#412 Dwell Hello: Dreaming in Los Angeles

Summary

Watch What Crappens Episode #412 Dwell Hello: Dreaming in Los Angeles

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: June 13, 2024

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Overview

In this lively episode of Dwell Hello, the Watch What Crappens duo—Ben and Ronnie—recap and mercilessly roast the House Hunters episode, "Dreaming in Los Angeles" (Volume 7, Season 169, Episode 2). The focus is on a couple, Cat (from Australia) and Joe (originally from New Jersey), as they search for their dream home in LA. Ben and Ronnie blend their firsthand LA knowledge and signature biting humor to dissect the couple, their home options, and LA real estate culture, offering listeners a hilarious yet insightful journey through gentrification, home-buying nightmares, and the quirks of LA living.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hosts’ Personal LA Ties and Setting the Scene

• Ronnie is returning to LA from Texas, specifically contemplating whether to move back to West Hollywood or try a new neighborhood, referencing the neighborhood's issues playfully:

  "It was getting a little methy over there. And by that I don’t mean messy. I mean messy, but with method." (02:15)

• The episode and its central couple serve as a springboard for Ben and Ronnie’s own LA anecdotes, often skewering LA’s ever-changing neighborhoods, malls, and the unique nature of city living.

2. Meet the House Hunters Couple: Cat & Joe

• Cat: Australian, well-traveled, outspoken, wants a Spanish-style home with no “projects” (i.e., no fixer-uppers).

• Joe: From New Jersey, sports a ponytail and beard, works in “business development” for a camera rental company, gets endlessly teased for his supposed body odor and constant eyebrow movements.

  "Eyebrow Y. He’s very eyebrowy. He has like, eyebrow... Did you notice his eyebrow movements? He just kept moving his eyebrows up and down really fast. Like every time he talks, he moves his eyebrow. He’s like a Wii character, you know, on the Wii, Nintendo Wii..." (04:41)

3. The Apartment & Motivation to Move

• The couple’s current cramped West Hollywood apartment is lampooned for its lack of AC, space, and modern appliances. Both Cat and Joe crave more room, and Cat is especially eager for a dishwasher and in-unit laundry.

  "What I'm trying to say is I've made a huge mistake. I went from traveling the world to living in this, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore." (19:18)

• The hosts roast the couple’s aspirations versus realistic LA budgets:

  "...all for the grand budget of up to $850,000, which means here is a nice little raft with a hot pot that you can go sit in the Pacific Ocean on..." (23:42)

4. The Neighborhood Debate: West Hollywood vs. Highland Park vs. Glendale

• Cat and Joe’s Dilemma: Stay in desirable—but expensive—West Hollywood, or branch into "cool" but more affordable neighborhoods like Highland Park and Glendale.

• Ben & Ronnie’s take on LA neighborhood divides:

  • LA’s geography makes a 15-mile move feel insurmountable due to traffic and freeway changes (25:46).

  • The “inevitability” of gentrifying couples like Cat & Joe ending up in Highland Park is noted with wry sarcasm:

    "...that’s the trajectory. When you see a couple like this in LA, especially in West Hollywood, their trajectory is always Highland Park." (28:32)

  • The reality of “location incompatibility”—if friends or family live on the other side of LA, you just give up physical contact.

5. House #1: The Blue Craftsman in Highland Park

• Described as “Mets blue” with an “orange door,” this fixer-upper elicits strong feelings:

  • Ben: Amazed they complain about the color, given the price and location.
  • Ronnie: Roasts Cat for not knowing what a craftsman house is, or later, a shower nozzle.

  "I don't know why I hate Cat, but I'm like, furious with Cat. She doesn't know what anything is. She doesn’t know what a craftsman is. She doesn’t know what a shower nozzle is. I can't with Cat." (33:53)

• The hosts call out the couple’s endless complaints—comparing their nightmare avocado tree experiences and lack of appreciation for “projects” worth their price.

  • On LA’s notorious homegrown avocados:

    "There’s never been a soft avocado that’s been homegrown in Los Angeles, ever. Glad we settled that." (39:27)

6. House #2: West Hollywood Condo

• White, sterile modern flip in a classic “round” LA apartment building on a hills cul-de-sac.
• Downsides include tiny space for the price, high HOA ($670), ugly raised sinks, and confusing modern stovetop hoods.
• The couple are confused by standard features (hoods, detachable shower heads), which leads to some of the episode’s best exasperated jokes.

  “What is that? He’s like, a detachable shower head. Really? What is it though? A shower head that detached? Disgusting.” (52:17)

7. House #3: Spanish-Style in Glendale

• The only option fulfilling Cat’s Spanish-style dream, but it’s dated, with an old kitchen and flooring, and an uninspiring backyard.
• Cat and Joe aspire to fit a “California king” bed—Ben and Ronnie riff on the increasingly absurd world of giant mattress types (Alaskan, Olympic, Texas king, etc.), poking fun at the couple’s delusions of grandeur.

8. The Decision & Aftermath

• After much deliberation and complaints, Cat & Joe choose the Highland Park blue craftsman, planning to repaint the front door red ("barely a hue different") and customize the place.

  "You guys really put your stamp on that one. Wow." (60:22)

• The “cat room” (for Chomsky the cat), is set up in a little extra space—the only truly happy resident.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On LA Apartment Life & Aspirations

  "You want the same walkability, but not in West Hollywood. Just...as much Dick. Is that possible? Can we find that somewhere?”
  — Ronnie (25:16)

• On Neighborhood Gentrification

  “My family’s been here since the 60s, so—holler to gentrification. Am I right? So glad to be here for the downfall of this neighborhood and helping it happen. Guys, get in the back seat, we are kicking abuela out of her home.”
  — Ronnie (29:27)

• On LA Home Prices

  “...for the grand budget of up to $850,000, which means here is a nice little raft with a hot pot that you can go sit in the Pacific Ocean on, because that’s what you’re gonna get..."
  — Ben (23:42)

• On Raised Sinks

  “Just for next time, can you please just not show me? A place has sinks that rise out of the counters that are being recessed into them? Thanks so much.”
  — Ben (51:43)

• On Shower Nozzles

  “Is that a snake? There’s a snake in the shower where a shower head’s supposed to be. Am I supposed to shower with a snake?”
  — Ben (52:17)

• On California King Beds

  "Guess what? I’ve done everything I need to do in life. I’m getting a California king."
  — Ronnie (57:08)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Intro & LA House-Hunting Context – 01:13–04:00
• Cat & Joe’s Quirks and Apartment Life – 04:32–19:59
• Neighborhood Navigation & Geography Riffs – 25:46–30:49
• House #1: Blue Highland Park Craftsman – 31:28–43:33
• House #2: West Hollywood Condo – 45:02–53:27
• House #3: Spanish Home in Glendale – 53:42–59:00
• Decision & Wrap-Up – 59:58–61:09

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by fast-paced, irreverent banter, inside jokes about Bravo personalities, self-deprecating LA in-jokes, and a relentless skewering of House Hunters tropes. Ben & Ronnie keep it tongue-in-cheek, playful, and deeply local, making it a must-listen for Bravo fans and LA locals (or haters) alike.

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Summary

Ben and Ronnie deliver a raucous yet insightful rundown of House Hunters: Dreaming in Los Angeles. Through the saga of Cat and Joe, the hosts illuminate LA’s housing pains, the pitfalls of gentrification, and the comedy of home-buying wish lists vs. reality—all wrapped in relentless sarcasm and smart cultural jabs. If you love reality real estate shows, LA, or just hearing two experts roast people for not knowing what a shower nozzle is, this episode is pure gold.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Well, hello.

[C]

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a Watcher Crappens House Hunters podcast. How are you doing today, Ronnie?

[B]

So well, Ben, because we are back with Dwell.

[C]

I didn't even say my name. Send my name. Say my name. My name is Ben Mandelker. That is Ronnie Karen. Better say his name.

