#411 Dwell Hello Part 2: Live From the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Fest

Summary

Watch What Crappens: “Dwell Hello Part 2: Live From the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Fest”

Episode #411 | May 9, 2024
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

In this live show at the Netflix Is a Joke Comedy Fest, Ben and Ronnie bring their signature brand of Bravo-loving, snark-infused recapping to a particularly unusual “House Hunters” episode set in a Florida nudist colony. The recap is equal parts roast, celebration, and ribbing of the featured participants—a couple of empty nesters bravely seeking their next home with nothing to hide (literally). Expect tangents about Bravo-lebrities, life as a nudist, and a running commentary on every laughingly awkward moment the real estate process brings to “Bare Oaks” living.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the New Kids in the (Nude) Block

• (01:39) Ben: “So now we finally meet our couple...literal parade of naked golf carts that have lined up. You know, they're all listening to Jimmy Buffett.”
• The house-hunting couple, Nicolette and Dustin, are “empty nesters” and insurance agents, which leads the hosts to riff on the incongruity of insurance people as freewheeling nudists.
• Ronnie jokes: “You know what that's like? They're like Vicki from Orange County. She's an insurance person and Vicki's like a swinging cack.” (05:50)

2. The Naked Truth About Community

• Nicolette and Dustin dive into the nudist lifestyle with enthusiasm, apparently attending “once a month, but we just want to be naked all the time now.”
• Hosts observe the community is “a rump parade all day long…so many golf cart parades.” (10:09)
• April, the local agent, is excited—but seems to be the only clothed participant. Much is made of her constant, almost desperate greetings: “April is found a way to sell homes. Taking off her bra. Hi. Hi.” (27:24)

3. Music, Social Life, and Odd Priorities

• The couple claims, somewhat mysteriously, that “music is what brought us to the nudist colony.” (14:15)
• Ben: “What? I thought nudity is what brought you to the nudist colony. Why is music what brought you to the nudist colony?”
• Ronnie: “It just, like, plays Billy Joel into a flute, and homely naked people start walking in a zombie line to Pasco, Florida.” (15:07)

4. Touring the Homes: Aesthetics Take a Backseat

• Three homes are viewed; each is alternately celebrated and roasted for questionable Florida design, wild color palettes, and oddly large closets despite the residents’ minimal clothing needs.
• First house: Gleaming white, blue (lapis lazuli) and seashell motif. Kitchen gets Nicolette’s glowing approval.
  • “Everything looks like a Skyy Vodka bottle.” (20:25)
• Second house: Brown, dated kitchen; but Nicolette dreams of “15 people sitting at the bar doing shots.” (28:47)
• Third house: Narrow, hot tub inexplicably embedded in the living room (“like a Bundt pan”). Out-of-the-way location freaks Nicolette out due to its distance from the all-important nudist nightclub. (35:20)

5. Nudist Practicalities: Desks, Privacy, and Party Themes

• Despite the lack of clothing, the couple obsesses over office space: “How many desks do you think can fit in here?” (29:33)
• “One of the most exciting things about being in a nudist community is the lack of privacy, which is...the most inverted House Hunters episode of all time…” (26:17)
• Big closets? “You don't need pants, but you do need places for your Darth Vader helmet...” (32:34)

6. April: Queen of the Colony (Kind Of)

• April's attempts to ingratiate herself with every resident are noted repeatedly, leading to running gags about her loneliness and relentless, almost tragic positivity.
  • Ben: “...April seems very sweet and lonely.” (23:39)
  • “Only strangers here are strangers, not strangers,” she says, in her earnest attempts to reassure the new buyers. (27:55)

7. Hosts’ Self-Reflections and Off-Topic Comedy

• Both hosts launch into side stories about their own semi-nude experiences (Molly at a gay rave, appendicitis at a Korean spa), occasionally veering into deadpan cultural mockery.
• Extended discussions about TikTok quirks, including Patricia (Southern Charm) stuck on “dancing chickens TikTok.”
  • Ronnie: “She just sits there and she turns it on. She's like...those chickens have millions of views.” (17:15)

8. Decision Time: “Patio or Dump(ster)?”

• The climactic dilemma is between a balcony view of a dumpster versus a Bundt pan hot tub.
  • Ben: “Patio or dumpster. I love the dilemma. Patio or dumpster.” (31:35)
• Final pick: House #1, mostly for its kitchen, despite all the talk of terraces and parties.

