#3299 RHORI S1E02: Don’t Rulla Her Out

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Recap (#3299) Episode: RHORI S1E02: Don’t Rulla Her Out | April 6, 2026 Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie dive headfirst into the second episode of Bravo’s Real Housewives of Rhode Island (RHORI), titled “Ocean State of Affairs.” They revel in the show’s unique blend of classic Housewives tropes, local quirks, and the drama brewing among a fresh cast of women. From new baby daddies to rumors of affairs, alleged mistresses, and the enduring importance of crackers, this recap is filled with witty banter, incisive snark, and plenty of iconic RHORI moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Show’s Rhode Island Identity

• Bravo’s Smallest State Energy: The hosts note Bravo’s persistent references to Rhode Island as “the whole state,” making even small rumors feel massive.
  • Ronnie (07:57): “Are they contractually obligated to say, ‘rumor around the state of Rhode Island’ every time? … It’s a tiny state, but they act like everything is big news.”

2. Liz’s Family Dinner: Meeting the Baby Daddy

• Classic Housewives Parallels: Brianna, Jerry’s daughter, is pregnant by a relatively new boyfriend, Zach, and the family gathers to assess the situation.
  • Ben (03:12): “They’re taking inspiration from the classics – got a daughter, maybe a bad relationship ... Great, get them on here!”
• Liz’s Stepmom Role: Liz shares how unexpectedly taking on a full-time mom role changed her life.
  • Liz: “I always wanted kids of my own. Never thought it would happen this way, but Jerry’s girls fulfilled that need for me.” (04:45)

3. Joellen, Ashley & the Trials of Young Motherhood

• Chaos at the Park: Both hosts highlight the chaos of filming with preschool kids. Ronnie cracks up at the “snot-nosed brats running everywhere,” noting the challenge for these “youngish” Housewives.
• Ashley’s Husband Jared – Professional Sad Sack:
  • Ben and Ronnie roast Jared’s perpetual gloominess and fantasy escapes to his coffee shop.
  • Ronnie (11:19): “You’re raising the kids … your hot husband runs a coffee bar and comes home depressed. Well, everyone hates their life! Doesn’t give you the right to be a lump of coal.”
• Nanny Confessions: Ashley admits to having a nanny for 33 hours a week but still struggles.
  • Ben: “She’s got a nanny but can’t handle it. Joel’s like, ‘Ashley, you need peace of mind too. So do I – I’m leaving now!’” (12:20)

4. The Rula Effect: Entrance of a New “Clam”

• Meeting Rula: She’s billed with anticipation.
  • Ben (19:27): “They made it sound like, oh my God, guys, Rula’s coming … She gets here: ‘Hi. Did someone try to deliver a Caesar salad to me?’”
• Furniture Store Jokes: Ben imagines Rula as a commercial futon saleswoman.
  • (18:47): “If you think you can’t afford one of Rula’s sofas, guess what? We have layaway plans just for you.”
• The Affair Rumors: Gossip swells about Rula’s husband, Brian, and a possible mistress, with photos circulating.
  • Kelsey: “Are you open to talking about it?”
    Rula: “Joellen had posted photos of Brian with a girl on his lap. At first, I thought she was being supportive, but she sent them to the whole group.” (21:36)

5. The Cracker Chronicles & Rhode Island Realness

• Alicia and the Importance of Crackers: The hosts are delighted by the regional snack fixation.
  • Ben (30:00): “For the first time on reality TV, crackers have been given so much love. Normally it’s coffee, but here, it’s ‘I gotta have a cracker!’”
• Driving Drama: Alicia nonchalantly admits to having “run over a woman” on the highway, causing both hosts to lose it.
  • Alicia (31:19): “I ran over a woman. But you know what? I’m okay.”
  • Ben: “It’s not– we’re not worried about you!”

6. More Rumor Mongering: Kelsey’s Relationship & Polyamory

• Fourth of July Fallout: The hosts break down who said what at Joellen’s party regarding Kelsey’s relationship status. Rumors swirl about her being in a “polygamous” setup (Kelsey uses the term repeatedly, to Ronnie’s delight).
• Statewide Gossip:
  • Kelsey: “Rumors in Rhode Island are like wildfire– whether they’re true or not, they spread.”
  • Ronnie (34:17): “The state of a thousand rumors.”

7. Lincolns & Cranstons: Status Wars

• Neighborhood Shade: Rula proclaims her town of Lincoln is vastly superior to Joellen’s Cranston.
  • Rula (38:01): “I would never live in Cranston. It’s not my vibe.”
  • Ben reacts: “I’d always heard Cranston is Rhode Island’s Paterson!”

8. Rula vs. Joellen: Showdown over the Cheating Pics

• Joellen’s Account: Joellen details sending photos to Rula of Brian with another woman, which triggered Rula to retaliate by calling Joellen’s job, trying to get her fired.
  • Joellen (48:30): “Four, six months later, Rula and her husband complain to HR, all because he knows that I know he’s having an affair ... Your husband is a cheater. That’s crazy.”
• Joellen’s Threat:
  • Joellen: “You want to f--- with me? I’ll ruin your life.” (49:27)
  • Ronnie: “She’s giving Jen Aydin energy! Lifts her eyebrows, like, go ahead, try me.”

9. The Infamous Vineyard Outing

• Wine and Games: The group meets at Newport Vineyards for a “Bravo-mandated” airing of secrets game. Questions include: Who lost their virginity when? Did you sleep with the coach? Are you a swinger? Is Kelsey dating two men?
• Salacious Revelations:
  • Ashley admits she was nearly 30 when she lost her virginity.
  • Kelsey confirms she’s dating two men, dismissing “polygamy” for “polyamory,” much to Rosie’s amusement.
    • Rosie: “She has two boyfriends at one time. If this isn’t polyamory, I don’t know what is.” (57:00)
• Liz’s “Affair”: Liz clarifies her “unconventional friendship” with a family friend during Jerry’s frequent absences—mysterious, heartfelt, but not physical.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Crackers and State Identity:
  • Alicia (30:00): “I got nuts for protein, in case I feel lightheaded; I love a cracker. Figs, you know … Figs are good to feed someone who’s just been run over by a car.”
• On Rumors:
  • Ben (07:57): “Every time they mention rumors, they say, ‘it’s going around the state’… Pretty sure it’s not the whole state, but okay.”
• On Husband Drama:
  • Ronnie (11:11): “Everybody hates their life. Doesn’t give you the right to just be a lump of coal. Wake the fuck up! I cleaned a shitty diaper 20 times today!”
• Rula’s Futon Sales Persona:
  • Ben (18:47): “Come down to Rula’s for a futon. Where the customer always rules!”
• Driving Mishaps:
  • Alicia (31:19): “I ran over a woman. But you know what? I’m okay.”
  • Ben: “It’s not– we’re not worried about you!”
• Joellen’s Final Threat:
  • Joellen (49:27): “You want to f*** with me? ... I’ll ruin your life.”
• On Polyamory & Definitions:
  • Rosie (57:00): “She has two boyfriends at one time. If this isn’t polyamory, I don’t know what is.”

