#3192 Southern Charm S11E09 Part Two: Just EscarGOT

Summary

Podcast Summary

Watch What Crappens

Episode #3192: "Southern Charm S11E09 Part Two: Just EscarGOT"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 29, 2026

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of Watch What Crappens delivers a lively and snarky recap of Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 9, focusing on Craig’s dating life, Molly’s quirky family interactions, an explosive steakhouse birthday dinner, and the endlessly dramatic friendship dynamics of Charleston’s core four. With Ben and Ronnie’s signature wit, the duo mock, dissect, and psychoanalyze the cast’s emotional chaos, all while riffing off tangents about birthdays, steakhouse culture, and Southern male etiquette.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Craig’s Flip-Flopping and Dating Tactics

• The show opens diving right into Craig’s charming but inconsistent behavior with Charlie (“You’re kind of special. Wink, wink, charm, charm.” — 02:18).
• Hosts point out the contradiction between Craig's proclamations and post-date discourse:
  • “Why do girls think I want to date them instead of just f-cking?” (02:24)
• Ben and Ronnie highlight that Craig blames women for expecting more, even when he acts like he’s searching for commitment.

2. Molly’s Hoarder House and Family Humor

• Molly is shown clearing out her clutter and having a comedic call with her mom about attending her upcoming “annual Molly music drag.”
• The hosts riff on the “hoarder house” vibe and Molly’s family’s absurd expectations:
  • “I just wish your first public song hadn’t been about abortion.” — Guest/Co-host as Molly’s Mom (05:44)
  • Extended, hilarious confusion about Molly’s involvement in Grease vs. Greece (the musical vs. the country/oil spill)—a classic Crappens tangent.

3. Celebrity Birthday Rabbit Hole (07:03–09:27)

• The discovery that Dinah Manoff shares a birthday with Watch What Crappens launches a rabbit hole about famous January 25th birthdays, providing comic relief and a testament to the hosts’ chemistry.

4. Commitment & Confidence Struggles

• Molly’s lack of confidence and tendency not to follow through is dissected as both a comedic plight and a relatable human issue. (“I don’t have a lot of confidence… I let that little voice in my head stop me from doing a lot of things that would be fun.” — Molly, paraphrased by hosts, 09:55)
• Her cat, Robert Downey Jr., gets an honorary mention for his silent judgment.

5. Craig’s “Clean Lifestyle”—or Not

• Shift to Craig’s house: discussion of his claims to “newfound cleanliness” while his assistant Jack is left to clean up exploded Amazon shampoo deliveries (10:50).
• Jack’s presence becomes a recurring visual joke—imagined as forlorn and overlooked.

6. Core Four Dynamics & Veiled Politics

• Craig and Jack discuss life philosophies, the RSVP to Austin’s birthday, and value systems. Ronnie muses whether “value differences” means politics, but Ben notes both are probably conservative given their podcast history (12:28–13:42).

7. Nitrotinis & Steakhouse Culture Mockery

• The birthday dinner at Grill 225 becomes a centerpiece:
  • Hosts poke fun at Charleston men’s laziness (“Austin shows up at this nice place in shorts. This is why half the women of Charleston need to leave…” — Ronnie, 19:06).
  • The absurdity of “nitro martinis” and steakhouse gimmicks are lampooned (“At a certain point, cold is cold. I don’t need it to be colder than that.” — Ronnie, 17:16).
  • The bartender’s exasperation is an in-joke (“Respect the nitrotini.” — 18:03).

8. Birthday Dinner: Tensions Rise

• The group exchanges gifts, memories, and sarcasm.
  • “I’m not used to getting men birthday presents. Oh God, presents are just for women. Normalize birthday presents.”—Craig (20:56)
  • Craig gives Austin a feathered bow tie—suspected regift and cause for laughter.
• Shep and Craig’s roommate stint is dismissed as already over, yet another storyline that fizzles in classic Southern Charm fashion (18:03).

9. “Frenemy” Fights: Craig vs. Austin

• The dinner devolves into an argument about dating, maturity, and alleged manipulation:
  • Craig sets up justification to dump Charlie, while the group points out his pattern:
    • “He’s also setting it up so that when she acts serious, he can make her look crazy. Typical man book.” — Guest/Co-host (26:15)
  • Austin and Craig air grievances about friendship, secrets, and alcoholism as a storyline cover:
    • “Craig gets out of tough situations by playing the victim.” — Guest/Co-host (30:45)
    • “Craig pulled the alcoholism card.” — Ronnie (30:45)
  • Both call each other liars and claim the moral high ground, each with valid points about the other’s defects.
  • Austin’s business ("Trop Hop") failure becomes another sore spot:
    • “You haven’t built anything. What have you even built, Austin?” — Craig (34:06)

10. The Crappens Take: Everyone’s Awful, Everyone’s Right

• The hosts revel in the circular logic and dysfunction, noting: “Watching them call each other out is so funny because they’re all right, too.” (36:27)
• They agree both characters have valid points, making for a perfect recipe of lovable dysfunction.

