#3152 Southern Charm S11E06: Phoning It In (the oven)

Summary

Watch What Crappens Recap

Episode #3152 – Southern Charm S11E06: Phoning It In (the oven)
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 8, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap episode six of Southern Charm Season 11, titled "Phoning It In (the oven)." The discussion covers the infamous boys' dinner at Patricia’s, the ongoing debacles of Randy the "DJ Butler," awkward confrontations, and the cast's eternal struggle with adulthood, relationships, and kitchen appliances.

The hosts bring their signature blend of biting wit and Bravo fan love, with running impersonations, tangents into 80s movies, and mock therapy—delivering as always on their mission to praise, ridicule, and eviscerate the best (and worst) of Southern Charm.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Randy the DJ Butler: Lore Gets Even Deeper

[02:43–13:05]

• Patricia's Butler Woes: Ben and Ronnie revel in new footage showing Randy’s incompetence, confirming their long-standing jokes about his inability to do basic butlering.
• Randy’s Aspirations: He's not a trained butler, but a former bartender with dreams of being a DJ. Clip shown of "DJ Randy" in action at a wedding.
• Spoon Antics & Place Card Fiascos: Patricia's detailed, cruelly funny micro-management of Randy provides huge comedic fodder.
  • Quote: “Take the spoon. Hold it to your forehead. Now ding your head with it.” – Ben as Patricia [06:20]
• The Infamous Oven Incident: Randy leaves his phone in the oven while cleaning, then melts it when the oven is turned on, gassing the house.
  • Quote: “Last night, he put his phone in the oven. …There were toxic fumes all over the house, so I breathed in deeply, and my face hasn’t moved since.” – Ben as Patricia [11:21]
  • Quote: “Don’t put it in the oven, you loser.” – Ronnie as Patricia [13:02]

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2. The Boys’ Dinner: Underwhelming but Rich in Shade

[13:12–14:11 & 45:11–66:32]

• Setup: Patricia prefers dinners with the men for gossip (“They’re more fun than the HR nightmare women bring.” – [13:42]).
• Arrivals and Antics: Chef Ben impresses with food; Steven, Whitney’s aristocratic pal, steals scenes with dry, superior wit and is instantly beloved by Ben and Ronnie.
  • Quote: “Where did they get this guy and why is he not a main cast member? This guy’s fucking awesome.” – Ronnie [52:13]
  • Quote: “I could buy and sell every chair in this house.” – Ronnie as Steven, after breaking a chair [67:01]
• Craig & Austin’s Apology Dance: Forced civility gives way to a tepid, therapy-speak apology.
  • Quote: "I want to apologize if you’re open to it, because I was pissed at you and you chirped at me." – Ben as Craig [68:57]
  • Quote: “Craig, you’re just reading generic lines off of chat GPT.” – Ronnie [70:17]
• Steven’s Relentless Mockery: He relentlessly teases about Americans, relationships, even furniture.

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3. Craig’s Business Meeting & Bro Meltdowns

[03:37–05:44]

• Craig Fails at Professionalism: While Jerry and Amanda discuss growth and synergies, Craig is literally slurping whipped cream off his coffee straw, acting like a child.
  • Quote: “I cannot take a meeting seriously with this idiot licking his straw.” – Ronnie as Jerry [04:26]
• 80s Movie Tangents: The hosts digress into a hilarious dissection of Big and Tom Hanks’ upward-failing character as a metaphor for Craig.
  • Quote: “If you rewatch Big, you probably realize Tom Hanks is the villain after all.” – Ben [05:00]

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4. Cast Member Cross-Talk: Love, Chick-fil-A, and Cats

[15:03–44:59 / 46:48–47:46]

• Shep Visits Marcy: Shep faces relentless baby/marriage pressure and the hosts go on a rant about parents pushing childless friends to procreate.
  • Quote: “Just because you did it doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.” – Ronnie [18:02]
• Vanita & Sally’s Friendship Fallout: The “girl code” debate over Sally dating Craig after his blow-up with Vanita. The hosts both commiserate and debate, ultimately siding with the mess-factor and Sally’s point about Vanita’s past TBH hypocrisy.
  • Quote: “Let people make these stupid decisions because you have better things to do…” – Ben [27:13]
• Molly & Whitney’s TMI Reunion: Molly reminisces about their near-dating, trades tattoo insults, and discusses her labiaplasty with a very awkward Whitney.
  • Quote: “Anything to shave the curtains for a nice clean appearance.” – Ronnie as Whitney [32:31]
• Charlie’s Family Pressure: Another scene about Southern family culture demanding marriage and kids.
  • Quote: “Eggs don’t last forever. Okay? Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and then leave the basket on the porch…” – Ronnie as Davis Renee [35:08]
• Austin and Audrey: Eat Chick-fil-A and strategize how not to make up too quickly with Craig.

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5. Craig vs. Austin: ChatGPT Therapy and Faux Progress

[39:09–44:39 & 68:16–71:32]

• Craig discusses his emotional progress allegedly gained from ChatGPT, which the hosts mercilessly lampoon as vapid self-help.
  • Quote: “Craig, you’re just reading generic lines off of chat GPT.” – Ronnie [70:17]
• The “apology” between Craig and Austin is noncommittal, referencing therapy and generic advice, while each claims defensiveness and "triggers" rather than responsibility.

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6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Randy in the Oven:
  “Last night, he put his phone in the oven.... I breathed in deeply, and my face hasn’t moved since.” – Ben as Patricia [11:21]
• On Parental Pressure:
  “You have to have a baby. Are you people that lonely? Get a hobby. Jesus.” – Ronnie [18:03]
• Steven’s Chair Smash:
  “I could buy and sell every chair in this house. Y’ all need to get new chairs over there.” – Ronnie as Steven [67:01]
• Shep Summed Up:
  “Settling down is not something I aspire to, you know, but I do. I am looking for a woman who is willing to settle.” – Ronnie as Shep [19:25]
• On ChatGPT Therapy:
  “I cried, dude. I cried talking to my phone because my phone told me to be patient with myself.” – Ben as Craig [43:00]
• Patricia’s Cat Policy:
  “I love cats for other people. That’s why I have none in this household. Get them away from me.” – Ronnie as Patricia [58:33]

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Highlight Timestamps

• [02:43–13:05] – The Epic of Randy the DJ Butler
• [15:03–19:20] – Shep Gets Pressured, Hosts Rant Against 'Breeder Culture'
• [25:13–27:13] – Vanita & Sally Face Off (“Let people make these stupid decisions…”)
• [27:43–32:56] – Molly & Whitney: Tattoo Insults and Labiaplasty TMI
• [39:09–44:39] – Craig's “ChatGPT” Therapy
• [45:31–67:32] – The Boys’ Dinner (Steven's Introduction, Craig/Austin Apology, Chair Mayhem)
• [68:16–71:32] – Craig & Austin’s Emotional (Non-)Resolution

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Tone and Style

Ben and Ronnie maintain their irreverent, affectionate snark throughout, with long-form improvisational impressions, meta-commentary on Bravo tropes, and persistent inside jokes about the cast's lack of self-awareness and competence.

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Final Thoughts

A classic episode of Watch What Crappens, turning a “tame” installment of Southern Charm into a masterclass of Bravo satire. The saga of Randy the oven-melting DJ butler is instantly iconic, the boys’ dinner offers subtle drama and one-liners, and the hosts’ tangents (from Big and ChatGPT to the sociology of brunch vs. babies) provide context and catharsis for Bravo superfans.

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For newcomers: You’ll catch all the funniest moments here and get a sense for the hosts’ playful, loving mockery—making this recap essential even if you haven’t watched the show.

Transcript

[A]

Who cares what happens when there's so much of a little feature? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how's it going?

[B]

Good. Hello, Ben. Hello.

[A]

Hello. We are here today to talk Southern charm and so many other things before we get into that are happening here with crap and it's very exciting stuff. First and foremost, Crappin's ad free is back and it now lives on Patreon. So go to patreon.com watch for crappins and you can listen to Crappens without the ads if you support over there. Also, the Golden Crappies tickets on sale this Friday and the the tickets will be available on our website and there'll be links on our social media. It's our the Golden Crappies are going to be on February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's gonna be a great time. We always have an amazing time. It's so great to bring the whole community together. We usually have some really wonderful special guests and we will continue that. We will continue to have special guests and wonderful guests and fun times, fellow content creators, people from who knows where and we just have the best time. So come join us for that. It's a spectacular time. There will be some streaming details for that will be sometime. Once that's ready we'll let you know, but it's just not ready yet. But please come join us and if you are listening to this in time, there is a Patreon pre sale that's going from 10am to 10pm on Thursday, January 8th that's available on Patreon, so can't wait. We're going to be assembling a ballot. It's going to be a great time. We'll ask for your help with that and then the voting will begin. Award season Guys, this is the most prominent award in the world of Bravo. So please be part of it. Come be there in person, help out with the ballot and do your civic duty. So that way the right people are rewarded the right things. With that all being said, let's now pivot over to Charleston so we can talk about Season 11, Episode 6, a medium rare Apology for Southern Charm.

