#3369 RHORI S1E08: It’s Hip To Be Square Footage

Summary

Watch What Crappens #3369 RHORI S1E08: It’s Hip To Be Square Footage

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: May 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode covers Season 1, Episode 8 of The Real Housewives of Rhode Island ("It’s Hip To Be Square Footage"). Ben and Ronnie dissect two headline moments that had been teased in the trailer: the explosive standoff between Rosie and Kelsey (centered around a petty square footage feud), and an emotional family reckoning at Joellen's ancestral home. True to their style, the hosts mix biting humor, Bravo history references, and a stream of memorable asides.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Rosie vs. Kelsey Feud – The "Square Footage" Showdown

[02:50 – 05:20 | 57:26 – 66:56]

• Trailer Anticipation Delivered:
  The hosts highlight how the long-promoted showdown between Rosie and Kelsey, staged hilariously in a modest home (with a staircase and boots by the door), subverts classic Housewives aesthetics, making it “very non-Real Housewives” (03:09).
• Both at Fault, But…
  Ben sides more with Rosie, “sort of globally,” but admits both were “trying to shade each other” (05:20). Rosie, he says, was “no angel” and had her architectural plans ready as a preemptive counter-dig at Kelsey.
• The Fight Scene:
  Kelsey arrives blaring sirens and calling herself the “square footage police,” expecting a Housewives-style bit (58:55). Rosie, still sore from previous jabs, is not amused and immediately escalates.
  • “Rosie is not ready to get her haircut. She was like, we were gonna fight. These are my house plans. And you were wrong, biatch.” - Ronnie (61:36)
  • The altercation quickly devolves, featuring bag snatches, mutual insults (“You are literally no one!” “Sucking dick is not a career!”), and references to being a “slam pig”, a term the hosts gleefully Google on-air (66:03).
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “The only thing you’ve ever done in your life is won a pageant you didn’t even win, your sugar daddy had to pay the judges!” - Rosie, as paraphrased by the hosts (64:48)
  • "What have I ever done to you except call you a polygamist instead of polyamorous? I’m sorry." - Ben, channeling Rosie (63:35)
  • “She came in really, really hot. For sure. But it was really funny.” - Ben (66:33)
• Hosts’ Take:
  Both agree that, while Rosie was extreme, the spectacle was “great TV,” even if both women were “prepared to be shady.”

2. Joellen’s Family Reckoning with Her Mother

[35:28 – 43:08]

• Multigenerational Trauma in the RI Style:
  Joellen, her mother Nancy, and sister Jen reminisce at their late grandfather’s house. The conversation quickly unspools into an honest, sometimes bitter exchange about parenting failures and emotional neglect.
  • “You sent me away in 7th grade and then 8th grade and then 9th grade... I’m not bipolar, ma. I was depressed as a child. That’s not something you send your kid to a place with drug addicts when I had never done drugs.” - Joellen (37:41–38:14)
• Hosts Dive Deep:
  Ronnie expected Joellen’s mother to reveal some dramatic misdeed to warrant such harsh treatment but is left incredulous that “lying about seeing boys” was the worst offense. Ben echoes the surprise—where was the “you lit the family cat on fire” moment?
  • “I officially have to apologize because... the mom is like, ‘I had a lot on my plate, so I sent you away.’ Are you kidding?” - Ronnie (41:14)
• Resolution:
  The mother attempts to apologize and promises to do better, while Joellen says she’ll “reserve the right to complain for the rest of the season” (42:55).

3. Other Notable Subplots and Comic Beats

• Alicia’s Driving Anxiety & Domestic Comedy
  Alicia battles panic attacks on bridges while her husband Billy tries to “coach” her through nervous cracker snacks and compulsive sign-spotting (10:31).
  • “Where’s my emotional support, Cracker?” - Alicia (11:37)
  • “Does Botox have calories?” - Alicia, at dinner (52:13)
• Rula & Brian’s Wonderfully Dysfunctional Dinner
  Dinner with Alicia and Billy, with Brian (the podiatrist) flexing his side hustles: “Not only do we get rid of your corns, but we also do Botox, fillers, used cars. We also got some Lean Cuisines in the back that we sell to people. Whatever you need, we got it.” - Ben (52:13)
  The podiatrist retreats to the bathroom “to answer a text,” which the hosts immediately read as suspicious (54:02).
• Gummy Science and Menopause Talk
  Liz and Dolores sample “menopause gummies” at Liz’s cannabis lab, praising RI’s inclusion of menopausal women as a protected class and joking that “weed just helps with everything” (44:49–47:46).
• Kelsey’s “Single Girl” Apartment
  Kelsey moves into a new apartment, revealing her ex still pays all her bills—a fact met with disbelief by her family and eviscerated by the hosts for its lack of self-awareness (27:25–30:37).
  • “I’m entitled to support from someone I spent 10 years of my life with. And I could have moved into Bill’s house, but I wanted to feel what it’s like to live on my own and do it on my own. And by on my own, I mean have my ex pay for it.” - Ben, paraphrasing Kelsey (28:04)

4. Comic Asides & Bravo Homage

• The hosts riff on Bravo editing tropes, cat-walking attempts, emotional trips, and influencer “reels” gone awry (33:18–34:53).
• Ben’s earthquake anxiety and Ronnie’s take on televised disasters provide the episode’s most offbeat chat (07:43–08:47).

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Timestamped Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rosie vs. Kelsey’s Grand Fight:
  • “You don’t have a career. Sucking dick is not a career! Shut the f**k up.” – Rosie (64:26)
  • “You married men, everyone in Rhode Island knows it. You’re a slam pig. Don’t ever f***ing come for me again.” – Rosie, paraphrased by Ben (64:48)
• Joellen’s Family Heartbreak:
  • “You should have shown me how to be respectful and kind, because now I’m not. And it’s your fault.” – Joellen (36:22)
• Comic Relief:
  • “If I was raising kids, they would have a fork in one hand and a vacuum in the other, that was constantly going as they ate. You know, earn your food.” – Ronnie (06:54)
  • “I feel like I’m getting fat, so I sell Ozempic. I feel like I lost a little muscle, so I take steroids. I feel like I need a little Botox every day.” – Ben, channeling dinner conversation (52:42)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Preview of Rosie's Home Showdown: 02:50–05:20
• Alicia’s Driving Anxiety: 10:31–14:21
• Kelsey’s Apartment Interrogation: 27:25–30:37
• Menopausal Gummies Lab Visit: 44:49–47:46
• Joellen’s Family Sit-down: 35:28–43:08
• Rosie vs. Kelsey Square Footage Showdown: 57:26–66:56

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Hosts’ Tone & Language

• Consistently irreverent, deeply invested in the inane details
• Unabashed in pointed critiques and praise, especially of cast members’ delusions and self-sabotage
• Threaded with affection for the genre’s messiness (“We mock because we love”)

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Summary Takeaway

This episode delivers everything Bravo fans crave: over-the-top arguments, family dysfunction, and pointed commentary (with plenty of humor) from Ben and Ronnie. Their blow-by-blow breakdown of the Rosie/Kelsey missile crisis, and the deft handling of Joellen’s family trauma, are podcast highlights—peppered with sharp one-liners and pop culture riffs. The episode is a perfect encapsulation of Watch What Crappens’ talent for blending high drama, low stakes, and constant laughter.

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Recommended moments: The Rosie vs. Kelsey stairwell brawl (57:26–66:56), Joellen’s emotional family reckoning (35:28–43:08), and the menopausal gummies science class (44:49–47:46).

Transcript

[A]

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Order ahead for delivery or in store pickup. Shop now to create a celebration as special as they are. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I am Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is a man who I know would never shame me for square footage. It's Ronnie Caram. How are you?

[B]

Don't be so sure.

[A]

You never know. We are here today to talk about Real Housewives of Rhode Island, a big exciting episode. Before we do that, in about two weeks, we're doing our cabaret, which is sold out, but you can stream it just go to our website, watchwithcraftins.com and there are links to the various streaming times that you could buy tickets for. And as we have learned, you can buy tickets all the way up to curtain and then once Curtain happens, no more tickets. So you can still watch it afterwards. But if you decide you want to watch the cabaret, you know, like a few days later, like actually I should watch that. Too late. The tickets go off sale the moment curtain happens. So those ticket links again at our website, also on our social media and join us on Patreon. Patreon.com watch where crappins or they go

[B]

off sale, but you can still watch it for a week.

[A]

Still watch it. You just can't. If you.

[B]

Yeah, if you can't. If you can't watch it that night, just make sure to get the tickets beforehand so you can still watch it for a week after.

