#410 Dwell Hello Part 1: Live From the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Fest

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Watch What Crappens (#410 “Dwell Hello Part 1: Live From the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Fest”)
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Air Date: May 9, 2024
Topic: Recap and roast of a “House Hunters” nudist episode, live at the Netflix is a Joke Fest.

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Episode Overview

The episode is a live recording from the Netflix is a Joke festival in Hollywood, where Ben and Ronnie bring their signature blend of Bravo-obsession, pop culture shade, and campy humor. While they usually roast all things Bravo, this episode shifts focus to a memorable “House Hunters” episode featuring nudist homebuyers in Florida. The duo delivers irreverent commentary, plenty of tangents (from real estate woes to alien visitations), and a comedic, affectionate takedown of the reality TV world.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: The Kookaburra Lounge & LA Vibes

(02:13–05:00)

• Ben and Ronnie riff on the venue (Kookaburra Lounge), make jokes about LA landmarks, and remember the “giant elephants” that once greeted mall visitors.
• They celebrate their friends opening the new space (“I'm so proud of you. This place is amazing.” – Ronnie, 02:55) and recommend artichoke beignets over basic goat cheese balls.
• Early banter includes playful worries about spilled drinks and hosts’ power cords, highlighting their bickering chemistry and “turning into their parents.”

2. Audience Inclusion and Personal Tangents

(05:00–12:12)

• The hosts joke about the diverse fans brought to Bravo events: “I can't tell if you're a gay or a husband or are you both, or a gay husband?” – Ronnie, 05:55
• Ronnie shares a hilarious account of house-hunting with a “real hot real estate guy with tiny ears,” including a comical meditation on ear attraction and straight-gay crossovers.
• The duo explores tangential stories about Uber rides, salad-phobic mothers, and getting distracted on House Hunters.

3. Aliens Would Never Understand Bravo

(12:12–14:56)

• The pair imagine aliens’ first encounter with humanity being at a Watch What Crappens show:
  "Imagine if this is the first view aliens could see of Earth… we would have to explain so much about Bravo to them." – Ben, 12:24
• They joke that aliens “are finally comfortable enough” to come to Earth because “they've seen Bravo.”
• Ronnie speculates, “They've seen Teresa Giudice. That's the one we beamed up and sent back.” (12:55)

4. Translating Bravo-Lingo for Outsiders (and Aliens)

(14:00–17:44)

• Ben and Ronnie break down the coded language of Bravo personalities, humorously “translating” subtext.
  • Carl from Summer House saying, “I'm just like really overwhelmed right now… You look great, by the way.”
    Translation: “I'm going to pretend to be a really good person, get you to promise marriage and a baby, then I'm gonna leave and drag you on TV...” – Ronnie, 14:29
  • Tom Sandoval: “Everyone is trying to capitalize on my misery.”
    Translation: “I fucked your best friend while you were at your grandmother's funeral and it's your fault.” – Ronnie, 15:34
• They riff on the Valley's Britney, Kyle Richards from Real Housewives, and the universal “make me feel purty” aspirations.

5. Introducing House Hunters: Nudist Edition

(17:52–20:52)

• This episode’s main meat is a “House Hunters” edition with nudist buyers in Florida.
• The hosts prepare the crowd: “We got a million emails about today's episode… features nudists house hunting in the nude, naturally, as one does.” – Ben, 17:57
• Ronnie observes: “I don't want to see people naked in any state; especially fucking Florida.” (20:07)
• They note the episode is a new “Agents Gone Wild” format with neon graphics, drag queens, and “the first time people are actually naked on the show.”

6. Observations on Nudist Real Estate Culture

(21:23–33:47)

• The hosts introduce April, the real estate agent whose niche is selling to nudists (“Nobody is nice to this woman. She had to go find the most outcasty, outcast people in Florida.” – Ronnie, 24:30).
• Commentary on April’s business methods:
  • Lapis lazuli wardrobe, being “ignored by nudists” (24:56).
  • Marketing materials “make MySpace look advanced,” involving Twizzler borders, candy hearts, and “If your heart is telling you it's time to look for a home, let's schedule a date.” (34:11–35:20)
• April is described as striving for attention: “You can't do this. You gotta be like tiny ears. Imply you're hot enough to fuck. Don't actually do it. Don't actually tell them ‘come fuck me I’ll find you a house.’ April, keep it in your pants.” – Ronnie, 35:34

7. Life in the Nudist Colony: Visuals and Social Norms

(25:42–42:39)

• Colorful descriptions of the community’s day-to-day:
  • Naked people jogging, mowing lawns, ignoring April.
  • “Watching men with their wieners flapping in the wind... using things like lawnmowers and leaf blowers” (26:01–26:47).
  • Women “washing the top of their cars for a best boob shot,” while April drives past waving.
  • “It’s like watching Roger Ebert, rest in peace, mowing the lawn naked.” – Ben, 26:47
• They discuss the pragmatics of shoes in nudist colonies (wear them!), partial nudity (“jogger with just a sports bra”), and block parties with golf cart parades (44:21).
• On why people live there: “Do you move there if you just need people to be nice to you?” – Ronnie, 41:40

8. Mythology, Shame, and Accepting Nudity

(20:23–22:39)

• Ronnie riffs on biblical guilt and shame fueling discomfort with nudity (“The first thing I learned is Eve fucked over Adam...” 20:23).
• Both hosts mine their personal issues with mirrors, body image, and shame (“I gained 150 pounds. Never knew till I got on a plane...” – Ronnie, 22:14).
• Ultimately, they land on acceptance: “It started with really enjoying the shame. But then I was like, oh my God, my boobs are fine…” (38:39)

