#3418 The Valley S3E12 Part One: Everyone Scwartzapa-loses

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3418: The Valley S3E12 Part One: Everyone Schwartzapa-loses
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Original Air Date: June 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap The Valley Season 3, Episode 12 ("Schwartzapa-palooza"), diving into the group’s preparations for a trip to Mexico—baby passports, postpartum blues, old wounds, and questionable pasta choices included. The hosts provide their signature blend of Bravo banter, sharply mocking, empathizing with, and psychoanalyzing the cast’s unending parade of drama, complaints, and interpersonal beefs. This episode is part one of their deep-dish, laughter-laced analysis.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. General Vibes and Valley State-of-the-Union

• Both hosts note the episode’s humor and disorder, joking about Bravo’s current programming slate and how The Valley fits in.
• [05:05] Ben: “I’m not laughing at Kristen going through postpartum, but I’m laughing at really all lots of other things. Like, I was surprised at how much I laughed in this episode. There were like many things that made me giggle.”
• The group chat veers immediately into the absurd—fart jokes, pasta debates—before tackling the heavier stuff.

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2. Luke’s ‘Unsupervised Dad’ Persona & Instagram Shade

• Luke gets roasted for his “LA Stranded Country Born” IG bio; Ben and Ronnie call him out for capitalizing on LA life despite always complaining.
• [07:13] Ben: “I can’t stand that, like, LA Stranded country boy thing. Go back to the country then... you’ve been very happy to just be here and capitalize off it with this show about, literally about LA.”
• Ronnie fact-checks: “And you weren’t born in Colorado, you were born in Indiana. I looked it up.”
• They agree that criticizing LA while soaking up screen time is major hypocrisy, blaming both Kristen and Luke for their dramatic co-dependency.

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3. Opening Moments: Gas, Spaghetti, and the ”Ick”

• The episode literally opens with everyone farting—“It’s the Valley. So we start with everybody farting.” [10:05 Ronnie]
• Janet is clowned for her culinary monotony: “She’s a one-trick pasta pony, but also spaghetti.” [11:07 Ben]
• Pasta rankings are debated (spaghetti, fettuccine, angel hair, bucatini); Ben shares his hours-long quest for better spaghetti technique, much to Ronnie’s mockery.
• [13:31] Ronnie: “Bucatini is better because it’s like a straw. You know, I’m like, you turtles every time I eat a straw.”

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4. Britney vs. Nia: The Meal Train Drama & Performative Friendships

• Britney confronts Kristen over Nia’s performative support after Britney’s surgery. She feels hurt that Nia started a meal train but never checked on her, while Kristen immediately defends Nia.
• [22:16] Ben: “Kristen’s like, well, because I do feel protective over her when it comes especially to Janet.”
• Both hosts discuss how performativity cuts both ways; Britney is labeled just as “performative and fake” as Nia by the hosts.
• Notable quote: [29:17] Kristen (mocking): “So her whole, like, it really hurt my feelings. And he’s not there for me… get out of here.”
• Ronnie observes Britney's need for group reinforcement rather than direct communication:
  • “If you are so close to Nia that your feelings are so horrible, then why wouldn’t you just call Nia and be like, hey, this hurts my feelings?” [36:42 Ronnie]
• The tension exposes a “who’s on whose team” battle in the friend group, with both Kristen and Britney fiercely territorial about alliances.

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5. Kristen’s Loyalty & Wounds with Janet

• Kristen accuses Janet of betrayal, but Ben notes the convoluted “who started it” history:
  • “All I can remember is that Kristen actually concocting a rumor about Janet. And I don’t remember Janet, like, actually doing something to Kristen...” [35:10 Ben]
• The hosts recount past Valley beefs, concluding that everyone is complicit in the group’s endless cycle of retaliation.

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6. Zach & Jasmine's Butt Facials (Comic Relief)

• Zach and Jasmine go for pre-Mexico butt facials, providing some lightness in the recap.
• [39:29] Ben: “When they said this, I was like, did I hear that right? Like, butt facials? Isn’t that an oxymoron?”
• Zach is mortified by his “Ken doll” butt compared to Jasmine's—“It’s like Mt. Fuji and the Grand Canyon.” [40:20 Kristen]
• The scene shifts unexpectedly deep, as Zach tears up about Benji and their dilemma over having kids; Jasmine offers support, reminding him he shouldn’t marry until he’s sure.

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7. Trip Prep: Baby Passports & Mexico Anxiety

• Kristen’s struggles with postpartum and new motherhood are central. She feels overwhelmed about bringing the baby to Mexico.
• Ben and Ronnie discuss the differences between Kristen/Luke and Nia/Danny dynamics.
  • Ben: “It’s interesting contrast because it’s almost the same thing plays out as what played out in San Diego with Danny and Nia…” [47:04 Ben]
• Both hosts strike a balance between empathy for Kristen’s postpartum state and frustration at the contagious misery she brings to group events.
  • [49:38] Ronnie: “It’s kind of one of those things. It was like a Jackson Britney thing where you’re constantly listening to them bicker… can we just have one day in Mexico?”

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8. On the Nature of Postpartum & Group Friendship Dynamics

• The hosts openly grapple with how to comment on postpartum struggles thoughtfully, acknowledging it’s a touchy, complex topic.
• Notable quote:
  • [52:12] Ben: “It’s a different thing. I think that what’s tricky for me, honestly, as a podcaster watching this, is that, like, I don’t know what it’s like to go through postpartum… it’s hard to sit here and then talk about, like, ‘Oh my God, Kristen was being miserable.’”
• Ronnie airs clear frustration with Luke’s reactions: “The least you can do is just, just shut up for two seconds and just let her go through it and just do a yes, honey. Yes, honey.” [54:21 Ronnie]

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9. Pre-Trip Packing & Group Dynamics – Comedy and Snark

• Various cast members are shown packing, FaceTiming, gossiping about themes, and preparing for "Schwartzapalooza."
• Janet facetimes Britney about outfits; both hosts roll their eyes at her for consulting “the wrong person.”
• [56:57] Ben: “That’s true. That’s a fair. That’s a fair. That’s not gonna end well.”
• Janet jokes about packing “a Ziploc full of spaghetti”—running gag about her cooking.

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10. Arrival in Mexico and the Airport Incident

• The group arrives in Puerto Vallarta. Kristen is immediately shaken after fans take photos of her changing the baby’s diaper in a public restroom.
  • [59:20] Ben: “Kristen is crying in the airport. And they’re like, oh, my God. Why is she crying? What happened? And it turns out that she was in the bathroom changing ka’s diapers. And then fans were in there taking photos of her…”
• Both hosts denounce the bathroom-photo fans as “weirdos”; Ronnie implies even fame shouldn’t justify invasions of privacy ([59:50] Ronnie).
• The incident leaves Kristen rattled and sets a dark emotional tone for her for the rest of the trip.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [07:13 Ben]: “No one twisted your arm to come to LA. You’ve been audible about how much you hate LA, but you’ve been very happy to just be here and capitalize off it…”
• [13:31 Ronnie]: “Bucatini is better because it’s like a straw. You know, I’m like, you turtles every time I eat a straw.”
• [24:45 Ben]: “I just feel like she’s getting more jaded. And I think that this relationship with Brandon is somehow bringing out these bitter notes that we’ve never seen from her before…"
• [40:20 Kristen]: "When you look at my butt and Jasmine’s ass, like, it’s night and day. Like, it’s literally Mt. Fuji and the Grand Canyon."
• [47:04 Ben]: “It’s an interesting contrast because it’s almost the same thing plays out as what played out in San Diego, Danny and Nia, where they brought care but Nia still wants to bring the baby along…”
• [52:12 Ben]: "It’s hard to sit here and then talk about, like, 'Oh my God, Kristen was being miserable.'"
• [59:20 Ben]: “And so they arrive in Puerto Vallarta, and Kristen is crying in the airport. … fans were in there taking photos of her. … Who’s taking pictures of celebrities in the bathroom? Come on, people."