[A]

Yeah, Patreon is where we have a newsletter and we have bonus episodes and all that good stuff. It's patreon.com watch happens and also a programming note. Next week is A long weekend here in the States. So we will not have recaps of Rhode island or Atlanta. And in the following week we will, we'll give updates on what happened, et cetera. But, but yeah, we, we are, we're having that Monday off, which will be very exciting. So if you're wondering where'd the recap go, that's where the recap went. Disappeared into the ether. So with that all being said, let's dive into this wild episode this gave. This is a big episode because it was two major things that, that we had been teased in the trailer. One was the scene with the mom that we've been waiting for and of course the scene with Rosie and Kelsey fighting in a little staircase by a small door. And I have to say, since the trailer for the show first dropped, they've been showing this fight. And I've been amused that there's this, there's this big screaming match that happens in like a mid level, like a, like a ranch home. Very non. Real Housewives. Like normally these, if there's, if a fight's gonna happen by a front door, there'll be like angel wings on the door and like a giant grand staircase. But this is Rosie's home, which is just like, okay, like a little staircase and there's some boots over there on the side and like a, like standard door.

[B]

A ranch home is a flat home. It's like a one story. Sorry. Yeah, I know what you mean.

[A]

Like these, like these home.

[B]

And Rosie is also dressed crazily. She's wearing something that, like, it's hurting my eyes. She's wearing like yoga, a yoga outfit or something. But it's got those multicolored bars, like a TV at the end of the night, you know, when it goes dead or whatever. Yeah, it was, that was so funny, that stupid fight. And then watching the press all week of Rosie vs Kelsey has been really funny too because they're all doing a million interviews and just watching them rehash the fight and who's right and who's wrong. They're both such ding dongs that honestly I just enjoy it without getting upset on anybody's side, if that makes sense. Because sometimes on these shows you watch it and you take a side and you know, I definitely do and I get really upset sometimes. And this, I'm just like, you're both so stupid that I guess I shouldn't say stupid. Ridiculous that I love it.

[A]

Yeah, I'm, I'm a little bit more on Rosie's side about this. But like you Know, Rosie's no angel.

[B]

She.

[A]

She had her architectural plans laid out to basically shade Kelsey the moment Kelsey got there. And Kelsey got there first and shaded. Shaded her first, but just in a louder, more obnoxious way. So I still think that, like, Rosie is a bit more in the right to be annoyed by it, but, like, Rosie was. Was also going to try to humiliate Kelsey. So let's not overlook that either.

[B]

Well, I don't think it's humiliating to say these are the house plans and they're not. They're. It's not a lie.

[A]

Well, just like. Like when I say humiliate, basically. Okay, you're coming over under the pretense that we're moving forward and we're gonna do something nice and we're gonna build our friendship. But first, let me take one more dig at you. Here are the plans. And now you can see that I am gonna build a big addition. But then Kelsey gets there first. Like, okay, well, guess what? I'm gonna take a dig at you first. But either way, it was a really funny fight. And I enjoy Rosie more than Kelsey, sort of globally. And so I would say that I was more on Rosie's side with this.

[B]

Yeah. So it's Rhode Island. Season 1, Episode 8 Splitting Hairs so we're at Rula's house, and she's with her kids and making them lunch. They want chicken tender chick. You're gonna turn into chicken and fries. You eat those every day. Well, your husband eats that mistress every day. He hasn't turned into mistress. So just feed me what I want.

[A]

And then in Joellen's house, Joellen's kid is on the sofa. She's. Okay, don't get it on the couch. Please. Please don't get it on the couch. You know, I'm going to send you off to behavioral camps, okay? Oh, God, I'm turning into my mother already. Oh, God, it's happening.

[B]

Like, do not wipe your hands on the white carpet, Okay? I mean, what in the world, girl? Why do you have these children on a white carpet?

[A]

Why are you feeding them food while your child's sitting on the floor in your nice living room at the coffee table? Feed them the snacks at the. Over at the kitchen or the dining room.

[B]

Yeah, if I was raising kids, they would have a fork and they would be at a table, have a fork in one hand and a vacuum in the other one that was constantly going as they ate. You know, earn your food.

[A]

That's right. So then we see Liz putting her harness on her cat you want to go for a walk with my.

[B]

You want to do that?

[A]

And Jerry's like, how long is this gonna take, Liz? I'm like, jerry, you do not. You never get to ask that question. Mr. Gone three weeks of every month for 20 years. You never get to ask, how long is this gonna take? Even if it is about walking the stupid cat, which is adorable.

[B]

And by the way, to answer your question, want to go for a walk with mom? No. Ganj does not want to go for a walk with you. You ask him every week, and Ganj is laying down. Okay, Ganj does not want to go on a walk with you. Cats do not want to be on a leash going for a while.

[A]

They really don't. So I feel like there was just an earthquake here. Was there just an earthquake? Was there an earthquake?

[B]

I'm not there.

[A]

I'm asking to psychically answer this question for me, please.

[B]

I don't know. I'm not there. I wish I was there, because I love when I'm there and we both get to go, oh, my God.

[A]

Well, I went onto the earth. I know. That's the best. Remember that time when there was, like, a real earthquake and I got under the desk while this camera was rolling for the show? It was so embarrassing. Why is it so embarrassing to hide under a desk when things when cameras are rolling? You know, every time there's an earthquake and they always show the newscasters who hide under the desk, stupid people who are doing something for their safety.

[B]

Have we seen newscasters jump under their desk for an earthquake? Oh, my God.

[A]

It's like one of the things that they love to show whenever there's an earthquake. They love to show Earth newscasters like, oh, well, seems like there's an earthquake, and we're just going to get right under our desk, and they all try to be combat it, but they're freaking out. It's classic, classic earthquake footage.

[B]

So now we go over to Alicia's, and she's with Billy. They're leaving their house. And you. Did you read the stuff with Alicia? I guess we'll talk about it tonight on Crappy Hour. But did you read the stuff Alicia put out this week about her husband? O, no, not good.

[A]

She's like, we'll talk about that tonight.

[B]

Yeah, we'll talk about it. But she was. But just in case anybody doesn't hear it, she's like, yeah, you know, like, would you be mad if, like, all your money was taken by your husband and put into account that you don't have a You don't have access to like, oh, like basically sounding like she's about to leave Billy, you know, not good. But this is a cute scene with them where he's trying to get her to drive and she's too terrified. And he's like, I'm gonna take your car because you got to start driving it. You know, you got like 2, 000 miles on it. It's like a year old. It's. There's a four leaf clover. Could you get that? He's like, it's a weed. Come on. It's not a four leaf clutch. It is. It is. It's a four leaf clover. It's. It's a weed. It's probably poison ivy. Don't touch it. She's like, why would we have poison ivy? Why? Why we have that?

[A]

It's literally like a blatantly a weed. It's like blatantly not a clover. Like you could see it on camera from afar. Like, that's a weed. And she's like, no, that's four leaves. It's four leaves. The New York Times, by the way, speaking poison ivy, we're not going to get to this recap, but these are all very important asides. The New York Times just today has a feature up that says, is this poison ivy or poison oak or poison sumac? Test your knowledge. And they have this whole thing, they keep showing images and of scenarios. It's like you're hiking on the Appalachian Trail and you drop your water bottle and it rolls under this shrubbery. Do you touch your water bottle? You know and. You know, and they're showing.

[B]

And a.

[A]

Let me tell you something.

[B]

Hike where there's no help across the.

[A]

To me, the answer to everything was do not touch. They're like, this is. This is safe. It's wild strawberries. I'm like, do not touch. Like, this is called Boston ivy. Do not touch. I'm not touching anything. I don't care. It says leaves of three. Let it be. I'm like, leaves of three, four, five, six, 12, let it be. Also, I'm not touching anything. And I'm. I'm like. I'm like, Billy, I'm like, I'm not touching that weed in the grass ever.

[B]

You wouldn't even be hiking in the first place. You're too terrified of everything. On the, on the trail, coming off, there's leaves there.

[A]

I'm afraid of rabies. I'm afraid of a rabid raccoon running out of the bushes and biting me.

[B]

Jesse lollies so he finally gets her into the car, and she's like, oh, my God, Billy, you know what? I gotta do a quick cracker before I get started. All right? I'm so nervous. And she has them in the backseat. She's, like, taking the backseat cracker. It's like, there's nothing to be nervous about. What are you talking about? You're too serious. That's what. That's what I'm. I ran over someone, Billy, okay? Someone jumped in front of my car. Okay? Yeah, there's reason to be nervous.

