#3294 RHORI S1E01: Rhode Rage

Summary

Watch What Crappens: RHORI S1E01 – “Rhode Rage” (Ep. #3294)

Original Air Date: April 3, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Episode Recap by AI

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Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie break down the premiere episode of Bravo’s newest franchise, The Real Housewives of Rhode Island (RHORI). In their signature irreverent, affectionate style, the hosts dissect the cast, the wild Rhode Island energy, the local quirks, and introduce all the fresh drama the new Housewives bring. With character impressions, regional digs, and classic Bravolebrity shade, they walk listeners through the cast intros, early feuds, and the season’s main storylines.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. First Impressions of RHORI

• Both hosts are excited for a new Housewives series, noting the novelty and the challenge of distinguishing so many similar-looking cast members.
• Ronnie: "A lot of the women look exactly the same, which is super weird...But I did like them. They seem to get a lot of crazy people on the show, which is strong. None of them are shy, that's for sure." (02:31)
• The hosts highlight the group’s interconnectedness from high school, making the drama feel deeply personal right out the gate.

2. “Rhode Island Uniqueness” and Accents

• The cast claims everyday behavior—rumors, eating, talking—as exclusive to Rhode Island, which the hosts roast.
• Ben: “They have this idea that the things that happen in Rhode Island happen nowhere else in the country. They're like, ‘Rumors are a big part of Rhode Island society. Yeah, we have a thing in Rhode Island called rumors.’” (04:43)

3. Meet the Housewives & Aunties

• Alicia: Big personality, runs a restaurant empire with fiancé Billy (Pizza Mama). Family scenes abound with her aunts.
  • “If you really love me, you'd sexualize me in a pizza shop. All right?” – Ronnie (09:29)
  • Family drama about moving 15 minutes away to Providence, treated like an epic migration.
• Liz: Known as “Queen Elizabeth,” lives in a faux-castle, possibly has mob ties, runs a cannabis dispensary with husband Jerry. Over-the-top persona.
  • “I’m Liz. I’m in the mafia, and I got a dinghy, okay? Oh, God, my hat. All right, well, I've lost a crown.” – Ben quoting Liz (19:52)
• Kelsey: The youngest, a “lady of leisure” thanks to a mysterious older boyfriend—immediately branded a sugar baby.
  • "My boyfriend is actually attractive. The money is just a plus...Oh, God, you're a sugar baby." – Ben (07:34)
  • Kelsey’s boredom and house full of TVs provide major comic fodder.
• Joellen: Known for being scary; stole her husband from her sister; self-described gossip and villain.
  • “Automatically, I loved this storyline because she stole her husband from her sister.” – Ronnie (29:09)
• Rosie: Ex-local news anchor, lifestyle show host. Obsessed with following up on rumors, “nosy Rosie”.
  • "If I don't go somewhere and no one says, 'my grandfather loves you,' then I've had a bad day." – Rosie (33:24)
• Ashley: 'Outsider' from The Bachelor, married to Jared (also from reality TV), struggling to fit in with the clique.

4. Signature RHORI Chaos: Family, Rumors, and Parties

• The hosts remark on the state’s close-knit culture—it’s hard to penetrate if you’re a newcomer (“If I didn't see you in kindergarten, it's a problem,” Alicia, 45:58).
• In typical Housewives fashion, there are already rumors of: infidelity, polyamory, bad blood among sisters, and town-wide gossip.
• Rosie's “Reporter's Picnic” becomes the season's first confrontational group event.

5. Notable Cast Quirks & Running Jokes

• Liz’s mob rumors, medieval home, and weed queen status.
• House size and “tragedy” of 79 TVs to watch while alone—Kelsey’s gilded cage.
• Joellen: mean-but-funny gossip; “If anyone ever actually touched my butt, I would get a gun and kill them.” (Alicia during "Never Have I Ever", 48:10)
• The “Bad at Math” running gag with Alicia, highlighted in almost every group scene.
• Bird Report Segment: Ben and Ronnie mistake a heron for everything from a swan to an ostrich. (40:07)

6. Themes of the Episode

• Rumors and Small-Town Drama: Hosts poke fun at how the cast frames “gossip” as a unique state trait, even as it drives all Housewives drama.
• ‘One-Sided Monogamy’ and Sugar Baby Life: Kelsey's relationship situation is both ridiculed and sympathized with—“Being bored is better than being poured, you know?” – Ronnie (26:36)
• Clique Dynamics and Outsiders: Ashely’s struggle to fit in, and Rosie’s desperate quest for group acceptance, highlight classic Housewives social jockeying.

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Memorable Quotes & Major Moments

• On Rhode Island Culture:
  • “People eat food. We have three square meals a day in Rhode Island.” – Ben (04:43)
• On “Queen” Liz:
  • “She’s got a cat on a leash named Ganja because she sells weed.” – Ronnie (14:32)
  • “Liz has mob connections...like, duh, duh. We just met her. We know this.” – Ben (18:52)
• On Kelsey and Her Relationship:
  • “‘My boyfriend's family is probably one of the most prominent families in the state of Rhode Island. And he has allowed me to live a life of not being allowed to work. I have the privilege of not being allowed to do something.’” – Ben reading Kelsey (23:20)
  • “You can't just cut somebody from their sugar. I'm gonna be poor and 30. 31. Oh, God.” – Kelsey, paraphrased by the hosts (46:41)
• Ashley’s ‘Outsider’ Status:
  • “I've never been to a state where people are so proud to be from it, you know?” – Ashley (45:58)
• Bouncy Shoes & Cardi-Queens:
  • “I'm trying to look up what these bouncy roller skate things are...this is going to ruin my life, I'm not going to do it.” – Ronnie (06:12)
• Bird Report Segment:
  • “It's a flamingo. It's a brown flamingo. Someone got mud on the flamingo. Oh, my God.” – Ben (40:07)
  • “It's an anorexic swan. Maybe it's a swan who took Ozempic.” – Ronnie (40:16)
• On “Never Have I Ever” and Polygamy Talk:
  • “Never have I ever done any butt stuff. I was just like, oh, okay. Okay. Put your finger down. You've done it. You've done it.” – Ben (47:17)
  • “Polygamy, okay? That's what men are. They sleep with everything.” – Kelsey (74:53)
• Classic Housewives Throwdown:
  • “If you don't want me talking about what you've done to me, then stop doing up to me, and that will be the solution.” – Ben as Joellen (50:46)
• Life with 79 TVs:
  • “Could you imagine having to go to A different room to watch your peacock? ...You want to watch your Netflix again? I don't think you're in the same household.” – Ben (22:52)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:29] First Impressions of RHORI Cast
• [04:43] Hilarious Rhode Island “Exclusivity” Bits
• [07:34] Sugar Baby Kelsey & Chanel for Life
• [09:22] Pizza Mama, Billy, and the Aunties
• [14:32] Queen Liz and the Weed Empire
• [18:52] Mob Connections & Mafia Jokes
• [23:20] Kelsey’s Life of Leisure & Melancholy
• [28:35] Joellen’s Scandalous Husband Origin Story
• [33:24] Rosie: Local News Queen
• [35:54] The Newscaster Picnic Setup
• [40:07] Bird Report Segment
• [46:41] Kelsey’s Existential Crisis Over Sugar
• [48:10] “Never Have I Ever” Butt Stuff & Polygamy
• [53:01] Joellen’s 4th of July Party: Setup and Arrival
• [62:50] The Party, Caricatures, and Kelsey’s Drama
• [74:53] The Polygamy Chat Continues
• [78:12] Rosie and Kelsey Face Off
• [81:34] Hosts’ Final Thoughts on the RHORI Premiere

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Notable Commentary & Hosts’ Final Notes

• Ben and Ronnie love the distinct sense of “place” RHORI brings, with all its Rhode Island-specific flavor, beachy scenes, and tightly woven family ties.
• Ronnie: “Let’s see where it goes…they’ve kind of got the Salt Lake City, community theater thing, where it’s like, ‘OK, we’re fighting now, let’s fight at a picnic.’”
• Ben: “I love when these shows sort of have a distinct feeling of space, like the Rhode Island-ness of it...everything sort of like coastal and beachy in a New England way. And I think that's pretty cool. And, yeah, I think it was a really good first episode. It’s setting the stage for what should be a fun season.” (81:58)

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TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Listen)

The RHORI premiere delivers a classic Housewives cocktail: tight-knit (and gossipy) community, wild local color, mob rumors, sugar baby intrigue, and epic aunties. Ben and Ronnie love the new cast’s wackiness, relish the regional quirks, and predict a season bursting with over-the-top Housewives shenanigans—everything from (alleged) mafia ties to zooming around in bouncy shoes. Rhode Island’s dramatic flags are up; Ben and Ronnie are here to recap it all.

Transcript

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[Ben]

Who cares what happens when there's so much feature? Who cares what happens when this so much that happens.

[Ronnie]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Happens, a podcast about all the crap we love to talk about on Y brs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben Unies over there. Hello, Ben.

[Ben]

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

[Ronnie]

Good. What's going on with you?

[Ben]

Not much. It's a big day for us. We know we don't. We don't often get a brand new Real Housewives franchise so you know, the time is now. It's special when we get to launch a new one and today is the

[Ronnie]

day the gods are smiling down on us. It is Real Housewives of Rhode island episode one day. If you want this recap on video or you want bonus episodes, this week was a Survivor recap and it was super long and super fun. Or you want ad free listening or you want the Discord server or our free weekly blog recapping all of the stuff that happened on Bravo? Join us [e-mail] watch what problems. And now today, Real Housewives of Rhode Island 101.

[Ben]

What did you think about the premiere, Ronnie?

[Ronnie]

I thought it was pretty fun. Really liked it. A lot of the women look exactly the same, which is super weird. It's going to take some time to differentiate them all. But I did like them. They seem to get a lot of crazy people on the show, which is strong. None of them are shy, that's for sure. And I love all the aunties oh, yeah.

[Ben]

We need to see more of them for the rest of the season. Like, yeah, I want all the ants. I want all the older generation on this show just trickling through.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. What you think?

[Ben]

Overall, I liked it. I thought it was good. I thought it was fun. The accents are hilarious to me, of course. Actually, the only one that I didn't really love was the girl from the Bachelorette. She just felt like she didn't. She didn't fit in for me. She was sort of. She felt very like someone who'd been on reality TV before. But I thought, like, but, like, it was. She was fine. It wasn't like she was bad. It's just, you know, she wasn't as, like, inherently interesting, I thought. But, yeah, I thought it was a pretty.

[Ronnie]

She's like the straight man to all the crazies.

[Ben]

Well, she just was, like, a little generic, you know, like, there was something about her that was like. I don't know. I don't know. It was like a different vibe. I felt like she and her. Her man felt like there was, like, a slickness that felt like they had been on TV before. But maybe I was just bringing that to the. Maybe I was just bringing my own prejudices. But I think overall, it was. It was a. It was a pretty good premiere. I, I, I liked it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. All right, well, let's get into it with that lukewarm praise beginning.