11. Finale: Fractures & Next Week’s Tease

• The birthday dinner erupts into full dramatic chaos—“I do hate you, Craig. I hate you. I hate you. And on my birthday, too!” — Austin (37:05)
• The episode closes recapping upcoming Southern Charm drama, and previewing coverage of Beverly Hills, The Valley, and The Traitors (38:23).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Craig's manipulative dating habits:
  “He’s setting it up where he’s leading her to believe he only wants something serious, and then he’s going to make her look crazy when she wants it.” (26:15)
• On the cast’s maturity:
  “Craig is very much like a middle schooler when it comes to dating… and I’m a caveman that just says, ‘Come home with me with your pretty little freckles.’” — Shep, via Guest/Co-host (26:39)
• On steakhouse affectations:
  “This is the Disneyland version of a nice steakhouse at this point because everything is so cartoony.” — Ronnie (27:53)
• On Southern Charm’s recurring self-sabotage:
  “These guys are all terrible. And watching them call each other out is so funny because they’re all right, too.” (36:27)
• On the never-ending birthday dinners:
  “They just rotate through the same resorts. Yeah.” (38:17)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Craig & Charlie Date Recap: 01:58–02:42
• Molly’s Hoarder House & Mom Call: 03:20–05:57
• Celebrity Birthday Rabbit Hole: 07:03–09:27
• Craig’s “Clean” Lifestyle Exposed: 10:22–11:19
• Craig & Austin: Core Four Value Debate: 12:28–13:42
• Steakhouse Dinner / Nitrotini Mockery: 15:42–18:03
• Austin Arrives in Shorts/Roasting: 19:06–19:44
• Gift Exchange – Feather Bow Tie: 21:36–22:05
• Craig & Austin: Dating Life Dispute: 25:11–25:54
• Craig’s Alcohol “Manipulation” Debate: 30:45–33:03
• Austin’s Business Failure Argument: 34:06–35:20
• Full-Blown Birthday Dinner Fight: 37:05–38:01

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Conclusion

This episode epitomizes Watch What Crappens’ irreverent energy and sharp cultural commentary, offering listeners a full-bodied roast of both Southern Charm’s most ludicrous moments and the real-life foibles of its cast. The hosts expertly balance ridicule and affection, ensuring even listeners unfamiliar with the franchise will find humor and humanity in the messy world of Charleston’s finest.

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Transcript

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[Ronnie]

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[Guest or Co-host]

CR.

[Ronnie]

Who happens when there's so much that happens? Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode.

[Guest or Co-host]

He's saying, yeah, well I just wish we had more time to hang out cuz like, you know, I just know, like if I like someone quickly. And she goes, I mean so do I. And he's like, so you're saying that we both like each other? And then they laugh and she goes, I mean, so you want to do this again, right? I mean, I'm just kidding. But like you do, right? He said, yeah, you're kind of special. Wink, wink, charm, charm. Which is cute.

[Ronnie]

Sorry you fell in love with me. It's all my fault.

[Guest or Co-host]

I mean, this was kind of a cute scene, except that he shows up later being like, but yeah, but like, why do girls think I like him? Like, why do I have to like start dating them right away? Like, why do they get the impression I want to date him instead of just fucking. I'm like, because you do shit like where you're like, I just want to be in a relationship right away. I sure know what I like. And it's you, right? And then the Next scene, he's like, ah, just. But now, am I gonna give her the wrong impression if I just want to her? Yeah, right.

[Ronnie]

And this is on the heels of him complaining about Paige. He's essentially saying, Paige was dangling a carrot in front of him by saying, yeah, we'll get married in one day, when he's actively dangling a carrot now with this girl. But, you know, it was Paige's fault in this situation, not Craig's fault. You know, that's where the pop psychology ends, is when dealing with. With Paige. So now we go to Molly's house, and she's just doing her normal thing, which is rearranging and moving her piles of junk and snake stuff around, like.

[Guest or Co-host]

In her hoarder house. So she's. Yeah, she's in her hoarder house. I like her piano setup that. It's right under the tv. You know, you gotta. It's a good space saver. I've never really thought about that. And she pulls out a plastic bag with a weave in it, and she's like, oh, this is my we from America's Next Top Model. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I didn't need to sniff that. I don't know why I did that. Puts it back. And her mom calls her, hey, honey, you had any babies yet? She's like, no, Mom. I'm just like, God, what are you doing? I'm going to play bridge with these goddamn old people taking up all the parking spaces in senior center. Old people. Sick of them.

[Ronnie]

I got to go find another parking spot. It's like, well, since you called, I'd like to invite you and dad to this little set that Keith and I are playing in a couple weeks. And she's like, I'm just having a couple people over. It's the annual Molly drags everyone to listen to her do something with music thing.

[Guest or Co-host]

And this is better, though, than the Euphonium concert.

[Ronnie]

The Euphonium concert, where. Where Shep sat there in the audience and used his fingers like a little conductor thing. Like, someone's like, yes.

[Guest or Co-host]

Not a Kiss concert. Chef Tori. Adora Gar.

[Ronnie]

Cigar.

[Guest or Co-host]

Cigars.

[Ronnie]

So, Molly.

[Guest or Co-host]

My favorite song.

[Ronnie]

Oh, I love the holidays when I can go and see the Garcracker.

[Guest or Co-host]

Dance with the sugar Garch fairies.

[Ronnie]

He just inserts the Garch in that one. He doesn't even replace anything.

[Guest or Co-host]

He replaced the plum.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah, he did replace the plum. I always replace the plum. Plum. So Molly says, yeah, I come into my concert, and Anne, her mom, says, oh, honey, I can't wait. We'll be cheering for you. I have. Oh, I'm always. I've always. Every time you've sung anywhere, I've always. I've always been so proud of you. And I'm so proud of you for doing this. You know, until you were In Greece in 10th grade, we had never heard you sing. Oh, I. Mom, I don't think I was in Greece. No, that time that you spilled all that vegetable oil on yourself and you began singing, we thought that was strange. But you had beautiful voice covered in grease.

