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A
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Offer is valid for limited time. Terms and conditions apply. Who cares what happens when there's so much. That happens?
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B
Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.
- [02:24]
A
Hello, Ronnie.
- [02:27]
B
How's it doing today, baby?
- [02:29]
A
Doing great, thanks.
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B
Doing great.
- [02:31]
A
How about you? Yeah.
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B
Well, let's ruin it. Just kidding. I'm doing good too. Everybody welcome. It's Below Deck down under day here on Watch what Crappens. If you want this on video, go to Patreon. That's where you get videos and bonus episodes. This week we're doing Top Chef. You also get ad free listening if you'd like that, you also get Discord Server. You know what? So much goes on. Free newsletter every week. Go check it out over there. This is Below Deck down under Season 4, Episode 11, Soapy Eggs.
- [03:03]
A
Soap. Yeah.
- [03:04]
B
Wow.
- [03:04]
A
Soapy eggs. This. This episode gave me a lot of anxiety, I have to say. It was really good. It was. There's so many disasters left and right. It's like, why can't anyone do their job right? It's like, you guys have some. Some very simple tasks. Just do those things. Why are you up? These basic elements. And also, I was really surprised about these gays on two fronts. First of all, that the twink was actually more or less like a nice guy. I was surprised. I thought he was gonna be just obnoxious.
- [03:35]
B
They're pulling that a lot lately where they're like, this person's gonna be an. And then they're like, nope, they're great.
- [03:42]
A
There are like, very nice twinks. But also, I don't think we're allowed
- [03:46]
B
to say twinks anymore. Somebody made that recently. Yeah. You know that, right? Let me. I'm. No, right now. Yes, it's very problematic. Twins is a bad. I'm looking at. Trinks is a bad word now. Some youthful person, I'm sure ruined it. Is the word twink a slur?
- [04:06]
A
That is so wrong.
- [04:08]
B
Yeah, well, my niece told me this. It's very offensive to me. But people on Reddit are saying it's not a slur. But that was two years ago. So I think maybe it's.
- [04:18]
A
I think it's still a straight people to say it. Maybe it's offensive for, like conservatives.
- [04:23]
B
Okay, maybe it looks like twink or that gay ass twink. You know, maybe you could make it more offensive. But I've never thought of it as a slur. I mean, I've thought of it as a goal.
- [04:35]
A
It's just a category. Twink bear meow is in between. But so what I was surprised at the big thing of this episode is that you have this rich twink with Ivanka Trump's face. And. And I don't normally face shame, but he actually crafted his face to look like that. But he's very nice. And his whole thing is that he is gonna sneak on his glam team and surprise everyone being in drag or something. And so the entire boat has to keep it secret. And what I thought was funny was I thought they were all going to be just lounging about having their evening, and then he was gonna come out in drag and be like, oh, My God. The star of our charter, the primaries in Dragon. But it was actually a drag dinner. So the big surprise is that he just had really good drag makeup. And I was like, really? Is this. Is this what we're hanging on to as the big reveal? Like, they all did, like, real pretty good. They all did good makeup, and his is, like, really good makeup, so.
- [05:39]
B
Aha. Yeah. I was really confused about the point. Like, was it that. Because he wasn't trying to keep the glam person secret in general, because the glam person had dinner with them, So I thought that he was. He was getting a glam person so he could look better than everybody else, and they could be like, oh, my God, he's so good at his makeup or whatever. But he outed the glam guy. Anyway. I was just very confused. Like, how is it. How is you buying yourself a present, a surprise for everybody else? It's like when Quad got herself Alexis, and presented it to herself at her own party on Married to Medicine and then cried about it. That's what this is. Like. You bought yourself something. What's the surprise? For me?
- [06:19]
A
Yeah, I was. I just. I. I felt like the stakes were much lower than they were. I. I really thought it was going to be. They were all going to be in their bathing suits, sitting around the table, and then, boom, here comes our primary in gorgeous drag. And that would be the aha. Moment. But it was like, no, actually, almost all of us are in drag, and you just. Your drag is just, like, a little bit more polished. Like, the surprises. Aha. Get. You thought I was just gonna have average drag makeup, but mine is actually pretty good drag makeup. You've been got.
- [06:53]
B
Yeah, I was. I was with you. I didn't really understand, and I was like, am. I just. Have I had a time in my life where I'm not gay enough? Like, there was something I was missing. I was like, did I. Am I not. Did something happen to my gayness? Like, I didn't really understand. I didn't understand it. Yeah. Like I said, I just thought he was trying to. To look like he did his own makeup. I don't know, Whatever. But, you know, these young gays, here they are. You know, Ellie didn't understand either, and she tried to murder them all with dish, you know?
- [07:23]
A
Yeah.
- [07:24]
B
And is that, like, some bigotry, you know, homophobic? Have to wonder. You have to wonder, you know, someone who brags about cooking for Putin is trying to now kill gays with dish soap. So I'm not pointing any fingers, because I'd probably die. I'm a gay, so I'm not going to point the fingers, but, yeah, you had to. You had to wonder. So his first night of charter, they're having a beach picnic, and Daisy and Alicia are still talking about Joao because Alicia now hates literally everybody for no reason. But now she's mad at Ellie for telling her off, so she's going to try and hook Joao up with Daisy to get back at Ellie.
- [08:05]
A
Yeah, it's very. It feels like a very period film that feels like Downton Abbey almost or something. So Daisy. Yeah, down, scabby. Daisy's like. I mean, I don't really know about Ellie and the Wild thing, so I can't talk about it. She's like, well, I heard there's a great find that he doesn't really like her. He fancies you. He wants to take you to the big dance. And she's like, well, now I'm gonna start. Ellie's gonna stop me in the eye.
