#3213 Southern Charm S11E11 Part One: Born For Corn

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3213

Southern Charm S11E11 Part One: Born For Corn (Aired February 12, 2026)

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Episode Overview

Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam return to recap Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 11 ("Born For Corn"). This episode finds the cast gathered at Whitner’s family farm, where not much “happens,” prompting Ben and Ronnie’s signature blend of loving mockery and Bravo anthropological study. They break down meandering family banter, Southern rituals, dinner party traditions, subtle social manipulation, and, as always, the primal chaos that is Craig, Austin, and Shep’s friendship. Along the way, they launch into tangents about plate chargers, teapots, and the timeless sexual allure of classical statuary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Slow Episode, Packed With Banter

• Nothing Really Happens?
  • The hosts note the episode is “Southern Charm at its most meandering,” with disparate scenes stitched together—“They had 45 minutes of an episode, then just tacked on Madison having her baby and Chauncey’s funeral for a flimsy life and death motif” (Ben, 03:35).
• Whitner’s Parents: Sitcom Energy
  • Ben and Ronnie marvel at how Whitner’s parents have their own dramedy happening in the background, filled with banter worthy of TV family scripts—“It’s not really a sitcom, it’s more like a dramedy… the fun parts, before people have serious conversations in bedrooms” (Ben, 04:17).

2. Household Objects as Social Commentary

• Charger Plate Deep Dive (08:44–11:51)
  • Ronnie kicks off a surprisingly passionate rant about the impracticality and etymology of rattan plate chargers at the farm dinner: “I demand new plate chargers. I don’t like those chargers. ... You have to clean all this crust out of the rattan. ... Bad rattan!” (Ronnie, 08:46).
  • Ben confesses he never understood why they’re called “chargers.” Ronnie provides a medieval English origin: “They derive from the Middle English word ‘charger,’ which refers to a large platter used to charge or load a dish with food…” (Ronnie, 11:19).
• Summer House Kettle Gossip
  • A quick aside: Ben rails against Carl’s choice of Mackenzie-Childs teapot—“I think Mackenzie Childs stuff is horrific, but in a sleek, cool, entrepreneur apartment? Makes no sense to me whatsoever.” (Ben, 12:17)

3. Southern Rituals & Gender Roles

• Female Guests as Angels/Pageant Queens
  • Extended mockery of the way Whitner’s dad lavishes women with old-timey southern compliments, sounding like a pageant MC: “Here she comes down the stairs—Hardy McConnison, Booby Boobs McGee!” (Ronnie impersonating, 05:03)
• Power Dynamics at Dinner
  • “The only thing you can ever say to a girl in the South is, ‘Don’t you look darling, honey’” (Ronnie, 05:31).
  • Whitner’s mom insists on family tradition—hidden “table topics” cards and everyone waiting to eat together.

4. Gossip, Miscommunication, and Manipulation

• Craig, Austin, and the ‘Man-Baby Power Struggle’
  • Austin is hesitant to share his breakup news with Shep and Craig, fearing humiliation: “Don’t be friends with people who’ll use your breakup just to humiliate you… That’s our job!” (Ben, 19:18).
  • Ronnie hilariously calls out Austin’s manipulations: “He’s telling everybody but them, so everyone can go ‘Oh, poor Austin!’ … It’s a man-baby power struggle as usual.” (Ronnie, 19:55)
• Craig’s Manipulations and Hypocrisy
  • Craig denies being manipulative even as he gaslights others: “Does that sound like something I would say, Sally? ‘Oh, I think Charlie’s falling in love with me—I’m gonna break her heart.’ That doesn’t sound like me.” (Craig via Ben, 32:34)
  • Sally’s meta-critique: “Craig is the ultimate gaslighter. Very manipulative. He gaslights you, lets yourself be manipulated” (Sally via Ben, 33:22).
• Shep: The Reluctant Advice-Giver
  • Shep vows to lecture Austin about indecision, prompting the hosts to highlight Shep’s hypocrisy (“Says someone who’s never made a decision in his life,” Ronnie, 30:26).

5. Dinner Table Games and Social Games

• Table Topics, Family-Style
  • Whitner’s mom enforces the tradition: “We have table topic questions under everyone’s plate…” (Whitner, 38:04).
• Game Answers and Banter
  • Topics range from what you wish you could say no to, to personality traits, to “moments you wish to relive.” Highlights:
    • Shep: “I wish I could say no to more day drinking” (Shep, 39:26).
    • Austin: “I was working at this hostel bar in New Zealand, got butt naked at the bar…” (Austin, 39:48).
    • Sally swoons: “Austin is so hot, he has a dad bod, which I personally love. …I’m really looking for an Austin body” (Sally via Ronnie, 40:02, with much sarcasm).

6. Love Triangles & Thirst

• Sally’s Overt Flirting
  • “Sally is the living embodiment of the phrase ‘Yoohoo! I’m over here!’” (Ben, 36:03)
  • Sally to Austin: “You need help? I could shake it off for you.” (Sally, 44:41)
  • Molly’s Deadpan: “Jesus Christ, the body isn’t even cold yet.” (Molly, 45:09)
• Craig and Charlie’s Awkward Dynamic
  • Charlie’s self-doubt (“Do I look crazy being in this dress?” – Charlie, 49:24) contrasted with Craig’s grade-school crush vibes offers a brief look at the inexplicable power he holds over women in Charleston.

7. Final Tangent: The Hotness of Classical Statues

• Jerking Off to Statues
  • Prompted by a suggestively posed statue at the farmhouse, the hosts riff on the sexual appeal of “David” and Renaissance booty in museums:
    • “You know what, I think if I were in the Renaissance, I probably would have jerked off to a statue.” (Ben, 52:06)
    • “How do you work in the Vatican? All those butts, and they didn’t even have stair climbers then!” (Ronnie, 51:36)
    • “If you’re going to pose for a statue, you know your penis is about to be immortalized—wouldn’t you at least swing it around?” (Ronnie, 52:16)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Episode’s Pace:
  “I watched it an hour ago. What did happen in this episode? I don’t know… That’s how Southern Charm rolls.”
  — Ben (03:19)

• On Chargers:
  “I don’t want to clean that. ... You gotta clean all this crust out of the rattan. Bad rattan!”
  — Ronnie (08:44)

• Austin’s Manipulative Side:
  “He’s telling everybody but [Shep and Craig] so that everybody can be like, ‘Oh, be nice to Austin…’ He’s doing his whole man baby thing.”
  — Ronnie (19:55)

• Craig’s Defensive Denial:
  “Does that sound like something I would say, Sally? ‘Oh, I really think Charlie’s falling in love with me, I’m going to break her heart.’ That doesn’t sound like me.”
  — Ben as Craig (32:34)

• On Sally’s Thirst:
  “Sally is the living embodiment of the phrase yoo hoo, you, I'm over here.”
  — Ben (36:03)

