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Heather
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash?
Brandi
Progressive makes it easy to see if.
Heather
You could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Know what crap is. Watch what.
Brandi
Happens.
Heather
There's so much that happens.
Brandi
Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Old brs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello Ben.
Heather
Hello, hello, hello, hello. How are you?
Brandi
How are you? How are you?
Heather
Sup Br. Sup Rosi.
Brandi
We just talked about the Traders for bonus episodes, so go check that out over on patreon for episodes 4 and 5. Fun show. Fun show. Got us pretty riled up as usual. Yes, that's our bonus episodes on Patreon. Patreon is also where you get our ad free episodes and our video episodes. You can see us right now looking very handsome. So do that also. February 27th. Guess what it is. It's the Golden Crappy Awards, the biggest award show in the business. People come to Los Angeles and see us at the Fonda Theater, Friday, February 27th. Get your tickets at watch what crappens.com won't y'? All. We are also getting nominations together. You guys help us put this show together. We we have a bunch of stuff on Instagram happening in the next week or so where you're going to give your nominees for best show, best villain, best etc, etc, best etc and we are going to pull those all together for nominees. So be over on our Instagram at Watch what grab.
Heather
Yeah. Great. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be so great. I'm excited.
Brandi
Yeah, I'm excited too. It's a good couple months for us. You know this is like our pre pro. It's like our pre production. So it's like super fun to talk about the year in Bravo again. Write music, get all sorts of stuff together.
Heather
I started to already assemble some of the the things that people on Reddit had pulled together, had suggested and so I was just loading them into good old Google sheet. So many funny things. Like I feel like I have a pretty good memory but there are just so many things that happen over the course of the calendar year on Bravo that I don't know. We just have a lot to choose from. It'll be a good one. Good one this year.
Brandi
Yes. So today is the Valley Persian style. It's they should have called it the Valley. That's all. Persian Season 1 Episode 3 Bartender Blues.
Heather
I was thinking a good name for it would have been called would have been the Valley. Gigi is still exhausting style. That would have been a really good one, I think. Really would have gotten right to the core of this show.
Brandi
Yeah, you know, it's a town where people don't want to grow up. And I get it. It's kind of the theme of the regular Valley, you know, guys that don't want to grow up. And this one is Gigi, who doesn't want to grow up. But it's like, that's something. Like it's kind of cute, you know, like when you're younger it's like, haha, I carry knives everywhere. I'm hilarious. I have anger issues. I'm going to stab you, I'm going to cut off your nut. And then at some point it's just like you're a sad person and if you didn't have a dad supporting you, you'd be under a bridge somewhere. You know, just get it together, lady.
Heather
Why do we have to be subjugated to watching some stupid fight with Gigi and this guy Dennis? Like, who is this guy? Does anyone care about this guy? There's like. So there's like no stakes attached to this fight and yet we have to like spend an entire episode building up to it and then watching it and then be teased that week. This guy shows up again. I'm like, what? Why? Why? Why? We don't care. This. This is. You're taking us back to like low point Shaws instead of riding the highs of the. Of this Valley premiere from last week.
Brandi
Well, you know, you've all you. I think you're forgetting some of the history here. And I don't know if you know it because we haven't talked about it yet, but this guy she was married to for five minutes or whatever, the friend that he ended up going out with was Paulina. Did you know that? What?
Heather
It was Paulina?
Brandi
Yes. So he was dating Paulina and Paulina was the girl at their wedding. At least I think so. And I didn't Gigi punch Paulina or something in a parking lot?
Heather
Was Ty the guy that she was getting revenge on by marrying this guy?
Brandi
Yeah, I think it. I think that the. I could be wrong because, you know, I'm wrong at least 60 of the time. But I'm pretty sure if, if my gossip memory serves, I believe it was Paulina who ended up hooking up with this guy, and I think Gigi punched her somewhere and got in trouble.
Heather
Either way, it's messy. Yes. But it's also in the past, and it's not happening on the show. So, like, trying to have this moment with this guy coming on the show and being like, oh, my God. Remember, there was something messy that happened between us, and, like, it's just not. It's just. I don't know. I just. She just really. She's. She drains a lot of energy out of me. I'm not going.
Brandi
You know, it's just as you start aging with people that you're watching on tv. Right. Because we're all in the same age group, I feel like, roughly.
Heather
Yeah.
Brandi
And you're. We're all aging together, and it's just watching. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Watching Gigi pulling the same shit. And you've got a kid, and it's, like, more disturbing now because you've brought a kid into all of this, and it's. It's cringe, you know, I worry for your child. There, I said it. I know we're not supposed to mom shame, but you seem, like, not a great one. You seem, like, not. Not one that I would pick for somebody.
Heather
I feel like we're allowed to mom shame if we're podcasters. I don't think, like, you're supposed to mom shame if you're on the same TV show, but I think as, like, outside observers.
Brandi
Oh, okay.
Heather
Mom shame here and there.
Brandi
Okay, great.
Heather
I think here and there we can throw a little. Little. Just little. A soup song of some mom shame here and there.
Brandi
You know, a little sprinkle of mom saying, just a little.
Heather
Just a little. A little touch here and there's.
Brandi
Thank you.
Heather
Just a little touch. Touch.
Brandi
Thanks for the permission. I'll take it.
Heather
Yeah.
Brandi
So here we go. The Valley. It's a very. I was gonna say slow walk to divorce for all of the couples. It's a pretty brisk walk to divorce for all of these couples. Pretty brisk.
Heather
Yeah. They're. They're basically all on the deck of the Titanic. And the boat. The. The hull is coming out of the water, and we're just. We're just watching the tables slide into the. Into the ocean at this point and holding on the rails.
Brandi
No, just one of us.
Heather
As old records.
Brandi
There's no Kathy Bates. Although I would like to see, like, Vita taking Kathy Bates place. Just passing them all on the boat, going like, oh, so sad. So sad. Never learned the right lipstick. Never learned the right lipstick.
Heather
It's gonna end with Adam throwing a bowl of tabouli into the ocean.
Brandi
It's just a boat sinking into an ocean full of tabbouleh that Adam has made. Congratulations on your one middle Eastern dish. Adam, enough, okay? Fucking Bulgarian. Shove it up your ass. I've had it with you in your tabouli.
Heather
Oh, my God. So we see things happening around town. Amir and Natasha are boxing. She does not look happy or interested in any of this. Gigi is getting a tour of a house that is clearly outside of our price range and does not look like it fits the definition of downsizing. And of course she's like, I keep trying to down and I keep. And I can't seem to downsize. I'm like, okay.
Brandi
We go over to Reza and Adam, and guess what? Adam's making tabbouleh. Gigantic, gigantic bowl of tabbouleh.
Heather
My famous tabbouleh.
Brandi
It's the guacamole of summer house. And Reza is dancing around and snapping his fingers and he's got under eye patches on. And so then we go to sky and Bomshad, and. And sky is still my favorite one. I love Sky.
Heather
She's awful.
Brandi
She seems awful, and I love her. So she's putting flowers in a vase. And she's always putting flowers in a vase. That's her thing. And Bombshad comes in and she's like, oh, is this sake? And he's like, it's champagne. And she goes, okay, well, do you want to put it away? Or I was like, okay, I'll put it away. Maybe in the garage. And she's like, good. Maybe you do this in the garage. Good. I just love that she doesn't hide her hatred for, like, her hobby is hating on her husband.
Heather
Yeah, it really is.
Brandi
Listen, you gotta have a hobby. Who keeps her off the streets. I say, good for you.
Heather
Yeah. Her husband is the flower, and her hobby is a vase full of hate water.
Brandi
She's just gonna put drain them.
Heather
So she's like, I design one of a kind fine jewelry. I'm very good at it. I have to say. I'll do that. I had some new pieces that I would love to showcase. And so we're seeing her jewelry and everything, and she's like, I like to be in control of everything because when I'm not around, everybody's lost. Like, who puts flowers in vases? We don't even know.