- [08:35]
B
She's like, go get the man. Go get him. She's like, no, I'm being dead serious. She really locks up. She's gonna. She's gonna bake him a birthday cake. I mean, if he did say that, Ellie can never find out. Don't ever let the Countess find out
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A
or we're all dead.
- [08:49]
B
The entire court is dead. You saw what happened to the jester, didn't ya?
- [08:54]
A
It's flattering to hear that Joao has a thing for me, but, like, Ellie marked her territory, so they need to sort that out. And then also, Ellie's petrifying, so Joa's like, daisy, Daisy, the tender. The tender. The zim tender is on the way with Ben. Get ready for it. So meanwhile, the gays are at their. Their table on the beach talking about dicks, I think. Was this when. Oh, yeah, this is when there's a. This story about how that one of them met Luigi at an orgy. This guy Nick says, the first time I met Luigi was at an orgy and he drops a towel and. And I have never seen anything like this in my life. It was like an animal balloon, you know, like. You know, like balloons, you know, when they make them at the fair. So I then looked at Miguel, the boyfriend, and then he takes off his towel and it's twice the size. It's twice the size. I go, tyler, I have to fuck up for a little bit. Excuse me. What the.
- [09:50]
B
I'm really glad I met all my friends at Improv. I can't even imagine meeting my friends in an orgy. I just can't imagine any of us in an orgy. Like, whoops, drop my towel. My friends would be like, oh, geez, God. I mean, I feel like true friends are horrified to see you naked. Is that just my friend group? I feel like all of us would be like, ronnie, no, please, please put it down. No one needs to see it.
- [10:18]
A
You know, it, like, begs a question, because I've never been to an orgy. There was one time I felt like if I. I was like, at some party and I got the sense that this is about to turn into an orgy and I left. But I've never been to an orgy. And it makes me wonder, what is that orgy denouement? Like, where, like, you've all just been fucking? At a certain point, someone just sort of, like, flopped backwards. Like, well, okay, who wants to get food? Like, it's super weird.
- [10:46]
B
Yeah, it's super weird. I went to one when I was younger and it was, you know, it was definitely weird. And that's part of it. It's. The energy is just so weird. Like, some people are fucking and some people are, like, sitting around talking, you know, and some people are smoking outside, and then. Then they go back in. And then some people are really desperate and just looking for someone, but nobody really wants to fuck those people. And they're just, like, sitting there kind of desperate. Like, I don't know, like monkeys in a cage, like, just flashing at you and stuff. It was definitely bizarre energy. I only went once, and I was like 22 or something. And I was like, I don't know if that's. I don't know if that's really. For me. I'm like, too critical, but also. I'm too self critical, but also I have to have, like, the right mood. I can't just be. And it doesn't mean it has to be romantic or something, but just like, oh, hey, you know. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I like that movie too. Should we. Like, I'm just not.
- [11:41]
A
Well, it's also like that.
- [11:42]
B
It's weird. I don't know. Like, there should be something else attached to it other than just like, let's. Right now in front of those people, you know? Right.
- [11:52]
A
Yeah, I just. I just, you know, for my. For my hookup era. I just remember when you're done hooking up with someone, you have that, like, sort of awkward banter until it's just someone gets. Someone leaves, you know? And I just can't imagine doing that, like, you know, en masse, like, you know?
- [12:09]
B
So what do you do?
- [12:11]
A
Yeah, like, it just turns into like a network mixer. I mean, like, it's one thing to have like the sex on mass, but then eventually you have to have the post sex banter, awkward banter on mass. And it's like, it's bad enough when it's just between two people. Like, I can't imagine between like 13.
- [12:30]
B
Yeah. You know, I think it's just one of those things. It's like a KitchenAid mixer.
- [12:35]
A
Okay.
- [12:35]
B
I only really want it when it's like, being used. When it's not being used, put it away. Like, I don't want to see it sitting out on the counter, all that. It just bothers me. It's like, look, it's that thing on the counter again. I could have so much more counter space without that fucking thing here, you know? But then when I want to make cookies, I love having it. And like, I know that there are fashionable ones that look better out all the time, but I just, it's. I'm like the same way with a wiener, you know, Unless it's peeing or fudgeing, I just have no need for it. It's like, you're flopping on my couch, you know, Like, I don't want to clean my couch. What if your wieners dirt? You just had sex with somebody, get your wiener off the couch. Right, right.
- [13:08]
A
Yes, fair point.
- [13:10]
B
Yeah, thank you. Well, so anyway, yeah, they met with your sponsorship.
- [13:15]
A
We look forward to your sponsorship.
- [13:19]
B
So Luigi, you know, made a big impression. Literally. And yeah, this. This friend group. Wow. So Tyler's like. But, you know, like, you know, he wanted to fuck him, but we were staying at the rest and it's like 3am And Luigi goes, yeah, well, I've wrote a big dick or two too. And like, oh, my God. Cheers to big dicks. Yes, Luigi.
- [13:41]
A
So, I mean, I almost see. I instinctively said Mario after saying Luigi Captain Jason, he's gonna suffer from that
- [13:48]
B
for the rest of his life. And I don't care how many people say Luigi has a big dick. Luigi has a big dick. Everyone's like, Mario's is better. Everyone.
- [13:57]
A
Yeah. Yeah. That's unfortunate. It's unfortunate. I'm sure there's some really disturbing, like, Mario and Luigi incestual gay porn cartoons on the Internet, by the way. So everyone go have fun with that. So Jason's watching the beach picnic through his.
- [14:12]
B
Spoken like someone who's never googled it with Safe search turned off.
- [14:16]
A
No, I definitely think I have. I for sure have. I could do it right now.