[Guest or Co-host]

I just wish your first public song hadn't been about abortion. She's like, mom, that wasn't even me playing Rizzo. Well, that girl was talented. My. So you were in Greece? Yes, Mother.

[Ronnie]

God.

[Guest or Co-host]

You all just assumed I was in group choir, and I assumed I sucked. And she's like, no, we didn't assume you sucked. I mean, we had a pretty good idea. You said.

[Ronnie]

We didn't real. We didn't quite realize. We thought all that time, you really did try to go to beauty school. And then when you dropped out, we were actually secretly very happy. That was. That was just a song, apparently.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay, that was Frenchie, Mother. Okay, see, that girl was talented, too. Who? Who were you in greasing in?

[Ronnie]

Were you the Dinah Manoff character lover?

[Guest or Co-host]

Well, you did really stick with it. And you know, the one thing that worried about is with you. It worries us about you. Is it? Sometimes you don't stick with things, okay, like cleaning. Cleaning your house. You maybe stick with that. Do something I should remember. You couldn't even stick to washing your hair. Remember when you were in that choir and everybody just kind of kept moving away from you because your hair smelled? You've given away that weave, right.

[Ronnie]

Ronnie, I have to stop everything. Stop everything. Of course I mentioned Dinah Manoff appropriately.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay, so here we go. We're going into a Dinah Manoff sings Greece or what are you gonna go through song list.

[Ronnie]

I'm stopping everything. And I think this happened last year, but I'm just. You know, Dinah man up was in Greece, so that was a. That was an authentic reference. And then I thought, why do I have this weird tingle in myself that, like, today is Dinah Manoff's birthday? So I typed in, when is Dinah Manoff's birthday? And her birthday is January 25th. So her birthday was four days ago. But more importantly, Dinah Manoff was born on watch what Crap in his birthday. Oh, wow.

[Guest or Co-host]

That's crazy.

[Ronnie]

How do we never know that we shared the same birthday as Dinah Manoff.

[Guest or Co-host]

I don't know, but that's hilarious. Now we need to look up everybody now.

[Ronnie]

January 25th.

[Guest or Co-host]

No, Carter was September 13th, so she's not born on her birthday, but she is a fellow Virgo, so good for her. Who else do we have? Dark overall.

[Ronnie]

Yep. Okay. Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, no, that was deaths. Sorry. Oh, gosh.

[Guest or Co-host]

Geez.

[Ronnie]

Well, that's too bad. Sorry. I'm like, wow. Because said 2017. Okay, let's get out the deaths. Let's go to the. Let's. Okay. Who do we have? Okay. Ariana DeBose.

[Guest or Co-host]

All right.

[Ronnie]

Oscar winner. These are the young people. Right now I'm in the. The. The. The young. You gotta get past the. The young people because no one cares about the young celebrities. Right. Alicia Keys.

[Guest or Co-host]

Oh, my God. Frankie Grande. Okay, you know what? We should. We shouldn't. We shouldn't keep looking at this. Yeah. But we do have Mary Lee Retton. Justin Baldoni. Wow. We've got a controversial birthday. We really actually.

[Ronnie]

Wow. Anna Ortiz. It's okay. I feel like Stephen Chomsky. I've. I was hoping that we'd have some, like, really good ones. I mean, like, listen, we got Don and Man off, and that's all that matters, right?

[Guest or Co-host]

Terry Coon.

[Ronnie]

Whoa.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah. It's a good one. Okay. I don't know a lot of those people, honestly, but that's pretty good. Dynamoff. I'll take Dynaman off. I think that. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I think Dynamite Manoff and Jennifer Lewis will make me happy. Gloria Naylor.

[Guest or Co-host]

That's pretty good.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

I love that book.

[Guest or Co-host]

Molly's like, they're talking about her singing and how she doesn't stick with anything. And then we see a clip of how she doesn't stick to things when she was at that baby shower and she didn't go to her concert because she wanted to hang out with Corey Kiefer.

[Ronnie]

Who.

[Guest or Co-host]

So Corey Kwiefer. So disgusting. And she's like, I'm going to get fired from the band. He's like, oh, what time are you supposed to be there? 15 minutes ago.

[Ronnie]

Oh. So she's like, I think it's also. I just. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself to do things. And I'm just like, I could do that, but would I be great at it? Would it really work out? So I think I, like, let that little voice in my head stop me from doing a lot of things that would be fun, you know? And so her cat, Robert Downey Jr. Just stares at her like, here's something you could finish making me dinner, bitch. Come on.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, so she is going to do that. So now let's go to Craig's house. He got a package. And of course, you know, he has an assistant. So he's like, jack. So Jack comes in and they realize that shampoo or something has spilled all over the box. And so Jack's like, oh, God, I guess I'll take care of that. Crying he's like, what even is this box? I don't know. Like, you literally order so much shit. I mean, every day is like a tik tok purchase in the mailbox.

[Ronnie]

It's just funny. It's just funny because Craig is like, bragging about how last week he's like, I just live a different lifestyle now. Like, I pick up after myself. I'm clean now. And now he, like, orders some shampoo from Amazon and it comes exploded. And instead of just taking it over to the sink and washing it off, he's like, jack. And then Jack comes, takes the shampoo, runs it under the faucet that's right next to Craig. And they're like this back.

[Guest or Co-host]

Look at these. These are little bee baths. Because sometimes the bees, like, go into the pool to get water and then they drown in it. So this is so they have a convenient place to get water. Jack's like, I didn't know that bees drink water. Yeah, well, that's why I'm rich and you're not.