9. Signature “Crappens” Moments: Notable Quotes & Humor

• On House Hunters narrator: “We call her Linda... She just had to tell her friend, ‘Ugh, I have to go talk about nude people in Florida right now.’” – Ben, 22:47
• “Turns out a lot of nude people don’t pick up their dog shit either, by the way.” – Ronnie, 36:40
• “You never know. You don’t want to spread your butt on someone else’s butt.” – Ben, 38:33
• “The best part about the nudist colony is... you look at the pink sky and you listen for the sound of balls flapping on a motorcycle.” – Ben, 41:26

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Timestamp (MM:SS) | Segment | |-----------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:13–05:00 | Arrival at Kookaburra Lounge / LA memories / Artichoke beignets | | 07:48–11:28 | Ronnie’s House Hunters tangent: sexy realtor, tiny ears, gay-straight culture | | 12:19–14:56 | If aliens landed at a Crappens show / translating Bravo language for aliens| | 15:33–17:44 | Deconstructing Bravo-ese: Sandoval, Britney, and code for “make me feel pretty” | | 17:52–20:52 | Transition to House Hunters recap; nudist “Agents Gone Wild” special | | 24:30–35:34 | April the nudist realtor: marketing, social skills, ignominy | | 25:42–27:47 | Nudist colony day-in-the-life observations; mowing naked, car washing | | 38:23–41:26 | Acceptance of nudity; bodily shame vs. liberation; hygiene concern comedy | | 44:21–End | Nudist block parties and social motives; Episode wrap-up/part 2 tease |

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Tone & Style

Ben and Ronnie keep the energy high, with quick banter, heavy sarcasm, and affectionate mockery. Their tone veers campy, irreverent, and sometimes self-deprecating, full of drag queen lingo and gay pop-culture references. The show is for fans who love Bravo, but also for anyone who appreciates pointed humor about reality TV, body image, and the quirks of modern society.

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Memorable Quotes

• On Bravo show translation for aliens:
  “If you ever hear Kyle Richards say, ‘Don’t question my marriage and suggest that I’m a lesbian,’ what it really means is, please question my marriage. Please keep me relevant.” – Ronnie (17:20)

• On nudist realty hustle:
  “If your heart is telling you it’s time to look for a home, let’s schedule a date. You slut. You can’t do this.” – Ronnie (35:20)

• On block parties in nudist colony:
  “It’s like a terrible, weirdly inverted seventh grade dance, but with old people who are naked instead.” – Ben (44:44)

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Conclusion & Next Episode

The live episode offers the wittiest take on House Hunters’ foray into nudism—a subject that gives the “Crappens” duo ample runway for one-liners, cultural commentary, and playful self-roasting. It teases a Part 2, promising even more comedic recapping of awkward TV moments, real estate misadventures, and the ongoing saga of Bravo-adjacent reality.

Transcript

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[A]

Ding dong ding ding ding ding ding dong. Well, hello.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

Welcome to the technical opening night of the brand new and gorgeous Kookaburra Lounge.

[D]

I know.

[A]

Welcome, Hollywood, California. John Wayne lived here.

[D]

Yes, John Wayne lived here in this mall. Fun fact. They built this mall because they were like, where did John Wayne live? Let's build something. Do you guys remember when there were giant elephants out here? That was cool.

[A]

Back when this place meant something. The giant elephants. You guys. This is so exciting. To be here. Katie and Walter just opened this place. I'm so proud of you. This place is amazing.

[D]

It's amazing.

[A]

And being proud of you sounds condescending, like I had anything to find do with anything in your life. But proud to know you, I guess, is better. This is just fucking amazing. The food is so good. There's drinks that are chocolate flavored.

[D]

By the way, the artichoke beignets. Once you have those artichoke beignets on the menu, you will never, ever, ever consider the Sir Gochi's balls again. These are the new sir goat cheese balls. I'm telling you this right now.

[A]

It's time for those to die. Anyway, they had their day.

[D]

They were first invented when John Wayne was born in this mall.

[A]

But everywhere you go here has, like, Marilyn Monroe's face on it. You know, I'm like, poor Marilyn Monroe. Did she really know she was gonna be selling fucking waffles at the. At the old Cafe 101? Can we just leave Marilyn Monroe alone? Has she not gone through enough humiliation like she's had 10, 10 TV movies for us to all understand all the pain she's gone through? And we're like, you know what? Let's have that bitch sell a tuna salad at the new hotel.

[D]

Wait, is that the developer of the mall who said that? That bitch. Let's get a tuna of melts for Marilyn Monroe.

[A]

That's John Wayne's great, great, great nephew who just opened the new Ovation.

[D]

I'm gonna get my power cord. Vamp.

[A]

Ben, your computer literally is gonna stay on. Ben acts like our shows are 37 hours. He's like, where'? I'm gonna put my power cord on. Do not trip over my power. I must have it. The show's 45 minutes, girl. Come on.

[D]

I'm my mother's son. It's like, is there a power cord? Is there a power cord?

[A]

I'm my mother's son, too, which is why I bitch at you the whole time about it.

[D]

I'm like, God damn it, I'm gonna feed this over you. Hey, I'm gonna feed this over you.

[A]

And he does this so that we're really turning into our parents, by the way. He does this so that he can stare at my bottle, look at me judgmentally so that I don't spill on his fucking computer. But this is how he sets it up. I'm being manipulated. Yeah, to breaking his computer so he can guilt me for the rest of my fucking life about it.

[D]

You know, it's very exciting being Part of the Netflix as a joke comedy festival. Especially since, you know, there are potentially, like, new, like, people here. And I'm just so glad you guys all came here to watch me plug in my laptop. Right now. You're stepping on my laptop. Okay, here we go.