- [14:20]
B
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Vanderpump Villa's back. And this season it heads to the English countryside at Rosecraft Park, a new playground for luxury, indulgence and plenty of chaos, all under the watchful eye of Lisa Vanderpump. A pop.
- [14:41]
A
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- [14:52]
B
And this season comes with a twist. The villa becomes a full blown reality crossover event with guest appearances from the Bachelor, Love island, the secret lives of Mormon wives, and more, turning every stay into its own unforgettable spectacle.
- [15:05]
A
So pour yourself something decadent because the drama and the tea will be served.
- [15:11]
B
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A
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B
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A
first month of online therapy. So Jason's watching is like, this is going great. And Jenna goes on to a break and Joao is getting a bonfire going. And Alicia is now being sort of like she really is being a little gossip with Daisy and she is trying to really push this thing. She's like, were you looking for Joao in the bushes? She's like, actually, I really feel like I need to bring it up with him about the L A thing, so. You absolutely should, but you should do it over a glass of wine. What is just you and him has the sun's going out? No, absolutely not. Alicia. Get out of my face.
- [16:32]
B
So now she's standing by Joao and they're trying to make romantic small talk and she's like, are they excited by your fire? He's like, oh, so excited. Not as excited as me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Why are you an arsonist or a pyromaniac? Why are you excited about the fire? He's like, ha. I'm not an arsonist. I just appreciate fire. Ha ha ha ha ha.
- [16:55]
A
Some.
- [16:56]
B
You don't have any chemistry. Yeah, a Simpsonist. You guys don't have any chemistry either. Stop it. You don't all have to have a relationship just to be on below deck. This is uncomfortable.
- [17:09]
A
Yeah, please don't Please don't. So then they're cooking more and more, and the Ben's putting out lobster and baby back ribs and everything. And Ben is telling us tonight, really super casual grid lobster grilled ribs. A little. We're gonna finish it off with a little foam. Literal foam from doan washing liquid. But I love cooking barbecue. It's enchanting. Darlings like, okay, great. Thanks, Ben. Insight into your process.
- [17:40]
B
And now there's a fire dancer coming. Woohoo. A fully clothed fire dancer. And I was actually glad one of the gays complained. They're like, he's wearing too many clothes. Because. Yeah, who's seen a fire dancer in a full jumper? That was so. I was like, are you going to about to fix a face? A spaceship? What is that uniform?
- [17:59]
A
It was like a unitard or something. Was he about to do some CGI work? He's like, hello.
- [18:04]
B
It wasn't even that. It was like a full uniform for something.
- [18:08]
A
It was crazy. I had the same thought. I was like, so you're not shirtless? I mean, what's going on here?
- [18:15]
B
Do you repair trains when you're finished fire dancing?
- [18:19]
A
I know, it was so bizarre. Then on the boat, Eddie, like, cuddles with Jenna in her bed. So I guess they like. They like it. It's fine. Everything's going fine with them. And she tells us and yeah, I think it's difficult to make close connections that are genuine because you're kind of forced to be with each other. And with Eddie, he's sweet and compassionate, and when he speaks to me the way he likes me, it feels. God, like he has no money. Don't forget your goals. Come on, aim higher.
- [18:47]
B
Yeah, she totally forgets. But, you know, maybe she's just looking at him as, like, a temp. I hope, because yikes. Like, I was just flirting with Alicia five minutes ago. She's like, when he's not making you cry, he makes you feel good. Stop falling for these fake nice guys. Don't believe it. So then we go back to the beach, and the fire dancer is dancing. The guys are complaining that he's wearing too many clothes. And. And Ben's like, wow, that caused a nut bag. And so now it's time for the guests to get to Spitfire. And so they're supposed to, like, swallow gasoline and spit it back out, but these are these gays, so they just keep swallowing. I mean, it's. It's so awkward. Just don't walk by the fire. There's gonna be a lot of exploding.
- [19:36]
A
Anuses yeah, there's a lot of, like, sound effects. Then Ben goes back onto the yacht and says hello to Betul. I think maybe the first person who's talked to Betul in about six weeks. And she's like, how was it? He goes like, dude, it was sick. It's like a dream come true for any chef to cook a whole bunch of ribs for gays who only want to have a few nibbles because half of them are gonna be bottoming tonight. Okay, so how's everything with you?
- [20:05]
B
They kept picking up the bones from the baby back ribs and comparing them to their own ribs. It was actually quite fascinating.
- [20:14]
A
They were doing some sort of tests with Luigi's manhood. I don't understand it. They're comparing bone sizes.
- [20:20]
B
One of them actually called a baby back rib fat. It was very awkward. So they come back and get warm towels and stuff. And then the guests are like, oh, my God. And so someone says, who's Ms. Bean? And they all shout, bean. Bean. Bean. And they're like, what's her actual name, though? Like, Alicia. So they call her Ms. Bean, which is kind of funny. I wonder if that's like, Mr. Bean.
- [20:46]
A
I'm wondering.
- [20:46]
B
Or is it just a cute name?
- [20:48]
A
Maybe she sort of has. If you think about it, she sort of has the look of Mr. Bean. Sort of like, ooh. Or maybe these gays are just like, she's British, just like Mr. Bean. Let's call her Bean. It really could be as simple as that.
- [21:03]
B
Yeah. So Joao, Alicia and Mike are cleaning up at the beach. And Alicia's asking how the boat was with no one there. And Mike's like, didn't do much to be eldest, kind of two, three out of back. Took. Took that. Are you being serious? He's like, yeah. Me and Eddie went in the sauna. We're in the sauna together. It's got quite a big one. Are you taking the piss? Do you think the captain's gonna let me and Eddie sit in the sauna? Come on now. Come on now.
