Dwell Hello 308: Micro-Farming in Georgia

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens

Episode: Dwell Hello 308: Micro-Farming in Georgia
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Air Date: April 20, 2023

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Ben and Ronnie dissect and lampoon an episode of "House Hunters" (Season 230, Episode 5: Micro Farming in Georgia). The focus: a blended Georgia couple with micro-farming dreams, outsized real estate expectations, and a taste for HGTV jargon. Ben and Ronnie riff on the couple’s personalities, questionable ambitions, and the parade of less-than-inspiring houses, all while sprinkling in Bravo-style banter and plenty of zingers.

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Main Discussion Points

1. House Hunters Recap: Micro-Farming in Georgia

• Premise: A couple, Bri and Trevor, wants to raise five kids and start a micro-farm in rural Georgia, all while finding their dream home within a tight budget.
• The episode was watched on YouTube TV (Ben and Ronnie note differences in episode numbering across platforms).
• Ben immediately points out how "vanilla" the couple is, dubbing them "plain people looking to find a house" (01:34–02:27).

2. Initial Impressions and Couple Dynamics

• Ronnie finds American House Hunters episodes more cringeworthy than the international version:

  "It's more embarrassing... watching Americans in America." (02:27)

• Ben says that's the show’s undeniable charm—seeing “pure America on display.”
• They observe the couple is overly picky for their means:

  "They're shopping for gigantic, like, Yellowstone ranches, but they're spending $5 and searching in like Pahugitug, Georgia." (03:14–03:47)

3. The "Micro-Farming" Dream, or Delusion?

• The hosts riff on the concept of “micro-farming”:

  "I want to be a farmer, but just micro farmer... I want to be able to have a few eggs and like be able to tell people... Oh, we don’t even buy milk anymore." (04:36–05:35)

• Ronnie expects pretentious wannabe farmers but is surprised by this very average couple.
• Ben suspects the micro-farm is ultimately for bragging rights, not genuine self-sufficiency.
• They note the couple seems more like “people who live off the Walmart” than homesteaders (06:38–06:42).

4. Family Drama: Aunt Gina Steals the Show

• Introducing Aunt Gina, Bree’s outspoken, judgmental aunt, quickly established as an episode standout.
• Ronnie imagines everyone tolerates Aunt Gina for her dubious cookie recipe:

  "I think Aunt Gina has a cookie recipe that she’s very proud of, but no one else likes. But no one else can tell Aunt Gina about her cookies." (11:37–12:00)

• Gina calls into question the very notion of the couple managing land:

  “That yard out there?... That’s not even half an acre... Who’s gonna mow it?” (18:39–19:02)

• Gina repeatedly grills them for their unrealistic plans and lack of farming acumen:

  “You don’t even need a regular farm. You know what you need? You need an ant farm. That’s about the only thing you can take care of right now.” (19:02–19:19)

5. Reality Check: The Couple’s Wish List vs. Reality

• Ben and Ronnie marvel at how much the couple wants (10 acres, modern farmhouse vibes, open concept, a workshop, hills, a view) on a $300,000 budget.
• Ben is skeptical of supposedly “privileged” Trevor, noting his lack of taste and “Ron Howard privilege” (16:55–17:19).
• The hosts call out how the couple doesn't understand what farming (even micro-farming) involves, especially with Trevor away on “crane technician” work most of the week (21:41–22:14).

6. Eye-Roll-Worthy House Hunter Tropes

• Both hosts lampoon:
  • Endless debates over open concept vs. vintage ranch styles.
  • Trevor’s fixation on dark wood and 90s wallpaper borders.
  • Bree’s laundry list of demands—cream-colored kitchens, no carpet, hills but also open, flat land, etc.
  • Ridiculous renovation plans:

    "Congrats, Bri. Now that means you have to be, you know, pulling up the beets and the radishes." (24:46)

7. House Tours: Snarking Through Real Estate

House 1: The Sloped Hope (32:15–43:05)

• Offers 10 acres and a “hill.”
• Both dislike dated interiors but Trevor likes the workshop and porch.
• Ben:

  "As far as I can tell, this house, the only thing it offers is a hill." (43:05)

• Both mock the idea that cows couldn't possibly walk up hills.

House 2: The “Almost Open” Ranch (44:15–49:35)

• $399k, cute ranch with a pointless, partially open concept and a "sad, weird pool."
• Family is fascinated by soft-close cabinet doors:

  “Wow, I like that. This is fancy.” (47:24)

• Major feature: a giant barn à la "Yellowstone," which lights up Trevor.

House 3: The Chickamauga Wallpaper Nightmare (52:40–59:36)

• 7 acres, but dark, dated, with 90s wallpaper borders to Trevor's delight and Bree's horror.
• Ben and Ronnie ridicule Bree for calling the dining room “dead space”:

  “What the—who is this person?” (55:14)

• Trevor swoons over every “childhood” callback, regardless of taste.

8. The Reveal & Aftermath

• The couple picks House 1 (the slope), despite nobody seeming happy with any option.
• Ben and Ronnie roast the state of their new home and décor:

  "There's like a mattress on the floor. They've got the Barca loungers... I can't even describe [the] little table..." (61:31–61:50)

• Aunt Gina’s cutting shade persists through the closing scenes:

  “Are the bees gonna mow your lawn? Just wondering. Because someone's gotta do it.” (62:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the couple's high standards:

  "Comb your hair... you make all these demands... and this is what you're gonna put inside the house." – Ben (04:02)

• On open concepts:

  "As a parent, you see them making a mess. Your house always looks like a pigsty. You hear everything they're doing. I don't want to see what you're doing." – Ronnie (31:16)

• On DIY farming:

  "If these people said, 'We want a micro-farm because we want to season off the land with our herbs,' I'd be like, 'Well, good for you.' But you're not going to feed yourself off that." – Ben (20:41)

• On cow logistics:

  "What are you gonna do? Get a cow that knows how to climb mountains?" – Trevor (as quoted/mocked by the hosts) (23:01)

• House 2 barn:

  "It's a barn. It's a giant barn with a giant 'Y' on it... There's a really bitchy redhead lady out there just like completely demeaning them... It's Beth from Yellowstone." – Ronnie (49:16)

• On privilege:

  "You were raised with Ron Howard privilege, where everyone thought you were from Happy Days and they gave you free things. That is the only privilege you were raised with, sir." – Ben (17:10)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | Notes | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:34 | Introduction to the episode & show's concept | House Hunters, micro-farming premise | | 03:47 | Hosts discuss the couple's unrealistic expectations | Mocking high demands vs. unimpressive status | | 11:11 | Aunt Gina enters | Establishes herself as family matriarch and shade-thrower | | 14:21 | Satirical brainstorm about "UPS for kids" | Ronnie proposes lowering driving age for kids | | 19:02 | Aunt Gina roasts their farming dreams | “You need an ant farm” | | 21:41 | Hosts question couple’s micro-farming competence | Ronnie skeptical of Trevor’s absence | | 23:38 | Land logistics debates | “You want me to dig into a mountain?” | | 31:16 | Ronnie’s anti-open concept rant | “You hear everything they're doing” | | 39:41 | “Builder grade” counters critique | Ben & Ronnie explain House Hunters jargon | | 43:05 | House 1 summation | Only trade-off: it has a hill | | 47:24 | Soft-close cabinet awe | Hosts ridicule their excitement | | 49:16 | The “Yellowstone barn” | Parodying the show’s influence on buyers | | 55:14 | Bree calls dining room “dead space” | Hosts incredulous | | 61:31 | Hosts roast their décor post-move in | Ben laughs at a “mattress on the floor” | | 62:36 | Aunt Gina’s finale roast | Will the bees mow the lawn? |

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Concluding Thoughts

• Ben and Ronnie deliver what fans expect—razor-sharp, affectionate mockery of both their House Hunters subjects and the American dream of agrarian self-sufficiency.
• They highlight the gap between aspiration and practicality, especially through the character of Aunt Gina—representing a voice of reason in a whirlpool of farmhouse delusion.
• The couple’s selection, their furniture, and their seeming inability to recognize their own limitations become a metaphor for American "settling"—a recurring theme on both House Hunters and Watch What Crappens.