• Statues, Sex, and Museums:
  “If I were in the Renaissance, I probably would have jerked off to a statue.”
  — Ben (52:06)
  “How do you work in this place? I mean, I'd be so insecure just walking around the Vatican.”
  — Ronnie (51:36)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:17 — Analysis of Whitner’s bantery parents
• 08:44–11:51 — Rattan charger rant and etymology lesson
• 19:18–20:24 — Austin avoiding breakup gossip, accusations of manipulation
• 25:35–26:19 — Dissecting what Craig really said about Charlie
• 32:34–33:22 — Sally calls out Craig’s gaslighting
• 39:19–41:21 — Table topic questions, Sally thirsts for Austin
• 44:41–45:09 — Sally offers to help Austin in the bathroom (“I want Austin’s dick”)
• 51:36–52:38 — Hot statue discourse, museum insecurity

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Tone, Language, and Flow

True to form, Ben and Ronnie bring irreverent, sharply observational humor, peppered with deep-dive tangents and Bravo-lore references. The playful meta-commentary (“That’s our job to humiliate you—that’s not their job as friends!”) entwines with genuine anthropological interest about why Charleston’s eligible women keep flocking toward the most questionable men. As always, pop culture asides and personal anecdotes enrich the recap, blurring the lines between structured reality TV, real human folly, and panel show comedy.

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Wrap-Up

Although little plot truly advances in the Southern Charm episode itself, Ben and Ronnie’s recap renders the ennui lively, pokes holes in Bravo’s setpieces and social customs, and delivers comedic catharsis for Southern Charm and Bravo diehards alike. Sally’s cartoonish thirst, Craig’s reality distortion and dinner “chargers” turning into family therapy props—all get the Crappens treatment in a sprawling, hilarious part one recap.

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Listen to the next episode for Part Two of their Southern Charm S11E11 breakdown!

Transcript

[A]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[B]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Happens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there.

[A]

Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good.

[B]

Everybody, welcome to the show today. We're a couple of weeks away from the Golden Crappy Awards, our awards show here in Los Angeles, the Fonda Theater on February 27th. Almost sold out. We're like 96% sold out. So there's literally a few tickets. So if you want to come get your tickets. Okay, do it. Do it right now. If you can't come, still get your tickets because we are doing live streaming with Kiswee. So get your live stream tickets and your regular tickets over at watch what crappens.com. that's going to be an amazing night. Also, if you want this recap on video or you want bonus episodes about the traders, or if you want ad free listening or if you want to read the free newsletter, it's free. It's like a little magazine. Just go over to patreon.com. watch what crobums, everybody. Ben, who you want to shout out today? You got a friend who's got a movie? Come on, tell us.

[A]

Yeah, I want to shout out my friend Matt. He wrote a movie that is coming out in theaters everywhere this weekend. It's called Good Luck, have Fun, don't die. You may have seen the commercials.

[B]

Oh, I sure have.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it's coming out. So my friend wrote that and I want to support him. And so I'm going to go see it this weekend because honestly, like in movies, it's like all that opening weekend and then after that, it's like, it truly is Good luck, have fun, don't die. So, everyone, if you're thinking about seeing a movie this weekend, go check that one out because it's actually supposed to be really good, too, which is great because I would hate it if I like, you know, shout out my friend's movie. And it was like, it sucked. But it's supposed to be really good. So. Yeah.

[B]

Sci Fi Adventure with Sam Rockwell. Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

Sam Rockwell. The. The girl from White Lotus wore the crazy Haley.

[B]

Haley Liu. I didn't know that was her name. Haley Lou Richardson.

[A]

There's some other famous people and I just don't remember who they are, but.

[B]

Zazzie Beach, Juno Temple, Michael Pena, Tanya Von Graun. I mean, come on.

[A]

The whole gang. The whole gang.

[B]

This looks really good.

[A]

You know, for as much I Do have to say, like, for as much as we're like, oh, my God, come to the crappies. You know, we spend. We spend like a solid six weeks getting the crappies together. But when it comes to a movie, like, that's like a two or three year process, and it all culminates in, like, one weekend.

[B]

I love you. I love you. Comparing the crappies to a feature film.

[A]

No, meaning that, like, we're like, oh, my God, so much work, guys. Come on, come to our show. But, but, like, here's my friend who's toiled away for, like, literally two years and, you know, went through ups and downs and all sorts of things, and it culminates in this one weekend. So I say go support it.

[B]

Go see it. Well, that's cool. Congratulations.

[A]

That's my shout out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Congrats, Matthew.

[B]

Or as I say, when he's in trouble, Matthew, because I'm from the south and today we're talking about Southern charm.

[A]

Southern charm.

[B]

Season 11 Episode 11 Cabin Fever Today I was trying to write a description about what happened in this episode, and I was like, what? I just watched it an hour ago. What did happen in this episode? I don't know. I know that's how Southern charm rolls.

[A]

That is. They really didn't really. They kind of didn't know what to do with this episode. They. They sort of had 45 minutes of an episode, and then they're like, okay, what next? Okay, let's have Madison having her baby. Okay. We still have time left. Chauncey's funeral would be like a life and death motif at the end of the episode for no good reason. Sure. So this is a stress.

[B]

Yeah. So that's what, that's what we're doing. We are still at the Itchy Ass Estate. Itchy Ass Farms, Whitner's place. And we still don't want to make Mama upset. Don't fight in front of Mama. Don't fry in front of Mama. Oh, get out of here. Stop inviting me around. Parents I can't fight in front of.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Winners.

[A]

Parents are still doing their own sitcom. It's not really a sitcom. It's more like a dramedy. It's like, you know, and it's the funny parts of a dramedy, when things are light and happy before people have serious conversations in bedrooms about, yeah, you know, whatever is ailing them. But, like, the fun part is when they put on Leon Bridges on the soundtrack and then they toss, you know, loaves of bread to each other across the kitchen island. They're like, catch. You know, so that's what. That's. That's the TV show that his parents are in right now.

[B]

It is also the South. And so it's playing a game with the audience of is my dad sexually harassing people or just being a dad?

[A]

Yeah, it's an age old question. The shirt really helps put the needle into the dad category. But like, without that shirt, it'd be.

[B]

Like, it's like, hey, pretty lady. Wow. What a gorgeous, beautiful lady. And here she comes down the stairs. Hardy McConnison. Oh, yeah. Booby Boobs McGee, get down here. Very.

[A]

Yeah, Every single thing was like. It was like the world's worst pageants. And now, from representing the state of South Carolina, beautiful Miss Cutie Face.

[B]

The only thing you can ever say to a girl in the south is, well, don't you look darling, honey. Come on down here and sit on Big Wit's lap.