[Ben]

No, I liked it.

[Ronnie]

I, like, I was with you too. I am. I'm expecting so much from this that I don't know. I don't know where it's going to go, because I'm really expecting a lot. I mean, the previews for it were. So I think it's a pretty good start. I mean, they're all cuckoo, and they. Their lives are like, what? And I do love that they know each other. They all know each other, like, from high school. Like, someone used to the sister's boyfriend announce her husband. And, I mean, there's a lot of that going on. Not a lot of sister, sister, boyfriend, but a lot of, like, inter. You know, things that can only happen when you've known each other for a really long time. So I like that. So we start with the typical.

[Ben]

I was also gonna say I like how they have this, like, idea that the things that happen in Rhode island happen nowhere else in the country. They're like, rumors are a big part of Rhode island society. Yeah, we have a thing in Rhode island called rumors. People talk about each other in Rhode Island. People eat food. We have Three square meals a day in Rhode Island.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. When people in Rhode island are hungry drink things, it's like, ooh, I guess that would be a little weird because you'd eat right if you're on. But so we start with the ladies. You know the intro to the ladies. And first up is Alicia. And she's like, don't with me. You're ritual. Welcome to Rhode Island. This is how we roll. I was like, okay. Strong first line.

[Ben]

Yeah, Liz. We see Liz, who's the fake Dolores, and she's like, you're Dulu, I'm scary.

[Ronnie]

Boo.

[Ben]

Like, what? Huh?

[Ronnie]

And then, then they're describing each other and someone's like, Rosie. Rosie is brave. She's not afraid to call people out. She's. And we see Rosie on like weird little bouncy skate things. What are those? They're like rollerblades, but instead of wheels, they have things that you bounce on.

[Ben]

Yeah, we see that. And we see that again later on. It's like these pink kind of like diamond shaped springy things that are, I guess probably to help your glutes or something. And Rosie's like, she's with an old guy and she cheated with an old guy with a new guy, and the new guy is paying for it. But I'm the problem.

[Ronnie]

I'm trying to look up what these bouncy roller skate things are. You know what? This is going to ruin my life. I'm not going to do it. Yeah. So then we see Joellen. What'd you say? Oh, yeah. Okay. So then we see Joellen and she's like, if I'm going to call the FBI, I'm going to call Joe Ellen because she knows everything. So we see Joe Ellen sitting with her husband, and she's like, every morning he goes to her house and you know what? He's at the gym every morning. And she goes, does Brian look like he goes to the gym? I don't believe these rumors. Have you seen him?

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. And then we. We also there's someone named Rula who's not in the first episode. And she's like, everyone tells me I run a tight ship. Then the husband goes, I let you track me. You know where I am every second. So it's basically this is like all kind of like trailers.

[Ronnie]

The girls, you know, Kelsey's stunning, she's beautiful, she's smart. Then we see Kelsey and she's like, oh, my God, why would you give someone flowers? Like flowers go away and die. Chanel is for life.

[Ben]

Then Chanel also Does not. Chanel's not for life either. I hate to break it to. Did you ever see the Simpsons where Marge Simpson gets a Chanel? Chanel outfit did not last. So then Kelsey's like lying around in on a pool, floating. She goes, I don't look at myself as a sugar baby. My boyfriend is actually attractive. The money is just a plus. Oh, God, you're a sugar baby. Oh, spoiler alert. She's a sugar baby.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you're a sugar baby. You're still a sugar baby. I mean, it doesn't matter if he's hot or not. I mean, that's. That is definitely a plus. The hotness is a plus for sure. So then we hear that Ashley isn't from here, so she's actually new to the group. And Ashley's like, oh, my God, I'm tired of it. Everybody yelling and fighting all the time.

[Ben]

So eventually we sort of land at Alicia's house. And so we see Alicia with her. Her guy Billy. And she's like, I would love a glass of wine. I'm just so stressed. And he's like, you want a glass of red wine now? She's like, yeah, just wine. I don't care about. I don't care the color. My family's coming over. I'm stressed. You know, Cuz the thing is that, like, if her sentence ends with a consonant, she just doesn't say it. She'll be like, you know what I want? I want a calculator. I need. You know what? I'm. I'm so hot. I'm really hot right now.

[Ronnie]

So her daughter's in there, she's setting the table, and her daughter is like, deck the house with father. They're like, why are you singing Deck the Hall? She goes, because the last time I set the table, it was Christmas. So it's true. Oh, my God. My daughter Selena, she's my biddy. Me. We'll be shopping. And she'll be like, oh, this is cute. And I'll be like, oh, my God, no, this is cute. And also, she loves Britney Spears. I love Britney Spears. We're basically the same. Hey, basic.

[Ben]

We're the Crackers. I know where the crackers. Okay, They're. They're okay, they're here. Relax. You're in the restaurant biz. I thought you'd be better at this. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Billy owns a bunch of restaurants. My fav. My fave is Pizza Mama, okay?

[Ronnie]

And we see Pizza Mama, and there's like a Big poster. Like a sexy poster for in the pizza shop. She's like, yeah, pizza mama.

[Ben]

I'm thinking of a new picture. He's like, yeah, you were the one that made me do the girly pizza place. So yeah, whatever you want.

[Ronnie]

And we see the pizza place. It is not girly. It is just a regular pizza place. And then a sexy picture of his wife, like, you know what? If you really love me, you'd sexualize me in a pizza shop. All right?

[Ben]

And then we get a call. She's on the phone with Nikki. Is Nikki her mom? Because. Or one of the aunts? Because Nikki's like, we're all in the car on the way over. We're coming over.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's one of the hands. She's like, how far are you? I don't know. How am I supposed to know where we even are? We're in a car trying to come to your God forsaken house. And you just hear the background in the van. It's like kids squawking and ladies squawking. And Alicia is wearing. Or Alicia. I'm sorry, we say Alicia because that's below deck, which we just did. So Alicia is sitting there in like a big beaded crucifix. It's like huge. And a big black lace booby top. She's like, I got a big Italian family. I got six aunts and we all live in Rhode Island. And then we cut to the car with all the aunts in there. And she's like, at least, yeah, Alicia wants to move back to Cranston. Something really bad. Cause she misses being with family. Oh, yeah. Well, it's just so far. You gotta pack a lunch to go over there. I would be to your house four times. Nikki back and on back four times there and back already. Where are we going?

[Ben]

You know, when I was eight months pregnant, Billy had us move all the way to Providence. It was terrible. And then we see it's 15 minutes away from Cranston. Oh, my God, 15 minutes. You have to drive by six Starbucks just to get to Providence. It was terrible. So then.

[Ronnie]

And Aunt Judy's in the back, like drinking out of a flash. She's like, all right, it's time to go in. Hold on. All right, I'm ready, I'm ready. So they both are 19. We've got like 19 trays of food each.

[Ben]

Jeez. My grandfather opened Superior Bakery and lots of other places. He was well known on Rhode Island. Yeah. For his girly bakeries. How quiet, Billy. So then they're like, oh, Billy, love the house. Don't get me wrong. But I said, you know, we could build the beautiful one in Cranston. You gotta come to Cranston. She's like, yeah, Billy, what a wedding you guys could have out there. God, if you had, you could come to Cranston. You could have the most beautiful wedding out here.

[Ronnie]

Why we gotta go to France. And for a wedding, we could do it right here. You got a beautiful house here, huh, Billy? Let's have a wedding here in this house. He's like, oh, my God, a wedding. Talk to your niece.

[Ben]

Me and Billy got engaged when I was seven months pregnant. That was nine years ago. And Anita's like, well, Billy.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I want you to get your swagger back. Bang against the wall or something like that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Anita. It's like, hey, can we eat? I was like, okay, let's get. Oh, my God. So we brought over sauce with a side of sauce on top of sauce. And before that, we do have a nice appetizer. We have sauce. Oh, and for the salad, we made a Caesar salad without the, without the lettuce, just the dressing. So enjoy.

[Ronnie]

Just give me a straw. So Antonita is like, alicia, you've seen Liz. She's got a big fear of frogs.

[Ben]

Congratulations, Liz. That's how you're being introduced to America. Fear frogs.

[Ronnie]

Guess what?

[Ben]

Guess what we don't have in Cranston. Frogs. I don't know. Think about it.

[Ronnie]

I've known Liz since I was born. I remember being, I remember her being beautiful. She was older than me. She's always made me nervous. She was the queen. Queen Elizabeth. We all love Elizabeth.

[Ben]

Yes. And as, as we soon find out when we meet Liz, when you look at her, you think, God, she reminds me of Queen Elizabeth.

[Ronnie]

She just lives in the most gorgeous castle. And so we go see the castle, and it's in Cranston. And Liz is. I do see why they her a queen. Liz has, like, night armor in her house. She's got, like, knight armor and drinks out of, like, silver goblets, like from medieval, Medieval times.

[Ben]

It's like a mansion with Some, it's a McMansion with like, some kind of, like, gothic elements, more like chateau elements or whatever. I remember, I, I, I can't visualize it, but I remember looking at it being like, this doesn't really look like a castle. It's just like a house with some pointy elements.

[Ronnie]

And they're like the medieval props. Like, she's got a braid around the top of her head. Like a. It's Medieval times. It's like a new. It's a new medieval Times. And she told. I can't even do a voice. By the way, voices are going to take a while on this because they're all so different.

[Ben]

Well.

[Ronnie]

And there's so many people. But she sounds to me exactly like Meredith Marks. Not our imitation of Meredith Marks. But how Meredith Marks actually talks like she has the same exact voice. It's freaking me out.

[Ben]

Did you know, to me, it's like Dolores voice. Because she and Dolores, when they talk together, they sound the same as so and so. It's like the Lord. If. If Dolores is like this, she's like. She's like this. She's like Dolores and Meredith Morris mixed together. She's talking like this. Because Alicia is more like. She talks a little bit up here. She's like, okay, whatever, Whatever. I don't have to get married. I don't want to go back to Queenston. But then Liz, like, hi. Look. Gun.

[Ronnie]

Look.

[Ben]

It's a beautiful day, guys. Look, guys. Look how beautiful this is. Look how blessing we are, guys. Which I think is her cat. What? Remember what her cat's name is?

[Ronnie]

It's her cat on a leash. She's got a cat on her leash named Ganj because she sells weed. So she named her cat Ganja.