[Ronnie]

So we really should have seen the signs that Craig and Sally weren't going to work out. Now that we have a full vision of birds and bees dying in the pool.

[Guest or Co-host]

It'S time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. So Whitney calls Craig and invites him to dinner for Austin's birthday. And he's like, well, I'd love for you to come. I mean, I don't know what steps of your relationship is, but if you want to come. Scum. Core four. Core four. And he's like, yeah, our status changes every day of the week with that guy. So he's like, yeah, Austin and I's value system is very different. I mean, at its core, like, it leads to a lot of arguments between us. I'm someone who cares about bees having a water source. Austin's not.

[Ronnie]

Do you wonder if it's like he's. It's a veiled way of saying their politics. Because Craig is.

[Guest or Co-host]

No, I don't think.

[Ronnie]

Conservative. Right.

[Guest or Co-host]

I think they're. I think they're both pretty conservative. I mean, they had Tomi Lauren on their podcast. I don't think you get more conservative than that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but I get the sense that, like, I don't know. I'm actually. I don't know what. I forget what Austin's politics are, but I get the sense that Craig is, like, pretty. He's pretty right wing. So I wonder when he talks about his vow, do we think that when he's saying our value system, is he making code for their politics or is he just. Just speaking?

[Guest or Co-host]

I think he's saying because he looks at himself as someone who, like, can go sober for five minutes to impress a girl. And he's in monogamy. Monogamous, relate. Like, he's looking for a monogamous relationship. And Austin's just never looking for a monogamous relationship. He just wants to fuck around and pretend he's in a monogamous relationship so he can continue to cheat. And then, you know, Craig is very successful, and Austin's business failed because Austin's like a fuckboy and Craig's like a very mature adult. I think in Craig's mind, because Craig.

[Ronnie]

Is aspiring to mature and grow and have a family, and Austin still just, like, fucking around.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Just fun to think that, like, maybe it's a political disagreement. That's.

[Guest or Co-host]

I don't think they think about politics very much, those two, I would say. I don't. I don't really think they put that much thought into it, but who knows? I think he's just like, I'm better than Austin in every way. I have a house, I have a business, and I always have a girlfriend, you know, like a steady girlfriend. And he's a loser.

[Ronnie]

Mason doesn't respect my value system just because he wants to do things that I might not do it. That's on him. And then Whitney's like, Craig. Craig could just be a bully. I mean, he thinks he knows, right? And then he's like, you. And then the next day, he's like your best friend. And then Austin, he holds grudges, so it just becomes like a circle jerk of stupidity and acrimony that just keeps on festering. It's like, well, that is fair. That is a very good way to. To put it. A circle jerk of stupidity and acrimony that keeps on festering.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, that's perfect. Who else is coming? Just a core four. Just a core four, bro. So now he's talk to Jack about the exploded shampoo and that Austin, he's been invited to Austin's birthday. And he was like, I don't Know if I want to come by, but I'm like, am I invited or not? Well, he's probably worried about you and Austin, Craig. Yeah, that's what it sounded like. I mean, how was he at Rodrigo's party? Craig?

[Ronnie]

Well, we didn't talk. I mean, we said hi, but I just stayed away because I'm an addict and I have to stay away from Austin. He's the bad influence on me. Well, it would just be weird if.

[Guest or Co-host]

You didn't go, like, especially, like, with a date or something, you know? I mean, I could clear my schedule if you want. All right, I'll go alone. Thanks, Jack.

[Ronnie]

Jack is like, putting on little pearl earrings alone and, like, little satin gloves, licking himself in the mirror.

[Guest or Co-host]

I was hoping we could watch the season finale of heated rivalry together. But if you had to go to.

[Ronnie]

Austin's birthday, a few stolen moments is all that I have.

[Guest or Co-host]

Got you grill 225. Craig comes. first, I was like, have we gone to this restaurant? Did we go there when we were in Charleston? It looks very familiar, but I think all of the restaurants look like that. All the steakhouses look like this. Like, real old timey. I know.

[Ronnie]

It actually made me want to go to one. I was like, this looks like a really fun dinner, actually. And I kind of want to put on, like, a blazer and go get, like, a martini and get, you know, creamed spinach and the steak. And, like, I really. I really wanted to. Like, I was sitting there watching it, and I was mentally saying to myself, am I going to be putting together a steakhouse dinner tonight? This is a great story for everyone listening. So congratulations.

[Guest or Co-host]

You know, go for. Looked oppressive to me. I felt like this is a place that will not have a vegetarian option just to be days.

[Ronnie]

No.

[Guest or Co-host]

Like, even if you get a baked potato, they'll be like, it was cooked in duck f that, you know? Yeah, they'll just it up just to piss you off.

[Ronnie]

But it's also a nouveau. This is a nouveau, nouveau rich steakhouse. Because an old school proper steakhouse that this one's trying to pretend to be would never have a nitrotini that has a sticker label that says warning on it. That's just like g. An old school steakhouse would be able to make the martinis and you don't have to rely on a gimmick. But this one's like the cold stone ice cream of martinis. So they have the whole funky thing.

[Guest or Co-host]

I don't know that I want to drink that. Right. Like, we see them Making it. And they're just pouring the liquid nitrogen into the drink. Is that. Is that something people drink?

[Ronnie]

I mean, I guess I don't. I don't get. Like, to me, at a certain point, cold is cold. I don't need it to be colder than that.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, this is fine. Yeah, ice is okay. So.