[A]

Big Wit. So Whitner walks in and he's like, what's up? And Beth is like, oh, you gotta set the table, Whitner. He's like, yes, ma'. Am. It really is like, like ABC 9pm reboot of brothers and Sisters kind of dialogue happening with this family. And Beth, you know, they're. They're setting up their whole table and every. Or they're gonna set up dinner and everything. And they're very bantery, very Aaron Sorkin in the way they talk with each other and without the walking.

[B]

Sorkin loves walking through a hallway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, maybe it's David.

[A]

David D. Kelly. Maybe that's their vibe. But what? Beth is like something super slick over here. Well, maybe the water I just spilled. Oh, you're looking for an opportunity to increase my. Increase your inheritance, son, huh?

[B]

The dad's like, oh, you're going from zero to zero with that inheritance, huh?

[A]

The banter of. The banter of anarchists.

[B]

Don't invite Austin and Shep into your home if you don't want something slick somewhere. Those two are always spitting.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

So Madison and Vanita. Oh, what were you. What were you going to say?

[A]

That's the culprit right there. That's the slick surface underneath their Bertazzoni oven.

[B]

Yeah. So Madison and Vanita's cabin. Madison, should we just walk over there? And they're like, yeah, let's do it. So they walk over and Vanita's like, oh, my God, I'm gonna be the first person you're gonna have a drink with at the hospital when that baby comes out. Cause I just wanna drink with you. I can't wait to see your little baby. Well, I mean, she's already pretty much out of me. I mean, at least her head is. She's got a little head dangling down there.

[A]

I can't believe, Ronnie, you would imply that nothing really happened on this show when you're like, I can't even remember what happened. I mean, don't you. Don't you remember when Madison and Vanita walked over there? It's a great scene.

[B]

They decided to take their drinks to walk. So want to walk over there? Sure. And it still is happening in all the cabins. Basically, Sally's like, can I go downstairs? No. Oh, totally. I wouldn't go downstairs without you, would I? While you're steaming your dress, I wouldn't go downstairs without you. She's like, yeah, you said totally. And that's whenever I know you're lying. Because whenever I say totally, I'm like, totally. She's like, yeah, you just told on yourself. Because you tell me totally all the time.

[A]

Just totally. Which I think actually totally, as Charlie is not. I don't think totally is her signal of saying that she's lying. I think totally is her way of saying, like, fuck you, bitch. I'm sick of living under your shadow. Or in your shadow, if you live.

[B]

Under someone's shadow where it must have been cold there.

[A]

So what?

[B]

All the feelings winners outside set the table. And they're doing it with those chargers. Now, I. Here's something we can talk about in this episode. I demand new plate chargers. I don't like those chargers. They're using these. They're like rattan or something. What are they?

[A]

Yeah, like a wicker, wicker rattan.

[B]

I don't want to clean that. I don't want to have to clean that. And you know they're going to get shit all over them because chargers always do. You have to clean the chargers too. And don't tell me you don. And then you have to clean all this crust and out of the. The rattan. And it's outside. There's going to be bugs all in the rattan. I don't know bad's a rattan. I don't know use rattan. Because I'm an anarchist.

[A]

Ratanarchy. I'll tell you one thing.

[B]

Ratt Castro uses a charger. These are some Che Guevara chargers.

[A]

I have to say, I. I still to this day do not understand why they're called chargers in the first place. It makes no sense to me. Why. How did this how did they get named that? I'm sure there's some sort of thing where it's like, well, actually, Charger, it's very close to, like, the Assyrian word cargo, which means to hold a plate or something like that. It's probably, I know it's like some, some base level etymology, but I just feel like it's so strange that we call those things chargers. I, I, I don't get it. Why are they called chargers? What are they charging? Why are, like, they were called out before the concept of, like, power charging came up, but, like, still. Well, you're not moving anywhere, they're not charging at someone.

[B]

And I think of the Dodge Charger, and those cars are annoying. So sorry, Sorry for anybody listening to this in a Dodge Charger, but shut up, okay? I'm sick of listening to your car.

[A]

It be. It would be hilarious if the person who designed the Dodge Charger was like, I want to design a really cute car that's just like, supportive and lovely. Like, sort of like the Charger under a plate. But then all the assholes were like, no, it's a charger. Like, I'm gonna charge it you. And they, like, ruin the entire idea behind it.

[B]

Yeah, well, Charger called that because they direct. Oh, sorry.

[A]

That would be. My little Charger story would be funny to someone, I'm sure. Maybe no one is actually listening.

[B]

No, I thought it was funny. I'm just so excited to read the definition. You know when you look something up and you're like, oh, my God, I've got an answer. And then you just let the other person keep talking about their Charger story, but you know that the real story isn't the true answer. So that was my assignment. It wasn't your fault. So Charger plates are called that because they derive from the Middle English word charger, which refers to a large platter used to charge or load a dish with food in the 13th and 14th centuries. Historically used for serving large roasts, these now decorative plates act as a base to load other plates onto. So it's a tray. It's a tray.

[A]

It's a tray.

[B]

Which they would say, charge these, which meant load these.

[A]

It's like a compact suv, but in plate form. It's like you use. It's not quite a tray, it's not yet a tray. Not still a plate.

[B]

It's a tray. It's shit. They would load other food onto to take other plates to the thing. So now I'm going to start calling Dodge Chargers Dodge Trays, and people Are going to be real. They're going to be. I paid a lot of money for this car. Yeah. Have fun driving Dodge tray.

[A]

As long as we're talking about housewares, how did we forget to mention that Carl used a MacKenzie MacKenzie child's tea kettle to water his plants on summer house. That was, like, crazy that we forgot to mention that.

[B]

We didn't mention it. I think it's because I'm trying to be nice to Carl this year because, you know, trying to turn over a new leaf. And I'm always so mean to Carl. And I just thought, you know, why rag on Carl? He's trying. But, I mean, it was unbelievable. Yeah. It was unforgivable.

[A]

It bothered me because I think MacKenzie child stuff is bad. Generally speaking. Like, I think it's horrific, but also, like, it doesn't match anything in his apartment. It's like mackenzie child. Like, basically, Mackenzie child stuff belongs in a home that you would see an Orange County. Right? Like, it's going to be in Vicki's house. It'll be in Tamara's house. It'll be Caroline Manzo's house in New Jersey. So. But like, in a sleek, cool. Hey, I'm an entrepreneur. I've got soft bar apartment. To have a mackenzie child kettle just doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever.

[B]

Maybe he got it from Mackenzie herself, who's, you know, like, sending stuff. Because I can't imagine Carl buying a MacKenzie child. Or maybe he did, because, you know, when you get sober, you care. You. You put a lot of effort into sober things like tea. So it's like, I'm gonna get myself a really nice teapot. Cause I'm sober, so I'm gonna have a McKenzie's child. $200 he bought. So maybe that's why I think Lil.

[A]

Gave it to him. Lil's like, I love Beetlejuice here.

