Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #313: Purchasing in Paducah

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: June 28, 2023

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of Dwell Hello, a spin-off by the Watch What Crappens crew, dives gleefully into a classic episode of House Hunters, “Purchasing in Paducah.” Ben and Ronnie recap and riff on a gay couple’s quest for their first home in Paducah, Kentucky. The hosts bring their trademark snark and affection for all things Bravo-style reality to skewer the quirks of Paducah, the idiosyncratic house-hunting duo (Josh and Clint), and the “charm” of budget real estate in small-town America—all with a Pride Month twist.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. House Hunters, Paducah-Style

• Paducah love: The hosts are bemused at how every TV depiction and its residents (including Top Chef’s Sarah) “absolutely love Paducah.”
  • “Literally no one from Paducah hates it...I don’t know if they’re all tripping balls over there or what.” (Ronnie, 04:12)
• Pride Month Special: Ben and Ronnie, both gay, celebrate Pride Month by good-naturedly razzing two gay men searching for a house in a town that is “aggressively proud of itself.”

2. Meet the Paducah Gays: Josh & Clint

• Josh is obsessed with “character and charm” in a home, seeking crown molding and vintage details.
• Clint, a private vocal coach, likes newer, open floor plan construction, earth tones, and practicality.
• The hosts give hilarious “gay taxonomy” to their archetypes: “Josh is a Target hoodie gay, and Clint is a sweater with no undershirt gay.” (Ronnie, 08:36)
• Their relationship banter and minor squabbles over marriage dates and decor sensibilities are prime fodder for playful mockery.

3. Paducah’s Cultural Sell and Small-Town Theater

• Paducah’s attempts to “sell” itself as a cultural rival to big cities is ribbed throughout.
  • “They’re really trying to sell us on the idea that Paducah is like a hub of American culture...like, this is up there with New York City.” (Ben, 08:54)
• The local performing arts scene—featuring possibly raccoon and squirrel orchestras—becomes an ongoing running joke.

4. The State of Paducah Real Estate

• Houses are incredibly affordable, and yet basic living amenities seem scarce (showers in utility rooms, ancient carpet, ramshackle additions).
• The hosts delight in Paducah’s endless “town pride” despite homes that are “…so cheap that the shower is in the utility room” (Ben, 23:15).
• “Their list of demands…is so big…for $200,000 is ridiculous.” (Ben, 23:49)
  • But then Ben backtracks: “A lot of this, their ‘laundry list,’ is just like basic necessities. It’s like, we want a door…” (Ben, 25:04)

5. The House Hunt: Three Very Flawed Contenders

House #1: The ‘Craftsman’ Open Plan ($180K)

• Praised for space, open plan, and modern veneer; criticized for “brown, tan, yellow, gross colors everywhere” (Ben, 28:15) and lack of “real charm.”
• “This is more Clint’s style…There’s not a ton of cabinets…” (Ronnie, 29:31)
• Laminate countertops get suspiciously positive attention: “I actually like the laminate, because it’s so durable.” (Clint, quoted by Ronnie, 29:42)
• Yard is xeriscaped with rocks—not a hit with dog owners.
• Garage tug-of-war: “How come you always get the space?” (Josh, 31:35)

House #2: The ‘Vintage Charm’ Fixer ($140K)

• More classic curb appeal and quirky interior charm—built-ins galore, hardwoods, crown molding—but with “flower wallpaper from the 80s, galley kitchen, old green and pink carpets, and wood paneling.”
• Carpeted utility room (“God damn old ass carpet…so many things have happened on that carpet, get rid of it.” – Ronnie, 39:26)
• Backyard has the elusive “fancy” (fenced yard), but it’s only a chain fence.
• “Josh is obsessed with built-ins. He’s like, ‘See, now that is the charm that I love—a built-in. God, I wish Clint was just a series of shelves stuck into a wall.’” (Ronnie, 37:35)

House #3: The ‘Stone Cottage’ Wildcard (Cheapest)