Brandi
That could have been Saki that he brought home. It could have been, but I'm here. And so she's telling Vamshad. She's like, oh, something I found out last night. Kulnassa, she has an OnlyFans page. And we see shots of Gigi's only fans, which is her, you know, like topless, but like covering her boobs with her hands on the couch or, you know, it's fairly innocent for an only fans.
Heather
It's not enough. Sorry. I think you gotta show. You gotta show some goods. If you're doing only fans, you don't have to, but I think it would be nice. So Gigi.
Brandi
Wow. Ben. Ben. Coming. For Gigi's only fans? No, for anyone.
Heather
I think anyone who's. If you're paying money, I mean, I don't want to see what I can see on Instagram.
Brandi
Yeah, it needs to be more. Yeah, like an extended. I don't know, I don't know, Maybe there's more on there. I don't know. I haven't checked it out. It's too expensive. Only fans. I tried it with the Vanderpump rules guys and I learned my lesson. Oh, I learned not even one boner for my $11. But, you know, I don't know, like, good for her for like trying to do something to make money. I mean, I guess that's work, you know, sex works. Work. Like, I have no shame in that, but not at all. You know, I don't think only fans is just as profitable as it used to be. Right. I mean, I feel like OnlyFans, when it came out, people like, oh, yeah, like I make a hundred thousand dollars a day. Do you still make that? Because it seems like everybody's on Only fans. I feel like my 73 year old gardener is like, don't forget my only fans. You know, the support would be appreciated. I'm like, oh my God, what are you doing? Leaf blower porn. Everybody's on there. Yeah.
Heather
I mean, look, I think some people can do it for sure. They can definitely make their money. But it's got to be hard. It's got to be hard. That. Which is not. I'm not talking about only fans. I'm saying like, that's if you want to do well. It's got to be hard. Okay.
Brandi
Yeah, it's more difficult for guys, you know, because it's gonna be hard.
Heather
So. But it seems like Scott isn't fully aware of what OnlyFans is. Maybe she thinks it's a fan page. So she's like, why is she the only one who has a. Has a page? Why don't I have a page? Why don't I have a fan page? She's like, only fans. She's like, yeah, I think I should have one. It's like, look it up. He's like, look, it's popular with sex workers. She's like, oh, okay, never mind.
Brandi
So she's like, oh, so I guess onlyfans, you go and sell yourself or your body or text people. It's kind of like. It's trashy. It's trashy. So you can write that in Farsi. Thank you. So now they're talking about this party she's going to have. She's going to have a trunk show to show off her great, amazing ladybug and also killer spider jewelry. And she's like, did you call the bartender? And he did not. She needs a bartender. And he's like, what am I, your employee? No, you're a husband that said four days ago you were gonna call a bartender, and then you did not call the bartender. So I know that this episode, people are gonna be like, this woman's so mean to her husband. She's an asshole. She's telling him off in front of people. Yeah, but he also didn't call the bartender, and he said he would four days ago. Like, how much does she have to put up with?
Heather
Yeah, it's annoying because it's just trying to throw an event that looks, like, classy and cool and elevated, and instead, bomb shots can be, you know, serving the drinks. So there are going to be five.
Brandi
People in her backyard expecting a bartender, and it's going to be very difficult for one man to pour five glasses of champagne. She. She has. She should be as angry as she needs to be.
Heather
I say this would have been a great time for Tommy to step in and make his grand introduction to the cast. Like, hi, I'm your bartender. What do you want to drink today?
Brandi
You have champagne. Okay, how about this?
Heather
I got a mug that says, Mets, Mets, 1986 World Championships.
Brandi
You want to drink your champagne and that. Oh, come on. You want to try our special drink? Fart in your face. All right, get over here.
Heather
Yeah. I'm giving you this champagne because I fucking love mj. And it breaks my heart that she.
Brandi
Says these things about me, because I.
Heather
Just love her so hard. It's like, can I just have my drink, please?
Brandi
Oh, sorry.
Heather
Here you go. Flat face.
Brandi
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.
Heather
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. So here's the thing with homemade meals.
Brandi
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Heather
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Heather
I wow, they could really use the home edit. They could rainbow organize all those.
Brandi
There you go. There you go.
Heather
That was intentional. That was an intentional home. At a call back to another episode earlier this week.
Brandi
There he goes. Ben loves his home edit. So there it's. It's horrifying. I mean, there's shit on every inch of her desk, all over the floors. And she's like, what do I even do with this? Like, how am I supposed to get this stuff if I don't even have a platform to put all the stuff on? How do I get organized?
Heather
Tommy, you know this means I'm gifted. Like Massey desk. Brilliant mind. Yeah, like Einstein Hindsight bagels, that is. You dumb nuts. You got a hole in your head just like a bagel. But you're not an everything bagel. What's the opposite of everything? Poppy. Because nothing poppies into your brain ever.
Brandi
You stupid face.
Heather
I love you so hard.
Brandi
She's like, you sound like my mom. And he's like, don't compare me to your mother, dude, because that lady's nuts. All right? We were just gonna go get something that turns into a bloodbath. Like, we didn't even get a chance to water. All right? She's your mother, bro. You know, she's just very tough to talk to. She's very tough to talk to. Unlike me. Unlike me, Tommy, who took a dump three, three minutes into the conversation. I just sit right there at the table. There was a line at the bathroom. They can clean it up. They got bus boys. Come on.
Heather
MJ's like, you know what's so funny is that just thinking about it right now. The opening credits of the show, they. You know, you see everyone. And Tommy's big moment is they show him, like, in the. Driving a car, like, in the driver's seat. And it's so funny because that's, like, his role on the show is that he drops her off and drives off and doesn't shoot with the cast. And now it's like. It's like, memorialized and the opening credits. So he's like, well, she told me.
Brandi
That you're very unhappy in your marriage.
Heather
And, you know, I know my shortcomings, okay?
Brandi
One of the other things that gets.
Heather
Me triggered, for me, it's like, the worst parts of you, you get from her. And she doesn't want.
Brandi
She doesn't even see any of the warts.
Heather
I'm telling you, she's got tons of warts everywhere.
Brandi
Not metaphorical, physical warts everywhere. Let's write warts.
Heather
I can't deal with it anymore.
Brandi
You think Mr. Matt has that many warts? He doesn't. You know what? Every woman loves being compared to their mother in a fight. That's what every woman loves, Tommy. And you can't say that she's like Vita. I'm not saying that she's not. But the whole point is that you're denigrating her like Vita. The whole point is that you're too much like Vita. That's the problem. Not that mj. MJ is your punching bag, okay? You don't get to change it just because you had to deal with Vita for one lunch. And also, you got Vita being very nice to you. She was trying to help you and tell you to get your shit together. She wasn't being mean to you.
Heather
Yeah, so he says. I'm tired of being put in a position where I'm the one that needs to fix things.
Brandi
I'm the one that needs to get better. Guess.
Heather
Okay, you know what? I have middle mood swings. Sure, I can be grumpy sometimes. Sure. But, like, I feel like I get singled out a lot because no one's.
Brandi
Looking at the other.
Heather
The other side of the street and saying, how are you acting? That's like, not nothing. When he's like, oh, I have mood swings. Sure, I can be grumpy. That's not like, oh, sometimes I don't bring in the newspaper. Sometimes I forget to pour my wife a cup of coffee. Mood swings and grumpiness, that's like, a significant thing in someone.
Brandi
Well, especially with Tommy. I mean, Tommy in a good mood is an. Like, when is Tommy not even at their wedding? He seemed Overly aggressive. I was like, are you gonna drown her? Like, they show clips of them being in love. I'm like, tommy's about to drown her. You know, that's you in a good mood, so I can only imagine what it's like to deal with you not in a good mood. So she's like, well, honey, you know, like, I want us to have a safe, calm space when one of us wants to talk because, you know, you just shove stuff under the rug. And he's like, well, a lot of the times we don't communicate when we're in a fight because, you know, you. You take no accountability. So it's like, all right, cool. I don't speak to this person now. That's it.
Heather
Yeah, but I just. I think that, like, that just taught me, like, you. You really need to turn it down.
Brandi
Turn down.
Heather
She's like, I want to go. I want to go back to where we were, you know, shoving cake in our faces, dry humping, but not really dry humping because we're in a pool in.
