#3214 Southern Charm S11E11 Part Two: Born For Corn

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary

Episode #3214: Southern Charm S11E11 Part Two: Born For Corn

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: February 12, 2026

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Overview

In this second part of their Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 11 recap, Ben and Ronnie (using pseudonyms Brandi and Sasha for the episode) deliver their signature blend of sharp wit and Bravo-loving banter. The episode centers on the fallout from the cast's cabin retreat, with friendships under fire, pet funerals, and a healthy dose of absurdity. Highlights include the ongoing indecisiveness of Austin, the bickering among Sally, Vanita, and Molly, and a hilariously heartfelt dog funeral at Patricia's palatial home. As always, the hosts provide both pointed critiques and affectionate mocking of the cast's antics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Austin & Shep’s Tense Friendship Chat

[00:34–05:17]

• Shep confronts Austin on his notorious indecisiveness regarding his girlfriend, leading to a jokey debate about the decisiveness of adopting kittens and getting tattoos as life choices.
  • "Taken stock with Birkenstock." – Shep’s attempt at humor, earning a roast by the hosts.
    [00:34]
• Shep's communication style is called out: rather than employing empathy, Shep instructs Austin to “pick a lane and go.”
  • “You gotta pick a lane and go, man.” – Shep (quoted by Brandi, [02:24])
• Austin resists discussing feelings and claims he’s talked about the situation with Madison and Rod but not Shep, indicating boundaries (or selective vulnerability) in his friendships.
• Banter about vulnerability in Southern friendships with the hosts likening Austin’s avoidance to “an egg being dropped on the ground by Taylor in the middle of Amazing Race.”
  [03:18]

2. Cabin Mornings: Parkour, Honey, and Grits

[05:17–10:16]

• The group’s morning routines span brushing teeth, avoiding hangovers, and Craig performing “parkour” to amuse himself outdoors.
  • “Yeah, I’m a lawyer and a storyteller and a parkour.” – Craig (parody, [08:53])
• Beehive honey: Craig, ever the show-off, harvests honey for breakfast; skepticism arises about whether it’s even real.
  • “Craig is such an unreliable narrator, they’re not even sure if it’s really honey.” – Brandi ([09:44])
• Safety rants erupt over improper seatbelt use and stand-up Jeep rides:
  • “I am sick of the way people are just flouting safety laws...I do not like it.” – Brandi ([10:43])

3. Flirtations and Fishing Fails

[05:59–14:38 | 13:00–21:37]

• Sally’s relentless pursuit of Austin ("Eat my ass!" – Sally, [05:59]), with the hosts riffing on her unpredictable, chicken-wrangling energy.
• Fishing adventure: Shep, Austin, and Rodrigo display ineptitude and entitled attitudes toward manual labor (“Where’s the service around here?” – Austin, ribbing Shep, [13:51]).
• Craig and Charlie’s canoe trip: The hosts lampoon how couples can be boring but content—“This is fun. This is so nice. This is all I’ve ever wanted.” – Example couple dialogue ([18:35])
• Southern stereotypes about amoebas, poison ivy, and leeches provide a riffing point, culminating in:
  • “There was a brain eating amoeba in the lake… did the amoeba tell you it would be gone by the 17th?” – Sasha ([15:55])

4. Interpersonal Meltdowns: Sally, Molly, and Vanita's Apple Fight

[22:43–32:41]

• Poolside apple tasting devolves into a standoff between Sally and Vanita sparked by a bratty comment:
  • “Gotta start listening to me again.” – Vanita ([23:21])
• Arguments swirl over who gossiped about whose labioplasty—a debate the hosts gleefully mock for its triviality and circular logic.
• Host Analysis: Dissecting the “apology economy” of the group, Ben and Ronnie (as Brandi/Sasha) question who actually owes whom, ultimately concluding the fight is manufactured due to the dullness of the cast trip:
  • “They’re just trying to come up with things to argue about because they’re on a cast trip and they feel like that’s their job and there’s just nothing going on.” – Sasha ([28:30])
• “There’s no there there.” – Brandi ([29:32])

5. Animal Welfare & The Pet Cemetery at Patricia’s

[33:25–39:43]

• Patricia hosts a lavish dog funeral for Chauncey, featuring bagpipes and a cemetery “bordering on animal hoarding.”
  • “Animal welfare needs to get to this house… there’s like 30 plaques. Who are these people?” – Sasha ([33:44])
• The hosts joke about the ominous “cat closet” of remains and the bizarre menagerie of pet headstones (and possibly ex-staff).
  • “That’s the cat closet – where I keep all the dead cats.” – Patricia parody ([36:16])
• Austin gives an unintentionally hilarious eulogy:
  • “Friendships are chips and ships are ships. And chips you eat. Why can’t we eat chips? To friendships. Delicious.” – Austin, as recounted by Sasha ([38:05])
  • “He was a cat’s warmer, a confident snack stealer, a friend… what he lacked in brainpower, he made up for in spirit.” – Austin eulogy parody ([38:39])

6. Madison’s Baby Is Coming

[39:43–40:45]

• Madison, nine months pregnant, heads to the hospital in a comic sequence involving her mom’s confusion and lack of glasses.
  • “My mom doesn’t know what she’s doing, but we’re gonna get there no matter what.” – Madison ([40:18])
• The hosts highlight the anticlimactic, real-life drama of birth compared to cast antics, with Brett’s arrival and Madison’s excitement for post-birth champagne.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Cast Decision-Making:
  “I’m so decisive, I decided to get kittens and use them to get a good edit this season.” – Brandi ([01:54])

• On Cultural Stereotypes:
  “I think all these scary things exist in lakes and ponds in the North as well, but I just feel like for some reason there’s more news articles about so and so went hiking and comes back covered in leeches.” – Brandi ([16:41])