[A]

Where's my emotional support, Cracker? I need. I need another one. I need another cracker for the first cracker. Like, it was just too much, too much for me. It's like, okay, okay. No, you're always doing this. You're doing. You gotta go over here. You gotta do. Okay. It's too much for me. It's like, okay, I'll tell you. Whatever. Whatever it takes for you to drop up. Drop off and pick up Selena to. For dance. That's all I want you to do. So Alicia tells us Selena dances five days a week. Then Billy's always out doing something, and, like, he's an entrepreneur. So, like, I have to start driving my daughter to dance school because, like, I got it. Like, But I got, like, some issues with, like, driving bad. Like, I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating, and, like, I get dizzy and I feel like I'm going to throw up. And, like, I almost feel like I can't feel my hands. It's like. It's, like, really scary driving.

[B]

Like, I can't help that I have the fear. Billy, okay, The. The bridge is, like, crazy. He's like, I understand. But you. You gotta tap. Like, tap. Take on your fears. All right? Take on your fears. She's like, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker. I need to have all of my crackers in case I feel like I'm gonna faint. Like, I got rose water spray to wake myself up because it's cold. I got peppermint oil to help me focus. A gum and. Yeah, gum, yeah. Those are my things I usually have when I drive, like, in a good playlist.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I play Earth, Wind and Fire. No, I play okay, okay. Just pretend the road is native. It's a band that's close enough to crack us.

[A]

Actually, you know what band I really like? Cracker. It's a good band from the 90s, by the way. My first concert that I went to, actually. You know what's so funny. My first.

[B]

That's a real band. Cracker.

[A]

Yeah. My first concert that I went to was Earth, Wind and Fire. So it's really weird that you say that. And the second one I went to was Cracker. It was a triple header of Cracker, Gin Blossoms and Spin Doctors. So, literally, I mean, if the next thing you say is, you know, what I need is Dave Matthews Band. I'll be like, whoa, what is happening here? It's like, okay, all right. Come on. You can do this. You.

[B]

You.

[A]

But you just gotta listen. It's like, you know, you're already giving me orders. Like. I'm not giving you orders. Just follow the signs. But the signs everywhere. Let's have sign signs everywhere. The signs up the scenery. Like, what do I do?

[B]

It's like, do not enter green light, red light. That shit was funny. She's like, what signs? The signs everywhere. It's a road. The road, Billy.

[A]

My dad is like that. When. When we drive with him, he gets, like, overwhelmed. We're like, dad, follow the signs. He goes, what signs? Like the sign that says, go straight. Which direction? Straight. Left or right? Straight. Go straight. And every time there's an intersection, if we don't say anything, my dog. Which way do I go? Like, we just keep going straight. If we. If you need to go in a different direction, we'll let you know. It's like, I need to know which way. Keep going straight. Keep going straight, dad. Keep going straight. He, like, loses his mind. It's hilarious. But emotional support, crackers. Maybe we should have looked into that many years ago. Yeah.

[B]

So he's like, okay, you know what? Okay. God, we got over the bridge. Thank God. Okay, I want to hear about your trip. Okay. Tell me about your trip. I FaceTime, right? He's like, yeah, I saw that creepy doll in bed with you. What was that about?

[A]

Wait, what? I was going to say we have to. This bridge that she was so scared of, it was like, I was expecting it to be like a suspension bridge. It was just like a bridge over a creek. It was like, not like a bridge bridge. And she was sweating. Like, her clavicle was all shiny. Like she was really going through it.

[B]

Well, it's scary, you know, you could. You could fall off that bridge just as easily as any other bridge.

[A]

You could. You could. So anyway, yeah, so she talked about how she FaceTimed from Newport. And he's like, yeah, I saw that creepy doll in the bed with you. She's like, oh, so, yeah, Selena. She was like, mom, why Would you have a tea party with dolls without me? He's like, yeah, that is kind of weird that you did that. Yeah, well, that was just part of the trip. And then, you know, Liz, she, like, attacked me like crazy. We see a flashback to Liz. Like, you are not homeless, Alicia.

[B]

You are homeless in your life. So I can't. My blood was, like, running because it was like. It was a cold for, you know, it's like it was upsetting, you know, Billy. It was like, upsetting. I'm not over it. It's like. I think maybe it's because you know her. She goes, yes. Was tricky about it. Yeah. Like, you've known her since you were born. Yeah, Yeah. I was like a kid and her sister, like, it's hard for me because, like, I respect her, you know? Like, do I put her on a pedestal? Sure. So it's like it comes at me strong, you know, because it's coming at me from a pedestal. That's scary.

[A]

Is the pedestal made of Wheat Thins? Yeah. It's still a pedestal, though. You stack them up real high, they really balance well. But you know what? Oh, God. Oh, my God. Why do they do two in a row? Two in a row, two in a row. But it's like, okay. All you can do. Okay, relax, relax. It's okay. He's like, by the way, you just went right through a stop sign. Oh, my God, a stop sign. Why did I have so many stop signs? Because we do see her drive right through one. And I was like, you just went through a stop sign? And I was, like, afraid they weren't going to mention it. So he's like.

[B]

He's like, yeah, control other people. All you can control is the finances. No, you cannot have money for. For snacks later. Thank you, Billy. Thank you. Great advice. Very deep, Billy. Okay, you know what? I didn't want to tell you about Rilla Bryant. So at the end of the trip, Joellen shows me a video of bride. He's with the mistress. He's cheating on her. You know, he's like hugging her for five minutes. I mean, this last week, like, what's a five minute hug? I mean, I can't, you know, and like, said the date on it, you know, you can see. You can see an entire video. You see the whole thing, you know, he goes, well, you can make up a date on something. Oh, come on.

[A]

Why is he taking this guy's side blindly?

[B]

Why is everybody going so hard to frame this cheater for still cheating? You know, it's like he's he's an admitted cheater, and with this woman, and they're like, oh, people are going out of their way, just putting fake dates on things to make it look like he's still cheating. It's a big conspiracy against Brian.

[A]

Oh, wait, well, that, you know, that's what I said, too. I said, like, I said, you can make up something, but, like, no, he was like, billy, it was new. It was like, it's new. It's really new, Billy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I hate these bumps over here. Oh, God, the bumps. The bumps.

[B]

The speed.

[A]

She drives over speed. Oh, God, it's my tires. What about my tires? And then Joelle, and she was like, you know the dramatics, you know, at least. Alicia, I want you to deal with this. Like, what are you gonna do with the video? And I. I don't know. I don't know what. I don't. I don't know what I want to do with the information because, like, I gotta be honest with you. She's obviously stressed out. I don't want to kick someone when they're down. That, like, kills me. Like, that's like saying to someone when they're down, like, hey, can you go drive over a bridge right now? Like, that's hot. Why would you. Why would I ever do that to someone?

[B]

You know, you should do what you feel, what feels right. Okay, well, you know what? Like, I. I just feel, like, a little bit, like, I want the temperature that, like, see, if they're like, you know? You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to get involved. Like, it's so messy. They have children. They have children. Okay, Billy. If there was a video. Video of Billy, like, what about Brian? I would definitely want one of my friends to tell me, but Rula would not be okay if she sees this video. She's not gonna be okay. It's a father of the kids. It's the father of the kids, you know?

[A]

Oh, my God. Okay. That was it. That was my trip. That. That. That was everything from Newport. He's like, well, it sounds emotionally draining. Did you guys get to relax at all? Not really. Oh, God. Oh, God, I'm getting sweaty already. He's like, but there's no bridge. But it's coming. There's going to be a bridge coming. I. I gotta take off my sunglasses. I gotta have. I gotta see everything here. This is what Selena does with me, by the way she cries. She goes. She. She's. She's like, I, I. She's like, I don't want this. I don't want this. He's like, she cries. Yeah. Well, no, she doesn't cry. She's like, mommy, it's okay. Breathe. You're almost over. And it's like, it's torturous. It's hot, Billy. It's hot.

[B]

I'm gonna pee my pants. He's like, but you did it. Just. Yeah, they changed it.

[A]

They changed the bridge.

[B]

They changed the bridge. He's like, you did it. So you're gonna do drop offs and pickups. Okay, here's what sounds great for the person driving my daughter to dance. Doesn't stop for stop signs, has panic attacks on bridges. Sounds great. I think you're ready. I think you're ready.

[A]

Why do they do so many stop signs in a row? After this one, there shouldn't be another one for at least three miles. Two in a row. It's crazy.

[B]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[A]

Ronnie, do you remember my patio before the world of Wayfair? It was just a desolate, dusty, dirty, sad space where you'd sit down and be like, oh, God, I ruined my pants and my shorts with all the dirt on. This grimy furniture is awful, awful, awful, awful.

[B]

It was just a tumbleweed blowing through there.

