#3419 The Valley S3E12 Part Two: Everyone Scwartzapa-loses

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3419

The Valley S3E12 Part Two: “Everyone Schwartzapa-loses”

Date: June 18, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap Part Two of The Valley’s Season 3 Episode 12. The cast is on a group trip to Punta Mita, Mexico, ostensibly to celebrate Tom Schwartz's birthday “Schwartzapalooza,” but the vacation energy is quickly overshadowed by simmering relationship issues—primarily between Kristen and Luke, who are grappling with postpartum challenges and communication breakdowns. The episode hilariously pokes at Bravo drama, travel anxieties, man-babies, and the realities of new parenthood, with the hosts delivering their signature biting wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Arrival in Punta Mita: Travel Stress & Room Assignments

• The group arrives at a resort in Punta Mita. The mood sets in as Kristen lingers with her baby while others hurry to check in.
• Kristen’s Mood: Ben notes, “Kristen is just sitting in the back. Everybody else gets off, but Kristen’s just sitting there with the baby.” [01:57]
• A loud horn instrument disturbs the baby, setting a tense tone for Kristen’s trip: “I was trying to let the baby sleep, but I got shot.” [01:57–02:16]
• Jesse’s credit card is declined at check-in: “Oh, broke ass Jesse coming with, getting his card declined. And he’s like, ‘well, my sugar mama’s coming tomorrow.’” [02:30–02:39]

Room Assignments and Group Dynamics

• Differences in accommodations highlight group hierarchies: Jasmine gets stuck with the girls, while Tom Schwartz laments crashing with a couple:

  “Nothing two gay men want more than like a sad sack 56-year-old man with late 90s spiky hair.” – Ronnie [04:03]

Kristen & Luke: Postpartum and Travel Friction

• The central drama is Kristen and Luke’s ongoing tension over new parenthood roles and expectations.
• Luke’s attempts at supportive language fall flat:

  “She’s like, see, it’s. The bedside manner is not great. Don’t condescend to her.” – Ronnie [07:28]

• Kristen accuses Luke of wanting to party instead of share parenting duties. He deflects, framing himself as the victim, prompting this classic Ben rant:

  “Why did Kristen fuck this person at a wedding? Why did Kristen ask for this guy’s baby to be inside her?” – Ben [09:52]

• Luke’s complaints about criticism and his lack of confidence spark laughter and mock-annoyance from the hosts.

Group Reactions & Gendered Double Standards

• Ben and Ronnie point out Luke’s constant need for validation and his “victimhood,” especially as masculine expectations (“tough country boy”) don’t mix well with Kristen’s emotional state.
• Kristen’s intensity is linked to postpartum as well as her established personality. Ronnie notes:

  “Kristen’s gonna always give anyone a hard time that she’s in a relationship with.” [09:07]

• Debate on emotional labor, nannies, and parental supports—Kristen’s family is there to help, but the couple’s ability to navigate this support is fraught.

The Schwartzapalooza “Party”: Anticlimax and Awkwardness

• The much-hyped birthday bash is moved indoors due to rain, devolving into a lackluster gathering:

  “We were going to go down to the beach, rave out, but it’s raining. I guess we’re just going to be here in the free continental breakfast area of the hotel.” – Ben [24:04]

• Visual blandness is mocked:

  “It was so sad, this empty restaurant with like, yes, it was 100% the continental breakfast buffet after hours.” – Ronnie [24:25]

• Danny’s attempts to hype (“Let’s go! Let’s go!”) only alienate the group. Jesse is teased for looking like a “dad in Orlando at Disney.” [25:01]

Relationship Realness & Sobering Group Reflections

• The hosts center heavily on Kristen and Luke’s mismatched communication styles.
• Ronnie:

  “She’s always, she’s always baseline nightmare.” [47:18]
  On self-sabotage as a pattern:
  “I think that there is something to be said for this self sabotage thing that she gets. Like, ‘will you leave? Really? Are you going to be here forever? Well, how about now?’” [47:31]

• Ben dissects why Luke’s endless self-pity grates, but also recognizes Kristen’s volatility is her baggage:

  “Well, you can’t fight fire with fire... Kristen needs somebody to be like ‘Kristen, I understand. Okay. I’m gonna give you a minute.’” [41:16]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Luke’s Perpetual Victimhood

• “I wish he could hear the questions going around in my head. Why is this guy here? Who cast this person?” – Ben [09:52]

On the Sad State of Schwartzapalooza

• “Bunch of empty chafers and like middle aged people with glitter and rave costumes, you know, fluorescent lighting.” – Ben [24:34]
• “It was at the fluorescent lights that was so sad.” – Ronnie [24:42]

On Relationship Reality for Kristen & Luke

• “If you treat her with respect, you don’t condescend to her. I guarantee Kristen would say, like, why don’t you go out and have fun? I’m gonna hang out with Kaya. But if you’re like, well, maybe now you can finally get it together... It’s going to agitate a situation. It’s not going to improve anything.” – Ronnie [11:46]

On Kristen’s Pattern of “Testing” Relationships

• “You’re testing it to make sure it’s real.... Like, will you leave? Really? Are you going to be here forever? Well, how about now?” – Ben [47:31]

Postpartum and Mom Friend Advice

• “I think just, like, give her some grace... this is just what’s happening right now.” – Brittany (paraphrased by Ronnie, relaying the scene) [49:46]

Ruining the Schwartzapalooza Vibe

• “Honestly, talk about someone who’s trying to make fetch happen is Danny trying to make this the rager that he wants it to be.” – Ronnie [42:42]

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Segment Timestamps

• [01:43] Vacation Begins: Arrival, horn incident, Jesse’s card declined
• [03:04] Room assignments, Tom Schwartz as third-wheel
• [04:34] Tom’s awkwardness with the couple (Zach & Benji)
• [05:40] Girls discuss Kristen’s mood, Kristen’s family as help
• [07:20 – 11:46] Kristen & Luke: Tensions rise over “vacation vs. parenting,” postpartum fragility
• [12:45] Guys’ pool chat, the Schwarztapalooza plan emerges
• [16:49] Zach and Luke dissect “being on her team” while literally leaving her alone
• [17:08] Kristen’s “soak it in” Golden Girls monologue, commentary on savoring moments
• [19:45] Tom demands respect for his new girlfriend, frontal lobe jokes
• [24:04 – 24:46] The continental breakfast area “party”
• [27:26] Kristen and Luke rejoin the group—more public awkwardness
• [30:48] Kristen says she just wants to be with her daughter; group tries for “mom’s night out”
• [33:46] Ben and Ronnie’s analysis of the dynamic and what’s actually needed from Luke
• [38:08] Luke’s “I can’t do this forever” line, wedding drama resurfaces
• [41:16] Big-picture musings: “You can't fight fire with fire…”
• [47:18] Self-sabotage and “testing” partners—Kristen’s drama triggers
• [49:46] Brittany gives Luke advice on postpartum, urges him to give Kristen grace
• [51:05] Episode wrap up, funny moments cited by both hosts

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Final Thoughts & Host Takeaways

• Both Ben and Ronnie agree that the episode was “fascinating” as a case study in relationship dysfunction and Bravo-style group travel disaster.
• Ronnie found humor in the little character moments (“Just his hair flip and them telling Danny he looked like his dad in Orlando…” [51:13]), while Ben zeroed in on Kristen’s attempt to “make something fit that just doesn’t fit,” both for herself and for the relationship.
• The consensus: Kristen and Luke’s problems are deeper than vacation stress or even postpartum strains—the personalities simply don’t mesh. Yet, as always, the Bravo cameras (“especially the continental breakfast-level party production values”) and group dynamics make for great podcast fodder.