[B]

Southern charm. It was a male. It was the boys dinner episode. Kind of a tame boys dinner episode. I mean, yeah, whatever. But we did get some good Randy lore, so.

[A]

Oh my God, the Randy lore was thick. Oh, that was You. You watched this before me and you said there was some good Randy stuff. And I could not believe how good the Randy stuff was. It was amazing. Like, we've been joking about Randy for a while about, like, you know, how Patricia teases him and electrocutes him because he's so, like, inept as a butler. But, like, actually, it looks like there may be some truth to our joking a little bit. Like, he is kind of a disaster, a true disaster.

[B]

But, yeah. So we started Madison's new home. She's moving into the new home. That can go right there on the screened in porch.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They're moving stuff in and what's his buns. The guy, the hot guy comes in, he's like, oh, yeah, this teddy bear, huh? Told him to throw it away. She's like, I'll throw it away. I already threw him away. Let's keep teddy bear. Let's keep the teddy bear to remember that we threw Austin in the trash. All right, great.

[A]

So then over at Austin's house, he's. He's with the cats and he's like, hey, this is insane right now. It's your favorite thing, is watching me scoop your poop. Oh, my God, he poops so much. Human size shit. Crazy. So he does that. And then we go over to Craig and he is in a business meeting with Jerry and Amanda. And they're like, business, business, business. Jerry's like, I think there's a good chaos and there's. I think there's a chaos we inflict on ourselves to multiple deals, to national stores and their synergies and rapid, really rapid growth and, you know, indexes and income and revenue, blah, blah, blah. And Craig's just sitting there, like, slurping from his coffee.

[B]

He's lifted the. The straw out of the coffee and is licking the whipped cream or whatever off the bottom of it and slurping it. And one of the partners is like, I cannot take a meeting seriously with this idiot licking his straw. I mean, if anybody wonders what Craig does in his business, this is it. You see it right here. And I'm surprised they even show us so much of the inner workings, because it's Jerry. It is Jerry and Amanda, okay? They, like, we're going to do everything. You just have to add your pretty little slurping face, you know? Okay.

[A]

It's basically a scene from Big, right? Like, like they're trying to conduct actual work and there's a grown manchild just in the middle of it, just slurping us a shake that they happen to contend with. You know, I feel like if you.

[B]

By the end of it, you're like, is Elizabeth Perkins a pedophile?

[A]

Discussion. I feel like if you re watch big, you probably realize that Tom hanks is the villain after all. He's like the one who is just literally a child who fails upwards into this toy company. And you realize, like, why does he get any credit for anything? So anyway, I. You know what I always think about with big? I always think about how when he wakes up as Tom hanks and the mom gets like. It's like, who is this adult male in my house? And, like, takes like a knife, is.

[B]

Like, get out of the house.

[A]

I remember after I saw that movie, my mom was like, I would always recognize My son would never hold a knife. And I would always recognize you. This day, like, 30 years later, I'm.

[B]

Like, if you came home 30 years older, I would still know it's you.

[A]

Okay, My mom doesn't even talk like that. But, like, in that moment, she talked like dolores. She's like, I would always remember you. I would know you, honey. I would know you. I rode here with you, and I'm leaving here with you.

[B]

So now we go over to Patricia's, and she's like, randy. He's like, oh, I'm coming, man. I'm coming. Well, what I'm thinking, All right, I'm setting a table here, so I'm just going to play. I say put the place card in front, but we've got to fill up the space a little bit. So. Wait, the wrong spoon is here? Why is this the wrong spoon? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't. Randy, take this spoon. Hold it. Hold it to your forehead. Okay, now ding your head with it. Ding. Ow. Good boy.

[A]

Randy, what happened to the place card I just told you to hold? It's gone. What do you mean? I ate it. Why'd you eat the place card? I don't know. I got distracted. Oh, Randy. Okay, give me that spoon again. There you go.

[B]

All right. Giving this spoon back to you now. How did that happen? Okay, wait a minute. This is a. Why are these turned the wrong way? These forks are turned the wrong way, Randy. He's like, I just. I'll. I'll just turn them. I'll just turn them like this. Thank you, Randy. Hold on. Hold. Hold up that fork. Look at the times. Put it close up to your eye. Look at that. Closer, Closer. Ow. That's right. That's right. That's what we get for putting the wrong Forks. God, you got to train them.

[A]

Randy is a very nice person, but he was not professionally trained as a butler. How he was really a bartender. And he is most interested in developing his job as a dj. I was like, wow, everyone on Bravo wants to be a dj. What's going on? And we see a picture of him, and he's. It's literally like, DJ Randy. And he's like, DJing, like, some sort of outdoor event. It's a wedding of some sort. It's like, are you kidding me? It's the most hilarious twist. I was not expecting that. I feel like, I guess, is the backstory that Patricia could not find a butler. So it got like a temp butler and has been just waiting for the real thing to come around.

[B]

Why? They just don't have trained butlers anymore. They just don't have them anymore. I guess there's no such thing as a trained butler, but this one does try to spin plates. Very frustrating.

[A]

He says he's working on a Nora Jones remix, whatever that means.

[B]

So he's. He looks terrified. I mean, Randy really is like, okay, okay. Is it this? Is this. Did I do it right now? The fork goes above the plate, Randy. So I usually come in and rearrange silverware because it's not done properly, because I don't know if you heard this part, but DJ.

[A]

Something I wish I had known before I'd hired him, but now it's. I'm in too deep. I get too much joy from activating his shot collar to let him go. Oh, well. Anyway, Randy, I think with this. These forks and spoons, I think they have to be clean, though.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Of course. Clean it.

[B]

It's your way of saying, what, man?

[A]

Sorry. Clean the forks and spoons and knives, please, Randy.

[B]

I'm so sorry, ma'. Am.

[A]

I'm so sorry, ma'. Am.

[B]

Well, there are a lot of little niceties I know about, because I had Michael, who is professionally trained. Michael was a DJ in the sense that he could do the job, but he was.

[A]

He called himself a dj. Do the job. He called himself a dj, but mainly that's because he called himself also a dish jockey was much more helpful for the job.

[B]

So then we see clips of Michael with angel wings on, you know, doing perfectly doing a dining table and saying, here, you're here, ma'. Am. And thank you. Thank you, God. I just. Just have this little wire sticking out from that electrical socket. Nothing to use it on, because Michael is just so talented. Cut to Randy. Randy, hand me your hand. Well, you Take the good, you take the bad, you take them both. And there you have that. Still got an untrained butler.

[A]

DJ Butler. So she goes, well, I don't expect Randy to know all these things, but last night, he put his phone in the oven. So cut to last night. I smell something burning, Randy. And I know I didn't get to put the blowtorch on your hair yet today, so what is that smell?

[B]

I know I smell something burning. And I'm familiar with the smell of Randy burning. What is that, Randy? And he's like, well, last night, someone didn't clean the ovens, and they put the bottom tray in correctly, and I could not see what I was doing, so I turned the light on on my phone, and then I got distracted. I'm sorry. And then we turned on the oven to heat up some food, and my phone was in the oven. I'm sorry, ma'. Am. I'm sorry. Show me again how you did that. Now put your hand in that oven there. And so where was your hand when you turned the oven? Click on, ma'. Am. Ma', am, the oven's on. I know, Randy. Keep your hand in there.

[A]

Ma'. Am. I don't want to do Hansel and Gretel again today. It's too late. The game has started.

[B]

Well, it melted, and there were toxic fumes all over the house, so I breathed in deeply, and my face hasn't moved since, so. Well, thank God for small favors.

[A]

Randy left, so he got distracted, so he put his phone down, and he put his phone down in the oven, which is a strange choice. But then, like, did you not remember that you were cleaning the oven? You still turned on the oven. Like, you just. Didn't you, like, leave the oven open? It's like, you got to try. Didn't you leave the oven open to be like, I'm gonna come back to this? And then, like, there's so many questions.

