Host 2 (2:22)

Yeah.

Host 1 (2:22)

She goes. She's like, I have people around me in my family that think I'm not smart enough to do things, to understand things, that the voice is always there at the same time. I don't want to drown in those voices. He's like, understood, what are we talking about again? And she says that her family was not stable growing up, and she never felt like she had a father because he was married to three women at the same time, and he was, good Lord, sick. And then her mom left him. But then her mom, she also said, says that there was physical and psychological violence. So she basically doesn't talk to either of her parents. And so she's had to teach herself everything. And I'm like, hey, if you don't talk to these people and they're the ones saying that you're too stupid to do anything, who the fuck cares what they have to say? You're not talking to them anyway. Go do what you want to do.

Host 2 (3:08)

Yeah, but that's. I was just thinking, you know, she talked like, how crazy. Because you. That is kind of normal to think that, right? When adult. When an adult is, like, crying about their childhood, and you're like, but it's over now. Now you're free. But it takes so long to break those chains, you. I mean, my gosh, just letting go of stuff that happened. That stuff really gets you when you're young. So it's so sad watching her still go through that and carrying around like, her parents thought she was dumb and she didn't get anything, and now all she's wanted to do is work, and she's finally working, and she's so proud of herself, but now she can't understand anybody. But she doesn't want it to translate, like she's stupid and she's crying, and Jason's just blinking blinkly. But then when we go into the confessional, he's like, I'm thinking of my own daughter. I think her name was Brenda. I think it was her birthday a few days. I'm not really sure. I do know her, kind of. I do see her occasionally. But anyway, I don't want her to cry. I feel stupid. So I'm crying right now as well, a little bit. Am I crying? So much more comfortable when a man doesn't. It, isn't it?

Host 1 (4:09)

If we can support Patul here and give her a home while she's here, we'll do that. I mean, not a real home. She can't actually live here, right? Does she know she can't live here. If I've got someone next to me that wants to work and is passionate, wants to try out one of my kimonos, that's what I want. If you're not understanding something, we can work through that. That's just a language barrier. No big deal. You're doing a great job. I mean, what's a language barrier? Am I right, everyone? Thank you very much. Thank you.

Host 2 (4:36)

And when they asked for life jackets and you put waffles on their shoulders, I thought, that's a girl who's really, really making an effort. And that's all that really matters here. Did we lose a guest? Possibly. I don't know. I haven't really counted them. But the point is, you tried.

Host 1 (4:51)

Your passion's wonderful. So it's time for the guests to go snorkeling, and they go underwater and they see all sorts of fish. Is this a good time to do a fish report? As long as they are snorkeling. Shall we snorkel as well?

Host 2 (5:04)

Yes, please. But can I tell you something more important?

Host 1 (5:08)

What?

Host 2 (5:08)

I have just come to Captain Jason's website. TheCaptainSlouneLife Life or CaptainSlounge Life? Cause I wanted to check on those kimonos. He's got a new product, and it's not sexual at all. It costs $69, which is hilarious. Captain J Signature Fragrance. 50ml for $69. A fresh, effortless scent grounded in warmth and coastal calm. It opens with bright citrus, a hint of salted sea breeze, and the cool smoothness of mo melon and neroli as it settles. Soft rose, gentle woods, and airy jasmine come through with an understated depth. Finally, sandalwood, cashmere woods, amber musk, and a touch of vanilla create a warm, lasting finish that sits quietly on the skin. It's nothing like watching a woman cry.

Host 1 (6:06)

That was absolutely beautiful. Now let's have Brenda Blyth and read it. For $69, you could get a beautiful fragrance.

Host 2 (6:14)

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Host 1 (6:16)

It's sold out.

Host 2 (6:17)

I didn't realize he's also got T shirts. One says, all hands on scent. I don't get that.

Host 1 (6:23)

Okay.

Host 2 (6:24)

Seize the day. Spelled S E, A S. Seize the day. And by Captain Jason. And it's like they're all autographed by Captain Jason. Spritz me Captain Jason cursive. And then he's got a kimono. And his kimono is. I think it's a bargain price now. I think it used to be 300 bucks, and now it's $217. I'm in. I think I should buy one. Should I get one? I'm gonna get one right now.

Host 1 (6:52)

Get one. Get some. Captain Jason signature scent.

Host 2 (6:57)

Yeah. I want to smell like all those woods. Like, whoa. Did someone carrying a bundle of different woods just come in?

Host 1 (7:03)

Gosh, I want to smell like someone who just went scuba diving and got lost. I had to get picked up by a fish boat. Yeah.

Host 2 (7:10)

All right, here we go. Fish report. Fish report. It's the weekly fish report. All right, here we go. This is what we call a school of fish. This is something that Alicia left to get laid on Whistler.

Host 1 (7:28)

Yes, that is correct. She couldn't hack it there. Just some generic fish just going around in a circle, sort of confused, sort of lost, sort of aimless, you know, I don't know what they're hoping to find.

Host 2 (7:39)

Probably food, because our start. Look, every one of these fish is thin. They all look exactly the same. They all wear the same thing to school every day. There is no fat fish hanging out with these people.

Host 1 (7:50)

They look sad. They look like they've seen something, and they're all just like, guys, let's just not talk about it. Let's not talk about it. Let's just find our food. They do.

Host 2 (8:00)

Okay, Then we get these weird little things with the shrimp riding them again. We've seen these before.

Host 1 (8:04)

Classic.

Host 2 (8:05)

Okay. And then we get. Oh, what are these kinds of fish? Big, flat fish. I like the flat ones that are like, oh, my God, they look giant. But then you look at them from behind, and you're like, oh, my God, it's just a stick. I don't even see anything.

Host 1 (8:17)

These are like screensaver fish. They're like. So did you go to the screensaver audition? Yeah, I think I did really well. I think they're gonna put me on some max. Really? Oh, I didn't feel so good. They weren't nice to me.

Host 2 (8:29)

I just got cast to play a giant, but I can only. I can only be seen in profile, unfortunately, they don't want to see me head on.

Host 1 (8:38)

Yeah, these are nice. There's a.

Host 2 (8:40)

It's a turtle. Now there's a turtle. It's a turtle out of water. You know, a lot of us are wondering, what do these turtles do when they're not in the water? They are walking on the streets, just walking around.

Host 1 (8:49)

This turtle got a nice suntan. Look at those nice golden hues. Oh, it's doing a little dance.

