#3291 The Valley S3E01 Part One: Sip and Lacey

Summary

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Watch What Crappens – Episode #3291 Recap

The Valley S3E01 Part One: Sip and Lacey

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: April 2, 2026

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Overview

Kicking off the Season 3 premiere of Bravo’s "The Valley," Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam provide their signature blend of praise, ridicule, and razor-sharp humor. This episode, affectionately titled "Sip and Lacey," dives into the cast’s post-breakup struggles, life in the notoriously un-glamorous San Fernando Valley, and a maze of relationship and parenting woes. The hosts especially focus on the emotional undertones, location malaise, and a healthy dose of schadenfreude as the cast attempts to find their sparkle amidst sticky diners, leeching exes, and baby-centered storylines.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Sadness" of The Valley

• Ronnie’s Vibes:
  "I forget how kind of sad this show is. I get like a sad feeling while I watch this...the settings are sad. The places they go to lunch are always really sad. They look like they have like sticky stuff on the table." (03:50)
• Ben’s Take:
  Ben chalks it up to the intrinsic "getting older and giving up on your dreams" vibe of the Valley. Unlike the career-driven, aspirational energy of "Summer House," The Valley cast seems to be "anchored down to children," stuck chasing fame with less obvious career trajectories. (04:30)

2. Bravo Universe Overload: Summer House vs. The Valley

• The hosts discuss the culture shock of moving from "Summer House's" Hamptons-scandal fuels to The Valley’s laid-back, fame-chasing ex-pumpers—highlighting how the East and West Coast Bravo realities couldn't feel more different right now. (05:51–07:22)
• Ronnie:
  "I've had Summer House overdose. I don't care anymore...I've already had it. I was mad for a week and I think that's all I've got for it. So I'm glad to have something else to be angry about. And her name is Janet and she's back." (07:22)

3. Brittany’s Breakup Glow & Jaxless Existence

• Brittany’s new single mom energy is equal parts hilarious and tragic. Her "wind-up doll" soundbites ("it's bear 'o clock!") are dissected as the hosts giggle about her random inserts and performative positivity as she tries to "get her sparkle back." (08:06–09:32)
• Ronnie:
  "Everything's so much better now...I'm so happy now. I'm paying for everything...I paid for that. Yeah. I'm still not divorced. Jax hasn't sent in the paperwork yet...You will not be seeing that paperwork. He wants half of your money." (08:53)

4. Sticky Apartments, Benji’s Spray Tan, and Open Relationships

• Zach and Benji provide comic relief: GLP-1 jokes, spray tan mishaps, and GLP-1 weight-loss admissions. Zach’s “West Hollywood forever” attitude is matched by Benji’s tiny-ness and sartorial flexibility. (09:32–10:40)
• Quote:
  "He has like an empty OXO cereal container that somehow has hair in it for whatever reason." (09:32)

5. Wedding Mania & The Bravo Event Economy

• Jasmine and Melissa’s wedding planning is playfully mocked for its "simple" yet circus-level complexity—buffets, sushi, trapezes, and mermaids included. (11:05)
• The hosts hilariously riff on the phenomenon of Bravo stars wielding events as social leverage: "You wanna come to my wedding? You better watch it...The returns are diminishing every time." (25:58–27:19)

6. Divorce Papers: Men Leeching Off Women

• Both Michelle and Brittany are stuck in legal limbo due to exes refusing to sign divorce papers, with Ben and Ronnie attributing the male foot-dragging to strategic attempts to extract more money. (12:03–13:55)
• Ben:
  "Not signing the papers in order to get something, extract some sort of value or...improve your position is inherently a strategic thing to do. So don't tell us that you're not doing anything strategic right now." (13:55)

7. Santa Clarita Isolation and California Geography Rant

• The hosts go in-depth (to comic effect) about just how far Santa Clarita really is from the action, painting it as basically a “valley within a valley,” an LA outpost so remote it’s comical. (14:20–16:28)
• Ben:
  "Santa Clarita has them beat tremendously...it's in the Valley's own valley. Spin off." (15:40)

8. Baby-Centric Storylines: Kristen, Nia & the "Sip and See"

• Kristen’s journey into new motherhood is depicted with all the messiness, insecurity, and isolation you’d expect—accentuated by her trademark floppiness and a stroller “like one of those inflatable things in front of a used car lot.” (19:45–20:52, 49:05–51:14)
• Kristen and Nia’s joint "sip and see" event becomes a plot locus for social jockeying and avoidance. (21:53)
• Quote, Ben:
  "Being getting older is realizing that these...things in people's lives, you're not obligated to participate in them whatsoever." (27:19)

9. Janet’s Villain Era & Bravo Therapy Tropes

• Janet’s "I’ve been to therapy" shtick is instantly undercut by her unchanged drama-mongering, especially with Nia. Ronnie nails the Bravo cliche: "Here comes Janet with the Bravo male villain storyline: 'Guys, I'm totally different now. I started therapy!'" (23:51)
• Highlight: Janet milking her side of last season’s pool party drama into “dateline-level” tragedy. (31:11)

10. Friendship Cold Wars & Event Exclusion

• The hosts mock the transactional nature of event invitations and the emotional bargaining chips wielded among cast members—Kristen’s "you’re not coming to my sip and see" is a particular target. A recurring takeaway: save your drama, and just send a gift. (27:19–29:39)

11. Realness Check: Single People and Social Obligations

• Ronnie and Ben reflect on social expectations around supporting coupled friends’ events, landing on a "just don't guilt me about it" mindset—humorously suggesting "just don't invite me, I'm gay" as the ideal RSVP. (28:41)

12. Tom Schwartz’s Cameo: Sadness on Two Legs

• Tom Schwartz makes a guest appearance looking "pickled," a "maraschino cherry," and generally emblematic of the "aging LA man stuck in the past." (42:15–43:32)
• Ben:
  "He literally has not even enough personality to come up with his own sentence to describe how he feels right now. He has to crib off of...Brittany." (45:13)

13. Open Relationships & Visa Uncertainties

• Zach and Benji’s open relationship and Benji’s visa status become a vehicle for lightweight legal and sexual humor by the hosts. (47:21–48:35)

