#3265 Below Deck Down Under S04E07 Part One: Disco Helmet Desertion

Summary

Watch What Crappens: Below Deck Down Under S04E07, Part 1 — "Disco Helmet Desertion"

Podcast #3265 | March 17, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap Below Deck Down Under Season 4, Episode 7, diving into the disorganized chaos of the crew's latest charter. With their signature mix of praise and mockery, they dissect everything from failing culinary attempts to over-the-top charter guests demanding “the best.” Expect hilarious riffs about scent choices, crew ineptitude, and overbearing management, all delivered through the duo’s playful banter and Bravo fanboy energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrating Their Podcast Win & Weekend Recap

• [01:05] Ben announces their iHeart award win for Best Film & TV Podcast.
• The duo lightly reference their South by Southwest weekend and share gratitude to listeners for support (deeper behind-the-scenes promised for Patreon).
• [02:10] Notable name drop: Jenny Garth presented their award in a "Rachel Zoe" styled look.

Tone: Giddy, appreciative, slightly hungover but undeterred—“For anyone who ever thought that the podcast would ever pause for one second to be hungover. Absolutely not.” (Ronnie, 03:08)

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2. Below Deck Down Under – Crew Breakdown

Alicia’s Performance

• [03:24] Ronnie launches into a full roast of Alicia's ineptitude:
  • “I think she's, like, incredibly inept in so many different ways. Like, she's a disaster.”
  • Cites failures: baking disasters, messes left everywhere, marshmallow perfume, inability to stay up late or communicate honestly with her boyfriend.
• Ben is more forgiving: “I still like her. I don't care.” [04:43]
• Discussion devolves into the horror of marshmallow-scented perfume: “All those bottles of marshmallow perfume need to be dumped out into the sun…build a ship and send it directly into the sun.” (Ronnie, 06:13)

Crew Scent Debate

• [06:24–07:38] Extended riff on why humans should smell like “new shoes” or “new car” scent rather than food:
  • “Why do you want to smell like food?” (Ben, 06:24)
  • “What scent are you wearing? — Oh, It's Toyota Camry, 2026 edition.” (Ronnie, 07:44)

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3. Guest Demands & “Best” Jokes

• [08:05–13:51] The episode’s guests (esp. Mecca) obsessively demand “the best”:
  • “Is this the best table? ... Is this your best napkin? Have you ever gotten a better napkin?” (Ben, 10:19)
  • Ongoing mock debate about what is truly “the best” in service, food, and even therapy.
• The hosts mimic and lampoon Mecca’s relentless standards:
  • “Is your therapist the best? Is the best therapy you could begin?... Gigi just jumps off the boat…” (Ben, 11:17)

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4. Galley Drama – The Octopus Discourse

• [11:56] Chef Ben plans an elaborate dinner: caviar, lobster, sous-vide octopus.
• Ronnie explains why octopus is tricky: “You either cook it for one minute or like, 45 minutes, because, like, the proteins in octopus just sort of tighten up.” [12:39]
• Mixed feelings on sous-vide as a method:
  • “Sous viding octopus? I don't know...it's always slimy.” (Ben, 13:25)
  • “But you would finish it on the grill…” (Ronnie, 13:40)
  • “It's controversial, and it is in this episode as well.” (Ben, 13:47)

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5. Alicia’s Boyfriend & Relationship Drama

• [14:39–16:04] Ben and Ronnie mercilessly roast Alicia’s needy, text-obsessed boyfriend:
  • “It's not like you're holding out for, like, Brad Pitt…He's like a normal bodied Michelin man.” (Ben, 14:54; Ronnie, 14:54)
  • “Homely man, you are too needy. You need to stop this.” (Ben, 49:32)

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6. Inter-crew Tensions & Deck Politics

• [18:14–24:32] Focus on Mike feeling unwelcome and overworked:
  • “As Mike gets more and more depressed…the hair deflates…just looks like a Koopa Troopa. It's just a shell. It looks like a bicycle hat.” (Ben, 18:36; Ronnie, 18:56)
  • Daisy tries to manage Mike’s complaints: “You and your hair. Go.” (Ben, 23:52)
• Parodying workplace hierarchies: “This also shows you how people in middle management are just so awful…” (Ronnie, 22:03)

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7. Table Setting and Flowers: Alicia’s Struggles Continue

• [19:14–19:41] Alicia fails at simple tasks, even setting a table. Ronnie laments: “Alicia can't do anything.”
• Decision to swap Alicia and Jenna’s roles: “Honestly, I’d rather put flowers on the table than clean your butt.” (Ben, 19:41)

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8. “Best” Dinner and Guest Feedback

• [30:20] Mecca again: “We want to see money dripping from things…and you guys have been really, really good. But have you been your best?”
• [34:06–34:52] The octopus divides opinions; Mecca is edited to sound dissatisfied, but implication is it was a joke.
• Dessert debate: “Why are we eating apple pie?...This is good.” (Ben, 36:51)
• “Was that the best you could do? We just wanted your best.” (Mecca & Joy, 37:31)

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9. Hold Music Tangent

• [31:01–33:40+] Ben and Ronnie hilariously detour into viral “on hold” music, even recreating and singing it, reminiscing about oddly catchy corporate tunes.

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10. Ben, the Guest Room Manipulator

• [39:18] “Ben has been manipulating his way into a guest room every week with some kind of trauma or tears. Now he doesn’t have any.” (Ben)
• Joke about how the chefs always get compliments but still find ways to play the victim for perks.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “All those bottles of marshmallow perfume need to be dumped out into the sun… build a ship and send it directly into the sun.” — Ronnie, 06:13

• “Find the fart. It's like, find the through line. Find the fart.” — Ronnie, 09:13

• “She could run over a puppy and I'd be like, love her. Love her braids.” — Ben, 04:46

• “What scent are you wearing? Oh, It's Toyota Camry, 2026 edition.” — Ronnie, 07:44

• “As Mike gets more and more depressed, his hair deflates and deflates… looks like a Koopa Troopa. It's just a tortoise shell on top of his hair.” — Ben, 18:36

• “Honestly, I’d rather put flowers on the table than clean your butt. Skank off the toilet.” — Ben, 19:41

• “If we were ranking chefs on how good they are at, like, guest dinner experiences, [Captain Jason] would be last…Jason just shows up and blinks blankly... He has no stories to tell.” — Ben, 25:37

• “If you're not working, just go and help. Go. You and your hair.” — Ben, 23:52

• “You're dating someone three times out of your league, and you need to calm down. She's on a boat.” — Ben, 49:32

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:31 — Award win, SXSW, gratitude for listeners
• 03:08–05:01 — Immediate deep dive into Alicia’s flawed work ethic
• 06:13–07:49 — Marshmallow perfume & scent debates
• 08:05–13:51 — Guest “best” obsession, Mecca’s high standards
• 14:39–16:04 — Alicia’s boyfriend situation
• 18:36–24:32 — Mike’s hair/attitude journey, Daisy’s delegation
• 30:20–34:52 — Dinner service, octopus controversy, guest feedback
• 31:01–33:40 — “On-hold music” comedic tangent
• 36:24–38:00 — Dessert complaints, “best” jokes continue
• 48:14–49:32 — Alicia overwhelmed, boyfriend texting
• 50:01–50:56 — Melted wax reveal: Alicia’s final fumble this episode

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

True to Watch What Crappens form, Ben and Ronnie weave affection, sharp wit, and Bravo lore into a recap that’s both eviscerating and loving. Whether roasting the crew’s incompetence, lampooning pretentious guests, or chasing rabbit holes about scented body sprays and viral hold music, they make even Below Deck’s most mundane moments wildly entertaining.