[Ben]

Oh, ganja. Right. Of course.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So she's like, walking the. The cat down the dock outside of their house, and she's like, isn't this gorgeous? Isn't that gorgeous? Okay, you know, everyone says I'm blonde and I bite people's heads off. And I get all. I get this a lot lately. You know, I could be scary. Oh, hey, Jerry. Jerry McGraw. You want to drink something or what? I met Jerry at a bar. It was when this whole ancestry thing was taken off. You look at Jerry and you look at me. No one's gonna say we're related, but we are related somewhere down the line. Because when I met Jerry, he told me he had three girls and they were little, and I was not prepared to be him. I'm like, can we go back to the being related thing?

[Ben]

Like, can we not scroll past that?

[Ronnie]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

Yeah, somewhere down the line we were mad we were related. I don't know, was maybe like one generation ago, something like that. Anyway, he's got three kids. They're my aunt, daughter, they're my. They're my niece. Daughters, I call them. And I was not prepared to be mom. I mean school, uniform, hair bags, lunches, leashes I got, you know, but I gotta drive away. And they're like, oh God, stop. Like, Skylar's not in the car yet. Skyla's one foot from the car. Like, I have to go. I can. I don't even know who these kids are.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so we go into our closet and it does look like dressing room in Branson, Missouri. It is all sequins and feathers basically. And it's like Jerry can We discuss today. Jerry, come into the closet. So he comes and she's like, I'm not gonna do the bundle bag this year. Jerry. Jerry and I own a cannabis dispensary. That's right.

[Ben]

Yeah. We were one of the first on the east coast. I like to believe that we trailblazed emphasis on the blaze, if you know what I'm saying. My husband slash brother is kind of a cannabis, so. Kind of cannabis king, you know? So by proxy, I'm the queen of weed, right? And Liz is like, I'm going to take the dinghy, by the way, to lunch. Okay. It would be nice to meet Kelsey while it's a nice day, huh? So she gets on this, like, little inflatable thing that like. Like a life raft. She's like, all right, here I go.

[Ronnie]

And rock music is playing like, danny, dinner. I'm on the dinghy. That's right, motherfuckers. All right. I'm not nice. And by the way, the.

[Ben]

The talk on Twitter is that Liz has mob connections, because I guess there was, like, over a thousand phone calls between her and this, like, guy who. Like a New England crime boss who's currently, like, under. In. Under trial, whatever. And they're like, yeah, Liz. Liz is got ties to the New England mob. I'm like, yeah, duh, duh. What else is new? You already know this. We just met her. We know this. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So we. She's going to meet Kelsey, and we see Kelsey, she's being brought to lunch in a black car, and she's. She's like, thanks, Don. Or whatever. Her chauffeur is like, thanks. And she's like, the hot young one. Or a hot young one. There's a couple on this one. And Liz is like, I know Kelsey because I grew up with a boyfriend. Kelsey and a boyfriend. They've got an age disparity. But I didn't. I didn't think he's that old, because actually, he's my age.

[Ben]

So then Liz is on her dinghy, like, going across the harbor. She's like, yeah, I'm Liz. I'm in the mafia, and I got a dinghy. Okay. Oh, God, my hat. All right, well, I've lost a crown.

[Ronnie]

Kelsey's like, oh, God, my armpits. I already have swamp ass waiting for you. What's going on? Nothing wrong with a little swamp ass here. All right, Dolly, I'm gonna put this napkin down so my ass doesn't sweat. Dolly, what do you want? Let me guess. Gin. What are you gonna have? Gin.

[Ben]

And she's like Jin was. Jin was mother's milk. I was like, wait. Oh my God.

[Ronnie]

You said it. I said it. I say you said it. I said it. Come on. What are we, sisters?

[Ben]

I didn't know that that was from My Fair lady because of course I looked it up. I knew they were alluding to something, but I don't know my My Fair lady very well.

[Ronnie]

And I just thought it was funny past act one.

[Ben]

I just was like, I can't believe that this lady, this like super like spray tanned mafia type ganja queen who looks like Dolores who just took a dinghy to lunch and lost her hat along the way is now sitting here quoting My Fair Lady. They call me Queen Elizabeth for nothing else. You know, like the rain in Spain falls mainly on Rhode Island. Right, guys?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. It's like, I'll have a Hendrix, a spicy tuna, and extra lemons, please. And then we see Kelsey and she's messing with her lemon. She goes, oh my God, I gotta take all the lemon seeds out of here. God, this disgusting. Oh, that's right. You got a crazier version to lemon seeds, Kelsey. Am I right? This one.

[Ben]

Does Kelsey know that if that. That like, she doesn't have to drink the lemon seeds that they fall off in her water? Did you know that? They're not. It's like, it's not mandatory. They have to eat them. In fact, you don't even have to. In fact, most people don't.

[Ronnie]

It's an aversion. It's an aversion. What are you gonna do?

[Ben]

Yeah, so. So the fourth of July. What are you thinking? She's like, I don't know. Well, I mean, he's not gonna be in, you know, able to be in town. But when I get my free time and I'm solo, I really love it, you know? Yeah. I mean, look at you. You got everything. You got everything that anyone could ever imagine. Blub, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob.

[Ronnie]

Then we see shots of Kelsey's mansion

[Ben]

and flashback sound effects. Thanks so much. It just doesn't sound good with you. Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow.

[Ronnie]

So we go to her mansion. She's like, I've been a lady of leisure for 10 years now, living in a 16,000 square foot home. I mean, the house has literally everything I need. Four kitchens, 79 TVs. I mean, the closet, that's the best. 79 TVs. Could you imagine having to go to A different room to watch your peacock. And it's like, could you sign in? Sign in on this one. Now sign in on this one. You want to watch your Netflix again? I don't think you're in the same household. You want to pay another $30 a month?

[Ben]

Yeah, seriously. Also, that's like a lot of TVs. So then there's a painting of her with the Miss Rhode Island. She got to be Miss Rhode island. So that's exciting. And she's like, you know, you have to go to a different zip code just to get to the bedroom. My boyfriend's family is probably one of the most prominent families in the state of Rhode island. And he has allowed me to live a life of not being allowed to work. I have the privilege of not being allowed to do something.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And we see pictures of them as a couple, but his face is ripped out of everyone. Like, did you guys do this after the breakup? Whereas this guy. Also mob connected. Because I have a feeling. So she's like, yeah, I saw him when he was 9, when I was 19. I mean, the guy's tall, he's dark, he's handsome. We made out for two hours straight. I didn't even come off the air. But when we started dating 10 years ago, he's the reason I became Miss Rhode Island. Wow. If I didn't have that push from him and those judges didn't have a threat of a push from him, I wouldn't ever had the boss to do it. Like, how many judges died in the making of you?

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

Miss Rhode Island.

[Ben]

How many of them were approached in parking lots? Like, hey, if you don't make Kelsey Miss Rhode island, then you're gonna be sleeping in Rhode island, if you know what I'm saying? Like, in the water around Rhode island because, you know, it's an island. It's not definitely an island, but, you

[Ronnie]

know, in the beach, I want Kelsey to be bigger than Mrs. Mama Pizza. You got it.

[Ben]

Listen, we watched Game of Crowns. That was the first show on Bravo that took place in Rhode island partially. And that was about Mrs. America pageants. And that there was literally a storyline of someone threatening to murder someone's because of the pageant. So, like, we know this happens.

[Ronnie]

Yes. Rhode island and mob connections. They've got it going on in that town.

[Ben]

They really do.

[Ronnie]

So we see her plaques, like, her numerous plaques. One says first runner up, and then another one says most photogenic. I feel so sad for Kelsey. Why? Why?

[Ben]

She's the saddest of all of them. She's living a very sad existence. She looks so bored. And she's like, you know what? He's a good man. And for five months out of the year, he's gone. I'm in a literal empty house with 79 TVs as just me. Me watching Love Island. From room to room, room to room to room. Imagine what it must be like to be in a villa with even just one other person.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Second board in the house by myself. My relation, she calls him. She calls him. She's like, honey, I'm bored. He's like, I don't care. Off. She's like, okay, love you too. Call me soon. My relationship's very unorthodox. This man dates multiple peoples. And for the first half of the year, my boyfriend's in Miami, and when he's in Miami, he's with someone else. But now what, girl? Come on.

[Ben]

Is this that. Is that. Is this that one side of monogamy I've been reading about from the manosphere?

[Ronnie]

Yes, exactly. Is that a thing? One sided monogamy?

[Ben]

Jeez, that's what. Apparently in the manosphere documentary that's on Netflix, the. The guys are saying that, like, yeah, we engage in one set of monogamy. And then the New York Times even wrote an article about, like, what is Monsignor Monogamy?

[Ronnie]

Oh, for Christ's sake.

[Ben]

No one is cheating. So she's like, but now I'm at a crossroad. Well, I just hit 30 and I want more for myself. I want a committed relationship. But at his age, in his life, there's nothing he's gonna change. And he is who he is. And if I can't accept it, then I have to leave. Like, well, right? I guess, yeah. You're gonna have to leave your silly situation.

[Ronnie]

And it's not the. I really want to leave this great relationship. It's like, I don't want to leave all this money. Like, I'm bored. But being better is poor. Being better is. Being bored is better than being poured, you know? So Kelsey's like, yeah, you know, the good is always outweighed the bad, though. We're back at lunch now, and Liz is like, I get that you don't want to be second fiddle. She goes, yeah, I thought I'd be in his life as long as he wanted me. And, you know, I'm not in control of that, you know, but that's okay. It's like, yeah, and you okay with that? But now you're growing into your skin. You're maturing your Skin's getting looser. Starting to sag a little bit. You got more room to grow in there, you know what I mean?

[Ben]

Listen, this is a decision you don't have to make, okay? Your crow's feet will make it for you. You're gonna be out on the curb soon enough, so don't worry about it. Enjoy it while you got it.

[Ronnie]

Well, why quit your job when you're about to be laid off for being aged out anyway? That's what I say.

[Ben]

I feel like a long time. I don't know what the right thing to Is. Is to do, you know? She's like, well, because I do love him, and that's what hurts. Well, I know it's hard having it all and then having to make it all your own, okay? All on your own. That's a very hard thing for someone like you who's talentless, has no skills, and quite frankly, it seems a little bit dumb, you know?

[Ronnie]

I mean, really, it's gonna be hard with the girl with swamp ass. I'm not gonna lie to you. But you could do it. You could do it. Keep that. Keep that napkin between your cheeks and march on forward, young lady.

[Ben]

Yeah, you know what? There's always gonna be another lemon to de seed, so go to it, ma'. Am.

[Ronnie]

So then we go to Wakefield, Rhode island, and we're in Matunic restaurant. Matlock and Matlock restaurant. Well, I'm just your happy next door neighbor, but I did happen to notice you left blood spatter all over the front porch. Jo Ellen and Gary are at lunch, and Joellen looks just like Jen Aiden to me, I think she is like, a dead ringer.

[Ben]

I do not see that whatsoever. To me, she looked more like Courtney Frayne from Two Judgy Girls.