[A]

But then Wayfair came along and now I've got really cool stuff out there. I got cool chairs. You know what I love? I got some Acapulco chairs. They're those chairs that are sort of like. They look egg shaped with, like, the cables. And you sit in them and you're like, this isn't going to support me. And it does. And it's actually somehow more comfortable than anything else in your house. I got those.

[B]

And it looks glorious. You can get every style, every outdoor space. Whether your vibe is modern, coastal, farmhouse, or eclectic, Wayfair has options to help you create an outdoor space that's uniquely yours.

[A]

Wayfair makes it simple to narrow down what works for you and your silent budget. I mean, they got reviews and they've got filters, they've got visual tools. Everything you need to find the right furniture for your outdoor space.

[B]

And there's everything in one place. You can find outdoor stuff, grills, major appliances. You can find storage. There's patio, lighting, rugs, decor. Wayfair is your one stop.

[A]

Shop for home, get prepped for patio season. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R dot com. Wayfair Every style, every home. Wayfair.

[B]

Every style, Every home. There's never been a better time to get outside and experience the benefits of nature, discover nearby trails, and explore the outdoors with all trails. Download the free app today and find your outside. Now we go to Rosie's house, and they're. She's taking a walk with the dog and Richie, and she's putting on her wacky bouncy shoe things, and he's got a shovel in the ground and, you know, working on that house. Always working on the house. So she's like, you know, we start digging, but then we find a bunch of boulders. And then that took three weeks instead of one. And then we pour the foundation. There's an issue with that. Now we're framing, and then we're, you know, tricing, and then we start decorating. The fun part doesn't even begin anytime soon.

[A]

Yeah. So Rosie is like. Like, I don't know, like, what we're gonna do with all this? This big hole? It's like, no. Well, we're gonna backfill it. Hey, you should have your friends come over and help backfill it, you know? She's like, okay, well, might have to record you saying all this and bring it to the next group event. He's like, okay. And she's like, yeah. Cause they're always trying to discredit me. And the newest thing is that this isn't a real project and we don't have any money. So I was like, okay. He's like, yeah, well, maybe they can help us. It's like, okay, well, everybody get a shovel. Okay, can we look at this later, Billy? Because I told Clemmie we'd go on a walk. I love when she said that. Like, Clemmy is sitting there like, you made a promise to me, and I'm waiting for us to go on a walk right now.

[B]

Yeah. So she puts on these moon boot things, and meanwhile, Clemmie's just pooping in the front yard. They're like, oh, my God, Clemmie, me? How could you? She's like, oh, my God, in your princess dress, climbing. You couldn't hold it until after. So they start doing a little walk. And she's just got.

[A]

It's like, I love Clemmy. I have to say, I love Clemmy. I don't know. This dog really does it for me. Just want to say, oh, yeah.

[B]

Is it the style of pooping it was doing in the yard? What was it?

[A]

No, Clummy looks like a Gentle dog. Like, Clemmy is not hyperactive. You know, Like, Clemmie doesn't have any of that dreaded poodle in her, so she's just like a chill dog. And I just like her. I like her vibe.

[B]

That's good. So there's a. There's a Clemmy. Fan's got a fan. The Clem Club.

[A]

You can be in the club president.

[B]

So she starts gossiping with Gary and she's like, oh, my God. So Kelsey is moving in an apartment, and the old guy that she cheated on, the new guy with, who she saw once a month even though they were together, is paying for for it. But I'm the problem. I'm the problem. I mean, how do you make your money? Give me a fucking break. But not for nothing, like, why does Kelsey care so much about my house when she doesn't even have a fucking house?

[A]

Yeah, well, it's projection. Sort of like what I have to do when I sing Frank, you know? And how did things with Kelsey turn good, by the way? Because last time we talked, it was not great. Can, like, but can you stop bouncing? She's like, well, so she was trying to say that, like, I've always, like, you know, say that, like, I've just never tried with her. And I explained all the ways that I have done that. And then like, oh, my God. Wait, Clemmie's just rolling around and dog poop. Oh, Clemmy. Clemmy. Oh, my God, Clemmie. That's not what a princess does. Do you want to keep your job at those at the TV station or not? Stop that.

[B]

Yeah, so he's like, well, you know, if you're gonna make up, maybe you guys should do something together. She's like, well, I'll ask her to cut my hair again, and this time I guess I'll post it. So she says, she's like, okay, I'll post her all over my Instagram. I mean, she can give me a new haircut. Help worth their business. But, you know, like, be a friend of me back, you know, like, be nice to me back. I'm doing everything I need to do to keep everyone happy. And then it's like, he's like, okay, well, if it's unjustified, give him hell then. Speak your truth and go at him, babe. Okay? Go at him. It's like we're getting to the point where, like, I'm about to freak the out. It's gonna be coming up with not. Not too much provocation.

[A]

Yeah, well, he says, because by the way, don't forget, if they. If they ever. If they disrespect you, if they're walking all over you, you know what? Just. Just give them hell. So she's like, yeah, so now we go to Kelsey's new apartment, and she's unpacking all her stuff there. And her mom and her sister. Her mom is Julie and her sister Taylor are there, and Kelsey is like, what do you think, Mom? And Julie's like, well, still haven't gotten much personality, but, you know, you're still my daughter. No, not about me. I'm talking about this apartment. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Spacious, you know, empty, tiny. But at least you're clean. Mom. The apartment,

[A]

well, doesn't really have much of a skill set. The apartment, Ma.

[B]

Thick as granite. Ma, the apartment. Actually, I was talking about the countertops. So they're looking around and they're both like, yeah, this is small, but I guess. I guess it'll do. It's like, this isn't even big as your closet back at the other place. So Kelsey's. I know, right? They're like, need to find another rich guy. So she's talking about this place, and she's like, yeah, I used to have someone who was, like, doing my laundry and making the bed. We had a living chef and a driver. Like, there's always some. Someone doing something for me all the time. There's a pool boy. So, you know, it's a big adjustment for me. I was like, well, you're still doing nothing. You're still doing the amount of. Same amount that you were doing back then for it. Yeah, someone else is still paying for it, so I'm sure you'll be okay.

[A]

So, you know, Julie and Taylor are just happy. You can see they're happy. They're happy that Kelsey's finally moving on out of this relationship where she wasn't. She was never going to get what she wanted out of it. And they're just, you know, helping her unpack and everything. And they're. They're. They move a table and everything. And. And then they. Then for the rest of the scene, Kelsey is tinkering with some weird white metal shelf that she. She's just completely incapable of putting this thing together. And it's like, if we see it in various states of it, like, going up and coming down on the table inside, it was driving me nuts the entire time. I was like, just put the bar into the fitting. So Taylor's like, like, oh, my God, this is great. Like, God, you should have paid someone to put this together. And she was like, yeah, usually you have dad do this stuff and how much is rent by the way? And Kelsey's like, I'm not paying for it. Like what? You're not paying for it? Who's paying for it? Well, I mean, who do you think is paying for it? My ex. And you see Julie's face, the mom

[B]

just be like, she's like, your ex is paying for. How come you didn't tell me she like, cuz you're so nosy. Mom. She was. Well, does he pay anything else? My health insurance, my car insurance. Carl, do you know that list is longer? The phone is on there for sure.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Everything phone. Yeah. And Julie's, Julie's like, wait, can I sit? I'm just going to watch you. This is very. It's. It's hard enough watching you try to put that thing together.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So she's like, yeah, it's the first time I've lived on my own. I haven't had bills in 10 years. So like my ex is offering to pay my apartment. What am I going to say? No?

[A]

That's correct. The. That is correct. You have won the challenge. The answer is you say no. You say no and you get a job.

[B]

Get the free all you want to, but don't walk around with like, I'm an independent woman. Exactly. You're still kept. It's just, you know, a different.

[A]

And honestly, there's nothing wrong with being kept. But like if you are like saying how you want to be more independent, yada, yada, yada. I think this is really good for her to start getting her own place and everything. Now let's make some more strides towards independence. So the. Her mom is clearly visually upset and Kelsey says, I mean this is not something I expect to keep paying forever. I just, just because I wasn't married doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to support from somebody who I spent 10 years of my life with. And I could have moved into Bill's house and I didn't want to. I wanted to feel what it's like to live on my own and I needed to do it on my own. And by on my own, I mean have my ex pay for it.

[B]

Yeah, it makes me crazy when she says entitled. She says it a lot like, I'm entitled to this. No, you are not. That's crazy. Spending, that's crazy to me. But you know, on the other hand, good for her. I think she just kind of gets on my nerves in general. So I'm like, oh, God, I think she's so.

