A (2:37)

It's a crisis, okay? It's a crisis. Halftime, it's been nothing but field goals. It's a crisis.

B (2:42)

What, are you gonna cancel me for giving some needy people some bounty? Sorry. Okay.

A (2:48)

Yeah, she. Her first video was her saying, I'm just curious, like, where's the line? Where's the line? Like, you know, you go on to Regis and Kelly and he can't even say anything. And now Kelly and Mark, whatever it's called, you can't even say anything. But then on super bowl, you can't. Like, what's the line? That's just the one. I'm wondering, what's the line? Like? How about, what is the line between you not pressing record every time a thought pops into your head?

B (3:07)

How about that? Really?

A (3:08)

Okay, seriously. I mean, and honestly, I didn't, I didn't watch her second video, but the fact that so much of what she talked about in her later seasons of Rooney was about Puerto Rico and she's launched an entire. An entire charity based off of. Inspired by what happened in Puerto Rico. And then this is her reaction is to question this tremendous ode to Puerto Rico and so much more. Oh, my God. Terrible. But Jill Zarin really takes the cake on that one. So congratulations for probably getting yourself fired off of your second chance at reality tv. That was really well done, Jill.

B (3:43)

In the meantime, though, well, have they already shot that show, that new show, Old Housewives?

A (3:50)

Maybe we'll do some investigating, Ronnie, when we go to Florida next week, because that's what we're doing. We're going to the South Beach Wine and Food festival. So everyone come join us for that and then the week after that. So we're basically two and a half weeks away. Which makes my heart race is the Crappies. The crappies are on February 27th. Not a lot of tickets left. I think it's less than 50 tickets are left to come see us at the Fonda here in Hollywood. You can also join us virtually that Friday night. For some reason, I think I may have been saying Saturday night. It's a Friday night with kids. We. So tickets for that. Tickets for in person or virtual watchcrapens.com or we have links up on our Instagram Instagram doc. Let's watch what crap ends up there. Also, join us on Patreon patreon.com watch or crappins, where you can access a brand new newsletter Ronnie wrote and also ad Free and crappin on demand. All sorts of great stuff. We also, of course, have our bonus episode. We did the latest traders. So all sorts of great things for you to click on and enjoy or do none of it. And that's fine too. But that's basically the news. And the new ballot for the crappies, the. The final ballot will. Will be up next week, but there's still time to vote for in the 40s for at the moment. So all that out of the way, let's talk about. Let's go back to the Caribbean. Since we're already talking about Puerto Rico. Let's go to Canoan for below deck down under, as in Down Under Florida, which is in its second episode of its great Salt Lake City crossover.

B (5:27)

Yes. How did you feel there, buddy?

A (5:31)

Great. I mean, I. It's kind of funny because the Salt Lake City ness of it is. Is fun, but I'm just. I find that the kitchen stuff is more compelling. However, I feel like this little lunch situation that Heather has, like, what a. This lunch thing that happens sort of like in the middle of the episode that throws everything off, you know, it's just so annoying. And I think that she knows exactly what she's doing. She's been on below deck before. She knows how it goes. So. So for her to decide to move it indoors and then to reduce the number of people and then some people are not even going to come. I don't know. I was like, you're just, you're just trying to make people cry.

B (6:10)

Mary. I hate when people do that. They're like, I'm the. You are not paying for this. Why are you acting like you are paying for this, planning this, or doing anything for this and excluding people you don't like after, you're the one who starts the fights.

A (6:22)

Yeah.

B (6:23)

You know, how did they have to let go of the Salt Lake City anger? And I have pretty much. But, you know, watching this because this, I felt like I've already seen all this and I'm. You. You know, whatever. I've already been pissed about it. I don't need to relitigate every little thing. But this was all new stuff, this Heather stuff.

A (6:36)

This is new content.

B (6:37)

And this might be, by the way. Go ahead.

A (6:40)

This was, by the way, earned below deck charter guest rage.

B (6:44)

It was, it was. It wasn't crossover for us. It wasn't like crossover anger. It was earned new range. And I really like it because, you know, Heather, people were getting mad at me for being too hard on Heather this season. They're like, all right, you're just mad. Cause she, you know, got mad at you about the crappy. No, it's nothing to do with that. She's annoying on the show. She's annoying and she won't show. Shut up. And she's fucking obnoxious. So I'm really glad that she is showing her ass so much on Below Deck. You know, we get used to a certain level of behavior on Housewives, but when we see it, like, on Below Deck, it's worse because I remember telling you, remember when Heather was on Below Deck years ago with Angie K. Who was horrid, but not really on Below Deck, but on her show. I mean, Angie H. Angie H. You're right. Angie H. And we saw that. And Heather was acting like she was, like, railed out the whole time. She was like. She was doing the thing she's doing here, which is screaming. Screaming every little thing. And, like, trying to make, like, a big joke out of every little thing to get camera time. And she's doing it here again. And I didn't notice how bad it was until I was watching this.

A (7:46)

Yeah, Yeah. I think, like, we're just reacting to what Heather Gay is putting out there on camera. It has nothing to do with any of the stupid stuff about, like, the crappies. And, like, that's all, you know? Yeah, it's totally over. I had. I had, like, actually the nicest time with Heather at BravoCon in the airport. Like, we had the nicest little conversation. We walked together through the terminal. Like, there's no issue. There's no bad blood. We're just reacting to the fact that, like, on screen, like, the what's coming back to us has not been the best. And in this case, Heather was being a total with that meal. I'm sorry, it was. You saw the way people were running around. It was crazy. And I know it's a yacht. You should be able to make a simple request. She wasn't being an to them when she made the request, you know, be. And you should be able to say, you know what? We'd like to eat indoors. But I also this part of me that says, like, she knows the chaos that she is causing as she is making all these changes, and how odd that everyone else was, like, fine being cut out of lunch. Like, that was strange to me. If I. If we're supposed to have a good group lunch, and then it's like, by the way, only four of us are gonna sit the table and you guys have to eat in your rooms. I feel like I would be like, well, that makes me happy because I didn't want to do a group scene, but also, like, why can't I be at the table? And you go into your rooms? You know, if anything, it should be the people who decide they don't want to eat with everyone else who have to eat in their rooms, and everyone else gets to. Gets to have the privilege of sitting at a table because I can't stand eating food. Not at a table, to be honest.

