Dwell Hello #313: Purchasing in Paducah

Summary

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Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #313: Purchasing in Paducah

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: June 28, 2023

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode of Dwell Hello, a spin-off by the Watch What Crappens crew, dives gleefully into a classic episode of House Hunters, “Purchasing in Paducah.” Ben and Ronnie recap and riff on a gay couple’s quest for their first home in Paducah, Kentucky. The hosts bring their trademark snark and affection for all things Bravo-style reality to skewer the quirks of Paducah, the idiosyncratic house-hunting duo (Josh and Clint), and the “charm” of budget real estate in small-town America—all with a Pride Month twist.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. House Hunters, Paducah-Style

• Paducah love: The hosts are bemused at how every TV depiction and its residents (including Top Chef’s Sarah) “absolutely love Paducah.”
  • “Literally no one from Paducah hates it...I don’t know if they’re all tripping balls over there or what.” (Ronnie, 04:12)
• Pride Month Special: Ben and Ronnie, both gay, celebrate Pride Month by good-naturedly razzing two gay men searching for a house in a town that is “aggressively proud of itself.”

2. Meet the Paducah Gays: Josh & Clint

• Josh is obsessed with “character and charm” in a home, seeking crown molding and vintage details.
• Clint, a private vocal coach, likes newer, open floor plan construction, earth tones, and practicality.
• The hosts give hilarious “gay taxonomy” to their archetypes: “Josh is a Target hoodie gay, and Clint is a sweater with no undershirt gay.” (Ronnie, 08:36)
• Their relationship banter and minor squabbles over marriage dates and decor sensibilities are prime fodder for playful mockery.

3. Paducah’s Cultural Sell and Small-Town Theater

• Paducah’s attempts to “sell” itself as a cultural rival to big cities is ribbed throughout.
  • “They’re really trying to sell us on the idea that Paducah is like a hub of American culture...like, this is up there with New York City.” (Ben, 08:54)
• The local performing arts scene—featuring possibly raccoon and squirrel orchestras—becomes an ongoing running joke.

4. The State of Paducah Real Estate

• Houses are incredibly affordable, and yet basic living amenities seem scarce (showers in utility rooms, ancient carpet, ramshackle additions).
• The hosts delight in Paducah’s endless “town pride” despite homes that are “…so cheap that the shower is in the utility room” (Ben, 23:15).
• “Their list of demands…is so big…for $200,000 is ridiculous.” (Ben, 23:49)
  • But then Ben backtracks: “A lot of this, their ‘laundry list,’ is just like basic necessities. It’s like, we want a door…” (Ben, 25:04)

5. The House Hunt: Three Very Flawed Contenders

House #1: The ‘Craftsman’ Open Plan ($180K)

• Praised for space, open plan, and modern veneer; criticized for “brown, tan, yellow, gross colors everywhere” (Ben, 28:15) and lack of “real charm.”
• “This is more Clint’s style…There’s not a ton of cabinets…” (Ronnie, 29:31)
• Laminate countertops get suspiciously positive attention: “I actually like the laminate, because it’s so durable.” (Clint, quoted by Ronnie, 29:42)
• Yard is xeriscaped with rocks—not a hit with dog owners.
• Garage tug-of-war: “How come you always get the space?” (Josh, 31:35)

House #2: The ‘Vintage Charm’ Fixer ($140K)

• More classic curb appeal and quirky interior charm—built-ins galore, hardwoods, crown molding—but with “flower wallpaper from the 80s, galley kitchen, old green and pink carpets, and wood paneling.”
• Carpeted utility room (“God damn old ass carpet…so many things have happened on that carpet, get rid of it.” – Ronnie, 39:26)
• Backyard has the elusive “fancy” (fenced yard), but it’s only a chain fence.
• “Josh is obsessed with built-ins. He’s like, ‘See, now that is the charm that I love—a built-in. God, I wish Clint was just a series of shelves stuck into a wall.’” (Ronnie, 37:35)

House #3: The ‘Stone Cottage’ Wildcard (Cheapest)

• Stone curb appeal, very small—Josh’s favorite stylistically.
• Add-on room is technically not a legal bedroom; Clint gripes about everything (“Where’s my dishwasher, Cindy?” 49:26) and is concerned about pink half baths.
• “You’re about to spend $100 to own a home, sir.” (Ronnie, 52:46)
• Wrought iron fence details delight Josh (“This explains why he has all that Ashley furniture, because Ashley furniture loves a wrought iron embellishment.” Ben, 50:22)

6. Decision Time & Unexpected Renovation Success

• The couples’ priorities: yard for dogs, wood-burning fireplace, functional utility room, “character.”
• They choose House #2 (the fixer-upper), and—unlike most House Hunters couples—they actually make significant upgrades:
  • Rip out carpet, paint cabinets, demo wallpaper, update counters.
  • “Every time I watch House Hunters…it’s always like you could really do a lot with this place, and then you see them three months later and they’ve basically put in a vase with flowers. But these gays are like, no, we are determined gays, and there’s nothing doing Paducah so the moment we signed the deal we got to work.” (Ben, 57:07)
• The house is charming and functional by the reveal, surprising the hosts:
  • “They did all the cabinets, all the countertops, they took out the carpet…Good for them.” (Ronnie, 57:18)
  • “It’s a happy ending after all.” (Ben, 58:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paducah’s Self-Love:
  • “They have like Paducah Town Pride, but it’s every month.” (Ben, 04:56)
• Gay Taxonomy:
  • “Josh is a Target hoodie gay and Clint is a sweater with no undershirt gay.” (Ronnie, 08:36)
• On Open Floor Plans and Political Rhetoric:
  • “‘I’m anti open floor plan.’ It sounds like he’s making a political statement.’” (Ben, 15:24)
• Utility Room Trauma:
  • “They are, like, traumatized by their shower laundry room.” (Ben, 31:00)
• Budget Realism:
  • “You’re about to spend $100 to own a home, sir.” (Ronnie, 52:46)
• Furniture Hot Takes:
  • “[Ashley Furniture] is all that kind of like Gretchen Rossi, like that knobby kind of stuff…” (Ben, 51:00)
  • “I love Ashley furniture. God, I love sitting on that recliner. Does it work anymore? No.” (Ronnie, 51:59)
• Praise for Renovation Effort:
  • “These gays fully redeemed themselves in my eyes…” (Ben, 57:07)
  • “It’s a happy ending after all.” (Ben, 58:08)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [04:12] Paducah’s relentless self-promotion and hometown pride.
• [08:36] Ben & Ronnie’s “gay taxonomy” of Josh and Clint’s archetypes.
• [15:24] Extended riff on “anti open floor plan” as a political movement.
• [21:04] Detailed description of the couple’s traumatizing current “shower-laundry-dog food” living arrangement.
• [23:15–25:04] Hosts discuss the couple’s budget constraints and shifting expectations for basic amenities.
• [29:42] Clint’s wild appreciation for laminate countertops—“I like the laminate because it’s so durable.”
• [31:35] The great garage battle: “How come you always get the space?”
• [37:35] “God, I wish Clint was just a series of shelves stuck into a wall.” – built-ins obsession.
• [39:26] Carpet critique: “God damn old ass carpet…get rid of it.”
• [50:22] Ben connects wrought iron details to the couple’s taste in Ashley furniture.
• [57:07–58:08] The couple’s real-life renovation effort and heartwarming conclusion.

