#3396 The Valley S3E10 Part Two: Monsters and Critics

Summary

Watch What Crappens: Ep #3396 – The Valley S3E10 Part Two: Monsters and Critics (June 4, 2026)

Episode Overview

Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam continue their irreverent, insightful recap of The Valley Season 3, Episode 10, focusing on the ongoing mess of relationships, parenting dramas, sneaky drinking, and the endless search for accountability among Bravo’s latest ensemble of lovable trainwrecks. Through their signature blend of roast, empathy, and Bravo expertise, Ben and Ronnie dissect the episode’s most cringeworthy, funny, and revealing moments — from red flag relationships to fake friendships and monster fridge grief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kristen, Brandon, and Brittany: Red Flags & Money Troubles

• [02:57] The show picks up with Kristen inquiring where to sit, Brittany and Brandon immediately launching into a scheduling fight, and the guys poking fun at Brandon’s evasiveness about helping out.
• Red flag alert: Ben jokes that the whole show feels like the “opening ceremony of the Olympics with the Chinese delegation: red flags, everywhere.” (05:25)
• They mock Brandon accepting money from Brittany to care for her, then buying her flowers with the money she gave him.
  • Ronnie: “You needed someone to take care of you, and he said, ‘Sure, if you pay me.’ That’s who you’re dating.” (04:32)
  • Ben: “This man is dating Brittany. I can pretty much guarantee you it's not work he's going to. It's his other family.” (03:32)

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Nia & Danny's Date Night: Boobs, Bottles, & Baby Drama

• [05:43] Nia and Danny’s scene at "Wife and the Psalm" invites a wave of sarcastic commentary about their clingy parenting.
  • Ben: “At some point, babies need to just be left in their crib...Leave her an instruction manual and a couple of buttons...” (06:21)
• Much is made about Nia’s deep attachment, difficulties weaning Adelaide, and the public mess of baby spit-up.
  • Ronnie: “This baby is becoming very high maintenance.” (09:52)
  • Ben, channeling sympathy for Adelaide: “I'm sorry your parents are so annoying.” (10:04)
• The guys discuss how hard it can be to wean a baby but ultimately feel we've seen enough real-time latching debates on Bravo.
  • “A baby who will eat is a baby that’s starving. Skip a couple lunches and we'll see if she latches.” (07:34 - Ronnie)
• The show veers comically into “Munchausen by proxy” territory, with Ben referencing Dee Dee Blanchard, then both quickly backpedaling.
  • Ben: “Now we're really gonna get in trouble comparing Nia to Dee Dee Blanchard.” (12:26)

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Zach, Jasmine & Jesse: Roommate Trauma and Social Media Wars

• [13:12] At the 4100 Bar, Zach vents about roommate battles (“He just started taking everything!”), while Jesse and Jasmine break down the fragile dynamics in their group.
  • Ronnie: “This is like a Judge Judy situation. I would love to see Zach on Judge Judy.” (14:45)
• Social media performativity is skewered: Kristen’s post flattering Nia and Danny is called out for being about optics rather than honest feeling.
• Ben analyzes Kristen’s unfailing loyalty to Nia as a product of real emotional history (“I feel like Kristen feels very connected...”), but Ronnie argues this is also strategic, citing Kristen’s own fear of being canceled and need for alliances.

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Accountability, Alliances, and #TeamDanny

• [18:15] Jesse tries to steer conversation away from continual Danny vilification, but Ben and Ronnie remain wary of the “men's spiritual journey” and ayahuasca crowd defending Danny’s bro-ishness and hiding.
  • Ben, on Jesse: “The guy who considers therapy taking ayahuasca with a manosphere bro in a forest for a weekend.” (18:54)
• Jasmine and Zach debate best-friend loyalty. Jasmine wants more public support, referencing the reunion, and pushes Zach to confront Danny himself.
• The conversation evolves into an analysis of group politics, with both hosts dissecting who is actually producing the drama behind the scenes (spoiler: Brittany and Jax both cited as prime manipulators).

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Brittany & Jasmine: White Claw Gate and Plastic Surgery Candor

• [24:32] Jasmine finds a forgotten White Claw in Brittany’s bathroom, igniting mild suspicion and setting up a callback to Danny’s penchant for sneaky drinking.
  • Ben: “But also weird. The fact that this White Claw was sitting there for two weeks and Brittany never saw it is hilarious to me.” (25:03)
• Brittany’s trip to the plastic surgeon with Janet yields both genuine body image tears and comedic disgust:
  • Ronnie: “Brittany could have diarrhea and be like, come into the bathroom with me. Let’s get it.” (34:11)
  • Ben: “I give you every— I don’t need you to, you know.” (34:18)

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Zach’s Housewarming: Nostalgia, Domino’s, and Drinking Sleuths

• [34:53] The empty apartment party is playfully compared to 20-something life and old Vanderpump Rules energy. Everyone gathers on mismatched chairs, commiserating over the missing “monster fridge.”
  • “It did really remind me of my youth.” (35:00 - Ben)
• Michelle brings her android energy, lamenting the lack of wine openers and red solo cup etiquette.
• Lala enters and disses the décor: “This looks just like an AA meeting,” setting up a cynical future for the group. (38:35)
• Kiana appears, bringing sunglass-model energy and speculating about Jesse’s dating life, but no one is buying the staged social media romance narrative.

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Divorce, Cults, & Domino’s Brand Love

• [44:13] Jesse finalizes divorce papers, and the women banter about forming a “divorce cult.”
• Lacy dreams up a Saddle Ranch, cowboy-hat-bedazzling divorce party. Both hosts are aghast at the basic-ness:
  • Ben: “This is the monster fridge for divorce parties...most basic thing in the world.” (48:08)
• Ronnie expresses gratitude for Domino’s as the group’s party staple, offering up a not-so-subtle plea for sponsorship. (45:45)

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The Drinking Problem: Danny, Danny, Danny...

• Throughout the episode, Danny’s tendency to sneak drinks is a running theme — notably highlighted by his attempts to hide alcohol at Zach’s party and his ongoing denials about merely drinking water.
  • Ronnie: “He was hiding his drinking in Santa Barbara, and that was before the stigma.” (28:56)
  • Ben: “What’s concerning is... you need this drink so badly that even though there’s cameras everywhere, you think you can sneak it in.” (29:21)
  • Both question whether Danny is hiding his drinking from the audience, Nia, or himself.