B (9:07)

Yeah. If a kid is having a fit at the table and being a little asshole, you don't just give the kid the table. If the kid needs to be alone, you send the kid to the room with the. With the nanny.

A (9:17)

Okay. Yeah. Because Heather wasn't Heather.

B (9:19)

Like, well, I don't have a nanny. Well, that's your fault. Why would you have the child without a nanny? I didn't make you do that. So.

A (9:27)

Yeah. Why? Also, did they not have, like, an indoor table and an outdoor table so they could have, like, separated the group?

B (9:32)

They did have an outdoor table. Heather made them move the lunch. Remember? She made them move it from the outside to the inside, and then she did the. Well, only half of us are good. It was a multiple, you know, the crew situation.

A (9:45)

Well, I'm really. I'm excited to revisit that because with our. One thing that's really nice about having note takers is sometimes I watch things. I'm like, what? Wait, I'm confused. Like, what really happened there? And so I'm excited for when we get to that part where we can really see the. The ins and outs of the decisions that were made, because I thought that whole thing was a bit puzzling, personally.

B (10:06)

You did?

A (10:07)

Well, we'll get to it. I did. I did. I did. And here's. And I. I did find it puzzling because I thought it was strange when Heather was. When Heather was like, I don't know if I'm up for having a big group group lunch today. I was like, okay, that makes sense. And then all of a sudden, she's like, it's just gonna be four of us at the table, and everyone else will eat in their rooms. And in my mind, I was like, did I miss something? Did she tell everyone you're not allowed to eat at the table? Did people voluntarily say that? Like, I. I just felt like I missed a step in this process, and I'm hoping.

B (10:36)

Oh, they didn't show it.

A (10:36)

Illumination.

B (10:38)

Yeah. No, no, they just didn't show it. They didn't bother. They never explained it. Yeah, well, especially when you've got Salt Lake City and then you've got this one. They've shown us two versions and they still don't tell us what happened, which is super weird.

A (10:49)

It just seems strange. They fight on about every little thing on the show. Every little thing comes down to, like, ride or die, I should say, on Salt Lake City. And so the fact that they are going to have a group dinner, a group lunch, and then Heather says, I don't want to have lunch with everyone. And then suddenly it's just four people and everyone's just in their rooms eating and, like, there's not a peep from it. No one says, this is strange. Why aren't we allowed to eat with the rest of the group? I feel like we're being pushed out. Like, it was weird that, like, my brain. My brain has a continuity issue on this, on this point.

B (11:16)

Who should I be offended for? I don't even know. It's very. It's like an insecurity on Housewives if you don't know who you're upset about, you know, so it's like, well, I need to know why I'm upset right now. You need to tell me. Who am I going to. How am I going to fight this on Reddit if you don't tell me who I'm supposed to be mad at?

A (11:34)

This really bothers me. And again, I also feel like the person who doesn't want to eat with everyone, who's like, sick of everyone, it's on them to eat in their room and everyone else gets to be waited on. I just, I don't know. I think that's something is like, I mean, probably the producer said, okay, for this, for lunch, we're going to have. We're going to split you guys up and half you guys are going to eat in your rooms. That's probably all it was, but I am obviously having a meltdown over this. So we should probably start the recap.

B (11:59)

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A (12:21)

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B (13:13)

And that's how we open. They are fighting. And it's 8:43pm to try to have dinner. And the crew is trying to serve them food and they can't because the ladies won't shut up. And Meredith is like, she should stay away from me permanently. Brittany's like, there's glass on the floor. I'm not gonna step in glass, so I have to stay at the table. And Alicia's like, oh, my God, can we get a time? Because it's terrifying down here with Ben. Please give me a time that we can serve these dishes, please.

A (13:43)

And Brittany up there is like, you don't need to say that through the bar. So it's like cross cutting everything. And. And the issue is that they. The galley needs to know when to set up the next course. So Daisy's like, this is insane. Trying to do this, this dinner service and communicate with Ben right now is annoying as fuck. Where? Huh? We're having to interrupt World War 3 being like, excuse me, can I take your plate? I'm like, that's never stopped Daisy before because she normally comes in like, World War 3, it's time for dessert. So you got to get done with your food yet.

B (14:13)

Yeah. Like, they still have food on their plate, but it looks like they're kind of stopping. So maybe we can take their plate. You take their Housewives plates. They're never eaten.

A (14:23)

They're not eating anything.

B (14:24)

Maybe two of those plates are being eaten. But these are housewives. They ain't going to eat on camera. Well, this cast actually kind of does, but they don't eat the whole plate.

A (14:31)

Not that much. We see, we see the plates that get taken down and how much food is still left on them.

B (14:36)

Like, I feel like my mother judging how much food is left on everybody's plate because that is one thing I notice on housewives, but mostly just because I want to eat the food. So I'm like, oh. And I used to be a. I'm like, that one wasn't even touched. Just slide it over here, Slide it over here. I'll put it into the Tupperware I bring in my backpack.