[B]

Like, you're using your flashlight on your phone. You're looking in the oven. You're like, oh, okay, I think I see it. Then you put the phone down, and you start, you know, messing with the. The pilot light or whatever, and you're like, oh, my God, I got it. Okay, the oven's working. Thank God. You close the oven. You're like, okay, let's test this sucker out. Anybody want a grilled cheese? You turn it on. Boom. You hear Siri. Like, please help. Please help.

[A]

Please, please.

[B]

I'm sorry. I didn't get that.

[A]

I'm sorry, I didn't get that. It's a bit hot in here. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Uhhuh. One more time. No.

[B]

Well, continue charging when your phone isn't overheating. Overheating?

[A]

Tell my children I love them. Just kidding. I don't have children. Cuz I gave my mortal coil for this phone. Goodbye, cruel world. Like, whoa, Siri.

[B]

So Randy asked if she's ready for a cocktail. It's like born ready. I'll be right out with it, ma'. Am. Don't put it in the oven, you loser.

[A]

Randy, this martini is just your melted cell phone. Oh, I'm so sorry. I got distracted again. So.

[B]

Hey, Whitney. Hey, honey. What do you think for the guy's dinner? He's like, so the plate.

[A]

The.

[B]

The place have dragons on them? Wow, that would be a good tattoo, mother.

[A]

Well, you know, they say that when you're addicted to something, you're chasing the dragon. And unfortunately, I'm addicted to chasing the dragon. That is torturing. Randy, get in here. I got my cattle prod. Randy.

[B]

Bite your tongue about tattoos. Now. I've always had male dinners. I get a lot more gossip with the guys. I mean, they're just much more fun than the women they bring on here to sexually harass every year. Those ladies are just full of HR complaints.

[A]

Boring.

[B]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin commercial.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna let you do the placemat and you decide who goes next to whom. Okay. Can you choose who go wire? And so Whitney's like, oh, I'm not sure, mother. I just saw. I just saw Austin. Has he. He's a little reticent about seeing Craig these days. So we see. We flashback to Austin and Whitney, and Austin's like, do I want to subject myself to Craig's? But I am I interested to hear what Craig has to say to me, because I just want to almost like, prove to myself that Craig does not have an apology in his bones.

[B]

Well, maybe this is a good thing, because it would kind of force him to come and be together, you know? I mean, gosh, they've just gone so far. It'd be such a shame to just watch them age alone. I mean, someone needs to support Craig with those eyebrows really showing their. Their ears.

[A]

Well, Craig insisted that he's not going to come unless we provide a straw for him to slurp on something. So I don't know what that really meant, but I'm sure we could provide that. But this will be sort of like a detente Right. Well, if not, we have fabulous food. So now we go to Shep, going over to his cousin Marcy's house. It's the return of Marcy. Marcy, Marcy, I'm having a baby. So they say, hi, and she and the dog Harper starts barking and. Or doesn't bark. And Marc's like, wow, she didn't bark at you like she normally does at everyone else. And how weird.

[B]

She's just sniffing your butt, rolling over. Dogs. No dogs. She can sense goodness.

[A]

Go. Well, you remember Edie. Edie, this is your cousin. Here you go. And so this is, like, her child, it seems. So apparently, like, Shep has not visited Marcy in, like, three years, which is, like, about the last time she was on the show. So basically, he's like, come on my show. She comes on the show, he hangs out with her, and the moment she's off the show, it's like, bye, Marcy. Have fun with your kids in nowhere land.

[B]

So Shep's like, how's it going, little baby? How old are you now? Wow, Garsh, have you ever heard of Omegalodon?

[A]

Look at its pretty little freckled lips.

[B]

So she's very shy. She's three and a half. Shep, just come on in here. So, Shep, listen, I'm married now. I've got babies. Ah, look, there's my husband. He's got another one of the babies. And husband's like, hey, it's me.

[A]

I got another one of the babies. Wow. Both of you.

[B]

Look at that. Yeah, Chef. So you know what people with babies like to talk about? When are you gonna have a baby? You're nothing unless you're married with a baby. What? Are you gonna do it, Chef? You're useless without a marriage and a baby, Chef.

[A]

Oh, gosh. Look, Okay, I would love to be struck by lightning. The proverbial lightning, of course, not the real lightning. That would be terrible.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

But I'm just not gonna pick the next person that walks by and say, let's go. We're not going to just find some beautiful woman in the Caribbean and say, I'm in love with you, and I'm going to send you incessant texts for the rest of your life. No, I won't do that. So here we are at the unconventional age of 45, trying to still figure things out. Go.

[B]

And John's like, evie, come with me. Mama's trying to talk. We're not ready for you to hang out with other children yet. See, we do this a lot. Divide and Conquer. Now let's get true. Let's get honest about this. You're buying a new house. What is it like if you. You build it, then you'll have a family? Is that how you're going to do. Oh, my God. People with kids. Just stop. Congratulations on having your kids. Seriously. I mean, the world needs to go on somehow, and I'm certainly not going to help it, but. Shut the fuck up. Just because you did it doesn't mean the rest of us have to. I mean, Jesus, every friend with the kid is like, when is your turn? Aren't you going to have a kid? Kid, kids all the time. You'd be a great father. You should do it right now. You're not too old. Do it right now. Do it right now. I have a number. Would you like one of my eggs? Inseminate one of my eggs. I'll put it inside of me and carry it myself.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

You have to have a baby. Are you people that lonely? Get a hobby. Jesus.

[A]

It's because they need to drag us all into the hell that they're in right now.

[B]

Yes. It's like drug addicts. Drug addicts aren't just happy doing drugs alone. You know, they all need friends to do the drugs with. And you want to do my drugs with me? No. Keep your fucking baby on your side of the fence. I respect your decision, but I'm staying clean. Thank you.

[A]

You know what if I went up to someone like Marcy and I was like, you know what you gotta do? You've just gotta go to brunch. You just have to come to brunch. You know what? Just come to brunch. It's the most fun thing. It's like, but I've got kids. Like, well, you gotta come to brunch. Like, it's just like, why are you gonna come to brunch? I know that's a nice story that you've got kids, but it's about time you finally came to brunch. Because that's essentially what they do when they're telling us to have kids. They're saying, like, stop the lifestyle that you have and the needs and things that you're doing and come do my lifestyle instead. It's like, no, I want to go to brunch. You can have fun with your kids.

[B]

Yeah, it's just. There's just something desperate about it, you know? It's like, no, I don't want kids. What do you mean? Why not? Why don't. Of course you want kids. Everyone wants kids. What's the point of living if you don't have kids? I mean, humans are here to reproduce. Oh, my God. Humans are also here to eat each other's ice cream. You know, like, who's gonna enjoy the ice cream? Me. I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm giving enjoyment. Like, who's gonna play my PlayStation?

[A]

Me.

[B]

I'm gonna play that. That's what adults are here to do, too.

[A]

Who's gonna ride your wild horses?

[B]

She's so annoying. And he's like, well, settling down is not something I aspire to, you know, but I do. I am looking for a woman who is willing to settle. But my heroes are all ill behaved guys. Like Warren Beatty was a famous playboy and he got married when he lost his looks and then he had four kids, so it can be done. Well, I mean, I'm not a famous playboy, unfortunately.

[A]

Oh, gosh. Gosh. But I do hope to someday give an award to La La Land and then rescind it. So then we go to Vanita walking down the sidewalk to a bar called Tempest. And she's gonna meet up with. She's gonna meet up with Sally. And then there's this awkward moment where she comes into the. Into. She sits at the bar and she's like tending to her face. And the bartender's like, wow. Yeah, it's really hot out there. I get it. She's like, I'm not sweating, I'm just oily, I'm fine. I just. This is my skin. So then she orders some champagne and oysters and here comes Sally. And Sally's saying, it's weird coming and meeting you on these weird circumstances. Just how are you? First of all, it's like, well, it's awkward right now. Like, yeah, it's never been awkward between us. Well, look, you start. I'm a great listener, so I'll let you go first because. Well, first of all, I'm gonna be completely honest with you right now. I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig. And Vanita's like, okay, well, good luck with that. She gives.