[B]

We're here. You can never go wrong with a little Destiny's Child being.

[C]

I know. Exactly. You really cannot. But we are here today to talk some House Hunters. Thanks for for subscribing on Wonder Plus. We always appreciate that. Today's episode is House Hunters, Volume 7, Season 169, Episode 2 Dreaming in Los Angeles. And this is one that we found actually because we thought it would be fun to do an LA based episode. It's actually really. It's actually more appropriate than ever before because our own Ronnie Caram is coming back to la.

[B]

So this is returning to Los Angeles tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I'm collecting my clothes literally to. I'm collecting all the Old Navy. I can literally come back to Los Angeles and these people are talking about leaving West Hollywood and like how scary that is. And guess where I'm leaving West Hollywood. I mean, I'm leaving Texas. But my last home in LA was West Hollywood. So I'm like, should I live in a different neighborhood than West Hollywood now? In my example, yes, because people were pooping on my sidewalk literally outside, and it was getting a little methy over there. And by that I don't mean messy. I mean messy, but with method. Okay, guys, those of you who don't know what that is gives you very good cheekbones. That's the best thing about it. Don't do meth. Okay.

[C]

Or you did you possibly mean it's getting very method actory over there. Like they just opened up another cell. Adler down the street.

[B]

No, actually I think it's. It's less methody because didn't they Close. Stella Adler. Or is that still happening?

[C]

I'm not sure. There isn't. What Sell Adler is over there, right? Wasn't there?

[B]

Yes, that was by that 7 11.

[C]

Yeah, the burrito place. Naturally.

[B]

There's another acting studio up on that block that I used to live on, Fairfax. And there were actors out there going over their lines and talking to themselves. And I would just walk past with Bueller and be like, you've got a chance.

[C]

You're great.

[B]

God. What? Riz. You're doing great, kid. Keep it up.

[C]

So we're here in the land of Riz. Here doing again. This is. I know I said it, but I'm. Say it again. House Hunters Volume 7 Season 169 Episode 2 Dreaming in Los Angeles I found this on the Max app. I think that's where you have to find it. It's not on YouTube. TV. Just look for Dreaming Los Angeles. And everything should follow from there. So we open up and we have Cat, who's not a cat, although they have a cat, but her name is Cat. She's Australian. And we have Joe, who's a guy from New Jersey with a ponytail. And they're in their apartment, their tiny apartment in West Hollywood. And we hear Linda, who says Los Angeles couple, Cat and Joe are ready to trade their tiny apartment in West Hollywood for more space. But it doesn't matter how much space they have, that body odor will get to Cat's nose. No matter what.

[B]

You think he's smelly, he looks. Why do you think? Why do you think he's smelly? Because he has long hair.

[C]

Long hair, beard. I don't know. I just got like a smell vibe from her. From him.

[B]

Here's what the vibe I get from him. Eyebrow Y. He's very eyebrowy. He has like, eyebrow. Did you notice his eyebrow movements? He just like, kept moving his eyebrows up and down really fast. Like every time he talks, he moves his eyebrow. He's like a Wii character, you know, on the Wii, Nintendo Wii. His eyebrows just keep moving when he.

[C]

Talks, unlike when we were in Dublin. And if you said he's like a wee character, but, oh, he has a wee character.

[B]

Oh, what a little wee character. That's the politically correct term we use these days. Also, can I just say, do not skip Botox appointments, people. Today is my Botox appointment. I chose Sing a goddamn baby. My cousin has a baby who's so cute. I'm leaving town. I wanted to see this baby and so I didn't go get my Botox and look at me. I could do his eyebrow thing and I'm mortified. You know, keep it up. I'm going to look 20 years older by tomorrow. If you have a Botox appointment, babies, go do your Botox appointment.

[C]

Listen, Ronnie, you're moving to Los Angeles. They do Botox shots at, like, the kiosk, like, at the Pearson Pagoda. Okay. You'll be fine.

[B]

Just go to, like. Thank you.

[C]

Go to that mall over there in. On, like, Woodman Fashion Square or whatever.

[B]

It's already beginning. The Valley shaming. I'm going to get from.

[C]

No, that was actually in Praise. That's. That's a very delightful mall.

[B]

Isn't it called the Galleria?

[C]

The Galleria is in Glendale, which, by the way, appropriate for this episode.

[B]

What's the Woodman?

[C]

Woodman's a big avenue in the Valley, and I believe there's a. Hold on. There's a mall. Wood Valley, Los Angeles.

[B]

I only know the Galleria one.

[C]

Yes. Westfield Fashion Square.

[B]

Oh, Westfield. Yeah, of course I know that one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So it's my new hood, so I'm gonna be there all the time. Anybody want to hang out at the Westfield, give me a call. Give me a call.

[C]

I'll be there.

[B]

Okay, so Joe may or may not be smelly? I don't know.

[C]

I just decided he was in the spirit of a Linda joke.

[B]

So they're in a large bathroom and we see them looking at places, and he's like, that's a. That's a large shower. It's like. It's a big shower. We could put a pony in there and then bathe the pony in the shower. It's very, very big. I'm hilarious because I'm Australian.

[C]

Cat's going for a Spanish style home with absolutely no projects other than her husband.

[B]

I do not want to live in the projects, you understand? I don't want any drive by shootings, even if they are with glue guns. Got it.

[C]

I didn't say I was opposed to projects. I just don't want to live with the projects.

[B]

So sort of a house exterior, and Cat's like, oh, this definitely has curb appeal. I love C. Cat's a lot. Can I just say, Cat's a lot. She's found a very mousy, eyebrowy person to be with. She's a lot. She's abrasive. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna. I'm just gonna go out and say it now. Cat's an abrasive person. Okay, so. And she doesn't know a lot of things, so. She just uses words that she's heard many times on house Hunters, like C appeal. But then they don't know what a shower nozzle is later, and I'm embarrassed for them. And then they act like the house is tacky for having a certain kind of shower nozzle they've never seen. They're like, oh, really? That's a shower nozzle? Really? Good job, losers. What is this, the projects?

[C]

So, yeah, this definitely has curb appeal for me. By the way. None of these houses that we're about to see have any curb appeal. I just want to put that out there right now.

[B]

They have like curb stomp appeal. You'd like, literally want to curb stomp these houses. They're hideous, every one of them.

[C]

So that Linda says. But Joe's angling for an older Craftsman fixer and hopefully a stick of deodorant too.

[B]

So they go to a large blue house and Richard's there, the real estate agent. And now they're driving around, you know, and he's like, okay, this is your classic Craftsman. And Joe's like, oh, my God, look at that. He goes, it's quite old. And cat goes, how old is Kwai? Oh, are you gonna fucking old shame a Craftsman cat, you tacky ass? It's supposed to be old as a Craftsman ca.

[C]

He goes, it's over 100 years old. Which is so funny since we just got back from our little European jaunt where like, like a house that's 100 years old is literally considered new construction.

[B]

They're like, I know. They're like, oh, that's the nouveau riche and that hundred year old house.

[C]

So what sort of feudal system was happening when this was built? Oh, it was built in the 1900s.

[B]

Oh, how modern.

[C]

So, like, was this house built when Charlemagne was coming through? Oh, wait, there were actually cars. I mean, this is. This is just like right off the. Right off the house factory.

[B]

It's like gross old things. So then we see Dun Dun dun dun Dun, which is both my favorite song and the opening. And then we see exterior shots of Los Angeles skyline, Beach freeway, A lady shooting up in front of a TJ.

[C]

Maxx Stella Adler Theater closing down. Just someone's putting up the foreclosed sign on Stella Adler. Someone walking to 7 11. I'm here for acting class. Oh, next door. Next door.

[B]

It's a burrito shop now it's at the burrito shop.

[C]

Yes, welcome. Welcome to Stella Adler's Burritos. We were doing an acting symposium, but now we sell burritos. So Please have a seat.

[B]

So let's go to Cat and Joe in their West Hollywood apartment. Did we ever get proof that they were in West Hollywood?

