change your mindset. Because this is like. And this is what manifested. Honey, to save Christmas is to go sell your old fucking 10 cent record. No, girl, come on, get some Only Fans going. I like when her daughter was like, are you gonna. Don't sign up for onlyfans. Are you gonna do some like only fans? Because that is the modern thing.

[Jake Cunningham]

Like that was an edit. That was an edit that they put in to modernize this. Because this was written in 2002.

[Michelle Buteau]

Because that's what, that's what you would. My nieces when they were in the, like still having to go through the school line where you picked them up. My sister was like this lady in front of me in this big suburban with the kids on the back. You know the stickers of the kids on the back, the stick figures. Yeah, she was like, she had written on her car like in the paint. You know how you can paint on the car? Usually seniors do it to be like just graduated. But she painted her Only fans account and then she had a sticker made of like a QR code to go to her onlyfans.

[Jake Cunningham]

Stop it.

[Michelle Buteau]

And all the Moms were pissed because, you know, the dads are on the line going to the only place. So smart. But, yeah, I mean, it's normal that they're doing it in freaking Lakeway, Texas. So I mean. Oh.

[Bryan Safi]

You know what I'm saying?

[Matt Rogers]

Like, even, like, curiosity.

[Bryan Safi]

Like, also, like, drive Uber. Like, drive Uber. Drive do Postmates. Like, there's like a gig Economy is real. And she's like, oh, I guess I'm just gonna have to get some prosthetics and become a fake Santa Claus.

[Michelle Buteau]

Well, at least I was creative. I'm talking about the record selling. I'm like, there's just so much the record selling. You're just saying you're making an effort without really doing anything. They sold my Eagles album. Like, nobody cares.

[Bryan Safi]

Downsize, maybe downsize. Because she's. Because look. So the whole thing is that she. This is someone who. She doesn't have a job. She doesn't have any money. And we go into her very spacious apartment, and it is, like, gorgeous in there. It's like going into a showroom for room and board. And I'm like, no, it is not.

[Michelle Buteau]

And saying that this lady can downsize is crazy. You guys called this a flop house. 10 minutes.

[Jake Cunningham]

I called it a flop house. I know.

[Bryan Safi]

Jake said down. I thought it was a nice.

[Jake Cunningham]

The outside looked like a flop house to me. I thought on the inside, I didn't.

[Matt Rogers]

Think it was crazy nice.

[Michelle Buteau]

But it's not the kind of apartment you can be like, I'm going to downsize. What? What are you going to do?

[Bryan Safi]

You're going to be living in a hallway.

[Jake Cunningham]

This should have been. This should have been a montage of her doing things like selling off, having a yard sale. Doing things that would have. That made the stakes higher.

[Matt Rogers]

Judging other montages that we see later, the director doesn't actually know what a montage is.

[Bryan Safi]

But that's another. I think, like, what didn't match for me was here she shows up and she's in her, like, old blue van because, like, that's all she can have. But then her apartment is, like, very lovely. It's like, it's. It's like, this is not a blue van driving apartment.

[Jake Cunningham]

It's. It's. It's like middle of the road. Totally. It's. It's not like the gays apartment. I think the gays apartment. Like, they've got money. That's like dink money. That's dual income. No kids.

[Bryan Safi]

That's.

[Jake Cunningham]

That.

[Bryan Safi]

That's no kids money right there.

[Michelle Buteau]

That's what Dink is like, why are we talking about Dinkins?

[Jake Cunningham]

Living that dink life makes me feel.

[Matt Rogers]

It makes me feel sad, because I guess I'm sink.

[Bryan Safi]

Wait, what stinks in so many ways.

[Jake Cunningham]

No, kids think that's not a thing.

[Michelle Buteau]

I love single language.

[Bryan Safi]

I'm gonna dink, kids. Yeah, I'm. I'm a dink, and I love it.

[Jake Cunningham]

Dink.

[Michelle Buteau]

Matt, how is this gonna affect sync talk?

[Bryan Safi]

So she brings her records in. She brings her records in to sell. She's trying to, like, get some money. And then there's this guy who's in this very stylish, like, overcoat or whatever with the, you know, the collar up and he's got, like, his stubble.

[Jake Cunningham]

Joe cool.

[Bryan Safi]

Joe Cool. And he's like, whoa, screaming kittens. Which is, by the way, funny that she's had the screaming kittens the entire time. And her own daughter is so disinterested in her mother. Anything her mother does. And she hasn't even looked at these albums that have been their entire life.

[Michelle Buteau]

Which would have made sense a few years ago, because, like, who has vinyls? But now vinyls. They all have vinyls now.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

And they're like, $50, by the way.

[Matt Rogers]

So expensive.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. So this whole scene was kind of weird because vinyls are back, and you could actually sell those for decent money now. But in this show, they're like, vinyls. Who has.

[Bryan Safi]

Can I tell you something? I bought a. A record player for Dom, like, two years ago, and we're like, this will be for, like. For, like, the holidays. And we set it up as fun, and we got some. We went to Amoeba. I got, like, a shade vinyl, and I got a Fleetwood Mac vinyl. I got all the basic, you know, vinyls. Like, this is so fun. Put it on. And like, it's like, oh, how cool. Listening to vinyl at the house and it's playing, and then, like, after, like, three songs, it's like, like, please turn me over. I'm like, oh, okay, I'll just walk over there.

[Jake Cunningham]

Turn it over.

[Bryan Safi]

And I'm going to go back to the kitchen now and like, oh, time for the next album.

[Jake Cunningham]

Okay. It was a simpler time.

[Bryan Safi]

And I'm like, this. I'll hand back that record player every five seconds.