[B]

She's like, well, what's the end goal with that? Well, I don't think there needs to be an end goal. I mean, right now I'm just having fun. Why can't I just have fun? She goes, but Sally, Sally would like to be married, right? Sally would like to have kids, right? Well, I mean, if that's my end goal, yeah, sure, course. But why are you giving him the time of day? Because you are wasting it with him. You are wasting it. Oh, Jesus Christ, Vanita. Like, I get that you like hearing hanging out with Sierra and Crane, Sierra and Paige, Craig, I like that. I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and Paige, but you don't have to do their bidding on every little thing. You're on this show and that's it. Like you can't stop people from dating people that you don't like on this show. Stop. This is just such a non winning battle for you. And also she spent. Vanita did a interview this week on a podcast on why don't I remember what it was? Anyway, I didn't watch it. I read little clips from it and Sally responded to some of the things she was saying by saying, you know, look, Sally, JT was horrible to me. JT was so mean to me and so many of the women on that show and Vanita had no problem being with him even though I didn't like him. You know, and I think that's a pretty good point. Vanita's bringing up this, oh, girl code, girl code when she did worse last year with JT because JT was just downright mean to a lot of these people because I think it's different.

[A]

I, I agree. That's a good point by Sally also. I just feel like I don't, I don't know if I think it's, I do think it's actually still shitty of Sally to actively pursue a friendship in this case with Craig. You know, like she's. I guess the, the subtle difference is if I'm going to try to talk this through here, the difference is that like JT and Vanita were sort of already had some sort of like friendship or situation before things went awry. But here it's like it's kind of starting with, it's, it's already bad. And Sally is interested in actually grow and actively growing it and pursuing it. So there's like a subtle difference there. But that being said, ultimately I think that Vanita has made her point. She's like, I don't like Craig and you're supposed to be my friend and you're supposed to support me because I've told you, I really don't like Craig. He was really mean to me and Sally's basically been like, yeah, that's nice, but I want to hook up with him. And at this point, like, you can't really tell her not to do that. Just move on and just stop hanging out with Sally. Personally, I think Sally's shown you what her like who she is. And what she's loyal to or what she's interested in. And it's fine for Sally, but you can just move on and make new friends.

[B]

Well, Sally was on the show last year and friends with Craig and so was Vanita. Vanita was friends with Craig. So Sally. Sally started stuff with Craig before all of this went down. So Sally had a pre existing relationship.

[A]

With Craig, but Sally's trying to actually be romantic with Craig. Like she's actually trying to.

[B]

Right, but she had a pre. Existing. I'm just saying she had a pre existed. Like she already knew Craig. It's not like he's some new guy that she's like, oh, now, now all day. Craig. Like she knew Craig. You know, Vanita can't. Right.

[A]

I still, I think Sally's point is, is strong. I think it's strong about the JT thing and. But I just think at this point, I guess I think we're actually kind of just agreeing, like, Vanita, like, I.

[B]

Mean, vanilla, I'm on your side.

[A]

I think that Sally. I think that Sally is still like, it was shitty of Vanita to do it Sally, but it also is shitty of Sally to do it to Vanita. And Vanita should just be like, okay, bye. Go hang out with Molly.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I can't believe it, but I'm team Sally on this one. And I like Vanita. I just think she's like the storyline wise, it's like, oh, good, you're on this show.

[A]

You're on this show.

[B]

Like, be on this show. You're not on Paige's show. It just seems. I don't mean. I don't mean that she has to get along with Craig and everything, but it seems like she's fighting a battle for somebody else who's not even there. And it's just weird. It's like, is that girl even your friend? I don't know. Seems weird to me. It seems awkward for Vanita. So Venita's like, well, there, you know, there's something to be said about a friend who can see the mistakes before you make them. And she's like, well, I want to find out for myself. Well, then, so God help me for saying this out loud, but I'll give you enough rope to hang yourself. Then I'm trying to protect you because he will literally hold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he's done with you. And then he will let that leash go. Okay.

[A]

Okay. Well, Sally's like, well, never in my life have I ever Had a grown adult where I tell me what I can and can't do. Not even my parents. Who the are you to tell me what I can and can't do? And first of all, I'm sure there are a lot of people who've said that, but Vanita is like, meaning that I'm sure there's been a lot of people that have said, sally, you shouldn't do that. So Vanita goes, well, don't come crying to me when he hurts you and breaks your heart. So that makes me wonder is like, some of the relationship that Sally is constantly, like, calling Bonita and being like, this guy did this to me, and now I'm so mad. And she just has to listen to it over and over and over again. And she's just like, I'm sick of it, and I don't want to hear about it anymore. Because if that is an element of their relationship, then I definitely understand why Vanita's like, please don't go down this path, because it's just going to mean I'm going to have to sit there on the phone for endless hours when we already know what the outcome is going to be.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. She hasn't said, you don't know. I mean, all we really know is that she, you know, she stuck up for Paige, Craig got mad, and then now she's mad at Craig. They're mad at you, they're mad at each other for Paige standing up, which just seems so silly. And Vanita tells us, you know, you either pick a man that I will make that. You either pick a man that's going to make your life a living hell, or you pick me who's going to make your life sunshine and rainbows, heaven or hell? Pick one.

[A]

Sally's like, toxic male. Thank you very much for that.

[B]

Yeah, really clarify. I'm gonna pick this toxic male every single time.

[A]

Okay, I live in Charleston now.

[B]

I'll let you get back to scrolling on JT's email while I go catch a cat or his Instagram. Scrolling his email, scrolling his Instagram while I go catch.

[A]

Scrolling that email. Doing a blog.

[B]

Go on scrolling. She's like, hacked.

[A]

He does blog. So Vanita is like, I'm trying to protect you for someone who doesn't give two shits about you. She goes, let me find that out for myself. Which I think is also funny. Like, that's a stupid thing to say. Let me find out that he doesn't give me T2 shits. But you want me to let your heart get broken. But that's also like Vanita. Like, you will see, just. You do have to let people just make these stupid decisions because you have better things to do with your time than to steward her heart.

[B]

Yeah. So then we go to Molly coming to Whitney's lair. Okay, so how many. How many of the new young cast members is Whitney gonna just. Everybody. Again, I request HR to show up at this show. Does Bravo still not have an HR it is 2026. How is this still happening? That man has every young person that's come on this show. It's gross. They need to stop this. This is bad.

[A]

So they go into the lair, which is literally called the lair. And he's like, hello, beautiful. What a beautiful dress. Welcome in. Please take a seat. And she's like, oh, well, happy belated birthday. I bought you a treat. It's a cupcake. Get it? Remember? So we see a flashback to when he was like, don't put a cupcake in your mouth. So then he's like, it's a gift that just keeps on giving. She's like, whatever. You know, I love you. You know, Whitney and I hooked up 10 years ago, and I was like, okay, maybe we'll date. And then I realized that's not gonna happen. And also, why did I lower my standards so. So low right now?

[B]

We're like brother and sister. I mean, she's too good for me. She's like, yeah. And I just keep torturing him for the rest of his life about the cupcake ordeal. Yeah, you should, because I was rude. Then he's like, so what's on your back there? You got a tattoo? What is that?

[A]

It's like, yeah, I got it in Thailand. It was supposed to be euphonium, but it just turned out to be an elephant. Things I left.

[B]

That's the worst tattoo I've ever seen. Seen in my life. This is a bad tattoo. I was bad.

[A]

She goes, you're the worst tattoo I've seen in my life. Which I felt like was a fair comeback. And then he's like, no. And he shows his tattoo, which is actually the Jagermeister logo. So I'm like, sir, I think we need to revisit the worst tattoo you've seen in your life. Commentary.

[B]

Elephant wins for the. I mean, elephant is definitely better than a fucking Jaeger. Grow the up. Oh, my God.

[A]

God.

[B]

So he's like, yeah, Jagermeister. Oh. She goes, yeah, that's pretty bad. So she's like, yeah, you know, I'VE been. Okay, I've been started singing. And he's like, you're singing now?

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. By the way, one thing we also have to note is that Whitney is wearing a trucker cap that says Erawan veteran. Did you see that? So it looks like a veteran's cap, but it says erewhon.

[B]

So she's like, yeah, my butthole cringes. I can't even tell you the amount of cringe. It's like top to bottom, and then it, like, right in my. My butthole. It's just like, cringe, cringe with this guy.

[A]

I mean, I kind of thought the hat was funny, but not funny enough. But I also felt like if I didn't mention it, I would get like a million messages being like, did you see Whitney's hat? So I'm acknowledging that I saw the hat. But Whitney, she's saying that she got a full ride college. Full ride to college because of. Because she sang in a band. And I love to see how close they are, that they've been friends for 10 years. And he had no idea that she even sang when this was like, a big part of like. Yeah.

[B]

She goes, yeah, you don't even listen to me. And he goes, okay, well, let's hear it. Let's hear it then. So she whips out her phone and plays and she goes, oh, my God, it's so bad. I hate it. Okay, listen. So, you know, he's like a beautiful voice, you know, and the producer asks if it's his taste, and he's like, oh, yeah, but I have horrible taste in music. You've heard of Renob, right? Okay.