Host 2 (8:55)

Yeah.

Host 1 (8:55)

Doing a little tap dance.

Host 2 (9:00)

Can't do this in the water. I'll tell you that. Sometimes you just gotta come on to land. Sometimes you just gotta come on to land.

Host 1 (9:10)

It's like, why am I not floating right now? I just don't understand these things.

Host 2 (9:15)

All right, all right. You know what? Catch me in five minutes. Ah, back in the water. God, this feels good.

Host 1 (9:21)

This turtle is having one of these moments where, oh, my God, I'm drowning. I'm drowning, I'm drowning. Oh, wait, never mind. I am actually adapted for this environment. I need a breath. I need a breath of. Because its head is sticking out above the air. It's like. It's terrifying down here. It's terrifying. Just kidding. It's actually quite lovely. Yeah. Remember being on land where you couldn't float?

Host 2 (9:40)

Yeah. Another turtle. It's a big turtle day.

Host 1 (9:45)

The other turtle, by the way, looked like it was more of a turtle or a tortoise. These look like these are sea turtles. Because look this. These actually have flippers. And the other one that was walking.

Host 2 (9:53)

Oh, you're right.

Host 1 (9:53)

Legs.

Host 2 (9:54)

Yeah.

Host 1 (9:55)

Yeah.

Host 2 (9:56)

So this one is flying above some starfish.

Host 1 (10:00)

Look at those starfish.

Host 2 (10:01)

I like that. He's checking out this. He's like, hey, guys. That's still not going to say hi to me, huh? Okay, well, there's three of you. Maybe I should get one of you alone. It would be nice. I mean, we do live in the same neighborhood. Is it so bad to be neighborly?

Host 1 (10:13)

Those starfish are like, I'm just trying to get some sun. Jeez. They always come and having to talk. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk when I'm getting. Try to get a suntan.

Host 2 (10:22)

Hey, guys, did you see me tap dancing up there? I've been practicing it. Oh, that's right. You can't go on land. Sorry. It was fun, though. I did good. Why don't you guys speak to me? Speak to me, please. Hey, does anybody have sugar I can borrow? Cup of sugar. Cup of sugar. Cup of sugar. I'm your neighbor. I'm your neighbor.

Host 1 (10:36)

Please, please, Peter, leave us alone. We just had a very large meal. We need to digest.

Host 2 (10:43)

Now. We see people on their expedition later, swimming, and this guy's like, yeah. He's, like, reaching out for a hug. The turtle's like, no, sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the starfish, okay? Not my neighbor.

Host 1 (10:55)

Don't know who you are. Everyone's just bothering each other under the sea. Basically, the turtle's bothering the starfish, the humans bothering the turtle. Turtle's like, no, sir. You. I've been trained to think everyone wants to eat me. I'm gonna have to go. Please stop. No, I don't trust this Instagram concept that you claim that you're gonna put me on. I mean, I need to go.

Host 2 (11:12)

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Host 1 (11:40)

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Host 2 (12:01)

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Host 2 (12:28)

Okay, let's go on to this shark thing. This is a pretty shot. Wow. There's one of those flat sharks and, and it's surrounded by food. You know, it's basically, it basically just threw M and Ms. Up in the air and is waiting for one to fall on its mouth.

Host 1 (12:42)

Those stupid fish are like, why is it that whenever we have a party, a shark comes by? It's cause you're, you're yellow. You're basically advertising your party. Like, why, why do they always seem to know where we are at all times? Because someone decided that we should all be wear, wear yellow today. Why do we decide to do this

Host 2 (12:58)

if we don't want to be eaten? Maybe we should not all go out dressed like Cheetos. Just a thought.

Host 1 (13:04)

They do look delicious. Like, you know, the shark is like, yes.

Host 2 (13:07)

Yeah.

Host 1 (13:08)

And there's all those other like generic, generic fish just lingering around.

Host 2 (13:11)

Not the shark ate so many fish that he just takes a nap.

Host 1 (13:14)

Next.

Host 2 (13:15)

Next he's under a reef and he is just taking a nap. I've never seen a shark Just taking a nap before, have you.

Host 1 (13:20)

No, this shark is just hanging out. This shark is, like not even moving. You know, I remember growing up, they said that sharks have to always stay in motion, otherwise they die. I don't know if that's actually true, but this shark did not seem to get the memo. The shark was like, oh, wow. God, you know, everyone hates me. It's just hard. It's hard.

Host 2 (13:38)

The shark was like, yeah, your teacher taught you that? Back before we got a union. Okay. Now we take naps. It's a Captain Sandy shark union. Big on that sharks.

Host 1 (13:47)

The shark's like, guys, I got a good parking spot, so I'm just going to hang here. You guys go in and get the groceries. I'll just. I'll just stay here.

Host 2 (13:54)

He's like, I hope you don't mind. I ate so much for lunch. I just pulled down my finger. I pulled it all the way down to my knees. Look how low his fin is. It's like he's taking it off to go poop or something.

Host 1 (14:06)

This shark is just trying to take a nap and we are bothering it. It's just a napping shark. It's like, I just wanted to. It. It kind of thinks that because its left eye is under the shelf of that coral that no one can see it. No one can see I'm hiding, right? You guys can't see my. My tail's not sticking out, is it?

Host 2 (14:21)

You know, it would be nice, a sleep mask. They can't close their eyes at all. How are they doing that? Okay, so then we get to These dumb. These fish just look dumb, right? It's not. It's not fair to body shame someone and be like, oh, my God, you're just like little and yellow and your eyes are big and blank. But they just do look stupid, these fish.

Host 1 (14:38)

Well, because you know what they're clearly doing? They're clearly trying to get by that shark. Like, guys, now's our chance. It's sleeping. Let's get by the shark. That shark is gonna wake up and eat some of you. This is stupid. Why'd you go? Why? Of all the paths, this is the path you decide to go.

Host 2 (14:53)

Pretty shell.

Host 1 (14:54)

Just like a nice shell.

Host 2 (14:55)

More little yellow fish. Okay. Some goldfish. Are these Captain Jason's goldfish again?

Host 1 (15:00)

No, no, these are just some generic ones. I like this clownfish that it's not. Is that a clownfish? I think it's. I think it's looks like. Oh, you're right. It is a clownfish. Ugh. Well, I Don't like clown fishes. But this one I like because it's like. It's like, what? Huh?