14. Kristen’s Social Media Meltdown

• Ben reads Kristen’s real-life Threads meltdown, mocking her for being so spun-up by routine social media snark:
  “Truly baffled by the number of people on Threads who tag me and are so cruel and rude...I'd love it even more if you'd tell me face to face..." (36:25)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ronnie (on The Valley's settings):
  "The places they go to lunch are always really sad. They look like they have, like, sticky stuff on the table...” (03:50)
• Ben:
  "Anchored down to children is sad." (04:30)
• Ronnie (on Bravo event fatigue):
  "...The returns are diminishing every time. At some point, we're like, we have spent our money. I have given you thousands of dollars over the years, and you're not going to hold this over my head like you're doing me some big fucking favor by looking at your little sack of goo." (26:58)
• On Kristen’s stroller skills:
  "Kristen already inherently moves like one of those inflatable things in front of a used car lot..." (50:28)
• On divorce hold-ups:
  "He ain't gonna send in the paperwork... You're not gonna get away from that man until he has half of everything." (08:53)
• On Santa Clarita:
  "Santa Clarita has them beat tremendously... It's in the Valley's own valley. Spin off." (15:40)
• Janet’s Exclusion Melodrama:
  "A crime was committed against me and my people. So she's like, yeah, in front of my kid. I was like, oh, God, here we go now. Now you have a kid? So it makes it tons worse." (31:11)
• On inviting single friends to life events:
  "Just don't invite me. I'm gay. I mean, I just want to put that on the RSVP..." (28:41)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Sadness of The Valley (03:50–04:30)
• Bravo Culture Shock (Summer House vs The Valley) (05:51–07:22)
• Brittany’s Divorced Life & Party Quotes (08:06–09:32)
• Santa Clarita Geography Rant (14:20–16:28)
• Wedding Leveraging / Event Economy (25:58–29:39)
• Janet Therapy Cliche (23:51)
• Janet’s Pool Party Meltdown (Dateline Recap) (31:11)
• Tom Schwartz’s Sad Cameo (42:15–45:13)
• Kristen’s Threads Meltdown (36:25)
• Ben and Ronnie’s Single-Person Realness (28:41)
• Open Relationships & Visa Humor (47:21–48:35)
• Kristen’s Stroller Woes & Motherhood Transition (49:05–51:14)

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Tone & Style

Ben and Ronnie’s tone gleefully oscillates between crass, affectionate, and deeply sarcastic. Pop culture and ‘Bravo-verse’ in-jokes abound, and the episode is peppered with mockery, “Dateline” references, geographic deep-dives, and both hosts one-upping each other’s bits. The conversation is unsparing, with a sense of both exasperated affection and comic detachment from the Bravo drama.

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Useful For

• Anyone seeking a fun and biting overview of "The Valley" S3E01 before watching
• Listeners curious about the interconnected drama within Bravo’s reality shows
• Fans of Ben and Ronnie’s irreverent take on millennial/Gen X social obligations and parenting
• Anyone looking for the best quotes, running gags, and a map to the emotional terrain of the Valley cast

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Skip the wedding, but don’t skip this recap!

Transcript

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[Ben Mandelker]

You guys, I have some legendary news for you. Twenty years after its debut, the HBO original comedy series the Comeback is finally back. I've always loved how the show skewers Hollywood, and seeing Lisa Kudrow return as the iconic Valerie Cherish is exactly what we need right now.

[Ronnie Caram]

This season picks up over a decade later. Valerie is finally starring in a new show. But here's the twist. It's being written by AI. She's still navigating the chaos in the industry and chasing those big dreams with that same Valerie Cherish energy we adore.

[Ben Mandelker]

If you're watching this season, and you really should be, by the way, you've got to check out the official Comeback. Podcast host Evan Ross Katz is joined by Lisa Kudrow and Michael Patrick King to unpack every episode to dive into the show's origins and why Valerie is still such a relatable, resilient character after two decades.

[Ronnie Caram]

You'll also hear from cast members like Laura Silverman and Ella Stiller, plus comedy powerhouses like Abby Jacobson and John Early. For anyone who loves a behind the scenes look at how iconic TV is made, this is is a must.

[Ben Mandelker]

Listen, Stream the HBO original series the Comeback on HBO max Sundays at 10:30pm and watch the Comeback podcast on HBO Max. Or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what happens, Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much what happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crap ins a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just can't stop talking crap about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hey, Ronnie, how's it going? Hello, Ben.

[Ronnie Caram]

Hello.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a big day. Big day here on Bravo. Yes, it is a big.

[Ronnie Caram]

It is a big. That creek. I said hello, Ben over us. Microphone stand is a little bit rusty over here, guys. Just like,

[Ben Mandelker]

yes, we're back. The valley's back. I think with almost zero fanfare. It's sort of either if whatever fanfare there was got Overshadowed by people first complaining about Miami. And then of course now we have our whole drama on Summer House, which made it to the New York Times, the top New York Times. It was literally like New York Times logo on their website was like New York Times logo. On the left was like, oh, DHS is being funded again and there's a war. And then on the right it was explaining the Summer House scandal. I was like, wow, Wes and Amanda next to war on the New York Times. Like they did it, we did it.

[Ronnie Caram]

Joe. That makes sense.

[Ben Mandelker]

Before we dive into that Patreon, come visit us. Watch what crappins. Patreon.com watch for crappins. We have a newsletter that's free for everyone, even non members. We also have ad free, an ad free feed there for Patreon members. A weekly bonus episode. This week we did a big old recap on the latest episode of Survivor. Last week's episode of Survivor, I haven't actually watched last night's yet. And we also have Crap is on Demand where you can watch us, not just listen to us. So go check out Patreon. And in the meantime, let's dive into the season premiere of the Valley. A jacksless valley. What did you think?

[Ronnie Caram]

Ronnie loved the Jacksoness. You know, I forget how kind of sad this show is. I get like a sad feeling while I watch this. Most of the shows on Bravo, they start, I'm like, hahaha. And this one, I just feel kind of sad as it goes on. I mean like the settings are sad. The places they go to lunch are always really sad. They look like they have like sticky stuff on the table. Like the tables haven't been bust and it's just like they're not designed. They're all like shitty diners. And then the apartments in the houses are all just like kind of sad too. And I don't know. And then the relationships are all sad and I don't know, I feel kind of sad. But then by the end I'm laughing. So I guess that's all I can really ask for. What do you think?

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, Ronnie, it's a show based on the San Fernando Valley. I mean, what else do you expect? No, I, I mean this show's great. It's a great show. It is sad. It's a sad show because getting older is sad and giving up on your dreams is sad and being anchored down to children is sad. So a lot of it is just a very sad show. But it's funny. I find that like I'm. I just like with Honestly, I think with everything happening with Summer House, I just was not ready to pivot into the Valley world yet because it's, it's such a, like, I feel like between Summer House and the extended world of Vanderpump Rules, there is such a different culture, you know, like Summer House, the world of Summer House has this East Coast Manhattan vibe to it of like, of like wealthy upper middle class kids who live in the city. Not they're adults who live in the city who are working in either media or influencing. And they're kind of like career driven, you know, and they go out to the Hamptons, they do stuff. And then when you go to like the world of Vanderpump rules in the Valley, these are not career driven people. I mean, you got what's his face as a lawyer or Jason, but everyone else is just sort of what are they doing? They're just kind of hanging out.

[Ronnie Caram]

I mean, I don't know, but isn't that a question we ask, we ask in LA all the time, like, what does everybody do? Because like everybody's. And I'm sure they ask it about us as they see us at the fucking, you know, coffee shop at noon on the laptop, like, what do they do? You know, everyone has like some weird connection to work that. So that's kind of typical, I guess. They're all influencers. I know Britney's a pretty big influencer.