Brandi
In a Brazil taking his penis inside of me while my friend is taking a picture of us in a pool.
Heather
The last thing I want to do right now is take two steps back or 10 steps back. Well, don't worry about it, babe, because I'll drive you there. Okay, you Want to go 10 steps back? Get in the car.
Brandi
Okay, reverse.
Heather
Get out.
Brandi
Bye. She's like, I really just want to go back to public anal with Tommy. God, I miss that. God, I miss that. So now we go to Bel Air to Selah's house. Who is this and why is she hanging out with Nobody? Did they say who she is?
Heather
I believe her full name is Sela later. Because she is there, and she cooks them some, like Hal, but in a Roth. And then she leaves. She leaves.
Brandi
Is she someone's mom or she's Tannin's friend?
Heather
Tannen's, like, sort of. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's. She's not town's friend. She's Sky's friend. Because Sky's like, sila is one of my best friends. She's all about nutrition. She's not a slut. On only fans. And, you know, girlfriends usually send each other pictures of shot of shoes or dresses, but for us, it's about kitchen stuff, like your skin, your hair, your body, your health. I'm like, please don't tell me the hair and the skin is part of the kitchen stuff. But, you know, I see what you're saying. They're just friends.
Brandi
And you're talking about your hair, but you need to do your roots. I'm just saying. So, but why are you going to your friend's house for her to feed you? But then she leaves, and it was so weird.
Heather
I thought she was going to join this. I thought, she's going to join the scene. And then the three of them just stay there, sitting at the kitchen island. They're not even, like, welcomed into, like, the actual proper dining room. They're just sitting there as if their host is in front of them, chatting with them. But the other woman's like, I'm going to go play Minesweeper upstairs. Just let me know when you're ready to go. Leave the house.
Brandi
Yeah, exactly. So Reza comes. He's like, what is this? Halibut?
Heather
This is so Persian. Tannin shows up, too. And they're like. They're cutting vegetables and was like, what.
Brandi
Are we doing here?
Heather
This beautiful modern house. Skye's client is cooking for us. In Bel Air, not the Valley.
Brandi
Hello.
Heather
We're trying to start a new franchise here. My intuition is just telling me, like, oh, my God. Skye wants to be Sila. Like, she wants her life, she wants her house, and she wants that money. But guess what? She can't have. Adam's the bully.
Brandi
So Sela feeds them, and she's like, it's basically, it's bok choy, halibut mushrooms, really clean and healthy. Goodbye. I'll be in my closet reorganizing.
Heather
I am just putting my house on Zillow. And if I can't get any buyers, I'll just burn it down. Okay, have a great day.
Brandi
So I heard through the grapevine that you and Greg had a date night the other day. Tanim. And she's like, yeah, I mean, I guess. Let me just have some bread for this. He's like, oh, my God. That's like a shot. Like, give me a shot. Am I right? Like, to skinny people, bread is like having a shot. It's, like, crazy. Like, that's your buttery nipple. Am I right?
Heather
Yeah. Well, date this. I don't know what the buttery nipple is, but, like, day night was good. I know. I'm just. I'm just a black. I'm just trying to block out the idea of, like, a buttery nipple that's made of bread and it's my nipple. It's just too much. But we had a really deep conversation where I reminded him that he's, like, a piece of shit husband, and I don't like talking to him. And I have more sexual chemistry with a grandfather clock, and it was really great. And then I cried. And he brought up that he doesn't like it when I hang out with my girlfriends or go to dinners or have any sort of independence or make any of my own decisions, but he's totally fine to coast off my wealth and have my mom cook for him. And we had a really lovely time on our date night. Our quote unquote date night. I like to call it date night because I could say I could see my fate, which is a divorce, very soon.
Brandi
Yeah, but, like, how come, like, you're going out with your girlfriends but he's not, like, taking you out, like, every night of the week? Like, why wouldn't you take your wife out, like, every night of the week? I mean, come on. And she's like, yeah, but, like, never. Like, there's no effort on his side.
Heather
Oh, my God.
Brandi
Let me ask you a question I learned on Orange County.
Heather
Who fills up your tank and is it filled up with tabouli? Because Adam does not such a good job on that. She's like, my dogs. Oh, my God. The fact that Greg isn't even trying to spend every moment he can with Tannen is so strange to me. I mean, I don't want to see other people. I want to hang out with my husband. And if the spark goes away or we're not cool or whatever, I don't know if that I would stay because honestly, it would be kind of cool if I could have something other than Tabooli for once.
Brandi
So acting. I like that Reza is acting like the emotionally mature one, and he's like, the second it's boring, I'm fucking out of there. So not. Not really sure what this chick's doing, but. And also he's like, oh, the minute the spark goes away, then why do you have to beg your man to touch you? Like, literally even, like, give you a hug? Yeah, yeah.
Heather
It's like. Like, like level one touching. Like, that's sad.
Brandi
Yeah. So she tells the story about how they went to Boulevard Steak and he got a number from some girl, and she's texting him at 2am he tells the whole story and. Or she tells the whole story, and he's like, oh, my God. Are you, like, worried that first is, like, text messages at 2am and then it's like, peeling mint and then it's, like, adding lemon, and then it's chopping tomatoes and onions and then adding, like, Bulgar wheat inside until it becomes something unmanageable.
Heather
Oh, sorry, I forgot. That's the 2pm phone call when Adam's friends want tabouli. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Brandi
That. That. That text comes at Tabouli Am. That's a Persian.
Heather
So Skye's like, I don't think it's right. It's very disrespectful to your wife. If Bombshell had another girl' it would have been a big problem. Big. I don't accept it, and I don't like it. So Tannen's like, well, Greg is like my best friend, you know, because, you know, like, when best friends, you know, like, you hate them and you don't want to ever see them, and you just kind of are like, why am I stuck looking at this man with his man bun in the back like that kind of best friend. Right? And I love him to death. Lol. That was sarcasm. Everyone may get lost in the bok choy. And as far as, like, romance and taking care of me as a wife, like, those are things just, like, not his strength.
Brandi
And I just.
Heather
Just. I don't think he thinks that there's a problem.
Brandi
That is so scary because there is.
Heather
A big problem here.
Brandi
Big. Huge.
Heather
So now we cut to Greg and Tannen's house.
Brandi
Who owns it?
Heather
What are we even doing here? Why are we here? So now we go to Greg and Tannen. Greg has gotten Tannen a gift, and he's like, I hope you like it, because remember when we had date night and you said I got like, you know, like, I don't take care of you, and, like, I made you cry, and I felt really bad about that, and I was worried that your mom would stop cooking for us. So here's the gift, and we go outside, and here comes a pink Porsche with a bow on it.
Brandi
I thought she made all the money. So did you just go buy her a pink Porsche with her own money? Are you pulling like a Vicky? Where Vicky got her daughter a car and she's like, okay, have fun making all the payments for this car I picked out for you. And you had the choice in bye.
Heather
But also, it's a Porsche tie. Porsche take, can take hand. It's a 2021 model. I. That was really. That's nice. That's a nice.
Brandi
A 2021. How do you know that? Does it say on the car?
Heather
I don't know. It just says it on. In our notes. Our note taker.
Brandi
Oh, it says on screen, like, oh, is it?
Heather
I guess so. I didn't know. It's been Shelby. Shelby so thought so she said 22. Or maybe Shelby's just launching some sort of hate campaign. And, like, we, as, like, gullible readers of our own notes, are like. And on top of that, it's fueled by blood.
Brandi
Wow. But it's still 200. Is still 213 grand. I mean, geez. Yeah, Yikes.
Heather
I mean.
Brandi
And he's like, but look, babe, I got it. Because it matches the color of her skincare line, right? Oh, yeah. So romantic. Let me tell you, a man who's not doing anything wrong while he's getting texts at 2 in the morning, you know what they do? They buy them, their wives, very expensive gifts. Yeah, that's guilty. At all, buddy.
Heather
Yeah. Doesn't address literally any of the issues that she brought to you. It's just. You got her a car, and then what? I was surprised. That was then sky came over and took the car and rubbed it on her dog. And she's like, sky, stop doing that with my brand. So Tannen tells us the gift is very sweet, and obviously the effort and the work is even more important. But, yeah, step in the right direction. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't care.
