Dwell Hello #303: Quibbling Over Quirk in Vaucluse France

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #303: Quibbling Over Quirk in Vaucluse, France

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: February 9, 2023
Recap Theme: Ben and Ronnie lampoon an episode of House Hunters International, following Pittsburgh couple Rachel and Andy as they search for a quirky new home in the Vaucluse region of France. The hosts deliver their signature blend of humor, snark, and Bravo-style pop culture references while dissecting the house hunt, the couple’s quirks, and the cultural contrast between Pittsburgh and rural France.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Dwell Hello focuses on Ben and Ronnie recapping House Hunters International Season 181, Episode 3: “Quibbling Over Quirk in Vaucluse, France.” The Pittsburgh couple, Rachel (a quietly anxious teacher) and Andy (boisterous, jazz-hands commercial director), leave behind their “habitual” life and pollution-filled city for a change of scenery, only to discover that quaint Provence living comes with odd floorplans, tiny balconies, very quirky bathrooms, and a distinct lack of karaoke bars.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction: Defending and Roasting Pittsburgh

• Throughout the episode, the hosts gleefully note how House Hunters International repeatedly slams Pittsburgh, using “industrial blight” imagery and smokestacks whenever the city is mentioned.
  • "Every time the narrator, Linda, says Pittsburgh, they cut to, like, the electrical plant in Pittsburgh." (Ronnie, 03:34)
• Ben and Ronnie simultaneously roast and defend Pittsburgh’s reputation but highlight how the show leans into the most unattractive, industrial stereotypes for comedic effect.

2. Meet Rachel and Andy: Fickle, Fish-Out-of-Water Americans

• Rachel is painted as mousy and risk-averse; Andy is loud and eager to “flip” and “DIY” everything, often misusing the word “flip.”
• The hosts mock the couple’s conflicting desires for “character” homes and American-style amenities:
  • “We want a character home. I’m like, you’re in the south of France. All these streets are three feet wide. They are inherent.” (Ben, 14:28)
  • Rachel repeatedly emphasizes being a “clean freak” but hates white tile—“That doesn’t make any sense. Clean freaks love white tiles!” (Ronnie, 17:16)

3. House-Hunting Shenanigans: French Quirk vs. American Expectations

• The couple is shown three homes, each with its own idiosyncrasies:
  • House 1: Minimalist townhouse—affordable, “beams” fetishized, but kitchen tiles disliked and odd floorplan where the second bedroom is accessed through the first. (16:03–27:00)
  • House 2: Recently renovated medieval home—extremely quirky with an outdoor bathroom on the balcony and minuscule kitchen. (34:12–41:10)
  • House 3: Modernized, spacious, slightly over budget, but deemed “sterile” and “lacking character” by the couple despite its practicality. (48:06–52:20)
• Ben and Ronnie highlight the humor in Americans expecting “character” but balking at actual antique quirks, like inconvenient bathrooms or non-linear layouts.
  • "What do you make of this character? … It's a lot of furniture shoved together." (Ronnie, 35:05)
  • "Where’s the culture? Where’s the karaoke?" (Ben mocking Andy’s priorities, 52:05)

4. The Real Estate Agent, Eleanor: French Disdain and British Accent

• Eleanor, the agent, is described as tall, elegant, and subtly disdainful of her American clients, sometimes speaking in a hybrid French/British accent.
  • "She fits in nowhere that she cannot fit in one place that they go to." (Ronnie, 10:08)
  • "It cracks me up because she’s like this otherworldly, almost elegant creature coming to just show hobbits homes." (Ronnie, 10:25)

5. Quoting the Couple’s Relationship Dynamics

• Ben and Ronnie continually mock Andy’s overzealous approach to renovations and Rachel’s hesitancy:
  • “I already have enough of a tool in my marriage.” (Eleanor [impersonation], 17:33)
  • “Stop getting hung up on these things.” (Ben, parodying Andy, 28:17)
  • “Maybe I can convince Rachel that these spaces need some DIY renovation. Oh my god, fix your face.” (Ronnie, 21:45)

6. French vs. American Lifestyle: Food, Culture, and Social Expectations

• Hilarious observations on the couple’s discoveries about seasonal cooking, olive oil tastings, and lack of understanding of French rural culture.
  • “Have you guys ever heard of olive oil? I just tried it. It was amazing.” (Ben, 31:45)
  • “The only season we have is Fridays, as in, thank God it is again.” (Eleanor [impersonation], 31:23)

7. Bathroom Humor: Floorplans and Privacy

• The couple’s recurring battle with weird bathrooms—exposed toilets in bedrooms, doors that don’t separate spaces, and the prospect of relatives having to poop nearby.
  • “You have to walk through my bedroom to get to your room. Totally normal.” (Ronnie, 22:53)
  • “They poop right next to your head. Okay, let’s not sugarcoat this.” (Ronnie, 41:29)

8. Relationship Dissolution and the Comedy of Homesickness

• Rachel becomes increasingly anxious about being the responsible, French-speaking adult in the relationship:
  • “He’s really outgoing, and I’m really relaxed…but here I have to take the lead because he doesn’t speak French and I don’t know if that’s something I’m comfortable with. I don’t want to have to explain to people what he’s doing.” (Rachel, 44:20)
• The hosts hint at the couple’s potential incompatibility, making light of their friction and suggesting Rachel may want to “run.”

9. House Decision and Finale

• Despite all options, they pick House 1, the minimalists' choice, after dismissing the modern house for being "too quiet" and the medieval house for impractical bathrooms.
  • “This is supposed to be the best house...[but] their issues were not even about the money.” (Ben, 50:18)
  • “You don’t have to listen to Andy poop while you’re trying to relax. There’s your charm.” (Ronnie, 51:13)
• Ben and Ronnie observe that Rachel and Andy’s final setup is “really cute” if thematically a bit off (Southwest decor in France), but still question the couple’s overall happiness.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On House Hunters’ Pittsburgh Cutaways:
  • “I mean, they do Pittsburgh so dirty on this show…showing people crawling out from under the pavement covered in sewage. But you’re in Pittsburgh now.” (Ben, 03:52)
• On Andy’s DIY Proclivities:
  • “No, no hammers. No hammers. Like, clearly, he’s fucked so many projects up.” (Ben, 20:20)
• On French Quirkiness:
  • “You’d like a taste of Provence, but will Provence like a taste of you? The answer is no.” (Ronnie, 16:03)
• On French Household Realities:
  • “If you suck at the American version of remodeling, you’re really going to suck at the French.” (Ronnie, 20:58)
• On Rachel’s Preference for Turnkey Homes:
  • “I mean, I don’t want to have to move a toilet.” (Rachel, 28:04)
• On Andy’s Misuse of “Flip”:
  • “That’s not what flip it means, you idiot.” (Ronnie, 19:51)
• On Relationship Red Flags:
  • “I’m in my shell for a reason, because I’m protecting myself from you.” (Eleanor [as Rachel], 44:03)

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Essential Timestamps

• 00:49–01:39: Opening banter and explanation of Dwell Hello’s recap format
• 02:11–05:49: Introduction to the couple and House Hunters narration
• 10:43–12:16: First impressions of Eleanor, the real estate agent
• 14:05–16:57: American expectations vs. French realities
• 16:19–27:00: Walkthrough and critique of House 1
• 34:12–41:10: House 2’s quirky renovations and balcony bathroom
• 44:03–45:18: Rachel’s anxiety about taking charge in France
• 48:06–52:20: Review of House 3 (“too modern, too quiet”)
• 52:41–54:22: Stone-skipping scene and choosing the final house
• 57:03–57:43: Rachel and Andy’s new setup and comically mismatched Southwest decor

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Conclusion

Ben and Ronnie take the audience through a hilarious, sometimes biting recap of one particularly odd House Hunters International episode. Their commentary highlights how American tastes and expectations don’t always mesh with European realities, and their running gags about Pittsburgh, quirky French bathrooms, and the couple’s incompatible dynamic keep the episode lively. In true Watch What Crappens fashion, the tone is affectionate yet scathing, with plenty of Bravo-style snark, impressions, and inside jokes for regular listeners—or anyone who enjoys international home buying gone awry.