[B]

It reminded me of the Beetlejuice. My mom got a mackenzie's child rug. And I was like, mom, please don't do that.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And she's like, no, Ronnie, I got such a good deal. I'm getting this rug. It's amazing. Everybody loves mackenzie's child. It's so fashion. She's going on. And I said, that's going to bring you bad luck, Mackenzie's child. And she's like, no, it's not that stupid. I don't believe in luck. I believe in Jesus. Well, a week later, she tripped on that rug. She tripped and she fell.

[A]

Did you trip on the white square or the black square?

[B]

I'M not laughing at my mom tripping. I'm just saying, I told you so. So, okay, so you got a lot of chests. Say it again.

[A]

Got a lot of stuff off our chest right now. Rattan McGinty's Child Burgers. Great work.

[B]

So now Whitner and his wacky parents are deciding on where to seat people because they're out there setting the table still and Beth is like, oh, this goes on top. This. We're doing power clash. Put the dish on top of the charger, Whitner. And he's like, yes, ma'. Am. Should we do table setting? She's like, that'll be up to you. It's your party. That's how we. This is how we teach our children responsibility. Play sittings or no. What kind of man are you?

[A]

He's like, I don't really know. I'm trying to think of what my former girlfriend would have liked and would have made him stay. Okay, Whitner, just put the plates on the table.

[B]

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[B]

Charlie's like, I feel like I'm going to prom. Where's my corsage? Wait, Sally, why are you wearing the corsage that I was gonna wear to prompt? Well, it was mine. You don't know who corsage is? Winner's like, look at these beautiful goddesses. Holy moly. Jeez. Beautiful. You need to be in a toga. Somebody needs to play the horns. These women are angels. Wow.

[A]

I can't tell if you just came up from Hades because you're looking a lot like Persephone. Just gorgeous. So throw some water on her.

[B]

The tail pop out. That is a mermaid siren if I ever seen one. Hey, watch your boat. You're about to crash into the lighthouse.

[A]

It's a siren right there. He even, like, looks at the camera at one point, and, like, he just, like, points his finger, and he's like, oh, man. Can you believe it? They make specimens like this. Just gorgeous.

[B]

And in my house, Winter's mom's like, big wit, you need to get some wine out here, man whore.

[A]

Dear Madison and Vanita arrive in the main cabin, and they're admiring it and everything. And then people are cheersing, and Sally's thanking them for having them, et cetera. And Sally's like, wow, you look so nice, Madison. I'm allowed to say that. Sally, am I allowed to compliment her? So I was like, it is approved. Yeah. I literally can't get over how cute you are pregnant. Wow. You don't have your eye on Craig for any strange reason, right? Okay, just double checking. And Whitner's still like, holy moly.

[B]

Let me hold him. Hold him on. Let me put my face up to your belly. Let me put. Oh, my God, you've got a hottie in there too. My baby alert. Everyone's gorgeous here.

[A]

And then Rodrigo and Austin are over at their. They're at their cabin, and Rodrigo's like, so do you hear those frogs, babe? They're singing for you. And I was like, yeah, they're banging, ranging hard. Yeah. It's insane right now.

[B]

Well, now that you're single, he's like, I'm not that.

[A]

Who?

[B]

I'm not that.

[A]

Who.

[B]

All right, where we go? I don't want to tell Shepherd Craig, you know, because I. I don't want to tell them that I broke up with Aubrey. Okay. Because I know if they get the info, they will just use the opportunity to throw it back in my face. They're gonna throw it back in my face. Can I throw what you just threw at the camera back at your face? Because I'm wet sitting on my couch.

[A]

I know. Also, don't be friends with people who, like, if you say that you are going through a breakup, you're, like, afraid to tell it to them because their primary objective will just be to humiliate yourself with it. I mean, that's our job. That's not their job as friends. So, I mean, he is. Right. I think he's also on, like, a little bit of a power play. I think he wants to actually torture them. I think he wants everyone to know about them, so that way, they're the ones who are humiliated first. And then he can. And then. Then he can pull the card to be like, oh, I just didn't want to say it because, oh, you guys. You guys have been so mean.

[B]

You gu. Reveled.

[A]

Gets reveled in the fact that there were rumors about us. You know, he's. He's going to do one of those things.

[B]

He's also very manipulative. Let's not forget who we're talking about. He's. He's playing this where he's telling everybody but them so that everybody can be like, oh, be nice to Austin. Look at poor Austin. Austin. So sad. Look at Austin. So then they feel guilty about whatever they say to Austin because they should know that Austin's going through something, even though they don't know, you know, he's doing his whole man baby. Man baby thing. It's a man baby power struggle on Southern charm, as usual.

[A]

Yeah. So they walk into the main cabin and everything, and Shep walks in with Craig. Everyone's saying hello. Everyone's greeting. Everyone's. Everyone's just saying hi and gathering, and this goes on for quite a long time. So then Rodrigo, Shep, and Madison go into the dining room to have a little scene, and Matt's like, okay, I'm just gonna stay at the. At the head of the table just because you two are both Betas. So it just feels appropriate that I take the alpha chair. Okay, so are you sure you're not okay. Are you sure we're not supposed to be sitting here like a Disney bed? Like, it's okay. It's like, okay, let's talk about Austin. So they get into it. They start talking about Austin. And in the other room, they're drinking. They're pouring wine, Vanitas, filling some wine up and everything. And they're sitting around and it's all chill and they're just having. They're just having banter. And then Craig is sitting there next to Molly, and he's holding the wine glass. And Backus, the dog sort of does that thing where the dog's like, I want. I want affection. So nuzzles his head up into Craig, but, like, bonks the the wine glass. But Craig, instead of just being letting get pumped, he, like, does that kind of almost like a farcical on stage wine spill thing where he, like, takes the glass. He's like, whoa. Like, throws his wine over onto Molly. Yeah.

[B]

He's doing the whole trying to keep the wine in the glass, which I think just swirls it all over her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so she's like, great.

[A]

And then he goes cry. And Craig's like, that was insane, Ruckus. Because he thinks the dog's name is Ruckus, not Bakus. Oh.

[B]

So she goes to clean herself off, and she's like, what do I do? I don't know. You rinse the dress. I don't know. Take a clothes. What do. I don't know. Why does everybody ask me, well, what the fuck am I supposed to know? Stop asking me. Actually, I would be a good person if I was there, because I always have a tide stick these days.

[A]

I'm answering, so it's good. You're helpful.

[B]

I'll work on a tide stick. I'll clean you off, girl. So she goes up to do whatever. And Vanita is like, did you do something bad, Bacchus? Or is Craig just lying to everyone as usual? And Craig's just like, whatever. He just gets up and leaves.

[A]

So Austin's like, okay, I like this.

[B]

Even trying to pin lying on Craig.

[A]

With the dog.