[Ronnie]

Oh, okay. I could see that. So Gary's like, we got the best seat in the house here. We're gonna have a good night. If we start out with shots, he's got kind of the emeril voice, which I like.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And Joellen's like, I got married in high school. He was this ha Senior, and I was this innocent freshman. I'd go to his locker, and I'd be like, hi. And then he finally said, oh, you're Jen's little sister. Oh, my God. My sister loved him. She loved him.

[Ben]

My sister.

[Ronnie]

And automatically I loved this storyline because she stole her husband from her sister.

[Ben]

Yes. Yep. And we see pictures of them at prom and everything. And Joe's like. Joellen's like, yeah, but I was gonna marry this man. And so I chased him, and finally I got him, you know, so. By the way, the sun will set and it will be beautiful. It'll be just like a wedding. I think it's funny and kind of like. I think it. It's funny. I think back, and I kind of drifted apart from the people in the wedding party. Now that I think about it, it's like, yeah, well, I basically hang with all my guys still all my friends. She's like, yeah, I know that. I just have so much trouble with everyone all the time. I really don't know why anybody tells me anything, because when anybody says, you know, don't tell anyone, like, of course I'm gonna not tell anyone. I mean. I mean, I'm not gonna not tell anyone. Like, just like my best friend and then, like my other best friend, and then I tell everyone not to tell anyone, and then I tell everyone, basically, I'm Joellen.

[Ronnie]

It's like, oh, honey, thanks for loving me, for tolerating me. I know it's scary, okay? I know I can come off as a. But I'm not actually a. I mean, when people get to know me, they're not as scared. I mean, not as scared. I'm pretty scary. I'm Joellen. There's nothing not. There's nothing as not scary about someone who tells you how scary they are.

[Ben]

Yeah, I know.

[Ronnie]

I think she gets pushed into lockers a lot. That's my. That's my guess. Or do you think people are really scared of her?

[Ben]

I think people are annoyed by her, probably. I like her, but I can imagine people be like, ugh. Joellen, again, talking 10 miles amount. 10, 10 miles in that 30 mile, whatever. 500 miles an hour.

[Ronnie]

I was like, kilometers a do.

[Ben]

I was trying to say how she talks so fast, and I gave her an extremely low speed. I was like, she's probably talking 10 miles per hour. She's probably talking way under the speed limit.

[Ronnie]

So Joe, he's like, can't wait for the oysters. She's like, ah, you never know what you're gonna get from me out of this. Well, I'm gonna go to sleep. And he's like, yeah, you know, we gotta get out from the kids sometimes. Yeah, having three kids might as well be having 500 children. Am I right? God, it's so hard to get them dressed, especially when they're all sick. Like, I'm the type of mom who buys cookies and then I throw them in a Tupperware to make. To make the bake sale. What? I'M Joelling.

[Ben]

I'm crazy. Woman of the woman of the people. You know, it's like, you know, it's been a tough year having three kids and going back to work. Like, your mom is old school Italian. She didn't work, you know, you know, I'm in. I'm in aesthetic sales, so I work a lot with plastic surgeons and dermatologists and med spas. And my counterpart will go in and sell devices for lasering and fat reduction and microneedling and body contouring. And then I go in and I tell them how to use it. I'm like, hey, I'm Joelle. And it's crazy. I like making my own money and not having to rely on Botox because he's like, what's this for? I'm like, probably for Botox, right?

[Ronnie]

So then we go to Alicia and she's vacuuming now and she's like, oh, my God, what is all this powder? Ah, the powder is coming out of the vacuum. No wonder, no wonder. Who is vacuuming my powder? Come on. I can't.

[Ben]

My back. My vacuum has a cocaine problem. So then a pink Jeep shows up and it's rosy and so Rosie looks just like Kelsey. And at first I thought they were the same person, but it turns out they're not the same person. So Alicia's.

[Ronnie]

Alicia's like, it happens a lot in the show. Oh, my God.

[Ben]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love. Look, we both have. We both have the pink skate. We both have the pink shoe things. I love that we have the same ones. You're like a Taurus and a model and they're going to be asking you for your autograph. Wow.

[Ronnie]

I know Rosie for two years now. What? I'm bad at math? That's not math.

[Ben]

I know. It's. It's just understanding dates and time.

[Ronnie]

It's not math, Alicia. It's like, yeah, I'm better math. What can I say? The girl who does my Botox is her best friend. Anyway, she's fun. We got fun together. You know, we became real close over the last year. I knew who she was anyway because she was a newscaster. So. Yeah, so I know who she was. You turn on the news, she's casting it.

[Ben]

So I can't remember if she was on Channel five or channel eight. I'm bad at math.

[Ronnie]

I'm bad at math. So we see Rosie doing traffic needs and it's like, hello, this is Rosie. I'm doing some traffic. We get. You got a backed up traffic there on the 404. And that's pretty bad. No one likes traffic. Am I right, Rosie?

[Ben]

I initially found out about. I initially found out my stepfather had a crush on her, and I wanted to. I want to throw up in my mouth. Especially when one time I saw him jerking off to Rosie on the television. Dad, what you doing? Rose is like, well, I was a TV reporter and anchor on the number one TV station here in Rhode Island. Yeah, we got a solid 20,000 people per day. And I don't think it's a shock to anyone that the only people watching the news in the last 10 years are 50 plus. Am I right? So if I don't go somewhere and no one says, my grandfather loves you, then I've had a bad day.

[Ronnie]

So they. They walk around on their skate things, their bouncy skate, bouncy, bouncy shoes, whatever they are. And Alicia's like, by the way, happy anniversary. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's like, yeah, Rich and I have been married one year, which is probably by far my best friend. Rich, he's my biggest supporter. Rich has a million hobbies that make him money. He flips houses with his uncle, he DJs, he sings. And then we see a clip of Rich in a white tux at a party being like, hey, you want to hear Sinatra tune? I got one you right here. Fly me to the moons.

[Ben]

Does anyone want to hear my. My hobby? I've been working on that. That Bravo will not pay the licensing fees for. Here we go. Here's my song. I hope you enjoy that, everyone. It's like, they're never going to play any Sinatra. Like, congratulations. You will not be. You got to find a new artist to get behind.

[Ronnie]

So he became a Frank Sinatra singer, not an impersonator. He gets very upset when people say that. And so Alicia's bouncing up and down. She's like, oh, my God, this vibe. This is a vibe here.

[Ben]

I do have fun with Rosie. This is, like, my favorite exercise. It's good for your lymphatic system or something. So Rosie's like, this was the most cardio I've done in a while. Yeah, me too. I almost died. I was trying to do Jane's Fondas, you know, but so much math. Like, okay, so talk to me about this pic pic you're doing. She's like, oh, it's an event for my TV show. So I have a lifestyle show that airs on Saturdays and Sundays. And I just do things with local businesses, you know, because in Rhode island, we have businesses and we see a

[Ronnie]

clip of Rosie on some in some restaurant kitchen talking to the staff. She's like, I had to starve myself for two days to do this shoot because I took Ozempic like, two days ago. Could you believe it? Because, yeah, we're shooting a picnic. It's actually a collab I'm doing with the company that does like posh picnics. So we're gonna set up a picnic. We might as well shoot the segment and then have some of my friends come by so we can actually enjoy it.

[Ben]

I'm worried, though, because Joellen's gonna be there. Do you think she'll be nice? Oh, yeah. I don't know how to put her in her place. You know, I don't know how to put her in her place a lot. You know, she goes, yeah, tomorrow you just may have to. You know, I met Joellen through Alicia, and they're in a clique, and Liz and Kelly are in the clique as well. And I want to be friends with everyone. But here's the thing. If you want to be in the clique, you have to be friends with Joellen. And I told her to her face, you can be really nice when you're not being mean. But they haven't let me into the clique, so I'm bringing her to a picnic because it sort of sounds like click. I'm call it the pic. The pic. Click. Click. Nick. I'm. I'm workshopping it still.

[Ronnie]

Well, I think that Joellen, you know, she's just so insecure about being a villain in her life. Well, then she should stop being one. Yeah, but you know what? She's always putting the villain thing on everyone else, so no one's looking at her as the villain. But then she's really the villain. But she's insecure about being a villain. Poor thing. I mean, it's a rough lot to live.

[Ben]

The reason I'm nervous about Joellen is because we just had this casual day at her house, and she invited everyone over, and everyone wore sweatpants. And then she said nasty things about me when she thought I couldn't hear her. But I clock everything, okay? Because I'm someone who has a local lifestyle show that airs on the weekends during the the low. The worst rated time slot for the market, the Rhode island market.

[Ronnie]

Don't talk to me about clocks. I'm terrible with math. I mean, we've all heard the rumors. I mean, like, it's crazy what people say about Joe Welling. I didn't know she was a Swinger. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I was trying to, like, kind of, you know, bring it out slowly there, Alicia. Yeah, well, I heard the rumor, but I still want to know. I'm nosy. Call me nosy. You know why they call me nosy? Because I'm nosy. I want to know. I hear you're a swinger. Are you a swinger?

[Ben]

Tell me, nosy. Rosie. Like, I knew. I knew Joellen growing up. I was best friends with Jen. Jen, her sister. You know Jen, right? Jen, Jen and Joellen. You know, So I did community. I did communion with Gary, and we had a confirmation together. So I'm still really close with Gary. So not as close as him and his sisters were. I'm like, well, thanks for that story.

[Ronnie]

So the producer's like, well, what do you mean? Because she says it, like, not as close as him and his sister. And they're like, what do you mean? She goes, well, Jenna, Gary, you know, maybe they. They might have had a little thing, you know, in high school. I don't know. What. Who am I? Just a nosy person.

[Ben]

Hey, I'm like, I hate to break it to you, but Joel and already said this. Joanne already was like, yeah, I stole him from my sister.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I know how to put out a fire. That's what I like about Joellen. She comes on here and she's like, I'm the of the group. Everybody hates me, and I'm my. I married my sister's ex next, buddy. Whatever. Here comes one right now.

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[Ben]

Okay, I have to tell you, I

[Ronnie]

was just looking on ebay, where I

[Ben]

go for all kinds of things I love.

[Ronnie]

And there it was. That hologram trading card.

[Ben]

One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set.

[Commercial Announcer]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[Ronnie]

One of a kind.

[Commercial Announcer]

Ebay had it.

[Ronnie]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers?

[Ben]

Ebay has all the parts that fit my car.

[Commercial Announcer]

No more annoying, just beautiful. Millions of Finds each with a story.

[Ronnie]

EBay, things people love.

[Ben]

And now a new segment that may be only on this episode.

[Ronnie]

Bird report. Bird report.

[Ben]

Hey, what's that bird? What's that bird over that long. That long bird net? Is that an. Is that an ostrich?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. What is that a pigeon? What is it?

[Ben]

Pigeon, pigeon, ostrich.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God.

