#3463 Below Deck Med S11E07 Part Two: The Bigger They Come, The Harder They Fall

Summary

Watch What Crappens — Episode #3463 Recap
Below Deck Med S11E07 Part Two: The Bigger They Come, The Harder They Fall
Date: July 21, 2026
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode features Ben and Ronnie’s signature irreverent, affectionate, and biting breakdown of Below Deck Mediterranean Season 11, Episode 7, Part Two. The duo praise, roast, and mercilessly eviscerate the charter guests and crew as they dissect the infamous soiled sheets incident, a near-miss peanut allergy emergency, and the circus of charter guests expecting Michelin-star yachting on a Bravo budget.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Infamous "Splooge Sheets" Aftermath

• Timestamps: 03:00–11:39, 40:31–46:38

  • The recap picks up with Captain Sandy texting Norma for a replacement deckhand (01:33), quickly devolving into a volley of jokes about Sandy's love life and Norma's reputation.
    • “Well, hey, listen, if I’m a slut, at least I’m a slut with options. Okay, there. Single Pringle. All right.” — Ronnie as Captain Sandy (02:06)
  • Focus shifts to Luke’s embarrassment and regret after it’s discovered he let his boss sleep in sheets he’d ejaculated on for three days. Lots of lampooning on this, including puns:
    • “His name was Luke. He spermed on sheets. All right, get it to everybody. Tell everybody about it.” (07:37)
    • “People don’t know that STCW stands for So That Come.” (07:54)
    • On Luke’s apologies: “This is such a guy thing too. Like, ‘I’m sorry I’m not perfect.’” (11:03)
  • The hosts question whether the consequences (official report) will truly impact Luke’s career, but joke that at least OnlyFans awaits:
    • “I think much like his Only Fans career has just begun… where climaxing is a plus for your resume.” (10:04)
    • “You make that semen work for you, not against you.” (10:24)

2. The Charter Guests Are the Worst

• Timestamps: 12:01–21:49, 36:08–39:11

  • Suzanne, the main charter guest, comes under comedic attack for her food complaints, high-maintenance attitude, and WASPy style:
    • “She’s…dating six losers without a job. Not one has formed a coherent sentence, and your dog is pissing all over the boat. So I don’t want to hear it from you about your Michelin star expectations.” (13:54)
  • Rapid-fire dating question scene ridicules the entitled “traditional values” bachelor, Brian, who laments women today while dressed in suspenders and a douchey hat:
    • “‘It’s just so difficult to find a traditional woman. Hasn’t been in my favor lately.’” (18:42)
    • “You’re dressed like Al Capone at a theme party with the Rhode Island cast…” (19:04)
  • Jabs at all the guests’ lack of self-awareness, hypocrisy, and generally gross behavior.

3. The Peanut Allergy Near Disaster

• Timestamps: 26:25–34:45

  • Stew Coop has a scary allergic reaction after eating a pastry with peanuts, launching a series of jokes about liability, communication, and hazards of peanuts on a yacht.
    • “Nothing says not a liability than dying on the naughty boy out back.” (27:22)
    • “Where’s this EpiPen? Come on, Coop, I really like Coop. I don’t want to see Coop choked to death on a peanut.” (27:31)
  • They detail the sequence—Coop trying to downplay symptoms, Joy feeling guilty, Sandy reassuring but then joking, and Cat reflecting on nearly losing the one man she’s opened up to:
    • “I almost lost the man that I love. Oh my god. It was like My Girl all over again.” (34:45)

4. Billy the Bachelor’s Explosive Onboard Phone Call

• Timestamps: 23:04–25:26

  • The notorious bachelor, Billy, makes a drunken, explicit phone call to another woman, completely undermining the charter’s “find love” theme.
    • “Much prettier than this idiot they brought on here… can you show me your tits?” (23:44)
    • Ben and Ronnie debate whether he’s a producer plant or just a trashy reality show hopeful.
    • “Christ, dude. I mean, you seriously come on this boat to find love, and now you’re on the phone with another woman.” (24:56)

5. Joy’s Crisis of Confidence & Suzanne’s Micromanagement

• Timestamps: 17:05–18:21, 36:08–37:19, 43:18–43:40

  • Joy the chef is crushed by Suzanne’s relentless menu criticism:
    • “My ego is smashed. Don’t let this lady shatter your French ego. You are the best little French chef that we know.” (17:05)
    • “I have a question. Can you make guacamole with air? Can you do like a whipped air? A tableside air?” — on Suzanne’s demands (36:49)
  • Suzanne demands guacamole without avocado and critiques every dish, further stressing Joy, leading to a sequence of awkward attempts to cater to her high-maintenance tastes.