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Zach Confronts Danny (Finally… Sort of)

• [51:37] Zach, after much goading from Jasmine, brings Danny into a separate room for a “bro” chat, performing an awkward, chin-tilted, hand-on-shoulder intervention — which both downplay as necessary but ultimately toothless.
  • Ben: “As someone who I really respect, this is not a drinking thing. There’s just a frat boy mentality, and it doesn’t translate to certain people. By certain people, I mean everyone else.” (52:03)
  • Ronnie: “Tonight, you’re not drinking, right? As confirmed by the water.” (52:32)
  • Ben: “Unfortunately, he’s not drinking water tonight.” (53:35)

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End-of-Party Feelings & Monster Fridge Mourning

• Zach gives an emotional speech about surviving LA and missing his monster fridge — a perfect full-circle moment mawkishly skewered by the hosts:
  • Ronnie: “He’s giving a tearful speech. You didn’t do anything. What did you accomplish? You got your TV stolen and your monster drink taken.” (53:47)
  • Ben: “It’s not a toxic show — just a show about people with vapid lives sitting on chairs in an empty room, mourning the loss of a monster energy drink refrigerator.” (54:16)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the proliferation of red flags:
  • Ben: “If I didn’t know better, I’d say this show was promoting communism. There’s so many red flags around here.” (05:34)
• On Danny’s sneaky drinking:
  • Ben: “You can’t even get through this moment right now...It’s not like Big Brother where there’s a little hidden camera.” (29:41)
• On the nostalgia of Bravo-past life:
  • Ben: “It did really remind me of my youth.” (35:00)
• On the party’s bleak décor:
  • Lala (quoted by Ben): “I feel right at home. I mean, this looks just like an AA meeting.” (38:35)
• On staged social media coupling:
  • Ben: “No one here believed it whatsoever and did not, like, text it to anyone to say, ‘Oh my god, is this real?’” (39:57)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:57 – Recap resumes, Kristen & Brandon’s relationship red flags start flying
• 05:43 – Nia & Danny’s awkward baby-focused dinner
• 13:12 – Zach, Jasmine & Jesse debrief drama, social media strategies dissected
• 18:15 – Men’s alliance and Danny Defenders; “spiritual journey” snark
• 24:32 – Brittany & Jasmine’s mini drama, White Claw discovery
• 34:53 – Zach’s housewarming: nostalgia, Domino’s, and red solo cups
• 38:35 – Lala calls out the party’s recovery-group aesthetic
• 51:37 – Zach’s awkward confrontation with Danny about behavior & drinking
• 53:47 – Zach’s monster fridge eulogy; party ends with empty speeches and empty rooms

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Tone & Style

Ben and Ronnie employ their signature roast-comedy, deep-cut Bravo analysis, and gleeful shade. They balance empathy (especially for overwhelmed new parents) with biting sarcasm, always bringing the audience back to the absurdity and delight of Bravo’s reality circus.

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In Summary

This episode of Watch What Crappens is a comprehensive, laugh-out-loud roast and reality TV group therapy. Whether parsing through baby drama, sneak-drinking, or the emotional loss of a monster fridge, Ben and Ronnie keep it sharp, relatable, and endlessly entertaining for both Bravo aficionados and casual listeners alike.

Transcript

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Watch what crapp. Hello and welcome to Watch what crappens A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[A]

So now Kristen comes, and she's like, oh, I'm.

[B]

Where should I sit? So Brandon's like, I'll move. So he gets. He moves. So.

[A]

So then he's like, well, listen. She goes, when are you coming next week? And he said, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And I'll leave, like, Monday, Wednesday. He's like, well, we've talked about this, like, five times, Brittany. I'm coming up Friday morning.

[B]

She's like, whoa, no, that's not what you said. You're not even gonna be here Thursday. Now, why is that? Because I got stuff to do. I've got a whole bunch of nothing to take care of. Because the nothing date, due date is due.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure it's not a job. I'm sure. This man is dating Brittany. So I can pretty much guarantee you it's not work he's going to.

[B]

It's his other. It's his other family. So he's. She's like, like, what? I thought you were helping me. He's like, I am, Chris. Like, is this your first fight? Oh, my God. And so she's like, well, the doctor said the prescription should be ready. Did I have my id? Yeah. He's like, yeah. It's like, okay, appreciate you. The only thing that I've been saying all day is that if I had to get my pills because I only have one, and, like, I could not make it throughout the night.

[A]

You can't post me such. Trust me, I've tried.

[B]

I did wonder why she waited until she had only one pill left.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. I mean, this guy's. This guy's obviously a loser, but like.

[B]

And then. Then she goes. She says, and since he taken off work, which I can't believe I did this, but he asked if I could give him money. And I was like, you know what? You're gonna come down, take care of me. So I don't. I don't care to give you some money. But then he kept delaying the days and didn't even get the pain medication he brought me. He bought me flowers, the money I gave him, the piling on. I was like, oh, God.

[A]

This is where I was saying, it gets worse for Britney. So you needed someone to take care of you, and he Said, sure, if you pay me, that's who you're dating. Because he's taking time off the Applebee's girl.

[B]

Yeah. Taking time off of work. And then he actually winds up going to work anyway. And then he's double dipping.

[A]

Yeah. And then getting you some Trader Joe's flowers that happen to match his shorts perfectly, by the way. What a douche.

[B]

Yeah, so she's like.

[A]

Kristen's like, y' all are piling on. I'm gonna marry him.

[B]

You're like, kind of like a douche. Like you're dating her. You're here a couple days a week. Show up, make her happy. My credit flags waving everywhere when you let him go. Bye.

[A]

I mean, Kristen, you're correct. Kristen is absolutely correct here, but she is married to a red flag.

[B]

She's married.

[A]

She is. Well, not married, but she. She a red flag behind the porta potty. And then begged him to impregnate her.

[B]

I mean, to be fair, this entire show is like walking at the opening ceremony of the Olympics with the Chinese delegation. Red flags, Seriously, non stop.

[A]

If I didn't know better, I think this show was promoting communism. There's so many red flags around here. Good Lord.

[B]

So Nia is like, so now neon Danny are on date night at a place called Wife and the Psalm. And so Neil's like, oh, I know,

[A]

what a gross name for a restaurant. Wife and the Psalm.

[B]

They probably have a whole, whole shtick like, well, I'm the chef and he's the sommelier, and we just sort of did this and it's all there.

[A]

Isn't that so Nia to pick a restaurant that starts with Wife and the Psalm.

[B]

To be fair, they probably thought it was Wife in the Psalm. So spelled psal A L M sounds like it matches us.

[A]

Wife in the psalm in parentheses. The husband should read it to her because women aren't allowed to read parentheses. So they've of course, brought this baby. Listen, I think at some point you just. Babies need to just be left in their crib. I don't care if that baby's attached to your boob. Adelaide needs to just learn to do things on her own. Leave her an instruction manual and a couple of buttons to push for emergencies and get the out of there.

[B]

Yeah, I don't really at this point, like, you just like, I understand Adelaide's lament, but I'm just.

[A]

But a person can develop a cold. This child was giving me the. Giving me the sniffles. Get rid of that kid.

[B]

Listen, listen. I know she needs a Bushel and

[A]

a nip, but give it some Benadryl, put it to sleep and get the fuck out of there for a cup. Put it in a dog crate and just go out and do something.

[B]

I did notice a lot of comments on different. Different communities online about, like, she hasn't been able to get the baby off the. Off the nip yet. Like, that's. That's kind of crazy. I am obviously not a mom. I know nothing about this. I. Yeah, I don't know, whatever it is, but. So it's. I. I can't weigh in, but it seems like a lot of. I have to say, a lot of people online are like, what's going on here?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how that works. Latching and babies and this and that, but it's like I said in the first episode, a baby who will eat is a baby that's starving. So just. I said, skip, skip a couple lunches and we'll see if she lashes latches.

