#3305 The Valley S3E02 Part Two: Troubled Relationsnips

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens #3305
Episode: The Valley S3E02 Part Two: "Troubled Relationsnips"
Release Date: April 9, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Overview

This episode is the second part of the hosts’ hilarious and ruthless recap of The Valley, Season 3 Episode 2 (“Troubled Relationsnips”). As always, Ben and Ronnie (in their signature comedic blend of praise, ridicule, and evisceration) break down the Bravo drama, focusing this time on fractured friendships, questionable therapy breakthroughs, and the classic mix of damaged relationships and aspiring “modern families.” Key topics include therapy as a relationship tool (or crutch), manipulation within friend circles, inter-relational history, and a running bit about vasectomies.
Expect biting commentary, iconic impressions, and Bravo truth bombs throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brittany, Baggage, and Post-Jax Dating

• [02:08-03:20]
  • Kristen and Brittany’s conversation about Brittany’s new relationship gets dissected, especially regarding baggage from past relationships.
  • Ben & Ronnie highlight how Brittany feels “attacked” over moving “too fast” and having “baggage.”
  • Notable line from Michelle (host):

    “Nobody's baggage compares to Jax Taylor… Jax Taylor is like a cookie cutter, narcissistic, abusive bad guy. And, like, we've seen it before. We’ve seen Lifetime movies.” (03:00, Michelle)

  • Hosts poke fun at Brittany’s confidence that having survived Jax means things can’t get worse, warning her—and the audience—that’s not always true.

2. Janet & Jasmine Attempt Resolution (feat. Taco Flies and Zookeeper Bits)

• [03:46-10:02]
  • Janet approaches Jasmine for an apology about past interferences. The scene is played for comedy, with hosts riffing on the awkwardness and issuing zoo and Universal Studios impressions.
  • They joke about therapy:

    “Someone is delivering the gold medal that Janet’s getting for going to therapy one time.” (05:24, Danny) “I do [therapy] at Dave & Buster’s. Every time I have a breakthrough, I get to roll ticket therapy. Saving up for a PlayStation cover.” (05:35, Michelle & Danny)

  • The actual apology falls flat, as Jasmine sees through Janet’s performance:

    “Janet, making amends does not mean going door to door and using therapy as a victim cloak to shield yourself from any criticism…” (08:53, Danny)

  • The scene ends with Jasmine’s tacos now “covered in flies” after the wasted apology attempt, and the hosts joking that even the flies are having a bad day at this party.

3. Relationship Trajectories: Jesse & Lacy, Brittany & Brandon, and “Greatest Hits” Love

• [11:29-16:11]
  • Jesse and Zach’s drink at The Aviator bar leads to discussion about how exes and long-standing flirtations are being reframed as legitimate, stable relationships.
  • Hosts question the logic of these quick rebounds and point out the red flags for both women involved.
  • Michelle draws a distinction:

    “With Brittany, we see her as someone who is susceptible... before she throws herself back in the dating pool. Whereas Jesse was the narcissist in his relationship. If anything, we should be concerned for Lacy.” (14:19, Michelle)

  • Ronnie suspects these are transparent attempts to legitimize shaky pairings:

    “It seems like they’re trying to make these relationships seem more solid.” (13:51, Danny)

4. Jesse & Lacy: Gold Diggers and Modern Family Dynamics

• [16:11-19:12; 29:46-37:45]
  • Hosts analyze Jesse as a “player and a user” who is clearly trying to move in on Lacy’s wealth, with Lacy maintaining power and boundaries.
  • Lacy calls herself “relatable,” but the hosts laugh at how she name-drops Uno and discusses her 4,000-square-foot home and five bathrooms:

    “Notice the way I reference Uno. People play Uno. That makes me relatable.” (31:07, Michelle)

  • Lacy tells Jesse she’d “never live with another man as long as I have an adolescent child” and would never move to LA, keeping the upper hand.
  • Hosts are surprised by Lacy’s low-key, tough persona—“commanding, busting his balls… not just nice to my face but a bit tough.” (34:21, Michelle)
  • Jesse keeps trying to move in, Lacy remains unmoved, emphasizing independence (and hinting at planned egg freezing for herself, not “them”).

5. Therapy, Apologies, and Performative Self-Improvement

• [05:24-08:53; 21:51-24:38]
  • Running gags about Bravo “therapy” and shallow apologies continue, as Janet tries making amends with Nia (engineered by Lala).
  • The apology-meeting has zero payoff:

    “[Janet] is already dialing the police.” (23:50, Danny)

  • Hosts mock how easily these Bravo “therapy breakthroughs” can become tools for dodging real accountability.

6. “Ballsy” Comedy: Vasectomy Bro Date

• [25:53-29:46]
  • Danny takes Zach along to his vasectomy consult, leading to classic Crappens crude humor and doctor impressions.
  • Hosts riff on how many times he’ll have to ejaculate before being “clear,” with Michelle deadpanning, “It kills me to think Asher won’t have a brother to grow up with. And a lot of people are saying it’s a pretty ballsy procedure. Get that? Ballsy. Ballsy. Vasectomy. Ballsy.” (26:48, Michelle)
  • The doctor is not impressed by the bro humor or Danny’s inappropriate jokes.

7. Nia’s Postpartum Struggle vs. Danny’s Self-Absorption

• [42:49-47:20]
  • Raw discussion as Nia opens up about isolation, postpartum depression, and lack of support in Santa Clarita—while Danny keeps joking about post-vasectomy “bedridden” time and wanting sex 35 more times.