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Final Quote:

“Hope the chickens like dark cabinets.” — Ronnie, closing out with a classic dismissive one-liner (62:55)

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For more Watch What Crappens:

• Follow @watchwhatcrappens on Instagram
• Suggest episodes—just make sure they're available on YouTube TV or Discovery+!

Transcript

[A]

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Download Greetings Adventurers. Wherever you listen to podcasts, wait to see the next episode. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello, I'm Ben Mandelker joining me today on this House Hunters recap episode. It's the one, the only, Mr. Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie, how's it going?

[B]

Hello, how are you?

[A]

I am a wonderful. Thanks. We are here to talk Dwell. Hello. This is our, this is our, our Onery plus exclusive show, which you probably know because you're probably listening to it right now on Wondry plus where we talk about House Hunters or House Hunters International. Today's episode that we are recapping is House Hunters Season 230, Episode 5, Micro Farming in Georgia. We watched this episode on YouTube TV and we always say where we watched it because sometimes the episodes are on different platforms and depending on the platform they're on, they have different labels in terms of seasons and episodes. So once again, this is micro farming in Georgia with some very plain people looking to. To find a house.

[B]

These are some very, very, very vanilla people. Now, we don't do as many House Hunters these days as House Hunters International. I generally find House Hunters International more entertaining. I find that when it's in America, even though House Hunters International is a lot of the time Americans looking for a place internationally. And so that's embarrassing somehow. It's more embarrassing as an American watching Americans in America. Don't you think it can be, it.

[A]

Could be rough, but I think that's where its charm is, is that you're just, you're, you're really sometimes seeing America on display in all facets right from The Americans choosing the house to the houses that the Americans are choosing. It's just like pure America.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's.

[B]

That could be deeply entertaining and just pure humanity too. It's just people spouting off stuff they've heard on hgtv, but they don't know what it means. And that's what we get a lot of today. Like a couple acting like this couple is acting like they are shopping for mansions, okay. They're shopping for gigantic, like Yellowstone ranches, but they're spending $5 and they're living, they're like searching in like Pahugitug, Georgia. Okay. And they're acting. This lady is acting all hoity toity and I'm like, you've got jello on your chest.

[A]

Okay, well, you know, the thing is that they have such high demands for. It's got to look like this, it's got to look like that, it's got to be modern, it's got to be chic, yada, yada yada. Like, they are full on taste makers. And the biggest twist, I'm like, comb your hair.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

But the biggest twist of the episode is in the final one minute when you see which house they chose and then you see the furniture that's in this house. I'm like, wait a second. So you make all these demands about what you have, what you want, and this is what you're gonna put inside the house.

[B]

This you're gonna furnish it with a taped together barca lounger and a table with plastic legs.

[A]

Okay, okay, listen, I understand, you know, you know, you upgrade your furniture as you go. But I'm like, even your starter furniture can be cute, you know, like, it's not like you can get some basic stuff.

[B]

Yeah. Taste has no price. Okay, so we start. This is. Yes, micro farming in Georgia. I just picked it because it's called micro farming. And I was like, oh, this has got to be funny because the word micro farming's in it. And that in general is funny. It's like I want to be a farmer, but just micro farmer.

[A]

Yeah, just a little.

[B]

Just kinda like I kind of want.

[A]

To do it just enough that I can't go away on the weekends very easily, but not enough that I can sustain myself reasonably, you know?

[B]

Exactly. Yeah.

[A]

So I can have like a few eggs here or there. I want to be able to have a few eggs and like be able to tell people. Actually, I'm gonna say this about a microfarm. My theory about a microfarm is that the real asset of having a microfarm is that when you talk to people, you can say, oh, well, I have a micro farm. So actually, we don't even buy milk anymore. Like, that's the whole reason why is the brag about not buying milk.

[B]

And doesn't it sound snobby? Like, I thought it was going to be snobby people because it's called a micro farm. That's just like. It's like a microbrewery.

[A]

I would have thought it was gonna.

[B]

Be gay micro dosing. I only know snotty people who talk like that who use the word micro and things. And so I thought it was going to be snotty people. Like, we're micro farming. We farm, but we farm tiny things like, you know, like those, like little tiny leaves or. Yeah, baby lettuce, you know. Yeah, Microgreens. Yeah.

[A]

I thought it was gonna be stuff. Gays wearing matching gingham who like ones in finance, but it's giving it up because his partner, who is like the price partner, who does like, nothing, you know, is the one who has like a dream of having a micro farm. So going to move out to the country and they're going to start, like, having. They're going to have some goats and they're going to make some artisanal cheeses. And I thought that's what it'd be like. But no, it's just like these two saying that they just want to have. They want to have a small farm that they can live off of. Want to be homesteaders. But there's nothing about these people that says to me, these are people who live off the land.

[B]

No, nothing. These are definitely people who live off the Walmart.

[A]

I about to say Walmart. Okay, so.

[B]

And I can say that because I am one of these people, so I can say it. So this is in Georgia, like we said. And so we get the beginning part where the realtor is like, those are grape vines and there's actually grapes on them because they're vines with grapes. They're grapevines. That's kind of vines. They are. Okay. And the wife is like, oh, wow, honey, there's grapes. It's a vine with grapes. Oh, God.

[A]

These don't make wine. Please don't make wine. So Linda the narrator, please don't become.

[B]

A micro winery, please.

[A]

It's just wine and small bottles.

[B]

It's just wine for babies.

[A]

So Linda the narrator says Bri and Trevor dream of raising their blended family of five in the country and starting a microfarm in rural Georgia. For her, this means finding a modern farmhouse.

[B]

Well, look at this one. There's lots of cabinets. And she says, I love that they're white. My husband's like, I don't like white cabinets. Like, oh, what a. What a pair. I can see how these two got together. It's like, I love light cabinets. I hate them. You know what? I love the sunshine. I love the nighttime. Oh, you marry me, Chewed. Yeah.

[A]

But he wants a vintage ranch home that reminds me of childhood. And then we see him in this hideous room saying, I love this wallpaper. It's so homey. And then the realtor is like, it's 90s. 90s.

[B]

It's not, homie, it's 90. Also, this is another. We just did an episode this year. The lizard guy who was obsessed with his childhood home and wanted to recreate your childhood home is gone. It's over. It's dead. Let the past go, okay? You fucking mama's boy. Fucking let it go, dude. You want wallpaper borders in your house because your mama had them. Your mama was tacky, okay? There, I said it. Move along. Actually, I had wallpaper borders in my room as well.

[A]

This is. But this is, this is an ongoing thing with house hunters. Because I think the. The women on these shows tend to pay a little bit more attention to like, at least they pay attention to like trends or whatever. And the guys don't. But the guys know they have to have an opinion on something, so they just go to what they know, which is what they grew up with, and they're just like oddly attach their weird mommy issues that, like in the form of wallpaper.

[B]

Yeah. And so he wants a vintage ranch home that reminds him of childhood wallpaper borders. Gross. And the wife is like, no, we are not going to have wallpaper borders. And goes, it's homie. Oh, cut your hair, you goddamn hippie. Okay, Cut it. You don't get to get to walk around that and just say micro farm over and over and have a personality.

[A]

So we start off in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and Trevor. The guy's name is Trevor. And he says that he was in the army for seven years. He's like, and now I'm a train, a crane technician and I travel the country working on cranes. And then Brie, the wife is like, I'm. I'm a stay at home mom homemaker. And we went.

[B]

We went to the same high school. Method. Yeah, I would say at the same time, love. And they met on the swim team, which is hot because I used to Go. For one year, I went to all boys Catholic school in El Paso Cathedral High School. And the biggest thing there was the swim team. Like, they were. They ruled the school. Oh, my God. I walked in there at shower time one day. I will never forget. Like, I. I will never forget how I felt. So I was like, oh, my God, I'm so in love. I'm in love with all of you. So I can imagine falling in love on swim team, for sure. So I'm behind this couple now, and I want wallpaper borders is what I'm saying.

[A]

Well, they dated for six. Six months, but then they went their separate ways and got married to separate people. And then they had their first children, and then those relationships fell apart. They reconnected five years ago, and now they've been living together in Chattanooga for two and a half years.

[B]

Wow. You could. That was their whole resume.

[A]

That was the whole thing that was.