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Important Timestamps

• [03:12] — Brianna’s whirlwind pregnancy & family dinner intro
• [07:57] — Statewide rumors/gossip’s role in RHORI
• [10:14] — Jared’s coffee shop malaise, Ashley’s family struggles
• [18:47] — Rula’s grand (futon-laden) entrance
• [21:36] — Confrontation over Brian’s affair photos
• [30:00] — The “cracker” obsession
• [31:19] — Alicia’s matter-of-fact “I ran over a woman” story
• [34:17] — Rumors “spreading like wildfire” in RI
• [38:01] — Rula’s Lincoln vs. Cranston class war
• [48:30] — Rula’s retaliation: calling Joellen’s job
• [49:27] — Joellen’s “I’ll ruin your life” line
• [52:46] — Let’s air our dirty laundry: Vineyard “questions” game
• [56:00] — Kelsey “not” dating two men ... but actually dating two men
• [57:00] — Rosie’s polyamory definition via ChatGPT

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Recap Tone & Atmosphere

The episode sparkles with Ben and Ronnie’s trademark mix of loving snark, improv bits (“come down to Rula’s for futons!”), and sharp-eyed Housewives dissection. Their banter is fast, referential, and always steeped in genuine affection for Bravo’s particular brand of absurdity—even as they lampoon everything from statewide rumors to the importance of choosing the right cracker.

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Takeaways

• RHORI is off to an explosive, distinctly regional start—think less Hamptons, more cracker aisle at Stop & Shop.
• Rula emerges as the season’s villain, refusing to own up to husband Brian’s very public cheating, lashing out at other women, and retaliating (allegedly) by trying to get Joellen fired.
• Gossip isn’t just a pastime in RHORI—it’s a competitive sport, and in the “Ocean State,” every rumor travels at supersonic speed.
• Crackers and cheese (with or without the latter) may very well become the new “turtle time” for this cast.
• The hosts can’t wait to see which scandals spread next—because in Rhode Island, it really does feel like the whole state is watching.

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Best For: Fans of Bravo and the Real Housewives multiverse, especially those ready for a smaller-state, working-class take on classic Housewives drama—with plenty of irreverent, side-splitting commentary from Ben and Ronnie.

Transcript

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first month of online therapy. Who cares what happens when this so much that happens. Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

[B]

Well hello. How are ya? I want a cracker. I'm good.

[A]

What a cracker. Did you bring a crackers today for the Rhode island recap? Want a cracker?

[B]

I'm hungry for a cracker.

[A]

If you don't eat a cracker you might run over a woman on the highway. So be careful.

[B]

Yeah, I ran over a woman.

[A]

Yeah, we gotta be careful. You need a cracker.

[B]

The is wrong with this show.

[A]

It's Real Houses of Rhode Island Day. It's episode two. Before we go any further, join us for Crappy hour tonight at 5:30 on the West Coast, 8:30 on the east coast. We'll be talking about all sorts of scandalous things happening on Bravo. Basically Amanda and west and then. But there's plenty of other stuff too, so we're gonna chime in about that. We also have our Amazon live. Come join us there. And of course Patreon patreon.com watch what crappins where we have bonus episodes. We have Crap is on Demand where you can watch us. We have a free newsletter and we also have ad free listening. So it's a whole font of joy out there on Patreon. So come join us for that. Without any further ado, shall we get into episode two of Rhode Island?

[B]

Let's do it. Season one, Episode Two ocean state of affairs. So we start with Liz and her husband visiting Jerry's parents, Judy and Jerry Senior, because they're gonna have dinner with their kids because we gotta meet daughter Brianna's baby daddy. The parents. That guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Brianna got knocked up and now we're gonna meet the new family.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I like this show. They're like, you know, we got a new Real Housewives. Let's take a. Let's take some inspiration from some of the classics. Do we have a daughter named Brianna who is in a relationship that may not be good for the rest of her life? Okay, Zach. Okay, great. Get them on here. So Liz is like, Jerry and I have been married for 11 years. I think Jerry's a perfect culmination of both of his parents. They're fabulous people. I couldn't love them anymore. Okay. And my stepdaughter Brianna's life has been a whirlwind. Okay? She met this guy and before she. Before you knew it, she was pregnant. It was pretty quick. It was only, what, a couple of months? Jerry, she told him and he almost passed out.

[B]

So she's only met Jerry four or five times, but he's got gorgeous teeth, so that's all you could ask for sometimes. So Liz is like, okay, what are you going to ask when they get here? And Judy says, Judy's like, my granddaughter's pregnant. What should I say? What do you want?

[A]

Yeah, you're not going to ask him when the ring is coming? She's like, well, let me feel him out. So Brianna and Zach show up and Liz tells us, Jerry's daughters mean the world to me. Even though I didn't give birth to them, I feel like a part of my blood gosses through them. And when Jerry and I first met, the girls were really little and ended up with us full time. And it was time that was like, more appropriate for them to be with us and not their biological mother. So I definitely did not expect that full time mom be so full that role to come first. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Before that, I could wake up, I could drink, I could do whatever I wanted, you know? But I decided, I decided my free time, it was quite a change. I always wanted kids of my own. I never thought it would happen this way. But Jerry's girls really fulfilled the need for me. So the parents show up and, you know, it's like, hugs, hugs.

[A]

How you doing? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Rigatoni for dinner. What? That's my favorite meal. You got some rigatoni? I love rigatoni too. This is crazy. You found a bunch of people who love rigatoni, so it's all gonna work out.

[A]

This is my first grandbaby. It's like a new chapter. It's a new life. Anytime life comes in, it's nothing but joy. But you know what? I don't want to be called. It's certainly not grandma or anything grand or nano. None of that. I like GG Give me a Gigi

[B]

that's like a double grandma being called Gigi.

[A]

Grandmother.

[B]

Grandma. Grandma.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like great grandma's double. It's double the off. Think so. Then we go over to Joellen and Ashley, who are taking their kids to the park. Oh, my gosh, man. A new show when people are still youngish and have young kids at home is crazy, isn't it? These four kids. This scene was cracking me up because it's these two ladies trying to have a conversation with snot nosed brats running everywhere. They have to pay attention to these babies. They're just trying to do a scene. And the baby's like, they're swinging with one hand, holding the baby in the other hand, like, trying to chase another baby with the foot.

[A]

The, like, the image of like Ashley crying and like listlessly shoving her child in the swing. Like, I am stuck. This is my life. Just this is the metaphor. I'm trying to push. Push this away from me and it comes swinging back into my face.

[B]

They showed a scene about like a clip of that baby. So they put them in this bucket seat on the swing and the baby is just like stiff as a bird

[A]

hanging over like, oh, the baby is like, what is this sweet life? That was my favorite shot that they threw in there. That shot was amazing. So.

[B]

So Ashley telling us, you know, I was really surprised when I got like invited by Joellen because everyone says she's such a. But like, she's actually very nice to me. So I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, there's. There are rumors around the state that she could be quite a. But she's really friendly and she's not scared of a fight. But I don't want to be on Joel's bad side. Are they contractually obligated to make sure anytime that you say that there's a rumor that you have to say that it's a rumor around the state of Rhode island because every time they mention rumors, they're like, word is going around the state that this person sucks. I'm like, I'm pretty sure it's not really going around the whole state, but I feel like they are, like, courage to add that. To be fair, it's a tiny state. But I feel like they're also. Bravo's encouraging them to say the state has established Rhode island as a place for people in America who are, like, where are they anyway? Because, like, the amount of times they mentioned they contextualize everything within the state of Rhode island is, like, kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah. So they're talking about the Fourth of July party. She goes, even Jared had a good time. You know, like, he's not really big into social events, but even he had a good time. Yeah. Thank you. I'm so glad you had fun, you know? You know, because your first impression of me was at Rosie's picnic, and that wasn't great. And she's like, I don't care. I wasn't. I've been on the Bachelor, Okay? I'm not

[A]

about to say this lady's been on reality tv. I'm sure she doesn't really care. So Juan says, well, I did tell kelsey at the 4th of July party about the. About the picnic and how Rosie and Alicia were questioning her relationship. And that was kind of what was bothering me a bit about Rosie. She goes, well, I feel like you guys will just be fine. She's like, no, I just need to exist around her. That's it. Because, well, why don't you guys just start completely clean? Because, well, that's the plan. Right now I'm just trying to turn over a new page.