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Tone, Language & Style

Ben and Ronnie’s tone veers from loving exasperation to biting, affectionate camp. They employ rapid-fire jokes, dramatic character voices, and witty asides—especially about gay culture, regional quirks, and basic economic realities. The language is playful, satirical, and full of double entendres, but always circles back to genuine warmth for the subjects.

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Final Thoughts

Dwell Hello #313 is a hilarious yet oddly heartfelt journey through the challenges and small triumphs of gay first-time homebuyers in rural Kentucky. Ben and Ronnie’s relentless riffs on Paducah’s over-the-top pride, their giddy dissection of real estate wish lists on a shoestring budget, and their campy but sweet celebration of an underdog couple’s DIY renovation will leave listeners both howling with laughter and surprisingly invested in the fate of Josh, Clint, and their modest Paducah dream home.

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Transcript

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Well, hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello, it's me, Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hi, Ben.

[A]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

[B]

Good, thank you. Hannah, everybody. Welcome to the show. We are from Watch what Crappens. This is our House Hunters podcast.

[A]

Well, hello.

[B]

Love doing this show. We've been doing a lot of House Hunters International this season, and so we decided to go back to some regular hh, good old House Hunters and just see Americans being stupid in America and. And not necessarily in other countries. Okay.

[A]

You know, you watch enough House Hunters International, you start getting this real xenophobic view that every place outside of America has just like shitty houses with weird outdated appliances and just like, it's just like gross, you know, because it's like always like some tiny, strange, you know, apartment with like a toilet that's in the kitchen and strange staircases and no air conditioning. You're like, americans have it the best. And then you watch House Hunters and you're like, oh, no, nevermind. And we're at the bottom of the totem pole still.

[B]

Yeah, we. We definitely are. And this week is Paducah. Now this, we love Paducah because that is where that chick from Top Chef, Sarah from Kentucky. That is where she's from. She's from Paducah and she talks about it all the time. People from Paducah love Paducah. I don't know. So far, everyone we've seen now 100% of people on television from Paducah love Paduka. By the way, before we get into it, this is called the best way to search for these episodes. Just go on to either Max Discovery plus or YouTube TV and search the title Purchasing in Paduka because they're numbered differently on all the services, and they're pain in the ass for Max. It's labeled Season 102, Episode 11. But just search Purchasing in Paducah. Find it. Okay.

[A]

And I also just want to add on Max that even if you're still having trouble, you can find it in house Hunters Volume 4, because for some strange reason, they silo groups of episodes into volumes on Max. I don't know why I hate it, but that's just the. That's just the.

[B]

That's how they do it for all House Hunters. Anyway. They're all in one discovery plus, too.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I imagine. Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, they. They have volumes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's so many. There's like nine zillion of these.

[A]

A billion.

[B]

A billion. Just.

[A]

It's ridiculous. So. But yeah, this is Paducah Paduka made famous recently by Sarah from Top Chef. And on top of that, as an extra bonus, it's gays. It's gays in Paduka. So we just knew we had to do this one.

[B]

Yeah, this is Pride Month. And so we thought, hey, how do we celebrate pride other than, you know, with penises around us and inside of us? And the answer to that is by mocking gays. So let's do it. So now I don't know if Paducah has cocaine in their water. I don't know if they give out free peanut M and hems, but literally no one from Paducah hates it. They all think it's, like, the most amazing place ever. We see a ton of shots of Paducah. They're like, let's fill these people with Paduka pride. And then it'll be like a wash rag on a stick. And people are like, oh, my God, it's the Paduka flag. I don't know if they're all tripping balls over there or what.

[A]

Yeah, it's like the Paduka parade. They have, like, Paducah Town pride, but it's every month. It's like, oh, my God, are you going to Paduka Pride parade today? Oh, don't worry. There's another one next month.

[B]

Oh, my God. Happy Paducah Monday.

[A]

So we start with Linda saying Clint and Josh are on the hunt in Paducah, Kentucky. Josh wants something vintage, but husband Clinton, not so much. Will they go for a more updated home with modern conveniences, or will they live in squalor the way that Josh wants?

[B]

Josh likes his character, but his husband Clint rolls his eyes a lot. Josh likes his Character only in houses, in men. He likes bitter, horrid, eye rolling little snots.

[A]

Josh is looking to find some qualities in a house that he can't find in his lover. Mainly character and charm.

[B]

Something the toilet shaped like. Something that Clint should go back into his shell because honestly, he really talks a lot. Clint. I was really worried that Clint was going to be just terrible because in the beginning, all they really show are they'll be like, look at this room. And then they'll show Clint going, look with his eyes. And I was like, this guy's going to be terrible. He's not as bad as I thought he was going to be.

[A]

No, they're both not as bad as you would think they would be, but they both are equally not as good as you would think they'd be either.

[B]

You know, I love Josh, I have to say.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Clint, I like Clint. After watching this, first of all, I don't think I've ever said I didn't. I don't think I've ever said I like them more that I thought than I thought. That's actually a very nice, surprising thing to hear myself say because it's usually not that way. I'm like, oh, my God, they're even worse than I gave them credit for. But I really like Josh. I think he has a very sweet smile about him.

[A]

Him, he has a sweet smile, but his, like, dedication to charm and character in a house is so overbearing that I started to feel like so much of his life is, is probably passive aggressive, you know, like, he just will not shut up about, like, oh, this is charm, this is charm, this is charm, this is charm. And then maybe you get a. Oh, this is character. This is character. I was like, okay, we get it. You want your charm, you want your character. You love your crown moldings. Okay. But then you have Clint, on the other hand, who is a vocal coach, but was also like, clearly came into this project saying, like, oh, my God, you know, I was in our town in 10th grade. I know how to act. And I am going to sell this Persona. Honey for Paducah.

[B]

Well, we see them walking around. That's how it opens. Like, that's because it's Paducah. So they can't be like, okay, here they are on the famous Paduka. I don't know, blank, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they're just like walking. They just show them walking around the same block over and over again and pretending it's a different block, which is cute. So they're walking around the Block the first time. And we see a close up of an old timey train. This is not like a train. This is like a train from things where they used to tie people onto the train tracks. And like a guy with a swirling mustache would be like swirling it or twirling it rather. This is that kind of train.

[A]

This is. This is not a charming, adorable train like the one that goes through Napa Valley and you drink wine on it and it's like adorable and sort of special and ice cardi. This is a train that used to deliver coal and then the train broke and it's just. Now it's just there.

[B]

This is like the alcoholic washed up Thomas.

[A]

You know, this is a Marriott marquee for hobos.

[B]

Okay, so then we see a. A cat playing a fiddle.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

So then we go to Josh and Clint and Josh. This is the kind of gays they are. And gay people will understand these descriptions. Josh is a target hoodie gay. And Clint is a sweater with no undershirt gay. Those are two very specific types of gays. And I'm impressed that they're married, I have to say.

[A]

So they are also one thing that is happening on this episode. Not not only do they love Paducah, but they're really trying to sell us on the idea that Paducah is like a hub of American culture. Like, this is up there with New York City. Like, this is up there like Cleveland Orchestra or whatever. Because. Because they're like, so what do you want to do this weekend? The other one's like, anyone else?

[B]

It's like, hi, Clint. That was rude.

[A]

Sorry. I Learned that in 10th grade improv. So they are like, yeah, we're going to go see a live show.

