#3292 The Valley S3E01 Part Two: Sip and Lacey

Summary

Watch What Crappens Recap: The Valley S3E01 Part Two: Sip and Lacey

Episode #3292 | April 2, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie dive deep into "The Valley" Season 3, Episode 1 (Part Two), focusing on the messy dynamics between Jesse, his girlfriend Lacey, and ex Michelle. With their signature mix of shade and sympathy, the hosts break down the debut of Lacey, the ongoing Michelle/Jesse/Lacey triangle, postpartum struggles, Valley restaurant choices, and a hilarious subplot involving sperm donors. Expect their trademark Bravo wit as they untangle the behind-the-scenes chaos, calling out calculated cast moves, production meddling, and insecurities—while reveling in the drama delivered by this Bravo spinoff.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jesse, Lacey, and Michelle Drama

• Introduction of Lacey:
  The episode centers on Jesse’s new girlfriend Lacey making her first unblurred appearance.
• Age and Health Controversy:
  Ronnie mentions researching Lacey, discovering she has an autoimmune disorder, which may explain her makeup choices.

  “Apparently she has, like, some kind of autoimmune thing going on... A lot of skin issues. So I think she's just wearing a lot of makeup...” – Ronnie (03:28)

• Michelle's Boundaries:
  Jesse claims Michelle rejected all attempts at communication and refused to meet Lacey, despite Lacey reaching out regarding boundaries with their shared child.
• Cease and Desists:
  Ben and Ronnie call out the show omitting Jesse and Lacey’s legal moves—Lacey allegedly sent multiple cease and desist letters to Michelle and others to control her narrative and block filming.

  “No mention of the cease and desists.” – Ronnie (06:24)

• Critique of Jesse's Motives:
  The hosts see Jesse’s attempts at reconciliation as “manufactured” for drama rather than genuine, accusing him of bringing Lacey into the finale to provoke Michelle and set up storylines (05:28).

2. Postpartum Struggles and Sex After Baby

• Luke and Kristen’s Relationship:
  Discussion about postpartum depression, lack of intimacy, and the impact on Luke and Kristen’s relationship.

  “Our relationship is completely lacking in intimacy and it's tough, which is to be expected.” – Ben (07:34)

• Ben and Ronnie’s Take:
  The hosts are empathetic but poke fun at the “men’s coach” and “therapy” clichés.

  “…So maybe I can have a session with that men's coach they bring in every now and then. Oh God, yes.” – Ben (07:19)
  “He wants to bone, she doesn't.” – Ronnie (08:19)

3. Valley Restaurant Critiques

• Recurring El Coyote Outings:
  The hosts roast the cast for always choosing El Coyote, a “mid to low-tier” Mexican restaurant far from where the cast lives.

  “There are actually a bunch of tremendous Mexican restaurants in the Valley… I don't know why they're always schlepping over to Beverly Blvd…” – Ben (08:50)

4. Women’s Table: Relationships, Breakups, and "Skin Gooch"

• Pregnancy and Motherhood Humor:
  The ladies share overshares, including Janet’s vivid description of a “skin tag on her gooch.”

  “Why are you bringing in skin gooch as a secondary character?” – Ronnie (11:58)

• Breakups, Insecurities, and New Relationships:
  Brittany discusses her blossoming relationship with Brandon, worrying if she’ll get bored now that she’s with a “normie.” Michelle vents about Aaron dumping her for a “vitamins girl.”

  “I’m just used to cokeheads and throwing furniture...” – Brittany via Ronnie (13:15)

5. The Sip & See: Awkward Socials and New Dynamics

• Kristen & Luke Arrive Late:
  The party brings together Michelle, Jesse, Lacey, and others; another instance of tension-filled group socializing.
• Michelle & Lacey Face-Off:
  Michelle is frosty, hinting she knew nothing about Lacey’s appearance. Lacey plays it polite and non-combative, but strained undertones remain.

  "I didn't even know you were coming." – Michelle (subtly, at arrival) (30:50)

• Cease and Desist Fallout Recap:
  Flashbacks and behind-the-scenes explanation: Lacey’s attempt to film in Season 2 led to production halting her, Jesse fighting with producers, and alleged multiple legal threats.

6. Sperm Donor Subplot: Luke & Lala

• Luke May Be the Donor:
  In a surreal twist, Lala and Luke joke (or reveal?) that Luke donated sperm at the same bank Lala used for conceiving, calling back to a profile read during "Vanderpump Rules."

  “Wait, did you donate sperm?… I did.” – Luke/Lala scene (28:18–29:47)

• Ben & Ronnie's Reaction:
  The hosts find the connection suspicious and delight in the absurdity, suggesting it could be a manufactured Bravo plot:

  “I think it's time for a paternity test. Where's Maury?” – Ben (30:17)

7. Lacey Unblurred: First Impressions and Audience Persuasion

• Playing Nice on Camera:
  The hosts dissect how Lacey appears “totally nice” at the party, which contrasts with Michelle painting her as controlling and litigious.

  "Well, Lacey played this well... She comes in, like, calm and sweet, and Michelle is just going to everyone… being like, 'Oh my God. I am dealing with a person who thinks she knows everything… she wants everybody to love her....'" – Ronnie (27:12)

• Who’s to Blame?
  Both hosts ultimately point to Jesse as the root cause—he allegedly stirs up conflict for storylines, weaponizes legal threats, and plants seeds with both women for camera time.