Transcript

[Ronnie]

Mom.

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[Ronnie]

Ding dong.

[Ben]

Ding dong.

[Ronnie]

Dingo.

[Ben]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong.

[Ronnie]

Hello. Wow. Hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello, I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

[Ben]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

[Ronnie]

Great. Everybody, welcome to the show. We're Ronnie and Ben from watch what crap ins Dwell. Hello. Is our House Hunters and House Hunters International and House Hunters remodeler, whatever the hell. House Hunters takes a nice swim. Any house hunters that comes out. This is our recap show of that. You do not have to watch a show to listen to this podcast. And if you do want to, the.

[Rachel]

World makes it a little difficult to.

[Ronnie]

Find them because they air on all kinds of platforms. We find them on YouTube TV and Discovery plus is where we find ours. But they tend to have different episode numbers on each of those services. So we have. We're going to tell you where we watched each episode, how we watched it, and the episode title. I would suggest just googling the episode title and you'll find somewhere to stream it if you want to watch. But we try and make it so that you don't have to. Okay. We're just here to make fun of dum dums.

[Ben]

Yeah, but this one, this one. The name of this episode is Quibbling over Quirk in Valcluse Fox France. And it's House hunters international season 181, episode three. 181. Right. Did I get that right?

[Ronnie]

Season 181 episode three. And that's on YouTube TV. Okay. Yeah. So here we go. We're. We're with a. A really odd couple in France.

[Ben]

Yes, this is. This episode cracked me up. I was dying. But this, this couple, this realtor, what they want they realtors reaction to them. I just couldn't. I couldn't even deal.

[Ronnie]

So you know, it shows like little parts of coming up on this this episode. So we see them in France, this couple and the lady is like, oh, ordering an ice cream or something. And the guy goes, I have, like, no idea what you were saying.

[Ben]

Yeah, he's very on. He's very much, like, playing to the cameras. So then we hear the narrator, Linda, say, rachel and Andy knew that leaving Pittsburgh to find their dream home in southern France would be challenging, particularly because they're from Pittsburgh, and people from France see that they're from Pittsburgh.

[Ronnie]

Every time the narrator, Linda, says Pittsburgh, they cut to, like, the electrical plant in Pittsburgh.

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

I mean, every single time. And it's just this big pipe, this big cement pipe just pumping out pollution every single time.

[Ben]

I mean, they, like. It's like they do Pittsburgh so dirty on this show because Pittsburgh is actually a very pretty city. It has all these bridges and stuff and old buildings, and they just are showing the most industrial side. They just. They're, like, showing people crawling out from under the pavement, covered in, like, sewage. But you're in Pittsburgh now.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they slammed the. Out of Pittsburgh. It was hilarious. So she's like, pittsburgh. That's the shot that they show. That's, like, what the shot sounds like. And Rachel's like, yeah, we're both pretty fickle. And he's like, yeah, so it's gonna be pretty strange to see how this turns out. And this guy talks in jazz hands. Like, he. Yeah, he moves his hands a lot when he talks, and he keeps his fingers straight out, like, jazz hands. I. This guy.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I can't. I mean, if you can't already tell this guy's is too much.

[Ben]

Too much, then, yeah, he's like, yeah, it'll be interesting to see how it all pans out. And then Linda says, but reality is far stranger than they imagined. Poor, simple people from Pittsburgh thinking they could finally escape.

[Ronnie]

And Rachel's like, this is the only bathroom. And Andy's like, quirk has literally, like.

[Eleanor]

A slap me in the face.

[Ronnie]

And it's charming, but is it practical? And then we see one point of Andy going, are fires live? Let me touch him.

[Ben]

And by the way, just in case you haven't watched this episode yet, Ronnie's impersonation of Rachel is exactly how she sounds. She's, like, very quiet, borderline, or maybe borderline plus mousy. And she just has this little necklace around her, around her chest.

[Eleanor]

And she's like, I'm just, like, a little worried about having to renovate a place. I just. It's like, we're both, like, pretty fickle.

[Ben]

And then he's like, hello, America.

[Ronnie]

So they're Walking hand in hand and looking at France. And it's a very picturesque at least. I mean, look, at least for an American who's never been to France. It looks just like every picture you see of France, it's like really.

[Ben]

It's gorgeous.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's really pretty. It's like cobblestones, really old buildings, really small, thin streets, you know, that's like small doors. Maybe a bicycle can angular the street. Yeah.

[Ben]

And like, it's like gorgeous.

[Ronnie]

And he goes, oh my God, so many doors here.

[Eleanor]

Yeah.

[Ben]

He goes, all the doors here.

[Ronnie]

Wow.

[Ben]

I'm like, yeah, I know. It's crazy how people like to get into buildings. And then Rachel goes, the architecture here.

[Eleanor]

Is like so different than back in Pittsburgh.

[Ben]

Cut to the smokestacks and the urban plight and blight. Plight and blight.

[Ronnie]

I'm telling you, every single time they say that word, it's like.

[Ben]

It'S like, ready, go to. I was just like, it's just a. Just a wee bit different than Pittsburgh. I'm just gonna say just, just a shade. It's not quite Heinz feel.

[Ronnie]

After seven years together world traveling, Rachel and Andy felt the need to shake things up. Instead of having the self confidence to find a real man, Rachel shows France.

[Ben]

Rachel tried to get away from Andy, but Andy followed her to France. Turns out her excuse of hey, I'm just going to the store. And by store I mean the local baguette place because I'm moving to France didn't quite work out for her.

[Rachel]

We loved our life in Pittsburgh, but we've gotten to the point where everything seems habitual.

[Ronnie]

Because she said, Pittsburgh, I was dying.

[Eleanor]

I mean, you can only go to the steel mine so many times before you decide you need to move to the south of France.

[Ben]

So Andy's like, yeah, we needed a big life change.

[Eleanor]

She's like, yeah, we needed a big life change. And I was hoping that he was not going to be part of that, but here he is.

[Ronnie]

And since the moment I met you, you like have very much put forth this ide idea that like, France is a part of your life.

[Ben]

Yeah. He says it like, it's crazy.

[Eleanor]

And she's like, yeah, 10 years ago I came to France to teach English and I was hoping to stay here forever. And then all of a sudden, people with masks on grab me and put a burlap sack over my head and drag me back to Pittsburgh. I'm never gonna leave.

[Ronnie]

So Pittsburgh. And he's like, yeah. So like basically that story that she just said has basically led us to this Moment where we could finally move to another country. But they're not willing or able to leave behind their life in. Oh, just show the clip.

[Ben]

Show the smokestacks. These two idiots are not willing to leave behind the smokestacks for this charming lifestyle in south of France. I don't get it either. And he goes, yeah, we actually. We have a house that we love very much, so we're going to. We're going to hang on to it. Oh, geez.

[Ronnie]

So Rachel is a middle school teacher and Andy is a commercial director. So we're going to have like one foot in Pittsburgh, and then we're going to have, like one foot in France. But the hope is that we'll be in France full time. So we're moving to the clu.