Host 2 (15:14)

Huh?

Host 1 (15:15)

What?

Host 2 (15:15)

Huh? Well, I actually like this one too. And I was wondering if you were. Because we have a long standing resentment of clownfish on the show in the fish report. But I actually really like this clownfish too. It's just cute. It's not out there bragging. It's like I like to be at home, you know, Like, I just. I just want to stay at my apartment. I just got new curtains.

Host 1 (15:32)

Yeah, I also like that it's striped. Makes it look like it's wearing kind of like a. Like a little bonnet. Like from that show. What's that show with Elisabeth Moss again with Elisabeth Moss.

Host 2 (15:48)

Oh, handmaid's tail.

Host 1 (15:50)

Yeah, it is like a handmaid's tail clownfish.

Host 2 (15:52)

Yeah, it's like the clown maid's tail. It's like under his eye, guys. It's even got a frown like on that show. Look at this.

Host 1 (15:58)

It's like I'm not allowed to leave. I'm not allowed to leave this patch.

Host 2 (16:02)

Now this fish looks like he's about to eat this little fish, right? There's like a big kind of red fish and it's about to eat this other one. Look, it has an angry. It has angry eyeshadow on too. Like I'm.

Host 1 (16:12)

This fish is a bit of a diva. It's got sequins on, it's got some eyeshadow. It's like about to go perform at a cabaret, that's for sure.

Host 2 (16:19)

And it's got a lot of attitude. But you, it's like you were born with grill marks on you. Look how it has grill mark shapes already on it. Like this fish is destined to be grilled. Sorry, fish, you're dead.

Host 1 (16:29)

It's got a little sidekick. Look at that stupid sidekick at its butt. It's like, hm, yeah, totally. That's what it's saying.

Host 2 (16:36)

I'm going to watch you eat that little fish. Eat that little fish. Eat it.

Host 1 (16:39)

Don't mess with us.

Host 2 (16:40)

Then we get the other ones again who are black and white striped. They're pretty.

Host 1 (16:44)

They're pretty. They're nice. They're very screensaver fish.

Host 2 (16:47)

Yeah. And then we go to more clownfish.

Host 1 (16:50)

Yeah, These are, these are the obnoxious ones that we don't like. The other one had a lot more character.

Host 2 (16:54)

I think. This is like their. This is like them pleasing them. I don't want to say masturbating because I don't want to be gross, but like Pleasing themselves. They're like, they're going through sponge like things and just petting themselves, which I think is really cute.

Host 1 (17:05)

That's too much privilege. Yeah, look how they're doing, how they can spend their time, you know, getting massages. Yeah, anemones.

Host 2 (17:12)

This one's like. Well, I'm not allowed to be near 30, 30 yards near a school or a church, but hey, I think this is far enough away. I'm just going to scratch this itch. Oh yeah. You know, I was going to get this done.

Host 1 (17:24)

Wow, real dark turn for that fish.

Host 2 (17:28)

Love this one's outfit. This is a black fish with purple dots and then just a bright yellow tail to finish.

Host 1 (17:35)

And it's, it's peeking out over the side of some sort of like rocky growth because it's, it thinks that someone called its name like. Yeah, Joanne.

Host 2 (17:43)

Me, Joanne. Oh, it's a human. It's a human. It's another few. It's another human following a stingray.

Host 1 (17:48)

Idiot. I thought someone needed me. Sorry, no, me. Did you say Joanne? Did you say Joanne?

Host 2 (17:52)

Did you actually know?

Host 1 (17:53)

You said Jennifer.

Host 2 (17:54)

Okay, I'll be right.

Host 1 (17:55)

Jennifer. She said Jennifer.

Host 2 (17:56)

Yeah, I'll just go back to it. I heard it, I heard it, I heard. Okay, so

Host 1 (18:03)

I swear they're saying my name. I think actually they're playing with me this time. I definitely heard it. You were definitely seeing Joanne this time. Joanne. Joanne.

Host 2 (18:09)

No, no. Oh, gosh. All right, I'll just sit back down over. I'm behind the rock if anybody needs me. Okay. And then we go to a stingray. These things are terrifying. I don't care what people say. I went in the ocean once to one of those stingray petting things and they put the stingray on your back and stuff and that was cute, I guess. But look at these things. Look at that stinger. I don't know. Those are terrifying. They killed Steve Irwin.

Host 1 (18:32)

Yeah, that's the thing. They killed Steve Irwin. I don't want to, I don't want to get close to it. Cuz if that thing hits my chest the way it hits Steve Irwin, I'm not going out like that.

Host 2 (18:41)

Although these ones are cool because they look like those really thick mats that you put on your. Under your feet while you do dishes. They're very comfortable.

Host 1 (18:49)

Yeah, these are not. They got little dots. Look at. These are enormous, those banta rays. Those are enormous rays over there. Those are like Darth Vader. Darth Vader.

Host 2 (18:58)

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. This one. Jesus. Hold on, Mother.

Host 1 (19:04)

Look at this guy.

Host 2 (19:05)

This is A big old fish. His mouth goes. His mouth is half of his body.

Host 1 (19:09)

Yeah. This is like a grouper. I feel like this is a grouper that's ill. It's like, hello, I. I need to speak to the doctor. I woke up with all these dots on my face. Is this normal? I thought I was supposed to be gray.

Host 2 (19:23)

Then we get to a modern dance. Coral. It's like beautif.

Host 1 (19:27)

Wind.

Host 2 (19:28)

It's like the Jennifer Lopez wind machine. And it's just like.

Host 1 (19:31)

Yeah, it's beautiful. Beautiful kelp or coral or whatever this is. And then here we have some shrimp. And then we have. The shrimp are just doing shrimp thing. They're just hanging out. And then we have this fish, this very, very shy fish is, like, trying to avoid the paparazzi, just going out at night and then got caught anyway. Okay, I just. I just need to go to cvs. Okay.

Host 2 (19:54)

It's like the worst. It's the worst hider ever. It's like, yeah, I just need a rest. No one can see me, right? We can see you. You're hiding behind one stalk of something, sir. Okay.

Host 1 (20:03)

I'm just trying to keep a low profile ever since the scandal happened. And honestly, I know you guys have a job to do, but I just need to go to cvs. Okay, I'll answer two questions, but that's it.