For new or infrequent listeners: This episode is a showcase of their improv chemistry, ability to riff off absurd situations, and love for dissecting messy reality TV power dynamics.

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Stay tuned for Part 2 of this episode, as teased at the end of this recap!

Transcript

[Ronnie]

Watch what happens.

[Ben]

Watch what?

[Ronnie]

Crapping. Who cares what happens when there's so much what happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens.

[Ben]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappence. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hello, Ben.

[Ronnie]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good.

[Ben]

Today we're in my Texas because we were at south by Southwest all weekend. What party. Party Hardy. Talking like day I woke up and I was like, thank God. I'm already talking like Daisy.

[Ronnie]

That voice already sounds like Daisy. On St. Patrick's Day, no less. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Oh, look at us both not wearing green on the podcast.

[Ben]

We're.

[Ronnie]

You're wearing pink, I'm wearing white.

[Ben]

I'm tired, you know, I'm too tired for green today. I'm in pink and blue. We're.

[Ronnie]

We're in two of the colors of the rainbow at which there is pot of gold.

[Ben]

Yeah. Well, last night we won best film and TV podcast at the iHeart Awards. Thank you so much, iHeart. So exciting. We'll talk about our whole weekend on the bonus episode this week on pat. That's also where you get videos like this one, the Room right now and ad free listening and Discord. And there's so much stuff on Patreon. Go over there. There's a newsletter, blog thing that comes out every week about the week in Bravo. It's really fun. So go check that out. And then today we're just doing some below deck. It's my last day with Ben here in my office and then he's back to La La land.

[Ronnie]

I know I fly out right after this, but also, thank you to everyone who has been leaving the kindest words on our social media and sending us nice little messages and emails about last night's win. We really appreciate it a lot. It was super, super, super cool. We did not expect to win and we were God smacked. We were shocked. We were just for the ride. So thanks to everyone who's been so nice to us, people who are there, people who are just, you know, just on online. It's. We really, really appreciate it.

[Ben]

I'd like to personally thank Jenny Garth for presenting our award.

[Ronnie]

She was so nice. I went up to her. What I loved was Jenny Garth was dressed like Rachel Zo. And I thought, at first I thought it was Rachel Zo. And then I was like, oh, it's just some random lady. And then someone's like, that's Jenny Garth. And then she actually presented the award for us and I was like, oh, my God, Jenny Garth. I was like, I 100% knew who you were when you walked in.

[Ben]

Well, I just haven't seen her for a while.

[Ronnie]

I know. Well, no, just because she was styled in a way I'm not used to. Like, I have an idea of how Jenny Garth looks in terms of her styling. I wasn't expecting to have more of, like a Rachel Zoe look. So it was like, really? And she was. When I tell you, this woman was so nice. I went up to her at the end of the show and I was like, thank you again. It's lovely to meet you. She's starting up a podcast, and I thought I took a picture picture with her, but I guess I didn't.

[Ben]

So, I mean, I made out with her. It was a great. Not all in all great, great.

[Ronnie]

It was a great time for Jessica time.

[Ben]

Yeah. I'm meeting so many podcasters and stuff.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, we'll talk about that.

[Ben]

We'll get it. But for now, it's Below Deck Down Under Season four, Episode seven.

[Ronnie]

For anyone who ever thought that the podcast would ever pause for one second to be hungover. Absolutely not.

[Ben]

No. Well, just like the Below Deck crew, you get up and you do it anyway.

[Ronnie]

Do you are.

[Ben]

Unless you're Alicia and you just go to bed.

[Ronnie]

Wait, can we talk about Alicia real quickly? I think, like, it's time that we have to face some hard truths about her. I think she's, like, incredibly inept in so many different ways. Like, she's a disaster. Like, last season, she got away with, I think, a very good edit. And this season she has been, I think, across the board, kind of shitty. Right. She seems like a nice girl, but she's totally disorganized in, like, her personal life, in her professional life, with everything. And there was, like, a moment I thought, oh, wow, she's, like, getting in the hang of it. I was like, she's not. She's, like, failing on all categories. And I feel like we have to acknowledge it.

[Ben]

I think she does okay when she's, you know, working. It's just that, you know, going to bed early and stuff.

[Ronnie]

Look, she couldn't do the kitchen stuff. She couldn't make the cheesecake. She didn't put the sugar in the cheesecake. She couldn't do, like, the frittata. So she moves to the interior now. She can't stay up late. She left the whole. The whole boat a mess. She left wax on the table.

[Ben]

What's she crying?

[Ronnie]

She made up lies about her flirtation with the Musta Eddie where she Made it seem like Eddie was texting him. But no, you initiated. Then you call your boyfriend and you're like sort of doing half truths again. She just is like incapable of. She seems so nice, but she's just totally incapable of like doing the things she has to do.

[Ben]

Yeah, I still like her. I don't care.

[Ronnie]

Okay, great.

[Ben]

I don't. You know, it's like you just excuse anything when you like somebody. I don't care. She could run over a puppy and I'd be like, love her. Love her braids. I love her double braid

[Ronnie]

concentrate, her pouty things, her pouty lip. Yeah.

[Ben]

I could never be a witness for murder because I'd be like, well, they did it. But I really like their hair. Like they did such cute hair. And I like her lipstick. And I like that she has like different scents that she puts on. Like she's like, I'm. I'm baby prostitute today because it's sugar and waffles or whatever her scent was.

[Ronnie]

And I was like, oh, oh, it was marshmallow. That's. Oh, that was, I think that was their turning point for me because there is a scent that there's. Certain girls wear this scent and like it's plaguing me for years. I'm like, what is that awful smell? Like when you're like, you know, when you're like in the elevator and like it's like that cheap perfume smell. But I was like, I couldn't really even pinpoint what that scent was. And then my friend said, he's like, it's marshmallow. I was like, it is marshmallow. All those like marshmallow scented fragrances that like, like perfumes. Because it doesn't really smell like real marshmallow, like real marshmallow smells delicious. But this is just like that perfume marshmallow that like I guess like 16 year old girls wear or like if they're unfortunate, they just go down a path in their life where they just keep on wearing it. That is like the most garbage smell. And all those bottles of marshmallow perfume need to be dumped out into the sun. Put it. Make a rocket ship. SpaceX. This is where you could use your technology, build a ship and send it directly into the sun with all the vials of marshmallow perfume.

[Ben]

I think it's just smelling like food in general. Why do you want to smell like food? Like, first of all, if you're around a person who eats too much like me, I'm just gonna want to eat you. And like I Don't want to my food. You know what I mean? I don't want to a marshmallow.

[Ronnie]

Well, actually, if you're gonna any food, a marshmallow might be nice.

[Ben]

No, it won't. It won't. Look what they do to the bag. Like, if you just leave a marshmallow in the bag too long, look what happens to them. They get all stuck together. And that wouldn't be good for your wiener. Like, I don't want to a marshmallow. So why. So, okay, so then I'll want to eat you. Well, I don't want to eat a human either. And then when you're not hungry, you know, you smell food and you kind of resent it. Like when you're in a mall and there's like a Cinnabon or a cookie. Mrs. Field Cookie, and you're not hungry, and then you smell it, and it's like, grow. I don't want that right now. It's like when you see a wiener. It's like when you see a wiener, but you're not really in the mood to have sex, and it's like, ew, why do I want to see that? You know? But then when you do want to have sex, it's like, oh, it's a wiener. Right? That's how food smells. Don't. Don't smell like food. You're a person. Smell like a per. I'm a world. Don't smell like a person either, because people are generally.