[A]

I'm stepping on it. It's too short. You didn't measure this shit beforehand.

[D]

Well, you know what? It's Marilyn Monroe's fault.

[A]

God help us. Okay. Goodness. It's gonna have to be like that. Okay, so we know normally we're a Bravo podcast. That's what we normally talk about. Yes, we love Bravo, and people come to our shows and live shows. You poor things get dragged. I mean, I'm assuming. Are you a husband? I can't tell if you're a gay or a husband or are you both.

[D]

Or a gay husband.

[A]

You're one of the two. So you're here. So which is it? I know. You're so cute. I'm sorry. For. I'm usually not that person who makes fun of the people in the front. I make fun of the people in the back who think they're fucking hiding from me.

[D]

All those people.

[A]

You guys are me at drag shows. I'm like, they're gonna come for me. I know it. I look like Harvey Weinstein. Every one of them's coming for me. God, those were the days when that meant something good. I can get a seat anywhere in this town. Anyway, we. I'm just saying, you know, he's just.

[D]

Saying that he capitalizes off of a likeness to Harvey Weinstein.

[A]

I used to be able to. Doesn't work anymore.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Although he did just get off. I was like, there's hope for me yet. There's hope for me yet. Yeah, Boo is right. I didn't even know a cab driver told me. I was like, where? Where's the outrage? I had to hear it from fucking Uber about Harvey.

[D]

You know, my Uber driver here tonight, he told me that his girlfriend is a super big Bravo fan. She's, like, a huge fan of sexy, unique podcast, who we love. And then I looked her up. She was definitely not following us.

[A]

I just need to repeat that so they understand. Ben looked up the wife. Well, I was like, the cab driver.

[D]

Cause I was like, I.

[A]

To see if she was following him.

[D]

Because it could have been a magical moment. Girl. It could have been so magical.

[A]

Lara's somewhere just like, bitch. So normally it's Bravo, and we know the husbands come here. And I was talking to my Uber driver today. Oh, no, the real estate guy. I was with all day on my own House Hunters episode.

[D]

Ronnie is house hunting.

[A]

So this guy, first of all, he's so hot. And actually he's a friend of Katie's. He was supposed to be here, but he's not. So guess who's not buying a house for you. Also because I don't have millions of dollars, but also cause you didn't come to my show. But he is so cute. Have you ever looked over at someone and noticed their ears and got a halfy?

[D]

Of course.

[A]

I've never been attracted to ears before. His ears were this big. Yeah. For those of you at home, it's slightly bigger than an avian top.

[D]

Yes, slightly avian top.

[A]

They're the littlest ears I've ever seen in my life.

[D]

I just want to say that avion top sounds like slang from gay culture. He's an avian top.

[A]

Yeah, he's been through Scientology. He's pretty clear, but still a little milky.

[D]

Little avion top.

[A]

Aviant's a little milky, right? Is that the thicker. Is that thick water? What do they call it when the water's a little milky?

[D]

Why don't we bring in Lala's water concierge or whatever?

[A]

I need to be told, okay? Real hot real estate guy ears. Anyway, I've never wanted to stick my penis in the ear and tell him because you know how when you're sitting in the car, you're looking at someone's side face?

[D]

Right profile, if you will.

[A]

Yeah, Hot ears.

[D]

See, we both were looking at profiles.

[A]

So anyway, he was talking about aliens because he's a straight guy. And that's what straight guys do, you know, they're like. And the aliens. Their aliens are coming. Okay, so this guy. Hold on, I'll get back to aliens. Straight guys are a thing. I'm telling you, they're hilarious. Get in a car with a straight guy asap. They're so funny, the shit that comes out of their mouth. And also, what's so funny is they think gay guys are so funny just because, you know, we're gay, I guess. And they're like, oh, my God, you put penises inside of you? Lol.

[D]

It's a thing with which, like, us is kind of funny, you know?

[A]

I mean, we've laughed.

[D]

There's avian tops out there.

[A]

So what was I talking about?

[D]

Small ears that you want to put your penis into.

[A]

Straight guys. Oh, okay. So it's weird for him to be around a gay guy too, right? So he's like, can I film this? What.

[D]

And I was gonna film you. Just the presence of gayness.

[A]

Yeah. I was telling. I was talking about my mom taking a vegetable pill from Fox News because, like, that's her thing. She's like, why do you eat salads? I was like, you're my mother. Aren't you supposed to be telling me to eat a fucking salad? What are you. She's like, deriding salad. Ew, disgusting. Who are you? And she says she doesn't eat one cause she takes a vegetable pill. Anyway, so I was telling him this story, and he's like, can I film you? I was like, sure. So he whips out this, like, GoPro thing and, like, sticks it on the windshield. And I was like, do I masturbate now?

[D]

Like, he's like, my girlfriend's really into Bravo.

[A]

Yeah. I'm all looking her up. Like, does she follow Ben? Does she follow Ben?

[D]

By the way, a vegetable pill? Can't she just take V8? Justice for V8?

[A]

I mean, that's another lie. But I fell for that one, so I can't judge.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

No, no, I can't. I have to tell you now.

[D]

I apologize.

[A]

So then where. I know. I told him. I was like, if I just start going too long about anything stupid and having ADD Just stop. And he's trying. And I'm like, no, you won't.

[D]

You shut the fuck up. I thought you came to the conclusion.

[A]

I'm not finished talking about jerking off in this guy's car. Okay? So I'm in this dude's car, and he's taping it now, which is, like, hot, I guess. Nes, tiny ears. I'm sure I have a boner. Like, I cannot wait to see it.

[D]

It was a police car. He's, like, performing for, like, the body cam.