• On Manufactured Drama:
  “If anything, it’s really Sally who owes Vanita… the point is, she still is beefing with Craig… and Sally was like, yeah, I understand, but I’m gonna go after Craig.” – Brandi ([29:32])

• Dog Funeral Observations:
  “Who are all these dead people? Are they butlers? Because I’m starting to believe these are not all animals.” – Sasha ([33:44]) “He was a cat’s warmer, a confident snack stealer, a friend.” – Austin eulogy parody ([38:39])

• On Boring Couples:
  “I’m convinced that all good couples are just really boring… they just look around and go, ‘This is fun. This is so nice. This is all I’ve ever wanted.’” – Sasha ([18:35])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Austin & Shep’s Friendship Showdown: 00:34–05:17
• Cabin Morning Mayhem & Observations: 05:17–10:16
• Canoe Trips, Flirtation, & Fishing: 13:00–21:37
• Apple Fight – Sally, Molly, Vanita Argument: 22:43–32:41
• Patricia’s Pet Cemetery & Chauncey’s Funeral: 33:25–39:43
• Madison’s Hospital Trip: 39:43–40:45

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Tone & Takeaways

Staying true to their irreverent, affectionate style, Ben and Ronnie (as Brandi and Sasha) expertly weave snark, nostalgia, and genuine pop culture love into their dissection of Southern Charm’s most recent antics. The hosts relish the mundane and absurd—from arguments about seatbelts and apple bites to pet funeral logistics—while highlighting the show's real emotional beats, like the changing nature of friendships and the arrival of Madison's baby.

This episode is a quintessential Watch What Crappens listen: a blend of sharp recaps, deep-cut Bravo lore, and effortless comedic rapport, ensuring even listeners who skipped the TV episode will feel up-to-date and entertained.

Transcript

[Brandi]

What happens when there's so much that happens? When there's so much that happens? Hi, everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode.

[Sasha]

So now Austin and Shepard talking. Shep's gonna have his big talking to. And Shep's like, wow. Well, Birkenstock's. Huh. Taking stock with Birkenstock. Love some good old hippie shoe jokes to kind of warm us up here before we get into my very serious discussion.

[Brandi]

And that was a direct quote. He really does say. He does say that about the stocks. Birkenstocks. Taken stock Birkenstock. So. And by the way, if anyone decides to become a super premium sponsor whose last name is Birkenstock, you know that's gonna be your nickname. Taken stock with Birkenstock.

[Sasha]

All right, what's up? What's up? Huh? What do you want about? He's like, well, I wanted to talk to you because, you know, your indecisiveness, which you admit, and we laugh about and. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got kittens. I got tattoos. So I don't know what you're talking about, because those are decisive things. Do I need to get a kitten tattooed? I mean, come on.

[Brandi]

He has a point. One of the most decisive, authoritative things you could do is to adopt a kitten. It's like, no, this looks a man.

[Sasha]

Who walks, which you can leave for days at a time, by the way, with just some food and some kitty litter. It's like. It's like getting a goldfish and being like, I'm showing decisiveness. How dare you?

[Brandi]

I'm so decisive, I decided to get kittens and. And use them to get a good edit this season. Decisiveness. Got a tattoo also.

[Sasha]

Well, don't do it the wrong way. I mean, it's just me being your friend. I mean, like with Audrey, you know? And then we see thought bubbles pop up of Madison being like, ask questions. Just ask questions. Don't tell them what to do. Nobody likes a big boss. Just ask questions and don't make them about Vietnam shit. Nobody watch that documentary.

[Brandi]

And Shep, like a true straight guy, decides, rather than asking questions and figuring things out, I'm just gonna tell him what to do. So he's like, you gotta pick a lane and go, man. Which is such an insensitive way. If you're. He's basically saying, even though he's saying choose, like, either commit to your girlfriend or dump her, it's still like a pretty. Like, I still think that Shep is leaning towards dumper. And I don't know, it's just, like, kind of a pretty harsh way to say it. I was like, well, look, I just. You know what? I really would rather not talk about it right now, to be totally honest. Okay? I'm being decisive. Like, this is like my version of adopting kitten, but in conversation form and don't want to talk about it.

[Sasha]

But you understand that the ultimate form of respect is being like, this is how I feel, and it's not going to make you happy, and it's not going to make me happy, and it's actually going to break my heart and your heart, which is why I led that Taylor girl on for five years.

[Brandi]

He's like, look, I don't want to talk about it right now. You know, another place, another time. Yeah, but, you know, you're my friend, and your vulnerability is between me and you. Come on. You're. You're as vulnerable as an egg being dropped on the ground by Taylor in the middle of an amazing race.

[Sasha]

How dare you. I have immense vulnerability.

[Brandi]

Yeah. No, let it out. Let it out.

[Sasha]

Come on.

[Brandi]

I want to feel it. I want.

[Sasha]

I do.

[Brandi]

I do.

[Sasha]

To multiple people. I've talked about it with countless other people, okay? I talked to Madison. I talked to Rod. I just haven't chosen to talk to you, okay? That is where my vulnerability ends.

[Brandi]

So do Madison and Rod have a more elevated idea of where your head's at right now? Is this why they kept on looking at each other and giggling and then pointing their fingers at me and saying, stupid, and then giggling some more?

[Sasha]

Yes, Shep. They know me better. You know why? Because I feel like you have reveled. You have reveled Shep, and I don't like that. I don't like it. And we see seven weeks ago at which literary dinner where Shep is doing his whole. Oh, these two moron girls came up to me in New York, like, oh, Austin and our friend are talking. And I called Craig and Shep's like, well, I thought we were past that. And Austin says, no, we're not past it. We are immensely not past it.