[B]

Like, bacchus, Craig did this to you. Don't ruin his life. He will literally lead you around like a dog on a leash.

[A]

His name is Ruckus. So once Craig leaves, Austin wants to gossip. He's like, all right, Charlie, what. What the is going on? Like, what the happened at the pool. I want to know what happened. Meanwhile, also, Austin is eating, like, a very large olive, and he announces that he's eating a very large olive. And so while he's talking, you know, his mouth is already emitting so many particles as it is. But now he also has this giant olive that's sort of circulating around his mouth and in his cheeks the entire time. And I'm like, please, just finish your olive before you start your scene. This is too distracting.

[B]

So Charlie's like, well, I told Craig that Sally brought to my attention that, like, she heard something that you said about me. And we see earlier with Craig leaning on the edge of the pool and Sally, Molly, and Charlie driving to the farm, and Sally being like, he's going around saying that you're gonna fall in love with him, and he doesn't want to hurt you or something. And Austin's like, okay, if you go against my disdain for Craig at the moment by actually telling you the context of what was that? And so we see last week Craig saying, I'm overthinking this a lot because the last thing I want to do is have Charlie drop her guard and then realize I don't even like her.

[A]

Yeah. So Austin's basically saying, God, like, Craig drives me nuts. I don't want to defend him, but I will actually clarify. Like, he basically was just overthinking of overthinking this whole situation, and it's kind of like, dude, like, maybe just, like, kiss first and then that kind of thing. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So he actually kind of defends Craig here, like, against. Against what he wants to do, which is talk about Craig. So Charlie's like, that's great. And so then Whitner's going around setting up, you know, grilling steaks, and then we go back.

[B]

But also, I have to point out. And I'm so sorry to stop you, but now that I'm kind of looking this over, he still doesn't tell her exactly what Craig. So she still doesn't know what Craig says. We saw the flashback of Craig basically saying, well, you know, what am I supposed to do? Because if I. If I'm dating this girl and then she puts her guard down, then I decide I don't like her anymore, but he's just been on a date with her, being like, I know what I want. Like, you're what I want. I don't want to be dating around. I want to. You know, I want somebody flirting and doing all of this and then going to the Guys and being like, well, you know, but then what if she puts her guard down and I decide I don't like her anymore? You just told her you did like her. So I think if Austin said no. He said that he was worried that he's going to get you to put your guard down and then decide that he doesn't like you, she wouldn't have this kind of reaction. But he's just like, oh, he's just thinking too far ahead. She's like, oh, okay. So see, she still. She's never going to find out what was really said.

[A]

Yeah, I think you're at.

[B]

That's actually.

[A]

That's such a, like, perceptive point because, like, yeah, what he was saying. I mean, I. We. We clocked it immediately when. When he said that about, like, wow, she's, like, gonna fall in love with me. And then, like, what if she fell in love me and I want to hurt her? Like, we already saw that he was looking for an escape hatch for this situation, and he was doing manipulative things. And the fact that he's saying those things while also simultaneously selling his affection to Charlie, like, things are better with you. It's more fun with you. I just want to be with you. People don. Like you. You know, it's like. It's just so shady. It really is. And. And Austin does.

[B]

It.

[A]

Austin is underselling the fact that. That Craig is just being a boy right now.

[B]

That's what he's. Yeah, I think he's just going to try and save the relationship with Craig. So that's good. So then. Yeah, go ahead from.

[A]

Well, now we go back to the dining room, where now Rodrigo and Shepa and Madison are going to have their scene. So Rodrigo's like, so, girlfriends, what's going on between Austin and Craig? And Shep's like, well, Craig has a point. Austin has a point. But Austin allows himself to be manipulated way more than anyone I've ever really met. Which is a funny thing. Like, I'm allowing myself to be manipulated. I mean, isn't the point of being manipulated that you don't realize that you're being like. Isn't. If you realize you're being manipulated. And I guess you do sometimes realize you're being manipulated, and you allow it. Never mind. I take it all back. I apologize, Shep. You made a great point. So Shep is.

[B]

Why does he think he's being. Why. Why is. How is Austin being manipulated by Audrey?

[A]

Maybe by Audrey.

[B]

How's Audrey been?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

He knows him she doesn't get anything she wants. He's stuck. She's stuck driving 10 hours a week in traffic to see his ass. What's she doing? He's the one using Audrey as a. As a smokescreen.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what Shep was meaning here. I just was having a moment where I thought the idea of someone letting themselves be manipulated was a funny concept.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no.

[A]

You're letting yourself being manipulated. Are you really being manipulated or are you.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'm not arguing with that. I'm just. I'm just like, the point that he's talking about him, I just don't see how often.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like. And Austin needs to do something. I mean, get off your ass and do something. You know what I mean? I mean, that's why I'm gonna talk to him tonight. You know, I'm gonna say this. Your indecisiveness is gonna be your undoing. And it's like the Vietnam War. Trust me, I know. I've seen the whole thing back, some of it in sepia tomes.

[A]

You're like, United States foreign policy circa 1956-1959, damaging and indecisive.

[B]

So I need you to be clearer than Nixon was with America. And that's. I'm going to talk to him, and I'm going to say, your indecisiveness will be on your undoing. And I love you with Audrey, but, like, that is a wishy washy one, foot out, two thing. You know, when it's time to take decisive steps in life and everything will change.

[A]

Have you considered a megalodon necklace? So. But of course, Madison and Rodrigo are listening to Shep say, basically, the problem with Austin is that, like, it's clear he doesn't want to be in this relationship. He's. I'm assuming he's vented about it off camera, but, like, Austin is like. Is it like. It's sort of manipulated? He's saying, like, Austin's shoulder, get off the pot, which he says later on in the episode. But the thing is that Rodrigo and Madison already know that. That Austin has. Has broken up with Audrey. And so this is. All of Shep's bluster right now is kind of for nothing because actually, something has been done. But they know they should. They're not the ones to tell Shep. And I was very impressed that Madison resisted the temptation to tell Shep because she's already told Sally, and she even says that right here, like, well, I told Sally but she's not going to tell Shep because I think that actually the joy of watching Shep whip himself into a frenzy over something that he doesn't need to is more fun for her than gossiping with Shep about what really happened.

[B]

Well, yeah, because Madison spreads the gossip to further drama, and this is already drama, so she doesn't need to. By not giving the gossip, she's furthering the drama by getting Shep worked up. So Madison's a pretty good player. Shep is just. It's also funny because they're sitting here watching Shep talking about somebody not being decisive, having one foot, one in, one foot out, when his storyline is basically leading women on and never committing and then making up his mind about something. Says somebody who's never made a decision in his life and is still just, you know, traveling to fish in Cuba, you know, so they're like, okay, hypocrite. So she's like, austin did ask me not to tell anybody, but I did tell Sally, but I'm still not going to tell him. I'm not. I've told enough people. And if this cast ain't going to spread it around this quickly on a farm where we have literally nothing else to do, I'm able to tell you.