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Notable Episode Quotes

• “If you’re living in the Valley, you’re not traveling to Tom Tom for brunch unless you want to be recognized. No one goes to TomTom anymore.” – Ronnie [45:53]
• “Everything is fixed by a Sophia reference.” – Ben [19:01]
• “I think ultimately this guy comes across as, like, a user. He comes across as someone who is, like. Like, wants to be on TV and is doing the whole, like, but I’m a country boy, so we naturally hate LA wink while he’s, like, soaking it all up.” – Ben [41:37]
• “She’s always baseline nightmare.” – Ronnie [47:18]
• “When something is good, people like me and Kristen, we’re like, how do I fuck this up? Like, I wouldn’t know a healthy relationship... if it slapped me across the face with its dick.” – Lala [47:56]

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In summary:
This episode dissects all the dysfunction and dark comedy of The Valley’s group vacation, focusing especially on Kristen and Luke’s unraveling connection. The hosts riff brilliantly on Bravo’s familiar themes: travel anxiety, new-parent stress, desperate birthday parties, and why—maybe—sometimes two people just shouldn’t be together, even if “we mock because we love.”

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Transcript

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Happens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[Ben]

So then they go to this hotel or whatever, and they're being greeted and they're talking about how much they love it.

[Co-host]

They're in Punta Mita, that's where you go.

[Ben]

And Kristen is just sitting in the back. Everybody else gets off, but Kristen's just sitting there with the baby. And they're like, okay, Kristen. And then a guy blows a. What is it, like a horn or a conch shell or something? It's like, well, I was trying to let the baby sleep, but I got shot.

[Co-host]

Guess that's not gonna happen.

[Ben]

Rip that horn guy a new one.

[Co-host]

Thanks a lot, horn guy. So Zach's like, oh, my God, look at this view. It's amazing. And so they check in and Jesse has no money on his card.

[Ben]

So. Oh, broke ass Jesse coming with, getting his card declined. And he's like, well, my sugar mama's coming tomorrow.

[Co-host]

Yeah, Michelle is. Is taking a victory lapse. Like, his credit card got dick lined

[Ben]

I told you so people. Okay. The guy is broke. And Lala's like, yeah, I thought you were gonna have to give your credit card to Jesse's. She's like, he gave another guard. He's like, that is weird. That would never happen. And I'm like, oh.

[Co-host]

So then they're all, they're. They're all kind of like about to go off to their rooms because they all have their keys and everything. And Tom is talking to Luke at that front desk. He's like, okay, well, um, I'll get a drink with you when we go to. How about before the ocean? So you want to meet me there in like 10 minutes? And Luke is like, yeah, sure, I'll meet you in 10 minutes. And Kristen's like, tom, he has a daughter. It takes more than 10 minutes. So Tom's like, oh, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. My bad, Sorry, I got carried away. I'm just a little boy.

[Ben]

Yeah. So now they go to their rooms and Kristen is seething because her husband's already planning on going to have drinks. And she's like, oh, someone just blew a horn at us. So they go look at their rooms and Jasmine is stuck in a room with a bunch of girls and she's like, why do all the other couples get like, what do the other couples get? A room. And I'm stuck with the girls, like, what the hell? And my view is a parking lot.

[Co-host]

Yeah. And then in the other room it's Zach and Zach, Benji and Tom Schwartz. And Tom's like, yeah, I mean, like to have my own space. But like, if I was going to be a third wheel with any couple, it's going to be Zach and Benji. I'm like, I'm sure they love having you there too. By the way. Nothing two gay men want more than like a sad sack 56 year old man with, you know, late 90s spiky

[Ben]

hair and glasses having a party called Schwarz a Paloa. So Tom's like, do you guys cuddle when you sleep? And Benji's like, yeah, I cuddle. And then I'm like, okay, buddy, turn over. That's another. And Tom's like, yeah. And also like, Zach and Benji are in an open relationship. Just saying. Just kidding, Kiana. Kidding. Those are jokes. Don't worry, Kiana. No one is worried. Okay?

[Co-host]

Yeah. I was like, that was. I was so offended, I almost had to move my sunglasses off the tip of my nose. Almost. Now Jesse is FaceTiming with Lacey and he's like, here is the view. She's like, it's pretty. And look. When are you getting in? 10:00am okay, well, it's gonna be an hour long drive. I know, I've been there many times, Jesse. Okay.

[Ben]

You know how long it is to the hotel, Jesse?

[Co-host]

I'll see you tomorrow.

[Ben]

Bring a lot of light stuff. You know Maybe something like cool and sexy. And she goes, oh my God, can you please not say cool and sexy?

[Co-host]

So in the girls suite, they're all talking because Kristen is in a bad mood because it's trout. Let's not forget this is travel Kristen. Okay? There's a lot of talk about postpartum, but this is also travel Kristen, which is already fundamentally, she's just not a happy camper. And they're talking, the girls are talking, like, doesn't she have like a nanny with her and everything? And it turns out that Kristen has her sister and her brother in law there to help.

[Ben]

How similar does her sister look to Gigi's sister? We only got like a really quick shot of her, but I was like, oh, that's coolness's sister.

[Co-host]

Oh, I didn't even think.

[Ben]

And maybe I saw her because she was kind of like looking down into the crib while she was taking care of the baby. But I was like, it's called as a sister. Watch out, we're in trouble. Did you know that Kristen's Lebanese like this are sitting here. Wow, look at that. Yeah, I didn't know that until recently. One of my loving these sisters. So anyway, so Brittany's like, I just want to, you know, like try and get her out of it and get her in a good mood. Michelle's like, well, Luke seems great and very helpful from what Izzy. Oh, really? Wait till he's hanging out in the hallway fake tearing so someone will like stop and give him a crying scene.

[Co-host]

Yeah, exactly. So Kristen's like, so you want to. You want to hang out with tt you want to. You want to roll over? You want to hang out with gt Good job. Hang out with Nana. And Luke is like, oh, yeah, cool. Look at you go, girl. You're going to be crawling before you know it. Crawling to Colorado, hopefully. Because LA sucks. Aha. Okay, so Luke is like, you know,

[Ben]

the airport's always the most stressful part, but we're here now, so hopefully you can take a deep breath. Help me out.

