Dwell Hello 315: New Jersey DJ's American Dream

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello 315: New Jersey DJ's American Dream

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: July 27, 2023
Episode Focus: A comedic, affectionate recap of a House Hunters episode, “New Jersey DJ’s American Dream,” in which a DJ and his fitness-instructor fiancée search for a starter home in Rahway, NJ.

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Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie step away from their usual Bravo-watching shenanigans to roast, analyze, and poke affectionate fun at "House Hunters," specifically the episode featuring DJ Drewski and his fiancée Skye. Their goal: to find a home that suits their sharply divergent tastes, all while navigating quirky New Jersey real estate, social media rabbit holes, and each other's idiosyncrasies.

The episode is equal parts snarky, loving, and deeply petty—delivered in their signature quick-witted, reference-packed banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Who Are Drewski and Skye?

• DJ Drewski: Billed as a "cutting-edge" DJ, which the hosts mock ("What are you—Moby? Roseanne’s son?" [03:55]). Ben and Ronnie scrutinize his credentials and Instagram, ultimately conceding that while his resume (Hot 97, Love & Hip Hop) is real, his "American Dream" ambitions are a bit more humble.

  “He looked like he was in a booth, not a radio studio... trying so hard to be a DJ.” – Ben (04:15)

• Skye: A fitness instructor and "one of those people who loves dating dumb people so she can feel smarter." She's got a major following on Instagram (174k), runs her own vegan and wellness content biz, and is “the realist in the situation,” per Ben ([08:02]).
• Social Media Deep Dive: The hosts gleefully diverge into Drewski and Skye's online footprints, marveling at their follower counts and critiquing Skye's influencer content.

  "Her Instagram—it's all annoying." – Ronnie (18:48) "Nothing looks original. You know she’s going to have very excited commentary about things people have discussed so many times before.” – Ben (19:48)

2. Quipping About Rahway, NJ

• Ben and Ronnie rip into Rahway's reputation, real estate appeal, and dubious commute claims.

  “Everybody says they live 20 minutes from Manhattan, and it’s never f***ing true. It’s a train to a bus and a bus to a train and a train to an Uber…” – Ronnie (16:43)

• They also perform a mock guidebook search, bemoaning the town's “top attractions” being sad motels and a jewelry store named “Just Bead Yourself”.

3. The Couple’s Must-Haves & Dynamics

• Drewski wants a white picket fence, a Cape Cod style house (because “rooms are upstairs”), a garage for his vintage car, and the fabled “American Dream.”

  “I want the traditional American dream home. Oh no. Broken family does just feel Drew like chasing his dad…” – Ronnie (06:56)

• Skye wants a ranch-style, move-in ready house, a “beauty room,” and practicality for actual living.

  “The only reason why Skye is dating this man… her name already fits into the couple name combo.” – Ben (08:34)

Their wishlists clash throughout, with Skye nimbly manipulating Drewski via squints and nods ("the squintin’ nod" [08:32]).

4. House #1: Drewski’s Dream (Cape Cod, $250k) [27:50]

• Pros: White picket fence, detached garage for the car.
• Cons: Only two bedrooms/one bath, no central AC, “pole in the middle of the dining room,” outdated kitchen and bathroom (the “pink tub”), not move-in ready, nearly no closet space.

  “How do you decorate a steam pipe? It’s blazing hot when you put on it.” – Ben (32:38) “The only bathroom is like an old lady bathroom.” – Ben (34:25) “There’s a toilet in the corner of the basement. Whoever put that toilet in wanted to poop and be alone.” – Ben (36:24)

5. House #2: The “Ranch” (so they’re told, $329k) [38:58]

• Pros: Three bedrooms, two baths, central air, move-in ready, “soaking tub.”
• Cons: No garage, cramped living/dining space, guests would have to walk through a bedroom to reach the backyard, still not enough space for “beauty room” and Drewski’s stuff.

  “This is more open concept as in ‘open in’—there’s no floor.” – Ben (39:35) “It’s like living in a microwave.” – Ronnie (39:48)

6. House #3: The Faux Cape (4 beds, 2 bath, $274.9k) [43:01]

• Pros: More bedrooms (4), best price point, a surprisingly nice basement bathroom (“the only room anyone wants to be in”), some space for Skye’s beauty dreams.
• Cons: Bedrooms and living space are “all on top of each other,” “mystery smell” in the basement, angled attic ceilings, still no garage/fence.

  “It’s color coordinated. But that’s just walking off a cliff, lady!” – Ronnie (45:29) “It smells down here—a humidifier will fix it, don’t worry!” – Ben, mocking the agent (44:51)

7. Their Analysis & Hypotheses

• The hosts joke about trying to guess which home the couple will pick, noting the “bad acting” often gives it away.

  “My only clue was I felt like the acting was bad for the first house.” – Ben (50:22)

• Their armchair analysis: “All three houses are so miserable. Every now and then, House Hunters just makes you start over.” – Ben (50:22)

8. The Big Reveal: Their Choice & Aftermath [51:13]

• They do pick House #1: the “American Dream” Cape Cod, since it was under budget and could be remodeled (with John the agent doing the work as promised).
• Ben and Ronnie begrudgingly give props: “With that new kitchen, it was the right choice in the end… it’s cute, they did a good job. Their house turned out great, and they turned out to be pretty cute too.” – Ronnie (51:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Drewski’s Instagram “fame”:

  “He has 367,000 followers. Holy Drewski, you go boy.” – Ben (11:04)

• On Skye’s baby-food influencer content:

  “I want to see a baby who can peel a hard-boiled egg correctly…” – Ronnie (19:20)

• On Rahway, NJ’s location:

  “Who wants to live in a town that sounds like someone’s eating a sandwich and trying to say ‘wrong way’?” – Ben (17:43)

• On their House Hunters agent:

  “He looks like Juicy Joe, a blonde Juicy Joe.” – Ronnie (28:20)

• Bathroom in the basement:

  “Whoever put that toilet in wanted to poop and be alone… but also in a very large space.” – Ben (36:25)

• On bad open concepts:

  “This is like being buried alive, basically.” – Ronnie (40:08)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:55 | Skewering Drewski’s DJ credentials and intro | | 08:02 | First impressions of Skye; "the realist" | | 16:43 | Rahway’s “20 minutes from Manhattan” claim eviscerated | | 27:50 | House #1 walk-through and critiques | | 38:58 | House #2 “ranch” viewing and verdict | | 43:01 | House #3 analysis (“all on top of each other” home) | | 50:22 | Hosts speculate and joke about which house they'll pick | | 51:13 | Reveal: They picked House #1; outcome and remodeled home |

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Tone & Style

The episode is packed with quick-fire jokes, tangents, snark, pop-culture references, and sarcastic affection for the absurdities of real estate and cable reality. Ronnie and Ben’s banter is self-aware, delightfully judgmental, and peppered with regional New Jersey digs and millennial influencer satire. Their tone captures a mix of camp, nostalgia, and genuine affection for both their targets and each other.