6. Luke’s Exit

• Timestamps: 44:14–47:00

  • Luke requests a meeting with Sandy, suggesting he leave due to “causing disruption”—a half-hearted attempt at accountability.
    • Repeated cat/splooge jokes punctuate the segment.
    • “If he quits, does that mean he doesn’t have it on his record?... You don’t come—you can’t squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube. That report is written.” (46:30)
  • The hosts agree he likely would have been fired anyway.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

With Timestamps

• “Well, hey, listen, if I’m a slut, at least I’m a slut with options. Okay, there. Single Pringle. All right.” — Ronnie as Captain Sandy (02:06)
• “His name was Luke. He spermed on sheets. Alright, get it to everybody.” (07:37)
• “People don’t know that STCW stands for So That Come.” (07:54)
• “I think much like his Only Fans career has just begun…where climaxing is a plus for your future resume.” (10:04)
• “You’re dressed like Al Capone at a theme party with the Rhode Island cast. And then you’re wondering why you can’t find a traditional woman.” (19:04)
• “Nothing says not a liability than dying on the naughty boy out back.” (27:22)
• “I almost lost the man that I love. Oh my god. It was like My Girl all over again.” — Cat (34:45)
• “I have a question. Can you make guacamole with air? Can you do like a whipped air? A tableside air?” — On Suzanne’s demands (36:49)
• “If he quits, does that mean he doesn’t have it on his record?...You can’t squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube.” (46:30)

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Segment Timestamps for Key Moments

• 01:33 — Sandy texts Norma for replacement deckhand (opening comedic volley)
• 03:00–11:39 — Deep dive into Luke’s “splooge sheets” scandal and fallout
• 12:01–14:49 — Critiques of Suzanne and charter guests’ attitude at dinner
• 18:21–21:49 — Rapid-fire game; takedown of Brian and his “traditional values” stance
• 23:04–25:26 — Billy’s explosive phone call blows up the “find love” premise
• 26:25–34:45 — Coop’s peanut allergy emergency, Joy’s guilt spiral
• 36:08–39:11 — Suzanne’s endless food demands and guacamole-with-air joke
• 40:31–46:38 — Luke’s confrontation, failed apologies, and exit from the boat

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Tone & Language

Ben and Ronnie maintain their trademark:

• Sarcastic, high-camp, and irreverent tone
• Frequent playful role-play and impersonations (especially of Sandy, Norma, Joy, and problematic guests/crew)
• Unfiltered takes and creative, often bawdy puns
• Deep Bravo fandom layered with personal opinion, pop-culture riffing, and biting social commentary

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Summary Flow & Value for Non-Listeners

This episode is a classic example of Watch What Crappens at its best: swift, sharp recaps that blend deep episode knowledge with lively banter, relentless roasting of both cast and guests, and creative detours into pop culture and personal anecdotes. Even without having watched Below Deck Med S11E07, listeners will walk away understanding the key drama points, the personalities involved, and the hosts’ hilarious, pointed perspective on the ridiculous world of Bravo yachting.

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For more, listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform or support the hosts on Patreon for bonus content.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[D]

And then we get Sandy texting Norma for the I think the first time this season. Isn't it time? This season was great. She's like, hey, Norma, it's me. Just checking on availability, not yours. I know you're available. Hilarious, but just checking on available deckhands.

[C]

Okay? Hey, this is Norma. When you say it's me, I have this name written under the account. Big slut face with stupid hair. Is that Captain Sandy? I just want to confirm.

[D]

Well, hey, listen, if I'm a slut, at least I'm a slut without. I'm a slut with options. Okay, there. Single Pringle. All right.

[C]

Oh, you got options.

[E]

What?

[C]

What are, what are those options? Gigi. Gigi Fernandez and her tennis racket.

[D]

Bloop.

[C]

Also not my best work.

[D]

Wow, I can't even believe you have enough money to say the name Gigi Hernandez in text. That's crazy. By the way, just heard of Asia's Wedding DJ with the trombone player. It's just like you're non wedding with the Satron bone player. Follows you around all the time.

[A]

Bloop.

[D]

Sad horns.

[E]

Bloop.

[C]

Bloop. Well, at least I don't look like a trombone with my hair.

[D]

Well, I'll tell you this, your hole is certainly plugged less than a trombones bloop.

[C]

Yeah, but let me tell you something. At least I know how to. At least I know how to handle a trombone, if you know what I'm saying.

[D]

Wow, this text is about as spicy as your love life. Just send me a deckhand.

[C]

Well, enjoy your boat of semen. Pun intended. I'll be here in my clean sheets that are definitely clean.

[D]

Poor thing. You're probably even jealous of the spurt of the sheets that got spermed on. Have a good one there.

[E]

Bloop. Bloop.

[C]

Next time. Next time I. I see an eye booger up on your face, I'm gonna question it. I'm. I'm really rattled by this bloop.

[D]

Well, it beats eating them like you normally do. Okay, have a good one there, norms.

[E]

Bloop.

[C]

Yeah, I'll see if anyone's available. Love ya. Love you. Love you.

[D]

So then we go back to the galley. Asa and Stu are gossiping about all the terrible men, and it's just like.

[E]

Well, I can tell you my least favorite is Billy. Oh, my favorite is Will.

[D]

I'll take him.

[F]

He'll.

[E]

He's got a nice, gentle energy.

[C]

This is barely saying anything except, wow, teachers. Am I right?

[E]

So.

[D]

Teachers are so underserved.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Which, by the way, is true. It's just such a kiss assy thing to say, you know? It's like, I don't want to hear you talk. I want to see you clear somebody's like, Amazon teacher list. Show me the receipts. You know what I mean? Show me your cleared teacher lists.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Suzanne Klein. So sorry, I was looking up. I was trying to look up who this, who this person is Suzanne Klein and see if, like, watch her be like, actually, she's done, like, amazing work and she's helped all sorts of people in various countries learn how to write and empower them to get on career paths and, and move on and find success. And we're like ordering non spiny lobster.

[D]

I found her.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Great. Greater Saginaw Midland, Bay City Area content developer, National Geographic Learning. I'm an editor and content developer with more than 10 years of experience developing science content, leading projects, and streamlining processes. Oh, you're also an asshole a lot of the time. So then Luke is still trying to kiss Joy's ass, and he's taking out the trash and he's like, I'll do this. I'll do It. And she's like, it's rotten. Well, you deserve. You deserve it. You deserve rotten trash.