[Ben]

Yeah, I mean, we have to have some time in Pittsburgh because. Hello. Peter's mattress store does not make commercials for itself.

[Rachel]

We're gonna find our dream home.

[Ronnie]

So then we meet Realtor Eleanor. And Eleanor is seven feet tall. Okay. And I don't know if she's really tall or if she's just talking to Danny DeVito sized people. I'm not really sure.

[Ben]

I think it's the latter. I think she's tall, but they're also short, so it makes her look really tall. But also what makes her tall is that she has a huge amount of disdain for them. So, like, she's always kind of frowning and frowning, it turns out, adds another 6 inches to your.

[Ronnie]

Yes. I love her because she's very gorgeous and she's so tall. She fits in nowhere that she cannot fit in one place that they go to.

[Ben]

No, she is ducking through every door. But again, I think she's not. I don't think she's like wnba. I think it's just that the doors are really low in this part of France.

[Ronnie]

It just cracks me up because she's like this otherworldly, almost elegant creature coming to just show hobbits homes. You know what I mean? It's like, well, after my divorce, I decided to open up to hobbits, you know, so it's my niche.

[Ben]

She's like, oh, bonjour, niece.

[Rachel]

Hello.

[Ben]

No, I can't, unfortunately, cannot come today. I have to show two Americans from Pittsburgh houses. I know, it's terrible. Wish me luck.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, okay, okay, little couple. Why France? Of all of the countries? And Andy goes, oh, my. Why not?

[Rachel]

Am I right?

[Ben]

She's like, well, have you considered, I don't know, back going. Going back to Pittsburgh? We really just don't want you here. I'm sorry to say. She has, like a British. She's French, but she has a British accent.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Because she, like, learned England English in Brit in Britain or something like that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I couldn't tell whether it was. It's kind of like all over. I was just like, wow, she's so elegant.

[Ben]

And then we have a factoid that comes up. There are a lot of little factoids on the. On the bottom of the screen. And so this one says, the Vaklis region is known for its spectacular mountain vistas, picturesque Roman towns, and vibrant lavender fields. In other words, not smokestacks. So suck it.

[Ronnie]

Like, when people think of the. They think of castles, Perths villages, and climate. You know, perfect climate. But what you dream of when you think of rural France. It's important that these two idiots realize that life is different here. They need to understand what they're embarking on, what they're doing. That there's not food court and smokestack on every block.

[Ben]

There are no, how you say, Pittsburgh Steelers here. No. No sports bars and scissors here.

[Ronnie]

So Andy Hand talking is like, we have actually looked at so many houses.

[Ben]

So many. He's like, we really like this region because there are so many small towns here.

[Eleanor]

And Rachel's like, I have concerns about getting on the same page with the house because, like, we're both pretty fickle when it comes to houses. And for Pittsburgh, it took us years to find the perfect house because, you know, he wanted a house that was, like, had character and, like, a certain number of rooms and bathrooms and some things. And I wanted a house that just.

[Ben]

Wasn'T in Pittsburgh or America or had him in it.

[Rachel]

But, you know, that didn't really work out, so we're trying this one instead.

[Ronnie]

So Rachel's like, I would really like.

[Rachel]

To be in a town that has some sort of commerce in it.

[Ronnie]

And he goes, walkability. That's what I want. And a three bedroom, three bedroom walkability.

[Rachel]

A small outdoor space.

[Ronnie]

Which brings me to my next question. How much are you willing to spend?

[Rachel]

250, 000 gummy bears.

[Eleanor]

I was thinking maybe I already kind of sold my soul. I said, I want to be with someone, and now I'm stuck with this guy. So I don't know if I can really spend much more.

[Ronnie]

Which brings me to my next question. Are you willing to do renovations? Yes, definitely. Yay, renovations I love.

[Eleanor]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't want to do that. No.

[Rachel]

We purchased a home that we were supposed to renovate in Pittsburgh, and I've been living in a construction zone for five years.

[Ronnie]

Which brings me to my next question. Why do you speak like a baby stuck in a metal lunchbox?

[Eleanor]

I'm just sometimes afraid that if I speak too loudly, the Pittsburgh police will drag me back there. They'll find me.

[Rachel]

The Pittsburgh tourism department, they won't let.

[Ben]

By the way.

[Eleanor]

They keep dragging me back.

[Ben]

She. When they are talking about houses that they want, the fact that Rachel says.

[Eleanor]

We want a character home, I'm like, you're.

[Ben]

You're in the south of France. All these streets are three feet wide. They are inherent. Like, it just seems silly to ask for a character home in the south of France. Like, they all have characters.

[Ronnie]

There's not McMansions here. They have not heard of that yet. And also the things that they keep saying are so American and so France are not at all. It makes me wonder where these people are even from at all. So we'll get into that a little later. But the real estate lady kills me. Eleanor. She goes, okay, well, you know, to find something with all the amenities they're looking for on the gummy bear budget. Let me tell you, this town has become very popular in the fast the past few years. And then we just see shots of completely empty streets. There's like, no humans. You just hear like, that western. What is that shit you hear in western movies?

[Ben]

No, you know what? The reason why it's empty is because Belle went running through the street being like, hello, bonjour. And Americans from Pittsburgh are coming. Everyone just closes their doors. Yeah, it's anti egoist.

[Ronnie]

So they go to. Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

[Ben]

Maison la Romain or Maison la Romaine, something like that. And she goes, so here in maison la Romaine, there are two parts. There's a medieval part, which can be quite touristy, or I like to call it you in the summer. And then there's another part which is lower. And that is, you know, that's what stays alive all year round until people from Pittsburgh come and kill its thriving heartbeat.

[Ronnie]

You'd like a taste of Provence, but will Provence like a taste of you? The answer is no. Let's see if they let you in. So they go to house number one, which is a minimalist townhouse. Walkable area, balcony with views, but a bedroom short.

[Ben]

Yeah. So they walk in that. The door is very small, and Eleanor literally has to duck to get into the house. And they walk in the house and, like, right there, right in front of the door, like. Like Maybe you got two feet. Is a staircase going up to the second floor.

[Ronnie]

Yes. And everywhere they go into cracks me up because they keep going. Oh, my God. I love the beams, guys. This is how houses were built. These are not just decorative. Okay? Dum dums. They all have beams.

[Ben]

Yeah, they all have beams. So the first floor has this kind of like, sad tile flooring. It just sort of looks kind of looks just sad on that first floor. Right.

[Ronnie]

It's not the best tile. I. I love this house, though. I mean, 250. I would take this in a heartbeat. I loved it. I thought it was super cute. And then Rachel goes, you know, I.

[Rachel]

I really like the beams, but I'm a clean freak, so I really don't like white tiles.

[Ronnie]

That doesn't make any sense. Clean freaks love white tiles. Because you can see where you need to clean.

[Ben]

Yeah. And you can just easily just take a. Like a swiffer to it or whatever.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Rachel's not a clean. I'm calling you out, ma'. Am. You're a liar. You're a dirty person there.

[Ben]

So Andy's like, well, I'll just rip out the floor.

[Eleanor]

She's absolutely not. We said no tools in your hands, okay? I already have enough of a tool in my marriage.

[Ronnie]

And Eleanor's like, angel said you wanted outdoor space. So look at this outdoor space. And she, like, opens the door, and it's just like, one foot of balcony overlooking a freeway. But that said, it's their version of a freeway. It's fucking beautiful.

[Ben]

It was gorgeous. You know what?

[Eleanor]

The.

[Ben]

The balcony, okay? So they go out this balcony. The balcony is, like, framed with this, like, ivy. It's, like, very lush, gorgeous. You have this beautiful view of this, like, little hillside and the town.