A (14:53)

Well, this food also looks delicious. I mean, Ben really is talented. And. And this is just really excellent looking food. So it just seems like a shame to have to. To see it only, like, partially eaten. And quite frankly, I went to the supermarket today and I bought, like, five things. I bought coffee beans. I bought some Special K. I bought two poblano peppers. I bought some garbage bags and some cumin seeds and some dates, and it cost $71. Like, it's crazy. It's so expensive. And then you watch people just, like, nibbling on this gorgeous food and watching it go into the trash, and it's like, I'm not, you know, like. Like, look, no one's under any obligation to finish every single thing that's in front of them. But you do start to think, like, wow, finish your plates.

B (15:42)

Well, you do get that mom. That mom thing in your head that's like, there are starving podcasters in Los Angeles that are dying for this food.

A (15:51)

I'm just. You know, the thing is, mother, groceries are so outrageously expensive right now. Like, beyond expensive. Never seen them this expensive before. Like a little box of. I think I've told you, a little box of, like, little Atkins treats where there's like six little caramel clusters cost, like $18 in the store, which is insane. It's insane right now, Madison. So I just. I'm like, you better finish all that food. You better finish it.

B (16:17)

I mean, the main point of really, this Salt Lake City and below deck, the economy. Am I right?

A (16:23)

I know, right? That's what it comes down to. So I know, like watching people on a yacht, and this is like, where I'm, like, where I'm drawing the line with excess. You gotta draw the line. Where's the line? Where's the line with excess?

B (16:36)

No, it's true, though. Oh. You know what we didn't do is get a fish video. We need to get back in the swing of things and get, you know, what videos. What's wrong with that? It's the second week in a row.

A (16:46)

But, you know, well, the first. Look, honestly, I'm okay with, like, like, ramping up because we're. We're doing a lot right now, okay? The crappies are taking.

B (16:57)

You're like, groceries are expensive.

A (17:00)

I just know.

B (17:01)

You know what? It's usually. It's usually a thing that I do. Like, I Just usually I'm in the thing. I wait, I'm in the mood. I wake up, I get the video downloaded. I do not have it. So, audience, I'm very sorry. I'm writing down fish.

A (17:13)

We have the video.

B (17:14)

Okay, you know what? Maybe we'll even do it and we'll put it later this week on Instagram. There. I'm promising it right now. I'm gonna put it up, because there were some really good fish. There was one that's like. It's like if you wore the same wallpaper. If you wore the same pattern on your clothes as the wallpaper behind you, and just. I don't know. Yes. And just the eyes poking out, you know? And I was like, oh, that's a tricky. That's a vixen. So there's some we have to talk about. So I'm gonna get. I'll make us a video, and we'll do it for later this week on the. On the gram.

A (17:44)

Well, also, I just want to point out this is a very strong episode for shark footage. In fact, the whole episode began with, like, a low angle of a shark, which I'm sure the sharks do not appreciate. The shark is like, could you not get my double jaw?

B (17:56)

Seriously? Have you heard of a space selfie? Could you maybe not be under me?

A (18:02)

High angle. Did you see it? There was, like, that long shot. It was like, right. It was literally the first thing that we saw was the shark, and it was right under it, and it's just sort of drifting over. And, you know, the shark was like, hey, Suzanne. Suzanne, do you know if. If Joanie will be joining us? Oh, God damn it. There's a camera down there. You know, they had no idea they were on camera.

B (18:22)

It's also weird to look at a shark from that angle because those sharks really. Their mouths are not built to be shot from below. I mean, they really look ridiculous from. It's like, why are you so sad? You are the biggest predator in the ocean. You can eat whatever you want. You eat people, you eat whales, you eat whatever the hell you want. Why are you frowning all the time? Like, can I get a little smile? Ben? Ben just paid $75 for dates, and he's smiling.

A (18:48)

Yeah, I mean, well, I listen, they're pro because they are so fearsome. They're so dangerous. They're so scary. Everyone's. Everyone's afraid of. Of sharks, and yet they're floating around there with mouths that look like beaker. I mean, that's kind of embarrassing. Like, I'm. I'm fearful.

B (19:07)

That's why they don't talk. Because, like, you see movies like Shark Tales and they talk, but then you see sharks in the ocean and they don't talk. And I think they don't talk because their real voice is like. They're just. They feel emasculated.

A (19:20)

They're like silent movie stars. They. They just have not been able to transition to the talkies. Just.

B (19:26)

Shark. There was a period where there were so many fish in the ocean because no one was terrified of sharks anymore because they heard them talking. Sharks just used to walk around like, you better watch out. You better watch out, you school of fish. And they're like, we are not listening to you. Here I come.

A (19:42)

I'm. I'm swimming up to you, okay?

B (19:50)

Like, we are not scared. That is too many octaves above the original key. Nobody is scared of you, Jaws. Hello, sharks.

A (19:57)

We need to take a vow of silence. Otherwise we'll never be taken seriously. All in favor say murmur. And all were against a mamas.

B (20:07)

The mermaids have it, by the way. In case anyone's wondering, the piano is being tuned. It's like this shark, shark. It's like, da, da, da, da, da.

A (20:19)

It's beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

B (20:22)

Okay, so anyway, sharks. Back to the housewives. Fighting. So they're fighting. The other people are trying to deliver the gifts, the plates. And then we cut to Angie and Mary, and they're just in their room. Angie's barfing and Mary's eating, and. And then we hear Daisy. She's like, I'm gonna clear the starter in two minutes. What do I do? It's time to clear the starter. Get some chill, Daisy. Geez. Never let him see a sweat.

A (20:48)

That's right. So Ben's like, finally. All right, just put them all up the same way. Put them there. Okay, honey buns, Tootsie face. Can you rotate the broccolini so that way it's all oriented the right way? Thank you very much, sugar tits. You're doing great, Teddy.

B (21:03)

Teeth. I need you to concentrate a little bit better on this broccolini. This is not facing the right way. Petunia. Petunia, puss.

