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Michelle
Watch what happens. Watch what? Crapping. Who cares what happens when there's so much what happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?
Raquel
Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute. I didn't hear part one. Guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay. It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. So Asha is. She comes and sees the setup. She's like, oh, my goodness. Amazing. And Cooper's like, kaylee, you killed it. You did so good. And Aisha is just thrilled. She's done such a good job. And the other girls seem great too. You know, for. For the first time in my career, I really feel like I'm leading a group of girls that are a different generation. I mean, how trippy is that? I'm like a wild old horse, like Seabiscuit.
Michelle
Like, excuse me. So she's. They serve the food, and then Kaylee is. Kay comes over to the kitchen, the galley, and she's like, oh, my God, is this your cake? She's like, yes, this is the cake that you're going to decorate. She's like, yay. Oh, my God. Let me just check with the girls, because I feel like now would be a really good time to do this. So she goes to Genevieve and she's like, hi, so I might do another vacuum. And Jen's like, well, Cat and I just vacuumed. Yeah. After putting away all those placemats that were shoved everywhere.
Raquel
Oh, did you? Yeah, just vacuum. She goes, oh, what was that? And she picks something off the carpet. Yes. It sounds like I said, it's done. She goes, oh, all good. Well, Joy was asking if maybe I could help decorate the cake. It's now a good time. Okay. Now that I've finished this vacuuming job. Naughty, naughty.
Michelle
Like, if you want some Would say decorating a cake makes you more successful than the appearance. Wouldn't you agree? Okay, I'm gonna go do it now. So then Kelly tells us Jen's kind of giving mean girl energy right now. When someone doesn't like me, I kind of turn that inward and go, well, what the is wr wrong with me? Because, you know, I used to be really bossy in school. I was like,
Raquel
but, you know, you're still pretty bossy.
Michelle
Yeah, we can already tell you're still bossy. It's like, how is it really bossy in school? And I was like school captain, and I was a little bit too gung ho. And I started off to do well, and then I sort of fell off from my friends, and I was becoming afraid not to fit in and not to be liked. And then I lost that side of me, I guess, and that person who was confident, who was so strong. Okay, Tracy Flick. We've seen this movie before.
Raquel
Yes. You are being placed by or played by Reese Witherspoon, 100%. So we go back to. What'd you say, Reese?
Michelle
Aussie spoon.
Raquel
So we go back to the beach picnic, and Coop is diving off the rocks. And they're like, oh, my God, I'm gonna do that. Ow, Ow, ow. Flat rocks. Watch out. Ow, Ow.
Michelle
The first time a head injury would actually improve someone's capacities outside of a comic book.
Raquel
They just start resetting like a computer.
Michelle
They're like, did you read about the charade of Hormuz today? So, yes, I want to go cliff diving. It's straight up Hormuz. So Genevieve and Cat are in the crew mess, and Gen is banging ice against the table in the way that only someone who is furious at a perky Australian and their parents simultaneously would bang ice.
Raquel
Yeah. And Cat's like, are you struggling? Because I feel like by the ninth charter, you're going to be doing that to someone's head. Like, you're terrifying. It's like, yeah, well, I don't think it's going to be you because Kaylee gets to do all the fun shit. I mean, I hate to be a bitch, but, like, I'm more experienced than both of you. I've been doing this for fucking almost four years. I am 22. This has been my entire existence.
Michelle
Ring, ring, ring. Hold on one second. Oh, Hi, mom and dad. Hi, Jen. We just want to let you know that when we were your age, we would have already broken up the ice.
Raquel
Okay.
Michelle
Good luck on that success trajectory.
Raquel
Bye, Kayleigh. Getting to do the excursion definitely shows that Asha is favoring Kayleigh a bit more. Well, I have paid my due. Some yachting. And how is that a green stewardess is leading service? How am I the one stuck in cabins? Oh, my God. You are your own worst enemy. Nobody wants to work with you. You have to be somebody that people want to work with. You're miserable. Oh, my God.
Michelle
Never change. So then, please.
Raquel
Yeah, please, I'm calling you.
Michelle
Awful.
Raquel
But it's in such an excited way. I'm like, you were so terrible.
Michelle
Thank you. So Jen is like, I think I just need to start being A little bit more aggressive, like not, but like a little bit more assertive, like snap finger. That's not. That's not how to win people over.
Raquel
And Kat is trying to help her. She's like, okay, but don't let that backfire. Okay? Make sure you keep your attitude good. She goes, oh, really? Well, if she got second stew, I would be really pissed.
Michelle
Well, then over at the picnic, Cooper is feeding a peacock, and he's like, the peacocks are dope. I'm a huge fan of anything that's colorful, and I love animals. I one time back in Charleston, I bought a 10,000 gallon pool and I installed it in the backyard amid my own aquarium. And I spent a whole day catching catfish and bass, and anything we could catch in the backyard, we just throw in the pool. But unfortunately, that ended when the HOA threatened to find US$500 for an eyesore. And maybe it's all the dead fish that were in your quote unquote aquarium that.
Raquel
Yeah, like, he was 10 gallon, not 10,000, but still. Yeah, he was just throwing like all these fish and they just kept cutting. There were some pretty big fish in there.
Michelle
Big fish. I'm like, don't do that. Don't do that.
Raquel
Yeah, you're just like making a bowl for alligators, you know, to eat from.
Michelle
And then there's that too.
Raquel
Do they have alligators there? They do, right? Or do they.
Michelle
An alligator will find its way up there. When I was in New Orleans, it was so funny. They have signs.
Raquel
We're up.
Michelle
We're by the. There's like, we were. Dom and I were in a park and there was. There was like some. There was water there. And there were signs that said, like, there were like little birds. And the signs were like, don't feed the birds. Because, you know, if you feed the birds, the birds all flock. And the birds all flock. The alligators come. So some. Some idiots, they give their little like four year old child, maybe even. Not even four, maybe even just three. They give them some bread and they. This kid is throwing. Throwing bread at the birds. And of course all the birds flock. And lo and behold, an alligator comes swimming up. I'm like, Dom and I were like, we then just like, tell the parents, like, you want to move your child? They're like, no, it's fine. Like, there's an alligator coming for it. Like, oh, really? Like, that's why it says don't feed the birds. I mean, we were totally being like, gay gay, you know, police at that moment. But, like, I'M sorry. People are idiots. What am I even on this path again?
