#3390 RHORI S1E10 Part Two: Homeless Not Truthless

Summary

Watch What Crappens #3390: RHORI S1E10 Part Two – “Homeless Not Truthless”

Podcast Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Episode Date: June 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

The hosts dive into Real Housewives of Rhode Island (RHORI) Season 1, Episode 10, Part Two, focusing on the evolving and often absurd webs of drama, alliances, and betrayals among the cast. This episode zeroes in on the “Homeless Not Truthless” debacle, ongoing family and friendship feuds, and the eternal struggle of bad coffee shop business models. Mandelker and Karam balance biting satire with earnest observations about class, authenticity, and the Bravo universe.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

At the Gymnastics Center: Narula and Family Dynamics

• [02:21] Narula takes her daughter Lila to the Ocean State School of Gymnastics.
  • Banter about matching energy with foam pit blocks.
  • Ben: “This is the first time you’ve been around things that match your energy on this show. Just the blocks of foam in that fucking pit.” [02:52]

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Twin Oaks Restaurant: A Rhode Island Family Gathering

• [03:12–05:47] Alicia’s family celebrates her daughter Selena’s big dance win.

  • Overflowing with “aunts” and local Italian-American flavor.
  • jokes about mob history at Twin Oaks:
    Michelle: “Is there a place in Rhode Island where the mob did not hang out?” [05:25] Ben: “There’s also such a pride in this town of just being a shitty person, you know?” [05:37]

• [07:07] The family recounts Alicia’s claim of being left “homeless,” triggering a chorus of aunts validating the homeless label:

  • Ben: “Yeah, they were homeless. What’s this girl talking about?” [07:13]
  • Comedy ensues over defining “homeless with a bed.”

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Alicia vs. Liz: The “Homeless Not Truthless” Fallout

• [08:00–08:59] Alicia and her mother allege emotional abuse from Liz, Alicia’s ex-BFF.

• Michelle notes this “abusive” accusation will explode at the reunion.
  Michelle: “If you say that someone’s abusive...this is gonna be an issue.” [08:08]

• [09:22] Tangent: Are Disney princesses fair role models?

  • Extended riff—Belle never did anything but read, Sleeping Beauty is “the laziest bitch,” Rapunzel and Rumpelstiltskin get mixed up (“low-end fairy tale”).
  • Michelle on Belle: “More like Belle Biv Duno. Get out of my face.” [10:08]

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At Wickford: Trust Issues Unpack

• [13:05] Dolores, Liz, and Kelsey gather; Joellen’s text is dissected. Debate: Did Joellen support Alicia too much in the “homeless” feud?

  • Liz distrusts Joellen’s intentions; Kelsey prefers to avoid the drama (“Have you washed your foot yet?” [14:48]—callback to previous episode’s gross-out moment).

• [14:36] Liz claims: “They call me the scary one, but I truly believe Joellen is capable of anything.” [15:34]

Discussion on the Nature of Reality Show “Mediators”

• Ben: “It is always the messenger...that winds up in the biggest feud.” [17:20]
• Michelle: “Once you have that stink on you of ‘you’re not authentic,’ that’ll always be the biggest crime in any of these feuds.” [18:50]

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Extended Coffee Shop Rant: Audrey’s Debacle

• [24:59–34:53] The hosts eviscerate Audrey’s coffee shop and its misguided cocktail program.

  • Michelle critiques the cavernous, mall-adjacent space: “It’s too big for a coffee shop...not cozy or chic.”

  • Both mock Audrey's for serving neon blue cocktails and outdated Italian syrup bottles.

  • Michelle: “You cannot, you're not odd. If Audrey's becomes, like, super successful, maybe you can bring that in. Starbucks couldn't even do this.” [26:58]

  • Ben: “The point is, Audrey sucks.” [31:45]

  • Michelle: “Burn it down for sure.” [34:52]

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Rosie & Rich: Banter and Kids Talk

• [22:26–23:24] Scene at the beach devolves into a debate about having children:
  • Ben: “Shut up about you and your kids, you human polluters...everyone stop having kids. Maybe the human race ends. God bless the earth.” [22:49]
  • Michelle: “For every doctor you birth, you also birth a Kelsey sticking her barefoot into a pail of garbage.” [23:05]
  • Ben and Michelle both enjoy Rich & Rosie’s “healthy banter,” predicting it means divorce is inevitable.

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Kelsey’s Art and Avoidance: Mediators Caught in the Crossfire

• [35:23–38:55] Kelsey hosts Joellen for an art day, tries to stay neutral as Joellen dumps her version of events.
  • Kelsey: “I had a scholastic art award in high school.” [36:29]
  • Both fear Liz—Michelle: “There’s no reasoning with Liz...she’s going to come through this fucking screen like the Ring.” [37:46]

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Liz & Joellen's Confrontation: Scorched-Earth Friendship

• [51:13–56:10] The pivotal showdown: Joellen and Liz meet to hash out their feud but end up accusing each other of pulling hair, kicking chairs, and being “cruel” and “fake.”
  • Liz: “What I’m not going to do right, though, is go back to homeless things...But I took offense to you positioning yourself as a peacemaker.” [52:26]
  • Joellen: “Oh, I was stepping on toes. So now that’s assault. You’re saying I’m physically assaulting people.” [53:01]
  • Ashley (as Joellen): “We are not best friends. We were never best friends. Never been?” [54:18]
  • Michelle: “It’s so embarrassing to know somebody that you care about doesn’t care about you the same way.” [56:05]
  • Liz drives away, flipping off Joellen—“Fuck you!” [56:10]

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Bread as a Body-Type Metaphor (Comic Relief)

• [19:19] Ben and Michelle riff on which bread they’d “want to be.”
  Ben: “Finally, a beach for me. Fucking finally I can go somewhere and take off my shirt...I look like a new sourdough boule.” [19:19]
  Michelle: “If bread were like a body goal, I think you’d want to be like a ciabatta.” [21:04]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s also such a pride in this town of just being a shitty person, you know?” – Ben [05:37]
• “Is there a place in Rhode Island where the mob did not hang out?” – Michelle [05:25]
• “Once you have that stink on you of ‘you’re not authentic,’ that’ll always be the biggest crime in any of these feuds.” – Michelle [18:50]
• “Well, it’s always the messenger…” – Ben [17:20]
• “The point is, Audrey sucks.” – Ben [31:45]
• “It’s so embarrassing to know somebody that you care about doesn’t care about you the same way.” — Michelle [56:05]
• “We are not best friends. We were never best friends. Never been?” – Ashley (as Joellen) [54:18]

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Chapter Timestamps

| Time | Segment | Summary | |-----------|----------------------------------------------|-------------| | 02:21 | Gymnastics w/ Narula & Lila | Family energy, foam pit jokes | | 03:12 | Twin Oaks Restaurant / Mob Jokes | Family nostalgia, Rhode Island pride & mob talk | | 07:07 | “Homeless” Feud | Rehashing Alicia’s life story, all aunts weigh in | | 08:00 | Alicia vs Liz | “Abusive” claims, foreshadowed reunion drama | | 13:05 | Wickford Sit-Down | Trust, authenticity, and Joellen’s role | | 17:20 | Messenger Curse Discussion | Reality show feuds, authenticity as ultimate crime | | 24:59 | Audrey’s Coffee Shop Roast | Why Audrey’s business model is doomed | | 35:23 | Kelsey & Joellen Art Day | Diplomacy, fear of Liz, art surprises | | 51:13 | Liz & Joellen Final Showdown | Heated accusations, dissolving friendship, dramatic exit |

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Tone & Style

Snarky, irreverent, and insightful; both hosts oscillate quickly between biting wit (“burn it down, Audrey’s!”), pop culture tangents (Disney princesses, bread as body types), and moments of genuine psychological observation on Bravo reality dynamics.

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Listen If:

You love Bravo’s unique brand of messy, cyclical drama, enjoy deep dives into reality TV social psychology, or simply want to laugh at the expense of doomed RI coffee shops and ridiculous friendship feuds.

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For further episodes and bonus content, support at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.

Transcript

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[Michelle]

quo.

[Ad Host 2]

No missed calls, no missed customers.

[Michelle]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[Ben]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one.

[Aaliyah]

Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps.

[Ben]

Go back and listen to part one. Okay, it's before this one.

[Ashley]

Bye.

[Ben]

Enjoy the show.