  “I blame Jesse, frankly, for all of this, because Jesse's obviously the one causing it.” – Ronnie (38:40)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Lacey Health Reveal:
  “Apparently she has, like, some kind of autoimmune thing going on... a lot of skin issues. So I think she's just wearing a lot of makeup…” – Ronnie (03:28)
• Ragging compassionately:
  “It's not that we're not going to rag on her mercilessly, it's just, like, under what ways can we rag on her? We'll still find ways around, don't you worry.” – Ronnie (04:03)
• Jesse’s manufactured drama:
  “That was not a good faith attempt to, like, broker a peace between these two important women in your life. That was an attempt for you to end the scene with a climactic fight that would power you into the reunion and into the next season.” – Ben (05:28)
• Restaurant roast:
  “There are actually a bunch of tremendous Mexican restaurants in the valley that they could go... I don't know why they're always schlepping over to Beverly Boulevard to go to El Coyote, which is actually very mid to low tier…” – Ben (08:50)
• Janet’s "Skin Gooch":
  “Why are you bringing in skin gooch as a secondary character?” – Ronnie (11:58)
• Sperm donor chaos:
  "Wait, did you donate sperm?… I did." – Luke/Lala (28:18–29:47)
  “I think it's time for a paternity test. Where's Maury?” – Ben (30:17)
• Lacey vs. Michelle, unblur reveal:
  “She sent me a cease-and-desist. And he was like, I got one too! She throws them out to everyone. She's like a little insane.” – Michelle (27:12)
  “But all we've seen is the clip of Lacy being like, well, I thought you guys were done shooting. I didn't know.” – Ronnie (37:39)
• On Jesse's instigation:
  “I blame Jesse, frankly, for all of this, because Jesse's obviously the one causing it.” – Ronnie (38:40)
• On Michelle's behavior:
  “Michelle is just at her wits end… being psychologically tortured by Jesse Lolly… If it means that she's going to be a total b**** to Lacy and that's her retaliation, then that's going to be her retaliation.” – Ben (40:46)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Meeting Lacey / Discussion on Her Health & Makeup: 02:49–04:14
• Jesse’s Motive Exposed / Cease and Desist Not Addressed: 05:01–06:32
• Postpartum / Luke and Kristen’s Intimacy Issues: 06:50–08:19
• El Coyote Restaurant Roasting: 08:50–09:47
• Women’s Table: Motherhood & Relationships (Skin Gooch, Breakup Talk): 11:58–16:43
• The Sip & See, Lacey’s Arrival: 22:30–27:42
• Luke's Sperm Donor Reveal with Lala: 28:18–30:17
• Michelle & Lacey Civil-but-Cold Face-Off: 30:50–32:46
• Cease and Desist Fallout Flashback: 33:57–37:39
• Jesse Blamed / Michelle’s Psychology Explored: 38:40–42:52
• Previewing The Season Ahead: 42:34–43:11

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Hosts’ Tone & Final Thoughts

• Warm Sarcasm and Sympathy:
  Ben and Ronnie combine affectionate ribbing for Bravo stars with pointed psychological analysis. They both empathize with Michelle’s frustration and stress, while roasting Jesse for orchestrating drama, and jokingly wonder about Lacey’s “true nature.”
• Unapologetic Bravo Fandom:
  “Welcome back, Valley. Nice to have you here. Looking forward to many more weeks of sad joy from you.” – Ben (43:05)

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Conclusion

This recap episode highlighted the complex web of interpersonal conflict among Jesse, Lacey, and Michelle on "The Valley," as well as postpartum challenges, personal boundaries, and Bravo’s penchant for manufactured plot twists. Ben and Ronnie deliver both sharp, insightful commentary and clownish fun—making this an indispensable listen for Bravo diehards.

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For more deep dives into Bravo drama, bonus recaps, and exclusive access, support Watch What Crappens at Patreon.

Transcript

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[Host 2]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Croppens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one, guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay, it's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. Then we go to Jesse and Luke hanging out and Luke's like, well, I went out, but like Kristen wasn't thrilled with that, but like I've been pushing her to go Out. So then I can go out. Oh, how's Lacy? How's your. How's your girlfriend? How's your. How's your new child, your girlfriend? Jesse? And actually, they're only 10 years apart, I think. Lacy. We meet Lacy at the end of this episode, and I thought Lacy looked like she's 20, but she's, like, 35, I think. I know.

[Host 1]

I look, I thought she looked, like, solid, like, not 20, but, like, her vibe.

[Host 2]

Like, her vibes, like.

[Host 1]

Yeah, Vibe is definitely. Oh, yeah.

[Host 2]

But, like, I mean. But yeah, like, he called you, right?

[Host 1]

That's definitely the California way.

[Host 2]

It's got that vibe.

[Host 1]

She kind of had, like, it sort of reminded me of, you know that movie White Girls? You know, I was just sort of giving me that energy. So Jesse is like. That's what it's called, right? The Wayans brothers.

[Host 2]

White chicks.

[Host 1]

White chicks, not white girls.

[Host 2]

Yeah. She had on a lot of makeup, but I think she has, because I looked her up because I was like, who is this girl? Because we've heard so much about her and we didn't see that much of her. So I looked her up, and I wanted to know the age difference, but apparently she has, like, some kind of autoimmune thing going on. She's got, like, an invisible disease. Like, I'm not sure what. Wow. But. So she's got, like, a lot of skin. She's got, like, a lot of issues. So I think she's just, like, wearing, like, a lot of makeup or whatever because of skin issues or something, so.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Well, that's. That's good to know before we rag on her.

[Host 2]

Before. It's not that we're not going to rag on her merciless, mercilessly.

[Host 1]

It's.

[Host 2]

It's just like, under what ways can we rag on her? We'll still find ways around, don't you worry.

[Host 1]

It just feels like there's. There's just so many other beautiful ways to stick our feet in our mouths. Like, let's not make this be the one the way we do it.

[Host 2]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We'll just. So you know.

[Host 1]

Yeah. So Jesse is. So Lucas just asked how Lacy's doing. Jesse's like, she's good. She was up last two weekends, and her daughter and Isabella and the two of them are like sisters, and they're starting to fight like sisters, man. Isabella. He says, yeah, well, guess what? The girlfriend from Orange county can now be named. Her name is Lacy. She's incredibly intelligent, incredibly passionate, and we spend a lot of time together. Her Kids are really close, and it's been incredible. We're kind of the best couple on this entire show. And anyone who would hate Lacy is obviously a wretched monster. So that's all I gotta say about that.