[C]

He's like, yeah, well, I don't know how much more punishment I need because it's getting to be a bit much for me. Like, I'm getting punished by a lot of people. It's just getting heavy.

[D]

Oh, just unload them somewhere.

[C]

Like your load. Like your load on Nathan's bed.

[D]

She's like, okay, I have bigger fish to take care of. Go. Rotten trash.

[C]

Yeah, so seems like. Luke. Luke, please come to the bridge. Let me rephrase that. Please make your way to the bridge. Thank you so much.

[D]

Please come to the bridge. Not on it.

[C]

Okay, does anyone know if Luke is coming up here? Oh, I mean, let me rephrase that. He's like, oh, God.

[D]

Hi. Check. I think you probably know what this is about. He's like, I do. Which I regret. And I'm showing that regret with a heart on. Please don't look at it. It's very embarrassing.

[C]

You know what? What Luke did, it's potentially a fireball offense. It's unprecedented. Like Norma getting a second date. So I'm going to give it some thought, and then I'll make my decision on how we handle this after this charter. You know who never has to make a decision on how to handle something? Anyone who goes on a date with Norma. But in the meantime, because the severity of the situation, I need to write this report. It's official. It's an official report. That's something other captains will see. It's going to be part of the SWTW VW X oath that I took that says, when you write a report, make sure it's in Times New Roman. Great font. Okay.

[D]

His name was Luke. He spermed on sheets. All right, get it to everybody. Tell everybody about it. Guess what? This is the first SCW report that includes a C shot. Okay. Please verify your identity in certain states before you read this report. Jeez.

[C]

People don't know that. STCW stands for so that Come.

[D]

Wow. Listen, there's protocols when it comes to what you did for Nathan, you know, and for three days. Come on. You know what I mean? Imagine that being you. So I just wanted to give you heads up. Oh, God. No pun intended. Really? There are so many puns involving what you did, and I just never really thought of them before.

[C]

Look, look, this is. This is a hard situation. Oh, God, no. Okay, look. Okay. I can. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna bring out a trombone. Wow. I can't even say trombone. Without even having a little bit of an innuendo in there. Can I.

[D]

Did somebody say Trombone Mother in Broad Dance?

[C]

He's like, I'm devastated. My career means so much to me. I'm so scared that this could be the end of it for me. And for something like this, I can't believe that I let my boss sleep in my splooge for three, three days in a row, and it could actually cost me my career. Yeah.

[D]

It's crazy how many times we've watched you finish in one season, Luke. Absolutely crazy. And also Luke crying about his career. Didn't he tell us at the beginning of the season that he's had, like, 90 million careers and he can't keep one? This is Yachting is like, his latest one, but he's only done a couple. You don't really have a career. You're kind of trying it out and you're failing.

[C]

And this report is bad news because I don't know how carefully other captains are hiring people. Pay attention to below deck. I don't know if it's a situation where, like, oh, it's a reality show, like, whatever. Like, like, we don't really take it that seriously. But if you get, like, a report that says he let his boss sleep in his seamen for three days straight like that, that's like a. More of a. That's like going along with your resume. Like, that's bad. That's like. His career is actually.

[D]

I think much like his Only Fans career has just begun. You know, that guy will come off below, no pun intended, below deck, and go straight into Only fans where. Actually, I think that'd be great. Climaxing is a plus. You know, he's gonna. This is like a plus where his future resume.

[C]

But, yeah, get that body to work. You make that semen work for you, not against you.

[D]

Yeah. So he's like, my whole body is numb. I feel like I'm losing everything. My dad left when I was five. That's very sad. And you do not get to use that right now. Your tragedy card is declined. I'm not listening to your trauma card. No, I'm coachette. Come get this trauma clo.

[C]

I'm so used to watching people go. That's why it's important for me to come.

[D]

So he says since his dad left, that's always why he's wanted to be so perfect. What is perfect about what you're doing?

[E]

You're.

[D]

You're torturing the women that you're supposedly trying to please. And then you're coming all over your boss's sheets. That is not trying to be perfect. This is such a guy thing, too. Like, I'm not. Sorry I'm not perfect.

[E]

I know.

[C]

He goes, now I've hit people and I wasn't a man of integrity. You just. Yes, but, like, ultimately, this was not a lapse of integrity. This was a lapse of motivation. Like, you were just lazy. Okay? So he's like, I mean, how ironic. You make your bed and you lie in it. Like, I'm not lying in any beds you're making. I'll tell you that much.

[D]

Yes, you didn't make the bed and someone lied in it. Don't you understand? So then we go to the galley. They're doing a Paris dinner, and they're going to be floating candles, you know, and that's going to be crazy. So everyone's getting ready for dinner. Amy's asking Suzanne who she wants to spend more time with. And she likes Will.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Isn't Will the one who turns out to be a total.

[C]

No, that's Billy. Will as well as they have the long hair, who's, like, gentle and nice. And so there's something at the table. And the bachelors are gossiping about, like, who's at the bottom of the bachelor pile for Suzanne. So now Sandy and Joe are.

[D]

We do. I'm so sorry. I just wanted to get this little part in. We see a little clip of Jen setting the table with Kaylee, and she goes, yeah, I'm going to Paris right after this because my parents just won't stop paying for shit. Kaylee's like, wow, sick.