[Michelle]

So now we go to the Ocean State School of Gymnastics because Narula and her daughter Lila. Layla, we're gonna practice gymnastics. Okay, well, okay, why don't we do some straddle jumps? Okay, I'm gonna do a jump. Okay. I wish I could do a back tuck, but I'm not gon risk it. And so she does a front talk into the.

[Ben]

Into the phone pit.

[Aaliyah]

She's like, wow, this is amazing. I wish I could retire and do this every day.

[Michelle]

Brian's like, oh, so you would like to stay out of the house and be at a specific location every day for a certain number of hours.

[Joellen]

Great.

[Michelle]

I support it.

[Ben]

This is the first time you've been around things that match your energy on this show. Just the blocks of foam in that fucking pit.

[Michelle]

I know, right? So we go to Rosie's house and she's like, rich, I'm gonna put on some eye masks. Which one should I do?

[Alicia]

Clouds or bows.

[Michelle]

She's like, I really, really don't give a fuck.

[Ben]

How about something that wasn't made for 5 year olds with eye bags? I know.

[Michelle]

And then we wind up in Cranston at Twin Oaks Restaurant. And Alicia's there.

[Ben]

And I wonder if those oaks resent each other.

[Michelle]

Deep down, oaks are like, we look nothing alike. And I'm like the younger oak. So Alicia is. She's there.

[Joellen]

She's like, there's something about Twin Oaks with my family that's like nostalgic, you know? Cause like, you know, it's nice. It's a restaurant.

[Michelle]

And they're like, hey, Susan in?

[Alicia]

What's up?

[Michelle]

They come in because their daughter Selena won a trophy for dancing.

[Ben]

Yeah, she won like the state.

[Aaliyah]

The state championship. It's a big deal. And we're here, we're here all getting together. Like we're going to celebrate because she, she won a national title. Like, you know, like. Wait, what does she win? Wait, hold on. Let me think about it. It's a title. It's a championship. Hold on, what's it called? Just name for it.

[Ben]

Ms.

[Ashley]

Title.

[Aaliyah]

This title. It's a big deal.

[Michelle]

Yeah. And so all the ants. The. Mom, the ants are there. The ants have multiplied. Something has happened. We've now gone up from four or five ants to 10 of them. There's just more and more ants every single time. And honestly, I can't get enough. The more ants the better. Like, I love the ants.

[Ben]

It's like watching DNA split under a microscope. Keep popping up. And each one is more than the last one.

[Ashley]

How you doing, honey? You did something in Miss Title. We're so proud of you. Yeah. So proud of you. You did. Mr. Who are you?

[Aaliyah]

I just popped up.

[Ben]

Just split off this one. Just split off under your anti. Arm.

[Joellen]

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's. That's Sharon over there. And that's Sharon number two.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I. I love. Each one has been more wronged by a man than the next one. And they're just bitter and jaded. But like, what you going to do? You get to this age, you just live with it.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

Well, you got a crown in there, honey. What is that a crown?

[Aaliyah]

It's like. Yeah, yeah, it's like Miss America, but for like, you know, the dance world. It's like huge. Ma, it's Twin Oaks.

[Ben]

She tells us about Twin Oaks and

[Aaliyah]

she's like, it's such a staple of Rhode Island. There's just something about it, you know, it's like out of a movie. You Know, but the rumors are like, that the mob used to hang out at the bar there a lot. Like, crooked cops, crooked lawyers, you know, it's like, basically, it's like dating. It's where you go to date.

[Michelle]

Is there a place in Rhode island where the mob did not hang out? It's a pretty small state, and there's, like, a very high ratio of mob to land mass in Rhode Island. So I think they pretty much hung out, like, at all the restaurants.

[Ben]

There's also such a pride in this town of just being a shitty person, you know?

[Aaliyah]

It's like, wow, we love this restaurant. It's where all the crooked cops came.

[Ben]

That's why I bring my daughter, who just won a national title.

[Joellen]

If you need to bribe someone to get out of the pocket ticket, you come here, get them some garlic bread.

[Michelle]

You're set.

[Joellen]

You're good to go.

[Michelle]

So now Alicia's cousin Brianna Nicole is there. Brianna Nicole. I feel like Brianna Nicole is always in a state of having to pick up the laundry from the floor.

[Joellen]

Brianna Nicole, can you pick up the laundry on the floor? Why are you leaving so bad?

[Ben]

They just use both names at all times.

[Ashley]

It's like, what has been going on? I've not seen you. This summer's been so crazy.

[Aaliyah]

She's like, oh, my God, there's so much going on.

[Ben]

You don't even know. Like, selena, pay attention. You know what?

[Aaliyah]

Selena, move to the other end of the table.

[Ben]

I don't want you listening to this.

[Aaliyah]

You're a stalker.

[Ben]

And the daughter's like, nah, just go to the other side. That was me around my mom's friends. They're like, please go over there. So I'd go to school the next day and be like, did you hear

[Aaliyah]

what that bitch Jackie did to Hilda? It was ugly.

[Michelle]

Hilda.

[Ben]

Oh, God. Mom's friends.

[Michelle]

Ms. Title. Get out of here.

[Joellen]

So Alicia's like, everyone come closer so my stalker daughter doesn't listen. Okay, Aunt Judy. Okay. And Aunt Judy number three, get over here. Okay. I've been hanging out with these girls, and we all went to the castle, and we all wore a mask, and everyone would share their emotions. And, you know, I couldn't even have a Triscuit. It was so. It was so intense. And I talked about my dad and things I remember. Do you know, remember? And I was like. One of the things I remember is that, like, basically my father, he left me for homeless. And then Liz went. He's like, you know, homeless. And then she went. She was. We were in the car to Boston and all of a sudden, I don't know, something just like snapped, you know,

[Michelle]

and her mom's like, oh, yeah, we were homeless. We were homeless.

[Ben]

Yeah, we were homeless. What's this girl talking about? Yeah, how could she do that?

[Joellen]

They were homeless.

[Ashley]

I remember. They were homeless.

[Joellen]

They were homeless.

[Ashley]

That's not a friend right there.

[Ben]

Yeah, that doesn't sound like a friend right there.

[Joellen]

Marissa, you remember them being homeless? Yeah, they were homeless.

[Ashley]

I remember. Yeah. Yeah, they're homeless.

[Michelle]

Yeah, very homeless.

[Ben]

Homeless.

[Joellen]

They were more homeless.

[Michelle]

You can imagine.

[Ashley]

Homeless with a bed.

[Ben]

Don't you fuck with me, all right? Homeless. Onto the bed. What kind of friend are you?

[Joellen]

Don't break out my sports.

[Ashley]

Homeless. Homeless with a bed. You had cabinets.

[Ben]

What are you bringing up the cabinets right now for? We were homeless with cabinets in the bed.

[Joellen]

I still miss my Corvette bed.

[Michelle]

Didn't Alicia have like a convertible bed? Yeah, a little race car bed. So Alicia's like, I've known this since

[Joellen]

I was born and, like, she should know better. But, you know, she's abusive. So I just. It feels good to say that. Sorry.

[Michelle]

I'm like, oh, that's coming back at the reunion, big time. That's. If you say that someone's abusive, it's both. And your best friend, that. That and Liz, that this is going to be an issue. Right?

[Ben]

Liz is going to get so mad. She's going to abuse her ass at the reason why.

[Michelle]

She'd be like, let me show you how non abusive I am by tearing her apart right now. Yeah, exactly.

[Ben]

So Alicia's saying she embarrassed me. She's focused on trying to destroy me. And, you know, and the mom's like,

[Aaliyah]

you know, she's gotta, you know what if she wants to walk in the room right now? You want. She's what, she gonna pretend she's your friend?

[Ashley]

Is she gonna pretend she's your friend?

[Joellen]

I don't know. Cause I'm not talking. I haven't. I haven't answered her phone or call her back. And I think that she's just like, a little bit jealous. You know what?

[Michelle]

Like.

[Joellen]

Cause you know what? You know why? Cause, like, you have a perfect life. That's why.

[Michelle]

Or actually, I'm sorry, The mom's her mom.

[Ben]

Yeah. And she's like, no, I don't have a perfect.

[Aaliyah]

It's far from perfect. It's far from perfect.

[Ben]

And so she's saying, yeah, you know, I don't agree with my family. My life's not perfect.

[Aaliyah]

I'm not married yet. Like, I've been engaged for nine years. Like, I don't even like the way Billy proposed to me. Like, he didn't even give me my Cinderella moment. Where's my Cinderella moment?

[Michelle]

Well, you know, we didn't see Cinderella get proposed to either.