[B]

And she tells us, yeah, you know, like, my personalities with. With that girl, they don't mesh, you know, Rosie, like, I think there's, like. There's similarities. Sure. Like, we both like aesthetic treatments, so there's that. And we're both brunettes, so, you know, she's photogenic. I'm photogenic. That was a bitchy Joellen line. Did you hear Joellen's a bitch? The whole state says it,

[A]

Serge. Well, it's like, how's the business doing? Rumors around the state are that it's doing nicely.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

And then we see a shot of Jared at work, and he's like, the ice machine is broken again. God damn it. I can help, honey. Sorry, what was that? Order up for Kathy.

[B]

So Ashley's like, yeah, it's a constant stress. Like, I want to support his dream, but I had no idea it would be that hard. You know, the Noah's like, he's feeling like he's failing, and then he gets sunshiny days, and he's always telling Me? Honey, it's not you. It's not the kids. I just hate my life. I mean, sure, you're in life. The kids are in the life, but it's not because you're in life. It's just because you're in my life and I'm miserable. Do you understand? I don't. Why am I crying? And meanwhile, she's pushing a baby. A baby's running around. It's not flying everywhere. I was dying, laughing.

[A]

He tells me all the time, like, whenever I'm moody and dark. It's not about you. It's never about you. And then he says something like, cold brew ready for Susan. And I'm like, there is no Susan. We're at home. He goes, I know. I just like to pretend I'm at the shop sometimes.

[B]

I thought he had sleep apnea because he kept waking me up in the middle of the night going, but he wasn't dying. He was just steaming in his sleep.

[A]

He says something about, like, how when we're at home, he has to pretend that there's a latte foamer there so he doesn't have to listen to my voice. I don't know. It doesn't make sense. Mean, I want him to have his

[B]

moments where he plays golf and softball without, like, me being annoyed. But it's like, oh, my God, you know, like, I'm just going to be alone for five hours like this. She, like, points to the kids because she's. And this is such a man thing, too. It's like, you're raising the kids. You're the one stuck at home with the these. And then your hot husband, who got himself a coffee bar to work at all day, comes home and is like, I'm depressed. They hate my life. Yeah, well, everybody hates their life. It doesn't give you the right to just be a lump of coal. Wake the up. You're not the only person. You think that. I'm married. My God, I got so.

[A]

But it's true. But it's coffees all day and. And she's actually taking care of kids. I think the kids thing is harder.

[B]

Yeah, it's hard. And we see it in action, and it looks like bloody hell. And we're only subjected to five minutes of it, and it looks so hard. And then he's like, I'm depressed. We'll get the fuck over it, okay? I cleaned a shitty diaper like, 20 times today. Like, someone peed in my face today. Okay, Jared, but the thing here with Ashley is anyone who watched the Bachelor in paradise and saw this relationship. This is just how Jared is. He's just miserable. He's always skulking around. He's always depressed. Don't marry depressed people. And this isn't a general thing against actual depression, by the way. Anybody. I'm just saying, don't marry a sad sack and then wonder why your husband's always sad because you married a sad sack. What do you want? What do you expect him to be, a juggling balls like a clown? It's Jared. You married Jared.

[A]

Well, she also says that they have a nanny who is there for 33 hours a week. And so she's like, I should be able to handle it, but I can't. So Joel's like, ashley, you need.

[B]

I'll tell you that nanny that, man.

[A]

That's for sure.

[B]

Depression.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure. They don't even give her free coffee. And Joel's like, ashley, you need peace of mind too. And you know what? So do I. So I'm gonna leave now. I'm gonna leave you because you're depressing me too much. Okay, bye. The whole state says, so you're depressing.

[B]

So, yeah, they leave, and she's like, oh, gosh, you know, like, Ashley. Like, what a nice girl. But Duomo's face looks like, do not ever make me shoot with that woman again.

[A]

Jesus. So now Liz and Kelsey go to Fleur Providence, and they're talking about it. Oh, hi, by the way. Shout out. Hi, everyone. Everyone out there just realized I published this incorrectly.

[B]

And so now we're doing a live.

[A]

It's a live show, everyone. I just realized a little comment popped up on my screen that said, oh, my God. Loving it. I was like, loving it. That's all.

[B]

We go, so Floor Providence. So Kelsey and her getting a drink, you know, and she. She goes, do you want to drink, Liz? And Liz is like, does a dog have an ass?

[A]

Does the bear in the woods? So they order their drinks and everything. And then, like, this is funny, because I feel like this probably happens a lot, but for whatever reason, this server hit the Bravo lottery. Someone comes by and is like, caesar salad. They're like, nah, I didn't order Caesar salad. Nah, we didn't want to see the salad. And the guy's like, my livelihood being shown on national tv. I was like, this poor waiter gets roasted on Bravo for bringing Caesar salad to the wrong table. Like, they didn't that. Why did they keep that in the show?

[B]

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[B]

Maybe Rule. I ordered it preemptively, like, have my Caesar salad waiting for the earth Ruler. So I know Ruler for a decade now. We know each other through the boating community. Both parties with friends are a big thing in the summer in Rhode island, you know. And Ruler and I have a heritage in common. I'm half Syrian. Rulers have Syrian. And I typically always adore my Middle Eastern girls.

[A]

And Kelsey is. Roller comes in. She's like, hello, hello, hello. And. And Kelsey's like, I've known Rula through Liz, and she's classy and very put together. Which when you look at Ruler, you don't think like, oh, look at that classy lady. Sign her up for a polo game at the Hampton.

[B]

More like you wearing a bikini top to lunch. I mean, that is a classy lady right there.

[A]

When I see Rolla, I'm like, oh, finally someone to sell me a futon. So she's like, she's very calm and monotone.

[B]

That's so specific.

[A]

Well, it doesn't rule us. Sort of look like someone who'd be on a commercial being like, calm down to Rulers furniture. We've got futons and sofas and convertibles and prices that you can afford. If you think you can't afford one of Ruler's sofas, guess what? We have layaway plans just for you. Like, and I feel like there should

[B]

be, like, a come to Rulers for a futon Rulers where the customer always rule.

[A]

Take exit 49 off of i95 and your first left. Rulers.

[B]

So Kelsey's like, yeah, she's so classy. You know, we literally just met Rula on this one baseline level. You know, I'm sure she's got some emotions, you know, because she's pretty monotone, but, like, I don't know, maybe there's no emotions. Maybe she's the serial killer. I don't know. And I love that Rula. So she wasn't on last week or the first episode, but they made it sound like, oh, my God. Guys, Rule is coming.

[A]

Rule is coming to the show.

[B]

And we see the previews.

[A]

Ruler.

[B]

Ruler's coming. And Rula gets here. She's like, hi. Did someone try to deliver a Caesar salad to me?

[A]

Did you guys get my Caesar salad? You know, I'm half Syrian, half Caesar salad. Ian. So Liz is like. Like, oh, well, hi.

[B]

Well, guess what.