[Host 2]

He's like, so how are things between Michelle and Lacey, though? And he's like, well, Michelle doesn't want communication, but, you know, I asked Michelle to reach out last summer before the Yamashiro party, and, you know, just put your cards on the table. Just move forward so we can all move on. And Michelle wanted no part of that. Yeah, because you're bringing your girlfriend into the finale episode and encroaching on her life. She doesn't want.

[Host 1]

Trying to create a fight. You're. You're trying to create a big scene to have, like, to sort of blow out the season with, you know, and, like, you were not. You were not genuinely trying to have a moment for Michelle and Lacy to move on. By suddenly inviting Lacy to the season finale on camera, that was not a good faith attempt to, like, broker a piece between these two important women in your life. That was an attempt for you to end the scene with a climactic fight that would power you into the reunion and into the next season and have

[Host 2]

somebody on your side for once in all of this. So, yeah, we. We see you, sir. And he's like, yeah, but, you know, Lacey reached out to Michelle when we first started dating, and she wanted to know if Michelle had boundaries and stuff. And Michelle didn't really take that the right way, so I don't know where that's gonna go. Okay. No mention of the cease and desists.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 2]

Lacey just called Michelle. She just wanted to know about boundaries. There was no you or. Or cease and desists.

[Host 1]

Yeah, Lacey certainly gave a boundary, that's for sure. So Jesse is saying, like, yeah, Michelle has made no effort. She wants nothing to do with this woman that spends half the week with her daughter. And it just doesn't make any logical sense to me whatsoever.

[Host 2]

So Justin, now they talk about the baby, and he's like, you know, it's making me crazy being at home all the time. And Kristen is like, I'm a prisoner. Kristen doesn't want me to leave the house. And he's like, so you got the baby blues? And he's like, oh, I haven't thought about it. Like that. Maybe I should dive into my feelings a little bit more.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

It's the therapy session with Dr. Jesse. No, it's a pretty pat way to say you're depressed because you Got a baby bro.

[Host 1]

It's normal.

[Host 2]

So maybe I can have a session

[Host 1]

with that men's coach that they bring in every now and then. Oh, God, yes.

[Host 2]

But the guys, hit yourself on the chest and say women as loud as you can. Everyone feel better? Okay, let's go back to it.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Well, this year is definitely a change. Lay it on me. I've been there. He's like, well, our relationship is completely lacking in intimacy and it's tough, which is to be expected.

[Host 2]

Right?

[Host 1]

But like, to some degree, I guess it should be something that we should be really able to talk about. And we haven't been able to talk about it. So Nia's. We go back to Nia and she's like, how's Luke dealing with what you're experiencing? Well, he gets it as well as he can get it, you know, but he's like, oh, you know.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

I mean, you're still in a relationship. He's like, can we have sex? Can we do this? Like, you're clear for that. Right. But I hate my body right now. And then it goes cuts back to Luke saying that basically she shuts down every advance because she doesn't feel secure about herself right now. And I don't think he's being. I think he's getting a little impatient with that.

[Host 2]

Yeah, he wants to bone. She doesn't. You know, you hear it after every baby. Almost like 90% of babies you hear it. And Luke's like, yeah, I just want to like, turn off my emotions but, you know, and sweep everything under the rug. But then it's going to harden to cement and we're going to have permanent issues that we can't get rid of. So now we go to Lala, Janet and Michelle and they're going to El Coyote. Why do they keep going to El Coyote? That is not close to West Hollywood. That is. So far. There's like, we're doing that.

[Host 1]

Okay. There are actually a bunch of tremendous Mexican restaurants in the valley that they could go. They have the same vibe. And I don't know why they're always schlepping over to Beverly Boulevard to go to El Coyote, which is actually very mid to low tier of these kind of places. But they go place.

[Host 2]

Yeah, Casabaga right down the street looks the same.

[Host 1]

Or that one place that's up on like Burbank Boulevard over by like Coenca or something. I don't know. There's a really good place. They're called like something in Taco.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah, I just went there.

[Host 1]

You know.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

What's it called? Tacosy Beer, you know.

[Host 2]

Oh, tacos and beer. Oh, I hate tacos and beer. I hate. That's so over that place. Well, that's the replacement tuck. Beer and salsa. Maybe it's beer and salsa. You know the one thing like that. I do know.

[Host 1]

What? Yeah, it's got like two stories, like the big sort of thing. But at least that's like, as long as you're like, why? Like, at least say it's closer. Just go there if you're gonna get crappy.

[Host 2]

You were gonna say El Mercado. That's the one I like. But yeah, I just. I don't know. I guess they have a thing with El Coyote that they can go to, you know, like a shooting thing. Because they're like, oh my God, we love El Coyote for years. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin commercial.

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[Host 2]

So Janet is like, oh, my God, you guys, can I tell you something gross? When I was pregnant, I got a skin T on my gooch. You know, that's like, the area. Like, you know what a gooch is, right, guys? It's like, between your vagina and your butthole. So I have, like, a skin tag down there, and I want it removed so bad. Janet, why are we. Why are you bringing in skin gooch as a secondary character? Like, yeah, why? What? Who's helping Janet? I mean, I don't even like Janet, but is there anyone in her life who's like, let's make a game plan for the season, you know?

[Host 1]

I know. So how did you find it? It's like, is it still there? And she's like, yeah, it's still there, but, like, it has to be a dermatologist. Get rid of it. Because I wanted to be like, okay, where's the skin tag? We're removing it. And I'm like, oh, hold on. Let me take off my clothes and, like, bend over and spread it. It's like, oh, my God. You have to shave your bush, though.

[Host 2]

So they.

