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Guess what happens when there's no Watch what cr. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens.
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Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.
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Hi, Ronnie. How are you?
C
Good. What's going on with you?
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You know, just getting ready for the crappies final stretch. Very exciting. What's going on with you?
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Golden Crappies February 27, this Friday in Hollywood at the Fonda Theater. Get tickets@watchwhatcrappens.com that's also where you find live streaming. Go get them. If you want this episode ad free or you want to watch it on video or you want our newsletter or you want our traders bonus episodes, that is all Patreon stuff, go to patreon.com watch what crappens for all of that good stuff. And today is the season finale of vanderpoop truls Season 12 Episode 12 Cold Pride and Joy.
B
That's right. Good classic Vanderpump rules pride episode full with full of all the petty squabbles you could ever want. And it starts with a brunch shift at sir. And we see Chris walking in into the bathroom and everything and he's like, ugh, time to suck today's dick. Which I mean what a great way to start off the episode
C
and pretty believably too. Yeah, like I bought it. I bought it. I love a for rent boy as the new cast, the new Casting structure on this show. I love it. I will say I didn't think this was a very classic Vanderpump Rules Pride episode. It was like, kind of a How Far We've Fallen Pride episode. I mean, there was nobody there. I think there were 10 people there. They kept, like, grouping everybody in the restaurant together to try and make it look like a lot of people. And then you would see in the background that nobody was there. And. And then all the decorations were like, party City, Gay Pride, cardboard cutout things. I mean, they even had one with words that spelled like, wow, gay pride, motherfuckers. Or something. Like, you know those things that say happy birthday that you string up for, like, the least effort for somebody's birthday. It was sad.
B
Yeah, it's. I mean, the. The scene at SIR is sad these days. I mean, yes, the nightlife in West Hollywood is, you know, not as strong as it used to be, but also, like, SIR is specifically just sadder, you know? And if you think about it, when the original Vanderpump Rules, when it premiered, SIR was probably popping because Lisa Vanderpump was a very popular cast member on a very popular show. But now, Lisa Vanderpump, I don't know if, like, if the appeal is there anymore on the same level that it used to be. It's been a while now, so I don't think it's like, oh, all the Vanderpump Villa fans are coming to sur to see Lisa in person anymore. And, you know, it get, like. I think, you know, Vanderpump Rules sort of snowballed in terms of. In terms of popularity. You know, people would come to SIR to see the people from Vanderpump Rules. They. But I think they initially were coming for Lisa, but now what are they coming for? You know, so it's like, that's a sad situation over there.
C
Yeah. And so everybody's working. Venus and Marcus are chatting, and Venus is like, you want to see some of the shit I ordered for Pride? You gotta look at this shit. So he's showing him on his phone. He's like, I've got pool party stuff going. Gay Pride stuff. I mean, I just ordered, like, rubber duckies. Big on rubber duckies. Why? I don't get it.
B
I don't get the rubber duckies thing at all.
C
What is the rubber ducky thing? It's so weird. It's like, child bathtub, child in a bathtub.
B
It's just weird, hot bathtub. It's kind of giving, like, Katy Perry vibes. Like, it's something that Katy Perry would do. Like, it's bride. Let's put up some rubber duckies. Yeah.
C
And it's really like, straight people doing gay pride type stuff, which, you know, like, yay, allies. That's great. And everything. And it's always kind of been that way at sir, you know, But I would expect the cardboard cutout, shitty party city decorations, and just, you know, the cheapness of it all from the straight people. But, like, you're a gay and you're put in charge. It's worse. I think it's the worst one we've had. What the hell's going on? So he's like, well, I'm a freak when it comes to throwing parties. I did throw a Halloween party last year, and it had a red carpet. But I've never helped organize Halloween for the red carpet. But I've never helped organize an event this large. I mean, the pressure is hot. It needs to be Gaga, gay, Madonna, gay. Cher, gay. Dolly Parton, gay. But we also need something for the lesbians.
B
Yeah, it's like, also something for the lesbians, which I. By the way, I don't think I saw anything for the lesbians in this, I guess. Unless you talk about the waitresses in their bikinis.
C
Yeah, well, those were. Yeah. I mean, those bikinis are terrible. But who makes the bikinis again? Is it Kim who makes the bikinis?
B
No, Angelina.
C
Angelica or Angelica. Yeah.
B
Yeah.
C
So he's like, okay, what's your face. You need to make four or five cocktails. Okay. They need to be colorful. And she's like, okay, I'll show you one. It's Natalie he's talking to.
D
So.
C
So they're making drinks for the gay list. And Kim. We hear Kim chatting with her table, and she's like, okay, did you guys have a sweet tooth? Cause I would say the chicken sandwich is really good. Why is the chicken sandwich sweet?
B
How does that come. How does a chicken sandwich recommendation come on the heels of asking if someone has a sweet tooth? How does that work? This is the problem with sir. This is why attendance is low. Because people come in asking for dessert, and they get a chicken sandwich instead.
C
So Demi brings some drinks out, and she's like, english rose garden, here you go. Doesn't that sound delicious? No one wants to drink an English rose garden either. They need help over there.
B
They really do. So then Chris is talking to Natalie, and he's like, hey, I got your song stuck in my head. Oh, my God. Yeah, that was perfect. Except it goes like this.
E
Passengers.
B
Yeah. It's, like, really catchy. Yeah. Are you so excited about our performance? Yeah, dude. We're gonna, like, kill that shit. Yeah, I definitely feel like we are. We're gonna, like, kill it. Like, it's gonna be a big, big thing. Cause, like, being in the studio and singing in a booth is, like, totally different ball game. Okay. Than singing in front of a live audience. Okay. Cause, like, when you're singing in front of, like, 12 people in a studio, it's a lot scarier to then sing in front of about 25 people in a restaurant. Yeah.
C
Then Marcus gives Kim a kiss, and they're. And Demi's like, not on the floor. Not on the floor. Not on the floor.
B
Oh, yeah.
C
You're such a mini Lisa. You were, like, such a min. You guys, what. What pink drink should we use, like, pumptini for, like, penis pumptini. We'll garnish it with, like, different. You know, we'll garnish it differently. Maybe with penises. Because it's pride.
B
Yeah, with penises. Yeah, exactly. And Marcus is like, well, what's. What's that? Because she has. I think this is when she has her blue drink, and Natalie's like, this is my pride drink. It's blue. It's like. But what's the name of it? How about Aquamarine? It just, like, came to me. Oh, my God. Oh, wait, no, that was Kim who said that. Wait, Kim, you do it. How about Aquamarine? It just came to me. Yay. Gay pride. Kim's contribution.
C
They're like, that's not gay Kim. Pretty gay guys.
B
That's so gay. Kim came up with, like, the gayest name ever for a cocktail. Why are you taking away from Kim? It's so gay. Kim, I'm totally on your side. We're sisters again. Okay. I love your gay suggestions.
C
Marcus is like, yeah, it's not gay enough. Marcus says, my true belief is that there's no one in the world that's just 100% totally straight. I mean, except for Kimberly. Like, for me personally, I'm, like, at least 10% gay. And at the end of the day, you get penis for penis. And this drink needs to scream cock and balls. It needs to.
B
I like that. He had to clarify that Kimberly is 100% straight. I guess maybe there was an issue with that or something. Like, Kim's the last band. Like, no, she's straight, man. She's straight. But, yeah, he's saying he's got, like, a little gay in him or enough gay in him that he can name A cocktail. So he's like, yeah, what about Blue Balls? That's a good one. Blue balls. Demi's like, oh, my God. I actually like that look. Can you see by the smile on my face how happy I am? I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Demi, you're frowning. It's my happy frown.
C
Oh, it's my blue balls frown. Why is blue balls gay? Just because it says balls?
B
I think so. I don't think.
D
I don't think.
C
I think blue balls are straight guys, I'll tell you that.
B
Yeah, I think it needs to have a pop culture name, like, just got. Just call it, like Gaga. Like the Gaga. Call it the Bluker face or born this blue or, you know, I don't know, Blue Romance. Like, that's all, which is an actual name of a song. But, like, you just have to just make it a Gaga pawn and we'll all be like, yes, queen.