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Key Timestamps

• [05:05] – Ben on laughing through the episode despite the heavy moments
• [07:13] – Luke’s IG persona and bio mocked
• [10:05] – Opening fart jokes and “cutting the cheese”
• [11:07–13:31] – Pasta debates, spaghetti technique tangent
• [21:35] – Meal train confrontation kicks off (Britney & Kristen)
• [22:16–29:17] – Performative friendships, Nia vs. Britney, “It hurt my feelings”
• [35:10–36:42] – Revisiting the Janet/Kristen rift and “who started it” drama
• [39:00–40:20] – Zach & Jasmine get butt facials; Zach’s emotional reveal
• [47:04] – Pre-Mexico nerves, newborns, and postpartum stress
• [59:20–61:43] – Kristen’s airport meltdown, public confrontation, group reactions

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Final Thoughts (Part One Ending)

The episode serves as both a roast and a group therapy session for the cast of The Valley, all filtered through Ben and Ronnie’s irreverent, Bravo-fluent repartee. While mocking the cast’s self-obsession and performative gestures, the hosts also thread in genuine empathy for real struggles—especially Kristen’s postpartum ordeal and Zach’s emotional crossroads.

Stay tuned for Part Two in the recap feed.

Transcript

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Watch what happens. Who cares what happens? There's so much that happens.

[Ronnie]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Happens. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hello Ben Unitoons.

[Ben]

Hi Ronnie.

[Kristen]

How's it going? Good.

[Ronnie]

Hi everybody. Welcome to the show. Today is the Valley Day. Hope you're excited. We are for sure. It's the end of our week here. We've had a really fun week. End of summer house, part 20 of the aftermath, or whatever they were doing. And that was really fun. If you want this on video, go to our Patreon. Patreon.com Watch what crappens. You get all our episodes on video. You get bonus episodes. This week, I think is Orange. What are we doing this week? Orange county or Love Island 21?

[Ben]

I don't know what we're doing. We haven't. We haven't crossed that. We haven't crossed that bridge.

[Lala]

Maybe.

[Ben]

Can we just do one last Love island before we do an Orange county preview? I think I have things on my chest that I think I want to air. And then we can because we decided we're not gonna fully follow Love island on our bony anymore. Because I love Love island, but this season's a little low wattage, so. And. And the episodes are longer than usual. I feel like. I think that Peacock is really just. I. I think they are. I think Peacock is trying to really ratchet up that most minutes watched sat because Love island kills it with that, like, they get like, yeah. Crowns the competition. So I just have noticed they're just one too many episodes that are an hour and 13 or an hour and 24. And I'm like, we like once in a while, fine, you know, season premiere, fine casa more. But if it's like watching these people read letters to themselves in slow monotone, we don't need to spend 25 minutes extra on that. So yeah, it's kind of fun.

[Ronnie]

They do they sure. They sure do. But we'll talk about that later. In the bonus episode, Patreon's also where you get ad free listening. That's a big one. And a Discord server to talk to each other about stuff. And sign up for free to get our weekly blog that I write. It's just a recap of all this stuff that we talk about during the week, but in written form. Okay. It's even shittier in written form. So let's get to this recap. The Valley. Here we go.

[Ben]

I was laughing. I don't know. I thought this was a funny episode.

[Ronnie]

Just love the pain.

[Ben]

No, I mean, I'm not laughing at Kristen going through postpartum, but I'm laughing at really all lots of other things. Like, I was surprised at how much I laughed in this episode. There were like many things that made me giggle.

[Ronnie]

Well, that's good. Well, we'll giggle today about it for sure. I mean, Bravo really has such a start. Fun. A Fun start to the week. You know, Atlanta's been really fun. Rhode island has been really fun. Below deck, hilarious this season and the last season, fantastic. What else? What's after that?

[Ben]

MP dynasty. I mean, it's just like McBee dynasty. I just say, look at this group of very funny, entertaining people that really should be on this network.

[Ronnie]

Okay, that's where we start to be here. Although we do have a lot of fun in those recaps. And then we go to Summer House, which has been pure toxicity and pain lately. And then the Summer House aftermath. And then the City, which is more Amanda and Kyle yelling. And then this one, which is Kristen Postpartum. God help us all. You know, And God bless her too. And not in the mean way like God bless her, because this is a lot. I mean, holy shit. Pop out a baby, go straight back to work filming, not feeling your best, and then realizing you've saddled yourself up to Luke. I mean, oh, have you seen Luke's Instagram, his new Instagram thing that he has?

[Ben]

Oh, I went to it last. Last year.

[Kristen]

Oh, you mean.

[Ben]

Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking of the Van Gogh Museum. No, I haven't been to his.

[Ronnie]

He has a new, like, daddy Instagram called un. And then in all caps, super. And then in lower caps again, vised Unsupervised dad, where he talks about being a daddy. It's like he's trying to be a dad talker or whatever.

[Ben]

Oh, please.

[Ronnie]

And his bio is like, LA Stranded Country Born. And by the way, Kya didn't ask for this either. Oh, really? Then why are you soaking it up and being as much of a drama queen as you can all over TV and starting your own fucking Instagram and staying in LA and getting colored lenses to wear in every interview you can muster up? Get out of here. And you weren't born in Colorado, you were born in Indiana. I looked it up.

[Ben]

There we go. Well, I, I can't stand that, like, LA Stranded country boy thing. Go back to the country then. You know, no one, no one, no one twisted your arm to come to la. You've been, you've been audible about how much you hate la, but you've been very happy to just to be here and capitalize off it with this show about, literally about la. You know, like, it's like, either be on the show and embrace living in the beautiful, charming San Fernando Valley or go back to Colorado.

[Ronnie]

Just one correction. When you say nobody twisted his arm to be in la, I mean, of course they did. And her Name is Kristen. Of course. I mean, but no one's forced, like, go. Yeah, exactly, exactly. No one's forcing you, sir. I don't want to hear it from you. Especially someone who's so clearly soaking up to fame, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah. I just feel like, you know, he made us out. I'm gonna say he made a sacrifice to move to la. He did not. He does not like this city. That's fine. People make sacrifices for the people that they love. He made a sacrifice. But don't throw it back in all of our faces every single second. Okay? You either. You either make the sacrifice, and that's just who you are. And let us tell you how great you are that you made the sacrifice and that, like, you deserve respect for that. But, like.

[Kristen]

But.

[Ben]

Or you're just like. Or you just don't make the sacrifice at all, but don't make the sacrifice and then want sympathy over and over and over and over and over again. By the way, can I just tell you, I've watched a lot of McBee dynasty, and I think I actually do deserve some. Like, Ben, you do. You've really given some sacrifices for this show. A lot of big sacrifices.

[Ronnie]

You do, Daddy. You do something.

[Ben]

No, for real, don't like when you make the sacrifice. You like. You do it and you move on. Okay, if you make the sacrifice and then you're drawing attention to all the sacrifices you make that you've made, are you really making a sacrifice or are you just putting another brick in to this monument you've built for yourself?

[Ronnie]

I mean, it's true. Look how you are with the McBee dynasty. I mean, you wouldn't even know that this is happening.

[Ben]

You would know the resentment that I carry about having to watch that show.

[Ronnie]

I feel like I'm pretty good now.

[Ben]

I'm pretty chill about not announcing how much I am put out by it.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

But no, I think that you're absolutely right. It's the typical, like, oh, everything I've done for you. Oh, just fucking go. Go home, mullet. Like, nobody is begging for you to be in la, okay? Get the fuck out of here. So here we go. Season 3 Episode 12 Schwartz a Palooza oh, God, I knew we were in. I knew we were in for something rotten. When it's called Schwartz a Palooz is a.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

A.

[Ben]

Seriously. So everyone. So catching up with everyone and their gas. I don't understand what the ga. Oh, that's right. They all have gas. That's our first B. This is that first note. And I was like, what Is this gas? And I forgot that we do start with them all being gassy.

[Ronnie]

It's the Valley. So we start with everybody farting.

[Lala]

That's.

[Ronnie]

That's how we got.

[Ben]

Well, this is something relatable.

[Kristen]

So Nia's like, mommy's going to make a quesadilla. And Danny, dad, you're cutting some cheeses.

[Ben]

So Danny starts making fart noises. And then he's like, really amused by his own fart noises. So it's like, hey, where's Asher? He loved this comedy bit.

[Kristen]

Asher, come over here.

[Ronnie]

Like, I'm right here.

[Kristen]

Okay, Daddy's cutting the cheese.

[Ronnie]

Ready?

[Ben]

I can't believe this guy didn't get farther ahead in Hollywood. No kidding.

[Ronnie]

Asher's like, huh? Yeah. I've been given the Danny ick and there's no coming back.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, that's the ick. The ick is really strong on this one. Now we go to Janet and Jason's, and Jason's asking Janet what she's decided to make. And she's made spaghetti, which apparently is the only thing that she can make

[Ronnie]

because, like, divorce Janet already. I mean, we go from farting to Janet making spaghetti again. I mean, come on, everybody just divorce everybody on this.