[Co-host]

She's like, see, it's. The bedside manner is not great. Don't condescend to her.

[Ben]

Don't come to the way to start this, Luke.

[Co-host]

Just say, I know that was really stressful. Now that we're here, is there anything I can do to make you comfortable? We're on vacation. I want you to feel on vacation. Not like, I know that was stressful, but hopefully now you can relax.

[Ben]

Yeah, like take a breath.

[Co-host]

Do me a figure it out.

[Ben]

Okay. And then he goes oh, and let's just cool off and chill out here, okay? And I'm not pressuring you to stay out with me either. Oh, okay. That's great that you're. You're like, wow, you're in a shitty mood. Take a deep breath. And by the way, I'm going out all night, and you don't have to come with me, so.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Oh, I'm sure in your perfect world, I would just stay here with Kaya and you could go out with your friends. Like, I unders. I understand. He's like, no, why are you coming yet? Like that, even. I'm not even saying that, because you just condescended to her, Luke.

[Ben]

And.

[Co-host]

And she picked up on it, and she's in a sensitive place where things that she might be able to just kind of, like, brush off, she's not going to. So she goes, so is that what this is for? You just, like, get up every night until you can't see straight? I'm like, well, to be fair, they are on vacation with a group of people that do get up every night. But, like, your point remains.

[Ben]

Oh, my gosh. It's like another couple fighting for the next hour. So he's like, but these are your words, Christian. I don't even know where you're coming up with this stuff. I didn't say anything about going out tonight. You're just making assumptions and projecting on me. But you did. You just said. You just said, I'm not pressuring you to stay out with me all night. So what did that mean?

[Co-host]

So Luke says, I've called it the daily criticism. Like, why you put her in that. In those clothes? Well, I don't change her diaper that way. This is what I get 90% of the time. I don't have all the confidence in the world. I'm new at this. It does put more doubt in my mind. Am I doing something wrong? Yes. By the way, we'll answer that for you. Yes. Am I not being good partner? Yes, that is correct. You're not being a good partner. Am I not being a good dad? Well, jury's out on that. But either way. So he's like, these are the questions that are running through my mind. They get louder. I'm like, sir, you had, like, 12 years of Kristen Doty documentation out there in the public for you to consume before you got married. Like, you chose Kristen. Kristen's gonna always give. Give anyone a hard time that she's in a relationship with.

[Ben]

Yeah, I'm just not here for this guy's. Whining and I wish he could hear the questions going around in my head. Why is this guy here? Who cast this person? Why did Kristen fuck this person at a wedding? Why did Kristen ask for this guy's baby to be inside of her? How did this guy's get sperm get into an LA sperm bank if he hates LA so much and he only likes the country? So many questions and guess what? I don't care about the answer to any of them, sir. So she's like, well, I'm just making assumptions based on what happens at home. He's like, but it doesn't happen often. I mean, I've been hungover one time in the last two weeks. It's like, oh wow. One time in the last two weeks.

[Co-host]

Whoa.

[Ben]

Get him on award.

[Co-host]

That was crazy that he said that. He goes, well, you say it like I party all the time and it's only been what, 14 or 15 days or so. She's like, to be hungover and up and not come home until 3 o' clock in the morning, it's kind of a lot. You have a brand new baby. He's like, okay, you know what? I'm done here. I'm going to go jump in the water with Tom to show that I, that I am not someone who cares about partying all the time. I'm going to go out and I'm going to party.

[Ben]

Yeah. And she's like, okay, I'll take care of K. Have fun. He's like, that's why your sister and David are here to help us out. He's out of there.

[Co-host]

Yeah. So school time.

[Ben]

I get the frustration of being like, are we going to vacation? Didn't we bring people here to help us? But it's just the way this guy just is terrible and he has to be the victim in every situation. Like you're not the person for Kristen, you know, I mean you to deal with a difficult person is just not this. Just not this way. It's just not like this. It's like, hey, what can I do for you? You want to just sit and relax. You have to wait until her to be like, well, don't you want to go out and swim? You should go out and hang out with everybody. You know what? She will if you just stop like poking, poking.

[Co-host]

If you treat her with respect, if you treat her with respect, you don't condescend to her. I guarantee Kristen would say like, why don't you go out and have fun? I'm gonna hang out with Kaya. But if you're like, well, maybe now you can finally get it together. Maybe now you can finally take a breath and get over it. You know? It's like, she's not gonna. That's not. It's gonna agitate a situation. It's not gonna improve anything.

[Ben]

Yeah, just sit and, like, your priorities or something. You know, Take care of her first

[Co-host]

and then go on vacation, but don't prioritize vacation over her. And that's what he's doing. And she picks up on that. And then she's angry, and. And everything's heightened for her because she's going through a lot. So now over at the pool, we have Schwartz and Zach and Benji, and they are just waiting around in the water and everything. And Zach is like, oh, my God. This is like, what we need. It's like a birthday. Like, it does, like, a little stormy, though. Like, is this supposed to storm? It's just, like, not a sunset. Like, look at it. It's like, oh, this gray clouds are coming in. Like, oh, my God. And of course, gray clouds.

[Ben]

And Danny.

[Co-host]

It's Luke and Danny.

[Ben]

You' come. Here come the great clouds. So Tom's like, we're in Mexico, which I love. And he's short to palooza tonight. It's like, kind of Coachella adjacent, right? Come on, let's go. We're on vacation. It's my birthday, man.

[Co-host]

So Zach is, like, asking Beth. Kaya's with Casey and everything and looks like, yeah. And Kristen and David and. And Zach's like, but I thought the whole reason that you guys, like, flew Casey and David down was that so that way they could take care of the bab. And Luke is like, it is. So Zach is like, okay, well, listen, I'm not saying that you can't be upset. Like, that is absolutely crazy. But, like, you know, it's. It's. That's. That's hard. And he's like, I just want to be on our team. It's like, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. She just.

[Ben]

I wonder. He goes, I just want her to know I'm on her team. You just left her pissed off with the baby in a hotel room so you can come have drinks. Boys in a pool. Hello. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappens commercial. Your outdoor space should feel like you. I have this gigantic patio deck thing that I wanted to use for parties, and I could just not find any fashionable patio furniture. I needed a lot, and I needed it to go together. I needed different pieces that all kind of looked the same. I was able to go on Wayfair and search for exactly what I needed. And different brands, different, different things all coming together in one style. It was so easy to do it and it looks great.

[Co-host]

I can confirm that his outdoor area looks great. And the thing is that you can get more than just seating. You can get grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Wayfair really is your one stop shop for home.

[Ben]

And the best thing about this place, well, not the best. One of the best is that you don't even have to put this stuff together. You can hire somebody from Wayfair to come put it over, put it all together for you, you know, and that's the best part because if I put it together, it's rickety. It's falling apart no matter where it's from. I just don't have that skill.

