Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #303: Quibbling Over Quirk in Vaucluse, France

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: February 9, 2023
Recap Theme: Ben and Ronnie lampoon an episode of House Hunters International, following Pittsburgh couple Rachel and Andy as they search for a quirky new home in the Vaucluse region of France. The hosts deliver their signature blend of humor, snark, and Bravo-style pop culture references while dissecting the house hunt, the couple’s quirks, and the cultural contrast between Pittsburgh and rural France.

Episode Overview

This episode of Dwell Hello focuses on Ben and Ronnie recapping House Hunters International Season 181, Episode 3: “Quibbling Over Quirk in Vaucluse, France.” The Pittsburgh couple, Rachel (a quietly anxious teacher) and Andy (boisterous, jazz-hands commercial director), leave behind their “habitual” life and pollution-filled city for a change of scenery, only to discover that quaint Provence living comes with odd floorplans, tiny balconies, very quirky bathrooms, and a distinct lack of karaoke bars.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction: Defending and Roasting Pittsburgh

• Throughout the episode, the hosts gleefully note how House Hunters International repeatedly slams Pittsburgh, using “industrial blight” imagery and smokestacks whenever the city is mentioned.
  • "Every time the narrator, Linda, says Pittsburgh, they cut to, like, the electrical plant in Pittsburgh." (Ronnie, 03:34)
• Ben and Ronnie simultaneously roast and defend Pittsburgh’s reputation but highlight how the show leans into the most unattractive, industrial stereotypes for comedic effect.

2. Meet Rachel and Andy: Fickle, Fish-Out-of-Water Americans

• Rachel is painted as mousy and risk-averse; Andy is loud and eager to “flip” and “DIY” everything, often misusing the word “flip.”
• The hosts mock the couple’s conflicting desires for “character” homes and American-style amenities:
  • “We want a character home. I’m like, you’re in the south of France. All these streets are three feet wide. They are inherent.” (Ben, 14:28)
  • Rachel repeatedly emphasizes being a “clean freak” but hates white tile—“That doesn’t make any sense. Clean freaks love white tiles!” (Ronnie, 17:16)

3. House-Hunting Shenanigans: French Quirk vs. American Expectations

• The couple is shown three homes, each with its own idiosyncrasies:
  • House 1: Minimalist townhouse—affordable, “beams” fetishized, but kitchen tiles disliked and odd floorplan where the second bedroom is accessed through the first. (16:03–27:00)
  • House 2: Recently renovated medieval home—extremely quirky with an outdoor bathroom on the balcony and minuscule kitchen. (34:12–41:10)
  • House 3: Modernized, spacious, slightly over budget, but deemed “sterile” and “lacking character” by the couple despite its practicality. (48:06–52:20)
• Ben and Ronnie highlight the humor in Americans expecting “character” but balking at actual antique quirks, like inconvenient bathrooms or non-linear layouts.
  • "What do you make of this character? … It's a lot of furniture shoved together." (Ronnie, 35:05)
  • "Where’s the culture? Where’s the karaoke?" (Ben mocking Andy’s priorities, 52:05)

4. The Real Estate Agent, Eleanor: French Disdain and British Accent

• Eleanor, the agent, is described as tall, elegant, and subtly disdainful of her American clients, sometimes speaking in a hybrid French/British accent.
  • "She fits in nowhere that she cannot fit in one place that they go to." (Ronnie, 10:08)
  • "It cracks me up because she’s like this otherworldly, almost elegant creature coming to just show hobbits homes." (Ronnie, 10:25)

5. Quoting the Couple’s Relationship Dynamics

• Ben and Ronnie continually mock Andy’s overzealous approach to renovations and Rachel’s hesitancy:
  • “I already have enough of a tool in my marriage.” (Eleanor [impersonation], 17:33)
  • “Stop getting hung up on these things.” (Ben, parodying Andy, 28:17)
  • “Maybe I can convince Rachel that these spaces need some DIY renovation. Oh my god, fix your face.” (Ronnie, 21:45)

