#3191 Southern Charm S11E09 Part One: Just EscarGOT

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3191 Recap

Southern Charm S11E09 Part One: Just EscarGOT
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 29, 2026

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Overview

In this first part of a two-part recap, Ben and Ronnie dive deep into Southern Charm's Season 11, Episode 9, dissecting the infamous Guys' Dinner, relationship woes, Charleston real estate, intergenerational pressures to get married and have children, and the existential sadness of Bravo "core four" culture. The hosts serve their signature blend of biting satire, affectionate mocking, and poignant commentary, while riffing hilariously on cast antics—from cooking failures to emotional immaturity.

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Key Discussion Points

The Core Four's Fight & The Restaurant Metaphor

[02:32 – 06:40]

• The episode opens with reflections on the “core four” (Shep, Craig, Austin, and Whitney) awkwardly fighting in a weirdly public banquet setting—drawing a very apt metaphor of them literally and figuratively being in a “bubble” of self-absorption.
  • Ronnie: “They're basically in a literal bubble in the middle of a restaurant… all that matters to them is their stupid fight inside this restaurant when there's so much joy and happiness around them.” [05:16]
  • Ben: “They're all dying alone and fighting over their failed beer companies… welcome to 40.” [05:40]

Craig and Shep's Sitcom, “Roomies”

[06:40 – 11:26]

• Shep is living with Craig; the hosts delight in mocking Craig's laughably inept kitchen skills—especially his egg Fiasco.
  • Ben: “He just likes to put on the aprons and put his eggs in a bowl. People don't put eggs in a bowl... They come in a carton with little individual holders on purpose, you dumbass.” [07:32]
  • Ronnie: “There needs to be like, the real reactions of at least the snooty gays watching this show who are like, the egg!” [09:33]
• They riff on the name “Salmonella” as if it’s a Bravo character or luxury virtual assistant.
  • Ronnie: "Beautiful name for bacterial inf... Salmonella. Beautiful. Think about it." [10:11]

Nell Carter & Give Me a Break Nostalgia

[11:16 – 13:20]

• Spirals into a musical and sitcom detour about Nell Carter, 80s themes, and nostalgia.

Chocolate Milk Chat & Nesquik Memories

[13:31 – 15:14]

• Earnest, silly debate about chocolate milk quality and childhood sugar highs.

Nail Salon Catch-Up: Madison and Vanita

[15:14 – 20:51]

• Madison gushes about her pregnancy struggles, while Vanita bemoans her fraught friendship with Sally.
  • Ben: “[Vanita] did kind of just say, don't talk to me about Craig… I interpreted that as, ‘I don’t really want to be friends with you’... and now she's like, but now I don't know what's happening. And I'm like… you know why.” [18:19]
  • Ronnie: “Vanita, you can do so much better. There are more interesting people on this show to become friends with.” [20:09]

Shep’s New (Creepy) Beach House & Martha Stewart Fantasies

[20:51 – 24:25]

• In-depth lampooning of Shep’s new, “bare bones” house and his questionable taste in opium beds and plunge pools.
  • Ben: “The bones of it are nice, but… it needs cleaning and painting, like a lot of painting.” [22:25]
  • Ronnie: “Fumigation is maybe something to aspire for. A Glade plugin.” [23:57]
  • Ben: “When someone comes and they say, ‘I love the smell of an old beach house.’ That's not a compliment.” [24:02]

The Plunge Pool & Austin’s Happiness Problems

[24:25 – 26:28]

• The hosts mock Shep’s impractical desire for a plunge pool and reflect on Austin’s perennial inability to be happy for others.

Self-Help and Extreme Accountability

[27:07 – 32:43]

• Craig offers up “make everything your fault” as self-help, which Ben and Ronnie deconstruct and satirize.
  • Ronnie: “This explains why Craig is a professional victim every single episode.” [28:01]
  • Ben: “Now that I hear Craig espousing its virtues, I’m gonna basically be overhauling my personal perspectives.” [30:23]
  • Ronnie: “If you say everything is your own fault, it can also kind of loop around and make you a narcissist all over again.” [31:12]

Parental Pressure & Relationship Angst: Austin and Sally’s Storylines

[33:31 – 43:20]

• Austin visits his parents, leading to delightfully cringe and withering exchanges with his mom about settling down.
  • Ben: “I love his mom because... she has resting disappointment face.” [33:47]
• Sally visits her own family, mourns her singlehood, and discusses freezing her eggs.
  • Ben: “Every scene in the show is just about the crushing pressure to have children on people that really don't want any of this.” [41:11]

Chickens, Codependency, and Missed Connections

[43:20 – 49:08]

• Sally regrets getting chickens to impress Craig, and Ben and Ronnie go all in on mocking the bizarre romantic misadventures and lack of self-awareness.
  • Ronnie: “[The chickens were] an insincere choice on your part… It just doesn't get more pick me… now I've got these birds on my hands, and these are like living creatures… It's the foster system.” [44:15]
  • Ben: “They all poop all over you. You built them a coop, nobody appreciates you. Just be glad it wasn't children.” [47:26]
  • Ronnie: “I think she's confusing chickens with gremlins. I'm just so confused.” [49:56]

Charlie and Craig’s Awkward “Oyster Date”

[50:14 – 57:10]

• They dissect a supremely awkward date, emphasizing Craig’s social cluelessness and both parties’ underlying issues.
  • Craig (quoted): “This is my first date that I’ve ever been where I haven’t hooked up with a person before.” [52:09]
  • Ronnie: “So you’re just. We’re just gonna start with the red flags. Great. Love that.” [52:09]
  • Ben (paraphrasing Charlie): “I have learned that I'm worthless unless a man likes me. So I hope you don't mind that I'm codependent.” [54:31]
• Wraps up with big-picture observations on the cultural and familial pressures especially facing the women of Charleston.
  • Ben: “Every conversation we see on this phone with parents, like… I hope you saw a husband out there. See if someone will impregnate you, okay? Like, just move.” [56:24]

Final Thoughts and Part Two Teaser

[57:10 – 58:36]

• Ronnie: “Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one... For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.” [58:18]
• Quick speculation about Charlie, Whitner, self-worth, and who should actually be dating whom.

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Notable Quotes

• Ronnie: “There needs to be a cry track—at least the snooty gays watching this who are like, ‘the egg!’” [09:33]
• Ben: “They're all dying alone and fighting over their failed beer companies… welcome to 40.” [05:40]
• Ronnie: "Beautiful name for bacterial inf... Salmonella. Beautiful. Think about it." [10:11]
• Ben: “Every scene in the show is just about the crushing pressure to have children on people that really don't want any of this.” [41:11]
• Craig (quoted): “This is my first date that I’ve ever been where I haven’t hooked up with a person before.” [52:09]
• Ronnie: “So you’re just. We’re just gonna start with the red flags. Great. Love that.” [52:09]
• Ben: “When someone comes and they say, ‘I love the smell of an old beach house.’ That's not a compliment.” [24:02]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Core Four Restaurant Fight Metaphor: 02:32–06:40
• Craig & Shep’s Roomies Kitchen Fiasco: 06:40–11:26
• Nail Salon: Madison & Vanita: 15:14–20:51
• Shep’s Beach House/Opium Bed Tour: 20:51–24:25
• Parental Pressure: Austin & Sally: 33:31–43:20
• Sally’s Regret over Chickens: 43:20–49:08
• Craig & Charlie's Awkward Date: 50:14–57:10

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Tone and Style

Ben and Ronnie are in classic form: snarky but affectionate, brimming with tangents, musical callbacks, sitcom references, and zero patience for Bravo cast members’ emotional immaturity. Their mockery is mediated by genuine insight into why these people are so tragic and hilarious—a masterclass in reality TV recapping.