[B]

Can we make it a dead show? And can it star you? God, Clint.

[A]

Jeez. I hear they'd be playing dueling banjos on the abandoned train. Want to bring a lawn chair out?

[B]

Can we play dueling banjos on an abandoned Josh? Because I'm pretty much done with you.

[A]

It's like, geez, Clint, come on.

[B]

Going too hard.

[A]

Going too hard.

[B]

So he's like, I'm Josh and this is my husband Clint. And Clint's like, we've been all set. We met on a social media site about six years ago and we got married. How many months ago is that? Two months ago in D.C. and don't. And NY scene. Please let's not pretend that you don't hold the exact number of days above my head every single day. Like, he doesn't remember the date.

[A]

This thanks for that micro neg that you just gave me. Not remember when we got married. It was just two months ago. So Josh is like, I'm in sales and marketing direct. I'm a. I'm a sales and marketing director for a local nursing facility. And we just see him. Oh, I don't think you mentioned this. They also are an argyle couple. This is where they bond because Clint is wearing an argyle sweater. But when we see Josh at work, he's wearing a different argyle sweater. So it was probably like when they met on what I'm assuming was like connection.com. they were like, hey, do you like argyle? I love argyle. Are you kidding me? Are you an argyle head too? Of course I am. We got a mate.

[B]

An argyle head. Are you an ARG head? Are you an argodile? What would you call yourself being an argyle fan. So he says, yeah, I'm a sales marketing director for a local nursing home facility. And then we see him on the phone in his argyle, and he's like, we might have room for your mother in the nursing home soon, sir. I was like, oh, my God. He's even obsessed with old people. He only wants old people, old homes. He probably won't even eat fresh food. He's probably like, wants only used food, like, to take out stuff, you know, like, you eat Clinton and I'll eat the rest of it in the take home box when we get home.

[A]

I think it's lovely that he is someone who is involved with placing people in nursing homes. Unfortunately, the nursing home is the abandoned train. So, like, that's a big. It's a brutal surprise. I feel like they have a future home.

[B]

And Clint isn't only a private vocal. He's not only vocal instructor. He's a private vocal instructor. And then we cut to his vocal instructing. And I think he's coaching the football coach who is or the football quarterback who is being forced to play Rolf in the Sound of Music as a punishment.

[A]

That guy is in his own teen movie. And he's like, you know what, sir? Because you were mean because you did a prank and you burned down at the bleachers. You have to be Ralph now. And you might meet a girl who's nerdy, who you might fall in love with. Okay, now go to the vocal coach.

[B]

And Clint is one of those, I think, faker vocal coaches. My guess is he can't sing very well because they all do fake sounding things and goes, okay, okay, quarterback, I want to hear this. Like, what? Come on. And then the guy's like.

[A]

Well, in 10th grade I did have a starring role and give my regards to Broadway. And yes, I did sing She's a grand old Flag. She's a high flying flag. I didn't remember the lyrics. So it was. It was.

[B]

Does it wave? That's how that one ended. So I just make sure to impart that to everybody. So Josh is like, we live in Paducah, Kentucky, which is on the western side of Kentucky, near the Mississippi border. And Clint's like, it's a very neat city. We have a local community center, or what I call it a student farm. I go in there, I boo during Oklahoma. And then I leave my card on windshields and suggest singing lessons. Works every time.

[A]

Yeah, we have a community theater, and then we also have a very large performing arts center. And we have a local symphony that's very successful. It's all raccoon based, actually. What happens, the raccoons show up and we give them violins. And sometimes they make beautiful music. It's wonderful.

[B]

Sometimes we'll just put a bunch of squirrels on a tin roof and listen to them crawl across and listen to the rhythm it makes, you know?

[A]

Have you ever heard a skunk play accordion? It's just the most. It's like an angel. I don't know why Beethoven never wrote any parts for the accordion.

[B]

And then we stop in a sound. A sound. A sign in Times Square that says the $5 that bought Paducah. Okay, Can I just say, this is the most long winded fucking sign I've ever seen in my life. It's so long. It's like a. It's like a little billboard. And it tells literally a whole story of somebody buying this town for $5.

[A]

$5 to be the future Quilt Capital and Performing Arts center of America. So Linda's like, they like. They like it's. They like it so much at Paducah, they want to buy instead of continuing to rent. Now, just let that sink in for a moment. These two people actually want to invest money into Paducah. Okay, Just think about it. Just think.

[B]

And Josh is like, we are tired of throwing money away. I was like, oh, God, I love how he's so tired. He's putting three periods in a sentence. You know, he's really over it.

[A]

Sorry to interrupt this Linda again. Just a reminder, Josh, you say you're tired of throwing money away, but you want to invest in real estate in Paducah. Okay, Just want to let that sink in even, even further. Okay?

[B]

So we cut to them looking at Houses online. And Josh is like, well, that one's an absolute no for me. And Glenn's like, why? He goes, because it's a ranch style home. It just makes me want to drink it. It's like, oh, honey.

[A]

Well, I want a Cape Cod style home. You know, it looks like a nice potato chip. Okay. And I want room separation.

[B]

Yeah, room separation is very important to me. I'm very anti, anti open floor plan.

[A]

Every time he says anti open floor plan, it sounds like he's making a political statement. Right? Because most people say, I don't like open floor. Because he's like, I'm anti open floor plan. Okay. What is going on with this country? We got to take back this place.

[B]

And I think I have. So I live in an open floor plan. But I have been saying for years that has got to go out of fashion soon. At some point, people are just going to be sick of people seeing how dirty our kitchens are, you know? So I think that they're on their way out. I think Josh was on the forefront of this movement. I'm going to go ahead and give him the credit, even though I kind of want to take it.

[A]

My friend Daria does not like open floor plans. And she got a house that is non open floor plan. And it's adorable. It's. I think there's a tremendous amount of value in, like, distinct rooms, etc. But I just think it's hilarious that Josh is just the way he just phrases it. Anti open floor plan.

[B]

Yeah, I'm very anti open floor plan.

[A]

It's like he's like, donating to super PACs.

[B]

Well, I'm just like, room separation is very important to me. Oh, okay.

[A]

Geez. Wow. So Clint is like, well, I like open floor plans. My style would be a craftsman type home just because it utilizes natural earth material and earth tones. Just the way the mud is caked up on those walls and you go in under those thatch doors, you know, thatch roofs and those wooden doors.

[B]

It's like, what?

[A]

What is he talking about?

[B]

He also prefers new construction where Josh is vintage all the way. That means ugly. And Josh is like, well, we're standing in the living room of our rental property. And what I love about it is that they stuck some original design elements like crown molding, transom, Wyndham baseboards, that cockroach over there, there's a rat you can hear running under the floor.

[A]

I love that stuff. What I love about these original touches, you know, like the crown molding, is that it just really pairs well with all this brown furniture and knobby torchier lamps that we put in here.

[B]

Can I also just say, there's nothing. They keep talking about how is to do in Paducah, And God bless the Paducah Board of Commerce who got this shit to Paducah in the first place. But I don't think I remember a house hunters where they actually stand in the house that they're currently renting and then say, compare it to what they want. So they start with him doing it. He's like, I'm standing in the living room right now. And I noticed this, too.

[A]

I was like, why? What's up with the hard sell on your rental? You don't even own this place.