  • “I mean, you force this woman out to this place. She’s fucking miserable. She has no friends, she has no community. She has no village. And then you’re sitting here being wacky about getting off. Yeah. It’s just not... It’s not great.” (46:01, Danny)

  • Hosts express real empathy for Nia and frustration at the men’s cluelessness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Jax Taylor:

  “Jax Taylor is like a cookie cutter, narcissistic, abusive bad guy. Like, we've seen it before. We've seen Lifetime movies.” (03:00, Michelle)

• On Bravo Therapy:

  “Someone is delivering the gold medal that Janet’s getting for going to therapy one time.” (05:24, Danny)
  “I do [therapy] at Dave & Buster’s. Every time I have a breakthrough, I get to roll ticket therapy.” (05:35, Michelle)

• On Shallow Apologies:

  “Janet, making amends does not mean going door to door and using therapy as a victim cloak…” (08:53, Danny)

• On Jesse's Gold Digging:

  “Now suddenly she's good enough because she's rich. So he's like, oh, you live in a mansion in Orange County. I'm in. When can I move in, babe?” (16:11, Danny)

• On LA Therapy & Psychics:

  “What is with all the professionals in Los Angeles right now, the therapists, now we’ve got this crazy crosswalk psychic.” (33:03, Danny)

• On Vasectomy:

  “The doctor was like, ‘You brought a wingman to get a vasectomy?’ I brought my support. My wife’s not fucking me. So that’s where we’re at.” (27:00, Danny)

• On Nia’s Struggles:

  “Everything is on her shoulders…her heart truly breaks for her…the house is a mess…she’s just feeling completely overwhelmed.” (45:00-46:01, Michelle)

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Major Segments & Timestamps

• [02:08-03:20] – Brittany’s new relationship and Jax baggage
• [03:46-10:02] – Janet attempts to apologize to Jasmine
• [11:29-16:11] – Jesse & Zach: The Aviator bar, backstory on Jesse & Lacy, relationship “greatest hits”
• [21:51-24:38] – Janet and Nia: failed apology mediation
• [25:53-29:46] – Danny & Zach: Vasectomy consult, balls jokes
• [29:46-37:45] – Jesse & Lacy dinner at Javier’s: power dynamics, “relatable” privilege, moving in
• [42:49-47:20] – Nia and Danny: postpartum depression, emotional labor, Danny’s obliviousness

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Tone & Style

• Sarcastic, biting, but peppered with moments of real empathy (especially toward Nia and Jasmine).
• Loaded with impressions, recurring comedic characters (“janitor Janet,” “zoo guide Michelle”), and meta-commentary on reality TV tropes.
• Ben and Ronnie’s riffing (“play your fucking bowls!” about the salt cave), keep the tone breezy even during heavier scenes.

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Final Thoughts

This was a classic Crappens episode—a blend of laugh-out-loud impressions and truly sharp, sometimes sobering, pop-culture analysis. The hosts juggle empathy (for Nia, wary of “Bravo therapy”), skepticism (at any apology that feels staged), and savage wit (Jesse’s gold-digging ways). Listeners get both insight into the messy Valley dynamics and classic Ben & Ronnie comedy gold.

Best enjoyed by anyone who loves Bravo gossip, hates toxic apologies, appreciates a good vasectomy joke, and can see through a “relatable” facade from a mile away.

Transcript

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[Michelle]

Hello and welcome to watch what crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[Danny]

Kristen is asking Brittany about her time with Zach, and Brittany's like, well, he was talking about Brandon and, you know, he just, we're not moving too fast. And I just. I feel attacked. I felt attacked. Okay, Janet. Yeah, I was attacked because he was coming at me. And I talked to Brandon about it, and I was like, people are worried because you got baggage. And Kristen's like, well, everyone has baggage. I mean, duh. Yeah, but like, nobody. Nobody's baggage compares to Jax Taylor. Like, let's be real. Actually, I think, yeah, I think, yeah,

[Michelle]

a lot of people.

[Danny]

Three kids with two. I mean, I think three kids with two, two women that you're having, like, really bad relationships with is comparable.

[Michelle]

The reason why we could Always tell Brittany that Jack Taylor was bad news. Is that because he's so not unique? Like, Jax Taylor is like a cookie cutter, narcissistic, abusive bad guy. And, like, we've seen it before. We've seen Lifetime movies. We saw that movie with Julia Roberts. We've just seen, unfortunately, people in our real lives. And this is like, I. I'm a little worried that she is in this kind of post Jack's honeymoon space where she's like, well, I already went through hell. I'll know how to see it. And it couldn't get any worse than that.

[Danny]

So I. I'm.

[Michelle]

I'm fine. It's like, no, actually, there's so many more guys out there like that. Like, just please be careful. I already just don't love that she's kind of saying that she already told Brandon, like, oh, people are worried. Which means she said, my friend Zach came over and he was like, he's just trying to look out for me. But he was like, watch out for you, because you got, like, two kids and look. What do you think about that? Zach's real nice, though. I don't want it to be awkward between you and Zach. Like, he's already kind of pitting them against each other.

[Danny]

Yep, exactly. So Janet comes up to Jasmine, and Jasmine's eating. She's eating alone. And Janet comes up. She's like, I don't want to bug you while you're eating, but do you have a second? Okay. She's like, oh, you're. You're good. You're good. She goes, yeah. Feel free to keep eating. Oh, thanks. You came. You came up to me with half a taco in my mouth. I will. I will. Feel free.

[Michelle]

I just want to say that There is a 1pm opening to view the pandas. Sorry, I'm getting a little bit into costume here. I just also wanted to talk because I.

[Danny]

Would you like a lobotomy? Okay. No. Do you need the bathroom cleaned? Okay. I mean, I can do a lot of jobs today.

[Michelle]

I'm in a universal uniform, and I can't tell which direction I want to go in.

[Danny]

That's the psycho house right over there. You look in the window, you can see Norman's mother.

[Michelle]

So she's like, well, I feel like things haven't been 100% or, like, great with us. And I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And I wanted to apologize again for really just speaking on stuff that I wasn't involved in. And Jasmine's like, thank you. I don't know if this is the time to do it here, but, like, I think that there's a larger, bigger, larger, even bigger gigantic conversation that we need to have to get, you know, to the real root of this. Like, what happened between us. Yes. And I didn't even realize at the time, like, why was I so mad? And then I just started to do therapy and, like, thank God. I'm.