[Ronnie]

I'm about to say we have terrible innate odors.

[Ben]

Smell like new shoes. Why don't they have, like, new car smell for people?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, that's.

[Ben]

Everybody loves new car.

[Ronnie]

I'm a new model.

[Ben]

Yeah. Then everybody will want to have sex. I think if you have a new car, it's like, you want to have sex in the new car. Right.

[Ronnie]

What scent are you wearing? Oh, It's Toyota Camry, 2026 edition.

[Ben]

It's Prius. It's the Prius. It gets double the mileage. You barely hear it.

[Ronnie]

Oh, it's Lexus. December to remember sales events.

[Ben]

I almost ran someone down on a crosswalk because they didn't even hear me. It's crazy. My pre ascent.

[Ronnie]

All right, so with that being said, we are at a beach picnic. That's where we left off. And this. The Joao and Mike and Jenna, they're. They're heading back to the yacht. And Mike is like, see? Have you had a chance to talk to Eddie? Did you talk to Eddie at all? And Jenna's like, I did have A chat. He was all right. I found some common ground, I guess, because, you know, Jenna has just found out that Eddie was actually flirting pretty hardcore with Alicia. Enough to the point that he said he would drop Jenna in a heartbeat just to be an alien with Alicia.

[Ben]

Yeah. And she like, it's all right. F come grand gas. And Jo's like, oh, so friend zone check. Oh, best friend.

[Ronnie]

We call that the, the friend zim in zim.

[Ben]

And if anybody is like, oh, my God. But poor Eddie, so cute and he's so sweet. Just cut to Eddie farting.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben]

Love this show. They've got like a whole fart editor on this show. Someone who's just like, it's your job. Just log whenever somebody farts or burps or, or like, it's a boner. Find the fart and a fart while they are.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, find the fart. It's like, find the through line. Find the fart.

[Ben]

Yeah. So now Daisy and Mecca. So. And Mecca. Mecca kept threatening again, this episode to be the worst charter guest. And then was lovely. And that's my favorite. That's my favorite fake out with Mecca. Every time you see her, say, hi. Is this really the best you can do? Good. Because I love you and it is your best.

[Ronnie]

It was your best. We agree. We really agree. Yeah.

[Ben]

So they want dinner at 7:30. And Mecca's like, so do you still feel good about dinner being at this table? I mean, whatever you think aesthetically. But do you think this is the best table? Oh, I don't know. I mean, is there a different table? Should we do it on the inside? Should we do it on the inside table? I don't know. What do you think is the best? It's like, well inside, outside. We should do it on the water. Should we do it? I'll put a boat on the bottom. I'll put a table on the water. Is that good? Is the water the best thing? Isn't it?

[Ronnie]

And she's like, are you sure this is the best table? Oh, I'm really feeling the pressure. She goes, well, you should. I'm just joking. I honestly, it's gonna be great. It's a wonderful table.

[Ben]

It's great.

[Ronnie]

But also, I think it's Mecca's. I mean, it's cool that she's demanding the best, but I, I, I love that she's like, wants the best in every category. Is this the best chair? The best chair you can possibly get? Is this your best napkin? Have you ever gotten a better napkin?

[Ben]

We want your best here that was funny, though. Is this the best table? How are you going to decorate the table? Is it going to be your best table decoration of all time? Sandy's at home, like, yes. She's like, super fanning over Becca. He's like, oh, God. Get around the tables. Get around the tables.

[Ronnie]

Oh, wait till I tell Gigi Fernandez. Gigi Fernando's like, well, I'm the best tennis player. That's a question.

[Ben]

Gigi Fernandez wouldn't last two minutes with Mecca would be like, oh, Gigi. Are you really the best, though, or are you sure we.

[Ronnie]

I'm the best. I mean. Well, I mean, technically, Martino's stats are a little bit better than mine, but, like, so Martina's the best.

[Ben]

I mean.

[Ronnie]

Well, I mean, I wouldn't say that. I mean, someone's arguing with Chris Everett, but, I mean, I. Probably better than both of them. I don't know. I've been through a lot of therapy. This is sort of taking me back to a dark place.

[Ben]

Is your therapist the best? Is the best therapy you could begin. Oh, my God, you're right. I am fucking crazy. I'm losing my mind. Gigi just jumps off the boat like, I'm playing basketball. I'm playing basketball.

[Ronnie]

Mecca destroys her. Wait a second. But I realize I'm excellent at swimming. I'm the best at the swimming. The shark's like, I'm the best at eating.

[Ben]

Are you the best? All right, give me another tennis star.

[Ronnie]

I'll.

[Ben]

I'll do it. I'll. I'll lead another one. I'll practice till I'm the best. Okay, so then we go to the galley, and Ben's like, oh, the summer. What a nightmare. I'm gonna have to cook without another. Oh, go.

[Ronnie]

Oh, get over here, goopy hips. We gotta get it together. So it's like. He's like, well, we're gonna start off with a caviar service, and we're moving swiftly into dinner. And then we're going to a lobster spring roll, and I'm going to try to fry them. And then we're going to do an octopus. We're actually going to literally do an octopus. We're going to octopus together. See what sort of inspiration that gives us. And then I'm gonna break out the sous vide machine.

[Ben]

He's gonna use sous vide. He's gonna sous vide the octopus. What do you think about that?

[Ronnie]

Now you know how I feel. I am fine with that. Why

[Ben]

sous videing octopus? I don't know. Octopus is already so like, slimy. I don't know.

[Ronnie]

You have to do it. The reason why is because when you cooked octopus, you either. As you probably know, you either cook it like in. Are you the best? Are you the best octopus? By the way, your octopus teacher is here. Your octopus teacher is here. You. You either have to, like, cook it for like, one minute or so, like two minutes, or you have to cook it for like, 45 minutes, because, like, the proteins and octopus just sort of, like, tighten up. So, like, if you're gonna cook it for more than just like a flash, whatever, then you kind of have to cook it long enough for the proteins to then, like, like, relax. And I think that's. The sous vide will help you get to that place of like, sort of keeping the octopus tender. And then you can finish it with, like, a grill.

[Ben]

But there's something. Well, okay, I sense your skepticism. Yeah, I feel it's always slimy and the textures are. I mean, I really like octopus, but, you know, it's best when there's, like, some kind of crunchy element to it. So the sous vide just sounds like.

[Ronnie]

But you would finish it. I think you would finish it on the grill or something like that. A grill top and give us some char, you know.

[Ben]

Well, controversial.

[Ronnie]

We'll look it up.

[Ben]

It's controversial, and it is in this episode as well. It's a controversial dish.

[Ronnie]

Is it the best? Is it the best part? Preparation? I'm not sure.

[Ben]

Well, formal ditto. Six courses of it list. Losing this oven is like losing my mother. Not that I've lost my mother, but imagine if I did lose my mother. That would suck.

[Ronnie]

My mother. The oven.

[Ben]

My mother's fan went out years ago. She's still ticking.

[Ronnie]

Yes, my mother tends to overheat, and she's very unreliable.

[Ben]

Gotta cook all the fly tonight. I've got a sous vide. I've got a. Breaking all my applications. Clearly, there's lots of pressure on me, and time is very, very valuable.