[A]

So we go look at places. One's close to the center of town, you know, one's like, too big, but too small. None of them were $5, which was in my budget, which is very House Hunters, you know? And so we leave. And I'm like, hey, thanks so much for bringing me around today. And he goes, yeah. Oh, by the way, bro, thanks for the content. That is the most L. A shit I've ever heard. Like, thank you. You are my realtor for life. And I'm never buying anywhere because I want to stare at those ears for the next 20 years.

[D]

Well, we are. Obviously we're going to be talking about House Hunters tonight, but we do know that, like, there are some. Some people here who may have never.

[A]

Seen the show live aliens. Remember when I was gonna talk about aliens?

[D]

There are aliens here tonight. Congratulations. Imagine if aliens. Imagine if this is the first view aliens would be able to see of like, Earth is coming to watch a crappin show. We would have to explain so much about Bravo to them.

[A]

Well, I think the reason aliens are so fucking comfortable with showing up everywhere, like, no one even cares. We all know they're out there now. They've been on the news. They're like, oh, we've got UFOs. And we're like, we don't care. We've seen so many movies. And I think aliens are finally comfortable enough to come here because they've seen Bravo. They're like, acceptable.

[D]

They've seen Teresa Giudice. They were like, oh, yeah, that's the one that we beamed up and sent back.

[A]

They're like, we don't need to hide anymore. They're starting to look just like us.

[D]

Our probe never echoed until we put it into Teresa. Cause her head has nothing in it. Or she has very good digestion.

[A]

We could never get anything through to space until they heard, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. They took it as a signal and just showed up. But, yeah, they probably couldn't understand what we're saying. You only hear, you know, like when you go to a foreign country and you don't really. Well, like the other side of town. Like literally anywhere where someone doesn't speak gay, I'm like, what? What are you saying? You just hear their sounds, you know, like the guttural. So we were trying to think, like, how would we explain Bravo to these people? You know? So, like, you know, what are things?

[D]

Well, we figured that, like, before I explain. The thing is, that's really hard to explain it, but what you have to do is just translate it for people. Because there are a lot of people who don't understand, and they don't understand really the language that we speak. So, for instance, if you were to hear like, for instance, Carl from Summerhouse say something like, oh, I'm just like.

[A]

Really overwhelmed right now.

[D]

I like, it's just like a lot. Like, it's just like a lot. You look great, by the way. You look great by the way.

[A]

That means I'm gonna pretend to be a really good person and get you to give me the last years of your 30s and promise you marriage and a baby. Then I'm gonna drag you on TV and tell everybody you're an abusive whore and make you look stupid. And then I'M gonna leave you and I'm never gonna change my white jeans the whole fucking time. And you're paying for dinner.

[D]

Do you have another example for the aliens?

[A]

Well, while we're on the Men of Brava, you know, we had scandal last year, which I feel like a lot of husbands entered. Bravo. Because of Skandoval. Cause their wives were like, you better sit your ass down and watch this shit, Skateway. I will catch you if you ever do this shit. But this year we have a big redemption arc for Tom Sandoval. And we're hearing a lot of things. Like. Every one of you is trying to.

[D]

Capitalize off of my misery.

[A]

Dude.

[D]

Which actually means I fucked your best friend while you were at your grandmother's funeral and it's your fault. That's what that means. Yeah.

[A]

What are you booing us? We didn't do it.

[D]

Yeah. Everyone's like, it's not our fault that.

[A]

Fuck her in your house to at least invite you in. I'm just kidding. I don't know why I said that. Yeah, sorry. Some things you just can't rewind. Guys, let's just all take a moment and think about the hottiers again, okay? Not everybody though, is completely without subtext on that show. You know, there's Britney. You don't have to guess a lot of what Brittany's thinking.

[D]

Brittany from the Valley?

[A]

First from Vanderpump Rules and now the Valley. Britney's very obvious. She's not coding anything. She's just like, make me feel purty. You don't make me feel purty no more. All I want to do is feel purty. You can take me on a date night. You could take me to do anything fun. You could do that. You make me feel purdy. That means make me feel pretty.

[D]

Yeah, that's a really easy one for the aliens.

[A]

Stop making me feel not pretty. That'd be great, actually.

[D]

I'm gonna push back. I do think that Britney has some subtext in what she says. So, for instance, if you hear Britney say, like, well, Jax and I are on a little bit of a drossma. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What that actually really means is I got drunk in Florida and beeped on a stingray. That was the story from the show, by the way.

[A]

That's actually a real thing.

[D]

It was a real thing.

[A]

There's Kyle. There's Real Housewives in Beverly Hills.

[D]

You know what? Oh, did you guys all watch Beverly Hills? Okay, so for people who don't watch it, if you Ever hear Kyle Richards say, don't question my marriage and suggest that I'm a lesbian?

[A]

What it really means is, please question my marriage. I'm so bored. Please question my marriage. Please. He's probably cheating on me. He's probably cheated. He has cheated. I'm not gonna say he's cheated on me. He's probably cheated on me. Please keep me relevant. Ask me about a lesbian. I know a lesbian. I know a lesbian. She sings country music. She knows Kesha.

[D]

Please, please, please.

[A]

Scissoring. Scissoring. Any questions? Any questions, anybody? Bless her heart.

[D]

Yeah, bless her heart.

[A]

But today we're talking about our favorite show to talk about, which is House Hunters.

[D]

House Hunters. So we got a million emails about today's episode that we're recapping, which features nudists house hunting in the nude, naturally, as one does. Now, do people here who here, like, watches House Hunter, who has seen House Hunters? You know, the whole thing. We've all been on JetBlue. We've all watched it. You get sucked into it every time, but.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[D]

No, I was just going to say, I think this is the first time we've seen people actually on the show naked. Right. First time.