[Ben]

To be fair, Cinderella didn't have great moments.

[Boost Mobile Announcer]

Really?

[Ben]

I mean, she had, like, one. And honestly, like, she had it, like, clean a lot, too. You know what I mean?

[Michelle]

And, like, maybe she should have cleaned better.

[Ben]

Yeah, I feel like you should compare yourself to a Disney princess who didn't have to work so hard, like, where's my Snow White moment? Would that lady ever do?

[Michelle]

What about Belle? Belle?

[Ben]

Belle literally did nothing.

[Michelle]

She just walked around and got books.

[Ben]

She read.

[Michelle]

She actually was very fucking day.

[Ben]

And back then, that wasn't when they were like, oh, my God, you're reading. You're so smart. Like, if you read a book now, people are like, oh, you are so smart. You read. Back then, it was like, sitting around watching TV all day, you know?

[Michelle]

And this should annoy everyone. Saying hello to everyone. Like, ladies. Oh, God, I gotta say, it gotta be perky for this fucking asshole coming through the town being like, hello, bonjour. I'm like, you know what? Let me just wipe this counter down.

[Ben]

I know. It's like, Belle. We all want to give her credit because she was, like, the first one to marry an ugly dude for his mansion.

[Michelle]

More like. More like bell biv Duno. Get out of my face. So Alicia's Aunt Judy comes in, and by the way, I'm sorry, this. I'm making bad jokes over here.

[Alicia]

It's Aaliyah quitting.

[Michelle]

Aaliyah just had a look on her face like, wow, I. What am I doing? My life.

[Ben]

But also, Sleeping Beauty is the laziest bitch out of all time. She still got everything. What she do? She did nothing but sleep all day, that one's.

[Michelle]

But also, she had, like, one job, which was like, not to get your finger pricked.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

Like, how often do you. How often in your life does your finger really get pricked?

[Ben]

Wasn't that Rapunzel?

[Michelle]

No, Rapunzel had the hair.

[Ben]

Oh. But wasn't Rapunzel the one who was stuck with the weaver guy? The troll who was, like, weaving shit?

[Michelle]

That's Rumpelstiltskin.

[Ben]

But he wasn't with her.

[Michelle]

No, Rumpelstiltskin was just, like. Rumpelstiltskin was like, that's like a real annoying fairy tale. Oh, I forget how that worked. But something like, he basically riddles. He, like, stomped his foot into the ground so hard he wound up going into the. I don't know. Rumbelstiltskin's such a mat. It's such a low end fairy tale.

[Ben]

It really is. And it's also like an old guy, you know, like, who wants that?

[Michelle]

Yeah. Like, you always know you're a bad fairy tale if you haven't been made into a Disney movie already. Yeah, like, at this point, if it hasn't been made, then you're just like, not.

[Ben]

Oh, I remind myself every day. So a few days we see a flashback of her saying, you know, Billy,

[Aaliyah]

like, I think it would be nice if you asked me the right way. Like, I don't know, like, surprise me. And he's like, you're almost 50 years old.

[Michelle]

Why do you need this? What surprises you? Let me tell you something. When Cinderella turned 50, I guarantee Prince Charming was not doing anything special for her anymore. So now the aunts are still talking and Judy's like, so maybe what it

[Joellen]

is is the medication that. That Liz takes.

[Michelle]

Huh?

[Joellen]

She's like, no, no, I don't think she's on anything. But you know what they deal in? Medical marijuana.

[Aaliyah]

Like, she doesn't need it, though. She doesn't need it.

[Joellen]

You're a liar.

[Ashley]

That lady doesn't have the medical marijuana. Come on, take notes.

[Ben]

She doesn't like it, Ma.

[Aaliyah]

She has the mess with plants. It's very sacred.

[Joellen]

No, it's the paranoia from the medicine. I'm telling you that right now. Alicia, think about it. Okay? You can tell. You can't tell me. I've been around the block.

[Ashley]

Yes, she's been around the block.

[Joellen]

Yeah, well, you know what? The cooker cops used to hang out

[Michelle]

around the block too.

[Joellen]

Yeah, I know. I was married to one of them. Oh, yeah.

[Ashley]

By the time I was done with

[Ben]

him, he was straight again. We'll break him and put him in a split.

[Michelle]

Now let's go to Wickford, Rhode Island. Cause Dolores summer rental is here. So Liz shows up and Dolores is like, hey, dawg, watch out, dog. Liz is here. So Liz is like, hello, Dollywally dog. I know, it was nice to see dog.

[Joellen]

Liz is like, hello, Dollywally. See, I introduced Dolly this episode, but

[Michelle]

now Dolly, Wally, we're just growing fast.

[Ashley]

I'm really catching on to me, you know? Mommy dressed you up. Ooh, got you coffee. Crystal on. Kelsey's on the way.

[Ben]

So they go sit outside and talk. All the ladies. These three ladies sit out and talk. And so Kelsey's like, well, Joellen texted me. Do you wanna hear what she said?

[Ashley]

She's like, yeah, I wanna hear what she said.

[Aaliyah]

Okay. And so it begins. Liz and Alicia.

[Ben]

I'm trying to calm Liz down, but

[Aaliyah]

she thinks everyone's against her.

[Ben]

Nothing's helping.

[Aaliyah]

I wish you were here.

[Ben]

This is all I know.

[Joellen]

Yeah, something.

[Michelle]

She's like, yeah, I mean, well, I need to hear what happened.

[Joellen]

She's like, okay. So we sit in the car, and Alicia starts saying, my mother's saying, she's so proud of me for telling my truth.

[Aaliyah]

And.

[Joellen]

And I said, alicia, you were never homeless. And as I'm saying it, I got Joellen going, oh, my God, Alicia, your feelings are validated. Your feelings are valid. Oh, my God. And that's coming out of the devil herself. Right? Like, so. Yeah, now I'm feeling it. I'm feeling offense to that. This human is taking the role of a mediator.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ashley]

And it's like, instead of saying, you know, no, she didn't mean it that

[Aaliyah]

way, she's saying she's sorry, stupid Joel.

[Ashley]

And saying, you deserve to feel the way you feel. Nobody has the right to take that away from you. I mean, who the fuck wants to take it away away from her? I said I was sorry 1200 times.

[Joellen]

You know, I always question everything that comes out of Joellen because I just feel like it's disingenuous.

[Michelle]

And Kelsey's like, and Joellen just wants to be liked by everyone.

[Joellen]

Like, yeah. You know what she does is she goes, she's so phony. It's like a. It's like phony baloney. You go to the deli and you're like, can I get some ham, cheese, and some bologna of the phony variety. Because that's what she is.

[Aaliyah]

Kelsey's like, if I just want to

[Ben]

stay out of this, okay, just leave

[Michelle]

me out of this.

[Ben]

Like, she's already been yelled at by Liz. She's like, no, thanks. So she's like, yeah, I think Liz's problems stem from trust. Like, she doesn't trust Joellen at all. And that's the nucleus of the problems. Thanks, Kelsey.

[Michelle]

Yeah, thanks. Have you washed your foot yet?

[Joellen]

So Liz is like, yeah, we get a restaurant. And like Joellen, she kept putting her hands on me. Like, calm down. Like, that makes me more mad. Like, you're enraged. You're fuming. Like, why are you so nasty?

[Ben]

Oh, you know what? See, now she's making her even more worked up. This is what happened.

[Joellen]

Correct. I had no choice but then to shut it down.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Ben]

But eventually, you know what? She's gonna. She's gonna Come to her senses. Hey, you know what?

[Aaliyah]

I'd reach out to her, because you have history. She's like, jo Ellen, it is what it is.

[Ashley]

But when I do look at her, and she's like, I'm so kind and. And, like, who I've gotten to know through the years, that's not a kind person.

[Aaliyah]

Be yourself. You're all the human being. Be horrible.

[Michelle]

Well, it's funny because she also says,

[Joellen]

you know, they call me the scary one, but I truly believe Joellen is

[Michelle]

capable of anything, and this is her thing. I think she just. I think Liz is like, I'm a nice person, and no one is. People always think I'm scary, and no one ever, like, is kind to me or they are not open to me because that I'm like. They think I'm scary, and I'm not scary. But this whole situation, I think it's hitting this thing in her where she's like, see? And now I'm gonna be called scary again. And I think that's what's, like, setting her off so much.

[Ben]

Yeah, so. And it's also, like, when you're a bitch like me, you want to be friends with another bitch.

