#413 Dwell Hello : Second Goa Around in India

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – #413 "Dwell Hello: Second Goa Around in India" (June 27, 2024)

Episode Overview

In this episode of Watch What Crappens, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam recap an infamous "House Hunters International" installment titled “Second Goa Around in India” (Season 138, Episode 6 on Max). The hosts provide their signature snarky, loving, and sharp-witted commentary as they follow the journey of Danielle, an impulsive American expat searching for a new start (and a fireproof home) in Goa, India, after a string of misadventures.

The episode satirizes Danielle’s nomadic lifestyle, her whimsical approach to self-reinvention, and her flaky decision-making, with her friend Haley playing the unwilling voice of reason. The hosts relish the absurdity of the house hunt, Danielle's dubious backstory, and the cultural clashes that ensue.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Character Study: Danielle

• Danielle, newly arrived in Goa, claims to be a former fashion designer from LA reinventing herself after her first house in India caught on fire and she broke up with her partner.
• Ben & Ronnie have doubts about Danielle’s reliability and life skills:
  • “Let me tell you, her luck is not going to change because Danielle is a gigantic flake.” (Ronnie, 02:41)
  • Her decisions—moving to Goa after seeing it on social media, swiftly choosing a house, and subsequent disasters—are lampooned.
• The hosts ridicule Danielle’s attempts to manifest “good juju,” her inconsistent ambitions (fashion! digital nomad! curries!), and her habit of mooching off others—especially her friend Haley, whom she clings to throughout.

2. Haley: The Frenemy Guide

• Haley, styled as a hippie, is Danielle’s local friend and sidekick in house hunting but is obviously exasperated.
• Despite surface “hippie” vibes, Haley is pragmatic, openly skeptical of Danielle’s choices, and clearly wants her further away.
  • “Haley’s dislike of this woman is so palpable to me. She cannot stand any choice she makes.” (Ben, 13:39)

3. House Hunting in Goa: The Properties

House #1: The Portuguese “Glamp”

• Small, semi-open roof, exposed beams and wires, resident cat.
• Danielle idealizes its “glamping” vibe; Haley sees a pest haven. Outdoor bathroom + fire ants cap the tour.
  • “Where’s the swimming pool?” (Ronnie, 18:12)
  • “It’s just going to be me and my street dog with rabies.” (Ben, 20:40)
• Instead of joy, Ben & Ronnie predict literal and figurative sparks.

House #2: The “Resort” by the Jungle

• Bigger, open design, closer to the beach, but surrounded by trees—ripe for monsoon invasions.
• Danielle fawns over its “blank canvas” feel and befriends a stray dog outside, while Haley warns about snakes and pests during monsoon season.
• The hosts mock Danielle’s adulting fantasies:
  • “This girl is cosplaying adulting. How old do you think this girl is? She’s 30, right?” (Ronnie, 29:18)

House #3: The Room Behind the Tailor Shop

• Small, colorful, sealed roof (no snakes!), has A/C, near Haley, and laundry services.
• Danielle is underwhelmed—it’s “too small” and awkwardly close to a tailor (“I’m trying to leave fashion!”).
• Haley (and the hosts) consider it her only realistic option:
  • “Haley made her choose the last one because she’s not gonna take the first one. So Haley’s like, okay, you can live next to me. Okay?” (Ronnie, 48:25)

4. Broader Satire: Expat & Digital Nomad Fantasies

• The hosts lampoon “digital nomad” dreams: Danielle wants to do “website and graphics… never done it, but, you know, #vanlife.”
• Her failed careers, from selling glow sticks in Finland to faux-fashion in LA, become running gags:
  • “You can’t really switch from something you never had in the first place.” (Ronnie, 25:16)
• The American-in-India clueless expat stereotype is skewered—from interacting with cows and cats like tourists to assuming locals are delighted by her presence.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Danielle’s Flaky Logic

• “Maybe you should challenge yourself to actually work. Just not make it work. Just work.” (Ben as Haley, 03:37)
• “You know when they say, when you want to find…a house that sparks joy? This one literally sparked.” (Ronnie, 10:01)

On Goa and Cultural Cluelessness

• “[Danielle:] ‘My parents really loved to travel and I think that’s how I got addicted to moving so much. I’ve lived in six countries, kicked out of all of them by the locals.’” (Ben, 04:03)
• “You know, they just, you know what they love? They love seeing a white woman.” (Ronnie, 08:04)

On Haley’s Suffering

• “Haley’s dislike of this woman is so palpable…she cannot stand any choice she makes.” (Ben, 13:39)
• “Haley’s a hero.” (Ronnie, 19:34)

Satirizing “Digital Nomad” Life

• “You know what? I want to do hyperlinks and HTMLs.” (Ben as Danielle, 24:53)
• “I’m only working on redirects from now on. It’s like my thing. I’m a digital nomad.” (Ronnie, 25:11)

Peak Absurdity

• “When I lived in Finland, I sold glow sticks at a nightclub. When I lived in London, I sold knockoff blue jeans…” (Ronnie mocking Danielle, 44:44)
• “Your manifestor is broken.” (Ronnie, 47:32)
• “You peaked in Finland. I’ll say it.” (Ben, 47:41)

Danielle’s Epilogue

• Danielle pronounces her new life in the small house a “spectacular experience,” having adopted the local dog.
  • “[Ronnie:] Yeah, I doubt it. I will tell you that. I will give you two months.” (49:32)
  • “[Ben:] This girl is going to kick your ass out of her life...your mother is still not going to call you back.” (49:37)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:40 – Recap starts: Introduction to Danielle’s life and disaster in Goa
• 12:07 – How house hunting works in Goa (no agents, just asking around)
• 16:27 – Tour of House #1 (small, semi-open roof, “glamping”)
• 27:36 – Tour of House #2 (the “resort” by the jungle and stray dog)
• 34:47 – Danielle’s failed careers montage
• 38:21 – Tour of House #3 (behind the tailor, the “realistic” choice)
• 47:32 – “Your manifestor is broken”—satire peaks over Danielle’s magical thinking
• 48:49 – Decision time and epilogue: Danielle moves in, vows it’s forever (hosts doubt her)
• 49:47 – Final host predictions on Danielle’s fate and their closing thoughts

---

Tone and Style

Ben and Ronnie maintain their hallmark blend of biting satire, deadpan delivery, and affectionate mockery of Bravo reality tropes. Their improv roasts, quick character work (channeling both Danielle and Haley), and comedic asides keep the recap energetic and hilarious.

---

Summary for the Uninitiated

If you’ve never seen “House Hunters International: Second Goa Around in India,” this recap delivers both a play-by-play of Danielle’s calamitous quest for a new home in Goa and a send-up of self-styled “digital nomads.” The episode is a comedy of errors featuring dubious charm (“I saw Goa on social media and just moved!”), questionable life choices (dog adoption, impulsive real estate, appropriative accents), escalating tension with her only friend, and the most withering yet oddly affectionate snark about expats lost abroad.