[A]

My problem is that she's just not funny enough. You know, you often say this, ronnie, be funny. Or, like, you know, and I just feel like she's just kind of like a wet blanket every time she comes on the screen. And then, like, she wants us to feel bad about this ridiculous situation that she's in. I'm like, if you were, like, funny or campy, I'll be like, yes, live your life, queen. But she's just this sad sack person who doesn't know how to live in the real world. I'm just like, I don't even know how she's. I mean, I know why she's on the show. It's because she has this crazy romantic situation. But, like, beyond that, there's, like, not. It feels like there's not a lot of there there with Kelsey.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. So, yeah. It's amazing the stuff you. You kind of celebrate in people you like and then disdain people that you do not like. Yeah, that's what we're seeing here. Because I'm like, oh, God, shutter. You're not entitled to crap. Get a job.

[A]

If you. If she was funny and fabulous, I'd be like, she deserves everything. Yeah. Like, wait, you're.

[B]

Get everything you can out of that man.

[A]

It was Martha Sitwell. I'd be like, oh, I'll be like, you get. You. You get three estates, ma', am, because of what you put up with. But it's her. I'm like, oh, please. Get a job at. At Costco. I don't know. Like, I don't want to hear it.

[B]

Yeah. So she's like, well, you know, I do kind of want to still get married, but I'm just gonna wait for the right person, you know, I wasn't just gonna leave for anybody. And so they're like, well, do you see it with Billy? You see a few. Two with Billy? She's like, yeah. And here he comes. Here's Billy, everybody. He brought over tools. He's like, I don't want to take over. Please take over, because watching the shelf be put together is painful. Take it over. Okay. Do it. Yeah.

[A]

And the. The. The caption said, bill, Billy, Kelsey's only boyfriend. And only was in parentheses. So shady. So he's like, hey, what's going on? I'm gonna put together this random, random shelf thing. And Kelsey's like, oh, my God. Like, I'm. I'm Bob the builder. Huh. My parents never approved of my relationship with my ex. They Definitely accepted to a certain degree. And they knew he wasn't gonna give me a baby. And that's how my mother is, the Holy Grail. Like, also because, like, you seem unhappy. Like it's all over your face. You seem like someone who is very sad and they probably don't like seeing their daughter sad. So Billy starts building the shelf and he's like, oh my God, this is driving me nuts. I gotta fix this. And like, oh my God, thank you, Billy, for coming to save it. So Kelsey says, the last thing I want at this very moment is to blow up like a tick and be pregnant. I mean, I don't. I don't think I want to blow up ever, to be honest. I want to be on my own. I want to feel like what it feels like to be independent for at least a year. So you know what? Mom needs to slow her roll.

[B]

Yeah, so she's. She's like 30, right? Kelsey, I'm seeing Earl. I'm 30. So that's really dating. She was dating like a 37 year old when she was like 20 or something. So yeah, I think, I think that's probably why your mom never liked, you know, it's like, wow, my daughter's dating an old man. Coke dealer. Sounds great. Wish you the best. Which by the way, he got this week. For coke. For dealing coke, in case anyone's wondering what I'm talking about, you know? Yeah.

[A]

Jeez.

[B]

Got charges brought against him for doing. For dealing coke this week. So she's like, oh, belly, you're going to pay. He's like, yeah, she wants a Bentley. So then we go over to Ashley's and Ashley's son is alive, you guys. So it worked out. Dawson's okay. Dawson is okay, everybody. But he does have a little breathing apparatus on his face.

[A]

He's so cute.

[B]

So he apparently has like some breathing thing going on and had to go to the hospital, which is why she left the boat last time. And she's like, mom, can you take Dawson downstairs because I've got to do an ad. Okay. So like, thank you for bringing him down, Mom. Dawson.

[A]

Love you.

[B]

Love you, Dawson. He's like, where are you going? She's like, I'm an influencer, okay? I'm going to influence.

[A]

So then she's talking to her sister Lizzie and she's like, oh, my God, I didn't even tell you my Newport trip with the ladies. The trip was like, overall pretty fun. Like we had a gigantic slide. So that was pretty cool. And Lizzie's like, oh, wow. Cool slide story. Do you feel like you're, like, more assimilated now? Was the slide. Did that help with assimilation? She's like, yeah, getting there for sure. I just need to, like, get some spray tans and saying some dumber shit, and I should probably fit in pretty well. It's like, oh, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She says. She's like, yeah, I had a pretty good time on this trip making friends here in Rhode Island. I feel like I'm, like, inching my way closer, like, coming to hang out sometimes, you know? Like, why are you crying? Why are you crying again?

[B]

Well, I'd love you to help me shoot a reel because, like, Jared's gone and I have a real to do, and it's, like, for a house fragrance company. So let's do it. Okay. So. Okay. You know, like, we're. I just want him to do more organic content. Like, I'd really like him to try and find his niche on Instagram, you know, because, like, he's hot and he should use that, you know? So, like, I mean, I'm back from Audrey's, the coffee shop. So Lizzie is helping her. So she holds up a ring light and a phone, and she's like, okay, guys, I'm going to influence you on smells. This one is cinnamon cider. Then this one is pumpkin spice poop. And this one is honey crisp. Whatever. It's fall harvest sense. She goes, oh, my God, I didn't record. She's like, oh, my God, I have to do that again. That's, like, so hard, actually. You literally just picked up and read off the labels. Yeah, you'll survive this.

[A]

Please. And, like, please. I like, you're not gonna see me ever have those scents in my house. I'll tell you that right now. Oh, my God, like, cinnamon cider again. I'm so emotional.

[B]

Every single scent. Might have just been. Might as well have just been called, like, basic White lady Basic.

[A]

Just start calling them. Just start naming them after, like, the Secret Lives and Mormon wives. Like, this one is the Michaela, this one is the Demi.

[B]

So now has its hair parted down the middle.

[A]

Are those scandals doing dances? So now we go over to Joellen's, and she's with her. She's with her mom and sister, and they're walking around her grandfather's house, and she's having flashbacks. I had a flashback because I saw the stove. I used to have that yellow. That weird, like, kind of puke yellow stove. That, like, electric stove with the push buttons. I was like, I literally had that one of my first apartments out here. And so she's getting. Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. So she's like, oh, my God. Like, we had so many Christmases and family events here. This is crazy. Oh, and here comes my mom. And so Nancy comes, and she's like, hello. How's everyone doing?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Looks great. Oh, God, what a. You know, my. My grandfather was always a father figure to me, so it's hard going to be. It's going to be hard going there without him anymore. Nancy's like, yeah, memories. So they walk around remembering things, and

[B]

they're feeling sad, and Joel is like, yeah, I'd love for my mom to be the way my grandpa was, but, like, my mom wasn't maternal and nor was my grandmother, so. So now they sit on the front stoop, and they're looking at photos, and they see one of a long time ago. And she's dressed like a nun, Joel, and is dressed like a nun. She goes, yeah, because I was an angel, Ma. And Jen's like, yeah, look at you with Bill Clinton, Ma. And Joel's like, did he try to hook up with you, Ma? She's like, no, no. Come on, guys. So they're looking at these pictures and stuff, and Nancy's like, oh, God, you think I'm mean? And she's. Jamal is like, you weren't nice. I'll say that. She goes, well, Jen likes me at least. She goes, yeah, but you weren't nice growing up, Ma. She goes, oh, and you were nice. She's. I'm not the parent, Ma. You know, you should have showed me how to be respectful and kind, because now I'm not. And I hate that about me. I'm a. And it's your fault.

[A]

You get that from me. I mean, if the shoe fits. Well, it wouldn't fit your slutty foot. See, that's what I'm saying, Ma. Oh, God. Now, well, she's saying I was mean, right, Jen? Back me up. You're the good one. I like. You're the one who likes me. Back me up. Okay, Ma? You make believe like, you didn't hurt me my whole life. She's like, well, you're blaming me for the behaviors you exhibited in your childhood. I mean, what child blames their parents for being fucked up? I've never heard anything like this before.

[B]

And Jamal is like, that's not what I said, Ma. You sent me away in seventh grade and then eighth grade and then ninth grade. I mean, what's the worst thing that I did? She goes, joel, and your behavior Was out of control. She goes, no, you would. Like she's better off in somebody else's hands. She goes, the lies. What about the lies? She was. About what, Ma? About being with people you weren't supposed to be with. She goes, with boys. Right, Ma? Well, that's what teenagers do. And you would always say, you're bipolar.

[A]

You're this.

[B]

I'm not bipolar, okay? I was depressed as a child. That's not, like, something you send your kid to, like, a place with, like, drug addicts when I had never done drugs.