[Host 1]

They arrive there, they meet up with Brittany. They get into her booth, and Janet's asking like, oh, how's your trip? She's. And Michelle's like, that's a big deal to go to Cabo with Brandon.

[Host 2]

Yeah, we spent five days together at Cabo. We didn't even drive each other crazy.

[Host 1]

Is he your boyfriend? Officially? No.

[Host 2]

I'm gonna say yes. Yeah. You know, because Brandon's, like, very emotionally stable, and I'm like, I don't know if that's sexy, you know? Like, I'm just used to cokeheads and throwing furniture and, you know, threatening to. Threatening to kill me and stuff. Like, I don't know, it might be kind of boring, you guys.

[Host 1]

Emotional stability is normal. Yeah, I know. You have no idea how sexy that is. Brand. That's bday. Hey, he gives big Dick energy because he's got a big one. It's personality, and it's real. I really like him. I mean, he's a great person, but, like, what if I got, like, bored? Because, like, things were, like, so good and, like, nice, and I'm so used to chaos and troll mo.

[Host 2]

Can I help you find a therapist? Mine has really helped me. The first lesson she taught me was. Was to use my baby as a weapon. So I just Got into therapy and it's so freeing to talk to somebody, you know, that's like an expert on life. Though not on skin. Gucci's, unfortunately. I tried to get her to remove that. She wouldn't do it. I mean, what it was.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I'm trying to be happy to say or. Hey, hey. Hey. So what's been going on with you guys? I feel like it's been only me talking for a few hours now. Michelle, how are you feeling? Are you okay? Shots. Casey,

[Host 2]

I've never had somebody like, break up with me before. And dumbass. That's what he is. He's dumbass.

[Host 1]

How's Isabella doing with everything? Well, when Aaron and I broke up, she cried. She was like, wait, you guys have to break up? And I felt really guilty. She loved that. Honey.

[Host 2]

Yeah, don't feel guilty. Honey, don't feel guilty. Then we're all proud of you. She's like, well, I have dried. But it is kind of confusing because, like, it is out of nowhere, like, suddenly he wants a vitamins girl and Hulk Aaron. What a pig. And she's like, what? And she's like, yeah, like, I walk every day, I hike, I go to the gym. And he's like, walking and hiking is not working out. Oh, so he wants, like, someone who works out more than Michelle. What a piece of shit.

[Host 1]

That CrossFit. I know. That's so stupid. LA's like, it's called cardio, motherfuckers. We ride it on. So Janice, like, yeah, going to the gym four days a week isn't enough. It's like, what an asshole. Yeah, she's like, not motivated. Like, whatever. Hey, I'm over here dipping my fajita in chase and she doesn't work out enough,

[Host 2]

by the way. Like, once we broke up, you started following all of these Instagram models. She's like, oh, can I follow him now? Can I follow him now? I'm going follow him. I'm going follow him right now. And so they're like, yeah, that guy. Girl power. And she's like, by the way, the Zipping Z is tomorrow at like 11:00am And Janet's like, well, when should I show up? I dare you to show up, Janet. Because Janet, of course, was not invited. And for the second time in two seasons, she's like, I'm so glad that I wasn't invited to this so that I don't have to show up. Or so that I don't have to say I'm not gonna come. Oh, Janet.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And Janice, like, You know, the thing is, like, I also don't really care so much. Like, you know, I. Like, I wish her well, but I can only control my behavior. And how Kristen behaved at your house was gross. And that sucked. That was odd. She was like, carrying her baby and yelling at the same time. She's like, yeah, like two seconds later you were going. I was just like, what happened?

[Host 2]

If you're not allowed to yell and carry your baby at the same time, I never would have been held. When did that become a rule? You cannot yell while you are holding your baby. You most certainly can. So they're all shocked. And Brittany's like, I was shooked. But I obviously, I was not expecting that to happen because, you know, like, otherwise, I mean, I thought everyone was gonna be fine. It's a pool party. And John's like, yeah, well, she that up, didn't she? So Brittany's telling us the usual. Like, me and Janet are so, so close. She's been quite, quite friend, especially over everything I went through with Jax last year. And it's like, you know, it's definitely something made me feel bad because, you know, like, I want to up my friends, but it's hard for me. You know, I'm such a people pleaser and everything. I like when she's trying so hard to be happy that she just starts bouncing her shoulders. So you notice that she does that. I just want to be a people pleaser.

[Host 1]

Really?

[Host 2]

What's ha ride right now? Why are you shaking your.

[Host 1]

She probably is. She probably has one, you know, those, like, green screens that you can attach the back of your chair. She just has it back there, but she's actually on the hay ride realist. Realistically, what Britney should have done was when Kristen was like, is J going to be there? She should have said, you know what? She may be there, she may not be there there. And I expect if she is there, that you act like an adult and you like, she's my friend and you just have to learn to get. Get along with her instead of saying, I'm not. Not sure she won't be there. I mean, she's probably gonna bail at the last second, so you probably come anyway. Like, that's actually not how you should do it because you're kind of like feeding in to this idea of like, oh, like, like, like if she comes, she's like this boogeyman and we'll. We'll manage her. It should be like, she's my friend. I invited her. You don't. If you. If you Have a problem with that, that's going to be on you. But I expect you to just behave accordingly. And I think, yeah, I think you didn't really manage.

[Host 2]

And being yelled at. You should say like, you can't come to a kids party and start yelling at somebody like, grow up. Yeah. Like, don't, please don't do that or leave. You know? Yeah, she should do that. So Janet's like, yeah, because Cameron was bawling his eyes out and I had to strap him into his car seat. That's what normally, you know how hard that is. And after driving and saying, we're gonna swim with Cruz, puffing his chest out and screaming and into the car. He didn't even get to swim with Cruz. Do you know what that's like? I left in tears. And Britney's like, oh, I cried all night too. Please.

[Host 1]

Britney did not cry all night. I cried so hard when I saw that little angel crying in the car. You didn't see me in my car. Oh, well, I'd imagine it somehow when I cried all night long.