E
Yes, bride.
C
I'm more of an Adele gay. I'd be like, just call it Somebody broke up with me.
B
Well, if they were smart, they could call the true blue, which is a Madonna song.
C
Why am I so lonely all the time? I have no catchy drink names. They're just like Adele themed. I'm exhausted and I don't know why.
B
Set fire to the rain.
C
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
B
Hello from the other cocktail.
C
Hello from a better restaurant.
B
I know. Hi. What if we have two cherries as the garnish? They look like testicles. Wouldn't that be amazing? Like, oh, my God, Natalie.
C
Yeah, and Venus. Thank God there's a gay guy here to name a drink. He's like, can we get one that's called butt slut?
B
Marcus is like, that just doesn't sound like a drink that I want to drink. Yeah, but like, you want to drink a Blue Balls, huh? And Natalie goes, yes, batch.
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C
Now we go to Angelica's new apartment in West Hollywood. Wow. She's doing really well. She got a new apartment. She got new boobs. She's killing it. So, yeah, Demi and Kim come visit and they come in and Angelica's like, oh, my God, walk in.
B
I love that.
D
I got a new place.
C
I got a new place. And Demi's like, you have a new cat too. And she's like, I do. His name is Midnight. Everything's new. What did you do that you just got this much money?
B
She has like a full grown cat. It's like not even a kitten. I was like, yeah, that. So Demi's like, oh, my God. You have a washer and a dryer. That's very important. I'm so happy for you. Can't you tell by the way I'm scowling right now?
E
Yeah, I know. And I have a kitchen, guys.
B
I have a kitchen.
E
Wait, look, look, look. What do you want? Do you want red, white, Red or white for wine? Look, it's amazing.
B
White. So they get, they get wines and everything. She's only five minutes from work, which is good.
C
I'm expensive. What is she.
B
I know.
C
That's an expensive. What is your job? What is it? So Demi's like, well, you can put your coffee down, Kimberly, because Kimberly's double fisting with coffee and red wine. She's like, what? I'm totally straight.
B
What?
C
So Kim's like, you're gonna pry my coffee from my cold, dead hands? I'm Kim and I love coffee. It's my thing.
B
It's totally like my personality that I've decided to have in the final episode. So Angelica's like, huh?
E
I no longer have to share closets with a man. So I have two closets to myself. I love it.
B
Like, oh, my God, So nice. It's so nice. It's so nice.
E
Oh, my God.
B
It's, like, so nice. It's, like, so nice. They're complimenting her. And then Angelica's like, guys, the comedy routine last night, I just felt like it was, like, a personal attack at the end, like, to be honest, because there was, like, a lot of, like, personal things that I went through, and she turned it into a joke, and I didn't want to leave, but I have to have a boundary, and if you're going to say those things, if you're going to publicly humiliate me, then I don't want to stick around. Hi.
C
You're on Vanderpump Rules, by the way.
B
It was a personal attack.
C
Yeah, it was a personal attack, but you're also on Vanderpump Rules, and you've been publicly humiliated for 12 episodes. But she's like, yeah, everybody's saying these are the same jokes we make among each other. But what she said about me was deeply rooted, rooted in insecurity, and she knew it. And I'm. You know, I'm walking out the door, and she still didn't get enough. And she's right, you know, Audrey was damn wrong for that. And it's crazy how nobody really stands up for her in this.
B
It is wild. I mean, Audrey was. Audrey was being mean. There's. There were no punch lines there. She was just airing out dirty laundry in front of strangers, and it was obnoxious. And, yes, I think someone should have defended Angelica.
C
Yeah. And to me's like, well, at least she says stuff about you. Like, she didn't say anything about me. That's, like, rude. She goes, you know what? And then Shane called me this morning, though, and I was really surprised because he ran after me. I was like, he didn't run after me. He ran after your boobs.
B
Yeah.
C
Admittedly. I mean, even Shane's like, oh, it's
D
gonna be hard to resist those titties.
B
Yeah. And they're like, yeah, that was crazy, because wasn't he there on a date? Like, yeah, he was. He, like, definitely left the dates. That meant that you got a very good boob job. So Angelica's like, yeah.
E
He just asked if that was okay. It was, like, really sweet.
B
And Kim's like, so what's the answer? Like, are you gonna say yes?
E
She's well, I said, I'm talking to someone new.
B
So they're like, okay, good for you. Good for you for not falling back into Shane's evil ways.
C
Jimmy's like, oh, my God. But you Picked him up from lax. Like, do you love the new guy or what? Because like that's crazy. That's a big deal. I mean, anybody who lives in LA knows that going to LAX is a nightmare. Like if I do that for a guy, like that means we're getting married.
E
She goes, yeah, I wouldn't do it just for anyone. Like I would, I would do it for YouTube, but like I wouldn't do it for Audrey.
C
Well, did he test out your new boobs? She goes, no, I told him not
D
to touch them because, you know, they're so stiff right now.
C
You guys like, Yep, fresh out the shop. So then we go to Chris and Jason's apartment in Marina and Chris is preparing some food and it is definitely workout guy food. Cause it's like a little salad, you know, and it's one of those balsamic and cranberry and nut salad. So the salad, but then it's like a boiled chicken breast.
B
Yeah, it's just this reminds me of like the food I used to prepare for myself when I first moved to la. I didn't know how to cook. So I would get a bag of salad, one of those salads, and I would like make a little salad on the side and I just take a chicken breast and put it in the Foreman grill and I would just grill a chicken breast. Maybe I put like one of those pre made marinades on it and that was my meal. I would eat that every single night because I didn't know how to cook. And I'll tell you one thing, I was in the best shape of my life. I never looked better than when I was eating nothing but chicken breast and salad.
C
That's how it works. So yeah, learning to cook education is deadly, guys. Never educate yourself. Stay ignorant and thin. So Chris is, Chris is like, wow, I cook for you. She's like, oh my God, you made all this food? That's crazy. He's like, yeah, like I haven't really shown my romantic side to Audrey. So yeah, I bought some chicken breast and I want to show her, you know, I care about her. However, I want to be realistic. And you know, I'm traveling a lot. I'm going to Jersey, I'm going to Europe, going to being some bad bitches in Bali. So I just need to make sure we're on the same page.
B
He's like, I want to show her my romantic side and then tell her she can't have that side. But I don't want to get her hopes up too high. So I'm Just going to make her chicken breasts.
C
Yeah. A week after I told her that I wanted a commitment and that I only want us, and we are all I think about. So he's like, hey, I didn't know what flowers to get you, so I just got you some flower flowers. These are called flowers. And she's like, mm, okay. Yeah. I was like, let me just get what reminds me of you. So I wanted to get you flowers that you don't really have to water much because I'm not really around. So I got you plastic flowers. I hope that's cool. Plastic flower flowers.
B
I got you the most romantic flowers of all, tulips. I don't know what the. I mean, we all like tulips, but I feel like tulips are not romantic flowers, right? Like, it doesn't. You don't have to give someone roses. That's so on the nose. But I feel like a bouquet of tulips feels almost, like, platonic, right?
C
I don't know. I mean, aren't tulips like, super temporary and they only bloom once in a while? Like, they only bloom once a year or something?
B
I thought there was, like, more orchids.
C
Oh, no. Because aren't there. Like, didn't we go to those tulip. Where were we? That there were tulips? And everyone's like, oh, my God, it's tulip time. You're here for tulip time. It's crazy. They only grow once every 20 years. We're like, wow, my God, we're here for tulip time.
B
I forgot what happened. Was it because we watched the Real Housewives of Orange county and they went to Amsterdam and they went out to the tulip fields?
C
No, because we had already done that when we were on our European tour. One of the places we were in, maybe it was Switzerland. I don't know. One of the places we were in for our tour. Yeah, Sweden. Sorry.
B
Oh, maybe it was.