Raquel
I love it, though. I mean, I think the only thing you did wrong was warn the parents.
Michelle
I know.
Raquel
Survival of the fittest, Ben. Okay? It's not survival of the closest to gay people with warnings.
Michelle
I almost felt bad for the. The alligator. The alligator. I mean, it came like this. It was like a little alligator. I don't. It wasn't like a fully mature one. Just. It came. Came up like. Oh. It was like, literally, like, excuse me. I'm gonna. I'm just gonna check out the cake. It was like, here we go. A little afternoon snack. I was like, oh, this poor gator. I thought I had a real. A real special snack for itself.
Raquel
Well, no one wants to eat a dumb child. You know, they don't taste good. They're not as juicy.
Michelle
It wasn't so much the child was dumb as more that the parents were dumb because they let their child go by apples trees. Also, what parent is letting their little, like, toddler just, like, amble about on the edge of alligator waters? Like, come on.
Raquel
Yeah. I don't know. They're not all smart.
Michelle
You know, I feel like you're gonna tell a story, like. Well, when I was a kid, I used to always. I would see alligators and walk around, waiting in that. I like to go knee deep. And then if I saw an alligator, I'd be like, you. And then I'd just walk away. And the alligator would always know.
Raquel
No, no, I'm. You know what? I am afraid of things that can eat me.
Michelle
Okay.
Raquel
I've always. I've always had that sense. So I'm proud to announce it today. That is one story you will not be hearing from me. So. Although I do have one funny alligator story, and it's just from Florida because I knew. I know lady lives there. We know a lady who lives there. And she's like, I live by the swamp, and it's actually the Queen of Versailles. Everybody knows who this is. Jackie, the Queen of Versailles. She's like, so. You know, I have a swamp. There was this neighbor. I think he was cheating on his wife. And then he disappeared. And I was like, well, what happened to him? She goes, no one knows. We think the alligators ate him. And then she just kept on talking like that was just like a part of some other story. And I was like, wait a minute. She goes, yes, Florida.
Michelle
It's like, what? Just what happens?
Raquel
Yeah, it's just like this simple little thing. The alligator's got him. No one Ever thought of him again?
Michelle
Wild Things. What a great movie.
Raquel
So anyway, Kaylee and Kat are talking, and Kaylee's like, kit, I'm so nervous. I can't get this cake to look good. Meanwhile, Aisha's like, cindy, look at the pictures I took of what Kaylee did at the picnic. She's amazing. Like, Asia's, like, planning a parade for her. Kaylee's trying to get a cake perfect after doing this perfect beach thing. And you just.
Michelle
Yeah.
Raquel
You just know.
Michelle
Jen is like, Jenna's stabbing a pillow somewhere. Yes. And Kaylee has a. She actually has a backstory about her cake decorating. It's about as annoying as you'd expect. She's like, I love decorating cakes. It comes from my mom growing up in Sydney, Australia. She would do the coolest cake for cakes for us. And then when I was 11 or 12, I started making cakes, too, for all my friends. And now we're down to the family that makes birthday cakes for everybody. We should have done this as a business. We've been doing this a lot of. Do a lot of free labor. Why do I feel like this. This, like, family that decorates is, like, the most annoying because you know there's gonna be a thing where it's like, oh, I'm gonna go get a cake. No, don't get a kike. We'll make one. We'll decorate it. And then becomes a whole big to do. And the next thing you know, it's like, can you come after a little early? Because we need some help transporting the cake. And then all of a sudden, your simple desire just have a. Just a nice little cake has become a production where you have to start 30 minutes early. You gotta, like, provide transportation. You need a box. You need was like, you know what? I don't.
Raquel
Someone's friends with the cake person.
Michelle
I am the cake. It's me. It's me. It's you.
Raquel
Well, you also. This also shows how annoying Kaylee is because her previous story was about how she was really upset in school because all of her friends just cut her off because she was so bossy. Like, girl, if everybody hates you and you're the person who makes everybody free cakes, I mean, you have to be really obnoxious for people to be mean to the free cake person. Everyone's nice to the free cake person.
Michelle
I know. I do feel kind of bad for her because I do actually feel like she just. She just wants to be loved. And she's like, yeah, cakes and everything. And like, she just. She doesn't realize that she's. She's annoying people. And now I'm just feeding into. I'm adding to her hurt right now. Hurt people. Hurt people.
Raquel
From one hurt people eat cake. So I'm. I'm one of those people. Send me a cake.
Michelle
From one high maintenance cake person to another. Ha. Kelly, just. Just get an entamin sometimes. And just.
Raquel
Some people are cake people, some people are cake eaters. You've found your match. All right, get over here. Let them go. It. Shove it down. So anyway, she's like, well, oh. Cat's like, how are things going with Jen, by the way? She's like, I just thought maybe she might have been mad, but she's very, like, in her mode. So I've made a cake and it says, this is where the placemats go. Thumbs up. Hopefully she'll like me.
Michelle
So Nathan and Luke are on this Tinder at long last. And Nathan's like, look and take direction.
Raquel
I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but this is very important to get in here because messy ass Cat goes. I think she just wants to be like, second stew. So I was just asking how you're feeling about her. Messy. Messy. And I like fun.
Michelle
Oh, I love it. And I love.
Raquel
Haley took this information and she's like, oh, no, you don't, ma'.
Michelle
Am. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then I, like. Jen also says to herself, no more nice girl Jen. I was like, no more. Did it ever start?
Raquel
Yeah. When? Where was she?
Michelle
Okay, so Nathan and Luke are on the. They're on the tender to see if Luke can be a. A lead deckhand and you're comfortable with Dawken Br. He's like, we'll find out. I'm like, that's not.
Raquel
Not a good sign.
Michelle
And then the cake. The cake is ready. And so Joy's like, look at that beautiful mermaid. Look at what she did. It is beautiful. It's a perfect cake. I love it so much. Gato G. Beautiful. And she's like, of course. It was great. And she's like, that's not my best, but it's okay, right? It's like. It looks amazing. Kaylee, stop that.
Raquel
It is actually speaking. It is singing song of sirens. I do. How did you put voice box in mermaid cake? Amazing work.
Michelle
Hello, Frosting, my old friend. So that was such a funny choice of having the sound of silence be the song that comes out of that cake.
Raquel
That's another Love island thing too, because one of the. Oh, my God. Like, the sound like, when it's Silent. It, like, hurts. Someone said that. It's like, you're so close.