[Co-host]

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

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[Ben]

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[Co-host]

Zach is like, you know, you're always on her side. She makes seem like you're not on her side, but you're always on her side, as evidenced by you being here and not with her literally by her side at this moment.

[Ben]

Yeah, Zach's gonna get eight up for this later. When Kristen sees this, she's not gonna like this. So then we go back to Kristen and Luke. Sweet. And she's, you know, she's like, oh,

[Co-host]

Kaya, you don't get to go to a party, right?

[Ben]

Oh, I'm sorry. And she's talking about how hard she worked to be a mother, and that's all that's important to her now. She's like, like, there's always going to be a party. Like, there's always going to be a birthday. There's always going to be a fun trip. But Kai's only going to be this age for, like, one second. Yeah, okay, but then don't come on a trip.

[Co-host]

That's a birthday party. My concern for Kristen is something like, this is going to go in a circuitous and strange place. But it reminds me of, you know, as my parents get older, sometimes I'm like. Like, I'll be hanging out with them. Like, soak this in. Soak in this moment. Soak at this moment. And I'm, like, trying so hard. I'm like, I don't know how much longer my parents will be here. And I'll be. We'll just be talking, having a. Just a generic conversation in my. In my mind. I'll be like, soak this in, Ben. Soak this in. You don't know how any more. The conversations these. You have, da, da, da, da. And then that takes me to. There was an episode, the Golden Girls. This is going somewhere. But there was an episode, the Golden Girls where Dorothy was like, Sophia has, like, a health scare. And Dorothy is like, oh, my God, I don't know how much time I have left with Sophia. So she takes Like, Sophia to, like, Disney World or something like that. They go on a trip, and she is, like, just constantly saying to Sophia, like, oh, let's look at the photo albums. Let's do this. And she's, like, staring at Sophia, and Sophia's at one point, like, what the hell are you doing? You know? Yeah. And it's really about, like, how sometimes we try so hard to be, like, really intentional and. And savor these moments that were not actually just, like, living. And so I, like, I understand what Kristen is saying, but I also hope that, like, she doesn't get so caught up in it that she stops being able to actually experience all the wonderful things around her. That's the lesson I took from the Golden Girls and where my brain went to when she had that little monologue. So you're welcome, everyone. I'm sure all the moms are like, ben, shut the up. You don't know what it's like being a new mom. This has nothing to do with that. But, you know, if I could bring in a Golden Girls, you know, parable, I will.

[Ben]

Everything is fixed by a Sophia reference.

[Co-host]

Don't get mad at me. I. I invoke the Golden Girls.

[Ben]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. That's cute. I love that show. So back at the girl suite, Michelle's. They're talking about what kind of shoes to wear, you know, and what they're gonna wear to these parties. And Lala's like, yeah. And then for Zach's, they just got like, you know, two chicks make making out mouth to mouth. Like, what are they talking about? It's like, make out sesh. Oh. So Brittany's like, y' all make out with anybody? If Tom were single, I'd make out with Tom.

[Co-host]

But he's taken. Please. Taken.

[Ben]

And I don't know if that girl's a vampire or what. Has anybody seen that girl with that sunglasses?

[Co-host]

Everyone at one point has said, I would make out with Tom if he was single. So then the guys are still in. In the pool, and Luke is like, hey, Tom, are you gonna be promiscuous this trip? He's like, oh, no. And then Zach is like, well, Kiana is officially. No, you're their official right? And. And then he's like, oh, yeah. Kiana has. Has Tom tattooed on her heart or something like that. And Tom is like, guys, guys, guys. I'm gonna say something that I never said while I was married to Katie. You can roast me all you want. All you want. I love being roasted. But you've got to respect Kiana. Now, if you want to go in on Katie, go for it, bros. But not Kiana, because she's a model.

[Ben]

Yeah, like in the car when they were like, does she have a frontal lobe? I mean, come on, guys. And Zach's like, who said that? It's like the girls did. And we see on the Sprinter Van Jasmine being like, oh, my God, is that girl's frontal lobe even developed? Amala's saying it's not until 30. Lala.

[Co-host]

30?

[Ben]

Come on. It's 25. 25 is the common. And Tom's like, God, guys, damn it, Lala, get your frontal lobe information. Correct. But I love that Tom's so offended. Like, they're making fun of her. They're making fun of you, not her. They're making fun of you for dating somebody so young. It's your middle age crisis. Okay?

[Co-host]

They like her.

[Ben]

It's like, oh, but my hair is, like, half spiky.

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah. You know, I smash mouth is my fashion North Star. Listen, I've heard this. The study is. Okay, they say your frontal lobes not fully developed until you're 25 and she's 27. She has her shit together more than me. And I'm definitely not 27. Yeah. Okay, well, not there is a frontal lobe. And for Tom, unfortunately, I would agree

[Ben]

she's got it more together than I think everybody would agree with that. But they're making fun of them. But they're making fun of you, not her.

[Co-host]

And l. Pile of change has it more together than Tom Schwarz, let's be honest.

[Ben]

Yeah. And Luke's like, well, these girls are mean girls, though. Oh, God. He's like, yeah, Kiana. That was it. That was the last. He's like, that's all I ask. I mean, roast the out of me. Just don't roast the out of Kiana.

[Co-host]

These guys are all on a slow tumble towards the manosphere. The moment the Valley is canceled or they're off the show, we're going to be seeing them just going that entire path. They will be on that route.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

And I think Wes Wilson will probably be with them. So then it starts to rain. I need a shower cup for my hair. So now in the girl suite, everyone's getting ready. People checking out Britney's body, and they're impressed because she's only at two weeks out of surgery and everything. And she's swollen, but she feels good. And Janet's like, do not get glitter in any of your holes. We're going to hose you down at the end of the night. And, but meanwhile, Kristen and Luke's sweet Kai is crying and things are even more tense than they were earlier.

[Ben]

So Luke's like, babe, she just turned four months. We were told this was coming. Four months, sleep regression, remember? She's going to be fussier. She's not going to sleep as much. It's going to be part of this. Like we're told it was coming and she's like, oh, I feel like you want me to be heartless and just leave her crying. And I can't do that. It's like, I don't want you to be heartless, but I can't turn it off and just be like, oh well, she's crying. I can't be like you. He's like, oh, really? Well, I'm not a piece of shit like you accuse me of. Oh God, Luke, this is. You're just nothing.

[Co-host]

Oh my God. It's, it's not, this is. So meanwhile, the women are. Zach comes into the women's suite and I was, I don't know why I was so amused by this, but he's, he's there to be like, guys, they're moving the shorts of palooza into the restaurant and like Bernie just comes up to him and just starts putting glitter on his arm because he has his arm out because his arm is always out. And she just, that's how he talks.

[Ben]

Guys, we're moving to the restaurant because it's raining outside, so we have to move.

[Co-host]

What are you doing?