C
I think was to tulip time. So anyway, I don't know if that's romantic or not, but I'm not a very romantic person. I would have been fine with bread with my salad. I mean, if a guy who worked out gave me a salad, I would be like, gross. But then if he gave me bread, I would be like, this man wants to marry me.
B
Well, there is a very important Reddit thread that says which flowers are platonic and which are romantic. So the top thing says all flowers are emotional. You provide the emotions when you gift them. Okay, thanks a lot, face of a dead goat.
C
Yeah, thanks a Lot person with no standards.
B
Yeah, someone's. Okay. No one has any good answers. Everyone is getting very academic. Someone's like, well, as far as historians can tell us, the Aztecs worship sunflowers and believe them to be. Everyone's showing off their flower knowledge in this thread without actually answering the question. So it makes me very upset.
C
Yeah, that's right.
B
So I guess we can't get to the bottom of this.
C
Well, if someone wants to get me a romantic flower, it might suggest wheat, because that's the most romantic flower.
B
Oh, someone says tulips. Someone says tulips tend to be pretty romantic coded. Okay.
C
I mean, I guess Trader Joe's. Whatever it is, he walked into the Trader Joe's. Whatever was on sale, he got it.
B
I don't know. For me, personally, I love a tulip, but I just feel like they look a little bit more like friend vibes than they do romantic vibes. I don't know why. I can't say.
C
I never really thought about it. To fall apart and die in two seconds.
B
To me, you have to see them at one time of the year.
C
Yeah. So Chris is like, yeah, I didn't know her favorite flower. The producer says, did you know that her favorite flower is tattooed on her arm? And he goes, uh, yeah. Yeah, I did know that. Okay, well, what is it? It's tulip. It's a rose. It's a sunflower. And then Audrey shows it. She's like, it's a stargazer lily. You can buy it at Trader Joe's.
B
But I like that. He's like, you know, he got her tulips. And the producer says, do you know that her favorite flower tattooed on her arm? He goes, yeah, it's a tulip. He does not know that at all. He just wants to make his choice seem, like, more thoughtful. So the producer says to him, it's a lily. And he goes, what the is a lily? I mean, Chris, come on now. Let's not be. I mean, I know you're on Only Fans. I know you're. I know you're like, you're. You're known for your looks over your. Over your. Over. Over other things, but you got to know what a lily is. Come on, now.
C
Yeah, so they start talking about last night, and he's like, yeah, you were savage, but you did hold back on me, though. She goes, yeah, I did hold back on you because I was, like, focusing on people that deserved, like, the roasting. And typically, I stand up for the men on this show and attack the women. So anyways, how are you feeling since, like, we talked at the bar and we see a flashback to him being like, oh, yeah, I just want you. I want us. You're all I think about.
B
Yeah. And so he's like, you know, we. We talked about a lot, and we didn't really, like, I don't know, kind of get to where we, like, want to be. Because, like, I know how I think of it is. And, like, you know, it's been, like, two months. And me personally, I feel like we've been going fast because, like, we work together. He's basically saying gobbledygook. And he is the one again who at Universal Studios is like, I'm all in. I'm ready to marry you and have children with you. And now he's like, I just think that we're going too fast. And she goes, yeah, it does feel fast. Yeah. Well, we hang out a lot outside of work, and we hang out with, like, the whole group. And if you weren't so amazing, I would have, like, been slower. But, like, time flies with you. So, like, I'm not even, like, trying to sound charming, because I'm, like, being super charming right now, aren't I? And, like, everything. I just feel like if we keep doing what we're doing, communicating and having fun, I just want to do, like, more stuff and, like, when I have the time, you know? And, like, he just basically is sounding like AI Slop. It's just like, a whole bunch of, like, buzzwords and phrases that's actually saying nothing at all right now.
C
He's basically backing slowly into a bush, like Homer Simpson, just, like, very slowly backing away. And she's like, so I don't really understand what your expectations are for the summer. He goes, I'm going to be hanging out with you until I leave. And I mean, we got a whole month, but, like, you know, when we're gone, I just. I don't know, you know, I want to protect your feelings. And I want to protect my feelings, too, you know, because, like, maybe bad bitches in Bali will hurt my feelings, you know? And so, like, that's why I'm like, boundaries. You know, boundaries get confusing.
B
So what is he talking about? He literally is making no sense. The moment he says, I want to protect your feelings is the moment he's saying, I want to bang other people, and I don't want you to get upset.
C
Yeah, that's what he's saying. He's saying it in a very long way. He goes, yeah, and, you know, I Don't know where your feelings are, but you know, mine are simple, you know, until, like, until you're my girlfriend, you know, which is when I would grill the chicken breast and she's like, like, so wait until I'm like your girlfriend. It's like open date. Is that what you're saying? He goes, well, I mean, like. I mean, say it like that. It's not. We're not skating. Like, everybody can skate now, but like, being away from someone that long is a long time to me. And, you know, a lot can change in that time, you know.
B
And she's like, yeah. Then he finally says what is really on his mind. He goes, I mean, God forbid I fucking meet a random girl that I end up liking. Why would she say it? And she's like, God forbid I wind up meeting a random girl that I wind up liking. Real great, great line there for someone that you're trying to break up with.
C
I mean, hypothetical, hypothetical, hypothetical. Like, I don't want there to be anyone random, but like, it's almost like if something happens, you know, she goes, what does he mean? I mean, I broke up with him because he's not committing to me, and he told me he wants to commit to me and I took him back. And now you want to fuck? Was like, what? What is happening?
B
Because I think I'm saying too much. I'm like, you somehow are saying too much and nothing at all at the same time. And she goes, well, what I think you're saying is you want to keep going how we're going, and if something were to come along, that you wouldn't be upset at me and I wouldn't be upset at you if something better came along. He's like, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's pretty simple.
E
Yeah, pretty much that.
B
Like, everything's fine here, but we could probably both do better, right?
C
It's like I feel like I'm in a psycho ward. Like, I need grippy socks on my feet.
D
Okay.
C
Like, he just. The male species never ceases to amaze me. So what do you think changed? I think it was the stand up.
B
I think that. I think he started to realize, you know, I am going on this trip and like, why? Why, like, this girl, why would I. Why would I sacrifice banging bad bitches just for this girl who already dumped me?
C
But here's why I don't think it's that. Because first of all, he knew already that he was going to Bali. He already knew all this. And also, he's doing this on camera. I mean, this is the season finale. All he had to do was just go through a normal episode. It's not like he's dating her right now anyway. He didn't have to have this big date scene with her. He could have just gone through the Gay Pride party, been done with it, and then been like, well, you know, we grew apart when I was out of town and whatever and not had to deal with it. But to distance himself like that on camera is weird that he had to make like a big scene out of it. Also, it's shitty that he made her drive all the way to Marina because, you know anyone who lives in this town? No, that's like going to la. It's worse than going to lax. It's further. So to make someone drive all the way to Marina Del Rey to dump them over a boiled chicken, I think it was a stand up. I think he was like, she's not nice. I don't. You know, it was nice to have her on our side when she was like arguing in our favor for the onlyfans thing. But she's mean and I don't want to be publicly associated with her.
B
Or it could be something.
C
I have my onlyfans reputation to worry about.
B
Yeah. Or it could be something much simpler, which is that like a really hot girl messaged him on IG and he's like, fuck, I want to go this direction instead, you know?
C
Yeah. What if she comes to Pride and then I'll get in trouble or something. I don't know. So now Markus. So she's like, okay, so we're together. Unless we meet other people.
D
People?
C
And he's like, yeah, unless we meet other people. Okay, great. Glad we had this talk. Do you want a Ziploc to take that chicken home with? Because I got things to do. I've got a life coming up.
B
I know. I got to go meet some people who will hopefully replace you someday. So Marcus is goes to a DJ shop with Shane, the International House of Music. And so Marcus is like, yeah, I'm here to get a mixing word in my full setup going, you know, I mean, to be honest, I think it's pretty super cool that Venus asked me to be a DJ at Pride, you know, And Shane's like, ha. So that's a big deal for sir right? Pride? It's like, yeah, dude, I think that's probably like the most are doing for Pride since I worked there. It's gonna be a big deal. I mean, the Coolest thing about DJing to me is putting together the entire Vibe for everyone. I just gotta make sure I'm ready. And I crush it. By the way, why is Venus having Marcus be the DJ for Gay Pride if Marcus is involved in setting the tone? Don't you want to have a gay person setting the tone for the Gay Pride?