• Stone curb appeal, very small—Josh’s favorite stylistically.
• Add-on room is technically not a legal bedroom; Clint gripes about everything (“Where’s my dishwasher, Cindy?” 49:26) and is concerned about pink half baths.
• “You’re about to spend $100 to own a home, sir.” (Ronnie, 52:46)
• Wrought iron fence details delight Josh (“This explains why he has all that Ashley furniture, because Ashley furniture loves a wrought iron embellishment.” Ben, 50:22)

6. Decision Time & Unexpected Renovation Success

• The couples’ priorities: yard for dogs, wood-burning fireplace, functional utility room, “character.”
• They choose House #2 (the fixer-upper), and—unlike most House Hunters couples—they actually make significant upgrades:
  • Rip out carpet, paint cabinets, demo wallpaper, update counters.
  • “Every time I watch House Hunters…it’s always like you could really do a lot with this place, and then you see them three months later and they’ve basically put in a vase with flowers. But these gays are like, no, we are determined gays, and there’s nothing doing Paducah so the moment we signed the deal we got to work.” (Ben, 57:07)
• The house is charming and functional by the reveal, surprising the hosts:
  • “They did all the cabinets, all the countertops, they took out the carpet…Good for them.” (Ronnie, 57:18)
  • “It’s a happy ending after all.” (Ben, 58:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paducah’s Self-Love:
  • “They have like Paducah Town Pride, but it’s every month.” (Ben, 04:56)
• Gay Taxonomy:
  • “Josh is a Target hoodie gay and Clint is a sweater with no undershirt gay.” (Ronnie, 08:36)
• On Open Floor Plans and Political Rhetoric:
  • “‘I’m anti open floor plan.’ It sounds like he’s making a political statement.’” (Ben, 15:24)
• Utility Room Trauma:
  • “They are, like, traumatized by their shower laundry room.” (Ben, 31:00)
• Budget Realism:
  • “You’re about to spend $100 to own a home, sir.” (Ronnie, 52:46)
• Furniture Hot Takes:
  • “[Ashley Furniture] is all that kind of like Gretchen Rossi, like that knobby kind of stuff…” (Ben, 51:00)
  • “I love Ashley furniture. God, I love sitting on that recliner. Does it work anymore? No.” (Ronnie, 51:59)
• Praise for Renovation Effort:
  • “These gays fully redeemed themselves in my eyes…” (Ben, 57:07)
  • “It’s a happy ending after all.” (Ben, 58:08)

Important Segment Timestamps

• [04:12] Paducah’s relentless self-promotion and hometown pride.
• [08:36] Ben & Ronnie’s “gay taxonomy” of Josh and Clint’s archetypes.
• [15:24] Extended riff on “anti open floor plan” as a political movement.
• [21:04] Detailed description of the couple’s traumatizing current “shower-laundry-dog food” living arrangement.
• [23:15–25:04] Hosts discuss the couple’s budget constraints and shifting expectations for basic amenities.
• [29:42] Clint’s wild appreciation for laminate countertops—“I like the laminate because it’s so durable.”
• [31:35] The great garage battle: “How come you always get the space?”
• [37:35] “God, I wish Clint was just a series of shelves stuck into a wall.” – built-ins obsession.
• [39:26] Carpet critique: “God damn old ass carpet…get rid of it.”
• [50:22] Ben connects wrought iron details to the couple’s taste in Ashley furniture.
• [57:07–58:08] The couple’s real-life renovation effort and heartwarming conclusion.

Tone, Language & Style

Ben and Ronnie’s tone veers from loving exasperation to biting, affectionate camp. They employ rapid-fire jokes, dramatic character voices, and witty asides—especially about gay culture, regional quirks, and basic economic realities. The language is playful, satirical, and full of double entendres, but always circles back to genuine warmth for the subjects.

Final Thoughts

Dwell Hello #313 is a hilarious yet oddly heartfelt journey through the challenges and small triumphs of gay first-time homebuyers in rural Kentucky. Ben and Ronnie’s relentless riffs on Paducah’s over-the-top pride, their giddy dissection of real estate wish lists on a shoestring budget, and their campy but sweet celebration of an underdog couple’s DIY renovation will leave listeners both howling with laughter and surprisingly invested in the fate of Josh, Clint, and their modest Paducah dream home.