[Ben]

She's a one trick pasta pasta pony, but also spaghetti.

[Ronnie]

It's like the worst is the dumbest pasta to make. Make a rigatoni. Make a, you know, the solid ones, not the ones that are, you know, flipping their hair and splattering everybody with sauce and getting it all over the couch. You know, like, I know decent. Like, make a respectable pasta. You know what I mean? An orchid day. That's great.

[Ben]

Like the best. Like, I love those things. Although I don't love when they invest in each other. Yeah. I have to say, spaghetti really is the dumbest pasta. I'm like, I feel, I love that we are aligned with this. Spaghetti is just like so annoying. And you know, again, I'm more. I'm more faithful to like a short pasta or more. I have more allegiance to a short pasta than I do a long one. But even of the long pastas, no, I'm sorry. Angel hair is the worst. I mean, that's like the worst of all the pastas, right? It's like, you can't. What do you even do with that?

[Ronnie]

I think spaghetti, then fettuccine, then angel hair. And let me tell you, angel hair only because somehow because it's so thin, it clump together a little bit better on a fork.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

But I still don't like it. It's still. It's still not doing great. I just don't get sloppy ass spaghetti, you know, Especially when you have a kid and furniture to worry about. Stop. And. And then you. You've got someone sick that you're bringing it on a meal train. Spaghetti is, like, the laziest thing you can do for somebody.

[Ben]

I will say the.

[Kristen]

This is.

[Ben]

This is gonna be a very bent anecdote. Like, recently, I was so sick of being a sloppy spaghetti eater because I feel like I'm. I feel like I. You. You put half it in your mouth, but you can't put it all in your mouth, and you just have to bite, and then some of it falls back on the plate. It just gross. And I just feel like there's got to be a better way to do it. I also feel like I can never get the right amounts. So I literally sat for, like, an hour and watched different tutorials on the best ways to get spaghetti onto your fork. And, like, there's a part of me that wants to have some spaghetti just so I can practice these techniques. But generally speaking, I. I agree that it's a. It's a messy thing. And when you're spinning that fork and that one strand of spaghetti goes whipping around and there's a trebuchet of sauce, it's like a nightmare. That sucks. But I do like a bucatini. And the only. The only reason why I don't love a bucatini is because there's that one guy who's on Top Chef who was so awful, and he said, bucatini is my spirit pasta. And I was like, I can't. I cannot. I can't fully embrace bucatini now because of that guy. I think his name was Bruce.

[Ronnie]

Bucatini is better because it's like a strawberry.

[Ben]

Yeah, it's got something going on.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. It feels like, oh, I'm eating a straw. Oh, I'm going against the grain because people are, you know, so anti straws. You know, I'm like, you, turtles every time I eat a straw.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Like, it's just. I love turtles, obviously, but it makes me just feel rebellious, like. Yeah.

[Ben]

I'll tell you, of the long pastas, probably my favorite, I think, is a muffledine. Have you ever had that?

[Ronnie]

Even, I think, feel like you're just with me now. What's that? A muffledine.

[Ben]

It's kind of like. Like a long, slender lasagna noodle, but it has, like, it's crimped its hair a little bit. You know, like lasagna Noodles on the side are like, yeah, I crimped this. That's what muffledine is like. And so it's long, but it's got texture and it's wide. So things have, like, there's, like, there's. There's surface area that's like the Roma.

[Ronnie]

Muffledine. Muffledine. Roma mafieldine. So, okay, so we're at Janet and Jason's. She's still in. She's still pulling spaghetti on. People divorce. And the baby's pooping. So that's fine.

[Ben]

Yeah. Now Britney's. And Britney is talking about potty training. So I guess is. I guess their son, I guess, is potty training. I don't know. She. She had a little toilet in the corner. I was like, is this for the son or is this for Jax? So then Kristen comes over, you know, and she's like, hello. And Cruz is at speech therapy for those who are wondering where he is. And she's Kristen saying, like, you gave a lot. You got a lot. You gave a lot last night to that bod girl. Yeah. Because again, going out.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. They're talking, I guess, about going up and down Tom's staircases or something, I'm assuming.

[Lala]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And it's like, oh, no, I can't

[Kristen]

believe I stayed for two hours.

[Ronnie]

And so Kristen has just gotten back from the passport. She got a little baby passport for Kaya. That's a cute baby.

[Ben]

Yeah. And that because they're all gonna be going to Mexico soon.

[Ronnie]

I'm really jealous of that baby's skin. Isn't that so sad? Like, as you age, you just start seeing babies, and you're like, oh, my God, what's your regimen? What do you do? Is that all moisturizer or is there a laser involved? Tell me the truth, baby.

[Ben]

I think what's sadder is getting older and just spending an hour of your time on YouTube looking at different ways that people spool up spaghetti on their fork.

[Ronnie]

No, I think that's pretty good, because I know that there's going to be a video that you make that you're like, guys, here's what I've learned about getting spaghetti on a fork. And we're gonna. Is whatever YouTube repertoire, and I'm gonna have it for all time.

[Ben]

Yeah. I learned that I was always doing it like a monster. I just put my whole fork into the pasta, and then I just start twirling. And you're actually only supposed to put, like, one little strand into, like, one little tine.

[Lala]

And.

[Ben]

And you just spin with that. And then by the end, you'll get a great clump. But I would always put my whole fork.

[Ronnie]

You were just. I mean, damn it. I didn't ask. And I knew that you were gonna be like, well, here's how you do it too. And you know what I want. I also did want to know. So you finished telling me you put one little.

[Ben]

That's it?

[Ronnie]

No, I didn't. But I told you it was as usual, so I didn't get the end.

[Ben]

So I talked about one little.

[Ronnie]

One little thing into the spork and then tell me the rest.

[Ben]

Yeah, you take. You take. Yes, you can use this fork. I prefer a fork. You take it, and you. You basically take, like, the little. Basically, like, if your fork is my hand, you take, like, the. The tine. Like, the little pinky. You put, like, one little strand in between the bottom ones. You know, I guess you could do another. Another combo of tines, but I like that. And then you just start twirling, and you put your spoon there. You sort of put your spoon. The fork is in the spoon. And I've seen the spoon method before, but I always was like, why is this not working? It's because much pasta in my fork. So you only put one strand in, and then you twirl and twirl, and that one strand will build up, and then it will, like, end as, like, a little, like, beehive of spaghetti that has been shaped by the spoon. And I was always starting with, like, a little bit too much pasta, so there'd be just so much, and it would never end if you keep on pulling and pulling and pulling, pulling. So that is the hack. I mean, the method that everyone knows.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, that actually sounds fun. And now I want to make spaghetti.

[Ben]

Oh, we could do it with bucatini, have the same effect and not have to degrade ourselves.

[Ronnie]

No, no. I need to try it with spaghetti, too. You talked me into it. All right, Janet. Stan. All right, Janet. Put a video up on how to make your spaghetti. I've got a Ziploc ready. Let's get this done. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. My mom is the queen of the bargain find. I mean, you can't even compliment the woman without finding out how much something costs. I was like, mom, I really love your new dress. She's like, it was $5. I got this as a bargain. And I found the new place to make her so happy. I've never seen her so thrilled. It's called whatnot.

[Ben]

You can go on to whatnot and like you can watch people sell things live and buy from it. That's the real magic of whatnot and why other apps really don't compare.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's real people, real conversations and incredible deals on whatnot. You're connecting with sellers and other shoppers. It's like hanging out with a group that gets you. It's a fun way to shop.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

There are amazing sellers with great taste going live 247 and you can comment in real time and they'll show you a close up of the clothes, explain the sizing and answer any question you might have.

[Ben]

It's a really cool site. It's really cool app. I was just clicking around on it this morning. I mean I'm always on the hunt, believe it or not, for like interesting bundt pans and there were so many on there, shockingly, but people are selling so much stuff on there.

[Ronnie]

Download whatnot today and get $20 off and free shipping your first purchase. Search whatnot, get to W h a t n o t in the App Store. Sign up and start finding the best deals on the products you love. With $20 off and free shipping on your first purchase. Your outdoor space should feel like you. I have this gigantic patio deck thing that I wanted to use for parties and I could just not find any fashionable patio furniture. I needed a lot and I needed it to go together. I needed different pieces that all kind of look the same. And I was able to go on Wayfair and search for exactly what I needed. Different brands, different, different things all coming together in one style. It was so easy to do it and it looks great.