In signature Watch What Crappens style, the recap lovingly eviscerates both the show and its subject—making it as hilarious for new listeners as for the Bravo-obsessed.

---

For Further Listening

• Listener suggestions for future “Dwell Hello” episodes are encouraged via email—subject line: “Dwell Hello suggestion.”
• For those craving more, bonus and ad-free episodes are available on Patreon.

---

Transcript

[A]

Mom, I saw Dylan's dad make dinner, like actually cook and it was straight fire. He said it was Blue Apron assemble and bake. All the ingredients showed up pre chopped and he just laid it out on a baking sheet and no cap. Dinner was on the table in like 25 minutes. Apparently it's chef design and it has like over 40 grams of protein. That's a lot, right? So maybe we try it. Just saying. You can be the next Dylan's dad. Blue Apron. Get 50% off your first two orders plus free shipping with code. Listen, 50 terms and conditions apply. Visit blue apron.com terms for more.

[B]

Ding dong.

[C]

Ding dong.

[B]

Ding dong.

[C]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong.

[B]

Hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. Watch what Grabbins podcast about House Hunters. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben.

[C]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

[B]

Well, welcome to goabin.

[C]

Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be here.

[B]

Today is a very special House Hunters episode. Why is it special? Because it's amazing, that's why.

[C]

It's one of the best House Hunter internationals we've ever seen.

[B]

It's a really, truly special episode, Ben. It kind of changed my life.

[C]

Yeah, it was. The episode that we are talking about is it takes place and go. You know what, let me look up the information. I thought I had the information in front of me. I will tell you it. I'm pulling it up. I am pulling it up. Vamp. Vamp. Vamp. Vamp. Vamp. Of course I can't find it. Okay, here we go. The information on this House Hunters episode, it is called.

[B]

It's called second Goa around in India.

[C]

Second Goa.

[B]

And this was suggested to us by Carmen. Carmen, thank you so much. Life changing. Also, if you want to suggest something, shoot us an email at watch what crappens gmail.com with the subject header Dwell. Hello suggestion. That's the only way we will ever see it. Send it to us. And thank you Carmen.

[C]

And by the way, it is, it appears to be season 138, episode six from volume six on max. So again, just look up second go around in second Goa around and you will find this absolutely amazing House Hunters International episode.

[B]

Alrighty, let's get into it. Shall we be.

[C]

Let's do it.

[B]

Danielle got off to a rough start in India when she lost her business and her apartment and now she's hoping to change her luck and go. Let me tell you, her luck is not going to change because Danielle is a gigantic flake who. Who probably started her own house fire and probably like fucked up something at work. And that's why she lost her job. And then somehow blames the universe while also begging the universe for things all day while waving crystals around and smudging everything with fucking patchouli sticks.

[C]

Dan, this, this episode is so wild because. And it starts here with this woman, Danielle, because she, like, nothing makes sense about her. Even her friend. Her friend that we soon meet is just like, exasperated with her. And her friend is a hippie. Her friend is a hippie. Love everything. Love everyone.

[B]

And her friend, so stoned, I can't believe she has exasperation in her. I can't believe she can even feel it. I mean, it is stoner exasperation where she's like, Danielle, I'm like, so exasperated with you right now.

[C]

Danielle's like, I have to challenge myself to stay here and to make it work. Maybe you should challenge yourself to actually work. Just not make it work. Just work.

[B]

So then, ding dong. So we see Danielle walking around a market and she's like, I'll have a green drink. This is so crazy. Being in India. I never would have done this in la.

[C]

My parents really loved to travel and I think that's how I got addicted to moving so much. I've lived in six countries, kicked out of all of them by the locals. And once you live somewhere abroad, you discover a whole new world.

[B]

And then she tries to pet a deer.

[C]

And it's like, it's actually a very small, skinny cow.

[B]

Oh, is it a cow?

[C]

It was a very skinny cow.

[B]

And then the cow's like. She's like, oh, just such a guy. That was crazy. I just touched the cow. I'm a world traveler who just touched a cow. Oh my God. Did anybody green drink lady, did you see that? Never.

[C]

I am so embarrassed. Like, I am so embarrassed watching this American walking through the streets of Goa, petting the random cattle. Like, oh, look, it's a cow. The cow's like, get the off me.

[B]

In America, we call you cars.

[C]

Like, trying to get on the cow and put on a seat belt. Where's your seat belt? Does this cow come with anti lock brakes?

[B]

My fob isn't working.

[C]

She's aiming at a cow. Does this cow know if I. When I lock, do your windows roll up automatically?

[B]

So she's like, you're so pretty, cow. Oh, sorry, sorry. I offended the cow. I offended the cow. So she gives us her monologue. She's like, well, I was living in America, okay? And I was a fashion designer. And I said, you know what? I'm going to pick another Place to be a fashion designer. And then I saw something on social media about Goa. So of course I went to Goa.

[C]

I mean, it's in the name. I said, I'm going to Goa.

[B]

This is why influencers have such a huge industry. It works. You know, I'm always like, who buys this shit from these idiots who have, like, zero presence and nothing to say, but they have ad deals out the ass. This girl. This girl is who. She saw a place called Go on Social and moved.

[C]

Yeah, she's. And so she goes. So I packed everything and I moved here from Los Angeles five months ago to initially manufacture my clothing brand.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

But it was a horrible situation. Oh, My first house would go a caught on fire. Now that's not funny that house catches on fire. But, like, it's funny that her house caught on fire.

[B]

I'm telling you, she fell asleep with a cigarette, or she was like, you know what? I need to. This thread frayed, so I need to unfray it. So I'm gonna burn the edge of this fret. And then she was using, like, rayon or something, and it all went up and flames. I don't know, but I know she did it.

[C]

My partner and I then we parted ways. You know, so I packed up everything, I loaded all into my cow, and I said, I am getting to a new place.

[B]

Or she got dumped and burned that place down. Oh, this girl's nuts. Or that.

[C]

She goes, I decided I don't want to do fashion anymore. I never. So I never really reinvented myself in the same city or town. I've always just, like, booked a plane ticket or hopped on a cow and just jetted off.

[B]

But I feel like it's never too start. Too late to start over. Right? And my mom. I'm gonna mention my mom about 30 times. My mom is a perfect example because at age 40, she went to college for the first time and she had five kids. So I just see her in every challenge. You know, I just want to be just like my mom, which is why I ignore me mostly. You need my own approval, which I'm never gonna get.

[C]

Her mom's like, note the part where I said I went to college at 40, didn't wander around Goa.

[B]

I say, you have to wait until 40 for college. Okay.