[A]

Joellen hosted a party for the fourth. It was fun. We missed you. She's like, oh, yeah, that sounds nice. You know, I've been a little bit more on the outside lately. I mean, what is it about the both of you is that, you know, make you want to hang out with Joellen? She's like, joelle and I have definitely had ups and downs, and she's a rep in the beauty business. My husband, Brian and I know a lot of people in the industry, and she comes across as friendly and bubbly, and that's not always the truth because

[B]

you guys said she's a shit stirrer. She's talking about me and my husband. She's stirring up rumors. Oh, my God. They're getting a divorce, etc, etc. He's leaving her for this petty slut. There, I said it. She goes, you know. You know, I have to have you back. You know, the second I hear an echo or something, I'm calling you Ruler. All right. The same breath, though, Rul, I know you, and I know that you was never going to want to admit something's up.

[A]

Ruler.

[B]

Okay? And she tells us, from what I've seen, the Brian and Rule, they always look like the perfect couple. They always look super happy. However, the echoes all around Rhode island that Brian's got a. A mistress.

[A]

She's like, in case you couldn't tell from what I was doing, a mistress. He's got a mistress. So Kelsey's like, so are you open to talking about it? She goes, well, Liz called.

[B]

Should we.

[A]

We started to talk. She was nervous about it and obviously uncomfortable, and I would say, you know, and she said, look, I don't know. I. I don't know. That there was. There was some. Something going on. Like I said, there's photos posted online, and I put you in touch with the person who knew the photos. That's what I did.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we see that there's this photo of Brian with a girl on his lap, and he's kissing her cheek. And I'm always just so amused by these men of a certain age who still don't really understand social media and the Internet that, like, if you take a photo with your. Your mistress, it's gonna go on the Internet, and people will look at it and see it and share it.

[B]

I also like how on this show, they don't just cross out or block out the person's face. They literally rip it from the photo. They're dead. It's like revenge. They're all dead. So she's like, yeah, Joe Wellen had some photos that was posted of Brian and that cockroach. She smiles. She's like. At first I thought Joellen was trying to be supportive and help me because we're girls, you know? But then it turns out she shared the pictures with the whole group and was running a mouth around town, and that was not okay with me. Yeah, then maybe her husband shouldn't be fucking around and you shouldn't be calling the woman who's fucking him a cockroach. What's wrong with you? Your husband's a cheater.

[A]

I. Yeah, Rilla is definitely, like, of the type where she's gonna lash out at all the other women in this situation. Instead of the guy who is the active party and the one that's closest to you, who's the one you should be kicking to the curb, girl, your

[B]

husband is around and posting pictures of the girl on Instagram. You best bet I'm gonna be bringing it to lunch to show the girls, of course.

[A]

Yeah. So Kelsey's like, well, that photo of Brian and that lady, you know, she's a hoe, not a lady. Oh, oh, okay. Well, he posted that in the wintertime, and from what I understand, she had a summer outfit on. So do you think this has been going on for a long time, Kelsey? I love Kelsey's detective work.

[B]

And she goes, it was last summer, just. But what about now? Well, nothing's been happening that's been done. This is not still ongoing. This has not been ongoing. Show me that it's ongoing. She goes, okay, well, so if it's stopped that, that's the end of it, right? What are you insinuating? The truth is, there's a lot of Talk about my husband's involved. Or he's still. And she goes, but he is, b. He is, Ma. He is, Ma.

[A]

It's the best moment. But he is, Ma. He is, Ma. He is, Ma. He's still out there, Ma.

[B]

Ma. Out there, Ma. Come on, Ma. Babe.

[A]

But he is, Ma. So Liz is like, it's pretty out there that Brian's still doing his thing with this woman. I mean, if Roller tries to not. Not to acknowledge that what's really going on and live in that kind of land of delusion. I'm sorry, Elizabeth is allergic to that. I'm Elizabeth. For people who don't know me. Liz is short for Elizabeth, a common nickname in Rhode Island. Everyone in the state knows Elizabeth means Liz.

[B]

You gotta stop with the prideful thing, Ma. You're stupid proud. I mean, like, it doesn't benefit you. We've all been going through it. It's like, I know. I know you all. All you shared with me, you know, like the stuff with you, Rula. The stuff with you and Jerry that you shared with me. You didn't kick Jerry to the curb. You took time. You processed. You thought about it. And look at you guys. Look how many years you've been together. I mean, what are you, first, sister and brother? It's been a long time. It's been a very long time.

[A]

So Rilla's like, Liz has shared with me her issues and Jerry and the misunderstandings and indiscretions. And she's done a thing, and he's done his thing, and he'd be away on a fishing excursion or whatever, and they'd say, well, you know, when the cat's away, the mice shall play. And I'll leave it at that, because everyone in Rhode island knows what cats and mice do, right?

[B]

They fuck. They fuck the cats and the mice.

[A]

They fuck the second people think they're eating. But they do eat, if you know what I'm saying.

[B]

I love that rule is like, oh, really? You're gonna bring up my affair? Let's talk about your affairs. So she goes, well, Liz says, well, listen, you know, look, I'm willing to say this is going on because you have kids, you know? And she goes, well, that's what it is, too. Because when you produce the kids with somebody, like, you actually get a penis in there, spermatozoa comes out, hits an egg, and the baby is made. That's the game changer. Because, you know, Jerry has kids, but you don't have your own kids, you know, so you don't. You Know what I'm saying? Right? She goes, oh, yeah, right, right. When you produce them with someone, not when you bring them up for when they're three because they don't have a mother to do it. But. All right, continue, continue, continue, continue.

[A]

No disrespect, continue.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's. You know, I would never want to disrespect someone who's never produced their own children. So no disrespect whatsoever. I. You don't know what it's like to have a baby crowning through your vagina. So no disrespect. No disrespect whatsoever.

[B]

Okay? Okay, okay.

[A]

Thanks a lot, Will.

[B]

Thanks a lot.

[A]

No, I did not have my own kids, but you have no idea what I've done in my life. Bringing up kids, Mel. Maybe not producing them, but I brought them up, okay? Oh, sorry. They didn't come out for me. Sorry. Sorry that my. Sorry that my Rhode island didn't come out of my United States, if you know what I'm saying. Sorry. I lost the metaphor on that one. But you know what I'm saying. Sorry.

[B]

So you will say to me when you produce the kids, take it back. You know, take it back. You take it back right now. She's. I apologize. I care for you. I care about your comfort it. Which is why I'm offering you a 4 inch thick futon for 30% off. Listen, I didn't mean it that way and you know I didn't. But I swear to you, my husband, we've been in a great place. I would just like everybody to respect that. Spermatozoa has touched my egg. Please.

[A]

There's a lot of fake out there. Well, hi, it's me, Kelsey. I'm still in the scene. I know. I feel that way. I've been in the exact same position as you. I get it, believe me, because I can sympathize with ruler in this situation. Joellen's fourth of July party. Like everyone had questions. Rumors in Rhode island are like wildfire. Whether they're true or not, they spread. So next time you see an untrue wildfire, just know it's spreading whether you like it or not.

[B]

I like that she makes it all about yourself. It's not the same as you. Her husband, she, which she has children with with, is cheating on her. You're dating a guy who's openly other people. It's not the same thing, Kelsey. Oh my gosh. So Liz is like what other people think. I'm learning. It's none of My business. It's none of my business. She goes, yeah, baby, bring it. Watch out. So now Kelsey's boyfriend, we go to Kelsey's boyfriend's mansion, and she's there with her housekeeper Christina. And she's like, yeah, okay, you gotta open the wine for us. You know how to use this electric wine opener? She's like, no, she's goes like this. You do it like this. You put it on top of the thing. You press a button. She's like, okay,

[A]

fine, whatever.

[B]

So I guess I like this. Yes. She acts like Christina does everything for her, but she doesn't know how to open a bottle of wine. Come on. Where'd you get Christina? Did you just pick Christina up off the street?