Host 2 (20:13)

I don't know what this fish is, but, God, this background's gorgeous. It looks like a bunch of those licorice. Those red licorice.

Host 1 (20:21)

Yeah. This fish is like an influencer. The fish is like, can someone take a photo with me against this background?

Host 2 (20:25)

No one really eats the food here. We just come here for the instas.

Host 1 (20:30)

Doing selfies.

Host 2 (20:31)

Yeah. More of these yellow fish.

Host 1 (20:34)

Oh, I love that one. I love this guy. I think he was. I think this is like a solo fish that was broke apart from the initial school, because it sort of has that sad look. But I think on its own, it's just for this adorable, like, tongue depressor of a fish. Like, it's.

Host 2 (20:50)

Yeah, it's extremely long. It's just a very long, lonely fish. It's like no one understands what it's like to be tall.

Host 1 (20:56)

It's so lonely, this fish. It's so lonely it lost its school.

Host 2 (21:00)

Yeah.

Host 1 (21:01)

Floating along. Oh, poor thing. Nice.

Host 2 (21:04)

All right, well, that is the end of the fish report. The fish report. This has been the fish report. Okay, so now we are back in the galley. Ben is down there, and Daisy comes in. She's like, do you have a few minutes to Talk. Well, that depends. What are we gonna talk about? Fun stuff. Listen, I'm worried about timings. Cause that was quite slow. It was quite slow, Ben. And he's like, oh, was it? Yeah, it was a bit slow. Come on. The primary's wife is quite particular, so I think dinner's gonna have to be quite sharp. Do you understand? Ben, have you got it in ya?

Host 1 (21:38)

Well, the day got away from me. There's a hot girl in my galley now, and she was trying to color coordinate the cutting boards, and it was a bit of an issue. I got it. I'm just saying, from you, this is what I need. It's like, no.

Host 2 (21:50)

Oh, yes.

Host 1 (21:51)

Yes. Okay. Yes. We're winning. It's good. It's great. Yada, yada, yada. I'm sensitive. Paid for a wedding.

Host 2 (21:56)

Bye now. All right.

Host 1 (21:58)

Good shot.

Host 2 (21:59)

So she leaves, but she's not letting him off the hook. He tries to do is like, well, today got away. Well, I'm busy. Well, I had to explain giant knives to a tiny girl, and she's not having it. She's like, yeah, you better listen to me. All right? And he's not gonna like this from Daisy. There's gonna be an uprising soon. So then we go to the guest snorkeling, and now everyone's getting back in the tender and stuff like that. And then we go to the crew mess, and Ben and Jenna are in there, and he's like, oh, hey there. Hey, there, stirrup. Hey there, syrup stirrups. Whatcha doing? And she's like, oh, hey, hey, there. How you doing? How's everything going out there? He's like, well, the galley to the dining table. It's big trek, right? You've got a lot of work to do. So I feel like I'm ling out Mount Everest every time I come up and down there.

Host 1 (22:49)

I don't know what you just said, but I will tell you that your legs are looking good, though, babe. It looks just. Just like two tall pine cones that were smaller than the typical pine cones in a. But shapely in a way that pine cones normally aren't, if you know what I'm saying. I don't know what I say. Okay, honey pie. So then with the snorkeling, the current is starting to pick up, and so Joel is like, we have to put the guests on the boat because it's getting dangerous. So they gather everyone on the boat, and he's like, 1, 2, 3, 4. Zim. No, we're missing someone. And he's looking around, and they can't find Liz. Of course, Liz went missing. I don't even know who Liz is, but of course she went missing.

Host 2 (23:32)

Well, when we meet Liz, we're like, oh, of course that's the one. He went missing. Cause they get her and it's like, all right, guys, this is me, Liz. I'm like, oh, God, yeah, of course. Of course Liz was the one. But they couldn't find her. But we do see, before this happens, he's chatting on the. On the Tinder with Mike, and they're like, oh, yeah, you know, isn't this great being out here? Me and you, bros? Look at me. It's me and you, bros. You want some hairspray? He's like, oh, that would be great, mate. So we see them kind of not paying attention, and we don't really see where Liz is. Later, we find out that she was chasing stingrays, which. Which, listen, you get what you deserve. You know what I mean?

Host 1 (24:07)

But they're concerned because they weren't sure if she has a life jacket. And the current is. Is intense. They don't know where she is. So Joao starts, you know, motoring around trying to find her. And Liz, they find her, and he's like, oh, we were worried about you. And she comes on, she's like, well, if I didn't have a life jacket, I would have been a little panicked. Almost as panicked at that stingray once I started chasing it. Golly.

Host 2 (24:29)

So I was like, like, where do you think the stingray is gonna go? You know what I mean? This is like Alice in Wonderland. Don't taste a stingray. It's not going anywhere interesting. It's like, come on, man. Yeah, but Liz, she did it. And. Yeah, so that was awkward. And I was like, oh, my God, this could have been terrible. I would have been ruined in Zim.

Host 1 (24:48)

It was actually really bad. It was so bad that Joao had to ask the camera operator. He's like, have you seen Liz? And the operator's like, I thought she was with you. Like, the operator had, like, a line in the show. So that's when, you know, like, things are not going well if they have to ask the crew.

Host 2 (25:02)

And she got far. I mean, they really hauled ass in that tender. They were really driving fast. And everyone's like, oh, my God, where's Liz? And I like, that. The one lady who they were asking like, where's Liz? Does she have a life jacket? She's like, no, I don't even think she put a life jacket on Liz. Who knows? Like, Liz is dead somewhere. The friend was just like, man, fucking Liz.

Host 1 (25:21)

Well, I am so relieved right now. My heart didn't sink. It fucking stopped. As a leader, guest safety is on me. But where the fuck was Mike? He's got all the banter, he's great with guests, but we don't need just that. We need someone who's able to work as well as play. We need to be better. I'm not going through this again. I won't, I shan't. I'll never do it. I'll never do it. They'll send me back to Zim and I won't have it. Never again.

Host 2 (25:42)

I'll never lose another guest again. Yeah, but it is kind of your responsibility. I mean, I like that. He's like, I'm taking responsibility. But where was Mike? Okay, you know where Mike was. He was talking to you about stupid shit.