[Ronnie]

Not that mother cares. She's burned me once, she'll burn me again.

[Ben]

Alicia. Alicia. After the main salonis. Daisy. Hi. Meanwhile, Alicia is getting texts from her boyfriend, who, bless his heart. I mean, we keep seeing pictures of this boyfriend, and it's. It's not like you're holding out for, like, Brad Pitt. You know what I mean? It's kind of just a basic.

[Ronnie]

He's kind of like a. Like a normal bodied Michelin man. Right.

[Ben]

And just like a. Yeah, it's like a normal guy. Like maybe like a print model for Like a barbecue restaurant.

[Ronnie]

He's. He's like the napkin model. You know, they always have, like, a picture of someone on the napkin that's like, you know, Joey Portola's Barbecue or something. Like him. It's like a picture Joey Portola. But like, they're like, okay, get. Get the guy from Whistler. We want to drop Joy Portolo or,

[Ben]

like, print modeling for, like, fishing vests.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Or like some sort of like. Like small pond watercraft. Like a type of rowboat or something. Like a motorized rowboat. And he's like, on there.

[Ben]

Yeah. But, I mean, you know, she's. She's basically trying to talk herself into it. I don't know why, because she clearly is not really into this guy. So he's texting. He's like, are you there? Are you there? Are you there? Please? You're so hot. Please, please text me back. I can't believe you've been texting me back for two months. But please. Where are you? Where are you? Are you still alive? I'm worrying about you. And it's like, oh, God, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a grappling commercial.

[Ronnie]

And she says, I actually can't be fucking bothered today. You can't be bothered to write back to someone when you're the one who flirted with someone else? A little bit too much. Like, guilt. Yeah. Skill, ma'.

[Ben]

Am. That's what I do with the irs. But they always get you. They always get you. Death and taxes.

[Ronnie]

Daisy serves the guest some coconut water, and the guest is like, you know, I have. I've got the coconut water, but I didn't want ice in it because I think the. That the ice kind of defeats the purpose of the coconut water. Right. I was like, no, that's. I don't think it does.

[Ben]

I think ice mixing with regular water,

[Ronnie]

I guess that's what she like. Was it hot coconut water that's going to melt the ice right away and then become part of the coconut water?

[Ben]

It's not in a coconut, you know?

[Ronnie]

Okay.

[Ben]

Like, if you open a coconut, if you're like, oh, God, I finally got a coconut off the tree and figured out how to bash it open. Then there was ice. I'd be like, why are you wasting room in this coconut with ice? But it's a glass.

[Ronnie]

So I just. I'm assuming what she's meaning is that the ice is going to dilute the coconut water. But I'm like, but, like, it won't. But it won't. It's ice. I mean, like, I. Smells. Yes, but, like, because doesn't yours defeat

[Ben]

the purpose of everything? Are you going, what's a Diet Coke? Like, it's diluting the Diet Coke.

[Ronnie]

Are you going to revisit this drink in, like, six hours? Like, you're drinking. You're drinking right now. Like, you'll be like. There'll be, like, minimal impact on the. Funny that.

[Ben]

That stood out.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And she said in a way that was like, yeah, kind of defeats the purpose, like, these idiots. But I don't know. I don't know what I would do if somebody just gave me a glass of coconut milk with no ice.

[Ronnie]

Coconut water.

[Ben]

Coconut water with.

[Ronnie]

I think you want the ice because you're in the Caribbean and it's hot.

[Ben]

Yeah. I'd be like, what are you, lazy?

[Ronnie]

I. I would. Yeah. I would be like, where's the ice?

[Ben]

The point is, we've put more thought into this job in five minutes than Alicia has in two years.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Alicia is still, like, trying to, like, wipe down, like, a pizza box somewhere.

[Ben]

We'd be useless at this job, too. We'd be like, wait, should we put ice in the coconut water? What do we do? I don't know. I stopped and figured out about the soup eating the octopus. What the are we gonna do? Nothing would ever get done.

[Ronnie]

We're having lots of existential crises over these food preparations. So now we're at the galley, and Ellie and Mike are there, and the galley is a mess. And Ellie's like, mike, clear out all this stuff from the interior because we have a lot going on. And then, you know, Mike's like. He's, like, all upset because he has to do work. The life of a. The life of a Dexter.

[Ben]

And as Mike gets more and more depressed throughout the episode because this is definitely like, a couple weeks of let's break down Mike, who, by the way, deserves it. So he's getting more and more. More depressed. And you can tell because his hair deflates and deflates, and it just gets sadder and sadder by the end. He just looks like a Koopa troopa. It's just a shell. It's just a tortoise shell on top of his hair. It looks like a bicycle hat.

[Ronnie]

His hair is sort of, like, deflating down into just like, a newsies cap.

[Ben]

Yeah. A bike helmet, I guess.

[Ronnie]

Not hat or a bike helmet around. It's just like, a hat.

[Ben]

No news. These cap is better because he has

[Ronnie]

a little ducktail that's also, like, flat.

[Ben]

It's like a Little tiny awning over the.

[Ronnie]

So now Alicia and Daisy are discussing table decor, and Lisa's like, oh, I'm not sure I'm very good at this. Is Jenna better at this? I was like, of course. Of course. Alicia can't set the table. She's gonna pour the sugar from cheesecake onto the table, and she could take a fork from the table and put in the cheesecake.

[Ben]

You put on a table. I don't understand when they make tablescapes this big of it, especially when we see what it is, they put some flowers on the table.

[Ronnie]

I'm telling you, Alicia can't do anything.

[Ben]

Yeah. So she's gonna swap with Jenna, and she'll do the bathrooms instead, which, honestly, I mean, I'd rather put flowers on the table than clean your butt. Clean your butt.

[Ronnie]

I agree.

[Ben]

Skank off the toilet.

[Ronnie]

Mike. Mike. Daisy, the dishwasher has to be update. And he's like, copy that, heal. So he's, like, all upset because he has to do all this work, which is also known as your job.

[Ben]

Yeah, it's also known as. Yeah, working. So Alicia and Jenna are in their cabin, and she's like, are you okay to set the table? The father's elegant but sexy, full of flowers. You know, I have to go. I'm just really at it. I'd rather make cocktails till I'm black and blue. Ignore it. Like, please, please call me.

[Ronnie]

And then Jenna's like, I got 100. Trust Alicia. Because even though Alicia Charmith is actually about flirting with daddy, she know she had the tax. So you don't trust a murderer after I told you I committed a crime. Like, wow, that's taking it to a pretty intense place. But, I mean, fair point.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's true. So Jenna prepares the table, and Daisy's radioing for dinner to be ready. Whatever. So now people are getting ready and on deck. Eddie is complaining about the mess on the deck, and Daisy's like, are you okay, Eddie? He's like, no, there's still so much I have to do. Like, do you want Mark to come and help you? And he's like, well, I think we need Mikey a lot more today than we did, actually. You know, because I've been out here. Look at me. I'm undoing a pink string. It's very difficult.

[Ronnie]

I know.

[Ben]

Like, working on some pink string thing, like untangling a string. It's like, this is ridiculous. We're doing it all along. Give us Mike. And she's like, okay, you need to call.

[Ronnie]

You need to say you need to call. Okay. And he's like, but if it comes out, it comes out and it goes back in. Well, I'm going to send Mike to help you. So I just, like, it ain't about Mike at the moment. The reality is I'm frustrated myself after talking with Jenna on the beach earlier, and I'm really feeling the need to explain myself more and I need to apologize more. And because we're working right now, I just can't. I was like, well, great. Well, then I'm. Thank you for then bothering everyone, including Mike and Daisy, with your stupidness.