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Final Thoughts

While merciless in their mockery, Ben and Ronnie ultimately root for their House Hunters couple—impressed by their post-closing transformation of a sad starter home into “something actually cute.” Even in the bleakest real estate listings, there’s hope—plus ample opportunity for Bravo-caliber shade.

“All in all, what a warm hug of an episode.” – Ronnie (51:42)

Transcript

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Download Greetings Adventurers wherever you listen to podcasts. Can't wait to see the next episode. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. A House Hunters recap podcast by us here at Watcher Crappens. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie?

[B]

Good, babe. Good to see you.

[A]

Great to see you too. Always fun to to take a step out here to do some Dwell Hello. For people who are only listening to Dwell, hello. We invite you to listen to the rest of Watch or Crappin because we're doing lots of fun Bravo stuff. And for people who are new here from our Bravo world, welcome. So what we do here is that we recap House Hunters or House Hunters international and today's ep. Today's episode is called New Jersey DJs American Dream. This was a viewer suggestion. It is House Hunters, Volume 6, Season 154, Episode 6 on the platform Max. So that's where you find it. Because you can, you know, sometimes they're, they're labeled different things on different platforms. So if you go to Max as an HBO Max, but it's just called Max now, just, just type in New Jersey DJs American Dream.

[B]

And that's it. That's how you find it. And it pops right up. And once you press play on it, we're in the MVMT movement space, but without vowels. I was like, wow, wow. Do I really want to work out at a place that refuses vowels? I feel like that's laziness or that's not what I want to think about when it's working out. Trying to not be lazy. So let's use some vowels and say movement properly.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, if you're gonna.

[B]

If you're gonna. If you're gonna.

[A]

What is it? If you're gonna. If you're gonna be about it, then do about it. Or if you're gonna talk about it, then be about it. Listen, if you're gonna lose that weight, it starts with the letters, okay? All inessential letters. Get out of there. It's just letter.

[B]

Letters weigh things. Letters weigh ounces. Drop the letters.

[A]

It started out, actually, but over the course of several years and a lot of dedication and discipline, it has shed its letters.

[B]

Oh, my God, you guys. The movement space has ozempic face, so.

[A]

Oh, did they get. Did the movement sign get its buccal taken out?

[B]

It's buccal fat.

[A]

Buccal buckle fat. So we hear Linda. Yes.

[B]

Well, first, before even Linda, we get a shot of this dj. Because, listen, if you're going to say in the title, New Jersey DJs American Dream, if you're gonna put DJ in the title, you know that the audience is like, I'll be the judge of this. Right? Cause anybody can say they're a dj. Like, what are you, like a version of Roseanne's Son? What?

[A]

Are you a tanner?

[B]

Are you a guy? Yeah. Are you a tanner? Are you a guy who works at a radio station? Are you a. Like Moby? Are you Moby? So you've got a lot to prove. So we cut to him, and he's in this booth, but it looks like a rental space, right? It looks like a wework.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it was. I wasn't quite sure. And he's. Because he's like, I'm a disc jock. You hear me on the radio. But he looked like he was in a booth, not a radio studio. And I wasn't really sure what was. What was really going on. Also, by the way, the fact that this was called New Jersey DJs American Dream before I knew it was House Hunters, I just assumed it was House Hunters International. I was like, oh, my God. It's going to be a New Jersey DJ going abroad and, like, being a terrible ambassador for this country. But he is just a New Jersey dj. What we find out, just going to Rahway, New Jersey.

[B]

So he's a lj. He is a New Jersey lj because he's in this weird booth at Movement and he's saying, hey, get the chance to be heard right in front of me. DJ Drew Ski. That's right. He does that. Like, that I'm a dj, so I'm gonna say, that's right. I'm like, what are you. Joe Borg is a DJ now? Stop. Stop putting on the voice. Don't do it.

[A]

Linda was clearly not happy with this. She probably saw this footage, and I just know she had some paper, and she just took it in front of her and just did that thing where she goes. She just picked up in front of her, like, an anchor person, like, all right, DJ Drewski from New Jersey. I'm just gonna wrap my paper against this desk here to show my displeasure at this idiot that I have to now talk about for half an hour.

[B]

Drew Ski. Maybe cutting edge. Maybe a cutting edge dj. And then we cut to him driving in an old, like, convertible with the top down. I was like, oh, my God, this guy. Why is this guy trying. Why does this guy have to try so hard? Who tries this hard to be a disc jockey? It's not even the fun kind of DJ that remixes music. It's literally a guy who's like, the next song for couples skate is Back where We Belong.

[A]

I'm kind of into that. Wherever that. Wherever this is happening. So it's just so much work to be that.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. So he's. So Drew Ski may be a cutting edge dj. The air quotes should be just. Just know that my fingers are going like this, everyone.

[B]

Linda, can we not air quote in the sound booth? You know what? Shockingly, you can hear the air quotes on the air. You're really doing those air quotes. She's like, typically. Linda.

[A]

Linda, we don't listen. Intone it. You don't actually have to do it. The mic is picking up the sound of your fingers crunching. All right, all right. You're next, fucker. Drusky may be a cutting edge dj, but his taste in home is surprisingly traditional. What I'm trying to say is he's a faker and a phony.

[B]

All right, so Drew Ski's like, yeah, my home, it has a white picket fence. I want the traditional American dream home. I was like, oh, no. Broken family does just feel Drew like chasing his dad. I feel like his dad left in an old convertible, and Drew, I don't know, just stood behind it like that little girl in Hope floats, just screaming, dad. And now all he wants is that house he could never get.