C
Exactly. Well, that's the whole thing, you know? There's one gay guy, and he's at Party City, so I don't know. I don't get it. So he's like, yeah, I'm likely, like, really into, like, competitive DJing, bro. Like, I'm going to be like, people are going to be there, and then I'm going to be, like, dropping the beat. That's how it works, Marcus.
D
And so he's like, yeah, you envision it, though. Like, look, think about it. You're in Vegas, bro. There's, like, a huge fucking crowd. There's shades on indoors, bro. Yeah. Winning
B
Marcus is like, yeah, I should just throw them on right now. I'm just joking. I would never put shades on inside. Like, that's, like, even too bold for me. Yeah, that's crazy.
C
All right, now I'd like you all to gather round for emotional corner. Come on, everybody, gather round. This is good.
B
Yeah.
D
So Shane's like, well, I'm glad we Talked about you DJing, but, you know, I'm having some things going on in my mind right now. Cause, you know, I gotta be honest with women. And I do think that I do that, right? Cause I'm so honest with women. But then when I think about it, I'm like, part of me, why it's hard to commit is because what I get terrified about, like, what about all the other chicks? Like, there's this one chick right here, but there's another one. And then you go to the grocery store, there's one checking out. Then there's one checking out. The lady who's checking out. It's like, oh, my God. There's so many chicks at the same time. They're everywhere you look. It's almost like it's half of the population.
E
What are you supposed to do?
B
Well, bro, hooking up with other chicks or missing out? Are you interested in hooking up with other chicks or you just missing out on the validation from other chicks?
D
Yeah, well, I think that the hookup is the finale of the validation. Yeah.
B
I've seen patterns in my life where I've used women very similarly to the way I've used drugs. Have you ever tried to snort a woman? It's crazy, man. At one point in my Life. I did 15 months of no dating and no sex, and I actually went through a real withdrawal. And the validation from women and the intrigue with women, the sex with women, all of that has been used as a way to avoid my own emotions.
D
Sad laugh, dude.
C
I think, like, the middle path is, like, finding a super special one girl and then you just cheat on her a lot, you know? And then the validation you'll ever need is. Is when she finds out or she suspects it, and then she gets mad that you were missing.
D
He's like, oh, wow. Yeah, that sounds good.
C
He's like, yeah. And once you start going on that path, you feel more validated and fulfilled, you know?
D
And he's like, yeah, yeah, okay. Right. I guess that works for some people. I don't really get it. One time I tried to smoke a girl. She was like, ow, that burned. And I was like, sorry.
B
Hey, you know what the best part about being with Kimberly is? What's up? What's that, bro? Anytime something cool happens or I have good news, or I've got someone to call and share that with, and then she says, why didn't you tell me sooner? I said, well, I just found out. She goes, I don't believe you. And I said, it's true. And she goes, I don't know if I trust you anymore. And I say, you know what? We're broken up. And then we break up and we get together a week later. That's the best part. Yeah.
C
I'm going to play this guitar while I talk about something really romantic. You know, Kim could be pregnant right now. It's really funny. I know, like, all her days, her period days. I know her ovulation days. You want to know why? Because she showed me on an app one day, and I just remember clocking it in. And I was like, yeah, we'll see. So, you know, that's why you need a chick. So you can just memorize when she's ovulating.
B
Hey, bro, listen. I genuinely care about. What's her. What's her name again? What's her name? The one. The boobs. New boobs. New boobs girl. I really care about her a lot.
D
Oh, right. Angelica. Angelica. Right, right, right.
B
Yeah.
D
But I do, though, right? Like, I genuinely care about Angelica and her boobs. And, like, it upset me when the crowd turned on her, you know? I'll be real with you, bro. Like, there's still potential there. I just saw her as this girl, this girl getting mocked and made fun of. I really wanted to fuck her in that moment, bro.
B
Yeah, I'm open to getting to us, going to real slow, possibly entering something like my face entering the space between her boobs. And I don't buy Angelica seeing someone new as a threat. I feel it was her way of saying act quickly Shane, please. And that's you know. And I'm now acting quickly as in I want to quickly put my hands all over those nice big chesticles.
D
Well, I came here to find you DJ equipment and I ended up finding my soul. My soul is what I found today, bro. I'm addicted to women.
B
Yeah, you should really get paid for this.
E
Commercials.
B
Here comes one right now.
E
This is a Monday.com ad, the same Monday.com designed for every team. The same Monday.com with built in AI scaling your work from day one the same Monday.com with an easy and intuitive setup. Go to Monday.com and try it for free.
C
So he's proud of his bro for like having that moment in the guitar store.
D
Yeah.
C
And then Marcus buys like kind of a cheapy DJ set thing and they're off, you know, and he's like, yeah, I just think me seeing Angelica and Kimberly's friendship is like crazy. Like, you know, maybe we could go on a double date or something. And he's like, yeah, but then what
D
if we're on a double date and there's another girl who comes by? What am I gonna do, bruh?
B
So then it's Audrey's apartment in Koreatown and she is in the kitchen with Parker. Parker's doing great work as gay best friend in the sitcom. And he's like making coffee or something. He's like, you look happy. She goes, I'm fucking ecstatic. You know, ready for pride. He's like, I'm so ready for pride. She goes, me too.
C
Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm going to stop doing these dishes right now. These dishes can wait. Why so down, hun?
B
Well, I'm just going to have to see about, you know, I'm going to have to see what's his face at the bar, you know.
C
Chris? Are you talking about Chris?
B
Yes, yes, Chris. Chris. God, you were really slow on your cue there Parker. But I'm going to have to talk to you him today. And he's gonna be like, well I thought we're on the same page and I'm gonna be like actually no, because I'm like on a completely different page. You ever like share a book with a friend and you're on different parts of the book? That's where we're at right now, different pages.
C
Holy shit. Mary Faith, where did you come from? Mary Faith, that little ghoul is just, like, suddenly standing right next to him. He's like, oh, God, Mary Faith, please do not walk up on people when you're not even bothering to suntan.
B
Did Mary Faith always look like that? I feel like at the beginning of the season, Mary Faith looked like some waspy blonde girl with a horse. And now she's like, hello.
C
No. Yeah, she's like, like, super pale goth chick.
B
Like, she may have been super pale goth all this time, but I guess because her name is Mary Faith and she has a horse, I just always associate imagined her as just, like a waspy blonde girl. And it turns out she's very emo and she's got, like, chains on, like, a lock.
C
And like, yeah, she's like, Wednesday Addams. So she's just right there. He's like, goddamn, Mary Faith. Jesus.
B
It's like, hi, I just like to teleport in the mornings. Jesus, Mary Faith.
C
So Parker's like, okay, listen, me and Mary Faith love you, okay? And we love him, too, but y' all are not for each other. I mean, it's just a waste of time, girl. It's a waste of time, okay? And those dishes don't clean themselves. So are you pep talked up? And she's like, oh, my God, you guys. Like, y' all are so harsh. I'm just like, I'm upset, okay? It's been eight weeks. And he made me a sandwich and he poured some champagne. And he was like, I want to be more romantic with you, but I also want to see other people. I mean, who says that?
B
And then Parker, being the good gay that he is, is like. And he didn't even give you that vase. That's our fucking vase for his flowers.
C
You see those tulips? Those were in my vase because Chris couldn't even care enough to get me a vase.
B
She's like, had a whole hour drive back home where I was like, I don't like how that conversation went at all. And I just felt like I just kind of, like, rolled over and was like, yeah, I'm fine with us being open. And, like, I don't know. I just. Because I just didn't expect him to say that. And like a week or two earlier, he was like, I'm not seeing other people. I don't want to see other people. And Parker's like, well, there's too many things that aren't working, including a non existent vase, okay? Besides the fact that he might want to see other people. You don't even love him.