[A]

Yeah. So Alicia comes over. Well, I, like Alicia, is also surprised to see Christina because Alicia rings the doorbell and Christina. Well, first of all, Christina and Alicia. I'm sorry. Christina and Kelsey are standing together in the kitchen. There's a. The doorbell rings, and Kelsey's like, there's someone at the door. Which I'm like, oh, you. You can't even open your own door for your own guest. So Christina goes.

[B]

Stands there and she goes, go, Christina. Like, go get it. She's like, oh, okay.

[A]

So then at least she's greeted. Alicia just stares at Christine, goes, oh, hello. Stares her like, am I at the right house? Like, what? I don't understand what happened here. I drove all the way over here. I don't even like to drive. So then Kelsey comes over.

[B]

She's like, oh, hi.

[A]

Oh, God. So, yeah, sorry. I. I brought cracker. I brought crackers, but I didn't bring cheese. The line was too long for the cheese. I was like, the cracker line. If you only have crackers in your basket, we can take you over an aisle six.

[B]

And I got cheese is too. I'm sorry, ma'. Am. Separate line.

[A]

Separate line in Rhode Island.

[B]

That's how we do it. Oh, my gosh. So she's like, yeah, I bet to get cheese. So I bought crackers. I love crackers. But the line was so long for the cheese. I said, whatever. She'll figure it out. You. You got cheese? Do you not got cheese? Okay, you're not figuring it out. Okay. I believed in you, but you know, that was wrong. So.

[A]

So Kelsey is like, well, I know you're always good for a good cracker. It's like, like, you know, if you're from Rhode island born and bred, you're a different person in your breed. Alicia is so Rhode Island. I thought Kelsey was About to say, if you're from the Rhode island, one thing you love are crackers. I was like, please don't make crackers a Rhode island thing. But thankfully, she didn't, because this is the first time ever on reality TV where crackers have been given so much love. I mean, normally it's like, oh, my God, I have to have my coffee or I have to have this. There's usually some random food that someone tries to make their personality. And this is the first time we've seen someone say, I gotta have a cracker. I gotta. I gotta have a cracker.

[B]

I love a cracker. Gotta have it. So she's like, so, you know, I came here a long time ago, right? Yeah. Yeah, I've been to this house. Yeah, like 10 years ago. Yeah, he had a Fourth of July party. My best friend, Crystal, she left me on the side of the road. I had to. I had to walk to a Dunkin Donuts with. My phone died. Oh, God. God. So I've been the bridge, you know, I've been there. I've done that with driving. You know what? But, yeah, you know, I've been over the bridge. Like, I can't. I can't drive. Like, it's difficult. Like, I. I've been through it. I ran someone off the road one time. I almost fell off the bridge. I ran over a woman. And the producer's like, you ran over a woman? Just. Yeah, yeah, I read over a woman. I almost died. Swear to God. Did she. The woman?

[A]

What happened to the woman? She's like, oh, my God. It was the scariest thing ever. I. I ran over a woman. But you know what? I'm okay. I'm like, it's not. We're not worried about you. She and I, like, when she was saying that, she. It's like at this party, she's like, I almost died walking to that Dunkin Donuts. Kelsey's like, you. You walked from here? Yeah, I almost. I swear to God, I almost died. I almost died. Well, I mean, I did almost died. I mean, but, like, I had to walk and she left me in the woods. There was a Duncan in the wood. You know, there's a Duncan in the woods. She's like, oh, my God, this lady's crazy.

[B]

So we see Alicia driving because Kelsey's like, yeah, she. She can't drive. And we see her driving. It's like, oh, my God. What, are you gonna get my lane now? Like, what are you doing? Like, this highway, the traffic's a little bridge, stupid car. Fix your car. Fix your car.

[A]

You know, Alicia is the one who's like driving everyone baddie on that bridge. He's probably like swerving, reaching for crackers. I gotta get my cars water cracker down here. Yeah.

[B]

Now the only.

[A]

The only car I'm really comfortable with other car brand of crackers. So.

[B]

So she's like, so, you know, I kind of feel bad because, like, I. I feel like at the 4th of July party, which was great, by the way. Did you have fun at the party? She's like, yeah, well, yeah, it's so much fun. Yeah. Yeah. With the situation that almost happened at the picnic, you know, like, I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have said what I said,

[A]

so I should not listen. I appreciate you saying that. And I get everyone's gotta have questions. I'm not mad at Joellen, but if she segued this conversation into like, like Rosie asking anything about my relationship, you know, would I have rather not? Probably. Yeah. But it wasn't malicious about it, you know, it just was like, you know, just getting to be a little nosy. That's it. I mean, I almost died, honestly, when I listened to it. I don't know if you know this. I had to walk to a Duncan after that picnic. It was very scary.

[B]

Well, that's Rhode island for you, huh? I mean, speaking of rumors, me and Liz saw Rue the other night at Rula. And you know, she's not a fan of Joellen. And you know, Joelle is a gang gasoline to the mistress fire that's going on right now. And she just keeps pumping it and pouring it and pouring gasoline on it. And Alicia's like, yeah, yeah. You know, actually I like Ruler. Like, her family owns a jewelry shop that we go to. It's really close with Billy, and her family also goes to Billy's restaurant a lot. And I feel like she's got a bougie vibe to her. When Ruler talks, she's like, very fancy. She's like, hi, yes, Alicia. I believe that. Is that me talking? Is that me talking? Breathy. Hold on. Does it sound different? Hold on, let me do it again. Hey, Alicia, it's me, Rula. It's pretty good, right?

[A]

Doing sophisticated voice is hilarious. You wanna quacka? Alicia's like, what? What is the idea, by the way? Kelsey goes, well, according to her, there is no deal. Everything status quo on Hunky Dory. Say he's not cheating. It's like, not according to her. Again, I haven't talked to her about it. But I keep hearing all these stories and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, please, someone give me something. I want to know. I need to know. Like, I mean, the rumors are flying all around the state of Rhode island, you know, state of a thousand rumors.

[B]

Kelsey's like, oh, we need to have a wine. A wine event where everybody gets together and we ask each other questions because there's just so much going around. And she flings her glass and ice goes everywhere. And only she goes, you see, that's. I knew that was going to happen. That's why I'm psychic. That's why, like, everyone knows that. That's why. Because I knew what was gonna happen the minute I walked in here. I saw that little lady standing with the wide opener. I said, ice is gonna spill tonight.

[A]

That's why I should have been a psychic. That's what I should have been. I like that. Kelsey goes, you know what? I think it's time we channel our inner Hillary Duff and decide to come clean. I'm like, ma', am, I'm gonna tell you this right now. Three quarters of your cast is not gonna understand your reference. You know, Liz is like, I don't know if I understand that joke. Who's telling me Duff? Anyway,

[B]

here comes one right now.

[A]

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[A]

So my butcher box arrived and it was chock full of meat. I had chicken thighs, which I cooked last night, by the way, to great effect. I had a whole chicken. There was. There was like lots of stuff in there. It all came refrigerated. And let me tell you something, it arrived in the middle of a heat wave that we had last week where it was literally 95 degrees. It was there on my stoop and it was totally fine. I was so impressed with the way that the food was. Was packaged and how cold it remained even during transport. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic product free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Clean, whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing.