- [21:27]
A
The less he does, the more I have to do. It's actually impossible for Mike to do less. And he's like, well, Alicia takes life away too seriously. Relax, Everything's going to be okay. So the guests are getting in the hot tub and Joao and Ellie are talking. And she was like, hello, how is it going?
- [21:43]
B
Oh, hello. How was the beach?
- [21:45]
A
It was pretty hectic. How are you? Good, good. Chemistry just exploding off the boat.
- [21:53]
B
So now Mike, Daisy and Alicia are by the bar talking, and Daisy's like, mike, you just concentrate on cleaning up. And he's like, but I've cleaned up the whole boat there. Well, that's your job, Mike. No, it's not my job cleaning the boat. I've got various jobs on the boat. I'm not clean. I'm a Dexter 6. Young girl. God damn it. Follow instructions, Mike. That's it.
- [22:14]
A
Mike is definitely developing ego, and if he doesn't stop, it's gonna cause a problem. He doesn't want a problem with me. So Daisy goes to bed and Alicia's bringing drinks to people in the hot tub and everything. And she's offering drinks and water and everything. And then Spencer's like, wait, who's the other crew that we were talking to? And they're like, Jenna. Like, she go, yeah, Jenna. She's funny. I love Jenna. Oh, should we tell her? She had a different reaction about you. We went to her and we were like, Ms. Bean was breathing fire out of her mouth. And she was like, of course she was.
- [22:50]
B
Why is that so bad? I don't think that was bad. When she said that. She's like, of course she was. That could just mean like, she's a party girl, you know. Of course she was breathing fire. But like, oh my God. She said you have really bad breath. Like you're a fire breather. Oh my God, she was horrible.
- [23:04]
A
So at least Alicia's falls right into the trap. And she's like, she's only butt hurt because she's in housekeeping. I could say much more, but I'm not. And they're like, oh, my God, please do we love our fire breathing Ms. Bean.
- [23:17]
B
Yes, Queen. She's like, no, I'm gonna go to bed. She's like, no, no, I'm gonna go to bed. Like, oh, God. Well, that was a fail. What a loser. This means sucks. She only fight with anybody. So then she goes downstairs and she's mad. She's like, well, that girl can off then. So now it's the next one. And we keep seeing her move this penis pillow. By the way she keeps. Who's penis? I don't even remember whose that is anymore. It was someone. Alicia, right?
- [23:44]
A
It was. No, it was Jenna. Someone from the last charter. I don't even remember who was on the last charter. Oh, it was those gays. Remember the gays that got married? They gave Jenna the rainbow colored, you know, plushy penis. They gave it to Jenna. And Jenna's like, look, they gave me this gift. And Lisa's like, no, I want it. It's mine. And so Elisa keeps on taking it from Jenna, and it's outrageous. It's totally like. It's crazy. She just keeps on taking it. And I don't think she's taking it as a joke. I don't think this is like a funny hide and seek. I think she's literally like, this is mine. I said I want it. It's mine now.
- [24:19]
B
Yeah, it's funny how people can really brainwash you just by doing the same thing over and over. Because now I'm like, maybe it is Alicia, because she keeps taking it back. So Maybe ownership is 9/10 of the law.
- [24:32]
A
Yeah, well, that's why people repeat things over and over again, to kind of brainwash them. By the way, everyone, we have a patreon. Patreon.com. watch what crappens.
- [24:44]
B
That's where the word meme comes from. That's what memeing is when you just keep saying something over and over until it spreads, and then before you know it, you're making $19 trillion a day on Patreon. Patreon. Patreon. Patreon. Ms. Bean. Patreon.
- [25:00]
A
So Patreon. So Ms. Patreon goes to bed and steals the stuff. Patreon.
- [25:08]
B
Patreon saw Patreon as an orgy and was like, oh, my God, Patreon stick us so big. So Patreon or G. Joao and Mike are on deck and Joe's like, oh, I've talked to Elena about. Oh, God, I'm. I'm treading on. I'm treading on dangerous water. He's like, oh, head's not there. Your head's not there, is it? Maybe I've got a chance at her. Just point her towards me. My mate, he's like, no, no. You know when you let something happen and you're like, shit, I should have stopped before it happened. But you can't help yourself. Yes, Joel, it's called ice cream, okay? Not women, okay? It's called, you know, cocaine on a night out. I wasn't going to do that again. And then you do. It's not someone else's feelings, you shit.
- [25:52]
A
Yeah, it's called Mike's haircut. Like, should have stopped before it happened, but you can't help yourself. Yeah.
- [25:59]
B
And Mike's like, just be honest. Just be honest about it. If you think it's out there, the chat with Ellie probably needs to happen. It needs to happen. He's like, ah, now. It needs to happen now. Now. Now. Today. Right now. Right now, Patreon.
- [26:14]
A
I've developed Zim feelings for Daisy. And it's only fair to everyone that I clear things up with Ellie. I don't know how she's going to take it, but if I don't stop it now, I'm fucked. So I will sit her down and have a clear conversation with her. That will make sense to her. And we will be. We'll leave the conversation on the. On the exact same page. So Joao's like, I can't keep it going because it will just get worse. I love when Joao pretends to be passive. I'm like, you're the boson. Or you're not even the boson. You're the first engineer. You're. You're a captain of a ship, and you're. You're having us believe, like, oh, I don't know what to do. I. You know when you get strung into something and you can't help it? Oh, no, shut up.