[Ben Mandelker]

I guess she's like an influencer. Jesse is a realtor. Michelle is I guess technically a realtor. Like they work, but like the vibe there is just sort of like it feels like if you're on Vanderpump Rules or the Valley, you at one point or another in your life or maybe actively were clutching to fame or chasing fame. Whereas on Summer House it feels like if the show ended, everyone would be able to go back to a trajectory they were already on. And I don't know, like sometimes it's like hard to go from the Summer House vibe to the west coast, you know, straight people vibe. And I think because the scandal on Summer House is so big right now and so consuming, would you say.

[Ronnie Caram]

Well, they're all.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. Well, I meant more just like, I guess, I suppose like House, I, I, as opposed to Housewives, Normies, whatever, whatever we call the shows that are not about the real Housewives, that are generally about straight people, like Southern Charm and you know, all these shows. I'm saying the, I think I'm so consumed with Summerhouse at the moment that I'm having a hard time like, pivoting into the valley. But I'll get there and it's fine. I love the show.

[Ronnie Caram]

I've had Summer House overdose. I don't care anymore. Like, there are so many posts that are like, oh, my God, they were touching feet by the pool in episode two. We didn't see. I don't care. Like, it's to me. I don't. I don't. Like, I'm done. I've already had it. I was mad for a week and I think that's all I've got for it. So I'm glad to have something else to be angry about. And her name is Janet and she's back. So we start the episode with Brittany, of course. It's a brand new year and a brand new me. I'm getting back my sparkle. Britney is more of a Muppet than ever. Wow. Yeah, she really came in with an extra dose of Britney. She got some Britney wings and dipped them in some Britney sauce and she's Brittany it up. Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Brittany. Brittany is giving vibes of like, a wind up doll. And someone gave her, like, really basic things to say when they go to the. When they go to El Coyote later in the episode. And she keeps on interjecting with these random things. Like, it's bear o'.

[Ronnie Caram]

Clock.

[Ben Mandelker]

I felt like someone is taking an. Actively taking a cord from her back and pulling it and seeing what pops out of her mouth.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's bear o'.

[Ben Mandelker]

Clock. She's just saying random, like, that big or me, not show me. I don't know. It's like, we'll have to see when we get there. I don't remember specifically what she said, but that entire scene, like, no matter what anyone said, she would just sort of chuckle some sort of like, silly response to it. Like, well, I got a flat tire today. Oh, that's just like boys do. Like, what?

[Ronnie Caram]

Boys will be boys. Everything's so much better now. I'm so much better. I'm so happy now. I'm paying for everything. I'm so proud of myself. Paying for my baby. Pay for my height. Something forever. That this house that says home. It says home. I paid for that. I paid for that. Yeah. I'm still not divorced. Jack hasn't sent in the paperwork yet, but I'm hoping within six weeks he'll send in the paperwork. He ain't gonna send in the paperwork. He wants half of your money. Honey, that man's not doing anything. You're not getting away from Jax, I'll tell you that. And it's Sad. But you're not gonna get away from that man until he has half of everything.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, you will not be seeing that paperwork. He's using that paperwork. Just north lines. So now we go to Zach's apartment with Bungie and he's like. Benji's like, honey, I'm home. He's like, why is this their hair in my container? Look at this. He has like an empty OXO cereal container that somehow has hair in it for whatever reason. And then we see Zach in the confessional and he's, I guess, turned into a light walker. His eyes are piercing blue. And then there's also like this 1940s, like, spotlight on him. What are they doing to Zach? And he's like, I'm still in West Hollywood and I still haven't made the jump to the Valley, and I don't think I ever will. And the great part is my roommate is moving out and Benji is soft moving in, but he's so small, he doesn't take up much room. It's basically like I get a triple the closet space because I'm dating Bungie.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Benji got a haircut. It's a big day. He's like, yeah, you know what? And I need to do my GLP1 because, like, I don't have to lie about how I lose weight. Yeah. Other people on the cast, players. But you know what? I'm gonna do it right now. Oh. Oh, God. I hope I don't rub off too much of my spray tan. I'm skinny again.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yay. And then over at Jasmine and Melissa's apartment in Sherman Oaks, Jasmine's like, well, Melissa and I are still living together. We moved in a new place in Sherman Oaks, and I can't believe that I'm living in the Valley. But I'm just trying really hard to get off of this third tier status in the show and actually get in the mix a little bit. In the mix. I can't believe I'm in the Valley. Yeah, I'm. It's, you know, I'm a little bit of a laid back bride. I would say. I'm just kind of a go with the flow.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's going to be black tie, no kids. It's going to be sushi. There's going to be a carving station. We'll carve the sushi. It's very interactive, it's simple, it's elegant, and I don't want anybody rolling up.

[Ronnie Caram]

There's a lot going on at the wedding. It's going to be super simple. Bride, bride, sushi steak, buffet, napkins, forks, trapeze. Trappies. There's going to be a lady on trapeze. It's going to be a swimming pool. It's going to be mermaids. Mermaids in the swimming pool. Pretty easy. Pretty easy. We're going to circus, Circus performance. Seals people bouncing.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're gonna set up a mannequin so that we did. We're gonna set up a mannequin so that way Danny can cup its ass and say, daddy's here. You know, things like that.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Melissa's like, I can't believe we're actually getting married. I have so much to do. We should be doing more. Why aren't you helping? And she's like, I'm the groom. I'm not gonna help you. So that's their storyline. Jasmine's like, I'm. I'm. I don't want to get wedding stuff done. Melissa's gonna be like, we've gotta get wedding stuff done.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now let's go over to Michelle Lally as she sages the house before Jesse comes over to pick up Isabella. I have my own plan again, and I'm truly, truly single. Aaron and I didn't work out. And the producer's like, have you ever been broken up with before? Actually, it was the first time anybody has ever broken up with me. I usually do the breaking up, but I guess that's very threatening for people.

[Ronnie Caram]

Only Michelle would use the sage before the evil person came over. You're supposed to use it after he comes.

[Ben Mandelker]

And also open the windows. Open your windows when you do it.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Jesse comes over and says hi to Isabella. She's like, okay, Isabella, go with your father. Jesse and I split, Isabella. We switch weekends. I wish the divorce was finalized, but it is not. He always has an excuse as to why he cannot sign the paper. Because he wants to spend your money to you. That's the men on the Valley. That's why this show so sad. Yeah, all the men are just like, trying to leech off the women, you know, I think except for the zombie one who grabs butts. Danny, he works occasionally, but. Yeah, And Jason. Yeah, I guess Jason too. So Jesse's like, God, Michelle thinks that everything I do is strategic, but, you know, like, I want to get divorced. It's just. It just hasn't happened. It will. It will happen. It will sign the papers.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm like, you're. You're really making this sound really. He's like. He says, I want to get forced. It just hasn't happened yet. Simple. I was like, what's simple about that? What do you mean it just hasn't happened yet? Did you, like, lose your fine motor skills and can't find your name? What's going on?