[A]

Yeah. Or he just loves Kathy Baker and five Ash Finkel. He's like, I just want my picket fences. By the way, there were many cast members I could have chosen to illustrate picket fences But I intentionally chose the one that would trigger you the most. Kathy Baker.

[B]

Oh, Kathy Baker. Fucking Kathy Baker. You know what? Be nicer to your waiters. How often do waiters come up to you and tell you how much they're amazed with you? Okay, I feel like you should have offered me a breadstick at that point. Give me fucking attitude, Kathy Baker. But that's never getting over it.

[A]

But fiance sky is the realist in the situation, insisting that their New Jersey home functions for them on the inside. Note that I've already chosen that I'm on Skye's team. The first time ever I've said she's the realest.

[B]

Well, Skye's one of those people who loves dating dumb people to feel smarter. And Skye does this thing where she squints her eyes and then she smiles and nods her head like, you fucking idiot. But she's, like, pretending to be really nice. I think it's so. I love the move. The squintin. Nod.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Squint. Head tilt mod.

[A]

I believe that the only reason why Skye is dating this man because she's so out of his. Like, sky is so gorgeous, and he's such, like, a meh. I think the only reason why she's dating him is because she knows that if they were to be to have a couple name, that she gets to preserve the integrity of her name. She's like, well, my name's already built into his stupid name.

[B]

Skyski. Do you hear that?

[A]

I did. What was that? Was that Skye Buebler? What did Bueller do?

[B]

Bueller just went, what the.

[A]

Bueller's on my side, too.

[B]

Skysky. So it's like, so this is weird. So I'm guessing Movement is hers because she's a fitness instructor. I guess this is like, their joint business together or something. Or Movement is her place, and he comes in to pretend he's a dj. Like, I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happened. Or are they both employees of Movement? Why didn't they mention what Movement is? That's the most interesting thing to me. I need to know.

[A]

I. I think Linda was so disgusted by what was presented to her, she was like, I'm sorry. I refuse to elaborate on any more of Skye's backstory. Let's just get through this thing. Okay?

[B]

No, because now I'm looking at Movement. Okay, Movement.

[A]

Oh, that wasn't towards you. I'm saying that's what Linda said to her.

[B]

No, I know, but. I know, but I was like, no, there is no, moving on. Okay. Meta motion, mindful movement, Pilates and yoga. Okay, that's in Hack and Sac.

[A]

That, that's probably. That's probably it, right?

[B]

Movement club, cycling jersey. No, that's a jersey I'm not seeing. Wait. Movement rehab and performance home in Medford, New Jersey.

[A]

Premium watches, eyewear, accessories.

[B]

I'm gonna see if it's this place. I think it's a rehab. And hold on. Yes, because it's like got like graffiti style writing on it. That sounds like them. So this is a rehab center to be the dry. Our mission to be the driving force in our community towards a healthy, more active life through high level performance based physical therapy. One on one training, proper education and guidance. Where's the DJing? Where is that?

[A]

Well, let me tell you something. I now have gone to Drew Ski's Instagram page. I sort of wound up here. First of all, he has 367,000 followers.

[B]

Holy Drew Ski. You go boy.

[A]

He has. Now, I don't know what his current. What he's doing currently, but he has as his credits Hot 97, which is like major radio station love and hip hop New York. I don't know what that is with that and some sort of tequila thing. But like he's like, okay, I've got to click on his link. Link tree now because now I need to know everything. Oh, I guess he was on an episode of Moripovich maybe. And that's all I can find out. Wow.

[B]

Yeah, he's got a lot going on, this guy. Look at Dr. Gruski.

[A]

But does he? Because you know what, I'm sorry, with those credits in your Instagram bio, these are the houses that you have to look at.

[B]

Well, maybe this was a long time ago. Maybe he came up since then. I don't know. I don't listen. I literally believe everything I see on Instagram. Like, I'm the easiest. I'm the most easily fooled person ever. I'm like, oh my God, he's so famous. I have three. He's holding a microphone. He's standing next to somebody who has a gold record.

[A]

I'm looking at I love you. Oh, I think he was very recently on Maury Povich actually, which is pretty. I'm looking at his stories now.

[B]

Are there recent Maury Povich's?

[A]

I could be wrong. He has a. I don't know what's going on. I'm just looking at his pictures. Oh, he won an award, best in show for his car. So congratulations.

[B]

Oh, he has a daughter now. So this Was a while ago because he has a daughter, little daughter now driving a car. Oh, God. He's one of those people who gets his kid a little kid Mercedes.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

No. You're already parking like an kid. Okay. You're already parking like an.

[A]

Well, it looks like he's. I mean, it looks like he's. He's a someone, so that's exciting for him. Good for you.

[B]

Never know. I love that House Hunters is the great equalizer because, like, those people from last time were multi million dollar soda entrepreneurs. They still get treated like dragged across the coals on House Hunters. They're like, more giving you the same production quality we give everybody. Dr. Drew Ski.

[A]

Yeah, this is. This. I'm sorry. I got. I, I, I just got totally. I'm. I'm gonna close Dr. Drew. Did I just say Dr. Drew ski?

[B]

I said Dr. Drew ski first. I got it. I got you stuck on it. I just rolled with that.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not gonna give him an advance. Okay. So Drew Ski is an established DJ who in his free time, DJs outside of, like, a little closet at Movement, apparently. So now we go to Rahway, New Jersey, and we hear Drew Ski is doing his DJ thing. He's like, what's up, babies? It's DJ Bruski. Remind DJ Drew Ski. Reminding you it's going down. What is it going down?

[B]

Don't know. Could you be more specific? Yeah. So Drew tells us. I'm a disc jockey. I'm on the radio. I DJ in nightclubs. I DJ around the world. Each weekend it goes down inside movement space. What? Fix that ankle in my right.

[A]

Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy.

[B]

Why mc, reach up. Just stand a y, stand a Y, reach up. Your back's gonna be better any day now.

[A]

Okay, so sky, not to be confused with Drew, sky is doing exercise. Doing exercise class because she is a fitness instructor and has her own fitness studio. And apparently her class is basically her saying, yes.