[B]

That's what people online have been saying. Honestly, really, they've been. There have been some people who said, like, yeah, you know, I had a child that, like, would not take the bottle. And it drove me nuts. And my mom complained. It was like, what's wrong with you? Like, how do you not have your baby on a bottle yet? Look, I'll do it, I'll do it. And then she said her mom had the baby for, like, two days. Like, okay, I give up. You're right. So, like, obviously it's difficult, but, yeah,

[A]

I think it's notorious. But listen, take it from a giant baby who left his GLP1s in LA, I will latch onto a tit at this point. I'm starving, I guess.

[B]

What's.

[A]

I will eat. Okay.

[B]

What's crazy is in the scene, like, Nia puts the baby in Danny's Baby Bjorn and then he's standing up at the table and he's bouncing around. I was like, I just feel like I've never seen a couple like, their babies.

[A]

I've seen a couple do this. I've seen couples do this with their first baby, but not their tenths. You know, at some point, it's like, just lay there and go to bed. It's supposed to get easier.

[B]

You know, for people who say we're being insensitive to the plate, we don't care. Yeah.

[A]

So, no, no. I mean, we kind of are, but

[B]

obviously we care on, like, a human level. Like, if we were hanging out and you were telling us, like, oh, my God, Like, I. I can't get my baby on the bottle.

[A]

I'd be like, yeah, I wouldn't say that to you.

[B]

We would be like, oh, my God, that's terrible. Why? Have you tried this? I. I would be present and I would actually be fully there, but, like, watching it on tv, it's, like, actually much less interesting to me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I don't. I'm not dissing her. I'm just saying, like, at some point, like, when does this. When do. When do you just tell the baby, take my tit or. Or get nothing? You know, that's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm leaving you home with a fair life.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's more like, take the bottle or get nothing. Not the baby is like, yes.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, no, it won't latch either. Yeah, you're right. But it won't. It won't always latch either. Well, but you're right. It won't latch to the bottle, but sometimes it won't latch to her booby. I don't know. It's a whole thing. I hate this show. Making me talk about tit latching for an hour.

[B]

All you gotta say is, this baby is becoming very high maintenance.

[A]

It is. But I will say this for the baby. That is one cute baby. Adelaide, you are adorable. What a little, sweet baby.

[B]

You're a cute little baby.

[A]

I'm sorry your parents are so annoying.

[B]

Yeah. So they get there and Nia's like, daniel, I would love for you to wear her. And he's like. And he does not want to do this, but he. At this point, he's aware that he was not great on the cast trip. So he's, like, clenching his teeth and he's like, sure, sure.

[A]

He's doing this whole scene. He's doing the best daddy and husband in the world scene. Hey, look at us. Wife in the song. Am I right? Oh, y. I'm a daddy. I love babies. Strapping on we go. I love nothing more than being with my baby and my wife. Oh, I'm a good daddy. Want to have another one? Want to have another one? Yeah.

[B]

But he is clearly not feeling this. And then Adelaide spits up on him, which, you know, good for Adelaide. Good for you. Adelaide's like, well, as long as I am being brought to the restaurant, let me do some good work here.

[A]

Yeah. Let me speak for America right now.

[B]

Yeah. And then he. Then Danny is, like, grossed out. He's like. And he goes. Adelaide spits up. And then, you know, Nia's like, oh, no, like, he should spit up. Let me clean her. Okay, Bouncer. And then Danny's like, hey, y'. All. Over the chair. Nia. Well, wipe it up. You're the adult. Come on, now. Wipe it up.

[A]

So the producer asked, what's grosser, poop or throw up? And he's like, throw up. I got a whiff of throw up, and immediately I want to throw. It's because you're drunk. So Nia's like, well, some people don't like the baby stage, but I could cry about thinking it over and never having another baby ever again. I think that's part of this, too. Is Nia really. I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that that is a real thing, you know, where people worry about like, what am I gonna do without a baby? She's had a baby every year for how many years? Or every couple years for so many years. That's a huge thing to think about. And I think she's just like, I'm gonna keep this baby with me. I don't care. I'm gonna keep this b. I'll go swimming in the ocean. This baby will be strapped to my back.

[B]

Yeah, listen, I. I remember Dee Dee Blanchard, you know?

[A]

Remember? Was she on He. Man, that Wasn't she.

[B]

The one was the one. Remember Gypsy Rose Blanchard? Yeah. And her mom.

[A]

The mom. Yeah. Like, athletes in a wheelchair today, everybody. She's having trouble breathing. She's allergic to formula. Now, like, wait a minute. Why are you putting a respirator on Adelaide? She needs it.

[B]

Now we're really gonna get in trouble comparing Nia to DD Blanchard. My fault.

[A]

Sorry. The very beginning. Yolanda is gonna show up. How dare you accuse me of having Munchausen by proxies.

[B]

No. I'm gonna get a fiery email, be like, ben, I have listened to the show for so many years.

[A]

How dare you?

[B]

And how dare you. A baby not taking to the bottle is a real thing. It's a real pressure, and it's very stressful.

[A]

Oh, we're just kidding. Okay. Don't be a baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, Nia's sad, and Danny just makes a face like, not missing the baby face. And it's like, but you're getting a vasectomy in a week. And he's like, so you're telling me there's another chance there? I got a chance. You're saying there's a chance, right?

[B]

Settle down. Dumb and dumber.

[A]

So then four under four. How about one more?

[B]

Yeah, well, in this case, it was actually talking about a cocktail. Sorry. Now we go To Zach and Jasmine. They meet Jesse at the 4100 Bar. Geez, I've not been there in, like, 20 years. Remember the 4100?

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

But, like, what's up wrong with that? What's so, like, you've never been to the 4,100?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

4,100. Of course. Of course. Your aunt, Your aunt Estelle and I would go there all the time.

[A]

I know. I, I, I didn't know it was a place that people still went to

[B]

or I didn't know it's still there.

[A]

I didn't either, but how would I really?

[B]

We're not 4,100 bargains, apparently.

[A]

Yeah, we're definitely not. So they go in. Jesse's like, we're not in Kansas anymore. She's like, I know. Thank you for coming all this way. Zach's like, oh, my God, is this, like, your Silver Lake outfit?

[B]

So then Zach's like, I am, like, so stressed. Like, today was, like, terrible. My roommate basically fought me, and I was like, you're gonna be like, you told me you were gonna move out by October 1st, and now it's like October 2nd. And he starts, like, taking, like, everything. And like, all of a sudden I'm like, wait, no, that's mine. Like, what are you doing? So then we get this huge fight in front of, like, his movers. And I thought it was just like, okay, this is never gonna end. And I was just like, it. I'm done. Get it all out. Zach, when are you going to publicly shame your. Your roommate? Like, put that photo on social media,

[A]

let's say his name, and also get a stun gun. You're like, you shouldn't. Someone shouldn't just become be able to come take all your shit. Some roommate can't just take all your shit. What is that? I mean, I've had so many roommates, I would never.

[B]

This is like a Judge Judy situation, and I would love to see Zach on Judge Judy. That would be wonderful.

[A]

So Jesse's like, okay, well, you're all caviar and champagne. Let's talk about the housewarming party. He's like, oh, my God. Like, now I just have foldable chairs for my house. So I'm sure, let's be honest, it probably wasn't that much of an improvement.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So he's like, well, that much of a downgrade, I should say.