[Host 2]

And Jenna's like, well, you could have said, kristen, this isn't the time or place, you know, but like, you know, to go to a party and have somebody be saying, why is she here? She doesn't deserve to be here. I haven't felt like that since the seventh grade and the eighth grade and the ninth grade. I mean, really high school, college. College too. Really? Okay. I feel like that every day pretty much. But still, I had a child this time. A child. I was bullied. And I'm not going to continue just showing up places where I'm getting yelled at. You might want a different job because,

[Host 1]

like, I guess you won't be going to the next Bravo Con.

[Host 2]

So

[Host 1]

a Nia and Kristin's sip and see and Nia's there for a second. I'm so excited for everyone to meet Adelaide, but I'm also excited to be back in my old hood, back in civilization, the Valley. Oh, electricity. It's such a, such a privilege to have it. You don't realize until you move to Santa Clarita. Feels good to be home.

[Host 2]

Well, let me just shout out this restaurant for being cute because it's the first one this episode that's like a cute decorated restaurant.

[Host 1]

It was cute.

[Host 2]

That looks nice. So congrats to that restaurant, man. We suffered through this episode, but it looked really cute. But I love that Nia's like, oh, my God. Finally I'm back to the glamorous world of the Valley. It's been so bad where she is. And Zach's like, where's Kristen?

[Guest or Advertiser]

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[Host 1]

was just looking on ebay, where I go for all kinds of things I love.

[Host 2]

And there it was. That hologram trading card.

[Host 1]

One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set.

[Host 2]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind. Ebay had it. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers?

[Host 1]

Ebay has all the parts that fit my car.

[Host 2]

No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Guest or Advertiser]

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[Host 2]

EBay. Things people love.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Host 2]

And everyone's wondering, where is Kristen? So we go over to Kristen's house, and Luke's like, like, are you pooping again? To the baby, I presume. And she's like, I need to brush

[Host 1]

my teeth real quick.

[Host 2]

Oh, we're, like, so late. Oh, my God.

[Host 1]

Schwartz, meanwhile at the party, is saying, I want a baby. Jasmine's like, okay, well, you need to get it together. Stop going to Vegas doing these little Vegas parties. So Michelle shows up. Hello, everyone. So, Nia, please tell me when you are done. Are you done having babies? She's like, I am done. No, I say four into four. How about one more baby?

[Host 2]

You guys are more insane than even I am. And I'm Tupac. And Danny's like, no. I wake up every day to Nia with scissors. Like, and she's, you know, she was wanting to cut my wiener. And I'm like, no, I'm not ready. So here come Kristen and Luke finally getting there. And everyone's like, oh, my God. Congratulations, you had a baby. Brittany's like, you are so pretty. Look at your dress. Oh, my God. Baby. Baby, why are you crying? Baby, don't cry on me. Where's your pacifier? Don't cry on me, baby. Okay, I'm gonna walk you around. This baby's crying on me. Come on. There's your mama. There's your mom crying. Your mama crying. Your mama.

[Host 1]

You're cool gal. So Tom is like, hey, Michelle, you want a drink? Sure. I'll do the baby shot. It's like, okay. So wait, Michelle, have you ever seen how Stella got her groove back? Look at me and then ask that question again. Do I look like, do you know

[Host 2]

anything about my personality? Of course. I have never seen that. What is a groove? And how did you lose it?

[Host 1]

I didn't know a groove was something you could even have.

[Host 2]

Well, not that your groove wasn't ever there, but, like, you're gorgeous. You are so gorgeous. She's like, I will day compliments. Okay, Yeah, I guess. Keep them coming. Hold on, let me think of another one. You're gorgeous. Okay, you've used that one.

[Host 1]

Sleeping with Tay Diggs.

[Host 2]

Wow.

[Host 1]

You got your groove back. I don't even understand any of this right now.

[Host 2]

I think we're on similar journeys. Like, I'm trying to live and I'm trying to laugh, and so are you, right? She's like, yes. So wait, are you talking about that movie Eat Bray Love? That is what I'm dry. Or Eat Love Bray. That is what I'm trying to do. Eat love and Bray.

[Host 1]

No, I'm talking about the movie Pray Eat Love. That's what I'm doing. We're. We're basically just like two Julia Roberts right now. Oh, my God. It's like, oh, my God, they would be so cute together. Look at them. They got at least hang out. Are you out of your damn mind? Tom's quirky and weird and Michelle's just like sandpaper. Jasmine's like, well, maybe that's what they need. Is that opposites attract, right? No.

[Host 2]

So they're having the most basic, like, let's try this for a storyline conversation. He's like, I still believe in love. She's like, like, I do as well. You do? That's sweet as hell. We should date. Well, I just went through a divorce and somebody broke up with me. He's like, well, I'm glad you're not jaded. So sad. This conversation.

[Host 1]

I don't know what your type is. It's not so much a type. It's more like an age, which unfortunately will be working against you. It's also a chemistry thing. Yeah, and I saw that.

[Host 2]

Wait, I did think of a type. Young. Oh, okay. It's not age.

[Host 1]

That's type face.

[Host 2]

Oh. So I saw that you went to Vota's ba. That is my spot. He's like, I love voters bar. I know. I saw it on your Instagram. It's the best. You want to go to Voto's bar together? I'll go to voter spa with you. It's like, okay. So they make a date. And she. He's like, let's have a night out on the town. And she goes, yes, we'll do something. Anything spiritual. Shut up. That's almost as bad as somebody, you know, like Aaron inviting you on a fitness date. If anybody said, let's do it, yeah, let's go out. Anything spiritual.

[Host 1]

Well, you know, they say the best relationships start on the foundation of going to Vota Spa. You like photo spot? You like Voda Spa? Wow. Let's get married. So now Jesse arrives with Lacy, and then Lala has something to say. She's like, oh, my God. God. When I was shaving my face, I literally nipped my lip. I didn't notice, but now I do. You're good. You look good. She's like, great.