[B]

But this is, like, I just have to stress that this is exercise class is at Movement, where he is also a dj. So still confused. So she's like, yeah, I work as a fitness instructor, and I have my own fitness studio. Oh, it's hers. So she just gave him a booth there.

[A]

Yeah, basically.

[B]

So, so she. He tells us their stories. Like, sky and I met three years ago at, like, a music conference, and that night she left her heels in the car, and I was like, ooh, let me get hold. Let me hold those hostage. So I have a reason to meet up with her again. I was like, what was she doing in your car after the music conference? God damn, Drew. Fucking Drew Ski Smooth.

[A]

What is this sad reboot of Cinderella that they're telling right now? What?

[B]

Who? I've never. I've never gotten into somebody's car and immediately taken off my shoes. First of all, what are you two up to, you crazy kids?

[A]

That's true, too. So Skye's like, yeah. And we. We've been together ever, every day since then. Yay. So Drew's like, it all worked out of my favor. So Linda's like, okay. Well, since getting engaged about a year ago, they've been renting near their Rahway fitness studio along with their dogs. Do I have to say this part, Jimmy? A lot of their dogs.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Butter and toasts.

[B]

How many dogs have lost their lives because irresponsible owners name them after food?

[A]

So we see Drew, Ski, and sky walking Butter and Toast along the most unattractive patch that I have to imagine Rahway has to offer. It's just like this broken sidewalk with, like, a pile of trash and, like, dirt. Patches of dirt.

[B]

Look who he is. I'm like, wow, love the tire bench. I mean, it's, like, really bad.

[A]

That chain link fence. Wow. Property values must be skyrocketing here.

[B]

I love when I can roast marshmallows on just random trash cans along the street.

[A]

I love that dead bat lying on the street next to the broken bat. Two different types of bats commingling.

[B]

So he's like, yeah, Rahway's about 20 minutes away from Manhattan. No, it's not. You know what? I'm not even looking at a map. And I can tell you it's not. Because everybody says they live 20 minutes away from Manhattan, and it's never fucking true. Every time somebody's like, come to my house, it's 20 minutes from Manhattan, and you go, it's a five hour thing. It's a train to a bus and a bus to a train and a train to an Uber and an Uber to the thing.

[A]

I'm in the distance. It's a bus to a train and a train to a thing and a train to a thing and never did a thing in the fastest way.

[B]

Another hundred people just came up from the ground and came up from the ground, and another hundred people just got onto a bus and were driving around and another hundred people just rollerbladed onto. Okay, so it is 59 minutes via I78. 59 minutes, sir. Some estimates are an hour and 14 minutes. So how long. How far is raw way Really? 20 minutes. Liar.

[A]

Yeah. By the way, who wants to live in a town that sounds like someone's eating a sandwich and trying to say wrong way Rahway.

[B]

Or like, raw? What.

[A]

Do you want to live here?

[B]

What are you into? Rahway? Oh, my God, really? No comments? Well, we're not all on prep, you know what I mean? I need some. I need some leeway here. You're gonna need to warn me for that fucking Rahway right off the bat. You haven't even left your shoes in the car yet. Okay, keep the bear back to yourself for now, sir.

[A]

By the way, if you're living in Rahway, I am making sure I have my shoes on, okay? Based on that footage. Okay, you put your shoes on after you get that car on railway.

[B]

It sounds like a religion that celebrates uncooked meat.

[A]

The raw. It's the wrong way. It's a very. It's the raw way. Well, it wouldn't be that way because I'm looking at Sky's Instagram. She has 174,000 followers.

[B]

Holy shit. What does she do?

[A]

Oh, my God, it's all annoying.

[B]

Okay, so, okay, how do you find her? What's her Instagram? I want?

[A]

Good luck to you. It's Skylandish. Drew Skylandish. It's literally.

[B]

Oh, that's cute. Skylandish.

[A]

Skylandish. So it's like outlandish.

[B]

74,000 followers. My God, what do people do? Oh, my God. Natural birth is one of her things.

[A]

Natural and the vegan bodega. And she also has a, A, A series of stories that are just vegan food.

[B]

Yeah, vegan food. Baby hacks. Oh, I love baby hacks. How do you do that? I want to see a baby that will change the channel on the remote control for me. Is there a hack for that? I want to see a baby who can peel a hard boiled egg correctly. Because I swear to you, I just watched 5Hacks on YouTube on how to hard boil egg peel. They're all lies. They're all fucking lies. Okay? I hate people who say hacks. They're all liars.

[A]

I feel like there's nothing on the like, on her Instagram profile that looks anyway, original or interesting. Like, you know, she's gonna have very excited commentary about things that people have discussed so many times before. Guys, I just need to talk to you about natural births. It's really the way to go. It's like, oh, okay, now Skylander said it, so now it has to be.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

I'm coming down on her. I love her.

[B]

Skylanders had her baby in a bathtub. Everyone's like, oh, my God, is that the girl who makes black ice cream? Like, literally. So that's the interesting thing I see on her vegan. Her vegan story. She has a pitch. Coal black ice cream. What do you think that is?

[A]

Oh, this is the vegan food.

[B]

Yes. Or vegan bodega.

[A]

I'm clicking up.

[B]

I'm using the. Say these two as a couple are a couple of hustlers. I'll give them that. They've got. They work their asses off. Good for them.

[A]

They are the black. I'm seeing it also. The black ice cream. I've actually always wanted to try that. I've heard about that.

[B]

It's like, what is it?

[A]

It's like a char. Is it like. Not charcoal ice cream, but it's. It's like a thing. The black ice cream. Yeah. Actually, her food looks delicious. I don't know why I'm coming down hard on her when, like, all her food looks delicious. She's beautiful. I liked.

[B]

We're just like, on everything we see, just for fun. But she's actually pretty cute.

[A]

She's great. I love her. So anyway, sky is like. They're like, yeah, so Rahway is 25 minutes from Manhattan is what we'll tell ourselves. And they just love that, you know, it's just. It's close to everything that they need right now. Like needles on the sidewalk, strange rabid animals crawling through the streets. It's just everything they need.