[Ben]

It's a bald eagle. Oh, my God, it's America. America is right here. It's a flamingo. It's a brown flamingo. Someone got mud on the flamingo. Oh, my God.

[Ronnie]

It's an anorexic swan. Maybe it's a swan who took Ozempic.

[Ben]

Oh, my God, is this one that lost all its feathers? It's a featherless swan. Oh, my God. Poor swan.

[Ronnie]

And the title comes up. It's like, it's a heron.

[Ben]

The heron the entire time is like, I'm a heron. I'm obviously a heron. I've been a heron. I'm a gray heron. And I don't know how many times I have to walk around these beaches for you guys to know who the fuck I am. I've been here all this time. I've been here before you, and I'll be here after you.

[Ronnie]

Fish rapport. I mean, bird report.

[Ben]

Bird report.

[Ronnie]

This has been the bird report. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. So now we go to Goddard beach, and Rosie's setting up for a picnic with her assistants and stuff. And she shows up in, like, a leopard bodysuit thing, saying, growing up, I wanted to be Ryan Seacrest. I would interview my teddy bears.

[Ben]

I even had blonde highlights that went in all sorts of different directions.

[Ronnie]

I couldn't get my. My jaw unhinged enough to open my mouth that much. But I'm still. I'm still trying. I'm still trying. So now she puts on her news voice and she's like, hey, guys, I'm Rosie Woods. We're having a posh picnic today at the beach. This is Kara. Kara, what do you do here? And Kara's like, I'm the chief salami officer. She goes, of charcuterie relations. No, Charcuterie creations. Sorry.

[Ben]

So you have to keep talking because my mouse just died and I can't scroll my notes. I have to plug in my manual thing. I wish my mouse would give me some sort of, like, up. Like, I wish, like, this mouse has to, like, tell me when it's dying. So that way I know To. To like, charge it. Because, like, now I'm stuck in the middle of Rhode Island. I'm paralyzed. I'm literally paralyzed. Okay. Manual Mouse.

[Ronnie]

Chief salami officer. So Alicia and Jo Ellen show up and Joellen's like, I'm here because Alicia wanted me to come. However, I'm not a fan of Rosie. Oh, God. I'm gonna watch one of her stupid news videos right now. Oh, God. News on video? What? What? This one's about road tripping or something. Listen. Oh, God. I just want you to know there's 215 views on this video. God. Oh, damn it. I gave her a view. Gave her a view.

[Ben]

I'm still paralyzed, so they're can't help it. Come on, Mouse. Get with it. Alicia.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God, it's beautiful. I'm going to die. I'm going to literally die. What a beautiful picnic. Okay, well, get your gift bags, girl. So Ashley comes and she meets Joellen and Alicia. Ashley is the Bachelor chick. She's nude.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

We haven't met her yet. So she's like, oh, I brought you a little gift, Rosie. Thanks for inviting me. She's like, well, if there's one thing that will warm up a Rhode island crowd, it's Duncan. So I got her some Duncan for

[Ben]

a gift and I feel like she was trying to set up the whole group to be like, like, oh my God, I love Duncan. I love Duncan. And she was like, she was like, you know what they're gonna do? As soon as I say this, there's gonna be like a round robin of everyone saying, I love Duncan. I go to Duncan at night, I get a culada. That's no one. No one paid attention. Everyone just kept on going. She's like, duncan, guys, right? They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got to talk about some other stuff. So Rosie's like, ash is my really good friend. We both love boy bands, the Disney Channel, all the dumb things teen girls care about. Except we're much older than that. Well, other than the fact that she was on the Bachelor and super famous, we're basically the same person. I'm kind of like, I'm like the local news Rhode island version of Ashley. So I'm like, like, we're basically the same kind of star, right?

[Ronnie]

I'm not only a non famous Ryan Seacrest, I'm also a non famous Ashley. I mean, they just keep stacking up. So Ashley says, I'm married to Jared Haven, Rhode island native and very proud. And I met him on Bachelor in Paradise. And, you know, when I met him for the first time, I was like, oh, my God, this is like a love at first sight thing. And then it turned out to be true. Okay, that's cutting out a lot of the story. The story was, oh, my God, Jared is so cute. He's like, I mean, I like you, like, as my friend. And then he would go off and make out with everybody else, and then she would be like. And sob. And then by the end, after, he got over by, like, five different girls and kept getting dumped, and he still needed to stay on the show. He stayed with Ashley to make it through the show. Another married. Isn't it romantic?

[Ben]

He does really seem like he sucks. He also. He kind of looks like Nico from Below Deck. Met. Remember Nico the bosun?

[Ronnie]

Yes, of course.

[Ben]

Sort of like a bachelor version of. Of Nico a little bit, I think.

[Ronnie]

I think he looks like an elf in a video game. And I think he's super does. And he has, like a really big job. I've always thought Jared is super cute, but kind of a dick.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And she's like, what? But we've been married six years, so we're in, like, the real part of the fairy tale where real stuff is happening, you know, Like. Like, go poopy, kids. Does anyone have to go poopy? It's hard.

[Ben]

People say our love is so inspiring, and those people are me. And just know that, like, we're both on the couch and at the end of the night, we're just going like this.

[Ronnie]

You know, she makes some motion with her thumbs, like, does. Does she mean eating or.

[Ben]

I think, like, she's like, we're just sitting there eating and nausea. I'm like, are people saying your love is inspiring? Is that a thing that's happening? So then she's like, I'm from Virginia. I met my husband on the Bachelor. We got married at the K chapel in Newport, and then we had our reception in Rosewood. And I will say that Rhode island is different because it's so close knit. And Alicia's like, yeah, if you. If I didn't see you in kindergarten, it's a problem. She goes, yeah.

[Ronnie]

Thanks, Alicia. Feel really welcome here. Yeah. If I didn't see you when kindergarten, it's a problem. Well, you're gonna beat me up. God damn. She's like, yeah, I've never been to a state where people are so proud to be from it, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah, I. I haven't really in the four years, you know, been here. Made my own friend group here. I wonder if it's because I'm just, like, unrelentingly annoying. I don't know. Just like. Yeah. I think it's just really hard a place to infiltrate because it's like, if you're not from Rhode island, it's like you're like a suspect, you know? I mean, right, guys? Like. Like, no, we just find you really annoying and stupid. That's. It has nothing to do with whether you're from Rhode Island. We just say that as an excuse so we don't seem, like, total, but we just don't like you.

[Ronnie]

So Jo Ellen's like, oh, yeah, well, Kelsey came over. She's going through a lot, guys, a lot. And then we see a clip of Kelsey being like, I just rely on him so much. Like, I just. I wouldn't have to worry about how much things cost. I mean, I'm 31 now, you know, I've had, like, 11 years of sugar. What am I going to do? You can't just cut somebody from their sugar. I'm gonna be poor and 30. 31. Oh, God. So then we cut back, and she's like, yeah, you know, she's in between what she wants. And Rosie's like, so you mean a personal change? She goes, yeah, you know, I mean, like, she's 31 and she's. You know, she's delvo. I don't know what she said there. She's still.

[Ben]

She's. She's a. She's a. She's a. She's 31, and she's a dumb. Maybe a dumbo. Dumbo. Dumbo. Dumbo. Dalvo. It's. Play that game. So Ash is like, okay. Like, okay, we're gonna play a game because it sounds like you're about to talk about something interesting. So let's do the Bravo tradition of slowing down the entire scene so we can have a stupid game. Okay. Never have I ever. Okay, I'll start up. Put up five fingers. Never. I had. Never have I ever done any butt stuff. I was just like, oh, okay. Okay. Put your finger down. You've done it. You've done it. You've done it. And Joellen's like, yeah, I did it. And Rose is like, okay, well, I like my guy. I like my guys with skinny wieners, you know, for butt stuff, things like that. And Alicia's like, if anyone. If anyone ever actually touched my butt, I would get a gun and kill them.

[Ronnie]

Okay. Never have I ever had a threesome. And Alicia's like, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. And Joel and goes, you've never had any threesomes? I'm like, never, Joellen. Joellen. No, Joelyn.

[Ben]

Okay, I've got one. Never have I ever been a polygamist. Well, what is. What is that was. I'm not good at math. I can't. What's.

[Ronnie]

Apologies?

[Ben]

I don't know, shapes like that.

[Ronnie]

Rosie says, if you have like a boyfriend and a boyfriend somewhere else, you know, like I thought Kelsey was that. I mean, doesn't her boyfriend have a girlfriend and a girl? Wait, doesn't her boyfriend have a girlfriend here and a girlfriend in Florida? And Joanne's like, oh, yeah, I don't know. You should ask her. She goes, yeah, well, there's just so many rumors. I mean, I don't know anything about it. Yeah, well, there's a lot of rumors about everybody, aren't there? Rosie?

[Ben]

Now, this is what bothers me about Rosie. She's constantly talking, whether it be me or Kelsey or any other friend. And I would actually pick up the phone and be like, before I embarrass you in front of people, I want to take ownership of this. But she's like, well, there's person said this and I did this, and only because of that. And there's always an excuse with her. So at least Alicia's like, I just want to know who you, who do you want to get? Who do you want to spend Christmas with? You know, what do you spend Thanksgiving with this one and Christmas with that one and another and another. Like, I get it. You get double presents. I get it. Like, what?

[Ronnie]

Rosie's like, what do you mean double presents? Because, you know, Christmas. What do you buy for both? What do you buy? What do you buy for both? She's like, but I thought her boyfriend had another girlfriend. What are you saying? She has another boyfriend too?

[Ben]

She's.

[Ronnie]

And Joanne's like, if you have a question, ask her. That's all I'm saying. Rosie, you constantly talk and I don't love it. I don't love that, Rosie. And Rosie's like, well, I'm a nosy person. Nosy Rosie. I ask questions. I got follow up questions. What do you expect from me? I used to be a reporter, almost Ryan Seacrest.

[Ben]

Listen, when you've done the hard work of asking questions of local bakers on a Saturday afternoon lifestyle show, you'll learn how to ask the questions, okay? It's called follow up. It's called journalism. It's called Walter Cronkite, okay? You know, it's actually hilarious that you would say that because I heard you were talking about me. And Joellen's like, like, that's not true at all. She was like, well, and I still invited you to my picnic to be nice to you. Aren't you enjoying this picnic? She goes like, okay, it's okay. I'm here. I'm here. Okay, I'm here. So of course I'm enjoying it.

[Ronnie]

Well, when we went to your house, you talked about me to Kelsey, and I heard you talking shit about the wine that I brought. She goes, but the wine was very cheap. It was very, very cheap. She's like, but you said I was evil, and not even children would like me. Just, well, I don't think I. I said that to your face. But I do feel that way. I do. I do.