Michelle
They played some crazy cover the other night. Oh, you know that old dance song from the 90s. Like, this is the rhythm of the night. Yeah, that's a cheesy 90s dance song. And of course.
Raquel
I was like, okay, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Okay, so the cake. And then we go back to Luke and Nathan. And Luke isn't even trying to pretend. He's like, I don't know why this guy's having me dock a fucking boat. Like, what do I know? And he's like, yeah, my Tinder driving skills. I mean, I've driven a small tender in Cape Town, but this one's totally different. And Nathan's like, okay, so you're going to need to back up now. He's like, fa. Plump and just hits a buoy or a dock, whatever of the dock, I guess.
Michelle
Hey, hey, Mary Time Law, this is Captain Sandy. I just want to complain about the noise ordinances on the dock. We have done the Tinder crash and we got to blame it on the noise again. So. Talk about not the sound of silence. Am I right? Could you please fix that? I'm very angry about this. Thanks.
Raquel
So this is two. Under Nathan's direction, two vessels hitting a dock. So here we go. Number two. And he's like, oh, you need a deckhand who can drive the Tinder. Yeah. But you also need someone who's going to teach him how. Like, what are you doing?
Michelle
Also, would it kill some of these boat makers to put, like, a ring of, like, rubber around the entire side of the boat? Like a. Like a.
Raquel
Why is the entire boat not made of rubber?
Michelle
That's what I don't get. Like. Like, why is it not like, a bumper car? Like the. Like. Like before when we talked about it, like, being one of those, like, tubes that's on, like, the. Those, like, raging rapids things. But why not? Why not? Why not have that? So you could just come in. Come in hot on that dock and just bounce until you're. You're settled in.
Raquel
Yeah. I mean, they even started making cars out of plastic. Come on. Like, how many Titanics do we need before.
Michelle
Put a ring of rubber. Ring of rubber. Okay, let's do this.
Raquel
We're gonna make billions of dollars. So Sandy's checking in with Joy, and she's like, so feeling good about dinner. She's like, oh, so excited. She's like, well, good. That's great. Do you need anything in here? No. Nothing? No nap? No. No naps. Hug? No. This lady. I'm gonna get rid of this lady somehow. Tell me right now. Not vibing with Joy.
Michelle
So Kaylee's making a tablescape upstairs now, because we're getting ready for dinner and guests are getting ready for their Vegas. Vegas showgirl outfits. Is the theme Vegas. Like, why. Why are you having a meeting from where you came from? Seriously, guys, I'm gonna. I'm gonna charter a yacht. I'm gonna spend $30,000, and I want the theme to be my house, my job.
Raquel
Can we have a jelly theme? Because I took off the week from Jelly's to work here. Like, what the. But I guess they're doing it to promote their stupid shows that nobody's ever heard of. They're like, wow, look at these girls. They're from Vegas. Okay, guys. All right.
Michelle
Wrong.
Raquel
Now we get a Joy and Luke scene. Another using her for protein scene. She's like, what are you doing here? He's like, I'm starving. I'm just starving. You are always hungry. There's an extra steak if you want. You handsome man.
Michelle
You dig at this dick. So he's like, yes, I'll take it. Now the guests come in to. They're very happy. They see the. The. They see the table. They're just thrilled. And Jen and Cat are in the cabins, and Jen is like, ugh. It's like, I just. I hate doing housekeeping. She stabs the mattress.
Raquel
Yeah. Seriously. She's like, oh, God, I guess I'm not doing service again tonight. Okay. Okay. Won't be doing service. Fine.
Michelle
It's one charter. You'll do it on the next one.
Raquel
Yeah. She's her own worst enemy. Meanwhile, at dinner, h is like, have some lobster. Have some steak, depending on your preferences. Meanwhile, Nathan and Cooper talking. And Cooper's like, how are things with Joe? He's like, bro, we don't have the best relationship. Nathan's like, what? He said that? What the. He's like, yeah, I hate you.
Michelle
I can't. I can't believe that he has been talking about our relationship after I've been visibly and publicly frosty with him for three days now.
Raquel
Exactly.
Michelle
Yeah.
Raquel
He said something like, you can fix your haircut, but you can't fix the noggin under it. Something like that.
Michelle
Hey, would you be upset if I put you in a net and transported you to a above ground pool in Charleston? I think you'd make a great addition to my aquarium. What are you asking me About. I don't understand this.
Raquel
This is exactly why I don't want to make him the deckhand. But. But Luke can't drive the tender. And Cooper, he's Cooper. What am I supposed to do?
Michelle
It leaves me kind of fucked up. So I'm with Joel. Unfortunately, he has 100% the best icon that I have, my team. And it's fucking stressing me out, but beyond belief. So Nathan's basically like, look, I don't care what's happened in the past. He doesn't need to talk about it. Talk to anyone about it. That's how I feel about it. What do you mean you don't care about anything that's happened in the past? This entire season is about you grousing about what happened in the past. The fact that you're mad right now is about what happened in the past.
Raquel
So now one of the ladies is like, wait a minute. I eat meat. Why aren't I getting meat? And so Asia goes to the galley, and she's like, I want to move her nose. And she said that she eats meat. And I was like, oh, fine. Oh, my God. I give to hot man. Oh, no.
Michelle
This is why I cannot let men come too close to my cooking. It is a very dangerous game because if I don't have another steak, that's my rep. So it's guess first lost.
Raquel
After, yeah, like, oh, five minutes. I need more steak now. One day, I'm going to have a heart attack. Yeah. So she. She ordered extra steak, which is smart, but she's like, at least it is medium dream. Medium, medium rare. So it will be fast. She's an animal. Okay, but here's lesson. Follow. Don't follow your boyfriend. Follow your dreams.
Michelle
So she makes it. It's. It's fine. And then now it's another episode of Kaylee and Jen being hostile towards each other. They're in the galley, and kids like. Kaylee's like, jane, do we have any short glasses? And she's like, yeah, they're kept in the main salon bar normally. Are you idiot. Unless you put some placemats on top of them, in which case you wouldn't see them. Okay.
Raquel
She's like, well, I think we're gonna move them up here. Just easier there, if that works for you. She goes, I guess it has to.
Michelle
Well, I guess my plan for shot glass organization went right out the window.
Raquel
So now Nathan calls Gale to bitch more, and he's like, oh, God, this guy can't drive the Tinder. I don't know what to do about the lead, to be honest. I'm sorry. You'll figure it out. You're great at your job.