[Ronnie]

Only in a martini and nowhere else.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, so the bartender is like, hey, so you're having a martini, Whitney? Okay, you want olives or twist? And he's like, oh, yeah, thank you. Thank you. That sounds great. And Craig goes, no olives or a twist. He's like, oh, sorry. I thought he said Oliver twist. I'm a fucking idiot.

[Ronnie]

I don't know.

[Guest or Co-host]

I mean, they're putting nitro and shit. What do I know what they're calling it?

[Ronnie]

The bartender gives Whitney such an evil look. Like when you step into the house of the nitrotini. You listen. Okay, I asked you a question.

[Guest or Co-host]

Respect the nitro, Teeny. So Chef comes in and they're. Their roommate stint is already over. Yeah, it's kind of a waste. I thought this was going to be a storyline, guys. So, no, Chef's already gone, and he's like, so you missed me, Craig? Yeah, like, it was hard to transition having a roommate, but then now I miss you because I got used to you, and now you're not here anymore.

[Ronnie]

Chap laughed. It's all my fault.

[Guest or Co-host]

So. Sorry. Shep dropped an egg on my carpet. It's all my fault. Wait a minute. I didn't do that. Yes, you didn't. It's on my phone. How are you gonna not take responsibility, but take responsibility for not taking responsibility?

[Ronnie]

Craig, Shep committed a federal crime and snuck into my mail and squashed my shampoo and then taped it back up again so we wouldn't know. It's all my fault. So Austin shows up at this nice place in shorts. But, yeah, I can't.

[Guest or Co-host]

That.

[Ronnie]

This is why. This is why half the women of Charleston need to leave. So that way, the men start actually, you know, putting an effort into going out into public because this is just unacceptable. And in fact, like, they all give them shit. Like, you are in shorts in this nice steakhouse. It was my birthday. Ah, it's my birthday. Chop's a gosh. Tommy Bahamas your whole. As if they all don't wear Tommy in Bahama. Let's also be honest.

[Guest or Co-host]

No. Well, I. I never have an over the top celebration. I don't like it. I want to get together with some friends. I mean. Well, actually, Frenemies at this point. So.

[Ronnie]

So we know we get a reminder that Craig call or Sal. We have a reminder that Sally told Austin that Craig called him his enemy. And Austin is looking at this gift because Whitney got him, like, some booze. And Austin's like, oh, if I open this, is it gonna be, like, half drank? And Whitney's like, no, no, it's all. It's all packaged. She's like, all right, I believe you. Thanks, everyone. Okay, it's still wrapped.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's still wrapped. You can open it. You can see the packaging. It's like, oh, yeah, look at that. Oh, the card. Ms. Patricia, thank you so much for having me over. Thanks. Nice.

[Ronnie]

Whitney, thanks for the congratulations.

[Guest or Co-host]

Congratulations on having a girl.

[Ronnie]

Hey, gosh, you should get a nitro, Teeny. They said that we are contractually obligated to order six nitrotinis and mention on TV before we get our free side of mashed potatoes.

[Guest or Co-host]

Austin's 38 today. We did 38 push ups at the gym. Shep did not do 38 push ups. I don't believe it. I don't believe that. Whitney's like, I can maybe do two push ups. They just all stare at him, and it's quiet for a minute. And Austin goes, we know. We know, dude.

[Ronnie]

We know. So then they all sit down in their little. Their little shell, their bubble, which may be just to shield the other diners from seeing Austin in shorts. And they. They all arrange themselves and. Oh, this is amazing. Oh, I'm not used to getting, like. I'm not used to getting men birthday presents. Oh, God. Presents are just for women, right? Normalized birthday presents. By the way. Sorry about that. That bottle of booze that we got, you didn't mean for it to be leaking, but Jack wasn't here to clean it up. That's okay. It's okay, Jack.

[Guest or Co-host]

Jack comes over in a waiter costume. He's like, yes, Craig here, far wherever you are. Oh, get him out of here, Greg. All right, well, Craig, thank you. This is a beautiful, beautiful bow tie. Craig has given him a bow tie made out of feathers. I don't know. I think you need other things to go with that. Right? Like, I don't think you can. If you're gonna go as bold as feathers, you need matching something to go with that. But what a nice. What a nice thought.

[Ronnie]

No, this was not. This was. Craig bought something off of Facebook Marketplace or saw an ad, and he didn't like the way it looked, so he re gifted it to Austin. I guarantee it.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, so. So Regift. Bird. Bird centered, bow tie. So. Okay, well, I'm excited to have us all dinner together. Yeah. Yeah. We've been friends for a long time. Okay, well, I'm gonna just skip over that. Not say anything sarcastic. So I want to eat my steak first. I knew chef first, and then I met you two very soon thereafter. And I remember Craig said to me, are you friends with Shep? And I said, yeah. And he said, would you want to become best friends just to piss him off? Insane right now, Craig.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. That's the first time we met each other. Oh, gosh. I knew it. Thanks for verbalizing it. I'm sure that occurred. You know, Craig and Austin, their natural default setting is to just enjoy each other's company. There's so much history, and how could you not smile and laugh and reminisce? That's how I see it.

[Guest or Co-host]

But what do I know?

[Ronnie]

I'm just a boy.

[Guest or Co-host]

Okay, well, I have a preposition or a proposition or a preparation age. Oh, you can use preposition. Okay, I'm gonna use. I'm gonna propose a preposition. Do you have a suppository?