[Jake Cunningham]

It takes a lot more work. I will say. You have to be. It's more. More about dedicated to listening to in a certain way. I totally agree with you. But it's like, I love. Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

And you're like, stop the music. And it just keeps playing. Stop the music.

[Bryan Safi]

And it's like a typical album. That's like four different. Because now, of course, like, growing up, you know, song like an album was catered to the size of an album. Like, like what the actual vinyl could hold. But now, like, it's like, oh, here's the vinyl version of my favorite. My favorite album. It's like, oh, this cost. This is like to listen. The whole album is like three vinyls to get through to flip over.

[Matt Rogers]

Barbara Streisand talks about this in detail in her biography. Fascinating. No? She talks about how they were lim. How they were so limited on song choices back then because of. Because of the records. And also she talked about the way that the. The sound mix, like the different materials you could use for records and that it produced. She went all in this whole detail about it. It's a wonderful biography. It's really 900 pages.

[Jake Cunningham]

I was going to say, isn't it like almost a thousand.

[Matt Rogers]

I listen to the audiobook and it's 48 hours, but it's like. But it's 48 hours of your Jewish aunt reading you a story of her life and intermittently ad living full on. Because I looked. They're not in the book. Basically, like, in every, like, hour, she goes off about some type of food that she loves.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, I love that.

[Matt Rogers]

It's great.

[Jake Cunningham]

Pastrami at Nathan's.

[Matt Rogers]

She should have won the Grammy for it, but Jimmy Carter died, so he won it.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh, always the sympathy award.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. Seriously, you need to die in order to get a Grammy these days.

[Matt Rogers]

True.

[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

It's everything you actually want to wear. Built to hold up season after season. And, you know, in Los Angeles, it doesn't get very cold here, but it can get a little chilly. And I have my beautiful Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince, and it has been perfect for these chilly evenings.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, I think we Keep saying Mongolian cashmere so much when we're talking about Quince that that's what I went for too. I got a Mongolian cashmere hoodie, like a camel colored hoodie. And it's comfortable and it is gorgeous.

[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

That's why we use Wayfair. Okay. You can get it done properly, you can get it done quickly. I'm gonna get a whole bunch of new bedding because I'm gonna have some guests over the holiday and it's time to upgrade the bedding. And Wayfair, which I never really even looked at Wayfair for bedding, but it has gorgeous comfy bedding. I just got a beautiful soft feathery blanket, you know, for cuddling up in on the bed. You know, the blanket that you put between the bed sheet and the bedspread. Yeah. Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals and gift list with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

So this guy who we later find out, his name is Matthew, he's like the screaming Kittens. That's crazy. And she's like, but why would you like them? They only have one album. They're such losers who have loser kids who drain their mom's money. He's like, no, but look like, check out this lead singer. She was amazing. She inspired me. To pick up the guitar. At that point, she's like, I've never.

[Michelle Buteau]

Seen I inspired a single guy to pick up guitar to try and get some more free pousse. Say, I'm so proud of myself.

[Jake Cunningham]

I do have to say this whole bio does not track with. With anything we learn later about him. But more to be said with that later.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, well, they do.

[Bryan Safi]

You know why?

[Michelle Buteau]

Randomly later, it's like, remember he said.

[Matt Rogers]

He'S playing the guitar also dressed like he just walked out of J.

[Michelle Buteau]

Crew.

[Bryan Safi]

Yes. And he's like, what's an old version of Brooks Brothers?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

Brooks Brothers. Yeah. You know, it's funny, part of me wonders, did the actor was this like, one of those actors who's like, hey, you know, since we're shooting this scene with, like, guitar, you know, I actually love playing guitar totally on stage, you know, totally doing that.

[Jake Cunningham]

This was something he volunteered. I act and sing. I can totally up there. Be up there sing with her. Totally.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. And they're like, well, it wasn't really the plan, but okay.

[Jake Cunningham]

He's the biggest name in the movie.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

I mean, it's. It's like, I fully believe that a star is born exists as a movie solace. That way, like Bradley what's his face could like, cosplay as a rock star because he, like, picked up guitar once.

[Jake Cunningham]

Did.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

Make whatever movie you want.

[Michelle Buteau]

Okay. So he's really into that and he recognizes her and she's time. Yeah, well, I mean, it's a different. It's. It's a different time. So, you know, you wouldn't necessarily recognize someone.

[Bryan Safi]

It's not like idiot Gibson.

[Matt Rogers]

No. Yeah. And he's like, wait, but you should do this again. And she's like, no, I can't. No, I can't. He's like, wait, but you should. No, I can't. And she's like, I gotta go. She runs out. Since you got.

[Jake Cunningham]

Goes by.

[Bryan Safi]

But also he's like, what happened to your blue hair, you idiots? 25 years later, she changed it up.

[Michelle Buteau]

I put it all onto my van.

[Matt Rogers]

It is funny how people don't let people. That is true, though. Like, I was just watching. Watching an interview with. Oh, what's her name?

[Jake Cunningham]

I hate this.

[Matt Rogers]

The all about the Base Girl.

[Bryan Safi]

Jenny Garth.

[Jake Cunningham]

Megan Trainor.

[Matt Rogers]

Meghan Trainor. And Meghan Trainers, you know, is thin now. And so she was like writing things like people are writing on my Instagram. And she was like saying, but you were the base girl. What happened to that base? And she went, I was 19. I'm 32 now, so there is this ridiculousness.

[Michelle Buteau]

Nope.

[Jake Cunningham]

You gotta be one thing. You gotta be one thing. Rest of your life.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

Funny.