[A]

Now, here's the danger in this. You know, this is a different kind of House Hunters because its agent's Gone wild, and so they have, like, a new font and it's like. It's like House Hunters. Dung dung dunk. But it's like Gone Wild. And then it's like in pink neon. The Gone Wild.

[D]

They put, like, a crown on one of the letters, too.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, they could be gay. Like, maybe they're gay. You know, one of them's a drag queen. I saw the drag queen was on social, you know, social content. Thanks for the content. And it's like, oh, my God, finally, Drag queen on House Hunters. And someone was like, aren't you in Phoenix? Isn't it hot there? I was like, can you support the drag queen on the House Hunters? Do we all need to kick the drag queen in the ass? Like, let the woman live. But anyway, this is a tricky one because it's Agent's Gone wild and it's nudist, you know, and you're not supposed to make fun of people's, like, kinks and stuff. No, unfortunately, my kink is making fun of your kink. So that brings us to. That brings us an impasse. Thank you.

[D]

You know what, though? I support your kink.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

And I feel like we should lean into your kink.

[A]

Let's do. Well, you're going to Tonight. Ben was like the nudist one. Isn't that just an hour of naked jokes? Is there something else you ordered, sir?

[D]

So this. This is all being recorded. So if you're listening to this after the fact, the episode that we're talking about is called Nudist Newcomers in Florida, which is. I mean, that could just be on the state brochure, really.

[A]

I don't want to see people naked in any state. Yeah. Especially fucking Florida. Okay. I have to say, I don't know.

[D]

How do you think the alligators feel? They're like, you know what? I think I'm just not gonna eat today.

[A]

And part of the reason I'm so against nudity is it's like projection. You know what I mean? First of all, it's biblical, and I was raised very Christian, and so the first thing I learned is, like, Eve fucked over Adam, and all Adam really tried to do was make her out of his rib, which was pretty nice. Gave up a rib for her. And then she fucked him over by tricking him into eating fruit, which, by the way, she should talk to my mother because my mom could use the help, now that I think about it.

[D]

Vegetable pills.

[A]

And then God was like, you're both. Don't see sluts. Put some clothes on already. So I've got part of that just bred into me.

[D]

God is really surly.

[A]

Have you read the Bible? You come from religion, too? I know it's a different one, but at least in my religion, he turns nice at the end. Like Christianity, there's a whole chapter where God's like, whatever, you know, I didn't mean it. We're good Judaism. You're just stuck with God being a dick. Like, that's it. God's gonna take your ass down.

[D]

So wrong that we suffer. So wrong. We just. We suffered in biblical times. You suffered with your content creator today.

[A]

Oh, I suffered. So, yeah. Part of it is like, just projecting shame, which I get. But also just to make it fair, I do do this at home. Like, I'm just. I didn't even have mirrors in my home until my current one. When I lived here in la, I only had a mirror above in the bathroom, basically. So it was this big. I gained 150 pounds. I never knew until I got on a plane. I literally had trouble. This is so gross. And I'm so sorry, but I had a little trouble with my butt in the shower because, like, one day I couldn't reach it as well. And I Literally was like, my arm shrunk. I was like, how did this happen?

[D]

It can happen. It can happen.

[A]

I never knew. I don't look at that. Like, why would I look at it like it's there, you know, I know it's there and stuff, but I cover it, you know, I have decency. That's my point. So when I yell at other people, just know I'm yelling at my mother. All right?

[D]

It's usually the way it goes.

[A]

Disclaimer over.

[D]

Yeah. So this episode opens up. We. We love the narrator on House Hunters because she always sounds so disgusted with the people on her own show. We call her Linda. We don't. She doesn't really have a name. We just call her Linda because she feels like a Linda.

[A]

She feels like a Linda.

[D]

She feels like she just had to tell her friend, ugh, I'm sorry, I have to leave. I've got to go talk about nude people in Florida right now.

[A]

Cause, you know, they have Linda in the voiceover booth for like 12 hours. And Linda doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. She's like, and then they went to the east side, and then they went to the center of town. And then she's like, well, do I at least get to know who I'm talking about? And they're like, here, Linda, here's some pictures. And she's like.

[D]

I can't get a third date in this. Buying a house with that schlump.

[A]

Jennifer and Alan want a 5,000 square foot home. So, Tom, she runs a pet store.

[D]

I didn't even know pet people were allowed to get married.

[A]

Pet smart. Isn't that an oxymoron? You know how many edits they have to do on fucking Linda's voiceover?

[D]

You can't fire me. I'm grandfathered in. So she opens up this episode. Real estate agent and professional Carol Kane enthusiast, April Gentner. I'm sorry, can we take that from the top? No. Okay. Go fuck yourself. April Genter, or Genter, who the fuck knows, has grown her business in southwest Florida. Lucky her.

[A]

This room has the best view. Poor lady. This poor lady. Okay, so we find out that this lady has decided to sell to nudists because she just couldn't find that niche, you know? She couldn't find her way. This is the truth. Nobody is nice to this woman.

[D]

No one likes me.

[A]

Nobody is nice to this woman. She had to go find the most outcasty, outcast people in Florida.

[D]

And she is trying everything to be noticed. She has big blonde Curly hair. And everything in her wardrobe is like lapis lazuli. Like that kind, you know, you know, that blue, that lapis lazuli blue. She's like, that's my color. And no one pays attention to her the entire episode.

[A]

The nudists are even mean to her. And they're supposed to be nice to everybody. That's like a girl that's like. That's like a really big personality girl going into a gay bar and just being treated badly. Like you're supposed to be our queens. We would never.