[Ben]

Yeah, you fucked that whole thing up.

[Ronnie]

That's your.

[Ben]

And this is what happens when, like, a mediocre guy gets any attention. Because this shows, like, being in prison. You're just gonna fuck what's there. I mean, we're like being at a buffet. You're gonna eat whatever it is.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

If you're really hungry. And so this guy has much more of a chance on this boat than normally. And the poor guy, he's just not used to having so many options. You know, it's like his first wedding buffet. He's gonna order the chicken and the salmon and see if he can get away with it. And sometimes you just can't.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And this also shows you how people. How and why people in middle management are just so awful, because it's like he's like, he got frustrated by something that happened in his personal life, and he took it out on whatever co worker he could possibly. So he, like, appealed to someone higher than him to get someone lower than him into trouble, to sort of, like, rein back his power. Yeah. So that's. I'm not afraid to look into things. I'm not afraid to take it to that place either. Jenna, you're not the only one who can take things to an extreme. Okay, Comparing Alicia to a murderer.

[Ben]

So now back to Ben and Ellie. Like, so will you do just a quick cheese board? It's like, okay, but come on, honey, honey, honey, honey. Cheese cheeks, please. Can we just do. Come on.

[Ronnie]

Come on, feta freckles. Do a cheese.

[Ben]

Come on, blimps bags. Let's just do a cheese bowl. Come on. Like, okay, but she's starting to move slowly. I think she's like, chopping banana pepper. She's like, okay, cheese board. Cheese board. It's like, it's really difficult for me. Moms are dropping on my head at eight years old. Okay,

[Ronnie]

no, everything is fine. Everything is fine. So now Daisy goes up to me, Mike, and he's like, yeah, I love. By the way, every time Daisy says Mike's name, it's always like she's trying. Trying to get his attention in the library because she, like, yells, but it always sounds like she's like, whisper yelling in a library. Mike, Mike, Mike, you're gonna go help the deck crew now. So I spoke to Eddie, and I think the problem is you're, like, doing the job, but then you're coming back in here, Mike.

[Ben]

But I'm never sitting down doing nothing, am I? I'm going in, I'm going out. That's what I'm doing. She's like, no, no, that's not what the issue is. It's not that you're not working. Just go and help. Just go. Go with your hair. You and your hair.

[Ronnie]

Go. After that chat was, wow, Daisy, I'm literally saying yes to every single. Oh, that's what I imagine Mike's probably saying right now. Wouldn't you be saying that, Mike? That's exactly right. Thank you for helping me. After that chat with Joao and Daisy, I'm literally saying yes to every single job you're giving us, but I don't know what else I can do.

[Ben]

So he goes out to the deck and the rest of the crew are putting stuff away. And Mike's like, I've been told that you hand with something. And Joao's like, is Daisy needing you inside, though? He's like, no, Daisy just received it for you. Listen, if you're finished with us, can you tell us when you're finished? Because now I have to go on with Daisy and if you're not finished. And he's like, but I've been trying that. And you've been running away. Every single time.

[Ronnie]

You've been running into the Zim zone.

[Ben]

You're like a woman in Zim. Every time I come into town, you start running away.

[Ronnie]

Run away. So then Mike is like, william, happy to stay out here all day, but I'd rather be the sun. Sorry. The extreme degree of weird accents coming out of her mouth. Any given moment when they pivot. I'm happy to stay here all day. I'd rather be in the sun rather than making beds. So now the guests are getting ready for the. They're going to the table, getting ready for the best dinner of all time. And there is actually a new cookbook out called Best of the Best. And this girl who. She just like 35 different cookie recipes and she'll say, this is the best. I'm like, mike, I would love that book.

[Ben]

So is this your best? Every recipe. She'll be like, is this your best? Guess we're gonna see. So Jason's coming to dinner, so the guests pretend to be exc. I. Jason seems like a nice person. Okay. I know. I'm. Oh, what's wrong?

[Ronnie]

No, I'm just. You're setting up this. You're about to go in.

[Ben]

That was a. Oh, somebody died on the Internet. No, no. Ben says, oh. He's like, oh, my God, guess who died? And he gets a message on it.

[Ronnie]

I can. I can check to see.

[Ben]

No, I do. Don't. Please. Someone. Someone probably died. Okay. Jason seems very nice and stuff, but he's. I think if there was. If we were ranking chefs on how good they are at, like, guest dinner experiences, he would be last. Like, at least everybo else tries to do something, you know? Captain Sandy's like, oh, one time I was on a boat in Iraq. We were chasing down Saddam man. A big land whale came up. You know, she has stories or.

[Ronnie]

Or Captain Carrie will tell a joke. Be like, well, you know what they call an octopus in Australia? I want a wallaby. Right, right, right.

[Ben]

A lady would take vaginas. Who else is there? Captain Lee will be like, yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing. She tripped over words. One more time, I sent her home on a goddamn plane ticket.

[Ronnie]

Captain Glenns would be like, you know, back in the 70s, I used to live in a cave. And then the next cave over were a bunch of nurses. We had a great time back then. And now I just sail boats.

[Ben]

That was the best one.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I used to live in a cave.

[Ben]

We've met some nurses. And then they kept showing him that season. Every five minutes, they would cut to him with a huge afro, 70s. But Jason just shows up and blinks blankly. He's just like.

[Ronnie]

He has no stories to tell.

[Ben]

I like this fish. You know, he has nothing. He doesn't want to listen to them. He doesn't laugh with them. And it's always so low energy and boring. Every time they cut to the dinner, they're like, do you like the fish? I like it.

[Ronnie]

Do you like.

[Ben]

I like the fish.

[Ronnie]

He just needs to work on his, like, quiver of. Of tails, you know, he just doesn't have any tales of the high seas, Even if he just makes one go on to AI. Go on to, like, gone to chatgpt and be like, what sort of story could you fetch for me as a handsome captain who wants crashed a boat into a yacht, into a dock.

[Ben]

Tell us about your Kimono journey. Tell us about why you want everybody to smell like sandalwood. Tell us about the chilies you crashed into on the dock that time.

[Ronnie]

Tell us everything. Tell us more.

[Ben]

We want to know everything. So now there's the meat and cheese and all that and caviars coming. So Alicia goes to the galley to grab some food, and Ben tells like, watch your levels, darling. Watch your levels.

[Ronnie]

He had to tell Lisa that because there's a good chance Alicia will just take the plates and just, like, hold them by the sides like this, and all the food will. Will fall down. So then everyone's eating some, like, pancakes with caviar, and Daisy goes checking on the galley, and she's like, do you want me to see them? And he's like, oh, they're ready to be seasoned. And she's like, well, I think we could get them to the table.

[Ben]

So.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I don't know. In my opinion, cocktail hour is not finished, so they probably don't want to be seated right now. She's like, cut to gasping. Like, is it time for us to sit at the table?

[Ben]

Is this the best time to be sad? So Mecca's like, so, Elysia, we're ready to sit for dinner. She's like, should I chop off the Prosecco? And then in the galley, Ben's like, 20 minutes. That's the bitter baby you could spend on cocktail hour. All right, who's calling the shots around here? All right, Starbucks esophagus. I can't take it like this, but I'm communicating with you. You're the boss, babe. You're the boss of them. But I'm here to put the pressure on. Well, that's my job. Stop doing that. Stop it.