[C]

It's great. It's exciting.

[D]

Wow, Wonderful.

[C]

So Sandy is asking Joe how his mom is, and she's like, her friend Pam said that her. The mom's gonna probably be okay. And Joe's really appreciative of having. Like that. Like, that she asked that she followed up and, like, that's why there's. That's what he loves about Sandy. And now the guest sit down for dinner and. And Sugar baby is having some beef, and everyone's having lobster, but Suzanne does not like her lobster. And. And I don't remember why she didn't like it. I'm just going to say she is. She's. She's an idiot, but she does not like the. The lobster at all. And so Joy is like, so they. Are they happy?

[E]

And she's like, yes, but, you know, she wants different flavors.

[C]

She's. Oh, they're babies. I think it was great.

[D]

Yeah, it's not really? That even. That she just didn't like it. It's just how she acts. She's like, ew. No. Yeah. I don't like this at all. Like, I was expecting, like, a Michelin star. I mean, what is this, like, curry or something in here?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I wouldn't. I don't know if I was on a. If I was on, like, a first date with somebody, man or a woman, and that's how they respond to, oh, dinner. It's not. You know what I mean? It's not just being like, yeah, I don't really care for this. I wonder, you know, maybe she'll have something better next. Something. But just being like. Like what? Like, I was, like, Michelin. What? Shut up, Suzanne. You're like. You're sitting here dating six losers without a job. Not one of them has formed a coherent sentence. And I don't even know what the you're doing, and your dog is walking around pissing all over the boat. So I don't want to hear it from you about your Michelin star expectations.

[C]

We're so mad. We're so mad at her.

[E]

I am.

[D]

I. You know, it's not just her. It's all of them. It's her, Amy, and all of these guys. They're just gross. Grossing me out. Yeah, they're just gross people.

[C]

Yeah, I. I agree. So, yeah, she's unhappy.

[D]

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[C]

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[D]

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[C]

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[C]

Joy is. This is the first time Joy's had, like, an issue with the guests, and she just feels like she's like, you know, I feel bad because of when you want to do a great job. If your guests don't like your food, you feel useless. Especially on a French night with your French chef. My ego is smashed. Like, don't let this lady shatter your French ego. You are the best little French chef that we know.

[D]

Yeah, she's only get up there and your ego to make her own bigger, you know, And I think maybe that's the other reason that I just hate Suzanne because I really like Joy. So I think I'm getting defensive, you know, how dare you mess with Joy.

[C]

How dare you? She will say this best people at

[D]

standing up to the losers on this boat. And I will not have it from you, Suzanne.

[C]

No. I will say this, though. I did like the way that Suzanne dressed. I'm gonna give her credit for that as she sort of had like a nice sort of, kind of WASPy kind of look. So I'll give Susanna I like a wasp. I love if she ran me over on a bird scooter. Oh, chef's kiss.

[D]

That's who you want to run you

[C]

over on a bird scooter?

[A]

Suzanne.

[C]

No, no, Suzanne's too young. She's too young. I need. I need like another 10 years on her before she can run me over.

[D]

And I.

[C]

And I enjoy it. Right.

[D]

So then we go to rapid fire questions game. Everybody's gonna get a card and they have to answer. So Brian goes first and it's. What's your most controversial opinion in dating? And he's like, oh, this guy, Douchey hat, douchey suspenders.

[C]

He looks douche.

[E]

Douche.

[D]

I just can't. No other word will come to mind. And he goes, well, you know, just these way the women are acting now, their beliefs, their values. I mean, it's just so difficult to find a traditional woman. Hasn't been in my favor lately. Oh, wow. So you're around a bunch of women you can't grab on the ass called toots. What?

[C]

You're dressed like. You're dressed like Al Capone at a theme party with the Rhode island cast. And then you're wondering why you can't find a traditional. You can't find any woman. Probably because you look ridiculous. And so don't stop blaming it on, like, can't find a traditional woman. Believe me, we're. We're in like year two of like, MAGA America. You can find your traditional women. Okay.

[B]

They're around.

[D]

Yeah, they're out there.

[E]

It's.

[C]

They're out there.

[D]

It's you, sir.

[C]

Go to Santa Clarita, maybe.

[D]

Santa Clarita.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Really getting it this season.

[C]

Well, no, do you see that? Nia was. She went on to Fox News to talk, like, advice for how to make marriages work. It's like, really, Mia?

[D]

Oh, God. Just excuse everything your pig husband does, except every kind of behavior and emotional abuse that your husband throws at you. That's how to make it work.

[C]

When in doubt, put on a pioneer dress.

[D]

So when in doubt, just say, yes, sir.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Doing great over there. You seem super happy over there.

[C]

Yes. Glad it's working so for you. Yeah, doing great. Doing great in Santa Clarita. I can only. I can't wait to see what happens this week. Did you watch it yet, by the way? No. Okay, I haven't either. I had a dream about it last night. I woke up this morning being like, oh, God, something terrible is going to happen on the Valley this week. I just know it.

[D]

I wish I finished as quickly as Luke.

[C]

It definitely leaves enough stains. Truly, truly.

[D]

Someone needs to wash that show's sheets 100%. So the cat hears this and she's like, oh, gross. He was talking about these women these days have no morals or Values. I hate men like that. I mean, read the room. No one's going to with that. You dress like you're in the 20s. It's literally not the 1920s.