[C]

I feel like we never really got to see their street. I was trying to.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I feel like we actually saw. I think they were actually near where you were because it said Fairfax. They actually showed a shot of that house that used to be at the top of the hill on Fairfax. You know, they tore that down.

[B]

Top of the hill. Oh, that big round house.

[C]

That big round house that was torn down. And some. They built something new there. But they showed it. They had some archival footage, but they were showing like lots of Fairfax oriented B roll, which had me believe that maybe they were in that area.

[B]

Oh, so they were at my old place. That's cute. So I see why they want a background.

[C]

Wait, there I am. Am I walking Bueller outside their window?

[B]

There I am pointing at a lady shooting up right in front of the Whole Foods. That's great. It's full circle. So Joe's carrying laundry and they're talking about yoga because they're in la, you know, so, you know, that's what you talk about. How was yoga? I don't even go to yoga. I still have people ask me that constantly because that's where we live.

[C]

Yeah. And he's like, he has his little, little thing of laundry and he goes in for a kiss and she goes, oh, don't even bother with that. I mean, the kiss, like, don't even. The relationships would been long dead.

[B]

But also, I mean, there's like five people down in the laundry room. So you can't do laundry also kiss them. I, I'd really rather you just kiss them.

[C]

So he's so. He's like, he's like, I work as the director of business development for a camera rental company in Los Angeles. And she goes. And I work as a writer who. And as a script consultant who likes to tell tales to myself that I've actually married someone who's successful.

[B]

I've actually given him the title of his job to make it sound more interesting. A director of business development for a camera rental company in. What does that mean? He's saying that there's already business development people make films there and you sell cameras to them. Could you just say you sell camera, sir?

[C]

Basically he stands at, he stands at a, at a desk and people come in and he lends them cameras and he holds their licenses for them. That's what he does.

[B]

Oh, God. Okay, so talking about laundry jobs and she's Like Chomsky, because that's their cat.

[C]

Their cat's name is actually Rome Chomsky, which is hilarious.

[B]

It was Rom Chom. I'm just dumb. I was like, should I just pretend I know who this is? I was going to, but then I was. I got.

[C]

I realized as soon as I said it, I was like, oh. Because Noam Chompsy is like. It's a fam. Is a super famous linguist who's like, like, like super, super, super famous, like, in academia or whatever.

[B]

Did he have big teeth?

[C]

And he cannot lie. I don't.

[B]

Oh, cannot tell.

[C]

Chomsky. He's just Chomsky. No Chomsky. I think he's still alive. I didn't get professor at Stanford. Look at him. He looks like. He looks like Matt Mar. When Matt mar turns, like, 88, this is what he will look like. He will look like.

[B]

Oh, you're looking him up. That's no fair. Gnome.

[C]

Noam Chomsky. He's 95 years old.

[B]

Oh, I wrote Nam Chunky. Noam Chunky.

[C]

Look, he doesn't look just like. So Matt Mar, our friend from reality gaze. This is literally like what I think Matt will look like when he's. When he's 95. And I'm not saying that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna send that to Matt.

[B]

He remains a leading critic of US Foreign policy, contemporary capitalism, US involvement in Israel's role in the Israel Palestine conflict, and dot, dot, dot. Let me tell you what dot, dot, dot means, Clos, because I'm too stupid to understand what this person is about. Okay, I'm going to close that and go back to my house. Hunter Swirls.

[C]

And there's. There's fresh news about him today. He had a stroke and he's recovering.

[B]

Did he really?

[C]

But apparently. Did he really?

[B]

On the same day that we're talking about. No, Chomsky the cat. Really? No, no.

[C]

He's. Apparently. He suffered it last year and has been in Brazil.

[B]

Okay, well, that's breaking news then. Stop telling me we're. Today you're like, making ripples. We're gonna show up on Google News, like, Google News. Ronnie Kirum and Ben Mandelgore break news about gnome Chomsky up. Just kidding. They didn't.

[C]

Okay, well, the point is the cat's name is Rome Chomsky. I forgot what the dog's name was, but obviously it was not given as good of a pun.

[B]

Chomsky, darling. Chomsky. Okay, so they're feeding their cat, basically, is a point and so Cat, who, who has a cat? This is crazy. Cat's like, I'm from Perth, Western Australia, and I've traveled all.

[C]

I've been around the world, and I, I, I can't believe I wound up in this shitty little condo.

[B]

So we see shots of Cat all over the world. We see, she's, like, standing in front of a McDonald's in, in Australia, standing in front of a McDonald's in England, standing in front of a McDonald's. And I don't know, I feel like that's how Cat. Cat travels. Cat's tacky. Cat's tacky as hell. There, I'm saying it.

[C]

I'm fully on Cat's side in this recap. And I have to say, I just feel bad for her because she's, she's gone and traveled to all these beautiful places, and now she's stuck in a cramped ass apartment with her man and this cat and a dog. Oh, the dog is Maisel. So, you know, they're marvelous Ms. Maisel fans, which.

[B]

Oh, well, how does it feel about that? He's not a big Ms. Maisel fan. You don't. What, do you not like the acting? I'm a funny lady. A funny lady. I tell you.

[C]

I watched, I think I watched two episodes and drove me nuts, and I had to stop watching. But I also don't like Ted Lasso. What can I say?

[B]

You know, Ted Lasso. I won't watch Ted Lasso.

[C]

My least favorite thing.

[B]

Even though I know the guy who makes Ted Lasso, and he's, like, actually a really brilliant, funny, wonderful person. I'm so glad he became, like, so amazingly famous. Like, I'm so happy for him, but I can't watch a show about positivity. I'm just not built for it. That show, all their marketing is, like, it's the most positive show on television. I was like, well, dying of fire. Congrats, Brandon. But not watching your show.

[C]

I, like, maybe, like, maybe I'll give it another shot. I just didn't find it funny. And, like, my least favorite thing is, like, when a guy in a shiny golf shirt in a situation goes. It's just like in Ted Lasso, I'm like, oh, gosh. Like, when I was in Amsterdam, I was on a little canal, like, a little boat going through the canals, a little tour. And they're like, and you may recognize this location because this is where someone fell off of a bridge on Ted Lasso. And, like, I remember that Ted Lasso. They all started sharing their favorite Ted Lasso moments. I was like, stop it, everyone. Stop it. We're in Europe.

[B]

Act accordingly. Oh, yeah, people who suggest Ted Lasso to me. I don't really trust those people. Like, I don't. They're not people I'm ever like, oh, my God, I can't wait to see you at the dinner party soon. You know what I mean? They're usually people I'm like, of course. Of course. That's your show. Do you believe that? I really love the guy who made it, because I really do, actually. By Franco, but he's not listening to this. Let me tell you, whoever made Ted Lasso, Brandon is not sitting around listening to Dwell. Hello. You know why? Because he's being a cheap and he's not going to support me either. So you know what? When you start listening to Dwell. Hello, I will start watching Ted Lasso. Person who probably doesn't even remember me from improv ten years ago.

[C]

Boom. My friend. My friend Sarah is also friends with him and has just the nicest things to say about him. Just the nicest.

[B]

He really is a lovely person. So he does not know who I am, I guarantee you.

[C]

We don't watch his show. He doesn't listen to our podcast. It's all good.

[B]

Yeah. So that guy. So him and his positivity. Okay. I don't need that on TV. Okay.

[C]

A dog named Maisel.

[B]

Or her. Mrs. Maisel can go too. She got fired, right? Maisel.

[C]

She. Well, it's. It's over. It's cancer. It's. It's done. It's no longer marvelous.

[B]

It died. It's no longer maisel less marvelous. Mrs. Maze. Never mind. Who cares? So cats lived in places and Joe has not. So she tells us her story. She's like, I've lived in lots of places. The film industries in la. So I thought, I'll just come over and do a little bit of study in la. And then I met this guy, and I never left. Would you. I feel like a stick of deodorant just needed. You know what I mean?