[Ronnie]

But that's my job. It's like every time. Every time when she comes into the galley, she just plants a little bomb. It's just incredible. It's incredible what syrup Neus can do.

[Ben]

I hate being an ag. But when things don't go right, who gets blamed? Not you. It's me. It's me who gets blamed every time.

[Ronnie]

Garrett, good chat. Like, literally. Who does that? You're just trying to piss the guy off. Or you have such an emotional disconnect that you're practically a Martian. I'm going have to start calling you Martian. El. El. No, that's not a good one. Martian is there. Is that body part that starts with an M. Martian. Mounds.

[Ben]

So everyone sits for dinner, and Daisy's like, all right, they're seated now. They seated themselves again. Goes, oh, did they now, that was rather presumptuous, wasn't it? Can't even control when they're sitting down. What kind of Chief Stewart. Ben, do your food. Okay, Captain Sandy, for the second time in this episode, do your food.

[Ronnie]

Just get it out there. Daisy's like, Ben's chef Persona. I think it's just, you know, it's smoke and mirrors. Cuz I know he's insecure and not to pick my battles. Put the food out and just don't be a prick.

[Ben]

He's like, well, I gave him meat and cheese. You gave them a meat and cheese plate? Why are you acting like you were cooking something crazy?

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So Mecca is like, captain, we travel a lot. We'd love to take the best, and we enjoy and get the best service. We want to see money dripping from things. And you guys have been really, really good. But have you been your best?

[Ronnie]

Have you been your best? Well, we definitely have some strong heads of department. Joao, Daisy, and Ben. We're a team. It's going well. They're like, okay, well, is there any stories about, like, a rich person that came on board or out of the

[Ben]

ladies, how they're cleaning those toilets? Okay, is this customer service Dinner theater?

[Ronnie]

So now they get some. Please hold. It's like, please.

[Ben]

If you'd like this message in English, please hold one, please press one. Thank you. Are you doing Hulk music? I am.

[Ronnie]

That was creepy old music. It's like, Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

[Ben]

I'll never tell. I'll never tell. At least give me honest hold music. I hate when you're holding for, like. Like, Verizon. And they're like, hold on, please. Wearing Hard rock your Verizon. You're screwing me on my apple watch plan. Can we just get to that? I like that rock.

[Ronnie]

I like that one. That one hold music that went viral. It's. It's. It's got. It's got that cool vibe. It's just some call up some company and you'll hear it. It's great story. No, it's great. There's this one hold music. It's so good. And, like, there came, like, a moment on the Internet where people were like. Someone was like, does anyone know this whole music? Because it's so good. Everyone's like, oh, my God. I love that whole music because we've all heard it, and it has this, like, cool beat. It's like. And then it's like, I'll look it up. I'll look it up.

[Ben]

Ben's just gonna start calling international companies right now to see what we can get.

[Ronnie]

I'm gonna look up awesome hold music and what comes up, it's, well, Google

[Ben]

celebrating St. Patrick's Day, that's for sure. I'll tell you that. It's green. Got some leaves on there.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Wow, there's a lot of stuff. Music I've ever heard.

[Ronnie]

Okay, one hour of best music on hold. I don't think it's.

[Ben]

There's an hour of best hold music.

[Ronnie]

God, can you say viral?

[Ben]

I didn't know that that was, like, a niche that people are like, you know what? Hey, guys, tonight at dinner, we're listening to my hold music mix.

[Ronnie]

I think this is it. This is the viral thing. It says when you're on hold and they drop this banger. Hold on. Yeah.

[Ben]

Oh, yeah.

[Ronnie]

It's so good. And it goes. This part. Art.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

Sort of sounds like the Rain man

[Ben]

soundtrack or Phil Collins something. Phil Collins. Yeah. Right.

[Ronnie]

So good.

[Ben]

Yeah, I have heard that.

[Ronnie]

It's so good.

[Ben]

That is good. I've never really thought about that as an art form, but whoever did that killed it.

[Ronnie]

Ben and Ronnie, get back to work. Here comes one right now.

[Ben]

Well, we definitely have great heads of department, etc. Etc. Okay, so now the octopus is gonna come up, up. And Mecca's like, yuck. She didn't. She didn't like it or somebody there didn't like it.

[Ronnie]

Mecca says she wasn't a fan, but I think that she was saying. I think she said, just kidding. Afterwards. And they edited. Edited it out, because down in the galley, Ben's like, did they like the octopus? Honey toes? And Daisy's like, wow, some of them didn't eat it. And some of them did. It's like, oh, really? Did Jason like it? I think so. So he's like, now all. And he's like, oh, well, he's starting to get upset. And then Mike and Jenna are talking, and Mike's like, so have you tried a little chat with idiot? She's like, do you think that you could give me second chance? Like, oh, no. Because you think you're completely done. Yeah. It's 100. He's a gentleman and not service letters. So that's her talking to him, and that's why I kind of fell into that lap. But not anymore.

[Ben]

Yeah. She's like, I just liked him because he talked and he pretended he liked when I talked, but no more. Well, that's a pretty solid reason. It's like, wow, a guy who liked to talk and liked for me to talk to, but that's over now. And Mike, by the way, go to work. Mike, he's just like. He's just following her around me, like, what do you think? What's your relationship like? What's that like? You're quite. You're quite. What do they say on Love Island? You're quite, like, not sweet on him. Yeah, it's like an old 50s thing. Yeah. But I feel like on Love Island, UK, they talk like they're in the 50s sometimes.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben]

Oh, what a honey.

[Ronnie]

Rocking. You reckon you like him?

[Ben]

What a honey.

[Ronnie]

You keen on him?

[Ben]

What a humdinger. Yeah, yeah. So Daisy. Okay. Yeah. So lobster spring roll. Okay. So he's gossiping and she's like, I've got nothing else to say. All right? Because he's just following her around, asking her questions. And he goes, yeah, but Eddie does think very highly of you. He does, Mike. And then he. It's about, you're not gonna get laid this way. Okay. I don't know if that's what he's trying to do, but I feel like he's just walking around trying to get leftovers. Yeah, go away, Mike.

[Ronnie]

Go away. He's a nasty. So more food comes up. There's a. There's a sorbet palate cleanser, and then, like, a mushroom and hollandaise sauce thing. And then ultimately the meal ends with an apple pie, calzone and vanilla custard. And, you know, last week he. Ben was like, well, I think I'm going to Sleepy girls and apple pie. And they're like, is that the best you can do? An apple pie? He's like, I think so. And then we're like, why, Ben? Why are you serving an apple pie? He should have told us it was an apple calzone. I think maybe we would have been a little bit more friendly.

[Ben]

That's worse. An apple calzone. That doesn't sound classy. He doesn't add calzone to something to make it sound classier.

[Ronnie]

It should be like. Like a hand pie or something like that. But he doesn't have his mother, AKA the oven, so he can't. He has to, like, do some sort of, like, fried vert thing for dessert.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

But it looks very nice, actually, when it arrives. And so, I mean, it looks like

[Ben]

a breakfast McDonald's apple.

[Ronnie]

It does, like, a very fancy version of that, right?

[Ben]

Yeah. And they're all complaining. They're like, apple pie. Why are we eating apple pie? Who asked for apple pie? Why service apple pie? And then someone's like, this is good. And someone else is like.

[Ronnie]

So then they're like.

[Ben]

And she goes, I mean, we're not here to minimize our plate. No. She goes, we're not here to minimize our palates, are we?