[B]

But I like that they were like, we're just swim team. And then they left each other. But then they, like, married regulars. They married normies. And then they're like, no, I need to get back in that swim team kind of life. Yeah, I'm calling Triv.

[A]

And they. So they went to Chattanooga, and that's in Chattanooga. That's where Bree's Aunt Gina lives. And Aunt Gina's great. Angina is the one stealing the show. And unfortunately, we only get her in the beginning, the end of it. But Angina is, like, really judgy, and she has a lot of opinions, and, you know, she wants it to be brought along on the show. She's like, now, are you sure you don't need me to help? Look at some of those houses. Maybe Trevor can't make it one day because I. I could certainly help out a lot.

[B]

You.

[A]

You, me at all.

[B]

Yeah. You know who's called most of this family, don't you? Aunt Gina, that's who. Everybody knows it. Okay, come on in here. I got those cookies started. And by I've started those cookies, it means she's making aunt. I mean, uncle whatever his name is, mix these cookies in a bowl. These cookies, like they're being made out of red meat and oatmeal. I'm not really sure what's happening. I don't trust Angie this cookies, but I like her.

[A]

I think Angina has a cookie recipe that she's very proud of, but no one else likes. But no one else can tell Aunt Gina about her cookies. So everyone always has to pretend that they love her cookies. And Angina goes and Brags to her friends, oh, I got my. I got my. I got my cookie recipe. People love. My entire family loves it. They say. They come over, they say, aunt Gina, can you bring out those cookies? We love them so much. I mean, it is a blessing.

[B]

Well, everybody's just super passive aggressive with her because Trevor's like, oh, you're making cow pie cookies. Well, you know what a cow pie is, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's poop. It's poop. Okay, so that's what your family thinks there, Aunt Gina. Okay, so Trevor's talking about how they've lived here like two years. And she's like, yeah, well, we'd love to visit Aunt Gina, mostly because she makes cookies. She's real bitch otherwise. But thankfully she's got cookie making in her personality or no one would ever come see Angina.

[A]

Yeah. And Gina's saying, are you guys really going to believe in Tennessee and going to Georgia? You were going to betray your Tennessee family by going down there. You know that, right?

[B]

You know that, right?

[A]

It's like, wow, Angina, you are clutching that dough very hard right now.

[B]

You know who went down to Georgia, don't you? The devil. He was looking for a soul to steal. Traitors. Traitor.

[A]

So Trevor's like, well, it's only 30 minutes away and they want to move down there because their other. Their ex spouses live down in Georgia. So that way it'll make the drive down there for. With the custody a lot easier.

[B]

When are we going to get ups for children? I mean, my God, you know, one of the biggest problems with having children is having to get their stupid asses from place to place. It's a real thing, okay? These kids have. I'm sure we're going to talk about this in Jersey this week, but these kids have to be so many places. They've got to go to school. You got to get them to school, okay? They won't take the bus because that's too much. Then they got cheer and that's all the way across town. Then they got a tutor who's like an hour away in the other side of town. How are you supposed to do all that? It does not make sense. I'm inventing a UPS for children. You don't. It's not even any people involved. Nobody can hurt them. No, no, that's people involved. I want those little drone things with like little cages attached. You shove your kid in it and you pay it. You put your credit card in and it just drops them off wherever the they need to go. I'M sick of worrying about kids schedules. You little. You're a child. You don't own me.

[A]

Here's what you do. Lower the legal driving age to seven. Okay. And then what you do. What you do is you get special cars. Because you know how like when you're a kid, they have special cases for the iPads, you know, so that way, big pink cases. And they always have something. So you put that around the car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They get on the road, the car can only go so fast. If it gets in your way, you can kind of like nudge it away. It's sort of like a bumper car. But the kid will be fine because the car is all padded. The kid. And the kid can just get from point A to point B. As you know, there's that show on. On Netflix. How old, right? Or what's it called? You know, where the kids are doing errands. They're going. They're like 2, 2 years old or like 18 months and they're carrying fish across the town. If a kid can carry fish across the town, they can drive. That's what I'm gonna say right now.

[B]

Get a car. And by the way, they don't take away a driver's license either. And so anyone who ever has to be stuck in the car with their parents, who ain't spring chickens anymore, knows what that turns into. I mean if you let those drive, you might as well let a seven year old drive. At least a not drunk. You know what I mean?

[A]

There are way worse drivers. I guarantee that a 43 year old is probably a worse driver than a 7 year old. I'm gonna say that right now.

[B]

In general, I trust. I believe children are our future. I trust them more than I trust adults. Okay? There, I said it. Trust them to drive.

[A]

Let the kids drive. Come on. They can do it. They can run a computer.

[B]

So.

[A]

So the wish list, they. These people have a very long wish list. They want to be either in the Ringgold area or. Or Chickamauga. And Bri is like chickamauga.

[B]

Get some respect.

[A]

Chickamauga. I thought cha cha. So ch. Bri is like. We love the rich history in those towns. God. Cuz as everyone knows, the Ring Gold area is a place that has a. Has a. Has used to have a blockbuster. And that blockbuster is now a pet Smart and just that rich history is just so beautiful to me. And then I don't even want to get started on Chickamauga. Chickamauga.

[B]

Ringgold. That was named after a lady from the Breakfast Club. Everybody loved Her. That's Ringwald, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[B]

Oh, well, rings are gold. Not yours, ma'.

[A]

Am.

[B]

Okay, well, it still sounds fun. Okay. They have a nice mall. Okay, now, I'd be willing to go up to 425,000. And Trevor goes, whoa, whoa. What are you, a Rockefeller? What the heck? And then Trevor tells us, I did grow up quite privileged, but my father. Okay, listen, we're in the era where we all need to learn how to check our privilege, and I'm glad that Trevor has. I, however, think he means rich. I didn't see your childhood on a TV show, but I'd like to say, no, you didn't. Okay, Your mom just actually boiled spaghetti sometimes instead of opening the can. Okay, like, get off your fucking throat.

[A]

I'm gonna say, based on the barkalounger furniture we see later in this episode, I'm questioning the amount of privilege that you were raised with. I can tell you the privilege you were not raised with. The privilege you were not raised with was the knowledge that that furniture is terrible.

[B]

You were raised with Ron Howard privilege, where everyone. You. Everywhere you went, people thought you were from Happy Days and they gave you free things. That is the only privilege you were raised with, sir.

[A]

He was raised with the privilege of his hair being the same color as his skin. So, yeah, he's like, I did grow up quite privileged, by the way. Yeah, I'm sorry. That's crazy. I'm sorry. I just don't believe this guy grew privileged. And it's weird to ding someone for saying that they were privileged and suspecting that they were.

[B]

Well, it's like. It's like we're poor shaming. We're not poor shaming people. It's not like we're Rockefellers over here. It's just funny. People are just funny.

[A]

It's just a funny thing. He's like, I grew up quite privileged. I do not want more than $300,000 on a house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It just feels like a strange juxtaposition. I understand that he understands the value of a dollar, but by the way.

[B]

They want 10 acres. They want 10 acres.

[A]

10 acres for $300,000.

[B]

Yeah. So brew is like, yeah, I want to at least 10 acres because that would give us room for our micro farm. And he goes, 10 acres. I think five's manageable. I mean, what are you having? A macro farm? Does a macro farm. And by the way, their baby is literally trying to dive into the cookie bowl that the uncle is holding. The baby's like. Like, got his arms out literally. Trying to dive in. I love that baby.

[A]

They're like, let the baby dive in. It's gotta learn early about Aunt Gina's cookies. Okay?

[B]

Little. Little baby Gina. So Aunt Gina is like, y' all see that yard out there? That ain't even half an acre. This whole plot on this whole house, and we gotta have someone come out there and mow the darn thing. We're so busy. You're busy. I mean, aren't you busy? You don't got no time either. What are you gonna do with the macro farm? Nutcases? You know what? You need a block. You need. You need a square. A tiny little square, okay?

[A]

And, you know, coming in with the negativity, Aunt Gina does not like the micro farm. It's like, you stupid, lazy. You're not gonna be able to mow your own lawn. Where you think you can do that? Stupid. Don't need a macro farm. You don't even need a regular farm. You know what you need? You need an ant farm. That's about the only thing you can take care of right now. Yeah, you can do that.