[A]

And by the way, something that we have not noted is that now that Sally knows that Austin is single, which she basically is, at a scale of 15 out of 10 in terms of throwing herself at him, like, it's so. It's so blatant, and it's just hilarious. And just also so. It's just so funny how quickly she just like, okay, I couldn't get something to work with Craig. Gonna try Austin. And now I heard a rumor somewhere on the Internet that Sally and Kyle Cook were getting cozy in New York or something like that. I don't know the veracity of that whatsoever. But I'm like, that tracks as well. So Matt, basically, Madison is like. Shep was like, saying, he. He wants to go up to Austin and tell him, like, this is what you gotta do. You gotta make a choice. It's time. It's time to go. Time.

[B]

No more waiting around.

[A]

And Matt's like, well, how about you just ask me some questions? Don't give him advice. Just ask him questions and see what he says. See what he might tell you. Maybe he'll give you an update on his life about what's new with him and Audrey. I don't know. Just try that out a little bit. He's like, got it. Don't Ask questions. Just tell him to break up with Audrey. Totally received.

[B]

And Rodrigo is telling us, shep, where's your girlfriend? I mean, need I say more?

[A]

Well, because I love when Rodrigo's like, when Shep says, I'm going to give. I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to give. I have to give him advice. And Rodrigo goes, you do.

[B]

You. You're the relationship advice guy. And Madison's like, yeah, he should wear his own shark tooth necklace and not say a word to anybody about relationships. I mean, come on. So then Charlie and Molly come back down the stairs, dress changed. Okay, guys, we can all calm down. And meanwhile, Craig approaches Sally, and he's like, we're good, right? She goes, are we. Are we good, Craig? He's like, we're always good. I mean, it's just that you seem to keep causing drama in my. Like, you keep spreading stories about me that aren't true and I don't understand it. And, you know, I didn't say that. Like, does that sound like something I would say, Sally? Oh, I really think Charlie's falling in love with me. I'm going to break her heart. That doesn't sound like me. You know me.

[A]

It does sound like you and Craig saying that Sally's going around spreading stories about her, as then in like, a few scenes later, he's going to be on a canoe with. With Charlie being like, sally just keeps on meddling, and she just wants to destroy me. That's all she does. She's sad and pathetic. So it's just, like, really rich hearing it from him. I mean, he's not wrong. But also. He's also culpable.

[B]

Yeah, but also, a couple weeks ago, when Sally was like, I like you, and he's like, no, I don't see it. And then he went to all the guy friends. It was like, oh, my God, this girl's crazy. Like, she won't stop. Like, now she's obsessed with me. She's a tornado. She's a tornado.

[A]

But he's allowed to do that because I'm a storyteller, so.

[B]

A lawyer and a storyteller.

[A]

The best.

[B]

I want to hire from now on.

[A]

I know. We'll. We'll keep an eye out for you on the moth. So Sally says Craig is the ultimate. Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire. Sally says Craig is the ultimate gaslighter. Craig gaslights everyone. I think that he's very manipulative, and he gaslights you. Let yourself be manipulated.

[B]

Well, if somebody says something about me. Ask me if it's true, and then I'll tell you if it's true. It's that simple.

[A]

You're literally not going to tell them if it's true. You're going to lie. It's that font of truth, Craig.

[B]

So winter. Bring winter. Whitner brings in some cooked steaks. And Whitner seniors like, wow, it's time to go down and eat. Hey, here's who's welcome at the table. Gorgeous angel ladies. Okay, anyone with breasticles, feel free to have a seat.

[A]

Are we at the summit of gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus? Because all I see are beautiful deities. So they sit down and Sally's like, if there's anyone I'm listening to, it's the guy in the shirt, right? I love that shirt. And Beth is like, that's Whitner's mom's like, no, gross. No, no. I've been trying to get him to burn that thing for 15 years. Don't say that. I was this close to getting it out of the house.

[B]

Sally's like, I love his shirt. That's like, you back off. Back off of wit, senior ma'. Am. Big wit. Back off. A big wit. So everybody heads outside. And Chef's like, are there a place settings?

[A]

Like, damn it. Damn it. They all sit. They all sit around and everything. And I think there was like a moment where Austin's like, beth, you know that we're gonna stand until you get here because the Shep sat down, but the hostess haven't arrived yet. So Shep's like, gosh, I can't believe I was so rude. So he stands up, he's all frustrated. So they.

[B]

The lady of the house is here.

[A]

I'm a polite little boy.

[B]

So they.

[A]

For the next 10 minutes, we watch them all slowly arrive at the table. Sit down, sit down and yeah, do various polite things like pass butter jugs and things.

[B]

Not one person asks, why are these Chargers rattan? Not one. And Austin sits down and Sally's like, austin, there's a seat down here. Hey, I wish there was a guy who chewed with his mouth open. Spit little bits of steak everywhere during dinner. Oh, I love that in a man.

[A]

Sally is the living embodiment of the phrase yoo hoo, you, I'm over here. It's like. It's like no one really ever says, you who like that. That's like the stereotypical thing you see like a woman like on her side, like on top of a piano, like with a drink in one hand, waving. Yoo, come over here from it. No one ever does that except in cartoons. But Sally would. Sally would definitely do that. Hi.

[B]

Big foul. I need somewhere to sit. So happens I got a chair right over.

[A]

Commercials.

[B]

Here comes one right now.

[A]

Okay, so where are we in this mess?

[B]

They say hello for 20. Okay. So then they finally sit down, and Beth gets ready to serve, and she's like, all right, you're probably wondering why we all invited you, why we invited y' all here tonight. And they're like, oh, gosh.

[A]

Shep goes, it's a pyramid scheme. That's why. It's an intervention chef. So everyone's like, just talking. And Beth is like, well, I'm trying to be funny.

[B]

Funny, anarchist.

[A]

About to try to make a speech. So Whitner's like. Winner's like, oi, everyone, this will be difficult because my. But you gotta listen. It's my mama. My mom's speaking for us. Okay, mom, go on with your very funny speech. Thank you. Well, we have flank steak and seabrook potatoes and grilled broccolini. And Big was gonna pass it around. It's like, okay, thanks. Thanks, everyone. So literally, this is going on for 10 minutes. Like, every time I'm scrolling through the notes, and I keep on thinking we're gonna get to, like, the scene, like, moving forward again. But it's always like, we're like, okay, I've got something to say.

[B]

Yeah, potatoes. Everybody's cracking up because they call him. She called him Big Wits. That's funny, isn't it, Big Wit. Oh, I'm gonna say that to you, Big Wit. They all start cracking up. And winners, I thank y' all for being here. It's wonderful to share the farm with everyone. It's been a long story tradition of farm weekends, and mom and dad have been the center of all of them because it's, well, their farm. So they're kind of landlord. They're always here. Okay, well, we have table topic questions hidden under everyone's plate, and Vanita loves it, but Madison's like, oh, God, I hate this. Fuck dinner games. Okay? I know. I'll be hormonal and emotional. Can I just eat? Why do I have to perform a game of dinner? Just give me my steak.