[B]

I'm sorry, but I have to interrupt again because I cannot get off this woman's Instagram. And I don't know what's wrong with me. So listen, this is one of her posts. This is from 137 weeks ago. No, 132 weeks ago. It says, dear girl who sees her friends getting engaged, pregnant, married, moving into her first home, posting pics with her man, et cetera, and you feel like you're doing something wrong. Stop. Their season isn't your season. God hasn't forsaken you. Comparison is the thief of joy. And then I scrum scrolling up so towards time. This is 123 weeks. She says, don't mistake my positivity for a lack of struggle. But then I keep scrolling up, and then guys wait for it. At 109 weeks, it's a sonogram, and she's pregnant. I mean, come on. That's the cutest story ever. She's like, guys, I'm jealous. My friends are having babies. And then she gets pregnant a few weeks later. That's like the cutest thing ever.

[A]

This is the most emotional dwell.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

We've ever had fun.

[B]

That was a journey. So thank you, Sky.

[A]

Thanks, Sky. Now we're gonna get back to making fun of you.

[B]

So. So then they saw three houses, and they chose one. Good night, everybody. Thank you. This was fun.

[A]

I so Drew saying, like, you know, right now is the time to buy, because I've always wanted to have my own home. And, you know, and I feel like we're paying off someone else's mortgage when we could be paying off our own mortgage. And then we see the first of.

[B]

She gives her. She gives her squint nod. So you know that she told him to say that. She's like, we need to buy a house because every time we pay rent, you're paying someone else's mortgage. She's like, that don't even make sense, babe. What do you mean I'm paying someone's mortgage? She's like, yeah, because they own the house and they're still paying a mortgage. So that means you're paying their mortgage and you don't even own it. So now he's like, yeah, I'm sick of paying other people mortgages. And she's like, squint, tilt. Did it nod?

[A]

Nod. Now excuse me while I slice carrots very slowly over here in the kitchen.

[B]

I've never seen a slower carrot slicer. It's like the slowest carrot I've ever seen sliced.

[A]

I think it was her first time. I think she's like, oh, they want me to slice a carrot on tv. Do I tell them I don't know how to do it? No, just, you can do it, Sky. You can fake it. Fake it till you make it. Okay.

[B]

And you can tell because she brings him a bowl and he goes, thanks. I would prefer French fries, but I guess carrots work. So we find out that Drew likes. I like the Cape Cod style, you know, because I like the fact that the rooms are upstairs because there's separation. Because if there's something going on in the living room, I can go upstairs. You know what else has that? Every two story house.

[A]

Yeah. But I also want my house to look like a potato chip. So I'm really into the Cape Cod.

[B]

I mean, I guess that's not true. The master is not upstairs in every house, but you know what I mean? Like, truth doesn't have to be Cape Cod style. Weirdo. I know.

[A]

So then sky wants a ranch home. She says, my whole life, I've always wanted a ranch house. And she says, you know, I grew up with 10 people in the same house, and it was just, like, really important to me to make sure we had a family vibe in our home. And I think that's why the ranch house kind of gives me that vibe. So if you're trying to. If you're saying, okay, skies and do the classic thing that all the guys do on the show, which is that I was raised in a home like this, and therefore I have to, like, you know, assert some strange sort of family baggage, I guess. Sort of like 50. Yeah, 50%. Yeah. Doing that.

[B]

Yeah. Because I was only raised with three other people, four in total. And I still want to be in a dark hole. Like, I'm like, do we have any houses that are underground with no telephone service? That's what I would like. I don't want what I grew up with. I want to get away from it. Okay. If I grew up with 10 people, I would be hiding in a cave.

[A]

That's a lot of people to be in one house. So she only wants to look at houses that have three bedrooms. But he wants, like, he wants to have, like, a main bedroom and a guest bedroom for all those people who are clamoring to come Visit. Rahway, New Jersey.

[B]

Yeah. 20 minutes away. They get there three days later, they're like, you son of a bitch. So she also wants a beauty room because, you know, she wants to get beautiful in a room, and we see her current beauty room in a rental, and we see a vanity mirror, and she has a placard, like a desk placard that says, I'm the boss. And then a candle, and then there's a book, and the book is called, you are sexy, you are strong, you are smart.

[A]

And you have a pretty standard Instagram. So. So. So, yeah, she wants to keep her beauty room. And then we cut back to her. She's still slicing more carrots. Like, how many. When does the. When does it end? How many more carrots need to be sliced right now?

[B]

She's literally the slowest carrots. Like, I can get over it. Every time you say it, I just think back to her slowing. She's literally going, like, It just really starts all over it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, she wants a house that's move in ready.

[B]

Yeah, she wants move in ready. She wants her beauty room. She wants to renovate, because she's not going above 300k. I love that. People always say that, like, we're gonna renovate. That's the hardest thing to do ever. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he says again, he just keeps saying, american dream. American dream.

[A]

Home.

[B]

That's what I want. Why pick a fence? And that part of that American dream includes a garage for his classic car. And he's like, yeah, it's a 1966 Pontiac Catalina. The classic car can't be parked outside. It needs to be indoors. I was like, it also can't be parked outside because people will turn the tires of it into furniture for their lawns. Okay.

[A]

Did you not see the sidewalk? You walk down with butter and toast.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And just. That's. That's why it has to be inside. This guy's like, can you just put a tarp over it? Sort of kind of like what I do with your face when we have sex. And he's like, no, you just. Mentally. Mentally, of course.

[B]

So house number one, Drew, is what Drew wants, right? It's a Cape Cod. It's a white picket fence. And he walks up to the bushes. Not gonna lie. I like the outside. Yeah. What do you mean, not gonna lie? It's exactly what you wanted.

[A]

Wow. Thank you for having brutal honesty with me in this moment that you'd like the white picket fence. So now comes the agent, the real estate agent. It's a. It's John Samsel, who. He really does seem like someone who could be on Real Housewives in New Jersey. Definitely a husband.

[B]

He looks like Juicy Joe. He looks like a blonde version of Juicy Joe. He has the same facial features.

[A]

He also looks like one. Like one of those. Those things from Super Mario Brothers, you know, like the things that throw. The little wrenches. You know, they pop up and they throw a wrench. Of course, that's what he looks like, too.