[B]

Because we find out right now, I guess we're finding out that these two are not farmers at all. They just want it for a hobby. They just want. This is like. They're like, guys, guess what we're getting do micro farming.

[A]

It's like, oh, God. They want to feed themselves off the land.

[B]

I mean, that's fine. But to. To come home and be like, we're starting a micro farm, guys, That's. I don't know. I feel like I would ask you to leave.

[A]

I just don't really see themselves feeding them. I just don't see them doing this. I don't see them.

[B]

Unless the land starts growing out quarter pounders, I don't see how these two are gonna feed themselves. I see it because I see them.

[A]

Getting some eggs and some milk and maybe like, some, like. You know what I mean?

[B]

It's a. I'll tell you what. They're not growing lettuce and tomatoes, Okay? I can tell you.

[A]

I'm telling you this. I was gonna say, you know how their lettuce is gonna turn out? It's gonna grow for two weeks because that's how long the lettuce starters lasts from the nursery, and then they die. I know this because I tried growing my own lettuce. Okay?

[B]

Yeah, you did, too. Remember?

[A]

I have my lettuce right now. I only. My whole gardening thing. I started off with my gardening box. I put everything in there. I was like, it's going to be beautiful. But you can't put everything into a gardening box. It overcrowds. It. It's too crazy. And now I only have two things that I'm growing in my gardening box. Thyme and oregano. That's the only two things. And honestly, that's good enough for me.

[B]

So that's a good start.

[A]

Listen, if these people said, look, we want to have a micro farm because we want a season off of the land with our herbs that we grow, I'd be like, well, good for you. I support that. 10 acres of oregano and thyme and rose. But you're not going to feed yourself off that.

[B]

We're having a micro pizza farm, you know? And I agree with you. And look, I. I would. I've always tried to do those diets where you're like, I'm going to live off. I'm just going to eat natural things that grow. Like, no more McDonald's, no more. Whatever. Listen, there's only so many potatoes and eggs you can have. At some point, your ass is calling doordash. So cut the crap with your micro farm, because you know what's going to be out there? A bunch of fucking gophers and squirrels and skunks and shit. Eating all the shit you don't want to eat. Does not want to eat 97 pounds of potatoes. Maybe potatoes are a bad example because they probably would like. I would like that.

[A]

But, you know, they're not gonna.

[B]

But they're not gonna want your homegrown lettuce and all that and your apples with holes all through them because of all the worms and all that.

[A]

Pests are a real thing. Everyone. Pests are like the. You know what pests are terrible. And that. It's. You know, they're gonna have a lot of pests to deal with, and in the winter. Congrats. Congrats on building the greenhouse. You're gonna need okay for where you are. I mean, it's Georgia, so maybe not as much, but still. And also, Trevor's gonna be away on crane business three days a week, so who's gonna take care of the farm?

[B]

That's the other thing. I'm like, oh, great. Brie has five kids and now she gets to run a micro farm. That sounds fun, you know, like she's not doing enough.

[A]

Yeah, he's operating a crane, whatever that means. He's a crane technician. He's going off to. Going off to wherever, operating a crane, AKA maybe having an affair. I'll just say that Yeah, I thought that, too, because.

[B]

Well, at first I got jealous because he was like, I travel the country operating cranes. And I was like, what are you, a competing podcast? I was like, I'm jealous. Like, I. How many. How many seats is he selling? You know? But apparently you can live a rock star life as a crane person, too. Love it.

[A]

I didn't know that. I wonder if he does repairs on cranes.

[B]

No, he's an operator. He's a maybe just operator.

[A]

Oh, maybe he's. Maybe he's just. Maybe he's like, runs. Runs the. Runs the board for Frasier on the radio show. Yeah, he's a crane technician.

[B]

Get it? All right, so Aunt Gina's just told them off about land, and you don't need that land. I don't got no land. Why would you need land I don't got? Then everybody's like, well, you don't have animals, though, Aunt Gina, we want animals, and we're both from farmland. Knowing that we can support ourselves and feed our family off the land, that's important to me. I love how houses look up on hills. I want to see my house up on a hill having a view. And Trevor's like, what are you gonna do? Get a cow that knows how to climb mountains? I mean, what the are you thinking?

[A]

Yeah, this didn't seem to mesh properly. She's like, I want to have farmland, but I want to have rolling hills. I think. I think she may not understand what an acre is. I think in her mind, she's thinking of a ranch in Montana with rolling hills and prairies, and hers is at the top of one of those hills, and there's room for all the animals in all the hills, but 10 acres? You can't have micro hills and micro farms.

[B]

Yeah. And he's like, yeah, flatland is more practical for animals and kids. And she goes, yeah, well, Trevor wants a big old flatland where he can have a workshop because he works on things.

[A]

Things.

[B]

And Trevor goes, oh, yeah, I build things. All kinds of things. Cars, really? Can I.

[A]

That's it. Just cars.

[B]

I build.

[A]

I build cars.

[B]

Cars. All kinds of things. Cars. Can I see one, please? I demand to see one of these cars.

[A]

I don't believe Trevor. You know what? Actually, I would like to see one of the cars, because based on his ability to make a car, I might have more faith in his ability to be a farmer.

[B]

Right?

[A]

The. The DIY of it Armor.

[B]

Maybe he can grow cars also.

[A]

Congrats. You're. While your husband is out making a car who, like, Congrats, Bri. Now that means you have to be, you know, pulling up the beets and the radishes.

[B]

Exactly that. She's. She's putting herself into a life of misery, and I see it coming. She's not gonna like this. She's gonna go back to the other husband. Well, you know who Nelly is. That's why they're moving closer to the other spouses. You know that, right? Yeah.

[A]

Well, you know, who knows this the most is angina, because angina is still fuming. You know, after they left that house, Angina probably repeated that, like, proudly. So I said to her, I said, you see that yard out there? That's not even half a yard. And someone's got to mow that. I said, you got to mow it. And I said. I looked to her right this way, and I put my finger right in the dough, and I said, you gotta mow that. And you know what she did? She looked at me and she said, I don't care. I want animals. You know what? You. You're gonna get animals because they're all gonna be living in your tall grass. That's what I says to her.

[B]

Your animals are going to be children growing up on a micro farm. That's what I told her. Goddamn idiot.

[A]

Unmode microphone. 10 acres. 10 acres.

[B]

Acres.

[A]

All week long. All week long, she's telling this when she goes to her, when she goes, has dinner with her friends, when she plays bridge, whatever. So I told my niece, I said, you see that yard out there? That's half an acre. Did you tell them about the mowing? Oh, sure did tell them about the mowing. I said, you gotta mow that. She looked at me like I was crazy. Never heard of grass growing before.

[B]

I told her, why do you need to grow potatoes when you got the brain like one? Okay, you've already got a potato for a brain. And so Bree's like, well, I like farmhouse style. And Aunt Gina's like, oh, I know you do. That's why you married someone with the color and a chip. But you're not Joanna, okay? So let's just let the dream die, sister. Okay? And, Trevor, what are you shaking your head at? And he's like, I like big ranch style houses with big porches. You gotta ask yourself, when you walk into my house, does Kevin Costner live here? Who we.

[A]

Is that a Yellowstone reference?

[B]

Yeah, because he's talking like he wants to buy the Yellowstone house. He's like, I think that Yellowstone did this to people, because people love that show. And I think that there's a lot of people like this who are like, wow, if we just move to a farm, that'll be cheaper and we can afford Kevin Costner's family ranch, and then we could have cows and we can have all of this stuff. You can't. It's a dream, okay? And it's a hellish dream. Does Kevin Costner look happy on that show? He's not happy. He's a miserable fucking curmudgeon, that guy.

[A]

There's a reason why we invented supermarkets, so he wouldn't have to do this anymore. I mean, look.

[B]

Wants to eat a fucking tree. An apple off a tree. They're disgusting. They have worms in them. I want genetically modified organisms. People worked very hard to modify that apple to look decent for you.

[A]

Yeah, listen, I love that. I love the dabbling in. You know, again, I have a garden box. The garden box. I put a lot of effort, time, and money in a garden box whose basic, you know, upside is that I have unlimited time. Like, anytime I need time, I'm like, thank God I have a garden box. I mean, could you imagine? I could have bought, like, all the clamshell packets of time, but for the amount of effort I put into that garden box. So I get it, like having, like, some. Some stuff to grow as a hobby. But I know I'm never gonna. I'm never going to sustain myself off my garden box or any sort of, like, rooftop garden. It just doesn't work that way.