[Aaliyah]

That's just how it goes.

[Ben]

Like, you. Yeah. And so if we're both bitches, then we get in a situation with somebody else, and you act nice, and I'm still acting like a bitch. It's like, I thought we were a team. Like, the funny thing, only bitch.

[Michelle]

But you're not really a bitch. You're just like. You Play 1 on TV. But I'm, like, really a bitch. But, like, for some reason, people think I'm the nice one on this podcast all the time. People like, ben is so sweet. He is so nice and so sweet.

[Ben]

I'm like, you are sweet and nice.

[Michelle]

No, I'm not.

[Ben]

But you're also a bitch.

[Michelle]

People don't realize I'm like, I'm a real bitch. And then they. If I. Then if they see that, they'll be surprised. Like, ben's mean. I'm like, yeah, I've always said I was mean, but for some reason, people say I'm nice because you, you know, you.

[Ben]

You are not. I don't think you're mean.

[Michelle]

No, I'm.

[Ben]

To me.

[Michelle]

Well, I think I'm.

[Ben]

I mean, I've seen.

[Joellen]

It's not that I'm mean.

[Michelle]

It's just that, like, I have, like. I have, like, a lot of snotty feelings about things, you know, in a way that I think people are surprised about.

[Ben]

I don't think people would be surprised that you're snotty. I think that that's why you're celebrated. I love your snottiness. I feel like people are so weak and can't be snotty anymore. They have to pretend that everything's, like, the same and everything's not the same. That's why there's rating systems. That's why there's star systems. There's a Yelp for a reason.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Michelle]

Well, it's always so funny to me on all these shows how it is always the messenger. It's always the person who's trying to broker peace between two people that winds up in the biggest feud. Because what's going to happen is Liz and Alicia are going to. They're going to mend fences, and it's now going to become Liz and Joellen. And this happens on Housewives, on any reality show, over and over and over again. I mean, it's why we have a saying, don't shoot the messenger. Because it happens enough that someone.

[Ben]

They literally would kill the messenger. Those books I was reading on Rome, they killed them all the time. The messenger would be come and tell them something. They would behead them. Yeah.

[Michelle]

It's crazy.

[Ben]

But it's also, like, why anybody is a mailman.

[Michelle]

I think that people. I think ultimately we seem to value people just saying what's on their mind. And even if you're mad at them in that moment, if you have a fight, it's like, well, okay, well, you said what was on your mind versus someone who is trying to. People who are trying to broker peace, whether it's real or not, are often perceived as phony because it's like, ultimately, like, who are you trying to. You can't say that you're neutral. That's how people view it.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

And so it's like people are. Would be angrier at someone who they perceive as inauthentic than they would be at someone who might say something that's actually hurtful or mean or whatever. Like, they will always get over something. They'll always get over the beef with the person who said the mean thing or the wrong thing or whatever it is before they get over, you know, someone who they feel like is the

[Ben]

worst, that you can't read.

[Michelle]

But sometimes someone is being authentic, but they're in a position where they're. The someone feels like they're not. Not authentic. And once you have that stink on you of you're not authentic, that's always going to be the Biggest. That'll always be the biggest crime in any of these feuds. Well, so think about that. Everyone who's stopped listening.

[Ben]

Yeah, shut up.

[Michelle]

Shout out. Shout out to people who are not here anymore.

[Ben]

At first glance, I thought this next note said sourdough beach. And I was like, finally, a beach for me. Fucking finally I can go somewhere and take off my shirt. Because that's what I look like without my shirt. I look like a new sourdough. And at least it's new. But, like, I look like a new sourdough. Boulay. Is that what they're called?

[Aaliyah]

Like the. A bull?

[Ben]

They're called boules.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

It's not called boule?

[Michelle]

No.

[Ben]

What, have we just forgotten our French?

[Michelle]

No, that is. No, you're just. You've done the. You just. You. You added like a little extra sizzle to it. But it's a bul.

[Ben]

I like that because my grandfather was Lebanese and if you were lying, you would say bull. Maybe he was just asking for bread.

[Michelle]

Sourdough Boulevard B O U L L E. Boull. Well, anyway, I can only imagine how many bakers have been like, do you guys sell sourdough boulets?

[Ben]

Well, don't forget, I also live in Texas, so I'm sure that's normal there. Can I have one of them boulets?

[Ashley]

Hand it over.

[Michelle]

I have a boulay, please.

[Alicia]

Someone speaking French.

[Michelle]

I got a nice boulay over here. Boo.

[Alicia]

You bully

[Joellen]

me forever.

[Michelle]

You stay so. Yeah, I feel like I look like. I feel like what I look like with Astron is a piece of. Non. Kind of.

[Ben]

I wish.

[Michelle]

Just like, kind of flat but lumpy in areas.

[Ben]

That's good, though. You've got the flatness down. And who doesn't love none?

[Michelle]

I love naan.

[Ben]

Me too.

[Michelle]

I think, like, if you were. If bread were like a body goal, what would you. I think you would probably want to be like a ciabatta.

[Ben]

Right?

[Michelle]

It's got the ripples, like abs on top.

[Ben]

Maybe I would want to be a breadstick.

[Michelle]

Like a baguette. Or as you might call it, a baguette.

[Aaliyah]

Baguette.

[Ben]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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[Ben]

now we have a Rosie and Rich scene where they go to film at the beach with their whole family. And I'm fast forwarding through a lot of this because this whole scene is

[Alicia]

like, when are you gonna have kids? Yeah, what kind of life you're gonna live if you don't have kids, huh? What are you, how old are you? How your ovaries, honey?

[Ashley]

Huh?

[Alicia]

How, yeah, doing, honey, you got. You guys gonna make kids? Ain't no one no life worth living without the kids. What are you doing with this?

[Ben]

Shut up about you and your kids, you human polluters, all of you people. Dropping all these losers all over the place. I'm sick of picking up your litter and hearing your kids run around. Just everybody stop having kids. What's going to happen to the human race? Maybe it'll end. And God bless the earth.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Because for every doctor you birth, you also birth a Kelsey stick in your her barefoot into a pail of garbage.

[Ben]

Yes. You have one doctor and then you have 20 people who are like drinking fucking Drano because they saw it on TikTok.

[Michelle]

You know, that's why you have the doctor to take care of those things.

[Ben]

Exactly.

[Michelle]

But one thing I will say, my takeaway on this that I did enjoy was that I actually think that Rich and Rosie have a really good banter. Like, they have a really good rapport. That feels very healthy to me, which means they'll probably get divorced. But I have to say I think that they have, like, I like their vibe together. I think that, like, he gives it to her, she gives it back. It's like. Cause then we're gonna go right into, I believe, an Ashley scene. Yeah, it's an Ashley scene. Cause it struck me they have a really, I really enjoy their Banter. And then when we go to Ashley, you can see that Ashley's almost like afraid to say things to her husband. She's like, oh, you hate it. You love it when I'm here, right?

[Ben]

So they always had that dynamic too. Cause even on Bachelor in Paradise where they got together, I covered that season and she was, she was like, oh,

[Alicia]

I'm Jared's best friend, but we don't have anything more there. I mean, maybe I like him. It's like he's like dating all these other people.

[Ben]

And then you'd see Jared, like, literally trying to be with anybody else. And finally at the end, he's like, well, I guess no one else is into me, so I guess it's you, Ashley.

[Alicia]

Are you sure?

[Ben]

And so they've got this like, fucked up dynamic that has lasted into their marriage. And like, she's the gorgeous. I mean, he's pretty hot, but she's like the gorgeous model who's making all the money and being famous. And he's just kind of this hot. Not schlubby in a looks way.

[Aaliyah]

He's a hot guy, but he's just

[Ben]

kind of this, like, I'm just. I just want to stay in my coffee shop and make some fucking so coffee and just be left alone and like play my PlayStation. Is that too much to ask? You know? And she's the one acting like she's

[Michelle]

punching up, that she's actually punching down.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Well, speaking of which, let's move on to Audrey's. So I was decided. I was like, what's going on with Audrey's? Because, like, oh, it's not making money. It's not making money. Well, I noticed a few things. One, I just, I decided to look around. Audrey's in the scene. And I looked at it. This is an enormous space. I should have realized it last week when they had their trivia night. But, like, it's very big. It's very airy. This is too big for a coffee shop. I'm sorry. So you're losing money because you don't have a. It's not cozy the way a coffee shop should be. A coffee shop should either be cozy or chic, and it's neither of those things. So.