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For all the snarky, heartfelt, and cringe-fueled fun, check out Part Two for the rest of this Southern Charm episode’s dissection.

Transcript

[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there.

[Ronnie]

Hello, Ben. Hello, Ron. How's it going?

[Ben]

Good. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. It is Southern charm day today. Go grab your tickets for The Golden Crappies, one month away, February 27th in Hollywood, California at the Fonda Theater. Get your tickets at watch with crappings.com okay, streaming tickets are going on sale next Wednesday, so we're excited about that. And so voting will also commence. There will be two rounds of voting and that starts Wednesday as well. So you can find that stuff on our social watch. What crappens.com Patreon Patreon has a new newsletter. It's free to everybody. It's basically a weekly blog on what's going on on Bravo. That's super fun. And any news or whatever, we're going to be doing the South Beach Food and Wine Festival in the middle of February. That's going to be super fun. If you're in Miami, come check that out. And I think that's it for that, right? What else do I have to say? Oh, yeah, just go. Yeah, Patreon's where you get everything. Newsletter ad free listening, bonus episodes, videos of all our recaps, and that's that.

[Ronnie]

But today, emotional fulfillment.

[Ben]

Emotional fulfillment. Yeah, we're. It's hugs. It's. It's hugs with words. So now we have Southern Charm, Season 11, Episode 9, Best Frenemies, Forever Enemies.

[Ronnie]

This is the big fight episode. This is the one where at the very. In the season premiere, the entire season began with these knuckleheads sitting here having dinner and screaming at each other. And I always assumed they were in a private room because the way they shot looked like they were in like a dark, sumptuous private room. But I was so shocked to see that they were just in a strange banquet in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I was like, so these guys were screaming in the middle of a restaurant, which is like, par for the course for Bravo. But I don't know, it just seems so much more embarrassing to me once I got the full context. I don't know if anyone else had that thought, but I was definitely thinking it.

[Ben]

You know, there's something sad, I think, about these four guys together. You know, it's like. You see the four guys, they call themselves the core four. I call them the whore core, but there is four guys. They have all of this opportunity for vaginal fulfillment all around them because they're on a TV show. And they are never going to give that up, no matter what. You know, it's like a key to go to any bar in Charleston and get laid as long as they're on tv. And they are never gonna give it up. They're just. And seeing them, and that's fine. Look, I'm not a marrying type either. I love being single, and that's just how I live. So it's not like I'm dissing the lifestyle. It's just that I know that they're doing it. I'm doing it because my Auntie Lulu was an inspiration, and she was the only person in my family who died with a smile on her face. And, you know why? She kept men out of her life. And so that's my hero. That's why I do it. These guys do it because they have, like, a gold card to just get what they want forever. And I just. I feel like it's sad. It seems like some kind of a addiction that they can't get over. And so to see them all just, like, kind of haggard, you know, it's like 10 years into this, they're looking, like, kind of used. And it made me sad.

[Ronnie]

I mean, it's a great visual metaphor for them, is that they're in the middle of this crowded restaurant with lots of people. Lots of. Lots of people. Lots of faces, lot of excitement, lots of nitrotinis floating around. And they're in this sort of, like, shell. The. The banquet is this tall thing that goes above their heads, and it says round. I don't know. It's like a little. It's this. What's the right word?

[Ben]

It's like a high walled. Looks like they're in, like, a well. It's like a well. You know, like they're. They're the baby Jessica's. It's Thrown, thrown down the well. It's like they're in their walled garden.

[Ronnie]

You put the hose in it, you know, like you recoil your hose and put it in this container. But they're sitting in there. There's one little entrance, the waiter can come in and like drop off their food. And I was like, this is so perfect. They're basically in a literal bubble in the middle of a restaurant where all. And it's a dark bubble. It's a dark, dark bubble. And all that matters to them is their stupid fight inside this restaurant when there's so much joy and happiness around them that they're just not even aware of.

[Ben]

Yeah. And they're even served with a giant dong because the only way that they can get pepper across that table is to have a gigantic, you know, five foot tall pepper grinder. So they're being served by this like giant, giant dick, you know, while that's all they're thinking of, they're all dying alone and fighting over their failed beer companies or whatever. And it's just like, welcome to 40. You know, it's like. And then we've seen the treats, the coming treats for next week or the coming season that Austin probably cheated on his girlfriend, which I don't think anybody's really shocked by that. But it's like, here you are, 40s, you're still cheating on these children that you're dating. You're talking about all these girls that Whitney had to fuck before they even got on the show that you're all going to use and just throw away within a year anyway, like the whole thing just made me feel sad. And when I say sad, I mean, I laughed a lot. I was like, haha, told you, told you 10 years ago, suckers. Yeah, so anyway, there you go, here we are. Southern charm. Here we are. Hugs.

[Ronnie]

Well, the show opens up with a little comedy moment because Shep is rooming with Craig while his place gets redone. So he's staying with Craig. And so they do like a sitcom bit where it's called Roomies. And we just see Craig preparing breakfast, have a laugh track and everything. And Craig is not very good at this. He basically, he drops some eggs. He, he takes a, a bowl, he has a bowl of eggs that are piled super high and he's trying to balance them but also do things. And guess what? An egg falls onto the floor and breaks.

[Ben]

And so laugh track's like, it opens with Craig going, what do we call, what do we call the electronic assistant? I forgot her name.

[Ronnie]

I think we changed her name to, let's just say, like, Padgett or something.

[Ben]

I don't know. Today it's Bertha. But he's like, are you supposed. Burnett, are you supposed to cook bacon in a cast iron pot? A cast iron skillet is a good choice for cooking bacon as it conducts heat evenly. This is also. He's like, all right, all right. That's all I needed. Did she. Is she the one who told you to put eggs in a bowl? You know, he's one of those people that. He likes to think of himself as a Martha Stewart, but doesn't actually know how to do any of the stuff. He just likes to put on the aprons and put his eggs in a bowl. People don't put eggs in a bowl. They just don't. Like, not piled like that. You saw that on a cookbook cover, and we're like, I'm just gonna put my eggs in a bowl. And now you're dropping them all over the floor. Because that's not how eggs go. They come in a carton with little individual holders on purpose, you dumbass. They're round.

[Ronnie]

Yes. And the thing is, there are some people who might pile some eggs into a bowl and looks very cute in the fridge, but they don't p. The point is that, like, they're in the bulk. The bulk can contain them. But these eggs were like. They were rising up above, like, the great pyramids of Giza or whatever. And is that what they're called, Giza? I have no idea. Burnett. Tell me the answer. But, like, it was just, can I cook Giza? Giant structure. It's a giant structure of eggs. And then on top of that, you've got eggs in a bowl. And he's, like, trying to balance it to grab something else out. And of course, the night's gonna go toppling off, you know? I mean, and this is someone who wants to have chickens.

[Ben]

And he's got a fucking rug in there as well. So he drops it, it breaks all over the rug, and then he just cleans it with a little paper towel. Now your rug has salmonella. I mean, just everything he did, like, in five seconds, his house is just salmonella filled. Like, he doesn't know how to make an egg. I mean, it was just so sad. So there's a laugh track, but there should be a cry track, because there needs to be, like, the real reactions of at least the, you know, snooty gays watching this show who are like, the egg.

[Ronnie]

What did the egg do?

[Ben]

That's not how you Use a skillet so Shep Jack doesn't have to be.