[Ronnie]

Not yet. I say in this moment, which is, like, really awesome that the four of us are here. Wait, Jack, what are you doing here? Oh, sorry. I thought I could maybe the boys table. I'll get back to work. Apologies. Okay, now that's back to just the four of us. We've been through so much, and tonight, let's just keep it positive and fun and uplifting. Even you, Austin, you piece of. So Austin's like, oh, yeah, Craig, Mr. Positive Conover. That's what we all say about Craig when he's not here. Yeah, this guy. Mr. Positive Thing right now. Thank God for cover the table.

[Guest or Co-host]

All right, well, we got more glasses, so we should make another toast. Who wants to do the cheers this time? And chef's like, oh, it's my turn. Okay. Friendships fart. Ships. Ship ships. I gotta. I got an opium bed. Cheers.

[Ronnie]

Cheers. Cheers to that. So now there's more appetizers that are coming out. And also move the crab. Move the crabs to Shep's pants where they belong. So, Craig. Craig, I'm curious. This is total curiosity. How'd your date go with Charlie? Yeah. Oh, were there fireworks? Did you guys consummate? I'm curious. Tell me everything. So Craig's like, well, for one, it was awesome for one. And it was, like, a lot of fun. But, like, is it okay to hang out with her a couple of times? Or, like, do I have to make a decision now. Like, I don't know, like, I'm overthinking this a lot. Like. Because, like, the last thing I want to do is, like, have Charlie drop her guard and then me realize I don't like her.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, then maybe you shouldn't have laid it on so thick on the date, Craig. You. Well, what if she realizes, you know, that she doesn't like you? It's like, yeah, that's never happened. I mean, give her some credit, Craig. It's like. Well, I mean, I'm just trying to say, like, you know, like, I should not start going on dates with someone because it might not work out. And, like, you don't want to hurt her. So, like, should I just kill it now? Why don't you just have sex for a while, Craig? And he's like, but how do I do that without having to lead them on? I don't. Maybe don't tell them that. You're a relationship person. All you want is a relationship. You know, when you like someone right away, you really like her, and you hope that you can do this again multiple times and have babies together at the oyster farm. Okay.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And that when you date someone, you're only thinking about the end game of getting married. Maybe that's a good way to not hurt someone as much.

[Guest or Co-host]

But.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, he's already just looking for an excuse to get out of this. He's laying the groundwork to dump her. So that's why he. That way he can say, I mean, this is what I said all along. I don't want something serious. That's why I said I want to get married to her.

[Guest or Co-host]

He's also setting it up to be, like, where he's leading her to believe he only wants something serious, which he did do. And then he's. When she's acting like she wants something serious and he doesn't want it anymore, he's going to be like, oh, my God, look at her. She's trying to get serious so fast and make her look crazy. It's like, typical. It's typical man book, but it's typical. It's typical.

[Ronnie]

Typical.

[Guest or Co-host]

His typical Southern charm, for sure. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Shep is like, gosh. Craig is very much like a middle schooler when it comes to dating. He's sort of sweet and innocent in this weird way. And I'm a caveman that Sunji says, come home with me with your pretty little freckle.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah. So then, plunge pool.

[Ronnie]

Come see my plunge pool. So Austin is like, oh, my God, they're Doubles in there. Like, they're mushrooms. Well, exactly. I've been eating mushrooms.

[Guest or Co-host]

Like, he thinks he's eating escargot. He's like, oh, I'm gonna have another escargot. I've had, like, 20 of them. They're like, well, no, you've been eating the mushrooms. He's like, oh, mushrooms. Yeah. So I've been eating mushrooms. Yeah. And Whitney goes, anyone have a Santana hand sanitizer? Just go wash your hands. Austin has to go to the restroom anyway. He's like, I do let's go together commercials. Here comes one right now. So those two boys go to the bathroom together, and then in the hallway, Austin's like, oh. Craig is like, let's be friends. Let's have fun. Okay, man. Man, for sure. But, like, he's got a couple things to answer for. But I'm not bringing it up, because I want to eat my dinner today before we start fighting.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. They're like, we're getting a free meal at this place because we ordered three nitrotinis. So let's get the most out of it before the fight fighting begins. Yeah. So then this is where the waiter comes over with this enormous pepper grinder. I mean, this place is so silly. This is. This is kind of like the Disneyland version of, like, a nice steakhouse at this point because everything is so cartoony. So now that. Now this guy's coming over with this pepper grinder, and they're all cracking up, Craig is like, hey, this is your present, Austin. Look at the side. Look at this huge. Whoa. Look at the size of that thing. Oh, it's crazy. Insane right now. It probably cost, like, 500 for that pepper grinder, too. I'd like to add.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, guys, I really want you to know I appreciate you and we get to have dinner together, but maybe I have hated some of you. Mostly me. Yeah, mostly. And it's always good to have your friends together, but keep your enemies closer, right, guys? Toast. And Whitney's like, what? How are we your enemies? And Craig's like, wait, are we your enemies? Whoa. I mean, we have been, Craig. We have been. But not anymore. Well, you told Sally I was your enemy. Didn't you just say you're not going to fight until after you ate? I know. Eat your food.

[Ronnie]

Your food. There's still so much food on the table for you to spray on everyone. So then Craig is like, well, I.

[Guest or Co-host]

Told Sally there's so much unchewed food that needs to be on people's faces, Austin.