9. Notable Finale

• April returns for a check-in, grasping for an invite, and is served champagne in a glass “with no base,” prompting Ronnie to label her a “predator” in jest:
  • Ronnie: “She just gives you a glass you can never put down. Fucking April.” (40:59)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the couple’s nudity: “It's funny that your nest is so empty when your bush is so full, Dustin.” – Ronnie (07:12)
• On the community: “We can't just all walk around self-confidence. You need people feeling shitty about themselves enough to go to work every day. Who's gonna keep Old Navy open?” – Ronnie (11:15)
• On design in Florida homes: “Everywhere is April's lapis lazuli blue with seashells...everything looks like a Skyy Vodka bottle.” – Ben (20:25)
• On closets in a nude community: “You don't need pants, but you do need places for your Darth Vader helmet.” – Ronnie (32:34)
• April’s ever-present waves: “April is found a way to sell homes. Taking off her bra. Hi. Hi.” – Ronnie (27:24)
• On the hot tub: “It looks like a bundt pan that someone literally just put like right here.” – Ben (36:14)
• On TikTok rabbit holes: “I just got out of North Sea TikTok…where are the chickens?” – Ben (17:34)
• Final empathy for April: “April seems very sweet and lonely.” – Ben (23:39)
• On nudist homebuyers’ priorities: “They’re mad the closets are too big. I’m telling you, it’s like a bizarro House Hunters.” – Ben (32:02)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:39: Introduction to house-hunting couple & the nudist colony premise
• 05:50: Insurance agents as nudists; Vicki Gunvalson comparison
• 10:09 - 12:24: Observing the golf cart parade and April’s need to connect
• 14:15: "Music brought us to the nudist colony"
• 20:25: House #1—Florida design critique
• 28:47: House #2—Nicolette’s dreams of kitchen parties
• 32:02: Closets too big, privacy “not desirable”
• 35:45: House #3—Bundt pan hot tub and distant location
• 39:31: Decision reveal and post-sale check-in
• 41:17: Closing thoughts, the “base-less” champagne glass

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Tone & Style

The episode is quintessential Watch What Crappens: irreverent, rapid-fire, sometimes gleefully mean, but always in on the joke about their own mockery. Both Ben and Ronnie balance loving pokes at their subjects (“We mock because we love!”) with heartfelt commentary about why “everyone deserves to be happy—just maybe not at that dumpy Florida kitchen.”

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For New Listeners and Housewives Fans

Even without knowledge of the original “House Hunters” nude episode, the hosts’ colorful tangents, relatable Bravo references, and embarrassing personal confessions make for an entertaining journey. You’ll finish feeling like you too have waved at April from a golf cart, and maybe—just maybe—question whether more big closets are a blessing or a curse in a world without pants.

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Transcript

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[B]

Ding dong. Hello.

[A]

Hi everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. Well, so now we finally meet our couple. We've spent a lot of time with April and the community and everything. So we have our literal parade of naked golf carts that have lined up. You know, they're all listening to Jimmy Buffett. They're like, oh, man. Play a cheeseburger in paradise again.

[B]

Rock shaker. So is that Jimmy Buffett?

[A]

How many times do you think they play the pina colada song at this place?

[B]

Oh, my God. If you love pina coladas, play it again. So I think they play. How often do you think they play B, A, N, A, N, A, S.

[A]

How often do they play A, P, P, L, E, S. How you like them?

[B]

How you like them? Let's have a good time. Who would you. Who from?

[A]

Bravo. Would you like to see in a nudist colony? Brock.

[B]

Brock. Yeah, Brock. Brock.

[A]

Brock. Just Brock.

[B]

Just Brock.

[C]

That's literally.

[B]

That's all I need.

[A]

Could you imagine, like a zombie apocalypse? It's just this empty, like, empty nudist colony. No one's there except Brock walking around naked. Well, I guess I'm the only one here.

[B]

I'm into it.

[A]

12:00Pm Time to jerk off on the bush on Strawberry Lane.

[B]

Strawberry Lane. I love in his little budgie smugglers. So handsome. You know, I got all the way to the doors, the front doors of the NFL And I didn't get in. I was like, well, I've been to a lot of fucking front doors. Where's my autobiography? Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

Well, his NFL is like Nacho Friends League or something.

[B]

Oh, they let me in there. So these people, Nicolette and Dustin, arrive in the golf cart, and they are empty nesters. And they're generally people. I don't. I don't even think if they were. I think even if they're closed, you would see them as your neighbors and close your blinds. Like, oh, God, here they go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

April's gonna start bitching about the kitchen, and Dustin's gonna say, something's not his fault. They just have that look on him. Like, Dustin's got, like. It's not a wig. Right? What do you think?

[A]

Are you allowed to wear a wig if you're a nudist?

[B]

Yeah. On your feet and on your head. You're allowed to cover those things. Just the rest of it.

[A]

Okay. I just don't know how completionist people are about this concept.

[B]

So he's got not the kid hair now, because you know how kids hair now is all pushed forward. They, like, permit and make it big and then they push it forward.

[A]

Like, who here has a kid with that haircut?

[B]

At least five. I just heard at least five. Which is five moms at least, who are like, I tell him how bullshit that hair is.

[A]

Our sympathy goes out to you moms. We know it's a hard job trying to get your kids to have a.

[B]

Normal haircut, but he's got kids from, like, 20 years ago when it was like, spiky. Ha. The spike. Everybody was doing the spiky hair. Like, the human brain weighs eight pounds or whatever.

[A]

And I definitely did not do that whatsoever.

[B]

You didn't. You had spiky hair.

[A]

I tried to do a faux hawk in the mid-2000s. Oh, no. Yeah. But I was. Yeah, yeah, it's true. But I was too lazy to commit to actually making. Keeping the sides tight. So what would happen is the sides would just grow out and then there'd be just like a little peak. And if you look at photos, I'll put some photos up. But I'm sure you could look up some photos. It's like, I've got a little triangle of hair on, like, a generally normal hair, and it looks ridiculous. And I would go out and I would go to nice events with that, thinking I was trendy.