[A]

And we get an extended montage of Whitney playing guitar. There's actually this one amazing shot where Whitney's, like, in his bedroom, like, at home, and he's like. And then Patricia comes in, does like a mom dance. Like, yeah, that's good music. Make me a grandchild.

[B]

Head banging is where it's at. So we get lots of clips of him playing and singing, and one of them is him singing. I asked you for a table dance. You came over and put your hand in my pants.

[A]

Mother. So whitney is like.

[B]

Mother.

[A]

That's not a true story, Whitney. I know. I just like to think about you when I sing. Generally my style of music does not really commensurate with people at large. So then he's like, oh, wow, Molly, your voice is. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It sounds like a 2025 version of Jan Arden. I love it. Oh, she's like, yeah, well, I mean, I don't suck at singing, but it's like, it's fine. Like, whatever. It's like, you know, like, you've missed so much by the way. Sally started talking about me and being weird, gross, stupid. Talking about what? She's like, because just bring up a surgery. I had a labioplasty. So then we see a flashback to this whole thing.

[B]

She goes, yeah, you know, like the skin removal on my vagina lips. And he's like, oh, I. I have.

[A]

No issues with that.

[B]

I mean, anything to shave the curtains for a nice clean appearance. I mean, I fully embrace. Okay, you know what? End this scene. Just stop this scene. Why would. Why is the scene even in here? Are you trying to make me jump out the window? I'll do it.

[A]

Oh, so you kind of had like an Audi, made an innie.

[B]

Call the police.

[A]

That cupcake. It's like when you took that cupcake and put the bottom on the top turn to a sandwich. So what you do with your labia?

[B]

Okay, so now we go to Charlie, going to a restaurant for her, you know, oh, my God, you don't have kids yet. What the fuck is wrong with you? Scene. This one is with her sister or. And we meet her kids, Annie and Davis. So they come up and, you know, they're annoying and Charlie's like, wow, I wish you could have a margarita with me, but I guess you can't. She goes, ye, I guess I can't either. So have you talked to Scarlet lately? Okay, have you talked to any man? Anything going on? Are we just going to waste our womanhood? Okay, eggs don't last forever. Okay, don't put all your eggs in one basket and then leave the pas basket on the porch and just let your eggs rot. You know what we say in the South?

[A]

Unless that basket is the doctor's office and you're getting inseminated. Of course these two have someone named Scarlett in their lives, first and foremost. Then Charlie spends 10 to 20 minutes discussing her family, which is basically like, I've got an older sister and a younger sister and, like, we have different dads. But it's like, well, I have an older sister and she was with a different dad, but then I have a younger sister and she was a different dad. And then I was with another dad, but then I like the third dad the most. And thank God I got a third dad because the second dad I was not that into, and my sister and I don't talk to the second dad, but the first one's not an issue because she's with a different dad. I'm like, you got two sisters. It's fine. We don't need to know the whole genealogy here.

[B]

So another baby's on the way, and they discuss the baby. The kid wants to name the baby Flower ball, which is why children are not allowed to hold office. Fucking idiots. And then one of the other kids like, I'm having a taco. And Charlie's like, me, too.

[A]

It's probably just Renee. It has a name. Davis. Renee Davis. So I guess that's the sister. So the. The husband takes the kids outside because that's what happens on this show. They're like, okay, we've. Hey, can you get your husband to get the little rugrats out of the way so we can have a real scene? Thank you very much.

[B]

The ladies are. And the ladies are talking, and boys do not understand what come out of women's mouths. Okay. Still haven't been able to decode that myth. I'll be outside until you guys can shut up.

[A]

So asking about prospects, and Charlie's like, saying that she likes Craig, but she's like, but, you know, Char Sally likes him. You know, And Davis Renee is like, but he's single, right? Okay, you're a woman, and it's your right to get. If there is a man with semen, that means that there is a uterus that is empty, and you better get it in, okay?

[B]

He's an alcoholic, he's unstable, and, you know, probably gonna ruin his life any minute now. Who cares? He's got a penis. You need one of those in your lives. Okay, you're embarrassing this family.

[A]

Do you know my daughter renamed me? She called me non ant ball. She used to call me flower ball. That's why the new kids would be called flower ball. But I'm not an aunt. And until I'm an aunt, she's gonna keep on calling out for the rest of my life, and I will not be called non ant ball for the rest of my life. Do you hear what I'm saying? Put that man semen in your vagina right now. Here comes one right now.

[B]

So Charlie tells us that she was her mom's consoler growing up, and that that has a lot to do with her wanting to make sure that she was okay. So now she has to make sure all of her friends are okay before. So she puts everyone's feelings before her own. And Davis Renee is like, well, maybe you could put your feelings before my feelings before yours and get a man. Okay? Until Somebody else understands what it is like to sleep next to Fred Flintstone every night. I don't want to hear about it.

[A]

I told, I told Orkin, don't come by this house because I want there to be ants. Lots and lots of ants. May be an ant.

[B]

Well, you know, the older you get, the quicker. Well, not quicker, but, you know, you just know what you want, don't you? You know, and I'm just trying to give you the best older sister advice that I can. I just want you to be happy like me. Like me with my daughter who wants to name people flower ball, my son is picking his nose and my fat, hairy husband who's outside sneaking drinks out of the flask he carries around and smoking marijuana. Okay, we are happy. And I want you to be happy too. Like, oh, my God, this show is stressing me out.

[A]

I know. Console me. Console me. I just want to be an ant. So Craig now goes to a place that's so Craig. He goes to a bar called by the Way.

[B]

That's his bar.

[A]

Was that his bar?

[B]

Yeah, that's his place. That's his and Austin's joint venture. Which is weird that they haven't talked about it on the show yet because that's their right. They're like, we hate each other. Well, here's our. Our restaurant bar that we opened together.

[A]

Well, in that case, my assessment was totally on the money. I was like, that's such a correct name for a bar. And it's his bar, by the way. By the way. So Craig is like, I think we're gonna go up to the Snug today, which I. I don't know what that is. The place to sit. So Whitner joins and Craig is like, by the way, I saw that was actually not me trying to make a joke. I literally just said by the way naturally, as like a Craig impersonation. So it really is a well named bar. He's like, I saw you worked out at my gym today. As if it's like he built the gym himself. Winner's like, yeah, that place doesn't have a fan. It's burning. He's like, yeah, it's raw. It's like a raw workout.

[B]

It's like raw. I was cracking up when there's like, yeah, the way gym should be. I didn't realize you and Austin go there, you know? Yeah, I go there at night. Austin walks on a treadmill and does cardio. It's not really a cardio gym. Craig's like, yeah, it's not even a Cardio gym.

[A]

Yeah. So then Whitner's like, yeah, it's like a raw. It's a gym for raw. Like, the other day, I brought in, like, some cooked chicken, and they're like, you can't bring that in here. It's a raw gym. I was like, but by the way, I think I can. And they said, no. The way it goes.

[B]

Well, I've tried to talk to Austin, but, like, he's doing this victim thing, and it's, like, really unhealthy. It's, like, really an unhealthy perspective to have. He is the victim. You were the monster, and he was the victim. So that means you have to apologize. Do you understand?

[A]

You spent a whole year crying about how you didn't go to a dinner with Patricia at a restaurant. Okay. And now you're gonna complain about being their victim.

[B]

But they're gonna see each other tomorrow at the guys dinner. Yeah, but, like, I had a good therapy session with Chat GPT.

[A]

This is what's happening, everyone. By the way, I figured out why I snapped on Austin. So I felt so wronged by the fallout from my breakup. And so. And so he says, austin keeping Audrey in a relationship when he knows they're not gonna get married isn't fair. And I was on the other side of this with Paige, and I think you gotta let the person go live their life, you know? Oh, so suddenly you have perspective on this.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And I love that you let Paige go live her life. She dumped you, Craig. Okay, did Chat GPT skip that part? Where are you going? Who goes to Chat GPT? Stop. Come on.

[A]

Greg is also. Craig is also, by the way, pulling the Vanita in right now, saying who he should or should not be, like, making assessments, but also, like, yeah, Chat gpd AI is, like, so complimentary and flattering. It's like. That's a great question. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. So insane right now. So to go for it, to therapy for it. Like, why am I. Why am I so hurt by Austin's betrayal? It's because you're a great person, Craig. And of course you'd be upset because you have wonderful ideas and you have great perspective and you care only about your friends. And for someone to reject that would mean that they are rejecting you and they are bad people. Like, that's what GPT is going to say to you.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

So accents.