[Ben]

If you don't want me talking about what you've done to me, then stop doing up to me, and that will be the solution. And you didn't have to come to my picnic, okay? I didn't have to pay a thousand dollars for your gift bag. She goes, oh, shut the up. Are you, like, out of your mind? Are you out of your mind? Thousand dollars for the gift.

[Ronnie]

Big Joe Allen likes to throw jabs when she can. She's got a side to her where she switches up real quick, and if she knows something mean, she can't say she's. She. She can say she's gonna say it. You know, that's the beauty of Joellen. That's the beauty of her.

[Ben]

The beauty of her. You know, she's just always gonna go for the jugular. That's the beauty of.

[Ronnie]

That's why we love her. So Rosie's like, I invited you here as an olive branch, and you're literally just being like yourself. And she's like, I don't know what victim cards you're trying to play here, but come on. She goes, oh, God, you're the one that's being mean to me. Just leave me alone.

[Ben]

Okay, all right, all right. Don't. Don't cry. Don't cry. And so Rosie's like, I'm just so nice to everybody. I'm drawing. And you're, like, so mean, and I don't like that. You think I'm a bad person. Am I nosy, Rosie? Yes, But I'm not a bad person. I'm trying really hard to be a good person. Okay, listen, Rosie, listen, listen. I'm not trying to make you cry, okay? Let's start over. Let's start from here. She's like, but you're trying to turn everyone against me. No, no, no, no, no. I just want to move on. I'm bored with you already. Let's move on.

[Ronnie]

Okay? Let's start now, fresh. Let's start fresh now from here. Okay, well, that you didn't start then. Let's start fresh again right now. Right now. Right this second.

[Ben]

Everybody. Everybody put your hands in. Everyone put your hands in the center. Okay, how many hands do we got here? Sixteen hands. I'm bad at math. I don't know. I can't do. Okay, put your. Put your hand on top. Okay, go ahead, Joel, and make a speech because. Okay, everyone, now that we have our hands in the center, like, we're about to go play a soccer game. I'm trying really hard, and I want to start over with you. 2, 4, 6, 8. Who do we appreciate? Sorry, Alicia. I know that was hard for you.

[Ronnie]

My brain hurts.

[Ben]

It hurts. Do I have to answer that question? I can't. I can't follow it. I. I lost that after. After four. I lost count. Like. Okay, look, I'm having a Fourth of July party, Rosie included. I want to invite all you guys to it. Okay? Come to my 4th of July party. Okay.

[Ronnie]

I haven't been to a 4th of July party ever. We don't have those in Virginia. God, Rhode island is so unique. Okay, you can go to Ashley and Rosie. I'm here because I just want to get past the bullshit. Okay, let's start over right now. Pretend that speech never happened. It's like, well, I'm hopeful we can move forward and go to the 4th of July party and have a good time, but I'm nervous. I'm just gonna try and come up with a really cute gift, though, so I have to figure that out. Boxed wine? Maybe she's never had wine in a box. I don't know.

[Ben]

By the way, is Ashley just that annoying that she's just never been invited to a Fourth of July party in a Southern state? I. I've never heard of that. That's crazy. I know.

[Ronnie]

I've never heard of that either.

[Ben]

That's weird.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, okay, well, I say that we say cheers to a fresh start. And I've had a great time with you. Except for all the fighting. You guys. God, you guys fight so much. And they're out of champagne. They're like, yes, you're out of champagne. So now we go to South Kingstown, Rhode island, and we're at Audrey's Coffee House and Lounge.

[Ben]

Yeah, Jared is the barista there. The husband. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm so happy to have my car back. Yeah, you gotta have a big ass car, right? And she's like, yeah, by the way, I've not had coffee today. Can I get a turtle? I've never heard of a turtle as a coffee drink before, but I'm already annoyed at it. So she's like, I've been. It's been four years since we opened up Audrey's Coffee shop and lounge. And it's been four years I've been asking, who's Audrey? So it's the second rated. Just so everyone knows, it's the second rated celebrity owned restaurant in the United States with Bon Jovi being number one. And I'm like, that's actually really cool. Who is the celebrity who owns it though?

[Ronnie]

Oh, is there is anyone who rates this stuff? I don't know that any of this is true.

[Ben]

Like, I know what is that. I would like to know who announced that it was the number two celebrity owned establishment in the country. There's so many questions about the celebrity dumb of it and the quality of it. Like, you know the place in Rhode island where you can get that turtle? Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Okay. I looked up the top. Well, that's prestige Hong Kong. I don't know. Who do I look? Top Chef. Celebrity owned restaurants. Okay, but would these be chefs celebrities? I don't know.

[Ben]

Let's see.

[Ronnie]

So RPM Steak in Chicago. Bill and Juliana Rancic Pizzana in Los Angeles. Chris o' Donnell Beer bar in Salt Lake City. Ty Burrell. Olay Red or Old Red in. In Tissomingo, Oklahoma. Blake Shelton, Sunday Nashville. Johnny Galecki. Little Pine in Los Angeles. Moby Giada in Las Vegas. Giada Swan in Miami. Pharrell Williams. Ashley, it's not looking good here. Chicken plus beer in Atlanta. Ludicrous Nobu in New York City. Robert De Niro. I didn't know he owned Nobu. God, I feel like an idiot. International Smoke in San Francisco. Aisha Curry, Buddy V's restaurant. Buddy Valastro. Bird Bakery. Girl. I'm not seeing Ashley is the point. Okay, I'm still going.

[Ben]

Maybe, maybe they just don't qualify for the category. You know, it's celebrity owned.

[Ronnie]

This is. Shut up. Tajin in Beverly Hills is Ryan Gosling. I didn't know he owned Tajin.

[Ben]

Yes, he does. Yes, he does. He opened in like 2000.

[Ronnie]

A long time. Yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

I've actually never. I've always wanted to go there. For 20 years I've wanted to go there and I'VE never actually been there.

[Ronnie]

Well, who knew? So, anyway, don't see on the list. Ash. Sorry. So Jared's like, oh, my God, the ice machine's not working again. Me. It's always something, I swear. Okay, Is this a huge money maker? No, but we did think it would make more money than it is making. And she's like, okay, so, Jared. So I met Joelle and goes, hold on, hold on. Ava, what were you saying? What were you saying about that drink? Okay. Yeah, More fuzz. I got it. More, but. Okay. All right, go ahead. Funny.

[Ben]

Well, I just, you know, I want to tell you about the Fourth of July party. Okay, hold on. Ava, I've got your latte. Latte for Ava. Ava. Ava. Ava. Okay, Ava.

[Ronnie]

So, yeah, it's a Fourth of July party. Okay.

[Ben]

Carter. Carter. We have. We have a cappuccino for Carter. Anyone?

[Ronnie]

Alyssa said she can take care of the kids. So tomorrow we have. You know, we're just gonna reach out to rich.

[Ben]

Reba. Reba McIntyre. Reba McIntyre. We have a hot tea. Is this the real Reba or someone just pranking us? Because if it's Reba, I'm gonna have to ask for a picture.

[Ronnie]

Okay, no, Rosie was mentioning us carpooling because she's nervous. Yeah.

[Ben]

Oh, I'm sorry. Were you. Were you. Oh, I don't know what you were talking about, but I'll just.

[Ronnie]

I heard the last word, so I'll say Jo Ellen. Like what? Well, you know, from what I heard. Rosie. From Rosie beforehand. Joellen had this whole bunch of ladies over at her house, and Rosie brought over a $6 bottle of wine to which I totally would do the same. Okay.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, be quiet. Can we get some whole milk over here? Okay, everyone does not subsist on oat milk. Okay, I'm gonna. Do I even have a runner today? Do I have a runner? Am I. Am I. Coffee bar? Masturbating? Where? I'm just doing this all alone. Somebody help me.

[Ben]

Katie. Katie, we have a flat white. Flat white. Sorry, Ashley, don't get confused. I know that's my pet name for you. Okay, Katie. Katie? Anyone?

[Ronnie]

So Ashley's like, well, when Jared first opened up Audrey's, he was working 100 hours a week. I mean, well, he's adjusted to his hours, but he still focuses all his time and energy at Audrey's, and there's two kids at home, and Audrey's our third child.

[Ben]

So this is my thing about this place. Jared, I know that you love it, but you don't light up about It. And you could be living a more enjoyable life by doing something. I don't know what it is yet. I'm just gonna, like, throw this out. Hanging out with me and your family. I don't know. Like, just. I don't know. I was, like, thinking off the top of my head, just spitballing.

[Ronnie]

I don't know what it is. It's just that I can go weeks without seeing you smile ever. And he's like, I know. I'd just like to point out Jared is not lighting up around you either. Literally just walked in, and he has not smiled once either. Oh, my God.

[Ben]

I think. I think maybe the operative phrase to add on to that is, I haven't seen you smile at me. It's like, I'm smiling usually a lot when you're not in here, but when you're in here, there's not a lot of smiling. Yes.

[Ronnie]

And I have to say, he was like this on Bachelor, too. She was like, oh, my God. Like, I finally found my best friend. We're gonna get married, right? And he's like, it's always been like this, Ashley, come on, man. So she's like, oh, my God. Okay, you're constantly thinking about Audrey's. And, like, I'm constantly thinking, how am I gonna make Jared? He's like, oh, Jesus. Because she cries every five minutes, this girl. He's just like, oh, God. I don't want you to have to do that, honey. Of course I don't. Carter, get your goddamn drink. It's been sitting up here for five minutes.

[Ben]

You know, Jared and I are influencers. He tries to influence people, I try to influence him. We're not very good at our jobs. I have a bigger following than him. But he could still live a very wonderful life off of the following he has and the opportunities that come to him. But he wanted something outside of social media, and, man, oh, man, did, did he get it. Look at that. Brewing up turtles. Turtles for his wife.

[Ronnie]

Like, can we just have fun, Jared? Can we just have fun? He goes, yeah, I guess I need to get better about it. Jason. Poor Jason's been waiting on his drink. Jason, I'm so sorry. Carter took all of my time. Don't believe what you hear about Reba McIntyre, okay? Her restaurant. Restaurant sucks,

[Ben]

by the way. I looked up what the Turtle coffee drink was, and it's a decadent dessert like beverage combining chocolate, caramel and nutty flavors, typically pecan or hazelnut to mimic turtle. Turtle candies is commonly served as an iced latte, hot mocha or blended frap featuring espresso, milk chocolate, caramel, syrups and toppings, like whipped cream and nuts. In other words, barista's nightmare. So thanks a lot, Ashley, for. He's like. He's got all these things. He's like, ava, you're. Another latte for you. Reba McIntire, your tea. Oh, hold on while I stop for 10 minutes to make this decadent, stupid ass beverage right now.

[Ronnie]

I know. She's like, why are you so stressed? I just ordered the mojito of the coffee world.

[Ben]

Well, there is a coffee mojito at Phils, and it's so good. I had it yesterday.

[Ronnie]

So you're a hypocrite, because I could.