Michelle
Does he. He's had two vessels crashed.
Raquel
We've seen no evidence.
Michelle
48 hours. Yeah. So now the cake comes out, and they're just like, ugh, the best cake we've ever seen. Like, this looks like the cake that was decorated by someone who knows exactly where to put shot glasses. Like, it's beautiful.
Raquel
I can't eat a mermaid. I love mermaids. It's not real. Seriously. It's talking. It's the most amazing cake we've ever seen. And it's just, like, Joy's kind of terrifying when you first meet her, but she's also cutesy and childlike, and she definitely produces Is perfection. Her g. Spotless. She's always presentable. Oh, my theory, she's got a little ratatouille in her mind.
Michelle
She probably literally has ratatouille up there. She takes her hair out, just a bunch of, like, tomatoes and beans fall out.
Raquel
I love ratatouille. That movie was amazing. The whole opening of that rat running from the sewers of Paris all the way up to the Eiffel, through the kitchens, all the way up to the. I mean, can I say something?
Michelle
Can I say something? I've actually never seen it. I would, like. I. It wasn't. It wasn't intentional. I wasn't avoiding it. I just somehow I missed it. But I do want to see it, and it's, like, really up my alley. So I'm gonna. I'm going to fast track it.
Raquel
So. Good.
Michelle
I love the idea.
Raquel
Yeah, it's really good. So then they congratulate the guests on being 23 years old in Vegas. And Kaylee's like, so now we go downstairs to Kaylee and Asha, and Kay, he goes, I don't mind. And I know it's up to you, but I think Jyn prefers doing service. You know, I've heard that, and I'm happy to float if that makes her happier. I just don't want Jin to be upset. She seems pretty upset. I was like, oh, yes. This is the moment I've been alluding to this whole recap where Kaylee's like, okay, lady, are you gonna. You're gonna start with me? I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna do it better. And she does. Asia falls for it. She goes, yeah, but it's not really
Michelle
up to her, is it? It's like a sly tattle. It's a faux high road Taking the high road. And it was a brilliant power move on Kaylee's part. And, Jen, you should be smarter. You should. You should be able to recognize these people, because they're always going to get their way. You have to be careful. You got to be careful. The Tracy books of the world.
Raquel
In one way, she's like, oh. Ow. Jen hurt me. Like, Jen's been mean to me because I'm doing service. And she said, I'm a team player. And she said, I can do every job on this boat up. And she said, you can rely on me. And she said, I'm not a backbiting. Be like that other girl, all in one sweet little smiley sentence. Yep, you with the wrong lady. Jen.
Michelle
Jen, this is why. This is. You're. And you're always gonna be. You're always. You have to learn how to deal with these people. That's. That is the mark of a real chief Stew. So Asia is like. She's like, Kelly, telling me this makes me feel like Jen has said something to Kaylee, which I don't love. One day into the charter season, which, by the way, what's even more sly about this is that Jen never said anything to Kaylee. It was that other. I forgot. I keep forgetting the other. The third one's named Cat. Cat was the one who did this. So Cat is the real disruptor here. And she's loving it, by the way.
Raquel
Yeah, but Jen is being so mean to. She's being so mean to Kaylee, so Kaylee knows what she's up to.
Michelle
Well. Well, Jen thinks she has an ally in Cat. They probably both think they have an ally on Cat. And Cat's out for no one. She's just out for herself and entertainment.
Raquel
Cats out for mess.
Michelle
He's just gonna. She's like, I don't care. I'm just happy that I'm not going to law school. So Asia's like, what I would love to see is everyone just trying to be the best wherever they are.
Raquel
Oh, yeah,
Michelle
yeah.
Raquel
So funny.
Michelle
So now we have Jen and. And Kaylee at the service bar. It's at the end of the night. And Kaylee's like, so, what are we pulling for, Brecky? And Jen's like, if you could just continue to do that. I just want to start on the pan because I've got, like, a lot of shit to do because apparently I have to now clean up where the shot glasses used to be because you moved them.
Raquel
That's fine. That's fine. And Jen goes, I don't fucking do breakfast. And Kaylee's like, come on. Stop being such a grumpy girl. So we get to.
Michelle
You'd be grumpy, too, if the. If the placemats were shoved everywhere except for the places where the shot glasses used to be.
Raquel
And so Coop calls the person we all know he's gonna call his meemaw. And she's like, are you working hard? And he's like, I'm working my butt off. I'm gonna watch tonight until 5am you need. It's terrifying, Grandma. There's something called land, and there's something called water. How do boats float?
Michelle
So then the guests come over, and they were like. They're like, oh, my God.
Raquel
Hi.
Michelle
We love Cooper. We love your grandson. She's like, I love him, too. Anyway, an alligator's gnawing off my foot, so I gotta get off the fan, but good luck to you, Cooper. Talk to you tomorrow.
Raquel
I told you to empty that pool before you left, boy.
Michelle
Then Nathan talks to Joy, and he says, hi, Joy. Do you want to see my baby boy? She's like, oh, look, he. Oh, he's fat like Daddy. And then Nathan's like, hey, what does
Raquel
that mean, she's fat like daddy?
Michelle
Both.
Raquel
He's very cute. French people, I swear.
Michelle
Yeah, well, that's what you get, Nathan.
Raquel
For everyone.
Michelle
With.
Raquel
With.
Michelle
With your baby.
Raquel
I know we don't all want to see your baby. I'm sorry. Put it away. Okay.
Michelle
It's gonna be all season. You know it.
Raquel
Yeah. So then we go to the bridge with Asia. You know, there's this thing on my car. Whenever I get out of the car, it goes, what the. Every single time I'm looking around, I'm like, what did I leave open? Is there a door open? Yeah. I used to check the doors every single time. Finally, I looked it up. Why does my car go every time I leave? And it says, it's a warning for people who leave their babies in the car?
Michelle
Yep.
Raquel
Mike, you know what? Seriously. Now I have to deal with this because you guys left your baby in the car? Come on.
Michelle
Mine does that. My. My Kia has a feature where, like, if before you get into the car and turn it on, if you open up the back door, it sort of was like, oh, you're opening up the back door. Are you perhaps putting a child back there? So then when you get into your car and you drive somewhere and then you park, when you get out, it's like, I remember that you open up that back door so it will give, like, a Check the rear seat. You know? But it does the same thing.