[Danny]

Oh, I'm sorry, Do pause. Someone is delivering the gold medal that Janet's getting for going to therapy one time. I'm sorry. Thank you. I'll be sure to pass that on. Thanks.

[Michelle]

Give me one session in time. More than I thought I could be. Well, I'm in therapy. I do it at Dave and Buster's. Basically every time I have a breakthrough,

[Danny]

I get to roll ticket therapy. Saving up for a PlayStation cover.

[Michelle]

They say that if I can get 20,000 credits, I can have a breakthrough about my childhood. So just fingers crossed I can get there, you know?

[Danny]

And this is one of the things in therapy, you know, for the 10 minutes that I went, I was like, you know, this is. This is unresolved. And I'm very, very bothered by this, you know, because Jasmine, she's always been awesome, this Jasmine, you know, Jasmine smells good. Everybody loves Jasmine. Aladdin love Jasmine. Jasmine. Jasmine. Am I right, everybody? Jasmine. Okay, nobody's gonna cheer, you know, therapy. Because I'm dressed like a janitor. Cheers. With janitors. Sorry.

[Michelle]

But I also could invite people to watch the koalas, so that's kind of cheer worthy. Therapy has been a big help. Just last week when I went to therapy, I came home with a little poofy ball that sort of, I think, was supposed to be cat dog from Nickelodeon, but I couldn't. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but either way, it was really cool. Great, great time.

[Danny]

Therapy is so good. Last time I came back, I was driving home from therapy and I was like, wow, this is a great milkshake. I was like, that was a Shake Shack. It's not there.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I like to go to Joyce and Ruth's, which is kind of like Dave and Buster's, except it's based after Dr. Ruth and Dr. Joyce brothers. Learn so much.

[Danny]

So I realized, you know, last year I was using a lot of words with the intention to hurt. And so I'm really diving into that with my therapist to say, like, how can we work through that where I can express myself or maybe communicate without using hurtful language? And Jasmine's like, huh. Well, you know, I'm right I mean, in my mind, this whole friendship was dead. So it's like, gone, done. So, you know, like, I had a funeral for you in my head. No one came, by the way. It was sad. I felt for you, but, you know, it's a thought. Like, you know, like, before you would have been in my wedding. And I was just thinking the other day, like, look at this wedding that I'm not planning. Like, I'm not even planning on Janet not being there, but she wouldn't be there had I been planning this wedding. You know what I mean? It was, like, so awkward in my head.

[Michelle]

Great. Yeah, Totally get it. And since this conversation seems like it's actually going quite well, I thought I'd derail it a little bit. So I hope we can have some resolute. One thing I would really love us to have resolution on is what time the giraffes are fed, because I was told 4pm and. But I've been telling the groups it's about 3pm I just want to make sure that's okay. It's 4pm Another thing is the conversation at the beach last year was really tough. And. And I was thinking maybe we should talk about it maybe a sixth time, just to really get to the root of it. Do you have any sort of understanding that, like, an apology would be nice for, like, all that shit you called me that day when I came up to you and ganged up on you with my husband conversation that the two of you were having? So you want to say when I

[Danny]

was into your business yet again and stood there like a Karen and tried to force an apology out of you for something that was none of my business. You remember that? Can I get an apology for that? Janet, making amends does not mean going door to door and using therapy as a victim cloak to shield yourself from any criticism and then demanding apologies from people. I mean, you. I think you need to just keep going. Are you going to Kristen's therapist who asked how much is 15 minutes? Kristen, fuck your husband. Is this the same therapist? Because I'm seeing a trend. Maybe you need to go over the hill for therapy. Okay, I'm saying that right now. So Jasmine's like, well, I mean, I was heated because I literally had you two coming at me, and she was, of course. Well, you know, I was heated when I blocked you, and I've done everything that I've done. So she goes, okay. She's like, so, okay. So then baby space is good. Okay. Enjoy your tacos. Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. Coming over Here and demanding an apology. And. And Jasmine's like, oh, well, yep, not going to eat these now because they're covered in flies. Because I stopped talking to listen to this complete waste of an apology.

[Michelle]

The flies are like, wow, we are really striking out today. First we got stuck on the Michelle and Tom dat, and now we got stuck. Listen to Janet.

[Danny]

I'm going back to sir. You know, the grass is always greener.

[Michelle]

I like the taco. Oh, shut up. So then Janet, Michelle, y just don't

[Danny]

understand the Britney fly.

[Michelle]

Brittany flies like, guys, I actually think we should eat more of the tacos. It's really not so bad. The doctor didn't mean anything by. He really didn't. So then Janet, Michelle, and Brittany are all chatting, and Janet's like, well, Isabella, you're the star. Don't you know? That's like, oh, yeah. She is gonna be giving a lot of things. Yeah. It's like, wait, how do you feel about being here with everyone? Janet? She's like, yeah, I feel okay. Jasmine and I talked a little bit. It was okay. It's like, oh, you talked to Jasmine? Yeah, I literally just said that. And I told her I, you know, I would just follow her lead on this. Oh, okay. I just wish everyone would get along. Just be in wonderland, you know?

[Danny]

So Janet compliments Isabella's little shoes, and she's like, well, what are those? Little Dolce and Gabbanas. And Michelle's like, I ate them. It's like, well, I mean, these must have come from Lacy then. Okay, well, if she wants to waste her money on expensive stuff for your kid, why not? And Brittany's like, lacy bottom. This old time, I thought Jesse bottom.

[Michelle]

So now Jesse and Zach go to a drink at a bar called the Aviator, which is basically like an airplane. What? I've always been curious about this bar. It's. It's. I think it's on Beverly or Melrose. And I've been very curious about it. And now I don't know. I'm. I can't tell if I'm more curious or less curious now. But you basically sit in chairs like you're in 1960s airplane. But it's a room.

[Danny]

It's shaped like a plane. It's a set. It's like a plane set that you walk onto. And you even get, like, the coffee, tea, maybe you want to drink today. What can I get you? And, yeah, you sit like you're on a plane. It's the weirdest place. But I love the dedication to camp.