[Ben]

No, but that's easy. That's just, like, coffee with, like, a min sprig in it. Like, this one has, like, syrups and toppings and yada, yada, yada.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, yeah. So then we go over to Rosie's house, and she's picking up her dress, and she's like, oh, my God. Do you like it, doggy? And the doggy's like. And runs out of the room and listen. Listen to your dog. Because Rosie's. The way Rosie dresses is crazy. She's. She's wearing. In one of her confessionals, she's wearing, like, a dress cut all the way down the middle with that ice skating in the middle. And then, like, cuffs made out of big fake diamonds and, like, a feather bow a ton. Like, oh, my goodness.

[Ben]

Yeesh.

[Ronnie]

And I loved it.

[Ben]

Yeah. She looks crazy.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Absolutely crazy.

[Ronnie]

So everybody's doing glam and getting ready for the party, and then Joellen's like, yeah, for the party, I rented a house at Portsmouth on the water. Fourth of July, you know, wow. Rhode Island. But you know what? I really don't know what Fourth of July is about. Like, I mean, I know there's, like, Plymouth Rock and Columbus. I don't know. Plymouth Rock is in Massachusetts. That's on naba. So it's got something to do with the Nina Pinta and the Santa Maria. I don't know, Something.

[Ben]

And so Gary is like, oh, well, you know, hey, hey, glam person. She has a little bit of a hairy face. Hairy face. So make sure you take care of it. She's like, gary, oh, my God. Such an. Whatever. Okay, whatever.

[Ronnie]

I'm gonna go skim the pool. No, you don't need to skim the pool. I'm gonna skim it. Don't skim the pool, Gary. I'm skimming the pool. Pool, Gary.

[Ben]

You're hosting a party. Don't skip the plug. Wants to skimming the pool. So then Joellen's mom comes over, Nancy, and she's like, hello, I'm here. I decided to fulfill my duty as a grandmother and take care of these children. She goes, you know, I think that maternal gene stopped skipping my mother, my grandmother. I was doing regular teenage things. You know, smoking cigarettes, drinking and driving, cheating on exams. And my mom was like, oh, she mistook that for, quote, unquote, bad behavior. Whatever. My mother was really hard on me. I had no guide how to be a good mother. So I'm doing the best that I can, and I pray that my kids turn out amazing. I don't know why. I know this is a dangerous thing to say, but I'm already on Nancy's side.

[Ronnie]

Well, I mean, we see clues, because first of all, Nancy comes over. She's very sweet. She's like, my mom. What a bitch, right? She's like, hey, here I am to take care of your kids. My mom's, like, really real. Maybe stop calling your mom a. As she's doing you a favor, like the weirdo.

[Ben]

People get mad at me whenever I say things like this because they're like, ben has. Ben has, like. Like, good parent privilege or whatever, and he doesn't realize, like, parents up. That people get so mad at me. And, like, I get that. And I understand. Parents are often very, very, very, very wrong. But I'm just saying in this case, when she's like, you know what? She interpreted things I did as bad behavior. I'm like. Like, it probably was bad behavior. I may wind up. I may regret saying this in, like, three weeks when we find out what it was, but for right now, I just sort of feel like this lady comes in with her big hair, and I'm like, I'm just sort of on her side already. I don't know what to say. Jo Ellen, you're the one who wound up on the Real Housewives, so I think you're the one who. Who's sort of messed up.

[Ronnie]

All we really know about Jo Ellen so far is that she's mean to new people. Everyone thinks she's a villain, so she tries to make everyone else the villain. And she married the girl that she married the guy that her sister was with. So the evidence is kind of stacking up against you. And from what we know about your mother, she babysits when she's asked. So you're gonna need to add a lot more evidence to this case, Ma'. AM for sure.

[Ben]

So they dwell in that. They leave. Joanne and Gary leave to go this. This. This house. And she's, like, really nervous about leaving the kids with Nancy. And so Joel's like, it's like, by the way, so Rosie's coming to the party. Rosie made a comment about Kelsey having two boyfriends. Mind your own business. Right? Even though I was the one who started talking about Kelsey first at the picnic. But whatever. I can't imagine she acts up. And g. And by the way, and I forgotten that that actually was Joellen who started talking about Kelsey. And so we started doing. Going through the notes because it really was actually Joellen who started just being like, like, well, I think Kelsey's going through a hard time right now. She's sort of trying to transition between this and that. So she did kind of start talking about her.

[Ronnie]

Gary's like, if she doesn't want smoke with dudes and she shouldn't if she knows what's good for her. So then Ashley and Rosie are in their own car. And Ashley's like, I do wish this was, like, a kids welcome party. You know, we could bring the kids, you know? And Jared's like, joan has kids, right? Honey, you're not at the coffee shop.

[Ben]

In my mind, it's like rolls down his window like, ava, your latte. We still have your latte for Ava.

[Ronnie]

Rosie's like, yeah. Oh, my God. I bought these amazing fireworks, and I made a fireworks bouquet, and I got her a bottle of Champagne. It was $60.

[Ben]

I am showing up tonight with a gift for Joellen, even though she made me cry, because my goal in life is for everyone to like me. And I know that deep down that is the most unrealistic thing you could ever want. But it's all I want, so I'm just gonna keep on trying. I'm like, well, good luck, because I feel like you're failing on a national level right now.

[Ronnie]

So we go to the house. Jo Ellen arrives at the rented house, and she's like, oh, my God, could you imagine if I tumbled down the stairs? And the husband's like, every day of my life. So they see the food setups, and Joellen's like, I may not cook, I may not clean. I may not have sex all the time. Time. But I know how to throw a good party.

[Ben]

Then Alicia arrives first, and there's like, no one there, and things were not set up yet. She's like, what's going on over here? So she goes, oh, this is. So then Darwin comes out. She Goes, oh, it's absolutely gorgeous. She goes like, thanks. There's a cannoli station over there. There's a caricature station over there. She goes, they do characters. She goes, caricatures, Billy. They've got character as like. He's like, what character of us? Billy, you want to get a character of us?

[Ronnie]

That's not how you pronounce it. I don't do math.

[Ben]

So, Liz, wait, you got chairs for your carrots. I don't understand what's going on here.

[Ronnie]

So Liz arrives with Dolores. It's the Dolores and Chick. The Dolores can tell. Yeah, she owes my heart. We met at Academy's convention back when Frank was just getting into the industry. And I said, you know what? Come visit. Just come visit. Come see what it's like for a summer. Come on.

[Ben]

Of course, Liz has a Frank also. So then we have a flashback to Liz and Dolores. They're like pulling up a crab trap or something. And Dolores is like, like, you know what? I make a good crab sauce. I make it in the kitchen and then I walk to the living room and back to the kitchen and back to the living room and back to the kitchen and see if it's done yet. If it's not done yet, then I go back to the living room and I clean something up. Then I come back in. It's done. It's ready. It's done. That's done. It's crab sauce.

[Ronnie]

Last time I made a crab sauce, I caught myself. I was pregnant for Gabby. You were pregnant for Gabby?

[Ben]

This is like, wow, that was a long time ago, actually. See, I trust Dolores. She knows where the berries. I mean, the bodies are buried. Oh, my God. She knows where the berries are bodied. Oh, my God. I just got Liz by myself.

[Ronnie]

So Dolores is inter. Introduced around and Kelsey is there and she says that she's known Joellen since high school. Yeah, she used to work at a tanning salon that my friend used to work at. And Joellen was hooking up with the owner of the tanning salon. And then the owner and his wife, she's ballsy.

[Ben]

So now the girls, they all go to, like, an area where they can sit and, like, gossip. And so Gary's like, I'll bring you guys the drinks, okay? And oh, my God, look at this guy. He's a good one. He's a good one. Whatever your face is, it's like, thanks. So that's my. You're a great husband, babe. So, Dolores, this is Joellen speaking. Tell me what do you love the. What do you love about Rhode island the most? The Lord's like, yeah, good highways, I guess.

[Ronnie]

What kind of icebreaker is that? So tell me, what do you love about our state the most?

[Ben]

Yeah, well, you know, the first time out of Jersey, I was eight. You know, I was 18 and I came here. So I love that this was a great place for 18 plus kids.

[Ronnie]

Is there even a beach in New Jersey? Come on, the Jersey Shore? Jesus Christ, Kelsey, come on.

[Ben]

She's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Not a great case for the sugar babies of the world. Like maybe go out there in the world and, and like, you know, experience things, learn about things. Like the fact that the Jersey shore exists.

[Ronnie]

She's been imprisoned for 10 years or 11 years or whatever. So Rosie and Ashley come in and we get the violins, very serious. And Ashley's like, oh my God, is she going to be annoyed with you because you're wearing all red and she's wearing already too.

[Ben]

Oh, yeah, they really tried to get that started. Alicia's like, the devil in red. I'll be right back. Kelsey's like, you said it, not us. Well, I was just trying to be funny. It was a funny thing to say for the trailer that the producer said I should say it for the trailer.

[Ronnie]

And Joe Allen says drunken words or sober thoughts? You know, I want you to know what happened at the picnic. I need you to know I stuck up for you. Okay, Kelsey, so Rosie was questioning your relationship and polygamy. And Alicia was like, what is polygamy? I don't do math. Math. And then she says, does Kelsey have two boyfriends? And where does it, where does she go for Christmas? What's happening? And I was like, you gotta ask her that. I mean, my God, am I right? And Kelsey's like, well, I just met Rosie at Joe Ellen's, but I feel like I can sniff out the people that are not girls. Girls. And you know how I sniff them? I wait until one of my friends tells me that they're not girls.

[Ben]

Girls. Yeah, exactly. So Dolores is like, is there a reason she's asking you about your relationship? Are you doing something? You're going through something? She goes, well, my relationship is the only thing that makes me upset. Oh, it's like. And Liz like, ah, don't sweat that. Rumors are rumors. We all know that they're not all factual because, no, I'm a cold at the end of the day, but when it comes to my relationship, that's my choice. San Grad. It's sacred. Yeah, it's sacred for five months of the year. Super sacred.

[Ronnie]

I hate people talking about my relationship, which is why I've talked about my relationship and every, every single scene, including flashbacks of this one episode that we filmed. Please don't talk about my relationship.

[Ben]

Who the cares who I'm going to date? Well, I am dating. This goes. So the thing is, you have two choices. You can either wipe it off or wipe right by it, or get on a dinghy and sail away. And you can just say, you guys, why is, why are you talking about it? Or you know what? I'd say something when I would be ready. And you know when I'm going to be ready. When the crab sauce is ready. Give it another five minutes.

[Ronnie]

But you know that Dolores has been doing this a long time. Because when Kelsey's like, you know, I'm just so sick of everybody like, talking about my relationship, Dolores goes, but is there a reason why they're talking about it? I mean, like, what's going on in the relationship? Whenever money is talking about, she just ignores Dolores. But I was like, thank you. That is the question, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So Rosie's like, oh my God, Joellen, I got you this. It's a fireworks bouquet. And she goes, oh, that was thoughtful and creative.