Raquel
It goes like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Michelle
I'm like, you know what? How about this? Why don't we just. Rather than these, like, cryptic beeps, why don't we just have, like, Countess Luann be, like, check the back seat, bitch. You know, like, just tell us what you want us to do.
Raquel
Don't leave your baby in the back, idiot. There's no business. Show business.
Michelle
Did you leave the baby back there? Not really.
Raquel
You left your coffee. Your coffee on top of the car. Now, there's one we can all. We could all understand.
Michelle
Don't leave the baby back there. But if Ramona's there, just let her rot. Beep.
Raquel
You're not pooping. You left the seat heater on.
Michelle
Whoa. You left someone that looks older than me in the back seat. He baby. Okay, I look young.
Raquel
Whoa. You know what? This is a notification to let you know your baby looks old. I look young. Baby looks old. I look young. Okay.
Michelle
Hey, you better back it up. You better back it up to the back door and get your baby out of there. Okay?
Raquel
Clip.
Michelle
Clip.
Raquel
Oh, so I love that Joy disses Nathan, calls him fat. So then we go to bridge with Aisha and Sandy, and she's like, wow, last night was epic. I dreamt I met a mermaid. She was so nice. I hugged her. Then my shirt got dirty. God damn it. That was real. It was a cake.
Michelle
I can't believe how well charter one went. I know. What's in your wallet? No, charter one, not capital one. Sorry.
Raquel
I got 2% back from my Wells Fargo cash back card. I bought you a donut.
Michelle
No, we're not on Top Chef. Sandy. Oh, she really does need her sleep. Cooper, please stop waking her up.
Raquel
This recap is going to be ten hours.
Michelle
Anything to put off the McBees? Anything?
Raquel
You still got to talk about the McBees. Okay, here's the McBees in two seconds. My daddy's innocent. He didn't do nothing.
Michelle
We're gonna. We're gonna go down from having a million acres to, like, 990,000 acres commercials.
Raquel
Here comes one. Okay, so Asia and Kaylee. Kaylee's asking how the night was or. No, Asia's asking how the night was, and Kaylee says it's good. You know, I mean, I'm just not sure I'm responding well to the way that someone's coaching, I guess. Oh, I shouldn't say anything. Oh, God, why am I talking about this with you. You're so important. You've got so many things to do. Wait a minute. Who are you talking about that's trying to coach you?
Michelle
No, no, don't worry about it. All sorted out. Because look at me. Taking initiative and being proactive and not bothering you with any information. Just letting you know that there is a problem and I'm solving it, okay? I'm like vanilla eyes. You got a problem, you'll all solve it. Check out the beat while I decorate
Raquel
the cake so you can be vanilla eyes and vanilla icing at the same time. You're president. President of the country, I'm telling you.
Michelle
Hey, that was a good pun. Thank you, Sandy. So Nathan's like, he just gonna be up here with you? Asia's gonna be on the bow because she's gonna help with the docking. So guess what? They're. They're gonna dock soon, and hopefully they won't crash. For the umpteenth time, I'm gonna say about some of the bands that they come in, and Sandy's, like, having Asia on the bow frees up a deckhand, so Nathan doesn't have to worry about handling lines. He can stay focused on communicating with me. All right?
Raquel
Right.
Michelle
So let's see, Nathan. What is the distance? The distance is. Have you seen this picture of my baby? Nathan, that's not helpful right now.
Raquel
We're not measuring in fatness, okay,
Michelle
Nathan, whatever you do, don't touch the line. Stay focused. Okay, I won't touch the line, but I will touch this baby photo. Look at it. No, Nathan, not now. Not now.
Raquel
Listen, I gave you Asia to help you. Yeah, but all Aisha's doing is standing on. Standing on the bow, waving at the anchor. Hello, Anchorage. You look so good.
Michelle
Oh, listen, there's a lot of wind. They're running a marathon, okay? We need to get tied off. This wind's crazy. Watch out. Oh, my God. There's this. Marina has so much crosswind. Oh, God. It's pushing me in starboard, which means that I'm gonna To secure the vessel as quick as we can to the dock. Like, we're going to throttle up. Otherwise, we're going to sink. We're going to die. We're going to die right now. And the boat is like. The boat is fully, like. Like up on another boat. Like, you're.
Raquel
Yeah, they have to put out the squishy thingies. What are they called?
Michelle
And they're squeezing the fenders.
Raquel
Oh, my gosh. And they crash into the other boat. Call it what it Is okay. They have. They have the fenders or whatever in between them, but it's like the boat's like the people on the other boat are like, what the.
Michelle
Get away from.
Raquel
What are guys doing?
Michelle
Yeah.
Raquel
Three. Number three.
Michelle
The guest says, we're going to Titanic this. You don't want your guest to say that. Okay.
Raquel
No, Especially these girls, cuz they're immediately hanging off the bat like, I'll never leave you, Joe, or whatever that guy's name was.
Michelle
Well, and Joe. Joe had some suggestion in this. In the middle of all this mess. That was probably a good suggestion, I hate to say. And he's like, I'm worried if we're going to have to dock like this. What's the next six weeks looking like? Oh, no. So Nathan is like, I feel. I do feel a bit of judgment from Joel. When things don't go, you know, the way that they should. I'm like, it's.
Raquel
You crash. Any consolation time in two episodes, if
Michelle
it's any consolation, you're getting judgment from everyone, not just Joe.
Raquel
Yeah. Yeah. I feel so much judgment. It could be. And Joe's like, well, it could be that he just had a baby and his mindset is elsewhere. But regardless, it just crashed the boat. And this stocking was really bad. Are you fit for this position?
Michelle
It's official. The baby crashed this boat. He's like, maybe because he had the baby. So Sandy is like, okay, Nathan, we're gonna debrief. Okay. That was better communication. We crashed, but we crashed more slowly. That was really a good improvement. Okay, don't worry. One of these days we'll dock without hitting anything else.
Raquel
I'll just hire five more interiors that can also stand outside with you to make sure that you're not crashing the boat.
Michelle
Okay, so Cat is enjoying the Showgirls headpieces and everything. And she's like, oh, my God, I can't be sexy like them. I mean, I dance like those things at the car dealership, you know? And then they. They show one of those by her side, which I thought was funny. And it's very Kristen Doty coded.
Raquel
I was going to say they just put up a clip of Kristen Doty at a disco.