[Ronnie Caram]

When you don't want to sign the papers, it's because there's something you're not getting in that divorce. And what do you want in the divorce? Money.

[Ben Mandelker]

Not signing the papers in order to get something, extract some sort of value or some. Or improve your position is inherently a strategic thing to do. So don't tell us that you're not doing anything strategic right now. If you weren't doing anything strategic, you would sign the papers. You can't act like, oh, you know, it's just a video cassette. You have to rewind before you bring it back to Blockbuster. Like, sign it.

[Ronnie Caram]

Be kind. Rewind. So we go to Danny and Nia's house and, you know, we're going to Danny and I's. Because they just show bare canyon hills, like nothing and then a house. And it's so funny because they're really dissing Santa Clarita now. I don't know Santa Clarita, but I'm assuming that there's a Best Buy or a Home Goods or something there. A grocery store. But yes, the way this show makes it look like it's like

[Ben Mandelker]

that is what it is. It is isolation. I've been up to Santa Clara, you know, a handful of times in my life. It is far. You know, the. The gold standard on these shows has been Marina del Rey as like the far outpost of Los Angeles. And that place, Marina Del Rey is far as well. But people don't realize of all the far flung locations, Malibu, Marina Del Rey, Pasadena, Santa Clarita has them beat tremendously. People know about the valley. For people who don't live in this area, what you have is the valley, which is north of areas like Hollywood and Beverly Hills and Santa Monica. You have the valley, and you have to drive through the entire valley and go up into a little. Little sort of mountains and come back down again to a second valley. And it's in that second valley and then sort of up and towards the back of it. That's where Santa Clarita is. It's in a whole other separate valley. It's in the valley's own valley. Spin off.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's the Valley Valley. So, yeah, here I'm looking at the maps and from my house. I mean, granted, I'm in the valley already. Thanks a lot, Ben. But I'm in the valley and it says that it's 30 minutes from my house. But you know, the maps are liars. Because every time, especially in LA, that the map's like 30 minutes, you better plan on at least an hour. Because they lie. They're like, well, yeah, well, sorry, traffic just got bad. Traffic's always bad.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's. Yeah, it's always bad. Santa Clarita is. It's, it's. If you have no traffic, yeah, you can do it in like 30 minutes, but it's probably going to take an hour. And it's, it's so. It's so far. You don't even understand it's so far. And when you get up there, you're like, was it worth it to come this far? Was it really worth it? And the answer is usually no.

[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ronnie Caram]

Well, they did it. So Danny finally got his way and he's like, I love you, Santa Clarita. Woohoo. Yeah, that Buku mountain right there, Is that daddy's mountain? Check it out. 404. Check it out. Santa Clarita's heaven. Lord of mercy. We got a new baby. Baby Adelaide, our number four. Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, we've taken the deep dive off to the middle of nowhere. I almost had a baby in the car. Thanks to Santa Clarita because it took an hour to get to the hospital because they're. Apparently they're still going to Cedar Sinai in West Hollywood, which is crazy. And basically it took an hour for them to get all the joy in

[Ronnie Caram]

zip code shaving on this show. I forgot what joy you get out of it.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, this is actually not joy. This is like, what are you doing? Why are you still going to Cedar Sinai but, like, living in Santa Clarita? Why are you being such masochist? Go to a hospital up there.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, you would think. But, you know, you've done it three times, so I guess it's like, okay, we're sticking with it. We're sticking with what? What we know for the fourth. So their kids are screaming and running around and stuff, and she's feeding her baby. And so then we go to Kristen and Luke's home, and Kristen is also feeding her baby. She had a baby. It's like, Luke and I are still engaged.

[Ben Mandelker]

I had a whole baby.

[Ronnie Caram]

I pooped myself. I'm an empath.

[Ben Mandelker]

Do you think the blouse are because she's laying down or because the diaper's too small? He's like, there'll be nothing in the front and then all the way up the back. All that poop. And the biggest change in me since Kaya is I'm way less grossed out by poop than I used to be. Also, I now have styled myself to look like a Playmobil figurine. That's a good thing, I guess. Is it a good thing to be more comfortable with feces on your hands?

[Ronnie Caram]

Aren't you a farmer or something? What's that his thing? Like, doesn't he live off the grid on like some farm or something like that? What are you. You're no stranger to poop. Montana. Get out of here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. He's like, well, you feel well rested. How are you feeling? She's like, I don't know. It's like, I told you the other day. I'm really good at being her mom. I just don't know how to be anything else. I just don't know how to be, like, a woman. You know what I mean? I'm not, like, being the best partner. And she. So he's like, yeah, well, I think if we got a good nanny, everything else will ease up. I'm like, have you seen any of the other couples on your cast? I don't know. Didn't work out so well.

[Ronnie Caram]

Guys, our whole world, we don't have

[Ben Mandelker]

time for anything else.

[Ronnie Caram]

Like, we don't have time to, like, I don't know, like, make love, have sex, blow jobs, butt jobs. None of it. None of it. And Luke's like, yeah, but, like, we've been with her every day so far. Like, can't we do something else, babe? It's like, no, we're parents now, okay? I know you feel like we don't have a relationship. He's like, I didn't say that. But, like, certain areas are lacking more than others. Like my penis.

[Ben Mandelker]

I miss having sex. Like, I love Kristen. She's smoking hot. Like, come on, lay it on me. Well, I'm gonna try harder with all that normalcy. It just takes time, okay? A whole lot of precious time. Takes money and time to do it. To do it, to do it. Kristen, stop doing George Harrison baby steps, okay? To get back to feeling like yourself. Baby steps. Because I know it's. It's my first time. I've done this too. But we'll have to sip, and we have that sip and see coming up, so that'll be a little different. Oh, I know. It's like the whole point of her is her, but, like, it's. It's overwhelming for me.

[Ronnie Caram]

So she's gonna throw a sip and see together with Nia. A joint sip and c. Because the girls are only six days apart, and she's overwhelmed, and she's like, I haven't left the house once since I had the baby. My God. You know what? I really. I really feel for pregnant because I'm like, the same. I never leave the house. If I have to even go to the house, to the grocery store. Even. Even doing that is so hard. And I don't even have a baby. I don't even have the pain. I don't have someone needing me to up. None of that. So I kind of get it. I mean, I get the staying in the house part, the baby part. Your own problem. You did that to yourself. So Lala and Janet are shopping and so excited to see Janet again. And Lala is a full time cast member. Why?

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. Huge. Why huge? Why did we do this? America. Very exciting for America. So she's like, I need to get Kristen's a gift. So look at that. How cute is that? And Dread's like, oh my God. Kristen would love the dogs. I feel like the tie dye one is so cute. So Lala tells us. I've known Kristen for like a long time. She and I definitely have gone tusks because I'm tough. I'm Utah Tufts. I'm Lala. And we see flashbacks and I'm fighting games.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's Tupac 2026. Lala Kent. Yeah, she fights hard and she loves hard and she's very much my type of chick.