[B]

I wish I had been your friend then so I could be like, it looks great. Yeah.

[A]

That was my Life.

[B]

So I had mushroom hair shaved on the sides, big and huge on the top. It was hot. And then like a little, like a wave. A little.

[A]

A little something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we find out that Dustin and Nicolette are actually. They both work in insurance, which is strange. Strange to think of like the person who's like selling like. Like, oh, like my auto policy. After I get off the phone with them, they're taking off all their clothes.

[B]

But insurance people are like that. You know what that's like? They're like Vicki. I was going to say like Vicky from Orange County. She's an insurance person and Vicky's like a swinging cack. I mean, she tried to even her cancer when she was pretending her boyfriend had cancer for that season.

[A]

True story for non Bravo watchers.

[B]

Aliens. Love that one. That was a great season.

[A]

That's great for the aliens. That's good.

[B]

She faked cancer so people would be nice to her boyfriend. And so also they would bring her casseroles and be kind to her. But it didn't work. But she came up with a pretend cancer charity and it was called cac Kill All Cancer cac. So even her cancer charity was CAC based.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

So it's an insurance thing, I think. But yeah, he's like, we're, you know, we're empty nesters. And you have never seen kids run as fast as they did out of our house. They ran like cow.

[A]

That nest is gonna stay empty on even the holidays. Let me tell you something. If my parents, as soon as I left to go to college, I found out that they were going down to Florida to be part of a nudist colony. I'd be like, it was a good run. We had a great run. I'm just going to do the Drew.

[B]

Barrymore divorce your parents thing.

[A]

I'm moving on.

[B]

Yeah, it's funny that your nest is so empty when your bush is so full. Dustin.

[A]

You knew there was going to be a bush joke at some point.

[B]

I just didn't know when dad jokes. Okay, so April's like, we've always been so comfortable with being naked. So we thought, let's go to this nudist place and check it out. As long as you don't fuck with my kitchen, Dustin. I was like, okay, geez. She's like, we went like most people do, really timid at first. They look at April. Cause April's like fully dressed, you know, And April's like, oh, this is just daytime April. You'll get the candy hearts in the mail.

[A]

I don't I've got the feeling, like, April. April was fully dressed this entire episode. She's the only one wearing clothes this entire episode. And you knew she was just, like, dying to get out of it.

[B]

Like, ugh.

[A]

So wouldn't you.

[B]

I wouldn't be still in clothes because listen to how judgmental I act already. I'm, like, half naked watching this show, and I'm like, why can't I be naked? Places. If I was walking around this house, I'd be fucking naked, too. I went out with my friends here one time, and they gave me Molly, which I haven't taken since. It would probably been, like, six months. I was gonna say a teenager, but let's be real. But I had never taken it on an empty stomach before, so I was more. Yeah. And I was like, I'm so insecure. I can't believe I'm at a gay rave. I haven't done this in so long. It's so gross. Gay people are so mean to me. Like, five minutes later, I was, like, half naked in the center of the dance floor, like, yeah. Wanna make out? And they're like, no, No.

[A]

I once went to a Korean spa. Like, actually, actually, can I tell you something? You may have heard that I had appendicitis recently. I got it while I was at the Korean spa. My appendix was like, I'm not standing for this. We gotta get this guy out of here. It was weird. It was weird at first. It was. It was not peaceful. It was like. It was just. What'd you say? No, it was in New Jersey. It was. I was naked in New Jersey amongst strangers. No wonder why my appendix nearly bursts. It was embarrassed.

[B]

We're already being mean to naked people. We can't be mean to Jersey people, too.

[A]

Oh, my God. If, like, Bill Aiden had walked into that Korean spa, I don't know. Well, your appendix isn't the only thing here that's about to burst.

[B]

It only hurts for a second. Pinborn. So April's like, yeah. As soon as we got to this nudist place, it was just so inviting. And now the kids aren't here. We just. You know, we were coming here once a month, but we just want to be naked all the time. So then we see the golf cart parade, and they're really.

[A]

There's so many golf cart parades in this place.

[B]

There's a lot. It's like a rump parade all day long with these people. So there's a lot of golf carts, and I'm not really sure about their theme There was someone with a bubble machine.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then there was someone. Then there was someone on the side going, extra, extra.

[A]

Well, the reason why we knew there was a bubble machine was cause Dustin is on his golf cart and he rides button. He goes, nice bubble machine. And April is the least of the issues with this place, I'm telling you.

[B]

And April's like, I was really worried about telling my friends, you know, because of the judgment. You married Dustin. If they didn't stop that, you could probably set the fucking city on fire and they'd support it.

[A]

But, you know, all these people are a different shape and size and they're all, all walking around really confidently and no one feels uncomfortable at all. And not a single person has pointed and laughed at my forest fire tattoo.

[B]

I'm telling you, self confidence is gonna end this world, okay? We can't just all walk around self confidence. You need people feeling shitty about themselves enough to go to work every day. Who's gonna keep Old Navy open? So who's gonna keep Weight Watchers pizza at the stores? I need diet culture, okay? Everyone just can'. Quit their jobs and be happy, okay? Happiness is a secret. Only tell people you know how to achieve it. Let the strangers be unhappy and stay clothed and feed us and serve us things and give us our Old Navy cash at the end of the day.