[Michelle Buteau]

That's true. Get off my ass. I didn't realize it was that long ago.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't realize it was that long ago.

[Bryan Safi]

Years.

[Michelle Buteau]

I'm still so terror. Terrorized by that song. That song still comes on. It still pisses me off every time it comes on. Why do you get to get over it if I don't get to get over it? Like, until you stop brain me with that song, you don't get to run away from it to be like, it's over now because it's still in my mind. No.

[Jake Cunningham]

Treble.

[Matt Rogers]

No. And all our subsequent songs in 2014.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. And all her subsequent songs are just. Are just variations of that song.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

You know, everything is pretty much like. And it's all about that window. About that window. No doors. No.

[Michelle Buteau]

Her songs are all like, I'm hot.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm hot.

[Michelle Buteau]

You can't have me because I'm hot. I'm hot. Oh, yeah, I'm a girl. I'm hot. And then the next one will be.

[Jake Cunningham]

Like, I'm a girl. Cause I'm singing like a black girl, too.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. What's that one? What's my sign? No. Can I have your number? No. Shut up, Meghan Trainor. Get off my Amazon.

[Bryan Safi]

So just gonna play her more now. He's busy. Before she runs out, he does ask her, like, we. But, like, why did you, like, don't. Like, don't you, like, what about your band? Don't you love being in a band? And she's like, well, you can't be a rock star and a mom at the same time. Like, wow. I'm like, well, tell that to Courtney. Courtney.

[Matt Rogers]

I literally saw Linda Perry with her kid.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah, I can tell.

[Bryan Safi]

It's a pink.

[Jake Cunningham]

I think you get a little bit of. Of her. Of her complete and utter, like, just depths of depression here.

[Bryan Safi]

Where also, like, where is the resentment towards the child? I feel. I feel like everything about this movie is like, she had a dream. Dream. She was doing something amazing and spectacular, and she had to give literally up everything for this daughter. And now this daughter is going to literally force her to do the craziest thing in the world just because she wants to go to some stupid snowboard academy. And she's like, not even mad at the kid.

[Jake Cunningham]

And she doesn't even seem like she wants to sing. She doesn't even seem like she really enjoyed being a rock Star. It's like, yeah, that was a long time ago. Like, even. Even in the acting in it, she's like, yep, that was a different time.

[Bryan Safi]

Fuck all she was forced into.

[Matt Rogers]

Whatever.

[Michelle Buteau]

It was a bizarre choice. And I kind of wish they had made it to where because, I mean, I do think they put it on the daughter. Like, well, you can't be a mom, too. I had to give up my dreams for my kid, but I wish they had made it. Like, I don't know. Like, I never really believed in myself and I never gave myself the chance. I mean, I wish she had, like, some kind of a turn, you know, because I felt like the subtext was blaming it on the kid. Like, I don't think she ever took a moment of responsibility. Like, wow, I blame my whole life on my kid instead of me not getting my shit together and still going after it, you know, like, and it. We had computers since that kid was born. You could have been there on your Ableton Live or whatever, your garage band. Like, come on, man. Like, what kind of. What kind of inspiration is this supposed to be exactly?

[Bryan Safi]

And also, it's setting up this implication that, like, whatever family business has to be saved at the end because it's always a family business. She is going to step back into her rock star roots somehow and, like, tap into her own talent and fame and use her fans to come in and save some sort of business.

[Michelle Buteau]

This.

[Bryan Safi]

And again, spoiler alert. That never happens. That she sings, like, you know, a Christmas song at the end and that, like, has and has nothing to do with moving the story forward or backwards.

[Jake Cunningham]

And it's not the kind of music she did before. It is total, like, Run, Run, Rudolph, which is a rock kind of blues song.

[Matt Rogers]

Sorry, they should have talked about in the thing. I loved that Christmas album or something that your rock band did. And then she sang the Christmas song.

[Bryan Safi]

There you go. Run, Run, Rudolph. Run, Run, Rudolph. Which is like the, like, the only people who like those Run, Run, Rudolph are like, boomers who are.

[Matt Rogers]

Run, Run, Rudolph is a MAGA Christmas song.

[Bryan Safi]

No one likes that song. No one likes Run, Run, Rudolph.

[Jake Cunningham]

I'm sorry.

[Michelle Buteau]

Well, yeah, it's like magic song now. And Rudolph is an immigrant.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

Run.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's a warning. It's a warning.

[Jake Cunningham]

Support Rudolph.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, we're taking it over. But yeah, I would have liked some, like, punk Christmas or a punk version.

[Bryan Safi]

I totally agree. I actually think that's, like, a legitimate note. This was not a snarky note because we're recapping. I'm like, Legitimately. It should have been like the. Like, the.

[Jake Cunningham]

Like, this sounded like a clash.

[Bryan Safi]

And it should have been, like, the whole time. Whenever that band gets up there and plays, like, the sort of their safe, like, you know, dad rock music, that she's like, ugh, this is awful. I can't listen to this. Right? And then finally she gets up there and she's like, let me show you how you really do. It's like, you know, and like, like.

[Jake Cunningham]

Crazy also, y', all, I hate to tell everyone we're gonna spoil this. That was not her voice.

[Michelle Buteau]

It wasn't. Why didn't they find a real punk kind of voice to do it? Because even. Even that. She's like, it was a rock voice.

[Jake Cunningham]

They asked her.

[Bryan Safi]

Diana Maria Riva all the time. It's like, don't worry, guys.

[Jake Cunningham]

I asked her to sing, and she said, no, I'm too scared. And so they hired someone to. They had. Now he sang. He sang that. You could tell it was him.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, he's kind of good. And.