[Michelle]

That's what I like. But I also feel bad for the waiter who's like, I came out to LA to be young and the restless, and now I'm 47 and I am serving these two idiots a cocktail and a fake flight attendant uniform. Okay, so just like, hey, so what happened with Jasmine's acting? Oh, my God. So last night, Jasmine calls me and she's like, lala invited me to the party today. And Jesse's like, oh, so I guess now we're just not good enough to go to Lala's. Like, yeah, right. Like, the sip and sea, like, I feel like we all had, like, entered, like, another dimension and things were, like, happening, and I was like, what's going on? Am I right?

[Danny]

So originally, Zach, Jesse and Jasmine were not invited to go to lala's because she's Team Janet. Oh, Lord. So Jesse's like, well, I was kind of nervous arriving with Lacy. Like, I had, like, sweaty mustache, you know? But you know what? We have a lot of back, a really long backstory. And Zach's like, yeah, because you met when she was like, what, 15, 23? 16. 23. She's 23.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Danny]

You were, like, old. Yeah, she was 23 or probably 4 and I was 30, so. Thanks. But, you know, we were texting every day. I mean, for, like, years, day in, day out, texting, texting. And then I met Michelle, you know. So why does everybody have that? Why do you. Do you think it's fishy that that storyline is now two people? I don't know what I mean by fishy. I just. It seems like people are like, oh, no, no, this is totally normal now because we have a longer history because Britney's doing that too. Like, oh, well, I knew this guy. Like, oh, we're just jumping. We're just going quickly because we've known each other for that long. And that's what he's saying, too.

[Michelle]

That's a great, great point.

[Danny]

I don't really have one. It's just. I. I don't know what my point is, except it seems weird. Like, they're trying to make these relationships see. Seem more solid.

[Michelle]

Well, first of all, we see two people who are incapable of moving forward with their lives. Second, because they're basically retreads back to the greatest. Greatest.

[Danny]

Yeah, it's like throwing the greatest hits.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it's like the difference is.

[Danny]

Called it. They used the now albums, the Now CDs.

[Michelle]

Now that's what I call relationship from the past. Bad decisions. I think the difference is that with Britney, we see her as someone who is susceptible to falling into traps and needs to do a lot of work on herself before she throws herself back in the dating pool. Whereas Jesse was the narcissist in his relationship. And so it's kind of like, if anything, we should be concerned for Lacy. But Lacy also seems like. I feel like Lacy seems to have, like, be. Be the one wearing the pants with Jesse, which is what was surprising, is what we see.

[Danny]

So, yeah, I'm. I'm interested in this because. No, it turns out that Lacy. So he. You know, we heard this stuff from Michelle, like, Jesse, you know, we made a lot of money, and then Jesse just decided to stop working and go party and spend all the money. And I'm still working, and Jesse's out there partying, and I'm trying to ra a baby and this and that, and he's a user, basically. And I think people at the time were like, okay, well, you both seem toxic. Who knows? But now we see him in this relationship, and he's clearly trying to use this woman, like, all the money she got from her ex, it's clear as day. It's even clear to her. So, yeah, it's interesting to see him in this because I think we're seeing him as much more of a player and a user.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I think so. I do think the story of, like, we used to text every single day for years and years and years until I met Michelle is, like, a little bit weird. I think it's. Yeah, I. I don't. I don't understand that. And then, like, Amelie goes back to texting, so I don't know. What. It sort of pings on my radar is like, so you were interested in this girl for all this time, but nothing ever happened with her, but you still, like, engaged with her for years and years and years, and then you just, like, dropped her, which I think is kind of weirdly cruel. I don't know. There's something weird. There's like, a weird element going on here.

[Danny]

Well, she. They both went off and got married and had kids, and she got a lot of money, I guess, in her marriage and her relationship, and so now suddenly she's good enough because she's rich. So he's like, oh, you live in a mansion in Orange County. I'm in. When can I move in, babe?

[Michelle]

Yeah. So he is feeling like he loves this relationship. He says, the thing is about Lacy is I feel that we are equals. And when it comes to conversation and intellect with Michelle, I always felt like she wasn't participating like she was just the kind that was there for the ride. I'm like, cuz, you probably took up all the air in the room and she's probably miserable and she's probably thinking to herself, how can I get out of this stupid conversation about Ayahuasca?

[Danny]

Yeah, Jesse's intellectual conversations. Oh, to be a fly on that wall. They're like I'm stolen taco off my shins from the last party I went to. Leave me out of this.

[Michelle]

The men's coach is putting his palm on the. On the fly's shoulder. Just, just let us know what you think, man.

[Danny]

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[Michelle]

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[Danny]

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[Michelle]

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[Danny]

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That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S.com for hers.com crappens weight loss by hers is not available in all 50 states. WeGovy is a registered trademark of Novo Nordisk. As to get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovy clinical study information, and restrictions, visit4HERS.com yeah, you know, Lacey is trying to take steps to create that modern family, you know, because I know how important it is for Isabella when she sees the two of us together. So he's saying that Lacy says that Michelle was very nice in that conversation. And Zach's like, oh, my God, if I had pearls, I would have grabbed them or gotten a paper towel. Depends on the kind of necklace. But you know what? I was floored that they were talking full Lord, because I'm Zach. Like, that is crazy. I saw two people talking at a party. Whoa.

[Michelle]

And I thought that, like, everyone, like, I thought everything was like the Twilight Zone. Because then I saw Michelle and Tom talking, and I was like, tom, why are you doing that? He's like, oh, yeah. I forgot who it was that said something to me. They were like, oh, Schwartz and Michelle, they should just, like, get together. Then, like, you, Schwartz, Lacey, Michelle should start hanging out. But I went to Schwartz individually, and I was like, you guys should get together. It's like, no. Like, that's like the blind leading the blind. Like, I don't like it. So back to the birthday party. It's still going on, going strong. And Luke pulls over. He's like, pulls over, Tom. He's like, hey, dude, Tom, I gotta tell you something. Right before we left, Chris and I hooked up for the first time since giving birth. I'm like, okay, great. Congratulations. You pressured her into finally having sex before the party.