[A]

So they're riding along in this never ending golf cart parade, and Dustin goes like, oh, hey, there's our old friend. And it cuts to April, who is, like standing in an intersection and she's literally doing this. This is no exaggeration. We see a full body shot and she's going like this. It was like you just got home from vacation and like your pet has come running up to the door. She's like, people. These people for sure know me. They talk to me. They have to talk to me. I'm gonna sell them a house. I'm the face of the nudist culture.

[B]

They hate this lady.

[A]

Hate her.

[B]

So there's. She's like, hi, everybody.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi, everybody. Hi. Hi. Hi. And there's this lady. She looks like Maxine from Shoebox Crew. Greetings. But naked. And she's standing in a driveway. And she's walking in place like this. Just in place. Not walking anywhere, not fast, just doing this. And then Dustin passes and goes, hey, stranger, need a ride? No. She's walking in place in her driveway. Does it look like she need even this lady looked at them like, oh, fucking die. Who gave this guy self confidence? Take it back.

[A]

So now April Sits down and meets with these two. She's so happy. She's like. People are forced to talk to her. So she puts on her best bright blue top with lots of cutouts and straps and things. You know, I think when you don't wear clothes a lot, it's. You might put them on upside down or something.

[B]

How does this work? I still do that. I still can't figure out the front and the back of a T shirt. It's like, the easiest thing to do. It's tricky, apparently. So April doesn't really know who she's selling to, so she's like, guys, they're really active nudist communities. There's nightclubs, there's restaurants. Conservation, whale saving, recycling. No musicals.

[A]

I'm scared about the nudists Colony nightclub. I'm gonna be honest. I feel like it is like a lot of. It's like a lot of Pina Colada song. Let's be honest. And then there'll be like, something random like Nelly, and they're like, yeah, this is my jam. Oh, Pina Colada song again. Okay, got it. Every single night.

[B]

And then we find out, because Dustin's like, yeah, we need to be social. Karaoke, live music, Twister, cornhole. If there's a stage, we're on the dance floor. Okay, Dustin. And then Nicole goes, Music is very important to us. Music is what brought us to the nudist colony.

[A]

What? I thought nudity. I thought nudity is what brought you to the nudistcon. Why is music what brought you to the nudist colony?

[B]

And what song was it? I blame Taylor Swift for this. Who did this? What song brought. Is it, like, Peter in the Pan? Who's the guy with the little flute? Peter. And the flute.

[A]

Peter. Peter Piper.

[B]

Peter Piper. No, Peter Piper.

[A]

Pied Piper. The original nudist.

[B]

It just, like, plays Billy Joel into a flute, and homely naked people start walking in a zombie line to Pasco, Florida.

[A]

You know, every night at 1:43am as those, like, last call, they're all singing Piano man naked around the bar.

[B]

You know it. So I. But explain, please. Dustin goes, okay, so right now, our home is five bedrooms and 2,700 square feet. So we're looking to downsize not only square feet, but also bedrooms, because the only way we're gonna get rid of stuff is if we get a smaller house. Throw your shit away, Destin. What kind of consumer bullshit is that? Not consumer capitalist bullshit. You see how the kids are getting to me? This is why they're banning TikTok. Look what it's doing to middle aged people. I swear to you. I watched TikTok for two hours the other night in bed and I woke up like, down with capitalism pigs. But now I'm mad at this guy for having too much that he has to get a smaller house cause he can't bear to walk to the fucking dumpster. Capitalist pig.

[A]

I watched TikTok for two hours and I like woke up the next day with a British accent saying, if you want to make the most beautiful beans, let me show you the tricks.

[B]

I love that it serves you different shit based on your personality. That's so funny. So Patricia from Southern Charm, I just saw her a couple months ago at BravoCon and we went and had dinner and we were talking about TikTok. And I was saying for some reason, mine serves me like kid politics, like younger people politics and black parenting. Like I love. I guess I just. Cause there's like really funny skit videos where families like play jokes on each other. I'm like, I don't know, I guess that's my thing. And she goes, you know what my thing is? Dancing chickens. Have you seen.

[A]

I would love to be in that corner of TikTok.

[B]

Have you seen the dancing chickens? And I said, no. I said, that's the thing. She goes, oh yeah. Video after video.

[A]

I've seen that.

[B]

She whipped out her.

[A]

It's reggaeton. And the chickens are going like this.

[B]

The chickens dance in sync with each other. And she just sits there and she turns it on. She's like.

[A]

Those chickens have millions of views.

[B]

It's a chicken, it's a dancing.

[A]

I just got out of North Sea TikTok. Did anyone else get into North Sea TikTok, where every time you open your phone and go, yo ho, all hands. I'd just be for like an hour. I'd just be watching boats going up and down. I was like, where are the chickens? Imagine if the chickens were on the boat. Now that would be a good hybrid being like, listen to reggaeton, but like going into the waves. So nudists.

[B]

So they're talking about what they want. They want something for $5, roughly. It's gonna be smaller than 10,000 square feet. So surely it's cheap, right? And Nicole. Nicole. I forget these people's names.

[A]

Nicolette.