C
It's like, well, I never said I loved him. Yeah, and he doesn't even love you. Whoa, Parker. Jesus. Mary Faith's like, good one.
D
Good one.
B
Parker, high five.
C
Got her on that.
B
You want to go ride horses later?
C
I'm not listening. I'm not talking to you, Mary Faith, you fucking human embodiment for tortilla. Just stand there.
B
Mary Faith is like, I'm going to an audition for several horror movies later today. So Audrey's like, I was going to go into that moment with Chris thinking that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. Because I thought that's where we were at. And I thought the page. That was the page we were on. Remember when I said we're on different pages? I thought we were on the same page in that moment, and homeboy was on a completely different book. Not even the same page, a different book. I got whiplash after that one book. Whiplash.
C
But he is gonna be in a Speedo. Oh, gosh. I don't know. I'm gonna be like, it's not working. He's gonna be like, what? And I'm gonna be like, we're over. And then he's gonna be like, huh,
B
Totally, girl. That was so articulate, what you just said.
C
It's Pride Day.
B
She pretty much called it.
C
She pretty much called it. So we go to Pride Day, and Venus is chatting with Israel, and he's like, okay, so we got one. I'm gonna start working all the, like, putting up the floaties. And I've got rubber duckies coming. It's a big day for rubber duckies. And then Angelica and Natalie are gonna be here. I'm gonna have them help. But we're gonna be blowing shit up, Israel. Blowing shit up.
B
Israel's like, we've got so much to do. It's like, I know. And we only have one hour. Let's get to work. Put up some rubber duckies. You know, where I grew up, I never got to embrace being gay. So to be able to host Pride at Sir is such an honor. Cause it truly makes me feel like I escaped my past and. And I'm living in a future that I always dreamed of, which is being out and proud and made fun of by other gays for loving rubber duckies.
C
So they're like, wow, sounds fun. So Natalie comes, and everybody's just setting up and stuff, you know? And Israel's like, oh, wow. Nice of you to show Up Natalie, she goes, are you kidding me? Because I threw up all over myself in my Uber, okay? That's why I'm late. And I'm not sorry about it. I wasn't even sick. I wasn't even partying, okay? It's called car sickness, which everybody in my age range seems 90% of people in my age range get car sickness now. It's just a thing.
B
She puked on herself. On the way to pride, Angelica's like, I'm excited.
E
It's my first bride. Well, actually I've done pride before, but like new Angelica with boobs first pride.
B
Natalie's like, oh, my God. And like, you're like a big part of it with these outfits. Like, so nice. I love them.
E
I know. I think we're going to go with shorts. But I told Demi and Kim that, like, I just don't like the way that my shorts look. So I'm gonna wear a skirt, guys. And I just, like, didn't want to say, like, I did want to say that I talked to Kim about the whole situation with Audrey the other night and she said that you asked how I was. And I just want to say that I say that I, I really appreciate that.
C
I don't know why.
B
Like, I talked to Kim and she told me what you said and I want to say that you. I believe it too. And I told Kim that I'm going to say this to you as well.
C
Saying. And there's no way that I was going to stay at that stand up event because, like, people were telling her, like, hey, Angelica was really offended and she was hurt and all she did was roll her eyes and didn't even reach out. So that's how I know she meant to insult me because she doesn't even fucking care. She meant to insult you because she insulted you and then she insulted you again. And then she insulted you again. And as you left, she insulted you. How many signs did you need, Angelica? I love that. Angelica's like, I figured it out. She meant to insult me.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You figured it out.
C
So Venus is working. He's like, woo, girl, I can't breathe. I just did a lot of blowing. And Angelica's still going on. She's like, I mean, she didn't reach out to me and be like, my jokes offended you. I'm sorry. But she didn't.
B
Venus tells us the amount of times Angelica has roasted Jason, you would think that she could take a joke. I just didn't want to step on Jason's toes and Then we see a montage of Angelica being really mean to Jason about his height and everything.
C
Not a terrible point, but it doesn't exactly work because Angelica roasted Jason. Yeah. And she thought it was funny, but nobody else did. And everybody else stood up for Jason and said that it was super, super mean. And then Jason had a fit about it, and everybody else had a fit about it. So you guys can't act like, oh, wow, why is she so sensitive when you guys have been crying for three weeks?
B
And also, I think Angelica thought she was being funny and she wasn't. Whereas Audrey knew she wasn't being funny. Audrey knew she was just straight up insulting this girl. And Audrey also was very sanctimonious about it earlier and now has, like, changed her tune and is being kind of, like, really rude with her stand up set. So Venus. That Venus, whatever. They have to open up their stores. They can't talk about anymore. Not store, but the restaurant. They're gonna open it up. Pride is sir. Is open for pride. So everyone's getting ready, and there's a lot of, like, hubbub. And everyone's looking at the outfits, and Parker's like, ooh, coochie mama. Mary Faith. Oh, my God, I didn't know you'd be wearing the bathing suit too. Wow, that was not what I was expecting. A lot of pale skin.
C
Venus is like, oh, my God, you guys, we're almost ready. I even have a gay towel. It's got sperm all over it. Natalie's like, yeah. I was like, fuck, yeah, I saw that. So Demi, Kim, and Marcus come up, and Kim's like, oh, my God, I've never seen my boobs like this before. What are we wearing? Look crazy. They look crazy in those swimsuits. I can't believe they had to go to work in those.
B
I know. It is crazy. So everyone's saying hello to Marcus. Everyone's saying hi. Everyone's saying hello, hello, hello. And Audrey is. There's like an awkwardness because Audrey and Angelica are both at the hostess stand. And Angelica's saying, I just feel like every time I meet her, it's like a new Audrey. And then I think I figured it out. They say that women don't finish developing their frontal lobe until about age 25, and I'm age 26. So Audrey's 22 and she's still got a few screws loose. Oh, my gosh.
C
I think you've got a few your years a few years left too.
B
Okay. I don't think anyone who works at this Place has any frontal lobe development. I'll just say it right there.
C
Yeah. I think your first day of work, like, Nathalie comes out and, like, lobotomizes you or something. Like, the front lobe is not going to lobe. Okay. For any of you. So Audrey's like, oh, can I get some glitter? I just need body glitter. And Angelica's like, oh, I can't even believe.
D
It's not a ball of anything to me.
C
So the boy. The twins arrive wearing jeans and hats and looking all hot and freshly waxed. And Chris is like, there's a snake in my pants, guys. Watch out.
B
And they're talking about doing, like, body paint and everything. And Chris wants to have an arrow that points to his crotch. And Audrey's like, ugh, I still think he's hot, but now I have to make him all sad when he looks good. Like, he's in cowboy hat and boots. That's, like, exactly my type on paper. Then they get into Speedos.
C
Yeah. So they're putting on Speedos and stuff. And Chris is like, oh, my God, I'm. I've got to see if my balls can sure take this pressure, sir.
B
Take. Is that new branding from the restaurant? Sortake. Yeah.
C
So they're talking about underboob and stuff like that as the girls get dressed. And Angelica's like, oh, my God, Why do they expect me to know their size when they pump it up anyways? How am I supposed to know the speedo sizes? So now Venus is like, oh, my God. Everybody get to work. This is gay prep. We have stuff to do. And Chris is like, yeah, I need to look like. I need to, like, grow a little bit because I, like, have three legs today, so pretty big.
B
Now that is like, you guys, you know, we're singing in, like, an hour. Apparently, there's gonna be, like, a platform, and I just, like, don't know how big it is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm getting so nervous. I'm gonna puke on myself all over again. And Chris is like, yeah, I'm just gonna do, like, a little body roll. Like. Yeah, exactly. Body rolls and vibes. Yes.
C
So Lisa comes, and even Lisa's pride, like, did she let Venus decorate her for pride? What the fuck is she wearing for pride? She's wearing one of her. Her hats. But she's had somebody glue, like, weird party city feather things to the. It looked like, hey, Lisa, come on.