[Ronnie]

The one that truly cleans that up. And we all know poor Jack.

[Ben]

Yeah. And so Shep comes in, and he's like, what are you. What are you doing, Gar? She's like, oh, just cleaning up an egg off the floor.

[Ronnie]

Oh, on my account. Shep, you're gonna be the death of me.

[Ben]

You're the one killed an egg. Salmonella is gonna be the death of you.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it sure will be.

[Ben]

You're gonna get salmonella on your toe when you walk over.

[Ronnie]

That's a beautiful name for. By the way. Beautiful name for bacterial inf. The situation. Salmonella. Beautiful. Think about it.

[Ben]

That's what they should call the virtual assistants. Hey, Salmonella. Can I cook? Can I cook bacon?

[Ronnie]

You would think it'd be called, like. Like, Salmonaka Caucus Salmacocus, Right?

[Ben]

Maybe in some countries.

[Ronnie]

But, like, why do we call it Salmonella? Like, she is like, the fancy bacteria.

[Ben]

It was named after the girl in school that everybody fell in love with. Salmonella. Can't help but get it into your system. She loved it raw.

[Ronnie]

A salmon who showed up at the ball like, wait a second. Who is this beautiful salmon?

[Ben]

Or it's just a great. Carter. Salmonelle Carter. It's a great singer. It's like.

[Ronnie]

Give me a break. Give me a ring. Give me a break. Now I know what it takes.

[Ben]

So pretty. Skin smooth. God, I love Nell Carter. I need her in my life, and I have her in my life. Every day I play some Nell Carter. Well, not every day, but many days of the week, I'm like, you know what? I'm not in a good. Yeah, she sings on the. Well, she sings on the movie cast album of Hair. Oh, she's got a lot of songs in there, and I just love her so much. And I also listen to Ain't Misbehaving a lot because I love that musical. So I'll just put those on when I'm not in a good mood and I get some. No, Carter. That's the one where she sings. That's all I really need to listen to. I'm happy. Like, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

[Ronnie]

I am proud to say. Well, I don't have the Ain't Misbehaving get album, although my parents had it growing up, so I was always playing in the house. But I. I do have both versions of the Give Me a Break theme song, because there are two versions. There's one that's like plucking up beat, you know, there's one that's like, now.

[Ben]

Give me a break.

[Ronnie]

And then there's one that's, like, slow and, like, has, like, electric piano. It's like, give me a break. I don't know. They. They have two different vibes, but they're both quintessentially Nell Carter. And when you either one, you listen to you. Just imagine her pulling the dustbuster out of the fish tank.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Or she was vacuuming the fish tank. What is she doing? Or is it a phone that comes out of the fish tank?

[Ben]

I thought it was a fish, but the fish. Yeah, yeah. She throws it at Joey Lawrence's head. Calls it today. But when it's trash day and it's time to put out the trash, I sing. Give up all your pots and pans Give them every little thing you can don't give them away no, no, no get some cash for your trash that's for me.

[Ronnie]

We got a lot of pots and pans, huh?

[Ben]

Yeah, that kind of. Damn, Kelly. Well, everyone, well, the day now. Car.

[Ronnie]

Daily saucepan is done.

[Ben]

So now chef's like. Oh, chocolate milk. Yeah. It's like the good stuff, too. It's like the good chocolate milk.

[Ronnie]

The good stuff. It's literally just chocolate.

[Ben]

It's a normal container of chocolate. I know.

[Ronnie]

It's actually the good stuff.

[Ben]

Yeah. It looks like a glass bottle. That's like $20 for this chocolate milk. It's in a glass bottle, guys. It's just chocolate.

[Ronnie]

It's like the literal opposite of the good stuff. It is like the generic supermarket chocolate milk that's just not as satisfying as if you get, like, the little quick bottle. You know, we all know that he.

[Ben]

Just pours it all over this.

[Ronnie]

That's quick, really.

[Ben]

He pours it into the. The cast iron skillet. So.

[Ronnie]

Do you know how addicted I used to be to Quick? But this used to be called Quick before it was called Nesquik and the little bunny on it. And we would have that, like, that yellow can where you had to, like, take the. The. Your spoon and pry it under the lid to pop it off, but put in there. And I think you're supposed to, you know, you take a glass of milk and you're supposed to take, like, one spoon and just, like, put it in, swirl it. I would do three to four spoons of that, and it would be swirling around forever. It was. I mean, it was the sweetest chocolate milk you've ever tasted in your life. And I. Good God. I loved it.

[Ben]

I still drink chocolate milk every day. I just finished it. I just add two shots of espresso to it and call it a mocha. But it's basically just. I don't even put ice. It's just a big N. And I was gonna stop drinking it because the hormones from milk or whatever apparently, like, keep me from losing weight. I don't know. That's what the doctor said. So I stopped doing it for a week. And it was not a good week. I didn't enjoy the week. So I'm just like, I don't care if I'm still chunky. I'm just gonna drink my chocolate milk every day. I don't care. No one's taking it away from me.

[Ronnie]

Get the good stuff.

[Ben]

So then. So now we go over to Madison's house. She's. Well, not her house. She's going to my Mouth and Ale spa. Hi.

[Ronnie]

Durhamsa will actually do your nails. It's strange.

[Ben]

They give you mimosas when you go there, but there's nails in it. Little nail clippings.

[Ronnie]

So she goes in there and she wants to have her nails to be Ferrari red. Vanita joins and is like, oh, my God. She's like, you're so pregnant. How much longer do you have? And she's like, well, if you look at these buttons, we got, like, minutes, okay? I've been ready for five months ago.

[Ben]

Okay?

[Ronnie]

I'm ready for this corn to be born.

[Ben]

Pregnancy is not for the week. I mean, my hands are going to sleep. I'm getting Charlie Horses in my legs. Why did he get Charlie horses in your legs? Nobody told me that.

[Ronnie]

So they're just sort of like Vanita's touching the baby belly and everything, and there's kicking and stuff. And Madison's like, like. I mean, this is like when he.

[Ben]

Turns, like, a total bitch and get away with it, because.

[Ronnie]

So here we come. I'm a bitch. I was like, I feel like, total bitch. I'm getting away with it. Ever since you've been on this show.

[Ben]

Please don't say it. Yeah, you get away with it. Anyway, Finita's like, I cannot wait to meet your baby. Can I put an air tag on it? Just swallow this airtag. I want to know where your baby is at all hours. Make sure your baby is home before 10. So they're talking about Hudson being excited, and she's nervous, and she's like, oh, yeah, because I'm nervous because I broke my pelvis when I had Hudson. I've just got a Tiny pelvis. I was on a walker for three months, so I don't want to get pregnant. But, you know, we're almost there. She's already £4, so I have large babies scheduled. C section this round. Timmy Tuck coming soon. Hudson's at overnight camp. That's fine over there doing that. And, you know, got my hot husband. He's off firefighting. We just moved into a new big house. What's going on with you, Vanita? She's like, I'm mad at Sally. And you just see Madison's face, like, oh. Because I'm gonna get her a mimosa and a nail mimosa.

[Ronnie]

So I have to remind her again. I might be facing another broken pelvis. This time they'll make fun of. I'll have a funny moment. I'll go. Pelvis has left the building. So Madison is. Yeah, she's listening to Vanita. And Vanita's saying, just weird right now with Sally. You know, weird vanilla. It's weird between Vanita and Sally because Vanita told Sally, if Craig basically kicks you to the curb, don't come calling me. Saying, they kick you to the curb. So she doesn't come calling Vanita. And now Vanita's like, I don't know where we went wrong. What happened to our friend?