[B]

Nicolette. It's like, yeah, 450 all in. And he's like, that's not enough. I want to have good time. I travel a lot for insurance. And she's like, well, I'm not getting Everything I want for that amount. So, okay, April's like, listen, this is your time. This is for you, and you need to concentrate on your own happiness. And he's like, can I have a place with the balcony? She's like, yeah. And that's where selfishness is. Think about my happiness. You think I want to see you up naked on the balcony when I'm trying to drive into the goddamn neighborhood? Leave me alone. It's bad enough I have to say, stop at this damn place to pick up my fucking mail without seeing your balls hang over the side. Can I take out my trash without Dustin's nut sack waving at me? Dustin. Asshole. And insurance is too expensive, too.

[A]

Well, April starts out by showing Dustin and Nicolette a home on the most desirable street in the colony at the corner of if you like and pina coladas.

[B]

So let's see. We're starting in huge nudist colonies with tons of places in their price point, including condos, apartments, single family homes, whale conservation places, and karaoke clubs. So let's go. So how is. So April's like, what about the amenities in this place? How far is it from karaoke?

[A]

So they come to this first house for house number one. Has this, like, stone exterior and everything. It looks like okay right from the outside. Nothing too crazy.

[B]

No, this house has really killed our taste. This place is not okay. Nothing about the houses are okay.

[A]

No, I mean, listen. It's a sliding scale with Florida of house hunters. Okay.

[B]

You watch the European or any of the world house hunters. And they could be in a shack on a puddle and it's gorgeous. But anywhere in America they go, they can go to the nicest cities. It's all the set of Roseanne in a different. A different year. You know, it's like there's a new shawl on the couch.

[A]

Yeah. So they walk into this house and it's like gleaming white. But then everywhere, it's like April's lapis lazuli blue with like seashells. It's like that Florida thing where it's like everything has to be like a seashell or a star or a starfish. And everything is bright blue. And it's like. Oh, like now you feel like you're at the beach with these colors that you never find at the beach. Everything looks like a sky vodka bottle.

[B]

Yeah, it's very, like, modern. They're like, it's modern. Just everything's white and marble floors and stuff. And they're real close to the neighbors. And the neighbors blinds are closed and I just thought, well, that's not going to change because you know that they're going to open those one time and be like, oh, my God, we've got new neighbors. Oh, Jesus.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Close them. Close them, Bernie. Close them.

[A]

So they walk through. There's actually two living rooms. It's sort of strange. You walk through a first living room and then you get to a second living room, and then you go around the corner and then there's this big kitchen. It's a big kitchen. And everything's kind of like an oak. Like a light, pale blonde wood, but then there's like more blue. And you're like, okay, it's a fine kitchen. Whatever. And they. She, Nicolette loves this kitchen. And in fact, she falls in love with it so hard that the moment that he's like, well, I'm not sure. She's like, I know you're not gonna take me to my kitchen.

[B]

Yeah. And so she's like, I will not sacrifice on my kitchen. It's like, will you sacrifice in it? You're terrifying me right now. And there are these chairs in this house that look like naked people, but, like doing a backbend like in Cirque du Sole. They're the weirdest because they're modern. Yes. Did you see those were like torture chairs. I don't like that.

[C]

They were like.

[A]

They had, like, tree branches in them. So Nicolette also, by the way, has this fantasy that she is going to have, like, the most rockin social life here the entire time. She's like, this is where I want to spend my time entertaining. Okay? Because, you know, you cook the food and then people stand around here, and they can stand around that island. They can stand over there looking at the people standing at the island, be like, why can't I stand at the island? They have to wait their turn because it's like, such a cool place, the island. We can just have so much fun here in this kitchen. Am I right?

[B]

He's like, isn't this too big? And she's like, you sure like eating my food. I was like, yes, I'm into her. I'm starting to really like her.

[A]

And then April hears the words she has waited 26 years to hear, which is, wow, you know, everyone in this community is gonna love the food. We'll have to have you over, April. And she goes, I love it.

[B]

Oh, I'll be here.

[A]

Poor.

[B]

Bless April's heart. And also, you know, the sad thing about this, and we just have to give a shout out to these people, please, don't listen to this. If you're on this show and you're like, oh, my God, someone's talking about our show. Press stop. Go back. I mean, maybe it's too late for. Maybe we should edit this part and put it at the beginning. Because this one just came out. Some of this shit came out, like, 20 years ago, and they still show it. And we're like, let's just pick a random episode. And it's like, 1997. What a year for, you know, shag carpeting. And so we rag on them, and they're like, oh, my God, what they'll put on our Instagram. Like, wow, what a time in my life. That was so funny back then. I can see why you're making. This was last week. Yeah, April's. April's gonna be hurt. Sorry, April.

[A]

Sorry, April. She seems very sweet and lonely. So then they go.

[B]

The lady's Nicolette is like, well, the office is kind of small, but the kitchen's big, so I can take a small kitchen because I could just work on my laptop. It's fine. I mean, who cares? I'll work on. Well, you're obviously not a Mac user. That shit's aluminum. You can't just have that on your badge. Someone get the woman a couch, desk or something. Don't let this happen to your wife.

[A]

Yeah, those laptops heat up. So they are also very. They're very obsessed with desks. So they're like, oh, this could be a good office. Could we fit two desks in here? I'm like, you know, you're not making a literal office. Like. Like, can we get a cubicle in here? And the rest. The whole episode, they're like, but where can we put some desks?