B
It looked like a bachelor party cake, but the stripper had already, like, jumped out of it, and she was wearing it on her head like an exploded cake on her head full of feathers. Yeah. Holy shit.
C
So she tells us why she likes Gay Pride. And it's because she has a nephew. And he was gay when he was three or four years old. I used to call him. Oh, I used to buy him My Little Pony. And little did he know that his family would all celebrate him for being the wonderful person that he is. Maybe I can't buy every little kid My Little Pony, but I can throw a great party in their honor. And that is all you're getting from me today.
B
Lisa's My Little Pony gay Savior story. That's amazing. You just let me know if there's a gay toddler in your midst, and I will give them My Little Pony. It is my duty in this world. Broken birds and little gay childs.
C
So now Pride starts, and everyone's dancing around 10 people come, and Shane comes in.
D
He's like, oh, Angelica.
C
And the producer asks Angelica if the LAX boy knows about Shane.
D
He did ask me last night, like, did they film you kissing? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, did you kiss in a bed? And I was like, I don't think so.
C
Maybe. And we see a flashback of them kissing in bed, and so they talk, and she's like, do you want to change into a pink swim short?
D
He's like, oh, yeah. All right, sounds great. I'm ready to work.
B
And then Marcus is like, hey, everyone, thanks for coming out tonight. For Pride, I'm 10% gay. Kim is 100% straight, though. She just wants me to say that to you all again. 100%. Don't even try anything with her. Okay, everyone.
C
So Venus takes the stage to give his speech because he bought Party City decorations, so why not? So he's like, hey, welcome to Gay Pride, everybody. I'm a badass bitch.
D
I'm Venus.
C
I grew up in a town where you couldn't be gay.
D
It was bad.
C
Nobody knew I was gay. They were all shocked. It was a whole town of people who couldn't see or hear.
D
And then I realized when I went
C
to Sally's one day, I found a crimper, a hair crimper.
D
And then I knew.
C
And I got on the bus and crimped my hair.
D
And that's it. Give me some dick.
C
And like, oh, my God, that was beautiful, Venus. That was beautiful.
B
So then Chris is like, let's get drunk. So Shane pulls Angelica to go outside to have a conversation. And Shane is like, hey. So I'm just. You know, I wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings on that trip, you know, because at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And I do like getting to know you. But wouldn't it be nice if at the end of the day, you got more boobs for. More boobs? Because that's what I'm kind of thinking about these days. So I do kind of want to go on more dates with you. I'd like to feel your breasts. I want to know how heavy they are, how round they are, and that the nipples give you a little indent in your palms and you touch them real hard. These are the things I'm just thinking about.
D
Yeah, but like, how do you know
C
you're not just bored of the girl that you were talking to?
D
He's like, I don't think that's it. It's not it. I connect with you, and I think that you feel that. And I think you know what I'm talking about. And I think that you've got a stamp in your purse. And if I pull out my penis, you could stamp it. Validate it. Validate my penis. Do it.
B
Yeah. I really appreciate that so much, Erica. It's Angelica, whatever your name is. I just see boobs.
C
So she's like, well, I mean, if
D
you're seeing somebody, I mean, that's okay.
C
She's like, well, I mean, not officially.
D
I mean, like, I started talking to somebody else, and it was a really long. Because we were driving back from lax.
B
I just think you're such girlfriend material and you're so loyal. Like, you know, you just. I mean, boobs. You got. Got really big boobs now.
D
Well, I mean, I like you, too. So there you go. It's like, okay, then we're in a good spot. And we know that at least. Yeah, that's really nice.
C
So she sits on his lap and they kiss. And so they're like.
B
But he's like, wait. He's basically like, yeah. I think, like, okay, cool. We're in a good spot. And she, like, gets up and sits on his lap and makes out with him, like, right away. She's like, okay, good, we can go back to kissing.
C
Yeah.
B
He's like, okay.
C
So he's like, wait a minute.
D
I'm not gonna go back in here. I'll be right there in a second.
C
And then more. We see more pride stuff. And Natalie's gonna perform. Guys, Venus, like, Jesus Christ.
D
Get the.
C
The fuck up on the bar, okay. Cause someone named Natalie's about to hum for us. Badass bitch.
B
And then, like, Chris and Jason are on the bar top, and they're just like. You know, they're writhing around. And Demi's like, huh. Well, Jason's finally doing a great job, and he's not serving tables, just standing there looking pretty. Go figure. That was a joke. See, aren't I laughing?
C
All right, without further ado, one of my best bitches in the entire fucking gay world. She's got such a big heart, you guys. She can sing like a motherfucker. Natalie McGuire with the first hit single Passengers.
B
Lisa's like, oh, lift me up on the bar so I can see her. Look, I'm fun. My Little Pony is for all of you. So then now she's singing. She's like, passenger.
C
Oh, she's good. Wow. Wow. It's amazing how she sounds exactly like the squirrel machine starting up, and everyone
B
starts going, natalie, Natalie, Natalie.
E
Who? What?
B
What line producer is telling all these people to chant things every week? Last week, it was like, penis bowl. People just don't do this. Sorry.
C
Like, we need more energy, guys. Let's just shout Natalie a bunch of times. Okay, Well, I think the first impression of Natalie is that she comes across as somebody who's kind of all over the place, you know? But she's not really. She's smart. All right, let's just do it again. She's smart.
B
This.
C
Let's roll it again.
B
Just keep it rolling. You'll edit this later, surely. Yes. I think she's the kind of young woman who could possibly do anything if she set her mind to it. Unfortunately, she doesn't have much of a mind. Oh, just cut that part. So Lisa's like, I'm so proud of you, Natalie. Just be proud of yourself for being able to squeak some lines out on top of my bar. You're such a divine talent. Good for you.
C
Natalie's like, oh, my God. It literally means so much to, like, impress Lisa because, like, she got mad at me and, like, it was destroying my life. But now I've placed Lisa Vander Vanderpump, and I can live. I can continue to live.
B
So then Audrey goes out to the back to. Well, she. She pulls. It's time for Audrey and Chris to have their big scene. So she goes out to the back and, hey, what's up?
C
Right? Not that it matters. I think I. I was just cracking up because I was like, wow. Happy Gay Pride. It's like the front of Sir Getting dumped. You know, Two straight people crying over their relationship. Like, can you two take it somewhere else? This is gay Pride. I shouldn't have to deal with your shit today.
B
I know. Seriously. So Chris is like, hey, what? So what's up? He's like, well, I really appreciated, like, the gesture that you did, but, like, I feel like when you were saying that you want to continue everything and get to, like, know me, and there was always, like, a butt. And for me, it's, like, a little confusing, and I'm like, sorry, but, like, I didn't say that in the moment, but, like, I wish that, like, I would have said that. Like, that's what I want. Because, like, this isn't what I look for in a relationship. He's like, yeah, well, I get what you're saying. But, like, the truth is, like, I really do like you. But, like, I don't want to make any promises because there are going to be some bad bitches in Bali. And so I'm just kind of like. Like, yeah, it's cool to date you for tv, but it'd be fun to bang bad bitches in Bali. That's my mantra. It rhymes. See what I'm.
C
Wait a minute. But, like, a bare minimum, like, you want to keep getting to know me while I stay here and you go fuck whoever you want. That doesn't make any sense. It actually makes perfect sense. And the fact that you're trying to break up with someone who just broke up with you yesterday is weird. Like, you've. You kind of already got dumped. It's weird. She's, like, trying to reframe it. I mean, I guess it wasn't totally dumped because he's like, yeah, we'll still see each other, but I think if somebody's like, if somebody makes you all the way, come all the way to Marina del Rey for boiled chicken and says, yeah, I want to fuck other people still, they kind of just dumped you, right?
B
Yeah, well. But she's mad. I. I think I'm allowing her a chance to say all this stuff because she actually dumped him. And then he begged for her to take him back, and she took him back, and then he did that. He basically demoted her. And. And, like, he didn't even, like, actually stand in it. Like, he. He didn't even dump her. That's the problem, is that he kept her as an option. Like, oh, let's keep this going. But, like. Like, if something better comes along, I'm jumping ship. But, like, still, like, let's keep this option going. And now she's like, no, I don't even want this option open. And you humiliated me because you made me drive to Marina Del Rey. You gave me vaseless flowers, a chicken breast, a long drive, and this is on the heels of you begging for me back. So, no, I don't want to be even an option anymore for you.