[Danny]

Arnie is. You're talking to the biggest masturbator in the room.

[Michelle]

Seriously.

[Danny]

Tom's like, why? Why'd you need that? So yeah, he's a creep, Luke. I mean, so Tom's like, I don't know, I'm not a woman. But you know, from what I hear like not being after you have a baby, you're not comfortable in your own skin and you know, you have post mortem and all that stuff. So I guess that's a beautiful thing that you could make her feel comfortable in her body. That probably feels like it's just been dead and is getting judged by coroner.

[Michelle]

Luke is like, post mortem. He's like, oh, sorry, I'm a little boy. Me and Lala are chatting and Lala's like, I feel so weird even talking to you about this, but I want to find like a level grounds for you and Janet. She's like, it's just like a lot of damage that's been on my mind. It's just been done. And like you do really have like, like, do you really have like a change of mind or is it just like performative to like get along in a group space? Like I don't even know. It's like, well I'm advocating for the devil with a Christian woman, so uphill battles for me.

[Danny]

So she's going to make them talk. And he is like, I mean like I just don't like Janet. So she goes in and Jan is like, are you having an amazing day? I've been to therapist once so I talk like this. And Lala's like, yes, but you know it's going to more amazing because you're going to have a conversation with Nia. You know what, she's willing to build a bridge. She's going to build a bridge. And she's like, really? She goes, yeah, I just want you to hear her out. So Lala's basically like, oh listen, Nia's outside, she wants to apologize to you. Now she's selling this to Janet. And Janet just goes, oh, okay. Well I'm happy to hear her out. I'm very happy to hear her out. Should I keep the safari hat on or take it? I mean I'm not really sure how she is around animals. I haven't talked to her for a while so. Okay, I'll go, I'll go. So she goes and they're both looking at each other like hello, hi. Waiting for an apology?

[Michelle]

Yes. And Lala just leaves. I feel like Lala should have mediated a little bit. So she's like, yeah, hi. They're looking at each other and Danny goes, well I know today's Been awkward. If there's anything you want to say or get off your chest, I'm happy to listen. And the justice is like, no. Okay, well, congratulations again. Thank you. I'll talk to you soon.

[Danny]

Talk to you soon. So she goes in. I'm like, she is already dialing the police. Janet. So Nia's like. I mean, normally Janet walks away from conversations when they get tough, but nothing even happened, so I'm not sure. So she goes in, and Lala's like, nia, what just happened? And she tells her. And she's like, what the hell? Because you lied, Lala. No one was willing to apologize. So now Janet pulls the effervescent Jared to the side to have a talk. And they go into a room. They have to have a private room for this discussion. Janet's like, lala pulled me to talk to Nia, and I said, okay. It's awkward. So congratulations on your home and your baby. And if you have anything to say to me. And then she's just staring at me, nodding her head. I mean, if we go below the surface, she doesn't want to talk about what happened.

[Michelle]

So then Nia walks into this room to feed her baby. She's like, oh, sorry, wrong spot. Trying to feed the baby. Jazz like, oh, no, come in, come in, come in. She's like, no, that was awkward. So Janet's like. She's like, I feel like with Danny, Nia, I'm not ever going to be able to win, which is crazy. After you accuse someone of doing sexual assault, like, you just can't seem to ever win them back. Nia. I think I just. I do need to apologize for using words to cause her pain. She's innocent in some ways, but also, defending the behavior is kind of a tough one for me. So I don't know. And then nanny pulls.

[Danny]

I don't think Nia ever defended the behavior. Mia was mortified. Me was like, yeah, you need to just keep apologizing until people are ready to forgive you, sir. Because that's ridiculous. I don't think Neil was ever like, danny didn't do anything wrong. She was like, yeah, Danny did wrong. He needs to apologize. So Nia's like, yeah, that was the show. She's telling Danny about it. And Danny's like, well, I mean, you only talked for two seconds, and then she just walked away there. Not unless they change. There's no conversation unless we get a sorry. By the way, are you ready to get fucked like crazy? Because we are at a party, they have tacos Outside. They get me hard, baby. They get me going. They get me going, girl.

[Michelle]

So now it's another day, and Danny picks up Zach to join him for an appointment for vasectomy. So Danny is like, well, it's only right that you come with me to get my balls checked. We're gonna be ball brothers. Okay? We see flashback to when they got like, scrotum.

[Danny]

Screw talks.

[Michelle]

Screw talks, y'. All. So it's like, yeah, poor Nia. She's having a sad day. Yeah. Probably just a hormone. So sad for her. Okay. I still tried to pressure her to having sex, but, like, she was very sad, you know? Very sad.

[Danny]

Oh, can we stop at this T shirt shop? I want to get one that says this guy with an arrow pointing down, down to my nuts.

[Michelle]

So when it, like, comes to, like, who wanted to push this, like, ball snipping forward, was it like, more you, or was it, like, more like Nia? Yeah, it was Nia. Because you never even crashed my mind to do this. She's like, what, like, you just, like, want to use a condom the rest of your life? No, I just called pulling prey method. You know, there.

[Danny]

That's the thing.

[Michelle]

Like, it kills me to think that Asher won't have a brother to grow up with. And a lot of people are saying it's pretty ballsy procedure. Get that? Ballsy. Ballsy. Vasectomy. Ballsy.

[Danny]

So I was like, oh, God. So they go to the doctor's office, and the doctor's like, yes. You brought a wingman to get a vasectomy? I brought my support. My wife's not fucking me. So that's. That's where we're at. So the doctor was like, all right, vasectomy. And he whips out the little, you know, what do they call it? Like a stat? Like, not a statue, but like a learning tool or whatever. It's, like, shaped like a diorama. And, yeah, he, like, plops it on the table. He's like, all right, vasectomy is 200 years old. You ready for the spiel? I don't got all day. All right.

[Michelle]

The doctor's like, whoa. I've never seen such dark pools behind someone's eyes. Danny. Sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, this is how it works. 200 year old process. We're gonna go in there, cut things off. He's like, whoa. Hi. Hey, Show. So it's just.