[B]

So my roommate is finally moving out, and, like, Benji is soft moving in. So, like, now we have, like, an apartment warming party, but it won't be that warm because there's, like, no furniture and blankets or any other things. Like, I hope you all come prepared.

[A]

Yeah. So Jasmine has just seen a post on Social where Kristen put something up that's like, oh, my God. Luke and I have learned so much from watching Nia and Danny. Yeah, you've learned to fake it for the cameras. Congratulations. She's like, it's such a. And she's like, I mean, it's a sweet post. It's not bad. But, like, why is she going so hard? She's going so hard because people accused her of or didn't accuse her, but said that she had to talk to Nia about that relationship being toxic. And so Kristen's proving you're loyal, guilty by going online and publicly being like, oh, my God, they're an amazing couple.

[B]

Couple skulls. But also, like, Kristen's the sort of person that, like, establishes a narrative in her brain and then the narrative just becomes truth to her, and then she doesn't waver from it. So, like, she decided last season when she heard of Nia's tough childhood, she's like, that's someone who's been through a lot, and I'm never going to betray her because I'm a good person. And now she's just like, oh, well, I. I can't do anything against me. I can't think critically about Nia because I've made this pact with myself that I'll never do that.

[A]

I can see that. But I can also see Lala's point of. You're just. This is an alliance. And she's gonna go. Because the. Kristen also knows what it's like to do horrible things and get canceled or whatever. Like, have the audience completely turn against you and then have you have everyone around you also be like, well, that you're taught, you know, you're. You're trash now. And she's not. She doesn't want to do that because she also needs people to, like, stick around for her for the next time she's canceled, which will probably happen again, let's face it.

[B]

And actually, in a. In actually a very. Give it time in a very real way. They also were pregnant together at almost the exact same timeline. I think they actually have a very, like, a very true, real bond because of that. And I. I feel like Kristen feels very connected to Nia because that experience was very scary for Kristen and it was very fraught and she worked so hard, and Nia did help her through that and guide her. So I think that Kristen just Feels massively indebted to Nia.

[A]

I can really hear that. Listen to this. Would you like some lovely Saratoga water bench?

[B]

Wow. You should dunk your face in it like that guy Ashton Hall. Oh, yeah, I'll just do it. Are you sure? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was a long pour for sure.

[B]

I wasn't even going to pour this right.

[A]

What a lovely, refreshing moment we're taking.

[B]

Yeah, this is. That's just beautiful. Saratoga. Saratoga still. Wow. Sponsor of Top Chef. Yeah, Saratoga still. Or as Gail calls it.

[A]

Do you have icing

[B]

scale? Calls it Sarah. Sarah everyday outfit, toga. Sarah yoga pants, as Gail calls it. Sarah wedding dress, also known as a toga for her.

[A]

Okay? So she's like, why is Kristen going for. Why is she like, going, you know, why is she standing up for them so hard? And Zach says, you know, Kristen's always gonna ride hard for the people that she loves. And that's the thing about Kristen, okay? And she. And Jesse's like, look, can we just put this to bed About Danny? I mean, God, he wants to get up on. Who cares? He wants to have a drink. Who care. Why are we gonna villainize Danny? Well, of course, the head of the piece of husband department, you know, the club is going to come forward to stand up for Dan.

[B]

The guy. The guy.

[A]

Not shocked.

[B]

Like a men's. Men's Health. Not Men's Health. It was like the men's spiritual journey guide is.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

The guy wagons around. Yeah.

[A]

The guy who considers therapy. Taking ayahuasca with a, you know, manosphere bro in a forest for a weekend.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Soccer, Ayahuasca.

[B]

Can't deal with this. So anyway. So anyway. Yeah, he is. That's good too. I like that.

[A]

Joke it up together.

[B]

As someone wearing J. Crew today, I approve of that.

[A]

God, that looks so expensive.

[B]

It was.

[A]

You might as well be wearing a fridge.

[B]

This is. This is my monster fridge. This is my monster fridge.

[A]

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[A]

Yeah. And she's like, why didn't you stick? Why don't you stick up for me? You know?

[B]

And he's like, but I agreed with you.

[A]

And she's like, then why don't you, why did you raise your hand at the reunion? Because I had people like, come to me that like, they were like, that sucks. Like your best friend raised his hand and Michelle and Brittany didn't. And we see that she's talking about when Andy said, by a show of hands, who thinks that Janet was being reckless in using that term? And Zach raised his hand. Zach raised his hand.

[B]

And Janet did not appreciate that because

[A]

it's sort of Jasmine.

[B]

I mean, sorry, Jasmine. Because it sort of is saying, like, the implication is kind of like also that Jasmine may have overblown it. So Jasmine's like, I didn't even think about it that way. But I'm just like. It's actually like, okay, so I was right and they were wrong. She's like, no. Yes. But, like, you raise your hand even in general. Like, you should not raise your hand at all. Like, you're my best friend. You should be neutral. Okay, raise your hand only to your shoulder, but no, no higher than that.

[A]

He's like, but she goes, because you should be neutral because how does that read? And he's like, how does it read? It reads like you're a victim of Janet and you're also a victim of Danny. That's what I meant. And she's like, well, you have this conversation with Danny and tell him how you feel and not make Luke do it. Like you don't want to touch it. Like you said, you know, sometimes you're scared to say how you feel about Danny.

[B]

So basically she's like, if you want to make things right with me, you've got to confront Danny. You've got to do a Danny scene now, because I already did it last year. And he's like, fine, I'll do it. I'll do it. Fine. No problem. Okay, I'll do it. Great. Thanks. First I lose my monster fridge, Now I gotta talk to this stupid idiot. I'll do it. Why? Everyone just take advantage of Zuck.

[A]

So then we go to Britney's, and Jasmine comes over to check on her, and they're talking about her boobies are so small now, and the engagement party. And Brittany's like, you won't see the inspiration board. Look at the same place I got it off the Internet. She's like, it's just a ranch. Ranch. Oh, it says, is this a sack of potatoes?

[B]

You're. This is just a sack of your lipo fat. Oh, sorry, sorrows. My full balls. So Jasmine's like, well, you've been wanting to do this for so long. Like, this is good for you, but everything is good. And, like, we need to talk about this engaged party. Okay? So, yeah, it looks good. Your flower wall is beautiful. And I am just, like, so thankful for Brittany and the fact that she's stepping up, you know, because like the last few months, this group, a lot of people have been, I've been showing like side them that I didn't really feel supported. I'm just like, thankful to have a friend like her in my life. I was like, what? Where did this come from? Britney being the one that Jasmine's like, I love her.

[A]

Yeah. So then Jasmine goes to put some stuff in the mini fridge for Britney and then she finds a white claw in the bathroom. And she's like, you know you have a white claw in your bathroom. And she's like, in the dream. And she's like, is what? What is a white claw doing in the gym? She's like, oh, well, I don't drink white claws. I don't know where that come from. The only people that have been here, I mean, Zach was here and then Danny and me at the pool party, we're having a conversation in here. But why would it be in the gym? You don't think it was Danny hiding in the gym, slamming a white claw?

[B]

So they show a clip from two weeks ago, which by the way, the fact that this white claw was sitting there for two weeks and Britney never saw it is hilarious to me. Yikes. But also weird. But they show a clip of like, it's just like a general shot of people, like chatting. And then Danny, Danny walks by in the background and the producers clock like, bing, Danny, Yikes.