[Jake Cunningham]

And he played guitar. And at the end, she said, do you notice her bad guitar playing? She said, I actually knew how to guitar play. I knew how to play the guitar, but it was so cold. My hand. I just. Just kind of kept my hands the same place.

[Michelle Buteau]

So. So did you read, like, an article about this?

[Jake Cunningham]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm like, how did you find.

[Jake Cunningham]

You know how it came up? Fucking Facebook or something like that. Because I just. Talking about this movie. It's like Alexander Breckenridge talks about the movie because, you know, they hear everything. And it said. Yeah, she did not.

[Michelle Buteau]

Definitely a Facebook post.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yes.

[Bryan Safi]

Oh, so this is real. This is real tea.

[Jake Cunningham]

I am spilling tea. Hot cocoa. The hc.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah, well, funny that you mentioned hot cocoa. So he chases her outside, and he's like, well, I haven't been in this town for years.

[Michelle Buteau]

Should I go after her?

[Matt Rogers]

Don't up this line. How many times do you think this guy said, I think so wrong. Because he was high. Like, he went, yeah, go. And they're like, cut. The line is I think so. Go follow her. I think it was a lot.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. So he had to run out after her. And he's like, whoa, whoa. Screaming kittens, Screaming kittens. Let's get the band back together. She's like, yeah, I'm a mom, so my dreams are dead.

[Bryan Safi]

So you want to get some hot chocolate? This guy's not asking for hot chocolate. He's being like, where can I get some whiskey and some Coke?

[Jake Cunningham]

Okay.

[Bryan Safi]

I'm a party boy.

[Jake Cunningham]

We have to stop this bullshit of hot chocolate for everything. It makes it. Everything feels so chaste. And.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

It's just. It's ridiculous. They're gonna fuck later. We're.

[Bryan Safi]

I love hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate. But these two, at the very least, he's saying, what about some, like, b. Like some Irish buttered rum hot butter or like, whiskey eggnog spiked? Like.

[Michelle Buteau]

Like some. I mean, the whole hot chocolate thing. Like, in 2025, at least half of the population is lactose intolerant.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

I mean, you're basically asking somebody to a farty party. You know, like, why are you asking? Why are you inviting farts before we've even dated?

[Jake Cunningham]

The. The whole idea of this guy who is a complete bad boy, wondering where he can find some hot chocolate.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

He would say, where can I score in this town?

[Bryan Safi]

Down.

[Jake Cunningham]

Where can I. Where can I get some coke?

[Michelle Buteau]

Hey, screaming kitten, where's the good. Here's a note. I mean, she's from a punk band. Yeah, I think you're right.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. And here's a note that I have for the. For the story, which is that we find out in, like, a subsequent scene that he is, like, true. He's like a true. He's like a full, like, Brandon Davis disaster. He's like, a disaster. And, like, he needs to get his act together.

[Michelle Buteau]

What?

[Bryan Safi]

I wish. I truly wish this movie had shown us that. And, like, when we first meet him, he is a disaster. And he's, like, brash and cocky and disgusting. And he is, like, maybe drunk or whatever it is. And then we see him get his shit together because of her. Because when we meet him, he's actually like. Like you said, like, he's Brooks Brothers and pretty, like, on top of shit. He's just like, a guy who, like, works a finance job somewhere.

[Jake Cunningham]

And then in that next scene, we're like, oh, you're a fuck up. You're like, he's normally like a normal, charming guy. And then. And then he goes.

[Bryan Safi]

His.

[Jake Cunningham]

His pickup line is, hey, we can. We can debate guitar solos and talk about our favorite Christmas songs, which is so. Almost like we're. This is not even Hallmark movie. This is like Great American country or, like. Or like, that's how Christian this is. Like, it's nuts.

[Bryan Safi]

That kind of Not a guy who goes to Europe and, like, bangs prostitutes and, like, does. Does, like, coke off the dashboard.

[Jake Cunningham]

He's not someone who's killed four hookers and sank their bodies in the Mediterranean.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, no.

[Michelle Buteau]

This is like. It's like you meet this guy in Sant Tropez or wherever. And it's like, oh, my God. Yeah, well, you doing you bad boys like, hey, want to talk about our favorite books?

[Jake Cunningham]

Talk about our favorite Christmas songs? What the fuck?

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

So she's like, does this work for you? Why did she say that? I don't know. So she's like, my life is a balancing act and I'm just not dating it right now. Don't take it personally. Yeah. And he's like, oh, it's just two people having hot chocolate.

[Bryan Safi]

Not a day that's gonna come back later.

[Michelle Buteau]

She's like, well, there's a beastro at the end of the block. There is not a Beastro in that town. There's a Subway sandwich. And they don't have hot chocolate over there.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it's.

[Michelle Buteau]

Exactly.

[Jake Cunningham]

And it's so even, Miss.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. So even though this is the only hot guy in town that she probably seen in years, right. She's like, I can't do this. I can't.

[Michelle Buteau]

That was weird, though, right, that there were no other hot guys in town?

[Matt Rogers]

There was no. Usually in these, you get other cute guys.

[Jake Cunningham]

The other thing is, it's not. It's never really explained why. We find out later that she. She got pregnant in school, dropped out. Never really. It's not really clear if she ever dated again.

[Matt Rogers]

No. After that, she was busy.

[Jake Cunningham]

But the idea that she is completely like, she's so soured on dating or relationships, we don't know. Comes from nowhere. There's no story about how her. She only says that the guy, her father of her kid, just left. And that's all. It wasn't that it made me sad or she just left and, like, I just closed the shop. That's it.

[Michelle Buteau]

Well, and he became a rock star, Right? Wasn't it that he be. He wanted to be a rock star or something?