[Aaliyah]

Need a chandelier.

[Michelle]

Needs a chandelier. Like, if I'm going into a coffee shop, like, I want to either go to a blue bottle where everything is sleek and like, it's stark and I feel very cool and hip, or I want to go into someplace cozy. Like, I want to go into a Central perk place where the comfy couches. But either way, this was just sort of like. It's like a very big, generic space. It's echoey. It just. If you look in the background, it goes forever. There's couches, there's tables, there's a fireplace. It just goes. It goes and goes. I was like, okay, it's in a mall.

[Ben]

I think somebody. I think I read somewhere that it's, like, in a mall or it's part of a shopping center. So it's also not convenient to go to. Like, you're not gonna go to the Starbucks at the mall unless you're at the mall.

[Michelle]

Right?

[Ben]

You know, but if it's part of

[Michelle]

a strip mall, like, okay, fine. But then on top of that, we have this whole scene here that we're about to get into.

[Ben]

About. But wait, I want to still talk about coffee shops.

[Michelle]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's part of that.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Michelle]

It's that thin. I like that.

[Ben]

That was only an hour into this.

[Michelle]

That was, like, a very serious moment. You're like, no, no. We have. No. And this whole scene is about, like, cocktails. And, like, we have a cocktail program we want to introduce.

[Ben]

I literally am not going to your coffee shop to drink booze.

[Michelle]

This is why you're a failing business. No one goes to coffee shops for their cocktails. I'm sorry. That's called a coffee shop. And actually, then I saw the sign. It's called. It's called Audrey's. Audrey's Coffee. And it's not coffee and cocktails, but it's coffee and something else.

[Ben]

Toys.

[Michelle]

But it was like, this is your problem. It's mixed messaging. You just cannot make. You cannot. You're not odd. If Audrey's becomes, like, super successful, maybe you can bring that in. Starbucks couldn't even do this. Starbucks introduced a fancy line of Starbucks. Do you remember these? Starbucks. They were like, the nice Starbucks Aaliyah. Did you ever see those? Nice Starbucks.

[Ben]

Those stores?

[Michelle]

There were these, like, their specialty Starbucks. There was one that used to be on La Brea. And you could get beers on tap. I don't know if you could get cocktails, but you could get alcohol.

[Ben]

Weird.

[Michelle]

Not take off. Well, I'm so mad about this point. I'm like, they're serving alcohol. They shouldn't. It's like, you either be a bar or you're a coffee shop, but you can't be, like, a mix of this and that or whatever.

[Ben]

Pick a lane.

[Michelle]

Pick a lane. And I have a big footprint.

[Ben]

It Is amazing how much design really does matter. So I went to three coffee shops today because we're in SoHo, and I wanted to walk around. I was here early, and so I went to the closest one, which is this one.

[Michelle]

Oh, I went to. You know what? I went there with Michelle once. It has, like, the thing in this middle, right?

[Ben]

Well, it's just. No, it's just like, a little, small, tiny place. You walk in, there's just, like, a counter, like, some little benches that you can sit at.

[Michelle]

Oh, I went to a different place,

[Ben]

and you just walk in. It's very simple. Okay. And I was like, I don't want to go in there, because I don't, like, is our pastry. And then down the street, there's one called Velvet, and you look in, and it's just gorgeous, glittering pastries. And there was a line around the store to get into that one, so I didn't want to go to that one because it was a line. So I went to one down the block. I forget what it was called, and

[Aaliyah]

it was just ugly.

[Ben]

It was like, what are you, 711 or a coffee shop? I'm not even going in there.

[Michelle]

It was a Radio Shack.

[Ben]

Yeah. I'm not going in there.

[Joellen]

And they're selling old keyboards.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

The girl was, like, spraying, like, banaka in her mouth. I'm like, I want to get coffee from you.

[Aaliyah]

Stinky, stinky breath. So I walked back.

[Ben]

Ultimately, I went to Velvet. I mean, it looked gorgeous. It has a line around the block. It's like the pastries are gleaming. You're gonna go in there. They didn't have decaf coffee, though, so I got my pastry from there, and I still ended up at La Colombe. But at least in there, you know, La Colomba's really good. Fast, and it's good. They're simple, you know. You know, you see what you're getting with each one. Audrey's is like, what are you, a trivia night?

[Michelle]

That's the thing.

[Ben]

Is it a pogo stick competition? Like, what are we doing? Am I getting coffee? What's happening?

[Michelle]

And also, the thing is that, like, there is, like, an aesthetic for coffee shops, and if you don't follow that aesthetic, then what it sort of says, the consumer is they don't know what they're doing.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

And so therefore, the coffee's not gonna be good.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

And, like, why am I gonna waste my time here? Because the thing is, I actually sometimes don't even like a coffee shop that looks a little too bougie and fancy. Like, I don't want a coffee shop that looks like it's for influencers. I want a coffee shop that. Again, I just want it to. I want the coffee shop to be a lifestyle that I aspire to. Because if you really. No, if you think about it. If you think about it, the coffee at most of these places is largely going to be the same. Some places have better coffee and you can taste. But, like, by and large, like, I think. I think the average person really is not gonna taste a huge difference between too many of the coffees. You might notice this coffee's a little bit more acidic or this or that. But a lot of times, I think the reason why I think we're gravitating towards certain coffee shops is because we like what that coffee shop says about us and how we feel when we go there. And when I go to certain coffee shops, I feel smarter, I feel artsier, I feel whatever. I feel more motivated to do my thing. But if I go into a coffee shop that is, like, just doesn't have the right vibe, it feels like a waste of a coffee shop experience. I can't explain it when we go out.

[Ben]

No, I think you're explaining it well. I mean.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I think it's like. I mean, I don't like to say, like, oh, I go to a coffee shop because it makes me feel like I'm smarter or whatever. It's, like, embarrassing to say that. But I think if I really drill down, some of these places are about the vibe you want to be surrounded by, because coffee is ultimately coffee.

[Ben]

Well, it's everything, you know, like, every place you go into is like that. I guess.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I mean, for me, it's not. For me, all a coffee shop is is a place that has a croissant. That's all I think about. So maybe that makes me a croissant of a human being. Like, I don't know. I'll take that.

[Michelle]

Yeah. I mean, look, I will get coffee in a. In a.

[Ben]

An hour to be on my couch with the croissant.

[Michelle]

Yeah. But you know what? Like, I just. There is, like, a vibe that you're going. And by the way, I say coffee is coffee. And I know different coffee shops, they do literally have different flavors. Like, you. You can tell a difference. But ultimately, like, a coffee. If two coffee shops have the exact same coffee, you know, if you go to. How about this? You go to a. You're. You're staying at a hotel, and the little cafe downstairs says, we proudly serve La Coulombe coffee And. And then there's like, LA Column down the street. I'm probably going to go to La Columne down the street because I like the vibe there more, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

So I've proven something.

[Ben]

So the point is, Audrey sucks.

[Michelle]

Audrey sucks.

[Ben]

I can't believe this place is still fucking open. Yeah, so Ashley's there.

[Alicia]

It's like, I'm actually starving. Can you make me a grilled cheese or, like, tomato soup or. No tomatoes. Oh, God, would tomato soup be ridiculous?

[Ben]

And he's like, oh, no. She says, can I have a grilled

[Alicia]

cheese but without the tomato soup? Will that be ridiculous?

[Ben]

Yes, lady, you own the place.

[Michelle]

You own the. Just get a grilled cheese. Or actually, how about this? Why don't you go back there and put the two pieces of bread and the butter down on the hot plate that you need to do, and then put the cheese on it and you'll be ready in two minutes.

[Ben]

Yeah. You're the owner. Get back there and work. So she's decided she's going to make this a more profitable coffee shop by bringing in cocktails. As you mentioned, we're gonna do a summer menu. She's like, you hate me being here.

[Alicia]

Don't.

[Ben]

She's like, I mean, not any more than I hate you being at home or in my life in general. Sit down.

[Michelle]

So he. They start experimenting with some cocktails to make for this coffee shop, which already. I don't like that they're making cocktails, but they're doing it. And so he makes like this neon blue cocktail. I was like, what are you. Like, if a coffee shop is going to serve cocktails, it does happen. It can happen. Like, why are you serving a cheesy ass blue cocktail from 1993? Like, what is happening?

[Ben]

It's not like a frat place.