[A]

And she's like, go ahead, chuggy white claw. I don't care. Like, have fun. But I do have a lot of sympathy for me in this situation because I was lied to all the time about things that didn't matter. And no one understands what she's going

[B]

through more than I do. And Brittany's like, yeah, yeah. Well, people are like worried is about the hiding. And she's like, yeah, I just feel bad that he has to, like, lie. It's like, very interesting. I guess we'll never know unless you have like cameras, you know, making a joke about Jax and his cameras. So now then we see this flashback and then we see we go out to a trio of, I like to call them the brain trust of the show. It's Jesse, Tom, and Danny. And they go out to a bar and I still don't know what Tom's doing on the show. Like, I don't know how he's a full time cast member, but he's like, oh, dude, this bottle's for you, brother. For you and Michelle. Here you go. So he gives some bubbly to Jesse as congratulations for Divorce papers.

[A]

Jesse's like, how was your flight down from Santa Clarita?

[B]

Danny goes, what do you mean?

[A]

Oh, my goodness. So he's like, I have a voiceover job in the morning, so, you know, gotta keep it loose and clean. Loose and clean. So one drink minimum, in other words, like, yeah, probably. So Michelle signed the paperwork. Let's celebrate.

[B]

Yeah. And now it's. They just gotta wait for it. And so now Danny's like, hey, let's talk about Kiana. Oh, gosh. Kiana's like, amazing. She's really great. Have you ever seen someone wear sunglasses at the tip of their nose? Wow, she can do it all.

[A]

So you only met her six months ago when you were dating Lala before you dated Michelle. And he's like, dude, I never dated Michelle.

[B]

I'm just a little boy.

[A]

Can't even date anybody.

[B]

What do you guys think about Lala, anyway? I know you've been friends with her for a long time, Schwartz, but, like, Danny, you probably don't know her very well. Nah, I don't know her at all. She knows some triggered girl that had the audacity to say something to her man once.

[A]

She's my favorite muppet, Miss Triggy. Danny's like, my thing, that San Diego incident, you know, Jesse's like, listen, I've been bombarded with questions. Was Danny drunk? Was Danny drunk? And he's like, the whole thing was just so blown out of proportion. Oh, really? As you were storming out of there saying, take off your mic, Nia. Take off your mic. Throwing around.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Jesse was like. He's like, yeah, I was saying, the other night, I was with Jasmine and Zach, and they brought up your drinking. And I'm like, we're talking about this again. It's like, Danny the drinker all last summer. You know, I'm always gonna go to bat for Danny. And. Yeah, because I think we all kind of look up to their relationship because they have said that they have the best relationship.

[A]

So.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think that's fair. I mean, we all drink. Some people drink too much and they just start crying and they're emotional. Some people just sit back and do nothing, like this guy me. But, like, all we know is that what we're in for with Danny, he goes to the dark side, but mostly it's light.

[A]

Well, it wasn't. And that's the problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, Jesse's like, yeah, I hate being approached with these. Oh, no. Jesse's saying, I. I hate being approached with these conversations. Like, with Danny drinking, like, who cares? So I was like, yeah, you know, like, like, I think it's. Maybe it's being exasperated because you're, like, hiding it. And, like, I've known, you know, I've drank with you enough to know that you don't have a drinking problem. You know, it's normal to drink where people are less likely to find your drinks, like in a home gym.

[B]

But he was hiding his drinking in Santa Barbara, and that was before the quote unquote stigma or whatever.

[A]

He's always hiding his drinking because he, his wife doesn't want him to drink. So he's like. And you see it all the time. I mean, I do see it with people. You know, it's like, ah, the wife's here. Don't tell her I had this shot, or whatever. But he's, he does this all the time. And, yeah, he's doing it on camera anyway. Like, does he just think everyone's an idiot? I mean, we are watching the Valley, so he does have a point.

[B]

But, but also, like, this is why it's, like, concerning, because it's not like, okay, let's. I don't want someone to see them drinking because she doesn't want me to drink, but I'm gonna have a drink. It's like, you need this drink so badly that even though there's cameras everywhere, you think you can still, like, sneak it in and no one's gonna notice. But, like, you, you just, you can't even get through this moment right now.

[A]

Like, well, but that's my, that's my question. Is he thinking he's hiding it from us, or is he just trying to hide it from Nia? Because in this episode, he's lying and saying, there's water in here. But I'm. Is he just trying to do that so Nia won't get on him? Because obviously he knows the cameras are getting him. We've seen these camera crews. They're not subtle. It's not like Big Brother, where there's just a little camera hidden in the corner and you forget it's there. It's like a huge guy standing there with a giant camera. I know.

[B]

I think he thinks, like, oh, the cameras aren't aiming at me, so I can just, just do this. I, I, I honestly, I don't know. I don't know what it is. But now he's saying, like, well, I have PTSD from last summer, so that's why, you know, I want to let loose. So, like, yeah, I do sneak them. I Do hide them, but it's only because of other people, because they're so judgy. I'm like, they're being judgy because you hide that. You hide it. And you've been hiding your dreams before. They were being judgy about it.

[A]

Yeah. And so Jesse's like, but you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to hide it. And he's like, well, I know I shouldn't have to. He's like, well, you. You know, you don't have to with us, but, like, these you out of me. It's. And he's like, last summer was one of the worst summers of my life. Well, hold tight. I know.

[B]

I was like, you just wait, sir. Yeah, you just wait.

[A]

So. And he says it's been admitted over and over that people got together and said they want to put a target on Danny's back. Poor little Danny. Well, unless they got into you and make you talk to that, make you talk that way to the women around you, then you really have nothing, sir. So Jesse's like, yeah, Jack said that, but you know who else said went along with it? Brittany. Let's get Britney.

[B]

Yeah, this suddenly become. We go to that. And Jesse's like, yeah, my situation, Brittany, is that she was very mean, and she was part of the mean girl group with regards to Lacey. So stop bullying people and then hiding behind someone else so that nobody confronts you. I'm like, isn't that you with Jax? Isn't that what you did? He's just mad because Brittany's friends with Michelle lollies. So Jesse is like. He's like, yeah. I say, let's go after the people who have no accountability, because you do. Like, Brittany is skating, skirting along. So he's basically like, we're watching him produce the rest of the season now.

[A]

I know. It's like watching one of those calls that the housewives accuse each other of making before the reunion. Like, you guys got to the reunion and you decided to come for me. And he's doing that, but on camera.

[B]

It's like, it should be about where we're supposed to be just watching you guys as suburbanites and, like, you know, growing up and trying to start families or go through these things. It's not supposed. We're not supposed to be actually seeing you plot out how you're going to run the rest of the season.

[A]

Yeah. And this one really doesn't as far. And we can see Britney's fingerprints all over everything, too. She is another Jax. Yeah, we know We've all. We've seen that for years. Britney does do that and produce it and kind of pit people against each other and try and look like the victim and all of this. But how's she doing that in this situation? Danny is only in trouble for what Danny did.

[B]

Did.

[A]

Like, there's no one who made Danny do it. Yeah.

[B]

On camera. So speaking of Brittany, we now go to her, going to the plastic.

