Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #305: "140 Lizards in Austin"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Episode Date: March 9, 2023
Topic: House Hunters – “Lizards in Austin” (Season 205, Episode 10)

Overview

Ben and Ronnie serve up their signature blend of wit and Bravo-inspired banter as they recap an episode of House Hunters titled “Lizards in Austin”. The episode follows engaged couple Brandon (an exotic vet with 140 lizards) and Lydia (an athletic trainer with a distaste for reptiles) as they search for a home in Austin, Texas. The hosts dissect the couple’s dynamic, their conflicting house preferences, lizard-related challenges, and the realities of the Austin housing market, all with copious amounts of snark and empathy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Meet Brandon, Lydia … and 140 Lizards

• Brandon: Exotic animal vet; gentle, lizard-obsessed, influenced by his dad’s eclectic pet collection; desperately wants a space for his reptile fleet.
• Lydia: Athletic trainer; classic ‘type A’ with a penchant for turnkey, glitzy homes; extremely “over” the lizard situation and not afraid to show it.
• Relationship Dynamics: Ronnie jokes that Lydia is “a blonde eye rolly lady and the guy’s a dum dum. And he mentions his parents a lot.” [02:40]
• The lizard situation is made clear early on:
  • Ronnie: “He’s got about 140 lizards. And Lydia’s like, I hate it. It’s gross and it’s terrifying.” [04:53]
  • Ben: “Could you imagine if...he was in the lizard closet? And then one day she...opens the door and she finds...oh my God, there’s lizards everywhere.” [05:22]

Austin Bound: Requirements and Red Flags

• Reason for Moving: Brandon got a new job in Austin.
• Requirements:
  • Brandon wants a ranch with land for his lizards (a full building, preferably!), and is open to fixer-uppers.
  • Lydia wants a craftsman-style, two-story, turnkey, glitzy bathroom and four bedrooms, all for $450K—unrealistic for Austin. [15:19]
• Host Reaction:
  • Ronnie: “Four bedroom home in Austin and she’s willing to spend 450. Wow, you guys are idiots.” [16:15]
  • Ben: “Start with the lizards...let's see how much of a wedge the lizards create in your marriage.” [15:59]

Exploring Austin’s (Questionable) Housing Inventory

House #1: The Fixer-Upper Ranch in Round Rock ($350K)

• Description: 3 bed, 2 bath, one level, 1986 build—dingy, outdated, “looks like a nuclear test dummy house.”
  • Ronnie: "It does look like a serial killer house in a movie." [21:42]
  • Garage perfect for lizard habitat.
• Points of Contention:
  • Lydia loathes the outdated, boxed-in layout, “It screams, help me.” [24:32]
  • Brandon sees only potential and “sweat equity”.
  • The guest room is labeled a “bonus room,” which Ben calls “an architectural afterthought.” [30:18]
• Biggest Draw: The possibility of converting an old garage into a lizard "building".
• Notable Quote: “You have to have no brain to live in there.” – Ben [29:33]

House #2: The Turnkey Ranch ($415K)

• Description: Recently remodeled, open-concept (though somewhat soulless); blue-and-white kitchen, small main bedroom, smaller yard.
  • Ronnie: “Blue is very trendy, Lydia.” [35:47]
  • Lydia loves the finishes but wishes the bedroom was larger and more private.
• Lizard Issue: Insufficient space for a dedicated lizard outbuilding.
• Ben: “Prioritizing lizards over house at the moment.” [44:22]

House #3: The “Artistic” Two-Story ($574K)

• Description: Dated, odd paint colors, country location far from central Austin, big yard, many rooms, some potential.
  • Ben: “It’s like a bad coffee shop from 1993.” [46:16]
  • Ronnie: “This is not cute.” [46:36]
• Major Issue: Aesthetically unappealing (think “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles color palette”), expensive and would still need updates for Lydia’s taste.
• Conflicting Perspectives: Brandon pushes back on painting cabinets white (“that’s like a lot of money, babe”), despite being willing to build lizard facilities. [53:38]
• Ben: “You don’t get to lecture her about compromises when you’ve got 140 lizards in your garage.” [51:12]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | | --- | --- | --- | | 04:53 | Ronnie | “He’s got about 140 lizards. And Lydia’s like, I hate it. It’s gross and it’s terrifying.” | | 05:22 | Ben | “Could you imagine if...he was in the lizard closet?... It’s like a horror movie.” | | 16:15 | Ronnie | “Four bedroom home in Austin and she’s willing to spend 450. Wow, you guys are idiots.” | | 24:32 | Lydia (quoted by Ben) | “It doesn’t really scream Lydia. It screams, help me.” | | 29:33 | Ben | “You have to have no brain to live in there.” | | 39:11 | Ronnie | “Wow, babe, look at that window, babe. All that natural light. You know who loved natural light? My dad.” | | 44:22 | Ben | “I just want to point out that the only real downside with this place, that there's not the room for the lizards. So prioritizing lizards over house at the moment.” | | 53:38 | Ben | “...he's like, it's gonna cost so much to paint those cabinets. I mean, that's like a lot of money, babe. Getting white paint, that's a lot of money.” | | 56:34 | Ben | "She didn’t make a compromise. ...She just, just got nothing." | | 57:14 | Ronnie | “I’m just gonna assume that she choked on a lizard at some point in the night. Like a lizard escaped, kind of climbed in her mouth, and she’s dead now.” |

Segment Timestamps

• Meet the Couple and Lizard Chaos: 02:40 – 10:32
• Requirements & Budget Fighting: 12:31 – 17:13
• Reality Check on Austin Housing: 17:13 – 20:58
• House 1 Tour: 20:24 – 32:37
• House 2 Tour: 33:16 – 40:48
• House 3 Tour: 44:22 – 50:51
• Decision Time in Topher's Office: 52:22 – 54:05
• The Result/Closing Thoughts: 54:05 – 57:14

Final Decision & Aftermath

• Chosen House: The first (and worst) house: outdated, needs a ton of work, but features the coveted lizard building.
• Price Paid: $435K (way over the list price—"they beat out 34 other people for it." [55:04])
• Ben’s Take: “The lizards basically won. ...She did not compromise. She got nothing.” [56:34]
• Ronnie’s Prediction: “I’m just gonna assume that she choked on a lizard at some point in the night.” [57:14]

Tone & Listener Value

The hosts’ lovingly-irreverent style delivers plenty of laughs—especially at the expense of both house hunters (and their lizard babies). There’s an undercurrent of empathy for Lydia’s situation, paired with pointed (and often hilarious) commentary on home buying, unrealistic expectations, and the absurdity of prioritizing 140 lizards in a real estate search.

Best For

This summary is a perfect catch-up for Bravo, House Hunters, or Watch What Crappens fans—even if you missed the episode. You’ll get the highlights, character dynamics, and the biting humor that Ben and Ronnie are known for.

Note: All timestamps refer to moments within the main podcast content; ads, intros, and outros have been removed as per guidelines.