Host 1 (25:56)

Yeah, exactly. So they all get back on board the, the main boat and days they, they want dinner. 8:00, and Alicia's at the bar and Eddie comes in and she's like, hey, gorgeous. And he's like, oh, you look hot and black. She's like, oh, thank you, big strong man. He's like, I am a big strong man who might get himself in trouble. And then he tells us again that basically, you know, with her, like, she's just fun loving and good hearted and that's the kind of girl like he sees himself long term with. And guess what? Backstory time. I always looked up to my dad mainly because he was much taller than me and how he built his relationship with my mom. And my mom and dad were just childhood sweethearts, close friends. They've had six kids. Now I want someone that's going to help me emulate their marriage. And maybe we could move into a home that matches their home. We could just be just like my dad.

Host 2 (26:49)

Yeah. And again, he says that he's not getting I'm in a relationship vibe from her. He's getting mixed signals and he worries that she's playing a game with him and maybe it's something she just gets a kick out of. Is that her wanting me to try and chase her? My head's a bit twisted. Your head is a bit obsessed with your parents happy marriage. And I don't want to have to emulate that. That's too much pressure to put on.

Host 1 (27:14)

Also, once she told you no and that she's in a relationship, then you just have to move on from there. I'm sorry, you just have to. Yeah, then that's just Mixed signals? No, it's like.

Host 2 (27:26)

So then we go to Jason and Joao on the bridge, and he's asking about snorkeling, and he's like, well, I got a bit of a heart sink because we were counting Zim 1, Zim 2, Zim 3, Zim 4, Zim 5. Oh, my God, am I falling asleep? That's how I go to sleep. If you ever have trouble sleeping, count your zims. But it's also how you count passengers. And we were missing one. We almost died.

Host 1 (27:45)

It was Liz. It was Liz all along. I shit myself, actually. I shat in the water and it landed on Liz. It was really awkward in many different ways.

Host 2 (27:54)

Well, it's actually Yachting 101. We've got to have more responsibility. Let me tell you what you need. More sandalwood. Do you have $69?

Host 1 (28:05)

I know we have a bit of a current through here, but I thought that you'd just be hanging around that point and, you know, you could always radio over. I could have run over. Well, I was going to, but we had it just under control. And on my side, I needed to definitely go prior if I can quickly jump in the water, even have a feel of it. You know what I'm saying? And he's like, we'll get on top of that. So Jason's like, yeah, that's pretty scary. I've never lost a guest, but I did lose myself once while diving. We went under and the current took us, and we were flying, and our dive boat actually went the wrong direction. And when we emerged, we. We were in a land of magical scents in sandalwood. All sorts of wonderful fragrances all abounded. And from that moment on, I knew, I'm going to bottle this and sell it on the Internet.

Host 2 (28:47)

So then he comes up to Liz, who's at the hot tub now, partying, and he's like, so, how was the snorkel trip? Are you all right, Liz? Joao spoke to me and said that you got lost chasing a stingray. And she's like, oh. Oh, God. Lost Liz. She's sorry. I saw stingrays trying to follow it, but, you know. You know, I appreciate you checking up on me, but it's wonderful. Thank you. Where does stingrays live? Can you just tell me? You just want to know? Just wanted to see his apartment. Is that so wrong to ask? Jeez.

Host 1 (29:13)

I just. I just wanted to recreate the end credits of Splash. Wow. So free. So Jason's like, all right, well, you're safe, so drink up the margaritas. So then we go to Daisy and Alicia and the crewmask. And Daisy's like, tonight is the polo and pearls candle at dinner. Polo's as the horse. No, polo has the shirt. It's a polo shirt themed dinner. Of course, polo is in the horse and dingbat. They're from Greenwich, Connecticut. What else do you expect from them?

Host 2 (29:39)

Now, dinner night one night. Christian and Annette want the theme tonight to be polo and pearls and bring in a touch of elegance to their favorite hobe. And Daisy tells her, I'm not going to micromanage what decorations you use. I'm sure you can figure it out as horses. I mean, come on, how hard can it be? She's like, oh, no, I love being micromanaged. Tell me more.

Host 1 (29:58)

So Eddie farts somewhere and then the guests are showering and getting ready for dinner at 6:24pm and Jenna notes that something smells like farts because Eddie farted in there. And then. So then there's. It's there. They still have not set up the table for dinner, which is wild because I feel like we see on other shows they start doing the Tablescape at like 4pm, but they have not set it up. And then in the galley, Mike and Ellie are talking and Ellie is like, thank you for helping Mike. He's like, it's all right. Are you enjoying it?

Host 2 (30:32)

So for you, yes, I'm having greedy.

Host 1 (30:34)

Oh, have you done sushi before? Yeah.

Host 2 (30:37)

Yes.

Host 1 (30:37)

I've already worked in spa and I worked at stool and I worked over dumb who didn't respect my authority.

Host 2 (30:43)

I am the second stool, which means I am the boss of you.

Host 1 (30:45)

Anyway.

Host 2 (30:45)

Yes, having fun. I love a spa then, don't I? I was like, we've got to do some pad break one night. We've got loads of face masks upstairs. We can do that together. You want to do that? It's like, I'm sure. I guess so. Jenna radios Mike, but he's talking and flirting and he doesn't hear and he's like, oh, Elizabeth me, nice blonde hourglass figure. To be honest, I'd say Daisy number one, but I feel like she's just not going to play that card right now. So my plan is to go full steam ahead with Ellie commercials.

Host 1 (31:14)

Here comes one right now.

Host 2 (31:20)

Lunch was great, but this traffic is awful. Um, can we stop at a bathroom? Are you alright? I keep having stomach issues after eating, like diarrhea, gas and bloating, abdominal pain and sometimes oily stools. Sound familiar? Those stomach issues may actually be a pancreas issue called Exocrine pancreatic insufficiency or epi. Creon pancrelipase may help manage epi. Creon is a prescript medicine used to treat people who can't digest food normally because their pancreas doesn't make enough enzymes. Creon may increase your chance of fibrosing colonopathy, a rare bowel disorder. Tell your doctor if you have a history of intestinal blockage or scarring or thickening of your bowel wall, if you are allergic to pork, or if you have gout, kidney problems, or worsening of painful swollen joints. Call your doctor if you have any unusual or severe gastrointestinal symptoms or allergic reactions. Take Creon as directed by your doctor and always with food. Do not chew capsules as this may cause mouth irritation. Other side effects may include blood sugar changes, gas, dizziness, sore throat, and cough. These are not all the side effects of Creon. Call 800-639-110 or visit creoninfo.com to learn more. That's I'm asking my doctor about EPI and if Creon could help.