Brandi
Yeah, She's.
Heather
Yeah.
Brandi
She's like, whatever. Thanks for the used Porsche, loser. So then we go to Reza and Adam, and Reza has his gloves on, and he's putting nuts and dried fruit into, like, little bowls and jars and stuff. And he's like, what do you think, like, Americans would feel about receiving this in a bag with their company name on it? If we're gonna call it the Pantry list, it's like, why do Persians get all of this amazing stuff? But, like, white people don't get it. Like, let's sell it to stupid white people.
Heather
If you go to a Persian person's house, they'll be like, on the table. Nuts and dried fruits and, like. So my husband's like, we need to take this delicious Persian shit and peddle it to the masses. So we have this great idea. We're going to take dried fruit and. And nuts and everything and put it in bags and sell it. I was like, I mean, it's not the worst of the things that we've seen on these shows. Not the worst, but it's calling it the Pantry list, which I feel like, just give it a Persian name. Lean into it. Why not?
Brandi
Yeah, let's call it. That's so Persian. That's so Persian Nuts. But you know where I sell, like, nuts in small packages? The store support that. I go there, and they have that there. We used to have this in the. In my Lebanese family, this was very traditional. Like, you go to. You go to City's house and there's, you know. But it was always kind of weird stuff. I would eat the nuts, but it's like all these different dried prunes and dried apricots and all that stuff. But then there's like really hard candies, like almonds, but they've got that super hard shellac on them. You know the color. Yeah, the color can. There was a lot of stuff that I. I grew to believe was only put on the table because you could just put it in a Ziploc later and just serve it for 20 years because nobody ever ate it is.
Heather
I wonder, you know, if you go to, like, a Persian market or a Middle Eastern market if there's something like this that exists. Like, I. I wonder that there. Honestly, there should just be, like, with those crudite trays, you know, you get the big circle that has like, the broccoli in one corner and the tomatoes and the cauliflower and the dip in the middle. They should. That's what I feel like residents should be doing. Like, have a section for the nuts, a section for the dried fruits. Dates over here, this over here, and a little something.
Brandi
But like, like kind of a charcuterie. Like a person.
Heather
I wonder if they already. I wonder if that's already something that's available.
Brandi
Look, I'm rooting for him because of the whole, like, oh, my God, that's like, so Resa hair care. Like Golden Rizza hair care. Remember? That was his thing before. So, yeah, I mean, this is edible. Like, I couldn't eat that hair care. So.
Heather
But this is also such an Adam thing. He's like, why don't we take a few small nuts and fruits and put them in a smaller bag and then sell them as a small bag of things. So then he's like, hey, oh, I'm sorry. Adam is like, reza, do you have time to do a check in? He's like, yeah, okay, well, let's start it. So they sit. It's like a very therapy moment.
Brandi
Daily check in time.
Heather
Daily check in. Reza's like, what can I do today or tomorrow to make your day a little bit better? He's like, maybe a shoulder rub. Okay. Because, like, you know, I work really hard putting, like, almonds in little baggies. Where can I help you with anything? Um, yeah, so I could use, like, a little more physical touch, like caressing and kissing just, like, out of the blue for a reason. And then Adam, like, handjobs Maybe you.
Brandi
Could massage my elbow skin. It's called a weenus.
Heather
I'll settle for a weenus.
Brandi
And Adam is just staring at him like really uncomfortably, and he's like, like.
Heather
As if he didn't just ask Reza for a shoulder rub. And here Reza's just like, can you give me a hug with a kiss? Which is a significantly lower lift than a shoulder rub.
Brandi
You could braid my back hair. Would that make you feel good? He's like, he's just looking like grouse. He goes, what does huh mean, Adam? He's like, okay, well, my love, I. Tomorrow I'm going to give you all of the caresses and squeeze downs that you're requesting and that you will feel and I'll make you feel more whole. Okay?
Heather
He's like, so Adam tells us, my household growing up was much colder and it was not very affectionate. And anytime anyone would show affection, my father would be like, oh, I'm not into that touchy feely shit. Which is why I've decided to maintain the pattern. Yeah, I would like more.
Brandi
Yeah, I wanna. I wanna fuck my partner like my parents fucked.
Heather
Yeah. So Riz's like, I just want some more affection. He's like, he wants me to be like Patrick Swayze and he'll be Demi Moore in Ghost.
Brandi
Yeah, but like, I don't want you to die.
Heather
I just want to make some pottery because Tommy broke all of mine.
Brandi
Yeah, that was called Ghost. That was where one of the people was dead. Adam. Fucking weirdo.
Heather
Adam, just like, give. Give the man a hug, please. Just, just hug him. Touch him.
Brandi
Oh my God. My neighbor just started his car. I swear to God, I'm gonna murder this fucking guy. He drives a Porsche and every time he turns on this car, it like, shakes the walls in the house, like. And then he just sits there and guns it for five minutes before he leaves. Like God forbid your Porsche doesn't get a little fucking gas in it for five minutes before you leave, you douche.
Heather
Just point him to the nearest cliff. Let him go over it, Douche. So anyway, yeah, I think I feel like this storyline.
Brandi
I'm sorry about your teeny tiny little wiener commercials.
Heather
Here comes one right now.
Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Heather
Meanwhile, it's Tannen in her new Porsche and you're, like, yelling at her.
Brandi
She's like, it matches my moisturizer.
Heather
Which no one cares about. Shut up, Sky. Anyway, Adam, I mean, I feel like the Adam thing has been going on for a while. Like, he's not even asking for a blowjob unless it's like a reading between the lines thing. But I'm just like, adam, hug your man. It's really not hard. Just hug it, please. But also, thank you, Adam, for giving us the image of you doing the ghost pottery scene with Reza. I really did not need that going into the weekend.
Brandi
Yeah, no one needs that. But I will say, you know, for these two, they do seem like a cute little couple. Like, they've calmed down into, like, this cute little couple. One makes tabouli all the time. The other one's like, you want me.
Heather
To bang your nuts?
Brandi
And, like, coming up with little businesses together? So maybe this is just for the show where they're like, oh, it's the Valley. And now we have to talk about our relationship all the time.
Heather
Him. So I thought you were gonna say no. They're in this cute little groove. One makes Tabooli all the time. The other is massively toxic and undermines everyone around him. And it's just nice. That's cute.
Brandi
That's cute. That's the only couple I'll ever be in. You know, I need a sweet one, and I'll be toxic. You know, I think that's cute. What's a toxic person? Once a lot of toxic person scientists, mate. You're not toxic. Stop.
Heather
I feel like I'm toxic. Passive aggressive. So the producers are like, so what do you have to say to people who think you're not? Oh, we're talking about to rj. Reza Jackson. They all call him rj. The future's like, hey, RJ what do you say to people who think that you're not masculine? He goes, yeah, that's called toxic masculinity. Masculinity. Toxic masculinity. Masculinity. Masculinity. Masculinity. I can't even say it anymore, bro.
Brandi
You can't say toxic masculinity, which is pretty funny money. So Gigi, you know, he's getting their. They're all getting their nails done. And Gigi's like, I'm doing red for only fans. I'm doing only fans now. And he's like, oh, wow, okay, so are we gonna make money off your feet, too? And he's like, no, but, like, I want to create content. Is that something we're doing? I mean, something about you, me, being single, a bunch of couples? Like, we should make content about that. It's gonna go viral. Like, single people around people who aren't single. It's gonna go crazy.
Heather
Can't wait. Can't wait. It'll be the second coming of the Red Balloon Show. So Gigi is like. She's like, well, I'm old, and I've been. And I've been staying single for so long, you know, it's like, no, you're not. You're perfect. I love milfs. She's like, oh, are you an option for me? It's like, I actually met Gonessa two years ago, like, a while back, where she'd asked me to be on her podcast at the time. And, like, that's an interest. I mean, like, Kunessa's hot. A little crazy, but hot. Kind of annoying and exhausting to talk to and listen to, but hot.