[A]

But Tom, this is also. I'm sorry to interrupt you, because Tom is like, Jesse goes, you better not say anything, Tom. And Tom goes, I'm a rock. And then it cuts to Tom talking to us, and he's like, brittany doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

[B]

I was like, of course.

[A]

You're like, I'm with you guys. And immediately I'm gonna tell Brittany.

[B]

Well, I wish he also said this to Jesse because he said because, you know, anytime, like, Britney was, like, talking, like, egging on something with Jax, it was mainly because if he was. If Jax is mad at Danny, Jax is not giving Britney in that moment, and it's just, like, basically survival. And I think that there's actually probably some truth to that.

[A]

And, like, wait, what you're saying, if Britney was egging on something with who?

[B]

What Tom says is, you know, you pick and choose your battles when you're in a tumultuous relationship. And I think what it boils down to is that if Jax is attacking Danny, he's not attacking her. He's kind of saying, like, she was

[A]

fine with Jax attacking Danny because it's kind of survival.

[B]

It kept him off, you know, And I'm like, you. Why don't you say that to Jesse? You know? And this is. It's just classic Tom.

[A]

Yes. That's how Tom rolls. He's a wuss. So then we go to Brittany at Beverly Hills Plastic surgery, and she's brought Janet along. Janet's like, can you do anything about knees? So they're checking on all her stuff, and everything's looking good, and they show her her body, and she takes off her, you know, garb or whatever. Brittany really puts anything on that camera. I will say this for Brittany. Brittany could have diarrhea and be like, come into the bathroom with me. Let's get it.

[B]

Let's get it all, you guys.

[A]

I mean, she really puts it all out there. And, you know, reality stars are always saying that, like, we give you everything.

[B]

I give you ever.

[A]

I don't need you to, you know. Yeah, some things I need you to keep to yourself. Like, I know. We all poop. Keep it to yourself, you know, like, Jax used to poop on camera. Why? I don't need that. Just. I'm glad for your surgery. Don't need to see your pus sacks. I don't need any of this. So she's crying in front of the mirror. She looks at herself, which I get it. You know, it's like, Dr. Daniel Poor. Give me your number. So then we go to Zach's housewarming party, which is a fresh that, you know, it's like all of our early 20s parties.

[B]

It was actually very reminiscent of current vanderpump rules, which I did enjoy. It was just a bunch of chairs

[A]

and old vanderpump rules. You know, this is how they lived.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And it's. It did really remind me of my youth. And in fact, I think I clocked when they. They showed a shot of the. Like, an exterior shot, or you could see the street from the apartment. And I was like, I think I know where that is. And I think I used to live, like, right around the corner from that, and I got very nostalgic. So, Zach, like, yeah, I think it actually looks pretty decent in here. Yeah. Because there's nothing in there. There's nothing to look out of place looks so big. There's nothing, like, out of place because everything is out of your place.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. So Zach's like, benji and I have vastly different styles when it comes to decorating. Like, he's like, oh, this piece was sourced from New Mexico under the pueblos. Ha. Blah, blah, blah. My style is, like, monster fridge.

[B]

So very brand oriented. He says, again, I encourage him to become a standards gay. If you're new brands, let's. Let's up it. So, Zach, I invited everybody, but, like, obviously Brittany's not gonna come. And then Jenna texted me earlier, which is probably, like, for the bust. And Benji's like, yeah, it'll be more fun. So people start showing up, and Michelle's there. She's like, oh, what a nice house you have here. The producer's like, like, so, Michelle, when was the last time you drank from a red solo cup? I don't drink out of red solo cups. I don't have that sort of functionality, unfortunately.

[A]

Wow. I brought someone. I don't have a wine opener. It's like, wow, I guess I will buy you a wine opener.

[B]

This is really a janky party.

[A]

I'm trying to be less robotic, normal. Okay, I'll. I will break it. And me the bottle.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Do you remember Puts her finger in it.

[B]

You remember when Joe Faz and I. Did you ever come to one of our house parties?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It was just so fun. It was like a.

[A]

It was like a giant bong on the table.

[B]

It was like this.

[A]

And you guys would like make scorpion bowls. Scorpion bowls? The big bowl.

[B]

We just had so much booze. It was just. I mean, music will be playing. So much booze. And the girls would come over and be like, do you guys have any, like, food? Like, no, we just have like beer and sweet bowls or whatever. They'd be like, no, like, not like, maybe there's like one bag of chips like you don't have. You didn't put out like any hors d'. Oeuvres. And so watching this party, watching Michelle walking into this party, I'm like, oh. Takes me back to being 26. Yeah. And throwing these parties.

[A]

Those were fun.

[B]

I'll tell you one thing, those were great parties. Yeah, Great, great parties.

[A]

So she's disgusted, as she should be. And Michelle's like, I will give you a wine opener. And Bendy goes, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. Goes, it's not embarrassing. It's my life.

[B]

Two can be the same thing.

[A]

Yeah. They're not mutual excuses.

[B]

Yes, exactly. So here comes Lalas, the funds here. I'm just kidding. The fund's already here, guys. They all come in. It was actually really kind of endearing because you have all these kind of like faux bougie people coming in. And we have spent so much time in. In their like duplicative houses, like the, the modern farmhouse you walk in, living room here, kitchen over here, dining room, whatever, the whole thing. There are all these identical houses. And to see all these people who, who now having to come back to like a little two bedroom apartment in West Hollywood with nothing but chairs and like the dust outline of where monster frid be. It was really fun for me to see this.

[A]

Well, Zach actually would fit in on Vanderpump rules.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If he got a job there or pretended to for a couple months.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Lala's like, wow, I feel right at home. I mean, this looks just like an AA meeting.

[B]

Just you want to hear about your

[A]

party and it's gonna be, it will be the future AA meeting. It'll be the same people in there. Just give it a few years.

[B]

Lala goes, Zach's apartment looks like he just got robbed, but like he was having a party so he had to put all together outside of the curb. It's true, he did Kind of just get robbed. And guess who comes in here.

[A]

Guys, pull down your sunglasses right to your nose because it's Kiana.

[B]

Kiana model has arrived. It's outrageous. She is here. She doesn't have the sunglasses, but she has sunglass energy going on. She's like, got her. Her chin down. She's looking at you like, hey, it's Kiana. Lost. Oh, my God, you are like, so stunning. Like, this is like crazy. Like a five star. Okay, good for you because.

[A]

Good for. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. Because yeah. I was like, am I? She's like, ugh, don't ever ask that question. You're like, so hot.

[A]

Yeah. So Kiana's like, should I be productive? Because, like, I mean, I don't know. Are you guys dating? Because, like, I saw it on Social, like, oh, my God. Dating everybody. Isn't it funny? Everybody really think they're dating. Nobody ever thought you were dating?

[B]

Yeah, well, you posted that. They did post that. That picture that made us all like, what the. With Lala.

[A]

But I don't think anybody believed. I think everybody was just like, thirsty.

[B]

Yeah. No, like, trying it. I mean, obviously no one here in this room believed it whatsoever and did not, like, text it to anyone to say, like, oh, my God, is this real? That definitely did not happen between. Between the two of us. Neither of us did that had that reaction whatsoever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We knew better.