[Joellen]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

No one. No one serves blue cocktails anymore. Like, this is not how it goes, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

Like you want. It should be like artisanal island. Yeah, I guess so. It should be artisanal and it should be, like, muddled and there should be limelies everywhere. But you know what they got. They also have. I also noticed this too, but this coffee shop, the back wall had all those Italian syrups.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Michelle]

And I feel like whenever I see that, I'm like, this is not my vibe.

[Aaliyah]

You're not.

[Ben]

You're not serious people. I don't feel like that's like the guy from Succession.

[Joellen]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Not serious people.

[Michelle]

I don't think that's what coffee shops in 2026 are. Those. Those Syrups are like. They're like a relic of 1997.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

Like, it's like, it's just so out of touch. Like, these are people who don't know what they're doing. Well, I'm not been this fired up in a month. I'm like, so mad about this coffee shop.

[Ben]

It's so funny. Yeah, that blue drink actually triggered me too. I was like, can you just get a vodka soda at this place? Cuz then the other one they made was also a really brightly colored thing.

[Michelle]

Make a mojito.

[Aaliyah]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Why are we making these for like college girls on their first.

[Michelle]

It's like they don't know it. These are people that just don't know what. What. They have no reference.

[Ben]

But I think maybe they're trying to bring the kids into drinking, which is actually smart because they had trivia night and they had all the kids in there. There were like a lot of kids. And so I think they're trying to make alcohol look good to the kids. And then they should open a bar across the street. So create alcoholism. Create some alcoholics young who like your brand and then you transition them into alcoholism. So I think it could be a good idea. I just don't think you're thinking on that level.

[Michelle]

But you know what's also doing is that you know that this place is like last calls at 9:30. You know, they close at probably, okay, 8 or 10.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

Like, so you're like, you want to like what you're trying to like, court some sort of like happy hour thing. Like, so you're not gonna be bar enough to be a bar. You're not gonna be coffee shop enough to be a coffee shop. So just like burn the whole thing down.

[Ben]

I say burn it down.

[Michelle]

Burn it down for sure.

[Joellen]

Her.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Laburna down.

[Ben]

Yeah. So this scene was sad because he clearly hates her and so do you. So that. That works.

[Michelle]

I just think she's a poor casting choice. I'm sorry.

[Ben]

And I'm not.

[Michelle]

I have not understood why she's on this show yet.

[Ben]

I mean, yeah, I like her. I get it. I mean, I know why I really earned her stripes. Especially like the other. The other ladies on here putting in a lot more. Except for you, Ruler. But at least she has a cheating husband, you know? And she's Lebanese, which I always approve of.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So then this is boring. So then we go to Kelsey's apartment and she has easels. So we learned something about Kelsey today, which is that she is a somewhat higher end, mediocre. Artist, which I was very surprised. She can draw.

[Michelle]

Yeah. She, like, did some art that was like. You know when they do those commercials or they used to do them, like, oh, it's a starving artist Sail at the airport. You know when, like, the people.

[Ben]

And you're like, well, I get it.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I get why they're starving.

[Michelle]

It's like she watched some Bob Ross.

[Joellen]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

But she was, like, way more talented than I thought.

[Ben]

Me too.

[Michelle]

I mean, I totally give her credit for.

[Ben]

Or is, like, someone with a kid

[Aaliyah]

that you always thought was really, like,

[Ben]

kind of a dumb kid, but then they can draw something, and you're like, wow, that's pretty good. You know, you'll be great when you're not three. It's like crayons on a menu. But still, I was impressed.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Unfortunately, she used the sole of her foot as her paint palette. But that's okay.

[Ben]

She needs to paint the bottom of her foot with a wet N. That's her brush.

[Joellen]

I know.

[Ben]

Okay. So Jo Ellen comes over for art day, and she's like, oh, my God, you're in painting. And she's like, yeah, I've always done it my whole life.

[Aaliyah]

I had a scholastic art award in high school.

[Michelle]

And Joellen's like, shut up. I didn't know this about you. And we see that three weeks ago, she found a. She had this big. She had this big drawing that she made of herself. So they're painting, and Joellen's like, you

[Joellen]

know, I haven't talked to you about my last time I saw Liz.

[Michelle]

But, like, honestly, like, it was just, like, aggressive and, like, really hurtful, and, like, I just. I don't want to fight with her. Like, she's one of my best friends. I've now announced this for my 15th time.

[Joellen]

She's one of my best friends. And she was, like, berating me, and, like, it, like, wouldn't stop. And, like, Kelce.

[Michelle]

It was, like, a lot. And, like, we were in public, and I'm like, I'm not doing this. I don't know why you're so mad at me.

[Ben]

Yeah. And Kelsey's like, yeah, knew this was gonna come. This day was gonna come. And she's like, I've already been yelled at her. I'm not getting in the middle of this bas. And she's like, so, Kelsey, like, where do you stand in all this? Like, I'm not trying to make you,

[Aaliyah]

like, pick sides, but, like, it's a little uncomfortable. So, like, pick a side.

[Ben]

You know? Did I do something wrong? Am I crazy?

[Aaliyah]

Like, like, what's.

[Ben]

What's going on? She's like, no, I mean, look, I just. I don't think there was malice in you consoling Alicia. But listen, I already had my.

[Aaliyah]

With Liz, okay?

[Ben]

Just, this is my art day. Can we just concentrate on my art?

[Michelle]

Part of me feels that, like, Kelsey is scared of her, but, like, we're all like. Because, like, there's no reasoning with Liz.

[Joellen]

And, like, at a certain point, it's Liz's way of the highway. And, like, she's scary as fuck.

[Michelle]

Like, she's going to come through this

[Joellen]

fucking screen like the Ring and, like,

[Michelle]

climb out with a fucking hair and be like, wow. You know, like. Because that's what she does.

[Joellen]

It's like a scene from the Ring.

[Michelle]

Like, Right?

[Joellen]

It's like a ring.

[Ben]

That's so funny. I just told my friend on a. On a comment on one of his Instagram videos, I was like, this is like watching the Ring, this video, and I was wondering where that came from. From watching Rhode Island. Damn it. I hate how this stuff just seeps into your brain.

[Michelle]

Well, to be fair, we. I think we've mentioned things being like the Ring many times also. You know who's not gonna like that? Liz.

[Joellen]

She's like, I'm not scary.

[Michelle]

You look like the possessed girl coming through the tv.

[Ben]

But also, Joe, Ellen's wanted to talk about someone being scary. I mean, Jo Ellen's got her friends following somebody around with a private eye to get videos of, like, your husband cheating. Like, she's pretty fucking scary too.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And I still don't believe that she did absolutely nothing to get put in those hospitals. I just don't believe it. She set something on fire at the very least.

[Michelle]

So then they're like, okay, let's look at our paint. Let's look at what we did. So then Kelsey turns around and she made like, this very lovely ocean sunset painting. And the music's like, like, oh, wow. And then Joellen turns hers around and it's like a amateurish painting of, like, a Slut Pig or Slam Pig.

[Ben]

Slam Pig. It's like Slam Pig commercials.

[Michelle]

Here comes one right now. Summer always changes how I'd get dressed. I want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable. Things that are. Are easy but still pull together.

[Ben]

That's why I keep coming back to Quinn's.

[Aaliyah]

They focus on high quality essentials that

[Ben]

feel and look amazing. Think breathable linen, soft, organic cotton, well

[Aaliyah]

made, basics, but without the luxury markup.

[Ben]

It's that rare balance where everything feels

[Aaliyah]

elevated but still effortless, Quince European linen

[Michelle]

pants and shirts are the perfect warm weather upgrade to add to your rotation. Starting at just $34, their tees are

[Ben]

soft and easy to wear. And their lightweight cotton sweaters are perfect for cooler summer nights. Heights.

[Michelle]

Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

[Aaliyah]

They work directly with ethical factories and

[Ben]

cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup.

[Michelle]

Let me tell you something. That Mongolian cashmere sweater that I got from Quince, that is like a real icebreaker at parties. Because when people ask me about that sweater and I'm like, oh, I got it at Quints, they're like, oh my God, I have one from Quince too. And then we bond. You would actually would never think a Mongolian cashmere sweater could be such a bonding thing. But it is a lovely, luxurious item. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com crappins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com crappens for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com crappins

[Jake Stauch]

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[Ben]

Now we go to Bristol, Rhode island and. Oh, guys, hold on a second. Something big is happening. It's a ruler scene.

[Aaliyah]

Wow.