[A]

I don't know. Last time you said you were gonna hang out with Richie Zambino. And then I looked down, and there's a picture of you with Bill Clinton. How am I supposed to deal with that? Okay? I'm sending you away. I don't like that. The lies. I'm telling you so many lies. But you know what? I apologize. Now, if I hurt you, I didn't do it intentionally. I just did it so I could watch Wheel of Fortune in peace for once in my life. Okay? I try to get. You know, a lot of times I had too much on my plate at one time, and it was a. It was overwhelming. But why didn't you love me? I loved you. And if I didn't show, it's because that's how I was raised. Okay? I could do it, too. You want to do it? I'll do it, too. Let me give you an example of me growing up. This is how my mom treated me. Okay? One night, they surprised us. They came home early, and I ran up the stairs, and I hit my head. My eye on the headboard, and I was bleeding all over the place. And, you know, my mother said, yes. She said, my floors, my flaws, I just had them clean. My floors, not my eyes. And I'm bleeding. I had to get six stitches. You didn't say anything about my eyes. You know, she was like, I. You're gonna try to guilt me? Well, guess what? I. I've been through the same shit, too. Yeah.

[B]

And she's like. And so the sister goes, so you didn't feel loved? Do you think you kind of became your mom? She's like, well, I do think I was like my mom. You know, that's how I was brought up. That's how I was bringing you up. And I did try to change as I got older, at least. Sounds like. Well, you did the best you could, Ma. We know, but we had a tough, tough childhood. And there's, you know, the points. There was no way out And Joanna's like, yeah, I felt the same way. Like, I don't think you realize the person you shaped, who we became. No matter how much therapy I've had, I feel like I'm broken now. All of this, I really needed more for the mom. Like, for me, this was the mom's audition because I kind of stood up for the mom, because to me, it was like. Well, you say you didn't. You know, in. In every kid's mind, it's like, I was innocent and my parent was mad at me, but, like, what did you do to get sent to this thing? You know? And people kind of get mad at me for saying that, but to me, it's just like, cause and effect. Like, I did this. So then this happened. So what did you do for this thing to happen? Right? And. No, I mean, I need you to come in here, Nancy, and I need you to be like, all right, listen, you killed the cat, you know, or you. You were murdering bunnies. Or like, you. You lied about a gluten intolerance for your whole life, and I had to learn how to make gluten free things, and I found out you were lying. I mean, something dramatic and horrible that would necessitate you sending your kid to a hospital. You have nothing. You have no dramatic story, Nancy. So I officially have to apologize because I was like, surely the mom can't be this up and crazy. And the mom is. The mom is like, I had a lot on my plate, so I sent you away. Are you kidding? Get her a job. I mean, like, what other parents. Child labor. That's how most of us deal with this. Okay, well, maybe Nancy was just caught

[A]

off guard because she's like, I thought we were just gonna gather my dead dad's belongings, but that's okay. I'm happy to sit here and learn that I up my children. I will.

[B]

Great.

[A]

On tv. Sure. So maybe she wasn't able to pull up some great examples, but I. I am. I am with you on this one. Like, where was the. I was waiting. I was waiting for the. Well, Joelle. And you. You lit our family cat on fire. I was like, I was ready for that story. I was so ready for it.

[B]

I mean, to send your kid away three times and one time for a year to a rehab place when she wasn't even on drugs. I mean, that's already crazy on the face of it, but to have nothing except you lied about being with boys is. That's nuts, Nancy. Damn.

[A]

It is funny that, like, that's. That's Joellen's biggest offense is that she was, like, too promiscuous. And then she has a photo of Bill Clinton is.

[B]

But wasn't it the mom?

[A]

Hilarious? No, I thought it was Joelle and Bill Clinton.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was the mom.

[A]

It was hilarious. I mean, it's hilarious. So Nancy's like, well, it doesn't make me feel good to know that I've done the damage that I've done. And it breaks my heart. And I promise to give it all to try and be a better parent and be there for you and your children beyond what I already do, which is babysitting every other weekend. But anyway, apparently that's not good enough. So I'll keep on working hard. Drone's like, I need you to realize that you have two daughters and three grandchildren who need you. It's not about babysitting. It's about spending time. Isn't that babysitting? No. And let, like, let's learn how to cook. Let's do things together. I don't know. I need you to be there for me.

[B]

Well, one thing I did teach them. I said, when you got dirty fingers, wipe it on the carpet. Nobody will notice. Ma.

[A]

So it's you after all. You know, for my mom to say to me, I want to do a better.

[B]

Be a.

[A]

Be a. Be a better mother and like, better grandmother to me, to my kids. I have been waiting my whole entire life for that. I'm, like, so happy. But I do reserve the right to complain about my mother for the rest of the season. Thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And in perpetuality, here comes one right now. To Doctoro Pharmaceutical Patrocinado.

[B]

Hi, I'm Liv Perez from the let's Get Dressed podcast.

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Download the Depop app and list your first item today. So now Liz arrives at the marijuana lab. Hey, Sean. Your director of lab operations working on a Garnier. So they're all in their scientist gear. Like, we're scientists making gummies.

[A]

And. Ls like, Gary and I own a cannabis dispensary. And we developed so many products, not only thc, but other compounds of the plant. And I'm just like, I'm so excited for my friend Dolores to see the lab because she never been back here before. So Dolores shows up like, hello, this is Dolores. I'm here to look at marijuana plant making. And so what is this?

[B]

What knots. I can get. I can't even get in.

[A]

But it's like so difficult.

[B]

Barely. Barely made it. So she comes in.

[A]

This is like Frankie's duel when he has a female guest over. Can't get in. Guess the only thing that's missing is a sock.

[B]

So she's checking out these, this candy, this gummy or whatever that they're making for menopause. Okay. Now they don't tell us what they're doing to this to make it menopause gummy. I think they're just like, here's some weed that'll help you with your menopause. Because I don't know that there's like a special formulation, but I guess weed just helps with everything, really. Just take it for anything. So just. Just label anything on there. Just put like, psoriasis gummy. Boom. It helps your psoriasis feel better. It's a gummy. It's marijuana. It's gonna help.

[A]

Yeah. So it's like this blue. This blue gummy that turns all everyone's tongues blue. Like, that's true. That's exactly what the irony. The irony of, like, entering this new stage of your life, this, like, new stage of maturity while you're having these gummies that make you look like you're 11 year old at sleepaway camp just having like a popsicle. But. But then they take it, and Liz tells us, actually that Rhode island is the first state in the US to make menopausal women a protected class in the workplace, which I think is really cool.

[B]

So.

[A]

And we see some headlines too, because why not? So they. They love the flavor of this gummy. I was like, this is really good. This is perfect. It's actually delicious. It's actually perfect. Like, don't even touch it, you know? Sean, get over here. Don't touch this. Don't even change a single. Not a single flavor. Keep the flavor exactly the same. You know what I want to do with this flavor? Nothing. I don't even want to look at this. I don't Even want to touch it anymore because it's so perfect. Don't get it on my site. Don't do anything to it.

[B]

So they start talking about how menopause hit them. And Liz is like, menopause? I didn't even recognize myself, you know, I mean, did I get a new face? Sure. But, you know, that took a minute. But, you know, I was doing things that were crazy. I was walking a cat on a leash. I was drinking out of goblets from medieval times. I mean, who the hell was it? You're still doing all that stuff. Well, it's still going. Give me. Give me a gummy. Give me a gummy.

[A]

Yeah, well, you know what? It's so funny because me and Paul literally almost broke up over. Over menopause. We were fist fighting over the thermostat. Oh, my God, the change. The change. You never even heard of menopause. Oh, my God, the change. Let's be honest. I haven't felt this good in a long time because I'm. Guess what, I'm getting high. I'm high right now. Because they are then. Now they're high on the gummies.

[B]

Insta high. Those must be really good. It usually takes a while, but they're like, oh, I'm high now. Menopause. Who. Who remembers menopause? So now we go to rulers, and they are preparing the dining room for some guests. It's going to be a double date night.

[A]

So, by the way, I didn't like this because. Because rulers or says something like, oh, my God, the dining room. We're using the big dining room. We only use this, like, three times a year. I'm like, lady, the last time you shot us, the group scene in your house was in the dining room. Okay, I'm paying attention. I'm paying attention. You're not.

[B]

This dining room chandelier is so tacky. I could not. With the chandelier in the dining room. It looks like, like kind of a big diamond toilet paper roll. I don't know what the hell it's supposed to be, but it was making me crazy. So she's like, does this look even. Babe, this is where some of my OCD sets in. I'm ready for a cocktail. It's me, farm ruler.