[C]

Goa is a very magical place. The cows are cars, the people are cows. It's amazing. It's very different because in Goan culture, the Goans are from a Portuguese background. Like, Portuguese background. Like, the Portuguese came in and colonized, but they're from a Portuguese background. And, you know, people are always smiling. Everyone's so chill.

[B]

It's so funny. Any store you walk into, they just put their hands up in the air.

[C]

You know, I feel like every time I go to the market, people just smile and laugh. Sometimes they just point at me and say, look at that nice person. Let's laugh. They're laughing with me.

[B]

Is someone holding my wallet for me? You guys, you are hilarious.

[C]

Just smiling and smiling, Happy to see, you know, they just. You know what they love? They love seeing a white woman. I just walk in, and they just smile, smile and smile and smile.

[B]

And then we get the voice. Thanks to the support of a community of expats she's with. Oh, no, wait, didn't we. It is Linda. But I thought there was something that popped up on the screen that was like, these people are in danger.

[C]

It was like. It was like Portuguese, like, Portugal, like, basically came in and, like, like, took over this section for. For a while.

[B]

Oh, okay. So thanks to a support of a community of expats, she's willing to do things so smartly this time to stay in India for the long haul. And by smartly, I mean this woman's really a.

[C]

She's willing to do things smartly this time. Like, for instance, not lighting her house on fire. Oh, wait, here she is. Here she is trying to ride a cow.

[B]

Look at her trying to catch a fly with a blowtorch.

[C]

I'm like, can we roll the footage again of her trying to pet the cow in the middle of the street?

[B]

So she's with some friends, and they're pretty much who you think her friends would be. They just look like patchouli. They just look like it. Like hippies or they look like dream catchers and, like, extras in hair.

[C]

Yeah. I'm ready to find a new home, and I'm ready to put in that time to find the perfect home that won't catch on fire. I'm like, well, first of all, really, all homes can catch on fire. So there's that issue, too.

[B]

I can't wait to find a fireproof house.

[C]

When I first got here, I was looking for a house. I actually did not try hard at all, actually. I said, yeah, I said. I said, oh, that one's cute. I'll take it. Which was the worst idea I ever. I was like, you know what? I love the decor in here. The exposed wires. It's like, make it, like, sort of like it makes you feel like you're in the jungle. It's like Vines, but they're live wires instead. I love that.

[B]

I said, I mean, electricity is good to have in the house. Why not in my body? It hurts. It turns out it hurts.

[C]

You know when they say, when you want to find you, you. When you're looking for a house, you want to find a house that sparks joy. This one literally sparked. Like, I really felt. I truly felt the spark. Cause I could see them all over.

[B]

I screamed really loudly, and my neighbors laughed. So it did spark joy at the end of the day. So Haley's like. Like, maybe when things are, like, outrageously bad, then the next experience is outrageously good. So it's your turn for a good experience, because your last experience was a bad experience.

[C]

What I'm saying is I'm gonna help you with your house hunting journey. Cause I know it'll be terrible for me, but it means that then something really good is gonna come for me afterwards.

[B]

And this Haley chick is a little fishy, too, because she's got this. She lives in this building that's, like, center. What is it called?

[C]

I don't know. But it was like, her. Her building was very essential to, like, everything was like, I want to live near Haley.

[B]

I have to be right near Haley. It's like kind of a hostel or something that Haley is running with. I think it was Omerit. So they're running some kind of business or something that helps tourists or their. I don't know what it is, but it's. There's something fishy going on. So Haley's like, yeah, now it's total. She says, I met Haley on social media. She's been such a good friend to me, her and Amit. Haley and her husband let me stay in their guest house. Lucky for me. But it's time to go.

[C]

It's time to go. Haley's like, our guest house just burned down. We're not pointing fingers, but were you.

[B]

Trying to catch flies with the blowtorch again?

[C]

Danielle's like, I think since, like, last time, I was very impulsive about finding a home and that I just looked at one and just decided to move in. This time, I'll be a bit more controlling in my decision.

[B]

Yeah, actually, we could use your help. I mean, he's like, well, I will. I'm going to help Haley, and Haley's going to help you. We just need to make sure. We just need to make some family calls. Am I right, ladies? Family. We're all family in this city. Am I right, ladies? I was like, I don't trust you. Sir, I don't trust you. And, no, you cannot hold my passport for me. Yeah, while I'm staying in your guest house. No.

[C]

So Haley just tells us that, like, there's no real estate agents. She was like, yeah, you really just have to, like, get out on your scooter and just kind of roam around the jungle and ask locals, you know, other locals, like, what's being rented. So, yeah.

[B]

Hi, my name is Danielle. Does anybody have a basement I can stay in?

[C]

Anybody? Anyone selling a house? Anybody? No? Okay, so she says what she needs. So this new place, I have to have two bedrooms because I really want a space where I can have house guests. I'm like. How do I put this politely? No one is coming to visit.

[B]

Nobody wants to come see you.

[C]

No one's coming.

[B]

No one.

[C]

No one wants to come here.

[B]

And I. Yeah, I would love to live next door to you, Haley, if that's possible. So that's a need. And I definitely want an ac. And I would love a yard, because I think I'm gonna adopt a street dog.

[C]

You guys, I was really thinking about exploring rabies, so does anyone? I was thinking maybe a street dog.

[B]

Nothing says hippie like street dog. Am I right? But there's actually a dog place right down the street. You can adopt a dog that's not from the street. No, it has to be a street dog. Okay. I'm like. I'm like a hippie. I'm like, you, Haley. You're nothing like me. I'm just like you, Haley. We're like sisters. By the way, I think she totally uses Haley by kind of making Haley fall in love with her. Because if you notice the way she stares at Haley, she's like, love you, Haley. Haley, I need to be by you and only you. You're the only person I can ever live by, Haley. And Haley's like, wow, okay, I'll help you.

[C]

It's like, I. I don't. I can't. Haley. Haley's dislike of this woman is so palpable to me. She cannot stand any choice she makes. By the way, also, I don't believe Haley is a real. A real hippie, because everything that Haley hates is, like, something that I would hate. It's like, very, like. Like, every. Everything that she should like as a hippie, she detests. She's like, oh, my God. This is close to nature. That's disgusting.

[B]

Yeah. I think she just knows that this girl isn't ready for it and she doesn't want her coming back to her house.

[C]

Yeah. And that too. So Danielle wants to pay $250 a month. And she goes, you know, and I don't know what, like, my next income is gonna be, So I think 250 is gonna be easy for me to spend. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, I'm not planning to get a job anytime soon.