[B]

Then they cut to Clint, and Clint's like. Like, we're in my current kitchen right now. And what I like about this kitchen is that it's open. I was like, can you not even go outside on the street? Is there a beaver doing its laundry on one of those, like, old washboard laundry things? Like, what's happening out there?

[A]

Yeah. And he's like. And Clint is like, if I had my way, I would have a pantry where I could have food. And then on the bottom, hear me out. A space for small appliances that need to be tucked away. That would be my thing. And Linda, by the way, had said, since they're both handy and love argyle, a minor fixer is in play if Josh can get Clint on board. Also, if the architectural plan looks like several diamonds adjacent to each other.

[B]

Yeah, right. Because.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Well, at first you think, like, God, they're asking a lot. But then they're like. And our budget is about $7.

[A]

And then also, by the way, when they say. When she says that they are. They're like a minor fixtures in play because they're both handy. Josh clarifies. He's like, you know, we can do, like, cosmetic changes, like, not like tearing down walls or changing plumbing or running gas lines or painting things or using a hammer and. And a screwdriver. But, you know, we could do. We could, like. We could put, like, a sconce in somewhere, maybe.

[B]

I know. I was like, josh, are you even bringing a Swiffer to this house? Like, are you willing to do, like, literally anything? So also, I have to point out Clint, when Clint goes where my current kitchen. And I like the way it's open. It is not open. It's not an open kitchen. It is a square room with the door.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's not open. He means that he's calling it open because it doesn't have an island in the middle.

[A]

Listen, it's not a galley kitchen, so we'll give them that.

[B]

It's a square, but it's not open.

[A]

Clinton, he's like, I kind of wish these walls were not so, like, I wish they just were more angled, you know? Like, I just want. You want it to be another argyle diamond, don't you? Yes. I just want that, you know, also.

[B]

It'S really ugly, I have to say. So Clint's like, so as you can see. Yeah, I need. I need appliances. I need somewhere to put appliances. Also, we. We also agree we need a better bathroom. And Josh goes, yeah, and also a bathroom with a shower Instead of having a shower in a utility room. I was like, oh, my God. Paduka, what's going on? Paduc your gays better. Okay. I need paduka to have a meeting at the li. A town meeting at the library and say, who's gay? Raise your hands. How can we help you? Because I feel like the gays have been left out in the Colton, Paduka, you guys don't have older gays there to teach you taste and where to put your appliances and, like, not to live in places with showers in ing utility rooms.

[A]

No, wait. Let. Let's just, like, for people who have not watched, let. Let me just. Just explain that when we see. We see their. Their. Their, like, you know, ensuite bathroom and there's, like, a tub. And then when you see the shower, the shower is literally some sort of, like, shower stall has been installed adjacent to, like, the. The washing machine and also a stack of dog food. And the shower stall isn't even, like a. I don't think it was even glassed in. I think it was, like, a stall but had, like, a curtain. It was like a.

[B]

It's one of those, like, fiberglass things you buy at lowe's. And it's not even, like, bolted into the wall. It's just kind of standing. It's like plastic cage.

[A]

It's like what you go into if you've just touched something radioactive. It's like, literally a silkwood shower that they have in there. Yeah, that's there. Now, admittedly, this place. Listen, this episode also was. Looked like it was filmed, like 2008. So many years have passed, and I'm.

[B]

Sure it's that many.

[A]

Well, I'm hoping, Ronnie, someday we will go to paducah because we want to go to Sarah's restaurant. And also, I firmly believe paducah is much more charming than this glimpse into it is. And we will check in and make sure that the gays are doing okay, because this just cannot stand.

[B]

Well, I hope after this a bunch of gays were like, you know what? We need to go save that town. I hope a bunch of gays moved to Paducah after seeing this. And we're like, we're revitalizing Paducah.

[A]

You know, talk about a great musical. Wow, they wanted to see that on Broadway.

[B]

Isn't that a plot? So then they're talking about these cosmetic lines and stuff like that. And a garage to Clint, a large laundry room, wood burning fireplace, and wood floors are the key. Even though wood burning fireplaces could set the wood floors on fire. I get how dangerous this all sounds, but let's just go with it. They're Paducah gays.

[A]

I know. And then so you're like, okay, that's okay. Their list is getting kind of long, but that's great. They're like, oh, also, we have two dogs. We have Cooper. Because of course we have a dog named Cooper. Look at us. If you looked at us and thought, we don't have a dog named Cooper, you're seriously mistaken. And he's a Labradoodle. And we also have Zola. She's a Chinese Shar Pei, and she's like our little sack of wrinkles.

[B]

And Clint's, like, having dogs impacts our. Our hunt because they need a yard. And then Josh goes preferably with the fence. Well, yeah. Yes, you need a yard with the fence, you dodo bird. With two dogs. What are you gonna do, chain them to a tree? Also, I was wondering, why are they so obsessed with a wood burning fireplace? I think it's because I don't want.

[A]

To pay the gas bill, because I think so too.

[B]

I've never heard of someone getting a house this cheap ever.

[A]

Yeah. Can I say something? Okay. It is real judgy, but this is what we're here for. Okay, first of all, their budget is 200,000, which is really dirt cheap. Okay? Even. Even back in 2008, whenever this was, that's still really cheap. Okay? They are currently renting a place that clearly is so cheap that the shower is in the utility room. Right? Like, they. They're like, okay, we'll deal with a shower next to the laundry because we're going to save money. So they clearly have a very limited budget, and yet what they want in this house, their list of demands that they want is so big. Open concept wood floors, wood burning stove, big laundry room, garage, fenced in yard, Jacuzzi, you know, bowling alley. I mean, this is. I'm sorry, you guys want something for $200,000 is ridiculous.

[B]

Okay. It's a long list. But I'm just going to play devil's advocate. They're really not hard to please. I mean, wood floors. I feel like every house there kind of house. I feel like they. Every house there was built when that's all. That was your only option. Right. And then everything else we see them see or look at is completely gross. And they're like, amazing. Oh, my God. I love these. These tiles on the ceiling, you know, like those paper tiles. What do they call them? They name them in that drop.

[A]

Like a drop ceiling?

[B]

Yes. They're like those weird drop ceiling, like temporary tiles that look terrible that. That animals fall through, you know?

[A]

And I'm going to. I'm gonna devil advocate myself because I just realized I was like, rather than being mean to these people, I should have extreme pity, because a lot of this, their quote unquote laundry list, is just like basic necessities. It's like, we want.

[B]

We want a door.

[A]

Like, they're only. The only excessive thing that they ask for is a wood burning fireplace. They're like, can we have a shower that's actually in the bathroom? And I'm like, how dare you ask for that? I was like, oh, oh, you guys have been really living in just a fucked up space, for real.

[B]

I know. And they're looking for a garage, but only a one car because we find out that Josh is totally emotionally abused by the way in this relationship. So let's move on to it because there's a lot of stuff. But the. How the first house is a Craftsman, which is. They say they want to look at because it's an open floor plan, but Craftsman's. I mean, I guess it could be called kind of railroad open, but I don't know that they're always traditionally open. A Craftsman, right?

[A]

I don't. I don't know. But like, I mean, I know that, like. Yeah. I don't know. And this one, what wasn't really a Craftsman. It just had Craftsman features. Because when you look at it, it's. It's like two stories. It's like very. It's a very strange looking building. It sort of is like semi committed to making kind of like a porch with, like, little columns out front, but also not. And like, the proportions all seem very strange. Like, this was like clearly on the vision board for Joe Gorgo when he was building his house.

