Watch What Crappens #3304 The Valley S3E02 Part One: Troubled Relationsnips

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: April 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie deliver a hilarious and biting recap of The Valley Season 3, Episode 2: "Troubled Relationsnips". The main focus is on the cast's troubled relationships, specifically postpartum sexual expectations, baby overload, and questionable new romances. As always, the hosts dish out their signature snark and pop-culture wit while dissecting the Bravo cast's messiest moments, flawed thinking, and the current state of Valley living.

Key Discussion Points

1. The Flood of Babies and Postpartum Drama

Timestamp: [02:06]

• The episode opens with jokes about the overwhelming number of babies this season.
• Ben riffs: “You can’t even fuck a pool boy with freedom anymore. You gotta take care of the baby.”
• They introduce the main topics: new parenthood, sexual dynamics after childbirth, and men with misplaced priorities.

2. The Problem with Danny and Luke

Timestamp: [03:54] — [07:04]

• Both Danny and Luke are called out for pressuring their partners into sex soon after childbirth.
• Ben: “The guys on this show are really, notoriously just disgusting.”
• Ronnie points out Bravo might be setting up Danny for a villain edit: “Is this the year Bravo says, okay, we gave you a pass, now get ready?”
• Both express disgust at the disregard for their partners’ emotional and physical recovery.
  • Ronnie: “The last thing she needs is you being like, ‘We need to have sex.’”
  • Ben: “Jerk off, for Christ’s sake. I mean, for such a jerk off, you’d think you know how to do it.”

3. Satirical Valley Lifestyle

Timestamp: [09:29]

• The “little boxes on the hillside” jingle leads to jokes about suburban and Valley living.
• Ben jokes about wanting a kid just for applause: “I would have kids until they stopped laughing at my jokes and then ship them off and have more kids.”

4. Cast Commentary and Casting Grievances

Timestamp: [13:36]

• Debate over cast configuration, missing Sheena, and whether Lala serves as a “uniter”.
  • Ben: “If they’re going to bring Vanderpump people in, just do it. Bring all the desperados.”
  • Ronnie: “Maybe the thought was, okay, we’re gonna cast Lala because the cast is divided…”

5. Kristen & Luke’s Awkward Dynamic

Timestamp: [17:37] — [25:36]

• Recap of Kristen and Luke’s stilted conversation and Luke’s persistent sexual frustration.
• Ben criticizes Luke’s approach: “Instead of begging people to have sex with you, why don’t you make them want to have sex with you?”
• Hilarious riffing about “nanny interviews” and Kristen turning them into FBI procedural cases.
  • Ben: “You should bring people in to interview and then give Kristen the FBI Most Wanted website.” [23:13]
• Commentary on therapy advice shaming Kristen for not prioritizing sex yet:
  • Ben: “I just dropped a fucking baby out of me.”

6. Brittany’s Sensory Room and Zach’s Angst

Timestamp: [25:38] — [29:56]

• Zach visits Brittany, who’s proud of her son Cruz’s new sensory playroom.
• More jokes about the kind of “sensory room” that would have existed when Jax was around.
• Zach discusses his ambivalence about having kids and surrogacy costs:
  • Ben: “If you don’t want kids, you should not have kids, period.”

7. Brittany's Questionable Romance with Brandon

Timestamp: [30:16] — [35:32]

• Zach tries to caution Brittany about moving too fast with her new boyfriend Brandon, who already has two “baby mamas.”
• Ben and Ronnie point out Brittany’s pattern of ignoring warnings (especially in her relationship with Jax) and villainizing friends who speak up.
• Ben: “Just because he’s honest doesn’t mean anything… Honesty means nothing if they’re still disaster.”
• Ronnie: “That’s how Brittany rolls, though… She villainized anybody who said it.”