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[A]

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[A]

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[A]

I would never live in Cranston. It's just not my vibe. Now I was a little surprised that Joellen was from Cranston because. And I don't know anything. I know some things about Rhode island, but I don't know much. But what I've always heard is that Cranston is like, like not the best. I've always heard Cranston is kind of like Rhode Island's Patterson. So I was a little surprised when they're like, cranston, Rhode Island. I was like, oh, I, I did not think this was like a Real Housewives neighborhood. And I would like Rhode island people to correct me or fill me in on this one. So when Rula says, oh, I wouldn't live in Cranston, I was like, aha. See that's what I thought I'd heard about this place. But in fact, since we are live, people from Rhode island can fill it in there in the comments, and I will. We will report live back on what people say. Barula says, I'm a nautical girl. I own a boat. I'm one of the only female captains in Rhode Island. Watch out, boys, this bitch is coming. Like, drop the mic. Here I am. I can captain a small boat. Watch out.

[B]

I'm the only captain. Drop the mic. Here I am. Robot ruler.

[A]

So then we see this by like, oh, yeah. I was gonna ask, is this where we see her baby photos?

[B]

Oh, I don't think so. I don't know.

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

But she's like, okay, I'm gonna prove to you right now that I'm a businesswoman. Let's go to a car scene. So we go to rule in her car. Her lips are gigantic, and she's like. Everyone tells me I run a tight ship, especially the office here. Here's me. I have projections on the pie chart of the sheet of. Of Excel's Google sheet pages versus Microsoft's Word boss.

[A]

I'm a boss. I run a tight ship, which is a pun because I also am a captain of small boats.

[B]

So drop the mic. Drop the mic. Here I am.

[A]

Very funny. We see that we. Somewhere in here, we see pictures of her as a baby, and they're like. We see her as, like, a. Like five months old. And it's a picture of her smoking a hookah. And I cracked up. There's just. She's like a little baby just, like, sitting there on the sofa, like, oh, and someone has taken, like, the little pipe, you know, and put it on her mouth. It is the funniest photo.

[B]

So I've been. My friend. Brian comes out. Look at Brian. Look, look. Hi, Brian. You're doing so great, honey. Brian is my husband. I've been with him for 12 years, married for nine. He's a podiatrist. He does a lot of food, foot and ankle surgery. And then we cut to Brian. He's like, yeah, that foot's real. Up, up. Yeah. Normally I love tall, dark, and handsome. And my husband is lighter, a little shorter, and I mean, I think he's handsome. He got kind of one of the three.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. Real convincing there, Rula. We cut to him again being like, all right, notes on the ingrown toenail surgery. Everything's going fine so far. So

[B]

Syrian descent. She's Lebanese and Syrian. Her dad's from Beirut. Her mom's from Syria, and. But she's 100 Italian because those two and he's 100 Italian. And the two cultures go together because. Rigatoni, rigatoni, family. Rigatoni, Rigatoni, rigatoni. That's what we believe.

[A]

Yeah. You know, we just match. And she goes, it's just killing me because everybody in the state has made it their business, and everybody in this group has made it their business to talk about us. Can you imagine how hard it is for us when the entire state of Rhode island is paying attention to who this podiatrist is sleeping with? Am I right? So instead of firing away on stuff, you know, come and speak with the source. That's what I say.

[B]

Yeah. So it's like, listen, what happened last year happened last year. It's in the past. I just want to move forward. Yeah, I'll bet you do. So she tells us. When I saw the cheating pictures, I looked at Brian, and I said, is there anything that I should know? And he said, you've got very flat feet. I said, you better tell me now. He said, you should wear insoles.

[A]

He says, you know what? You're like a plant of wart. You're on the bottom of my foot. You'll always be there, so don't worry about it. Ruler. I said, okay. I'm okay. That's fine.

[B]

So ruler. So I found out he was begging, he was pleading, he was crying. And she tells him, I'm just tired of making it everybod making it that business. He goes, we know what's strong. Obviously, I'm with you. I let you track me. You know where I am every second. I love my wife. I love my family. They're just jealous, you know? Yeah. Let me see where you are right now. Why does this say you're in your office? Oh, I left my phone in the office. I'll be back. I'll be back. Wiping his face.

[A]

He's like, never mind, never mind. So now we go to Alicia's house, because we're gonna go to this Newport Vineyards. And Alicia's like, I don't leave the house without a quick cob. Okay. I love my saltines because I get. In case I get nauseous. I got nuts for protein in case I feel lightheaded. I love a cracker. Figs, you know, you never know when you need a fig. Figs are also really good to feed to someone who's just been run over by a car. It really helps them stay focused and stay alive. I just feel like it's healthy because it's like a cookie, but it's filled with fruit.

[B]

So by fig, she meant Fig Newtons. So they all start arriving and getting on the van and hugging each other. And Ash comes, and she's wearing this, like, renaissance dress. Like this kind of hippie renaissance dress. Like, oh, my God, what is she wearing? And she goes, ashley's outfit is different. It's like she's. What, does she turn it Irish or something? Like, I don't know if that's medieval something or what. But, like, is that folklore? Like. Like. Like when they say folklore, you know, when they have the labs and the women on the mountains. Folklore. What the. No, I'm like, please tell me. Please tell me that's a word. Folklore. That's a word.

[A]

Folklore. Folklore. Is that she a folklore? Does she have any cracks? That the folklore have any crack? I was like, are you thinking of Yodeler? I kind of felt like she was thinking of Yodeler because she wasn't quite saying folklore. She was like, focal, focal, focal. I'm like, you're trying to say yodel, aren't you? You're talking about the woman on the mountains with a horn.

[B]

Yeah, probably. So Ashley is last, and so they're all there now. And Rosie's fine with seeing Jo Ellen because she's fine when she's not a. It's like the biggest in the state. And Ashley is saying, yeah, I moved to Rhode island because when you marry a guy from Rhode island, you moved Rhode Island.

[A]

He's a great guy.

[B]

He's a great guy.

[A]

Wait, hold on. Oh, he's texting. He's calling me right now. Hi. Hi. Oh, Joellen, your. Your coffee is ready.

[B]

She's like, oh, me, my God. It's, like, so hard making friends and then, like, making friends in your 30s. Like, is that even a thing? Like, are we evolved to make friends in our 30s?

[A]

So they start to drive their first sprinter van scene. They're spilling champagne everywhere because of bumps and everything. And Kelsey and Joellen and Alicia are talking about how they love wine and Alicia loves rose, but they don't. But Kelsey basically is like, I like cheap wine. I like what they call stripper juice and a dollar bottle of wine. You know, give it. Give that to me, and I'll be happy. But don't make me open it. Okay, that's. That's for Christina. Don't make me open my own wine.

[B]

Joellen's like, I'm not really a wine connoisseur. But I would say I'm a wine snob, because I just buy expensive bottles. Okay, That's Joe Wellen. And ask anyone in the state. They'll tell you I'm a real.

[A]

So they're. They arrive at, you know, the heart of American wine production. Rhode Island, The Newport. Newport Vineyards. And they're getting a tour, and they're these big vats. And Alicia's like, like, oh, is this what they. Is this what they use for heroin? It kind of reminds me of Breaking Bad right now. Tour guide is like, nope, he's not out there either. Thank you.

[B]

She's never seen. She's never seen that before. She's. She's a character that. That Alicia. So Joellen and Kelsey are still outside. Everybody goes in to the lunch table. And Joellen, Joel's like, what's wrong with you? And Kelsey's like, I just wanted to warn you, Ruler's coming. She's watching. Why? Why is she coming? And she goes, well, Liz and me met with her. She says, oh, lovely. Well, you know, I haven't known Ruler long. I just met her through Liz. However, I 100am getting the brunt of the blame from Ruler. Her husband was having an affair. I shared a picture that the mistress posted on the Internet. And Helen is not like, what the hell? Like, what's go. Why am I blamed? So Alicia's like, oh, Joella's gonna turn up tonight, you guys.