A (21:17)

So then Eddie is trying to clear the table and not. He's. He's like, excuse me, are you guys. Are you guys finished? Any. Any chance you guys have finished? I have massive body dysmorphia. Please let me get in here. Reddit's like, well, I have tried. She has done some really despicable things, so stay away from me. I think that's Despicable seizures.

B (21:40)

Oh, my God.

A (21:41)

All right, galley, we've cleared.

B (21:45)

Go down to the galley and wait for the main course at eh. And don't spray your hairspray. He's like, all right, then. So he goes down, and then they're trying to clean the table around these ladies yelling at each other. And Brom was like, well, I said that you should not say that about Meredith.

A (21:59)

And I said.

B (22:00)

Said that that was disgusting. Bronwyn, you started this whole fight.

A (22:05)

Yep, yep, she's certainly dead. That's. And then she acts like. Like, why are you guys going to. Going that far? So what?

B (22:16)

Nothing.

A (22:17)

What you say, sugar tips?

B (22:18)

I'm sorry, did you hear or were.

A (22:19)

You hearing dong dong Piano score? I like it. Makes it dramatic. It's perfect as we talk about silent movie stars. It's like we're in a silent movie right now. So Meredith's like, well, I will be happy to disengage me forever, Britney.

B (22:38)

Bye.

A (22:39)

So Daisy's like, ah, they're unhinged. Oh, so unhinged. So they're all. Everyone's like, you know, yeah, bring it.

B (22:48)

Bring the axes. Bring them the axes. Have them go at it. Okay, we've cleaned the table shot, but it's still kicking off up there. Like, well, you know, you got to deliver the food. So let's deliver the food. So Daisy is gonna. Daisy sends off Mary's food. And then Ben goes, all right, this is panko wahoo. All right? Not to be confused, but not to be confused with wahoo wahoo willies, which is what I call Alicia sometimes. All right, Just take down the panko wahoo. Do you got that? Panko wahoo with saffron potato broccolini. And Daisy's like, all right, let's go. And Mike's like, pink o wahoo. Pink oahu penka wahoo. Welcome to o wahoo. Damn it.

A (23:33)

He's like, wanko pahu. This is some wanko pahu. Coded only fans. Enjoy. Enjoy it.

B (23:40)

Pinko wanko. That's a move I've done. I've done that move.

A (23:44)

Wanko penko wanko wanka wanka waka waka waka waka waka.

B (23:49)

I've moved on. I've moved on. You said the magic word, which is panko wanko. I've moved on.

A (23:56)

Sisters, sisters, please listen. Daisy has brought us food. Daisy, tell us what we're eating. Daisy's like, well, watch our eating our panko encrusted wahoo. But then downstairs, we have Mike, who's still like, Waka, waka, waka, waka, waka. And he's like, oh, my goodness. Thank you. You're so sweet.

B (24:15)

Mahali.

A (24:16)

That is thank you.

B (24:17)

In Greek International, he calls it wahoo crusted panko. He's like, it's a fish dish. You all right? And Angie's like, you are so sweet. So he's like, I am Mr. International. And Mary's like, you bring the Greek out in her. You really do. So he's like, well, I do feel like I'm very pretty. The cougars love it. I feel like I'm their little toy boy, and they just want to pick me up, take me back home. No, they don't. They want to comb your hair like any mother who sees you. They want to wipe the smudge off your face, which is makeup. I don't know what's on your face. They want to help you with your eyebrows and comb your hair.

A (25:01)

Yeah, that's all we want. We just want to fix that hair just a little bit. So Angie's like, mahali, you have such great energy, and I love your hair. That is a joke. That's Greek for, no, I don't. And so Mike's like, do you like it? He's like. Amir's like, yes, we do. We really like it. Okay, you can leave us now. By the way, Mary does.

B (25:21)

He does kind of. He does kind of linger there. It's like, okay, they were complimenting you. That does not mean you need to take off your shirt and do a lap dance. Go. Okay. You're not getting any extra tokens for this. Go ahead, Wayne. Cow crested pain cow out of here.

A (25:36)

I'm sure if Mary knew that he had an only fans where he does, like, hardcore stuff, she'd be like, I can't eat this because I touched it. I don't want him getting those STDs on my food. You know that. Like, that's what she would be thinking. But instead, she doesn't know that. So she's like, thank you so much. This is beautiful. So over at the table, the women are still fighting, and Lisa's like, but listen, listen. She could have just said, I'm sorry. She doubled down. She doubled down. And there's like, oh, this food is delicious. This panko crusted wahoo. It's wonderful.

B (26:06)

So Ben's asking for a ramekin of butter, and Alicia is like, wasn't he in. Wasn't he in movies in the 90s? Not Harold Ramis Ramikin, Please, please. Knee knockers, please. She's like, okay, okay, sure, sure. He's like, hurry, hurry. All right. Thank you. I was getting a spoon. Ben didn't ask for a spoon. Did I love? Thank you. Did I ask? I didn't ask. Just fucking with you. Listen, we have to put out cheesecake now. Now, now. You're doing a great job. All right. I'm really proud of you. You're doing such a good job, aren'? So I can pat you on the head. No, want to pat you on the head with the spoon. That's right. All right, move along. You're doing wonderful.

A (26:52)

You know, when I with you, it's actually a sign of endearment. All right, honey hips. So she's like, oh, I know. I guess, like it's better than me yelling at you. I promise that. Right? So now they Daisy call, summons Mike to help out with more dishes. And everything. All this is very chaotic because there's the fighting upstairs and they're like trying to arrange stuff and plates have to go to the bedrooms. And so this is all in a swirl of madness. So we go back up to the table and there's the fighting is continuing with Heather screeching. Heather got really mad when Meredith said that. She screeches, but you just have to listen this episode with her voice. She is screeching. Her voice is crackly. And she's like screaming. And that is, I think, definition of screeching. And she's like, you have to be.