[B]

So then the waiter brings the bill, and she goes, oh, my God. Hi. And he goes, let's ask this guy. He's a local. Do you have any places to rent? He goes, well, you know, there's some places with a mango shade. And she's like, wow, mango shade? Mango is really shady. Have you ever eaten me? One time I was eating a mango, and it was like, wash your hair. I was like, whoa, that's a shady mango. Right?

[C]

I mean, you know, so. So. And then Danielle goes, oh, that sounds like good juju. And then I guess.

[B]

And then we begin the juju journey.

[C]

Yes. She then has to explain what juju is like.

[B]

A feeling of spirituality that you get when you invite. When you invite a street dog into your life.

[C]

Yeah. Juju is the feeling you get as the rabies courses through your system.

[B]

Yeah. You, like, manifest energy, and it's, like, from the universe, and that brings you something positive that you want or something that you need. So, like, I'm pretty sure that making an impulsive decision to come here resulted in a disastrous for first few months. So I'm ready to manifest good juju.

[C]

Yeah. I'm going to start over and live the life that I've always wanted. Oh, my God. Is this interview set on fire? Sorry.

[B]

Got to work.

[C]

Got to work on my juju a little bit. So they go and they drive, and Danielle's like, I think this place is too far from your house. I want a little bit. Live a little bit closer. Closer. Haley's like, I love it. I love it for you.

[B]

Haley's like, it's called Texas. You're gonna love it here. It took five days to get here. Haley.

[C]

She's like, I. I didn't realize that my house would be on three plane rides away. Yeah, that's just the way it is in the going market.

[B]

Close as we could find it, unfortunately. No realtors here. So Danielle's like, yeah, I want to be closer to you, but let's check it out. Is this house for rent? Person standing in front of the house and he's like, yes, I'm about to move out, so it's. It's going to be free soon. She's like, how much it's like 200. She goes, can we take a look at it?

[C]

He's like, absolutely. So they go into this house. It's very small, and it has this roof that's like, it's not fully attached. It's not a sealed in roof by design. It's like a. We learn it's a Portuguese roof or something like that. Whereas there's beams with, like, thatching or something on top. But it's like the eaves are kind of exposed, and it's really, really small. And there's a mannequin and it's. It's small.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little baby house. And Haley's like, uh, oh, no tall people coming in this house. Well, at least me and Amit can come over, right, Amit? I'm not in this scene, my darling, but trust me, I know family, and.

[C]

I will not be coming over. So. So, yeah. So Haley say that this is like a Portuguese style with. With glorious tiles and everything. And so Haley is like, yeah, I would never live in a house like this. And I just don't want creepy crawly friends coming in. And by creepy crawly friends, that's really you, Danielle?

[B]

Yeah. So Danielle's like, I mean, I don't mind it. It's kind of, like, charming. It's like glamping, you know, that's like camping, but glamorous.

[C]

Literally nothing. The g. I don't know where the GLA of the glamping is coming in. So Haley's like, okay, well, you've got a couple of windows, so there's some cross breeze, I guess. I guess that's nice, I guess. I don't know.

[B]

I mean, it just feels like a bedroom, though. Like, is it enough space for all the. Nothing you do? You don't do anything. And you don't even cook. You go to her house to eat everything.

[C]

What do you think $200 is gonna get you? You want something that's more than a studio apartment size thing.

[B]

So is there a craft room here?

[C]

Where's the. Where's the swimming pool? So they go to another room. There is a cat. There's just a cat that's just sleeping in there on just. They're not sure if it. If it is the owner's catch.

[B]

Are so full of themselves. I'm just gonna say it. Like, this cat is lying down right on its back, and it's, like doing that thing where it's, like, posed for you to pet it. Why would you just assume that I want to, like, sit there and Cuddle with you. It's just like, okay, I'm ready. Love me, love me.

[C]

It's unclear whether this cat belongs to the owner or just walked in and decided to do all this stuff. So Danielle's like, oh, my God, kitty. Are you gonna be like a cow? Can I pet you? Can I pet you?

[B]

It's like, I've adopted the kitty. Has anyone seen Minecraft? No, but I have one. I'll ask it. Have you seen their cat? No, sorry.

[C]

Did you guys see that cat? I think it was on fire. So? So she's like, do you think it comes to the house? Do you think it comes to the house? And Haley's like, well, I. Well, I like this thing, the love seat. I think you shake this. You know what? This is really good. Haley just wants her to be as far away as possible. She's just trying to find anything. Good house now, right?

[B]

So then Haley's like, oh, my God, look, there's openings and there's things on all over the ceiling. Spiders like to live here, looks like. And they're just like you. They don't clean up after themselves. It's crazy.

[C]

Did you know that humans swallow 12 spiders in their lifetime while sleeping?

[B]

Haley goes, I think here, it's like, keeps higher. Maybe it's like, 24. I love Haley. Haley's a hero.

[C]

So then Hayley really sums up this place well. She goes, well, it's dark. There's no ac. It's not possible to have AC because it's not sealed. And the style is, like, railroad style. So you have to walk through the bedroom to get to the kitchen. I don't know, man.

[B]

So it's a tiny little dining room kitchen area. And Danielle's like, oh, my God. This feels like a camper van. Oh, my God. Stop romanticizing everything. Did your mother have a camper van? Get over it.

[C]

Haley goes, I camp in a tent. That's better than this house. No, it's not that bad. I mean, I like that there's a table. I mean, it's like. It looks very homemade. And there's like this little, like, rinky, like, stumpy table, Amazon box on the floor.

[B]

So bad. Yeah, it looks great. She goes, oh, so you like that table? She says, yeah, I could put my dog there, and then I could sit on the other side of the table because I'm wacky. So, like, you're not invited because I don't have any space for you.

[C]

It's just gonna be me and my street dog with rabies. So Danielle tells Us. You know, part of this fresh start would be definitely living close to Hayley and me. And I really want to be able just to walk over to her house. You know, dinner is piping hot that they have cooked and they've paid for, and I can just be there. I can just be there with Haley all the time.

[B]

So then they walk out to the backyard and the bathroom, you mean? Yeah, there's a tailor, there's a toilet, and there's a mattress on the ground.

[C]

And Daniel's like, oh, my God, there's a toilet outside. And Haley goes, yeah, in case you have guests. And they're like, oh, but there's also fire ants. And she goes, okay, I'm over it. Let's get out of here. There's fire ants crawling all over the toilet hole.

[B]

Yes. So then Danielle's like, yeah, I mean, that porch is cute. I would hang out there. So what's your general consensus? Stupid. She's like, well, it's definitely a bit small. There's fire ants on a shithole and a mattress on the ground. Come on, now, Danielle.