6. French vs. American Lifestyle: Food, Culture, and Social Expectations

• Hilarious observations on the couple’s discoveries about seasonal cooking, olive oil tastings, and lack of understanding of French rural culture.
  • “Have you guys ever heard of olive oil? I just tried it. It was amazing.” (Ben, 31:45)
  • “The only season we have is Fridays, as in, thank God it is again.” (Eleanor [impersonation], 31:23)

7. Bathroom Humor: Floorplans and Privacy

• The couple’s recurring battle with weird bathrooms—exposed toilets in bedrooms, doors that don’t separate spaces, and the prospect of relatives having to poop nearby.
  • “You have to walk through my bedroom to get to your room. Totally normal.” (Ronnie, 22:53)
  • “They poop right next to your head. Okay, let’s not sugarcoat this.” (Ronnie, 41:29)

8. Relationship Dissolution and the Comedy of Homesickness

• Rachel becomes increasingly anxious about being the responsible, French-speaking adult in the relationship:
  • “He’s really outgoing, and I’m really relaxed…but here I have to take the lead because he doesn’t speak French and I don’t know if that’s something I’m comfortable with. I don’t want to have to explain to people what he’s doing.” (Rachel, 44:20)
• The hosts hint at the couple’s potential incompatibility, making light of their friction and suggesting Rachel may want to “run.”

9. House Decision and Finale

• Despite all options, they pick House 1, the minimalists' choice, after dismissing the modern house for being "too quiet" and the medieval house for impractical bathrooms.
  • “This is supposed to be the best house...[but] their issues were not even about the money.” (Ben, 50:18)
  • “You don’t have to listen to Andy poop while you’re trying to relax. There’s your charm.” (Ronnie, 51:13)
• Ben and Ronnie observe that Rachel and Andy’s final setup is “really cute” if thematically a bit off (Southwest decor in France), but still question the couple’s overall happiness.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On House Hunters’ Pittsburgh Cutaways:
  • “I mean, they do Pittsburgh so dirty on this show…showing people crawling out from under the pavement covered in sewage. But you’re in Pittsburgh now.” (Ben, 03:52)
• On Andy’s DIY Proclivities:
  • “No, no hammers. No hammers. Like, clearly, he’s fucked so many projects up.” (Ben, 20:20)
• On French Quirkiness:
  • “You’d like a taste of Provence, but will Provence like a taste of you? The answer is no.” (Ronnie, 16:03)
• On French Household Realities:
  • “If you suck at the American version of remodeling, you’re really going to suck at the French.” (Ronnie, 20:58)
• On Rachel’s Preference for Turnkey Homes:
  • “I mean, I don’t want to have to move a toilet.” (Rachel, 28:04)
• On Andy’s Misuse of “Flip”:
  • “That’s not what flip it means, you idiot.” (Ronnie, 19:51)
• On Relationship Red Flags:
  • “I’m in my shell for a reason, because I’m protecting myself from you.” (Eleanor [as Rachel], 44:03)

Essential Timestamps

• 00:49–01:39: Opening banter and explanation of Dwell Hello’s recap format
• 02:11–05:49: Introduction to the couple and House Hunters narration
• 10:43–12:16: First impressions of Eleanor, the real estate agent
• 14:05–16:57: American expectations vs. French realities
• 16:19–27:00: Walkthrough and critique of House 1
• 34:12–41:10: House 2’s quirky renovations and balcony bathroom
• 44:03–45:18: Rachel’s anxiety about taking charge in France
• 48:06–52:20: Review of House 3 (“too modern, too quiet”)
• 52:41–54:22: Stone-skipping scene and choosing the final house
• 57:03–57:43: Rachel and Andy’s new setup and comically mismatched Southwest decor

Conclusion

Ben and Ronnie take the audience through a hilarious, sometimes biting recap of one particularly odd House Hunters International episode. Their commentary highlights how American tastes and expectations don’t always mesh with European realities, and their running gags about Pittsburgh, quirky French bathrooms, and the couple’s incompatible dynamic keep the episode lively. In true Watch What Crappens fashion, the tone is affectionate yet scathing, with plenty of Bravo-style snark, impressions, and inside jokes for regular listeners—or anyone who enjoys international home buying gone awry.