[Ben]

She's like, I'm just putting glitter on you. Why are you doing that? She's like, shut up. You love this. There, come on.

[Co-host]

I don't know why I thought it was so funny that like his arm was just out like normal and she just like climbed onto it and then just started putting glitter onto it. It's like a funny, weird thing to do.

[Ben]

So then now they're gonna set up in the restaurant. Okay, let's take. Right. My favorite thing. So they start cheersing and decorating and Tom's like, well, we had a vision for Schwarzopalooza. You know, we were going to go down to the beach, rave out, but it's raining. I guess we're just going to be here in the free continental breakfast area of the hotel.

[Co-host]

It was so sad, this empty restaurant with like, yes, it was 100% the continental breakfast buffet after hours.

[Ben]

It's like a bunch of empty chafers and like middle aged people with glitter and rave costumes, you know, fluorescent lighting.

[Co-host]

It was at the fluorescent lights that was so sad.

[Ben]

So Danny comes down, he's like, let's go party.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Ben]

Be fun, Danny. Everyone's just looking at him like, oh, God.

[Co-host]

He goes, l. He keeps saying it over and over again. Let's go. And Jesse, to his credit, looks at Danny and says, I mean, you look like you're a dad in Orlando at Disney. Because they're all dressed like pseudo music festival. And Danny's just in like, dad, you know, resort wear. And he's like, what? What are you saying? And Michelle's like, you do look like an Orlando dad. You have brought the two of us together to shame you.

[Ben]

It's like, wow. Me and Michelle disagreed on something big steps. And he's like, what did she say? She said you look like a dad in Orlando at Disneyland. Well, I think you look very handsome. Daniel, don't listen to her now.

[Co-host]

Listen, you should listen. You look like a dad in Orlando. Like, you really do. Like you should just be walking around the pool. I mean, he is a dad and he probably has gone to Disney World, but he's really showing it.

[Ben]

You're supposed to dress like you're at a rave. Come on. So now everybody's dancing and eating and trying to have fun, but not really. And Danny just keeps going,

[Advertiser/Host]

Let go.

[Co-host]

Why are you saying this? First of all, people don't say that at music raves. I really do feel like he has, I, I, I don't know. I don't know. He doesn't know.

[Ben]

He's a supremely obnoxious person. And so Lala's like, God, that's really intense. He's like, Tom. A palody's annoying. Jasmine's like, we need that energy. Tom's like, yeah, we do. It's like, thanks, thanks for that. It's very dead out here. Very head.

[Co-host]

Yeah, well, because you're having a party around the chafers of the continental breakfast. That's why. So Jesse's like, I'm just not a let's go guy. I'll leave that all. Danny. I love it though. Good for him. I don't have that much energy. He's got four kids. Michelle's like, we don't, we didn't know.

[Ben]

Yeah, we hadn't heard.

[Co-host]

So then they're just hanging around. Dan's saying, like, by the way, happy birthday, Libra season. Libras are the best. Oh, I'm sorry. Daniel's like, happy birthday, Libra season. How are we actually going to turn this party into actual party party? What are we gonna do? It's, it's the Dream is over, Danny. Just enjoy your booze while you have it, and then go up to your room. And this. This is the best that time I palooza is going to be.

[Ben]

You know what's going to make it more fun? You running around screaming and yelling in everyone's ear. How fun. How much fun you're having. Everyone loves that.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So Kristen and Luke come up. Kristen, they're arguing. Of course.

[Co-host]

Of course.

[Ben]

And he's like, you don't listen. I brought these things up.

[Co-host]

She's like, roger, Roger.

[Ben]

It's like, well, it's been great hearing all the stuff you said about me today, Kristen. Get worked up and anxious, like, okay,

[Co-host]

if that's what you wanted to say.

[Ben]

Just.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Ben]

He's like, no, it's true. And I'll tell you something. It doesn't make me feel good. And you're like, look. Oh, wow. Look at you having a pity party. Oh, my God. Leave. Leave this part. This is already miserable. This is already miserable. Please leave.

[Co-host]

Please don't tell your wife, who is in clear postpartum, that she's having a pity party. Can you just, like, not do that?

[Ben]

So I think he's saying that she's accusing him of having a pity party because he is. He's always walking around whining, like, she can't go through anything without him being like, how does this affect me about me? You did not have a baby out of your body that you are still dealing with the ramifications from. It's not the same.

[Co-host]

So. So Kristen's like, she. She's. No, they join. But Kristen, you know, when she's upset, she doesn't. Her whole thing is that she doesn't like to make a scene, which in turn makes a scene. She's like, no, no, leave me alone.

[Ben]

Kristen doesn't like to make a scene, okay?

[Co-host]

She. Well, that's. That's what she. That's how she presents, right? Like, is everything fine? She's like, oh, my God. Like, what? No, just like, leave me alone. Like, don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. Like, no, I don't want this to be a thing. Right? But, like, in the act of doing that, it becomes, like, a thing. So Zach's like, do you want me to get you a drink? She's like, no, no, I could get it myself. I got myself. It's like, okay, well, okay. It's like. So then he's like, I just want to dance to the thunder. Yeah. Benji's like, like, you want to do a rain Dance?

[Ben]

No, I want to do an anti rain dance. It's a great one. So they get a drink and lala's like, so Jesse, do you think that you're like, kind of low key because Lacy's not here and maybe your personality is dependent on her?

[Co-host]

Nowhere, like an out of nowhere. Lala Reid and Janet's like, y', all, do you want us to like, yell at you to be and be mean to you? Will that make you feel more comfortable Dresses like, she doesn't yell at me. She quietly withers at me. She just calls me out when I say or do something stupid or when I say or do something in any kind of way. See, Lou could learn a lot from me. You just be quiet and just take it on the chin.

[Ben]

So she calls you out when you do something stupid like every day. He's like, maybe. John is like, wow, I just really love being around you both at the same time. It's so much more fun being mean to Jesse with you here to witness it.

[Co-host]

It. And then Jesse does this thing where he takes his hand, he does like a behind his like, like a hair flip. And they're like, Jenna goes, was that a hair flip? Because no, just whatever. This thing is just tickling the out of my neck. And I'm not allowed to do the hair flip motion when Lacey's around because she makes fun of me. So I had to take advantage of this moment.

[Ben]

So Luke and Kristen go to different tables and Danny's like, luke, let's go.

[Co-host]

She's Jesus. And Tom's like, hey, Jody, I missed you. She's like, well, I don't like getting like, up and staying out late and all that stuff anymore. Jasmine's like, well, it's okay to feel that way. I think we can all agree that's real. And she's like, no, it's so not fun. And she just wants to be at home with Kaya for the. For the rest of her. I guess maybe Luke is like saying Luke.

[Ben]

Yeah. And Jasmine's like, who said that? And Kurt's like, luke says that about me? And he's like, but you're just four months postpartum. Well, you know, I do think that Luke probably feels a little scene. Tom, now's not the time. Go to the other festival.