[C]

Yeah. She's like, you need to get your jade out, rub some juju on it, and manifest a bigger dream. Okay, so now the. Now we're going to go over to house number two. So Danielle's like, I'm very impulsive, and I just. I don't trust myself. And if I see something I really nice that I like, it's probably just like, okay, fine, I'll take it. I don't care if it's a hazard.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Just gusta Haley rolling her eyes like, oh, God, I hate her. So now we see them walking through town and vendors, and Danielle's like, I really need to turn my luck around. Oh, hi, sir. You have some hair in your face.

[C]

She's like, you say that good juju is here. And Haley's like, yeah, good juju. So she's like, you know, in la, I was doing fashion design, and my friend posted something on social media, and it was just an opportunity for me and him to work together and manufacture my brand here in India. The funny thing, though, is that I didn't have a brand.

[B]

But I knew I could just come up with one. So, you know, it's either sink or swim. I'm either gonna love it or I'm gonna hate it. And then it was a disaster. My partnership dissolved, and I realized that I just don't wanna do fashion, but I really do wanna stay here. Plus, I don't really have money to. So beautiful here. God, I love that. People are just so comfortable pooping in.

[C]

The ground, you know, I love it here. You know, I get along with Goa like a house on fire. So Danielle. So now they're, like, going to a crystal vendor. And by the way, every time Danielle speaks to a local, she adopts an Indian accent. Did you notice that?

[B]

It's so bad. It is really bad. And it was reminding me of traveling, because we kind of did that. I did that a little bit. Like, in Italy, I'd be like, I wanted this one. Because I'm like, maybe they'll understand me better. I wasn't doing it consciously.

[C]

The cadence will right.

[B]

But I was noticing. Noticed. I noticed myself do it a couple times. I was like, please stop doing that. We were just like, I'd like some pizza, huh? And she is totally doing that, and I'm so embarrassed watching it for her and for myself.

[C]

Yeah. Danielle's like, so what is this called? The vendor's like, amethyst. Oh, so this. And he's like, so is this good? This. This is good for.

[B]

Haley is literally like, oh, yeah. Haley is like, yeah, this is good for the mind. She goes, no, this is for mind chakra. And then you go goes, so this is good for your brain. I was like, oh, no, no, no.

[C]

Danielle. The Bender's like, yes, brain here. And so. And so Haley's like, yeah. So, like, it's good. So, like, channel those thoughts to bring you everything that you need, Danielle. Which unfortunately, is many, many, many, many things.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, Danielle, you know, you should channel a webpage called LinkedIn. Try it.

[C]

She goes, you know what? I'm hoping that, like, once I get. I can become a digital nomad.

[B]

Oh, shut up. It's something else she saw on TikTok or whatever. She's like, hashtag vanlife. Am I right, guys?

[C]

Digital nomad. Because that is my dream right now. I really want to work from home and do, like, website and graphics and work alone.

[B]

Let me guess. You've never done website or graphics.

[C]

You know what? I want to do hyperlinks and HTMLs.

[B]

Guys, I'm so into the 404 pages.

[C]

You know what?

[B]

I'm gonna make that work.

[C]

I don't want to have a bad gateway. I want to have a good gateway. I'm gonna. I'm doing website. I'm gonna do website and vectors.

[B]

I'm only working on redirects from now on. It's like my thing. I'm a digital nomad.

[C]

I think the biggest risk in starting over and changing my career would be not knowing where my next paycheck comes from. Which, to be fair, was actually what my old career was. Which, to be fair was I never even had a career. So you can't really switch from something you never had in the first place. But I think you guys.

[B]

And Danielle's like, do you have anything for good luck? And the lady's like, I have this rock I can bang on the side of your head.

[C]

Here's a ticket to Switzerland. Get out of here.

[B]

Please go. So she's like, oh, my God. How much is this stone? 2,500 rupees. How much is that? It's like 400. She goes, oh, God. I guess we need to save money, right, Haley?

[C]

Haley's like, oh, this idiot. So Danielle's like, when I have money, I'm not allowed to have. When I have money, I'm not allowed to have cash in my wallet or else I'll spend it. Oh, my God. So we're in this community, which is obviously, you know, it's. There's a lot of poverty that we're seeing. And she's like, oh, my God, don't give me money, because I just spend it, spend it, spend it, spend it.

[B]

I can't wait to come back here and buy $400 stones.

[C]

I'm just spending this money. God, isn't it so fun to spend money? Don't you other goans feel that way, too?

[B]

So, I mean, it's like, guys, guys. I heard from more family, heard from my cousin Dalton, and he said that Malcolm has a place by the beach. Who's Malcolm? Doesn't matter. His family.

[C]

Who are Dalton and Malcolm? I would like to know that this is. These are lies here. So it's gonna be for $400 a month, and. Which is a bit out of her 250 range.

[B]

Crazy for rent. It's like daddy warbuck's money. So Danielle's like, that's one jade stone. Hearing that this house is 400, it's probably going to be very nice. And I'm like, impulsive. I don't trust myself. So if I see something really nice that I really like, I'll just be like, okay, that's fine. I'll take it. Like this dog that I just found on the street.

[C]

I love Albert. You know what? I love that this dog has a cute little white beard. Like, that's foam around its mouth. Oh, I. That's cute. Let me wipe that off for him. So they go to house number two, which is Big. It has a big deck. There's lots of trees. And there's, like, a dog. There's a dog in the front.

[B]

She's, like, trying to shove it in her purse. It's like, my dog. My dog. So they go, and this one's really cool. It's like a big room. It's got new kind of cement or tile or something on the floor. And this is really nice. And she's like, oh, my God. This is it. You gonna live with me, doggy? And Haley goes, so everyone just comes with an animal around here.

[C]

The most unhippie hippie of all time. She's sitting there with her dreads, and she's, like, disgusted that there's, like, this. This interfacing with nature. Yeah. So it's. This one's much more spacious. The floors are all gray. It's sort of like a. More of a. It feels a little bit more like a blank canvas to work with.

[B]

And, you know, still, Danielle's just too much. She's like, I mean, look at this. Wood ceilings, skylights. It's like a resort. Mailee's like a resort.

[C]

She's like, I have a tent that's better than this. Wow. So Haley's like, yeah, but by the way, it's still not sealed, so you can't have ac. And also, listen, dumb, dumb. There are a bunch of trees around here, and so when monsoon season comes. You know about monsoons, right? Do you know about monsoons? Please tell me know about monsoons. Well, guess what? The jungles are, like, alive. And they all are gonna come inside here, so you're gonna have. Have snakes and all sorts of things that are going to come in here.

[B]

Yeah. And Daniel's like, I love it. I could, like, get to know a snake. Snakes are amazing. Do you know what folklore says about snake? This girl is too much like, I want this girl to get bitten by a snake. I know. So she's. Oh, my God. Love this kitchen. People can sit in my living room, and I could cook, and then they could watch, and then they could even help if they want to. This girl's, like, cosplaying, adulting. But she. How old do you think this girl is? She's 30, right?