[Ben Mandelker]

Is it awkward that I'm like having you help me? And dad's like, no, I love, I love all babies. So like I want you to like get them something cute. And honestly I'm just glad that I wasn't invited and put in a position where I have to set to not go, you know. And so last summer was a good lesson for me. It's been important to me to get into therapy to work on myself, to reflect on how I can be better and not have so much pain in the group. And also pain from hitting my head on the low hanging vent over my, my, my, my stovetop. But that's a whole other issue. That's for a contractor.

[Ronnie Caram]

Here comes Janet with the Bravo male storyline. The Bravo male villain storyline of it's Janet 2.0. Guys, I'm totally different now. I started therapy and let me, let me show you how much that worked throughout this episode. It's like she does all the exact same shit she did before she, but she, she goes to therapy now. Guys, it's. Nia blocked me on everything. Like she'd made it pretty clear. Like she wants me to shut my mouth and like move on. So I feel like Nia would rather paint me as a liar when she knows I'm not. I'm the one. I'm the one to recognize the truth about what's happening with her and her husband. Like you just said, therapy. Why are you still coming for Nia? The woman is living in Santa Clarita. Isn't she suffering enough?

[Ben Mandelker]

I know she is living in her own version of Mad Max up there, okay? Just let her have her post apocalyptic life.

[Ronnie Caram]

Fucking bully What? Leave her alone, you bully. My God. And Lala is like, well, she thinks I could say it. Like, you could say, like, I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry that I went to the hearts and maybe it wasn't my place. And she's like, no, no. She's looking at her like, you crazy. Then we cut back to Kristen and she's like, oh, the only people going to my S and C are my close friends

[Ben Mandelker]

and people slash people who would be rather. Would rather be doing really anything else that day than to go to some random restaurant in the middle of Ventura Boulevard to look at two babies. So Luke is like, yeah, like Janet and Jason, they've, you know, there's been no communication whatsoever. Which, I mean, how can a friendship repair when there's zero communication over a course of a year? Which I think is also a bit funny. Like, Kristen and Luke were very much like, shut the up, Janet. I'm done with you. And now Luke is like, gosh, I mean, how can we even be friends with them if they're not even gonna reach out to us? Like, I think. I don't think it's like, either just don't be friends with them or you guys have to reach out. But I don't think. I don't think, like, it's on Janet to reach out to them.

[Ronnie Caram]

No, they're just not friends. And so it becomes like, shooting. Like, who's gonna shoot this scene? You know, now we're gonna try and block each other from scenes. And it's funny because, you know, we talk about, like, people using their weddings as this bargaining chip. Like, oh, really? You want to be one of my bridesmaids? You better get your shit together or you're not going to be a bridesmaid. And then it's like, okay. And then you pay the thousands of dollars. And yes, I have been a bridesmaid. I've been a groomsman to everyone. He's like, what do you know? You never. I did experience this. So then you pay all the thousands of dollars for your outfit and the trip and the this and that. You throw the parties. You do this. And then anytime she gets mad, it's like, oh, you're not. You want to come to the wedding? You better watch it. You think this is cheap to feed you and feed all these. It's like, okay. So then you go to the wedding, then you pay for the. Pay all the money. It's like a fun party, whether you. Somebody's cousin, whatever. And then the next thing, oh, my God. We're having a baby. You want to come to my shower? You better behave. It's like this constant thing, but the returns are diminishing every time. It's like, then's the baby shower, then's the gender reveal, then's the birthday, then the sip and see, and people don't want to come anymore. You know what I mean? At some point, we're like, we have spent our money. I have given you thousands of dollars over the years, and you're not going to hold this over my head like you're doing me some big fucking favor by looking at your little sack of goo. They're snotting all over the place in some restaurant that I'm going to pay the bill for anyway.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yep, that's exactly right. Being getting older is realizing that these. These things in people's lives, you're not obligated to participate in them whatsoever.

[Ronnie Caram]

And go to the wedding.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's not a privilege. It's not a privilege to. To be part of it.

[Ronnie Caram]

Go to the wedding, send the baby a gift and call it a day. Save yourself some drama because it never ends. Especially with people like Nia. Nie's got. Nia just keeps having him, you know? And then it's like, oh, my God, I need a second job to buy your fucking children. And then they're the ones who always have the first birthday and the second birthday, and it's always a theme, so you got to go buy a theme costume to come to the fucking thing, girl.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then they have so many kids, they have to move out to Santa Clarita. And the next thing you know, it's like, will you guys come to Santa Clarita for our party? So we're gonna have to go to the kids one year old party up in Santa Clarita. The only. The only upside to that is that there is a Red Lobster in Valencia. So, you know, like, I almost would go to Sand. I would go to a birthday party in Santa Clarita just if it meant that I could, like, tack on a Red Lobster trip afterwards. Because it's like the Red Lobsters in Los Angeles are very far flung, and you literally have to go out to Valencia, and at that point, you might as well go to Magic Mountain and ride some roller coasters. And honestly, this is turning out to be a pretty good day now that I say it.

[Ronnie Caram]

I know Ben's like, oh, my God, I need to make more straight friends.

[Ben Mandelker]

Is there a container store up there? Because we hit the trifecta.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, but you know I know we sound like two crotchety, you know, single people, but that's what happens when you're stay single. You start seeing what a robbery the rest of you all impose on us, okay? Because I do want included in my couple's lives. And, you know, I love the kids and I'm like everyone's uncle. Like, I love that. And I. It's not like I'm saying don't go through all that, but I think maybe go back to just being like, don't invite Ronnie, he's gay. I mean, or before in the street, or like a thing in the street. Like, why am I not invited just because I'm gay. But now that I am invited everywhere, I'm like, just don't invite me. I'm gay. I mean, I just want to put that on the rsvp. No, I'm gay.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think it's single. I, I think it's more just like, don't guilt me about things. Don't guilt me about, like, well, oh, well, you're not gonna get invited to the wedding if this happens. It's like, right, exactly. Thank you know, like, please enjoy your overcooked chicken.

[Ronnie Caram]

That said, this all stems from Kristen saying like, well, she's not coming to my sibancy and I'm team Kristen, this not team Janet. But you know, it's just whenever I hear that, I get a little triggered. Like, well, you're not coming to my sip. And see, it's like, oh, wow. Call the newspaper, you know. Yeah, call Page Six. Ronnie was excluded from occupancy. So Kristen's like, you know, Janice on Too Many Friends and she doesn't even exist to me, which is why I'm still so pissed. And the only, the only moment she even existed was that second at Britney's house last year. And then we cut to Janet. She's like, oh, my God, that interaction at Britney's, that was not great. It went from like, oh, Kristen has a baby on her boob. To like, oh my God. And Lala goes, yeah, like, oh, Kristen has a baby on her boob.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, get me out of here as quick as I can. Get me to Dave and Buster's. Bernie had a pool party that she was going to invite all the kids over for. And I'm like, okay, if Kristen's there, she'll probably have a newborn with her. So she's going to be sticking inside in the air conditioning. We'll get there, we'll change, we'll go to the pool. It probably won't even Be that big of an issue. Oh, here's my side of the story. Brittany told me that If Janet was 99% not going to come, especially if she knew I was going to be there and she was probably going to cancel and I shouldn't even worry about it. Well, tell me lies. Tell me sweet little lies. Because the next thing I know, Janet showed up. Well, Kristen's like, britney. Why is she here? She doesn't deserve to be here. Took me a second to be like, oh, is she talking about me? No. Not doing this today. Not doing this today.