[B]

So Whitner's like, okay, so you're saying you were triggered. Yeah. So, okay, just apologize for being triggered. But it doesn't mean he can not show up to your house, not talk to you. Yeah, why would I go to someone's house who treated me like. Like, the last time he was with this guy in public, he got completely chewed out and dragged. Why would I go to that person's house? That's crazy.

[A]

It was insane right now. And the thing is, on top of that, Craig is like. Like, why is Austin even spending time with this girl he doesn't want to have any sort of commitment with? But then at the same time, he's like, I can't believe he decided to go hang out with his girlfriend instead of come to my pool party.

[B]

Exactly. While in the same scene being like, oh, God, I want to these other two girls, but I don't want anything to do with them beyond that. It's like, okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's like, well, I'm really, like, sympathetic with him because, like, me and him have gone through the same. Same thing. Oh, no. Whitner's saying this. He's saying, yeah, you know, we've been through the same thing. Like, because I got dumped, too. And emotionally, since the breakup, like, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't carry anger, but, like, you know, I was gonna have a family. Like, that's where I was going. That was the plan. So, yeah, I'm still angry. I still want to know what happened in this relationship, because the whole. I will never forget him saying, yeah, you know, so then I did a bunch of stuff, and then she got mad and left. Okay, I need the. A bunch of stuff.

[A]

Yeah, because he's getting a really good edit, like, right now. Whitner is, like, the best guy on the show at the moment. But, like, also because we know very little about him, and that's just, like, working in his favor because we know too much about everyone else. So Greg is like, well, this is.

[B]

Definitely his grace season, but if he comes back next year, oh, they'll let him have it. Especially Shep.

[A]

They really will. So Greg goes, anyway, here's a report about my therapy. Chat GPT was like, you just have to be patient with yourself. Wow, that's some really deep therapy. It was Chat GPT pulling some information from, like, a calendar at Hallmark store. So he's like. And I cried, dude. I cried talking to my phone because my phone told me to be patient with myself. And then I waited for myself to stop crying, and I thought, wow, look at how I'm waiting for myself to stop crying. I am being patient with Myself. It's working. The process is working.

[B]

Yeah. You know, like, it was about shelving the book of my three years, you know, because that chapter with Paige is closed. And I do feel like moving into this chapter that's passed. Like, oh, like, I want to fix my heart. And, like, other parts of my body are now like, bro, your heart. Like, what are the rules with, like, making out? Like, do you have to date right after? Because, like, I know you don't, but I don't want to lead anyone on, but I also want to make out with someone.

[A]

The merged DNA of his chat GPT therapy with his own assessments of life is hilarious. Like, the chapter is closed and the book is on the shelf, but the chapter was actually in a different volume. So I have to take that book and put on the shelf and then make sure they're in alphabetical order, but make sure also that I don't get horny because my brain wants something, my penis wants something else, and my penis wants to have sex with the book. That's what I'm trying to say.

[B]

But then if I open my heart, then what is my. What page is my foot reading? You know what I mean? Because, like, my foot doesn't hear what my heart's saying, and my elbow only hears what my foot's saying. It's like a real mind chat GPT.

[A]

Said that I have to turn the page on this, but I thought, wait, she doesn't like when I spin her around, so that's not gonna work. What else should I do?

[B]

So winner says, but that does beg the question. You've got two very young women who spent time in your hot tub. Are either of them a candidate? Or if you considered it, I mean, why not ask one of them to make out? And he's like, oh, so you've got, like, no fear to just ask someone out? Like, what happens at the end of the day when there's nothing for nothing?

[A]

Dude, after that, after what happened, I got a fucking 9,000 pound armor system on me. You can't get to the surface. I got stood up by a girl on Valentine's Day last year. And I was like, fuck it, I don't even care anymore. Which, you know, now, like, all the girls are gonna flock to him. Be like, wait a second. His walls are up. He's damaged. I can help him.

[B]

Oh, my God. You got stood up on Valentine's Day? Oh, God, let's make out. Wait a minute. Austin got kittens. Oh, my God. What am I gonna do?

[A]

Well, I don't have any armor? I cried to a robot yesterday. I cried. I cried into my phone. My best friend chat. GPT. So now we go to Patricia's house, and it's one hour before Patricia's gentleman dinner, which means that it's time to prepare. And there's a chef there who's cutting up a carrot nicely and cutting up.

[B]

My heart and mincing it. Who is this chef? Where has he been all my life? And where do I find him? What an adorable man. The chef. I loved this chef. Didn't you like this chef? I was like, who is that? It's a Mayan.

[A]

Well, I have to say, he cooked the steak perfectly. So for that alone, I was very impressed. But, you know, hot tea.

[B]

I thought he was a hottie. So Patricia comes down and she's like, in the dining room, mother, with all your shinwasui.

[A]

Well, you did the plus one, right? I did the plus one. Okay, so you put me in the midst of it all here. You know, put me close to the taser so I can have easy access for Randy later.

[B]

You know me. Just put me in the middle because I don't like to pry. He's like, God forbid, mother. Yeah, I don't think about the dragon in eastern lore. I don't think it represents love and friendship. So maybe tonight everyone will resolve their issues and it'll be harmonious and civilized. Bunch of losers. We shall see.

[A]

So over at Austin's house, he is eating chick fil a and Audrey calls and she's like, what are you doing? She's like, he's like, watching my cats. They're, like, playing with my jacket now. It's insane, you know, look, there's martini. So he shows off the cats and everything, and he basically is saying he's having a dinner before the dinner. He's like, because every year he never gets to eat because someone yells at him and he loses his appetite. That's pretty funny. He's eating before he goes.

[B]

And she's like, okay, so does that mean Craig's going to be there? Because I just don't like the way he's treating you and talking to you. Because at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. That's all you can say for the life of the poor. And he doesn't know one single thing about our relationship. All he knows is that my eyebrows are funny. And you can't comment on that. And that's what pisses me off the most. Because you all take one step forward, and then it's 10 steps back every single time. Why does it have to be like that? Why does it. Hold on, let me plug my. My eyebrows again. They're growing in. They're growing in. Hold on, hold on. Okay, Are they gone? Are they gone? Okay, you can answer now.

[A]

I'm afraid to. Normally I love the guy's dinner, but, like, now I've got to deal with this halfway fake friend, Craig, who I don't even want know how to deal with right now, and I don't want to deal with him at all. Okay? She's like, well, you guys have obviously got, like, a lot to work to work, stuff to work on. But, like, just don't be, like, so forgiving to the point where tomorrow everything is perfectly fine. You forget, like, the things he was saying. So, like, I guess what I'm trying to say. Tldr, please don't forgive him. And if you're going to forgive him, don't, like, let him off the hook by saying something like, like, I don't know, like, I care about you or some easy, facile bullshit like that. Right, Got it. I'm gonna sit him down and say, craig, no matter what, I care about you. I can't help but care about you. I take you back. I love you, Craig.

[B]

She's like, oh, my eyebrows just grew back in. Okay, so now we go over to Patricia's and she's like, I'll sit in a little chair you always complain about because it's not a manly man chair. You with your manly tattoos and your Air1 hat, I get it.

[A]

So there's like incessant knocking at the door. And you know, Whitney and Patricia are both like, randy, is he here? Someone check the oven. The butler doesn't hear the doors. He might be trapped in there. Can someone get him? I don't know which one we go to first, the front door or the oven door.

[B]

Randy might still be stuck to the giant piece of rat catching paper that I put on his bed sheets. Someone unpeel Randy so he can get the door. He comes out, he's like, oh, got it. Got it, ma'. Am. Got it, ma'. Am.

[A]

So Shep comes in, he's like, hey, Randolph. He's like, oh, sorry I didn't get to open the door for you. Could just please tell. Please tell ma' am that. That I did open the door. Otherwise I'm gonna get five lashings tonight. He's like, yes, no problem. Well, you know, I've been here enough times to let myself in hoggers.

[B]

So, you know, hellos, and hellos and all that. And Jack, Whitney's like, the. The jacket's great. The shirt's terrible, but I still love you, bro.

[A]

You already got stain. That's rain. It's raining outside. Life is good. Thanks for having me.

[B]

It's a rain stain.