[B]

And I think that.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think that people. I was gonna say, I just don't think that people are realistic with their. Their. Their garden.

[B]

They're not realistic. It's like when covet hit. And then we thought the world was going to end and what everybody decided that they all needed at one time. What were the two things? Toilet paper and bread. Yeah, bread, okay? Everybody tried to make bread. That was all we wanted to do, was be able to make our own bread. And that's when I learned I suck at making bread. I can't make it. I can't make a decent bread to save my life. I don't know if it's my. I don't know what it is. But guess what? Some things, it's okay to just buy it. I don't need to make my own bread. I don't care if it was Armageddon, I would trade Bueller for a loaf of bread. I've still got things to trade. I could get blowjobs for bread. Okay. I don't have to bake the bread. Sometimes it's okay to just admit what you can't do.

[A]

I'm surprised neither of us really got into the sourdough craze of the pandemic. You know, I did it. I did it once, and it was not. It didn't turn out great, but, like, normally that's the sort of thing where I would then fixate and then keep. Keep doing it until I become really good at making sourdough. And I just gave up.

[B]

I was like, you never. You know what happens when you become a sourdough maker? You never shut the up about making sour. It's like when you become a vegan or a Christian or whatever, when you've lost £2 or you do CrossFit. Yeah. It's like one of those things you start preaching. I just talked to this lady the other day. He's like, oh, my God. Had to make this sourdough. And I just. I just keep using the same thing. But it was time to use the sourdough, and I really needed to make it. So there you go, y'. All. Just another perfect sourdough. And, like, off. Like, your personality can't just be sourdough, lady. I need more.

[A]

It can be. It really can be.

[B]

And.

[A]

And then she probably says things like, hi, I gotta go home. I'm so sorry, but I gotta feed my sourdough starter, you know? Yeah.

[B]

Gotta nurture it like a baby.

[A]

Yeah. So anyway, so they're still talking about the things that they want in this house. So. Because they want so many things. So she. Brie. Wants. Bree's upset because Trevor wants everything dark. She goes, he wants everything dark. And Aunt Gina goes, oh, like dark wood or something. Something like that. Dark wood?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, like wood. Like, he likes dark wood. Dark, dark, dark. You know what I like things that are open and airy. And Trevor's like, but growing up, every room had its purpose. It's like, what does that mean? So you don't like open concept because the kitchen used to be in a separate room when you grew up. And they put fucking borders of wallpapers on walls. I'm divorcing you, dude. I'm not even five minutes into this episode. I'm done with you.

[A]

Pulls the I'm at home card. She goes, well, you travel during the week. It's just me and the kids. I need to be able to see them while playing. See them playing while I'm cooking. D. Which, A. She doesn't need to do that, because for anyone who grew up in an open concept. In a non open concept house. Like the kids were fine, but I like that she pulled that card. I like that she. She guilted him and did the. Hello. You're traveling half the week. I'm the one in this house who has to live here. And I want to have no walls.

[B]

Can I just say, I know this is the longest recap ever. Sorry. But I just have to say, as someone who lives in an open concept house, I think we all do now. Right? Because everything is open.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think you can even buy anything anymore. That's. That's not open concept. But I live in an open concept home. I have children in my home. Not for. Not always, but like friends, children, my nieces when they were a little younger. I would never want an open concept home. As a parent, you see them making a mess. Your cows always looks like a pigsty. You hear everything they're doing. I don't want to see what you're doing. Go play outside. Go start something on fire like a normal child. Get the out of my living room, dude. I'm trying to watch a food network while I clean the kitchen.

[A]

Yeah, ignorance is bliss, I have to say. Also, kids are really good about just getting out of your line of sight anyway. So it doesn't matter how open concept it is. The kid will still be like up in a crawl space some someplace. So it's never going to be realistic. But I like that she pulled that card. She's just like, hey, you're not here. I get to call the shots. And how it looks like in here.

[B]

I think she's got a point there. You're sick in this woman in a home in the middle of nowhere where she doesn't know anybody with a micro farm to take care of. You don't get a say, dude.

[A]

All she wants are no walls and a few hills. So they go. They go off to Ringgold, Georgia. And Linda says, first, a house in ringgold that has 10 acres brie is looking for. So they get those. Basically a house on. It's not a rolling. This is not a rolling hill situation. This is just a slope. This is just a non rolling slope. A slope that's already rolled and it's just a house on a slope.

[B]

Yeah. And then Trevor's like, what? Bree's like, I love it. It's kind of flat. Kind of, but it's also kind of hilly. And he's like, what are you gonna do? Put a cow on a not even 10th of an acre in that backyard? She goes, no, what you do is you fence it all around Trevor. Okay? It's a fence. And he's like, well, how much is this? She goes, oh, 425. And he goes, okay, okay, that sounds pretty fair. Which I just. We need to make note of that because he has a fit later when something is 350. So that's good. That's Trevor logic. That's Trevor logic right there.

[A]

Yeah. Although I guess this is 425 plus 10 acres. So she loves it. We meet the realtor, Sean. Sean. Spelled S H a W, Y, N. So I'm assuming her name is Sean. Maybe it's Shaween. Shawin. Shawin. I think it's just Sean. It's spelled accent. I'm Sean.

[B]

I'm Sean.

[A]

I'm showing you this house.

[B]

She looks just like Chelsea to me. Chelsea, the comedian Chelsea. Chelsea, yeah. Chelsea Handler.

[A]

To me, she does sort of look like her.

[B]

And she has those, like, glinty little eyes, too, where she's like, you idiots. She's also got that kind of attitude about her, which I really like. So she's like, that's not a hill. He's like, it is a hill. And he's like, well, I think Bree's more picky than I am. And Bree's like, I think we're both picky in our own way. Can I just tell you, looking at you two as a couple, neither one of you is very picky. Okay? So let's not argue about that.

[A]

Yeah, a lot of. Seriously. So Shaween, she says Ringgold is known for the Ringgold Chapel where Dolly Parton got married. It's a cute little town. It's got adorable little shops, and everybody knows everybody, so it's very popular. I mean, I love the idea that this town's history is.

[B]

Is.

[A]

Is connected with Dolly Parton's wedding. But I also feel like. Gosh, I wish. Like, I feel like she says it as if, like, we all, as America know. Oh, the chapel where Dolly Parton got married. This is the place.

[B]

I'm moving there. Thousands of people every year come to live in the land that Dolly Parton got married in one time. Now, I like that she's one of the more realistic real estate people we get on this show. She's like, like, yeah, it's a very popular place. So in this area, what Brie wants is an updated farmhouse with a lot of land. That's probably not going to happen in their price range, so they're going to have to do what they did when they Decided to get together and settle. Okay, let's go on inside and take a look.

[A]

So they walk in and. And Bree is like, oh, wow, this is very dated. But Trevor's like, no, but it's cozy and warm, though. And then Sean makes an interesting pitch. She says, yeah, but look at these. We got some LVP floors. At which point I was expecting the floors to say, oh, get it. Here I am, my broken birds.

[B]

You'll never be able to afford this house.

[A]

Thank God for love.

[B]

But there's, like, light blue walls. There's a kitchen. Pass through this town loves. I mean, Dolly Parton was like, you know where I'm getting married. A place with kitchen pass throughs. That's. I want a kitchen with pass through. Because every world, every house has a kitchen with, like, one of those pass through windows. I never understood those, even when they were popular back in the day. It's just so weird. Who wants to live in, like, a diner, you know?

[A]

Well, it probably was before anyone had really dared to conceive of an open concept. It was like, this way I can pass the food through without having. Without, like, having to move from where I'm. Where I am. Like, I could see how, like, I can see the pitch for it, but I can ultimately see, ultimately it's just like a diner.

[B]

Yeah. Or like, I'm gonna see my guests, even though I can't really talk to them while they're out there in the living room. But I can see him, see what they're doing, you know, someone eating some more shrimp cocktail. I got it. Coming right up.

[A]

You know who really benefited from a pass through window? Alfred Al loved standing there in that pass through window between the kitchen and the living room. Yeah. The Tanner family. Tanner family pass through window.