[Ronnie Caram]

Not in front of my kid, my entire being. Just I think whenever Janet tells a memory, like, she tells a story that's a memory, they should do it like Dateline style, where they're showing you the scene of the crime. It's like it was October 22nd. It's all black and white and grainy, and they're making it as dramatic as possible before you see the dead body. Because every time she tells it, she's like, a crime was committed against me and my people. So she's like, yeah, in front of my kid. I was like, oh, God, here we go now. Now you have a kid. So it makes it tons worse. What about the people who had a kid that you spent the whole last year calling the dad a six is a sexual assaulter and everything else. Get out of here. Even though that guy did grab the butt. Still not on Team Danny. Even though I'm not. I know you see this thing. Crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

The show called him a sexual assaulter. Oh. Although he did grab the thigh of that girl and said he did.

[Ronnie Caram]

You know he did. But she takes it to a different level where it's like, sexual assaulter. You know, she just makes everything so dramatic, you know, and she's like, not in front of my kid. Me being told to leave in front of my kid. Get out of here. So I scooped up Cam and I grabbed our back and I turned around and I walked away. I got in the car, I texted her, and I was just like, what the fuck? And then we see the text. They're like, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all the texts. It wasn't just one saying, what the fuck? It's like, seriously not okay. In front of my child. In front of my child. My child can't breathe right now. Are you open? Okay. My child is choking on the disrespect. You almost killed my child, you child assaulter.

[Ben Mandelker]

Cameron is crying because I just spent the last hour telling him we were swimming. What the fuck Is that my child is crying. My child is crying. Go to the public pool, okay? They're all over the valley. Let's knock on someone's door. There's pools everywhere.

[Ronnie Caram]

Or go to the party anyway. Kristen's gonna be there the rest of your filming life. Anyway, go to the party and put. Put some floaties on your kid's arm, throw them in the pool like everybody else. Come back inside and tell Kristen to shut the up. Like. And there's such a wimp.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then there's that, too, quite frankly. That's actually really what she should have done, is that she should have used the child kit, the child card, and said, like, don't do this in front of the children. Kristen, I know you're new at this, but don't do this.

[Ronnie Caram]

You know, Use your baby, the damn weapon like everybody else. You know, Kristen's, like, walking in there with her baby like, I got a baby now. You're not the only one with the baby now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bad.

[Ronnie Caram]

And she's like, oh, really? I have Cam. And Cam is very upset with you, Kristen.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like a video. They each have, like, their own. Each. Each, like, house has their own flag, except it's just a baby. Just like. Like, it's like. And the thing is this. She. I mean, she still is using her child. She's just using her child in a different way because she's using the child. She's. Because this way, she also gets to say, I was basically, like, shunned from the party and I had to leave. But you're right. She should have just put the kid. The kid in the pool and been like, kristen, I know you're upset, but, like, we're adults here, and there's children, and let's not do this. Let's not do this in front of your beautiful, sleeping angel on your chest. But, you know, it's also Kristen, and who knows, really? I mean, Kristin is. Oh, get her out of here. Get her out of here. You know, like, there's.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's hard with Kristen sometimes.

[Ronnie Caram]

Then let Kristen be the ranting, raving psycho at the party and just stay calm and put the kid in the pool. It's like, you're not new to this. You're not new to this dynamic, and you helped cause this dynamic. So stop acting like, oh, my God, my baby. My poor baby. And just all the texts on the screen are really crazy. It's like, my child is crying and so confused. Oh, God, why can't she just ignore me? I can't believe you allowed this to happen, Brittany. Seriously, mercy. I'm not okay. I'm literally shaking. Tell her to leave if she has a problem.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, come on, guys. It's a pool party. All right.

[Ronnie Caram]

Series at Britney's house.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. I also. I went onto Threads last night and then this morning, and just very briefly, and I saw. I think Kristen's going through it because, like, someone. Someone, whatever the equivalent of tweeting is on threads, posted something like, like, oh, my God, why is Kristen. Like, Kristen should not be thought, but she's a crazy person. And Chris is like, seriously, seriously, say it to my face. And then today she was like, the am Hate that I'm getting on this platform is absolutely insane. I don't know why. Like, it makes me so funny to think of Kristen being on Threads at home. Be like, oh, God, another person said something.

[Ronnie Caram]

So wait, what? What were they telling her on trans.

[Ben Mandelker]

It was just typical Internet stuff, like, okay, I'll look it up. I'll look it up.

[Ronnie Caram]

It was just like, no, just like a general.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just like unremarkable. Just like unremarkable. You know, my Kristen. Social media chatter. Like, Kristen socks or whatever. And she was just, like, very unhappy about it, I think. I think that maybe she was hoping that to be. To have, like, unfettered support, to be like, she finally got her baby and not that everyone would be like, oh, my God, so happy for Kristen. So when people are like, fuck Kristen. She's like, what? Seriously, I have a baby now. Okay, here's what she wrote. Here's what she wrote yesterday. I don't like this just because it's Kristen. So funny to me.

[Ronnie Caram]

I love when you're so delighted.

[Ben Mandelker]

She goes truly baffled by the number of people on Threads who tag me and are so cruel and rude. Here's your one moment, guys. Why don't forget to at me so we all see it. I'd love it even more if you'd tell me face to face and just love her, like, face to face. Because, you know, she paced around that apartment all day long. Like, I'm gonna write something, Luke. I'm gonna write something on Threads. Like, kristen, don't do it. Come on. Not in front of Jill. I'm going to do it. Look away, Jill.

[Ronnie Caram]

Probably. I'm like, did you see Kristen's tweet? My baby is crying. Threads. My baby's on Threads. Traumatized my baby. So I was like, yeah, well, I'm just. Look, look, I get it. I get that you have drama, but, like, I'M looking for fun, okay? Because I've been chilling for like two years playing mama and like I'm covered in sped up and I just want everyone to get along. So congrats. Congrats on your baby. Like, where are you at with Janet? Remember. Remember her? And so then we go to Britney, and I love that Lala hasn't been on a show for two years. So she's like, I haven't been doing shit for two years. I've been in a dark box seeing nothing. I only exist on television. So please.

[Ben Mandelker]

She is been working on not her resume, but just her resume. Like, I'd like to resume shooting, please.