[Ben]

I can confirm that his outdoor area looks great. And the thing is that you can get more than just seating. You can get grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Wayfair really is your one stop shop for home.

[Ronnie]

And the best thing about this place, well, not the best. One of the best is that you don't even have to put this stuff together. You can hire somebody from Wayfair to come put it over, put it all together for you, you know, and that's the best part because if I put it together, it's rickety, it's falling apart no matter where it's from. I just don't have that skill. But they do.

[Ben]

Yeah, that is actually probably the part of wayfair that I just tell my friends about just unsolicitedly, I just will say, like, not only can you order the stuff, someone else can put it together for you. Patio season is here, and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now and get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's w a y F A I

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Ronnie]

So they're talking about this baby passport. And Kristen's like, I never thought a baby would have a passport. And then we see her taking a picture of the baby for the password. And then they start talking for the passport. Password, Ronnie. So then we start talking about last night, what a show it was. And Britney's like, oh, God.

[Kristen]

Talk to you about something, though. God. Because they kind of bothered me last night.

[Ronnie]

And Kristen's doing her, like, tell me. I'm listening. I hear you. I've been to therapy before. Let flow into me. Flow into.

[Ben]

But Kristen's. Kristen is giving her that face, but she has no idea that she. She is about to have to go on defense for Nia again. So Britney's like, well, whenever we're talking

[Kristen]

to Nia, it was like, about the food train and all that stuff. But there was, like, another level to it where I hadn't heard from her in eight days. And that, like, that hurt my feelings because, like, everybody else, even Jesse, even Lacy, like, they checked on me and they reached out, like, so for me, it felt like a little bit like, like, what's going on? Like, does she actually care about me? Because, like, she apologized and she said, like, she should have done better. But, like, then you came in. You were like, I'm so ready to defend Nia in that moment.

[Ben]

Kristen's like, well, because I do feel protective over her when it comes especially to Janet.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So, I mean, look, I think that Nia is performative with Britney, but I also think Britney's performative. I mean, Britney doesn't like Nia. Everybody knows it. Even Zach out at her on camera. He's like, you don't like Britney. I mean, you don't like Nia. What the Are you acting like you like Nia for now?

[Kristen]

How dare you? How dare you make it look like

[Ronnie]

I don't like me on camera?

[Kristen]

I'm being performative about liking the. Being mad about ne being performative. You know what I'm saying?

[Ben]

I actually really liked the scene with Britney. And I was like, am I starting to like Britney on this show? Because I Actually felt like she was dropping her normal, like, chuckles and sweetness. And she was showing that she was, like, annoyed by another girl in the group. And she's like, this is up. I don't like this. Like, and normally she'd be like, oh,

[Kristen]

well, you know, but she's just, like, busy, so I get it. I understand.

[Ben]

But, like, she was like, I'm not gonna giggle through this. She's like, I've got, like, little plastic balls that are attached to me that are draining out liquids from my body and sometimes even chunks. And I just don't have time to chuckle through this, like, this girl. And I. I kind of felt it was refreshing.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I mean, I like Britney on the show, actually. I've always like, I think Britney's the best thing on this show. Why else do people watch? Yeah, I think Britney's.

[Ben]

I mean, I think she's fine, but this is the first time I was like, oh, I'm actually. I've been sort of neutral on her. I think she's, like, more or less fine. I've been. I was happy when she took steps to get that divorce last season. This is the first time where I was like, oh, not only am I, like, fine with Britney, I'm actually sort of, like, moving, gravitating towards her and being like, yes, yes, Brittany.

[Ronnie]

You know, well, it's also maybe like, a team thing because you. You're really not you from day one. You're like, nia. That's trouble right there. You know? So I think people are also realizing. So maybe you're just like, well, you know, you're on my team now.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

But I do know what you mean, too.

[Ben]

It was like, she's.

[Ronnie]

It is nice seeing her be pissed, you know, because we only see her really pissed when Jax pushes her to the limit. And you could see, like, her eyes flare like, she got really pissed at Kristen because Kristen's like, whoa. But I'm gonna do stand up for a shot. But I wasn't even doing nothing to Neil. You know, she gets this, like. It's, like, almost cartoonish. When she gets pissed, her eyes literally change. And, yeah, it is nice to see that because normally she does have, like, everything's great.

[Ben]

I just feel like she's getting more jaded. And I think that this relationship with Brandon is somehow bringing out these sort of bitter notes that we've never seen from her before. We saw them a little bit last week, and they're here again this week. And I think, like, the bitter notes are kind of, like, working for her in a weird way, they're kind of like rounding her out. They're like giving her, like dimension.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, you know, getting some dimension. Good for her. I'm happy for her. So Britney's like, you know, just sometimes

[Kristen]

just seem so performative and that's what hurts my feelings.

[Ronnie]

Oh, God. Britney, like, everything hurts Britney's feelings.

[Kristen]

You hurt my feelings. I really hurt my feelings. Yeah, Well, I felt like that and I felt like that for a while. But, like, when it comes to Nia, I'm, like, not allowed to have an opinion or say anything.

[Ben]

Chris goes, no, you are. You absolutely are allowed to have an opinion as long as that opinion is absolutely positive. And praises her as being a great mom.

[Kristen]

So, you know, well, look, when it comes to Nia, I think Kristen goes to blonde loyalty. She's like, immediately goes on the defense for Nia and Nia did not need her defenses. I'm the one that's struggling and I'm the one who's in so much pain. I got little plastic balls attached to me. Okay, you want to see him? Want to see him. Like, she didn't even think about that. What my feelings were.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And she's like, oh, she just seems so performative.

[Kristen]

That hurts my feelings because I know she's a good person.

[Ronnie]

And Kristen's like, well, I hate that because I don't see that at all. Like, how I feel is that people want to doubt that she and Daniel are genuinely great people.

[Kristen]

I'm not saying that she's not good people. And I think that Danny is a great person whenever he's being normal.

[Ben]

Which I love that caveat, the qualifier. He's a great person whenever he's being normal. Cut to him later this episode.

[Kristen]

Let's go.

[Ben]

So she's like, it's just whenever he

[Kristen]

does all this stuff that makes people uncomfortable and that's like why it's a factor.

[Ronnie]

And so Kristen's like, well, I know the relationship that Luke and I have with them. And she's like, well, I know just

[Kristen]

as good as you do.

[Ronnie]

And how many times have you been to their house, Kristen? She's like, more times than I can count. Like, just stop it, Chris. It's like, do you want me to write down dates or something? She's like, I'm just wondering because it

[Kristen]

feels like a very surface level friendship. You.

[Ben]

I mean, Britney is really on one in this. Like, this is. She's really going there. And Kristen's like, I talked to Nia on the phone every single day.

[Kristen]

Okay. But like, I didn't think that you did.

[Ben]

By the way, the defense of like saying that Nia, Nia didn't have time. Britney's whole thing is that Nia didn't have time just to like check in on her, be like, how are you feeling? But Kristen's like, I talk to her on the phone every single day. It just sort of highlights the fact that in the end explicitly did not call Britney during her recovery.

[Ronnie]

But Brittany and Nia aren't friends. I mean, look, I think what Brittany is saying is true. I think that Nia's whole like, I'm gonna start the meal train and I'm gonna do this and that and then getting petty with it and leaving Jenny, Janet off, that was shitty of her. And not doing it, not even doing it was like. I mean, I can see why she's saying Nia's performative. I think Brittany's got a real point there. On the other hand, I wish Nia wouldn't even bother with being performative because she doesn't like Brittany and Brittany doesn't like her. I mean, I need to know. Many times Britney has called or gone over there to check on Nia after she just had her fourth baby, you know?

[Ben]

Right.

[Ronnie]

It's not. I just don't.

[Ben]

But you know, the thing is, I

[Ronnie]

mean, I don't know about Britney, but

[Ben]

the thing is this is Nia's. This is Nia's mess up. Because you go through the effort. You're announcing in a big way, I'm going to start a meal train. And then you don't even check in on the person that you're starting the meal train for. Like, that's shitty.

[Ronnie]

So.

[Ben]

Or send a meal worse than the mule train.

[Lala]

It is.