[Eleanor]

And Rachel goes, the only thing I'm concerned about is that, like, we can barely stand out here without barely touching the other side. I'm sorry.

[Ben]

That's like a normal sized balcony. Like, that's. Yeah. You can't have a table out there. You can't entertain out there. But it's a very nice balcony. You put some chairs out there. You drink some wine. I'm like, are. This balcony is magical?

[Ronnie]

It's a gorgeous view. Yeah, it really is magical. And when I say freeway, I'm joking, because it's like stone roads going up a mountain.

[Ben]

There's, like, covered wagons.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Going up it. You know, little French vendors. Be like, bonjour. And then there's. And then she goes, I just.

[Eleanor]

I thought it'd be, like, more storybooky. Or like street gardening.

[Ben]

I'm like, look at your. What about this view? This view is like the definition of a storybook. It's like old. Old castles and villas and houses and. Yeah, cobblestones.

[Ronnie]

I think she just wants a secret gardening balcony, because doesn't that start off with a death? She just wants to get rid of her husband. So Eleanor shows them the dining room and the kitchen, which are kind of the same thing, but there's like a beautiful people and it's.

[Ben]

Well, yeah, the dining room was actually good.

[Ronnie]

It was beautiful.

[Ben]

Dining room had space. And honestly, the kitchen, I thought was really good considering, you know, we've seen a lot of these house hunters, and we've seen them in France. And you can. They normally have the worst kitchens. Like, they're usually some small crazy thing, like in what we're going to see in house number two. And this was actually a pretty modern, updated kitchen with space, and it was a nice size table for. For entertaining. So I actually was. I thought the first floor was a. Was a bit meh. But this floor I was actually pretty sold on.

[Ronnie]

And she's like, yes, well, there's nice kitchen for tiny people like yourselves. And, oh, don't forget you have a downstairs toilet. And Adam's like, I'll be honest, I would rip this out and flip it. That's not what flip it means, you idiot. He keeps saying he's going to flip everything. Flip it means when you buy something and remodel it and sell it for more money. It doesn't just mean remodeling it.

[Ben]

He's also an idiot because, okay, he clearly is not good with this because the way that Rachel says, no, no.

[Eleanor]

No, no hammers, no hammers.

[Ben]

Like, clearly he's fucked so many projects up. But also, I mean, you're in. You're in rural medieval France. You're a medieval town in France. You know, you're gonna have to source all your hardware and all that stuff. I think that's gonna be very difficult. And on top of that, France is notoriously, extremely difficult when it comes to construction and construction projects. I mean, do we not remember Margot trying to get her fridge fixed on real girlfriends in Paris? He's gonna, like, if he tries to do a home renovation and he needs to rely on, like, help from the locals, he's gonna be in trouble.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And I'm, like, so fired up about this.

[Ronnie]

Like, if you suck, I. Yeah, he sucks. And if you suck at the American version of remodeling, you're really gonna suck at The French, because they don't have. It's not like, oh, look, here's some drywall and, you know, a wood wall. Let's just knock this down with the hammer, and we'll put up another wood wall with drywall over it. That's not how these places are built. I mean, you can see that, like, a lot of them are stone walls. You don't just take a fucking hammer.

[Ben]

I know. I guarantee this is not like America. This is not like Pittsburgh where there's, like, a Lowe's and a Home Depot on every corner, you know?

[Ronnie]

This is.

[Ben]

Pittsburgh. Like, I guarantee. I mean, look, a lot of these houses have not been updated in 300 years, and maybe there's a reason for that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Built differently, guys. So this is the one where she's like, okay. Oh, Adam's like, my relationship with Rachel, I mean, I can be a little over the top, and she's very grounded. So, like, with these houses, she's really good. Reality check about, like, maybe I can convince Rachel that these spaces need some DIY renovation. Oh, my God. Fix your face. You know what I mean? Like, fix your hair. If you can't. If you can't have a cute haircut, you can't be in charge of a DIY period.

[Ben]

Let's do a DIY renovation on the wardrobe first, and then we can talk about maybe tiling. So then. So they head upstairs to the bedrooms. And so they go into the first bedroom, which is, like, pretty small, but it's. I don't know. It's like, you know, it's fine. It's. You know, once you decorate it, it'll look nice. But then to get to the bigger bedroom, you actually have to go through bedroom number one to get to bedroom number two. And there's another factoid pops up, and it says, many floor plans in the Backloos region feature medieval or antique layouts considered odd by today's standards. And by today's standards, I mean, two idiots from Pittsburgh.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Because how is it not in any other. Other. Other times? They were just like, yeah, walk through my room to get to your room. Totally normal.

[Ben]

Yeah, I think it was like that. I think.

[Ronnie]

I don't. I don't believe Eleanor when she's like, oh, this is how it is. It's very quite. It's quite common. I was like, eleanor, you're just. You hate these people.

[Ben]

I think it's. I. I actually do think. Because I. I do know, like, back in the day, I think we talked about this once, that, like, in the, in the old country houses in England, etc. But the. Those old, old homes, they were built in a linear fashion.

[Eleanor]

Like, you went.

[Ben]

You didn't really have hallways in the same way. You just went from room to room to room. And like, the farther in you got showed how close you were or how important you were to the family. So if you got like, each. It's almost like a video game. Each room is like a level. So if you could get really far into the rooms, that means you were really important. And so I almost wonder if. Did this extend with bedrooms in a certain way? Or maybe it's just like the idea that you just travel through certain rooms to get to other rooms is. Was so ingrained that it wasn't a big deal to have that with bedrooms.

[Ronnie]

I don't know.

[Ben]

Or by the way, I could be just like full of. So that's possible too.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I just would like to think of myself on House Hunters, you know, medieval times. And I would just be like, I need a door, I need a door. And then I'd be watching and being like, oh, my God, who's that guy? Needs a door. Loser.

[Ben]

We're looking for a house that does not have a thatched roof because our last three houses burned down. So we're really looking for more of a closed concept roof situation.

[Ronnie]

And Adam's like, okay, but like, if someone's in this bedroom and then we're in that bedroom, but then they have to like, get into this bedroom and we're asleep. It's like, I know Rachel. Have some self respect.

[Ben]

Also, you guys aren't gonna have guests there all year round. You'll have. There'll be like a little bit of time where there'll be some awkwardness in that. You'll have to walk through each other's rooms to get to places. But, like, by and large, it's fine.

[Ronnie]

And I can guarantee you who the guests are. Adam's family, you know, it's not her family or not. Adam. Andy. His name is Andy, but it's Andy. It's Andy's family, not Rachel's family. Yeah.

[Ben]

I can guarantee you they're staying in a hotel.

[Eleanor]

They're like, no, honey, we don't wanna. We don't wanna bother you guys.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, so Eleanor is just like, oh, you're an old little man. So then there's the exposed wire scene. And he's like, do you mind if I ask what's going on with those exposed wires? Being electricated.

[Ben]

But also, why did you grab an exposed wire? I know you were making a joke. But what if it were lives and then Rachel Selenor.

[Rachel]

Yes. There are quite a few exposed wires. Why do I have an English accent right now? Does anybody know?

[Ben]

So Eleanor goes, well, I feel like Rachel was trying to picture herself living in the house. Well, Andy tends to joke a lot about things, which is great fun, but it's really difficult to establish whether he genuinely likes the property or if he does.

[Eleanor]

He's a.

[Ben]

He's a bit of a turd, isn't he? We all agree, right?

[Ronnie]

This is France, so we don't really say shithead much, but it does come to mind.