[Ben]

Why didn't you call me?

[Ronnie]

Why didn't you call me?

[Ben]

She said, yeah. I mean, I was like, what happened to the days when she would literally wake up and call me at 11:00am and she'd be like, we're getting drinks at 1:00'.

[Ronnie]

Clock.

[Ben]

And I'd be like, okay, you know, I don't do that. But I'll go with you. Alcoholic. Can't wait. Well, honestly, I mean, she just brought out this savvy that I thought, you know, I knew you had it in you, you know, but it was just really deep down in there. But, you know, you've almost been fine. You've almost been fun since you've known Sally.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I just feel like it's so silly.

[Ben]

That that would change.

[Ronnie]

And Vanita's like, but I feel like it's more so her than me. But, like, I'm gonna just try to keep on ignoring it because she keeps doing stupid, and I just can't keep falling behind that. Now I am largely on Vanita's side over Sally's side in the history of this friendship, etc. But, like, Vanita, you did kind of just say, like, don't. Don't talk to me about Craig. Like, you were like, I think Vanita was 100, right. She was right that Craig was going to treat Sally like. And she was right that Sally was not being a girls girl tour. But also like you kind of told her like, essentially, I don't really want to be friends with you. I mean I, I, I interpreted that way like, you know what, you've been a bad friend to me and then you're gonna complain to me. I don't want to hear it. Bye. And then, you know, that's how I kind of took it. And now she's like, but now I don't know what's happening. I don't know why. And I'm like, but you know why?

[Ben]

Well, as far as her being right about everything, I mean if she had told Sally, look, Craig's history is this, he's not very nice. I wouldn't do this, you know, because of whatever other reason that would have been one thing, but it's because she's friends with Paige and Sierra and he broke up with Paige and Sierra and she's like taking sides. So it's like a different reason. You know what I mean? It's a selfish reason. It's not just saying I'm protecting you from this person who's not nice. It's, I'm protecting you from someone I don't like because of these girls that I started all this mess with this guy because of the, you know what I mean? It's just, it's more selfish reasons. It's not like I'm just looking out for, you know, it's take my side in a fight that I'm having on behalf of these other girls that I'm trying to, I'm trying to be friends with. So I don't know, it doesn't seem like a true friendship helping situation either. It seems self serving.

[Ronnie]

So I also just don't, I think Sally kind of sucks this season and I just, I'm like, why are you chasing after this Vanita? You can do so much better. They're more interesting people on this show to become friends with.

[Ben]

I mean, are there Molly? So we go to, so they're talking about the party and stuff and Madison said, you know, I just think these girls being girls are being childish. I mean, Jesus, my pelvis is, my pelvis is broken just listening to this. You know, they need to realize the only relationship here that's going to work is the friendship between the two of them. It's not about the man. You know, they need someone to talk to in two years when they're fired. And the men are kept on this show. They need to be there for each other. Yep.

[Ronnie]

Benita's like, I just want my friend back. Well, you should tell her that. I think she would agree. I, I think that Sally's moved on at this point. I think Sally's just upwardly mobile and the Bonita ship has passed for her. So now we go to Shep's new house and the, the opium bed that's now my large coffee table. So they're looking at it. I felt like the opium bed, look, it looked kind of cool in the shop, but it looks way too big in Shep's house, right?

[Ben]

It's too big. Yeah, it's too big. And it's the only thing. Because it was some bordello. It's the only thing that is in his house.

[Ronnie]

Think he's committed to.

[Ben]

It's like, well, I don't have much, but I've got an opium bed.

[Ronnie]

I love having a big coffee table. It's good for like a lot of snacks, you know, all the snacks and beverages you want out there.

[Ben]

Yeah, you should have a, you should have a Martha Stewart type line. Greg.

[Ronnie]

I'm sure Jack loves it when you put out bowls and snacks that he has to clean up.

[Ben]

I'd love. It's just Craig always trying to hammer his homemaker instinct. Wow, a big coffee table. You could put a lot of snacks on there. Oh, I hadn't thought of that. I was going to hang so many eggs.

[Ronnie]

So. I love the smell of an old beach house. Yeah. Well, that's good. It's actually just me. I just went swimming. Gosh. Well, I'm glad you like it. You know, I like it too. You want a tour? So they go on a tour of this old house and it's nice enough. Looks a little, I mean, sure, it's nice, it's nice.

[Ben]

The bones of it are nice. But you know, Shep is. And Shep says he's like, I'm notoriously cheap. I'm not fancy. I like it. Bare bones. That means houses without condoms. But he basically, it needs cleaning and painting, like a lot of painting. It needs like a little updated, at least the bare minimum updatings, you know, like clean up the floors a little bit, have them sanded down, kind of redone, reshallact or whatever. Get your walls painted, update the kitchen, all this. It needs some stuff. But chef's just like, wipe away the.

[Ronnie]

The, the bleeding walls and that spirit that's just like lingering on the staircase. We can maybe banish it. Sage that spirit away.

[Ben]

The walls do look like they're bleeding kind of though. Or at the very least, they're bruised.

[Ronnie]

I do believe there was a skeleton that was just hanging out in a hallway. So we should probably get that out of the way. But other than that, the house is in pretty good shape.

[Ben]

Yeah. So let's see here, guys. He's like, it's a fairly new kitchen. And Craig, like, very cool. I love that doll that's walking backwards through the living room. He's like, yeah. Oh, it's a great dining room, Ryan. Yeah, Sick. And this is gonna be the master bedroom.

[Ronnie]

It's perfect. I love how a pentagram appears when you walk in the room and it's made of flames. That's a really cool touch.

[Ben]

It hits my. It fits my personality. No frills. And I don't need bells and whistles. I don't need a brand new kitchen and vaulted ceilings and crown molding. You need a paint job and you need need a cleaning crew.

[Ronnie]

Fumigation is maybe something to aspire for a Glade plugin.

[Ben]

I could smell your house from here. When someone comes and they say, I love the smell of an old beach house. That's not a compliment.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's called mold remediation time.

[Ben]

No, this is perfect because now you have a house. So you're going to get married and have your first kid and then your second kid, and then you're going to be golden. Because that's all we think about in this town is when are we going to have kids.

[Ronnie]

You're gonna be gonna be golden. Gonna be gonna be golden. On Rodrigo's like, guys, I'm here too. That's wishful thinking. Craig, can I get into this conversation? Yeah. I mean, why? This is fun. You gotta say wishful, right?

[Ben]

Haha.

[Ronnie]

And Shep is like, I'm gonna have two kids. I will. And they are gonna be in the shape of two DVD box sets of Ken Burns documentary the Revolutionary War. New documentary out now on pbs.

[Ben]

House. What comes first, the chicken or the egg? Too soon. Oh, sorry, Craig. Maybe the big boy house. That's the chicken. And now the egg comes later. Maybe that's the egg. Who knows?

[Ronnie]

I think it's just gonna be a bunch of chickens. I don't know if there's any eggs in sight. So Shep is like, okay, so here's an interesting idea. I want to have a plunge pool right here. And he's in the yard. There's like no room in that yard for any sort of pool. There's like, barely room in there for, you know, a solo cup of water. What is he talking about? He's gonna put a plunge pool.

[Ben]

So. A plunge pool? What is that, like, a hot tub?

[Ronnie]

Well, I thought a plunge pool was actually one of those tubs that you, like, put, like, ice water in and you plunge it, but I don't think.

[Ben]

Doesn't even want to pay for water. Oh, no. It's like a little pool. I looked it up. Hold on. It's wanting to look at my location.