[A]

He's like, well, let's wait for them, because they'd be ignorant if we. If we. If we start drinking. It's like drinking before they walk in. I'm like, I think he meant to say indignant, not ignorant, but that's okay. So they go into the kitchen. And Ruler tells us, you know, we're having Billy and Alicia over for dinner. I'm excited to have some company and let loose. Look at me, letting loose. I'm already feeling pretty loose. I mean, I was very sick in bed, and between my hospital visits, it's been more than a minute since I had a drink. There was a joke in there. No one's left. You didn't get the joke Is more than a minute. Oh, I forgot to set it up. Okay. Anyway, fun Ruler, fun Ruler here.

[B]

I love Newport. It's one of my favorite places to spend time. So I feel like I really missed out a little bit. But there's so much negative energy surrounding Joellen and some of the friends in the group. Would I have been excited to be trapped in a castle With a couple of nights with the group? Probably not. I'd rather be in my own castle.

[A]

There was a joke. See, that was that. That was the joke, actually. You guys want to laugh? So then Alicia and Bill arrived.

[B]

I'm still waiting for fabulous Ruler to show up because they still make it. They're like, rule. Our rule isn't here. Where's Ruler? Oh, my God. It's the same with Ruler. She's like, I love Newport, but I'd rather be in my own castle. Just.

[A]

Just like a sad robot.

[B]

She is a walking menopause gummy. You know? She's like, yeah, walking effect. I don't know if she's taken too many of those gummies. I don't know what she is.

[A]

So Billy and Alicia arrive, and Alicia's like, I love hanging out with Willa, but I don't want to give her the bad news about the video. I feel like being a house. I want to die. I feel like carrying a poster. I don't know. I know. I just, like, I know what you did last week. Okay. I saw the time and the date. I just. I can't hide it. Like, my face shows everything. So they get in, and Brian's like, oh, my God. Come on in. Hey, we're using the company room. We've only used it three times in the past five years. Only three times. I'm like, I know you used it when those ladies came over. So Elise. Alicia's like, I just feel uneasy because I really want to enjoy Brian and Rula, and I want them to work on the marriage, but I just feel guilty.

[B]

It's like, oh, God, I'm gonna get yelled at for eating too much. This food looks so good. It's like, tonight we're here for Manja. Manja. Manja, by the way, has pizza mama. And Brian's like, I can tell it's not gonna. I can tell it's not from a can because I don't get heartburn eating a piece. Even at midnight when I come home. You know, podiatrists always. It always at work till midnight.

[A]

All those late night surgeries for those bunions. Yep. He's told Rula. Yeah, sorry, I always have to work late. It's just the, the life of being on emergency podiatry calls. So I was like, yeah, he wouldn't lie. Trust me, he wouldn't lie about this. It's like, so leash is like, yeah, I need to get Botox because. But like, I don't know when to fit into my schedule because I just, you know, I gotta drive over some bridges. Apparently. I was like, oh, yeah, you. Oh yeah, dude. Hey, do you do that? You got a place, right? We'll do you have a podiatry? He's like, yeah, we do everything. Not only do we get rid of your coins, but we also do Botox fillers, used cars. We sell those as well. We also, we got some Lean Cuisines in the back that we sell to people. Whatever you need, we got it.

[B]

Botox and bunions come to me. Alicia's like, oh, wow. I didn't know that. Wow, you guys, wow, that's incredible. Wow, what a business. Wow. He goes, plus, I'll charge you less. And Alicia goes, do you go? Do you go to him? And it's like, of course I do. Have you seen my face move once? Ever get so lucky. Like, you know what? I'm getting fed off the pizza restaurants. Like, at least when I get Botox, like, you know, that, that, that does. It does have calories, right? Does Botox have calories?

[A]

Yeah, you know what? She laughs at me like a genetically modified organism. She's like, I feel like I'm getting fat, so I sell Ozempic. So I'll take a little Ozempic. I feel like I lost a little muscle, so I take steroids. I feel like I need a little Botox every day. I'm doing a little something. So she goes, did you do something? And I'm like, yeah, I see. I sell this. Might as well do it. You know, I've been on Ozempic for two years. I macro dosing, you know, that's all I do. I'm like, please, like, there just could not be any more writing on the wall that this man is having an affair.

[B]

When he says yeah, she laughs at me like I'm some genetically modified organism. You look like a genetically modified organism. You look like something was put into the petri dish. That just isn't right. You just see the. The cell just, like, morphing, you know?

[A]

He looks like a Botox capybara. So Alicia is like, wow, this is incredible information. And I was like, I think the two shots of tequila he took before you guys have got to him.

[B]

Yeah, I'm dropping science on you. I'm dropping science on you. Ozempic. That's some real SC right there, huh? Yeah.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

Like, I'm having science class right now. Like, I'm so jealous. Okay. By the way, can I ask you a question? Is your husband. Why are you jealous? You don't need Ozempic.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

I almost did it. I almost got it out there. Damn it.

[A]

And then, so Brian gets a text message. He goes, hey, can I go to the bathroom to answer this text message? Very important that has to be received in the bathroom. Even though there's many other up rooms in this house, so. And by the way, when he gets the text message, he looks down, and he looks right at the camera, like, Then he, like, looks away. Did you notice that? Did you clock right the camera? Yes.

[B]

He's always so guilty. He's like, ding. Oh. Oh, Gotta go. Gotta go to the bathroom. Gotta go. Okay. I'll be okay. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. I had a work call to take. Yeah, I had a work call to take. But it's all good. We can have some fun now and at least, like. Wait, I thought he went to the bathroom, though. But, like, maybe someone's having a problem with their foot, you know? I don't know. I give this too much. This guy too much credit. God.

[A]

Everyone dig in so the food doesn't get called. Manja, Manja, Manja. Oh, hey, that's not vodka, is it, Brian? He's like, well, of course it is. I'm. I'm home. I don't know. I don't have much far to drive. I'm. I'm totally. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's totally chill. I'm not sweating. You're sweating. Alicia's like, like. So how long did you guys date before you got married? It's like three years. Three exciting years. Brian, tell him the story.

[B]

God, we got married. I never stopped dating.

[A]

Tell me other story, Brian. Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

It's interesting. It's interesting. All right, so we met in 2013, and what happened? Was I met her at Jackie's and I said, hey, what do you want to drink? I order my drink, and when I order hers, I make sure hers is a double. I tell the guy, make it a double. Okay. So every time we get around, I'm having one drink, she's having two drinks. So before you know it, she's shit faced. And look, it worked out pretty well. God, date rape. What a romantic story.

[A]

I was like, I don't think this is as romantic as you think it is. Yeah, so damn. Alicia's like, I don't want Taboola about this video, especially after hearing such a lovely story. And I don't want her to tell. I don't want to tell her next week either. I can't do it. I can't. I can't. I can't do it. I can't. I, like, call me a bathroom. But, like, for not telling her right away. But, like, I don't have it in me. I can't look at them. They're like. They're like, destined to be. Like, she drank twice as much as him and wasted, Passed out. And then he made a fall in love with, like, how could they disrupt a love story like that?

[B]

So Brian tells us another great story is like, yeah, you know, I used to like my steak medium rare, but then I started operating and the smell of blood messed it up for me because a filet mignon, that's like an Achilles tendon, like, Ryan, they're never gonna come over again.

[A]

Oi. So now we go to the main event, which already we've had kind of two main events, I would have to say with the mom conversation and that dinner. But now we have a rainy day and Kelsey is driving her car and she calls up Billy and she's saying how she's gonna go to Rosie's house and she's gonna do. She didn't cut Rosie's hair. She's like, oh, my God, we're in such a better place. And, like, we're friendly now. And. And so he's like, yeah, this is good. It'd be nice icebreaker, you cutting her hair. And she's like, yeah, it's gonna be in the comfort of her own home. And, you know, I don't hold grudges. And not only do I like glamming myself, I do like glamming other people and making them feel beautiful. So I think it's just a good way to build a connection with her, you know, get to know her.

[B]

Yeah. So then we go to Rosie's and she has a big pink neon sign that says my happy place. So Rosie's talking to Clemmie. She's like, you're gonna be nice to the friend. When my friend comes over and she calls Rich, and he's like, I just got the to Cabo. And she's like, well, Kelsey's gonna come over. So, okay, I put the plan on the counter. So I'm gonna show her. I'm gonna be like, oh, my God, you're here. Well, here's our house plans. What do you think about that? Okay. So he's like, okay, well, you know, hopefully Clement likes it, because Clemmie likes everybody. So she's like, what's up with this? I don't know. You know what I mean?

[A]

Clemmie's like, I just want a nap.

[B]

So.