[Eleanor]

Chat de la merd. Is that how we say it here? I don't remember.

[Ronnie]

So now they check up a big bathroom. Check out a big bathroom. And it's got, like, kind of that early 90s bathroom tile. Like, really big kind of salmon colored tile. And like that sunken bathtub from that time period. It's just very dated. And the toilet is right next to the bathtub. And Rachel's like, it's large, but the.

[Rachel]

Toilet'S right next to the tub and the door.

[Ronnie]

And Andy's like, yeah, you know, this is where I could just come in here and go, bam, Rip it out, flip it.

[Eleanor]

That wasn't part of the deal.

[Ben]

I actually think. Yeah, the bathroom was a little odd because it was there. Was that all that tiling and everything, but it was also a very huge bathroom and it had a skylight, so it was natural light. So stylistically, maybe not the best, but I think actually it was pretty good. And yeah, the toilet placement was a little odd, but I don't think. I think it was only odd because the door was right there. Because I don't think it's so strange to have a toilet right next to a bathtub because I feel like there's so many apartments in, like, New York City where that is, like the reality of your. Of your bathtub and your toilet. But having the door, like, you open the door and the toilet's like, right next to the door jamb was kind of funny.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I think it's just because it was so big and then you've got all this space and then those things shoved right next door wedge, you know? Yeah.

[Ben]

They just feel kind of like you're pooping on a ledge.

[Ronnie]

Yes. Or you could poop in the toilet. It's one of those things where you come home drunk and you're like, should I just be in the bathtub? I'm gonna pee in the bath. I think I'M going to.

[Ben]

I think she probably knows some things about Andy's aim when it comes to toilets. And she's already like, we have to put up a little shield there.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So then they talk about it, and he loves it. He loves the location. And she's like, yeah, but there's some.

[Rachel]

Quirks, because I just want, like, to move into someplace. I mean, I don't want to have to move a toilet.

[Ronnie]

And he's like, yeah, well, Rachel needs to let me get in there and get my hands dirty.

[Ben]

Yeah. Stop getting hung up on these things. And just. I'm being like, not just about how everything's like, not just so.

[Eleanor]

And she's like, oh, my God, I'm gonna be stuck with this man for the rest of my life.

[Ronnie]

So next we see them in an olive oil tasting, and he's one of those guys who doesn't know anything, but every time he tastes it, he goes, I taste it. I taste it. Yeah, I taste it. God, that is olivey. God.

[Ben]

It really, literally does not know how to do this. We know he doesn't know how to do this because we hear Rachel say.

[Eleanor]

If you want to take a spoon, take a spoon.

[Ben]

Like, she has to tell him to use a spoon to taste the olive oil. Like, that's what she deals with. And Linda says the authentic charm they both want continues to require hefty compromises. As in, do these idiots really know that they're moving to the south of France right now? Maybe we should just leave them in Pittsburgh. Roll the footage of the smokestacks.

[Ronnie]

Oh, wow. This is great olive oil. What he didn't know is that his actual olives. This man is a fucking moron. Delayed Pittsburgh clip.

[Ben]

Wow. We feel so.

[Ronnie]

Wow.

[Ben]

We here at House Hunters International feel so honored to watch this idiot taste olive oil for the first time in his life. No, it doesn't belong in your car. You should pack that up, Rachel.

[Ronnie]

You know, Rachel's growing on me, as this episode goes, because she goes, I.

[Rachel]

Don'T know if I would describe myself as a foodie because I'm so picky about what I eat, but I like to cook.

[Ronnie]

I was like, thank you. Thank you for being. For not just feeling like I'm a foodie, because that's my least favorite thing that people do. They're like, wow, I'm at an olive oil tasting, so I'm gonna call myself a foodie. I like that. Rachel's like, no, I won't eat most things, so I'm not allowed to be a foodie But I still like to eat.

[Eleanor]

Well, I have to say, I did have a minor victory in that. I finally, after seven years, got Andy to use a spoon for something. I can only watch him grab soup with his fingers so many times.

[Ronnie]

Well, I love eating the food, so.

[Ben]

It'S a good partnership.

[Rachel]

It's like, yeah, it really works.

[Ronnie]

So.

[Eleanor]

She goes, I'm really excited to cook seasonally, which is not a concept.

[Ronnie]

In the U.S. yeah, that's one of the things where I was like, do.

[Rachel]

You even live in America?

[Ronnie]

What are you two talking about?

[Ben]

Maybe in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh?

[Ronnie]

I don't know.

[Ben]

Maybe it's, like, not a concept in. In whatever neighborhood.

[Ronnie]

She's like, people literally cook seasonally everywhere. America is seasonal. What are you talking about? I know you get watermelon for the Fourth of July. You get. You know, your Thanksgiving meal is like, turkey and fall flavors and pumpkin spices and all that. What are you talking about?

[Ben]

She's probably just sick of Andy dragging her to Bennigan's every week for dinner.

[Rachel]

The only season we have in America is Marie calendars.

[Ben]

I know.

[Eleanor]

The only season we have is Fridays, as in, thank God it is again.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So Andy's like, oh, my God. Yeah. Because you know what France is known for? Really fresh.

[Rachel]

No, seasonal.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, seasonal things. That's what we're excited about. Seasonal, fresh things. And doors. God, they've got lots of doors here.

[Ben]

Have you guys ever heard of olive oil? I just tried it.

[Eleanor]

It was amazing.

[Ben]

I can't wait for this to take off. Across the world, Rachel and Andy are still discovering the French food scene and the lifestyle in general as they transfer from Pittsburgh lol. To France's Vaclouvre region. But Rachel's love of the country extends far beyond her stomach.

[Ronnie]

Pittsburgh pollution. It will never get old to me. I'm sorry. So Rachel's like, my first intro to.

[Rachel]

France was my grandfather because he told me about his wonderful time in France. The glorious pastures, the cancan dancers.

[Ronnie]

And Adam's, like.

[Rachel]

Dancers. Oh, my God.

[Ronnie]

Awkward.

[Eleanor]

Gmi being honest and vulnerable. Excuse me. I was. But they wanted to know about my childhood memories. Yeah, but like, the K. I mean, you.

[Ben]

You literally said those K. I mean.

[Eleanor]

Like, first we're talking about pastries, and then K girls. It's like, what? What?

[Ben]

Like, whatever.

[Rachel]

Pastries.

[Eleanor]

The K girls.

[Ben]

Like.

[Ronnie]

He is terrible. And she goes.

[Rachel]

She's like, well, I didn't know that the ladies were half naked. So, like, nobody ever told me that part. I mean, so kind. Thanks. It was.

[Ben]

And he's just like, Wiping sweat. He's wiping sweat off his neck. He's like.

[Eleanor]

But don't you see?

[Ben]

I guess what I'm trying to say is there's, like, a lot of comedy because I think you're talking about, like, you know, like, all these wonderful things, you know? And then like, all of a sudden you're like. And also the women, like, am I right? Like, your grandpa, like, he clearly cheated on your grandma. Right?

[Eleanor]

I think you're taking this too far.

[Rachel]

Thanks for sexualizing, granddad. Geez.

[Ben]

So, like, you. He has, like, another family out here, right? Like, that's why we're moving out here. You want to be close to, like, your sister that you never knew you had. Like, you're basically your entire family is built on lies. Right, Rachel?

[Ronnie]

Well, they do not. They do not agree on some points, especially about the amount of work that needs to be done. Andy wants to do work. However, Rachel just wants a view of half naked women kicking their legs up on an air on brownish tile. So I'm taking them to the medieval parts of town, recently modernized, but for Andy, it's very, very quirky.