[Brandi]

Immensely, immensely, immensely. So Shep is like, you just can't take things personally in a friendship. Which is hilarious that Shep is the one saying that, because friendships eb and flow, and I don't take anything personally. Unfortunately, Austin didn't get that memo. He takes things very personally. He's more sensitive. He also has never worked in an office, so he doesn't even understand what the concept of a memo is in the first place.

[Sasha]

I'm not gonna run around and be like, guess what? That's just not what I'm trying to do, dude. He's like, well, I just don't know that anymore, man. Okay. I don't know anymore what you're trying to do. Okay, Austin. Well, everything I tell you, I have to worry about whether you're gonna run and tell somebody. And it, like, it kills me, dude. It kills me.

[Brandi]

Kills. So I'm still just going. Yeah. For those who are just only listening to audio, that was just envision saliva just going everywhere. So the next morning, people waking up. Craig wakes up in his tent. Is he the only one who got stuck in a tent, by the way?

[Sasha]

There were two. Two tents, But I guess he's the only one we see wake up. And then he's like, hello, world. And I don't know. Now it's another 20 minutes of people waking up.

[Brandi]

Yeah. Brushing their teeth, talking about last night.

[Sasha]

You know, we see a Sally flirting scene with Austin. They're standing at the bar laughing, and Sally's, I eat my ass. And he goes, did you just say eat my ass? Because I did. I did. Austin's gonna be eating this ass before the end of the year, y'.

[Brandi]

All.

[Sasha]

And she tells us, yeah, I mean, like, if there's guylike, I usually go for it until he says, this is absolutely not going to happen. I mean, well, okay, he doesn't have to say it, but a piece of paper that says, stay away 30ft from this man. I will occasionally stop. So, I mean, I can still go near his tires with a razor or screwdriver. You know what I'm saying?

[Brandi]

Sally, you don't have to explain this to us. We've seen the chickens. We know you will do whatever it takes.

[Sasha]

Yeah, Valley, we know.

[Brandi]

So Austin and Rodrigo's cabin. And I was like, oh, my God, kill me. I mean, all right, Seize the day. Seize the day. Sees, he's actually saying this to himself, which I'm like, does he wake up every morning with, like, these mantras? So I didn't know people actually said seize the day when they woke up. I thought that was just, like, something for coffee mugs. So Austin tells us, typically in this situation, I would call Audrey right now, and I would download her on the entire night, and she's like really sad not to be able to tell her. I. I wish I could just call her and be like, sally wants me to eat her ass out, but I can't. Just really hard for me right now.

[Sasha]

You know, Sometimes you want a reaction. I want to be like, sally said, eat her ass out. And so I just wanted Audrey to say something. Like Audrey would say, you know, like, God, this traffic sucks. Or, jeez, I hate traffic. God, I miss her.

[Brandi]

Or I love when Audrey says something like, wait, but I'm in traffic right now. Are you telling me you're not even in Charleston? You went away for the weekend. And I go, haha, whoops, forgot to tell you.

[Sasha]

When I left my house, the maps weren't red, but now they are. This sucks.

[Brandi]

God, I love her updates. So.

[Sasha]

So Austin says he has an emotional hangover. You guys. Guys, I'm feeling for Austin right now. I'm so sad that Austin's fake relationship didn't work out, you guys. So now Whitner is going to the main cabin. He sees his mom, and they're like, did you sleep? Did I slept? Did you sleep? God, I love family time. So now we see everybody staying up really late last night and partying until like three in the morning and Vanita and Austin chugging wine. And Beth is like, how late were you up? And it's like 4 in the morning. Oh, yeah. So now they cook breakfast and Madison is now 34 weeks pregnant. And it's like, wow, it's hot. I'm starving. I want to have this baby. I'm so sick of this shit. Get at me. Dumb little baby. Little blood sucker. Little vampire. Get the hell out of me.

[Brandi]

Outside, Craig does some random parkour over a tree. He's like, oh my God.

[Sasha]

Just jumps over.

[Brandi]

He's like, yeah, I'm a lawyer and a storyteller and a parkour. So Whitney's like, like, I mean, Whitner is like, you sleep okay in the tent. He's like, it was. I was so cozy. It was so nice. It was amazing. So people are still coming in, still filtering in again, a lot of. A lot of people drifting into rooms. In this episode, a lot of people.

[Sasha]

Arrive, people saying, good morning. So then Austin is like, please wet grits because breakfast is being served. And Shep's like, who wants Craig's honey? And so we see Craig getting honey from the beehive and saying, wow, bees. You have so much pollen, I can't wait to taste it. Wow. And so they're pouring honey on their stuff and they're like, wow, this is good, honey. Craig. And he's like, yeah, nailed it.

[Brandi]

Did it myself. And Austin goes, is it actually honey? Give it to me. I love that, like, Craig is such an unreliable narrator. They're not even sure if it's really honey.

[Sasha]

So now they're going to divide up in the day, do different things. And Whitner's like, we can do fishing. We can do some canoes. And Charlie's like, I want a canoe. Me too. So we're going to have a romantic canoe scene coming up, guys. And then Whitner is going to take the remaining girls on a tour.

[Brandi]

And Madison is. She's going to leave because, you know, she's basically in labor. So she's like, yeah, I'm convinced I'm.

[Sasha]

Going to have this baby early. Like, my body just telling me there's no way I'm going to go another six weeks with this dumbass inside of me.

[Brandi]

So she leaves. And now Molly, Vanita, and Sally get into the red Jeep. And you know what I get annoyed about? You can already, right? You already know what I'm going to get annoyed about.

[Sasha]

Do you know you don't like cars without walls?