[Ronnie]

And this is where. This is where I feel like I get into trouble on shows like the Valley because standing up for one person or like standing against one person automatically kind of makes you stand up for another. And that's not what I'm doing because, I mean, I do acknowledge that Nia was completely wrong and all of that. And also Nia, I do acknowledge that he is obnoxious and all of that. I just find it funny that Britney's calling someone performative because Britney is the mo. I find Britney to be so performative and fake. I mean, everybody knows she doesn't like Nia. The only other time she's really lost it, other than with Jax, has been about Nia. And that time when, you know, the husband Danny, stupid Danny, got drunk and took a nap and they were all mad that they weren't filming it. You know, Brittany's like, losing her shit and showing her, like, evil cartoon eyes or whatever. So we know that Brittany does not like Nia either.

[Kristen]

So her whole, like, it really hurt my feelings. And he's not there for me.

[Ronnie]

Get out of here. We know that you're like, I feel like you're just trying to paint a picture with Janet and probably Michelle a little bit too, but you guys are just doing your little thing you always do of painting somebody that you don't like constantly and hammering it into the ground. Now, is that to say that their painting is inaccurate? Not really. I just don't see that that Britney has the. The leg to stand on as far as somebody being performative, especially Nia. You hate me. Come on.

[Ben]

I mean, Britney has obviously a track record of being performative for many years on this show. But I also feel like, yeah, I. I think that, like, she has a right to have her feel. I think her feelings were valid to have her feelings hurt because Britney's like, I know how. I know you know how to be performative because I've been performative with you, and you can't even be performative with me. You.

[Ronnie]

So then Britney's like, well, you got. So Britney's saying, nobody's gonna change your mind, but you'll eventually see it about this girl. And. And's like, well, how would you feel if I said that about someone you were close to?

[Kristen]

It's like you say it all the time about Janet.

[Ronnie]

Well, okay. Well, has it really reached Janet levels? And Kristen's like, well, but Janet's done things to me and Janet used to be one of my best friends.

[Ben]

Well, I. I also want to back up. I mean, I. I really am enjoying. And Britney is really being cutting in this scene in a way we've never really seen her with her friends. At one point right before this, Kristen says, you know, by the way, you know, Nia was one of the biggest helps through my whole pregnancy because we knew we were talking about this last week that, like, this is probably one of the reasons why Kristen feels this huge allegiance to Nia is because they went through pregnancy together. And obviously Kristen's been having a very difficult time with it. So she probably feels a certain special way towards Nia. And then when Britney said on camera, I was like, oh, that was. I wasn't. I even. I didn't think that that was an on camera performative thing. So when Britney said that, I was like, that is. Those are Fighting words there. Britney and Chris is like, yeah, pregnancy. It was not on camera. And I was like, oh, this is this. This little conversation may do some damage.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And Kristen's like, it wasn't just on camera. What are you talking about? Oh, it's like you don't even know. Which leads me to believe, like, how close are you and Kristen really, Like, if you don't even know any of this stuff. So, you know, look, Britney is not gonna have it if you're. And Kristen is the same way, actually. And we've learned this from vanderpump rules. If. If they're not friends with somebody, you better not be friends with them, too. It makes them freaking crazy. Both of them have this.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

You know, Kristen is especially like this. But Brittany has shown signs of this for years and years and years. And so they're going to be at a stalemate here because it's like, who are you going to choose? Well, Kristen also has a habit of choosing kind of the more popular person on the show, the most popular person and just kind of. I don't know, would you call it, like, following them or. She's always like second banana to somebody on the show and she's always standing up for the wrong people. And I think this is another example of Kristen just doing that.

[Ben]

You know, she's second banana to her. Usually a rotted pineapple, but in this case. So she said, like. Like you were mentioning, like, Kristen says, how would you feel if I were saying something about someone that you are close to? And Brittany's like, yeah, what about. What about you say stuff about Janet all the time. And Kristen's like, janet's funny, done things to me. And Janet used to be one of my best friends. Now I'm not doubting this. I just can't remember, like, what did Janet do to Chris?

[Ronnie]

This whole show started with Janet coming for Kristen and being like, oh, well, Kristen was. Kristen and Zach were saying that Michelle is a racist because blah, blah, because she might have republican leanings and stuff. So it immediately started with them coming for Kristen, which actually was.

[Ben]

And that was actually Britney's fault, by the way, because, like.

[Ronnie]

And that was Janet.

[Ben]

Just Janet.

[Ronnie]

All of the fights on the show are Brittany, by the way, they're Britney starting every fight.

[Ben]

It was like something that Janet had said off camera. And then Britney, like, just blew it up right on camera and then started that. That show. But then last season, the issue was I think they had made. They were starting to make amends or something. But wasn't it that, like, you know, I'm totally. I'm just not up. I just can't remember. Wasn't it that, like, Kristen and Luke were like, hey, Janet, we were telling people that Jason had an affair, but, like, it was purely a rumor, Something like that, wasn't it? Weren't they like, oh, we. We started this rumor, but don't worry, it's just a rumor.

[Ronnie]

Kristen got mad and was standing up for a friend and was like, oh, really? Well, you're gonna say that Danny is an assaulter. Well, we heard that your husband cheated on you. And then later was like, okay, I didn't really hear that.

[Ben]

Or I guess in my mind I

[Ronnie]

was just being shitty, you know?

[Ben]

In my mind, Kristen's like, you know what Janet has done to me? I'm like, you kind of did stuff to Janet, too. Sorry.

[Ronnie]

Retaliatory, you know, on these. But it was always goes back to who starts it. And Janet started it. Well, Brittany. Janet started it, and then Britney flamed it.

[Ben]

Yeah, but like.

[Ronnie]

Or whatever.

[Ben]

But I feel like Janet. I feel like Janet saying that stuff to Britney was just being like, oh, well, by the way, I heard from. I heard from Kristen and so. And so that. That Michelle may actually be, like, Republican. Like, to me, it's like, oh, this is what I heard.

[Ronnie]

Well, what we heard of what she said was that Michelle was. Was for the. Don't say gay law or whatever. Right? And then she was saying, well, you guys, you should probably watch out, because if she's Republican, she's probably got, you know, we've got a black cast member and a gay cast member. And, you know, she was like, that's fishy. And then Brittany was like, well, what about you saying. Which put Kristen and Zach on the

[Ben]

defensive, and then they went after Janet. But I guess for me, what I'm just trying to say is that, like, Kristen's saying, like, well, Janet has done things to me. I'm like, who, If I were really to look at the scoreboard, A lot of stuff that Janet has done has been towards Danny and Nia, but, like, against Kristen. It's not been like, as. It's not like, I don't. I could be totally wrong because I. I just have. I have gaps that I just can't remember. You know, it's like a whole new year. I'm like, what happened last year? But, like, all I can remember is that Kristen actually concocting a rumor about Janet. And I don't remember Janet, like, actually doing something to Kristen, but more that Kristen was annoyed that Janet was doing things to other people that Kristen liked. So I just think it's funny that Kristen's like, she's done stuff to me first. I'm like, you're the one who started a rumor that Jason was cheating on. On Janet.

[Ronnie]

You know, I think Janice been an asshole to Kristen multiple times. And again, it's the Valley. So it's like, I'm not necessarily saying Kristen's innocent because Kristen's done a ton of shit too. But to be. To. For Brittany to be like, well, is. How do you talk about Janet all the. Yeah, but Janet and Kristen are like full fledged enemies. You are pretending to be Nia's friend who are just upset about one little thing. And if you are so close to Nia that you're so of your. Your feelings are so horrible, then why wouldn't you just call Nia and be like, hey, this hurts my feel feelings. But instead you have to get all the girls together and start being like,

[Kristen]

that really hurt my feelings, y'.

[Jasmine]

All.

[Kristen]

We need to have done with Mia

[Ronnie]

and then gather Nia to have all to have girls talk with her at one time. She didn't call.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, she told her to her face on the last episode with all

[Ronnie]

the girls sitting there on camera. But I'm saying, like, if you're friends with everybody, if you're friend. If you're so close with Nia, why wouldn't you just say, hey, Nia, you know, hurts my feelings that I haven't heard from you instead of waiting and getting Janet and all of these people that, you know, don't even like, like Mia to confront.

[Ben]

Well, I. Well, in this case, this conversation is actually. Even though it's so much about Nia, it really is actually about Kristen and Britney's whole issue is you just came. You just came charging up those stairs and you were just ready to defend Nia blindly and you don't even understand. And like, we're supposed to be friends. And like, I have a. I have a legitimate issue right now with Nia and you just don't even hear my side. You immediately just take her side on it. And like, that's like sucky to. And I think actually Brittany's really right on that one.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah. Kristen was acting like crazy last episode. It's like running up five flights of stairs to be like, you listen here,

[Kristen]

you leave me alone.