[Ronnie]

Plunge pool. Okay, so it's just a teeny.

[Ben]

It's like a little pool.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's just, like, a teeny bit a little pool. It's still. Honestly, it still looks pretty narrow there for a plunge pool. Yeah, you know, it's cute.

[Ben]

Well, I'm glad that Shep wants to, you know, immerse himself in water at some point. Might I suggest a bath?

[Ronnie]

It's nice that he wants to take at the plunge on something in his life.

[Ben]

Well, he's talking about eggs with no irony.

[Ronnie]

Talk about salmonella. That plunge pool. Hey, be careful, everyone. I want to have a little bar.

[Ben]

You could just chill out here. Yeah, well, Austin will never come over because he's got a big problem with building oasis at your house and then staying there. He hates happiness.

[Ronnie]

So we see a flashback of awesome being like, do you want to hide? This is insane right now. You just want to hide out. Don't be mad at me. If you were a real friend, you'd be happy for someone and come over and use their. Their sun sun shelf on their pool and get honey from the beehive. But you hate me, so stop.

[Ben]

I need to surround myself with people who are happy with remote controlled fire pits.

[Ronnie]

I need to surround myself with people who are okay with underperforming margarita mixers.

[Ben]

Underperforming marine machines. Rodrigo's like. Well, I just think that he, you know, like, wanted to hang out with Sally more than he wanted to admit it. And Craig says, well, he tends to, like, plant landmines around himself. Craig, you've literally planted landmines around yourself. I cannot believe Craig hasn't started himself on fire in that backyard yet.

[Ronnie]

He is the landmine. He literally is. So Rodrigo's like. Like, it's like Sideshow Bob with the rakes, and every turn, the rake is hitting him again and again and again. Rodrigo, stop it. You're not a main character. You already had your three lines. It's no way to live, man. It's just not the one thing that would Change his life, Austin's life. That is, is if he started to make everything is if you start to make everything his fault. Because like a couple years ago I read this thing that said, make everything that happens in your life your fault. And I could accuse anything. I could come up with a reason for an excuse. What does he talk make everything your fault.

[Ben]

Wow.

[Ronnie]

This explains why Craig is a professional victim every single episode.

[Ben]

No, he's saying, make it your own fault so you're not a victim. I mean, I kind of like that. That's like some old 90s pop psychology stuff. I read that somewhere too. I don't know where, but I like that. I try to do that too. Like anything that happens. I'm like, how? How is it my fault? Because then you can like kind of figure out a way to make it better and it doesn't feel like you're so out of control. I mean, look like if there's a mudslide, my house slides down a hill, that's not my fault, you know? But then I could still be like, well, how could I. How could I prepare myself better for the next time? So I'm not such a loser when my house slides down a hill. But to hear Craig say it, it makes me rethink that whole thing, you know, Because I'm like, well, Craig is saying it, so I don't know that. I don't know that I've been really living by a good plan. I feel like it's been keeping me somewhat happy. But now I'm question, I'm questioning everything.

[Ronnie]

Basically, Craig just got that from chat GPT, AKA his therapist. Let's be honest. Okay? I don't think. I don't think that Craig actually uses that psychology of make everything your own fault. I think he just. Chat GPT told him that and now he just parrots it as if he is enlightened and working on himself, but he's just merely reciting things that a robot is cobbling together from the Internet. Like probably. I looked up that you read.

[Ben]

Yeah, because I looked it up. I looked up make everything your fault. And it says when taking radical 100% ownership for your life, you accept responsibility for your reactions, choices, and outcomes. While this mindset can empower personal growth, shifting from a victim mentality to a one of accountability, it is essential to distinguish between extreme self responsibility for personal outcomes and taking unwarranted blame for external events outside your control. It's called the empowerment perspective. That's right, guys.

[Ronnie]

That's right.

[Ben]

Wow. That doesn't Say where this is from, though.

[Ronnie]

I didn't know that acknowledging, acknowledging your own responsibility and actions was considered extreme accountability. I thought that was just accountability. It's like, well, that's. Oh, you know what? I left the light on downstairs. Extreme accountability.

[Ben]

Extreme.

[Ronnie]

Everything is your fault. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday I announce I left the light on downstairs.

[Ben]

Yeah, everything. I mean, I took that kind of thinking years ago and I did not read this book called everything is your fault. I mean, I read a lot of self help shit, but I wouldn't even. I wouldn't get something bad on the news, but I did it because I think it does help with, like, victim stuff or like blaming your parents for everything. It' okay, you're like, you're in your 40s and 50s. Like, you can't be blaming your mom every time you something up. Like, it was that I was right. So, you know, that helped me get out of like a victim thing. But yeah, now that I hear Craig espousing its virtues, I. I'm. I'm gonna basically be overhauling my personal perspectives is what I'm saying. Commercials.

[Ronnie]

Here comes one right now. I like the idea though, that if you say that everything is your own fault, that it can also kind of loop around again and just make you a narcissist all over again. Because the whole idea is that, like, you're such a narcissist that you can't take any accountability, but then what if you start taking accountability for things that like, are really not your fault? It's like, oh, my God, I am so sorry that I caused Faye Dunaway to read the wrong answer at the Oscars. It was my fault about La La Land. I'm so sorry, guys. It's like, no, it's not about you. Then.

[Ben]

Well, I'll tell you what, it wouldn't come in handy in court. You know, it's like I read the empowerment perspective and now I'm in prison for life. And I don't know why I took credit for murdering that mailman. I don't know why I didn't do it. But I said I did.

[Ronnie]

But for real though, I am, I am very sorry that I got Real housewives of Dubai canceled. That was my fault. I apologize. Also, New York reboot. My fault.

[Ben]

I'm not apologizing for that. That's one thing I will not take blame for.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's all my fault. It's me. Just put it on me. See, by the way, here's the thing. You know, long before this pop psychology came around, there were Jewish mothers. It's like, okay, it's fine. It's my fault. It's all right. Just blame me. Just mothers in general. Let's broaden it up.

[Ben]

Yeah, I mean, I did go to Catholic school, so there was a lot of it is your fault, you know, so maybe that's where I got it from. But Shep's like, actually my mom. Yeah, personal accountability is tough. You, you're still pretending you broke up with Paige. What are you talking about? And Rodrigo says, yeah, see, here's, here's the thing. Like, I mean, you guys can meet up and you could like, you know, have a, you know, have a good time together. But like, I don't really even hear about that. Like, all I really hear about is you guys like, like complaining, complaining about each other.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And like, what is it with you? Like, you guys have like all these issues with these people or are they just like, are they your good friends? Like, I just, I just don't not ever know. I mean, these guys, they live in a gray area. They almost thrive there. I mean, Shep actually literally lives in GRY house. But that's besides the point.

[Ben]

Gosh.

[Ronnie]

That's why we can never get through to one, even one another go. So we go over to Austin's parents house and Austin meets his mom. I love his. I love his waspy mom. She's like, hey, Austin, want an apparel sprints? She's like, already got the booze flowing. Yeah.

[Ben]

The buzzer parents are getting shit faced in the middle of the day talking about all their extracurriculars now that they're retired. It's like, well, your mom just a tennis pro and she's on her way to ping pong, and then she's gonna have some mahjong and then she's gonna another tennis press. She's gonna a mahjong pro. Okay. You know, I'm gonna just golf for the fifth time today. I like his mom because I love the, you know, like how some people have resting bitch face or whatever. Like me, I think she has resting disappointment face.

[Ronnie]

Like, I was just gonna say the same thing.