[B]

Yeah. I never. I never did anything like that. So Lala, meanwhile, Lala has something to say.

[A]

I can only knew it was fake because Schwartz is broke. Lala is not gonna date a brokey.

[B]

No, she won't. Come on. No, she won't. Maybe the dawn is still around. So Lala is like, look, I can only name Ladon. I think it was the Don. Look it up. No, look it up.

[A]

I do not care.

[B]

Look it up.

[A]

No, look it up. I remember he soaked her bed. That's all I remember.

[B]

Well, guess what? I can only eat cookie when I'm fucked up. And, like, I've only hooked up with chicks when I've been like, a little bit wasted.

[A]

And Jesse's like, whoa. Sorry if I butted into that. The seating arrangements aren't great here. Right, guys? You're literally sitting in a circle.

[B]

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[A]

So then the couples arrive. Danny, Nia, Kristen, Luke and. And Kristen's like, wait a minute, where'd that TV go? I gave Zach did that TV that the guy even told the team took the tv.

[B]

I would be mad. And by the way, it is confirmed. It is Don or the Don.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Oh, the dawn.

[B]

The dawn.

[A]

Well, I guess it depends on what neighborhood you're from.

[B]

Yeah, well, yeah, Little Italy, it would be Ladon or France. Ladon. Or if you Mexico.

[A]

Eldon.

[B]

If you were, if you were in Switzerland, it might be Daston.

[A]

If you were in the carom house when I was younger, it would have been Rondon because my name Was Rondon Dooley.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was always touching my wieners. And Don. And Don Dooley is like little wiener. And so they used to call me Rondon Dooley.

[B]

I think we've pretty much covered all the languages on the planet, so.

[A]

So it's in your duly lingo.

[B]

Did you hear, Ronnie, by the way? Did you hear? Jesse signed us at old man, designed the settlement.

[A]

And Lacey's like, now you can join our cult. We have a divorce cult. Cult. Your honorary in our divorce cult. Ha ha ha ha ha.

[B]

Michelle goes, I've never been in a cult. It's like, it's really.

[A]

You talk like you are still in1.

[B]

My OS has been used for cult programming, but I myself have never been in one. And so Lacey goes, it's not a real cult. Yeah.

[A]

I'm kidding.

[B]

Maybe you want. Maybe you might join a humor cult.

[A]

I was like, it's wild to me that people will go through divorce and still believe in love after. Because I believe. And Lacey's like, I believe in love, but I don't believe in marriage.

[B]

Love and marriage. Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. I don't get it. So Michelle says, lacey, you've tried to break up with Jesse 100 times and let it not. He's not letting you go because you have that money.

[A]

That's right. And that's why she doesn't believe in marriage. Marriage. She's like, I'm not giving this to this man or letting him move in so he can claim to get. He can try and claim it later.

[B]

Might be a good reason to also not believe in love. So, Lacey.

[A]

But you know what this cast does believe in That I really appreciate dominoes. They really love their dominoes.

[B]

Or at least Zach does, because that we did too.

[A]

That was at Brittany's party a couple weeks ago, and I was like, domino's? Who does that? Like, for a party forever, Remember? I was like, we need to get fancier pizza for our friends.

[B]

But then he does it.

[A]

Zach makes more sense, and at least he buys 20.

[B]

Yeah, well, who does? Who would get a whole bunch of dominoes for their parties for their friends? We would, if Domino's cared to sponsor us. Thank you very much, Domino's. Just speak to our lovely friends here

[A]

at AKA I've been talking about dominoes on this show for years.

[B]

Well, we just need that first domino to fall for the chain reaction. So get on this podcast and sponsor us. Hey, Domino's box behind our heads. Well, I will wear it on my head.

[A]

Call Saratoga Springs and ask them how it's working out for them.

[B]

Okay, you guys are nervous. Delicious. Gosh, you know what goes great with the Domino's Pizza? Saratoga Springs water. Although it's actually just called Saratoga. Fuck Saratoga Springs.

[A]

Ring. Ring. You're fired. We don't really have a. Sarah, don't blow into that. I'm gonna drink from there. I don't want your. Whatever it is you might be carrying around. God knows what you've been doing in this city.

[B]

Well, I guess you won't be drinking from it anymore.

[A]

I guess I won't. Get Brittany in here.

[B]

Oh, don't.

[A]

Brittany. I'm gonna need some more Saratoga.

[B]

As my Grandma Sally would say, I don't be so delicate.

[A]

Oh, Brittany just fell down the stairs. You should have known.

[B]

Your name's Brittany.

[A]

Saw that one coming.

[B]

So now, I wasn't blowing into that. I just happened to be doing a Shannon impersonation, and a bottle was below me, so it made a noise.

[A]

You were. You were playing your recorder. Your Phaedra recorder. So Lacy's like, I do not ever want to be married. I don't ever want to be married again. And lala's like, I don't blame you. And it was embarrassing because I had such a big wedding. And Lala's like, oh, my God. Yeah, right? Embarrassing. All that money. And she's. I don't care about money. Money flows. I would have spent it on something else. But you know what? He was telling me about your wedding, and I was like, wow, that's a lot. You guys had a lot at your wedding. And Lala's like, they're weddings. She's, yeah. Michelle's like, why is he dogging about my wedding up?

[B]

Lacy is like, for me, I would ra. I would rent out the Saddle Ranch, and I would have cowboy hats for all the girls, and I would have a station where they could, like, bedazzle their own cowboy hats. And, like, hers could say something cheesy like divorce or something like that.

[A]

Divorced af. Well, she's talking about a divorce party, by the way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She offered to have a divorce party.

[B]

And she's. She basically saying you could ride the bull. I'm like, lacy, I thought you were doing better this season than I would have ever expected you to do. But this has ruined it all. Yeah. Ruined it all. This vision for your divorce party.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Please know this is the mon. Fridge for divorce parties. You're gonna do the most basic thing in the world. Go to the Saddle Ranch and do bedazzle hats that say Things like divorce

[A]

af and also in la at the divorce party, that's where the divorced husbands go hang out to get, like, younger poo. Say so it's not a good place for a woman to have a divorce.

[B]

Just go to Javier's and have yourself a night.

[A]

Yeah. So meanwhile, Lala doesn't like this. She's like, what the is this girl asking Michelle about her marriage for? Like, I don't think that's appropriate. You're coming for Michelle's wedding. You better back off. This is when I would lose it. Like, she's. I think she's just trying to bond with you guys. She's stuck on folding chairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With two people who hate her gut. Like, she's trying to, like, girl chat with you. I don't think she was like, wow, your wedding sounded like a monster, Michelle. She's like, why? Your wedding sounded like it was a lot chat. Yeah.

[B]

So. Oh, but I. I need. We need to check in with our producer, Edie. Edie is from a younger generation and doesn't really watch Brav. So has this made you now start to want to watch Bravo? I at least want to watch you guys. Oh, in case you didn't hear that, she says, I at least want to watch you guys talk about Bravo. So so far the answer is Valley has failed to convert yet another youngin.

[A]

She's here for the Britney torture jokes.

[B]

You make it sound like a cast of Muppets. It's really.

[A]

They are. They are. They are a cast. They are.