[Michelle]

Get excited. Buckle up. It's about to get real intense. It's Rula and Liz. I haven't seen Liz since the polo match. And Liz checked up on me and sent a text message when I was sick in bed. And then like, I, I hearted it, but I Was so dead out of it that I didn't have energy to send the proper response. Thanks for that update. You sent a heart emoji.

[Ben]

Wow. This text from Liz is so long.

[Ashley]

My last text never went through. I get the notion that you like to keep things private. I mean, I'm cautious to impose.

[Ben]

The fuck kind of sentence is that structured that I get the notion that you like to keep things private and I'm cautious to impose. Are you even. Who's writing?

[Michelle]

I feel like she's lyrics to like. Isn't this like a song?

[Ben]

Yes, probably it will be notion. I've maintained from the beginning that I can only go as far as you're willing to meet me. I'm hearing that you've not been well, I'm sorry to hear this. Tell me it's my none of my business, but I suspect a lot of that has to do with mental and emotional stress and you need to be so guarded during a turbulent time. We've been there at some point and I'm no exception. It's raw, it's real, it's life. Menopause, gummy. But I can't be there for you if you don't allow me to.

[Aaliyah]

That being said, I personally would want

[Ben]

someone to tell me this, dot, dot, dot. But it doesn't say, is she saying your husband is cheating? Is that after the dot, dot, dot or just the whole text?

[Joellen]

I. I don't know.

[Michelle]

I don't know if she's saying like, yeah, I don't know if it's implying about like the, about the cheating or if she's saying like, oh, I wish someone would check in on. On me the way you check.

[Ben]

So ruler goes.

[Aaliyah]

I hearted her text. I was so dead out of it. I just didn't have the energy to

[Ben]

send a proper response.

[Aaliyah]

When I was ill with that virus that they couldn't figure out or pinpoint.

[Ben]

If I sent a three page text to somebody and they just hearted it and never wrote back. I mean, what the hell, Rula? You don't even show up. You can take the time to just write thank you.

[Michelle]

Yeah, seriously.

[Ben]

Or Ty, Ty.

[Michelle]

You had time to do a front flip into a film.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

So they're sitting down and there's like a B. And I was like, oh my God, it's a baby. I'm scared. Look at. Oh God, be careful, Liz.

[Joellen]

Like, I'm actually the one that's allergic here.

[Michelle]

It's like, you know what? I don't know if I am and I never want to know it's my one thing I can't handle. Bees. Oh, no, look how distraught I am.

[Ben]

So she's like, what happened with Jo Ellen? So Liz tells her the story.

[Ashley]

She's like, we went to bathing. I fell down. Boozled and Jack teamed. I was on the defense. Joellen taking the space of peacemaker, a mediator.

[Aaliyah]

Oh, Joellen, who cares about everybody? She plays this role in that role. I'm like this. I'm like that. I'm like that person.

[Ben]

I'm like this person. You know what I'm saying?

[Joellen]

Yeah. I'm doubting Joellen's authenticity.

[Michelle]

Wake up. Good morning. Good morning, Elizabeth.

[Joellen]

I'm not waking up because this is where you're wrong. I felt this way since the beginning.

[Michelle]

And then they do. Air of quite lengthy montage of Liz pushing back on Joellen.

[Ben]

Joellen's starting shit constantly.

[Joellen]

She's like, ah, no, I'm constantly questioning her authenticity.

[Michelle]

Well, I'm flattered that she's so interested in my life, but at the same time, you know, go fix yours. Don't lash out at my husband. I wouldn't do that to yours. And there's a lot I could lash out on her with. I was like, well, is there with Jo Ellen, she sort of has this hot guy, and maybe Joel, maybe it's

[Ben]

a lot of stuff they've already talked

[Michelle]

about, but, like, that she has to

[Ben]

fix that she's like a swinger and that they're always cheating on each other.

[Michelle]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

They're always.

[Michelle]

Well, there's like. Is the sister banging. Banging Gary?

[Ben]

But Rula's like, that sister is probably banging Gary. I mean, come on.

[Michelle]

Let's just say if you were the sister, of course.

[Ben]

Shit, I'd be.

[Michelle]

Let's just say. Let's just say Jo Ellen might be guilty of what she accuses Brian of doing. So one thing I've heard is that Jo Ellen is not the most loyal to her husband. It's like the pot calling the kettle black, you know?

[Ben]

No, it's not. Because she's calling out your husband, not you, and you're calling out her.

[Michelle]

Because the thing is that she actually has, like, she has hard evidence on Brian. And, like, we all see it. That's the issue.

[Ben]

I don't know how hard it is. I mean, it is Brian. I would guess it's at least, like, half.

[Michelle]

That's for our Housewives show. That's.

[Ben]

That's, like, considered what Just mean his heart on.

[Michelle]

Oh, yeah.

[Ben]

So he's like, definitely a helicopter. Like, he's got to work.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Now we go over to Thrive Performance lab, and we know it's a real. A real deal fitness place because it's not spelled with an I, it's spelled with a Y. Why?

[Ashley]

Ew.

[Michelle]

I don't know.

[Ben]

Yeah, I see that. Gross.

[Michelle]

Thrive.

[Ben]

Why are you going to go to a performance lab that can't spell itself?

[Michelle]

No. Thrive.

[Ben]

Why?

[Michelle]

Thrive. Oddly enough, it's also at Audrey's. I'm like, what? They really do everything in this coffee shop.

[Ben]

So she's there with Billy, right?

[Michelle]

Billy and David, the fitness coach. And they're working. It's Kelsey and Billy, Bill, and they're. They're working out and everything. And she's like, you know, touching his butt and stuff like that. And she goes, it's nice to look at a man that knows what he's doing. He looks like Hercules with the muscles and the blondish hair. And if he had like, what, like a mermaid tail. Is that what Hercules had, a mermaid tail? It's like, lady, this is why. This is why you don't get with a sugar daddy. Like, just do some.

[Ben]

Just basic. Basic. Not even reading. Like, pamphlet reading maybe.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm not even saying go to college.

[Ben]

Partly Disney movie, wasn't it? You at least know that.

[Michelle]

It's just. It's like, just do some basic. Anything, anything. Get yourself some awareness of Hercules.

[Ben]

Like, how do you put on your shoes in the morning? I don't know how she does a

[Michelle]

mermaid tail on her shoes.

[Ben]

She and Bill are.

[Michelle]

She is the definition of a low functioning AI machine. Like, it's like, hey, can you generate me an image of Hercules? And you're like, why does my Hercules have a. Have a mermaid tail on it?

[Ben]

Yeah, she's an idiot AI so she's like, flirting with Billy and stuff. And the workout guy, David's like, what is this? What is all this? Baby, baby. What are you guys, like, official? What do we got going on here? Come on. And Bill. Kelsey, like Bill, you want to answer that?

[Ashley]

Would you call us official?

[Aaliyah]

He's like, of course.

[Ashley]

Say it with integrity, baby.

[Michelle]

He's like, yeah, yeah, definitely. So they basically are official. And Kelsey's saying that, like, loyalty is a really big thing for her, which is of course why she was in a relationship with a guy who had another wife. But.

[Ben]

And you were just running around with Bill while you were with that guy.

[Michelle]

But loyalty.

[Ben]

Talking about, we just saw you with two boyfriends at the same time last week. What are you talking about? Loyalty? So important.

[Michelle]

I Want to make sure that when you put your foot in a garbage can, it's only in your garbage can.

[Ben]

She's crazy.

[Michelle]

So she said, like, for the last. In the last relationship. She was in it for 10 years. So she really tested Bill, and he passed with flying colors. And then they're like, what? How? She's like, he was celibate, waiting for me for a year. I was like, lady, I have bad news for you. He was not celibate.

[Ben]

He was not celibate. At the very least, that guy was getting steam room blowjobs. At the very least, There was no way that that guy was celibate. Celibate. Nobody who looks like that is celibate for a year waiting for your ass. No. Knowing that you're with some guy for his money that's also fucking ten other people. No. No.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here. So they're talking about.

[Joellen]

He.

[Michelle]

Bill really wants her to give up her attachments to the. To the ex. Like, the car and everything. And then this is when they talk about the health insurance. So this is when she talks about being in the car accident and finding out that she had a brain tumor and that's been removed. But, like, she has to get an MRI twice a year to make sure it doesn't grow back. And so health insurance is even more.

[Ben]

You know. Have you noticed how they're. How she's talking is just like talking about leaving a job. I can't leave. This is my health insurance.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I had a brain tumor. I'm not leaving this company. Like, this company is, like, gonna keep me on part time. I'm staying. Okay.