[Brandi]

No, that's. I mean, yes, but that's not the issue. My issue is, like, they're with Whitner, and Bonita's, like, in the back of this Jeep and she's, like, standing up. Like, she's. She's in the beach scene of she's all that. And yes, I have already referenced she's all that once this episode, but I'm not afraid to reference it twice. And she's just, like, standing in the back of the Jeep. Like, they're just driving on these, like, rough and tumble roads with low hanging branches. I'm like, ma', am, sit down. I am sick of the way that people are just flouting safety laws with vehicles on this show. I do not like it. Last week, I'm still upset. They showed the clip of it again from the top of the episode. They show the clip of again of Charlie sitting crisscross applesauce in the center seat with no seatbelt on on a highway. I mean, like, it's. It's maddening to me. Maddening.

[Sasha]

Safety guy, buckle up. Where's the safety?

[Brandi]

For real?

[Sasha]

So now Craig comes out of the bathroom. He's go. Craig comes out of the bathroom. It's just me scanning random notes. Okay, so they're gonna go do the canoe ride.

[Brandi]

He's gonna go canoeing.

[Sasha]

They go up to some horses. Sally and Whitner go up to some horses, and Sally's like, yoo hoo, horses.

[Brandi]

I'm gonna eat your ass out tonight.

[Sasha]

Whitner's saying, oh, that's Max. He's the big white one. He's old. And Johnny and Thor are the mustangs. Well, I've always liked an old horse. There ain't no age shame in here. He can't even top out a. I'm in.

[Brandi]

You know that Austin's not with us right now. Oh, thank God. Okay, can we do something else then? I'm bored. So.

[Sasha]

I always wanted a horse named. I wanted. I always wanted a horse named Blue Jeans, like Hannah Montana. Oh, how do you call a horse? You just say, come here, come here, horse.

[Brandi]

And winner's like, okay, when you're feeding them, watch your fingers. And of course, Sally, like, sticks her fingers, right? Like, close the horse's mouth. And she's like, like, watch your fingers, dumbass.

[Sasha]

Watch your screaming at animals. Yeah, she's an animal screamer. It makes me crazy. She gets chickens and she's like, every time she has to do anything, just shut up. The end of the chickens are screaming. Why do you get to scream? Poor chickens. Poor horses.

[Brandi]

Poor chickens.

[Sasha]

Just leave them alone, Sally.

[Brandi]

So Austin, Rodrigo, and Shep are going off to go fishing. And they have to. They have to, like, what? Like, bait their. What you call it, Baiting the hooks or something like that? They basically have to put worms on hooks. Like, old fashioned fishing. And they are all grossed out by this. They're, like, horrified. And Jeff is like, oh, gosh, I don't want to touch it. It doesn't have pretty little freaking lips. I hate this.

[Sasha]

This is gross. And Austin's like, you're supposed to be a fisherman. He's like, well, we don't use worms. We use flies that are tied by professionals.

[Brandi]

He's like, oh, geez, I don't do manual labor. What is this? I'm confused. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm a little boy.

[Sasha]

Yeah. So Austin calls it, and he's like, yeah, Chef travels around the world to go fishing. But clearly he just has his guides beat his hook. I mean, he just said that he did. So, yeah. He's like, where's the service around here?

[Brandi]

So then Charlie and Craig are on their little Mermaid canoe trip. It's like, I'm expecting those little. I'm expecting Sebastian to pop up and start thinking, kiss the girl. So they. They get onto their canoes. But before they do that, Charlie is like, like, very panicked about poison ivy. I don't know. I'm surprised that she's so panicked. I feel. I just sort of have this assumption that, like, all these people from the south spend their afternoons, like, walking around in the woods. Like, I just feel like I've. I have so, so many, like, ideas of, like, what the south is like from, like, fried green tomatoes and mud and all these, like, southern gothic movies of, like, you know, kids building forts and crossing rivers on trees and swinging on rope swings that I'm not surprised that there's someone that's more like me to be like, oh, my God, is that poison ivy? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Sasha]

I mean, we do do all that stuff that you just said. I mean, I did have forts and I did cross rivers, and we did have a tree rope hanging from a tree that we would swing across the ditch. We did actually do all that stuff. But, you know, poison ivy also is itchy to us as well.

[Brandi]

I just thought Southerners knew how to. Knew how to inherently avoid the poison ivy from all their playing in the woods while gentle music plays in the background.

[Sasha]

Well, it'll get you wherever you are. So there. I was impressed that they got onto this canoe because they didn't really seem to know how. And you know, of course Craig's like, I know how to do it. But Craig also pretends he's a cook and he doesn't know how to use a cast iron skillet to make bacon. So I don't know. But they did it. They did it. They.

[Brandi]

I thought they were going to. I thought they were going to capsize. Honestly, they were shaking around so much. I was like, this is. This is bad news. And I also. The other thing is, I was scared for them because I feel like that every, like every year there's some story of someone who. It goes, like, camping or, like, who goes swimming in Georgia or, like Alabama, who then, like, like an amoeba goes up their nose and then they die. Right? Like, I feel like there's always an oddly enough story, like a terrible story of someone who lost all their limbs because there was a bacterial infection from the watering hole they went swimming in in the South.

[Sasha]

Just happened at the lake I live by in Texas, in Lakeway. See? Yeah, there was a. There were brain eating amoebas in the lake. And they were like, you guys can't go into the lake from. They. They gave it. They gave us like a. A date. They were like, you can't go into the lake between this day and this day because there's a brain eating amoeba. I was like, yeah. And you guys are sure it's gonna be gone by this day? Did the brain eating amoeba tell you will be gone by the 17th? I mean, how do you know I'm never going to that thing again?