[B]

So, Zach, like, guys, guys got the round. Okay. There's so much I want to. Like, there's so much going on tonight. Like, you know what I mean? I just feel like I owe it. Oh, sorry, guys. I want to give a tearful speech

[A]

about my friendships in la because I live in la and I would just, like, by the way, I'm not moving and I have not moved into a new apartment, but I'm celebrating. Like, I just accomplished something, so I'm gonna cry. And I just want to thank Kristen,

[B]

my first original monster fridge. Yeah. And also I want to also thank Brittany and what a Thanked Jasmine, but she's making me have a conversation with Danny a little bit later. Sorry, this was Zach from the future, because this conversation happens, like, a little bit later. I jumped the gun a little bit. Instead, I'm gonna talk to Melissa and I'm gonna say, oh, my God, I feel like I owe it today. I need to talk to him tonight.

[A]

Sorry. No, I. Such a long line.

[B]

I thought it was the Speech. Me too. That's why I. That's why I said he gathered everyone around. He literally gathered no one around. Just Melissa.

[A]

No one was gathered.

[B]

And he basically is like, okay, I gotta. I have to talk to Danny. So meanwhile, in the other room, speaking of Danny, Danny's like, hey, everyone, I'm looking for one of those ash drinks. Can I get an ash drink? Just been drinking water all night long. Water, water, water. Good old Danny. Just going to that water bottle. Just drinking some water bottle. But I think I'm gonna change up, have an ice drink.

[A]

And there's a big container of, like, 36 things called ice, which I've never seen, but odd time for this branding. And of course, it would be on this show.

[B]

And of course it would be Danny who's like, well, let's. Let's see what's going on with that ash.

[A]

Just want to make sure I support ash on camera. So he goes for one of these drinks and ice, but there's cameras in this tiny little galley kitchen. And he goes in there and pours booze into, like, whiskey or some.

[B]

He poured. Yeah, he pours, like, beer or something into his solo cup. And he does it really quickly, and he looks up and he sees the camera, and then he, like, puts it down really quickly. It's like very much like Brian on Real Houses of Rhode Island. Look at the camera when his mistress calls. So then Zach, like, danny, can I, like, really grab you? I can really smell that water on your breath. Yeah, just pure water.

[A]

He's like, do you have a drink?

[B]

What are you drinking?

[A]

He's like, water. Just water. Just drink lots of water. Water, wow. Hydration water.

[B]

Lots of water. He's like, okay, well, okay, okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Now that we're. He, like, brings. Brings Danny into this, like, empty room, and he's like, what about to happen in here? It's like, oh, well, I feel like as ball bros and as someone who I love and respect, and you know, I do because I'm putting my hand full out, full extension.

[A]

I'm putting my head down, too. I'm tilting my chin down, hyper extended,

[B]

you know, my chin is down. My hand is all the way out. It's on your shoulder. I really, you know. You know, the chin is down onto my chest. The hand is out.

[A]

Out.

[B]

As someone who I really respect, this is not a drinking thing. Just in general. There's like a. You know, there's like a frat boy mentality, like an alpha mentality, and it's not bad. It's not Bad. But I don't think it translates to certain people. By certain people, I mean everyone else. So just letting you know. Okay.

[A]

Well, you know, I have a big personality, just like you have a big personality.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you. And I want to make you aware of this.

[A]

This.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, I've already apologized, so I'm on your side.

[B]

I'm on your side. Okay. And I'm on. I'm sort of actually all around you because you're very small. But, like, tonight, you're not drinking, right? As confirmed by the water.

[A]

All night long. Call the police.

[B]

Call the.

[A]

Call the Osh police.

[B]

Listen, I love you so much, and I just think you just have to, like, think about how things land for other people. That's it.

[A]

I love you, too. You know, I love this conversation. This conversation is going great. Great. Can't wait to call you. The F word in the car on the way.

[B]

Knock, knock. I'm looking for Danny.

[A]

Of course. Here comes Nia. She sees somebody taking Danny to another room with cameras. So put on your cape. Here comes Mia.

[B]

I wanted to put on a pioneer dress instead. Daniel, are you in here?

[A]

I'm wearing a bonnet. That's my version of the cape.

[B]

Sorry, we have to get back up to Santa Clarita because I have to spin some wool. So Zach is like. He's like, I think Danny should be able to do whatever he wants, but if him drinking water tonight shuts everyone up, then so be it. That. That would be great. Unfortunately, he's not drinking water tonight.

[A]

He is not drinking water tonight.

[B]

Okay, everyone. I'm guiding everyone around, but since you already heard my speech already, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm crying. I made it this long. I love my prime.

[A]

I thought it was hilarious. He's giving a tearful speech. You didn't do anything. What did you accomplish? You got your TV stolen off your wall and your monster drink taken.

[B]

He's like, what are you.

[A]

What are you crying about? Like you just won a fucking award.

[B]

Kristen, I'm gonna pay you back tonight. Here you go. Twelve hundred dollars.

[A]

So weird.

[B]

She's like, oh, I gave you twelve hundred, not two thousand. Geez. Or twelve thousand. Like, relax, okay. Oh, gosh. Stupid. Oh, wow. It's the end of the show. Who'd have known? Is it? Yeah. Remember, the show ended on a nice note. The friends all coming together. See, it's not a toxic show, just a show about people who live vapid lives sitting on chairs in an empty room, mourning the loss of a monster energy drink refrigerator, but celebrating the fact that Zach can now pay $1,200 back to Kaka Kristen.

[A]

All right everybody, thanks so much for being here for the valet. We'll be back later today with some southern hospitality. If you want to stream the cabaret do so Friday night it's 7:00pm and 9:30pm Eastern time. There will be big chat room parties going on for both of those shows. You can buy tickets up to showtime and then after that stream for a week. We will talk to you next time. Bye.

[B]

Watch what happens. Would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call it's Ada Paul. Ain't no thing like Allison King Our

[A]

way is the Amber way It's the

[B]

Foster and the furious It's Amanda Foster it's always automatic with Ashley auto Put your hands together for Carly clap get

[A]

on the right foot with Chrissy offit she's not just a stranger Sheila she's a Daniella Etchells we never miss her call it's Diane call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[B]

Aaron McNicholas she don't miss no tricholas you'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go we all go for Hugo Jamie she has no less

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namey sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch she's a total knockout It's Katie Manok

[B]

she's our favorite favorite streamer Caroline Peacock

[A]

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera sera whatever will be will Lauren Silsby she gets a name from us it's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a DAISY It's Maisie McHenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[B]

This is living with Michelle Vivian I

[A]

love a ya Olivia Williamson.

[B]

She sure is sweet. Well, it's Raquel.

[A]

Yes we can. It's Savannah.

[B]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[A]

Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super Premium sponsors she's VVIP it's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10

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cc's of Betsy MD we're taking the

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gold with Brenda Silva.

[B]

Let's get real with Caitlin o' Neal.

[A]

Put us on a stretcher It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses it's is Christine Hogel. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[B]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish have a kebab with K Rob, my favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a wiz. It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers, the incredible edible Matthew sisters.

[A]

She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sharrous. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince.

[B]

She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[A]

We cannot tell a lie. Hey, it's Sarah Tellafson.

[B]

Shannon out of a can and Anthony. Please don't stop at Soly and pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[A]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.

[B]

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