[B]

Yeah. So they meet their realtor Cindy, she's like, hi, what do y' all think? And Josh is like, this is a little cookie cutter for me. And Clint's like, yeah, he's more of a dough out of the bowl tie.

[A]

Free form spoon, bread top.

[B]

Oh, you guys get in here. It's cute and the price is nice. It's 180,000. And Clint's like, what did you say to me? So it's like 190. Cindy, it's so above our budget.

[A]

How could you do like, wait a second, you're the top of your budget is 200,000. She's already 20,000 under. That's like, I know Bill.

[B]

Clint was like, $200,000. Over my dead goddamn body. $200,000. That's Josh living one of his old people pill taking days. Just thinks he can afford anything, you know? How much do you think dying pays? How much do you think a bunch of elderly people dying in front of you pay? Not much, I'll tell you that much. Maybe if you sang a song or two, you know, which you won't take a class for me, that's for sure. Won't afford it.

[A]

And I know you're not taking song class for me because I definitely saw you in the local production of Anything Goes. Guess what? Anything did go and anything then went to hell.

[B]

So. So everything blows, as we called it in the community.

[A]

I'll tell you. Everyone went out of that nursing room because everyone died. Okay? It was terrible. So they walk into this like great room and so brown and tile floor everywhere. Brown, like tan. Tan and yellows and just like gross colors like that are permeate this house. All the walls are kind of like a yellow or taupe or not really. It's like a brown, gray, beige. It's all disgusting. And Clint's like, I like it, I like it. Look, it's a big room. I like it.

[B]

Yeah, because Clint just is really stubborn and just wants his way no matter what. It's like not completely closed off room. So he's like, I love it just because he'll hate it. He's like, the thing I like most about this house is the open floor plan on the bottom as opposed to the top. What are you going to have a bunch of bedrooms with no walls? Shut up, Clint.

[A]

Josh, of course, is like, well, I'm anti open floor plan. You may have seen me passing out brochures at the. At the. At the Herbly, Gerbly, whatever that store is called. So, like, that's a knock for me.

[B]

Oh, and Cindy's, like, but it's got a fireplace. Is it wood burning? No, Come on now. And he's like, well, it's gonna be hard to find that wood burner, ain't it? That just don't make him like that anymore.

[A]

And I'd like to add, also, what's the point of a fireplace if you can see it from across the room? I want three different walls. I am anti open floor plan.

[B]

I. Yeah, I do not want an open fireplace. She's like, well, honey, those are illegal, so don't you worry. At least the fire. The fireplace has to have walls around it. So Josh is like, this is more Clint style. And Clint's like, yeah, well, you know what? There's not a ton of cabinets. I might need some more. I mean, where am I supposed to put my little mini blender?

[A]

And Cindy's like, well, what do you think about this island? You like the coziness it gives to both room blooms? And Clint goes, you know what? I actually like the laminate because it's so durable.

[B]

Have you ever heard anybody. I've literally never heard anybody say that. Where did they find these gays? I don't even believe they're gays. I feel like this is prop. This is anti gay propaganda at this.

[A]

Point, I think so. I've never heard anyone on the house, on House Hunters ever be excited about laminate, let alone a gay Formica countertop.

[B]

That's what you're excited about? Formica, My God. So then we go to the yard, and it's like a kind of xeriscapes. It's all done with rocks, and it's like funny shapes. You know, they've made, like, designs kind of nice.

[A]

It's like, manicured. It's a very manicure thing. But there's no grass. It's all stones, everything. And so Josh goes, you said yard, and yard would imply that there's actually grass. Cindy, you stupid slut, get out of here. You ruined that entire show. We paid good money for that. It.

[B]

She's like, well, you two seem to throw. Enjoy throwing stones, honey. So you'll just like it. Fine. Plus, this yard can fit a lot of guys. Okay?

[A]

She says, it's a great and entertaining space as long as you're willing to pay for our d'. Oeuvres. And I know you won't, because I heard the stories.

[B]

So then they go to the utility closet, and Josh is like, this isn't much of an improvement, Cindy. And she's like, well, what can. I've never seen so much focus on the utility room. I know this is kind of a sad episode. I'm not gonna lie.

[A]

They are like traumatized by their shower laundry room.

[B]

But they should be because they're all terrible. Does nobody have laundry rooms in Paducah? Because they're all terrible. Is this the one that has carpet in it and saw like stained carpet everywhere?

[A]

Everything is stained in this entire episode. Everything is stained and carpeted and rotted.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Except for the formic. Formica countertop. So they. Then they look at the garage, which is just a very long, narrow. Truly a bowling alley. And it's only good for one car. So Clint goes to. Goes for me. I'm like, you're the what? You're vocal. You have people coming to the house. You work from home. You don't get the garage out. Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, well, it's. It's deep, but there's only one car, honey. He goes, yeah, because it's for me. He goes, yeah, for you. How come you always get the space? And he goes, because that's just how it is. Oh gosh, poor Josh. I know.

[A]

So then they go upstairs up the mask the best. Or the primary bedroom actually has really nice slate gray walls. They're like, okay, let's modernize one aspect of this house, okay? And it has like a little patio. And Josh is like, oh, I like that there's a patio. Cuz I can sit up here and drink my coffee. And Clint goes, or drink or sweet tea, as true southerners do. Am I right?

[B]

I don't get these little balconies outside of bedrooms that overlook the house across from you across the street. Okay. First you don't want to drink your coffee. You have to go downstairs and make the coffee and then bring coffee back up. That's not fun. And then you have to go back downstairs.

[A]

It ruins the convenience of having a balcony if you're having visions of having balcony right outside your. Your bedroom. The idea is like, what's nice about that is that like you don't even have to go anywhere. Right? But now you've had to go downstairs. So.

[B]

Yeah, it's ruined. Yeah, it's ruined also. Guess what? It's. Guess what else? It ruins the neighbors lives. You know what? The neighbors really don't want to see a couple in bathrobes sitting on a balcony.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And because. And especially gay couple, because that's the balcony of judgment. You know what they're both like, holler Lane.

[A]

Hey, you guys see Cindy lately? I heard that she's up for a little shop for Horrors. Make sure she does not get the part. Okay. That voice will kill Audrey.

[B]

I mean, you talk about Audrey number two. Let's see.

[A]

So she sounds like suddenly Seymour. How about more like suddenly no more people go into the theater.

[B]

Suddenly leave more, as we call it in the community.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So they go to. There's a room. There's a closet in one of the rooms. And it's not a pretty closet. I mean, it looks like a closet that Buffalo Bill would hang. Human skin. It's not nice. And Clint goes, goes, found my closet. Josh is like, why do you always get the closets? You want the garage, you want the closets? Can we share? And Clinton goes, no, that's just how it is.

[A]

You've already stretched out all my argyle sweater, so I get the closet. So then. Then they. By the way, they walk into the ensuite bathroom, which is actually like a very, very nice bathroom. And these two, they walk in these two who've been showering next to, like their whirlpool dryer and are so like, we just want to have a nice bathroom. They walk in, they see this very nice bathroom, and they're just like, that's nice. I'm like, excuse me. You guys should be so lucky to be in the presence of this lovely bathroom.

[B]

So they look at a couple more bedrooms. One has a tiny closet. And Clint's like, this house is my style. Newer construction, open floor plan, gorgeous tile laminate, countertops. What a. A dream. But 180k? What am I, the queen of England?