[Brandi]

It's like angel from Potomac. It's like, I'm sorry you have to be out of here by July 1st.

[Sasha]

Yeah, we're getting better from the Airbnb. People like brand amoeba. Brandon, Mima still got the place. All right, we'll make sure they do their dishes before you all move into the lake.

[Brandi]

I know. And, and for sure all these scary things exist in lakes and ponds in the north as well, but I just feel like for some reason there's more like news articles about so and so went hiking in the Appalachian Trail and decided to take a dip in a river and like him back covered in leeches. I mean, I feel like all, all these coming of age tales of people getting bitten by snakes in a river in the south or something like that.

[Sasha]

Well, if they were covered in leeches, they were probably just at the doctor or something. You know, it's called medical. It's called medical attention, Ben.

[Brandi]

Listen. And for anyone in the south who's like, I can't believe all these stereotypes this man has about the southern nature, just remember that I'm a podcaster and a storyteller.

[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Sasha]

So Charlie and Craig do that thing that. I'm convinced that all good couples are just really boring because I've never. I was a waiter for a really long time, and I just never met a fascinating couple that was happy because. And this is an example of what I mean, they get on the. The thing, the canoe, and they go out in the middle of the water. They don't say anything. They just look around, and then they go, this is fun. This is fun. This is so nice. This is really nice. Wow. This is all I've ever wanted me to. You guys are so boring. At least they find each other and, like, kind of put themselves off from the rest of us.

[Brandi]

So she's like, this is so romantic. I feel like I'm in the Notebook. Yeah, I do feel like a piece of Loosely paper sometimes. No, it's a movie, Craig.

[Sasha]

It's a movie. I feel like I'm in a Trapper Keeper.

[Brandi]

What'd you say about me? So Charlie's like, yeah, this is really fun. Like, I'm convincing myself I'm having fun.

[Sasha]

It's like.

[Brandi]

It's always, like when. It always is really fun when it's just me and you. And then we get around Sally and just like, it's hard to, like. I try to stay excited about us, but, like, you know, you just have these people that just try to kill Joy, you know, Like Sally. She's such a. She's always trying to ruin everything. Why is she so mean? God, she's the worst person I've ever met in entire life. Do you know that she's responsible for every time America loses at the Olympics? It's because of her fault. Yeah.

[Sasha]

Craig being like, wow, it's so fun. Until other people ruin it. Like Sally. It's like, okay, so you're bringing in the negativity. Come on. Just have a nice day. Being boring with this girl on the. On the water. So then back at the worm fishing adventure, no one can do it, basically, but Austin gets a fish. He gets a little fish. And, you know, Rodrigo's like, oh, my God, you stupid. I think he's talking to the fish.

[Brandi]

I'm gonna need this fish, Audrey. And now I'm gonna cast it off. There you go. Fish back into the waters. So Shep is. Shep is watching. And after he gets the fish off. So Austin's like, well, what can you say? How can. How do you feel about this? Right? Catch a release. Catch, release. That's the name of the game. Catch a release. And Austin's. Oh, I should say Shep was doing that. Shep was doing his Austin impersonation, guys. And Austin is like, no, well, okay. How can Rod say that? He's engaged. He doesn't know anything about catching releases. He's just catching. Boring, right?

[Sasha]

Yeah. But he also doesn't talk about it. How he's trying to release all the time. Oh, Chef, you know what? I'm. You know what, man? You know what? You asked me about it, and I didn't tell you. All right, well, you want to talk about it now? No, I don't want to talk about it. I already talked about it with people who aren't you, so I don't need to talk about it with you. Okay, well, I guess we'll have that friendship where we pick and choose what we tell each other. Okay, well, in all honesty, okay, it had to happen at some point or another. So I, I, I just say it. What are you so scared about? This is so weird.

[Brandi]

Now you're basically.

[Sasha]

Say you dumped your, you, you drunk. You dumped your beard. Just say it.

[Brandi]

Yeah, stop. Like, you're basically vague posting right now. It's getting annoying. So he's like, yeah, we're broken up. So Shep is like, gosh, I'm happy that Austin finally followed his heart and was able to be honest with himself. And now the two of us can gang up on Craig. So Austin's like, can you just, like, cast this line? Okay, this is very. Okay, this was just a very difficult, very difficult for me to breach this topic or even broach it, but to breach it was even harder.

[Sasha]

Well, Austin, I think it's very big of you, you know, owning yourself, looking inward, the man needs to be honest.

[Brandi]

Always.

[Sasha]

Always. That's what the man does. He's an honest. He's an honest being.

[Brandi]

Well, that's what it came down to. And Rodrigo's like, well, you're figuring out your own shit. And I'm giving you credit for actually doing the right thing and having the conversation. And as Brandi Carlisle would say, stop that.

[Sasha]

No one knows who that is.

[Brandi]

She's not a real person.

[Sasha]

So now Vanita's over with Whitner, Vinita, and all them. Finita's like, pool time. Can I eat an apple off the tree? And he's like, you can try. Good luck. Good luck.

[Brandi]

I'm not going to be doing a tiny, like, crab apple. I'm not pulling that off any tree. So they sort of, like, gather. There's gonna be some swimming and stuff. And. And Sally and. And Vanita and Molly kind of like, gather in this little cabana area and. And basically, like, Vanita offers Sally a bite of the apple because Vanita's saying, the apple's actually really good. So Sally takes a bite, and it's like, oh, my God, that is really good. And Vanita goes, see, I told you.

[Sasha]

It's not bad.

[Brandi]

Gotta start listening to me again. Which is a really bratty thing to say. And it kicks off the big fight of the episode.