[A]

Stop looking at my rain stain. So they all sit down, and then Whitner shows up, and this is his first time meeting Ms. Patricia. So he says hello to her and everything, and there. And he just, like, sits down, and there's some small talk about where he's gonna sit, and he gets a drink, and he thanks them and everything. And then Craig arrives, and he's like, could I have a beer, please? But what was so interesting is that Patricia was, like, very warm to him because all the whole thing last season was Craig was never around. And so she's like, I'm not even gonna have my birthday with. I'm not inviting him, because he's never around, and he just forgets about us. But now she was like. She's like, hi, darling. So I guess they. I guess they settled their beef, huh?

[B]

Well, he got rid of the. The thing that was really bothering her. The woman.

[A]

Right. You're right. Hey.

[B]

Now he's all back to the southern charm cast.

[A]

His.

[B]

His dreams of happiness are dashed so we can be friends again. So he's like, wow, thank you for having me. Look at Craig. He brought a hostess gift. Wow. So then we go to. Now Whitney is. Now Whitney says hi to Craig, and he's like, wow, someone's making an effort. Shep looks like he took his shirt out of the dryer and threw it on.

[A]

Hey, gosh. Do you guys see my forehead? I was moving, and some metal glass fell out of the top of my shelf and hit me between the eyes. And now I've got this mark between my eyes. Gar. And she's like, okay, that was an uninteresting story. Next time, just come up with something funny. Like, I don't know, you fell into an electric fence. Like the time I pushed Randy Engine. Electric fence. God. So fun.

[B]

It's funny how the cows can figure out how to get past that thing, but Randy can't.

[A]

So Shep is going to Cuba tomorrow. And then there's another knock.

[B]

Loves Cuba. He's always in Cuba. He probably loves some communism, that guy. It's all about it.

[A]

Loves a cigar and a mojito. So now we meet Steven, who's Whitney's friend. And Steven is hilarious because he's kind of like a huge asshole. But like, he's kind of mocking these guys like the entire time.

[B]

He's amazing.

[A]

He's fucking shit. It's like, he's amazing.

[B]

Yeah. Where did they get this guy? And why is he not a main cast member? This guy's fucking awesome. Amazing.

[A]

He's from like a patrician class that's above all these other people. And so he's just like, oh, look at that.

[B]

Look at them.

[A]

Stupid. Look at the stupid face saying things right now. Are you serious? That's hilarious. Stupid.

[B]

I've heard so many wonderful things about you. It's like, oh, and I have heard the same about you now.

[A]

Thank you. This is for you.

[B]

La Grand Dam. And he presents her legrandament.

[A]

He definitely has some dandy energy, but I just don't know if that's just because he's British. But chap is like, oh, Dr. Stevens.

[B]

Background is fascinating and I'm probably gonna.

[A]

Get a little bit wrong, but his father was a British man who went to Nigeria to be in the physician for the ruling party at the time. And then he ended up marrying and having children with the daughter of the ruling class people down there. And then he moved to London and now he's a doctor. Wow. Just like his dad. I was like, great story, chef. Thanks.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, good one. One day I'll have a baby. So La Grande Dame champagne typically costs between 2 and $300 for a standard bottle and it can go for 300 and older. Rare vintages are around $1,000.

[A]

So how many wickets does it have? The Grand Dame Champagne.

[B]

So now Steven sits down in an armchair and he', oh, I've got a plush seat as well. Hurrah for me, eh?

[A]

Be careful, it's an antique. Oh, right, an antique in America where things are 13 years old and they're considered an antique. That's adorable. Adorable.

[B]

Everything in this house is an antique. Steven, to indoctrinate you with the guys dinners, usually something disastrous happens. As you can see, Craig, well, he was born and there's been chairs being broken. Red wine spilled on a white sofa. Craig.

[A]

And it is actually every time they do do this montage which is now like an annual thing, it is pretty hilarious because first we see like Craig breaking that chair. Oh my God, Craig, you broke the chair. And then we see Craig spilling the one. Craig.

[B]

Craig.

[A]

And then we see. I forgot about Whitney falling over last year. It's a good montage.

[B]

Well, I'm hoping that having all you elegant gentlemen here, we can all be civilized, eh?

[A]

So. But I'm Sorry. We're supposed to be civilized, but they're Americans. I don't think that's possible.

[B]

So now they're talking about Austin. How's this gonna go? And Craig goes, my relationship with Austin depends on his current issues with himself, because everything is. Everyone is. Everything is everyone else's fault in his life. Craig, it was literally your fault. He's like, for him to skip my pool party was so insane. So poor Austin.

[A]

Let me look up some more information about that. It's like, Craig, you don't have to read every single thing from chat GPT, right?

[B]

So Austin's coming down the sidewalk to come into this house, and poor Austin just looks like a mess. His jackets all not fold. Like, the. What do you call this part of the jacket? The breast. Did you notice? It was, like, folded out. And poor guy just comes in looking like a mess.

[A]

Yeah. So he comes in, and he. Also, the funny thing is that, like, everyone has a gift, except for Shep for Ms. Patricia. And so chef just keeps getting shown up by everyone with these. These bottles of wine. So Austin comes in. She's like, well, don't you look handsome? He's like, thanks. I brought you a bottle of wine. Well, first of all, I'd like you to acknowledge my sarcasm with my first point there. And thank you for the bottle.

[B]

It's so interesting how you're wearing a dinner jacket both inside out and right side out at the same time. Wow. So now chef Ben comes out with a tray of pork and ginger dumplings and peach hoisin. And Craig's like, wow, Y. Yeah. He's the best shep I've ever met. And Shep's like, wow, peach hoisin. Hope this is as good as the peach hoisin. I make it home.

[A]

I hope I don't get any peach hoisin right between my eyes before I go to Cuba tomorrow. Gosh. Winner's like, please don't drip hoisin in my drink. Thank you very much. So Randy is like, well, everyone, the chef is ready when you are. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt.

[B]

He comes up right behind Pat, and she's like, what? And he goes, I'm on this side of you, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[B]

She's like, oh, Jesus, Randy. God.

[A]

He does. He pats her on the left, but he's actually on the right.

[B]

Dinner is served. So they go to the table and find their seats, and Patricia's like, guess the theme. Winner says, agent. Very good. Other otherwise known as horrible tattoos that Whitney didn't get.

[A]

These were just prospects. I'm gonna guess the theme. I need a little bit more to go on. Can you share what I'm guessing the theme of? For example, a list of word or images, a party or event, a song playlist, a puzzle or a riddle, a class project. Craig, you don't have to do everything from chat GPT. Sorry.

[B]

At this point, I think an exorcism needs to take place between Austin and Craig with a priest and spinning heads and barfing.

[A]

So then Austin's, like, showing the cats to Patricia. This is. He's now getting to reap the rewards of pulling this move of getting cast cats, which is that he gets to show pictures of them off to everyone and endear himself and make himself seem soft and nice. So Patricia's like, oh, I just love cats. They are so cute. I love cats for other people. That's why I have none of them in this household. Get them away from me. I've seen enough.

[B]

And he tells him that they're named Piper. He tells her that they're named Piper Martini, but doesn't ask for a Piper. No. Which she's supposedly who that's based on.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I'm surprised they missed that. Come on, man.

[A]

Yeah. So then chef Ben comes out. Ronnie gets a boner and some more food. So, Austin, were you gonna have some wedding bells anytime soon? That was a joke for the audience because of course not. Ha ha ha.

[B]

Well, I did like. I do like having you here. Listen, single with somebody. However it is, one thing is guaranteed. Austin's gonna eat with his mouth wide open. So everyone put the plastic bags over your head. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end.

[A]

So Austin's like. When she. When Patricia asks if he's getting married, he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then Stephen goes. I mean, I've heard of many news in my lifetime, but that was a really nice extended one. That was the biggest no I've ever heard. I mean, even for American, that was a big and. Oh, am I right, everyone? Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm trying to be honest here. Right? All right, well, what is it with you guys? I just don't understand it.

[A]

Yeah. And so next comes some beef. It's like a beef and broccoli play. And Chef Ben offers to give Austin a steak knife. And he's like, if I didn't. If you need that knife, I didn't do my job. Well, there you go. That answer the question? No. Take that from me.

[B]

Wow. I've never had rice like this before. So good. Delicious. Gosh, thank God they need more. More white men running Chinese restaurants.

[A]

Figured out how to fix it. So then Whitner is saying how he. They ask Whitner, like, who he thinks is hottest and. Or who he likes the most. And winner says, Charlie. He goes, but I got a polite, slightly awkward no. So we see a flashback, and Witner is in the kitchen, and he asks Charlie if she wants to go get a drink next week. And Charlie's like, maybe like a small group situation. I'm like, oh, Charlie.

[B]

I mean, winner's gotta be better than Craig, right?