[B]

He does. He does have that vibe to him. He also does that Jersey thing that guys do, you know, because Jersey's the land of, like, there he is, you know, where the guys, like, are so close. So he does that thing where he's like, drew, ski, great seeing you again. Great seeing you. Let's shake hands with our hands touching each other's stomachs like that. Like, he grabbed your hand, and then he pulls you in, and then you guys just hold each other's hands tightly as each other's stomach touches each other's hand. It's weird.

[A]

It's very New Jersey. So let me tell you about this house, okay? It's got two bedrooms, one full bath, a ghost that comes out every Third month, you know, it's just under a thousand square feet.

[B]

It's heated by tire fire. All right, it's $250,000. And I was like a year. Who the fuck? I'm moving to Rahway, New Jersey. Forget all the shit I just talked about this place. I'm out of here. I'm going there. That's where my cave is going to be located.

[A]

So already I'm thinking that this is the one they're going to go for. Just because their acting is so bad. Because they always do the worst acting on the one that they choose. So sky goes. Only two bath bedrooms and only one bathroom. That's an apartment. I was like, okay, this is the one that you guys got. Okay, got it.

[B]

Really? You thought it was that? I'm looking to see if there's a home goods in Rahway, New Jersey. There is.

[A]

Is there a Red Lobster? That's more importantly.

[B]

Okay, hold on. Red Lobster.

[A]

Wait, I want to see sounds of Rahway. Red Lobster, Rahway. Tourist attractions.

[B]

Yeah, there is. Any delivery? Yeah, they even GrubHub delivers it even. I'm fucking out of here. What am I doing? This place.

[A]

Things to do in Rahway from Trip Hobo. Okay, there's. Oh, this is sad. Tourist attractions in Rahway. The best Western Riverview Inn Suites.

[B]

Yeah, that's sad. That is sad.

[A]

It's a sad one to open with. Like, this is the tourist attraction.

[B]

That's it. The end. And Red Lobster.

[A]

Wait, wait. They have a store in Rahway, which I think is a jewelry store. And it's called Just be to yourself.

[B]

I feel like that is a sky business. So it's one of her businesses. Just bead yourself. Just beat yourself.

[A]

Wait. And I have to say, this is so fucked up. Okay. Because now I'm on a website called Family days out and it's fun kid activities in Rahway, New Jersey today. There's just beat yourself and there's all these things for kids. And then in the middle of it, there's an ad for Meow Wolf, which is like the artistic experience in New Mexico. But it's right in the middle of the list. So it makes it look like, oh, yeah, you gotta go to Rahway. They gotta jump a jungle. And I just beat yourself. And you know, a really cool artist installation for adults.

[B]

Oh, gosh. Okay. So house one is, I think, the prettiest. Right? It was cute. It was pretty. Floors are nice. The floors are nice. It's small. You know, you walk In a small room. There's some stairs in the back. It's really teeny tiny, but they're all teeny tiny. I like the floors. I like the walls. I think this one looked the most modern and sweet, but doesn't have central air.

[A]

No.

[B]

And John's one of those real estate people who's like, yeah, yeah. You could put the air. You could put the air. Like. But it doesn't have windows. You could put the windows. Yeah, but doesn't have a kitchen. You could put the window. You could put the windows in the kitchen. In the air, all of that. It's going to cost $5. What is it? $5. What is it? Five. Okay, it's $5.

[A]

Yeah. And Sky's like, yeah, but, like, there's no central air. And Drew Ski's like, you know, I feel like Sky's nitpicking on everything. Like, give it a chance. Let's look around before you start crying wolf. Okay, so Sky's like, crying wolf. That's what crying wolf means. But there's a pole in the middle of my dining room. I don't know if anyone's noticed that. And John goes, oh, yeah, that. That's a steam pipe. Okay, but don't worry about that. We can decorate that. She's like, how do you decorate a steam pipe? It's blazing hot when you put on it.

[B]

So the kitchen's terrible. Terrible. Backsplash, Terrible. Everything. It's just ugly. I'm not cooking in here.

[A]

I am not slowly chopping a carrot in here, that's for sure.

[B]

Yeah, I need a place where I can take my time with carrots. Okay. This is not it. Yeah. I'm worried that the steam's gonna explode on me.

[A]

And John's like, hey, you know, all you do is you knock out a wall, okay. You put in a kitchen island costs, what, like $30,000, $150,000. No big deal. You know, the great thing about being a contractor as well as a realtor is that when someone sees a problem with the home, I see the solution, and I know exactly what it's gonna cost.

[B]

Yeah, and the problem for everybody else is you're purposely giving them shitty homes so you can make money remodeling them with your own. I mean, it's so obvious what this guy's doing. He's, like, not giving them what they asked for. He's like, you fix it. Fix it. And post.

[A]

I'm Post.

[B]

Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Post.

[A]

Speaking of which, we can take that Post. Out if you want. It's not load Baron double builds. So there's a detached garage, which is big enough for the car, and. And then the backyard is like a. It's like a. It's not a lot of grass. It's mainly, like, bricks. Not bricks, but it is.

[B]

Yeah, it's like those cobblestone type bricks.

[A]

Cobblestone bricks, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And they're not like where they put mortar or whatever with the bricks. They're just, like, into the mud. It's that kind of thing. We've all seen them. It looks kind of pretty. Yeah, but it's not good. She's like. He's like, it's not good for the dog. It's good for the dogs. Look, there's no grass to cut. I was like, why is that good for the dogs? You want the dogs peeing and staining into your bricks?

[A]

Yeah, pee on the bricks. So then they go back inside. They go upstairs. The bathroom upstairs. Cause there's only one bathroom in this entire house, by the way. And it's like an old lady bathroom kind of. I shouldn't say old lady bathroom, but it's like this. It's like a. This bathroom from the 30s. It's like pink and. And just sort of, like, outdated and gross. And Sky's like, I need a soaking tub. This is disgusting. I'm definitely not going to, like, soak in this tub.

[B]

And he's like, but it is a tub. She. Not a soaking one.

[A]

It's pink and think.

[B]

I like how they define things on this episode. And he goes, oh, yeah. Well, Skye sets her mind to something. It's gotta be Sky's way of the high's way. And she's like, that is 60% true.

[A]

So. And there's also, like, no closet space. And there's like, they, like, go into one room and, like, the door won't even open up. And Sky's like, oh, wow. This is like a real 1930s walk in. I was being sarcastic. You can't walk in. You can't even fit your finger in there, Steve.