[Sasha]

Wouldn't you love that if I was listening to you? She's like, I'm just so over this shit. Because Sally's crazy. Sally's like, I thought we got over this yesterday. What the fuck is going on? Vinita is like, well, I thought so too, but you put me in a lot of shit that I'm not in, and it's crazy to me. She's like, well, that's weird. Okay, let's just talk it out then, because I feel the same way. So now Whitner's between them listening to this, and he goes, guys, let's keep a clean fight above the belt, because mama's here, okay? Mama's around. Mama's gonna know for fighting. She's not gonna like it.

[Brandi]

Listen, Vanita, I love you to death, but, like, you know, what did I put you in? Okay, anything I've ever brought you in, you've said you've done it, you know? And so Molly joins them, and Sally's like, you tell me information, and. And then you're the scapegoat, and I'm the scapegoat. I mean, I'm your scapegoat, specifically. And Venita's like, well, I brought you. I brought it to you. And I said to you, do not bring this to the group. And Molly's like, well, why are you coming for me? Because, like, both of you are doing this thing. Because this is about the vagina commentary, I believe, Primarily, yeah.

[Sasha]

And Venita's like, it's because. I mean, why are we talking about this again? It's so. The show needs to do something. It's so boring. And Vanita, stop starting arguments that you're not going to finish. You are the one who brought this up. You were having a nice day eating an apple from a tree. Why are you doing this? It's so stupid. And so Venita's like, well, it's because of Sally. Because of Sally. And Sally's like, venita came over to My house. And she told me you were talking shit about me at lunch. And so we see this cliff, and Venita really has no leg to stand on here. We see Vanita go over there. She's swimming with Sally, and she's like, well, I had lunch with Molly, and she's not a big fan of yours, I don't think. Oh, and she got her vagina redone. I mean, who's funding that? Who is funding that?

[Brandi]

Yeah, this is the big thing. And Vinita's like, you know, Sally's like, of course I'm open to hearing shit about you, because you had just finished telling me Molly was talking about me. Basically, Sally's saying, yeah, I was messy about the labioplasty, because I had just heard that Molly was talking about me. So of course I'm like, yeah, sure, give me the gossip. I'm okay with it, because I hate this girl right now.

[Sasha]

So Vanita's like, well, I think the. Really. The real difference between you and I right now in this moment. And Whitner goes, is that really an important distinction? It's just, Whit, shut the up. This has nothing to do with you, okay? And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So baseline were of the opinion that salacious is inappropriate and wrong. Right? So.

[Brandi]

They'Re like, we don't understand this legalese. We sense Whitner, that you're trying to apply logic and simple lawyering to a stupid argument, and we reject it. We do not want to hear your common sense commentary. So basically, venue is like, I'm speaking. So she says, I feel attacked. I feel betrayed. And if she really wanted to talk to me about the situation, it would just be her. And I. I'm like, well, kind of was. The other two just sat down and like, it's. This is not a big, big group scene. And Molly was one of the affected parties. I think that's okay. Maybe you can ask Whitner to leave if you really want to.

[Sasha]

But even beyond all of that, she brought it up. She's the one who started it. She brought this art. They were having a good day, and Vanita starts an argument in front of. In front of the people she doesn't want to be arguing in front of. It's like, make it. Make it make sense. Come on, Vanina.

[Brandi]

Well, she says something passive aggressive, which is slightly different than starting an argument.

[Sasha]

But. But.

[Brandi]

But by being passive aggressive, she opens the door for an argument. Basically.

[Sasha]

Well, she's passive aggressive. But then when Sally is like, what? She's like, well, it's because you keep putting me in shit, Sally. And no, no, no, no. So she's the one who brought all this stuff up again. And then she's like, I can't believe she's coming to me. She's coming at me in front of everybody. It's like, you do. You're doing it. Stop. But we see the show, we see what you're doing. You start it and then you cry that everybody's coming for you, which are not really even. I think they're being very pretty. Like, what are you talking about, Vanita? I thought we got over this. She's like, how dare you?

[Brandi]

Oh, I can't do this. Yeah, it's just like a little bit all over the place here. So she apologizes to Molly and she says, you know, I'll say it as many times as I need to for her to start working towards the healing process. She's like, I'm sorry, like, you told me about your labioplasty. And I'm sorry basically for gossiping about it. And Sally's like, and I'm sorry for hurting you too, Molly. And Vinya goes, I'm sorry for saying, you know, ill things about her that were not true and carrying things in this. She basically apologized for all the gossiping. And then she's like. And that's it. Sounds like that's it. You're not going to apologize to me for anything.

[Sasha]

She's like, no, because I hurt her feelings. And Sally's like, well, I just feel like a lot of shit's been tangled and repeated, and it just really felt like you were trying to pin us against each other. And so what, Vanita? I mean, you know, I care about you. You know about that. Venita starts crying and walks away. That's what Vanita does.

[Brandi]

You're better sometimes at remembering these details than I am, because sometimes I just. I think the things I don't care about, I just let them sort of like breeze right through my brain a little bit. And what does Vanita have to apologize to Sally for, in your opinion? I don't know. I'm like, I don't know either, actually.

[Sasha]

I'm like, I'm not. I'm not sitting here waiting for an apology for Sally, for anything, because Sally did take that. Sally did take gossip that Vanita was giving her and run off with it. So I don't think Vanita owes her an apology for that. I mean, there was all the Craig stuff that she was like, don't date Craig. And then she was a little Scotty when Sally did get kind of dumped or whatever. I think that's right. Even though they weren't dating. But I don't know that Vanita really owes Sally an apology, maybe for just being too much in that Craig situation. But the thing is, it's all over, and they're all fine. And I think they're just trying to come up with things to argue about because they're on a cast trip and they feel like that's their job and there's just nothing going on, and so they leave everybody taking sides in a stupid fight. I mean, I do read some of the comments online on this show, and it's crazy how people get so upset over Vanita or, you know, like, the Vanita and Sally fights, like, how mad people get about them, because that's crazy. Nothing. Like, to me, there's nothing going on, really.