[Bryan Safi]

He started Faith no More. Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

But you can't have it.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

He went off and found the life of music.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, in the. I wish this movie, if I. Again, if I had written it well, we would have done a lot of things differently, but I would have actually.

[Jake Cunningham]

A lot more gay sex.

[Matt Rogers]

Like. Well, the. The B story would have been. Because there wasn't really a B story hardly at all in this movie. Like, a little bit with the neighbor wanting to fuck old Santa's. But I would have had. The B story is she broke up from her band. She misses the band members, and Tia Mowry is one of the fucking band members because she actually sings.

[Bryan Safi]

They actually used to be in a.

[Michelle Buteau]

Girl group, that would have been good. And then she was trying to trick her the whole time, and she was like, where do I know this girl from? Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

And then it would have made them.

[Michelle Buteau]

Like, whatever stuff with a daughter at the end with the other daughter in the trailer, that would have made more sense. Like, oh, my God, you got through to my daughter. Now we'd be friends.

[Bryan Safi]

But then, like, the entire time I'm watching this and I'm thinking to myself, okay, so they're setting up something where she's, like, a punk singer, but she doesn't want to get on stage anymore, so she's going to sing later on as a punker. But also, this is supposed to be some, like, a Mrs. Doubtfire Santa movie. How is this all gonna come together?

[Matt Rogers]

Cut to a man in a wolf mask.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh, so we have our horror gays.

[Matt Rogers]

This is what I'm gonna say about.

[Jake Cunningham]

I know gays like this.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, horror gays.

[Jake Cunningham]

I don't know anyone with a scanner of a face in their home, though.

[Matt Rogers]

That was crazy. Yeah, but that was crazy. But I do want to say that this. They were probably the most believable thing in this movie. And that we all three, four just said, we know gays like this. But also, I appreciate that they. Because I'm going to say this, and I can say this because I'm not a beautiful, buff gay man, but horror gays look like these two guys. They don't look like West Hollywood guys. So I enjoyed that they used, like, real gay people in real. This was representation.

[Jake Cunningham]

Neither. Neither one of them.

[Bryan Safi]

That's why I think it was written by a gay person. Because this is like. Like, horror gays are a niche, but we all know them. And it's like, like, Disney gays, horror gays, Pokemon gays. And I think that, like, this is, like. This is like. This felt very real right here.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah, they did at one point. I do wish Harvey Fierstein, the older brother, isn't. He is not.

[Matt Rogers]

He could never. He could never.

[Jake Cunningham]

And I'm.

[Michelle Buteau]

Maybe.

[Jake Cunningham]

Maybe it was good that they didn't go all gay minstrelsy on us. Maybe that's progress. But at least they could have been funnier. But they were real.

[Michelle Buteau]

Well, honestly, most gays could be, like, I think a lot of. A lot of gays could be funnier. We expect a lot out of each other.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah, I totally.

[Michelle Buteau]

A lot of times, like, I've been on dates with people where I'm like, how are you gay? You know, Then I have to leave And I'm like, well, that's not fair. You know, not everybody can be like, like crushingly sarcastic.

[Jake Cunningham]

True.

[Michelle Buteau]

Whatever.

[Jake Cunningham]

I honestly. I honestly think they do. I think that's.

[Michelle Buteau]

You like that. Honestly, the least we could ask for as a.

[Matt Rogers]

You know, if we're overachievers now that our rights are being taken away again, you got to get funny.

[Jake Cunningham]

I know.

[Michelle Buteau]

Stand out.

[Matt Rogers]

If we're accepted by everyone, you can be boring.

[Michelle Buteau]

But no, I think you're right, because a people of lot. A lot of gay humor comes from being bullied and, like, having exactly come up with a humor to defend yourself or become acceptable. And when gay acceptance came in, we got a lot of really boring gays. I mean, I'm sorry. There are a lot of us out there boring as hell. All they do is work out and talk about protein and fuck on grindr. And that's like, all they do and all they know. And it's sad, you know, so maybe you're right. We need a little pain back.

[Jake Cunningham]

Have you been on a date with someone? This is. I. I recently did it.

[Matt Rogers]

No go.

[Michelle Buteau]

Matt knows me too well. He's like, y.

[Jake Cunningham]

No, I'm just saying. I went. Who was. Who was. I'm. I'm. I am 48 years old, and I went on a date with someone who was 29. It was like I was speaking Swahili.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Jake Cunningham]

And he was. And it was. It wasn't that. It. It wasn't that he wasn't funny, but. But it was a different kind of sarcasm. And I would throw something really sarcastic about. He's like, oh, that's kind of. He's like, oh, that's. That's rough. And I'm like, girl, I haven't even given you the rough yet.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

Gen Z is earnest. Gen Z is earnest. And they also do the Gen Z stare. And so, like, that's very hard. That's this very difficult where they don't. They actually don't know how to say thank you.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

And so it's like they. It's like a thing where the, like, gen zers because of, like, Covid or something. Did not. We're like, not socialized in the same.

[Jake Cunningham]

Staring at their computer screens or something like that.

[Bryan Safi]

Did you make compliment them? They just stare back at you.

[Jake Cunningham]

I did not make Seinfeld references like we. I do on the pod. Okay. Yes. I talk about Seinfeld a lot because there were. There were episodes that. That, that come back.

[Matt Rogers]

The problem that you keep saying everyone knows about Seinfeld and I'm like, no, they.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, no, they don't. And we do that too a lot. You know, on our show we reference big business, I think every other episode or like soap dish or, you know, things that are just. They were our teenage years, but obviously people who are newer, who are newer to the world and our show aren't gonna know what the. We're the. We have reviews that are like, what the fuck are these two queens talking about? Like, what are they? Even so, I. I don't know. I don't know that I could even date younger commercials.