- [26:49]
B
You know when you take off every bit of your clothes and get completely naked for a lady to massage you that you know, likes you, and then encourage her to make you a birthday cake and then cuddle with her when she comes to get into your bed? Also, Ellie claims that she didn't just walk into his room and get into his bed. He said, come in for a cuddle. And they cut that from the show, apparently, if you believe that. So that's what she said, because she's on. She's on Reddit. She's like, I like that. Ellie's like, listen here, Reddit. And, like, she'll go and correct the. Correct the fucking record. But apparently he asked her to go in there, so now he's acting like, oh, it just happened to me. Oh. Oh, no. Poor Chihuahua. Someone came into my bed. And, you know, because people were saying that after that episode, they're like, oh, my God, this is assault. Ellie's just going into someone's bed. Which. Okay, guys, calm down. Like, he clearly, like, started cuddling with Ellie the second she got in that bed. But she's like, no, no, he asked me to go in there. So. Please, Joao, spare me.
- [27:48]
A
Seriously. So in the. In the room now we see. This is when Alicia steals the rainbow penis again. And then Tyler and Jason are in the bridge, and Tyler's like, so, Captain Jason, wait, the door. Okay. Is it closed? Okay. Okay. This is really important. I. I want to make sure no one knows that I'm secretly getting slightly better makeup. Okay. Okay. So we're doing the drag night for everyone, and everyone is supposed to be doing their Own makeup. Okay. It's like, that's right. So when does your makeup artist arrive? Like, around 1ish. And I begged him to do this. I begged him. I said, I need to have marginally better blush than everyone else. I paid him $12,000 for the effort. So I need to sneak him in. And I really appreciate you being able, being so accommodating and making this happen, because I don't want anyone to get wind that I will have just, you know, slightly, you know, if you look closely, better mascara on. It's so important to me. Thank you.
- [28:39]
B
I love that this guy's such a diva, that he's like, okay, guys, I'm going to be in the bridge doing the scene with the captain. I'm going to need some iced coffee. And people checking on me. They bring him an iced coffee while he's in there. And then Daisy comes in. She's like, oh, we're going to do a breakfast at 9:30. Does that work? And he's like, hi ho, ho. Hi ho, perfect. Okay, great. All right, then. Everyone will be eager to get in the water. Snorkels on, see some turtles, sneak the makeup artist on. They'll be none the wiser. What? They'll be none the while. I can't. I'm so in on this secret makeup person. I still don't really understand it, but, you know, be gay. Go gaily onward.
- [29:17]
A
So then they're like, okay, great. It's like, okay, well, we'll need to get this absolutely right. So the guests are now asked for breakfast. And Ben's like, all right, honey schnuckums, could you just put some olive oil onto the eggs and serve them just a simple olive oil on eggs than much.
- [29:40]
B
So, yeah. So she does. She picks up what looks like olive oil and squirts it all over the eggs. Also. I don't know that you should be squirting olive oil all over the eggs anyway. You have complaints about runny eggs? Why are you squirting olive oil all over the top of eggs? Do you do that? Never heard of this.
- [30:01]
A
I can sort of see if it's like a seasoned olive oil with, like, some stuff in it. Like, it can kind of make it nice. I. I don't think it's. I don't know if it's necessary, personally.
- [30:11]
B
I mean, maybe to cook the eggs in. Obviously, I've heard of that, but I've never heard of it. Just squeezed on top. I mean, I don't know. Maybe. I'm not sure.
- [30:17]
A
Garnishy Thing or whatever.
- [30:21]
B
I don't know. So Tyler's like, guys, does your egg taste weird? Because my eggs taste like dish soap. And they're like, well, what flavor is it supposed to be? Just like, not dish soap. Okay, so the guest is like, yeah, Daisy, this tastes like dish soap. So could you bring Ben? So Ben comes up and he's like,
- [30:43]
A
hey, what's going on, boys?
- [30:46]
B
Did you put dish soap in the eggs? Because it tastes like someone actively put a whole thing of dish soap in it. I'm not sure that it's supposed to be eaten. I just blew a bubble out of my butthole, so.
- [30:59]
A
And Ben has this. Because Ben tastes it and he has this look on his face like, oh, He is totally, totally like, let me go down. I'm going to check this. I'm really sorry about this, boys. So he goes downstairs and he's like, is it true? He's like, what? That this is washing up liquid? You put lot washing up liquid on the eggs. Oh, it's a shame. The good eggs. In all my years being a chef, no one has even found a hair in the food. So apparently the olive oil is in a squeeze bottle, and the soap, which is the same color as the olive oil, is also in a squeeze bottle. And they're both by the cooking stuff, and neither are labeled.
- [31:51]
B
This is so crazy. When we see that squirt bottle, that that's what they keep dish soap in. Why? Why would you. I mean, I know why. Because they come in big, industrial, you know, size things. You put it. What? And this is why. They make dawn, like, crazy blue or like, crazy, you know, nuclear waste colored green. Why are you using soap that looks like olive oil and then putting it in an olive oil squeeze? Come on.
- [32:19]
A
Yeah, yeah. That's just. That's just bad. That's just really bad.
- [32:24]
B
Ellie's face. Ellie is horrified because there's no getting out of this, you know? She's like, oh, my God, I'm getting fired. Everything is going in slow motion right now. I'm running, running in the field. Very slowly. Huawei is coming to me with a ring. I am pregnant. I'm having a baby. Wait, slow motion, but fast forward, too. Oh, the baby is made of soap.
- [32:47]
A
Oh, God, the genetics. I merged my genetics with soap.
- [32:54]
B
Oh, no. My baby came out aloofa. I wasted my chance.
- [33:00]
A
Oh, it's like the Fly, except it's with soap.
- [33:05]
B
Goldblum is her baby.
- [33:07]
A
He's like, oh, hey there.
- [33:10]
B
A little soapy down here.
- [33:15]
A
You thought about everything you could do but you never thought about if you should do it. So Ben is like, well, it's a shame because they were really good eggs. I'm like, it's a shame because the guest just ate soap, not because they were good eggs.