[Co-host]

It's. Please don't advocate for Luke right now. And this is not the time or the audience. Eric. Kristen's like, we have a four month old and guess what? She's only this age for like this long. Oh my God. She already Just got older. And this. Can I tell you something? In the past three seconds, she just got three seconds older. So it's like, yeah, it's like. And then we're. And then we're gonna blink. And she's like, I just will never be like this ever again. So Britney's like, yeah, she'll be four. Like, cruise. It's crazy. Well, let's see. What's 365 times four? Because that's how many blinks you'd have to do a second for him to turn four. Right?

[Ben]

Okay, well, let's just go party. Can we just party? Okay. Mama's night out. Mom's night out. Oh, let's see. Hey, hold on. Danny, could you come round them up?

[Co-host]

Let's go.

[Ben]

So Luke comes up, and he's like, here, I brought you some cheese quesadillas. I'm just like, oh, thank you. It was really sweet. And then walks away, just ignores his quesadillas.

[Co-host]

And then Luke is like, was my timing good? Was it bad? And Jasmine goes, your timing was terrible. Yeah. So Tom's like, yeah, it could have been better. Could have been better. And he's like. And so then Janet's like, okay, I. She's basically, sorry. I don't have enough of an alcohol tolerance anymore. So I'm a little. Basically, yeah.

[Ben]

She's like, not gonna take a shot. And Zach is offering her the shot. He's like, you want to take a shot? She's like, yeah, I can't do that. That. I don't do that anymore. He's like, well, I don't even know where I'm friends with anybody anymore. She's like, did you just say we're friends? He said, we're friends, everybody. And then it thunders. She's like, oh, it was a sign. That was the sign.

[Co-host]

Zeus is bowling. So Kristen is. Luke is like, are you okay? She's like, I'm upset right now. I don't know why you're down here being like this. Like, five minutes ago, you were screaming at me. He's like, that's a wild exaggeration. She's like, yelling and raising your voice. It's like, I wasn't even yelling. She's like, okay, you were being super hurtful. And you knew it. He's like, sorry. Like, do you know what I live with on a daily basis? Super hurtful. The you say to me, are you kidding me? I'm sorry. I can't. I can't even right now. The stuff I deal with on A daily basis. And all I said was, please don't talk to me that way. That's all I said. Okay, Luke. I mean, no one wants to. Of course, no one wants their partner to be mean or curt or short with them and everything, but, like, I just feel like he. He seems to not realize that, like, a lot of the way that she seems to be responding to him is based off of stuff that he does initially.

[Ben]

Well, yeah. I mean, he comes down like, guy Chris, like, would you like a quesadilla? Which on one hand is offering to be nice, but just if she's in this mood, just let her. I mean, my God, the. The whole. The thing that he's doing that's making me crazy is the constant, like, victimizing himself in front of everybody and on camera.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Ben]

You know, it's just making me. And it's. It's annoying me. Now, that said, Kristen is also christening, but, you know, if you're gonna be with Kristen long term, you have to know how to deal with that personality.

[Co-host]

Exactly.

[Ben]

He's just terrible at it. And she's like, I just want to be with my daughter.

[Co-host]

This is ridiculous.

[Ben]

So he walks away to stand with Jesse and Danny, and then he's like, I want to jump in the ocean. Apparently, I was screaming at her and really hurt. And really hurt her. And Jesse's like, well, what the hell's been happening all day? And he's like, well, she loses her mind when travel happens. And I'm aware that there's anxiety and stress and all these other things. Things, like. But she goes into this manic state. It's like a regular thing.

[Co-host]

Yeah, Crazy.

[Ben]

Crazy.

[Co-host]

Kristen. So Jesse's like, well, you were. You seemed very patient at the airport. What happened? Of course Jesse's gonna take that perspective. Like, well, you were just being a nice guy because you are a guy. And so Luke is like, I am very patient. And Dan's like, yeah, because she is. She's patient.

[Ben]

Right.

[Co-host]

You know, she's the moment. She has hormonal things going crazy and stuff. At least she didn't try to make you look like a janky pageant person.

[Ben]

Right.

[Co-host]

Like, didn't put any of that yellow makeup on your face like my wife did. Yeah.

[Ben]

She didn't make you lose a pageant, did she?

[Co-host]

It's like the point of. Of, like, tearing me down. She's like. Like, you don't even care about Kaya saying like that to me, Jesse.

[Ben]

And they're like, that's not fair. It's like, yeah, it's not even close to fair. I mean, look at her. She's rolling her eyes, you know, and she's saying, like, luke wants a pity party, and Luke's such a little bitch. And then she says I'm screaming at her, saying awful things to her, and I'm like, oh, this is stuff I deal with, and I have to take it on the jet every single time. I've never seen you take it on the chin. Was that off camera? When was that?

[Co-host]

Seriously, commercials.

[Advertiser/Host]

Here comes one right now. Okay, so can we talk about defi wear for a second? Because I'm a little obsessed. They have the cutest sunglasses and prescription frames. And honestly, the vibe is like, whatever you're feeling that day, there's a pair for it. Chill day. Got you going out. Got you. And every purchase gives back, which I love. Go to diffiware.com and define your style. That's diffiwear.com. you're welcome. Hey, I'm Paige Desorbo from Giggly Squad, and I want to talk to you about Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Because when it comes to fighting cat odor, they are the champions. Like, what smell? The litter box was my biggest fear when I got my kitty, Daphne. But since I started using Arm and Hammer cat litter, I don't notice any cat smell. I always feel confident about anyone stopping by, whether it's my friends or my family or even people in my building. So for my fellow cat parents, be guest ready with Arm and Hammer Hardball cat litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

[Co-host]

Britney is checking in, and Kristen's like, I don't feel good. And they're like, you've got to eat something. Like, you haven't eaten anything all day long. And so meanwhile, the guys are like, danny's saying, it's the hardest job being a man. And so Luke is like, I mean, I love. I love Kaya so much, and I love Kristen so much. Well, of course you do. And then there's lightning. Another. Another ominous lightning strike.

[Ben]

It's like, my God, that lightning was insane. Hey, lightning, let's go. That's what happened to marriages. You know, it becomes about the child. But, you know, the basic connection is to still stay united in the marriage. Okay, so just tell her. Take off your fucking mic and then tell her what you really mean in a guest house somewhere where there's no cameras.

[Co-host]

Yeah, Danny's really wanted to talk. The focus should be about the child while he's like, why do I have

[Ben]

to hold this child?

[Co-host]

So Jesse's saying He's like, yeah, One thing that I always said about our relationship is that we kept on growing and the relationship stops. Like, thanks. Thanks for that insight, Jesse. That has nothing to do with anything. So Luke is like, I'm just. I'm fighting for a relationship by, you know, trying to go out to the pool and drink. And everything's just so heightened with the kid, obviously. And like, yeah, 100. It's like, you know, you only think so much about, like, you only think so much without this coming back to, like, oh, I'm sorry. Because I do. Like, I. I know that you're not that. I know that you don't feel that way. I don't actually think about you that way. Having to compound and compound and compound and never having that reconciliation. I'm starting to lose my mind. I can't do this forever.