Host 1 (32:24)

So then Ben and Ellie are cooking,

Host 2 (32:25)

and Ben said, this poor guy, he wants to get laid so bad. I just don't see it happening ever. I see him being like one of those old guys in the bar that's just like playing like Margaritaville over and over again and coming up to the same women, like spending so much money on drinks and just never getting anything. Bless his heart.

Host 1 (32:42)

I know. Bless his heart. Okay, tapioca nubs. We're going to have to find some sweet chili sauce. Please, please. Come on, hurry up at least. Come on, hurry up. And so Ellie's trying to help, and she's got that big knife again, which, by the way, never give Ellie that giant knife. I don't think that's safe. And then she will use it against you at some point. People are getting ready for dinner. Table still being made, 7:45. They're still setting up. It's 15 minutes till dinner. This is pretty wild. And then Ben and Ellie are like, you know, rumaging around and stuff. He's like, okay, what else, what else, what else? What do you think we should do, honey? And it's interesting because now all of a sudden, we're starting to hear the honeys and the sweetie pies and they're coming through. And we know from the trailer that Ellie is going to snap at him about this. And we see the foundation being laying now as they get ready for dinner.

Host 2 (33:30)

Yeah. So he's running around the kitchen. He's like, out of my way. Out of my way, out of my way. So Christian, the primary comes out, and there's table decorations, and there's horses all over the place. He's like, wait a minute. Wrong day, guys. This is for tomorrow. Daisy, country western is for tomorrow. Today is polo and pearls. Come on. And she's like, but there's horses. He's like, no, they're the wrong kinds of horses. Polo horses are different than country horses.

Host 1 (33:56)

Yeah. There are two different types of horse decorations. And the crew accidentally put all the horse decorations out at once, not realizing that there were certain celtics. The horse that has the peg on it, the peg horse, whatever you call those, that's for the country western night. It's not for the polo night. Even though on polo, you ride a horse, but that's fine.

Host 2 (34:16)

So stupid. Multiple horse events mess the staff up. What will they do? He's like, it's not country horses. It's a different type of horse. And Jenna's like, make it make sense. I don't really understand. It's a horse. What more do you want from me? But the horses out. So now they get, like, the horses before Annette sees. I know.

Host 1 (34:36)

Don't let Annette see the wrong horse. But I guess what's strange to me is you guys are coming from Greenwich, Connecticut. You came from Greenwich WASP central to go to a yacht where you're just gonna have the theme essentially be Greenwich, Connecticut. Like, that always is strange to me. Like, we've seen in the past. We've seen, like, I think actually on the most recent season, you see some, like, Italian Americans from, like, New Jersey, and they're like, here's what we want. Have a theme Jersey night. We want meatballs and spaghetti. It's like, you guys, why are mob.

Host 2 (35:07)

People are like, let's have a mob night. No, just go home. Just stay at home.

Host 1 (35:12)

Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you having polo night when you. When you live in Greenwich?

Host 2 (35:18)

Because it's Annette. She's like, yeah, I just wanted to remind you guys, we're really into polo and pearls because we're from Greenwich. That's right. Have I told you the story about the captain going back to get favorite down pillow?

Host 1 (35:30)

I forgot about the favorite down pillow. Oh, God. It was covered in Worcestershire sauce. So, so sweet.

Host 2 (35:38)

So sweet.

Host 1 (35:39)

Daisy sees that the table is not ready. She's like, why is this not set up before 8? You guys have had two hours to set this up. And Jenna's like,

Host 2 (35:51)

No excuses. Come on. You got to get to it. I'm starting to feel like the whole charter scar st. I mean, when things don't go right, not only does Jason look bad, but I look bad because I'm the face of the yacht, and it's bad.

Host 1 (36:04)

So Daisy radios the galley that the guests are all up, and so they start the dinner service. And Daisy's like, nah, we're just gonna. We're just on the back foot. I want everything clean. I want everything ready. I want water poured. Okay, thank you. Roughly how many minutes been. And, by the way, poured into glasses, not onto their lapse. Thank you.

Host 2 (36:24)

So Alicia's cleaning. She hasn't done it in a long time. And then Daisy's running food and having Mike help with cabins and stuff. So he goes down there, and he's sitting on the bed, and he's like, oh, take your time. Take your time. Just relax a bit. She's like, no, I'm about to have an aneurysm. Please get up. He's like, come on, bird. Have a relax. Have a relax with me. Let's flirt. Nobody wants to flirt with you, Mike.

Host 1 (36:50)

So meanwhile, the guests are waiting and waiting and waiting, and Ben is stressing, and Ellie's like, well, I'm going to clean up. In the meantime, I will say that Ellie, she might not be a sous chef, but she seems actually, like, pretty helpful in that kitchen.

Host 2 (37:04)

Right?

Host 1 (37:04)

She's going around. She's doing things. She's working things.

Host 2 (37:06)

Yeah, she's working. I mean, listen, people can say a lot about Ellie, but not that she doesn't work. I mean, she does come on and work her ass off. So she's like, ben is an excellent chef, and I'm not a chef, obviously, but Ben needs structure. He's very chaotic, and I feel like I'm the person to bring the structure.

Host 1 (37:22)

Uh oh.

Host 2 (37:23)

I'm like, oh, oh, no, here we go. And this isn't, like, a regular relationship, but it might as well be, because that's when it's wrong. That's when you know you're doomed, is when you're like, wow, you know what? They. You know what? This person needs me to fix them.

Host 1 (37:36)

Yeah. I was like, uh, oh, this is bad news. There was a lot of serious turmoil in the environment where I grew up. And she talks about being raised in Bosnia and losing family members in the war and all of that stuff. And, you know, that's why. That's where she got her organized side from, because she was like, this is a tool to help me take a step back. From the chaos. So Daisy is like, golly, golly, golly. We're clearing it. Two minutes. Two minutes, we're clearing. So Joao and Daisy are talking. Israel's like, quick question. I need Mike for five minutes. Is that okay? It's like, yeah, he's in cabbage. Just grab him. He's probably jerking off. Be careful.

Host 2 (38:14)

So Joao and the deck crew, he's just basically, listen, guys, we almost lost somebody today. We cannot do that again. Listen, I need you to stop talking, Mike, because, you know, you sorted them drinks, but at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. You need to prioritize the safety of the guests, okay? And, you know when we finally found that woman and you started flirting with the stingray. That's not how it works. He's like, sorry, it's trying to get a little.