[Bryan Safi]

Here comes one right now.

[Michelle Buteau]

As a small business owner, you know that change is the name of the game. Operational costs, labor markets, tariffs. Wouldn't it be nice if something stayed the same?

[Bryan Safi]

How about your business Internet rate? Get reliable, secure 5G business Internet from T Mobile for business for $40 a.

[Michelle Buteau]

Month with a 5 year price guarantee when paired with a voice line. That's stability you need from the partner you can depend on.

[Bryan Safi]

On switch now@t mobile.com BI/ taxes and fees guaranteed exclusions like taxes and fees.

[Jake Cunningham]

Applies to exclusions and details@t mobile.com with multi view from Xfinity, you can watch up to four football games at once, which can lead to some tough choices. French toast nibblers or breakfast nachos.

[Bryan Safi]

Actually, I was thinking about heading out.

[Michelle Buteau]

Only because I want to beat the traffic. The best part of the sleepovers.

[Jake Cunningham]

The next day, I was going to throw the games on Bobby Big Wheels. I mean, how can you call yourself a sports fan without Xfinity?

[Michelle Buteau]

We got the multi view, best college and pro games all in one place.

[Bryan Safi]

I'm not going anywhere.

[Jake Cunningham]

This is how football was meant to be watched.

[Michelle Buteau]

Xfinity. Imagine that. Restrictions apply. MultiView requires Xfinity 4K capable TV box. What are we talking about here these days?

[Bryan Safi]

Getting hot chocolate?

[Jake Cunningham]

This is so they're living. She Sundays, I've got two interviews, but I need money because Zoe has this. This snowboarding school. And he's like, what are older brothers for? I can lend you some cash. She's like, let me.

[Bryan Safi]

Hold on.

[Jake Cunningham]

Let me show you on this phone the money amount, because I can't. You know me, I can't read numerals. So here you go. It's this much.

[Bryan Safi]

And instead of him saying, listen, as your older brother, look, I know about wasting money. Look at this entire apartment. But I'm also a dink, okay? And I have to say, like, now it's time to tell your daughter she can't have any. Everything in life, it's time to draw a daughter.

[Jake Cunningham]

Suggest that.

[Michelle Buteau]

I thought you were gonna say something totally different, like, I waste money on stupid shit. I'm gonna help you. But you're like, nope. Tell your daughter she's fine.

[Jake Cunningham]

You're like, like, we bought tickets. We bought tickets to Ariana Grande three weeks ago, and I spent $10,000.

[Bryan Safi]

We will not support this snowboarding school, okay? We will not.

[Jake Cunningham]

We're going to Turks and Caicos after.

[Michelle Buteau]

What happened to Gunles. What the hell?

[Jake Cunningham]

I know.

[Michelle Buteau]

So he's like, wait, hold off on that though, cuz there's 50 off for employees. And she's like, oh, my God, I.

[Jake Cunningham]

Can good at exposition.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

So she's like, but here's the thing, though. I don't work for Sun Peaks. And you know, they're like, this fucking girl. Why do we have to spell out every single thing for her? Go up there and get a job, bitch.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, gosh. So now we get the first scene in the hotel, which I loved because it was very west wing. They're like walking really fast through a hallway. It's like, all right, what do we.

[Bryan Safi]

Got to get going?

[Michelle Buteau]

Crazy Christmas is coming. Gotta get a Santa. Hey, Santa quits on the pillows. All right?

[Jake Cunningham]

There were. There was so much exposition in. In like two minutes of what we needed.

[Michelle Buteau]

But make sure at least two of the four elevators do not work. This is a pricey hotel. We don't want people getting too comfortable.

[Jake Cunningham]

It was batted up when our GM ran off with that Latvian ski instructor. Esoteric reference, I gotta say.

[Matt Rogers]

Hey, props, you know, because she's a child star and you see it. Tia carries this off and actually gave.

[Jake Cunningham]

Her nothing to do but absolutely nothing.

[Bryan Safi]

She does look like her life is empty and all she can cling on to are small wins in the office.

[Jake Cunningham]

Yes.

[Bryan Safi]

And she, like, I feel there's. There's someone specifically who like, Ryan and I have worked with in the past. And I see her in this person and I'm like, oh, my God, that's Jake.

[Matt Rogers]

I promise that's not you.

[Bryan Safi]

It's not you.

[Matt Rogers]

I promise. We don't text about it at all.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's just someone that we're working with currently right this second. But yeah, I thought she really. I thought she really pulled it off too. She had a lot of pathos like that. Like, you could always see her thinking and always hear a piss. And they didn't really write her. They gave her as huge of a villain as they could have.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah, so. So this person's like, oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait.

[Bryan Safi]

Urgent talk. I've got to be on my cell phone. Santa quit. Oh my God. They ran off with a Latin ski instructor.

[Michelle Buteau]

Fix it. Fix it right now.

[Bryan Safi]

I'm like, how about you get frickin Jimmy and say, guess what, Jim, you got a promotion. You're Santa now. And you could put some. Fine. I think he around the alley to be the elves.

[Jake Cunningham]

I don't think he could pass the background check though.

[Matt Rogers]

But no, no, Jimmy's got confused in some situations and Lenny somebody.

[Michelle Buteau]

Jimmy? Yeah, Jimmy. I don't. There's something weird and off about Jimmy. I don't even think. I think he's only working at the hotel because he's not allowed to near a school.