[C]

He's like, yeah, I'm originally from New Jersey, and I moved here around eight years ago. And turns out it was a great choice. She goes, yes. And I just really hope we can find something that has. Something that's going to eliminate the dishes issue in the laundry issue and the U issue. Because my Saturdays are just like dishes and laundry and wishing you were gone. And I just really hate it. I hate it.

[B]

Two things. One way to get half your dishes is to get rid of Joe. So there's some free advice that will. That will cut that down. Okay? And then another thing. You only do your dishes on Saturday. Is that what I'm hearing? Because that's disgusting, Cat. Okay? And I'm not a huge fan already. And you need help with that. You need to do your dishes every day, okay?

[C]

Because, well, you know, we live in a very small apartment, and there's no air conditioning and there's no storage, and I don't have a parking spot, and there's a cat, there's a dog, there's a pile of dishes, there's laundry that we try to do on Saturdays, but so does everyone else in our building. What I'm trying to say is I've made a huge mistake. I went from traveling the world to living in this, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[B]

So she's like, oh, God, we need to buy a house. That is it. I need more pets. No, you don't. Okay? No, you don't need more pets. You're already annoying everybody in the apartment enough. Now you're going to go to a house where you have more space, and you're going to get so many pets, you're still going to annoy the neighbors. You're just that kind of person, aren't you, Cat? Aren't you?

[C]

He's like, well, you know what? I actually saw some places that are like, they're a little older. Like a little more Craftsman style. Some older stuff. Maybe I'm, you know, give me a chance to do a little work on it or something. Work, Joe.

[A]

And work.

[C]

What a concept. I'd love to see those things linked someday.

[B]

What are you going to be in charge of? Business development of projects.

[C]

Oh, look at my. My husband Joe. He's executive vice president of hammering nails into Sticks.

[B]

So, yeah, he wants to do projects. And she's like, you know what I want? Want more Spanish style. Something that feels solid. All right? Something that, you know, feels insulated. Something that makes me feel like I'm in, like, a cool California house. But spoiler alert, they don't find anything like that.

[C]

No. Literally nothing. Oh, you know, I just want something Spanish style, which is actually what I used to look for in my men. And then, well, this happened.

[B]

Project happened over here.

[C]

Executive vice president of Disappointment over here.

[B]

In charge of business development of Stink Pie over there.

[C]

I need. I need some business affairs. Take away the business. So I just get my keys. Chompsy's like a very smart cat, writing papers in the corner.

[B]

Oh, so he's like, all right, yeah, you know, I just want to. She goes, okay, so we need to get out of this mess and we need to just start our life together. You don't need a project, right, Joe? And he goes, okay, I'm just. I'm sure we can find something that, you know, I love, you love. She goes, oh, you're not going to look for a fixer upper? Promise me. He says, if. If we find something better, I'm. Eyebrow, eyebrow, eyebrow, eyebrow, eyebrow, eyebrow. I'm definitely eyebrow down to eyebrow. Look that way. Like, we'll just Eyebrow, eyebrow. Keep our eyebrow options. Do you need help, Joe? Someone go help Joe.

[C]

I know. He was like, sorry. I just took a class at Stella Adler and I learned that this is what you're supposed to do when you're showing that you are feeling things. Well, guess what? You're also holding up a burrito menu. So I want you to reconsider where you took your acting places.

[B]

This one has French fries in it.

[C]

Yeah, well, they had said if you really want to emote, you have to tell people about the specials of the day. Him.

[B]

So she's like, all right, we're keeping our options open. All right? Business development. So he's like, yeah, we need a guest room, and we need more space and a guest room. Ain't nobody coming to visit Joe and Cat in their guest room. Like, who are we kidding? They've got 97 animals. They're going to have 97 animals. Nobody wants to stay with you.

[C]

I don't need to be in their guest room with Chomsky on the edge of my bed giving a lecture.

[B]

Okay, like, well, here's my opinion on Israel and Palestine. Capitalism. Am I right?

[C]

So. And then Cat goes, and also, we need to live in a house where we can actually put on more than one appliance at the same time. That would be nice. I mean, as much as I appreciate the lights turning off whenever I see your face, it would be nice to microwave something and have the dishwasher running.

[B]

I'm so sorry. You're not going to find that in West Hollywood. You're just not going to. For me. You turn on the air conditioner, the microwave blows everything out. You turn on the microwave, you literally can have one thing on at a time in West Hollywood. That's just how it goes. Ariana and Tom's Place. Like that on Vanderpump Rules. Every house in West Hollywood is like that. The poorer you are, the richer you are. They all work the same. Sorry.

[C]

Yeah. So they want a spacious kitchen and all for the grand budget of up to $850,000, which means here is a nice little raft with a hot pot that you can go sit in the Pacific Ocean on, because that's how much is what you're gonna get for $850,000 in this area.

[B]

Enjoy Valencia. Enjoy your studio apartment.

[C]

Enjoy the box. You're gonna live under the roller coasters at Magic mountain in Valencia.

[B]

100%. So Joe's like, well, where we are now, Eyebrows, is the best location we could really ask for, you know, because housing in this area is not easy. I mean, you know, unless it's literally right. Right here. We're stepping over it right now. Okay. Just step. Stepped over a house. Okay, well, you know what? We're right in the middle of the things on West Hollywood. Right in the middle of things. There's a gay bar there. That's great. There's a Whole Foods. There's another gay bar. There's a burrito shop. Stolo, Stallone.

[C]

Stolo. You know, it's a decent commute to my work, and it's only about a half hour. So from where we are right now, it's like, oh, and I just. Wouldn't it be great if your commute was actually, like, triple the length of that? Just so much more time away from you in our house. And he's like, you know what?

[B]

I'd love for you to have a better mute. A commute? No, just a mute. Take out the comm. All right, just keep the second syllable. All right.

[C]

It's like, yeah. I mean, if we could just like, not give up the walkability of West Hollywood, but find somewhere that, like, we can walk to places in the same way, that would be great. Okay, well, how about you walk off the Santa Monica Pier and just never stop?

[B]

Here's what I want. I want to be able to. I want the same walkability, but not in West Hollywood. Just. Just as much. Dick. Is that possible? Can we find that somewhere?

[C]

So now we see. Now they're getting into a car with Richard there. Richard, their realtor. First up, their agent, Richard, showing them a single family home in the neighborhood of Highland park, about 15 miles from where they currently live and way too cool for their haircuts.

[B]

Now, just so you guys know, 15 miles is 20 hours in LA time. Okay.

[C]

Don't even know. Okay. To get to Highland park from West Hollywood, you have to go through surfer streets, or I guess you could go down to the tent. You cannot get there with less than one Highway. You have to change highways. You either have to take the 10 to the 5, which probably you have to take to the 2, or you go across Surfer Streets to the 101, then get off and then go up through Echo park to the 2. It's like. Or you take the 110. Oh, you take the 10 to the 110. There's no easy way to get to Highland Park. And all these hipsters have moved out there. Love. And they're excited. They love it. They're excited. They move out there and they want you to come visit. And I just feel like if you have to go on multiple highways to visit someone, you just should stop being friends with them.

[B]

It's too far. Yeah, it's like location. What do they call it? Like, location undesirability or whatever. The incompatibility location. Yeah. You know what I mean? But yeah, it is far. And I keep getting confused because there's something else. There's another park right in. There's a South of West Hollywood.

[C]

Glassell Park. Oh, south of West Hollywood.

[B]

A little bit east and south of West Hollywood. I feel like there's another neighborhood called something Park.

[C]

There's Park La Brea.

[B]

Oh, no, that's like La La Land. That's where Lala used to live.

[C]

Disgusting.

[B]

But so did our friend Annabelle. So that was. That was cute. There's good memories and bad. Actually, I don't have memories of Lala. I don't know her. Why am I acting like I have memories? Here's what I know. She used to poop. She used to poop out. Her dog used to poop and she didn't clean it up. I did hear that.