[Ben]

We've said it for years. Every time Austin comes on, she's like, well, hey us, you want a glass of wine? I mean, you're here, I'm gonna have a bottle.

[Ronnie]

Your dad and I were just playing a game called your fault. And we just say Austin back and forth to each other for about 10 minutes.

[Ben]

My parents are living their best retired life. My dad has like three golf groups. My mom's in Pickleball, book club, mahjong. Like, when I call her, she sends me to voicemail more often than not because she's busy doing something thing.

[Ronnie]

I guarantee she's sitting in a chair doing absolutely nothing. It's just.

[Ben]

Her new sport is just pressing send to voicemail. Nailed it.

[Ronnie]

She's reading a bear for Contessa cookbook and sending Austin to voicemail at all times. So. So they sit down and dad just gets out of there. He's like, sorry, I got golf with my sixth golf group. I don't know, I'm just not gonna sit here and talk to you soon. So they. Wendy says, this is actually funny. They sit down and, you know, there's. She's put out some food, so she goes, hey, grab the nuts, Austin. I'm like, please don't ask him to do that. We've been seeing that clip for so many years now.

[Ben]

Austin's grabbed his nuts enough on this show for sure. I'm surprised you didn't ask me about Piper Martini. They're your grandchildren. It's like, oh, God, watch. Watch my dis. If you thought right when you thought my disappointment face couldn't etch deeper, here it is. It's like, extreme disappointment face.

[Ronnie]

She's like, how are extreme disappointments from the people who brought you extreme accountability comes extreme disappointment.

[Ben]

You say you don't even carry your grandma. It's like, oh, God. How are they doing, Austin? They're just little monsters. Like, little perfect monsters.

[Ronnie]

So he shows his mom his new tattoo that he got with his sister in memory of Kyle, who is their late sister. And she really likes it. She feels like it was a nice way to honor Kyle, etc. And she's saying, you know, it's so. It's. It's really sweet and sad because Wendy's talking about how she imagines that Kyle would be married with kids by now and she'd be coaching. You know, she's like, even theoretical. Kyle is doing better than you are right now, Austin.

[Ben]

One thing I'm sure about is that Kyle would not be disappointed in me as you are right now. And he's like, well, Audrey and I had a conversation about the future. And she brought up some things where she was like, sometimes when you talk about the future, you say a lot of eyes and not a whole bunch of weeds. And I'm like, oh, shit, do I do that? That I even said I. And the question to myself about what she was saying.

[Ronnie]

And Wendy's like, oh, she said that to you? Well, that's Legitimate. That's. That's fair. You. You. You do rate as. Like, you'd be a pretty bad boyfriend. And he's like, well, the thing is this. It's like, I'm not. Like, I'm not, like, 100% on her. Like, I think I'll probably be at, like, 10%, 5%, 1%. I don't know. I could probably dumb her tomorrow, but you're. You're going to move to Charleston, and then if that means a year and a half later, we're going to pop the question. I'm like, like, we're coming that fork and just like, are we going to go down that way or continue? I don't know. She's like, okay, well, all right. Well, let's. Let's do an exercise I'm not sure you've ever done before in your life. Where do you see yourself in the future? Like, even just one day from now? Have you ever thought that far ahead? Austin. You should do that.

[Ben]

What do you think you're looking for besides change in our couch cushions? Austin. And he's like, well, part of me is like, whoa. Well, I mean, okay, like, what. What more do you need out of a partner? I mean, she's young. Young, gorgeous, you know, but, like, 99 of your friends would be jumping out of their shorts to be someone like Audrey. Jumping out of their shorts?

[Ronnie]

Jumping on their shorts. Is that an expression? Oh, my God. Look at that hot girl. I'm gonna jump out of these shorts. She's like, well, I'm not sure you ever really know for sure that it's the right person. So if it's not the right person, what you do is you get really drunk and let him go off and play golf 10 hours of the day while you play mahjong. Did I say that part out loud? Anyway, I mean, when you walk down the aisle, you just say, please let this be the person I want for the rest of my life. It's kind of like buying a house in the pandemic, you know, there's not a lot of options. We just get what you can get for a good price.

[Ben]

You don't know where you're gonna get Austin. I mean, you just walk down the aisle, you look next to you, and you say, well, he's breathing, and he's got a job, you know? God knows it would have been a lot. It'll be a huge loss if you don't have kids, Austin. She's like, okay, I know that you think I'm destined to have a Family. But, like, what if I'm just not mom? What if I'm just not Austin? Let me tell you something. Having kids is the best thing I ever did. I mean, that's so sweet to say, but you're, like, literally talking to Austin right now. Didn't he just spend half of your retirement funds on that drop Hop, stop. Rethink. Rethink your life. I'm sure there are other things you've done that have been really great.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, Yeah. I think she's just trying to get him to leave. She's like, okay, I talked about kids enough that Austin went back back home. Okay, you can come back out, honey.

[Ben]

I can get back in my bra. So she gets, like, real cheerful. He's like, I'm grateful you had kids. I mean, honestly, because, like, I'm alive. I'm here. She goes, no, I don't want you to be grateful for it. I want you to recognize how meaningful it is. It's the best thing I ever did. Don't lose sight. Okay, well, that's the best thing you ever did. It doesn't mean it has to be the best thing he ever did.

[Ronnie]

You want to know what the best.

[Ben]

Thing I ever did was?

[Ronnie]

You want to know what the best thing I ever did was? Mom, I got some new khakis. Oh, okay, you can leave.

[Ben]

I also got new cat keys, which are khakis for my cats. They're such adorable monsters.

[Ronnie]

Piper. Piper.

[Ben]

And the other one.

[Ronnie]

Oh, God. Martini. So we go to Sally's parents home, and Sally goes, and her whole family's there, and there's a baby. So she's like, holding the baby and like, oh, my God, it's mine. So we grew up in a very traditional way. We went to church every Sunday. Both my sisters had kids. Every time I see my nieces and nephews, I'm always thinking, I want one. I want to steal them from my sister. Just the other day, one of my nieces, she said her first word. She looked me straight in the eye and she said, slut. And I was like, wow. I. I'm a little offended, but it's a special moment, so I'm just gonna let that one fly. But so nice. I want a baby.

[Ben]

Every scene in the show is just about the crushing pressure to have children on people that really don't want any of this. Just, like, parental pressure to procreate. That's all this show has become. It's every scene. Every scene is like, when are you gonna have a baby? When are you gonna have a Baby. When are you gonna have a baby? So Sally's like, oh, my God, can I just keep her? She's so cute. Can I keep her? Can I just take her over to Craig's house and say I'm gonna put her in a Tupperware and say, I got this for us.

[Ronnie]

I just think it might be the thing that moves the needle for me and him. So, yeah, she wants a baby real badly. She's gonna freeze her eggs so she doesn't feel pressure to find a husband. Okay, that's good. Because, you know, you're clearly not on the hunt these days, right? Like, when I look at Sally, I don't say, this is someone who wants to get a husband right now. I mean, she's acting like if she freezes her baby, like, freezing babies, you know, I'm just gonna drop this.

[Ben]

You know what? I'm not ready to be a mother. I'm freezing this baby until I'm. Until it's time.

[Ronnie]

I'm freezing the baby. She's like, I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I mean, I have the house, I have the job, I have the career. But I feel very lost in my relationship era. Like, you forgot that old. Remember that personality is a good one to add on to that list. Maybe work on that part.