[Jake Cunningham]

It is, it's true. He is very Lenny of Mice and Men. Yeah, yeah.

[Bryan Safi]

But the hotel is a school. Did you forget Snowboard Academy?

[Jake Cunningham]

It's a school for snowboarding.

[Bryan Safi]

Naturally.

[Jake Cunningham]

Of course.

[Michelle Buteau]

She's, she's like, I would like to talk about the manager position. He's like, hold on. We're speed walking through a hotel. Okay, we good? We do got to talk about. Give it to my son.

[Matt Rogers]

I will say the dad is the, I think the worst actor in the.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh my God. Now the, the, the dad does deliver dialogue. You can, you can tell that the dialogue is bad when the dad delivers it. And there's one line we're going to cover in just a little bit that's. I laughed out loud and the woman stared at me in the plane seat next because I was like a loud cackle. She's like, but we'll talk about that. So she, the dad says, we have a Christmas party to plan, a concert to arrange in less than 72 hours. Tree lining ceremony.

[Matt Rogers]

20.

[Jake Cunningham]

Shouldn't this have been planned in October? Like, why are we doing this now?

[Michelle Buteau]

All right, once we get Christmas done, let's get going on patriarchy 2026. All right, all right. You're a woman, you'll never get a raise. You write that down. Did you write. You're right. Okay, very good.

[Bryan Safi]

I wasn't really sure what the, I wasn't really sure what the, the sequence of events was for this hotel. So they're gonna like, they're gonna have some sort of tree lighting ceremony and then there's gonna be a concert and then there's gonna be another tree lighting like this. And there's like a lot of concern for like, let's be honest, only like 30 people showed up to any of these events. And it was just like.

[Jake Cunningham]

And they say this is our Busiest time of the year. And Dad's like, I gotta make sure this is just. This better be done the best possible way it could. I'm really counting on you guys. So I'm gonna go off on a business trip for a couple of days.

[Bryan Safi]

The business trip didn't even make sense because he's like, well, I'll be back in time for the, for the tree lighting. So in my mind I'm thinking, okay, the climax of the tree lighting because dad's going to be away and everything's. Be crazy to come back and be like, what happened? But then he's back like the next scene. I was like, oh, why did we have to learn about him going to, why did he have to go to New York?

[Jake Cunningham]

It's, it was, it's too convenient. There were so many things that like I'm, I'm working on a project now and I'll write something and a producer friend will say, yeah, that, that's, we just need that. But it can't be the first choice voice, the most convenient thing. And I'm like, no one did that in this script.

[Michelle Buteau]

Right?

[Jake Cunningham]

Yeah, there were no, there's no, no story editor.

[Michelle Buteau]

No, there was no one saying no.

[Bryan Safi]

So Taylor goes up to the front desk and for some reason she's like asking like the bellhop, like, please tell me you've got some positions open, please. Here's my file. Just work here. Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Why are you asking the front desk guy? She's asking some 16 year old at the front desk. He's like, I don't think we have anything. Surely you do. I can do anything. I can clean toilets. I, I can give a blow job. Just show me who to blow. And he's like, oh, sorry. And he's like, you gotta check someone in.

[Jake Cunningham]

I'll even clean my room.

[Bryan Safi]

Yeah. And because it's 20, 25 here, let me give you a manila folder with my resume and all the papers of what my background is. You certainly don't need an electronic version of this, right?

[Matt Rogers]

Not at all.

[Michelle Buteau]

So then Natasha comes around and she passes right by her as you normally do, you know, when you're working your own, you walk right past all the customers at the front desk and you're like, we, someone desperately. It pays $2,000 a week. Get me a Santa right now. Yeah, I'm right. I'm writing, I'm writing. Check in. I just love to come down.

[Jake Cunningham]

And one of the old hotel guests goes, darling, get me a spritzer.

[Bryan Safi]

So she goes, so then Taylor's like, oh, excuse me. Hi. I overheard. Did you say there are jobs available? Because your fucking valet says a different story. And she's like, yeah, no, well, there are no jobs available unless you're an old white man who can play Santa Claus or also probably just an old white man. Because honestly, honestly, let's say the system's rigged against everyone else, right?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

But let me just hand you a flyer for it. Anyway, Merry Christmas.

[Matt Rogers]

Merry Christmas.

[Bryan Safi]

In case, you know, any old white men in town.

[Michelle Buteau]

That's literally all there are in this town. So did we already find out that Matthew is the kid of the dad?

[Jake Cunningham]

He said, I guess we've already said. He has said, good to see you too, dad. And dad says, quite with so much pathos.

[Bryan Safi]

Matthew.

[Jake Cunningham]

Matthew. What a surprise.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. So he's like, all right, let's go over some damage costs. And the secretary's there. And he's like, okay, well we've got a damage to a rental. We've got statues that have been knocked over, cafe and sidewalks. Those are six zeros. I mean, we've got over $90 million worth of damage that your son did in Italy.

[Jake Cunningham]

We're talking millions of dollars.

[Matt Rogers]

Millions of dollars. And I thought, wait, is he this way? Is he so nice? And I don't believe he would do this because he actually is the Incredible Hulk and just like formed in Italy. Like, it's.

[Jake Cunningham]

I don't see it.

[Bryan Safi]

There was like in my mind, I was like, was this a drunk driving incident?

[Jake Cunningham]

It had to be, cuz later says Matthew, the Italian cops are looking for. So is he hiding from the international police in this town also, by the.

[Matt Rogers]

Way, this movie would have been so much better if there were two Italian cops with bad Italian accents chasing him the entire time.

[Michelle Buteau]

And I'm.

[Jake Cunningham]

He was your leg.