Brandi
Yeah. So they, like, flirt, like, that's gonna happen, and then they talk about who they're banging, and she's like, guys. Dennis reached out to me, like, what? Just. Yeah, I was whispering, who's wishing me Happy Mother's Day? So I went off on him. Because that's what you do when people wish you Happy Mother's Day, am I right? Like, I can't take any more of you. These men, like, what are they wishing me Happy Mother's Day? Like, off. I needed.
Heather
At least you got to talk to your toddler. Unlike some of us in Greece.
Brandi
Drunk, pill popper, alcoholic.
Heather
Yeah. So she went off on him about this. About this, and she's like, I haven't spoken to him since a week after we got married. You know, he's like, that sentence just sounds wrong. Yeah. Because everything after that was everything I was seeing in the press. Like, all the. Yeah.
Brandi
So she says that she dated Dennis four months and then broke up with him. And for the last 13 years, they've just been friends. And then they were in business together. They looked out for each other. We would go on family vacations together, and when. Then we went on a trip to Vegas in 24, and we got married. We see a. We'd see a cell phone video of this, and he's just like, thumbs up in the camera, like, yes, look what I want. Look what I want.
Heather
Yep.
Brandi
And then I played a slot machine, and I got three death cards. I went, gigi, I won. Fucking gg.
Heather
So then Natasha's like, well. And so then Gigi said. Then a week after, he's like, he's with my friend. She's like, are they still together? She's like, no, they broke up. You know, and so RJ's like, is that a thing? Getting married and then putting a ring on it and then having this all happened? He's like, why don't you just. Just take it easy and, like, not get married?
Brandi
She just ignores him. So she's like, yeah, I'm gonna see him soon. And, like, I know. He's like, let's just talk in person. Like, let's just get past this. And he goes. And so they're like, are you still interested? And she's like, no. I mean, no, but, like, we're. We're literally married for a week, so. So she tells us that maybe she needs to stop getting married, but relationships aren't for her, you know? And she just wants people to, like, come to her when she needs them and then go away when she doesn't need them and, you know, be more like her dad.
Heather
Yeah. Yeah. She's. I don't find. I don't. I. I just am, like, it's sad. She's just a sad person. So she says, hey, I was in a relationship with Ty. Do you guys remember Ty? Remember? And I found out some information on him on Ty. And that, like, really made me hurt. And I knew he was, like, close with Dennis as a friend. So I thought, you know what? This is a great way of getting payback on ties. So I always knew that Dennis had that thing for me always. So that's why. So she got married just to make this guy tie upset, which is almost like the story that you hear in, like, a musical or something, like, well, I'm going to date so and so just to get revenge on so and so, because that's the person I really love. Yeah, it's sad.
Brandi
And it's. It's hard to watch because she thinks it's so amusing, you know? It's like, yeah, that makes me cool. You know? It's like when she pulls out, like, a full joint in a minute in a backyard at a family's house. It's like, yeah, I'm like, really cool. You're sad.
Heather
Yes.
Brandi
You're a sad fucking person, man. Yeah, so. And he's kind of sad listening to it. He's just like, I thought this was gonna be a scene of us flirting, and now it's just kind of gross, you know? So then she's like, you know, no matter what happened, like, he shouldn't hook up with my friend a week after we're married. But the whole situation's so stupid. You can't really take sides. But they're trying to. And she's like, well, you know, like, it's good that RJ's reminding me of my wrongdoing in this too. But, like, you know, I mean, maybe it makes me not want to, like, cut his dick off and slap him with it. Maybe I'll just cut his dick off and leave it at that. And they're like, oh, my God, Gigi is growing.
Heather
Yeah. So now we go to Skye's house because she's gonna set up. She's setting up for the trunk party and everything, and people are coming over and setting. Setting things up, and this Miley comes out. Miley's, I think, their daughter. So cute. And she comes over to see if she can, like, have a bracelet. She's like, no, no bracelet for you. Bracelets lead to onlyfans. Go inside. So Skye talks about how she lived in Iran for the first 20 years of her life, and she had an amazing life, and every. Everyone was always providing the best. And then she came to America, and she started working at a restaurant and providing for herself, and she could. She could just be who she wanted to be. And then she went into jewelry and all this fun stuff.
Brandi
So bombshot's like, oh, no. The bartender's not answering. Oh, no. Okay, well, bad news. I don't think we have a bartender. I'm gonna be the bartender. And she goes, oh, good. So we can just sweep that under the rug too. How fun. Let's just sweep it under the rug. Yeah.
Heather
So Adam and Reza are driving to the party, and Adam's asking Reza if he's ever seen the jewelry. And he's like, yeah, I have seen her jewelry. I actually saw some rings when I Was having lunch and found out that Greg gets numbers from other women. I was like, nice, subtle.
Brandi
Nice subtle transition. Yeah, he's like. I was like, what? Like everything you're telling me sounds like one red flag after the other. Getting calls at 2am Only involve a few things. Okay. When you're Persian, dick, drugs or money. Okay, well, why are we throw the three out of four of those things are great. Yeah. What the hell?
Heather
It's kind of alarming, says Adam. Like, I know, it's crazy, those phone numbers. No, it's alarming how fast we're driving. This is scary. We're only going 30 miles per hour. I know, but statistically, most accidents happen below 25 miles per hour. Could you slow down a.
Brandi
Please, Reza, Honey, we just put a sticker on the back of our car that says Tabouli on board. Slow down.
Heather
So then.
Brandi
So people start driving.
Heather
Do we get to go to the Grove? Because I already bought tickets to go see a Tabouli and Me screening of a movie.
Brandi
You park your Tupperware outside. So Bombshad. Bombshad sees it and he goes, tabouli is not a Persian dish. But if he likes to make it, good for him. I was wondering about that. I was like, I think you said.
Heather
That last week, right?
Brandi
Yeah. Because our food is similar, but I didn't know it was that. So I didn't know that we all had tabbouleh. I know that Greek and Lebanese people fight over food a lot. We're like, no, tabouli's ours. No, it's ours. How dare you. Grape leaves are ours. But I didn't know we had that with Persians. But I guess we don't. Adam just. Adam saw something on TV and went with it.
Heather
He's like, well, it's not European, so I think it will work. So, Tannen. Although I guess if. If Greece is claiming Tabooli, I guess it could be European. Tannen is saying hi to Adam. She's like, oh, I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. Hell, you know, it is in the. In the tabuli mines. Res and I were actually talking about. About you on the way in. She's like, oh, boy. Yeah. He was saying that sometimes you drive over 35 miles per hour. And I just want to remind you of. It's really dangerous to do that, especially if you've got tabouli in the front seat. So just really think about it.
Brandi
Yeah. Adam, Reza and I were just talking about you, Tannen, and Reza was saying he wishes that you would touch him more could you just touch him, please, for me?
Heather
Okay, everyone, we're going to play tag and I just want to know that everyone can be it except for Reza. So we just all have to touch Reza, and that counts as me touching him. Okay, thanks.
Brandi
She's like, God, you really can't tell a secret in this group, you know? Look, okay, like, Greg. Yes, Greg has some questionable behavior. There was a phone call, but, you know, the point was I was trying to bring up a communication issue. And Greg comes in, he's like, hey, hey, what are we talking about?
Heather
Me?
Brandi
And she's like, yeah, we're talking. And Adam's like, yeah, we're talking about.
Heather
Communication and tabooli if you really want to broaden it up. But by the way, Adam, like, brings this up a baton, and they're like, at the screen door and she's like, about to go outside. He's like, by the way, I hear that you and Greg are having communication issues. You want to talk about it here in a very public place? It's like, what are you doing?
Brandi
Right, right. Like, there's no chill on this show. It's like, so have you ever seen her jewelry? Yes, I saw it when we were talking about Greg possibly cheating on his wife. Like, come on, guys, I know it's been a while, but let's, like, layer stuff in here.
Heather
A lot of tap dancing. So Greg's like, yeah, I mean, we have our day. Some days are great, some days are not. You know, the great days are when she's out of town and I get a number from a hot 22 year old at the club. And the days that aren't great are when I'm back home and I can't text back the 22 year old. So, you know, take it down.