[Ronnie]

They're like, what are you talking? No one's even yelling at Nia. What are you talking? We already worked out. Yeah, but also, you Know, the guys were downstairs like, oh, my God. They're upstairs bullying Nia. Because the guys are on this whole, like, oh, Britney starts everything. Get Britney.

[Ben]

Yes. Which admittedly, we just said also. But Brittany is.

[Ronnie]

Brittany does. Brittany does. Does start a lot of the fights on this show. You know, she's like the producer of the show where she's always trying to get.

[Ben]

She's.

[Ronnie]

She and Jax both did the same things where they. Do you remember that episode where they were literally following people around in separate parts of a house, being like, Brittany's

[Kristen]

like, you better go.

[Ronnie]

You better go talk to him right now about this. And Jack's like, well, bro, you better go talk to us. You better get this, like, making sure everything is on camera at all times. They're both kind of guilty.

[Ben]

Yeah. So Britney's like, look, I'm not trying

[Kristen]

to say that they're awful people. I'm just, like, not trying to do that at all.

[Ben]

I'm like, you are Britney. See, this is. This is the Britney hedge right here.

[Kristen]

I'm not trying to say that they're awful people. I just. I want to be friends with them both. And I feel good around Danny sometimes. And sometimes I'm like, e. And I hate that. I like.

[Ronnie]

She goes, I really like Danny. Except at the times where it makes me like, yeah.

[Ben]

Which is her way of saying, I can't stand the guy.

[Jasmine]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So now we go to butt facials. When they said this, I was like, did I hear that right? Like, butt facials? Isn't that an oxymoron? But we're butt facials with Jasmine and Zach at a place called Bombay. And so they're going there because, why not? Why not get a butt facial? And so Zach is talking about how his birthday is next week. They're excited. They're going to go to Mexico. And now they're gonna get this butt. They're gonna get their butts ready for it. So Starla the esthetician leads them in, and Zach's like, Jasmine thought it would

[Kristen]

be, like, a good idea for us to get, like, butt facials before Mexico. Okay. But, like, I don't know why I

[Ben]

said yes to this, because I'm just, like, mad about all of it. Like, the fact that she's got, like. She got me to show off my butt on camera is, like, mortifying. So that we see Jasmine just lying on this table, and her butt is unveiled for the world to see. And it is this big, beautiful butt. And Zach is, like, looking at it with envy. Like, God, I Wish I had a butt like that.

[Ronnie]

So, yeah, Zach really hits up every housewife storyline. It's like, let's get a butt facial. The spray tanning, the Scrotox. It's like, gonna go, like, every wacky thing to do on camera. I'm waiting for butt bleaching and. Or butthole waxing, because you know that's coming. He's gonna pull a Reza.

[Ben]

A vampire.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

He's like, when you look at my

[Kristen]

butt and Jasmine's ass, like, it's like night and day. Like, it's literally Matt Fuji and the Grand Canyon.

[Ben]

So then you see Zach, he gets on the table after Jasmine's done, and we see it, we see his butt. It really is very much like Ken doll. But here comes one right now.

[Ronnie]

This episode is sponsored by Klarna. You know when you buy something practical like groceries, plane tickets, or honestly, I just did a whole I need new summer clothes because apparently none of last year's clothes survived my emotional support snacking era situation. And you realize you're not thinking about what you're buying but how you're paying for it.

[Ben]

I've actually been using Klarna for that because it gives you options. You can pay now, later, or over time, depending on how you want to handle it. Sometimes I'll split something into a few payments so I don't have to deal with it all at once. And I like that. You know, I like that everything's super clear in the app. You always know what you owe and when, so there aren't weird surprises.

[Ronnie]

And it's not just for huge purchases either. I've used it for everyday stuff. And you can even get cash back and deals in the Klarna app, which, honestly, feels like kind of a smarter way to handle spending day to day. Less pressure, more flexibility.

[Ben]

Download the Klarna app today or visit klarna.com to learn more.

[Ronnie]

California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Financing law license and MLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cash back points. Limitations, terms and conditions apply.

[Lala]

Hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this Carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license, license plate. It gave me an offer.

[Kristen]

Unbelievable.

[Lala]

Okay, I accepted the offer. They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair. It's done. The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana, give it a whirl. Love ya.

[Ben]

So Good.

[Ronnie]

You'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on Carvana.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Pickup fees may apply.

[Ronnie]

I am butt commenting because I've seen my own butt. I'm literally not gonna comment.

[Ben]

I'm only commenting because he made jokes that at first, he likes. It's a concave.

[Ronnie]

It's, like, had years of wear and tear.

[Kristen]

The flattest ass you've ever seen.

[Jasmine]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And so Zach's like, yeah, there's, like, nothing even there. I mean, why did she even ask me to do this? It's, like, kind of hateful of her, actually to do that to me. Whatever. So she is talking about. She. He is talking about how he went with Danny to go anniversary shopping for Nia. And we were just talking about a bunch of different things. And so I mentioned my homecoming, where he decided. Decided not to drink. And he was like, yeah, I didn't drink at your party. But then I came home and Benji was like, I don't want to start drama, but he totally drank at your party.

[Ben]

Wait, Benji with the tea? Listen, I think Danny should be able to have a drink around us, okay? Like, have a drink, but don't go crazy. I just think that it's, like, a little weird that he has to, like, lie to his close friends about drinking.

[Ronnie]

He doesn't.

[Ben]

He's.

[Ronnie]

People are giving him about drinking because of how he attacks, how he acts when he's drinking. It's his behavior when he's drinking. It's making me crazy talk saying he doesn't lie. No, I'm saying. I'm saying he doesn't have to lie about drinking. The point isn't that. I mean, Janet does keep making alcoholic jokes, but the point is more about his behavior than his drinking. It's like he's acting like, oh, my God, they're just shot me for my drinking. No, it's because you're yelling at your wife and then drinking, you idiot. So anyway, they're like, oh, now he's hot, and now he's hiding it. We see him drinking. You know, they show the scene again where he's, like, slipping stuff. Stuff right in front of cameras, like a idiot that he is. So they're talking about that, and Jasmine's like, by the way, what's going on with Benji status, and why don't you just marry him? Like, if it's a green card thing, just marry him. And he's like, I can't just marry the guy. I don't even know if I want a baby. And that's A definite for him.

[Ben]

Yeah. Zach starts to basically tear up because he really loves Benji, but he basically doesn't want to have a kid. And he's saying like, oh, I want

[Kristen]

to have a kid, but I want

[Ben]

to make sure I'm sure. And he knows that if he doesn't want to have the kid, then he's gonna lose Benji. And I say probably it might be time to make a tough sacrifice. So he is. He is, like, crying there. And the in your star was just like, you know, know, the entire time, she's just, like, painting his butt, putting creams on it.

[Kristen]

It's like, oh, my God. Like, I don't, like, I don't want to cry. Getting a butt facial.

[Ben]

And Jasmine's like, look, you know. You know, when you're. You can't pressure yourself to get married to someone when you're not there. Like, you know, like, I'm sorry, but, like, I love Benji and he's great for you and all that, but, like, you know, there's just, like, other people out there too, and it'll be great for us. So she's basically like, don't get married to someone if you're not on the same page about a child, because that's not.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, yeah, that's not going to work out. And so now they are going to pack for Mexico. So Kristen is on FaceTime with Nia.

[Kristen]

Hi.

[Ronnie]

She's like, of course. You look hot. Oh, my God. We're packing for Mexico. Do we. Do we feel good about babies going to Mexico? Do you feel calmed? Do you feel calm? Make me feel calm. No. Bringing your newborns to Mexico is not a good idea. And I wish someone in the friend group would be like, like, no.

[Ben]

Yeah, Well, I mean, I. It's fine if it's. If it's like, like, it's fine. Like, Nia is fine. She's just like another baby. But, you know, obviously Kristen is. It's. She's really having challenges, really just with everyday life. And she. And she has challenges with traveling in general. So, you know, I feel like we. Like, I felt this way. And I'm sure many other viewers were thinking, this is not going to be good for Kristen bringing his newborn baby to Mexico. She is gonna be. She is gonna go right through it. She's gonna be absolutely like, this is. She's gonna go through all the things

[Ronnie]

and yeah, I know how harsh that is to be to say, like, I would tell my friends. No, I would, though, if I was going to Mexico and my friends were like, oh my God, I'm gonna bring my three month old baby. I would be like, that's not. No, that's not like, that's a different trip. You know what I mean? I don't know. Especially two. No, no. They do bring care though. Like Kristen does bring her sister and her brother, but you know, Kristen's, Kristen's gonna. Kristen.