[A]

Oh, Joelle, Joel, Joe. More like Joe, Helen. Get it? Joe, Helen. You know what I'm saying? So Liz goes, well, Ashley's saying, well, why doesn't. Why don't Joellen and. And Rula get along? And Liz says, wow, the echoes of Ruler's husband have an affair. And Alicia's like, joellen took a picture and sent it to Ruler. It's like, well, so she was the one that was informant. Like, what's the big deal? She was the messenger. Yeah. And she got a. You know, she's got little kids, and her husband's a foot doctor. And I think that, like, he's doing more than rubbing feet. Anyone want some cheese?

[B]

I love that they're. They get all these wine flights. And Alicia at one point just goes, can I get some bread? Like,

[A]

yeah, I think her husband's doing a lot. I think her husband's banging a lot of people, if you know what I mean. Anyone wants some cheese? Anyone wants some bread? Bread?

[B]

Come on. Can I get some bread here? So back to Joellen and Kelsey. Joel and is, like, really pissed. She's like, I'm on tv, and I'm gonna be extremely pissed about this. Now, I'm not here to publicize that her husband's having an affair. She knows it. It's like. Well, she's telling me she doesn't know it. I mean, come on. I sent her the pictures where the husband and the mistress are making out. They're making on the picture.

[A]

And then we see the photo from December 2024, the winter photo that was taken in the summer. Her and Joellen is like, last year, right around New Year's, I saw a picture on Instagram, and it was Brian Ruler, Ruler's husband. Okay. With another woman. And I sent it to Liz, and Liz showed it to Rula, and Rula called me, and she was begging me for the pictures. She was like, well, please, woman to woman, send it to me. So I did. And then you could hear. She. She gasped. She had an audible gasp. So Kelsey's like, well, I said, if you have questions for Joellen, you should probably just ask her. It's like, it's not my question. Stop stealing my line. Because that's what I said about you, by the way.

[B]

Way.

[A]

And her husband's. Her husband's the one stepping out. Don't ask me a single thing.

[B]

She's like, it's not my problem. You want to call my job? You want to start? Because I'll bring it. She goes, oh, yeah, I didn't bring that part up. She's oh, you didn't even bring up. She called my job. You didn't bring that up. She goes, yeah, I didn't get there yet. Well, you know what? That's like, a big deal to me. Four, six months later, Ruler and her husband call my work, wrote emails into HR complaining about me to get me fired, all because he knows that I know that he's having an affair. Yeah, I don't know what my job has to do with it. That's crazy. Rula called the. Called her job to complain. Rulet. Your husband is a cheater. Okay, yeah, that's crazy.

[A]

Rula. Rula is clearly going to be the villain of the season, which I love. It's because I felt like we didn't really have a villain after the first episode. So this is good. And so Joellen is like, I don't give a what she feels. Tell her to keep her husband's dick in his pants. That's not my problem. Don't come at me because your husband's sleeping with somebody. What do I have to do with it with my husband? My kids. I'm going to ruin your life.

[B]

And she does give Jen Aiden here. She's like, yeah, you want to with me? With me, I'll ruin your life. And then she, like, lifts her eyebrows. I don't know if I can do it. I probably need Botox. But she's like, yeah. So then we go back inside, and the girls are still talking about this, and Ashley's trying to put it together. She's like, wait a minute. So this woman and her husband is a foot doctor and may have had an affair, and Joellen may have let her know about the affair. Okay, I think I've got it.

[A]

Ashley, Keep up. So now everyone. Everyone's now at the table. And because Kelsey and Joelle have sat down at this table, and Kelsey is going to confirm. She's going to call. She's going to call up Rilla to be like, are you still on the way? But then the waitress comes up. It's like, so, does anyone want to order anything? And they all just stare at the waitress. Like, who do you think you are? The entire state's been talking about you, waitress. And when no one likes you, does

[B]

anybody want a Caesar salad? Get the out of here. So they're like, why do you look so upset, Joelle? And she goes, you know, I'm not trying to be this awful, mean person, but this person tried to hurt me in my job. And you come from me and my work and my financial state. You're not just coming for me. You're coming for my children. It's like, oh, wow. Episode two. We're already getting that. How dare you do this to my children? So rula is now FaceTiming Kelsey. She's like, oh, hi, baby. I'm so sorry I can't make it. I was an urgent care. I was an urgent care. Like, I'm not gonna be there today.

[A]

Apparently, I saw that in order to get to Newport, Rhode island, we'll have to drive through Cranston. And I got an instant case of Cranstonitis, and I just can't come. I'm just too sick. I'm just too sick. By the association of Cranston. I'm sorry.

[B]

My car had to pass Alicia's house, and it stopped. It stopped. It couldn't go. The house is just too embarrassing to come home.

[A]

So, Joelle, there's, like, these boxes for the game they're about to play. So Joellen picks one of the boxes up and throws it in the bushes. I was like, you're littering, Ma' Am. So Alicia's like, so what happened?

[B]

Where.

[A]

Where. Where was she? She's like. She's in bed. She's. And Rosie's, like, with a hat and full glam on, too. I'd like to add, like, oh, oh, a hat and full glam. Classic ruler.

[B]

Joelle says she's not sick. She gets headaches because she's stressed out from taking too much Ozempic. Have a protein paw. Get a turkey leg from Ashley.

[A]

That was funny. I got the Ashley in her crazy outfit. Like, I'm done. I don't want to talk about her anymore. Okay, so Kelsey goes, guys, I have a little game that Bravo wants me to play with everyone. I feel like we've all said something. We've all heard something. I know I was talked about at the picnic.

[B]

Oh, God, Kelsey, nobody cares. They're like, oh, God, Kelsey. It's like, okay, Rula didn't show up for drama, so Kelsey's gonna whip out her stupid. Like, people think people are trying to accuse me of having a polygamous relationship, which I love that she keeps saying polygamous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Kelsey is like, okay, I have questions. You have questions. So we've all got questions. So let's just air the questions out, you know? So we're gonna write down questions and put them in a box, and then we're gonna read each other's questions. And so Rosie's like, oh, my God, I got shopping on my nail. That's never gonna come out.

[A]

She's, like, seriously upset. You can see her. She's like, guys, guys, I got Sharpie on my nail. Like, what do I do? Should I just leave? So Ashley's like, okay, all right. So the question for me, Ashley, when did you lose your virginity? I was on the verge of 30, and Kelsey's like, 29. I lost my virgin virginity when I was 14. She's like, yeah, I just. I wanted to wait for the right person. So I. I ended up being a virgin first for. For quite a bit of time. I mean, I was trying to have sex with this guy, but he kept on interrupting our. Our activities to hand out flat whites to people. So it took a while.

[B]

Really? Haven't had sex. I was actually knocked up by a milk steamer. So weird. So that was her big plot on the Bachelor, that she was a virgin. And so then they ask Alicia if she hooked up with Gary, Joellen's husband. And Alicia's like, no, never. Not once. Like, what is he, a cracker? Like, what, you really think I hooked up with your Husband, Joellen. Why would you ask me that? She goes, well, I didn't know. She's like, he's like a little brother. I would never. I've known Gary since I was three years old. I pray for him. A communion. Who's my prayer partner?

[A]

Rosie goes, okay, well, this is a good one. Did you have sex with the coach? That's for me. I mean. Oh, well, I don't know. Did you write this, Joelle? And Joel's like, I did. She was like, okay, there's a big rumor about me. I've never even met the coach. No. And this is. This must be a very serious rumor, because Bravo doesn't even show up, show a headline or any. So they. Bravo doesn't even mention which coach this must be. But I'm. Do we think this is like, the coach of like, like the Celtics or something? Or like Univers?