[Brandi]

There's no there there. I think that, like, maybe Vanita could apologize for. Yeah. Being a little bit more extra about the, like, don't come calling me when. I mean, she didn't even say it like that. She just was like, well, just don't tell. Like, listen, I'm. I've warned you, so don't come calling me when he, like, breaks your heart. But, like. So maybe the apology could be that, like, a friend is there for you no matter what. That's basically what her mom said. But I think that, like, honestly, that's only if you're, like, really looking for something. If anything, it's really Sally who owes Benita the apology because Bonita is beefing with Craig, whether the motivation is because she wants to be on Summer House or not. The point is she still is beefing with Craig. And Sally was like, yeah, I understand you're beefing with Craig, but I'm gonna go after Craig. Like, she wasn't being, like, Wasn't backing her up. So, like, if anything, I think, like, Sally owes Vanita.

[Sasha]

I don't think. I don't think either one of them, Owen, neither one of them. They've already gotten over it. I don't think any apologies are due right now. I think they just need to stop. I think what they're fighting about right now is Molly, because Sally is saying, well, you started this whole thing with me and Molly. And then me and Molly went to lunch and realized we don't even dislike each other. We're only fighting with each other because you were starting and saying stuff about the labyrinth.

[Brandi]

That's also.

[Sasha]

You were saying that. No, no, it is true. I'm not saying.

[Brandi]

No, it is true. No, because Sally was talking about Molly first. So Sally was talking about Molly, and then Vanita just gossiped about it, and Molly found out, and then Molly or someone gossiped. Maybe it was Leva. I don't even remember someone.

[Sasha]

We just saw the clip of Anita saying, well, I don't think she's a big fan of yours. Because Molly was saying, well, Sally's always going after every guy in the thing or whatever.

[Brandi]

No, I got. I love that we're, like, dissecting this stupid ass thing. If you remember. If you remember Ronnie, if there was. So Vanita tells Sally that Molly's not the biggest fan, but Molly was getting annoyed at Sally initially. The whole reason why Molly was even having, like, a little rant was because it got back to her that Sally was making fun of Molly for crying at the first party of the season. And I for. I just. I just don't remember who told Molly that. Maybe it was Vanita. Maybe it was someone else. But the point is that Sally was talking originally, like, yes, Vanita was the messenger. Vanita was messy. But, you know, but Sally was not, like, doing nothing. Sally wasn't just washing a dish. And then a fabrication was made about her. Sally was making fun of Molly. She was. She was doing it originally. She wasn't the worst in the world. It was honestly, like. Honestly, it was fairly inoffensive. And I think that Molly actually had a little bit of an overreaction to that. But the point is that Sally is. Is whipping up a narrative that Vanita is pitting them against each other. And I. I think Vanita is just being messy. I don't think she's being like, let me tear these two apart.

[Sasha]

Yeah.

[Brandi]

And I think Sally is thinking that she's owed an apology because Vanita is somehow being Machiavellian and needs to apologize for that. And that, I don't think deserves an apology. I think Vanita could apologize for being messy, and she does. She actually does do that. Anyway, I. I'm. I whip myself into way too much of a frenzy over a fight I literally do not care anything about.

[Sasha]

Yeah, I mean, I wish I could care because, I mean, it's kind of like our job, I guess, in a way. I just don't. I. They're trying too hard Commercials.

[Brandi]

Here comes one right now.

[Sasha]

So Venita gets up and walks away crying, which is kind of par for the course. And Sally's like, if you want to keep walking away every time she's never going to get settled. Come on, let's move on from this and be friends again. But she's like, oh, I'm supposed to apologize for something I don't understand? I mean, I don't even know what they're fighting about. It's ridiculous. So then Molly's like, are you okay? And Sally's like, I'm okay. It just pisses me off. I'm just mind fucked by everybody in this fucking group. Everybody's mind fucking me. Well, at least you're. At least you're getting. At least your mind is getting laid.

[Brandi]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Someone's eating the ass out of my mind. Charleston. Three days later, we. We go to Ms. Patricia's house and it is time for Chauncey's little dog funeral. Sad.

[Sasha]

It's also time for animal welfare to get to this house because what the is going on in this house? We see the pet cemetery. There's like 30 things things there. There's like 30 plaques. What's going on? Who are these people? Are they butlers? Because I'm starting to believe that these are not all animals. Are these ex people who worked in your home in some way and just didn't make the martini?

[Brandi]

Right?

[Sasha]

They didn't come when the bell was called. Who are all these dead people?

[Brandi]

Tell me the truth, Randy. I'm noticing an extra headstone tombstone in the. In the graveyard. What's going on with that? Oh, I buried my phone. I thought that would be okay. If we could honor my phone that I baked.

[Sasha]

Randy, I'd appreciate it if you'd get to the pet cemetery and dust off the stone that says Randy, need it soon.

[Brandi]

Sometimes I like to get ahead of the game.

[Sasha]

So this dog funeral turns out to be basically just Whitney, Patricia and Austin. And so, you know, Whitney goes over all the animals that have been there. He's like, okay. I mean, all of her fucking animals were like. I mean, 15, 17 years, we've had a lot of them. Kitty Kelly, Rocky, Smoochie Toby, Poofy poopy, Maria.

[Brandi]

Oh, Ashley.

[Sasha]

Oh, gosh, Eleanor. She raised me. She raised me. Wait, we still talking about cats?