[Ronnie]

Perhaps you are because you're on a reality TV cruise, not a real one. So then Ben comes upstairs and Mecca's like, oh, Ben. And Joy goes, we had a whole conversation earlier. What happened? He's like, what? Yeah, what happened, Ben? About what? Our dinner. Was it the best?

[Ben]

Was that the best you could do? We just wanted your best. I like that they both said it at the same time. Mecca and Joy both were like, you thought this was your Bestanga resort theme. Nope, you're still on hold. It was my best. And they're like, haha, we're just kidding.

[Ronnie]

It was great.

[Ben]

Loved it.

[Ronnie]

You're so creative and so amazing.

[Ben]

This was, in fact, your best. And Jason saw that was go. I haven't been listening to any of this. But everyone else is laughing, so all laugh as well. Chuck, you are so creative. I mean, calzone with apples. Oh my God, you're so amazing.

[Ronnie]

Did someone say something about the friend zone? Oh, calzone. Never mind Mexico.

[Ben]

Are you sure you want to friends on the apple pie? What does the apple pie do to you? All right, well, why not have fun at my expense, right? It's not like I've had any fun this weekend. It's just an immense relief. And they're complaining, complimenting the food, darlings. Cheers your gratitude, huh?

[Ronnie]

So Mecca's like, captain, we have a saying, so you gotta say it. It's to being pretty powerful and provocative. He's like, got it. To being pretty powerful and crashing into docks. Oh, sorry. Sometimes miss that.

[Ben]

Pretty provocative. And sandalwood kimonos. But just go. Just go, Captain Jason. So Ben is very pleased with himself. Now, we have a problem here because Ben has been manipulating his way into a guest room every week with some kind of trauma or tears. Now he doesn't have any. He just got a huge compliment. So what's he gonna do?

[Ronnie]

What's he gonna do? Well, he's without his mother, so that will probably be the thing. He's like, I just had to do a whole charter without my mother.

[Ben]

Please let me sleep in the guest Jada.

[Ronnie]

So the guests get the hot tub and they want like, a little caviar pizza. So someone goes, ben, you look like a good time outside of work. From your haircut, I could tell you're a good time. I'm like, from his Haircut. You would think he's sticking his fingers in outlets. What are you talking about? He's a good time.

[Ben]

Mike. Talking to Mike.

[Ronnie]

Oh, maybe they are.

[Ben]

They must be.

[Ronnie]

No, I said, ben, outside of work,

[Ben]

from your haircut, I can tell you're a good time. Yeah, I don't know. I. But both of them. That would really work for both of them.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So Jason tells them, you know, he says, bye. And by the way, didn't you just eat six courses?

[Ronnie]

Hi.

[Ben]

That's us on. That's us on a boat.

[Ronnie]

I was like, that would be me. I'd be like, can I have a coffee?

[Ben]

Can we keep eating? All right. We're going to be in the hot tub. Could you make us five more things? Just because you have to. I know.

[Ronnie]

Like. Like, you're like, they just had six courses. I'm like, have you seen us this weekend?

[Ben]

We just had a plate of French toast piled to our heads.

[Ronnie]

Yes. By the way, Ronnie made a delicious French toast for breakfast. It was so good. Such a good.

[Ben]

Don't call me single nationality.

[Ronnie]

That's. I was just about to. So then I heart's like, we're taking back that award now in the galley. Ben, Ellie, and Jason.

[Ben]

I don't even think they're gonna send it.

[Ronnie]

That took him, like, six. They were like, psych.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So they didn't give us a form or anything, right? Form to send the award. Last time. We have to get, like, where our address is.

[Ben]

They email you.

[Ronnie]

That's what I meant. It's shiny this year, by the way. It's very nice. It's a nice one. That's gonna be a nice one.

[Ben]

It throws gold.

[Ronnie]

It is rose gold. And it was heavy as hell.

[Ben]

Yeah. And you get fingerprints all over it. They were handing them out with, like, those, you know, the screen cleaner cloths. I thought that was funny. Okay. Yeah. It's like some of that. Can I get a clean award? That would be great.

[Ronnie]

Do you want to hear some inside scoop about award chairs? They have a microfiber available.

[Ben]

You guys, I got Muffy's paw prints all over my award. Okay, so, Jason, they're on the hot tub. Yeah. So we go to the galley, and Ben is there with Ellie and Jason. And Jason's complimenting them, and Ben asks his favorite, and Jason's like, the octopus. That was great. And the palate cleanser was nice, too. I know you didn't just compliment the sorbet after you just had six courses of things. Jason.

[Ronnie]

Hey, if it was a good. If it's a good sorbet, by the way. How good was the octopus?

[Ben]

Yeah, but if you cooked all day and someone's like, what's your favorite thing? And they're all like, the ice cream from the grocery store. That was the best thing.

[Ronnie]

Good job he made this orbe, though.

[Ben]

Oh, what counts?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, no, it counts.

[Ben]

No, because on Top Chef, I feel like you have to diss things if

[Ronnie]

they're cold unless you do it really well, because then Tom will be like, you know. You know, everyone just needs to edit. But this soup is just, like, simple. It's clean, and I really like it a lot. And Kristen's like, there was a ring mold in my soup.

[Ben]

Yeah. You never know what Tom's going to do on that show.

[Ronnie]

I would have liked the soup as well, except that there was a ring mold in it.

[Ben]

He's like, it's rustic. It's rustic. It's just how they didn't caveman did it, you know?

[Ronnie]

We missed Kristen Kish this weekend.

[Ben]

Did we? What was she doing?

[Ronnie]

Well, she was at a restaurant for south by Southwest. We could have gone.

[Ben]

You just heard she was at a restaurant?

[Ronnie]

Well, no, no, she has a restaurant here, so she was around.

[Ben]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, we should have totally. We should have gone.

[Ben]

Let's go today. Let's go right now.

[Ronnie]

Like, sorry, I'm purging my restaurant of ring molds.

[Ben]

Okay. So Ben's like, oh, she was a baby. Ellie. She did great. Little lumpy, dumpy. She was so. She was so great. Swizzle stick. Swizzle stick. I can't. Why can't I think of body parts? I've run out of body parts.

[Ronnie]

Well, it's not just body parts. Just has to sound like a body part. Like. Like, you little swizzle stump.

[Ben]

So.

[Ronnie]

So anyway, we're in the galley, as you mentioned, and Ellie is giving Joao some apple pie. And she's. And he's like, oh, no. He goes, oh. Oh, shizzle. Oh, shizzle. You might think I'm referencing Snoop Dogg by saying, oh, shizzle, but I'm actually referencing how we say shit in Zimbabwe. Shizzle.

[Ben]

Shizzle.

[Ronnie]

Shizim is normally what we say.

[Ben]

Zimzal. Oh, zimzal.

[Ronnie]

Holy. Holy. Zim. We just say zim. Instead of cursing, we just say zim.

[Ben]

Zimzus. Christ.

[Ronnie]

Okay. Mother Zimmer.

[Ben]

So he's trying the apple pie, but he burns himself. And she's like, oh, that was karma. That. Burn the karma. Karma for what? Ah, let's think through this. Together, shall we? Okay, step one, you invite me for wine. Great, great. It's going great. We're going to have a chat. Great.

[Ronnie]

Wonderful.

[Ben]

Ooh, chat with you. How wonderful. And this is amazing. And then this motherfucker walks up the gateway with another girl.