[Ben]

Which he says multiple times. And then Kristen, when Kristen's like, yeah, but you say things like, I can't do this anymore. It sounds like you're going to leave me. He's like, exactly. I never said that. What are you saying? I would never. Blah, blah, blah. And then here he goes like, I can't do this forever. And I've said it, you know, and if this is the status quo and how it's going to be if things don't improve from here, there's not gonna be a wedding. Well, okay, you know, who cares if there's gonna be a wedding or not? You've had a child with this person, you dumbass. I love that he's like, oh, wow. Well, I'm gonna show her, and I'll give her a commitment. You already committed. You had a child with this person.

[Co-host]

It's like, I think Kristen just wants reassurances that she has a partner in this process that's very, very difficult for her. And I think she's insecure. I think she probably feels bad that she's pulling him from, like, the things he wants to do. She probably sort of innately he wants to be in Colorado. And she, she. She feels bad, but then she gets frustrated that she's meant to feel bad because they should be doing this together. And then she probably gets, like, angry at him, and then he does things that are, quite frankly, not reassuring that he has her back into this, especially saying things like this on camera like, there's not going to be a wedding. I don't know how long I could do this forever. And then she's paranoid that he's going to walk out at any given moment, which makes her feel even crazier. And then she circles the wagons even more around Kaya. Like, I must protect this. This. So, like, I just think that Luke is contributing so much toxicity to the situation. And even though, like, we're. I feel like we see it more from Kristen, the way she's lashing out, I think it's really Luke who is really. He has the. He has the tools to be able to help the situation a lot more than I think Kristen does in this moment, and he's just not using them.

[Ben]

Well. This is a person she really wanted to have a baby with because she was like, my time's ticking. I need to have a baby. I'm going to do it. And if this works out with this person, it works out. And if it doesn't work out with him, okay, I want the baby, you know? And so she's trying to make it work out, but it's not like this was ultimately the best person. It's just the person that was there. And I think she's trying to make something fit that just doesn't fit. I mean, this. You can't have these two personalities together forever. You just can't. Like, Kristen needs somebody to be like Kristen. I understand. Okay. I'm gonna give you a minute. Or what? I'll be able to walk away and not get as emotional as Kristen's getting. And I don't even mean because of the postpartum and all of that, because obviously we've acknowledged that, but Kristen in general, like, just Kristen from the past decade, like, she's just a very high emotional. She's got a lot of emotions, you know, and you can't. Those. You can't have two people.

[Co-host]

And she lashes out. That's like, that's her. Her baggage in life is that she lashes out a lot when she is feeling cornered, misunderstood, like confronted, upset, hurt, hungry, thirsty. 3:00pm but she does. She lashes out. So, like, it's like you said, pregnancy or no pregnancy, like, you go into that relationship knowing that this is her personality. And you like, like we say to so many people on Bravo, you can't change people. Like, you just accept them with how they are.

[Ben]

Well, you can't fight fire with fire, you know, and that is definitely. Kristen is a fire. And he is. He's not like a water or even a wick, you know, that could use the fire. He's just, you know, I don't even know what that guy is. He's.

[Co-host]

He's a tough mother, the fire. But it's just gonna melt and then just contribute terrible chemicals to the environment for many centuries.

[Ben]

Yeah. I think ultimately this guy comes across as, like, a user. He comes across as someone who is, like. Like, wants to be on TV and is doing the whole, like, but I'm a country boy, so we naturally hate La Wink while he's, like, soaking it all up. But he doesn't really want to be here. You know, I think this is, like, a. A big case of settling that. We're watching another one on the Valley, of all places.

[Co-host]

Where did they get.

[Ben]

Who would have thunk it? So anyway, he's having a fit. She's having a fit. And then where we bounce to another conversation, and Janet is still giving Jesse. And she's like, wow, Jesse, your hair. He's like, oh, yeah, it's sweaty. Right when I got my haircut. He goes, you want the fboy haircut? And I said, yeah. And she goes, what's that? Frat boy? Yes. I think it. Nope, like, different than frat boy. And then he's like, this is it. This is so sad. Hey, Zach, let's do it. Let's do it. Come on, brother.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Honestly, I think. Talk about someone who's trying to make fetch happen. Is Danny trying to make this the rager that he wants it to be? He's like, I just want to get drunk. Zach's like, yeah, okay. By the way, y', all, lala, you better wear something sluttier to my birthday party. She's like, well, so Janet's like, okay, I have a question, because you and Benji have an open relationship, so when you're on vacation like this. He's like, no, if we're together, it's different. Like, most we talk about, she's. Well, I mean, like, obviously, like, I'm bisexual, which, by the way, I did not know about. So technically, when I'm not with Jason, he's like, I don't care if you hook up with girls. And I've never acted on that, though, you know? He's like, shut your mouth right now. You're about to tell me that, like, if I found you with a woman here, it'd be like, okay.

[Ben]

And she's like, oh, my God, you don't even have to look around, because the woman is Michelle. She's my dream girl. And she talks about how she's been with women in the past. And we see a VPR flashback from 2019 of Dana being like, janet, what do you think about threesomes? And she's like, I love them. Dana's like, do you? What are you doing later? Just kidding. But like, actually though, that was a joke.

[Co-host]

I'm a comedian. So Janet is like, she chat saying that Michelle's stunning and that she's like an Abercrombie model and she would have fun with Michelle, blah, blah, blah. And by the way, you know, in the reunion, this will be a 10 minute segment. Janet, you said you would fool around with with Michelle. Do you think about women a lot? How big, big boobs do you like on women that you'd want to fool around with? What do you think about that, Jason? Have you seen the Jada fool around

[Ben]

with the wallet before? And Zach's like, well, are you okay with him doing stuff with men? She's like, I mean, if he were into it, I'd love it. He's like, oh, my God, I'm gonna write that down.

[Co-host]

So now Kristen and Brittany are coming out of the bathroom and Britney's like. She's like, are you okay? And Kristen's like, for the love of God. She's like, do you want to talk to Luke or do you want to lock? What do you want? She's like, no, I just. Just want to go to bed. So they walk past Luke and Jesse, and Luke is like, I mean, it's insane that, like, I do one thing for myself and then all of a sudden. And then of course, Kristen rolls up right when he's saying that, so it's like clear that she's heard him telling a sob story about himself to Jesse.

[Ben]

So Zach's like, babe, do you need

[Co-host]

me to walk you up?

[Ben]

And she's like, no. And Luke's like, what's up, Babe? She's like, I'm going to bed. It's like, you're what? And so it's like, you're going to bed. You okay?

[Advertiser/Host]

Huh?

[Co-host]

Huh?