[Michelle]

What the hell? I think what would be great for her if she actually got a job, and then she could try to pursue some health insurance. Hopefully she got the right type of job.

[Aaliyah]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I mean, I don't know where I stand on this. I think she has a decent point. And, like, if you're with somebody for 10 years, even if you weren't married, you're still with them for 10 years. So it's not crazy to keep taking some money from them. I think her thing is just. She's doing this whole, like, independent woman thing. Like, look at me. But she's still paying for everything. And I can get how Bill would maybe be annoyed by that, but she makes the point. She's like, so you want to take my car? He's like, it's not your car. She's like, but it's the car I'm driving. Like, what are you gonna put me in, you know.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Ben]

That's her only thinking is like, well, what are you gonna get me instead? And, you know.

[Michelle]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I just think I. I think that she should aspire for. I. She's giving kind of like a complacency vibe. And I want to. Like, that's fine. Like, it's fine to transition, but, like, you should, like, try to. Try to get a job.

[Ben]

Okay, let me put it this way. Her lifestyle of just living off of other people because she's hot, I think that's not something new in the world. Right. Men and women both do it.

[Joellen]

It.

[Ben]

And I don't think it's like, an invalid way. Like, it's a lifestyle. People do it, and I accept it, but I don't respect it.

[Michelle]

That's all fine. That's all fine. But, like, weird.

[Ben]

It's weird behavior. But, like, you want me to get rid of a car? Then what are you gonna get me? Get a life.

[Michelle]

Kelsey and I got a job. Get a job, you know, work at Audrey's. So now we go over to Providence, Rhode island, and Joellen calls Alicia. She's in her car, and Alicia's like,

[Joellen]

oh, my God, I was getting my hair done and my makeup done. Where are you?

[Michelle]

She's like, I'm driving right now, and I'm gonna actually go meet up with Liz.

[Joellen]

Oh, my God. She reached out to me, and I just. I need a break. Like, how'd this happen? I'm happy that you guys actually meet it up. But, like, what. What's going on?

[Ben]

Yeah. So they go meet up, and Joellen's like, I just. Here's what I want from today. I want to make things better, you know?

[Aaliyah]

And Liz is coming in with the same energy that I'm coming in with.

[Ben]

She owes me a big apology, but

[Aaliyah]

truly, I don't think she'll ever give it. Like, if Liz has something in the head, she thinks people against her, even when they love her. Even when they love her.

[Michelle]

So Joellen's like. They sit down and Joellen's shivering. She's like, thanks for meeting me. I'm so cold right now.

[Joellen]

Liz is like, oh, yeah, wow. Is it bad?

[Ben]

This is where Liz is clearly fucked up. There's something going on with Liz in this scene, and I was cracking up. She doesn't even know what she's.

[Ashley]

She's like, oh, yeah, you feel good. When you feel bad, you feel cold.

[Ben]

Her eyes start.

[Michelle]

Were they not allowed to film inside? Like, what was going on?

[Ben]

I don't know, because it starts raining on them, and they just sit out there.

[Michelle]

Yeah, well, it's raining, and Joanne's like, oh, my God, it's like, raining. So, Liz, they both want an apology, and they both don't think they're actually going to get an apology, but they're going to hope for something.

[Joellen]

So Liz is like, all right, I have no desire to fight with you. None. What I'm not going to do right, though, is go back to homeless things. Explain it. But I took offense to you positioning yourself as a peacemaker in that ride. Like, wouldn't you think a mediator say something along the lines of, hey, Alicia, you know what? You know how hard where heart is. You know that, like, you know what she meant, what she didn't mean by it, you know, like, rather than, oh,

[Michelle]

your feelings are justified, and no one

[Joellen]

else can take that away. Which is true, by the way. I wouldn't take that away from her.

[Ben]

So. But you were going at her heart, you know, and you were stepping on your own. Your own toes, you know, with the things you were saying.

[Joellen]

Oh, I was stepping on toes. Oh, so now that's assault. You're saying I'm physically assaulting people.

[Aaliyah]

She's like, I don't know what the phrase is. I don't know. But you were just mean.

[Ben]

Okay, I'm just saying, you were mean.

[Aaliyah]

She's like, oh, really?

[Ashley]

Well, I think this part of you that likes to escalate, let's be honest, you don't try to make anything better ever.

[Aaliyah]

Liz, all you had to do was

[Ben]

say, okay, I get what you're saying. You weren't technically homeless, but I get how you would feel that. That way. That's it. Why do you have to say, like, I'm sorry, and then keep walking away going, I said I'm sorry. She was never homeless. Like, oh, my God.

[Michelle]

Or. Or say, hey, Alicia, I think a better word for you to use would be displace or this or that, whatever. But, like, she would say, this is coming from a place of love, but just so you know, you're gonna get. You're gonna get, like, raked over the coals for this. Stop saying homeless. You should use this word instead, because you're gonna. People are gonna think you're saying this, whatever, like, but she just, like, she's not handling it well either.

[Alicia]

And I get it.

[Michelle]

I sort of get Liz being like, you know, if you're gonna be a mediator, like, also st. Like, you know, Cause, like, advocate for me being like, I wasn't trying to be mean. I was just trying to correct her. So Joellen's like, why are you so cruel to me? Like, what did I do to you? Like, what did I do to you? What did I do to you that night? What did I do to you in the past? Why are you so mean? I've been nothing but a good friend to you.

[Joellen]

I look at you as one of my best friends.

[Michelle]

We're best friends of all time.

[Ashley]

Stop saying we're best friends. We are not best friends. We were never best friends. Never been?

[Michelle]

No. When my grandfather was dying, she was my first phone call.

[Joellen]

She's one of my best friends.

[Michelle]

And to hear that she's not, like, doesn't think the same way of me is, like, really heartbreaking and gut wrenching.

[Joellen]

It's actually disgusting.

[Michelle]

It's really hurtful.

[Ben]

You know what?

[Ashley]

I'm real and you're fucking fake.

[Michelle]

No, I. It's. It's not real. It's cruel.

[Joellen]

It's mean. You know what?

[Michelle]

You pulled my hair. Did you kick my chair? Were you aggressive towards me?

[Ashley]

I pulled your hair. I kicked your chair, darling. I pulled your hair and kicked his ear.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I remember you tugged it. I remember you kicking me in my chair.

[Joellen]

Oh, yeah. Oh, you remember I tugged your hair? You're a freak. I pulled your hair. You're a fucking devil. I didn't pull your hair, and you know it.

[Ben]

So see, she's like, what you're doing is now you're trying to make it look like I'm physically abusing you, and I did not do these things. And Jo Ellen's like, you did. You pulled my hair and you kicked my chair.

[Alicia]

And then you put me into a hospital for getting boobs.

[Michelle]

Okay, there's something so fucked up about you, you know?

[Joellen]

Well, why is it me that's fucked

[Michelle]

when you're the one who's fucking kicking me?

[Joellen]

Huh? It's like, I don't need to be here with someone. Someone attacking me, attacking my character. It's kind of getting late. I think I gotta go.

[Ben]

And she tells us, you know, the

[Ashley]

minute she said I put my hands on her, I knew. I fucking knew right there, right when I hear to reconcile, we're here to do battle. And I couldn't take it, you know, I just. I did not put my hands on her in any kind of way, except maybe just to get her chair away

[Michelle]

from her, maybe that.

[Ben]

There's a difference. There's a difference.

[Joellen]

You know, I'm trying to get past this.

[Michelle]

After her with all the things that

[Joellen]

she said to me after the way you treated me. And I'm trying to move past this. I don't want to fight with Liz. Like I care about Liz.

[Michelle]

It's just. It's so embarrassing to know somebody that you care about doesn't care about you the same way.

[Ben]

And Liz is parked right on the street and gets in her car and passes and rolls down her window and is like, fuck you. She rolls down her inner she piece of shit. She drives.

[Michelle]

So that's where it leaves off. Wow, an exciting episode. All right, well, now we're all caught up on all those shows. Thank you all for being here for this Rhode island episode. And we'll catch you on our next episode of Watch Watch Crappins.

[Ben]

Yes. Thank you, Aaliyah.

[Michelle]

Thanks, Aaliyah. Bye, everyone. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

[Ben]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Michelle]

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[Michelle]

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[Ben]

Have a kebab with K. Rob.

[Michelle]

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[Ben]

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She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[Ben]

We cannot tell a lie.

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It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing Strike a pose.

[Ben]

It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet couture. We love you guys.

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