[B]

You know that Nick's gonna be like, okay, so I've got you for home and auto. Yep. No, I'm in the office. I'm in the office to meet the fucking karaoke bar. Balls out. Just like, oh, taking the call, guys. Taking the call. Can we keep it down?

[A]

So, you know, then they go into a bedroom, and it's like, the guest bedroom would be. Guest bedroom. And Dustin goes, you know, I really like it. It just appears we have an opportunity over here to add a small desk, a small office space. The only issue is that if we have a guest over and they're asleep and resting, we're working. I was like, oh, that's the only issue your guests will have. The only issue. Okay, you might do a zoom. You might do a zoom. Might be uncomfortable for Them, Sure.

[B]

It's like, there's a lot of positives in this house. I mean, you know, the floors are great and bare. I like my floors like I like my women. Am I right? No carpet.

[A]

Dang it. I'll take it.

[B]

Just throw a couple of deaths in this kitchen. I'll take it.

[A]

I just want to say also, the primary bedroom, you know, they're in Florida because the primary bedroom has one. You know those, like, wooden block signs that you put. Put on the counter, it just says seaside. You know, April was like, hold on, I have a note for the staging. Let's add a seaside sign in there. I think it's gonna really sell the house.

[B]

So April's like, wow. Wait, what am I saying here? I don't even know what this is.

[A]

Is this when she walks in and goes, I see 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 windows.

[B]

No, she goes, I see 1, 2, three, four, five windows. There's eight windows. Look behind you, April.

[A]

And she goes. Nicolette goes, you know, one of the most exciting things about being in a nudist community is the lack of privacy, which is. This is the most inverted House Hunters episode of all time. It's normally like, well, this beautiful, you know, 50,000 square foot house is great, but there's no privacy, so we can't take it here. They're like, we love it. There's no privacy. Everyone can just look at us. Boobs flapping left and right, knocking over seats. Take a look, everyone.

[B]

And I just love that April is just selling everything so hard, you know, she's like, those blinds, the next door are closed now, but wait till they open. That's Rita over there. She's got a third nipple and a fourth belly button. She was the greeter at the Walmart. They had to move her back to the bakery because of the bottleneck. People just could not stop talking to Rita. You're gonna love it here.

[A]

She can balance a shot glass on each nib. You'll see.

[B]

You're gonna love that, bitch. Okay, so nudists are relying on April to find them a home in the nudist capital of the world. Hi. Hi. They just keep showing. If you're wondering why we keep saying that, it's every other scene.

[A]

Every other scene. She's waving.

[B]

April is found a way to sell homes. Taking off her bra. Hi. Hi.

[A]

And then Dustin goes, well, April, you don't know everyone around her. You seem to know everyone. And she's like, yes. I was like, golf carts go speeding by like, it's April.

[B]

It's April and just another example of men being dopes. Dustin's like, can we please see a place with a grill? Stay away from the grill, Dustin. I don't even like you, but I don't want to see you get roasted like that. Come on, Dust.

[A]

So April says, you know what? You're not a stranger in this community. You're just stranger. Not a stranger. And she goes, people are always waving. That was actually the saddest thing that April said when she goes, people are always waving. She waves again.

[B]

Yeah. She's like, this one has a terrace, though. Dustin can stand out there and be target practice for the paper boy, you know? So let's go to the next one. There's a lot of carpet, guys. There's a lot of open space.

[A]

I mean, the jokes just write themselves, right?

[B]

And then April goes in, and she goes, there's really a lot of room to jam in here.

[A]

Turn on that Christopher Cross. I'm getting wild tonight. So the kitchen's, like, ugly. It's, like, brown and dated. Very, like, 2001 or. I don't know. I'm talking, like, I have any idea about design.

[B]

Well, no one on this show does.

[A]

So Nicolette loves it. She literally says, wow, we could have 15 people sitting at the bar doing shots. It's like a peninsula next to your range. I don't know what she's talking about. She is obsessed with this vision of her future. I know people are feeling sad now for her. They're like, oh, Nicolette.

[B]

Yeah, they have this kind of office room with, like, different angles in it. You know, it's like. You know those rooms, I don't know where they come from. It's like a crucifix, but then also an asterisk if you were looking at shapes. And Dustin's like, oh, I like this room. Okay. But I like weird shapes. We know Dustin, and, you know the first thing he says, how many desks do you think can fit in here?

[A]

So enough about how many people could be at the kitchen. We're talking about desks now. So then he's really excited. So the last place did not have any outdoor space. So he is really excited because this one has a balcony. So go out to the balcony, and it's a view of, like, the shittiest parking lot you've ever seen. And April tries to sell it. She goes, well, you can see the beautiful landscape and the palm tree. The palm tree, the palm tree. There's, like, a singular palm tree. They're like, have you seen the palm tree lately, it's looking great.

[B]

And the view is actually of the dumpster. The literal dumpster. It's a literal dumpster sitting there. And Dustin's like, well, I don't know if I can use this grill when my view is the dumpster. How do you think the dumpster feels? The dumpster is down there. Just praying, like, please let this one be okay, Please.

[A]

And then Nicolette says, you know, I think, you know, I like this terrace. I think it could really extend our entertaining area when we have people over. I'm like, yeah, that's how terraces work. Yeah.