- [33:27]
B
He's like, I finally got my eggs back. My egg game is finally back, and now they're poisoned. And I love when everybody's like, oh, guys, we accidentally put soap in the eggs, so everybody wants to taste the eggs. Stacy's like, I'll tell you. Let me take some. They just told you there was soap in there?
- [33:45]
A
Yeah. I have to say, these guests were remarkably chill about it. They were like, oh, my God. Well, I hope it's not toxic. They were just, like, laughing. They're like, this is why we should never eat. But Ellie's like, I'm really sorry. He's like, don't worry. It's good. I got your back. It's gonna be fine, because you've got my back. Remember, this one goes in the bank next time you want to blow up at me for saying honey cheeks. Okay, So I don't blame you either. That's fine. I blame myself. Daisy, I've got to go apologize one more time. It's like, oh, I will, I will, I will. So, yeah.
- [34:22]
B
And Ellie's like, how can they help? Can I do something? He's like, maybe dip a pan into their bowels and get it cleaned. I mean, what do you want me to tell you? You're fine. You're fine. So Daisy goes and serves the guests fresh eggs, and they're safe. And they're like, yeah, I'm not really hungry anymore, but thanks.
- [34:41]
A
Yeah, no, thank you. So then Joelle walks into the galley, and Ben's like, what's up, sexy? You better come say hi to Elena. She's having a rough morning. It's like, oh, why is that, Elena? She goes, I put dish soap on these scrambled eggs. He's like, oh, well, that's one error that happened earlier today. And here comes another. I don't like you. Oops. I'll save that for later. So Jason is.
- [35:06]
B
Can we just pretend that I am the eggs and you are the soap and the soap should not be on the eggs? Do we agree? I agree. Soap should not be on eggs. Yes, I will marry you. He's like, oh, I'm going to work on this and come back to you later.
- [35:22]
A
Jason, of course, hears this, though, and he's like, pardon? What was that? You know how our dish shop looks exactly the same as olive oil? He's like, you're joking. I'm not joking. It happened by accident.
- [35:34]
B
Oh, no.
- [35:35]
A
It's like, well, I'm kicking myself because I saw it happening. And I said, we've got to get a label on that. And it just didn't happen. He's like writing, like, doing the simplest thing, which is putting blue tape over the olive oil. I mean, the. The soap and saying, dish soap. I mean, how do you not do that from the get go?
- [35:52]
B
Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I'm kicking myself because I saw it happening. My little batter bosom. I said, we've got to get a label on that. And it just didn't happen. It didn't happen. I'm sorry, Captain. He's like, oh, wow. You know, this is embarrassing. We actually have to make it up to them and hopefully they can put it past them. So in the eggs.
- [36:13]
A
Yeah. So Jason goes up to the guest. He's like, all right, guys. He's been swearing. They're like, we don't get it. Yeah. So I want the eggs taken off the bill. It's like, well, I'm sorry for that, guys. You can just reduce the tip. No, don't do that. That's hilarious. Okay. I'll be walking around shirtless upstairs if anyone wants to come look. And I will smell like sandalwood. So hopefully that makes up for the save on the eggs.
- [36:34]
B
Let me tell you, you catch me after hours, and Luigi's not the only one falling out of his room robe. All right, Kimono action. Making it up to you upstairs. Sandalwood. I've got some sandalwood right here.
- [36:48]
A
It's right. Put in the wood and sandalwood commercial. Here comes one right now.
- [37:00]
B
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- [37:13]
A
customers to remain active on Boost unlimited wireless plan.
- [37:14]
B
For full offer details, visit boostmobile.com hey,
- [37:16]
A
this is Adam Grant, host of Ted's podcast Rethinking with Adam Grant. Let me share with you why smart finance leaders turn to Bill. They know that clarity isn't just helpful, it's strategic. As the intelligent finance platform, Bill uses AI to automate the busy work for nearly half a million businesses so they can focus on intentional growth, eliminate the friction, and start scaling with the proven choice. Visit bill.compenven to talk with an expert about automating your business finances and get a 250 gift card as a thank you. That's bill.com proven. Terms and conditions apply. See offer page for details. So that he said, like, he's gonna take them all snorkeling. And Daisy's like, this is annoying because some of the people, some, like, two of the guys are like, Brian and Devin. Or like, we're gonna stay behind.
- [38:02]
B
We're not gonna go together. I'm not snorkeling. Snorkeling. Stupid snorkeling. Snorkeling. Fish.
- [38:10]
A
Is Charlie XCX snorkeling right now? I didn't think so. They snorkel a Coachella. No. They were actually very nice.
- [38:20]
B
I'm not. I'm not going snorkeling. Justin Bieber just snorkeled at Coachella. It was disgusting.
- [38:25]
A
He snorkeled while videos of him being younger snorkeling played behind him. So, Daisy, we're not playing stumps dumb. It's over. This is annoying because we have to come up with a plan to get this makeup artist on board. Now. How are we going to get them on without ruining the surprise? So dun, dun, dun. So the.
- [38:51]
B
The other guest goes snorkeling. We hear a guy go, oh, my God, we never should have bought clip on speedos.
- [38:59]
A
I didn't even know that was an option. That's like, I know about clip on ties. They're so ridiculous. I actually love these gays.
- [39:07]
B
I think they're so funny.
- [39:09]
A
They are all very nice and very friendly and they're all joking and they're sweet with each other and they're so nice. And look, every time I said to
- [39:15]
B
them, I'm just cracking up. Like, what are you guys talking about?
- [39:19]
A
I know, but seriously, why do you need to clip on mosquito? Is that for, like, strippers?
- [39:24]
B
Should we say? Why do you think so?
- [39:29]
A
Speedos are not hard to get on, especially when you're a twink. When you don't just have thigh gap, you have like thigh canyons. Like, you can get those on easily. I don't understand why they need to be clipped on. Like, you have a clip on top because you don't want to tie it all and do all that stuff.