[C]

Probably.

[B]

And I lived in six different places already, so she's.

[C]

No one wants to watch Danielle cook in her, like, snake and pest at home.

[B]

But it's something she's never done. You can just tell how she's talking. She's like, oh, my God. There's a kitchen and a living room. So that way maybe I could cook, and then maybe there will be people there, and then they'll eat my cooking. I'm like, you've literally only gone to other people's house and mooched off them your whole fucking life. Like, have some self respect, man.

[C]

The Digital Nomad Ned's guide to Cooking in Goa. So then they walk into. They're looking at the bedroom and everything, and Danielle's like, it's cute, but it's a bit small. Oh, so suddenly now you have standards now. Like, you were down for the house that had like the toilet in the ground with the fire ants around it. But now she's like, I don't know, this bedroom's a little small.

[B]

I don't know that it's gonna have room for all the at home redirecting I'm gonna be doing. So it takes a lot of space.

[C]

So they're looking at the rooms. You know, there's one room that's a little bit bigger, one's a little smaller and everything. Danielle. Oh, God, I forgot about this part. So Danielle sits on a bed. She goes, oh, my God, this is like a rock. And Haley's like, yeah, we called them knock knock beds. Cause you knock on them, they're so hard. I was like, okay, that's. I was like, okay. And so then they're like, what is it?

[B]

And then you sleep on them, and you're a joke. So you see how it works, don't you?

[C]

Knock, knock. Who's there? Oh, God, it's Danielle again.

[B]

Lock the doors on me. Lock the doors.

[C]

That's the end of the joke family.

[B]

Get out of the scene on me.

[C]

So then Danielle's like, I want to see what's. What this bed is made of. So she takes off. She starts pulling off the sheets to look at the mattress. And the mattress is just like covered in burlap or something like that.

[B]

It's like layers of burlap, I guess, that they make. I think it's space out of.

[C]

I don't know. I'm just like. I just couldn't believe it. I was like, this is wild. This is wild. Like, you know, I'm sensitive to the fact that, like, you know, different, you know, different areas have, like, there's, you know, like, you're not gonna find Casper mattresses, you know, like, you know, in. In this region that's this funny that.

[B]

She'S walking around going like, oh, my God, this is like a resort. I was like, well, here's your bed made out of nails and she's like, amazing, amazing, amazing. That's how we do it here.

[C]

So. So she's just like, oh. Haley goes, well, maybe you'll have to reinvent yourself and your finances and the bed. Enjoy sleeping on burlap.

[B]

Haley's like, wow, you're gonna need a lot of juju, honey. A lot of juju. So there's an elevated deck, and it's really cool. It's by the ocean and stuff. And Haley's like, wow, you could have a juju garden here.

[C]

Do you understand my sarcasm? Danielle's like, yeah, it's beautiful. It's so dreamy. It doesn't get better than this. It's like. It literally gets better.

[B]

She's like, remember, it's $400. And Danielle's just like, oh, my God. Come on. I deserve this.

[C]

There's literally a boa constrictor crawling in front of the ceiling of your kitchen right now.

[B]

So she's like, I'm such a go getter, such a hustler. I would never just sit around being like, I don't have enough money. You know? Like, I'm gonna have to go and find a way to make more money. Oh, Haley, what are you doing? I'm trying to put out this fire you just started.

[C]

You literally just set the last remaining cash of yours on fire. Oops.

[B]

I was trying to make the bed warm. I'm so stupid.

[C]

So. So Haley says, you know, Danielle is a kind of she does it her way kind of girl, you know? Like, if she sees a house that. You know, every single inspector here in Goa said, this is not suitable for humans to live in right now. She'll move into it, get a few electric shocks, watch it burn down, and then complain about it afterwards.

[B]

Yeah, this girl's an idiot, but let's hope she listens to me. So now we go see house number three. Dun, dun, dun. And, well, first they walk through the market again, and Daniel stops to another vendor, and she picks up a flower crown, and she goes, what's this for?

[C]

It's for wiping your butt, you idiot. Of course it's a flower crown.

[B]

And then she got goes, oh, I take a one. I was like, oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, no. She goes, I worked in fashion for nine years, and I was manufacturing a little bit. And that's why I came to India, because after living here for a short time, that's when I realized I don't want to do fashion anymore. I suck at it. But I want to be a digital nomad, because I heard about it on a. On a HuffPo article.

[B]

So I decided between that and a career of pouring dry pasta on countertops and then covering it with a bunch of ingredients and then putting a blow dryer over it until it makes a casserole. I mean, it's just stuff I see.

[C]

On TikTok, you know, is anyone else's throat closing up on them? Just wondering. I just pet a dog. And I've had this reaction for the past few days.

[B]

So she's like, yeah, I decided to start doing more graphic design and development. Haven't really learned that yet, but maybe one day I will when Haley buys me a computer. So, you know, I'm just doing a lot of stuff for free, like, buying a portfolio and starting to build my business based on that, you know?

[C]

So then she goes, this is my. My favorite part. She. There's a lady who's like, like, selling dresses. And Danielle goes up to her and is like, oh, I used to be a dressmaker too.

[B]

Very pretty. She goes, very pretty. Very pretty.

[C]

This lady's like, get the fuck out of my store. I actually know what I'm doing. I actually made these. These are my. My shit's so much more beautiful than whatever fake patterns you use from simplicity.com.

[B]

And she's like, I'm gonna, like, like, stay here and build a company and build an empire because I got inspiration. Get. Here she comes. My mom. My mother, because she went to College at age 40. She had five kids, and then she worked her way up the corporate ladder and got the most amazing job. I never really saw her again. She didn't come to my high school graduation. I mean, I wasn't graduating, but I did borrow a cabin and gown to walk so she could see me. She didn't come. I don't know what happened, but they started on fire somehow. That was awkward. So don't have a school that I graduated from anymore. No high school reunions for me. God miss you, mom.

[C]

I'm gonna follow my mom's footsteps. I mean, I'm not gonna go to College at age 40. But what I will do is call myself a digital nomad. And by digital nomad, I mean I'm just gonna review random things here and go until I reach Yelp elite status.

[B]

I'm just gonna keep practicing my trade, and every time somebody tells me to go to a website, I'm gonna go 404. 404, 404.

[C]

Honestly, I think we have to take a moment and just reflect on how fun it is that this woman is just traipsing around Goa, trying to pet cows in the road. Going up to dressmakers. I was a dressmaker too, once. How much for that, Jade? I want to adopt that dog. Like, it is just so funny. Like, burlap in the bed. What is. It's literally the funniest shit. You have to watch this episode. Just watching her, it is really good. Just, like, have this, like, this, like, rosy view through this town as well.