[C]

So the Suzanne, then they get some, like a flamingon or something and turbo and turbot. And Suzanne doesn't like anything that's being served to her. She's very, very upset. So Will is like, you know, I'm so sorry you don't like this food. She goes, well, I mean, I was expecting Michelin star. I mean, maybe I should lower my expectations. You mean you were expecting Michelin star food on a reality show discount yacht where you're going on a fake dating extravaganza and you're expecting Michelin star food, Ma'. Am.

[D]

Although you really well at lowering your expectations, I will give you that.

[C]

That's for sure.

[D]

Relationship wise at least. So then we go to Luke and Nathan in their bunk and Nathan comes in for a shower and looks like, hey, man, I'm really sorry. Will you give me. Will you still give me a chance to be your bro? And Nathan just stops. And then he smells his armpit and he's like, I really need a shower sleeves.

[C]

You see that when you. When you're feeling unhygienic, how you just clean something in those moments? See how I do that? So then dinner. Dinner ends and Cat goes to bed and Joy tells. Tells. Tells Joe. She's looking at the. She's looking at the pictures of all the guys and she's like, all these. All these bachelors are. Are catfish because none of them look like their picture Asia. Don't you agree?

[E]

And she's like, well, you're doing great work. Don't feel bad.

[C]

So then, wait. Joy tells Joe. Which one's Joe again?

[D]

Joe, the one with. You know.

[C]

Can you believe it? That like. Like Luke has taken up so much of my brain space that I've forgotten that Joe was there. Yeah, I was like, which one's Joe?

[E]

I can't remember. Is there a Joe on this show right now?

[D]

Yeah, Luke's done the hard work for sure. So then we cut to Billy the Bachelor, and he's in his cabin with the door open and he's wasted, blabbing on the phone at top volume. He's like, hey, baby, baby, I want to see you Sunday night when I come home I'm going to take you out for a real nice night Baby, I want you so bad. Oh, my God, you're fucking sexy. Much prettier than this idiot they brought on here. It's trash, Jim. Get it. Go. Okay. Can't wait to see you Sunday, baby. Hey, could you show me your tits? Show them right now. Just send them over the phone, baby.

[C]

It was so over the top that I had to wonder if this was just scripted. I was like, what is happening here? This. This is so crazy. He was like, oh, wow. I miss you so much, baby. Oh, I'm gonna take you out for a nice night.

[E]

Whoa.

[C]

You're so sexy, baby. You're so much better than that other girl, baby. I was like, is this. Is this, is this. Does he really talk like this? He is either scripted and a producer plant, or he. He is just 100.

[D]

Believe it. I don't think it's really. Yeah. I think that these douchebags are, like, really thirsty reality guys that go to, like, reality show auditions and can't get work because they're aging guys, and they get put on this show that for one episode, and they're like, all right, honey, I'm going on a dating show for me. Yeah. And goes to the bar like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be on a dating show. Yeah. It's coming out this summer, so check it out. Acting like they're the stars of the show, you know? It's like, most of the contestants that go on the dating shows, they've really got dates and girlfriends and boyfriends and stuff in real life, and they're just, you know, pulling a bunch of shit to be on tv.

[C]

Wow. Wow. So Jen is. Jen hears this, and she's like, christ, dude. I mean, you seriously come on this boat to find love, and now you're on the phone with another woman. She feels this deeply. And Billy's like, hey, baby, can you

[E]

send me a little tease, please?

[C]

And Jen tells us. I mean, I think Suzanne should know. I mean, maybe I should. Like, maybe I might bring something up to Amy. Guess what? Billy's a little liar and he splooged on his sheets. Yeah.

[D]

So then everyone goes to bed, and Luke's texting his mom. He's, like, feeling down, mom, I'm all alone on this boat. She's like, you're not alone. You have me. No. Hashtag boy, Mom. You need to be telling off your son, ma'.

[C]

Am, like, what did you do? Exactly. Because she knows. So now it's the next morning, and everyone's getting ready for a horseback excursion. And so then there's some talk about getting. Getting this up and running. And it just says at the beginning

[E]

of the season, seeing Joe take an interest in one of my stews. I was very worried about him throwing a spanner into the works. It's almost like chucking a lava cake into a trombone. It just won't work out well. But to my utter surprise, the lava cake works. Kaylee is the first, who's actually quite equally saying, just keep it fun. So I give them my full blessing for now.

[D]

Ben, Coop is asking Joy for some food.

[E]

He's like, feed me. Feed me. See my worms.

[D]

You want one? So she gives him a pastry and he scarfs it down. And then we go to Asia, asking Suzanne, or she's talking to Suzanne, and Suzanne's asking her what she thinks of the guys, and she really only likes Will. And Suzanne's like, yeah, he's emotionally intelligent and he has long hair, like my guru.

[C]

Yeah. So Coop starts to go, and he's

[E]

like, I think they had peanuts. I'm highly allergic to peanuts. Yeah.

[C]

And we see that on the first. First charter, he told Joy that he is allergic to peanuts.

[E]

He's like, I can already feel a lump in my throat starting to form. I mean, I do carry an EpiPen most the time, but a Benadryl usually takes care of it. I'm new to the industry, and the last thing I want to do is be a liability. I just need to keep on working.

[C]

Yeah. Nothing says not a liability than dying on the naughty boy out back. Won't be a problem at all for everyone.