[Matt Rogers]

Like those two people from the Chipmunk movie, you know, they're just like, where.

[Bryan Safi]

Are we going again?

[Michelle Buteau]

I was with you. And I was like, what did he do, go the wrong way and crash on a street and go crash into a bunch of stuff?

[Jake Cunningham]

He was supposed to be out of his mind with a dead hooker in the car today.

[Michelle Buteau]

So because I'm only in Texas part time, I haven't been here for six months. So I had this huge stack of mail to go through today. Well, I mean, I've had it for a month.

[Jake Cunningham]

Sounds exciting.

[Michelle Buteau]

I haven't gone through it. So I'm finally going through it to pay bills or whatever because it's the end of the year. And look what I got. Two tickets. I got two Things in the mail. And I was like, what the fuck are these? They are from Vatican City. I guess I just put my address up there. Please don't come to my house. They're from Vatican City. And I was like, from Vatican fucking City. They are tickets from Vatican City. And let me tell you, when I say I did nothing wrong in this goddamn city.

[Matt Rogers]

Is this on your Vespa?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yes, because I was driving that Vespa around Vatican City because that's how I went sightseeing. And I got tickets for all sorts of shit going into a place I'm not supposed to go into. They've got cameras everywhere. So after getting these, I was like, well, maybe Matthew really didn't do anything wrong.

[Jake Cunningham]

Maybe there are just too many rooms.

[Bryan Safi]

All I did was just drive my Vespa through gated security and try to get to the Pope. I mean, I don't see what was wrong in there.

[Michelle Buteau]

Give me a ticket.

[Jake Cunningham]

I wanted to give him a chocolate revolver.

[Michelle Buteau]

I should be able to go there.

[Matt Rogers]

How do they even prosecute these tickets? Can they even enforce them in any way?

[Jake Cunningham]

Don't probably, Ronnie.

[Michelle Buteau]

But if I ever go back and get on a scooter there in, which would be nice, and what if I get pulled over?

[Jake Cunningham]

They'll be able to pay international. How could you do that?

[Michelle Buteau]

How much are they expensive one's? Well, I don't know how to do the conversion, but one of them is 140. What is it there? Oh my God, that's like 201 is 89. So expensive.

[Jake Cunningham]

When it used to be lira, you would say that's 800,000 lira. Because lira we're doing really like 10th of a penny.

[Bryan Safi]

Don't put like. Jake, don't take, don't take cheap shots on, on Italian currency. Okay. Draw the line. Okay, I like that. I like the idea of like the.

[Michelle Buteau]

Vatican City bureaucracy especially being the Vatican City. I'm like, do you know what you guys have gotten away with?

[Jake Cunningham]

And you're right, they don't need money.

[Bryan Safi]

Honestly, getting a ticket from the Vatican City is hilarious. It's like not just racing Rome, it's like the Vatican City. Like there's someone like Vatican City is like going through record. She's like, well, well, it looks like the Vatican's going to have to close down. Wait a second. There's someone in America who hasn't paid yet.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. For entering in art law 7 commie 9 and 4 in the built in up area entered pedestrian restricted traffic area. Wow. That is now197.7.

[Bryan Safi]

Did they scan your license plate or something? Is that what happened?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, they scanned the license plate and I was registered with my driver's license. Like when you rent a car.

[Jake Cunningham]

Oh.

[Michelle Buteau]

Anyway, I don't need to make it all about this, but like these people.

[Bryan Safi]

No. He drove into a location where if you're not doing this with your hand, you get to take it.

[Jake Cunningham]

There was no wheel of the one.

[Michelle Buteau]

Piece of bus that the whole time he was here, they weren't carrying a.

[Jake Cunningham]

Wheel of Parmesan car.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yes. Okay, everybody, thank you so much. That wraps up part two of our Christmas crossover. Bye.

[Bryan Safi]

Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King it's always a party on Allison Block Our.

[Michelle Buteau]

Way is the Amber Way.

[Bryan Safi]

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[Michelle Buteau]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt we never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Bryan Safi]

Aaron McNicholas she don't miss no Trickolas Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go Hugo. We all go for Hugo.

[Jake Cunningham]

Jamie.

[Bryan Safi]

She has no less namey she's our kind of mess.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's Jennifer Messer Sipped some scotch with.

[Bryan Safi]

Jessica Trot she's our favorite streamer.

[Michelle Buteau]

Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisalino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McCarthy McHenry Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Bryan Safi]

This is Living with Michelle Vivian.

[Michelle Buteau]

I love Aya. Olivia Williamson.

[Bryan Safi]

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yes, we can. It's Savannah.

[Bryan Safi]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

Make way for A.J. lopez.

[Michelle Buteau]

She's VVIP it's Amanda. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Bryan Safi]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Michelle Buteau]

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[Bryan Safi]

Let's get real with Caitlin o'. Neal.

[Michelle Buteau]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

[Jake Cunningham]

Who?

[Michelle Buteau]

What?

[Jake Cunningham]

Why?

[Bryan Safi]

Where and Gwen Pentland.

[Michelle Buteau]

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

[Bryan Safi]

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kate Kendall. Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish, my Favorite Murdo Karen.

[Michelle Buteau]

McMurdo She's a total knockout It's Katie.

[Bryan Safi]

Manock in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani.

[Michelle Buteau]

The incredible edible Matthew sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud.

[Bryan Safi]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we cannot.

[Michelle Buteau]

Tell a lie It's Sarah tell of.

[Bryan Safi]

Son Shannon out of a can And Anthony, please don't stop at solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.

[Michelle Buteau]

She ain't no shrinking violet Couton. We love you guys. If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.