[Ben]

Very, very. It's like. Hold on one second. Hello? Okay, hold on. Hello? Chantal? Yes, I finally found two suckers to look at that trash box on Main Street. Yeah, yeah, we'll be there in a second. But love Main Street. Maison Domain.

[Ronnie]

This is.

[Ben]

I don't know what I'm saying.

[Ronnie]

House number two in the ramparts. And then we get a little factoid. The ramparts are considered the protective section of town, which is nice because I would put Andy on the front line for sure. Live the first place they're gonna bomb. Okay.

[Eleanor]

Does this place need any renovation?

[Ben]

And Eleanor's like, no, it's actually been totally renovated, but it's still very, very quirky. Okay. All the staircases go sideways. Super quirky. Let's come on in. Okay, now, welcome. Come look at this open plan living area. She's trying to make it sound like it's an open concept. It's just like a room with different types of furniture jumbled together inside.

[Ronnie]

It's a room, and she had to enter it. Like Stuart Little, you know, she looked like she's, like, crawling through a little hole in the wall. So she stands up.

[Ben]

It was like Alice in Wonderland.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So she stands up finally, and she's like, oh, what do you make of this character? And her character. It's a lot of furniture shoved together. It's like furniture that's too big for the room. It looks like when you have an extra room, and you just put all the extra furniture in there.

[Ben]

You know, it does. It's like they're trying. It's clearly there's enough space. It's. It's like a. It's. It looks almost like this floor looks like a studio apartment or something where there's. There's room for, like, maybe a sofa and maybe a table. But they tried to really sell the fact that you could have different levels, living spaces in this small area. And so it has just, like, jumbled.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. It's a studio that they're trying to get more money for through staging. I think that you're absolutely correct. And so then she goes, well, what do you think of this? And she opens what's supposed to be a window. It's a dining room settee. Okay. It's like a. Yeah. Or like. What would you call it? Like, a buffet or something?

[Ben]

Like a. Like a bureau or something like that or. Yeah, like those one. It's so. It's like. The thing is, you open the door and it's like. But it's a window, and it's like a whimsical moment, you know, it's like, quirky.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And Rachel goes, I worry about counter space, babe.

[Rachel]

She just showed you.

[Ronnie]

A settee is an out outdoor window. You should not be focused on the kitchen right now.

[Rachel]

Okay. Go back to the window.

[Ben]

Well, that's why the window is there. Because, by the way, there is no counter space. The. The. The. The kitchen is like. It's like. You know, when you go to the mall and there's like, a little kiosk, but they're somehow serving omelets out of it or something like a little restaurant pop up. And, like, how do they have a. How do they cook this? It's like they barely can cook it because they hot plate back there, and that's it. And that's what this kitchen looks like. It's so small. The fridge is. Looks like a little ice box. You know, this is what. More in line of the. Of the kitchens I'm used to seeing on this show when they go to, like, France.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Rachel's like, I don't know where I'd keep everything. And Adam goes, quirk has definitely slapped me in the face. Admittedly, Rachel doesn't like the kitchen, but you know what? It's turnkey. That's what she was hoping for. And then this balcony is big and beautiful, by the way. This is.

[Ben]

This is a killer balcony. The balcony is so good that, like, the balcony could Almost sell it. Because the thing is, there's, like, not a lot of room inside for, like, a dining room table, but there's, like, this big, beautiful outdoor dining room table. And so it's so nice.

[Ronnie]

It's so nice. Like, it's so nice. You could poop. Literally, you can poop because there's a toilet.

[Ben]

They actually knew that you could poop there, so they designed. They designed a little bathroom space on the balcony.

[Ronnie]

Toilet. So she's like, I mean, it's a.

[Rachel]

Little weird that there's a bathroom out there, but, like, it's also kind of cool. So I don't know. I have to wrap. I can't wrap my head around whether it's good or bad yet.

[Ronnie]

I was like, you're with Andy. Okay. So we're not. I'm not holding out hope that you're gonna come up with a decision I'll agree with anytime soon.

[Ben]

Yeah. So then they go upstairs, the second floor, and there's, like, a bedroom there. And he's like, whoa, this is full of charm. And then, you know, what's her face? Eleanor is like, yes, this is a really romantic, romantic room. Looked as a small chandelier, which makes it so romantic. And, oh, look, an exposed bathroom. There's no barrier. So when you poop, all the sounds and smells float into this super romantic space and make it extra romantic for you.

[Ronnie]

God. Romance. Ah. And they're like, I don't know about that. All in America, you are Pepe Le Pew.

[Rachel]

Eh?

[Ronnie]

Well, here you are. So she's like, yeah, well, my only.

[Rachel]

Concern is that whenever we have any guests day over, this is going to.

[Ronnie]

Be a little weird. And I know that Rachel is just thinking, like, in the last house, she thought, oh, my God, we're going to be in our bedroom, and Adam's parents are going to be walking through. And now she's thinking, now we're going to be in our bedroom, and Adam's parents are going to be coming in here to poop right next to us. What the hell?

[Ben]

Yeah, exactly. She'd be like, adam's weird brother Ethan is going to be here talking about his conspiracy theories about the Japanese stock market and then pooping next to me while I'm trying to sleep.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So then they go, look at another. Wait, sorry.

[Ben]

Yeah, there's another bath. There's another bedroom upstairs. There's a third floor.

[Ronnie]

Okay. And he's like, yeah, I'm sorry. Andy's like, I'm a very private pooper. Okay. Which I liked. At least that was one thing that I had in common.

[Ben]

Well, by the way, for all his talk about doing diy, where's his DIY sensibility of building a wall? Like, this is the most important DIY thing he could do out of all the things he doesn't even think about.

[Ronnie]

That truly guy doesn't even, like, think of a room divider, you know, I have no trust in this, Andy. So they go to the second supposed. They call it the second bedroom. This is an attic. This is obviously an attic that has been converted into a quote unquote bedroom. One of the walls is like, wood. It's like a wood. What do you call it when it's covered with wood? It's not real wood.

[Ben]

It's when it's. But it's like, not a real wood or.

[Rachel]

What are they.

[Ronnie]

Come on, laminate.

[Ben]

No.

[Ronnie]

Anyway, they have a wood wall, and then the other one is stone. And she goes, oh, my God, I love that one's wood and one stone.

[Rachel]

That is so pretty. It's like.

[Ronnie]

It's an attic, girl. They didn't even finish it out.

[Ben]

I mean, so the. I mean, as a bedroom, it looked really nice because it looked big and everything. But all I kept thinking about is this place is going to be freaking hot during the summers because, you know, there's no air conditioning, and in that attic, all that heat's going to rise up there. It's going to be, like, atrocious.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So Rachel's like, well, we love that.

[Rachel]

It looks like an old village house. And the kitchen is worrisome.

[Ronnie]

And Adam goes, this is definitely giving us stuff to noodle on. I don't.

[Ben]

No, no, no. Eleanor's like, oh, stupid Pittsburgh Americans. So he's like, yeah.

[Eleanor]

She's like, you know, but the guests would have to walk through our bedroom just to use the bathroom.

[Ben]

I'm like, no, they don't walk through your bedroom to use the bathroom. They go to the bathroom in your bedroom. It's all open, one big space.

[Ronnie]

They poop right next to your head. Okay, let's not sugarcoat this.

[Ben]

So then, Linda, they're pooping on your head.

[Ronnie]

So Eleanor changes course again. Let's hope she takes these two straight to the meat grinder. And then I wrote close up of some kind of a ham Hot Pocket, because I thought we were back to House Hunters, but it was actually a Hot Pocket commercial.