[A]

I like when he says it's newer construction. This house is built in 1999. Even if this show did air in 2008, this is, it's. This is still. Still sort of older and Josh.

[B]

But I want something with a little more yard. And Clint says, I'm not crazy about the uniform tile. I gotta be honest. And Josh goes, and where's the charm? You miss that with new construction. You work on old things all day. Can you just come home to, like, running water that's not brown? You know what I mean?

[A]

You don't lose charm with new construction. You lose charm with ugly ass houses. And this is an ugly ass house.

[B]

This is an ugly ass house. It really is. So now we are watching them. They. This is one scene they don't show them walking around the block. They're actually having dinner with friends. We see like an old church, and then they're having dinner. And Clint tells one of the friends, he goes, what's More important to you. Exterior, charm or what's on the inside. And the friend's like, are we talking about houses or Josh? Because I just. I don't want to make anybody cry today, okay? You're not going to trick me like you did the last dinner.

[A]

Are we talking about Marla over here? Because she worked real hard to pick out this gingham invest combo, okay? Because this lady is sitting there so self conscious on tv, she's wearing, like a gingham shirt, but she's also wearing a vest. Vest over it. And then on top of the vest, she's wearing, like a vest jacket. She's like double vesting it. And she's like, overstuffed with clothes. And she's holding this margarita up to her face, like, be chill, Marla. You're on tv. Be chill, be chill. Just be a sassy girlfriend now.

[B]

Oh. So then we go to the narrator. She's like, Josh felt the first house lacked elderly charm. So today they're seeing a more affordable home that at least four senior citizens have died in over the decades. Let's check it out.

[A]

That. Yeah, Old home for stupid people. So Josh is. They walk up and Josh is, of course, trying to sell it. Immediately.

[B]

He's like, oh, well.

[A]

He's like, that's a nice chimney. And I love that dormer window. Love that. And then Clint, in his effort to be like, contrarian, goes, I don't like landscaping. There's no awning. I'm like, first of all, awnings are not landscaping. Second of all, it has, like, a perfectly nice landscape. Especially compared to the last house. The last house, they showed it a million times. The exterior of the house was a, like, half dead grassy patch.

[B]

It was so.

[A]

But ugly. And now this one has little bushes and some little trees. He's like, it's disgusting.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Everything here is growing. I don't like it.

[B]

She's like, well, this is just a fixer upper, boys. And Clint's like, you're scaring me. She goes, oh, honey, calm down. It's not a carb. Now, the good news is it's only $140,000. And Josh is like, but is this fireplace gas?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I like this room. It's moldy. I feel that things have died here.

[A]

And there's, like, built ins. Josh is obsessed with built ins. And he's like, oh, I love that. See, now that is the charm that I love a built in. God, I wish clean was just a series of shelves stuck into a wall.

[B]

Then they go into the kitchen and it has some really tacky flower wallpaper from the 80s. But it does have pretty hardwood floors. It's like galley style, so it's really long. The floors are nice. Everything else kind of sucks. But what?

[A]

Mint green cabinets?

[B]

Yeah. You know?

[A]

Yeah. And Clint is like, this is old. And he's like, very angry. But, like, I felt like the space itself was actually not bad. It just was outdated, but it was actually not a terrible kitchen.

[B]

Yeah. And Cindy's like, guys, I told you it was a fixer upper. Okay, listen, you can marry Clint. Listen, it's like basically putting argyle on Clinton. Okay? You fix him up a little, take him out. And Clint's like, so was. Josh was a fixer upper too? And he's the same as the day I met him. I no longer subscribe to that term, ma'. Am.

[A]

So now they go into the utility room, which they like, and then there's like, more built. There's built ins all over the place. So Josh is like having like, like a wet dream, basically. And then he's like, Then they find carpet, the bane of their existence. Like, this carpet has to go. So I think this is the utility room where there was carpet, right?

[B]

Yeah, that was really bad. Also, this is really old carpet. You know, some carpet I think is okay. I don't think everything has to be wood floors. I mean, it does for me, but the reason is for me because I have a dog that sheds all over the place. And it grosses me out to have carpet, you know? But normally I don't. I think carpet would be fine, but God damn old ass carpet that's like 60 years old. So many, so many things have happened on that carpet. Get rid of it.

[A]

Yeah. So they go out, they go outside to the backyard. And Cindy goes, well, we got. We got the fancy in backyard like you wanted. And then Josh is such. Josh is such a dick. He goes, it's not much of a fancy, Cindy. I'm like, okay, well, you're not much of a. You're. You're not. You're not much of a. A, a. A fence connoisseur, sir. How about that?

[B]

Oh, it is a fence. It is a chain fence. Okay, maybe you want a wood fence. Okay, but you need to specify that because it is a solid fence, sir.

[A]

And also, aren't you, like, can't you do fixer uppers? Like, also, aren't you, like, handy? Can't you build a fence? This is literally something, A perfect project for you.

[B]

Well, there are fence companies that come build a fence okay. And you're saving 60 grand off your budget.

[A]

60 grand.

[B]

You can afford a fence in Paduka. I mean, I feel like there's 20 fen companies in Paducah, you know? It's like all they have. Their guys were overrun with fence company people. Like, what are you going to college for fences? All right, well, we're gonna have to have another. Another profession here at some point in town, because right now, that's all we got.

[A]

Cindy's like, well, you know what your neighbor did? They just went out to the freeway and they just shoveled off a bunch of roadkill. Just stacked them up. It's worked out great.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Fence, crows, squirrels. They petrify during the winter.

[B]

So Clint walks into a room, one of the bedrooms, that has a green carpet, and he's like, ew, looks like a gremlin puked in here. Awful.

[A]

Have we confirmed that gremlin puke is actually green? I don't think so.

[B]

I love the gremlins puke the same color that they are. I know.

[A]

So Cindy is like, well, since we got hardware, hardware floor everywhere else, let's see if we have hardware floor under this puke carpet. So she gets down there and she inspects. She goes, yes, we do. She's like, don't trust her. The way she ruins musicals. The way she's gonna ruin this house.

[B]

So there's a bathroom off the attic. So these little bedrooms, by the way, are the attic. They're like an attic, but they've turned them into bedrooms with, like, really thin walls. And Josh goes, what do I love about this room? These ceilings. And they're cheap and horrid. Paper, you know, paper tile things. You know, cardboard tiles, like you see in an office building. You push them up, but they don't have that, like, the square grading to keep them all on.

[A]

And they're like. It's. He calls them. Does he call them dormer ceilings? They're like, sort of at a slant. They're like, slanted or whatever. It's like the roof line, you know?

[B]

Yeah, because it's the roof. Because you're in the attic. This is not really a three bedroom home. You're being scammed. So then it also has wood paneling. It's like a double banger, this one.

[A]

I, oddly enough like wood paneling. I don't know why I like. Really? That's. Yeah, I do. I do like it. It's like a retro thing. I don't know. It's just. I like it.

[B]

Oh, okay. Well, you're allowed.

[A]

I'M like the only one. It's okay, I. I get it. I understand that I'm crazy.

[B]

Well, you know, there's like newer kind of wood paneling, like Wayne Scotting. Not that that's new, but you know, like things basically.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I mean there's different styles, but this.

[A]

I don't know, I like the retro cut. It feels like, I don't know, just. It's like. I think it's just a nostalgia thing for me, you know.