8. Reflecting on Relationship Patterns

Timestamp: [35:35]

• The hosts contemplate Brittany’s susceptibility to toxicity and the implications for her child.
• Ronnie: “She’s probably susceptible to falling to certain patterns. It probably has to do with daddy issues, yada yada yada. I’m not a therapist, but I am a podcaster, and that gives me some authority to pontificate…”

9. Lala’s One-Year-Old’s Birthday Party Shenanigans

Timestamp: [40:17] — [46:06]

• Lala flirts with the hired lifeguard at her daughter’s birthday party.
  • Lala (mock flirt): “If I didn’t have a child, we would bang right now. Is that something?”
• Ben quips about reality TV bravado: “Still got it. Still, like, you got the phone number from the guy you hired.”
• Jokes about Lifeguard Elijah and Lala’s forwardness.
  • Ronnie: “This is very Lala to pass off her baby to hit on the lifeguard that she hired for a one-year-old’s birthday party.”

10. Relationship Cross-talk and Church Culture

Timestamp: [46:43] — [49:54]

• Michelle and Tom’s potential date gets ridiculed.
• Danny and Nia’s “man of faith” storyline satirically linked to LA’s notorious hipster churches (i.e., Mosaic).
• Ben and Ronnie riff on hot people, young Hollywood congregations, and “thighing” instead of tithing.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ben [03:57]: “Welcome to the valley of the babies and valley of depressing people.”
• Ronnie [04:21]: “Now Bravo has to give a bad edit to someone.”
• Ben [07:08]: “Go jerk off like everybody else, you weirdo.”
• Ronnie [09:29] (on suburban living): “I have the suburban car, so I have a piece of the valley here.”
• Ben [18:09] (on being a fly on Tom’s wall): “You’re just a fly that got the shit lottery if the wall you wind up on is watching Michelle Lally and Tom Schwartz together.”
• Ben [22:11] (Kristen's therapist): “What is 15 minutes out of your day, Kristen? ...Because you’re fucking fired the fuck out of here.”
• Ronnie [23:45] (on Kristen vetting nannies): “I think Kristen would make a great CBS procedural called The Nanny Finder.”
• Ben [29:56]: “I would actually rather throw myself into the LA river than have kids.”
• Ben [32:44] (on evaluating Brandon): “The movie poster is there for a reason… judge them.”
• Ronnie [43:35] (on Janet’s jumpsuit): “She’s wearing khaki, could go either way towards a rhinoceros or there’s Pine Sol.”
• Ben [49:08]: “You guys, I optioned the Bible. I’m not even kidding you.”

Major Timestamps

• [02:06] – Baby overload and introduction of postpartum sexual drama
• [03:54] – Critique of Danny & Luke’s pressuring behavior
• [09:29] – Valley stereotypes, “little boxes” riff
• [13:36] – Casting complaints, Vanderpump crossovers
• [17:37] – Kristen & Luke’s relationship tension, sexual pressure
• [25:38] – Brittany’s sensory room, Zach’s kid anxiety
• [30:16] – Brittany’s romance with Brandon, red flags
• [35:35] – Analysis of Brittany’s relationship patterns
• [40:17] – Lala’s baby's birthday, lifeguard flirtation
• [46:43] – Tom & Michelle, church humor, Mosaic reference

Tone & Style

Throughout, Ben and Ronnie maintain their playful, irreverent tone—mocking cast absurdities, poking fun at Bravo editing, and turning even the bleakest moments into comedy gold. Their humor oscillates between sharp sarcasm, affectionate ribbing, and outright goofiness, with seamless asides and in-jokes for Bravo superfans.

Summary Takeaway

This episode delivers a classic Watch What Crappens blend of shade, social commentary, and Bravo recapper catharsis. It’s a must-listen for anyone following The Valley or interested in reality TV relationship messes—with plenty of laughs, memorable rants, and razor-sharp insights into why some people just can’t stop making the same mistakes (and what makes for perfect Bravo villain fodder).

Want more? Check out Part Two for the rest of the dissection, drama, and trademark Crappens chaos!