[Danny]

Am I.

[Michelle]

Am I still going to be able to, like, you know, just going to take away my testosterone? Like, when you neuter a dog and they become calm Dog. The doctor's like, well, when you're new to a dog, you take the testicles out.

[Danny]

Will I still be able to play baseball? Yes. Will I still be able to drive on the correct side of the street? Or is that. Is that going to mess everything up?

[Michelle]

Will I still be able to do the sounds of zombies?

[Danny]

It's a guy, actually. It's like. Actually, Mia has requested that we snip your balls and your vocal cords. So probably not. Probably not.

[Michelle]

So then the doctor takes Danny, I guess, for the. I don't know. Was this. It didn't seem like this was the procedure. I guess it was just the inspection. So he drops his trousers and he's like, okay, well, yep, there is a dick there and there's the balls, etc. So, yeah, it's pretty nice.

[Danny]

Pretty decent. Okay, got you. Go to Mosaic.

[Michelle]

God, this is good.

[Danny]

So he's like, okay, listen. So I would not exercise for about five or six days and sex. Six or five days, possibly because you're going to be fertile for three months or 35 ejaculates. And then he's like, and who's going to take care of my wife who's going to be a wheelchair after getting fucked for 35 times?

[Michelle]

The doctor's like, ah, first time I heard that one. That's great.

[Danny]

The doctor hates him.

[Michelle]

He hates him.

[Danny]

And so Zach comes in, he's like,

[Michelle]

how are your balls?

[Danny]

Can we find them still? He's like, I found them. They're really big, actually. He's like, oh, my God. Don't eg him on. I love this doctor. This is like the best doctor we've ever seen on here. He's like, wow, big balls. I gotta say, hated the guy. Love the balls. Very, very good balls.

[Michelle]

Now we go to Jesse and Lacy getting dinner at Javier's. Because if you can't be in Orange county, bring Orange county to you. So Jesse, like, they sit down, and Jesse, like, is wearing a baseball cap. He takes it off and he's, like, smiling through rage. And he's like, so I only wore a hat because you told me you were wearing a hat. She goes, I know I lied. Which, by the way, you know, I think this is a point for Lacy. She's like, I am trying to reduce the hair dent, so I'm going to make him have hat head at dinner. Whatever it takes, get rid of the hair dent.

[Danny]

Yeah. She's like, just do not, whatever you do, do not wear a headband, please. So she's like, I lied. Can you Tell. Can I tell you what just happened to me? I was just stopped and accosted by this psychic named Lola, and she says she has something sinister to tell me, and it's immediate.

[Michelle]

Lacy may be one of the strongest women I've ever met, but she's also very classy and a little bougie. I'm like, okay, I'm waiting to see all three of those qualities.

[Danny]

Yeah. She's like, I'm not trying to be bougie. I'm, like, trying the reverse bougie. Uno card, right? Like, when we're out, I'm trying to be relatable. Like, relatable. Who talks about themselves like that?

[Michelle]

See, Notice the way I. I reference uno. People play uno. That makes me relatable. I've never. I'm never trying to be bougie. I have bleach blonde hair extensions, and I have that look. So that's. That's it. And then Jesse's like, yeah, but you do wear Zara jeans. Yeah, but I do only wear jeans from Zara's. I live in Newport coast. I was born in San Clemente. I was like, what? Does Jesse have, like, a kink for robot talking women?

[Danny]

Yeah, there is something that he. Yeah, it's like a kink for odd vocal inflections or something weird. She's like, I was born in San Clemente. My house is nice. It's around 4,000 square feet, and it has five bedrooms and five bathrooms. You guys can Google it. Like, Janet,

[Michelle]

she's. I mean, it is kind of funny, because before, like, when computers used to dictate things, they would sound like Michelle. Like, today I went to the store and I found something. But then, like, they came out, like, in 2010, they came out with the lady in our phones who now speaks like Lacy. So Lacey's just like, the true evolution of computer dictation, which makes sense because she's the. Now the second. Second lady in Jesse's life.

[Danny]

She's up from, like, the refrigerator that knows when it's time to go to the store. She's like, a step up from that. So Lacy's like, anyway, I think I'm still talking about the psychic Lola. She said, I can see you're unhappy in your home. Well, first of all, a psychic just walked up to you in the street and said, hi, my name's Lola. I'm a psychic. You're unhappy in your home. The what is with all the professionals in Los Angeles right now, the therapists now, we've got this crazy. This crazy crosswalk Psychic.

[Michelle]

Lacey, are you sure you weren't just watching Run Lola Run and just thought it was about you for some reason? She told me to run. She told me to run the entire movie. She said I should run. So Jesse's like, well, I mean, the bathroom remodel is taking a very long time, so she's not off. She's like, yeah, like, yeah, but I'm stoked. I love my house. Well, it's a dream house. I mean, in my dream neighborhood. By the way, as long as I have an adolescent child, I will never live with another man. You're a hoarder. I'm not a hoarder. I'm a saver of memories. It's cute, though.

[Danny]

Hoarding is cute. I got married in my 20s. I have a little girl. I got divorced shortly after my dad after. Sorry. I got shortly after my kid. And then I landed on Jesse Lolly. And the producer's like, well, you did well in your divorce, I take it. And she goes, yeah, I did well in my divorce. As every woman should.

[Michelle]

Reverse uno card relatable. Jesse's like, it's like, well, I do know the house next to yours is on the market for rent right now, out of your price range. Haha. I love this.

[Danny]

I love this power that she has over Jesse where she's like, yeah, you're not moving in with me and you can't afford to live in my neighborhood, so stop. Make an effort, okay? Make an effort. Baseball cat boy.