[Ben]

So yeah, it's an interesting contrast because it's almost the same thing plays out as what played out in San Diego, Danny and Nia, where they brought care but Nia still wants to bring the baby along. And Danny started to get annoyed. And I was really thinking about, like, why am I not as frustrated with Luke who makes similar points to Danny, like, hey, we've got care. Why aren't we using the care? And I think the difference is that like, I'm not frustrated at Luke because he's already in like a tense interaction with Kristen and they are trying to navigate this situation. Whereas with Danny and Nia, Nia actually has like, she's like, I need to have the baby and this is, it's fine. And like Nia's like being nice and friendly and Danny's coming at her like in a really hard way. Which I guess sort of sounds up like it's okay to be. For someone to be addict to you if you're, if like you're in a 10 situation but you know, like in a fight.

[Ronnie]

But it's true.

[Ben]

The context makes sense. And in Medina, she was just being chill and Danny was being a dick and passive aggressive. I can't.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, Danny just wanted to go get wasted and do shots and do all this stuff and he was mad at her for having the baby and this and that. Whereas Kristen is, you know, super the one that's super annoyed on this episode and being, you know, kind of an ass. But that being said, I, I get it. Like she's postpartum. She's just had this baby. She's. It's too much, like it's, it's too much for her to be doing. And I know, you know, it's a show and she has to show up to get paid and I just. This is rough, man. I think drop a baby and then immediately have to go back on tv. I don't think she's ready stuff, but.

[Ben]

Yeah, but I think also, by the way, it also makes it kind of more staggering that Kristen was not able to see Danny critically when everyone was like, yeah, his drinking, like, he's acting crazy when he drinks and Nia needs help. He's treating his wife badly. And the fact that Kristen was kind of like, I don't see a problem with it. While she's actually going through very, very, very similar issues with Luke and almost enlarging the same complaints with Luke is a little wild to me in retrospect.

[Ronnie]

It is, yeah. Because it's pretty much. I mean, it's very similar. The guy situations, at least, but it's also Kristen and it's like everybody. I don't know, anybody going through anything can make it any kind of way. But of course Kristen's gonna make it the most miserable for every single person there. Yeah. It's like she shows up, she's like, this sucks. I don't like drinking anymore. I don't like being out with anybody. I hate this. I hate him. It's like, oh, my God.

[Lala]

God.

[Ronnie]

It's kind of one of those things. It was like a Jackson Britney thing where you're constantly listening to them bicker or have problems or it's always her crying and his thing. It's like, at what point, like, do we just get to have a vacation? You know? And I feel like all the friends felt like that. It's like, Jesus Christ. Like, we get that you're going through something, but this whole season has been misery. Can we just have one day in Mexico?

[Ben]

Well, people also forget that when Kristen is unhappy and she's in a relationship ship, it's not smooth sailing. Like, let's never forget. Let's go back to season two of Vanderpump Rules and her relationship with Tom Sandoval on that season was. It was horrific. It was so fraught. I mean, obviously she was also cheating on him with. With Jax. But do you remember every episode they would have fights?

[Lala]

They.

[Ben]

I remember them going to a Korean barbecue once, the two of them, and they. It was just like. It was just such a toxic fight. It was constant. She really, when she's unhappy, she, like, she winds up in very, very toxic patterns.

[Ronnie]

Just a men miserable and she makes everybody around her miserable.

[Ben]

Yeah. In this case, I think we. We obviously excuse it because there's stuff going on with her body that's. That's like out of her control. So we are empathetic to it, but man, it's rough going if you're on the other side of that. Kristen Doty Firestorm.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And I think the other difference between the NIA and Danny and her and Luke dynamic that we're not really talking about too much is that Kristen is. What was I gonna say about That I just wrote other dynamic, but then I forgot what I said because we started talking about other stuff. It'll dumb. It'll come back. Sorry.

[Kristen]

Still.

[Ronnie]

I'm still concentrating on bucatini. I'm like, but how can I like bucatini if I hate spaghetti?

[Kristen]

It's.

[Ben]

I will say, like, in. In full transparency. It's a really strange thing to talk about because, like, oh, it's.

[Lala]

It's hard.

[Ben]

Okay. You remembered your dynamic.

[Ronnie]

I remembered it, yes. Another reason is because Nia kind of has to have the baby on her because the baby can't have bottles. And Kristen doesn't necessarily have to. She's just having the first baby thing where you're like, you don't want to be away from your baby for five seconds, which I think is also valid. And I'm not saying it's not, but when you're looking at Nia, Nia's like, I have this baby with me. I can't just trust it to somebody else because the baby has needs. And Kristen is just like, I just want to stare at this baby because it's only going to be this age for another second. And so there's, you know, that's another.

[Ben]

It's a different thing. I think that what's. What's tricky for me, honestly, as a podcaster watching this, is that, like, I. I don't know what it's like to go through postpartum. And I know it's like a really, very, very intense, severe thing that women have to go through. And so it's hard to sit here and then talk about, like, oh, my God, Kristen was being miserable. Oh, my God, Kristen. She was like. She was lashing out, whatever, because it sounds like I'm just, like, not holding any space for that postpartum. And so I'm trying to sort of, like, navigate that space between having complete empathy and sympathy for what she's going through while also reacting to what I'm just seeing on screen and the storytelling that I'm receiving and like. And whatever. So it'. Like, it's tricky because back in the season two of Vanderpump Rules, there was. It was not a postpartum issue. She was just being. She was being a monster. And so it's like, I hope my comparison to that time is not discrediting what she's going through with postpartum. All I'm trying to say is that when she's unhappy, like, she's. She really is unhappy. And she. And she will. She really will. You know, she'll go for it, you know, and she, she, she's. And, and so it's like we're watching it happen all over again but in a different context this time. So. Yeah, I hope people understand who listen are not thinking that I'm, I'm engaging with this stuff kind of like, you know, without any consideration of that. I'm sort of trying my best to navigate, you know, having a real world understanding of these things while also trying to be like, Kristen's being a little unhinged right now.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, no, I agree. And also we're talking to a majority group women here, so, like, we understand that we don't go through it. And I think when we get to the Luke stuff, I'll be able to be more clear headed because Luke did bug the. Out of me with all of this. You know, it's one thing to like sit as, as, as a viewer or as the friend group who's sitting there and be like, oh, God, Kristen, like you're really making this miserable for literally everybody around you. But the minute that Luke starts, I'm like, oh, you, you.

[Kristen]

Like this is the least, the least

[Ronnie]

you can do is just, just shut up for two seconds and just let her go through it and just do a yes, honey. Yes, honey. Like, it's not all about your feelings and I'm not here to watch you cry and whine about it. But you know Kristen. Yeah, Kristen's a lot. You know, like the postpartum stuff, of course that's all real and those are all real things people go through. But Kristen is Kristen and she's going to be the most Kristen in any situation.

[Ben]

Yeah, exactly. So I'm not, I'm not being like, wow, oh my God, she's crazy. God, get it together. I don't think she has to get anything together. I think she just goes through it and she lives it. And I do think it's up to Luke to, to be more accommodating. But I don't even remember what my point was on any of this.

[Ronnie]

It's just that like, like, I get your point.

[Ben]

It's a tricky.

[Ronnie]

It's like I'm not coming for postpartum thing or be like, get over it. I mean, I get that. But also as a friend, like, I really don't want to be on a trip with you if you're going to be like this. Like, leave me alone. Leave me alone.

[Ben]

So we now call you from the

[Ronnie]

beach to make sure you're okay.

[Ben]

Yeah. So now we go to lala's and she's back. She's packing, and Sosa is watching, which is exciting. And then Nia and Danny, and Nia's

[Kristen]

like, asher, can you see Mexico?

[Ben]

And he's. Ash.

[Kristen]

Is like, mexico.

[Ben]

And then Danny is like, just, like, being jokey, and he's like, saying, oh, Adelaide, Shane, I'm going to Mexico with you guys. What do you say?

[Kristen]

Oh, no.

[Ben]

I think she asked if Janet's coming. She's not happy about that.

[Kristen]

I know. I know, Adelaide.