[Ronnie]

Craig's like, Well, I only told Sally that you were my enemy because apparently you told her things. I told you in confidence. You did not tell anything to him in confidence. You were screaming to the. A group of people in a bar about why Sally is the worst person you've ever met in your life. And I don't. Like, you were just being shitty. And he told Sally because you were being shitty.

[Guest or Co-host]

I mean, that was messy of Austin to tell Sally, though.

[Ronnie]

But, like. Like. But, like, Craig is equally messy. But, like, that doesn't make Austin his enemy.

[Guest or Co-host]

I mean, they're enemies. Yeah, they're enemies, but, you know, they're. They're frenemies, I guess. That's good. That's the best word. So Austin says, you know, well, I'm just confused. I feel manipulated. And when he's like, what. What the fuck are you two even talking about? Yeah, but look, last year, you came to me, we had a very serious conversation, and you were like, I have an addiction problem, and now you're Mr. Shock King. He goes, but why is that your problem? He's like, because you came to me with something very serious, and then you turned the footing on me. He's like, no, I didn't. So Austin saying that, you know, Craig knew that he had a lot of things to get off his chest, and so Craig used the alcoholism storyline to get Austin to stop yelling at him, which he did do. But why isn't Austin just saying that now? He's not really wording it right in this argument. He's like. He's saying that you're pretending to be an alcoholic, but now you're having shots. That shouldn't be the fight. The fight should be like, every time I have something to say to you, you act like a victim. And then you pulled out an alcoholism storyline when you never took that seriously anyway.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, because the thing is this. I think they. They bring up a series of points here. Both of them do, and I think actually all their points are correct. I do think that Craig pulled the alcoholism card, and I do think it's Craig's right to decide that if he wants to start drinking again, he's gonna start drinking again. And, like, he's allowed to do that. I don't think it's. I don't think it's actually like. Like, Austin's business, like, how Craig decides he wants to handle alcohol or, like, what his relationship with alcohol is. But I do also think that Austin's right, that Craig was very convenient about bringing it up and using it to get out of arguments. And I do think that, like, Craig is slippery and it's like, very frustrating for. For Austin. But I think that ultimately, at its core, they're not. Austin is not articulating what the real issue is, which is what you just said, which is that Craig gets out of tough situations by playing the victim. But then, to be fair, Ronnie, it is his fault. It's all.

[Guest or Co-host]

It's all my fault. This manipulation at his finest. And he's like, there's no manipulation, buddy. I was going through a breakup. I started to hang out with pretty girls and going to the bar, I got one that made me stop drinking again. So what does that have to do with anything? And he's like, don't buddy me, Craig. You manipulated me. Okay, so you saying that me coming to you and telling you about my drinking issues was about manipulating you? Yeah, that's what he's saying.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it was.

[Guest or Co-host]

And he's right. It was because you never even stopped drinking. You never even stopped drinking. You're like, well, I'm just having beer and wine now. That's. You're still drinking. What?

[Ronnie]

But at the same time, he's allowed to keep drinking. We are actually not even upset that he keeps his drinking.

[Guest or Co-host]

He is. It's not that. That's not even the point. It's just that he pulled out that storyline to get people off of his ass. And to prove it, he never even stopped drinking. So he wasn't like really saying, I'm an alcoholic. He was saying, like, I'm saying I'm an alcoholic on camera so that you can't come after me on camera for the rest of the season. Or you look like a monster. Which is what Austin's trying to say without actually saying it. But it's failing. Right.

[Ronnie]

And. And also earned Craig a whole lot of compassion from the audience.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yes. They still get it. They're like, Craig, you know his addiction. Craig has never stopped doing anything. Why are we pretending that it's like Craig goes to aa, takes the chips, and runs the hell out of there without having earned them.

[Ronnie]

He was literally drinking in that scene, right?

[Guest or Co-host]

Yes, he was wasted in that scene.

[Ronnie]

So Shep is like, gosh. Well, I think that Austin is like, I've been beleaguered by this relationship for years. And Austin's like, yeah. The fact that you don't see it, Craig, is insane right now. It's like, oh, yeah, of course. But the most recent thing, his wrong headed Austin. That's wrong. Nothing I do in my life is about you, buddy. Who Trust me, I know. It's Craig's way or the absolute highway. Yeah. So Craig is like, you're only talking about my life, Austin. Why are you always obsessed with how I live my life? Just because I live my life in a great way. And then tell everyone that should be living their life like the way I do. And every time you make a decision, I say, wow, you're just doing that because you want to live, like, my life. Cuz. My life.

[Guest or Co-host]

And then he goes. Then he goes low. He's like, so are you going to acknowledge that your life looks the same way it did five years ago? And he's like, what? I cannot believe you're actually saying that, Craig. And he goes like, you haven't built anything. What have you even built, Austin?

[Ronnie]

I know, but by the way, that could also be applied to everyone at that table. And Austin is like.

[Guest or Co-host]

And we're also forgetting to give Jerry a lot of the credit for your life, because that man literally came in. I mean, come on now. And Jenny's like, well, yeah, yeah. So he's like, yes. He's like, well, my. And whoever cleans all the improperly cooked meat out of that grill, my beer company has not done what I want it to do. So you're gonna trash me for it? And he's like, I'm not trashing it. I'm just asking you, like, how do you feel that you're a failure?