[A]

Oh, God, I. I feel you. Sister Winer says that this is a family tradition. We call it Anarchist Scruples. And that for as long as he can remember, there's been question cards under his plate, which, God help you. So they're all going to read questions. It's going to be all the usual stuff so, Madison. So, okay, so they. They sit down to start the questions, and Vanita is going to go first. And it's like, what do you wish you were better at saying no to? And Rodrigo goes, Sally. And Viny goes, no, I wish I was better at saying no to being overprotective. I was like, okay, okay, okay. Job interview. My biggest weakness is that I just work too hard.

[B]

I just love being on time.

[A]

Yeah. God.

[B]

And then chef's like, I wish I could say no to more day drinking.

[A]

There we go. That's a good answer.

[B]

Yeah, there's some honesty. All right, I'll ask a question. Which moment from your life would you choose to relive if you could? Not including megalodon necklaces or pretty freckled lips?

[A]

Well, this one time I was working at this hostel bar in New Zealand, and on my last night there, I got butt naked at the bar. It's insane right now. Oh, God, I wish I could relive that. And you know that New Zealand is like, actually, we'd prefer if you don't do that again. Our nation has been traumatized by that moment in the hostel.

[B]

I would have loved to see that. Austin is so hot. He's got a dad bod, which I personally love. I don't like a chiseled man. There's nothing to cuddle with. Shut up, Sally. You are such a liar. We have seen the men that you date on this show. They are all chiseled men. That guy last year with the pointy nose and the rock hard abs, and now suddenly she's like, I never like guys like this. I'm really looking for an Austin body.

[A]

Yeah, Craig, the guy last year. What was the other guy's name? The Gaston or whatever. They all have body. And now suddenly she's like, I love adoh man.

[B]

Who wants to cuddle with muscles.

[A]

So Austin's like, it was ridiculous. I was at this hostel bar. Ridiculous time in my life. I would just go back that time. I just was like an idiot kid who was bartending at a bar probably also last time he had a job.

[B]

I was gonna say, yeah, what a memory for all of us. That would be Austin working. And Charlie's like, well, we should go there together and watch you get naked. And Sally's like, I volunteer.

[A]

Yay. So Charlie's like, well, this is good. I hope that this will distract her from what's going on with me and Craig, because that would be nice. Charlie is so happy that Sally found a new toy.

[B]

So everyone should find someone who Loves them as much as Sally pretends to love any man that's like kind of available in front of her.

[A]

Yeah, seriously. So Whitner's question. Which of your personality traits would you most like to change? Well, if I could be a little less hot headed, I think I'd be a. I'd be perfect. Matt's like, like, I don't think you're.

[B]

Hot hated at all.

[A]

What are you talking about? He's like, no, it's simmering just beneath the surface, which has me curious because we haven't seen him be a hothead whatsoever. But we do know that there's a weird backstory with this girlfriend and what's. And there was something that happened with Watch what Happens Live, right?

[B]

So what happened at Watch what Happens Live?

[A]

Didn't remember what he was like, someone was on and they're like, why is it. Why is no one dating Whitner? And people are like, oh.

[B]

Sally said, oh, I don't think. Yeah, Sally. They were like, why? Andy said, why aren't any of the girls going after Whitner? Like, you've got this eligible bachelor. And I think Sally said something like, oh, well, you don't know him yet. Trust me, you haven't seen enough of him yet. But people think that's because Sally's big maga and he's liberal. You know, he's like fuck eyes. So they think that's probably what Sally does. I mean, that's the speculation online, but who knows because we haven't seen anything. And this is episode 11. So if we're gonna see something about Whitner, they should speed it along, guys, because this is almost done.

[A]

I know. Whitner's just seems like a total catch. And so it's just, it is crazy to me that like no one is even eyeing him. I mean, he's like a good looking guy. He seems to have a good personality. I like his politics. And he's got this big ass estate with, you know, dramedy banter, parents. I. I don't know, I just. I. I don't see what's. I don't see what's. Not to love.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I mean, I don't know. He's like, toast to me, you know, which I love toast, but it's, you know, you don't really order toast, but you're glad when it comes to the table, I guess. But it's like an accoutrement to other things. So I don't, I don't really know. Jury's still out for me. I don't know. I don't trust any man on Southern charm, so, yeah, I need.

[A]

You know, it's gonna come out. I agree. Something's gonna come out. There's like, it's never. It's never this simple. But for right now, based on what we've seen, it's just funny to me that, like, just no one sees him as a viable option and said they're drawn to Austin and Craig, of all people. It's just very sad for humanity.

[B]

It is, but they're also stars of the show, you know, and there is something to be said for that.

[A]

And tall.

[B]

I mean, they are to be on tv, so you're gonna want to be with the people who get the screen time, you know? So Craig's like, if I could change something, it would be my reactiveness. And Austin's like, oh, God.

[A]

I work on it, but I react. And then 30 seconds later, I'm calmer than when I reacted. I'm like, so are you saying that it's good that you reacted because it calmed you down? I don't understand when.

[B]

Well, have you tried any mindful practices? And he goes, no, because I'm a lot better. Oh, okay.

[A]

My. My therapist chat. GPT says, like, I'm doing great work and that, like, I'm one of the best patients that they've ever had. So I'm. I'm kind of a success story at this point.

[B]

Therapist Gupta said, I'm better now. So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Austin's like, yeah, right. So he gets up to go pee because he's so stressed out by Craig's answer. And Sally's like, you're gonna pee. You need help. I could shake it off for you.

[A]

So then she turned. Just Then she just turns and says, I want. I want Austin's dick.

[B]

And Austin's like, sally, down, dog. Down, dog.

[A]

He does say that, which some people would be very offended by that. But she's just like, yes. Molly's like, jesus Christ, the body isn't even cold yet. So he leaves. And Charlie. Charlie's like, like, hey, Craig, you gotta repair this. With Austin, it's not right. And he's like, I didn't do anything. No, you guys have so much history. So much sad, gross saliva e history. You know, he's going through a breakup. He's like, what?

[B]

Who are you talking about?

[A]

Really? He's like, smiles, by the way, when he's. When he says, really? I went back. I looked at it. Craig smiles. He's like, so happy. That Austin is going through pain right now. Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, don't stop talking. I don't want him to think that we're talking about him. I don't want him to think we're talking. And he's staring right at him. He's staring right at Austin coming back. He's like, I don't want him to think we're talking about him. So he's like, well, I'm happy he did it because the anger will be gone and the resentment towards me. And now we can move forward with our relationship now that there's not some pesky woman in there meddling right.