Michelle
So the guests leave no comment cards on this iteration of Blow Deck. So they just leave and are like. They're like, the food was amazing and we just want to take you back with us. Have you, Captain Sandy, would you be comfortable wearing a sequin dress that has the butt cut out in the shape of a heart? Because we can offer that for you.
Raquel
Why do they. Why do you guys keep saying that to everybody? Well, we're just used to people saying that. After we serve, can I take you home with me? No, sorry, that's extra. So Sandy's like, okay, first of all, thank you so much for your great attitudes. We have crashed three boats in two days, and everyone's still smiling.
Michelle
God, yeah.
Raquel
Love you guys. Basically, I don't want to call that last one a crash. It was. We hugged the other boat. We hugged it brought it in close. Yeah.
Michelle
I just like to pretend it was me hugging BB And Little Bear. Okay. Every one of you did a fantastic job. Okay, so we got a tip, and our tip was $25,000. Unfortunately, all the cash has a heart cut out in the middle of it, so it will not be valid at any bank.
Raquel
Every dollar bill in here smells like a butt. But you know what? Still spends the same, so get on your rubber gloves and get ready to get counted out. And Cooper's like, you know, I'm not the only thing that's green on this boat. There's also money.
Michelle
So then Gail is asking if she wants to take. Gail is texting Nathan to see if she can bring Kaden on board. He's like, us. So that's very exciting. And Nathan then is telling everyone. Nathan's telling Asia, like, gallon Kaden are coming.
Raquel
She's like, you ready to see?
Michelle
Oh, sorry, sorry. Gal goes, you ready to see Daddy? So here comes the baby. And here comes the baby tour. So here comes Gail with the baby. And everyone's like, looking at the baby,
Raquel
like, oh, look at baby. Yeah, It's a lot of baby excitement. She's very excited to see their love story unfold, because every love story in yachting ends with heartbreak. And this is just the most beautiful anomaly ever. I don't think that lasts. But so then. Which you know. You know, I would never really wish on.
Michelle
No, we're not wishing.
Raquel
He really. He really up, this guy. So then Gail, Nathan, Sandy on the bridge. She's. Gail's like, we've got a new worker for you. Well, God, he's gotta dock the boat better than this knucklehead, am I right? Just get an actual uniform on this baby. You're hired.
Michelle
Yeah. Nathan's like, he's gonna be my new lead deck on. So there's a lot of like, oh, my God, babies. This is so cute. Babies, babies, babies. And Sandy's like, in my career, there have been three people who have married and had children. I mean, maybe I'm I'm a cupid captain. Maybe to be fair, one of them was a Somali pirate. So they. We did outrun them, but we left them with a trail of romance. What can I say? I'm a matchmaker.
Raquel
You want to drive the boat, little baby? Drive the boat. Drive the boat. So Nathan gets to go stay with his baby for the night, which I don't. Listen, congrats on having a baby. You still need to work on this boat. We need the drama on this boat. We're gonna do. Have Joe go fight with you around a crib at Gail's apartment.
Michelle
No, truly. So then we have this awkward moment
Raquel
because you, like every other father on this boat and abandon your goddamn baby for the boat.
Michelle
Send him to Fort Lauderdale. Yeah, that's where all the below deck children are. So they have this awkward moment because Gail and Nathan are walking along on the deck, and then Joe comes. Like, they intersect with Joe. And then Joe is like. Has that frozen smile that he does where his, like, eyebrows are, like, touching his for, like, the. The top of his hair. Oh, look. Is this the baby? Hello. Hello. He's like, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't like Gail. I don't know how to talk to babies. How long do I have to pretend like I care about this before I can turn around and get of here?
Raquel
Yeah. He's like, whoa, me, weird little man. Hello there. Hell, get me out of here. Jeez. And Gail's like, he looks just like his dad. Dad, doesn't he? Yes. Got the same hair and everything. Oh, burn, burn.
Michelle
Both are fats. Hey, why do people keep saying that?
Raquel
So meanwhile, Cat and Jen are making beds, and Jen's like, oh, my God, Luke is so sexy. Like, do you think anything is going to happen tonight? Like, no. Oh, God. As much as I want to get laid, sex is always better when you kind of have a little chase, you know what I mean? He better not be put back incorrectly by the end of the night, though, I'll tell you that.
Michelle
Cat's like, well, I'm not talking about sex. I mean, you can also kiss. I mean, do you think, like, do you immediately think I'm talking about sex? She's like, yeah. I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, such a school girl. Like, sexy Jen's like, get out of here. So Joe gets a text from his sister, and it's kind of. And the sister says, go check your voice memos. And so he gets a message from his mom that she got the results from a mammogram and she has cancer.
Raquel
So terrible.
Michelle
This is so sad. This is so sad. Well, I mean, look, we hope all for the best. Hopefully it's not a sad moment, but, like, like, we all can imagine, like, getting this news is, like, very scary. And so now we see Joe receiving this news in real time, which is, like, really heartbreaking. And he. He has to go off the dock. Go off to the dock. And yes, you know, he's getting.
Raquel
He's speaking with his mom, he's crying and stuff. So even Nathan's really nice to him. Nathan's like, okay, you know, I'll put aside this stuff and be nice to him. And he has a nice conversation with his mom, you know, and she's like, you go out there and you stay on this boat. Because he's saying, I'll leave. I'll leave. Leave. So then Sandy gets. She's like, give me that phone. Hi, Pam. It's me, Captain Sandy. You're welcome. Okay, back to work. Got some Sandy. Yeah, got some Sandy. Actually, Sandy's really nice, and she knows somebody who heads up the breast cancer division at a big hospital, so she's gonna hook them up and stuff.
Michelle
Yeah, she was really. She does. Sandy is. That was really good of Sandy, because basically she gets this, like. Yeah, like, this head of department for, like, Johns Hopkins to talk to. To Joe's mom to be like, look, it's very scary, but early detection is really good. And, like, they're like, the. The recovery rates are extremely high. And, like, sometimes that's probably all you really want to hear in that moment. But it's a very emotional thing. And it was nice to see Nathan drop his, like, the. The be in his bonnet for that moment and just be there for Joe. And it was. It was very. It was like. It was. It was. Was very heavy. And so it was very and very scary.
Raquel
Yeah. So now. I mean, I don't. Yeah. So now they're. And also, let's see how long this lasts with Nathan. He's like, I'll give him a break for this. Five minutes of time.