[Ben]

The only people you've chased in the past three years of your life have been on TV shows, for one. You need to go. You need to go date people. Not because they're on tv. Like, there's other reasons to date people. I can't feel bad for Sally. Although, you know what? I do like Sally. I don't have any hatred at all towards Sally. I actually really like her, but I feel like she just means I loved her.

[Ronnie]

I just. I feel like last season I loved her. I just feel like this season, I don't know, she's not doing it for me. I don't hate her at all. I don't hate her. She's fine. But, like, there's something about her that's been really annoying me this season. I can't. I don't know. I feel like I can't really put a finger on it, but, yeah, she's just not doing it for me. She's not.

[Ben]

Yeah. I mean, I like her. Okay, so Sally's like. I mean, wakey, wakey. No flies today, okay? Because your auntie has a million flies at her house. Because she got chickens, like an idiot. And the guy there is hot. I don't know if it's her brother or her brother in law, but he's like a blank. I don't really remember what he looks like, but I remember him being kind of a blank slab of flesh, which I really like. You know, I like. Like just a blank person that's like, duh. And then you can kind of input in information. It's like, I like a man that's like a brand new thumb drive, you know, that you can just put the files on and create whatever you want.

[Ronnie]

Fun. Yeah, that's fun. So. So he's like, what?

[Ben]

And then race them when you're done. Just kidding. Yeah, sorry.

[Ronnie]

They can get lost. You find them in between. You find them in a pocket.

[Ben]

Empty trash.

[Ronnie]

Well, Macheck, his names are Popcorn, Coconut and Cantaloupe. And then Claire, who's. I think her sister was like, what? Who named Cantaloupe? Did Craig name it? She's like, huh? I'm telling you right now, I'm dropping them off at Craig's and leaving them because she said everyone in the group told me not to go for Craig. And I got hurt by him. And we see him denying her and there's a little regret. And I wouldn't say regret, because I don't ever regret anything. But I feel like it takes you into the next place you're supposed to be in life and. But I hate chickens and I want them out of my life. Like, why did you get chickens like that? I think this is the thing that really like tipped me over. Like, you bought chickens for a guy and you don't even like chickens hands. So this was like an insincere choice on your part, which of course it was. But like, it just doesn't get more pick me. Then I'm buying these birds that I don't even like to impress a guy. And now I've got these birds on my hands and these are like living creatures that now are like, not for long. Yeah, not for long. They're gonna go chicken fosters the foster system.

[Ben]

They're gonna be tossed on some barbecue sauce and served up pretty soon. But yeah, she. When they show this flashback to them in the feed store, she's saying like, I like you. And he's like, yeah, I don't see it. And then right behind his head, there was a. There's a bucket that says hen on it because it's like for feed or what? It's like a Halloween theme bucket that says hen. And overseas, when you're getting married, your bachelorette party is called a hen party. It's called the hen's party. And I was like, this is so sad. It's just like, it's just like a scenery that adds a little bit more sadness to the whole thing. But there she is in front of her empty non filled hand party.

[Ronnie]

I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him if he wants to reconsider what he just said because I am going to buy some chickens. But it's sad or too because he rejects her in the, the animal store and she has that moment right there to take her little dunkin donuts, munchkins, box of chicks and kind of just like put them back. Like, you know what, can I get a. You know, I think I want to return these. I'm gonna return these chicks to you guys. Like at that point he had already rejected her, but she was, she was still thinking, wait a second, I'm gonna take these chickens home. And then I think he's gonna really like me. Like she, she hadn't fully accepted it. She didn't accept it until she found out that he was talking about her. But like you had the chance to turn to return those chickens at that point they were not even fully purchased.

[Ben]

Yeah, but you want to kind of prove to yourself like, I'm not just getting chickens for chickens for a guy. Like, I'm doing this for me. I don't need the guy to have the chickens. I can have the chickens just because I want the chickens. And so you get the chickens and then you get them home and you live with the chickens. Popcorn hates your ass. Popcorn wishes you were dead. You know, they all hate you. They all poop all over you. You built them a coop, nobody appreciates you. They can't even talk to you. They don't give you any appreciation. And then you're like, I hate my fucking life. Life. You know, just be glad it wasn't children. I'm telling you because you would have had a baby for this man, you know, and that it could have been a baby. So just be glad that you can cook these things.

[Ronnie]

I also just want to put something out there for Sally. Okay. So you, maybe you do you want. You got the chickens not for Craig. You wanted to see if there's something you can do. Maybe you can turn the corner on chickens. Etc. Open your heart to chickens. Here's one thing that you can do. Rename me Cantaloupe. Okay. You do not have to stick with the name Cantaloupe. It's still early on in the relationship where I Don't think that cantaloupe's name has been impressed upon them.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Not sure what.

[Ben]

Yeah, there's still a chance. Yeah, there's a chance.

[Ronnie]

Takes back some power and rename Cantaloupe into something else. Maybe something like, I don't know, booby face or, I don't know.

[Ben]

Booby face.

[Ronnie]

No, Carter. I don't know, Patricia. I don't know. Name it after someone on the show.

[Ben]

Judgmental chicken. Loose one. Wait a second.

[Ronnie]

Does that chicken have a butler?

[Ben]

Now why is that chicken electrocuting her butler? So the family's like, so how long do chickens live for anyway? She goes, too long. Well, but. So you had a coupe built? Yeah, I built the coop. They've gone in the coop, and now they can't get wet. And that's how you kill chickens. Because I was excited to swim with them. They can't even swim. I mean, I was. I wanted to float in water. That's. Don't. We're all raised in bathtubs with little rubber chickens. Those are ducks, honey. God damn it. Nobody told me that.

[Ronnie]

I'm concerned that Sally needs to be sent away to a facility for a moment just to be checked out. I don't know. Like, this is her dreams of swimming with chickens. I don't know what's happening here. I think that she's just disconnected from reality at this point.

[Ben]

She's actually perfect for Craig, which is the funny thing that Craig doesn't like her when she's like Craig's perfect other half. I mean, they're exactly the same. Just watching entire scenes of them trying to figure out how to use a cast iron skillet. I mean, it would have been gold. Craig really missed the boat on this one.

[Ronnie]

I think that she really thought she was gonna raise these chickens, bring them over to Craig's, and they'd go swimming in his pool, and they'd bring the chicken in the pool, and they just play with the chicken in the pool. Not that I don't know too many people who have fantasies about playing with chickens and pools. But, like, I. I don't know. She has this wholly the strange thing, and she's like, you can't get chickens wet. Is that true? I feel like animals are equipped to deal with rain. I feel like that's part of nature. Right? I think. Is she confusing chickens with gremlins? I'm just so confused about.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Also, I guess now is a good time to make a correction. Last week, I said that Gonzo's little chicken friend was named Priscilla, and her name is Camilla. I apologize.

[Ben]

Well, it was embarrassing, so thanks for taking care of us.

[Ronnie]

It was.

[Ben]

Charlie arrives at Low Country Oyster, and Craig is there on their date. And it's a weird date, and she's. You know, it's called low country, so it's like boots, but Craig is wearing, like, those water shoe boots. He's wearing some weird. She's like, like, your boots. He's like, yeah. Well, this is my friend Trey. It's a place called Lowcountry Oysters. That's like, this place. Look. This is where they. This is where oysters are made. Look, there's a. There's a manufacturing plant in there. They make oysters here. She's like, oh, wow, that's interesting. So we're just gonna eat out here on the grass, huh? Okay, well, thanks. That's great bait.

[Ronnie]

I sort of thought it'd be a little bit more romantic out here, but it's okay. We can just sort of stand at a little table and smell industrial fumes. So tray of oysters comes out, and there's like. These are our signature oysters. Low country cup oysters.