[C]

Annabelle?

[B]

No, Lala. Oh, I don't know who I heard it from. I. I don't know anybody who used to live there. Did I just out somebody? So that was shitty of me. I really didn't mean to do that. So anyway, I get Highland park confused with some other park. Windsor Park. I don't know Windsor Park.

[C]

Windsor Park.

[B]

Something right by.

[C]

There's a lot of parks.

[B]

And so when I'm looking for places, I'm like, oh my God, you know, that's great. I'll go there. And then I look at the map and I'm like, why the fuck is this 30 hours from my desired location, which you know my desired location, right? The Old Navy at the Beverly Center. I'm like, how long does it take to get there? A long time. Highland park, it's very far, but you're.

[C]

Going to have access to valley old navies, which really kick ass compared to the Beverly Center. Old navies?

[B]

Yeah. You know, living in Texas, I got used to the suburbs. I'm really in the suburbs here. I'm by home goods. I'm by a whole food. I'm buying everything Great. And have bigger parking spaces. So now coming back to la, I'm more prepared to be, like, a more suburbi type of boy. Okay. So I'm ready. I'm ready for the bigger parking spaces and the hotter summers. Got it. I can't wait for that extra 10 degrees of heat we're gonna get in.

[C]

The valley and that extra 10 degrees of cold you'll get in the winter. So anyway, so Richard is taking these two to Highland Park. Honestly, as soon as he said Highland Park, I was like, these weren't gonna move there. Because that's the trajectory. When you see a couple like this in la, especially in West Hollywood, their trajectory is always Highland Park. So I was like, that's what happened.

[B]

I don't mean to out you in any way, but I just feel like you feel this way. I don't know if this is how you feel, but I feel like you look at this guy and you go, he's smelly. He's gonna live in Highland park or Echo Park. Pick one of those. Echo park or Highland Park?

[C]

No, I still have the Highland Parker. Echo Park. He. He wasn't. So he was not quite, like, hipster enough to do Echo park, but he was. Was. He was sort of, like, dingy enough to do Highland Park. And not that Highland park is dingy. I'm just saying that's where dingy people go to gentrify themselves.

[B]

Okay. So Richard's like, well, I grew up in this neighborhood. My family's been here since the 60s, so holler to gentrification. Am I right? I'm so glad to be here for the downfall of this neighborhood and helping. Helping it happen. Guys, get in the back seat. We are kicking abuela out of her home.

[C]

I know.

[B]

All right.

[C]

And so they're driving through, and Cat's like, well, I did see a couple of cafes back there. It's so nice that there's one or two restaurants in this neighborhood. And Richard's like, oh, yeah. And there's a really cool bowling alley, some nice bars. Like, all sorts of really cool stuff is popping up here.

[B]

What are my parents trying to conceive me? Like, who else would this sound good to? Hey, guys, there's also a bowling alley in a bar. I was like, well, Jesus, thanks for just giving my biography to the world.

[C]

There is actually a really nice bowling alley. We saw Tom Sandoval go there on a flashback date with T this season. It's like very ornate and old timey. I went there. You went there. I know you went there because you told me about it. And then I went there once. I went there once after seeing a one woman show by Isabella Rossellini a block away. That's Highland Park.

[B]

Oh, my God. I remember you telling me about that.

[C]

That's Highland park right there. Isabella Rossellini. Dom and I went and saw Isabella Rossellini doing a one woman show on Valentine's Day. That was. We went to that bowling alley. I've never been so hipster in my life.

[B]

That is pretty hipster. I like that. I could be down for that kind of a hipster night. I would do it. The last time I did, we went to a bar in Echo park. And they don't. Well, it's a bar, but they don't serve alcohol because a lot of places in Silver Lake and Echo park only serve beer and wine, which is like, what's an alcoholic to do, you know? No, it was very smelly. There was not a lot of deodorant. And we played Wii. There was like big Wii stations and we would play tennis against each other and it was semi fun. Okay. No one needed that story, but there you have it. Anyway, nobody needs Cat either or Chomsky, but they're on tv. So here we go.

[C]

So they pull up to this house that's actually pretty big. And it is very blue. It is like Mets blue. Like, it's like. It's the blue of the. Of the. Of the New York Mets. It's like a royal blue. And the door is actually orange just like the New York Mets. Clearly a Mets fan had taken over this house. It's. I love blue. I actually really like this color blue. But I do not want my house looking like this. It is so wild.

[B]

I thought it was so cool and like, so on trend. And such a nice big house in a trendy neighborhood for this price. I was like, the house score. I cannot believe Richard got them this house. And then they walked up to went, ew, that's pretty blue. And he's like, hi, you have $5 and I'm showing you a mansion. And then they walk to the door and then the husband's like, ew, the orange door. Gross. I was like, you two are too ungrateful to live here. Go back to wherever you go back to Fairfax, you.

[C]

Well, what I could not understand is you have this house that is this shade of blue that is just so wild. I mean, it's like, just. Just slightly darker than the checks. Bubbles on, like, an iPhone. Right. It's this big blue house, and then they walk up to the door that's orange. And Joe is like, this. This orange door is really hard to get by. Your house is blue. It's a crazy blue. And this is the. The easiest thing to change is the thing you're going to complain about.

[B]

Yeah, so I'm just like. So often we don't agree on the blue because I was like, I love the blue. What a bold choice.

[C]

Well, also, I didn't. You know what I didn't like? I didn't like that they painted the stones. There was, like, little stone pillars. There's some stone elements that they kept that they painted blue. I was like, you painted the rocks blue?

[B]

It was a flip, you know, it was like one of those flips where someone was like, oh, my God, it would look great. That trendy blue that. You know, that blue. And they're. Yeah.

[C]

Blue.

[B]

And then they just get the wrong blue, and then they paint literally every single thing. Like, okay, well, you just kind of killed the history of the house. But it's blue.

[C]

So. Yeah, it was very. It was. You know what it was? It was the blue of the blue man group. But, like, it was blue man group blue. Like, literally, I was expecting the house to start banging a drum and paint a splatter all over the street.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. So he's like, okay, well, this is. Your cat goes. I mean, what sort of style are we talking about here? A nun? You have none. That's what we're talking about here.

[C]

The style is that it's big, and you can turn on multiple appliances.

[B]

No, I mean, she has no style to ask what a crap. What kind of style is it? Like, she's, like, above it. Like, what kind of style is this? It's a fucking craftsman cat. I don't know why I hate Cat, but I'm, like, furious with Cat. She doesn't know what anything is. She doesn't know what a craftsman is. She doesn't know what a shower nozzle is. I can't with Cat. And then looking down on it, like, what is this style? It's a craftsman. You don't deserve to live here.

[C]

So they go in. It's really big. Like, they walk. It's just like. It's very, very large when they. When they walk in. And they go into the kitchen. And she's like, well, you know, I don't like these cupboards. They look like dirty country cupboards. They're kind of like the Joe of cupboards. I just don't know if you can paint the ugly off this. Who am I talking about? That's up for you to decide. Yeah.

[B]

She's like, I don't even know if you can paint the ugly off.

[C]

But at the very least, you can put deodorant on it. Am I right?

[B]

I mean, not that he does, but he could. Am I right, Joe? But theory. So Richard's like, wow. Goes, wow, it's really big, basically. Right? And Cat's like, I mean, this part, just the front bit is as big as our entire apartment. And he. Joe's like, oh, my God, so many projects. She goes, I mean, it's not hardwood floor, so unfortunately. And obviously carpet as well. It was hardwood floors, though, wasn't it?

[C]

I think it was laminate.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[C]

Yeah. But also, you know what? You know What? It's not 500 square feet with no laundry and no dishwasher. That's what it's not. So take the lamb.