Host 1 (38:37)

So a normal person would say, oh, my God, I'm so mortified. Someone almost died because I wasn't paying attention. But Mike goes, joel is fully qualified Captain. I'm literally one week into being a dick. Sue, give us a break. Like, no, someone almost died. Yes. Joao should have also been looking, but you should have been looking, too.

Host 2 (38:56)

Yeah. So he gives them, like, a safety. A safety thing. A safety speech. And then Eddie comes in the room, and he's like, want to give me a kiss, Mike? They kiss to go to bed. So then Jason's like, all right, Gally, listen. We're a little bit late on the first meal, and that's why I'm pushing. My presence is a push. All right?

Host 1 (39:17)

You can tell that I'm eager because you can smell me. I'm wearing my sandalwood. That's like. I like it. That's the mark of a strong man. Very nice.

Host 2 (39:26)

So he's fighting, and Daisy's like, soy, soy, soy. I'm so in. I'm so.

Host 1 (39:32)

Everything. So slow. It's so slow in the galley. I can't believe who's in there. It's like, daisy, you're in the galley right now. And that is right there listening to you.

Host 2 (39:41)

So we go back to the guests, and someone's like, I need an espresso. And then back to Ben. He's like, I'm all right, Daisy. Well, we've been. I've been waiting for you, Daisy. Where you been? She's like, that's not even funny. Don't even try that one.

Host 1 (39:55)

So basically, they serve this. This steak. And Annette's, of course, is. It's too well done for her, of course. So she swaps with her Husband. And finally they go to bed and they are. And then Daisy and Joao have a funny moment where they knock over some glasses and stuff. But then finally, Daisy calls her team together because they were a disaster today. She goes, I just want to talk about today really quickly because. Let's sit down for a second, you guys. Today was chaos. I've come up and we're still doing decorations at five past eight. Absolutely not. Okay. And Mike's like, but you have to remember, though, that people like me have never done this before. What's the decoration? I don't understand time. I've never read a clock before. You have to give me some grace.

Host 2 (40:37)

Mike, if I told you dinner's a tight, which I told you dinner was a tight. Fuck, it's seven. Can you not think? I've been told to do the decorations, I better get them done as quickly as possible because Daisy wants them done. Can you not think that, Mike?

Host 1 (40:50)

I loved her saying that. Like, you dumbass, dinner is at 8. Why would you start the decoration? So, like, do it as soon as possible.

Host 2 (40:57)

And you're not supposed to brag to your boss that you've never done this job before. You know what I mean? That's not an excuse. You're supposed to be, like, trying to be good enough to keep this job, not just be like, well, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Host 1 (41:09)

You're an engineer.

Host 2 (41:10)

Because I was on a show where we dated people naked.

Host 1 (41:12)

Yeah.

Host 2 (41:13)

And I have stupid hair. I'm not here to work.

Host 1 (41:15)

But also, you're an engineer, so you should have some sense of logic. I would hope, like, you have the problem solving capabilities of an engineer. So if you are given the problem of dinner is at 8 and decorations have to go up and decorations will take an hour. When do you start?

Host 2 (41:30)

Telling the time is not a special skill on your resume, you know?

Host 1 (41:34)

Yeah.

Host 2 (41:34)

So he's like, I mean, if I'm honest, at the back of a head, this is what he's done. That's what needs done. This needs done, then I could do it. And Jenna's like, there's always something to be done. I mean, the ball was hideous too. Well, the minute I feel like I'm starting not to look good, I'm going to stand up for myself and I'm going to put on lots of oconut.

Host 1 (41:52)

Your thought process should be, fuck, I need to get these decorations done. He's like, but if I'm told to do the decorations, though, I'm not going to go and do the bar. It's like, there's always something to be done on the boat. And I know that we're tired, and if we're. The guests aren't around, I want to see you basically almost running at all times. And he's like, but it's hurt. And so she's like, I'm not personally attacking you. I'm just saying it's a conversation. It's me. It's a collective. It's not really me because I know what I'm doing. And it's basically just you, Mike. A collective you.

Host 2 (42:19)

Yeah, listen, I'm not attacking you personally. All I'm saying is your hair is really stupid.

Host 1 (42:25)

All right?

Host 2 (42:26)

And he's like, all right, well, I agree with that. Yeah, I can approve. I can approve 100%. Like, okay, great. Alicia, you go to bed. You're up at 7 now. Thank you. Well done today, everybody. Except that it wasn't.

Host 1 (42:38)

Yeah. So it's the next morning. Jason's working out and stuff. Ben, Ellie, and Jenna are in the galley and saying hello. And Jenna's like, what was that? Are you saying. Was that something on my mind? Yes. He's like, yes, you. You're on my mind. That was a flirtation right there. Then he's like, it's all you. It's all you. Jenna's like, like, yeah, no competition there, darling. So then guests are sitting for breakfast, and they. The breakfast is coming up, and this is where Annette has the bacon on her fork. And she's basically like, there's just no easy way to eat bacon. It's like, literally very simple choices ahead of you. Take your fingers and put it in your mouth. Take a knife, cut it into a piece, and put it on your fork. It's just really simple.

Host 2 (43:30)

Bacon is literally the easiest thing to eat, you fucking crazy person. I mean, how am I supposed to eat the bacon? And now they bring me a straw. So now it's time for a beach picnic, which we know is always drama. It's below deck. So here we go. It's beach picnic. So they get to this beach picnic, and it's really hot. And everybody's like, why are we doing a beach picnic? It's fucking hot. And that's like, you know what? I'm so hot. Could you send the tender back for my bathing suit? I love sending tenders back to get me things. Okay. Preferably have the captain bring it back for me.

Host 1 (44:09)

Lady, you're going to a beach for a beach picnic. Why did you not bring a bathing suit?

Host 2 (44:13)

And she looks like she's in some kind of like, cover up anyway. She looks like she's in kind of some swim adjacent thing. Like, I don't think that going into the water would hurt what she had on, but I don't know. But she's like, yeah, she just has to be the biggest pain in the ass of all time.