Michelle
It literally doesn't even make it to the end of the episode before I
Raquel
completely rail on him for no reason in about five minutes. So now everybody is getting ready to go out and, you know, getting all dressed up and stuff. And Luke is talking to Cooper, and he's like, I think we all need to say who's going to be going for who. Cooper's like, I think you're Saying that because you have a target? Because I didn't realize. I didn't realize I like girl till we got a target, too. I mean, it's the fanciest place in town. You never seen so many girls dressed up and ready to go.
Michelle
You ever tried the Threshold Brand? Or how about up and Up? Wow. So then they get into their vans, and Luke is sitting between Jen and Joy. And so Jen has her eye on Luke. Luke. Joy and Luke have a flirtation, too, and he's just sort of eating this all up. And he's like, I'm loving cheating to Joy and Jin. And Jen's sweet, and she's smart and ambitious. Enjoy. She's got a lot of depth to her. She feeds me steak. Saying, that's important for me.
Raquel
Listen, don't even. First of all, obviously, you don't know Jen to be like, wow, Jen's so sweet. And second, don't with the person you're getting the calories from. How dare you? No, don't make this, like, some toss up.
Michelle
This is literally what happened with Culver on Blow Duck down under, where he was flirting with Zarina to get free food, but then he wound up hooking up with that other girl. And Serena was like, your access to free food is now closed.
Raquel
Yep.
Michelle
Like, pretty much that.
Raquel
We'd had this storyline before. Yes, exactly. Don't do that.
Michelle
Don't mess it up.
Raquel
So Cooper raises a glass to Kaden and Karen, who are the baby and the mother, respectively, and everyone's like, oh, that was a nice toast. So Joe's like, yeah, it was. He's telling Cat it was crazy. On deck today. I've known Nathan for two years, and seeing him today with his child and bringing Gail, and Me and Gail don't really get along, but I just went, God, what the is life, you know, it's crazy seeing him with this woman and this baby suddenly. And Nathan's like, he's joking about Gail. I'm gonna kill him.
Michelle
Yeah. Because all he heard was like, I don't get along with Gail. So he thinks he's actually ragging on Gail. I guess, technically, like, very lightly, he doesn't. He didn't have to add that detail, but it's, like, really not that big of a deal. And Nathan is now, like, furious. And it's just so funny because Joe is also saying, what's amazing is that, you know, after I got this news, it's like, all that stuff, all the petty shit just went right out the window. Nathan's like, not so fast. I went outside, picked it all up, and brought it back inside.
Raquel
Yeah, it's like this guy Nathan's like, don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders. Like, calm down. You've watched too much tv. What, are you gonna beat somebody up? Yep. You're at work. So Nathan runs off to the bathroom to, like, get himself together, and Joe follows him and asks if everything's okay. And he's like, I'm a bit pissed off at you, though. I heard you say Gail's name and that you don't get along, and I'm pissed. I'm p. If I hear it one more time, we're going to fall out big time.
Michelle
Oh. He's like, But I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything to her. It's like, badmouth her to me. Grow a pair. Grow a pair of balls, will you, and be a fucking man about it. And they're, like, fully having, like, a fight. I'm like, bro, like, let's calm down. Like, I like that you're defending your lady, but you're also jumping to conclusions. And also, like, I'm never gonna defend Joe, but he just got the worst news of his life about two hours ago. Can you just, like, just relax? Just. Just focus on your food and showing your baby photos around.
Raquel
Yeah. So everybody's basically watching this. And Cat's like. They're, like, probably kissing in the bathroom. And Cooper's like, oh, they're right there having their own little time up.
Michelle
Look at that.
Raquel
And, like, oh, my God, they're fighting. Nathan's like, keep her name out of your mouth. I don't want you to infiltrate every single. Every single person sitting at the table for.
Michelle
It's like, I would never do that. Like, but you do that. Gail's the best person I've ever met in my life. Do you know what it's like to ghost someone like that? It's thrilling. So don't mess it up for me.
Raquel
She was the sweetest ghost I've ever created.
Michelle
And if you talk around a table. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. All right. Okay. Okay.
Raquel
Nathan, you've already crashed three times. This is your fourth time in two episodes.
Michelle
I know. Don't make us take Joe's side, please. Beg of you.
Raquel
Yeah, that's what Bravo does, though. They're like, well, surprise. You're on a completely different side now. Have fun.
Michelle
And, yeah, seriously, well, that's where the episode ends. Good times. Thanks everyone for being here. And we'll see how this. This curdled bromance goes. We'll catch you on the next episode. Talk to you all later. Bye, everyone. Watch what happens. Would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Alison King Our
Raquel
way is the Amber way It's the
Michelle
Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster it's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
Raquel
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt she's not just a Sheila She's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark Big yay. It's Emily Gautier Aaron McNicholas she don't miss no Tricholas Pava Nagila Weber.
Michelle
You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones it's no B.S.
Raquel
we love Hugo Es Jamie she has no last namey Sipped some scotch with
Michelle
Jessica Trots she's our favorite streamer Caroline
Raquel
Peacock Kristin the Piston Anderson. Que sera sera Whatever will be Will Lauren Silsby. She gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a DAISY It's Maisie McHenry comment again. We're obsessed with Margaret O' Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg Gather round for the lore of Michelle Moore.
Michelle
This is Living with Michelle Vivian I love a y'.
Raquel
All. Olivia Williamson.
Michelle
She sure is swell.
Raquel
It's Raquel, yes we can. It's Savannah.
Michelle
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
Raquel
Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super Premium sponsors she's VVIP it's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10
Michelle
cc's of Betsy MD we're taking the
Raquel
gold with Brenda Silva.
Michelle
Let's get real with Caitlin o' Neal.
Raquel
Put us on a stretcher It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses It's Christine Hogle don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides who, what, why, where?
Michelle
And Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish.
Raquel
Have a kebab with K Rob.
Michelle
My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo let's get savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy, always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers, the incredible edible Matthew
Raquel
Sisters she eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Robert? She's the lady of the house? It's Rachel Sharous? There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud, she's our princess?
Michelle
It's Rebecca Prince she's the queen bee? It's Sarah Lemke?
Raquel
We cannot tell a lie.
Michelle
It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing Strike a pose.
Raquel
It's Tori Rose? She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.