Brandi
Believe me, I wasn't trying to do anything. Come on. He's like, well, I mean, you don't have a fake number you can, like, give people. He's like, oh, that's good, that's good. But if I had a fake number, how would I get the text? Like, you don't make any sense. Think things through, Adam.
Heather
Yeah, think about it. Think about it.
Brandi
So now we go to sky. And she's like, okay, this is a little killer spider ring. This ring. Do put it on. Hopefully your husband will put it on one day and it will kill him in his sleep. Okay. Little tiny poison violence.
Heather
And then MJ shows up. Vita's already there, so she's saying hi and everything. And then Amir and Natasha arrive. And then Greg. Greg tells rj, like, oh, I shaved my chest for you, man. Oh. And they're like, aha. Laughing, etc. And Bombshot is, like, behind the bar just trying to serve drinks. He's, like, sweating and unhappy. He doesn't even know how to open up the bottle of wine.
Brandi
Yeah. Yeah. And Sky. The sky just yells to the whole party, oh, he called the bartender last night at 9:30, everybody. He's like, the point is that I did it. Isn't it the effort that counts? No, it's the lack of effort that counts. That's the point, sir. The point. The point leads into the point. You're driving me nuts with the point.
Heather
That is the point, though. This is your wife's event for her career, and you're, like, saving the responsibilities for the last second when things can fall through. And so then Gigi's like, I thought this was supposed to be an event for, like, 80 people. Like, where are the 80 people? Did she mean eight people as a burn? See, I divided it by 10, and you just wind up with eight. If you think about it, it's really funny. Yeah.
Brandi
Like, I really want 80 men that were supposed to be here for, like, 80 people. Like, what, are there 80 penises gonna be here? Like, I can't deal with you.
Heather
I'm so stressed right now. I'm really stressed. So then we see MJ standing with RJ and Reza. Reza's like, oh, my God. Why are your nipples out? He's like, oh, you know. And MJ's like, no, it looks good. It looks good. And Vita's like, no, button up. Button up.
Brandi
It looks stupid.
Heather
It looks like trash.
Brandi
Maybe if you buttoned up, your chest wouldn't be showing. And MJ's like, no, don't listen to them. We want your chest. Okay? Tommy is at home. Give me some chest. Give me some chest. And he's like, oh, my God. I buttoned it with one button. Now I look like Amir. Like, I've got three kids. And they all start laughing. So Gigi's, like, fanning herself and talking about makeup.
Heather
Natasha.
Brandi
And she's like, this is boring. I'm gonna smoke. I'm gonna, like, smoke. I can't even with you. So she pulls out, like, a blunt. You know, it's not really a blunt. It's just a joint. But she pulls it out and slides it up in this backyard. Like, who does that? Yeah, I guess that it's legal, but that's still tacky as. Come on, now.
Heather
It is really tacky. I mean, it's Just the kids are there, and sky is, like, not happy. She's like, who does that without asking? And so she's like, she's smoking. Like she owns the place. Like, I get it. Get your shit together. So she basically is like, hey, can you. If you see the kids, can you make sure they don't come outside? Because I don't want them to see Gigi doing drugs and only fans.
Brandi
So everybody smells it, and they're like, yeah, that's not cool, gg. So she doesn't care. And she's like, where the single man at? And RJ is like, me, Me. And she just laughs. So then we go to Adam talking about how he wants to go boxing with Amir. I'll bet you do. And they talk a little bit about that. And Amir talks about how their kids, like, he wanted a large family. And she's like, no, more than three, please. They just gang up on you. And he's like, well, the accidents are the best ones, right? She goes, oh, God, just kill me.
Heather
And RJ is talking to mj, and he's like. He's like, hey, where's Tommy, by the way? Well, he'll come. He'll come pick me up. So if you want to see him, you can line up at the window and you can see the. The top part of his head as he pulls into the driveway. So that's really exciting for everyone, I think.
Brandi
So. She's like, yeah, Tommy's absence is starting to wear on me. But, like, I know it's complicated because Tommy and Reza haven't seen each other in five years. So, like, you want to roll some clips of Tommy coming to Reza's house and destroying plants. Manson trying to murder him, you know?
Heather
Love those clips.
Brandi
I love every time they show those. Because God damn it, I w. You ficus. You ficus.
Heather
I think, Tommy, it's like, I. Reza's toxic. We know this, and we agree. Reza, like, tried to get you to go to jail. He tried to actually ruin your life. It's not good that you threw his pots around. That's really, really bad. That was not acceptable at all. And I also understand that from Tommy's perspective, like, the punishment did not fit the crime he was gonna try. Reza was gonna have Tommy have a felony on his record, which is life altering. And so I understand why Tommy hates Reza. I think there's also a world where you can go to the party and just not talk to Reza at all and just ignore him.
Brandi
No, not. No. Do you think Reza is gonna do that? He'll be like, poor Tommy. Would you like to have a conversation to start out like that and then be like, you did it. It's your fault, you assaulter.
Heather
Well, if he's being resolute enough to not go, he could be resolute enough to not not talk to Reza.
Brandi
Yeah, well, that's true, but that's just not how it works on these shows up in his business. He doesn't want to punch Reza and go to jail, which I think is what he thinks will happen. I think it's like these people. You said, my wife had 10 abortions. You attacked her all season. You went for her, you made her cry every single day. I stood up for her. And then I was going to be have to go to jail. I'm not hanging out with these toxic people. I think it's like the Todd from Salt Lake City thing, where he's like, okay, you come home crying every time you hang out with these people, you talk about how toxic they are and how they're ruining your life, and yet you still want to keep going back there while it's ruining our whole relationship. And, like, at some point, this is disrespectful to our relationship, you even going around there, you know, so all.
Heather
Well, I understand why he's like, what? Why he's doing what he's doing. It's for all those things. Maybe in a weird way, he's thinking, this way you can shoot your show without it being awkward, because if I'm there, it's gonna be awkward and it's gonna be tense every single time and whatever. But it's also clear that MJ wants him to be there. So it's one of those tough things, you know, in a relationship. So anyway, yeah.
Brandi
And like, Salt Lake City, this is their career. So it's not just saying, like, I won't be around these people. It's also saying, like, I'm not gonna shoot. Like, I'm going to make it harder for you to shoot a show that is your career and our family's income. So, like, you know, you gotta. You gotta bend a little. Yeah.
Heather
I don't even know what Tommy does for a living. Do we know?
Brandi
I don't know. Does he do anything? Does Tommy have a job?
Heather
Something? At some point. But I don't know what he does now other than he did the podcast with mj. But, yeah, I don't know. But either way, they're all like, where's. Why is Tommy not here? Bring Tommy. And. And MJ is like, he's a marketing.
Brandi
Entrepreneur and CEO of for our son agency, helping small businesses with branding. He's also involved in podcasting with MJ and runs the fight club. Non profit, but it's F E I G H T like his name, non profit for literacy, focusing on being a dad to his son Shams and navigating life on the valley. There you go.
Heather
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why, but. But when I think about, like, needing to reach out to, like, a brand consultant, I don't know why I don't think of Tommy. I don't know why.
Brandi
Let's talk about marketing. Here we go.
Heather
Right? Thoughts? Nothing but thoughts.
Brandi
So I suggested that we go with the campaign senate around boobs.
Heather
So Gigi tells us, I think that Maris is afraid of being alone, and she's also very insecure. And so, like, maybe she. She's thinking of, like, how she's going to find another guy to love her. But I'll tell you something, that girl has been getting the work done, and she, like, gestures to, like, the full body, and she's like, anytime one person is in a marriage starts to look good, it's a divorce coming, which is not wrong.
Brandi
And MJ is saying, yeah, I want to, like, focus on my life and my career, but, like, I just. I'm busy and, like, I don't have time to worry about if my marriage is working out or not, so whatever. And she's like, well, I mean, I don't want you to be come suppressed and numb to a situation because he's this way, you're this way, and then that's it, you know? I mean, yeah, Gigi, but you're also the lady who's, like, divorced for five minutes, you know, married for five minutes at a time. I don't think anyone's asking for Gigi advice.