B (27:37)

Playful with Britney and then you have.

A (27:39)

To assassinate her at the dinner party. I can't even do her voice because it's so screechy.

B (27:45)

Yeah, I won't even try. I'll just hurt everybody's ears. And Lisa's like, I'm not assassinating her. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm not assassinating her. Ladies, you all finished up with your food. You are the source of all the dirt on everyone. Lisa, we know this. We know this.

A (28:03)

Lisa, you got it pretty well. You got this. You got the sound, you got the source.

B (28:09)

She's like, I'm not the sort. I have people tell me stuff, okay? Like, I'm so sorry. People tell me. Exactly. Lisa, people tell you she's like throwing her arms out screaming across the table.

A (28:24)

Uh huh. Well, it sounds like you're saying that she's the source of all the information. Like she's the one who did this. No, I didn't do this to anybody. I can't fucking take this anymore. You guys shut the fuck up about. I don't do Anything to you? Daisy just goes down the stairs. Oh, this is going to be a long six weeks. Like, well, luckily, you know, Daisy, that they're not staying with you the whole six weeks. Right?

B (28:44)

Yeah. But if this is how it starts, she's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I escaped Gary for this. Bring back Gary. Bring back Gary. So and the. What were you going to say?

A (28:55)

Do you think that they would ever do a blow deck where there is like a long term charter where it's like, it truly is like upstairs, downstairs, and it's like this.

B (29:04)

That's my idea that I'm pitching to Bravo. Don't steal it because you know they're gonna steal my idea. That's what they do. They steal things. We came up with Love Hotel two weeks before it aired. And I know you shot that whole season in that two weeks before we came up with that idea. Do you remember? Not, but two weeks before it aired, but we, we pitched that idea and then it came out like a second later, though. So I don't think they really stole it. But my idea is to do below deck family style, where it's the actual people who have yachts for the summer. And they, they have, you know, you just follow their life mixed with the, the chefs. I mean, you know what I mean? The staff wouldn't that.

A (29:41)

Because, like, this isn't really, like, from everything we've learned about yachting, that below deck is not the standard of how yachting really works. You don't just come on for like two days and leave. I mean, maybe that happens. But it seems like when you're on for a charter season, you're usually on with the same people and the same guests for like an extended stay. And there could be something really interesting. I guess it's sort of scary because it could also be a flop, but you could wind up having, you know, drama with the same guests upstairs and, and then maybe there's intermingling. Maybe you could just be like Downton Abbey. Maybe there could be a romance.

B (30:11)

Yeah. Like a rich family, you know, follow them around on their, their boat for a summer and just change the families up every year. There you go. If you guys see that, I expect some money. The money.

A (30:22)

That's right.

B (30:24)

Daisy is upset and Captain Jason's checking on food, and he's like, oh, it looks good. So then Jenna is now with Angie and Mary, and she's like, okay, can I clear your plate? And Angie's like, part of me wants to go upstairs, but I know the minute I do, I will just be Greek. And Jenna's like, well, at the moment, it's a bit heated upstairs. I don't know if I would do that. Meanwhile, Lisa's like, do not come near me. Don't you fucking come near me with me.

A (30:50)

And she's like, I'm coming near you.

B (30:52)

I'm coming near you. She's pointing in her face, standing up like, I am. No, I'm coming. What are you gonna do about it?

A (31:00)

I feel like we don't give Whitney's finger enough credit. She really likes to point that thing around. I mean, nothing is ever. Will ever be better. When she did the double point, which I think was last season, but she loves to do that. I'm. I'm pointing at you, so I'm gonna go to there. So Angie's like, what is going on? She really is like a mouse click. She's like, I follow my mouse. So Angie is like, what is going on? What is the topic? If it's not about Elektra in the Olympics, I really don't care. And Jenna's like, I have no clue. I had seizure. And Angie goes, oh, Lord, this is not.

B (31:40)

You know what? This isn't worth an outfit change. This isn't worth an outfit change. Why did I even do this? Why did I even change my outfit? And in the kitchen, Alicia is like, you might need nine. I. I think we need another plate because Jason's going to be eating dessert with them. And he's like, well, then why are there not nine plates out then? If there's nine plates. There's not nine plates here. What the Is this supposed to. I've got to put two more circles on another goddamn plate.

A (32:12)

You got to keep up with the numbers, chubby cheeks. She's like, oh, I just remembered. That's all. All right, all right, it's fine. It's fine. It's all right. I need. I need a fork. Please, darling. Please, get me a fork. Come on, forky face. Get me a fork. All right, you're good. You're doing a good job. And by doing a good job, a terrible job. You can't even. That's not a fork. It's a rolling pin. How you're supposed to eat with a rolling pin. Come on. A fork. It's got the prings, the little things, the little tines on it. No, that's a pan. Literally the opposite of it. That's just a light bulb that's not even belonging in the kitchen. Okay, okay, sugar tits.

B (32:45)

You're doing great. You're doing wonderful. By the way, have I told you you're doing a wonderful job today? All right, all right. You're doing great. Creamy cartilage. All right. Everything's going great. Lisa's like, okay, thanks. It's like, all right. It's a deconstructed cheesecake. Oh, for Christ's sake.

A (33:08)

Look good. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. But I don't know why it needed to be deconstructed. It doesn't really add anything. It's just like the crust is basically a disc, and it's just off to the side, and the chocolate sauce is on the side, which is where chocolate sauce might wind up being anyway. So it was just. If it was truly a deconstructed cheesecake, it would be like, here's some eggs on the left, and here's a bar in Philadelphia on the right.

B (33:26)

Exactly. Deconstructed cheesecake. I did like that he did them in medallions, though, just to fuck with Alicia.

A (33:34)

I know.