[B]

If you're buying it. Nail down some wood. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah, exactly. So that. Yeah, they're in now. They go into the kitchen, and they're looking around. It comes with a fridge, which they. Which they really like. And there is, like, a laundry room, and there's like, a little section that she calls a Harry Potter closet, which I'm. Did Harry Potter have, like, a famous closet that was next to.

[B]

Have you still not watched Harry Potter?

[C]

I think seen Harry Potters.

[B]

No, you have not.

[C]

I've seen, like, four of them.

[B]

His parents get murdered, and then he has to go live with his aunt, and they hate him, and so they make him live under the stairs in this little cupboard thing, like that door. And they didn't even know that he was the chosen one who eventually goes on spoiler alert to kill Voldemort. And so I know that, but I saw the last.

[C]

I saw, like, the last. Okay, I saw, like, the last three or four movies, and I saw half of the first movie. So it's not like I'm fully without context. I just was not aware that he lived in a little section next to a dishwasher or next to a laundry machine and a drying machine.

[B]

He did.

[C]

Well, good for him.

[B]

And probably still never learned how to do laundry because he's a man. I mean, he's still. He's Harry Potter. But he's still at the end of the day, a man. Am I wrong, guys?

[C]

He's like, laundry washing Machinicus.

[B]

They're like the one spell Harry Potter won't do the laundry spell. Am I right?

[C]

What ladies came to London and were like, well, this is nice, castle and everything. But guess what? Harry Potter never dirt learned that laundry spell. Some Texans. Some Texans go to Hogwarts for a tour. Do you guys do the laundry spell here?

[B]

No, of course not. This school must be run by man still. So now they go check out the backyard. And it's, you know, it's. It's a fairly typical LA backyard where it's backyard on top of backyard on top of backyard. You know, you're in like five different backyards, you know. And she's like, there's absolutely no privacy here. We're completely looking into our neighbor's yard. I was like, well, who do you. I feel worse for the neighbor, personally.

[C]

Yeah, look. You just look. Now they have a view of Joe. Okay? Yeah. How do you think they feel? And Richard's like, you can just put some nice potted plants and trees here and that'll give you privacy, you dumb. And Joe's like, oh, that's actually a good idea. How about this? Why don't you just like make a wall of rented cameras and just stack them right there on the edge of the balcony and block out the view.

[B]

And Cat's like, oh, my God, is that a pomegranate tree? And he goes, that is a pomegranate. Now, lady, who doesn't understand what craftsman or shower nozzles are? Yes, that is a pomegranate tree. And guess what else? You have pomegranate. You have citrus. You have avocado. Could you be more specific about the citrus? What does that mean? The citrus tree? Is that a fruit?

[C]

It actually multi citrus boxes of five alive.

[B]

Little starbursts just fall off the.

[C]

Street off the tree. So she goes, well, I still want to go out for brunch, even if we're growing avocado.

[B]

So.

[C]

Like, Joe takes her out to brunch ever. It's like, I'm gonna say, like, you.

[B]

Guys are not West Hollywood brunchers. Get out of here. I don't know who you're trying to kid with this narrative, but no one's buying it. All right?

[C]

I've also yet to have a good avocado that's grown in someone's backyard in Los Angeles. Everyone's like, do you hear some avocados they fell off my tree. And then they're always rock hard. And then you wait for them to get ripe, and then you will. Finally you're like, I can't wait anymore. And you open up, it's brown on the inside. It's like, wait a second. There was never even a ripe window.

[B]

Can I tell you something? Nothing has ever been truer than what you just said. It's like, literally the truest thing I've ever heard in my life. No one ever has a good avocado from their fucking tree in la. No one I've never tasted, and I've tasted a lot of them because people brag about that shit. Like, they. Like they spermed a tree and grew them themselves, you know? Always terrible.

[C]

There's never been a soft avocado that's been homegrown in Los Angeles, ever. Glad we settled that.

[B]

During the riots, they used to just take avocados from the ground and, like, throw them at each other.

[C]

Throw them through windows. Throw them through windows. It was horrifying. So now they go upstairs, and there's, like. There's, like, this weird little inlet on the platform going upstairs, and she's like, oh, what's this naughty corner? Is this where you can go when you're naughty and decide you want to put on deodorant? Joe? Could this be Joe's little deodorant nook?

[B]

Can we.

[C]

Can we install those nozzles? You know, like a car wash, Like a spray tan? We just put them in here. He steps in, they just give him a little spritz. Something like that.

[B]

What was that? A little closet? Do you think that they. I don't know what that was.

[C]

It looked like it was a staircase about to be a staircase, and then it just, like, off to another area.

[B]

Yeah, and two stairs up to nothing. And then Richard goes, I don't know what that is, but it would be perfect for a cat tree.

[C]

I'm sorry, are you talking about Joe's career? You said he didn't know what it was. Because that's what we all feel, too. I would love to put cat tree in his career.

[B]

So then they see a bath, the full bath bathtub. And she's like, wait, but there's a met. Is there a master with a bath? And he's like, unfortunately, the master does not have a bathtub. Fortunately, you did steal this from a family who was pushed out of here after paying $5 for it 20 years ago. And now you're gonna get it for a million. So let's Be grateful. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Also, I love when people who have just like tiny, tiny, tiny apartments and are just like scraping by now all of a sudden want like tip top luxury for their $850,000 budget. It like you can deal with having a bathtub in a different bathroom. Yeah, agreed. So, but then they go on to the master and well, they, they, you know, it's fine. And there's like a room with half walls and it's like gonna be an office and everything. And like she's like, this could be my office where I write all my stories. Like the story about the princess who used to travel the world and then was trapped by an ogre in West Hollywood.

[B]

So they want to make sure the other room has, is big enough for a California king. Is that like really a thing? I looked at a picture of a California king the other day because I have to look at beds and I've never really considered a California king. I knew they were bigger, but I didn't understand they were skinnier but longer than a regular king. That's how it works.

[C]

A California, they're wider, they're really wide. The California kings. First of all, at this point they're just saying king size bed and then later on they're like, well, actually we're really trying to move up to a California king. I'm like, how about you just get like be happy with a regular. You could also just be happy with a queen size bed, the two of you, you know, because you know that right now.

[B]

Oh, no, no, I, I can't. I don't even do that alone. I need a king sized bed. Just enough room to push my iPad over and not fall off the bed.

[C]

Well, California king is massive. It's like what Carlton had on Beverly Hills. Remember her massive bed? Yeah, it's crazy how big they are. Or it's like, what's her face? Angie? Angie and Sean have it on Salt Lake City.

[B]

Oh, that's bigger than a California king. That thing's huge. What they have.

[C]

That's a California king.

[B]

It is, yeah. Wow, that's crazy. I love it.

[C]

Oh, wait, maybe the Alaskan king. Isn't there an Alaskan king now?

[B]

Oh, for sake. So it's literally named after something cold. After getting a bed big enough that you never have to touch your partner. Love it.

[C]

The Alaska king is what Angie has and what Carlton had. And the California king is like, not quite. Is still huge. Like unnecessarily huge.

[B]

Well, it's official. We just won an award for this podcast. Just Kidding. Okay, so, guys, the next thing that happens is they see a vanity, they like it, they see a shower. And is this where. Oh, this is where she's like, oh, that's a big shower. We could put a pony in there and then we could bathe the pony. I just came up with an idea. Let me go to that little two step thing and start writing.

[C]

All right, here comes my screenplay that's going to liberate me from living with this monster of a man.

[B]

Pony in a bath.

[C]

So they now are done with it and they're like, you know, like, the space is great and everything. And she's like, you know, even though I don't really know the area very well, it does seem like it's really cool. And it's. There's gonna be lots of fun places for us to explore. And I'm looking forward to Joe going to the bowling alley and slipping and falling down on people hitting the balls.

[B]

And, you know, and Joe's like, well, do you know the commute is going to be. It's like an hour from here to my job. Wow, there's so much distance. So many opportunities for you to get hit by something. I'm in.

[C]

Look for a house that's even further east. Maybe add another half an hour, 45 minutes into its commute.