[Ronnie]

This was great that Austin said that, because, like, I feel like Austin doesn't have a lot of victim cards that he. That he plays or gets to play. And so this was a good one to play. You know, I mean, they all. They all play victim cards all the time. But this was like a really good, like, my dream trop hop didn't work out the way I wanted it to because, like, of course it wasn't going to, because there's nothing in the history of Austin that ever expressed that he would be someone who would be a professional success. I mean, has he ever had a job? I'm not sure. Like, what does he train for? What is his career? So why do we think that this beer was going to work? But that being said, for sure. Play that card. She's like, what? I've tried to grow, but I didn't. I failed. I failed. You're gonna make fun of me for failing?

[Guest or Co-host]

Wow.

[Ronnie]

Wow. Guys, guys, stop it.

[Guest or Co-host]

We're friends. Stop this.

[Ronnie]

You have nothing to show for the last five years of your life. And we all know that. Unless you have a girlfriend or a Baby or a job, then therefore, you might as well not even exist.

[Guest or Co-host]

You about being friends with me. You're still friends with me. You bitch about your girlfriend. You're still with her. Your relationship affects everyone because you just take care of you. And he's like, oh, I told. Have I talked to you once about it? Craig, please, come on. I mean, he's like, yes. And he goes, no, I haven't. Yeah, you did. Before filming. And he's like, no, I didn't. And he said, yeah, you're a different person when you film. And Austin's like, oh, everyone knows you're a liar, Craig. You're famous for lying.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And Craig's like, I'm the exact same person I am on camera. You're the liar. You're the liars. I'm like, I'm getting overstimulated with too many voices. You're the liars of all the liars, Craig. So then he's like, the audacity that this guy has. What comes out of his mouth is completely, like, jaw dropping to me. I'm like, well, we should talk about what comes out of your mouth specifically. Should we have a poncho right now or an umbrella? What's the best question? What's protection that we should have?

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, these guys are all terrible. And watching them call each other out is so funny because they're all right, too. You know?

[Ronnie]

That's the thing.

[Guest or Co-host]

They've all got a point. So Austin's like, oh, my God, the audacity. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. And on my birthday, too. Well, you started it, to be fair. And Craig's like, well, you know. You know, you've said all of this before this. And he's like, oh, really? So Craig. He's telling chef, like, craig, why aren't you speaking of Shep? You said all this too. And Austin's like, oh, oh, Shep wants to be Switzerland. Then just let him be Switzerland. I'm not trying to be Switzerland. I'm trying to be Cuba, where I.

[Ronnie]

Just went and learned Spanish. So they're like, okay, whatever. And Austin's like, look, I do hate you, Craig. I hate you. I hate you. And Whitney is like, oh, wait, apolog right now. Apologize. Okay, Apologize, and then we can make fun of him again. Okay, Apologize. He's like, no, I'm not gonna apologize. Wow. Do you know how up you have to be in your head to scream that you hate someone like Shep and I have never said that to each other. And me and Whitney have never said that to each other. That's not a true friend.

[Guest or Co-host]

I can't wait to open a restaurant with him three months ago that we've never mentioned. Scotts are so weird. So Austin's like you're a Craig all the time. Okay then we don't need to be friends anymore. I assume you're gonna keep the feather tie. And so it's over. That's it. And then we get the mid season trailer and it looks pretty, pretty good.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Except that they're on another trip to Mexico. It seems like they take the same vacation every year. I know that they weren't in Mexico last year but it's always the same like kind of beach vacation where they're trying to make stuff happen. It looks like the same vacation again for like five years in a row but I know it's still interesting.

[Ronnie]

Charm and marriage medicine always go to the same places over they just. They just rotate through the same resorts. Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

So that's it for southern charm today. We will be back tomorrow with Beverly hills, the valley and the traders. Gonna be a big day tomorrow. Don't forget to get tickets for The Golden Crappies February 27th at watch what crappens.com and live streaming tickets will go on sale next Wednesday as well as voting. Find all the links at watch what crappens.com and we'll talk to you guys next time.

[Ronnie]

Bye everyone. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King it's always a party on Alice in block.

[Guest or Co-host]

Our way is the amber way.

[Ronnie]

It's the Foster and the furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley auto. Put your hands together for Carly clap.

[Guest or Co-host]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a sheila she's a Daniella. It's all we never miss her call. It's Diane call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Ronnie]

Erin mcnicholas she don't miss no Tricolus Hava Nagila Weber you'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go we all go for Hugo Jamie she has no less.

[Guest or Co-host]

Namey Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Ronnie]

She'S our favorite streamer.

[Guest or Co-host]

Caroline Peacock, Kristen the piston Anderson get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets an A from us. It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Leno. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry.

[Ronnie]

Aren't you glad? It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Guest or Co-host]

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Ronnie]

This is living with Michelle. Vivian.

[Guest or Co-host]

I love a YA Olivia Williamson.

[Ronnie]

She sure is as swell. It's Raquel.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yes, we can. It's Savannah.

[Ronnie]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Guest or Co-host]

Darn skippy. It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors make way for A.J.

[Ronnie]

Lopez.

[Guest or Co-host]

Happy are we Is Allison with an I? She's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ronnie]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Guest or Co-host]

We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Ronnie]

Let's get real with Caitlin o'. Neal.

[Guest or Co-host]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Ronnie]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

[Guest or Co-host]

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

[Ronnie]

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo.

[Guest or Co-host]

She's a total knockout. Out. It's Katie Manock.

[Ronnie]

Let's get savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthi. Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani.

[Guest or Co-host]

The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud.

[Ronnie]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[Guest or Co-host]

We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah.

[Ronnie]

Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop at solely. And pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.

[Guest or Co-host]

She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.

[Ronnie]

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[Podcast Narrator]

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[Ronnie]

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