[Ronnie Caram]

So I like Lala in a box when she's not being used for tv. Although I know she has been out of that box because her podcast, she has a podcast with Rand's other ex wife. And there they would post clips and it's like, oh, my God, we're talking about, like, the most gross things Rand would do in bed. I'm like, who is listening to this? Why would anybody want to picture that man naked having sex with anybody, let alone two of you?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, let me. Let me bookmark that episode. We now go to Britney's house and she's FaceTime. And he's like, hey, what are you doing? By the way, this guy looks to me very much like Jax. Like, tattoos, sort of has the same smile. Like there's just. He visually has a lot of references to Jax. And Britney's like, well, I'm just a bit. A little bit. Because I miss you. He's like, I miss you too. Five days and Cabo together and you're not tired of me yet? He's like, no. Probably could have done at least three more days. Oh, three more days. One o', clock, two o', clock, three o', clock floor. Wait, how's that go to Tequila One.

[Ronnie Caram]

You know how many days are in an hour again? Wow, guys, I'm getting my sparkle back. I met Brandon, Kentucky. I've known him a long time. Maybe since kindergarten. I don't know. I didn't go to kindergarten. Anyway,

[Ben Mandelker]

out.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, my God. Britney is. Is on like a 20. So she says that she's so funny.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's actually cracking me up because she's so happy. She's like, finally seeing life for the first time outside of Jacks. And it's like she is like someone in one of those time traveler movies. Like, someone from 1805 gets transported to New York City and it's like, what's that hot Dog, I never seen something like that. And she's just like. Her eyes are.

[Ronnie Caram]

When you. When you got sparkle. If I'm a single girl in the hot dog now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Okay. Well, things instantly clicked and eventually it turned into, like, this romantic thing. But the timing just wasn't right because, like, I had this opportunity to go on TV and Mary Jacks and, like, it's been like 13 years since we've seen each other. The main Brandon just, like, so great together. We're like sparkling sparkle making double sparkle.

[Ronnie Caram]

We're actually best friends. And it makes me feel real good because he's just so nice to me. And the first time he came to visit me, I was like, you can sleep in my gas guest room. But I didn't know if that sparkle was gonna be the same. But he did sleep in my guest room, but I slept in there with him.

[Ben Mandelker]

Mainly because Jack still has cameras installed in the main house. So it was some logistics involved, too. He lives three hours away from me in California. I'm in Studio City. He's in Marina del Rey. So it's a good three, three and a half hours to get to each other. Hey, Brandon, when are you gonna be back? He's like, I guess Thursday. Okay, I just want everyone to meet you. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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[Ronnie Caram]

for your whole crew.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Mom, can you tell me a story?

[Ronnie Caram]

Sure. Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car.

[Ben Mandelker]

Was she brave?

[Ronnie Caram]

She was tired mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found

[Ben Mandelker]

a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required.

[Ronnie Caram]

Did you have to fight a dragon?

[Ben Mandelker]

Nope.

[Ronnie Caram]

She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually.

[Ben Mandelker]

Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be. Did the car have a sunroof?

[Ronnie Caram]

It did, actually. Okay, good story. Car buying.

[Ben Mandelker]

You'll want to tell stories about. Buy your car today on. Delivery fees may apply.

[Ronnie Caram]

So they're like, oh, my God, are you gonna get along with everybody? So then we go to Zach, and Zach is hanging out now. Talk about someone who was taken out of a box. Tom Schwartz is now on this show as well. This man looks pickled. He looks like he has been drinking for a week and not been able to pee. He looks like he's about to like, I don't know, like the booze is gonna start. He's red eyed. He doesn't look good. Tom doesn't look good. He looks sad and lost. I mean, I guess that's kind of his style, but.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I don't know. He has another join.

[Ronnie Caram]

I was like, this is sad. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's joined this specific tier of people that you see in Los Angeles, especially at the Sunset Strip, like lingering on the Sunset strip, these like 40 plus men clutching on to what it was like when they were 23. And it's just, it's, it's sad. It's sad to see it. But here he is and he is meeting up with Zach at like a saloon. It's like 95 degrees out and they're in this like saloon type bar. It has slim doors, which means that it's like open air, but it's 95 degrees. I would be like, please get me into a bar that has a door that closes and seals in the air conditioning. Thank you.

[Ronnie Caram]

I'm telling you, the locations they choose to shoot in on this show are always so depressing. And they're like, where even is this? Like, where did you find this place? Yikes. So Zach's like, why are you so sweaty? He's like, wow, what's going on? Let me look at you. You're super lean. You look so svel. You gotta reciprocate the compliment though. Tell me like I look good and stuff. He's like, oh, yeah, you look, you look good. Geez, you look like a maraschino cherry.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maraschino cherry. That's not. I'm not putting Tom Schwartz on top of any sundaes, I'll tell you that much.

[Ronnie Caram]

But he just looks red and like pickled in some way. So he's like, thanks, but you know, like, I want to keep leveling up because you know when you, when you're depressed, you put on weight. So I put on like a, you know, a pretty Sad, a happy £15. Okay. You know, after the bar closed, it's like a happy 15. A happy depressed £15. It's a depression, happiness, weight gain.

[Ben Mandelker]

But what is Tom, when he says, I want to level up a little more. When, when did the. A little more implies that there was an initial level up? I feel like. Does he. I feel like he thinks he's an escalator, but he's just a moving platform. It is. There's no spending happening here.

[Ronnie Caram]

He's a log raft. Yeah, I think he means, like, from. From my. Tom Schwartz Math. He meant the restaurant closed. He gained 15 pounds, but now he lost it again. And so he wants to keep, like, going and trying to get hotter, I guess.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So he tells us, man, my life kind of fell apart at the seams. Like, divorced, hemorrhaging money. And then we see a clip of Katie basically, you know, saying, like, I'm divorcing him. He's like, I don't know how exactly.

[Ronnie Caram]

It just cuts to Katie and she's like, echo.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like an echo.

[Ronnie Caram]

I roll like, you loser. It's like, yeah. I mean, I don't really know how to articulate it, but, like, I guess. I guess I got my sparkle. Can I steal Britney's line? I got my sparkle back. Look at me. Sparkling.

[Ben Mandelker]

He literally has not even enough personality to come up with his own sentence to describe how he feels right now. He has to crib off of. Off of Brittany. He's like, I'm happy it happened. On some level, I know it's fucked up because I lost a lot of money, but just made me a better person. It gave me grit, it gave me chutzpah. It gave me so much strength. Ah, this barstool hurts a little bit. Zach's like, I've known Tom since the day I moved to la, and he is one of the kindest, gentlest, most ineffective people I've ever met. And, like, you got stuck in, like, a really bad situation, and now you're to the point where, like, you're ready to, like, thrive instead of just, like, survive. Right? Are you quoting Ashley Darby? No. Right.