[Host 2]

So Michelle, Jesse come in with Lacey and she's like, what the is she doing here? Nobody told me she was coming because she was like, I will never in my life film. So why is she filming then? And Lala's like, yeah, Lacey, that's not like a common name names. So where'd that name even come from? Like, she's someone named Lacey.

[Host 1]

Lacey is more common than Lala, I'll tell you. That.

[Host 2]

Much made up.

[Host 1]

So Michelle's like, oh, are we allowed to sing her name this year? Lacy. Her and I have a difficult situation because just there was a reminder. This is the same woman who had her lawyer send me a cease and desist. And I met Lace, Lacey's ex boyfriend. And I was like, oh, my God. She sent me a season. This is. And he was like, I got one too. Like, she throws them out to everyone. She's like a little insane.

[Host 2]

You know, I have to say, after watching this episode, Michelle seems insane because Lacey Lacy played this well. If Lacy's just faking it, she played this very well because she comes in, like, calm and sweet, and Michelle is just going to everyone she can being like, oh, my God. I am dealing with a person who thinks she knows everything and she wants everybody to love her. I can do just Dell. Doesn't everybody? Like, why is that such a weird thing? And Lala's like, well, she's got a banging body. I mean, I mean, studio, but still, she's hot.

[Host 1]

All that matters. Like, she may be crazy, she may have given you a season assist, but she's got a bang and body. So that Shows some dedication.

[Host 2]

She is not my gub of D. And I love D. I'm spiritual. So Laa's like. Laa's chatting with Zach and Luke and Kristen. She's like, oh, my God, Kristen, I can't believe you have a baby. Like, I have to tell you something that you might not think is funny, but, like, I thought it was kind of funny. So we were talking, me and my mom, and my mom goes, oh, my God, your baby looks kind of like Luke's my baby. You know, it's the blue eyes. And I was like, oh, my God, it does look like luck.

[Host 1]

Exactly. Well, he needed some extra money when he moved to la. And looks like, no, I mean, when you were reading the profiles or whatever, I was like, that could be me. It's like, oh, it. Can you imagine? He's like, wait, did you donate sperm? He's like, yeah. And I guess they didn't realize that. They thought he was just joking. And Lala's eyes, bold like, wait a second, this is actually not funny. So Luke tells us that in his senior year of college, he donated the same sperm bank that Lala used. And lot we see flashback to that party that she had on Vanderbump Rules where she was reading the profile and was like, he's six' two, he's lean and has athletic build. It's like. Like, I'm 62. I'm lean. I've got a athletic build. For fun, I like to go to Vincent Van Go impersonation contests. I do that. I go to Van Go impersonation contests. Oh, my God.

[Host 2]

He has a blank. He has a blank look in his eyes for no reason at all. You can ask him a question and then you have to flick him on the forehead to get an answer out of him. Wait a minute. That was really long. But I do all of those things.

[Host 1]

Can fix a party van on the fly. Wait a second, I've done that.

[Host 2]

Lives in a off the grid, no electricity household with no running water and expects girlfriend to move in with him. Wait a minute. Did you have my baby? No. So how did he donate sperm when he was in college to the same sperm dink? Did she get her sperm in Missouri or where does he live again? Where does he live in Colorado?

[Host 1]

Was he school in la? Maybe.

[Host 2]

I don't know. This sounds fishy. I don't believe it. So she's like, oh, my God, hold on. Are you fucking with me right now? And Zach's like, I know.

[Host 1]

I was like, wait a second.

[Host 2]

And they're like, oh, he gave a deposit and it disappeared. So now Lala's like, oh, my God. I did not have on my bingo cards that he'd been a sperm donor at the same cryobank I got salsa from. So now Kristen is thus a stepmom. A now. A now.

[Host 1]

I think it's time for a paternity test. I think that'd be great if they did that. Where's Mori Lala? Come on.

[Host 2]

With a fake parent storyline to start us off. So Lacy is. So Lacy goes over to say hi to Michelle, and so she's like, hi. Michelle's like, hi, I didn't even know you were gumming. She goes, oh, nobody told me. Oh, well, at least it's nice ambient with, like, babies and stuff here.

[Host 1]

Yeah, less can go wrong. I know. It's a perfect little cute event.

[Host 2]

Well, I'm happy to see you. You do seem happy and, like, healthy and, like, in a good place, so.

[Host 1]

Well, as you know, we are in a much better place than we were last summer.

[Host 2]

I empathize with. I'm sorry. I empathize with that.

[Host 1]

Oh, are you divorced?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, I didn't know if you were officially divorced or. I don't know anything about you, in fact.

[Host 2]

Oh, well, I'm divorced. Listen, I don't want to fight with any woman going through a divorce, though.

[Host 1]

We had a rough start.

[Host 2]

I know. I'm sorry. So I thought, Lacey's being totally nice. Michelle's not. Michelle's like, oh, really? Oh, you divorced now? Oh, you really, Like, Michelle's ready to pounce, and Lacey's just playing very nice. She's like, well, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

I was very amused. I mean, Michelle was being, like, so cold, you know, I think she was. She was being cold. And then when she said, I don't know anything about you, I was like, oh, Michelle. But then I was. And I was like, wow, this Lacy girl seems innocent. But then as she. As Lacy was talking, I was like, but she sent a cease and desist.

[Host 2]

Like, let's not desist, because Jesse's telling her that they're slandering her on camera. So she's, like, stopped trying to ruin my reputation on camera. I'm not even there to defend myself. I mean.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but still, I was just like, you know, I understand why Michelle's mad. She's like, wait a second. This girl's sending me a cease to desist to the. To the m. To the mother of the dog. The. The little girl that you are half taking care of, you know, during the week. So once I remembered that, I was like, oh, I'm not falling for this lazy. This Lacy here. So.