[B]

So this lady is selling spices, and she's like, what are those spices that are selling? And she's like, masalas. They're spice. And she goes, oh, do you have masalas? Okay, I want to start making curries. Is it a mix or do they have separate pretty dresses? Pretty, pretty. The lady's like, just please take the spice and go. Please.

[C]

I. Oh, my God. I want to start making curries. I'm so into curries now.

[B]

I'm redirecting curries. That's my new job.

[C]

Curry.com. okay.

[B]

Hey, I'm gonna make digital curry.

[C]

I am submitting my resume to Adam Curry and seeing if I can make curry's for him. Digital Nomad.

[B]

Okay, so. Oh, by the way, do you happen to live in Anjuna and know any houses for rent? Curry lady, she's like, no, madam.

[C]

She's like, no, I will not do that to my family. She's like, very, very sorry. There's like 40 houses for rent that her family all owns, and they're, like, trying to find somebody.

[B]

Like, they're desperate.

[C]

No, no, please, no.

[B]

So she's like, well, so Haley tells us, when you're looking to rent in Goa, rent can go anywhere, say, between a couple hundred dollars to a few thousand. So the best way to find a place is just kind of roam around until you see a hole in the ground no one will be looking at for a while. And then you. You hit your friend over the head with a rock and just hope that she passes out long enough to die.

[C]

You know, I do have some regrets about not plunging Danielle's face into that pile of fire ants. I just want to say, you want to know what fire is? Take this bitch. So she's like, yeah, you just have to be like, this auntie knows this auntie knows this auntie. So then they're like, on their moped, they pass Amit in the seat. Like, oh, yeah, there's my husband. Hi, Amit. Amit's like, it's not me. I'm hiding. He's like, what? I'm Malcolm and Dalton. I'm not Amit.

[B]

Bye, strangers. But whoever you are, your family. So they're like, hey, hot stuff. So they go to house number three. And Danielle's like, of course I'm trying to leave fashion, so you take me to a dressmaker shop.

[C]

Yeah. The house number three is their tailor. So Haley's tailor has, like, an apartment behind his shops.

[B]

And Haley is, like, literally furious at fashion. She is so mad that she's at this place. She's mad that she was brought here.

[C]

I mean, Danielle. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Danielle. She's mad that she was brought here. She complains about every little thing. She's like, wow, not much of a breeze behind a dress shop.

[C]

Meanwhile, this is the one place that has air conditioning. She's like, okay, fine. Like a dress shop. I'm trying to leave fashion, and you're dragging me right to it. I'm like, at what point do we remind Danielle she never really was in fashion.

[B]

You were never in fashion.

[C]

You weren't in fashion if you're trying to flex with a random lady on the street.

[B]

You tried to walk out of a Ross Dress for Less with a bag of shit. Okay. Does not mean you're in fashion.

[C]

I was a dressmaker once. Like, okay, Danielle, stop talking to the locals.

[B]

So this is 18,000amonth, which is like 240amonth, which is in Budge, which is great for me.

[C]

In Budge.

[B]

Yeah. And the tailor's like, I'm a tailor. And she's like, that's disgusting. So stop, torch. Stop traumatizing me. So it's nice. It's colorful. I mean, I don't know. Nice. They're saying it's really nice. And she's like, Haley goes, it is nice. I mean, it needs a sealed roof. Or it has a sealed roof. So that's a positive. I mean, basically, this is like the Met.

[C]

Yeah. And Danielle's like, no snakes. Like, she's like, that's actually, like, a bad thing. Like, but, like, how am I going to get strangled in the middle of my sleep by a python?

[B]

This is so funny when she goes, it does feel a bit small. Like, it doesn't have high ceilings. Girl.

[C]

Girl's like, it's enough space for you. Okay. And Daniel's like, yeah, just me and a dog.

[B]

Danielle's so sad in this place. And Haley's like, you're taking this place.

[C]

Haley's like, why are you foaming at your mouth? Does that mean that you like this? She's like, no, no. Just don't. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's nothing that's been happening with me for the past few days.

[B]

Wait, why are you backing up? Why are you backing up? What? Wait, are you charging me? Oh, my God. Why are you banging your head against the wall?

[C]

What are you doing, Danielle? Why are you biting my leg right now?

[B]

She's like, cujo.

[C]

Haley's stuck in her car. So Haley's like, I think she's being a bit overdramatic because she's always been over Been overdramatic, okay? I don't think she needs as much space. Space as she dreams to have, okay? Because if she needed more space, she wouldn't burn down the last place.

[B]

So Danielle's like, I don't know what that space is above the closet, but I guess it looks like shoe space.

[C]

Yay.

[B]

She's so depressed. And Haley's like, glad you like it, because you're totally taking it. You.

[C]

Yeah. They go into the to the main bedroom, and there is actually air conditioning in there. So they're like, yay, air conditioning. And Haley goes, yay, juju dance. Juju dance. Remember? You like juju. This is a ju. This is a juju machine. It makes juju.

[B]

So they do a juju dance. And then Danielle's like, I know. Like, it does have ac. I would just prefer to sleep in the other room. You know, the other room without high ceilings. It's by a tailor shop.

[C]

You're gonna sleep in the non air conditioned room. I can't stand this lady.

[B]

I can't either. She just wants to sleep in the patio room. That's it. She's like, I want a patio to sleep on. That's it.

[C]

They go into the kitchen. The kitchen's pretty sad. It's just a big counter with stuff on it and everything. And Danielle goes, wow, look at this countertop. I could cook for you. You know, I'm really getting into this thing called curries. Have you heard of curries? It's kind of like a new hot thing. I kind of want to get into it.

[B]

And Hayley's like, I could see you making drinks.

[C]

We're not gonna trust you with actual cooking just yet.

[B]

And Danielle's like, I mean, there's a lot of space, but maybe they got robbed because there's no tabletop here. I mean, like, it's just like a table frame.

[C]

So. That is true. There is just a table frame.

[B]

Well, you loved the homemade table in the last place.

[C]

It's actually this table that has no tabletop is still a better table than House number one's table, let's be honest, just get a plank.

[B]

It's better than sitting in a fire ant hole. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So she's like, this yard is small and like it needs a lot more plants and grass. And she's like, It's $240, Danielle.

[C]

There's no snakes coming in through the ceiling.

[B]

She's like, but I'm behind a Taylor shop. I mean, it's so awkward.

[C]

Why is it an awkward. Like it like the tailor doesn't give a fuck if you're in fashion or not. Like, she's like, it's so awkward because he knows my brain. And it's probably like, oh my God, I can't believe Diane von Furstenberg is looking behind me.

[B]

It's like, he's gonna try and make the wrap dress now. So she's like, well, it does say laundry service. So you don't even have to do your own laundry, but you do my laundry.

[C]

And the best part about it is that I live right next door to you and I could just walk over every morning for breakfast. Haley's like, you know what? This place is sucks. I agree. It's terrible.