[D]

But the first thing we see of this poor April, we just see her just like kissing the air, going, mwah, mwah, mwah. Just kissing. Nothing. Like, it's like she's Evita and she's on her balcony. And then she realized she was in like Paramus.

[A]

She's like, well, I found nudist. You know, there's no dropdown box on the search engines for nudists. Is there a pull up box? Because I'll take that. Put your pants on, nudists.

[D]

So we're, you know, because it's the beginning, we're seeing like everything going on around in this nudist colony. So we're seeing like naked people jogging and naked people mowing their lawn. Naked people running from alligators. Alligators being like, ew, nevermind, I'm going back.

[A]

We, since we cover Bravo, we talk a lot about how dumb men are, just because it's like the nature of what we do. But man, I've really. That's never like, really been hit home until watching this and watching men with their wieners flapping in the wind.

[D]

Just flapping.

[A]

Using things like lawnmowers.

[D]

It's weird.

[A]

And leaf blowers. Like things that you just don't think about when your dick is out. I mean, like when your dick's in your pants, you're not thinking about it. But watching a floppy man out there.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And you see in the. You see, you're seeing the fuzz, you know, which. You know what I mean? Like, you can kind of see the outlet. You can see there's like a lot of fupa. I would say that the actual dick shape, you don't see like the cone of the dick. And that's not a cone.

[D]

It's like, it's like watching Roger Ebert rest in peace, mowing the lawn naked. Think about it.

[A]

Yeah, I did. That just sent me somewhere. It wasn't fun.

[D]

And I'll say. It's also like watching Jean. It's like literally watching Siskel and Ebert, mowing the lawn naked. All the types.

[A]

Yeah. The ladies are doing smart things. They're like, I'll wash the car.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But they do it in the most nudist way because they don't wash the tires. They just wash the top. You just keep seeing this lady who's doing this to wash her car. Like. Like, okay. She's, like, getting her thinnest. Like, her best boob shot.

[D]

Like, yeah.

[A]

And April just keeps driving by on a golf cart going, hi. Hi. Hi. They're just ignoring her. They're like, ugh. They're that clothed idiot again.

[D]

So Linda says April has sold millions of dollars worth of homes to lots of people who couldn't quite get onto HBO's Real Sex.

[A]

Oh, my God. That was another one. So, you know, I was talking about personal scars. That show was another personal scar. HBO's Real Sex. Cause that's, like, the only shit we could watch when we were teenagers. That had boobs in it.

[D]

You know, you would turn it on and it was like, some. You're like, yeah, it's gonna be like.

[A]

Sex found the straight guy section. They're in the back in the comic section in the back. Like, fuck, yeah. Real sex.

[D]

Talk about content. Real sex, the original content.

[A]

She sold millions of dollars worth of houses. And then April's just like, I sold that corner lot. Ho. Hi. I sold that cor. Lot high. I sold that corner lot high.

[D]

Everyone's just closing their shutters.

[A]

That lady still hasn't found a Marshalls.

[D]

It's like in the horror movie, you know when, like, it's time for the ghost to come out. Everyone just is, like, hiding away. So Linda's like, so when she met new empty nesters Nicolette and Dustin, she knew exactly what type of properties to show them. Just like how April knows exactly what type of Etsy shop she has to buy her. What did I even write here?

[A]

I don't even get lost. Did you get lost in an Etsy?

[D]

I was like, I wrote this. I watched this at, like, 3am last night. I'm like, what is happening with a sentence?

[A]

She knew exactly what kind of properties to show them. So she starts getting, like, real. Like, she'll, like, emphasize one word if it has anything to do with nudity at all. She's like, and now April's not just taking them to a house. She's showing them. She's showing the show. Like, all right, Linda. We hear you, girl. We hear you. So then the lady who's looking at the place is Sheridan. Or Nicolette.

[D]

Her name is Nicolette. Not related to Sheridan. Could you imagine if it was Nicollette Sheridan?

[A]

Empty.

[D]

All of a sudden we're like, yes. Iconic episode.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. Nicollette Sheridan would never be a nudist. And that's the. That's the thing. Like when I say I don't believe in nudity, I don't believe in my nudity. I don't believe in normal nudity. I believe in porn.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I just wanted to make that clear. I don't think that. I think you all think I'm some kind of freak. I believe people should be naked for my entertainment. It's just when I don't have a boner and you're not hot, I don't want you to be naked. That makes sense.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Better. Thank you. Because I was. I guess I left that part out. It's important. It's just like. Here's the thing. I already have a resting bitch face. Do you really need to see what my dick thinks? You don't trust me? It's not flattering.

[D]

So we meet Nicolette. She's a red headed lady and she has this tattoo on her shoulder that's supposed to be of like a flower or something, but it just kind of looks like a forest fire. It's just kind of like. It's just like circles getting bigger and bigger and bigger. So already I was like, okay, so we have some judgment issues here. Okay, I'm open to it.

[A]

She's also got kind of a mean edge to her where if she gets mad, she like, does this like, squint thing with her eyes. And it's so hard to take her seriously because she's. It's like, have your. Has your mom ever been mad? Like, straight out the shower?

[D]

Like, you goddamn kids, you little fuckers.

[A]

You're just like, lol. Like, it's not scary. Yeah, it was like that. I was like, you're not gonna. You can't yell at your husband like this. It's never gonna work. Put on a robe, kick his ass, and then get naked again, you know? Yeah.

[D]

So Linda says finding the perfect home for her clients won't be as laid back as their lifestyle.

[A]

Laid. Laid.

[D]

They have sex a lot because they're naked MCs.