[B]

Did they not say? Well, I don't remember.

[A]

I was.

[B]

They were talking about sports on another show, I think. Seahawks. Where are the Seahawks from? Someone, Some show was just talking about the Seahawks. Where's the. That? Seattle. So I wouldn't be here.

[A]

Seattle Seahawks.

[B]

I don't know. But she's like, I've never had an affair with a basketball coach. I've never even met him. Okay, don't believe everything you see on Reddit. Give me a break. So now Joellen Answer asks her own question. She's like, oh, okay, here's one for me. Are you a swinger? Oh, my God. I hear this question. I'm not a swinger. Gary and I are not swingers. A few of my friends are swingers. And, you know, who cares? Like, Rhode Island's a big swinging community. You know, to each their own. I don't give a. What they do do. Yeah, I don't care. I mean, I wish Gary would let me swing. We had a threesome. That's. That's fine. The lady left. She said, that's the biggest in the state. I.

[A]

It's so funny because when Joellen says, yeah, Rhode island has a big swinging community, they cut right away to Liz looking down at her plate like, don't look at me. Which I thought that was very fun. I was like, I caught that editors.

[B]

They're all swinging and cheating. I love this show. And I don't. I don't believe Joe Allen for one second. And I don't believe Rosie either. You the coach and you're a swinger.

[A]

Just. Yeah, it's all out there. We should also mention that the food does arrive Somewhere in the middle of this. And I don't know what, I don't really know what. What's her face ordered? Liz, did she order like a roast beef sandwich without the bread? Because she just gets a pile. A mound. Not just a pile. A mound of roast beef with like two on your.

[B]

Yeah, she orders. She's like, can I. Can I have roast be shaved roast beef? I don't want the bread. I don't like the bread. Just the roast beef.

[A]

She's got a pile of roast beef.

[B]

So she denies being a swinger. And then Kelsey says, well, are you dating? Okay, so that's the question for me. Am I dating? Oh, gosh, this is a hot topic conversation. I'm very famous. You know, I'm not in a polygamous relationship, you guys. I've never been in a polygamous relationship. And obviously I want to have kids and I want to be married, and this person that I've been with for 10 years will not give me that. So, yes, I'm dating someone else.

[A]

Guys, I could not be clearer about this. I'm absolutely not dating someone. So in conclusion, I'm dating someone else. Why don't you guys get my ass?

[B]

And Rosie's like, wait, so now you do have two boyfriends. What? And Kelsey's like, okay, I'm cool, I'm happy, and I'm living my life. Fine.

[A]

Rosie goes, well, I did ask chat GPT about this. Polygamy is if you're married. Polyamorous is when you're not. She has two boyfriends at one time. If this isn't polyamory, I don't know what is. So I love that Rosie acts like she just discovered a rare earth mineral. So Kelsey's like, the two people in my life are the most wonderful people. Whether I end up with either one, I would be happy. Which because as long as you're happy, happy because you're a baby, you want a cracker. I got a lot.

[B]

So Joe Allen says, okay, I know that you guys have had questions. So Rosie, Alicia, anyone has questions for about her? Ask her. So Liz is like, so why did you bring it up in the first place, Joelle? And you were the one who brought up, who brought up Kelsey being upset. She's like, I did not bring up Kelsey. And they're like, yeah, you did. So we see the clip of her bringing it up. And Joellen's like, well, I was just saying she was going through a lot. And Rosie says, yeah, but then we asked a follow up question questions and you were like, we can't talk about it, so why bring it up if you don't want to answer follow up questions? I mean, geez.

[A]

So basically Jerome's like, look, if I brought it up, it wasn't intentional. Like, it wasn't to get everyone to start talking. And once people did start talking about it, I shut it down. So there. That's all it is, right? And they're like, yeah, yeah. She was. She was just saying, like, oh, hey, like, this is what she's been up to this week. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Like, okay. And Kelsey's like, see, I think. I think Joelle and apologizing to me was. Was like everything that I needed to hear. And I feel like what she's saying is genuine. So I hope that this is just kind of like a. A one and done and that's it. Which I think is the show's way of saying it's gonna happen about 10 more times this season. Yeah.

[B]

So Liz reads her question and she's like, I know it's not too. What. What is this? And Alicia's like, I was nervous. Tried to write it. I'm sorry. I was nervous.

[A]

I almost died when I wrote it. I wrote it in the car and I ran someone over. What'll happen? That was a. It was very scary. But I had a Fig Newton, so everything was okay.

[B]

Okay, could you translate this for me? I can't read it because I love you, but is the deuce true? Could I have a cracker?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

The news. I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

The news because that you were having an affair. Something like that. She goes, oh, so Ash goes, wow, these women talk about affairs. They talk about cheating scandals. This is definitely supposed to be a salacious game. Like you're supposed to air out our dirty laundry. This is like the weirdest thing. I'm like, shut up, Ashley. Honestly, I don't know why Ashley is here. I'm so far. I'm like, every time she talks, I'm like, this is time that we could be spending with the other women.

[B]

I like. I mean, I don't mind Ashley. Maybe it's because I know her from the other show, but I think it's funny that they just plopped Ashley in a Real Housewife show, and she's like,

[A]

what the is this?

[B]

She's like, what?

[A]

Feels like she doesn't fit in, you know?

[B]

Yeah, but that's the point. She's a new fish, you know, you got to have Someone being like, these women are crazy. So Liz is like, okay, what you're asking me, is it true if I'm having an affair?

[A]

You.

[B]

No, it's not true. And Rosie's like, yeah, I've heard of a former romance with her best friend. Like, they were calling themselves each other 400 times a month or something. I mean, but like, Liz is 56 years old. Like, she's not really texting that much. Excuse you, Rosie. Old people text.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

So.

[A]

And if you're lucky, they'll text in all caps.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So Alicia's like, well, I'm just asking for everybody else. I know it's not true. She's like, well, we could pretend it is because makes a great story. But now listen, my husband and I have a very close friend, Tina. He's my little brother. I love this person. We also had an unconventional friendship that people didn't understand. Was it completely right? No. Do we have a tour of the fan?

[A]

No.

[B]

Did he stick his penis in my ear canal? You maybe, no. But, you know, he means a lot to me. He means a lot to me. That's all it is.

[A]

Yeah. She's like, we didn't have a torto fare. We didn't sleep together, but it means. Means a lot to me. Was it completely right? No. I'm like, what are you saying? Like, I don't understand. What, you blew him? Did you guys murder someone together? Are you guys, like, in on some crime ring together? She goes, years ago, my husband took up sports fishing. So Jerry was gone three weeks out of four. So when Jerry wasn't there, I'm always like, coutino. And I know people are like, they have this affair. But, like, Alicia should know. This is all she knows. She knows knows, because other people don't know my story. They want to, but time will tell.

[B]

So Kelsey's like, wow, this was a great time, everybody. We cleared up so much. And Liz is like, you know, it's a scary day where people could take rumors and try to ruin lives over it. Like with Alicia say that she was co signing onto a narrative that she was, she knew was false. Said, look, they look at me like I'm scary. But a couple of these girls at the table table, they're capable of much more scary things that I am. What's gonna happen with Lizzo the Woobas?

[A]

We will find that out on the next episode. But in the meantime, thanks everyone for being here. And then we'll be back at 5:30pm West coast time for a Crappy hour where we will be talking about all the latest news in Bravo. And of course, there is a lot these days. Days. So catch us there and thanks for listening and we'll talk to you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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