- [39:42]
B
So not how easy you get them on is how easy you get them off.
- [39:46]
A
Yeah, I guess so. I think they come off easily too. But I don't know.
- [39:50]
B
Not me. I don't know. We're different body types. But what am I talking about? Like, what was the last time I tried to speedo? Get out of here. But even underwear I'm like, I try and take. I take it down with one hand, and then, like, another foot. Like, I'll bring my foot up to kind of like. I mean, it's not as easy for everybody. Okay. We're all at different fitness levels. So what I'm saying.
- [40:09]
A
Clip on speedo. Oh, you know what? The clip on speedo may just be the nose plugs.
- [40:15]
B
Oh, is that what it is? Well, I did clip on speedo via. You did? I'm gonna look now. What?
- [40:22]
A
Because that's the only thing that came up were, like, nose plugs.
- [40:26]
B
Oh, clip on speedo. Let me see. Speedo. Unisex swim, nose clip, liquid comfort.
- [40:32]
A
That makes much more sense.
- [40:34]
B
Oh, that's funny. Yeah, that does make more sense.
- [40:37]
A
I was imagining a Speedo that had like. Like strippers. You know, it's like they got the buttons, and you go. And it just comes flying off with one.
- [40:44]
B
I did too. And I love that I launch in a full defense of the clip on speedo. Like, it's actually. No.
- [40:50]
A
Speedos are famously difficult to get on and off. I was like, so stupid.
- [41:01]
B
Okay, so now the makeup artist is texting that he's ready to be on board. Alex is his name. So Daisy comes at. He's like, I. I'm trying to bring the clan personnel to the boat. He's like, okay, well, I'll just try to distract them. And so do that. Do that. We can't get caught. So she goes to the gays that are still on board, and she's like, would you like to go a paddle boarding? It's a good ab workout gag. I love that.
- [41:26]
A
Like, ab workout, you say? It's like. It's all of a sudden they just turn into dust. They're, like, already out on the ocean. They're like, abs, abs, abs. That was so funny. I love that she, like, sold it by saying it wasn't a good ab workout. So they go off and go paddle boarding. And then Mike and Ellie are laughing. Soup in this. In the scrambled eggs. You shouldn't have said anything. Sometimes, honestly, isn't the best policy. I'm like, shut up. So they.
- [41:51]
B
Oh, he's so gross. And he tells her, oh, Ellie, when's your massage partner opening up? Do you have any space available for later on this week? And she's like, definitely not hot. People only, please.
- [42:04]
A
He's just the worst. So Alex, while they're paddleboarding and the others are snorkeling, we see this. You know, like, what? I forget the. I forget the term when you're sort of like, speedboat, speedboat, whatever. They're. They're on a speedboat. And they are. They get onto the boat, they sneak. They sneak Alex on, and this high stakes endeavor is done. They do it. And the entire time I'm like, this is so stupid. Like, oh, my God. Got a hot. Gotta smuggle the. Alex, the. The makeup artist on the glam squad. Like, this is. This is just so dumb. Like, that's what I was thinking the entire time. And so then Daisy, this. That they are. Daisy's talking to Ben about lunch, and he's gonna make, like, sushi rolls and everything. And they're doing that. And they. The guests all come back, they sit down at the table, and Mike comes out with some drinks. He's like, how's everyone's day been? They're like, oh, yeah, it's great. Are you gonna be part of Tyler Paul's Drag Race tonight? He's like, I'm probably gonna end up winning it. Oh, was there a makeup artist on board? I heard. And then I was like, me, who, like two seconds ago was like, this storyline about smuggling the artist is so stupid. Makeup artists on is so stupid. When Mike did this, I was like, no, he fucking did not. I was so mad. I was like, what the fuck is wrong with him? I suddenly went from being like, the stupid storyline. I was like, oh, I am obviously way more invested than I thought I was. Yeah.
- [43:29]
B
Cause it's like, he's clearly doing this on purpose, right? I mean, what the hell? Clearly, you know, he's just such a little shit. So the other guests are like, oh, my God, did Tyler smuggle a makeup artist on? And they're all mad. They all get really mad and they're like, well, we haven't heard of that. Oh, really? Tyler's bringing a makeup artist? I love the anger, too. I loved the resentment that they had. Like, at one point, when he finally comes out and drags like, oh, my God, look at Tyler parading around of his money. Like, you are sitting here on the float that his money paid for. What are you talking about?
- [44:08]
A
Yeah, you seemed pretty happy to be on the receiving end of that money. So Mike did this. I was like, you just. Because everyone puts so much work in this into the stupid surprise. And, like, how did you not know? Like, what is wrong with you? What is actually wrong with you? I was like, he should be fired for that. Quite frankly, like, that is like, the whole point of this entire charter was for this stupid surprise. And, like, I don't get the surprise. I think it's a low stakes surprise. I think there are better surprises to be had. But nevertheless, it's the primary, and this was his request, and you've literally just ruined it for no reason. That's bad. And you're not doing your work and you're gossiping and you're distracting people and you've got bad hair. Like, you should be fired.
- [44:52]
B
Yeah, he's the worst. Well, someone gets fired this season, so I'm trying to figure out who it is.
- [44:57]
A
I think it's gonna be him.