[Ronnie]

So funny how this guy is still so playing on last season's energy. It's like he doesn't even realize that he is the most hated now. Like, you're in the Janet spot, and these things don't land the same. He's like, just wacky dad making Janet jokes. It's like, nope, you're the donkey now, sir. Okay.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So then we go to Janet and Jason's. And Jason's like, no, just go. Like, you really should go on this trip. You've been taking care of me. And she. He's like, I mean, I showered by myself the other night. You know, your mom's here to take care of me, and you'll be with your closest friends. And she's like, yeah, and my biggest enemies. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great. But don't worry, I've packed a Ziploc full of spaghetti in the carry on, so I will always be thinking of you, Annie.

[Ben]

And then Janet decides to FaceTime Brittany.

[Ronnie]

Ask her about outfits. Okay, I'm officially. That's when I backed up my chair, and I was like, you're calling Brittany to ask her about outfits?

[Ben]

That's true. That's a fair. That's a fair. That's. That's not gonna end well. So Brittany's like, hi, I just don't

[Ronnie]

back on my stuff Flounder to ask it for tap dancing lessons. This is the wrong person. You're calling the wrong person somewhere, basically

[Kristen]

gonna wear bright colors all day every day. Except for Nia, because she's just a great class out.

[Ben]

And then Janet's like, well, I ordered a couple of banners and things for Zach's birthday, and I'm happy invited me and included me, you know? And, like, she tells us that we've got a triple birthday trip coming up. It's Schwartz is having Schwartzapalooza, which is gonna be some sort of music festival vibe, which I love. It's like his. His attempt at, like, a Coachella Lollapalooza moment, which is gonna be worse than. Than we could ever imagine. And Jazz just happy to be part of it. I think she's just.

[Ronnie]

She's like. And then, you know, Zach, he's my best friend now, so I'm gonna have a big game night for him. That's gonna be great. And then. And Jen was like, am I even invited on Danny's day? And she's like, well, I mean, you

[Kristen]

got outfits for us, so we'll see what happens. And then Danny's Miami Vice birthday. That's gonna happen too.

[Ronnie]

And Janet. Janet's like, yeah, not really sure Danny needs another vice pet.

[Ben]

I like that she did that. I definitely love.

[Ronnie]

I thought that sming out her clothes, she's like.

[Ben]

She does that thing where she's like. She looks at the camera, her head then looks down and. Yeah. Smooths out her dress. Like, you said it, not me. It's like you said it, Janet. Well, fine. You heard it, not me. Such a little bit moment. I loved it.

[Kristen]

Well, I'm still healing, though. Okay.

[Ronnie]

But, you know, I can't have drinks

[Kristen]

after my tubes come out.

[Ronnie]

And Janet wants to get a T shirt that says, yeah, I'm gonna have a drink when my tubes come out.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yep.

[Ronnie]

Sell a lot of shirts.

[Kristen]

I'm so tired of the tubes. Okay, I'll say the airport. Okay.

[Ben]

So then she tells the dogs, don't

[Kristen]

fight over the boobs dogs.

[Ronnie]

Because you see, like, the. Were they, like, the drag queen boobs from a costume?

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

What were they? And the dog was literally eating the nipple off of a boob.

[Kristen]

It's like, pick the boob up.

[Ronnie]

There's a drag queen in need who could use that. That breastplate?

[Ben]

Yeah, that was from their beauty pageant in San Diego.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So now they get to the airport, and it's funny. Britney's in, like, a little wheelchair, and

[Kristen]

she's just like, hi.

[Ben]

And so they arrive in Puerto Vallarta, and Kristen is crying in the airport. And they're like, oh, my God. Why is she crying? What happened? And it turns out that she was. She was in the bathroom changing ka's diapers. And then fans were in there taking photos of her. And, you know, Kaya was, like, out of the diaper. And so Kristen was. Went into mama bear mode and was very, very upset about it. And also, by the way, who are these.

[Kristen]

Who are.

[Ben]

Who's taking pictures of celebrities in the bathroom? Come on, people.

[Ronnie]

Come on. Get a hold of yourself, you weirdos. Who does that? The only person that would, like that is, like, Lindsay. She'd be like, oh, my. It's like writing the right autographing in the baby's poop on the what?

[Kristen]

Me? Lindsay.

[Ronnie]

But yeah, you don't do that. Who does that?

[Ben]

Times totally inappropriate. People should not be doing that. It's crazy. Especially like, you know, it's like a baby, like, I don't know, like, people need to get over it. So Luke was also upset about it, but now Kristen's really rattled, and I think that this just kind of sends her down a path that she can't get out of for the rest of the episode.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I mean, I think Kristen's just going, you know, obviously the postpartum thing and then the going right back to work and she doesn't feel comfortable in her body and they're going to this, you know, know, bikini destination. And then she's, you know, she'd rather be home with the baby. She can't even change her baby without fans from the show coming to take her picture. And it's like, ah, this has got to be just making her crazy. And she's, you know, she's like, I'm dramatized. And everyone's like, oh, my God, how can we help? And she's like, no, nothing. I don't need anything. And Lala's like, you know, like, I get that she struggles, struggles traveling, but, you know, you've finally got the baby that you're traveling with. But it does seem like there's something more going on.

[Ben]

Right? And so she's. She's really upset. But the rest of the group is pushing Brittany around in the airport in the. In the wheelchair.

[Kristen]

And Brittany's like, I'm rolling up, Tom. Don't forget my sleep, guys. Okay?

[Ben]

And they hop into the vans and. And Kristen's still, like, really upset. She's still telling. She's telling Nia about, like, fans, the bathroom as for photos. And she's like, there's nothing I could do about it. And so Nia's like, well, I wish I was there.

[Kristen]

I would have bit their heads off for you.

[Ben]

So. So, yeah, so now everyone's in the van traveling to the hotel, and in

[Ronnie]

the other van, the baby's crying. And then in the other van, Lala's like, oh, my God, I did not leave my babies at home to be in a van full of babies. So thank God for this, fans.

[Ben]

Yes. So then, you know, Brittany's like, gosh,

[Kristen]

last time I was in Mexico, I was Brandon. Like, how weird is that?

[Ben]

And they're like, that was like a few weeks ago. It's not that weird. So she's like, I mean, I can't

[Kristen]

do anything right now because of my situation, my body. I can't do anything other than make out out. So. But, like, if y' all dare me to make out with somebody, I will do it.

[Ronnie]

How do you make out without a tong? And Tom's like, how do you say, I have a girlfriend in Espanol? Como se? I'm in love.

[Ben]

And so Michelle says, say soy. He's like, soy soltero saltero. I am single. And everyone laughs.

[Kristen]

He's like, oh, you sabotaged me, Michelle.

[Ben]

Hey, everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul Ain't no thing like Allison King Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster it's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

[Ronnie]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells we never miss her call it's Diane Call Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier Aaron McNicholas she don't miss no Tricolus Hava Nagila Web you'll

[Ben]

never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones it's no B.S.

[Ronnie]

we love Hugo es Jamie she has no last namey Sipped some scotch with

[Ben]

Jessica Trotch she's our favorite streamer Caroline

[Ronnie]

Peacock Kristen the Piston Anderson Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisalino Crushes a DAISY It's Maisie McHenry come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O' Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. Gather round for the lore of Michelle Moore.

[Ben]

This is Living with Michelle Vivian I

[Ronnie]

love Aya Olivia Williamson.

[Ben]

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

[Ronnie]

Yes we can. It's Savannah.

[Ben]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's

[Ronnie]

share with Sharon Eldred Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super Premium sponsors she's VVIP it's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10

[Ben]

cc's of Betsy MD we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin o'.

[Ronnie]

Neal. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogle. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Ben]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Jen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish.

[Ronnie]

Have a kebab with K. Rob, My favorite Murdo.

[Ben]

Karen McMurdo. Let's get Savage With Laura Wildman in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy, Always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani. Roger that. It's Marlis Rogers.

[Ronnie]

The incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose she's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sharrous. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess. It's Rebecca Prince.

[Ben]

She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[Ronnie]

We cannot tell a lie.

[Ben]

It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain strike.

[Ronnie]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.

[Jasmine]

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[Paige Desorbo]

Hey, this is Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad, and this episode is presented by Depop. Okay, be honest. How many things in your closet are just sitting there waiting for their next main character moment instead of staring at them, list them. You can list an item in just a few taps on Depop. Snap a photo and their AI powered listing fills in the details and you're done. It's not giving stressful and it's giving efficient and make money easily. With no selling fees on Depop, no seller fees means what you earn is yours. Your personal taste has value. Someone is literally looking for what you're not wearing. Download the Depop app and list your first item today.