B (33:35)

So back at the table, Heather's like, fuck you, Lisa. I've been a fucking good friend to you. Which I being right now, as I accuse you of spreading everything to blogs and betraying everybody at this table.

A (33:49)

No, you thought she was saying a thing. What am I? Where am I wrong? Where am I wrong? Listen to me. Where am I wrong? Look at me. Why are you looking at Meredith? Lisa Barlow, look at me. I've been a good friend to you. I've been a good friend to you. And Brahman's just because Captain Jason comes out with a dessert because he's supposed to join them. And Brahman's like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I did start this, but I'm so sorry. He's like, I don't care. Now I have an excuse not to join everyone. Goodbye. Good night, everyone. So he basically leaves.

B (34:20)

Just own it, Lisa Barlow. Own that you are the source of all the dirt.

A (34:28)

Joao's trying to put out the cheesecake. He's like, here, this cheesecake has just flown in from Zim. Here you go. Please enjoy. Okay. I will get out of the way of the fighting. You're the source of all the fucking dirt. No, I'm a Joel, Lisa Barlow.

B (34:46)

So Heather's yelling at Lisa, you get off the yacht, then. And in the room, Jenna and Mike are still talking about this cucumber that they found. And she's like, do you want the cucumber? Don't pick it up without gloves. He's like, I'm me. I touch myself without gloves. Don't worry about it. The cucumber should be worried. Put a glove on the cucumber.

A (35:10)

By the way, that cucumber is not even the right cucumber for. Is it a watermelon?

B (35:15)

Watermelon cucumber. What the hell kind of cucumber is that anyway? Is that. Is that like a GMO cucumber? I've never seen a cucumber like that.

A (35:23)

That was a girthy, girthy cucumber.

B (35:25)

It was. It was the girth brunch with cucumbers.

A (35:28)

It was real. It was like a. It was like a. Like a giant. It was like one of those, like, you know when you go to the deli. Deli counter at the supermarket and they've got that, like, salami and that big ol. That big old salami. That's what it looked like. It's not going up anything. I'm sorry.

B (35:50)

So in the kitchen, Ben's like, do they like it? Were they like, it's like cheesecake. Why doesn't it look like cheesecake? It's art. Am I eating art right now? Did Picasso put this on a plate? What is this?

A (36:03)

This?

B (36:03)

And Trial's like, I don't think they really understand what's going on with the food right now. They're in a full blown argument. Lisa's like, do you think that we'll get less of a tip because they're arguing? Ben just goes, no. All right, let's see if they're enjoying dinner.

A (36:24)

So Lisa's like, I'm not gonna own that. I'm not the source of any fucking dirt. Don't you fucking put that on me ever again. Hello. Hello, everyone.

B (36:32)

Hello.

A (36:33)

Hello. Hey, guys. You all good? How was dinner? I'm your chef. Well, I'm just gonna say what I think. I'm gonna say it to your face. And if I can't be my friend.

B (36:40)

But if you can't be my friend.

A (36:41)

Because of them, you get off the yard if you can't have what I have to say. And Broman's like, hi, everyone, the chef is here. Can we take a break? Can we take a break real quickly? The fact that you accused me of something I would never do, I would never do. And Ben's like, all right, well, I had absolutely no feedback as to whether they enjoy dinner. Do they love me? Do they hate me? Doesn't matter, I don't think, because looks like they're not eating any of the food anyway. So I'm just gonna Go downstairs and torture perky pancreas down there until I, nutritus, come on board.

B (37:13)

How would you feel if. If I'm like, you're the source. You're the one that did it.

A (37:17)

You did it.

B (37:18)

Admitted, Heather. Just admit it. Sit down, Lisa Barlow. And Ben's like, fuck this. I'm going back inside. No one appreciates art.

A (37:28)

And then Lisa's like, now she's on the. She's crying and she's. This is when she's, like, on the phone with John. John. I'm, like, so sad. I'm on the edge of the naughty boy. Oh, my God, that shark looks like it has a funny voice down there. Stupid, stupid, funny. I can't even speak right now, John. I'm so just upset, I can't even diss the shark.

B (37:51)

Ah, wait a minute. I think I'm being flashed by a starfish. Why is that starfish showing me his cornhole? Could somebody fix that?

A (38:02)

Eddie and Batul, you guys can go down and you guys can both wake up at six. That, of course, is six. Kind of on time, not zim time. And then the ladies are still fighting. Now we have Heather chasing. Chasing Lisa around, doing this whole thing. You're just gonna walk downstairs and leave me? You're just gonna leave me? I mean, it's just w. Heather says these things. You're going to leave me.

B (38:27)

She just told her to get off the fucking boat. So Lisa walks away crying. And now Heather's chasing her and screaming at her down the stairs.

A (38:34)

And Lisa's like, I've never done anything to them, even though it's going on.

B (38:38)

John, Daisy saying, oh, my God, they're, like, so mean to each other. And then they're, like, crying. I can't take it. And then Lisa's on the edge of the naughty board.

A (38:48)

Like. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So then we see Eddie walking around downstairs, and he doesn't have a shirt on. So Alicia sees him and she's like, he's got a great body. And he's like, she looked at me. Oh, my God, she looked at me. Maybe she really does. Like a short king.

B (39:17)

I can't believe she looked at an ex short person. Oh.

A (39:23)

I wonder if it was hard on her neck when she had to look all the way down at me below her knees.

B (39:28)

So Heather, I thought we were in a different place.

A (39:31)

I thought we were in a different place.

B (39:34)

So meanwhile, Captain Jason is just, you know, casually. You know how he is. He always looks lost. She's like, so, Britney, you having a Good night. She's like, I'm ish. It's been a rough night. Let me ask you, do you actually, like, run the ship? Do you actually drive the boat?