[B]

Do you have anything available in China? Chinatown. China. All right, so now they're in the car. I like this. I love when they do the car talking, you know, and instead of being like, oh, we're gonna go to a wacky restaurant that serves chicken wings and milkshakes, like, they don't do that now. They're just, like, driving. So the voice, Linda, is like, so to show them what they could afford in West Hollywood, their agents lined up a condo near their current apartment. This is one of these West Hollywood places that is just designed insanely. I don't know if they just didn't have laws back then, you know, because now there's laws. You have to get a permit to do anything. This. I think there was a certain time where there was just no permits necessary to do anything, because this one is just. Just two circles put on each other. Right? Is that this one?

[C]

Yeah. Where it's like the red circles. It's like. It's, it's a. It's, it's. It's. Okay. So there's a type of building that exists in la. It's an apartment building that exists la at the. At. In the cul de sacs of these streets that go up into the hills. Like, there are a lot of these streets that go. They go up into the hills, and then they have a cul de sac. And then there's just, like, strange buildings that are always around them. And they always have, like, circular elements in them. Right.

[B]

They're modern. You know, they're from that. That era where they're like, let's make modern things. Everything's gonna be around.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You know, they're like, crazy. But it's just funny because they. They stay up forever. I mean, they're still standing. It's like two discs, and they've been covered with maroon pool tiles. Yeah, this place looks great. And, you know, drop a million to live here.

[C]

You know, there's no parking for guests up there. Whenever there's a cul de sac in the hills, never any parking.

[B]

Yeah. So let's see here. They're looking at this place there, and Joe's like, it's a compromise. You know, it's. It is like a condo. And she's like, well, I like it. I'll look it already. So it's in West Hollywood. Let's see. So Cat and Joe want to upgrade from their apartment to a larger house. But in their preferred neighborhood, the only homes in their price range are condos. So their agents taking them to see one, he's like, it's like 1300 square feet just recently reduced from 738 to 725. Can you believe the bargain for 1300 square feet? Now, on the bad side, we did not have to kick anyone out of here.

[C]

No one was displaced by this condo. So it sort of loses some appeal by that. So they go into this place. It is so stark white. I've never, in all of our time watching House Hunters seen a place that was as white as this condo.

[B]

Yeah, it really was.

[C]

It was like a sci fi movie.

[B]

This was just a very cheap flip where someone was like, oh, it's a condo. Let's just. Just slap some white on it and put it back on the market. And that's what they did. So they do have two bedrooms and two bathrooms. The style of this house, I have to say, is hideous. They have just big, gigantic sinks plopped on the countertop. Not in a cute way, I guess that can be done.

[C]

But yeah, they're raised sinks, and then there's like the living room. It's not like a sunken living room, but there's like, one area that's kind of raised up, which is kind of annoying because, you know, that. That really impacts what kind of furniture you put in there. Right? So that made no sense to me. And he's like, well, you know, this can be kind of like a performance space. Or, like, you can put a t. A big TV and, like, big TV here. This is, like, where you watch your shows. And she's like, nay, thank you.

[B]

She goes, well, it is a big wall, though, so you're allowed, I suppose, Joe. Oh, great. I'm allowed to have a TV. Wow, thanks. What a couple.

[C]

Yeah, the HOA is 670, so that's. That's a concern. And they have, like, their outdoor space. They're, like, on the first floor. Or if they're not, maybe not the first floor, but they're on the first floor of the complex, if that makes sense. Like, given that the first floor is really garage, they're like. Like, there's like a big courtyard, and they're on the first floor of the courtyard. So they have this, like, one little sort of like, fenced in area with, like, bamboo that they can maybe have a grill. But then they have, like, other area where they're. At one point, they're like, looking through this, like, window that's high up. It's like a crawl space window. And they're like, oh, look, this is our area too. This is what we can have. Lots of people over here in this little alleyway.

[B]

And then they try to make themselves feel good about the high window. They're like, well, I don't see Chomsky jumping out of there. Well, that's good. Save Chomsky this time. Like, how many times has Chomsky just tried to bolt? You know, Chompsky's like, I'm out of here. I'm going for the window.

[C]

Chompsy's. Chompsy's just trying to get to Silver Lake. The other hipster cats. I was gonna say there's a little chandelier. There's. For some reason, this entire place is stark white and modern. But they left us really, like, this strange 1930s chandelier that there. It makes no sense why it's still there. And they keep bonking their heads into it.

[B]

So there is a stove, and it's not gas, Right? It's electric. Right?

[C]

It's electric.

[B]

And so she's like, I won't cook on that, so you'll have to do all the cooking, Joe. I cannot cook on electric.

[C]

You'll be fine.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And then there's like, a hood. And they didn't know what the hood was because I think the way the hood Works. I just have to imagine there's like a button and when it turns on, it lowers, right?

[A]

It.

[B]

She said wait, what, where is this part?

[C]

She know what the hood is. When they're looking at the stove top, they're like what's that strange thing that's above the stove? And then Richard's like, I believe it's the hood. Cuz that's what's normally over a stove top. But it looks modern cuz it's sort of like up and at an angle. And I think that that's one of those things where when you turn on it lowers down over. Do you see my hand? I'm demonstrating with my hand.

[B]

Why do we need to make confusing hoods? That's my question. Do we really need to reinvent the hood? Just, just put a hood in there. You know what I mean? So then Joe's like, wait, is that, is that a fan? And Richard's like, I believe that's a fan for the stove. Like, oh, so it's a hood with the fan. How does that work exactly? There's something. Why do you even need a hood there? I don't like hoods.

[C]

And you know what? There's not enough canned of spice. Like where am I going to put the toaster oven in the microwave. And he's like, all the counter space over there. Oh, you know what, I'll take that back. I'm sorry.

[B]

So now they, she loves a fridge. Okay, so now they go look at the bathroom, it's fine. And then they look at another little bedroom and Joe goes, so is this the master bedroom? He's like, no, that's your guest bedroom. I mean it's 1300 square feet. Guys, let's use our imagination.

[C]

Yeah, so they're looking around, I mean they, they, they seem to like it. There's like a washer and a dryer. So they're happy about that. You know, that's a big deal for them. And the master is like, you know, they go into the master and they like, you know, Joe's like, you know, it's kind of a nice size. And Cat's like, just FYI. Richard, this is my pet. Hey. Okay. I really hate sinks that come up like this. Okay, just for next time. Okay, just for next time.

[B]

Okay, next time I want you to find hundreds of places across $8 that we're offering. And I want them to be tailor made to exactly what I want. Cat, you're paying nothing. You're gonna get whatever the kind of sink they put on there, okay?

[C]

Cat, just for next time, can you please just not show me? A place has sinks that rise out of the counters that are being recessed into them. Thanks so much.

[B]

And this is the part where she goes, what is that? And they point at it, and it's in the shower and it's hanging like a shower novel. I mean, what the fuck, people? And Richard goes, goes, it's a detachable shower head. And Cat goes, oh, what is that? He's like, a detachable shower head. Really? What is it, though? A shower head that detached? Disgusting.

[C]

Is that a snake? There's a snake in the shower where a shower head's supposed to be. Am I supposed to shower with a snake?

[B]

And Joe goes, that looks like a wand. I mean, it looks like a water wand.

[C]

You guys will all survive. I literally have the same thing in my. In my bathroom. I literally have the same exact. As. It has, like, a overhead, like, rain thing, and then it has a detachable thing, and it's literally the exact same wand and the exact same thing. I will speak from experience. You will all survive, and you will have a perfectly fine shower.

[B]

I don't know why I was so offended by that, but I was like, it's a shower, you weirdos. Why are they so weirded out by a shower? So. And it's a nice shower, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So then they look at the master bedroom, and it has a very nice view. Yeah, allegedly. What was it a view of?

[C]

I don't remember. I don't think it was a view of anything. I think they were just telling themselves this. So. So Cat's like, you know, you really gave us everything we wanted out of this except for those hideous sinks and strange share with things, you know?