[Ben]

It was disturbing.

[Ronnie]

It was very disturbing.

[Ben]

The Hot Pocket. I saw it. It looked like a little. I mean, that's not the Hot Pocket that I remember. It was Just like a sad, flaccid thing. Like, I mean, Hot Pockets are inherently sad, but this looks even sadder than a typical Hot Pocket.

[Ronnie]

I thought it was.

[Ben]

And I'm a Hot Pocket fan.

[Ronnie]

They've made. Yeah, you're right. That they've changed it, because I was like, oh, my God, what is this? French patisserie? I was like, what is this? It was a Hot Pocket commercial. I was so mortified.

[Ben]

I also noticed at one point during this, they put up a. Like, a little bug for the last of us. And I thought, this. This seems appropriate. Like, this. I don't know, like, somehow ushering images of the apocalypse and some sort of fungal doom for humanity. And then we're watching Andy and Rachel. I was like, this feels like this is a harbinger of that.

[Ronnie]

It's him. He is the doom. He is the fungus. It is kind of funny that they put that up, because when they said at the beginning when he's like, oh, my God, there's so much going on in France, and it just showed the empty streets, like an abandoned town, I actually thought of the show the Last of Us. You know, when they show parts of the country that are just completely abandoned. I was like, wow, nice town, guys.

[Ben]

I haven't seen the Last of Us because I don't like scary things, but I hear it's amazing.

[Ronnie]

It's good. Yeah. I mean, it's another zombie show, but they do it, like, instead of, like, straight up gross zombies with their faces falling off. They're like flower zombies because they're all, like, fun.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's what I heard.

[Ronnie]

So they make, it's, like, artistic zombies. They're very pretty.

[Ben]

That's what I heard. My friend Daria was like, oh, my God. I love this show because instead of heads, they have mushrooms, and it's cute. I was like, still sounds scary.

[Ronnie]

So they have, like, cabbage heads.

[Ben]

It's cute. So anyway, now we have Rachel and Andy with some horses, and Andy has. Andy goes. You know, some people have said that we're complete opposites. Yeah, sure. Like a complete foil to our personalities. Like, I bring you out of your shell, and you reign me in.

[Eleanor]

I. I'm in my shell for a reason, because I'm protecting myself from you, and I need to stay in there to survive the horrible choices I've made.

[Ben]

In my life that have led me.

[Eleanor]

To the situation where I'm getting to move to my dream country with someone utterly terrible who wants to drive you back to Pittsburgh.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Like, he's really outgoing, and I'M really relaxed. But like, that's why one of my biggest fears in moving to France is we're kind of switching roles because in Pittsburgh he's more the assertive one and like he handles everything. But then here I have to take the lead because he doesn't speak French and I don't know if that's something I'm comfortable with. I don't know how to explain to people that were what a bus saw is and why we're using it constantly. I don't want to have to do that. Please don't make me explain to people what he's doing.

[Ben]

I'm like, are we watching the dissolution of this relationship live on the show right now? Like, she was go. She started going down into her inner dots right there. And she's also one of those people who does sing songy lists.

[Eleanor]

Like, you know, he's a little bit more. It's more of like the assertive one and like he's the one who kind of handles everything and like I'm gonna have to speak all the French and you know, like do all the translation and I just, I don't know, like, I'm not sure if I want to live with him anymore.

[Ronnie]

Linda's like, like Rachel, most homes here are insanity. Behind a quaint facade.

[Ben]

Rachel is also getting used to all the surprises that so many French anti cums seem to hide behind their acquaint facades. Like misery.

[Ronnie]

Well, they asked for a really old property with stone walls and they seem to have conflicting views on what they like. Rachel no standards apparently, because look who she dates. But she does want turnkey and Andy wants a three bedroom. So I'm bringing you to a neighborhood that dates back to the Knights Templar.

[Ben]

Yeah. By the way, I also really enjoyed when Eleanor said, you know, I mean, they have to see an old property with lots of character and stone walls.

[Eleanor]

But they're going to be a bit hickledy pickledy. I have a question.

[Ben]

Is higgledy pickledy on any of your lists? Because I'm afraid I can only show you higgledy pickle tea properties.

[Rachel]

I can't wait to eat that in the proper season.

[Eleanor]

Well, you know, like there's a lot of hickory and there's a lot of pickle dee.

[Ronnie]

So Andy's like, whoa, Knights Templar.

[Rachel]

That's really cool.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, well, this is a small village with about 500 people and it's house number three. And Rachel's like 500?

[Rachel]

That's not very many. Are you sure there Couldn't be more people because that's not very many people. Please don't leave me alone in a town with Sandy and 500 people.

[Eleanor]

I need to be in a town where there's just like so much going on because like, you know me with my sort of outgoing personality, I just need to be around so many people. I mean, I just need to thrive off that energy of people and things to do. Can't you tell?

[Ronnie]

So she's like, this is the main square here. There are three restaurants and a little grocery store. And Adam's like, I mean, my question.

[Rachel]

Question is what are we supposed to.

[Ronnie]

Do here all day potentially? What's that?

[Eleanor]

I don't, I don't know, maybe thinking about a career that you could do that would be stable, get a job. I don't know, like, maybe a job would be really good.

[Ronnie]

So this.

[Ben]

So then it says they have, by the way, they have to drive five minutes away towards anything that's fun that says that. Like the closest area with activity as a five minute drive away. I'm like, oh, heaven forbid. That just seems like deal breaker.

[Ronnie]

It's 18 to the home goods. Come on. So yeah, this one is further away, five minutes.

[Rachel]

Ooh.

[Ronnie]

And it's 260,000 but it's pink A, which is, you know, hot. And it has three bedrooms, three baths and has been recently renovated age.

[Ben]

And unlike the first. Well, unless the second, the second house was also allegedly recently renovated but still like cray cray. This one is fully modern and like, you know, clean and you know, livable. You know, in the sense of it. In a sense of non medieval homes. I mean, yes, it's like a little sterile. It sort of looks like an IKEA showroom, but at the same time that's what, you know, that's what you're supposed to bring the character to it.

[Ronnie]

See, I don't think it does at all. I mean, I can see why they're saying that because compared to everything, you know, Americans see like a crumbling, crumbling stone wall and like a ceiling that's about to cave in and like, oh my God, it's so charming. But I think this is beautiful. I mean the walls are beautiful. Like just some crappy, like, you know. Yeah, it's still like stone walls and stone floor and like.

[Ben]

No, this was else to get by the way. Please don't think I was, I was nagging it. I'm just sort of saying of like, compared to other ones, it was just like white walls.

[Eleanor]

White.

[Ronnie]

No, like, I see why they were Saying that, you know, because they're like.

[Rachel]

I mean, it's just so sterile.

[Ronnie]

It looked. They were thinking, it looks like American modern, but it doesn't look like American modern. It looks like what you strive. Those other ones were striving to be. This one, you know?

[Ben]

Yes. This is, like, European chic. It was so nice. I'm like, you guys. You guys. I know you guys want character, but the thing is, you've got the character on the outside. And like this. It was so nice. Like, this was, like, to me, without a doubt, the one to get. In fact, I think what was funny is that when they chose this house, because this is the only one that was above budget. Every. All. The first two were 250, which was there. That was their exact budget. This one's 260. So I think when they chose it, the producers were thinking, oh, we're gonna get them enough amazing house. And then their issue is going to be, can we spring for 10,000 more dollars? But instead, these two idiots are more like, oh, no.

[Eleanor]

It has no character.

[Ben]

It's bland.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they're. I just wrote. It's still.