[B]

She's like, this is a full gut. You got your garage. I want a soaking tub. That's it. And we see the beauty space. We see the bedrooms are tiny. Drew likes that. The bedroom is upstairs. I don't know. He's such a weirdo. And I'm like, is sky partying all the time? I know. Does sky have her friends over?

[A]

She has annoying.

[B]

Just wants to escape.

[A]

That's what that means. He goes to sleep early. She has annoying friends. They watch reality TV together. We know, like. We know that.

[B]

She's like, honey, will you get us some popcorn?

[A]

It's like, so then Sky's like, we don't have a third bedroom that we really need for our guests. And again, I'm like, if you're 25 minutes away from Manhattan, your guests are staying in Manhattan. They're not. They're not staying in Rahway.

[B]

Yeah. So then, let's see. They go to the basement. So there's basements in all these homes, too, which is pretty badass, I think. I always wanted to a basement. And there's a toilet in the corner of the basement.

[A]

Just a toilet?

[B]

Yeah. Super weird. I guess there's like, somebody and somebody who built this house just wanted to poop alone. I remember being with a kid and, like, just banging on the door. My mom would be in the bathroom going, mommy, Mommy. She's like, could I just have a fucking minute to myself? That was my mom who built this house. She's like, I'm gonna put a toilet in the basement, and nobody's gonna come down there.

[A]

This whoever put that toilet in there. They not only wanted to poop and be alone, as I think, by the way, most people do when they poop, but, like, she wanted to. The person wanted to poop and be alone, but also be in a very large space at the same time. Like, I want to poop, but be very echoey.

[B]

I want poop echoes.

[A]

I don't want poop.

[B]

I want to poop so bad that I want it to sound like there are 10 of me pooping and calling back to my poops.

[A]

I want to poop, but also be in a space where I can imagine a dance. True practicing.

[B]

Yeah, a dance. Poop practice. So Drew's like, I like it. Cape Cod picket fence. American dream home. American dream home. Pontiac garage.

[A]

Strange toilet placement. I love it. It's everything I could want.

[B]

And sky says, I hate everything about it. It's not a ranch, and it has nothing that I want. And he goes, it's got me, baby. And she goes, yeah. Still no. Nothing I want. Just.

[A]

Oh, no. So now we go to house number two, and Skye's like, well, this looks like a ranch, but maybe a Cape Cod. Or is this. Are we looking at this house? Please tell me we're not looking at this house. We're looking at this house, aren't we?

[B]

Yeah. So I like their terms for homes. Is every one story home a ranch home?

[A]

This felt like it was stretching the definition of ranch.

[B]

Right. I'm gonna put it. Is every one story home a ranch home? I've never really known what is a ranch style, also called a rambler.

[A]

Well, this. Well, I don't. If I had to choose between ranch and rambler, this definitely felt more like a rambler than a ranch. I don't even know what a rambler is, but like a ranch to me sort of sprawls a little bit. And this was just. This was like a freestanding apartment.

[B]

Yeah. There are other types of houses that are one story that are not ranch style houses. Okay. Which I knew. I mean, I knew that I knew the answer to it, but I still had to look because the show is brainwashing me.

[A]

It's a Rahway ranch. It's a Rahway ranch.

[B]

So let's see. So they go, check this out. It's a one story house. It. This one is.

[A]

It's above budget. It has 329. So it's over their budget. But it does have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. But there's no garage, which seems a little bit like a deal breaker because he does have a very fancy car that needs to be put somewhere.

[B]

Yeah, fancy, old, vintage. So they have a tiny little living room, little dining room table. Okay. So you walk in and the living room's really narrow and there's a dining table in there. So it's not a living room, It's a dining room. And there's not room for a couch. And then it's just this little tiny kitchen that can hold maybe a hot pot. I'm not really sure.

[A]

You know, we've heard we talk a lot about open concept, but this is more of an open in concept. Like, yes, there's no walls between the living room and dining room and kitchen, but there's also not a lot of floor either.

[B]

Yeah, there's nothing. Like it's one room. It's like as big as a microwave.

[A]

It's really weird.

[B]

And then sky goes, I don't see an island. That's what you're worried about? An island? Really? How about a space? There's nothing here. There's nowhere to move. I know.

[A]

How about a wall that does not close in on your elbow clothes?

[B]

This is like being buried alive, basically. And so John's like, what? An island? What? That's what was a few thousand. Come on. And then there's an ugly bathroom. And she goes, now this is a soaking tub. It's the same tub as the last place. It's just a different color it really was.

[A]

And by the way, the kitchen. This is like a brand new kitchen. And it looked kind of fug. I was like, really? I mean, you. You put some plastic on some appliances, like some. To show that they haven't been touched yet. And it's supposed to make it sexier, but this was sort of like a not great kitchen. Yeah, just like a generic tub in a generic bathroom. I was like, this shouldn't even be on this show.

[B]

Yeah, that's bad. So then they go outside and they like the backyard, but there's no fence, so that. That's gonna cost a lot of money. And there's no garage. And John's like, What? What's that, 20 grand? Come on. So what? Who cares?

[A]

Come on, give me a break. No big deal. No big deal. And there's the. The master bedroom has doors. Or actually, it's not the master bedroom. It's one of the. One of the. The other bedrooms has doors that lead outside. And Skye's like, oh, I hate that. Because it means that, you know, guests have to go through your bedroom to get outside. I'm like, and also crazy people from Rahway are gonna break into your bedroom. No. Yeah.

[B]

And it's weird cause it's the only back door, so you have to go through a bedroom to get outside of them. It's an odd setup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she's like, but, you know, I'm the one with the beauty room, and he's got more clothes than me. It's really crazy. So they go, look at the basement. Basement. And Drew's like, man, space. I got equipment I can put down here. A microphone. A microphone. A headphone. I got a headphone and a microphone too.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, you know, sky has a. Has. Has like, has a computer room. And I feel like I should take over the. I mean. I mean, computer room. A beauty room. And I feel like I should take over this bed. Imagine if sky had a computer room. A secret computer room room. But there's like a full bath down there. They're, like, excited about this basement. But the basement, to me is just like a unfinished basement that's just. Has walls painted. It was not great.