A (39:55)

He's like, yeah. And she's like, I kind of want to see. He's like, well, not now, but why not? Well, tomorrow when we're running, it'll be a better time because then we're going to be going. She's like, well, I just kind of want to get out of here, you know, I was looking for an excuse. Brittany, you're in the middle of the ocean. There's nowhere to get out to.

B (40:13)

I know, it's just.

A (40:14)

Why?

B (40:14)

She's trying to bang Captain Jason instead. And he's like, oh, were you? Well, I'm going to bed. And he, like, pats her on the shoulder and walks off. She's like, oh, my God, I just wanted to get out of here. He's like, well, I don't know if she's flirting or not, but here is the primary. And I'm not flirting with anyone but her. I'll. God, don't say that. Please don't say he's only flirting with.

A (40:34)

Me on account of the fact that we fucked around as friends with benefits. Insurance benefits. Because we're employed. Employed in the act of sexing with each other.

B (40:48)

And Brahma's like, well, she's attracted to somebody that I can understand for once. That's nice. Brittany's like, okay, well, good night. Get some sleep. Can't wait for our date tomorrow. Hope we can around like you and Heather.

A (41:04)

So they all go to bed when he's like, sorry, Daisy. Oh, that's quite all right. You don't need to point to my face when you say that, so.

B (41:11)

But I am. Okay, you can stop following me now. But I am following you. Something else.

A (41:18)

We exploited my vagina.

B (41:20)

You exploited my panko crested wahoo. Something else they left out in this version is the Captain Jason coming out of somebody's room. Remember when Brittany was like, oh, well, I know that Captain Jason was coming out of your room. That's what I know. Remember that whole thing?

A (41:41)

Well, maybe that's still to come on the next episode because we still haven't even finished this charter. We still have another episode of this Salt Lake City crossover next week, right?

B (41:48)

Oh, wow. Gosh.

A (41:50)

Okay, there's still more.

B (41:52)

Wow. So everybody's put to bed. The people that are going to bed are going to bed and stuff. And Brahm was like, I'm sleeping outside. So she decides that she's gonna sleep on one of the lounger chairs outside. And Alicia is checking with Batul and, like, saying how miserable her day was. And she's like, I don't know how to do 17 things at once. I mean, I don't even know how to do one thing at once.

A (42:16)

I can't even ski properly. That's why I wound up back on a boat. So everyone goes to bed, and now it's 6:40 in the morning, and Bronwyn is sleeping on that chair, and everyone's cleaning around her and, like, she's got a little mask on and stuff. And now we're back in the galley and Ben and Alicia are discussing breakfast. Ben's like, all right, we're going to do a fruit plate. Okay, Pineapple. Okay, you just grab the mop. That's not a pineapple. Can you just get me a single pineapple? It's got the. It's got the little thing on the top, little FL thing. All right, that's just a chair from the other room. That's not a pineapple. Alicia, I'm going to need you to keep up here, Brillo. But.

B (43:02)

All right, I'll show you. I'll show you how to do. I don't do any of this. All right, Taking the R off and all of that. Just. Just make it a bit thicker. Just go check. Bollocks. And he's like, God, if you already fucked up, it's like, I have figured out some inabilities with my sous chef, let's just say that. And then we see yesterday when she's making cheesecake without sugar. And he says, I'm just trying to suss it out, you know, just trying to find the balance. She probably wants to learn. I want to teach her. For us to be improving the whole time, you know, that's how it's supposed to work, but not really sure it's gonna go that way.

A (43:39)

So Joel asked Daisy, so what's the plan with Michael? And Daisy's like, well, if I could have him now, that would be great. She's like, okay, yes, fine. Absolutely. New Jero. I'm a friendly person. So. So she has Mike on the interiors for the moment. And then Eddie sneezes right by Bronwyn so that he does one of those things that, like, you do at a sleepover when you're the first kid awake and you're waiting for everyone else to wake up. So you, like, sneeze like, oh, you're awake now. Great, thanks. So he does that to Bronwyn to get her get the hell out of there.

B (44:11)

They're trying to clean lady. And so then Captain Jason is like, oh, today is definitely going to be absolutely hectic for the deck team. God, we got to go to the Tobago Keys, do this. Luxury beaches. Luxury. It's all luxury here in the. Not down under.

A (44:29)

Yeah, nothing but luxury in a different geographical location. So Brown Wind goes to a room and says, you know, Britney is like, good morning. And. And people are sort of like walking around and. And Captain Jason's giving some orders about cleaning the deck, etc. And now we have some anchor drama which we haven't had in a while. So Joao gives some, some instructions to Patul. He's like, long, medium, short. That's the range of shirts that I can wear. But also how I'd like you to pull up the anchor. So she starts pulling it up and starts going like, well, actually I spoke too soon. The drama didn't start just yet because we have to cut over to Daisy saying, good morning, Heather and Whitney, how are you today?

B (45:12)

There's about, where do we go for food? Breakfast is on Sunday. Like Whitney. Whitney has no idea. She's like, oh, wait, where are we gonna eat? The same place you've eaten your last 10 meals, Brittany. I mean, Whitney, for fuck's sake. And now there's like, we're gonna come McDonald's drive thru. She would, she'd be like, wait a minute, where am I supposed to get my food?

A (45:41)

Breakfast is up on the sun deck. There's a deck on the sun. That sounds dangerous.

B (45:50)

So she announces that breakfast guests are going to be ready for breakfast in 10 minutes. So everyone starts arriving and Angie's there now. And Angie goes, lovely. Wow, we missed you. We. We need a full update on last night. What happened last night? Bromwood's. Oh my. Same shit with Brittany as always. But you started. You started it. Started it. Bronwyn just acting all innocent. And Jason's like, all right, anchor. Now let's go to some anchor drama, everybody. I know you've been waiting for it.

A (46:20)

Thank you. Now we shall resume my three act play called Long, Medium, short. And now the tool on the sizes of my penis.