C
Yeah. And he says, well, I mean, I'm just saying, like, I'm not where I need to be at with you. Like, with us. It's just not me. It's not me. It's not you. It's just. Just where we are. You know what I mean? And I wasted a bag of lettuce on you. That's what I'm saying.
B
So she's like, well, I don't know if you're, like, ready yet. And, like, I don't know when you're gonna, like, know when you're gonna be ready. Because, like, right now it's been like, eight weeks. And I feel like at the point, like, someone should know if they want to be with me or not. And, like, my standards are, like, up here. And you're, like, down here. Yeah. I learned that from Kelly, Ben, Simone. Okay. And he's like, I mean, I. I guess I can't meet your standards then, because I'm not there, so I'm not ready to do all that, you know? She's like, yeah. And I'm starting to realize that Chris has a problem with commitment. Oh, really?
C
Oh, wow. Wow. Good, good. You're getting it. Really?
B
Lot of. Wow. A lot of epiphanies over there.
C
She's like, you have made it clear you want to see other people, and you don't want to be in a long term relationship, but you want to get to know me, but you haven't tried to get to know me, and you don't even know what my favorite flower is. You don't even know what my mom's name is.
B
He's like, your mom's name is Tulip and your favorite flower is Tulip. You can't keep answering Tulip for everything.
C
And then in the bar, you told me you wanted to do these things with me. And then I was like, okay, so I opened my doors back up and let you back in. And then two seconds later, he's like, it wasn't two seconds later. It was like a whole few days. Like, it took a while.
B
It was a few days. I'm not being literal. It's not a literal two seconds. She goes, I have been trying to realize what I deserve and put myself first and why waste both of our time by continuing on? You should just have your time to go do what you want to do. And I'm going to move and I'm going to heal from this situation and put this aside right now, because I can't be strung along in this situation anymore.
C
He was like, I don't want to string you along. Along, which is. But you are stringing me along. And he's like, no, I'm being honest with you. She's like, no, because you're contradicting yourself. You know, Like, I don't want to see other people. I'm not seeing other people, but I'm open if they come along. Like, what the.
B
By the way, this is a classic boy thing, which is by somehow, like, carving out a moral high ground. From what? From their actions. Like, I do want to just demote you down to being an option until I find someone better, but because I'm being honest with you, I'm actually being very virtuous. And, like, this is really clear, clean communication. So I'm not the bad guy here, actually.
C
Well, I mean, it's also dating, though. It's like, okay, well, I don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but we can still see each other, right? I mean, I don't know. Is my brain so worse? I mean, I get why she's annoyed. I just don't get why she doesn't understand what he's saying. Like, he's saying, okay, we can still see each other, but I'm not where you need me to be. She's like, but you know what? Like, I don't think, like, you're where I need you to be. It's like, he just said that 10 times. What are you not understanding?
B
Walk away.
C
Just walk away. It's like she thinks if she keeps arguing with him, he's gonna give her a different answer. But this guy is a boy. He's not going. Stop. Stop even having the conversation. Walk away.
B
Yeah, I mean, I think that basically she's just the. It's the. The broader context and how insulting it is. Like, yes, he is being hon intentions. And he is just saying, hey, let's just. Like, I don't want to be in a relationship with you, but let's around. But she's also like, why did you beg for me to come back? And so now I think she's just. She's just taking her licks where she can get them. You know, she's like, I'm mad at you, and I'm gonna tell you off on everything, and I'm gonna boost myself up in the process, and I'm gonna say, you're not where I need you to be. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the other thing is that he did not just come out and say it. He did not say, look, I've been thinking about it, and I was thinking, like. Like, I actually don't know if we would be great as, like, a full fledged relationship, but it's fun. It's fun having fun with you, so I'm down with that. And let's just have fun, and maybe we'll meet some other people, but in the meantime, we'll have fun. Like, he didn't even say that. He. He sort of couched in this. All this talk about, like, all right, like, I want to be rit. Like, you know, I want to protect your feelings, and then I gotta protect my feelings. And there's so much that's going on, and boundaries are strange and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He just sort of catches all this. So she's just like, whatever, fuck you. And she's just, like, having her monologue. And, you know. Yeah, he may have been, you know, I get it. He did say, like, I'm not there yet. And she's like, you're not there yet? It's like, yeah, that's what I already said. But I think she's just. She's just trying to.
C
You're trying to get water from a stone here. You know what I mean? And you're trying to save dignity in the worst bathing suit in the world, working the chintziest Gay Pride party in the world out front of sir. I just. I'm like, oh, my gosh. I feel kind of bad for her. But then I don't. Because she was also mean to Angelica, which I think is why I'm conflicting. I'm like, shut up, Audrey. Part of me is just like, shut up. But then Chris is like, yeah, you know, I feel like shit because I'm not confident in myself. Oh, I meant in what we have. I'm totally confident myself. Have you seen my dick?
B
It's huge.
C
And if you haven't, you can just follow this QR code. So Audrey's crying on the side. He's like. And he's like. I mean, if we were, like, dating half a year or something, or like, traveling, you know, the traveling wouldn't be a thing, but it's just too early, you know? So I pushed her away. It's my fault. It's my fault, you guys.
B
I'm damaged. So then Chris, Jason's like, hey, are you all right? He's like, I Don't know because you got glitter in your mustache. He's like, yeah, the fucking stache. Audrey and I just talked and, like, I told her that I want to get to know her more, but then I also want to keep my options open because I'm not 100% about it. Us. And then Parker's like, comes over, like, what did he say? What did he say? And I'm just like, well, I just don't want to be. I don't want someone who talks to me like that. If you don't want to be with me at this point, then what do you want? Literally, like, what do you want? Like, I put all. All of me into you, okay? And I support you through everything. Your only fans. You're everything.
C
I like that she tried to make a list. She's like, I tried to support you through everything. Your only fans. You're. I mean, it's really breath going on. Everything. I supported everything. Hi, guys. God damn it. Fucking Mary Faith.
B
Mary Faith. You said you'd be up in Northern California this weekend. I'm back.
C
So back to Chris. He's like, I mean, obviously I like her. That's why I was spending a whole bunch of time with her. And, you know, she was saying, like, it seems like two months is, like, a really long time. But, like, I mean, regardless, she pretty much told me, like, if you don't know by now, I can't wait any longer. And Jason is just. Jason, who I don't think has had one line in this entire episode is just like, no, bro, your stash looks really good. Come here, bro. Let's hug it out.
B
So Parker's like, he is a waste of time. He's a waste of energy. He doesn't know if he wants you, and you need somebody that says, I want Audrey. Period. End of story. And Audrey's like, yeah, thank you. So meanwhile, Angelica is talking to Kim at the host stage. Have you noticed that Audrey's been avoiding me all day long? And Kim's like. Like, is she? Yeah. She keeps walking by me. She doesn't acknowledge me. She doesn't even say hi.
C
Well, she should have at least said hello to you. Yeah. Like, I literally can't even get through the day anymore. Like, I need to say hi. Like, what the hell?
E
My insatiable need to say hi to someone just cannot be, cannot be satisfied. I need to say hello to her.
C
It's an addiction. So Parker's still going, oh, my God. Fuck that guy. It's gay pride. It's gay time. Let's dance. So Angelica's like, oh, my God, I love you so much, Kim, for supporting me and my need to say hello. She's like, you've got this. Okay, I'm gonna do it.
D
I'm gonna say hello. Hey, can you come to the back alley with me? Cause it's like, so loud in your Audrey.
C
So she's like, okay. So they go sit in the smoking alley, and Angelica says, congrats on her performance. And she goes, yeah, thanks. It was great, wasn't it, by the way? She's just, like, slumped over, like, like rolling her eyes and being like, yeah, Angelica.