[B]

Do you have it in your house where you are now?

[A]

We have no wood paneling here actually.

[B]

I just felt like I was dissing your parents house. I was like, am I, am I guessing Ben's parents house right now?

[A]

My neighbors, you know, I wonder if it comes from my neighbors. I used to go over there to, to play and they had like a playroom downstairs that was wood paneled and I think there's like, I feel like there's a generation us that grew up going like, like going to people's friends houses or the basements or living rooms were wood paneled and there was like soft carpet or like, and like games and then TV playing. Like TV going. I was just like, nice. I like it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like a vacation home, you know?

[B]

You're loud.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

I'm turning off the air.

[A]

It's. It's not a hill I'm going to die on. I'm just saying that I personally like wood paneling, but for these I don't need it either.

[B]

I just want to sit here awkwardly while you're on that hill. And I'm just gonna stand here awkwardly while we all think about Ben sitting in a room of wood paneling and loving it.

[A]

So yeah, I'm gonna have my little wood panel room. But you know what though, like that being said, these gays don't want the wood paneling and no one on the show wants the wood paneling. And here they have it in this shitty ass house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Clint says, you know what I like about this room? Cindy goes, nothing. She's yeah, thanks for stealing my line.

[B]

And then they see another attic bedroom with pink carpet and she get. They're like, gross, Cindy, you were disgusting. She's like, just be y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Don't disappoint all the good ones, okay? I've seen gays on tv. They're creative people. And Josh is like, well, I'm anti open floor plan, but some of this is okay if it runs room to room with good energy.

[A]

Well, don't tell everyone at the anti open floor Plan meeting, you might get kicked out.

[B]

So then we go to house number three, a tiny stone home. So they're walking around that same block downtown, and Josh goes, I just love what they've done with the damn town down. And Clint's like, yeah, looks great. And someone passes humming. Clint's like, you're off case, slut. Call me. Here's my car.

[A]

Josh and Clint are looking for their first home in Paducah, Kentucky. They've seen Clint's preferred quote unquote, newer construction, but the backyard and the laundry weren't ideal. And also the rest of the house was just really generally shitty. Now then they also went and saw a well priced Cape Cod that was, quote, unquote, full of charm. Josh's words. But Clint thought the house needed much, much needed updating.

[B]

Next, Cindy has a kennel sized home built with stone and $3. So Josh is like, wow, look at this curb appeal. Clint's like, look small.

[A]

And then Clint is like, now I love stone homes. My parents had one, so it's near and dear to my heart. However, this is more Josh's style than mine. I was like, well, thanks for the clarification. I was really concerned that you might actually like the stone homeness of it, but thank you. Now I know where to set my expectations.

[B]

So Cindy's like, I should pick this. Just one. This one just for you, Josh. And he goes, you did a great job, Cindy. She's like, I'll enjoy this. 10 seconds of peace before your husband shits all over it. That'll be nice. Just give me a moment. Clint's like, it's small. It's like you couldn't even give me the five seconds, Clint. Not even five.

[A]

I'll give you as much time as it took for people to leave your production of Grand Hotel. You were in five seconds. So, so, so they walk in and lot's a living room with built ins. So they're happy with that.

[B]

And bland Motel, as we called it in the community. Sorry, that one took me a little time. This house is real small.

[A]

Oh, God. You know what I'd like to do? I just like to dangle Cindy up in the rafters and do Phantom. Just have her. She can be the chandelier.

[B]

Paducah couldn't afford a chandelier. So we just hung Cindy up above the audience and threatened to drop her.

[A]

Wrapped her up in a bunch of sequins and aimed flashlights at her.

[B]

It was just Cindy hanging from a rope holding a couple of birthday candles.

[A]

Oh, God. She missed her cue on that one too. She actually swung into a wall instead. Yeah, I said swing. That's how we say it. So this one has a wood burning fireplace.

[B]

And.

[A]

And there's like built ins like I said. And then Clint, there's like the built in is like surround a window and there's like a little place to set to sit. And so Clint's like. Clint sits there and he goes, I don't think this is big enough for my tv. And he's being so ridiculous about like, this is where my TVs gotta go. That was like, okay, this is the house they're gonna choose. Because he's being so over the top top about why he doesn't like it with these stupid reasons that he's like compensating for the fact that they clearly take this at the end.

[B]

Yeah. And also, you can't just dis built ins. Like it's a whole wall of built in bookshelves. Is like, oh, really? What about my tv?

[A]

What's up? But his TV in the windowsill.

[B]

Yeah, he's literally pointing at the window, like, how am I gonna hang my TV here on this window?

[A]

He wants like all the sofas to aim the window and not the fireplace. And so Josh is like, like, well, you can put your TV above the fireplace. I mean, I think that that wall looks like it could support a good 13 inch TV. I think it'll be okay.

[B]

He goes, it's a wood burning fireplace. I was like, that's why you shouldn't put a TV above it. Who are these gays? My God. So then they go to this like tiny little sun room deck thing. And Cindy's like, this room could be an office. Or Dan and Clint's like, this is a painted exterior wall, so we are basically outside. Is that correct? Is that what you're telling me right now? She's like, yeah, it used to be the exterior of the home. Okay. He's like, you trash. Why are you telling us this is a three bedroom?

[A]

You think you're gonna take us to a stone home? We're not gonna notice the random stone wall in the middle of the room and think it's an interior wall. We know what you're up to, cnd.

[B]

Yeah, so, but also, what a stupid add on. Like, what a lame add on. That's when people are like, you know what? We finally raised $10,000. We're gonna do an addition to our home. So like, why? What's the point? You have two feet to do what? Exactly.

[A]

You can make Like a little reading room. Put some chairs in there. It could be, it could be nice. It could be nice.

[B]

I, I, okay, It would, it could be nice to move into if it was already there. I'm just saying, why would people spend that money to add on for that room in the first place? It serves no purpose. You know what I mean?

[A]

Probably cold and dry.

[B]

Hey, honey, go out the back door and then go out the other back door. Okay? You just feel fancy having two back doors or what?

[A]

You know, people make strange decisions. So then they go into the kitchen, and Clint looks really scared, and he's like, where's my dishwasher, Cindy? And Josh's like, it's not here. And Cindy goes, well, a dishwasher would have to be put in. So, yeah, you'll have to, you'll have to do that. And. Oh, because she made some stupid joke like, the dishwasher's right behind you. They turn around and it's like, not there. She. Cuz just kidding.

[B]

The husband is the dishwasher. Stupid. Do I have to teach you all everything? And he's like, I ain't doing dishes, that's for damn sure. Listen, I already got a street park and I don't have anywhere to hang my clothes. You think I'm going to do dishes too? That Cindy, get it together.

[A]

Then they go to a hat. There's a half bath that's downstairs that's like super narrow. And it's. And then clink goes. It's pink. He's furious.

[B]

It's always pink. And so then there's like a cute little backyard.

[A]

And, and of course, Josh loves the cast iron ornamentation on the fence. He's like, oh, I love that. Not cast iron, the rot iron thing. I love that raw iron on there. I was like, of course. This explains why he has all that Ashley furniture, because Ashley furniture loves a wrought iron embellishment.

[B]

You know, normally I would be offended by your Ashley slander because I find it to be extremely rude and elitist because I have an Ashley. I have some in my, like, little game room area. But it is.