[Michelle]

I actually was surprised that I liked Lacey a bit more than I thought I would. I was gonna be. I was like, ready to be like, oh, this vapid. And I wasn't. I was actually impressed with how she was sort of like a bit more, like, commanding. And she did kind of bust his balls a bit more. But it also kind of gives Michelle some credence when. Credence, when. When Michelle says, like, yes, she's all nice to my face, and you see this nice sweet side, but she's actually a raging. And you can sort of see that she's like, Lacey is a bit tough. I feel like. I think that what we see is that she's not just like, something, hey, how are you? Nice to meet you type, you know,

[Danny]

I think she's very aware that Jesse is using her. I think she. She knows Jesse well enough if she's known him for years, that to know. And he keeps hinting on moving in with her and stuff to her house. He's not like, you want to move into my house? He wants to move into her house. So I think she's pretty aware that he's using her. And she's probably fine to use him too to get on tv, because I'm sure that Lacy has been told her whole life this personality needs to be on television. Okay, can we bottle this and sell this? I mean, yeah.

[Michelle]

I mean, if you tell me she's never auditioned for Real House House of Orange County, I'm like, you are lying. I'm surprised. She was. She probably was in the background for Laguna Beach. If you go back to those reruns, you probably see the background waving at the camera from like.

[Danny]

She's going to be one of those like with Sheena where people are like, oh my God, did you guys know Sheena was on Laguna beach for one episode or whatever.

[Michelle]

So Lacy. Yeah, so yeah, Jesse's talking about like the trying to move in next. He's like, would you ever move out to la? She's not in one million years. Why? Well, my daughter's in the best school, she's got her family. Why would I ever uproot her life for my own selfish well being? It's like, well, I agree. It works exactly how we've always planned it from the beginning. But I think you're a little bit more clingy than I am. I'm super clingy. Regardless of where we live. And I am extremely happy with you, Especially when you smile with your teeth like this. You know when you do that smile thing and you show like a few of your teeth, Isn't it funny? Show your teeth. Show your teeth.

[Danny]

She's like, no. And he goes, well, but you know, I have been working on my complaining and my defensiveness and my stupidity. And she's like, don't call yourself stupid. It's a lack of self awareness. Anyway, gonna do the egg freezing this month. He's like, well, how many we're gonna freeze? She goes, not we, me. These are my eggs. I'm not trying to have a child, especially with a poor person. I just wanna have the option one day in case I meet somebody with a, you know, job. He's like, well, we have a blonde child or a dark haired child. Jesse, she's bleached. You can see her roots. And you're not blonde either. What are you talking about? Do you not even know how genetics work?

[Michelle]

Yeah. He's like, we have the same color eyes because. No, you have black eyes. He's like, yeah, I have a black heart. Don't say that about yourself. Only I can say that. About you. I love you very much. Thank you. I'm trying to be nice.

[Danny]

It's not just in your DNA. I swear I'm really nice and love. God, this scene is killing me, honestly. So it's like two people with no energy talking. So he's like, kiss me. She's like, you have pepper in your mouth. And he's like, I love you. And she goes, thank you again. And he's like, oh my God. Fucking thank you. Always with a thank you. Check please. Jesse, you are not getting that house, so keep trolling.

[Michelle]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Danny]

So now this is very typical of ex model men in la. Just they're trying. It's like the last. It's like, oh my God. It's like the last of it. It's like I've still got a little bit of it. Surely I can get a rich one now it's over. Get a job, get a job, get a job.

[Michelle]

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[Danny]

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[Michelle]

So my butcher box arrived and it was chock full of meat. I had chicken thighs, which I cooked last night by the way, to great effect. I had a whole chicken. There was, there was like lots of stuff in there. It all came refrigerated and let me tell you something, it arrived in the middle of a heat wave that we had last week where it was literally 95 degrees. It was there on my stoop and it was totally fine. I was so impressed with the way that the food was, was packaged and how cold it remained even during transport. For over a decade, Butcherbox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiot free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra, it's everything. Clean whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing as an Exclusive offer.

[Danny]

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[Michelle]

that's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always.

[Danny]

That's butcherbox.com crappins. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent ya.

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[Michelle]

Now Tom and Michelle go to a salt cave in the valley.

[Danny]

Sake.

[Michelle]

Yeah seriously. And they're gonna do a sound bath. Etc. So Michelle is the. The sound bath person in the salt cave is asking if Michelle's gone anything through anything.

[Danny]

Let me just say the salt lake place. I mean the salt lake. The salt lady is like hi guys. Yes, I am wearing the same outfit Janet was wearing in the first scene but that's embarrassing. O so anyway guys, I want to know why you're here today. I'm here to see Little Shop of Horrors. The fuck do you think I'm here for? Play your fucking bowls.

[Michelle]

Yeah, seriously.

[Danny]

You gonna play me a different song on your bowls if I have like a super traumatic issue? Play your fucking bowls. Don't make me. This isn't about. I hate audience participation. Just do your little show.

[Michelle]

Yeah, seriously. So she's. Michelle is talking about how her mom passed away and she also's got just is finishing a nasty divorce and Tom's saying that he's at the end of a very dramatic few years and so they're gonna have a grounded space. So they. They do their whole sound bath thing etc and the two of them basically start to flirt with each other. They're. And they actually have. They do actually have chemistry. It seems like it's like the first time we've seen Michelle truly smile and have like a light hearted conversation with someone that wasn't about Jesse. So you know, I guess there's.

[Danny]

Yeah, I'm not buying this horseshit for 2 seconds so stop wasting my time. Show. So they go through this. This bullshit scene that I'm not buying. Do you have anything else you want to say about it?

[Michelle]

The only thing that comes out of it is that they basically are going to organize a group trip To San Diego. So the first trip of the season.

[Danny]

The very subtle. The very subtle.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Danny]

All this talk about parents dying and, you know, whatever I've got going on in my dirty apartment. I think we should all go on a trip. Okay, Smooth, smooth, Tom. You've been doing this for, like, a hundred years.

[Michelle]

Okay, seriously. Now, we go to Danny and Nia's house in the. In the northern tundra known as Santa Clarita, and they put the kids to bed, and Neil's like, so, how is your appointment? How's everything? Can you please distract me from my emotions and hormones? He's like, well, I really like the doctor. Sort of looked like Martin Landau, if you know who he is. And he's done over this. Over this over 3,000 times. And for the procedure, you have to ejaculate 35 times before all the swimmers are out. So countdown, John. Okay? 35. Under 35.