[B]

So they're like, well, I don't know about this terrace. And April's like, but at the same time, it's at the front of the community. So when anybody drives into the community, we're just sitting there having wine on the terrace, and we can look at everybody. I'm like.

[A]

I was like, sold.

[B]

I don't think you're thinking this one through.

[A]

I want to watch every single person come in and be like, uh, huh, huh. She has daddy issues. He just got fired. He's a narcissist. He's gonna litter.

[B]

There's just a lady walking in place. Maxine from Shoebox Greetings is just walking in place at the entrance. You're gonna have to move those feet forward, Maxine.

[A]

You can.

[B]

Do you wanna ride, honey?

[A]

So Nicolette is. She basically summarizes this and says, you know, like, Dustin hates the dumpster because he really wanted the patio. He really wants a patio, and it's very important to him. So to have the patio and the dumpster is just a very bad downside. I was like, I love the dilemma. Patio or dumpster.

[B]

So I was watching this on YouTube TV, and if they don't have enough commercials to fill the slot, they put up, like, animal imagery, and they play this music that goes, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Your program will be right back, or whatever. And so this one was Dolph. This one was dolphins, like, swimming slowly under and over each other. And by this point in the episode, I was like, put on some clothes. You know, the dolphins. So next place, ap.

[A]

Wait. I just want to say one last thing about this place, which is that they're talking about the closets. And the closets are. The closets are actually too big for them. They're mad. The closets. There's too much closet space. I'm telling you. It's like a. It's like a bizarro house hunters. They're like. They're like, there's too much privacy and the closets are too big.

[B]

So then she goes, we don't need this big closet because we're trying to get rid of Steph. And she goes, oh, actually you really need big closets in nudist colonies because they have a lot of theme parties.

[A]

So you have to have a lot of closets for the accessories. Yeah.

[B]

You don't need pants, but you do need places for your Darth Vader helmet. Okay.

[A]

Just last week they had an everybody hide from April party. It was great.

[B]

Bless her heart.

[A]

Justice for April.

[B]

Was it the candy hearts?

[A]

Okay, house number three.

[B]

We hope this final place gets Dustin and Nicolette fired up.

[A]

Yes. And by the way, to introduce the house number three, I had closed captioning on to make it easier to take notes. And so as we go to house number three, on the bottom it says captivating music playing. I guarantee you there's nothing captivating going on here.

[B]

So this one, it looks kind of like a golf course place. There's like a little bridge over a swamp because, you know, in Florida, they're like, look, it's a man made pond. You want to pay an extra $50,000 to live here. And then alligators crawl up and they just fucking take people. Take children.

[A]

In one of Florida's largest nudist communities, agent April finds Dustin and Nicolette a townhouse that's surrounded by nature. And then it cuts to April saying, it's surrounded by water. My job, bitch. I describe what it's surrounded by.

[B]

So she's like, well, you're taking us a little far here. And then they start going over a little rickety bridge. And she's like, well, where are the amenities? Where's the karaoke? She's like, well, the neighbors have all met you now, and they've requested that we take you further and further back to the edges of the community.

[A]

Nicolette is obsessed with the nightclub at this nudist colony. And she's like, really distraught that it's like a five minute golf cart walk away or drive away. So she's very upset with this location.

[B]

Well, it is really far. But then just thinking of the things she said because she was like, well, it is kind of far from the amenities. You will need a golf cart here. And she's so mad. And I'm like, what are you. Nicolette's like, Nicolette's gonna be walking down at 3 in the morning, just drunk on the gravel, like hanging out all over. Take the golf cart.

[A]

It is a little scary because in order to get to the house number three. It's literally like a giant. Like two giant lakes, this tiny path. You know, there's like some drunk noose who fallen into those lakes and never been seen again.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. It's like another. When you're getting to another level in Zelda, you have to like, get. You have to like travel to another. Like the terrain starts changing, you know, and all the roads, like, you need a different kind of outfit. Well, not in this case. You need to shed all of your outfits. Or another.

[A]

April's just walking around Hyrule being like, hello.

[B]

Hi. So Dustin, Dustin's like, whoa. And look at this view. We're more secluded, but it does have good front and rear end views. And Linda's just like, well, that's one of you.

[A]

So they walk in this. This one's a real. Is really miserable. It's like a very narrow townhome. But they walk in and there's like a living room and then there's like a glass door. And the other glass door, other side of it, there's just like a hot tub in the floor and then another glass door and then it's a patio. It doesn't really make sense. And they just sort of stare at the, at the, at the hot tub. And you know, Nicolette's like, actually, this would be a great place for entertaining. Am I right?

[B]

Because she's really into the idea. Because now the kitchen's on the second floor, but she can at least come down. And then people will be in the hot tub. And then she could talk to people while they're in the hot tub and she's serving them like pigs in a blanket or what. Like, she starts getting really excited about the hot tub. And I think that's how you get them to your house. But once they're at your. I think they'll meet all these people at the hot tub. Like that couple in SNL that's like, hey, lover. But then once you actually get them there, they don't want to go back in the hot tub. But you gotta feed the people, you.