[B]

So they're looking at the floors, and Bree's like, they're too dark. I hate dark things. And then they look at the kitchen, and Shawnee's like, well, there's a ton of cabinet space. Lord knows you're going to need it with your micro farm and quote unquote. And brie is like, well, I agree, but guess what? I hate countertops that are dark. Guess what? Those are countertops that are dark. So. And Trevor's like, well, I can change them. And she goes, oh, really? You're gonna put granite countertops on there for me? Really? You're gonna do that with your crane? Trevor? Really?

[A]

He's like, well, that's fine, but the cabinets have. Have to stay the color that the colors have to say. The cabinets have to say the color they are because I love those natural wood. Look. And she just goes now. So Trevor's like, well, that's what they're. That's what they're there for. I mean, that's why they're built like that, to be natural. She goes, goes, no, you have to put in a cream color in here or some white. I want some. I like her demanding a cream color for her kitchen. Just.

[B]

I know. It's just stuff. You don't really hear that much on this.

[A]

I don't hear a lot of people demanding cream color. I say I want my kitchen to be cream colored. No.

[B]

And Shawnee's like, well, when all is said and done, will this kitchen work for you, even though you both hate each other's ideas for it? Yes or no? Just tell me, does this work or not? Because I can't save myself some time and hit up the water burger. Okay. So I don't think they have there. So I shouldn't have said that. And Bree's like, well, I have clear sight lines to about 5ft of the house, so my children will be safe because this is all about the children. So I could cook. I could be at the stove. I could be at the sink, which is right by the stove and the fridge. And then I could see right there, which is about. What would you say that is three feet where my five children could play. Me putting your children in a crate. You're not fitting five kids in that.

[A]

Living room, by the way. Enjoy your children tumbling down that slope that you want to live on so badly.

[B]

The best thing about this house is the kids get to roll down the hills.

[A]

It's got a tumbling slope. So now they go into the. The primary bedroom is actually huge, but it's also tiled. Like it's a Club Med in Florida. And so of course, Brie does not like the tiling and. But Trevor like, oh, they're gross. Oh, it's a gross.

[B]

They're those big Home Depot. They always. Their cream colored square tiles. The big ones.

[A]

Yeah, it's real bad. It's. It's a strange choice for a primary bedroom. I almost feel like was this really a primary bedroom or they converted or something? But they like that. They're. The ensuite has like double sinks. But Bri just is like, she hates the tile. She also hates the shower. She hates the counter. She hates the.

[B]

The.

[A]

She hates the. The dark blue paint job. She just wants to hates everything. In fact, every house they look at. I believe she wants to redo all the bathrooms.

[B]

Oh, and can I say she's right, because they're all hideous dumps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this one, this is where she starts spouting off stuff. Jargon she learned on tt because she's like, oh, I just don't like that countertop. That is so builder grade. You should be so lucky to get builder grade in this house. This is like Jethro grade. This is that some dude just, like, came and, like, taped to the walls. You know, I don't even know what.

[A]

Build a Great is. I just assumed it was, like, basic level building.

[B]

It is. It's like when you. It's in, like, those cookie cutter houses. Like, in neighborhoods with cookie cutter houses, they use the cheapest they can find at, like, Home Depot or wherever. You know, wherever the discount store is for the cheapest shit. So you see, like, the cheapest knobs for everything. And that's builder grade.

[A]

Okay? So now they go upstairs, and Trevor's like, well, I don't like the stairs because I'm not getting any younger. Like, sir, you're like. You're like 31 years old, for crying out loud. I mean, first of all, you. You're a crane technician, and you're going to complain. Complain about staircases. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, get yourself a little crane and crane yourself down. So they've got this weird brown bedroom to fit all the girls. Now, do they have five children or three children?

[A]

I think they have five children. We don't see much of the kids.

[B]

But then they only talk about the three girls. So I'm not sure what's happening, because I could have sworn they said five children, but then it turns into three. I think that they might have downsized their children to fit in a house they could afford.

[A]

Maybe Aunt Gina took two of them. You know, I'm gonna keep them on layaway.

[B]

They turned that baby into cookies. Count by cookies.

[A]

I'm sorry. She's. She didn't listen to me about the mowing, so I decided to claim one of her childs. So. So, yeah, they are. Then outside, there's, like, there's land and there's, like, a garden that's already being set up that they like. And Brie is like, and look at the hills. Look how beautiful it is. And of course, he's more focused on the fact that it's steep and there's no place for animals because, yeah, he.

[B]

Goes, you're gonna have a cat climb up a hill.

[A]

I mean, cows can climb hills, Animals can deal, can go on hills, can't they? They can exist on hills. I just don't know.

[B]

But they're obviously so new to it that they don't even know. He's like a cow gonna climb a hill. They have four legs, Trevor. Okay. Yes. It's not a cliff. It's not a grass.

[A]

They'll get it. If there's grass, those cows will find it. They'll go up a hill. Or they could get goats. Goats would definitely do a hill.

[B]

She goes, well, if it can't get up the hill, you can just dig into it. Dig into a hill? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Just dig into the ground right here. Oh, that won't be expensive at all. Carving out the hillside.

[B]

She's like, just dig out the hill. Just dig it out. Then that'll. That'll be her.

[A]

This is. This is everyone's nightmare. People coming in, want to be farmers carving up the landscape, and then in the end, they're gonna have one goat. It's gonna die after three years, and they're gonna give up on the dream.

[B]

Yeah. So he's like, so you want me to dig into a mountain? She goes, you heard me, Trevor. So then we see that Trevor gets a workshop, and he goes, oh, my God, I could put my lift in here. That's for sure. I could build cars, my oasis. And she goes, yeah, and I like hillyland. And he goes, well, I like the view, just not the hill. So they decided this one is too dated. It needs more work. And of course, Brie wants updates. And nothing dark.

[A]

So as far as I can tell, this house, the only thing it offers is a hill. Like, that's the only. Check it. Like, the. There's no open layout for Brie. There's no flat land. There's. It's not a single story for Trevor. There is a workshop and there's a hill, but it doesn't do anything else for them. So this is going to be the worst house.

[B]

Well, you. You would think. Do we ever know, though? I always guess wrong. So this realtor obviously doesn't care what they think either. She's like, you guys have $5. You're gonna get what you get. There's like three. Yeah, there's literally only three houses. Houses I can show you in your price range. Right.

[A]

Also, like, do you guys want to have a micro farm, or do you want to have a build your own car storyline?

[B]

What.

[A]

Which one is it? I'm sort of confused because to me, they're not the same thing.

[B]

Yeah, very different. One is, like helping the earth. One is Killing the earth. So then Linda's like, so Sean finds something else and more in Ringold. It's smaller, but there's an opportunity to buy more land. Oh, really? That sounds great. Oh, she found something right at the edge of my budget. But I could spend a million dollars more to get what I wanted. Oh, my God, what a great job you did. Thank you.

[A]

Thanks, Sean. Thanks. So House 2 is listed at 399. And it's also ranch style, which, by the way, I don't know why, I don't know why Bri is pushing back about a ranch style home. I mean, it's literally. You guys want to have a micro farm ranch style. It's literally in the name.

[B]

So also, yeah, I don't get when people are against ranchers. I hate. I mean, and I'm a lot older than Trevor too, but stairs, man, I hate stairs. And when I hurt my back or something, it's. I'm like crawling. It's so hard to get upstairs, like, get a ranch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And especially a mother of five running up when the bedrooms are upstairs. Having to run up and down every time your goddamn baby cries.

[A]

That's a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's, it's a cute ranch house. You know, it has a nice little porch and everything starting to like, Trevor can imagine putting out some rocking chairs on it. But then they don't love that there's a busy road nearby, which doesn't look that busy to me, but you know, whatever. And Sean's like, well, guess what? There's going to be something in the back that I think you're going to like. But first we're going to go into the house. Okay. So they go inside and it's like sort of generic in there. It's like it's. It's updated, but updated in that generic way. Sort of the same kind of. That same kind of flooring, the same kind of lighting.

[B]

It's ugly. And it's one of those that people are like, we should make this open concept. And they're like, no, that's a load bearing beam. And so they just took out the sides, like on either side of the wall. They took out a part, but then left. But then left the rest of the wall in the house and then created a pass through in that kitchen as well.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The weirdest thing I've ever seen.