Heather
Yeah, seriously. Relationship expert. But basically, Gigi's like, you're mirroring him, right? But does he ever mirror you? Just. I'm just like, I don't. I don't know, maybe.
Brandi
Class, can we not.
Heather
I know. What is that supposed to mean?
Brandi
So Adam is still nosing into Greg and Tanner's business and being like, hey, maybe you guys should go on a date. You guys should go on more dates. And Greg is like, well, we go on less than we should. And Tannen says, oh, that's such a sad answer. I mean, there's like, a chart about signs, and it says, like, percentages of which ones would work out. And Bombshot and Sky are 97% you guys are perfect. He's like, have you not seen her attacking me all day about this bartender? I don't know. It doesn't seem like it.
Heather
You know, we come to a point where we don't really reach a resolution, right? And Adam goes in a separate bed. Like, Adam, you're not even giving Reza a hug. Please don't be judgy about the beds. So Bombshell's like, yeah, she's staying away from me. And, like, that's very new. I enjoy waking up in the morning and seeing her face and burping in it and then farting and then scratching my balls and deciding to go back to sleep when she can't get the extra two hours to sleep she was hoping for. God, I love that.
Brandi
Waking up next to her and seeing one of my back hairs in her teeth for no reason. That's romance right there. And that's what we're missing right now. And Tanya's like, well, I have a perspective because I sleep in separate beds, too, and I'm happier. And he's like, well, I don't give a shit. You sleep better. And she goes, well, you. Then he goes, yeah, well, me, then, right? I don't give a shit. And they're kind of getting too serious. Gigi sees them and she's like, what the fuck's going on out there? And she goes, well, what? Let me say something about men. I mean, men are more like, let me brush it under the rug. And that bitch. I deal with sky, she. When I have an issue, I go and I deal with her. So go and deal with her.
Heather
And Tannin's like, sky's my best friend, but I definitely think that she's stubborn, and she kind of, like, blocks off if there's an issue rather than talking about it. And I'm like, the opposite. Okay, so then Bombshell's like, well, talking about communication, talking this and that. So Sky's like, okay, well, the talking really doesn't get anywhere because, like, I have in. I have an event, and then we don't have a bartender. And he's like, oh, whoa, no, dude, not a problem. Like, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. And then he left. Okay, so whatever.
Brandi
He's like, but the bartender didn't show up. And it's like, oh, like, a lot of things don't show up, but I guess that's fine. He's like, what do you mean, a lot of things? Here. Here's the other things. And so now they're Full on fighting in front of everybody. And she's like, just leave me out of this, guys. Leave me out of it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's rude and disrespectful to come to my house and talk to me or my marriage. This is solo. Don't be a loser. So she goes off and I kind of agree with her. I mean, you are berating your husband in front of everybody, like, whether or not he deserves it. So you can't berate your husband and then expect people to not say something. Yeah.
Heather
So now we go around. Around the valley to see what people are up to. We go to MJ and Tommy's house and they have like a Dave and Buster style little basketball kind of arcade game thing. And Vita's there just shooting baskets. She's like, oh, I was very, very athletic. I was ping pong champion. Very athletic.
Brandi
I love that. I started laughing so hard. She's like, shooting baskets. She goes, I was ping pong champion. And Jay goes, yeah, yeah, mom, we know. We're very proud of you. Oh, now basketball too. Look at that. I got another one.
Heather
So Gigi, we go to Tannen's house and Gigi comes over and tenant, there's guacamole and Tannen saying, how anyone coming over. I always make sure people are fed. That's just part of the culture, I think. You know, new shit means new shit, John, means feeding your soul in a way. So that's. That's how we show love.
Brandi
We.
Heather
We make sure people are fed. I was like, yeah, like we're aware. Yes, yes.
Brandi
So we're aware. Every scene on this show has to start with, you know what Persians do? We feed each other. Okay, let's go to a pool party. Do you know what Persians do at a pool party? Well, they swim, but not until they feed each other. That's for sure.
Heather
I mean, I think it's great, but like, at a certain point when we. When. When we see that, like, your friends come over and there's like a spread of food out. I get it. You're feeding your friends. Like, I don't need it to be spelled out for me. It's like. No, I think they retain guacamole fights. Yeah.
Brandi
Like other cultures never feed their friends. That's what cracks me up on this show. They're like Persians like, eating. Oh, really? Most of us invite our friends over and starve them. We just like to watch them starve to death.
Heather
My favorite is when any, like, any culture does this and this happens on all these shows, and it comes from a good place. But it's always so funny. Like, you know what? Our culture is all about food. We just love eating, as opposed to those crazy cultures that just hate eating.
Brandi
I mean, it is true, though, because it is true in a way, because, like, my Lebanese family was like that. It's like, you go over. There's food all the time. Constantly, constantly. But then my mom. It's like, invite your friends over after school. Oh, okay. What are we having? Nothing. What would you eat? You're fat. You don't. I mean, yeah.
Heather
And definitely certain cultures are much more into abundance than others. That's for sure.
Brandi
But, like, Southern moms are like, starve, starve, fatty. But thank God I had half and half.
Heather
You know, I feel like it'll be the opposite. I feel like Southern moms would be.
Brandi
Like, Southern moms with chubby kids.
Heather
Oh, okay.
Brandi
Let me rephrase it.
Heather
Yeah, got it. But, like, it is. It is, like, very funny to me when people are like, my culture is all about food. It's like. Like, pretty sure food is a. Is a major staple in every culture. But that being said, I'm not trying to make tannin, you know, I'm not trying to be like, well, she's full of, you know, like, whatever. It's just a funny thing that every culture takes pride in. Like, a certain basic thing, as if, like, they're the only culture that does it.
Brandi
Yeah. Like Jersey. They shoot in a restaurant in Jersey, and they're like, this is what Italians do. We eat. Yeah. We all go to dinner.
Heather
We all do it.
Brandi
Yeah.
Heather
If we're lucky enough to do it, we do it.
Brandi
So Gigi and Tannen are talking about Dennis, who nobody fucking cares about. Stupid relationship. And Tannen's trying to get to the bottom of, like, do you care? Like, why are you meeting with him? I mean, he hurt you, right? Like, she was betrayed by him and her best friend. And she just portrays it like, I don't know, like, maybe her walls are up, or maybe she's trying to be strong. She doesn't care. She needs something to shoot is what's happening. So then we hear this whole story about this loser again. And then we go over to Bombshad, and he's in his. Is he in his. Yeah, he's in his office. This guy comes in, and she's like, ooh, this is clean to you. Nice. Because there's a stack of folders. He's like, oh, I've just cleaned up. She's like, oh, really? This is clean to you? Okay, I see.
Heather
Yeah, we're bookending this episode with Messy Desks. First MJ and now Bombshot. So Sky's like, okay, so Messy pants. Actually, we didn't get to talk about it on Saturday. But as much as I'm pissed off at everyone else, I'm pissed off at you too, because at some point, I turned around that everybody's so busy talking to each other about our problems, and you were actually engaging with them instead of serving champagne. I mean, how could you do that? And he's like, no. But I had no choice but to engage with them, my dear. I mean, I stood up for both of us. When I said, my wife won't even sleep in the same bed as me.
Brandi
I like when he goes, I mean, I stood up for the both of us. And she was good, kind of.
Heather
Mostly.
Brandi
Either way. So he's mad that she berated him in front of everybody, and she's mad that he didn't get the bartender. And then he talks shit about their relationship to everybody when it's none of their business. And I think they both have a point. But also, sky, you're on the Valley, and the whole point of the show is for you guys to talk about your relationships with each other. So you've got a lot to get used to.
Heather
Yeah. And she basically is like. She's like, you know what? I asked you to do something and you couldn't deliver. And then I pointed out and you didn't like it because, you know what? I'm a big fucking failure. And she's like, whatever. And, yes, you're right on that. That's on camera. And I'll be using that clip every single time you do something wrong. Thank you very much.
Brandi
And so she goes, oh, God. Whenever there's a problem, you. You end up losing your shit. Like, yeah, I'm a failure. I failed. I failed. What the fuck is that? I asked you to do something you couldn't deliver, and I pointed out and you didn't like it. It was goes, you know what? I'm a big fucking failure. She goes, oh, my God. Even though I call you out and you still do it.