Watch What Crappens: Below Deck Med S11E02 Part Two - “Baby On Board” (#3413) Date: June 16, 2026 | Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
In this episode, Ben and Ronnie deliver the second half of their comedic and sharp-tongued recap of “Below Deck Mediterranean” Season 11, Episode 2, focusing on crew dynamics, messy workplace politics, disastrous docking attempts, cake trauma, and, of course, a surprise baby on board. The hosts riff on the generational divide among the stews, break down the escalating Jen vs. Kaylee rivalry, and find time for tangents about alligators, car seat baby beeps, and the cutthroat nature of cake gifting families. As always, their Bravo-loving perspective is equal parts praise, mockery, and affectionate evisceration.
"For the first time in my career, I really feel like I'm leading a group of girls that are a different generation... I’m like a wild old horse, like Seabiscuit." (00:57)
This sparks jokes about youth, millennial versus Gen Z traits, and Aesha’s evolving leadership style.
Cake Decorating Drama: Kaylee’s excitement over decorating the cake contrasts with Jen’s icy demeanor.
Kaylee: "I love decorating cakes. It comes from my mom. Growing up in Sydney, she would do the coolest cakes for us. And now we're down to the family that makes birthday cakes for everybody." (10:10)
Jen’s Insecurity & “Mean Girl” Energy
Jen confesses she internalizes criticism:
"When someone doesn’t like me, I kind of turn that inward and go, well, what the f*** is wrong with me? Because, you know, I used to be really bossy in school." (02:11)
Ronnie quips:
"You’re still pretty bossy." (02:32)
Power Moves and Faux High Roads:
The hosts dissect how Kaylee subtly asserts herself, while Jen flounders with her own social maneuvering.
"It’s a faux high road. Brilliant power move on Kaylee’s part. Jen, you have to learn to deal with these people. That’s the mark of a real chief stew." (23:51)
Cat as the Instigator:
Cat sows discord but remains under the radar, leading Ronnie to declare:
"Cat’s out for mess." (25:23)
"Maybe it’s all the dead fish in your quote-unquote aquarium..." (06:08)
Alligator stories spiral into hilarious asides, culminating in survival-of-the-fittest parenting debates and a “Queen of Versailles” anecdote about a suspected gator-caused disappearance:
"No one ever thought of him again." (09:37)
Luke’s Struggles:
Luke’s tender driving is a disaster.
"I don’t know why this guy’s having me dock a fucking boat. Like, what do I know?" (14:45)
After Luke crashes, Ben imagines Captain Sandy’s call to “Mary Time Law”:
"We have done the Tinder crash, and we got to blame it on the noise again. ... Am I right? Could you please fix that? I’m very angry about this. Thanks." (15:20)
Boat Design Satire:
The hosts joke about why boats aren’t designed with bumper-car rubber rings:
"Why is the entire boat not made of rubber?... Just come in hot on that dock and bounce until you’re settled in." (15:58)
Disastrous Final Docking:
The charter concludes with a crash into another boat, with a guest exclaiming:
"We’re going to Titanic this. You don’t want your guest to say that." (33:36–33:41)
As Sandy tries to reframe—
"It wasn’t a crash, it was...we hugged the other boat." (36:03)
Kaylee Outmaneuvers Jen
Kaylee slyly communicates with Aesha about who should do service, making herself look agreeable and Jen problematic:
"It’s just a faux high road—brilliant power move." (23:51)
Cat’s Stirring:
"Cat’s out for mess...she’s just out for herself and entertainment." (25:23)
Baby Cuteness and Tension:
Nathan’s partner Gail and their baby visit the boat, providing both sweetness and comic commentary:
"[Gail sees baby] 'Oh, he’s fat like Daddy.' French people, I swear." (27:13)
Meta Riffs on Car Baby Beeps:
Spiraling into U.S. car tech, Ben and Ronnie imagine a sassy Countess Luann voice for car seat warnings:
"Just have Countess Luann: 'Check the back seat, bitch!'" (28:27)
"This is so sad...getting this news is, like, very scary. And so now we see Joe receiving this news in real time, which is, like, really heartbreaking." (40:45–41:08)
Sandy offers support, connecting Joe’s mom with a breast cancer expert:
"...sometimes that’s probably all you really want to hear in that moment. It was nice to see Nathan drop his be in his bonnet and just be there for Joe." (41:45)
Night Out Tensions & Flirtations:
Jen, Joy, and Luke’s triangle develops, with Luke enjoying the attention and free steak:
"Don’t f*** with the person you’re getting the calories from." (43:43)
Parallels drawn to “Below Deck Down Under,” where a similar food-for-flirts plot played out. (44:08)
Nathan vs. Joe: From Crisis to Conflict
A few emotional minutes after empathizing with Joe, Nathan takes offense at a neutral comment about Gail and nearly starts a fight:
"If I hear it one more time, we’re going to fall out big time." (45:42)
Ben deadpans:
"Don’t make us take Joe’s side, please. Beg of you." (47:04)
On Aesha’s generational leadership:
"I’m like a wild old horse, like Seabiscuit." (00:57)
Jen’s Mean Girl Confessional:
"I used to be really bossy in school..." (02:11)
Ronnie: "You’re still pretty bossy." (02:32)
On boat collisions:
"We’re going to Titanic this. You don’t want your guest to say that." (33:36)
On boat design:
"Why is the entire boat not made of rubber?... Just come in hot on that dock and bounce until you’re settled in." (15:58)
Meta car seat warnings:
"How about this? Rather than these cryptic beeps, just have Countess Luann: 'Check the back seat, bitch!'" (28:27)
On cake people:
"If everybody hates you and you’re the person who makes everybody free cakes, I mean, you have to be really obnoxious for people to be mean to the free cake person." (11:12)
True to “Watch What Crappens,” the tone is irreverent, sassy, pop-culture drenched, and loaded with improv comic riffs. The hosts blend biting satire with moments of genuine empathy, quick to lampoon Bravo stars’ foibles but just as ready to acknowledge real-life struggles.
Summary Verdict:
This episode’s recap is a rollercoaster—equal parts workplace comedy and emotional soap, with Ben and Ronnie’s signature banter amplifying every messy dynamic, cake-related crisis, and boat collision. If you love “Below Deck” chaos or just enjoy Bravo-fueled shade, this one delivers: cakes are critiqued, crewmembers are clowned, and even baby visits are dissected with comic precision.
(For more, listen wherever you get your podcasts, and don’t miss the equally hilarious Part One!)