B
Angelica's like, yeah, I thought it was great, except, you know, I thought it was amazing. I just, you know, I was really
E
caught up by, like, off guard by the ending because, like, then, like, even though, like, you know, even though you knew you. It hurt me. You didn't, like, reach out either.
B
And she's like, I didn't reach out to anyone, though.
E
Yeah, but, like, I don't think anyone else told you they were upset.
B
She's like, yeah, because it was comedy. That's like, what it is. It was just like, comedy, duh.
E
She's like, yeah, but, like, why are you coming at me with this, like, weird energy?
B
Because you told me to come talk to you, so I'm not coming at you at all. Hashtag comedy. Learn some rules.
C
No, but, like, what I'm saying is, like, what's up with your strange attitude? She's like, there's been a lot going on today. Like, some of us have real storylines with men on the show.
B
So, yeah, my emotional battery is below zero, and I'm going through what I know from my therapist as emotional withdrawal. I have no emotion left to give you, babe. Sorry, that's just how it is in comedy.
C
But, like, you understand where I'm coming from, right? She's like, no, not really. Okay, well, it wasn't funny, Audrey. It wasn't funny. She goes, well, everyone else was laughing. I thought it was pretty funny.
E
Well, I think it's just like, that just really tells, like, the type of person you are. Honestly.
B
It was stand up comedy and everyone knew they were gonna be roasted. Cause it's comedy.
C
Audrey, you talked about my traumas. I have a great credit score, okay? And I don't live with my ex anymore. When she said, you talked about my traumas. I have a great credit score.
B
I can't. That's why it's a joke comedy. Keep up, bitch.
E
Not only is she, like, disregarding my feelings, but it feels like she's trying to make me feel small for even having feel. Take a shot every time I said feelings.
B
Okay, guys, so Venus is like, guys, what's happening? Are you guys talking about comedy? What's happening?
E
She's like, wait, can you just hear how she's talking? What she did on stage wasn't comedic, but this is comedy. I don't get it.
C
So they were laughing though. And Venus is like, I thought you were funny as fuck, girl. I'll tell you that right now. That was funny as fuck. And she's like, okay, she was funny
D
and I gave you flowers for that.
C
But like, you went off, you know, the penis pump and you told me I weaponized it and that I spilled secret secrets and you would never do that to, you know, you would never do that to me. And then that's exactly what you did. You turned all my trauma into a bit and then you weaponized it like hun, hun, doing stand up comedy on stage and telling the whole fucking staff. She goes, you're pick me. You are pick me. You are one and you do seek male validation. And Venus is like, oh my God, I didn't think you were pick me at all.
E
Someone.
B
Yeah, Angelica, by the way, is the biggest pick me of them all.
E
It's like, if you're gonna insult someone in the, in a way, or if you're gonna like roast them, like, have the decency to let them know, okay, if you see that I'm hurt, she's
B
like, I didn't tell anyone about my comedy.
E
She's like, but if you see that, like, you have the decency to follow up. I was her. Like, you can say it's comedy, but you're ugly. That's comedic. Like, you look like tits o'. Clock. What? Comedy.
B
You look like tits o'.
C
Clock. So Audrey is like, yeah, I'm not apologizing to her. I mean, maybe something's wrong. Maybe she should be like, maybe something's wrong with Audrey and I should see if she's okay. No, the point is you're not seeing that something's wrong with her and saying, sorry, you're the one who hurt her. She's not the one who hurt you. Some other guy hurt you, asshole. So now everybody's kind of gathering around in the back and watching this. And Kim's like, well, I mean, the truth is, what you said hurt her. You know, maybe it was below the belt, you know, Like, I think what bothered her is that Audrey didn't reach out. And until the cause like, you went for it at the end and that was insane. Audrey's like, okay, well then I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. Like, welcome to stand up comedy.
E
Well, but, yeah, but you don't fucking mean it. You're a shitty person. That's what you are. You're shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty.
B
Okay, bye. Walk away, walk away. I'm not walking. I'm gonna stand right here. That's why it's called stand up comedy.
C
And Marcus is like, guys, as a dj, can I be the voice of the reason I'm a DJ now? And Angelica's like, yeah. Where I come from, like, with my girlfriends, like, I'm there for you. And I thought it was the same for Audrey. She's like, girl, no, Because I can't believe you would trade friendship for a boy. I mean, that's what it fucking feels like. What boy? Well, Chris, because you said you're not going through. You're not gonna last through the summer, okay? You could have had a girlfriend and for your lifetime, and instead you chose him.
B
Guys, guys, guys, DJ talking. We've all got heightened emotions here right now because the music is so good. And that's okay because Audrey did empty a clip on Angela, but in the name of comedy, it's okay.
E
No, I don't think it was in the name of comedy. I think it was shitty. It was shitty.
B
Hey, guys, how could you feel like that about her? But you can't say the same stuff. Stuff about us.
E
Quiet, Jason, because I'm not your fucking friend. You're literally a gnat.
C
What are we doing out here? We're supposed to be working.
B
This is.
C
People expect amazing service.
B
Sorry, can we do that again?
C
Let's just throw that one again.
B
You know, at the end of the
C
day, you get jiggies for jiggies and
B
they've got to get it together because they all work together every day. They walk on top of each other.
E
Some more than others.
B
O get it.
C
All right, shots for everybody. So now they just go in and live it up for pride. And we pull back as we watch them dancing as a family in terrible party city outfits.
B
Ah, yes. And next we will have a two part reunion that we can all look forward to. So, yeah, great job. Really fun reboot season. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Looking forward to seeing how the reunion goes. And we'll catch a bunch of you all on Friday for the golden Crappies. Catch you next time.
C
Bye.
B
Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Alison Boy Block.
C
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B
It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
C
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.
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C
Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.
B
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C
Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets an A from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a Kissarino to Lisalino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry.
B
Aren't you glad? It's Marianne Ahrens.
C
Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
B
This is Living with Michelle Vivian.
C
I love a YA Olivia Williamson.
B
She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
C
Yes, we can. It's Savannah.
B
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
C
Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super Premium sponsors make way for A.J.
B
lopez.
C
She's VV IP it's Amanda V. Somebody
B
get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD
C
we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
B
Let's get real with Caitlin o'. Neal.
C
Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogle. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily
B
sides who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pantless Wind.
C
Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
B
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo She's a total knockout.
C
It's Katie Manock.
B
Let's get Savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlas Roger.
C
The incredible Edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's
B
Rebecca Cloud Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke
C
we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah
B
Tellifson Shannon out of a canon Anthony, please don't stop at solely and pop let's take off with Tamla Plain Strike
C
a pose It's Tory Rhodes she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys.
Watch What Crappens — Episode #3234
Vanderpump Rules S12E12: Pride and Hedge a Diss
Release Date: February 25, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
This episode covers the season 12 finale of Vanderpump Rules, titled "Pride and Hedge a Diss." Ben and Ronnie dissect the show's annual Pride episode, recounting the drunken brunches, interpersonal rifts, poorly-attended parties, and clumsy emotional maneuvers that define the series. With the flair and biting wit devoted Crappens fans expect, the hosts shine a light on how far this cast — and the once-glamorous SIR — have fallen, all against a backdrop of rubber duckies, bad bikini choices, party city decorations, sexual tension, and messy relationship drama.
Ben and Ronnie maintain their signature sardonic, riff-heavy style. The recap is rich with sarcasm, Bravo in-jokes, tangential bits (e.g., flower symbolism, bread cravings, and Lisa’s “gay nephew” story), and pointed character reads. Despite mocking the cast and Bravo’s production values, there’s an undercurrent of genuine affection and detailed fandom.
This episode pokes fun at Vanderpump Rules’ attempt at a Pride celebration—framing it as both a metaphor for the show’s faded glory and an incubator for messy, unresolved cast drama. The hosts helpfully break down every relationship convolution, roast, and bad event-planning decision, with plenty of graphic, meme-worthy quotes. If you want a smart, cynical, yet loving debrief of both the show and its reality TV ecosystem, this episode is a must-listen—especially with the two-part reunion on the horizon.