Host 1 (44:27)

It's also like, you've spent most of your day outside on a deck. You know what the weather is. You know exactly how hot it is. You already know it's super hot. You know you're going to a beach, but you didn't think to yourself, oh, I should bring my bathing suit. You just instead went just in a sundress. Like it. Like, like you realize at some point you have to realize that you're the problem here, right? So either way, she makes a simple request. Everyone else goes off to the beach bar. They just leave her in the dust. They do not want to be around her. So Daisy is like, she basically says to Eddie, hey, can you go back to the boat and bring. Bring her swim trunks right back? And he's like, absolutely. So he goes back, he finds them, and then he's just sitting around and he's just putzing around. I'm like, what? What are you doing? Maybe he thought he was waiting for the food, but like, there was like no logic of like, this person wants to swim, but I'm gonna wait for the food to go back. It's like, bring the bathing suit back.

Host 2 (45:24)

No, it's because the food is supposed to be ready. So he's going back to get the swimsuit and he's gonna pick up the food at the same time because if he takes the swimsuit back, then he's gonna be late to pick up the food. Then he's gonna get yelled at by the chef and the guests because the guests are gonna be waiting for their food. I mean, I got the logic of what he was doing, but everything was just a clusterfuck because the food wasn't ready on time. So then he's just like sitting there waiting for the food, and Daisy's freaking out because she doesn't have the bathing suit. And then this lady is being the biggest drama queen in the world and she's like, oh, my God, I'm so hot, I'm gonna faint. I'm getting heatstroke. Oh, my God, what's gonna happen to me? Please hide me. Her husband's like jumping on her to cover her. Like, she's fucking ridiculous. She's the only person on the beach who can't take it. She's like, I'm dying of heat stroke.

Host 1 (46:08)

Now she's lying on the ground. I mean, God forbid she just goes into the ocean.

Host 2 (46:13)

Just go into the water, for fuck sake. My God, you're right there.

Host 1 (46:17)

And everyone there has a full crew. Everyone is there and everyone's fine. 91 degrees. It's hot for sure. But she's acting like she is, you know, Kristen Scott Thomas at the end of the English Patient, it's like, lady, you know, you're just on a beach in the. At a resort. I don't understand why Eddie didn't say, wow, it looks like they're behind the galley. Let me see if I can bring this. This bathing suit back really quickly and then go back like. Like there was just no thought process. He just was hanging out and it was just so passive. It was. It was like stultifying. And, you know, of course Daisy's losing her mind. She's screaming into her phone. She's like, bring me back my bath. Thanks, suit. Because now it's been like 45 to 50 minutes, and the boat is right there, and the bathing suit is nowhere. Like, honestly, Annette is being a drama queen, but given that she made this request, it's crazy that she's been sitting there for 50 minutes without her bathing suit.

Host 2 (47:07)

Yeah. So Jenna tells Eddie, like, they thought you were going to get the suits and go back. And he's like, but I wasn't told that. And so we see a flashback of Daisy telling him to do.

Host 1 (47:17)

Do that.

Host 2 (47:18)

And then on the beach, and it's like, maybe it would just be faster if I went back on the boat. No, maybe it would be faster if you brought your swimsuit to the ocean.

Host 1 (47:26)

Yeah. In the first place. Okay. And then Ben is like, they're getting pretty close to eating, right, Jason? Well, actually, I don't think that. I think they were told that lunch is at one. So I don't think that Eddie was, like, waiting for the food to go back right away. I think that he thought, oh, then

Host 2 (47:43)

I don't know, because, I mean, why else would he be standing there? That's just what I was assuming. But I don't know, maybe he did.

Host 1 (47:49)

I don't know. I don't know.

Host 2 (47:50)

So then Daisy offers Christian a drink, a cold drink. And Annette's like, oh, my God, I'm dying. Well, everything's every. Ever since these guests came on board, everything's been fucking late. I mean, good Lord, the lady's dying. She's on her deathbed. She's finally matching her makeup.

Host 1 (48:07)

So Daisy is mad and everyone's hot. And the other guests are probably just. Just at that beach bar pointing at Annette and laughing like this.

Host 2 (48:15)

They're watching Annette's Health Health bar like a video game. They're like, it's almost depleted.

Host 1 (48:20)

Yes. Scatter. We'll have to see what happens for poor Annette next week because that's where the episode ends. But thank you everyone for being here. Make sure you get your tickets for the crappies in person or virtually by going to watch crappens.com or clicking the link in our bio on Instagram or Twitter. And join our patreon for ad free and for our newsletter and our bonus episodes and for video. Thanks so much for being here and we'll catch you in the next episode of Watch what Crap ends. Bye, everyone.

Host 2 (48:48)

Bye.

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Neal. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogel. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

Host 1 (50:40)

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

Host 2 (50:43)

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Host 1 (50:46)

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish, My favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo.

Host 2 (50:53)

She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manock.

Host 1 (50:55)

Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it. It's Lola Alkalani. Roger that. It's Marlas Rogers, the incredible edible Matthew sisters.

Host 2 (51:13)

She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatball dolls. It's Rebecca Cloud.

Host 1 (51:19)

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

Host 2 (51:24)

We cannot tell a lie.

Host 1 (51:25)

It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing Strike a pose.

Host 2 (51:34)

It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Cootar.

Host 1 (51:39)

We love you guys.

Host 2 (51:47)

Lunch was great, but this traffic is awful. Um, can we stop at a bathroom? Are you alright? I keep having stomach issues after eating, like diarrhea, gas and bloating, abdominal pain and sometimes oily stools. Sound familiar? Those stomach issues may actually be a pancreas issue called exocrine pancreatic insufficiency or epi. Creon pancrelipase may help manage epi. Creon is a prescription medicine used to treat people who can't digest food normally because their pancreas doesn't make enough enzymes. Creon may increase your chance of fibrosing colonopathy, a rare bowel disorder. Tell your doctor if you have a history of intestinal blockage or scarring or thickening of your bowel wall. If you are allergic to pork or if you have gout, kidney problems or worsening of painful swollen joints. Call your doctor if you have any unusual or severe gastrointestinal symptoms or allergic reactions. Take Creon as directed by your doctor and always with food. Do not chew capsules, as this may cause mouth irritation. Other side effects may include blood sugar changes, gas, dizziness, sore throat and cough. These are not all the side effects of Creon. Call 800-633-9110 or visit creoninfo.com to learn more. That's C-E-O ninfo.com I'm asking my doctor about EPI and if Creon could help.