[Ben]

Their issues were not even about the money.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben]

This is supposed to be the best house.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. It's like, got a new kitchen. It's got tile stairs. I mean, this place is so nice, and so they like it, but I guess it's just far and stuff. And they go to the bedroom, and the real estate's like. And look, there's an antique. Because there's one piece of furniture there that's an antique. And Rachel's like, yeah, but like, this is it.

[Rachel]

This is, like, the only kind of charm in this place.

[Ronnie]

It's like, rachel, shut up. You know, I was liking you for a second, but you have zero taste. You don't deserve a good home.

[Ben]

I know. You know what the charm is? Room for your table. That's where your charm is. You know what's charming about it? That you can eat. You know what's charming about it? You have a counter to make your food your charming food on. That's the charm.

[Ronnie]

You don't have to listen to Adam poop. Okay. While you're trying to relax, there's your charm.

[Ben]

And then just. And by the way, I feel like the house gets better and better as it goes along. So then they go upstairs, and then there's. There's like a. There's like a third bedroom that's really big. And then there's like a. There's like a. Like an office kind of area. It's like a living office space that's like, very modern looking. It looks great.

[Ronnie]

And then the. There's a bedroom upstairs. It's more like a loft bedroom. And Adam's like, oh, my God. Yeah, it's really cute. I could really sleep well up here. And then they have a terrace on the top floor. And Adam cost terrace is great. Sexy. Yeah, it is very nice. And the real estate lady is like, listen, this is a lot of property for your money, you know? And Adam's like, I just worry, you know, like, we walk through that village. Where's the culture? Where's the karaoke? Please.

[Eleanor]

Yeah.

[Ben]

He goes, he goes, where's the culture of France? What part of a 500 person medieval town with brick, like, brick roads and. And roads that are wide enough that you can touch buildings on both sides of it with your hands. What do you mean? Where's the culture? Where's is it is so remote French.

[Ronnie]

And one county supermarket where everybody literally has to go and meet each other, you know? I mean, come on, dude.

[Ben]

Eleanor just looks at him and goes, okay, you idiot, go back to your smokestacks.

[Ronnie]

Yes. So now they have to talk over which one they want. Right? So the little activity they choose to do this is skipping stones. Okay? So they're skipping stones on, like, a little river. And Andy goes, do you want to skip stones? I mean, it feels very USA to skip stones.

[Rachel]

And she goes, yeah, but we're not in the usa.

[Ronnie]

And he's like, let's do it anyway.

[Ben]

Yeah. So they're skipping stones.

[Ronnie]

They don't think that people anywhere with water over the over history have skipped stones. Skipping stones is an American thing. Really?

[Ben]

Well, in France, they skip croissants.

[Ronnie]

I don't know if you knew that. No. So never skip a croissant. That's why I want to move there.

[Ben]

You are correct. Never. So Linda's like, if they just skip a raise. So Linda's like, from the moment they got together, surprisingly, against all odds, according to their friends, Andy had a feeling that Rachel's love of France would eventually upend their life in Pittsburgh. Roll the footage.

[Ronnie]

I asked her when I first met her, like, if France was like, someone she dates occasionally, or is this, like, gonna compete for my love and attention? And you definitely said.

[Rachel]

I said probably the latter.

[Eleanor]

Well, I think my exact words were.

[Ben]

France is where I want to go to escape from you and never see you again.

[Eleanor]

But I don't know, Here you are.

[Ronnie]

And now that they're here, they're realizing they're not quite prepared for the curveballs that come with an old French house or a really stupid American man.

[Ben]

Or a loveless relationship. So now they're. So they start debating house. So house number one, I love the.

[Eleanor]

Location and, like, the kitchen is wonderful, but I don't know, it's, like, not quite turnkey.

[Ronnie]

House 2, quirky medieval house, the bathroom and no wall.

[Ben]

And House 3, I mean, it's an.

[Eleanor]

Actually beautiful house with, like, in a beautiful town with everything we could possibly ever need. So let's cross that one.

[Ronnie]

I was like, what the hell is wrong with you guys? I love that song, though. That plays while they're trying to decide.

[Ben]

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

[Ronnie]

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun.

[Ben]

Dun dun, dun, dun, dun.

[Ronnie]

So he's like, yeah, that was too far. No karaoke. I'm not doing it. I'm going to poop by your head for the next three years.

[Ben]

Yeah. He's like, yeah, that house felt like nothing was going on there. Meanwhile, there is a collective sigh of relief from the 500 people who are watching this couple walk through their town with the cameras.

[Ronnie]

I know the knights of the Templar in heaven just like, thank you, Jesus.

[Ben]

I know the knights of the templar came in and saved them. And Rachel goes, it was a little.

[Eleanor]

Too quiet for her taste.

[Ben]

I'm like, excuse me, can. You're the one who's gonna say it's.

[Eleanor]

Too quiet for your tastes. Just a little too quiet.

[Rachel]

We really need something more happening.

[Eleanor]

So I need something that reflects my wild party girl Persona.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So now it's between the other two, and they're like, okay, do we want to poop by head? But then the other one, that's a tiny kitchen. And Andy'. Yeah, that tiny kitchen won't work for. I mean, for me, it's house number one, obviously, right?

[Ben]

Yeah. At this point, it's house number one. If house number three is out of contention, it's got to be house number one.

[Ronnie]

So he's like, well, it makes me wonder, do we wait on flipping those bathrooms in the minimalist house? Like, we could live in the space and then flip them later. That's not what flipping means. I hate this guy.

[Ben]

Also, like, well, first of all, I started to get very nervous they were going to choose house number two, which was like. Like, truly the worst of the options. But she. Then he. Yeah, he has. He says this thing as if it's like this wonderful. Like, this idea that he just came up with, which is essentially, how about we go with house number One. And we can just, like, live in it and save up money and do, like, a proper renovation. It's like, oh, wow. What a crazy concept.

[Ronnie]

Wow. Is that a us thing?

[Ben]

Not rushing into it?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Yeah. So they choose house number one, and then we see them getting gelato, and she's like, yeah, we did it.

[Rachel]

We love living in France because we're meeting neighbors and we go to the.

[Ronnie]

Market, and he comes in the front door of their apartment. He's like, rage. Look what I found at the Brook Hall.

[Ben]

He walks in.

[Eleanor]

So they've.

[Ben]

By the way. So they've actually set up their place. It's really cute. They've got couches in there. They got. They kind of have a southwest theme, which is kind of funny because they moved to France, but they. It still looks very cute. And he comes in like a sitcom with this oversized glass vase, like a huge thing. It's the size of a child. He's like, rach, look what I found. How cool is this? And he puts that on the couch.

[Ronnie]

Smallest house ever. And he puts it on the couch.

[Eleanor]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Get that off the couch. What are you doing?

[Ben]

Why are you getting chunky, unnecessary decorations for this place? You don't have enough room for this thing. Why?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, we really don't leave feeling comfortable for this couple. You know, like, normally you feel happy for a couple at the end of these. This one, I was like, girl, run.

[Rachel]

And she goes, I made a lavender lemonade.

[Ronnie]

I was like, really? Does it have cyanide in there? Because that's the only way this is ending happily. I know.

[Ben]

And then they sit on their allegedly small balcony and drink the lemonade together and look at the people walking by.

[Ronnie]

And that brings us to the end of another dwell. Hello. Thank you, everybody, for being with us here on Wondryplus. These are super fun for us to do. Go check out. Watch what croppens for, you know, a million other recaps a week. Okay. We sure love you guys, and we'll talk to you next time.

[Ben]

Bye, everyone.

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