[A]

Yeah, it was weird. So. And it was not as open as Bri wanted, you know, because she wanted. Said she's like, well, this wall has to go. Okay, it has. So there's completely open space for the family to come over. So I guess she.

[B]

I swear to God, Chip and Joanna have ruined the world. That's just all I'm gonna say, because that's what they say in every house is, oh, what we need to do is open this place up, Take that wall down. Take that wall down some. There's broken houses all over the country now.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's funny that she says that Brie here is saying that they need to take down the walls. That way the family can come over, which I don't understand. And everything is very grayish in there. Of course, Brie loves that. She's like, oh, I love this color. And it's like the generic gray, brown, gray, tan, etc. And Trevor likes a door. I mean, they're just like scraping to find things to enjoy about this house, you know?

[B]

It's terrible. It's a terrible, gross house. Okay, so then they go to the backyard and there's a pool, which is super weird.

[A]

It's like a weird, sad little pool.

[B]

It's like above ground pool that they put below ground, if that makes any sense. You guys were not supposed to dig that into the ground. It's supposed to be above ground.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a very. It's like not a pool you can jump in. It's very, very small. Also, I want to mention I was really amused by the fact that when. When they're in the kitchen, Sean is like, oh, and by the way, these here are soft close cabinets. So if you open them, they close by themselves and they watch the cabinet doors close by themselves. And Bri and Trevor both go, wow, I like that. This is fancy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's like, now, I grew up with privilege, but not this much privilege.

[B]

Wow. This is privilege.

[A]

Closed cabinets.

[B]

What am I, Elon Musk or something now? Dang. Wow.

[A]

They're gonna send these cabinets up to space.

[B]

Well, he ain't the only. There's not only one car builder in this country who can build a Close a cabinet softly, I'll tell you that. Sorry.

[A]

I'm gonna add soft close cabinets on my car doors.

[B]

Oh, it's okay, Ryan.

[A]

I've been lost all week. I don't know what I'm saying half the time. Don't you worry.

[B]

So they go back and look at this big deck with a pool, which is fine. But the thing that she really wants to show them, because she knows exactly what this guy wants, is a Yellowstone barn. It's a barn. It's a giant barn with a giant y. On it, like from the Yellowstone logo. And it's.

[A]

There's a poster of Kevin Costner. It actually, like unfurls as they.

[B]

There's a really bitchy redhead lady out there, just like completely demeaning them. She's like, oh, really? You think you want this house? You don't deserve this house, you worthless piece of shits. It's bath. It's a bath from Yellowstone. Otherwise, the only reason to watch that.

[A]

Show, there's a cut out of park overall just because she's southern.

[B]

Park overall. It's not an overall. She's not in Yellowstone. But she probably did show up in the town to see where Dolly Park Parton was married.

[A]

They're like, this is actually the chapel where not only Dolly Parton was married, but park overall too, so.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

So, yes, I actually liked the barn. I kind of feel like if you're gonna go through the whole farce of micro farming, you might as well have a barn. Yeah, it's fun. I think that's fun. The kids can run through the barn. Yeah, there's animals in there. It's like, musky, you know, I'm like, pro barn.

[B]

So the barn in the back is 2600 square feet, which is insane. It's like really big. And the house is one. It's on one point acre. And he's like, but that's too small for my. It's called a micro farm. It's not too small. Get a mini cow, you know, full of vanderpump. Get a mini cow, a mini goat, a mini whatever. Get everything mini.

[A]

Yeah, you get your chickens. You have plenty of room to put up gardens. And some of the land may be for sale. So buy some land. And, you know, just. You start small. Here's the other thing is you're not even sure you can do the micro farming thing. So this is the perfect thing for you to start small. You could put some cows in the barn. So you don't even need that land because the cows can hang out in the barn and they come out, they graze, you know. Yeah, I'm sure the neighbors would actually be down for. The cows were wandering around also.

[B]

Yeah, they wouldn't. So also, you know that they're not ready for this journey because Brie goes, oh, look at this barn. So I like that it's, like sectioned off so we can have animals in different spaces, places. Yeah, Brie, it's called a barn.

[A]

It's a stable. That's what. Hey, now, I don't love that this Barn is an open concept, though. Yeah. Do these stables have pass through windows?

[B]

They should just build this into a house. They should do a barndominium in here because it's. Oh, you know, they could get some open space finally. So anyway, Sean does that thing where she's like, well, it may not be what you want. Just buy more property. Like, we all just can just. Just plop out another.

[A]

We understand.

[B]

A few million dollars.

[A]

Yeah, Come on, Sean. We understand where you're up. Sean's just trying to get that commission.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's see what she's up to. So then they go back in the house. They go upstairs. It's a little tied up there, but. But Trevor really likes that there's carpet in the kids room. And Brie's like, absolutely not. I'm not loving the carpet. I mean, girls play with slime. They got. They're gonna have makeup when they get older. I'm like, wait, makeup? Makeup? Okay, I understand the slime thing. But when they're older and putting on makeup, are they just like mashing their makeup into the carpet?

[B]

I love that. Brie just knows that her children are morons. She's like, they play with slime.

[A]

They're gonna have.

[B]

You know, they're gonna just be squishing makeup up. Makeup up, throwing it on the floor.

[A]

They're gonna be applying mascara to the carpet tufts.

[B]

And then she. Brie just says things. She walks into another room, she says, oh, my God. So if this were a playroom, there could be to like, well, good call.

[A]

There's a strong correlation of that happening.

[B]

Good call. You should run for office.

[A]

She really has a vision.

[B]

Really does. She can see what it's gonna be. They go to the primary, and she's like, well, this is tiny. And he's like, that's what she said. Literally. Still mad about that, by the way. I can see that, Mr. Dark Cabinets.

[A]

Yeah. And then it has a nice. Nice. The ensuite has a nice shower. And. But there's no. She's like, but there's no storage in this ensuite. I mean, where am I gonna put up all my mashed up makeup? So then Sean's like. She's like, well, you know, you could make it a bigger primary and just push it out of the way. And Trevor's like, well, that's more money. More money. So he.

[B]

Hold on. I don't want to argue right now. I need to put on some more lipstick and think about this. Start to match and get all over her face. Hold on. I Got a brand.

[A]

She's just writing her terms down on the carpet of their lipstick. This is what I want.

[B]

The next house has the land they need, but might not be Bree's idea of a happy life. Might I suggest a different man? Bri and Trevor are in Chickamauga to see a well priced house that has seven acres.

[A]

I do want to say it is Chickamauga. Not Chickamauga. I looked it up.

[B]

Oh, Chickamauga. Chickamauga.

[A]

Maga. Chickamauga.

[B]

But there's no N. Well, listen, we know they're gonna pick this one because it's got Maga in it.

[A]

It's got Maga. Make America ultra great again. So the house has. It has seven acres. It's a three by. It's a three and three. It has seven acres. And you may know Chickamauga as it is the place where none other than Katie Lang bought some gum at the 7:11.

[B]

Chiclets. Chiclets. Actually, it used to just be called MAGA, but then after Katie did that, it became Chickamauga.

[A]

Crystal Gale once used the car wash in town. So we're kind of famous for that.

[B]

So this is like a little gingerbread looking house. It's kind of cute. Trevor likes kind of the shaker stuff on the top of the house. And it's 360. I think it's cute on the outside. Yeah. And when you come in, you've got real hardwood. Unfortunately it's red, but still. Come on in, guys. And Bri's like, oh my. This is the one with the wallpaper border. So we were having to fit about for half an hour already. And Trevor's like, come on, it's Homie honey. And. And they're like, no, it is not. It is 90s, you idiot.

[A]

He's like, but I was born in the 90s. It's fine. So Bri is like, well, yeah, guess what?

[B]

Nobody wants to move into you either, Trevor. Okay.

[A]

He was very privileged at that time. So Bri is like, well, I'm going to have a worker out here scraping that wallpaper off. She says that like it's a threat, but like it's. It's like great, sure, you found a solution.

[B]

Contribute to the economy.

[A]

I was like, like, you guys are the ones. You're the ones who are talking about how you want to build your own cars and. And do your own farming. So is it like a bad thing that you want to do some renovations?