[A]

Yeah, it's just, it's all that kind of like Gretchen Rossi, like that knobby kind of stuff. Like knobby wooden stuff.

[B]

And yeah, like, it'll be cute enough. All I'm gonna do is play PlayStation in this room. Well, it turns out to be where I do everything. You know, I watch, I take all my notes there. I'm in there all the time.

[A]

Time.

[B]

And I can have a recliner in there. But it's just ugly, Ben. You know, and then furniture is that kind of thing. You buy it and you think in your head, well, if I don't like it, maybe a few years down the line I can save up and buy something a little nicer. But then what do you do? You have to hire movers to come get that up and down the stairs and they complain. Then they break half the lights coming up and down. And then what have I done? You know? Ashley, fuck off.

[A]

Off.

[B]

Oh God. Watch. We're gonna get a. We're gonna get an Ashley advertising sponsorship any moment.

[A]

We. They. We did have them as sponsors at one point.

[B]

Did we?

[A]

I wonder why they went away, huh? So.

[B]

Oh, should I cut that?

[A]

No, no, no. That was like two years ago.

[B]

Okay, that's fine. Bye. Stay away then. Stay away.

[A]

Ashley. It's okay. We're all good. Listen, we gotta be true to ourselves. We cannot be catering to Ashley furniture.

[B]

I love Ashley furniture. God, I love sitting on that recliner. Does it work anymore? No, I still have to manually move it up and down. But. But I love the sound it makes as I move back and forth on the couch. Like if I reach over for my soda, it'll go.

[A]

And you know what I realized? I actually, I love knobby furniture. I love wrought iron touches on things and curvy elements and like, and like lots of maroons and dark reds and golds. Like, I do love Ashley furniture, it turns out.

[B]

Oh, that's so cute. Okay, so then we. We're in the backyard and Clint goes. So can I assume that that garage is manual? Yes, Clint. Okay. You're. You're about to spend a hundred dollars out of your pocket to own a home, sir.

[A]

You're $140,000 house. Yes. You are not going to be getting a garage that has a turntable that will drop your car down into the earth into its river parking spot. No.

[B]

And this house is also an attic home where they turned the attic into a bedroom and try to pass it off. O home is a total ripoff because the attic is now considered a bedroom and the add on room is considered a bedroom, which isn't even legal because the add on room doesn't have a closet down there. So they. They're not legally allowed to call that a bedroom.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah, it's a liar house for sure. And it's. And, and. But of course, Josh is still pushing the character. He's like, I think I love the character in this house. I found more character up here. And Clint finds a closet. So he's happy, but. Yeah, this is. I had high hopes for this house because it looked the cutest of all the three of them. It was the cutest on the outside, but it's really. It's really not great.

[B]

It's not great. So more pink. There's more pink. And this one is real pink. It's like different colors, striped pink walls and stuff. And Clint goes, you know what? I think we need to see the kitchen again. Josh is like, that might be the deal breaker for us because if we. But if we save this money, we can update stuff, honey. And he's. Clint knows that this is. And they're getting ripped off with this three bedroom description, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he tells us, I think that Josh might be putting a little bit too much emphasis on charm. It's like, if that were true, he never would have married you, sir. Okay, well, after seeing three options, their choice isn't easy. And after seeing everything in their price range, it will come down to charm and renovation costs. Let's watch them walk the same block again.

[A]

Here they are on their third block around the community theater slash performing arts center slash symphony home, Sizzler.

[B]

And here's another example of Paducah loving itself because they just show, like, five close ups of Paducah posters. It's like, welcome to Paducah. Paducah's amazing. I raised my soul in Paducah.

[A]

A lot of Paduka boosting. So Josh, they're talking about the first house. And Josh is like. He's like, well, I'm just concerned that there's not a lot of wiggle room in the budget to do the things the house that needs to be done, like, you know, tearing it down and rebuilding it, you know, so I don't know about that one. And Clint's like, but the kitchen wasn't so bad. Don't you remember the laminate? Oh, God, I dream of having laminate someday.

[B]

And Clint's like, but, you know, it's so small. That kitchen is so small, though. And Clint's like, but, you know, I'll get more space for the garage. My God, you're so selfish. My God. He goes, but what about the dogs? He's like, but the garage. Okay, just leave the dogs in the garage then, so they can poop where you park your car, you selfish butt.

[A]

Yeah. Then house number two, Josh really, like, of course, loves all the charm and the built ins. And they're just like. And it has a functional utility room again. The utility room. Room. Big factor in their decision here.

[B]

Huge. Yeah, they love a utility room. And the dormer ceilings. They love that. And then the last one, the price is great, but the kitchen. And Josh is like. And the other thing is, we didn't see a utility room. I mean, do we want to go up and downstairs for laundry? You know, I know what I'm leaning towards.

[A]

You people were showering next to your dog food for who knows how many years, and now all of a sudden, you don't want to take your laundry back basket downstairs. Like, 95 of people who have laundry.

[B]

Rooms, so they're like, can Cindy guess what we're gonna get? She's gonna. She says, you chose the white cake car, didn't you?

[A]

I'm gonna get started on this paperwork now. Hold on. Let me fire up my Tandy computer. One second.

[B]

All right, we're gonna start this paperwork, but first, let's spit shake, and then pee in a shake ape.

[A]

So they go for house number two. And I have to say, these gays fully redeem themselves in my eyes, because every time I watch House Hunters, every time they go to a house, it's always like, you know, we could really do a lot with this place. And then you see them three months later, and they've basically put in a vase with flowers. And I'm like, oh, I wanted to see them do more, but these gays are like, no, we are determined gays, and there's nothing doing Paduka. So the moment that we. He signed the deal, we got to work. And they got to work. They really did. And I was so happy. Everything looked great. They did such good work with this place.

[B]

Yeah, they really did. They did all the cabinets. They did all the countertops. They did. They took out the carpet. They painted all the cabinets by themselves. They took out the flowery wallpaper. Their bedroom wasn't really my tape. Well, one of them was really pretty. It was, like a dark blue. But the I like one was like, yeah, I like that. But I didn't like, like, the maroon.

[A]

That was very Ashley furniture, which I love. I love Ashley furniture. But that's what it. That's what it was, and I love.

[B]

I want to re it.

[A]

I love Ashley furniture, guys.

[B]

And Clint goes, and we did it ourselves, because I will not pay for something I can do myself. And then they're trying to put together a ceiling fan or something, and Josh goes, let's just do it. And Clint. Clint says, you know, men don't read instructions. Josh goes, this man does. You hand him over. I was like, oh, I can see how these two are.

[A]

It's a happy ending after all. Yeah, they did. They honestly, they, they really made that house look cute.

[B]

I was really good for them and.

[A]

I love that they just jumped right into those renovations and they did it.

[B]

So, yeah, they were actually pretty cute.

[A]

I, I agree. And at the end of the day.

[B]

They were pretty cute gays. And you know what? They were also like, literally adorable. I would, I would love to date either one of those gays. I thought they were so cute.

[A]

They were very sweet. And I actually did love that their life, like, centered around going to, like local productions in Paducah at the Performing.

[B]

Arts center, the Squirrel Symphony. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being with us and a part of Wondery Plus. We will talk to you in a couple of weeks. Yes, if you want us to cover something specific, email us at watch what crappens.com or comment on this on our Instagram on a House Hunters post. Okay.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

We love you guys.

[A]

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