- [44:59]
B
I hope so. God, he's just such a little creep. So he runs that everybody's pissed off. And then Mike and Daisy are in the crew mess. And Mike's like, do the guests know there's a makeup artist on board? And she's like, no. You didn't tell them, did you, Mike? Oh, God. Oh, God. I'll take out all your hair. You'll be on the plane next to Turkey to ask for more ball hair to be put on top of your head, you little asshole. He's like, no, no, no one's told me this. No one's told me. And then we see. Cut to yesterday with Daisy being like, no. Under no circumstances has anyone to say that this man has hired a glam squad to come onto the ball. Secret,
- [45:39]
A
Mike. Everyone knows that it's a secret. The Primer is gonna be pissed when he finds out I'm being dad. Serious, he's gonna lose this shit. Jesus fucking Christ. You fucked up. It's like, probably sleeping me head because I haven't been spending as much time with the guests. Like, wait, but the time you did spend with the guests, you fucked it up. No. Why would you say that? You need to spend more time with him as more chances for you to fuck up everything. And on top of that, Mike also lies. That's what's so bad. He blatantly lies. We see him lying. He admits to lying. He's proud of lying. For that alone, he should be fired. Because if you have an employee who's just lying and he's going to set people up for failure, that's something. Someone, you have to get off the boat.
- [46:22]
B
Okay, yeah, I agree with you. He's a little shithead. And check out Mike, you're. You're missing critical information here. You need to go fix this. Use your charm. Use your charm. What charm? What are you talking about? He's a creepo. I can't believe he doesn't have a restraining order against him yet.
- [46:40]
A
Yeah, and also I just don't know if I put Mike out there to fix it. He's. I don't think he's capable of fixing this. And he isn't, by the way. So Daisy's like, mike loves to run his mouth, so instead of doing it for something negative, maybe he can do it for something positive. Go and make these guests happy. So he's. Mike is just like, standing at the sink. He's just trying to figure out what. What to do. And meanwhile, Joao and Daisy are up on deck, and I was like, how is everything on your zim side? It's like a show. Can I help in any way? Perhaps you would like a massage? Someone just taught me the ways of doing one. It's like, no. Mike spilled the tea on the surprise and I'm pretty pissed off, really, because
- [47:20]
B
you get to finger up your butthole. It's how they do it where Ellie comes from. She's like, wait a minute. Some things you need to keep to yourself, Joelle. So Mike is still sitting there trying to come up with something, and he's like, I don't want to be the one that's fucked up. I mean, look, I've already been in enough shit this season. I don't want to be in anymore. So I've got to do some dancing to get myself out of this one. So then we go back to Daisy and Joao and she's like, ah. Like everyone knew the information. Ah, well, if there's anything I can do to Zim, I will. I've got your Zim.
- [47:51]
A
So now Mike starts. He brings some drinks to Brian and Ashley, and he's like, so I heard. I. I spilled the. Spoiled the secret at the table and it was my fault, and I want to apologize for that. And we need to make sure that Tyler doesn't find out. Like, okay, sure, sure. No problem, sweetie. Of course. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. We won't bring it up whatsoever.
- [48:12]
B
And now she's like, we'll do a pact. He said, oh, packed. Great, great. So do you think Spencer's gonna say anything? They're like, yeah, you definitely need to talk to Spencer because, wow, Spencer is a gift. And he is going to tell. You better get Spencer. You should kill Spencer. Have you ever considered murder? You should go strangle Spencer in his room. Otherwise you're dead. Do it. I dare you. A triple dog dare you.
- [48:36]
A
So now these gays, they're all so nice and so sweet until they feel wrong, in which case they all turn into Nurse Nan and Dr. Monica Del Monaco from Soap dish. And they're all like, bitch,
- [48:48]
B
I hate her so much. Oh, man. Now we go to Mitchell and Alicia and Mitchell's like, I'm bean. I need to find a girl who's really good at doing makeup. She's like, I know. Jen's quite good at it. Leave it with me. So then she tells Jenna to go down and do some makeup, and Jenna's all excited. So meanwhile, Mike goes to find Spencer, and he's carrying a rope, a knife, and a candlestick. He's really taking that advice seriously.
- [49:19]
A
Spencer, I need to have a quick chat with you. Apparently, you weren't meant to know that there's a secret makeup artist coming. And I was like, oh, I'm in serious trouble. But, yeah, I just want to say I tried to keep it down on the down low. So can we make that pact? Like, nobody would find out. And Spencer's like, sure, Absolutely.
- [49:37]
B
No One's gonna find out a thing. Okay, go upstairs. Bye, Mike. Thanks for coming to chat. He should have killed me when he had the chance. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one. Of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.
- [50:02]
A
Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
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Aren't you glad It's Marianne Ahrens.
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Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo let's get savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick Sick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marla's Rogers the incredible edible Matthew
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Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.
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of a can and Anthony. Please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla plane.
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Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you've got spring fever, Lowe's has the cure. During Spring Fest, make your landscape stand out with three free bags of Miracle Gro 3/4 cubic foot garden soil. When you buy three plus get up to 40% off. Select major appliances to keep clothes, food and dishes fresh all season long. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's, valid through 422, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See lowe's.com for details. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. And you know those moments when you just want to slow down and actually treat yourself?
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That's exactly where Haagen Dazs come comes
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in Haagen Dazs just launched a brand new flavor Coffee Almond Toffee Ice Cream. It's rich, smooth, creamy, indulgent and honestly too good to rush through. Take your sweet time. That's Daz. Find Haagen Dazs new Coffee Almond Toffee
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Ice Cream at retailers nationwide.
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Unlock the savings at Boost Mobile and save up to 600 a year I've been scouting these big carriers for a minute now and I've seen them pull the same play a thousand times times. They promise you the world, then hit you with a price hike right when the game gets tight. But Boost Mobile, their 25amonth unlimited wireless plan is the most consistent player on the floor. No contracts, no price hikes. Unlock the Savings today@boostmobile.com Unlock based on average annual single line payment of AT&T, Verizon and T mobile customers compared to 12 months on the Boost Mobile Unlimited Wireless plan as of January 2026. For full offer details, visit Boost Mobile.com.