[B]

Yeah, those were terrible. But you know what? You can only do what you can do. Am I right? Loser?

[C]

But, you know, we got like. It's just. The spice isn't huge. It's like, way more than we have now. It's flexible, but, like, we could put an offer in here. But Joe's like, no, the HOA is too high. So now it's time to go look at yet another place.

[B]

Since the HOA is giving them cold feet, their agent is taking them to another neighborhood on the east side of la. Do we find out what neighborhood it is?

[C]

Glendale.

[B]

Oh, it is Glendale. Yes. That's way on the east side. That's not just the east side, Carl. It's a different place.

[C]

Richard's like, okay, you fuckers. As I just took you to two perfectly decent Options. And now, as your punishment, I'm taking you to Glendale. So he's like, you know, we haven't really discussed Glendale a whole lot, but it's kind of a different vibe. It's like a little more of a suburban feel. Like, how do you feel about small Honda Civics racing down your street? Are you into that?

[B]

How do you feel about drag races involving Honda Civics? You guys into that? They're lifted. Don't worry. They're lifted. Generally, they're lifted. I enjoy Glendale. I love their Costco leave. The Costco's over there.

[C]

Well, that. Yeah, that's more of like Atwater Village, but they have a good enough.

[B]

That's as far as. That's as far as in the Americana.

[C]

They've got the Galleria. They've got. They've got everything over there.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we've been to that mall together.

[C]

Oh, yeah, we've done some episodes from that mall.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we sure have. We went to a Target. We went looking for your red lamp. I believe in that Target in that mall.

[C]

And we found a clock for me, right?

[B]

We sure did. Great memories broke. Oh, Glendale.

[C]

So they're in Glendale. And, you know, Cat is terrified of Glendale because they're in the car and they're like, stopped at an intersection and they're having this conversation. And, you know, Joe is like looking left and right, I guess, waiting for traffic open. And Kat is like, her eyes. I don't know if you notice this. She is darting left and right like this. She is.

[B]

They both were. They weren't nervous. They were like, literally driving. And they were on a busy street because her and the. The realtor were both doing it. They're going, huh?

[C]

Did you notice that with her? She just kept on this. I'm like, lady.

[B]

It was her and the realtor. There was so much traffic. I was like, they're gonna die on television. They're gonna. They're gonna go get slammered. Right on television.

[C]

They're trying to make a left turn. Not at a light that. They're at a stop sign and they're trying to make a left onto, like, the highway right now.

[B]

Yeah, pretty much. Okay, so it's a two bed, two bathroom. Okay, guys? And it's a Spanish, which is just what Cat wanted. She's like a gracia simo Roy.

[C]

Yeah. So they're looking around at it and they're, you know, it's cute on the outside. It's a cute. This is the Spanish style. It's like a nice little Nice little, you know, nice little like greenery in the front, etc. But it's old. Like it's really old. The kitchen, the kitchen looks old. It's got that tile, like pink tile in it and everything.

[B]

The kitchen is bad. Yeah, the kitchen's gonna need a gut. Yeah. And then the flooring they had over, it's not, not good. Oh, not the kitchen, but the whole house. That wood, you know, there's like that wood kind of woodish floor that they put in now it's just looks like a toy. Not good. I don't like that trend.

[C]

Yeah. So they're just sort of walking around this whole, this whole house, it's like, it's cute, has a nice size, but it, everything in it is just really, really old fashioned. And that, this is where cat's like, yeah, you know this, this master bedroom is just a bit small and we're trying to upgrade to a Kelly king. Would that even fit in here? It's like what? You are not at a Cali King level yet. Okay, I'm sorry, you're not at that level yet in life.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like that is definitely like, guess what? I've done everything I need to do in life. I'm getting a California king.

[C]

By the way, I did look up California king. I think you're right. I think it is longer. I think that is the thing with it. I think I was confusing the California king with the Alaska king.

[B]

Yeah. I mean maybe people turn it sideways but the reason I saw it was because I was on a bed chart and they were showing like the bed dimensions of every kind of bed. And I, I just looked at it and I was like, I didn't realize a California king is longer but skinnier than a normal bag because it's for tall people. I don't know.

[C]

Yeah, it's weird. I'm looking at it now as well.

[B]

Yeah, it's odd. But I will tell you, a California king, you always find sheets to buy at a Ross or somewhere like that discount place because there's just not enough California King buyers out there. So you will always find it your size at a discount.

[C]

You know there's something called an Olympic queen and that's like sort of in between.

[B]

Oh God, that's you. Every, every four years.

[C]

The Alaska queen really doesn't even. Oh, okay. I finally found one that includes an Alaska queen. So an Alaska queen fits four people in it. Which by the way, if you have four people in your bed, it's really supposed to be like two adults and Two kids, but I don't know. That's a lot. It's also a Wyoming bed.

[B]

Good for you.

[C]

Good for you. Look, there's a California king, an Olympic queen, a Wyoming king, a Texas king, an Alaskan king.

[B]

Okay, you know what? Just. Just get me a bed. Can we just. Who is she shopping for? These people just get a queen. Okay. So they're looking at all this stuff, and it's kind of small. The. The. The place is all, you know, it's like run down. It's. It's badly redone at different decades. Not well in any of those decades. And now there's like a door to the. There's a door to the outside of the bathroom.

[C]

The yard is. And there's like a shitty yard that's just like, sad and like dirt. It's just a pile.

[B]

Yeah, this one. This one's not really great at all. So we get quick shots of each room and it's sadder. It's even sadder when you, like, like, fast forward through it. So now they're walking their dog to talk about it. Now they have to choose between space, a location, and a terrible partner.

[C]

Just kidding.

[B]

Just. They've already chosen that. So let's see what they do. And cat's like, staying right here in the West Hollywood area would be good for you. Who would be good for me? It would be terrible for the gays who are really sick of the straight people taking over their city.

[C]

But Chomsky has already written a dissertation on why we should actually get out of this big. And then they are, because I guess they're like going up front in Canyon or something like that, and they're sort of like weighing it back and forth at this point. I actually thought they were going to stay in West Hollywood. I thought that, like, Highland park would just be too far for them and they were just going to stay there. But then it. At long last, it is time for them to choose between the blue Craftsman in Highland park, the condo in West Hollywood, or the Spanish style in Glendale.

[B]

Ding dong. Go red. Yeah, go red. Easy decision. That was the easiest decision we've had to make so far. We choose the Craftsman.

[C]

They chose the Craftsman. They're gonna paint the front door red instead of orange. Like, wow, what a huge difference. They hold up the paint chip to it. It's like barely a hue different from it. Oh, thank God.

[B]

God, you guys really put your stamp on that one. Wow. They took out the shower.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Prefer probably we just put a plastic bag over that shower nozzle. Was this the place with the shower nozzle thing?

[C]

No, that was the. I think that was the condo that had the. The.

[B]

Damn it.

[C]

They still probably took out the nozzle. They brought all their bad furniture into this place, and they sure did.

[B]

And she's like, oh, now I've got a little more faith in Joe's ability to use the tool. Okay. Because he has had a project and he has done it, so good for him.

[C]

Yeah. So now they live in Highland park, and good luck to them.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, and they turned that little room into the cat room.

[C]

Yes. Goes out a little door for Chomsky, so.

[B]

Yeah, that was pretty cute. You know, it was fun seeing it. It was fun seeing all these neighborhoods that we don't go to a lot, you know? I know Highland park just seems so far, but everybody talks about it, like, it's so glamorous. We're going to Highland Park.

[C]

No, Highland park definitely has really cute stuff in it. And, like, there's. There's definitely. It's definitely a cute neighborhood. It's just far. It's far from everything I want. So. Yeah, it shall not be for me.

[B]

We're not moving there, that's for sure. Okay, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will see you the next time we do it. Okay, Bye.

[C]

Bye, everyone.