[Ronnie Caram]

Thrive and just survive. And that's exactly it because, like, oh, yeah. Well, I saw Brittany was in Cabo. She looks happy. That's great. He's like, yeah, you know what? Listen, I'm glad she's happy, but, like, I don't want to. Like, I just worry because she's, like, so vulnerable right now. She's, like, so vulnerable.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's looking for validation. No, I know. She's been trapped in, like, a garage for, like, three weeks now. Okay, but, like, you know, he said, I love you so fast. It's like. It's, like, moving so fast. But, like, if you don't put in the work yourself to then see these red flags, you're going to fall for them again. And Tom's like, I think she should seriously consider doing a little Master dating. Master dating is essentially just taking your. Taking yourself out for a night on the town, sitting at the end of a bar, looking at the 22 year old girls, telling them that you're only 31, seeing what you can do to remind them you're up and on tv. Then you take one home and, you know, masturdating.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's just basically walking into a food court and waiting until somebody recognizes you. Sporkle.

[Ben Mandelker]

You guys just have to build yourself up in the field of Britney's dreams. If she builds it, he will come and then she will come. Oh, I'm a comedian now.

[Ronnie Caram]

And so we start talking about him and Benji, Zach and Benji. And he's like, yeah, you know what? Like Benji still here, you know, and like we're still figuring out his visa, which is like a fucking nightmare.

[Ben Mandelker]

And he's, and he's like, he's saying that they have an open relationship. And he's like, the thing is that like sex and love are like different. And we're like far too often to make it like all like, all sex and like about making baby. Like, then why is your prostate in your butthole? Like, Jesus knew what he was doing when he put that up there. And I think that somewhere in here Zach is like, yeah, he's got his visa. Don't worry. It's an official, this, this, this visa, so don't worry. I'm like, I don't think having an official visa has any bearing on what ICE is gonna do. I'm like, the more he talks about the fact that Benji is not a citizen of this country, the more I am generally concerned that we're gonna have a very special episode of the Valley. We're like, Benji's not here anymore. You know, like, doesn't really matter these days.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. Or like talking about open relationships, you don't want to give them anything they can use against you to call it like a fake relationship relationship and all that stuff, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Caram]

But I guess his visa isn't dependent on Zach, right? Because they're not married. They're not married, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

I guarantee.

[Ronnie Caram]

No, they just have Benji's here now party. Not.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's no way that there's no way that Benji hung his visa on Zach. He's probably like, oh, no, not I'm not facing my visa, Zach. Why would I ever do that off someone who keeps such a dirty floor.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So then we go to Nia and Kristen, grabbing lunch in one, you know, another place that just feels like sticky tables. So Kristen's like, oh, God, we're like three blocks from home. We might as well be in a foreign country. Like, where even are we? You're on Ventura. Like, it'll be fine.

[Ben Mandelker]

You'll like. I totally get it. You know, I, I imagine this is rough.

[Ronnie Caram]

Like right when you have the baby. Oh, my gosh.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. The first time you have a baby going out, it's just scary. You're like, it's your first baby or you're worried that something's gonna happen to the child and whatever. And she's, she's self conscious how she looks. You know, I am not gonna make fun of any of that, but I do think it's funny that, like, she is so out of sorts when Kristen is, when she comes into this restaurant, she's like, she's like a 16 year old learning how to drive a car in a parking lot for the first time. Like, that baby, that baby carriage, that stroller is like bonking into table. She's like, oh, where do I go, huh? What do I do? How do I order? What's happening? How do I use a menu? What, What's a salad?

[Ronnie Caram]

If I was that baby's uncle, I would bring that baby a crash out helmet. Like a cute little pink crash helmet. But yeah, I mean, the whole thing of just like having a baby and having to go out and having to learn to go through all that, especially when you're alone, you don't have, like a partner to help you. I mean, my God, just driving up now you've got a bigger ass car and you've got to park that and then you got to pull the baby out the car and then you got to get it out of the, the seat, which is a pain in the butt because those seats are crazy. Now there's like 90 buckles. It's like, how do I get the seat in? How do I get it out? Where are the buckles? And then you got to get the baby out. And then you got to figure out these new, these new stroller things, like as big as a car and, like, hustle the baby in and out. And then the baby's hungry and like, my boobs are leaking. I mean, it's just like hell. It's hell. It is hell.

[Ben Mandelker]

And on top of that, like, Kristen already inherently moves like one of those inflatable things in front of a used car lot, like, flopping around. And now that she's actually affixed her hands to a stroller, she's just putting all that energy into the stroller. So the stroller Just, like, wobbling back and forth like on a slippery when wet sign. So she's like, we're three blocks from home and we might as well be in a foreign country because that's how stressful this is. I mean, the first time I left house after giving birth, I went to a grocery store, and people weren't nice to me anymore because I wasn't pregnant. Like, no one held the door for me. No one was like, oh, God, your belly's so cute. They just, like, walked by me like I was some piece of shit. It was awful. I'm like, you mean how you used to wait the tables at sir? You're not pretty.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, pregnancy privilege. Oh, God, I want it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know.

[Ronnie Caram]

I want that.

[Ben Mandelker]

It does.

[Ronnie Caram]

Everybody has to be nice to you for a while.

[Ben Mandelker]

For a moment, you think it's your actual. Your personality that's causing people to be nice to you. And then you realize, nope, the people had warm wishes for my baby.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Nia's asking her about breastfeeding, and she's like, no, I had nothing left. Like, I was barely giving her a bottle a day. Like, I've been trying to pump twice a day, but, like, it's. It sucks. So, like, I've been at home wearing sweats and a bra, but I finally had to leave the house. And she's like, but have you even had a date night? And she's like, no. She goes, oh, my God, babe, you're like, three months in. You gotta have a date night. Okay? We even do that in Sierra Bonita. I mean, Sunset.

[Ben Mandelker]

Where.

[Ronnie Caram]

Where are we again, Sarah? Sierra Leone? Where are we?

[Ben Mandelker]

The names don't even make sense when you're as far as way as we are. I know that you feel like you're in a foreign country because you're three blocks from your home, but I'm literally in a foreign country. Tree, please save me.

[Ronnie Caram]

Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

[Ronnie Caram]

Our way is the Amber way.

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It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Fox Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly. Clap.

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Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella Etchells. We Never miss her call. It's Diane call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

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[Ronnie Caram]

she has no last namey. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's not a McBee. She's a McBride. Jess McBride. She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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I love a y'.

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All.

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She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

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Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

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Darn Skippy. It's Tippy. And our super Premium sponsors She's VVIP

[Ben Mandelker]

It's Amanda V. Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh. Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD

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we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

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[Ben Mandelker]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. Let's get Savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy, Always killing it. It's Lola, always Kalani. Roger that. It's Marla's Rogers.

[Ronnie Caram]

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Charouse. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[Ronnie Caram]

We cannot tell a lie It's Sarah

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tell of son Chad Cannon out of a canon Anthony, please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla Plain Strike a pose It's Tory

[Ronnie Caram]

Rose she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys.

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