[A]

That's what I'm thinking.

[B]

I'm like, winner. At least a chance.

[A]

Whitner seems like a really good catch. And she. But she's going for Craig. I mean, Craig is, like, the star, right? Like, he's hot, and he's got the successful company, and he's famous, but, like, he's also dumb as bricks, and it's not gonna end well.

[B]

Yeah, well, at least you took a swing, right, man? Well, speaking of taking swings, bring Randy in here. I want to have a little pinata action. I fed him some butterscotch candies just to make this more fun. By the way, I had a long chat with Madison, and she was saying you. Oh, right, that restaurant. So has the. Has the. Has the health department just gone out of commission or what? How did that happen?

[A]

Anyway, Craig, just so you know, anytime we say by the way, you don't have to say by the way. Also by the way, we're trying to.

[B]

Stick with edible things here, Craig. Now, I spoke with Madison, and she was saying that you've been Mr. Hot Tub with girls every night. Is that true?

[A]

And we see the. Madison is saying that he's got a love triangle with a whole bunch of Beta girls. You know, Sally, Sally and Sally. And the other one, Charlie.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Ms. Patricia's, like, interesting. Well, it's been fun for me. I'm just, you know, there as a storyteller, hosting people telling stories in my hot tub.

[B]

If only I could upload one of their consciences to their. To my Alexa.

[A]

And make them my therapist. God, I want a robot Charlie therapist.

[B]

Well, what do you do when it gets really hot and steamy there in the hot tub tub, and he's like, jump in the pool. Like, it's like a fun circuit. Like, some people would make fun, because, like, no one's kissed yet. Oh, get out of here, you liar. I don't believe you.

[A]

Shep is like, that's the most peachy hot tub ever. Steven's like, okay, just indulge me on this. But out of everyone, Craig, you strike me as the person most likely to be in a serious relationship right now. Right? And Craig makes a face like. Like, sad. I'm dying inside. Did I just. Up. Sorry.

[B]

I'm so sorry. It just looks like it.

[A]

You're the one.

[B]

It looks like you're right there at the end, about to fall in love right before his milk's expiration date hits and you're ugly forever.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Sing American. You know when you see an American running to a McDonald's and they get there and it says, close for the night. And they just cry and cry and cry. That's your face right now.

[B]

It was the last day the milk is sold. I mean, God bless Paul. Shep over here is already sitting cheese. Look at him just sitting, spitting cheese. But you, you had a chance. So how's that going for you? It's like, oh.

[A]

Well, I was in a three year relationship and I bought a ring and I thought we were gonna get married because I bought it. We're gonna get married one day. And she just looked in the other direction. I took that to be a. I agree. Yes.

[B]

We were in the pool one time and I said, yeah, we should get married. And then she called an Uber and I was like, nailed it.

[A]

She left. But I wish we could go back. I can't lie to you and not say I wouldn't take her back. And they're like, oh, gosh. What Crazy Gosh.

[B]

Gar scars. She left you. She left you.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

You're not the one who takes somebody back, okay? She ran like hell. So Shep's like, wow, I'm so surprised. He said he would get back with her. You're surprised? Talking about Craig's like, well, it takes a while for your heart to catch up to your brain. And it takes a while for your brain to catch up to, well, everything, I guess. I don't know where that sentence was going. And Whitney's like, oh, yeah, that girl. She's too old anyway. She's still. Was she in her 30s now? Get rid of her.

[A]

Unless. Unless she has a logo of some sort of alcoholic brand on her, on her arm. I don't care about her mother.

[B]

So.

[A]

So. So Ms. Patricia's like, well, you were very good at being single, Craig. As how Randy's very good at destroying his phones and kitchen appliances, just like.

[B]

Randy's Good at being the single worst butler I've ever had in my entire life. He comes back out, sweet rice cake with a bit of caramelized mango with some sesame candy just sprinkled over the top there.

[A]

Boys, this is incredible. It's the best one yet. You know, there isn't one right answer. Consider what aligns best with your priorities. Craig, stop reading your therapy right now.

[B]

During dessert.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Whitney. Patricia, thank you very much. As always. Another successful guy center. This is amazing. We don't always have to toast that, right?

[A]

Yep. And so they raise their glasses to toast, and they go, cheers, cheers, cheers. And then Steven almost knocks his chair over. They're like, there it is.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

The broken chair of the year.

[B]

Broke another chair. Luckily, I'm one of the few. I could afford it.

[A]

That was an amazing response. He's like, you cannot shame me. When we break chairs, we do it for fun.

[B]

I could buy and sell every chair in this house. Y' all need to get new chairs over there. It's time. Just. It's okay that, you know, this wasn't revolutionary war era. Like, this. Like, okay, I'm having fun. You all have a good time in front of this mural of the Revolutionary War where you're having dessert.

[A]

I know. I just loved how unbothered Steven was about this chair. He's like, you know, in Britain, we have chairs from 1700s at the target. This is nothing. Five pounds. So she's like, I've had enough. I'm going upstairs.

[B]

Yeah. So she goes. And Austin's like, oh, hey, Craig, maybe you not to talk. Yes, let's go outside and talk. So they go out and let's see. So here's her big talk. So Austin's like, well, I can't lie and say that, like, sitting inside tonight, like, laughing wasn't really nice, you know? And I'm like, that happens him in my settlement for the past week. And this got from obviously, anger at Witt's house. You know, show the clip of that. Okay. I just felt so utterly betrayed, Craig. Utterly betrayed. I was like, what am I even doing here?

[A]

Well, of course, that was a singular out of anger action, but you triggered the out of me, and then I hit you back. So none of it was Craig's fault?

[B]

No, he was triggered.

[A]

He was triggered, guys, someone did this to him. He's like, well, I don't know when you're gonna laugh and when you're gonna do that. Like, I don't know when you're gonna go nuclear. Like, but you hurt Me before, too. It doesn't make it right, Craig. The gentle. The gentle husk that is Craig. Be careful with him.

[B]

It's fragile, guys.

[A]

Dude, I don't want to feel like.

[B]

I'm playing chess with my friends. Mostly because I don't know how to play chess. A hard game, very hard game.

[A]

There is no game of chess. We don't. I. I don't even know what that is. Well, I don't want to be the one. It's like. But you're not. And I. I do want to apologize if you're open to it, because I was pissed at you and that you chirped at me. And then we see that, like, not more flashback of them fighting again. And he's like, because, you know, I like feeling safe around people. And when you said that. Which is funny, because Austin's whole thing is like, I don't feel safe around you because I never know if you're gonna la to scream at me. But now Craig is like, I like being safe around people. And when you said that, it was just triggering all, like, my lifelong of having friends turn their back on me. And I'm, like, working on it. I went last night. I went right to my therapist, right to my therapist after our fight. And my therapist was like, there's no Internet connection. And I was like, I get it. And she like, no, I. I don't know what you're saying. Give me a moment. And I was like, I get it. And I'm just, like, bummed. I'm bummed.

[B]

I went to my therapist to talk about it. I was so upset. And then she started playing all about that bass again.

[A]

She said, if it were easy, you wouldn't be asking. Give yourself some grace. And then she said, I think it really comes down to what feels right for you in the long run. And then she said, whatever you choose, make sure it's something you can stand by. Craig, you're just reading generic lines off of chat GPT.

[B]

But I'm bummed that you missed the party. You know, Like, I'm bummed that it had such a fallout, even though I never called and apologized to you or tried to work it out or had actually get you to my party. So I don't know what the path forward is, but I would feel fine. And, you know, like, just like, let's give each other grace. Because, like, mine wasn't malicious. It's like, oh, seems pretty malicious. Greg was pretty. When I.

[A]

When I yelled at you in front of everyone and, like, belittled your relationship. It wasn't malicious. Well, that's a decision you're going to have to make. I mean, I can't convince you of that. We either accept each other for who we are or move forward. And I continue to give you space. But I, I, I miss hanging out with you. Well, all right. Well, I heard you and you heard me, and I cannot help but care about you, Craig. You know, Audrey somewhere being like, oh, geez.

[B]

Audrey's like, can I ever win? Can I ever win? So Austin doesn't know what's next for them. But you know, when you have your expectations low, you set low, you can't be disappointed. That's where he is with Craig.

[A]

Well, I hope we can still be friends. By the way.

[B]

By the way. Oh, good.

[A]

So saga continues. Thanks, everyone for being here. Fun episode. We are back with the Valley and Beverly Hills and Traders for a very busy Friday. Don't forget to get your tickets for the Golden Crappies and we will catch you on the next episode. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

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