[Ben]

And wow. Wow. Get a picture of my outfit. So he takes a picture of her, and he's. She's like, why are you laughing? He's like, cause you're kind of cute. It's giving this, like, trip charming smile. And he's doing that thing where he's wearing a hat, but he keeps taking off his hat and then moving his hair back to reminder. Like, I may be wearing a hat, but I've got hair. I'm like, a lot of bald losers in this town. Yes.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. When I'm interested in a girl, I think I'm, like, inherently flirty. That's. Yeah, that's usually how that goes. And so Craig is like, your face, and you smile. You make people laugh. Are you saying I have a funny face?

[Ben]

Yeah, it's, like, hilarious smile right now. Oh, my God. It's like, what? Is there something in my teeth? I'm not telling you. God damn it. This is the first. My first date that I've. That's ever been where I haven't hooked up with a person before. She's like, wow, that's so romantic. Wow.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so you're just. We're just gonna start with the red flags. Great. Love that. It's like, I have no idea what to do in this moment if I don't welcome them. Like, I need to know what your vagina tastes like before I can have a conversation with you. Okay, great, great, great, great, great. Let's put some minionette on this. Okay, great.

[Ben]

Also slurp down some oysters. And she's like, wow, this is, like, better than the restaurant. He goes, yeah, because, like, these. These come, like, right from the water. Unlike the restaurants where, you know, they go to an aerobics class first. The steam room.

[Ronnie]

They go through those restaurants where the oysters have to travel five minutes and then go to your plate.

[Ben]

It's not like land raised oysters.

[Ronnie]

I mean, yeah, they come right from the water. You grew up on the water, didn't you? She goes, well, on the lake. Yeah. I mean, we would spend every single weekend on the lake. Oh, so you're a lake girl. Well, would you ever move back there to the lake? She's like, no, absolutely not. Never. Oh, was it because of your ex? No. How long were you together? Was it painful? Do you want to talk about it? Tell me everything about your ex. Did he leave you because of your face was so funny, like, hard to look at. Isn't it funny how your eyeballs on your chin. That's so strange. Can't stop laughing.

[Ben]

You know, he just couldn't, like, see a future with me anymore. Was it because of your face?

[Ronnie]

Won't.

[Ben]

What's wrong with my face exactly?

[Ronnie]

Did you just have future written on your face and you erased it one day? And he's like, I can't see the future anymore with you.

[Ben]

Maybe he just kept looking at your face and he doesn't like to laugh.

[Ronnie]

So, you know, you ever go to go with him to a funeral? And then people kept on laughing because it was a funeral and he got upset because of your face? That may have been why.

[Ben]

Did you ever talk about your future? And she's like, yeah, we talked about the future. Goes, yeah. So he just changed his mind. Yeah, well, screw him. Him screw Paige. God, what a. What a dick.

[Ronnie]

I hate that you used to date Paige Desorbo also. She's like, I thought he was the one. And we were planning a life together. So I was really depressed after that breakup. I mean, I think I have a tendency to get very attached and codependent. So it was a complete life change. Also, I mean, I'm kind of the total package. I'm like, really hot, and I'm into art. And he still. That still wasn't enough for him. So I guess I kind of spiraled after that. If you think about it, it.

[Ben]

Anyway, you know, I'm a pretty girl with everything going for me, but I have been raised around here, and I have learned that I'm worthless unless a man likes me. So I hope you don't mind that I'm codependent. And he's like, love it. Love that about you. And she's like, well, I'm not going to convince anybody to be with me. Trust me, I've tried. And he's like, well, you can't, because they're gonna do what they're gonna do. I mean, that's what happened to me, though. Like, the whole I want to marry you one day thing, I'm like, no, that's not. Not a thing. If you don't want to get, like, married. Like, I just don't want to be one half in and one half out because, like, when I date someone, I like to be a hundred percent.

[Ronnie]

Well, I'm really glad that Craig is taking that it's all my fault mentality to heart.

[Ben]

I'd like to be 100. And by that, I mean I want the person I'm dating to change their entire life to accommodate mine. She's like, well, you. You would think that I would. I would be afraid of commitment, but I'm not at all. I just. I don't know. I'm just. I'm just very much a relation. I mean, we're dating now, right? So we're. We're engaged, right? Oh, my God. Put this oyster on my finger. Do it. Do it. Is that. Is that too forward? It's not. God, stop. Stop being so insecure. I don't like it. Like, you literally have everything going for you. I don't like this whole, like. Well, I'm just codependent. Who's in, man? Please stop it, Charles.

[Ronnie]

I think that, like. I think that Sally also kind of just, like, is still living in her head, and I feel like she can't. I can't just be at ease and secure because I think that she's just thinking about Sally, and I think it's making her skittish. I really do.

[Ben]

Well, it's also just how they grew up. I mean, we see how the parents are. They're like this with the boys and the girls. But I think there's extra pressure on the women in the South, Especially around here, when the men outnumber the women so much, you know, it's like living in Alaska, you know? And so the men have. Wait the women out. What am I trying to say?

[Ronnie]

It's like living in Alaska bear that's trying to have sex with a human. You're like, there Are so many of us.

[Ben]

The girls outnumber the men, right? Isn't that how it is here? So the guys have the choice. They have like all the choice of whoever they want. And the women just feel like, oh my God, nobody likes me because the men have so many options in this town. And so it's, you know, there's just a bunch of stuff compounded. And I would just say move. Like, move to. I know your family's there, but what are you moving away from? People that pressure you every day for not having a child. I mean, every conversation we see on this phone with parents, like, hey, honey, you stuck in traffic? I hope you saw a husband out there. See if someone will impregnate you, okay? Like, just move. Leave your family. Go find something else to do.

[Ronnie]

I, I agree. I also think that Craig is probably a, like, he's. He's a big shiny object, you know, taking everything out of it. The snarkiness aside, he is really hot. He's really charming. He can be very, very sweet. He's successful now. He's famous. You know, he. I think that like, like on the surface, on a dating, you know, first date, second date, third date thing, like, I think he sells the fantasy. I think, I think he's captivating and so it feels like he's the one. And so like I can imagine being like, oh my God, I hope this works out, whatever. But like the truth is, as far, we don't know much about Charlie, but it just seems like there's a lot going for her and it would be nice if she realized her self worth a little bit more because she doesn't have to slum it with these with this guy or anyone on the show. And actually the one thing that makes me sad is it seems like Whitner is like a great guy and she basically friend zoned him right away. I'm like, what? But Whitner. Go for Whitner, Charlie. That would make me so happy.

[Ben]

We haven't even on this show. Like, he's gone now. I don't know. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

[Ronnie]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alice in Block.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Ronnie]

She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Aren't you glad? It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

[Ben]

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

[Ronnie]

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo.

[Ben]

She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manock.

[Ronnie]

Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthi. Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani.

[Ben]

The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

[Ronnie]

Maximum love for Santi Maximos.

[Ben]

Get.

[Ronnie]

She's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke.

[Ben]

We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson.

[Ronnie]

Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop at solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.

[Ben]

She ain't no shrinking violet.

[Ronnie]

Coutar.

[Ben]

We love you guys.

[Ronnie]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Christian Bale was preparing for his role in American Psycho, dressing the part, hitting the gym for the first time in his life, even getting his teeth redone. There was just one he didn't actually have the part. Leonardo DiCaprio did. Listen to our podcast what Went Wrong? Every week as we unearth the chaos behind Hollywood's biggest movie flops and most shocking successes available wherever you get your podcasts, Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.