[B]

Yeah. You have no problem making a cow pull whatever your load is from Target that week. But You're. You're gonna not be able to scrape off some wallpaper on your own.

[A]

No, but this is where Brie is now. Forever dead to me. They're in the dining room. And she goes, this room is dead space. I mean, we don't need a room in the house designated for a dining space, in my opinion.

[B]

What the. Who is this person? And Trevor is like, why not? You could have family dinners in here. And she has that slack. Defeating the purpose of the open concept. You eat where you can see the kitchen and the living room and the TV and the children.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, I don't know if she understands the purpose of an open concept. I think the purpose of an open concept is actually make the things feel bigger and airier. When you're in a small space, it opens it up, so that way you feel like you're in a larger space. It's not. So that way you, like, pertains to how you have your family dinners.

[B]

Well, and a lot of times, open concept are the kitchen, then a big table in front of the. Whatever, the island. You have, like, the big, long table in front of the island for your, like, kitchen meals, your family meals. And then there's like, a separate little dining room area. Have four dining rooms.

[A]

So you still have your. Yeah, you can still have a dining area. You know, a lot of people have, like, everyday dining areas and dining room areas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the fact that she calls it dead space, like, it's the wackiest, craziest thing to have a dining room in a house.

[B]

Like, it's disgusting to have a dining room.

[A]

Like, what a strange choice that this architect made.

[B]

And.

[A]

And including a dining room into the design.

[B]

All right, so then they check out the kitchen, which is supposedly open. Well. Oh, she's like, let's walk through this open archway to the open kitchen, which is not open. I'm like, what do you. That is pretty much an open kitchen. Why couldn't they consider that an open kitchen? It doesn't have a. I mean, it has barely an arch.

[A]

I thought the kitchen wasn't so bad, to be honest, considering how bad the wallpaper was. I thought the kitchen would be a lot more dated. I mean, it's not like I don't look at it and say, this is super modern kitchen. But the cabinet work, I thought, looked very nice. And it was large. It seemed fine. There was, I think, think if I remember correctly, there was a white. White stove, oven, and stove combo. But it wasn't, like, as terrible as I Think a lot of the other parts of the house.

[B]

And Bree's like, well, I like the glass cabinets, but they have to be white. And the fruit wallpaper has got to go. And Trevor's like, I like the fruit. It reminds me of childhood.

[A]

Everything reminds them of childhood. It reminds me of growing up on the man in the mansion of my privileged childhood with the fruit wallpaper. Up, up. I'm telling you right now, by the way he was raised with fruit wallpaper trim. I just feel like he probably was not. Did not grow up in a privileged, privileged way.

[B]

Yeah, I'm telling you. So she's scowling at him, but I love that she never goes so far as to be like, your childhood's stupid. You know, every time he brings up his childhood, he uses it a weapon. Like, what are you gonna. About my childhood. Go ahead. I dare you say something bad about my childhood home. And she's just. Just keeping quiet every single time she.

[A]

Met him during his childhood. So she can't go after the childhood too hard. So that's true.

[B]

They knew each other on swim team.

[A]

That's right. So they. There was like a they. They walk around. There's, like, a fireplace, and this is where we see the grape vines in the backyard. As if they're ever going to do anything with grape vines.

[B]

But that fireplace is so weird, too, because it's not built into the wall. It's just. And it's not like a. It's not, like, completely external. It's just weird. It looks like they bought a fireplace and. But it's not. It's, like, attached to. To the wall. It's a. It's an odd fire.

[A]

It looks like a stove. Yeah. It's strange. So. And then Trevor's like, well, now, look, if you clear this, you can see the mountains behind it.

[B]

Because she's.

[A]

Bria is mad that there's no view. I mean, you're not on the. You're not at the French Riviera here. Okay. I don't know what view she's expecting to have in Ringgold and Chadamanga. Whatever.

[B]

It's actually not so bad, too, because isn't this the one that kind of backs up to a four forest?

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, isn't it nice to see the trees? Isn't that a good enough view?

[B]

I mean, I think that that's a view. I mean, it's not of the city, that.

[A]

It's not a vista.

[B]

Yeah. The park overall, you know, made out for the first time in, but still. And they see a clawfoot tub. And Trevor's like, I got a claw foot wife. Very vintage, Like, I'm gonna kill you. She's like, I'm gonna remodel that claw foot tub. I don't like it. So then they go check out the basement. Yeah, they check out the basement, which has space for Trev's workshop. So he likes that.

[A]

Yeah, there's like, a random, like, Bowflex machine in there or something. A very large one. And then Bree says, you know, the space itself, like, Trevor has potential, but every room in this house needs an overhaul for me. And it's just too dark and too dated.

[B]

And Trev's like, it's perfect. So Bree's like, well, we do have more acreage, but, God, I'm missing the hills. And Sean's like, well, you guys talk about it at the grandees, and we'll get back together when you once again decided to settle.

[A]

Okay, now, at this point, I was like, no, I think that actually none of the houses were good, and none of the houses actually met any of the things that they wanted at all. This could be the first house hunters where no house is selected.

[B]

Yeah. So house number one, the view's amazing, which it really wasn't. And Trevor's like, but cows don't like hills, which we have no proof of. And he's like, but I do like the big porch in the shop, and I love the dark kitchen. Okay, Trevor, stop just trying to trigger her now. Okay, now you're just being a dick.

[A]

And then house number two, Trevor loved the massive barn, but there wasn't much land, and he had issues with the primary bedroom. And then house number three, Bree thinks the whole thing needs an overhaul, and the bedroom sizes were kind of. Awkward word.

[B]

Yeah. So what house are we on now, too?

[A]

That was house number three.

[B]

Now they.

[A]

Now time for them to make their choice. Done.

[B]

Ding dong. And so Trevor's. We see them at home in their new place. And Travis, like, if we do. If we do this, it keeps the chickens out. That's why it's called chicken wire. I was like, oh, God. These two yokels with their micro farm. Congrats on finding what chicken wire is.

[A]

Yeah, they're. They're building their chicken coop. So they chose the house on the hill, on the slope, I should say. And I think I. I don't even know why they chose it, because it didn't seem like any of the houses were any good. But the kids loved all. Love all the rooms and this is where we start seeing what they've done with the house. And it just, it's just, it's, it's, it's terrible. There's like a mattress on the floor at one point. Like.

[B]

Yeah, they're like, the kids love their rooms. I was like, really? Because they're sleeping on the floor. What?

[A]

No, I know. It's like a mattress on the floor. They've got the Barca loungers. They got like a weird, like so strange. I can't even describe the little table that was with the Barca loungers. Looked like a side table coffee table.

[B]

It was like the set of where the crawdads sing in there.

[A]

It was rough. It was rough. But they got the house for cheaper because the.

[B]

Well, yeah, because some person tried to put that when the real estate market was going crazy and was like, we're going to try and get 450 for this. They got it for 375. That is a huge discount for a house that price.

[A]

Yeah, it is huge. And they've painted a bunch of the rooms and stuff. And so the whole family's coming over and you know, Trevor is reminding his wife that he compromised more over this house, but she doesn't seem to care. And then Angina is like, so, okay, this is nice, this house you got. So you guys, you're gonna have bees for sure. You're gonna have a little bee situation. Are those bees gonna mow your lawn? Just wondering. Because someone's got to do it.

[B]

Hey guys, don't worry. Angina's here with cornhole cookies. Okay. Don't that sound delicious? Oh, God. And that was basically it. Bree's just like, well, can't wait to micro farm. Hope the chickens like dark cabinets. And that brings us to the end of Dwell.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Thanks everybody so much for being with us this week. We love doing these. If you have an episode you would like to see covered, we take suggestions. So you can mention it to us in the comments on Instagram are usually the best. Go to Instagram at watch what crafts and just leave us a comment on this. Post the specific episode and we'll check it out and check out the episodes you guys suggest. Just make sure that it is on YouTube, TV or Discovery plus because that's all we watch on.

[A]

Yeah. Thanks everyone. We'll talk to you next time.

[B]

Bye guys.

[A]

Bye. Acast Powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Greetings Adventurers is the longest running Dungeons and Dragons actual play comedy podcast that has been putting out episodes each and every week since 2012, and we think you'd love it. But don't take our word for it.

[B]

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