Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – "Dwell Hello #314: The Great Dallas Dilemma"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: July 14, 2023
Episode Theme:
Ben and Ronnie bring their signature blend of loving mockery to a special House Hunters episode, "The Great Dallas Dilemma" (Season 172, Episode 2). They take listeners on a hilarious, affectionate, and occasionally savage journey through the adventures of Steven and Allison—founders of the viral soda company Poppy—as they search for a new home in the Dallas suburbs.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Streaming Platform Confusion & House Hunters Logistics

• The hosts open by bemoaning the confusion over where to watch House Hunters due to conflicting episode groupings between Max, Discovery Plus, and YouTube TV.
  • “Episodes are classified one way on YouTube TV and classified another way on Max and Discovery Plus. ... It’s really user unfriendly.” – Ben (02:23)

2. Introducing Steven and Allison – Soda Barons in the Making

• The couple’s appearance ("gorgeous but slightly murderous" Steven, high-voiced Allison) prompts immediate psychoanalysis and playful, at times dark, speculation from Ben and Ronnie.
• Rabbit hole research reveals their beverage company, Poppy, went on to Shark Tank fame and a viral breakout after the episode.
  • "Poppy has exploded in the last year... They received like $25 million in VC money... Apparently Poppy became a viral sensation." – Ben (06:28)
• Ronnie can’t stand Poppy soda, recounting a prior on-air taste test: “Yeah, and it was disgusting. I spit it out.” (07:59)

3. Judging Character and Energy

• The hosts get fixated on Steven’s "look"—hot, but giving “should be on Dateline” vibes.
  • "That guy is hot. But he also looks like he kind of wants to murder his wife, you know... Like he should be on a Dateline special." – Ben (03:57, 04:25)
• Ongoing bits about Steven’s perpetual muscle-flexing and possibly having affairs.
  • "He keeps leaning on things with his arms forward so he could flex his arms... Lady Elizabeth, your husband is cheating on you." – Ronnie (05:21)

4. House Hunters Dilemma (“Dallas Dilemma”)

• Instead of anything city-infrastructural, the “Dallas Dilemma” is simply whether to live “far, far, far from the city or sort of far from the city.” (02:28)
• Ben and Ronnie mock the House Hunters’ penchant for dramatizing mundane suburban problems.

5. Dissecting Steven & Allison’s Backstory

• Steven and Allison’s origins: met at a mall, got married, started Poppy soda in their kitchen, parlayed it into a business.
  • “We met at the mall and I told her I’d date her if we could stop into the Fantastic Sam’s and make her blonde.” – Ronnie (20:21)
• Frequent jokes about Allison’s high-maintenance Dallas “energy,” her curling ironed hair, and their obsessive planning for guest rooms and pool safety (with little actual safety sensibility).

6. Deep Dive: Critique of Their Lifestyle & Decor

• Ronnie and Ben ridicule their basic, allegedly tasteless furniture, and questionable home decor choices ("terrible bachelor furniture," "no taste," "gray and hideous").
• They question whether having guest rooms and pools really serve their life, or are just checking boxes for Dallas society expectations.

7. Play-by-Play: Touring the Three Houses

House 1 - Suburban, Farmhouse-Remodeled

• Hosts love the open concept and modern style (“absolutely beautiful”), but mock Steven’s Golden Girls reference and the broccoli-shaped pool.
• Safety ironies: terrified of stairs for the kids, but fine with an unfenced pool.

House 2 - Closer-in Flip

• Generic flip with shoddy construction; dark wood floors, odd cabinets and counters.
• Extensive shade thrown at the unreliable renovation and “Home Depot purchase vanity.”
  • “It's a bad one, which is why the floors are ugly … smoke detectors hanging out of the ceiling.” – Ben (41:11)
• Still more concern for Buddy the dog than the kids’ safety.

House 3 - Technically “Closer to the City”

• Another dated home, smaller, long and narrow.
• Not a true city locale—still suburban-dull, but it boasts a large backyard (half cement, which Ben actually likes for the kids' bikes).
• Allison rejects it due to size/appearance, Steven dreams about putting in a pergola:
  • "I'd go so far as to say we can put a nice pergola back there." – Ben, quoting Steven (45:42)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “This Dallas Dilemma is: do we let a ginger into our neighborhoods?” – Ronnie (03:52)
• “I feel like every girl I know named Allison is interchangeable with every girl I know named Elizabeth.” – Ronnie (06:18)
• “Prebiotic? How about you get pre-flavor?” – Ronnie, dissing Poppy soda (10:20)
• “I thought I was going somewhere, and I really had nowhere to go. I'm still waking up.” – Ben, as conversation derails (13:09)
• “If you have a pool, more people want to come visit you. Like, we just need to call Courtney ... Oh, my God, I can't wait to see Courtney!” – Allison, via Ben (26:52)
• “How many headbands is Courtney gonna wear today? Because Courtney is what we call a headband girl.” – Ronnie on the real estate agent (27:14)
• “Is this the house from the Golden Girls?” – Steven, mocked by hosts (08:43, 29:38)
• “The only way they ever show him is leaning on something.” – Ronnie, about Steven and his muscle-flexes (16:37)
• “I know you want to have guests... but for me, if you live in the city, more people want to visit you.” – Steven, mocked by Ben and Ronnie (26:52)
• “Every room is gray and hideous. ... You two are fucking hopeless.” – Ronnie, on their final home decor (47:53)
• “In the end, it was all worth it because our investment pays off. Stephen takes off his shirt and goes swimming. And I was like, see, that's all I need.” – Ben (48:53)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:23] — House Hunters streaming confusion
• [03:57]–[04:25] — “Dateline” murder jokes about Steven
• [05:21]–[06:28] — Steven’s flexing and Poppy backstory
• [07:59] — Ronnie’s on-air taste test (“disgusting” Poppy)
• [10:07]–[14:03] — Review of Steven and Allison’s social rise, celebrity and Dallas stereotypes
• [17:25]–[18:11] — Poppy soda origin story (“soda stream at home”)
• [21:47]–[25:15] — The “kids safety” irony and role of Buddy, the dog
• [26:52]–[28:16] — Suburb vs city debate, yearning for Courtney the realtor
• [29:33]–[31:48] — Mocking suburban house remodels and layout
• [33:36]–[35:17] — Critiquing their priorities: matching countertops, safe pools, etc.
• [41:11]–[43:22] — House two’s renovation disaster details
• [45:42] — Steven’s “pergola” moment
• [47:53]–[49:04] — They pick house two; post-move-in shade, shirtless Steven finale

Overall Tone & Reception

• Ben and Ronnie’s tone is a mix of camp affection and sharp snark. They indulge in digressions (Dallas stereotypes, guest room psychology), hyperbolic murder jokes, and running gags about up-and-coming tech founders and reality TV tropes.
• The hosts are unsparing, especially about the couple's “tastelessness,” Steven’s physicality, and House Hunters’ formulaic dilemmas—but never lose sight of the show's joyfully bitchy spirit: “We mock because we love.”

Best For:
Anyone seeking a play-by-play recap with both context and wild tangents, plus plenty of savage humor and earnest affection—for both House Hunters and the broader reality TV circus.

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