[A]

Like, I'm not sacrificing on my kitchen. I'll tell you that right now. I'm not sacrificing. And then April's like, we're so excited to finally be shedding our clothes every day. Now we're doing it on the weekends, but soon we're going to be naked all the time.

[D]

If there ever was an advertisement for this community, it's Nicolette.

[A]

So where are. Oh, we're in Pasco County, Florida. So that was my touch. Real estate lady is like, yeah. I began selling real estate. Hi. In 2006, but it wasn't until 2007 I found my niche.

[D]

By the way, I like how she's like. Acts like there was so much time that passed. She's like, I started in 2006.

[A]

It was a long road.

[D]

It was a long road. And then finally in 2007, I found. It was rough. She's like, that's when I began selling nudist real estate in Pasco county, and it's become the nudist capital of the world. I did that. I created this land, and no one can wave back to me.

[A]

$36 million. Do you know how many robes that could have bought? So she's driving. This is where she's driving. Then going, hi. Hi. I sold to that fupa, that one.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

That FUPA was a lot of back and forth, that one, let me tell ya. So open house today, which I thought was funny. They keep closing up on this sign that's like, open house. And they show the ladies boobs. They're like, isn't that hilarious? Yes, Linda. You're nailing it, Linda. So the narrator is like, it wasn't long until Rachel found her niche filling a gap.

[D]

She also filled the gap for people wondering what it would be like if we brought perms back in 2024.

[A]

So then we see pictures of her. Now, this lady's a kook in so many different ways. And one of them is that she prints big signs that say sold. And then she poses with them like she's naked, but she's not naked, but she's in the nudist place. So she'll be in, like, an office casual rayon blazer, but then be wearing, like, a for sale sign or like a sold sign. Like this. Like, sold.

[D]

Like, yeah. There's one where she looks like Robert Plant in it. It's so bizarre. She has, like, this red suit, and her hair is, like, different color but still curly. I'm like, are you going to sing Stairway to Heaven to me right now?

[A]

So then we find out her business model. She's like, I realized it was really important to build a website. And then we see her marketing materials. The fuck was this?

[D]

Do you see this? Literally made MySpace look like the most advanced website we ever had in humanity.

[A]

So she's got a picture, and she's, of course, in it with her sunglasses. She's like me and like, hi. You know, it's like in high pose, and then it's got candy hearts around it. Like it's Valentine's Day. So she's flirt. It's like a. It's a Valentine from the nudist cellar.

[D]

April, the nudist realtor. And wait, and her face, her picture, the border of her picture is Twizzlers.

[A]

And then she's wearing a mic headpiece, like one of those. Like, a headphones. But then, like, with an airline pilot's mic coming around to her.

[D]

It's like she's in a helicopter. But, you know, they wouldn't let her on, Right? She's probably at a museum.

[A]

I got lost. Where is she? But I have to tell you the whole thing. Candy hearts, Mike, with a headpiece. And then it says, if your heart is telling you it's time to look for a home, let's schedule a date. You slut. You can't do this. You gotta be like tiny ears. Imply that you're hot enough to fuck. Don't actually do it. Don't actually tell them, come fuck me, I'll find you a house. April, keep it in your pants.

[D]

And she then says, I felt it was important to have a face for the nudist culture. You look crazy and you bordered yourself with Twizzlers. That's literally what she looks like. She's going like this, like, join the nudist revolution with our Twizzler borders.

[A]

She is super smart, though, because the sunglasses she's wearing are reflective. And we know that's what people like to see, you know, themselves. I found that's the only way in LA I could get people to look me in the eye during conversation. Wear reflective sunglasses. Do you know how deep you can get with people here when you just wear mirrors on your fucking eyes?

[D]

So then she says that she got, like, a whole bunch of listings from all these nudists who were just looking for a realtor. And she says, you know, people do everything here, just as you would do in any normal community. People just wash their car. People walk their dogs. The only difference is that they're nude. I was like, oh, that's the only difference? Never mind. Never mind.

[A]

Turns out a lot of nude people don't pick up their dog shit either, by the way.

[D]

That is a real concern if I'm in a nudist colony, because there's nothing between you and that poop. It's bad enough when you step in it with a shoe. Just putting it out there.

[A]

No, they still wear shoes. That's the one good thing. Like, they'll mow some lawns or leaf blow some shit, but they do it in shoes.

[D]

Well, actually, what was interesting about this episode was that you see all the nudists in the wild, and a lot of them do like, sort of like partial nudity. So there was one shot where you saw a woman jogging and she had a sports bra on, and then everything else was naked. And I guess that's some functionality there, I suppose. But just there was something odd about just like jogging with just a sports bra on.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And she just goes right by Splur.

[A]

Well, some of us are just trying to save our nose. I don't even leave the window open without a sports bra on. You've ever tried to be on the freeway with your arm like this? My arm's like like a little tiny flag on the side of a motorcycle. It's like. Speaking of some guy. I was going to say some guy flies up on a motor. This is really a crazy episode. A motorcycle. A motorcycle. Sir, you're in your 50s, it's 110 degrees outside, and your ball sack is on a leather seat of a motorcycle vibrating. So this episode started with me being like, I'm gonna feel so ashamed of these naked people. Well, now I'm used to the naked people. I even did the rest of this recap in my underwear. And I'm not lying to you. I was like, well, why am I wearing fucking pants?

[D]

Yeah. Future customer.

[A]

I would have been naked, but I have a couch that other people sit on and I don't want them to, like, sit on my butt. You know what I mean? Does that make any sense? I don't want, like my butthole on their butt.

[D]

It's important. You never know. You don't want to spread your butt on someone else's butt.