[Ben]

It's like, Luke, she just heard you talking it, you know?

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And she's like, my stomach hurts. I'm just throwing up. He's like, did you eat? You can't just not eat anything, Kristen. You have to take food. You can't just not eat all day. And she tells us. I get that Luke is only 34. He's not 42 or 43. I mean, wait, how old am I? 42 or 43, but I know, but I'll know this. I'm not going to be this age for much longer.

[Co-host]

So Kristen's like, it's my bedtime. It's like, babe, it's only nine our time. She's like, oh, I get that Luke wants to go out with his friends and he wants to go out on a Friday night and he wants to go out of TomTom for brunch on Saturday.

[Ben]

Oh, really person? Really person who hates fame. So you go to Tom Tom every week for brunch. The place that people will know you and ask for your autograph. Oh, I hate fame.

[Co-host]

I hate it. If you're living in the Valley, you're not traveling to Tom Tom for brunch unless you want to be recognized. Yeah, no one goes to TomTom anymore. So Brittany's like, they can't. Brittany needs to close. Oh, is it closed?

[Ben]

Didn't they sell it? She's selling it.

[Co-host]

Or it's. Oh, well, she's. I think she's close. I don't know. But Britney, meanwhile, also needs to go to bed because her body is like, yeah, no more recovery time. So she's gonna go to bed.

[Ben]

And Danny's like, wow, this lightning's in shade, dude.

[Advertiser/Host]

Let's go.

[Co-host]

Please. Just, just, just throw him in the ocean, please.

[Ben]

Can't. Laa's like, okay, well, I mean, Luke really looked upset, you guys. And then Kristen was crying. And you know, I'm new back into my friendship with Kristen, but I have known her for many years. Same behavior, guys.

[Co-host]

Same behavior.

[Ben]

And Tom's like, yeah, same. I mean, she's never really been in a balanced, healthy relationship. And also in like some ironic way maybe it's like jarring for her. Her, she doesn't know what to do.

[Co-host]

No, she's postpartum and she has an immature fiance who is like nine years younger than her and hasn't been through certain life experiences. And he's being condescending to her. That's what's happening.

[Ben]

He is. But Kristen's also being a nightmare. This is all true. But Kristen is, I mean, her, her friends are even like, Jesus Christ. Kristen's still christening.

[Co-host]

You know, she's always, she's always baseline nightmare.

[Ben]

Okay?

[Co-host]

No matter what, especially when traveling. But like again, like he, he's the one who willingly embarked on that nightmare.

[Ben]

I think that there is something to be said for this self sabotage thing that she gets. Like we're, you know, you're testing it to make sure it's real, you know, like, will you leave? Really? Are you going to be here forever? Well, how about now? How about now? How about, I mean, I think that there's something to that. And Lala's like, yeah, you know, when something is good, people like me and Kristen, we're like, how do I this up? Like, I wouldn't know a healthy relationship. Wait for it, guys. If it slapped me across the face with its dick.

[Co-host]

So Nia is like, well, they're working it out. So, you know, we're still figuring it out at times now, my love. And so Dan's like, always. We're always figuring out what's wrong with Nia. So then Luke is. Luke is now in the chair and he's texting. And he's texting, like, should I come back to the room or. No, just go back to the room. Like, don't stop putting it on her. And so Britney and Melissa walk by, like, hi. Because it's sort of funny because Britney's like, clutching onto Melissa's arm because she needs, you know, she needs at this point, she needs some help getting back. And I don't know why. I was like, a funny image of Britney, like, arm in arm with M. With.

[Ben]

With.

[Co-host]

With Melissa.

[Ben]

And so Britney's got, like pink glitter, like, really thick smeared across her eyes. And she's Britney, you know, they're walking through this hallway and literally Luke's just sitting in like, a chair, but like, in the corner of the hallway just waiting for a camera to pass. I mean, this guy. So she's like, oh, hi.

[Co-host]

Are you okay?

[Ben]

And he's like, yeah, I'm okay. You swear? She's like, well, I mean, I'm willing to talk to you about it, you know, like how it feels and stuff, you know. And he's like, go take care of yourself right now. I can't.

[Co-host]

Please. Like, well, just leave me alone with the camera. She's like, like, you guys are both back and forth. So she was like, maybe he would understand from you coming, like postpartum stuff. Because she knows, like, guys can't understand that. He's like, I know. And she holds it against me and she goes, well, I think just like, give her some grace. He's like, she gets grace 99 of the time. Oh, well, okay. Well, here. Okay. I hear from my best friend's point of view, you know, And I know it's hard for men to understand what a woman goes through in postpartum, but at this point, Kristen's life, you know, know it's the baby. It's her healing from what the baby has been through, like what her body's been through. And then it's Luke down there. But this is, like, not going to be a forever thing. And this is just what's happening right now.

[Ben]

I love that she's standing up to Luke and being like, well, I hear from my best friend, so please. And he's like, but how do I not defend myself when you tell me I want to party more than I care about her? And Kai, you literally have been talking about partying non stop. You just said, yeah, I'm. You're not tricking anybody, Luke. And she's like, well, I'm not saying don't stand up for yourself. He's like, yeah, but those are things she says to me. But she knows that's not true. I think she's just having a hard time. And he's like, okay, then tell me the next day. Then be like, I'm sorry that I said that shit to you. You know, I know you're a good dad. I know you do these things. Yeah, but you said. And she does do that the next day, usually. That's. That was your problem recently, is that the next day she comes and she's like, sorry.

[Co-host]

And so she says, postpartum depression is awful. And she doesn't, you know, like, look. She doesn't love the way she looks. She doesn't love the way she feels. She doesn't love it. And he's like, well, I wish it wouldn't come out in such harsh words. And he says, because no one can cause me more pain than Kristen can.

[Ben]

It's like something has to change. We need to get back to respecting and loving each other or this isn't gonna work. Oh, just go. You said that, like five times this season. Just. It's not going to work. So leave now. But you won't until you're canceled.

[Co-host]

Yep. So that was the episode. I loved it. I thought. I actually thought.

[Ben]

I thought the.

[Co-host]

I thought. I thought Kristen going through it was fascinating. And I thought all the stuff sort of around Kristen was like, very funny. Like, I was laughing. I was like chuckling at all sorts of little things. Just his hair flip and them telling Danny he looked like his dad in Orlando. I don't know. I was. I loved it.

[Ben]

Well, that's good. I'm glad you did. I love talking about it with you. That's for sure. Everybody, thanks so much for being with us. We will have a bonus episode coming out later today for Love island. And we will talk to you next week for more stuff. With more stuff, recap stuff, Bravo stuff. We'll be there. Okay, see you next time. Bye.

[Co-host]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Allison King Our

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[Ben]

Have a kebab with K. Rob My

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She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[Ben]

We cannot tell a lie.

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It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a can. And Anthony, please don't stop at Soly and Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[Ben]

Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys.

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