[D]

Yeah. Where's this EpiPen? Come on, Coop. I really like Coop. I don't want to see Coop choked to death on a peanut. Peanuts are one of the most difficult things to be allergic to, I think, because there are so many. There are peanuts and so many random things that you wouldn't really think, you know, peanut oil.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It's in a lot of stuff. So then we go to Asia, and she's telling. She's still giving her rundown on the guys, and she says that Billy seems like he's full of shit. And Suzanne's like, no, no, Billy.

[C]

No way. Not. Not the guy who dressed up like, trying to be Bugsy Malone. So, wait, that was Billy.

[D]

That's the same guy.

[C]

Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. You're right. Billy. Billy was not. Was Billy the guy who did that? I can't keep that. They all kind of look alike. There was, like, two guys along here. Two or three guys that looked like Billy and Brian and Kirk or whatever. And like, there was. There was, like, one guy who was not.

[D]

That was Brian. I scrolled up in the Notes. Yeah, that was Brian.

[C]

Who was Kirk. I thought Brian was Kirk. I don't know.

[D]

So Coop is dying while I'm scrolling to see suspenders. Who's wearing the suspenders? And Coop goes to Joy, and he's like, I think, were there. Are there peanuts in this? And he holds up a container, and he has to trans. He has to translate the label from Greek to English and is. He's like, yeah. Because she says, no, this is just hazelnut. It says hazelnut on it. And he's like, well, let me look at the back. So he does a Google Translate.

[E]

He's like, nope.

[D]

Says it contains peanuts. And she's like, oh, no.

[C]

I feel like hazelnut is a bit too close for comfort. I don't know if I would have fed him. But I honestly, I'm gonna say this. I think that Coop, she made these things for the guests. And, like, she as. As chef should definitely be like, oh, that has nuts in it, right? But she's doing her job. She's working. She's doing other. She's focused on other things. She did not, like, sit and make something intentionally for coup. And he comes in.

[E]

He's like, oh, reflect me.

[C]

I think I'm gonna say this. I think, Coop, you've got to say, does this have nuts in it? And then you take your little pastry because these were made for the guests.

[E]

She's.

[C]

She's doing 5 million things. It's just not where her mind is

[D]

at right now, you know? So she's like, I don't want you to die. And then. Poor guy, you know, he's like, it's okay. Where's your EpiPen? Have an EpiPen. So he tells Joe, and then, you know, Nathan. And then Nathan calls the captain, and he's saying that his throat closes up, and so he barfs. And then he tells everyone he took subenadryl and stuff. And she's like, oh, we are not taking the risk. I want a medic to come see you right now. And he's like, oh. She goes, don't worry. It's not normal. He's like, okay.

[C]

And we'll get that medic to look at that new rash that's on Nathan's back too. Okay, commercials.

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[C]

So then Cat is telling the Cat's checking in on Coop. She's like, are you okay?

[E]

He's like, yeah, I'm okay. Just, I think I'm okay right now. I'm starting to get some hobs and can't really breathe and the room is sort of seeing vivid colors. I'm fine. I'm. Everything's fine with me. Don't worry about me so much. I'm actually scared for you.

[D]

Then we go to Joy. She's seeing the medics come in, go to the crew cabins and she starts crying and she's like, oh my God. I don't know, maybe because Suzanne is difficult, maybe I was not making attention and now Cooper is about to die. So then the Cooper's with the medics and he's saying he's starting to feel better. And Joy's meanwhile is just crying and upset. It's like I'm a city Chevy, shitty person.

[C]

Sandy's like, hey, how are you feeling Coop, huh?

[E]

And he's like, well, I definitely have some hobs, but I don't feel the urge to throw up anymore.

[C]

Well, yeah, that's enough about your date with Norma. Okay, okay. Oh, okay. No, no, this is not a time for joking. I. I apologize. We gotta be serious about this. Okay, so he's stable, Doc, huh? Like, yeah, he's fine. It's like, okay. Well, what a relief to hear that from the medic that Cooper's gonna be okay. Because when you have such a healthy young man, so vulnerable, and it's hard to see making sure that he's taken care of is my number one priority. Well, my number one priority is finishing that episode of Wind. God, what a cliffhanger. But my number two priority is making sure this guy doesn't die on me.

[D]

So breakfast? Suzanne actually likes breakfast. And then we cut to Joy crying, and she's like, I almost killed him. Sandy's like, you didn't almost kill him. He's fine. Okay, well, maybe you did almost kill him. But you know what? What doesn't kill you makes you.

[C]

God.

[D]

Did he get taller? Does what doesn't kill you makes you. I didn't remember him being that talk. God, he's a doll guy. Still choking. Why are you crying? You didn't do any of this. It's okay. Come back to me, Joy.

[C]

So, you know, Cat is, you know, saying that you should take it easy, you know? And she's like, when you were all down there, I'm like, oh, he's not gonna make it.

[E]

And he keeps like, oh, I kept saying, I'm fine.

[C]

It's like, yeah, but why are you treating like. Like, one little sign of weakness, and you'll be out. Like, I can't think like that. He's like, Cat says that, like, Cooper's been the first guy that I've opened up to in, like, a year. So it's, like, really scary.

[E]

I hate it, but it's like I love it. At the same time, I almost. I almost lost the man that I love. Oh, my God. It was like my girl all over again.

[C]

He's like, I'm Vaughn. Awesome Rob.

[D]

My girl.

[C]

That movie was so sad. I never saw it, actually.

[D]

Oh, my God. I was not expecting that. I was very young, and I was, like, sobbing at a stupid Macaulay Culkin movie. What the hell? So then Luke sees some defenses down. Joy is crying, so. Oh, I was very stressed in this scene, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because of course he's gonna rush in and try it, right?