[Host 2]

Well, listen, I don't know if I'm falling for it or not. I'm just gonna say that she is playing this much better than Michelle because she's like, okay, my first time on camera, I'm just gonna go be nice to Michelle and have like. And Michelle's not gonna let her do it, and so Michelle's gonna come off looking worse than.

[Host 1]

Well, the audience already doesn't really like Michelle, so I think she's kind of like, well, whatever, I've got nothing to lose. I don't have any fans. They stuck me at the end of the sofa at the reunion, which was insulting enough. So Jesse is like, well, Michelle and Lacey speaking is the best case scenario for all of us. You know, hopefully it's just the beginning of what could grow into a Thanksgiving together. Oh, God.

[Host 2]

Okay, that's a little far. So Michelle's like, well, all I need is a divorce, and I'm done. So ask him designed the divorce. Then ask him design it if you do not want to vibe with a divorced lady. And she's like, but I'm like, team divorce. Yeah, well, I made it easy for him. I walk away with nothing. So,

[Host 1]

yeah, I don't know the financials, but I'm just hoping you guys have a good, healthy resolutions. It's like, all righty, then. This session is closed. Have a great day.

[Host 2]

So well done, Lacey. Well done. Because Michelle looks. Michelle looks cray cray to me. So she goes over to Lala, and Lala's like, I saw you. And she's like, I do not trust her. I've seen her be Zuber nice. And I've also be. Seen her be Zuba rude to me. And so she tells us that last summer leading up to the Yamashiro zen party night, Jesse kept begging her to call Lacy and have conversations, and she would say, it's not the time, and I don't want to have a conversation with this girl. And so this girl who said she's never gonna film shows up to my Zen party when there's cameras everywhere to film at the finale. And so we see a flashback to Lacy showing up, and she's like, well, I mean, I guess you guys are shooting up all night. You guys are still shooting. I thought shooting was over. He told me shooting was over. I'm sorry. And Jeremiah's like, there's cameras here. There are cameras right there. We're still Shooting. We're not, we're not wrapped. And she's like, okay, geez.

[Host 1]

You know, it's bad when the producer of the show is like being like, get the out of here. Because like they're. I'm sure they also were served some cease and desists about, you know, about like don't mention my name on this show.

[Host 2]

I think the thing, the problem. What, what it seemed. I'm saying no, but I don't know, I wasn't there. But what I'm getting from the clip that we saw is she was gonna come in and shoot and Jeremiah. And then she was like, but I can't shoot. And I thought you were done shooting. And Jeremiah's like, well then why are you. Why are you fucking here? Why are you fucking here? She. I think they were like trying to get her on camera. And then Jesse got really pissed off. And then Jesse goes up to this producer and he's like, not cool, Jeremiah, not fucking cool. And he's like, well, we're not, we're not rob Jesse. And he's like, well, you can't do this. So I don't know if Jesse was accusing them of trying to shoot her when she wasn't supposed to or trying to block her from. I don't know. I don't know what it was, but

[Host 1]

I loved was the unblurring of her face in this whole thing. You know, it reminds me of like one of those, those TV shows where you see there's some critical thing that happened, some flashback. And then like three seasons later we see the flashback again and the camera pans the right. It turns out there was this character that was there all along song. And that's what I was like, oh, this is fun. I feel like we've never had someone get unblurred before. So I enjoyed it.

[Host 2]

If don't fall for lazy's in front of your vase, you'll be Zuber. Nice and sweet. But below, behind closed doors, she's a.

[Host 1]

Yeah. And then we see that like Brock is like, she can't get out of the coal. She had to have an NDA. She can't film. And they're like, why'd you come here? Why'd you come here, Lacey? I'm showing telling us Jesse's chaotic, Lacey's chaotic. The two of them together are just the insanity. And we still see there was like. There was like screaming and someone's like, it was a place of business. Stop yelling at each other. You know, like there was definitely. That was going down between them.

[Host 2]

And we didn't see. And this is another point of evidence that maybe Lacey's not the crazy one, because we don't see Lacey yelling. Michelle's making it sound like Lacey came in there, started screaming, yelling, and to everybody. But all we've seen is the clip of Lacy being like, well, I thought you guys were done shooting. I didn't know. And then we see this grainy footage in the bar and Michelle. We see Michelle yelling at her. We see Michelle telling her off, but we don't see Lacy yelling. Michelle says she was being bossy and telling me what to do and, like, how our friendship's going to be. And it doesn't really work that way. So what. What was she saying? Like, we can be friends or it just doesn't sound that bad like, what Lacy did. I don't know, but I'm. It doesn't sound like that bad. And Michelle's like. And at the end of the conversation, she's screaming at me, and she said, I have all the money in the world and I don't care. I'll sue you and I'll win. But then when we see the clip, we don't see any of that.

[Host 1]

I don't know. I think that, like, if you send someone a cease and desist and remember she sent it to, like, like, several people in the cast. Right? Wasn't just even Michelle. I think a lot of people got letters. But then you're going to show up, like, okay, to. To hang out with the cast after shooting is done. Like, that doesn't make. There's something a little deranged to me about that. If I'm sending a cease and desist to, like, a group of people, I'm not then trying to linger directly after they stop shooting the season finale. And then on top of that, like, maybe even try to be part of the season finale because Jesse's trying to broker her to come on camera and then, like, have a discussion. There's something that's, like, not adding up. The math isn't mathing. And I don't know. And I. And like, yeah, maybe Michelle went off on her. But again, you know, Michelle is going through a divorce from hell, from a narcissist, and then this guy is trying to force this woman into. Into her life to have, like, this is. Someone's gonna be in your child's life and sending you already sending you cease and desists. It's like, I would be at a breaking point, too, quite frankly.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I can see how all of that would be annoying. And I was on Michelle's side with this whole thing last season. And I blame Jesse, frankly, for all of this, because Jesse's obviously the one causing it. It's like, oh, they're talking about you and they're going into filming and they're saying this and this. Yes, sure, so you should file a cease and desist. And then he's like, okay, now, I guess, you know, if we want you to film, you gotta be friends with the cast. So show up and maybe try and make nice with the cast or make nice with Michelle. And he's doing all this stuff behind the scenes, and she's like, no, fuck this girl.