[Ronnie]

Is that. Is that still a date? Questionable. So Joo is like, oh, is that how you think it was? Oh, no, I am sorry. She was like, well, I'm sitting there like an idiot like this. You know, it feels good to finally get these all off of my chest. I love Ellie. Ellie, who's known for just always having to bite her tongue and keep things on the inside. I am the second stone. You do not disobey me.

[Ben]

Yeah. And he's like, oh, mayday, mayday. Woman angry. Well, I still like him. I'm forgiving him. I'm moving on. And I'm waiting to march genetics. She's like, species cannot wait for sweaty little baby.

[Ronnie]

No. Ellie is beautiful. She is. And I feel like she's not looking at anyone else but myself. This is a situation I have almost never been in. Hahaha. Modest Joao. This season, it's nice to be wanted, even though I am so ugly.

[Ben]

So Daisy sends Alicia to bed, and. No, she says she's going to bed. And Daisy's like, well, I'm going to bed. All right, so let's go through your list. I want everything clean. Make sure the pantry and the sundex are clean. Crew, mess everything away, including wiping out the table. And if I see wax on the table, that's going to be a bitch to clean. But stay up as long as you need to because I don't need you in the morning. And I think they asked for caviar for pizza, which he's got, and. All right, I'll see you in the morning. Okay. Alicia's like, oh, my God, there were three things on that list.

[Ronnie]

So then the guests are off at the hot tub, and one of them wants coconut water, I guess, without the ice. And Alicia is checking in on when the pizza is going to be ready. It's going to be ready in a few minutes. And then she gets it and she serves it in the hot tub. And Mecca's like, thank you so much. Are we. Is this all we get, is just pizza? Is this the best late night snack you can do? And Lisa's like, oh, what else would you like? She's like, oh, no, no, I was just asking, actually. I was just. Just seeing. Just. I'm perfectly happy. Just, you know, but by the way, my sheets Feel a little cold. Can you put them in the dryer and warm them up before I go to bed? I'm joking. I'm joking. Is that the best joke I could do? I have to ask myself.

[Ben]

But I absolutely can do that, though. It doesn't matter. They're gonna cool down in seconds. No, you can't do that.

[Ronnie]

That's not a thing I actually bought. I bought a towel warmer. It's like. It looks like a big barrel. And you put your towels. And then you plug it in, and it, like, warms up your towels and put your towel on. It's, like, nice. But the thing is that, like, it seems so nice, and then in practicality, it is the stupidest thing in the entire world because you want the warm shower after you get out of the warm towel after you get out of the shower. But that means you have to have this big electronic device plugged in right next to your shower. And in my bathroom, I don't have outlets next to my shower. So you'd have to actually go, like, across to, like, the towel to come back to the shower. Like, then you get water across your floor. By the time you walk over it, like, it makes no. There's, like, it makes no sense. Yeah.

[Ben]

I think you have to just have it wired that way. You have to be rich enough that you're like, I need electric things right next to my shower.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you need, like, the ones that are like. Yeah. Wired into your rack. Or like, you order, or you get the. You get the towel warmer. If you, like, have a staff and you're sitting somewhere, you're like, oh, could someone bring me a warm towel? You know?

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. That's one of those things that sometimes we're just not meant for things normal people aren't meant for stuff like that. Yeah, it's like, that's just for rich people.

[Ronnie]

It seemed like such a fun thing to get, and it was just so stupid.

[Ben]

So they do the hot tub stuff. Alicia is. Is still kissing butt and stuff, and she sees her to do list from Daisy. And Alicia's like, oh, my God. It's like a whole day's list of work. You're choking, but it's really just cleaning.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but she does the opposite, because then she breaks a glass, which means she's making things messier.

[Ben]

So she's just started. She immediately drops a glass, and then she just covers her face and starts walking in a circle like she's gonna have a nervous breakdown. Baby steps. Just one thing at a time. Time. It's Gonna be okay. And I don't want to listen to anybody complain after seeing what Ellie has to do, because meanwhile, Ben's like, babe, could you just clean everything? And then we see the kitchen, and it is a disaster. It's, like, stacked up.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, yeah, that.

[Ben]

Dishes and trays and glasses and everything's just a war zone. And he's like, you do it. All right, babe, I need a break.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, exactly. So Elisa's doing her cleaning, and then her boyfriend's texting, like, are you okay? Are you okay? And she's like. Like, I'm trying to function, but I'm, like, malfunctioning, which is what my mom always tells me. And you can't be back at the house. Front of the house, everything house. It needs to be understood that there's things that can't be done in a day by one person. Yeah, not every. Sure, you can't do the whole. The whole boat, but you can do some things at least. I like, what is she doing? What is she doing anymore?

[Ben]

Yeah. My day has been so hectic, physically, mentally. And of course, my boyfriend's doing nothing but texting me this whole child. And we see his text. He's like, is the charter over now? You okay? Get back to me when you can. Okay? Listen, homely man, you are too needy. You need to stop this.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

You're dating someone three times out of your league, and you need to calm down. She's on a boat. And even if she wasn't, even if you were, Even if you were not a print model for duck vests. Yeah, she is busy. Stop bugging me while I'm work. That's the most annoying thing is having someone like, oh, my God, he's still busy. Why are you calling me? Why aren't you calling me? Because I'm cleaning poop specks off of a toilet bowl. That's why. It's not that I'm often like, Brazil, you know, banging hot people. I'm cleaning. Literally.

[Ronnie]

Literally.

[Ben]

Leave me alone, person who's still probably on a hill. And Whistler.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So it's the next morning, last day of charter, and Jason wakes up and he sees all the melted wax still on the table. It's like, if you're not. If you're going to pick and choose your battles the night before, at least clean the table. Have the table ready. You know, like. But, like, all the wax, it was so bad.

[Ben]

Obvious stuff. At least, like, everything. You have all the counters, clean the table, clean. And just like, if somebody's coming over and at the last minute you shove everything in a closet or under a bed. Right.

[Ronnie]

Do that right. The most public facing things I think they're actually going to be using and interacting with. Clean that first, you know. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

[Ben]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ronnie]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly. Clap.

[Ben]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offit. She's not just to Sheila she's a Daniela. It's all we never miss her call. It's Diane call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Ronnie]

Darren McNicholas she don't miss no Tricolus Hava Nagila Webber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less

[Ben]

Namey sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Ronnie]

She's not a McBee she's a McBride. Jess McBride she's our favorite streamer.

[Ben]

Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets a name from us. It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry.

[Ronnie]

Aren't you glad It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Ben]

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the burg.

[Ronnie]

This is living with Michelle Vivian I

[Ben]

love a Ya Olivia Williamson.

[Ronnie]

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

[Ben]

Yes we can. It's Savannah.

[Ronnie]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Ben]

Darn Skippy. It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors she's vvip

[Ronnie]

It's Amanda V. Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh. Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD

[Ben]

we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Ronnie]

Let's get real with Caitlyn o'.

[Ben]

Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogle. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Ronnie]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish, My favorite Murdo Karen

[Ben]

McMurdo, she's a total knockout It's Katie Manock.

[Ronnie]

Let's get Savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani Roger that. It's Marla's Rogers the incredible edible Matthew

[Ben]

Sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's our princess It's

[Ronnie]

Rebecca Prince Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke

[Ben]

we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah

[Ronnie]

Talafson Shannon out of a can and Anthony Please don't stop at solely and pop let's take off with Tamla Plain Strike a pose.

[Ben]

It's Tori Rose she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.