[C]

And she's vulnerable. She's feeling so bad that she's. She's feeling like she's messed up with the guests. She feels like she almost killed Cooper. And so Luke, of course, comes in and is able to, like, burst through, which made me so unhappy.

[D]

Yeah. So she's Like, I had a rough morning. I almost killed Cooper. I made protein bowl, but I guess there will be nothing diet. He turned purple and in the mid game, and I was crying, and then I wanted to jump upward. It was very, very hard. And so he hugs her and she lets him, and she's like, you know, I can be very odd. Not as hard as him.

[F]

Jeez.

[D]

But I feel safe with him for one minute. And he knows how to calm me down. This is true.

[C]

Well, he's lucky to be alive, and that's all that matters. Also, I think I just came. Okay, all right, you go. You get out the kitchen. So now Suzanne comes into the kitchen and she's checking in. Joy wants to make some tableside guacamole. Because for this excursion where they're going be taking horses off to who knows where and. But Suzanne does not want. Suzanne does not want garlic. In fact, Suzanne's going over the entire menu with Joy and she's like, okay, I don't want garlic in the guacamole. I also like no onions, no avocado. I have a question. Can you make guacamole with air? Can you do like a whipped air? A tableside air?

[D]

Really? My guru says I should stay away from avocados, but I love guacamole. Make that work somehow. Oh, and by the way, no onions, no green peppers. Okay. She's like, well, we are going to roast some vegetable, put potato tacos that will be crispy. It's like, yeah, no, no. Okay, I'll remove potato taco. Maybe beetroot. She's like, oh, yeah, I love beetroot, but I just don't how that. I don't get how that goes with, like, modern Mexican. Really? Because it does.

[C]

Yeah. She's like, can I get a tortilla? But instead of a tortilla, can you make it lettuce? And instead of lettuce, can you just make it the plate? And just. Here's what. Here's what I would love. I would love some cold water, lobster on the plate. And then you just tell me it's guacamole. Okay, I could do that for you.

[D]

So Joy's miserable. Now it's time for an excursion. And Billy the pig, who was FaceTiming that chick last night, is telling Suzanne. He's like, ah, we have such a great chemistry, don't we? Wow.

[C]

Yeah. And then there's this other guy, the other long haired guy who's not Will. He hasn't really said much, but he's getting car sick. He's like. And then, then Sandy is checking on Nathan. She's like, hey, how's Luke? She's like really quiet. Yeah, I spoke to him. Oh, did you? I didn't ask. Yeah, sometimes you don't need to ask. Which is, which is what I always tell the guys who normally go on a date with who say, is it okay if I just leave her at the table? I say, sometimes you don't need to ask.

[D]

Sometimes you don't need to ask. And in Norma's case, the men never do. So interior.

[E]

Aisha is like, sugar baby, don't worry, I'm just going to vacuum here.

[D]

Very loud machine. He will just make it better.

[E]

Even sugar baby loves it. Oh, you and the wind beneath my wing. Super baby. We want to make that up for first dance together. A trombone baby song.

[D]

And then we go to the excursion. Three men are gonna ride with Suzanne. One of them's Billy. Yeah, but don't worry guys. Everyone is going to get time with Suzanne later. I. We are dying to get a piece of Suzanne.

[C]

I know, I know what you're all thinking. When do I get to have some romantic one on one time with a lady who wrote a curriculum? Don't you worry. Onions. She hates onions. She loves a curriculum. You will have your moment.

[D]

Meanwhile, Jen is decorating for a furry themed dinner party. I can't.

[C]

Which is of course what you're going to have when you're trying to find romance. Yes.

[D]

Kinks. So then we go to the excursion. We go back to the excursion. They're setting up some, you know, fun stuff for them to do. Brian, long haired guy is getting sick and he needs to barf. So now they have to all turn back and go home. Back.

[E]

If I could turn back. Brian, I'm now just doing a trombone game show where you have to name the tune that I'll be playing at my wedding. Oh.

[D]

So meanwhile Luke and Nathan, everybody's getting ready for the guest to come right back. And Luke tries to have another talk with Nathan. And Nathan's like, look, I don't know why you didn't just change the sheets. Like, why wouldn't you just strip the sheets and say, listen, I done this last night. And he's like, like I forgot.

[C]

You. You didn't forget. Because he kept on saying like every time I go in there this the, the machines are being used. So no, you didn't forget. Snake is like, just cut out the excuses and take ownership of it. It's like, but I've been my mistakes. Like ownership isn't waiting three days letting someone sleep in the bed, and then them finding out through the grapevine at the end of the day, you get coming for coming. And on the ball, on the boson, I'm your hod. I have a son at home now. I have a family at home. Oh, using the sun card. Now, listen, how do you think that son was made in the first place? So then it's like, well, I mean,

[D]

it was better, presumably, but I get it, Nathan. Like, you're completely in the right here, but you don't need to pull out the. And I have a son now. Yeah. It is still horrifying to people without sons and wives. Okay. It's equally disrespectful to those people who have not had a child yet.

[C]

I have a son now. The only thing that's allowed to be on my body is pee pee poopoo. So Luke is like, I'd rather be fired than work with a person who thinks I'm a piece of.