[A]

Yeah. But it started with, like, really enjoying the shame. But then I was like, oh, my God, my boobs are fine. You know, And I just, like, let him. I kind of like rested my fingers under the fold and I was like, this is good, this naked thing. I'm starting to like it. So I started getting used to it and stuff.

[D]

And then April showed up at your door in April.

[A]

She's like, hi. I was like, shutting my windows. Shut up. Yeah. I went from shame to just worry for these people because I was like, now these people have taken me into, like, Liberation. And this man. No one's telling this man to watch his balls. Like, this is the idiot. So you ever fuck somebody and then the next day they cook the breakfast naked? That is so. First of all, for someone in food service. Gross. Okay? Gross. You see pubic hair on things when people aren't naked. I don't. You know what I mean? It comes. It gets on things. It happens. It does. You guys know it. And working in a restaurant, you see it. I don't know where it comes from. I know it's disgusting, you guys, but.

[D]

We know where it comes from. Let's be honest.

[A]

But we don't know how it got.

[D]

It's in the name.

[A]

You know what I name. But then someone will be like, cooking the eggs, and you're like, how are you walking around not looking, like the mask. The mask guy? Like, on your. On your wiener? You know what I mean?

[D]

Well, look.

[A]

No, not the mask. Freddy Krueger. I meant the mask guy. That was very rude. I'm sorry. I take it back. Mask.

[D]

Oh, I thought you were thinking about. I thought you're talking about, like, Jim Carrey. I was like, huh?

[A]

No, I was talking about the share movie.

[D]

Balls, but not green balls. You know what? Everyone has their guys.

[A]

I'm sober. This is what happens when you get sober. This fucking guy's looking at me like, really? It's all, chef.

[D]

Listen, I forgot what I was gonna say. Okay, so Linda. So this guy shows up with his ball vibrating on his hot motorcycle leather. And April's like, that's one of my customers right there. And Linda says, now April can offer her clients the inside scoop on listings. Because when she visits, she seems to know almost everyone. Slut.

[A]

And then she's like, hi. And we see this guy who's probably, like, 80 if he's a day this big, Papa, you know, on a golf cart. And he passes by, and she goes, hi. And he went.

[D]

And April is hanging onto this dream. She's like, when you're here in this community, no one is a stranger. Hello there, everyone. Goodbye. He was so busy, he couldn't have time. But we're friends. We're friends. Just trust we're friends.

[A]

When you're driving through here and you're bringing customers, people just wave right at you. They wave with their hands, their underarms, their necks, their muffin tops. You'll see a knee flapping now and then. It is the most touching place to be.

[D]

You know, the best part about the nudist colony is that when the sun sets, you Sit on your porch, and you. And you look at the pink sky and you listen for the sound of balls flapping on a motorcycle. It's the most beautiful thing.

[A]

So the impression I get now is, do you move there if you just need people to be nice to you? Right? Cause that's why she's there. And I support that. Why wouldn't you want to go to a place where people are nice to you? It's not for me personally, trying to move back to this city, but not my style. But it's for some people, you know. So she's coming back? No, we're not talking about me. We're talking about a television show. Okay.

[D]

Talk about you.

[A]

She's coming back to the. She's going. She's at this place because people have to be nice to her. So then they cut to this guy. I mean, obviously naked, right? So he's on a. He's like, got big, crazy, curly gray hair. And he's on a standing keyboard, and he's standing in front of a garage, just going like this with this keyboard. And I was like, oh, my God, this guy was beat up every day, probably by me. Let's be honest. Like, I didn't physically beat anybody up, but I have, I don't know, gotten close to people in crosswalks with my car on accident. So maybe. So I feel like this guy's. Everyone's been mean to this poor guy, and he's tried to bring his battery powered fucking Casio everywhere he goes, and people are like, shut up. Shut the fuck up. And then he finally found this place, and people are like, don't be mean to naked people. And now he just gets away with this mediocre shit wherever he goes. That's what I'm saying. Don't enter places where you're not allowed to bully anybody. You should have the right to say, shut the up. I didn't pay to hear this.

[D]

I kind of get the feeling like this entire nudist colony is just a bunch of people who just love talking to other people on airplanes, you know? You ever considered a nudist colony? Like, y' all know the type. I once went on an airplane and this lovely little old lady got wasted. And she was like a pathological liar.

[A]

And she.

[D]

It was wild. She turned to me, she goes, george Clooney. I was at his wedding. I was like, oh, okay. Very nice man. The nicest man you could imagine. The flight attendant felt so bad for me, he gave me a free drink. He's like, here from one Evian top to another.

[A]

Now, Ms. Morgan, please, people are trying to take a nap on the phone. So we see the block party. So everybody wants to move to this place because it's like naked block parties. Which, honestly, it's not even the naked. I'm past the naked part. Don't invite me to a party. I have to go outside.

[D]

It's too much going on here at this nudist colony. I'm just gonna say this right now. They all line up their golf carts to do a little parade, a little nudist golf cart parade. They've got tinsel hanging on the golf carts. It's like Mylar everywhere. It's literally like going to a terrible, weirdly inverted seventh grade dance, but with old people who are naked instead.

[A]

And April's like, people are just so nice to each other here. You know, most nudists are very gregarious and good with other people. They know how to deal with anybody because they've spent so much time in county jail. That's definitely a place to learn to be social with the locals. Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay, this is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[B]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[C]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[B]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[C]

We'Ll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[B]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[C]

And for the first time ever, we're gonna have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're gonna be right here to help you do em better.

[A]

Love y'. All. Acast powers, the world's best podcasts.

[D]

Here's a show that we recommend. Greetings, Adventurers. Is the longest running Dungeons and Dragons actual play comedy podcast that has been putting out episodes each and every week since 2012, and we think you'd love it.

[A]

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