B (46:29)

Depending on the weather, penises are very unpredictable. Zim. Zim.

A (46:39)

And in conclusion, Zim. So Batul starts pulling up this anchor and it starts going. She's like three shackles remaining. And it's like so draws like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Zim. Zim alert. Zim alert. Zim alert. Zim alert. The anchor is piling up a little bit. So Go down. Go down. And so we go through this. This very tiring drama. Tiring. Not that I was bored, but meaning, like, I was getting tired watching them do this for, like, 45 minutes to an hour of having to bring up the anchor. Then drop it, and you've got to flick it just right. Flick that anchor just like. Or as we say in Zimbabwe, have sex with that anchor. Am I right, everyone?

B (47:15)

Old Joao just popped back, and Betul's like, the winch is clogged. The winch is clogged. Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't talking to you. Okay? So Andy's like, I am confused. Like, you just said you bought a horse. I mean, horses are very expensive. I don't know that I believe that she bought a horse.

A (47:37)

That's an amazing quote out of context. Like, there's this anchor drama going on. They're like, meanwhile, upstairs, you just bought a horse. So draws like, okay, raise it, Raise it, Lower it, lower it, lower it. Raise it. Raise it lower. Raise it lower. Sorry, I'm talking to my penis.

B (47:56)

So Joao just goes up and starts kicking the chain. And meanwhile, Heather is telling Whitney, are you gonna poo again? My God, you're a machine. So Captain Jason is wondering where they're at, but the chain is still stuck, you guys. It's a huge thing. They figure it out. Yeah, that's great.

A (48:16)

Take a while, but they do it.

B (48:17)

Yeah.

A (48:18)

And then meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jason's like, four deck.

B (48:22)

Where are we at? Jo's? Like, on my dick. Where else do you think it's on my pimness? Where else would it be? Not your skin. The four deck.

A (48:34)

Sorry. In Zim, we call it four deck puppy. All right, all right. Nini knees. It's really hard. It's really hard. It's hard to come up with a body part and description really quickly. An adjective.

B (48:58)

Listen here, Stevia lids. I need you to get some beans out and then an onion, all right? These. Those are apples, God damn it. Please.

A (49:10)

That's just a piece of garbage you fished out of the water, isn't it? It is. Is that the anchor? Is this why the anchor stuck? Did you actually somehow grab the anchor and bring it into the galley? I did. So they are. They're actually. The. The anchor is. The anchor thing goes on for a very long time. So they're cooking downstairs. Anchor's going up and down. They finally get it in. Anchors in the pocket. High fives all around. And now we see that they are 52 minutes behind schedule of getting these women to the beach. So, meanwhile, over at. At breakfast, Heather's like, how you doing, babes, with the swe. You doing okay, Angie? And she's like, I am breathing deep. And Heather's like, well, do you have your nausea bands on? I have one on each arm, as well as a piece of spanakopada. Delicious.

B (50:01)

We go back to the kitchen, and Ben's like, those aren't onions, babe. They're shallots. She's like, well, I thought they cooked quicker, though. It's like, please, Please, onions, Please. God. God damn it. How many times do I have to ask him a wrong, I guess. You're doing wonderful, by the way. Everything's going great.

A (50:20)

This just means that I. I'm so proud of you. And proud of how you can't figure out the simplest things. That's all. I'm just with you, which means I like you. But why the. Did you get shallots? Shallots and onions are two different things. Just with you. That's all I'm doing right now, love.

B (50:36)

But do you want white onions? I know you know that. I know you know that. Come on. But I thought shallots were onions. Honey bun, I need a lot of it, okay? I need a lot of them. It's going to take way much more time peeling a shallot.

A (50:53)

Like. But I don't understand. You know what? His. His Ben. When Ben wants to play nice, he's playing nice. But the second things go wrong, it's like, back to the fucking. Like, the second things go wrong, it's like the moment you don't do the simple thing that he asks. He said, get an onion, and you pull the shallot. Those are not the same things. They're both aliens, but they're not the same.

B (51:16)

Listen, I don't love Ben walking around with his honey buns. And listen here, sweetie. I mean, I could do without about that, but, God, Alicia, come on, babe. Like, seriously, the second things go wrong. It's every second. It's every second of the minute.

A (51:33)

She makes it sound like the second things go wrong, like the guests change their minds and we had to pivot the entire menu or the boat crash. It's like, no, the second that you fuck up, because that's what's happening here.

B (51:46)

Yeah, she was like, his mood swings every minute. It's like, which face is he gonna put on today? Okay, this is my 10 minutes of happiness. And then 10 minutes of madness. 10 minutes of crazy. I've never met such a person in my life. You're crazy making.

A (52:01)

Yeah, sorry, Alicia. I Mean, he's awful. He's a dick. We're not gonna deny that. But you're.

B (52:08)

But you're not out.

A (52:09)

You're like, I don't know what's happening. It's like watching, like, Lucille Ball doing the. The chocolates on the conveyor belt with you. Like, it's just.

B (52:19)

It's like watching motive cut shallots. You know what I mean? Like, you're in court and you're like, but what was the motive? It's right here. You're watching it cut shallots. This is why. This is what it. This is when it all went wrong. So now the crew are in their rooms and cleaning and stuff. And Daisy's like, oh, do you want me to take any of that? And Mike's like, hello, yeah, it's no problem. I'm just gonna clean your room. I can do it after. And Jenna's like, it's just me, you idiot. And they're like.

A (52:50)

And Daisy's like, all right, ladies, this is the chef special. We have a pecorino Romano omelette. And this time they've caught on because he made one omelette and put it down in front of them for them all to share. I was like, there you go. Now you are portioning correctly. They're all gonna take a bite of omelette and that will be fine. Yeah.

B (53:08)

Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay? This the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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