[A]

So anyway, meanwhile, Kelsey's coming, and she's explained to Billy that, like, now that she's in a good place with Rosie, you know, she's just gonna, like, you know, make a joke about, like, the square footage and everything. You know, like, it's just a joke about how I was calling her out and everything. So now we can joke about it because we're past it, right? So now here comes Kelsey, and she drives up in her Land Rover, and she has, like, a. Like a. Like a sound system on it. And she starts hitting the button to make her go. It's like making siren noises, but it's really, really loud. And she has, like, the megaphone of this. The loudspeaker attached. And she's like, it's this. It's the house police. The square footage police or whatever. And Rosie's like, what the is that? And, like, club music.

[B]

Square feet. More like 8,000 square inches.

[A]

And the dog is freaking out because these are loud noises. And Rosie's like, what? And Kelsey is like, oh, my God. And, like, you know, it. It's like, definitely, like, a shitty joke. But, like, I also think that, like, Kelsey was, like, laughing. She's like. She's like, isn't this so funny? Because we can laugh about this now. And Rosie's like, no, we're not. We're not at that place yet. No, no.

[B]

And it just keeps going and going because Rosie doesn't really get it. She's like, what is that noise? So she comes out to look, and Kelsey just keeps going. She's like, bloop, Bloop. Your house is tiny. I'm here. I'm the tiny house police. You're lying about the square footage for, like, five Minutes.

[A]

Kelsey definitely thought she was having some sort of moment. Like a. Like when they pranked Karen Huger, you know, with the pizza or. I don't know. It feels like something Heather Gay might do to Lisa Barlow or who knows what like. Or Whitney Rose might do.

[B]

Like, this is definitely Heather Gay thing to do.

[A]

Yeah. She thought she was having a funny housewife housewives moment, but Rosie was like, no, we're. We're not quite at laughing moments yet. Although I am about to shade you with these plans, but either way, we're not there yet. And she is so mad. She gets so pissed.

[B]

And she's like, I live in a very nice community with a no siren ordinance. You can't just be, like, blasting sirens. So Kelsey's like, ah, hey, I just had to bust balls. And she's like, oh, God, you know, so let's. Let's show her all the plans then. Okay. She goes, oh, wow, thanks for putting that on display. She goes, yeah, well, I had to, because you drove in and you said 8, 000 square feet, which was the number in February, and this is the number. Now go measure it. Do you want to measure it? Okay. You're the one who wants to measure it so bad. Why don't you just measure it? Why don't you do that?

[A]

She gives her the measuring tool, you know, like this big measure. And Kelsey's like, thanks. And Rosa goes, I don't know what I'm. I don't know what I'm doing. And Kelsey is like, well, should we do it after the haircut? She's. I mean, if you want, we can do it now. It might rain, so maybe we should do it now. And Kelsey, like, I'm good with the. I'm good. Okay. And I trust these plans. Yeah. Okay. I trust it. At this point, Kelsey should have said, sorry, I was. I thought I was just trying to make a joke about this, but it's not landing well. I didn't really mean it, like, this deep. And Rosie's like, so what's the issue with the square footage, by the way? Because I said it was going to be 8, 000 in February, and now it's 5,000. Like, what's the deal?

[B]

And Kelsey's like, rosie, relax. I'm fine. She goes, I mean, what a weird thing to do. Like, honestly, I don't like that. I don't like it. And Kelsey's like, whoa. I thought I could joke with her, but I thought we were at a level where we could just, like, chill. She needs to Take a pill. So Rosie's like, you already attacked my house and my character and, like, literally everything about me. Like, Rosie. Rosie is not ready to get her haircut. She was like, we were gonna fight. These are my house plants. And you were wrong, biatch.

[A]

You played the siren sound effect in my neighborhood, and that's crossing the line. Rosie's like, this is such a nice neighborhood. And you're like, 8,000 square feet. 8,000 square feet. Kelsey's like, rosie, it was a joke. I was showing you my police radar. I thought it was funny. I was making a joke. I was being light hearted. Well, I don't think it's that funny, actually. You know, the funny joke proves that you are not trying to move. This funny joke proves that you're not trying to move forward with me. You just want to make fun of me. And now you're coming to my house and you're going to do it again. Seriously, it's fucked up.

[B]

Rosie's really on one. I'm surprised she got this pissed, but she was ready to go. My God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kelsey's like, I thought it was funny. She said, yeah, well, I'll show her these plans. You can see for yourself. You know, ask me questions. And you guys talk behind my back all the time. She's. And she's like, instead, you're driving here and you're out saying, 8,000 square feet, like, where the is your house, Kelsey? Where the is yours? You know? And at least I'm on the deed of this house. Like, where are you?

[A]

Okay, you're being very aggressive. I'm being aggressive? You came in with a fucking siren. Yeah, I did it because it's funny. It's not funny. Laugh. Yes, it is. After everything you've done, you think this is funny? What did I do to you? What have I done to you? I literally have done nothing to you. Are you kidding me right now? I'm sorry I called you a polygamous at a picnic, okay? When you have a boyfriend fucking another girlfriend, that. That's polyamory. That's polygamy. Get the fuck out of my house. I'm so over you, by the way. That's the funniest thing, which is. Okay, well, I'm sorry I called you a polygamist.

[B]

I'm sorry called you a fucking polygamist at a picnic.

[A]

What have I ever done to you except call you a polygamous instead of polyamorous? I'm sorry. This is so fucked.

[B]

And that wasn't nice. And I'm so Tired of it. And you said so fucking much this whole summer. Get the fuck out of my house. And she goes, okay, I will then. I will. So I can stop talking. Get your and get out of my house.

[A]

Who do you think you're talking to? I think I'm talking to you. And you are no one. You are literally no one. You are no one. So then Kelsey, like, sort of, sort of moves her arm to be like. Like, move away. And then Rosie, don't touch me again. Don't ever touch me again. You're literally no one. Talk to me when you have a house. Talk to me when you have a husband. Talk to me when you have a career. You don't have any of that. You don't have a career. Sucking dick is not a career. Shut the up.

[B]

I mean, it can be. First of all, it can be, yeah, like, don't shame us. Don't shame of us. Some of those. Some of us have a career that entails that. Okay, ma'. Am. And Clemmie's just like, it's like the only thing you've ever done in your life is won a pageant you didn't even win. Your sugar daddy had to pay the fucking judges. So shut the fuck up and get out of my house.

[A]

I want it. And Rosie goes, yeah, you want it? You want it? You want it? Get out of my house. Here, I'll help you. I'm so done with you. So she picks up her bag of, like, you know, hair, tools and everything. And Rosie's like, that was so rude what you just did. You come to my house and you do that? That was so rude. They're going down the stairs. Rosie's going down the staircase. And guess he's like, no. And so they're both holding this, like, backpack, bringing her down the stairs together. I could do it myself, like our

[B]

little rolly suitcase thing. So get the fuck out of my house. You're not welcome here, you bitch. I'm fucking tired of you. And you're fucking click. I'm tired of you. You're not welcome. So she throws her stuff outside and then she shoves past Kelsey back inside, and she's like, get out of my house. And so she slams the door on Kelsey while she's trying to come in. And the producers have to intervene because it's going so crazy.

[A]

It's like, I'm over it. I'm just over it.

[B]

And Kelsey's like, oh, you know what? I'm going back in. So she goes back in, and the producer by the way who just tried to stop it is holding the door open for her.

[A]

Like, okay, yeah. She's like, come back in. Try it again, Rosie. By the way, I won the pageant fair.

[B]

It's square.

[A]

I don't suck dick for a living. Actually, Kelsey, everybody in Rhode island knows you married men. Every single fucking person. You're a fucking slam pig. Don't ever fucking come for me again. You're a slam pig. Get the fuck out of my house. Do you want me to call the police?

[B]

It's like, oh, you think you're all tough. You think you're all tough. It's like you. I think you're a is what you are. You're a. And nobody cares. Get out of my house.

[A]

Lamping.

[B]

You liar. Get out of my house.

[A]

I will off. You're such a loser. What a wow.

[B]

Rosie came in too hot, don't you think? It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[A]

She came in really, really hot. For sure. I do think that Kelsey was trying to be funny and, like, Rosie was clearly prepared. They both were trying to be shady towards each other, but Rosie just was like in no mood for it. And Rosie just gathered her and was like. I mean, Rosie went there. She came in too hot. But it was really funny.

[B]

Yeah, it was funny. What a fun episode.

[A]

It was great. It was a great fight. Great little fight there between the two of them.

[B]

Yeah. Good times.

[A]

And now I've learned what slam pig means. I never even heard of slam Pig,

[B]

but apparently someone who's only used for sex. Yeah, looked it up myself. Yeah,

[A]

there it is. Thanks everyone for being here. We appreciate you. And we'll catch you on the next episode of Watch our crapp ends. Bye, y'.

[B]

All. Bye.

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