[Ben]

It's a little collection. It's a little collection of fireworks, which feels dangerous. I feel like I don't want to

[Ronnie]

bring that to a party, but it's very on theme. It's the 4th of July and you're bringing someone a fireworks bouquet. I mean, that seems sweet to me. And Joellen's like, ugh, gross. Who would do that? Oh, I think that's a gift that I wouldn't give somebody.

[Ben]

It's like a nice party. It's like you're not. I don't know. But you know, I have the thing with fireworks. I think, I think I. I have this thing. Leave fireworks to professionals. I don't see the purpose of like setting them off yourself. I know we disagree on this, but I think it's stupid to set them off. Like, congratulations, you now have lost a finger because you want to set up a tiny firework that looks shitty for everyone.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but it's a good label to the rest of us. When you see them in the grocery store, you know, and half their hair is sticking up and there's like a bandage on their hands, you're like, haha. The day after fireworks. And the heb is a good one. So everyone's having food and mingling about and they're Putting caviar on wieners, which Joellen is really excited about and which sounds disgusting to me. And Gary is like, there's no way I'm having caviar wiener. I ain't doing it. Do it, Gary. No, I ain't doing it. Do it, Gary. I ain't doing what? Are you gay? Okay, I'll do it. It. Give it to me right now.

[Ben]

So then Kelsey joins Alicia. Alicia and Rosie. And Alicia's like, how are you doing, by the way? I noticed, Kelsey, you came solo. She's like, yeah. You okay? She's like, yeah. I hope everything's okay. Yeah. You okay? Yeah. Are you sure? You okay? Yeah. Want to do some math? I can't do the math. Can you do it for me? Okay, look, I like living on my own. I'm used to it. But I know the picnic there was, like, questions about, like, the kind of relationship I was in, and if Rosie or anyone else has a question on polygamy, I can answer it because, well, every man does that stuff, so I don't know what the big deal is. Every man's a polygamist.

[Ronnie]

Polygamy, okay? That's. That's what men are. They sleep with everything. What are you gonna do? She like my relationship from day one. I mean, there's rules, and I accepted things, and that's it. She goes, oh, okay, you know what? I don't get it. I'm very confused by her. So Liz joins them, and Alicia is like, yeah, we were talking about. Everyone's always talking about a situation. I said, you know what? Every man's a polygamist. And Liz is like, who's always asking? Just. But, you know, like, anyone, like, everywhere, like, all the time. You know, I had a hot dog. It just said, is that girl a polygamist? And Liz is like, you know, when you go through something in life that's sensitive, you don't want people sitting at other tables. Disgusting.

[Ben]

I relate the most to Kelsey. It's funny because in this group of girls, she's the youngest, as we know. I'm the oldest, and I'm the only one with the dinghy. Okay? But we're very close. She. We protect each other. And I'm eternally allergic to. That's why it's important for me to recite one line from My Fair lady at least once a day.

[Ronnie]

All right, all right, Liz, so what else have you said at that? Pick of it. And she's like, nothing. Nothing else. I mean, I didn't say one bad thing about you. Okay? Stay off my ass.

[Ben]

So then Nancy calls up Joellen to give, like, an update on the kid. She's like, hi. Well, the kids are here. They're alive. They're awake. They're about to go to bed. I'm trying to get Jolie to bed. And Joel's like, gia's up too, Ma. Her bedtime is 7 o'.

[Ronnie]

Clock.

[Ben]

I told you. Oh, God, what a terrible mother. It's 7:10pm oh, my God. All right, well, the kids are alive. That made me wicked nervous.

[Ronnie]

So Joellen is still like, I just can't get over things that happened to me as a child with my mother. And I don't want my kids to feel anything that I felt with my mother. And jury's still out. I'm sorry, I have to. I have to hear the defense first.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So people are getting their caricatures done, their characters, if you were.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

And two of the girls get it done together. And like, oh, my God, we look so good together. And Kelsey is like, you know what? You know, like, I feel like we need to move past this. And Joelle is like, well, I'm waiting to see how big my teeth are. I'm known for my very big teeth. And Kelsey says, yeah, I haven't talked to Rosie still. I talked to Alicia about it, and I know Alicia comes from a place of, like, not ill intended, but she's just not all there, you know? And I can't be mad at a stupid person, but I still got to talk to Rosie about it.

[Ben]

Kelsey's like, I feel like you're moving past it and I'm moving back. I'm moving to it because I feel like Rosie is asking certain questions because she has something calculating in her brain, and that's what I don't like. And Kelsey says that people seem to not be able to stop talking about my relationship, even though that's the only thing I've been talking to people at this party about. But, Rosie, are you asking questions? Are you already saying, no, I heard this, and she is this and they are that, because that is a bad path to go down and it's going to end up ugly for you.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but she is just asking questions. Kelsey, stop telling everybody your business and then wondering why they're gossiping about. You know why they're gossiping. Gossiping about it. It's because it's ridiculous. You're living with some rich dude who's off someone else half the year. Everyone's gonna ask you, sorry.

[Ben]

And also. Yeah, exactly. It's like, it's fine for you to have a non traditional relationship, but also totally don't be surprised that people are like, what the hell's going on? And just clarify it and don't be a wuss.

[Ronnie]

Don't be a wuss about it. Just do what you just did to Alicia and say, I made choices and that's it. So my relationship. Shut up.

[Ben]

Rosie's talking to Paulie and she's like, you're gonna be here a lot this summer. He's like, like, yeah, we're going to be here for three months. Three or four months. I don't know. Close around the tree end, but maybe four months. Don't ask me where I'm living. Had someone over there, and then they're like, over there. Oh, and then Dolores and Liz sit down for drawings, for caricatures. And the guy, Don, who's like, the. Who's like the characterist guy's like, you guys are sisters. He's like, we're friends. He's like, well, everyone thinks that we're sisters, though. It's like, why do you see us?

[Ronnie]

Look?

[Ben]

Do we look similar? Do we look alike? We look similar. We look alike. They say, like at the exact same time with the same voice. We are going like, Dolores, the surgeon,

[Ronnie]

she referred me to him. And we also have the same dentist.

[Ben]

Dolores.

[Ronnie]

Oh, God. That's why I look like. I love that they just went to the same doctor and he gave them the same face. He's like, well, they're in different states. Just give them both the same face.

[Ben]

They'll never meet. So then he's like, no plastic surgery. So Alicia's now talking to Bill and she's like, look at me. You told me I couldn't have a cookie, and now you're having a cupcake. You. He's like. I go, well, you know what, everyone? I'm having the best time because I'm standing by the cookie spot and having like 5 cookies. Ever since I found out that Bill had a cupcake. I'm gonna have going hog wild on these cookies. Okay, I'm gonna put up my shoes right over here. By the way, everyone, one for everyone who wondered, where am I gonna put my shoes on? I'm gonna go over there and put them on. Okay, good luck. Have a nice conversation.

[Ronnie]

So now Kelsey and Rosie are alone, and Kelsey's like, I want to know what happened at the picnic. Was there anything I should be concerned about? She's like, I don't think so. Oh, nothing about my relationship or nothing What? I just want you to know, truthfully, was it brought up by you and how my relationship is? And she goes, honestly, like, I was just questioning stuff. Joe Mullen brought it up. She goes, joel and brought it up.

[Ben]

Up. Yeah. She was talking about it, saying, you're going through such a hard time. And then we were like, what hard time is she going through? And it turned this whole thing, and I wasn't trying to come for you. Well, yes, Joellen did bring it up, but you were the one who was being gossipy with the never have I ever thing. You're the one who, when she says it turned into a whole big thing, it's like you turned it into a whole thing. So Joellen interrupts, because, you guys, we're doing sparklers, okay? Sparkling. Sparkling is the opposite of my mother's personality.

[Ronnie]

So Kelsey doesn't know who to trust, because they're in Rhode island, and you can't trust people in Rhode Island. So they do the longest sparklers I think I've ever seen in my life. And they are happy Fourth of July, guys. And so Kelsey's like, yeah, rumors in Rhode island are very typical. It's just part of the culture of a state. Our state bird is gossip,

[Ben]

and our state flower is the gossip flower. So Alicia says, yeah, I definitely know a lot about people. I just don't say it. And Ashley goes, this group, they've got big things behind the scenes, big secrets, big cheating scandals, and extra big turtle orders. That's right. Right. I go venti every single time. And it's like, don't lie. There's really no reason to lie. The truth always comes out.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So interesting show. Let's see where it goes. I mean, they are definitely doing their. They've kind of got the Salt Lake City, like, community theater thing where it's like, okay, we're fighting now. Let's fight at a picnic. How dare you? They're doing that a bit, so it'll be nice to see them kind of ease into this all.

[Ben]

Yes, I like. But you know what I do like about this show? I love when these shows sort of have a distinct feeling of, like, space, like a place, and, like, the Rhode island ness of it. They're, like, really leaning into this kind of, like, maritime vibe. Like, everything sort of, like, coastal and beachy in a New England way. And I think that's pretty cool. And, yeah, I think it was a good. It was a really good. Really, like, a really, like, good first episode. And I feel like it's setting the stage for what should be a fun season. So we'll just see how it goes. But we'll be recapping it. No matter.

[Ronnie]

We'll see you soon. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you next time. Bye.

[Ben]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

[Ronnie]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ben]

It's the First Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Karlie Clapp.

[Ronnie]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Ben]

Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no Tricolus Lava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no last namey Jamie,

[Ronnie]

she has no last namey. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Ben]

She's not a McBee, she's a McBride. Jess McBride she's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Ronnie]

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera sera. Whatever will be Will Lauren, Sylvie Pilsby. She gets a name from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisalino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry.

[Ben]

Aren't you glad? It's Marianne Ahrens.

[Ronnie]

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Ben]

This is Living with Michelle. Vivian.

[Ronnie]

I love a y'.

[Ben]

All.

[Ronnie]

Olivia Williamson.

[Ben]

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

[Ronnie]

Yes, we can. It's Savannah.

[Ben]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Ronnie]

Darn Skippy. It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP

[Ben]

It's Amanda V. Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh. Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD

[Ronnie]

we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Ben]

Let's get real with Caitlin o'. Neal.

[Ronnie]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hog go Gold. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

[Ben]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz. It's Liz, sort of Dorothy Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers the incredible Edible Matthews sisters.

[Ronnie]

She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose she's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sharrous. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud she's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince.

[Ben]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee.

[Ronnie]

It's Sarah Lemke we cannot tell a lie.

[Ben]

Hey, it's Sarah Tellafson Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop at Soly and Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[Ronnie]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Couture. We love you guys.

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