Heather
Yes.
Brandi
I mean, I find their horrible relationship fun. I think it's cute. So now we go to Dennis. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.
Heather
I can't tell if they were headed for divorce or this is just their love language. It could go either way right now. I think there's, like, a slight edge towards divorce, but not as bad as Tana and Greg, that's. They're done.
Brandi
Yeah. So we go to Dennis and Gigi's big scene in that restaurant with the weird tiles on the wall. I can't. With this restaurant and these weird tiles being in triangular. Like, those shiny floor tiles that are now on the wall in weird triangular shapes, it bothers me.
Heather
And they're just, like, reflecting off of his veneers. It's just too much. Too much going on here. Oh, my goodness. So Dennis is like, what? No hug, no kiss, no nothing? And she's like, yeah, you know, I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. And so is America. Crickets from America. Dennis. Like, well, here I am. I'm here in the tile restaurant. How about that?
Brandi
And she's doing this whole, like, I am so mad at you, I could fucking lose it with you. Like, you come in here, you don't bring me gold. I would ask a sky rider over the sky saying, I'm sorry. I'd be giving you gifts. I'd be giving you jewels. Nothing. You come here with nothing. I'm so mad. Oh, God, Gigi, nobody cares.
Heather
No one cares. She's like, you were family. He's like, we still are. We still are. She's like, no, no. He's like, why are you so angry? She's like, well, should we start there? Is that a good place to start? It started when I was one years old, okay. And no one gave me. Someone said the food was coming into the hangar, and the food did not come into the air hangar. Okay? That airplane never made that. It's like, no, no, no. Why are you angry about me? Not why are you angry in general?
Brandi
So I was born with a golden spoon in my golden knife in my hand. It's like, no, what are you talking about? But I love that you have to explain things to guys on the show. Like, they're all so stupid. She's like, okay, let me explain this to you. You marry me, we get divorced, and then one second later, you're dating my friend. He's like, so? It's like, yeah, you can't do that. He's like, what I do? He's like, it's not like I cheated on you. You know, we. We got a divorce, and then I started dating your friend. What's the big deal?
Heather
So she's telling us. She's telling us there's a lot of hurt there. There's a lot of betrayal there. I had a fear of showing sadness, so that's usually when anger would show up. I Just. I just. But I went up to her, and I kind of just, like, went into her. Her face. And the producer goes, like. But, like, you kind of played a part. Like, how does that factor into this? Does that, like, you also were playing games? She goes, no, it doesn't matter because what I did with Dennis, like, it doesn't factor into it because Dennis didn't know at that time it was part of a revenge scheme against Ty, so he thought it was a real marriage. He didn't know.
Brandi
So he didn't know I was just using him. So it. It's not the same.
Heather
He didn't know we were in an episode of Boring Liaisons.
Brandi
So she's like, you seem numb to everything that I'm saying. Like, as if it's not a big deal to just go after somebody's friend. I mean, like, go yourself right now. Go yourself right now so hard. Because if you're. You're such a douchebag if you're going to be. I've got to go outside. Like, I'm so upset right now. Like, her bad act. I just. Just can't. Gt.
Heather
And he's like. And this whole thing is acting. And he's like, hold on a second. You're acting like I cheated on you or I left you, and I didn't. You said, like, I didn't cheat on you or leave you for another girl. She's. You knew very well. When we started talking about the annulment, my response was, wow, are you already lining up a third marriage? You seem very eager to get this annulled. Because right there, my snarky comment was correct.
Brandi
Yeah. And he's like. And you go around and you're talking shit to everybody, like, oh, I never loved Dennis. I would never be with Dennis. I never married Dennis. Dennis. So then why do you care? Like, why do you care for. He goes, why do you care for?
Heather
So just for people keeping up the marriage that Gigi didn't care about, she wanted Dennis to care about also. So. Yeah, there.
Brandi
Yeah. And she's like, really? I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna punch something to get it. I'm gonna punch something. It's like, you. You're in the Valley. Everything already looks like it's punched.
Heather
And then there's that, too. And so she goes outside, and she's like, what is this? She's crying. Dan's just sitting there, and the rest of us are scratching our heads like, wait, this was the cliffhanger. This is what we're supposed to care about.
Brandi
Yeah. I wonder, will he drink his lychee martini? Let's find out next week. The Valley, Persian style.
Heather
Oh, no.
Brandi
Well, everybody, that was it. This a week of Watch what happens. Super fun week we had here with you guys. Love y'. All. Go get tickets for The Golden Crappies February 27th in Hollywood. You can get those tickets at watch what crappens.com. and we will talk to you next time. Bye.
Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
Lunch was great, but this traffic is awful. Um, can we stop at a bathroom? Are you alright? I keep having stomach issues after eating like. Like diarrhea, gas and bloating, abdominal pain and sometimes oily stools. Sound familiar? Those stomach issues may actually be a pancreas issue called exocrine pancreatic insufficiency or epi. Creon. Pancrelipase may help manage epi. Creon is a prescription medicine used to.
Heather
Treat people who can't digest food normally.
Brandi
Because their pancreas doesn't make enough enzymes.
Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Heather
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Brandi
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Date: January 17, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
This episode of Watch What Crappens brings Ben and Ronnie’s signature blend of sharp wit and loving ridicule to "The Valley: Persian Style," Season 1, Episode 3 (“Trunk No Show”). They dissect the latest drama among Bravo’s favorite Persians—their messy relationships, misguided business ventures, and chaotic social events—with a focus on Gigi’s exhausting antics, marital meltdowns, and a notably failed trunk show. True to form, the hosts volley between hilarious tangents and keen insight, skewering the cast’s delusions with affection and exasperation.
Ben and Ronnie zero in on Gigi’s persistent immaturity and her need for chaos—particularly her meaningless fight with Dennis, the ex she married to get back at another ex, Ty.
Quote (Ben, 03:46): “Why do we have to be subjugated to watching some stupid fight with Gigi and this guy Dennis?... There's like no stakes attached.”
Ronnie emphasizes the cringe factor of watching Gigi repeat the same patterns as she's aged, now as a mom:
The hosts playfully debate whether, as podcasters, they're allowed to “mom shame.”
Ben (06:01): “I feel like we're allowed to mom shame if we're podcasters.”
Titanic Divorce Metaphor:
Ben: “They're basically all on the deck of the Titanic... watching the tables slide into the ocean at this point and holding on to the rails.” (06:39)
On Gigi’s Perpetual Teenager Routine:
Ronnie: “If you didn't have a dad supporting you, you'd be under a bridge somewhere. You know, just get it together, lady.” (03:13)
Marital Blame Game: Ben: “Every woman loves being compared to their mother in a fight. That's what every woman loves, Tommy.” (16:33)
On Gigi’s OnlyFans:
Ben: “If you’re paying money, I mean, I don’t want to see what I can see on Instagram.” (10:06)
Trunk Show Burn:
Ben: “She should be as angry as she needs to be.” (12:38)
Ronnie: “Did she mean eight people as a burn?” (46:47)
On MJ’s Marriage:
Ronnie: “Anytime one person in a marriage starts to look good, it's a divorce coming, which is not wrong.” (53:14)
On The Reza & Adam Dynamic:
Ben: “Adam, you're not even giving Reza a hug. Please don't be judgy about the beds.” (54:29)
On Gigi’s Revenge Marriage:
Ben: “She got married just to make this guy Ty upset, which is almost like the story that you hear in, like, a musical or something.” (39:21)
Ben and Ronnie toggle between affectionate exasperation and scathing (but ultimately loving) mockery; they play up their Bravo expertise while offering cultural asides, personal family anecdotes, and rapid-fire comic impressions. Their recaps are equal parts snark and nostalgia, poking fun at the show’s self-importance while celebrating the enduring absurdity of Bravo’s universe.
For readers who haven’t watched or listened, this episode offers a perfect, playful snapshot of Bravo’s new Persian spectacle—fuelled by marital dysfunction, petty party drama, and unapologetically spicy commentary.