[D]

Well, then stop being a piece of shit. So then Joy is cooking, and she's like, this is so difficult. Then Asia is worried about the chef because she's so stressed out and she's so good at her job, and this is all bringing her down. And then she's eating with Cat later, Asia, and she's like, ask. She's asking about Cooper. And, you know, Cat's, like, really into him, but she's in her hand. And then the guys are in the van, and Suzanne's like, wow, Kaylee and Joe, do you guys have, like, a little romance or something going on? Oh, my God. I'm. That's so cute, by the way, Will. Yeah, I'm so chatty. I think being around horses has made me chattier. Will, maybe it's you. Maybe I like your energy. Or maybe you feel like you're being upstaged by two people with actual chemistry when you are surrounded by six losers with no jobs.

[C]

Bill's like, I have to admit something. I really enjoy a spiny lobster. So then Nathan and Luke are on the tender to fetch the guests, and it's awkward. They're not saying anything. And Luke is like, every centimeter of space that I share with Nathan does feel awkward as hell. Yeah. Because every centimeter of space has a little bit of splooge on it. So Asia, enjoyer in the galley, and

[E]

he's like, so, what are we gonna have for the dinner?

[C]

And it's gonna be a bunch of ceviches. Enjoy. Says, last night, Suzanne didn't have Any nice words about dinner? So going into this dinner, I'm not feeling the most confident. I'm already 99 sure of what I can, but I can. I will keep on pushing harder. My goal is to get one compliment from Suzanne by the end of this chat. I'm like, good luck with that one.

[D]

Yeah, sorry. Luke comes down to check on Joy and he's like, I just wanted to give you a hug and check. Then give me a hug. No, Joy, no. Stay strong, Joy.

[C]

Don't accept the hug. Don't accept it.

[D]

He tells us that if Nathan is still this ferocious and visceral with me a day and a half afterwards, after a hundred apologies and the season can't go back to normal even remotely to what it was after all of this, I just don't think it can ever go back. Yeah, it's called the consequences of your actions.

[C]

Consequences of my actions.

[D]

Yeah. So he asked. He asked Sandy for a meeting and goes up to the bridge and he's like, listen, should I take my cat ears off because I'm dressed for this furry party? She's like, nah, cats are cute.

[C]

He's like, oh, God, we're trying new things. You know, firing someone because of splooging on sheets is new for me. Having them wear little kitty ears while they're doing it. Also news. Let's try it out. Let's remix it. It's 2026.

[D]

Listen, let's just pretend you're a cat apologizing for splooging on a sheet and then I'll kind of get it. Who doesn't forgive cats?

[C]

Well, a cat does have nine splooges. It lives. It's lives. Okay, well, I feel. I feel like I'm being. I'm being like I'm just. I'm just causing lots of drama. It's causing a bit of disruption with everything and it's breaking the flow. And I just. Go ahead there, go ahead there. It's a bit of a sticky situation I find myself in and dear kitty, kitty, there, there. I just want to, you know, skeet on out of here. Wow.

[D]

God, I've never even heard that one before, but. Sounds gross. Crazy cat.

[C]

Quite frankly, it didn't even make sense in the context that I used it Now. You're really going down in flames, aren't you, Ulrich?

[D]

He was a big actor back then.

[C]

I'm having. I'm having less fun now than the time I went out skeet shooting. There you go. That's a better context shooting.

[D]

What's another pun Though. God, this is just getting more and more awkward. Kitty cat. Okay, get to it. He's like, sorry, go ahead.

[C]

No, got a lot. It's just I've got a load on my shoulders with this one. Oh, wow. How'd you get it up there?

[D]

You know, me being on the team right now, it's causing disruption, breaking the flow, and I just wanted to remove myself from that equation. Wow. God, if only the equation were sheets. Am I right?

[C]

Are you talking about a chat you're having with Norma on Tinder? No, no, no. I think the best thing for me is to leave.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

Is if he quits, does that mean. If he quits, does that mean he doesn't have it on his record? That does. Does the report not get generated?

[E]

No.

[D]

You don't come. You can't squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube. That report is written. That man worked on a boat. Came all over someone's sheets and left them there. He's not. He's not getting out of this report. Wise.

[C]

Yeah. Wow. Well, yeah, I think he was gonna get fired anyway.

[D]

Yeah. Captain Sandy was just waiting for Norman to find somebody, but. Oh, gosh. Bye.

[E]

Bye.

[C]

Get out of there. Bad news.

[D]

Yeah, with you and all these douchebags on the boat. And Suzanne. Rid of them. All right, everybody, thank you so much for being here. Please do not leave here and eat a lobster. A lobster that is from warm water. Don't be a disgusting human being. Okay?

[C]

Do that. Cold water only. Cold water only. Thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you all later. Bye.

[D]

Bye.

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This is Hannah Berner, the co host of Giggly Squad. We could all just stay in bed scrolling through other people's vacations forever. But where is the fun in that? The best memories come from stepping outside of your little bubble and being open to the unexpected. And what better way to be open to the unexpected than finally booking that trip to Europe. You guys know I'm a Delta girly. Every time I go I got my Delta headphones and when I fly to Europe, Delta treats me like a queen. And they'll treat you too. I was always a little nervous about navigating a foreign country, but then I realized it's so important to grow and see different cultures and to put yourself in different situations. And Delta held my hand and the whole time being away just helps you put life into perspective and your little worries are not so bad. Travel really is the best way to discover something new about yourself and grow from the experience. Step outside your comfort zone this summer, get some Delta headphones and fly with Delta Airlines. They truly are the best way to get to Europe and they just make the whole journey feel so comfortable and seamless. Go book your next chapter right [e-mail]

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