[A]

So meanwhile. And that was the whole thing last time around, what last season was Craig accusing Austin, being jealous because Craig was in a relationship and Austin wasn't. And now it's. Now Craig's whole world view is that, like, if it weren't for the woman, they would have, like, a great relationship.

[B]

It happens every time. Every time one of them's in a relationship, they're like, oh, it's that girlfriend you're with swing in our relationship.

[A]

It really is. It's true. It really is true. They just need to. All the three of them, just all each other. So Craig is like, well, Charlie, he'll tell me when he's ready. And by. He'll tell me when he's ready. I'm gonna confront him about it and then say how I'm hurt that he didn't tell me. And she's like, okay.

[B]

Beth's like, okay, we're done. Get the hell away from my chargers. Like, okay, great dinner. Great dinner, Beth. So big wit's going to bed. He's like, good night. And I'm only saying this to ladies with vaginas. Good night to all of you beautiful, ethereal creatures.

[A]

And then they all do dishes together, which was shocking. They all gathered their plates. Actually, I'm not sure they did dishes. They just organized the plates in a stack, and they threw off the trash that was on them. But it still was more manual labor than we've ever really seen this cast do before.

[B]

Yeah. So now Sally or Vanita wants to give the dog some scraps. So she's trying to break off the a piece of steak, which you need a knife for. So she's having some trouble, and she does not regret it.

[A]

Chef was angry. Yeah. What are you doing? Stop it. And honestly, I was with chef on this one, because she. They're like, he has, like, a stack of plates, and she's, like, using the plates as leverage to tear this meat apart and almost knocks over a glass. I was like, vanita, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am rooting for you, but you are not helping your case right now. Just put the steak down.

[B]

You're like, I saw a real personality flaw. She almost knocked over a champagne glass on a plate.

[A]

God damn it. She did technically knock it over. She just happened to catch it.

[B]

Yeah, but you can't break off steak. Need to cut it. So Sally. So that was wacky, right? And so Sally's like, but I love what you did, Vanita, because I'm an animal lover, too. Unless they're chickens.

[A]

Chickens, yeah. Right? So they go into the kitchen, and then people are gonna put on their PJs. Sally's gonna put on her PJs. And they're all organizing dishes. They're all in the kitchen, and they're all bantering. And Charlie's like, do I look crazy being in this dress? No. Do you want me to lie to you, or do you want me to tell you the truth? Don't. Don't tell me the truth. But, like, I don't have anything else to change into. I'm just so nervous. I look terrible. Craig's like, do you want my sweatpants? And I also have an extra T shirt, and I have a T shirt and sweatpants. We could be cozy, and we could watch, like, the sandlot together, like, when we were, like, little kids. Remember? Because, remember, nostalgia. Isn't nostalgia the best thing? I have a kindergarten crush on you. And everyone's just, like, watching them, like, what's going on?

[B]

Why does she think she looks so terrible in her dress?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know why she's. I want to save this poor lady.

[B]

Yeah, I do too. I don't get it. He's like, well, you're not gonna wear my clothes, but I have clothes for you if you want them. And Sally's like, what, are they married?

[A]

Geez.

[B]

So they're, like, looking over Craig's phone and giggling while Sally looks on, upset, you know? And then Rodrigo's like, I think that Austin is dressed like Brandi Carlisle. That was a good thing to say.

[A]

And of course, they're all like, who? Because, you know, none of them are. Are watching Randy Carlisle content. Madison's like, who's Brandy Carlisle?

[B]

Sounds like a beta.

[A]

And he's like, lesbian singer. They're, like, not familiar.

[B]

And there's a statue of. I don't know what it is. But it's like a naked lady. It's like a. It looks like something on the front of a Viking ship. I'm not really sure what it is. It's like a statue of a naked, naked lady. And Craig's like, hey, have you ever jerked off to a statue before?

[A]

That is. I mean, that's such a. I will say. When we were in London, I went to. I forgot the. The National Museum, whatever it is, but it has all the antiquities in it.

[B]

I can't believe they're telling the story. It's so embarrassing. That's why. Spoiler alert. This is why Ben is not allowed back in London. Okay.

[A]

No, but I. They have, like, a replica of the David. It's like. It's like an old replica, like a thousand years old. It was like the. Like Rome or Venice or someone. Someone in. In Italy before it was even Italy. Like some city state donated it to Britain or something. Or Britain plundered it, whatever it is. But it was a replica of David. And it was enormous because I've never seen the real David and. But this is as close as I've gotten, and it's, like, enormous. And I walked in that room, and the first thing, I was like, whoa, that this statue has an ass on it. I was like, this is just. Honestly, I was like, I get it. This is a sexy ass statue.

[B]

Yeah. Hot. I know. I was thinking about that in the Vatican. I was walking around looking at all the hot, naked men, and I was like, geez, my God.

[A]

Like, those.

[B]

How do you work in this place? I mean, I would be so insecure. I was so insecure just walking around the Vatican. They're all dead. They're all dead. Like, the statues. And I was like, oh, my God, those butts. They didn't even have stair climbers back then. How'd they do it?

[A]

I know. It was just like. And there was one. I remember one time I came across another statue. I don't remember where it was. It was. It was somewhere in, like, Europe. And I, like. I, like, came around the back, and then it was like. It was like booty. It was like a big old booty. And I was like, you know what? I think if I were in the Renaissance, I probably would have jerked off to a statue. I think I probably would have, because that's.

[B]

I'm sad. Yeah. I'm sure people have. Throughout time. That was like their play, girl. We know.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

I could use bigger wieners, though.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I wonder. It's like, if you're gonna Pose for a statue. You're gonna be there. Someone's gonna be chiseling something out of your body or whatever. You're gonna be standing there for a long time. You know your penis is about to be immortalized forever. Would you at least give it a helicopter? I mean, swing it around, get some blood to it. Squeeze it a little. Do something. But they're just all like happy being like little tiny ends of thumbs hanging out of a fupa.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why that that artistic choice was made on. On so many different statues. But those asses are enormous. Like, they went cartoony with the asses.

[B]

They didn't have penis pumps back then. I think they should have like all penis pumped themselves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If only they like how in our history the Vanderpump rule statues will be. We'll be like, wow, that was. Those are the incest twins from Vanderpump Rules. Kids. That was a. It was a piece of art from the year 2025.

[A]

Truly. So actually it's funny because Rodrigo does mention David as an option. And then Sally shames the statue. She goes, I don't know, this statue, she sort of has a faa. I was like, excuse you, Sally. She's right there. The statue is right there.

[B]

Statues are people too, Sally. The statue's like, yoo hoo. Stop trying to complete the dream, little statue bitch.

[A]

It's a Sally statue. It was the Sally of its time.

[B]

It's Sally's competition. Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay, this is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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