[Danny]

And meanwhile, she's got a baby on her boob at the moment. And I'm only pointing that out because this guy and his tact. It's like she's sitting there, she's depressed, she's been crying all day, and she's got a baby on her boob, like, literally eating right now. And she stressed that she can't get the baby enough milk and et cetera, et cetera. And he's like, yeah, I gotta ejaculate 35 times.

[Michelle]

Should we start?

[Danny]

Should we start now? She's like, that's great for you. And he's like, and for you. Because then he said, I gotta be bedridden for 10 days, and I can't pick up the kids, and I can't help around the house, and I can't do any carpools or anything.

[Michelle]

Yeah. By the way, we see a flashback that the doctor says five or six days, but Danny's having to add 10 days. Yeah. You know. Know, I'm hoping anything.

[Danny]

Yeah, I'm hoping he's kidding, but at this point, I don't know. So she's like, liar. If a woman can have a C section cutting through seven layers of her body and then walk around the same day, you'll be fine with your balls. And he's like, but women are stronger than man, babe. She's like, I know, but, you know, I'm nervous about my milk. I don't know. She's not latching. He's like, yeah. Guess today was the day, huh? Wanna. You'll forget about it. I just can't stop crying, you know? And it took me two hours to get home because I stopped for 15 minutes because she wouldn't nurse, because she's crying. And then I'm crying. We're both crying. And he's like, guess what else is crying? My dick. It hasn't been doing anything.

[Michelle]

He's like, I'm sorry. So can we go back to talking about my thing I want to have sex shirt 35 more times? Is that okay? So Nia's talking about how, you know, she loves her house up here in Santa Clarita, but she's really isolated. So, for example, she would love to see more of Kristen, and she wants to kind of like be going through the postpartum together with her. And she's just so far away. And she's like, I know I signed up for it and I'm grateful, but just like, the house is a mess. I've got four kids. And like, my heart truly breaks for her because she has all these kids. I think she's getting some help from Danny. I don't think Danny is a. I think that he actually does seem like a hands on dad, but like, still a lot is on her shoulders and she is totally isolated. And this was all his dream to go to this house as it was his dream to have another child. And it's just. I feel like everything is on her shoulders and she has to clean up the house and just. She's just feeling completely overwhelmed by the whole thing. And she's. And on top of that, she's feeling sad because the kid isn't like, it's not. The nursing isn't working the same way as it always has been, and poor girls at her wits end. And then you have Danny being like, so I'm not gonna be able to help you for 10 days because I'm gonna have some ice in my ball. Sorry about that.

[Danny]

Yeah, so she. She talks to him and she goes through all of the things she's been crying over and all the reasons she's upset and she's miserable. She's basically like, I'm miserable and there's a lot on my shoulders right now. And he goes, gosh, babe, you know, focus. What's unimportant? All the love making on the calendar that I started putting together, and he's just smiling and she's like, oh, my God. I mean, I get that he's like trying to be cute, but it's just not cute, Dani. I mean, you force this woman out to this place. She's fucking miserable. She has no friends, she has no community. She has no village. And then you're sitting here being wacky about getting off. Yeah. It's just not. It's not great.

[Michelle]

I thought the scene was gonna end with him make cracking that joke, but being like, I'm just kidding, you know, I'm there for you're my number one priority. Whatever you need. But it. He really was kind of serious. He was like, yeah, but what about the love making? That's what God teaches us. Yeah.

[Danny]

And he's just sitting there smiling, and she's, like, looking down, just nodding like, okay. I mean, Danny, like, you're basically begging for this to end. You know, I feel like every man on this show is just like, well, leave me then. You know, like every single. Like no one seems to really understand what the they're even doing. My God, what a bunch of inept losers.

[Michelle]

Danny, I don't know. He scares me. Like, you just. Those eyes. I swear to God, he sits there with that big smile, but his eyes. There's like no whites in his eyes. It's just like two pools of blackness. And I'm like, there's something, like. I've always gotten this vibe from him, like, this guy is not as nice as he appears. I'm like, I'm telling you, there's something. Something is up with this guy.

[Danny]

Yeah, well, I guess time will tell everybody. Thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you a little later today with the recap of Southern Hospital. Talk to you later. Bye.

[Michelle]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

[Danny]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Michelle]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly. Clap.

[Danny]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Michelle]

Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no Trickolas. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go. We all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no last namey.

[Danny]

Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Michelle]

She's not a McBee. She's a McBride. Jess McBride. She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Danny]

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera sera. Whatever Will be. Will Lauren Sills be. She gets a name from us. It's Lindsey D let's give a Kisserino to Lisalino Fred as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry Aren't you glad?

[Michelle]

It's Marianne Ahrens Megan Berg.

[Danny]

You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Michelle]

This is Living with Michelle Vivian I

[Danny]

love Aya Olivia Williamson she sure is swell It's Raquel yes, we canna It's

[Michelle]

Savannah Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman

[Danny]

let's share with Sharon Eldridge Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium spot sponsors She's

[Michelle]

VVIP It's Amanda V. Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva let's get real with

[Danny]

Caitlin o' Neal Put us on a stretcher It's Charlotte Fletcher Hogle your horses It's Christine Hogle don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides who, what, why, where?

[Michelle]

And Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall we got our wish. It's Jen Plish My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo let's get savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy Always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani Roger that. It's Marlas Rogers the incredible edible Matthew

[Danny]

S sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose she's the lady of the house It's Rachel Charouse There's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's our princess It's Rebecca Prince Maximum love

[Michelle]

for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee

[Danny]

It's Sarah Lemke we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah tell of son Shannon

[Michelle]

out of a can and Anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla playing Strike a

[Danny]

pose It's Tori Rose she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. She's the lady of the house It's Rachel Sharous.

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[Michelle]

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