[B]

Don't come here.

[C]

Don't. Don't choose it. Who cares about air conditioning? You need the snakes.

[B]

So Danielle's like, having Haley along is like a double edged sword. Like she may be cute and have contacts, but she comes up with a lot of opinions, you know, and so it's going to be very difficult for me to listen to her have a voice of reason. I hate that.

[C]

I really need to see some follow up episodes between these two because, you know, it's like they hate each other by now.

[B]

Hey, did you guys change the code on this door? Nobody lives here.

[C]

Haley, let me tell you the story about my how my house burned down. I'm going to tell it to you. She's like, I've heard it 12 times. No, but at this time, let me tell it to you for real. I woke up in the night, it's like four in the morning. And the light fixture in the living room exploded when I hit it and burnt the whole wall down. That's real.

[B]

I don't even remember this part.

[C]

Yeah, she was like, she said she woke up in the middle of the night and the electric fire basically. Right? Right. And Haley's like, oh, and it all burned down. Right. It's not like you haven't told this story every single time we got together.

[B]

She's like, it was the scariest Moment of my life thus far. After getting off to a rough start in India, Danielle is giving it another go, this time with a thicker fake accent, trying to finally find a more permanent sense of stability in a town of people that want her dead.

[C]

She's now doing the hard work of teaching the people of India about their own curries.

[B]

And then we find. Find out some more about Danielle. She's like, I'm a real Jane of all trades girl. No, you are not. Okay. And this is such. This is like the resume that you knew that she had the first minute she appeared on screen. She goes, when I lived in Finland, I sold gloss. I sold glow sticks at a nightclub. When I lived in London, I sold off knockoff blue jeans. When I was in Australia, I sold dresses that I made. Just kidding. They were made out of glow sticks.

[C]

And used jeans that leftover inventory. This is someone. This is someone you. When she lived in Los Angeles, she was down at Venice beach trying to sell, like, fans and tchotchkes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And when I was in America, I was a fashion designer. But now I decided that I want to be a digital nomad. I don't have anything to prove to other people, mainly because there's nothing to prove to other people. But I do have to prove to myself that I can find a home that I can settle in in and stay in for a long period of time.

[B]

Oh, my God. Such a flake. I feel so bad for her. She's so broken. What do you do with someone this broken?

[C]

I just. I want to.

[B]

I'd say just ignore them. I just say, roll up your window and keep driving. Do not stop, okay? Do not offer money.

[C]

You know, ship her back to the nightclub in Finland. I want to know about that chapter in her life, her selling glow sticks in Finland.

[B]

So they're trying to decide which one's right. The one bedroom's a piece of shit. She's like, let's honest. We know I'm not gonna live there, right? So Haley's like, and I choose the $400 month of one because it's amazing. It's so beautiful. And so they do the ending where it's like, oh, she's chosen it. It's gonna be beautiful and amazing. But then it stops. And Haley's like, do you think that's manageable? And what about the more affordable bedroom behind the tailor's place, which you are gonna take if you ever want breakfast again, you stupid fucking hooker.

[C]

And so Danielle's like, well, she's like, I don't know. But I really like the. I like the one. The tree house and everything. And he was like, well, I don't know about that one, because here's the thing. I want to go over to your house, watch you make some shitty curry, and then get bitten by a snake. Daniel's. But why? It's beautiful. It's perfect. The yard was amazing. There was. I mean, basically my childhood arriving into my adulthood, said, here's a treehouse for you to live in. I think it's awesome. I want to take it mother.

[B]

But what about the spiders? And no ac. Like, no, you're not doing it. I can manifest it. Let me break something to you. You're lost in a city where nobody knows you, Your partner left you. You burned things down, and your biggest job was as a glow stick salesperson. You can't manifest shit. Understand that, right?

[C]

When that boa constrictor is wrapped around your neck, you're not going to be able to manifest more oxygen. Okay?

[B]

Look at your life. Your manifestor is broken.

[C]

You peaked in Finland. I'll say it. You failed.

[B]

You peaked in Finland.

[C]

So it was like, I don't know. I think that you're just being overly excited. Maybe you should really think about going to that Taylor's house.

[B]

I was dying laughing at this part because they really made it seem like the ending was her choosing this house. And then just Haley comes in. Negative Nancy, like, nope.

[C]

That. Nope.

[B]

I'm not letting you choose that house. Sorry.

[C]

Jayla's like, well, I guess, but the house behind the tailor has a closed ceiling. I mean, nothing could get into my house unless I leave the door open, I guess.

[B]

And she's like, so funny.

[C]

Yes. I actually don't even remember which one she chose. I'm excited to see where these notes go.

[B]

Haley made her choose the last one because she's not gonna take the first one. So Haley's like, okay, you can live next to me. Okay? And she goes, but that means I can come get free breakfast every day, right? She's like, yes. And like, yes. And dinner. Fine. And laundry. God, the family.

[C]

No, I think that Haley just really wanted to have the tailor to look after her to make sure she doesn't burn things down again. So now it's a month later, and Danielle's ordering mangoes from a vendor. She's like, I will have two of the mangoes to make a curry.

[B]

I can't.

[C]

I know. So she's just doing her digital nomad thing. She makes the place look cute and everything, and she says, you know, living here has been an spectacular experience. My life is very colorful. My home is very colorful. Starting a new business is very challenging. And my mother told me she was proud of me for not going back to Finland and selling glow sticks. And I can say, honestly, I could die happy. The most beautiful dog in the neighborhood was the one that needed a home. So I decided to take her in. And I honestly have to say this is a place I could see myself living for a very, very, very long time.

[B]

Yeah, I doubt it. I will tell you that. I will give you two months.

[C]

Two months.

[B]

This girl is going to kick your ass out of her life. Yep. And you're gonna be a flake in some other goddamn place. But I will say, and your mother is still not gonna call you back. That's my other prediction.

[C]

Your mother will ensure that you stay there.

[B]

Your mother will continue to change her number every time you figure it out.

[C]

But there was actually a quite a beautiful dog, so it all worked out. Anyway, everyone, thank you so much for being here.

[B]

I'm surprised you didn't get on her for dog scooter safety because the dog jumped on the scooter and rode on the scooter floor with her.

[C]

You know what? I feel like different rules in Goa, so I'm down with it. But everyone, thank you so much for being here for for Dwell. Hello. This was a hilarious episode. Thank you so much for the recommendation. If you have recommendations about a show that we should be recapping for Dwell, hello. Please send them to watch what crappens gmail.com and please put as your subject dwell hello suggestion. So that way when we do our search for suggestions, yours will come up because that's what we will use as our search term. Dwell, hello suggestion. Thank you everyone so much for being here. And we will catch you on the next one by.