[A]

Know, it's also just a bizarre hot tub. It looks like a bundt pan that someone literally just put like right here. It's like, imagine walking to a living room and there's just like a Bundt pan shaped hot tub just like right there by the couch.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like that marble, that plastic marble. So. Okay, let's see. So they don't really love that one as much, but you don't know what they're thinking. And really every place is tasteless. So it's like, which fugly place should we pick at this point? So is it the one we get to be naked in or the one we get to be naked in? Was it gonna be crystal patio or dumpster?

[A]

Am I right?

[B]

Patio or a dumpster? Okay, so now they have to decide. Is there anything you wanted to say about that last one? Sorry. Clearly. What is it?

[A]

Oh, my God. They were obsessed with the showers. You know, there's been a whole shower saga.

[B]

They have an odd shower taste too, right? Because one of them had an amazing shower. There was a rain shower. And then they went to this ugly shower. Like, this shower is amazing.

[A]

Okay. The first shower they went to was this giant periwinkle shower, which is a little off brand from the lapis lazuli. And they. They were like, oh. And he goes, I'm a shower guy. I was like, congratulations. As opposed to. So then they. It was nice.

[B]

I'm a hose guy myself. Hose down outside.

[A]

Like, handy wiped guy. So he. Then. Then they go to one and like, it's a shower that literally. It looks like a prison shower. And they're like, this is great. And they're like, and we can sing in this shower.

[B]

That's why I brought you.

[A]

I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain Rain, rain, rain, rain.

[B]

That'S why we brought you to the edge of town Dustin. So what do you think, Ben? Which place would you take?

[A]

I thought they were going to take house number two because there was a little balcony and even though there was a dumpster, I mean, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, have you seen all the B roll footage of this episode? I mean, we can deal with the dumpster.

[B]

I agree. I think that the dumpster was the furthest away from the guy on the Casio keyboard, which was by far the worst thing in this entire episode. So I would have picked that also. I would have picked them because they're, like, so excited to be like, everyone else is just used to it. They're like, we're naked. Who cares? You know, like I'm sawing some wood in the front yard. That's dangerous, sir. But they're like, we're newly naked. So I thought they were gonna take the terrace so that they could be like, hi. You know? Cause they learned from April what you do in this neighborhood. Hi. Hi. I figured they would take terrorists.

[A]

And I want a terrorist to pass judgment on everyone coming in or the raccoons going in the dumpster.

[B]

I don't care. Here's the thing with that.

[A]

It's all gonna be content.

[B]

They're also judging you as they come in. I mean, you have to think about that. You've got 30 people in an hour coming through there judging you. And it's not your best angle. They're down there, and you're up here.

[A]

It's a low angle.

[B]

It's like, these poor people. What are these poor people looking at down there?

[A]

So which one did you think they were gonna take?

[B]

I mean, honestly, I would have believed any of it, which says a lot about those two. I was really rooting for Casio guy. By the end, I was like, I deserve. That guy deserves another chance. At this point, I literally was in my underwear and had one sock on. That's all I was wearing. I really didn't give a shit. I was so close to being liberated. I almost saw my own wiener that day.

[A]

Dare to dream. Well, they wind up choosing house number one, the one with the two living rooms and the nice kitchen. You know, once you saw that kitchen, there was no turning back, as is what happens to many of us. So they chose house number one. And then we have April coming by, like, three months later being like, hey, so I never got that invite to that pot roast you were talking about. So I thought I'd check in to see, make sure weren't any carbon monoxide leaks or anything.

[B]

And, you know, through a lot of it, I was like, you shouldn't, like, put bad qualities on people just because they're naked. And especially by this point. Point, because I, like, I'm a nudist now, right? So I was like, they're all good people, you know? Like, April, sure, she gets a little mean about kitchens, but she does cook everything, so I forgive her. But then by the end of this, I was like, she's a predator. And here's why. Let me get. Let me tell you, you guys, I watch a lot of csi, so I know. I know predators, not literally. Do not look up my. So she. Okay, she serves April a champagne glass, okay? But it doesn't have a base. It only has a stem. It's the weirdest fucking thing. First of all, it's completely tasteless, right? But it's. No. It's like a green, like, artistic. Artistic stem. And it points, but it doesn't have a stem. I guess you have to, like, find a base and put it in the base. But that girl just wants you drunk. She just gives you a glass. You can never put Down. Down. Fucking April. At the end of the day, I'm telling you, we're going to hear about her on the news.

[A]

You know, there's some sort of, like, nude glass blowing in this colony. They're like, oh, this came from Renata. She made this the other day.

[B]

No, that's run. That's a class run by men. I could tell you that. They're the idiots blowing glass with their balls out.

[A]

So the episode ends with Nicolette very proudly saying, I just love the lack of privacy. We don't close our windows at all. We see the neighbors walk by and we walk by completely nude and they just wave and we wave back at them. And then we both ignore April on the side of the road.

[B]

I know. And April's like, do you have a base to put this down? Wait a minute. They wave back at you. And that is the end of House Hunters.

[A]

Thank you all so much for coming out to our very first ever House Hunters recap.

[B]

Guys, thank you you so much for being here. Thank you. Love you guys.

[A]

Love you all. Have a great night.

[B]

Love you, Katie and Walter. Love you, Netflix. We'll see you. Guys. You guys. Oh, my God. Congratulations, baby.

[A]

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[C]

We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast. And our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.

[A]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.