[Brandi]

Yeah. Yeah. There's a cat named Ashley, which I was like, oh, wouldn't that be amazing if it had. It was just a cat that just had the water buffalo hair.

[Sasha]

And that's all the people that have wronged her. Coop. Coop, the original gay guy on this show?

[Brandi]

Yeah. Hey, why does it say Thomas Ravenel? I heard that.

[Sasha]

I like the one that was named Kitty Kelly. I think that's really funny.

[Brandi]

That was very fun.

[Sasha]

So, yeah, so there's like all these dead animals there. And Whitney's like, wow, I didn't even know we had a cat named Ashley.

[Brandi]

That's amazing. I'm like, I didn't even remember that there were cats in this household ever. I thought it was just purely dogs. Maybe in the early seasons there were cats. The kitty Kelly sounds vaguely familiar from this show. So Whitney is like, yeah, it borders on animal hoarding. The amount of animals that we've had in the pet cemetery. And that's discounting our four or five, six dogs and cats that we've had that have been cremated but are in her closet yet to be buried.

[Sasha]

No, your closet. That's the cat closet. It's where I keep all the dead cats.

[Brandi]

Yikes.

[Sasha]

And these are Chauncey sashes. So he'd like to here. So let's grab mom. We'll come out to Chauncey's sitting place and cry a little. Sounds fun.

[Brandi]

So they. They go outside and Austin's like, how I see friendship is literally being there for somebody when they need you. So I'm very honored. Patricia asked me to come over to speak. So that's the tie into the rest of this episode that, like, it's a. It's a meditation on friendship. And then this represents true friendship because he's been called upon to say some kind words, which is also one of the first times that someone has probably ever been like, we need to have someone to say some kind words. Let's have. We need a speaker who is going to put our uneasiness at ease. Let's get Austin Kroll.

[Sasha]

Austin, thanks for coming, darling. Thank you for doing this. You know, Chauncey loved you. He was nice to other people, but you were the only person who really slobbered on him as much as he slobbered on you.

[Brandi]

Yeah. So then a bagpipe, they go outside, a bagpipe player starts playing Amazing Grace. And, you know, they've done so many over the top things for dogs that you sort of like, you know, my instinct is to be like, oh, this is just another kind of like, you know, tongue in cheek, kind of over the top dog thing, but it's actually quite sincere. Like, Patricia is very, very sad and, and, you know, emotionally moved by this.

[Sasha]

And especially the part where she said, I'm sorry, what are you playing? I asked you to play Amazing Race.

[Brandi]

I love that theme song.

[Sasha]

So Austin gives a speech and he's like, oh, hey, friendships are chips and ships are ships. And chips you eat. Why can't we eat chips? To friendships. Delicious. Wow, that was so nice. Thank you, Austin Sane right now.

[Brandi]

You know what? John seems a noble companion. A four legged tongue dangling potato with the spirit of a lion and the mental fortitude of a toddler. No, that's just you. That's just you. Say something nicer.

[Sasha]

We're not going through cast biographies right now. He was a cat's warmer, a confident snack stealer. A friend. And those who knew him knew, knew that he what he lacked in brain power, he more than made up for in spirit.

[Brandi]

And that's about Craig.

[Sasha]

It was in spirit.

[Brandi]

Spirit, Spirit. Well, I'm glad we brought this umbrellas because it's raining out. No, that's just me spitting probably.

[Sasha]

Speaking of chips, I think I just got a piece of one in my eye. Were you eating chips? I was.

[Brandi]

I left. Delicious Kettle chips. Pickle chips. Delicious.

[Sasha]

So now Vanita is giving her dog Charles a breath mint. And I was really glad to see Charles. That's the one cast member I always miss. I actually miss Chauncey too. That was a cute dog. All the clips they showed of Chauncey being cute with his little tongue hanging out of his mouth. I like those dogs. Always just look terrified but also perfectly comfortable.

[Brandi]

Chauncey was a king. I love Chauncey. It was a cute, sweet, sweet dog.

[Sasha]

So Charles got a breath mint and Vanita's doing a mask and FaceTiming Madison. And Madison's like, wow, I'm just getting my hair done by Patrick at the hospital. Getting that baby out of me. Little soul sucker.

[Brandi]

So yeah, she's gonna be. Baby's coming out Tomorrow morning at 8:06am so it's all happening. Her water broke and everything. No, no, that was just me. Again, sorry for the false alarm. Everyone should stop talking at Madison so much. But yeah. And then we see footage of her mom driving her to the hospital. And mom doesn't have her glasses on, has no idea where she's going.

[Sasha]

She's like, yeah, my mom doesn't know what she's doing, but we're gonna get there no matter what.

[Brandi]

And Brett flies in and he gets there and the baby's coming.

[Sasha]

So it's like the doctor struck. Oh my God. Oh my God. Stat stop. Charisma entering. Charisma entering the room. Hey, it's Brett. Brett made it.

[Brandi]

So it's like, yeah, next time you see me, we'll be able to have champagne together. Yeah.

[Sasha]

Little baby coming into the world. Little cutie pie. All right. Everybody, thank you so much for being here. Go get your tickets for Watch what Crappens, the Golden Crappie Awards, February 27th live streaming. You can grab them at watch what crappens.com and we will talk to you next time.

[Brandi]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.

[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

Aren't you glad? It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

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[Brandi]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

[Sasha]

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

It's Katie Manok.

[Brandi]

Let's get? It's Savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, She's a whiz? It's Liz Sarthi, Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers, the incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

[Sasha]

She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs.

[Brandi]

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[Sasha]

We cannot tell a lie.

[Brandi]

It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a can. And Anthony, please don't stop at Soli and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing.

[Sasha]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Cootard. We love you guys.