[Host 1]

I'm not.

[Host 2]

I don't have to do it just because he wants her on the show. So it seems like she's trying to just be like, no, this is my show, and I don't want this girl on the show, which. Which I don't really blame her. But if he is going to be dating this girl, the show is about you guys and who you're dating and what you're doing. So I don't know. It's just the. The only. The only way. It's not like I'm on Lacey's side. Okay? I think Jesse is a piece of. I think the ultimate piece of here is still Jesse Lolly. I'm not gonna blame either Michelle or Lacy for any of this, but everyone's constant. We're all concentrating on that because that's what's on camera. But I'm just saying I'm getting a sense here that she might not be as evil as she's been as they've been leading us to believe, because everything that we've seen, everything we're seeing is her being okay and Michelle being weird. So I get that it's like kind of a thing where maybe that's kind of baiting Michelle by like, oh, I'm gonna go over and act nice and just watch Michelle stew or fume or whatever. So maybe it is that, but I don't know. It'll be interesting, I would say.

[Host 1]

I would. I mean, I. I agree. I think Jesse is. Is the. Is the primary issue here. I mean, he could have. If I may apply some Teresa Giudice logic, you should have made your girlfriend. You should have made her stop. You know, like, that's what Teresa would always say about Joe and Melissa. Like, why didn't you tell your wife to ever stop doing these things? But. Or so I. I don't. I do think that, like, Jesse should have said, hey, do not send the cease and desist to Michelle. I know you're mad at her. That's the mother of my child. It's just gonna make things worse. And he didn't. And I think the fact that he does not step in, in that situation is really shitty. And it's.

[Host 2]

Oh, I think he caused it a hundred percent. Probably.

[Host 1]

Yeah, he's definitely playing the women against each other. But I don't think it's a situation of like, oh, Lacey seems like she's nice and Michelle's coming up. Like Michelle's being the one who's acting kind of crazy. I think Michelle is just at her wits end. She just wants to divorce this guy and all he is doing is just enmeshing her more and more in his awful life. She sees this girl, she's like, I don't want to have anything to do with Jesse. Like, I think Lacey at this point is collateral damage for Michelle. Like she sees red. It is probably deflected projected emotions towards Jesse that she's putting on Lacy. Lacey seemed like she was perfectly fine at the party, more or less. I mean we're just, I'm, I'm making inferences about like I don't like she said this season to, at the party she was perfectly fine. Michelle was more of the mean person. But I also see Michelle as someone who is just at her wits and, and driven nuts and being psychologically tortured by Jesse Lolly and she's just not going to put up with it anymore. And if it means that she's going to be a total to Lacy and that's her retaliation, then that's going to be her retaliation. So I was all for it personally.

[Host 2]

Yeah, well, I was all for it as far as entertainment factor. That's for sure. Sure. Because, and you know, I love a little mystery, like a little human psychology mystery. But just the way Michelle was talking, like when she said, you know, then she comes up to the party and she's trying to boss me around and telling me how our friendship is going to go. That sounds to me like Lacy came up to her and said, hey, I think, you know, we should try to be friends and we shouldn't be fighting with each other. Michelle's like, don't boss me around to me. That's what it sounds like. So it sounds like.

[Host 1]

That's awesome.

[Host 2]

You know, it sounds like this new girl is trying to make nice with the ex and the ex is, is like you. I'm not making nice with you. Get the off my set that's what it came off to me as. But, you know, we don't know. We don't have any way of knowing until the show.

[Host 1]

But we have a feeling. I have a feeling we're about to get some more empirical evidence this season, because now Lacy is unblurred and she's in the ring. Lacey's unblo. And Lacy does end the episode by saying, yeah, it was a fine interaction. Maybe you're the problem, Jesse.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

This is like the traitors. When someone, like, almost. It's like, this is like Maura Higgins, like, I thought you were the traitor for a second. I'm not. Well, never mind, then.

[Host 2]

Ah, never mind. Yeah, never mind, then. All right. Well, that was fun.

[Host 1]

Welcome back, Valley. Nice to have you here. Looking forward to many more weeks of sad joy from you.

[Host 2]

I wonder how many times I said sad in that recap. I think I said it probably 500 times. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will be back later today with Southern Hospital. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.

[Host 1]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

[Host 2]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Host 1]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's a mistake. Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

[Host 2]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, She's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her Call, it's Diane Call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Host 1]

Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no Tricholas Hava Nagila Webber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go. We all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey.

[Host 2]

Jamie, she has no last namey. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Host 1]

She's not a McBee. She's a McBride. Jess McBride. She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Host 2]

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will. Lauren Silsby. She gets next. Away from us, it's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry.

[Host 1]

Aren't you glad It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Host 2]

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Host 1]

This is living with Michelle. Vivian.

[Host 2]

I love y'.

[Host 1]

All.

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Olivia Williamson.

[Host 1]

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

[Host 2]

Yes, we canna.

[Host 1]

It's Savannah Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Host 2]

Darn skippy. It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP

[Host 1]

It's Amanda V. Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh. Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD

[Host 2]

we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Host 1]

Let's get real with Caitlin o' Neal.

[Host 2]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogle don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Host 1]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo let's get savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy Always killing it it's low alkali Milani. Roger that. It's Marla's Rogers the incredible edible Matthew

[Host 2]

sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose she's the lady of the house It's Rachel Charouse There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud she's our princess It's

[Host 1]

Rebecca Prince Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke

[Host 2]

we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah

[Host 1]

Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop at solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla plane.

[Host 2]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.

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