[B]

Yeah. And so he's like, yeah, I don't get my garage and there's no fence. I mean, I'm not mad at the house, though. But, you know, it's. It's not two story, so maybe we can look at some others. So now they go up to house number three, and the entry goes again. This looks like a Nice Cape Cod. Would you just stop saying Cape Cod? At this point, I don't even know what Cape Cod is. I don't even know anymore. I forgot.

[A]

I think he's really. I think he's, like, actively trying to raise the property values in Rahway by just saying Cape Cod over and over again. Because then we see B roll footage of this, like, depressing train station as, like, the path train goes by. It's like, yeah, scenic Rahway, New Jersey.

[B]

So it looks almost exactly the same as the last one they looked at.

[A]

Almost exactly the same on the outside.

[B]

Yeah, it's. So this one is four bedrooms, four bath, and it's 274, 900.

[A]

But also, this is important. It's four bedrooms, two bath, and it's 1200 square feet. That's not a lot of like. 1200 square feet is a nice amount of space. But for four bedrooms, that is a tight fit. If you're also going to keep your, like, kitchens and living room.

[B]

That's very tight.

[A]

Yeah, tight.

[B]

And it's hideous, too. Everything's dark brown, and the windows are kind of covered, but kind of not. And then I think that I don't know if they're, like, long spools of fabric or if they're sheets or what they have that they're using is, like, curtain type stuff.

[A]

But it looked like a. Wow. Like, looked like a flag that had been furled up. It was. I mean, what was tricky was that this house, someone was still living in it. So all their stuff was everywhere, and their stuff was terrible. So everything just sort of looked at. It was just so cluttered and cramped in there. And the kitchen wasn't too bad, but everything was just sort of on top of itself.

[B]

So it was just tiny. And it has this little fake granite counter that just juts out that they've put chairs at, even though it juts out for no reason. And Jung goes, look at that. You got your island. That is not an island, sir. I go make it one. Give me about ten grand. So what? Come on, give me ping. Right?

[A]

It's a peninsula at best. And it's the only place in the entire house where you can eat. Because there's no room in. In, like, the living room, slash foyer, slash whatever. So sky's like, can. Can we, like, open this up? He's like a. Maybe for like three or five thousand dollars. I don't know. I gotta speak to a guy.

[B]

I got a guy. Don't worry. So they go down to look at the basement and they're like. Like, it smells here. This. This is disgusting.

[A]

And John's like, yeah, well, it's a finished basement with a full bathroom. And probably, you know, it probably just needs a humidifier. I think that smell, I wouldn't worry about. Just needs it. It might be a dead body. Maybe it's some black mold. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You know, just gotta humidify it. It'll fix everything.

[B]

You know, this guy's like, well, I mean, the bathroom's big. And I mean, it works. And it has a washer, dryer and a tub, and it. It's color coordinated. So it is terrible sky. Okay? There's a. There's. There's being positive, and then there's just like walking over a cliff. Like, I'm not gonna fall. I'm not gonna fall because I'm being positive. People who are positive don't fall. Don't walk off the cliff, lady.

[A]

Yeah, they're like, they're. They're in this bathroom because it also smells better than the rest of the basement. And they're in it, and they're just talking about how great this bathroom is because it's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's color coordinated. Color coordinated. And it's modern and it's new. It's like, okay, so, like, this house. So the. The tldr is that this house has a really nice bathroom, like, hidden in its moldy basements.

[B]

The only place anybody wants to spend time in is the basement bathroom. They're like, that's the only place that smells good in this house.

[A]

There's also, by the way, a kitchen island in the basement for some reason. And. And so John's like, hey, there's your kitchen island. There you go. And she's like, well, I don't need it down here. Why do I need it?

[B]

We've seen in all of these homes today have been inhabited by husbands who go, I could do that. Hey, honey, I'm gonna. I want a kitchen in the basement. I could do that. Hey, honey, I want. I want to poop in the basement and pry. I could do that. It's like, just never finishes.

[A]

So the yard is fine. Sort of mangy. There's no garage. And John's like, well, you know what? You want a garage for your car? We can. We can do that. We could do that. Custom garage. We could do that. Yeah, no problem. We can take care of everything.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do a custom garage. Okay. What is it? $5 to build that? That's fine. And Scott's like, this is not moving. Ready? And so Drew goes, yeah. Plus, there's no fence. The dogs can run right into the street. Okay. And John's like, come on. Come on. You know what we should do? Go inside. Let's go inside. It'll. It'll be different inside. So they go inside, they look at another bathroom, and sky goes, wow, that's a deep soaking tub. It's not. It's a tub. It's a standard tub.

[A]

It looked a little deeper, but I don't see why. It looked a little deeper. But I also feel like the. All the other tubs looked deep enough to soak in.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not like they were. They weren't just, like, plates of water. Like, though you could soak, you know, you can get your shoulders in there, right?

[B]

So I don't know. I forgot. So he's looking at the. So the master's downstairs. So he doesn't like that. Drew doesn't like that.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So they go look at the upstairs bedroom also. It's hideous, by the way. It's, like, legit scary.

[A]

And the bathroom, you have to go across the hallway to get to it.

[B]

Yeah. So then they go upstairs, and there are these tiny little rooms with, like, attic ceilings. You know, where the ceilings are kind of like coming into the rooms. And he's like, I don't like that. I don't like the ceiling coming down like that. And John goes, well, brewski. Listen, the attic is the second floor in Capes. Don't you know that? Stupid. And he's like, oh, really? And then John tells us. He's telling me he don't like the ceilings on the second floor. What do you expect in a Cape?

[A]

Fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. I'm gonna take him for all the money he's got. I mean, excited to have him as a client.

[B]

I love that John finally got pissed at Drew Ski.

[A]

Seriously, so. And by the way, I mean, it's fine.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's an angled ceiling. It's sort of charming. So Drew Ski is like, I don't want to sleep in a room with slant ceilings. I feel like I'd hit my head. So Skye's like, so, don't you want a Cape Cod? Do you understand what you're saying? Do you know. Do you even understand the words coming out of your mouth? I am about to sacrifice everything for it to live with you in Rahway. And you don't even know what a Cape Cod is.

[B]

But neither one of them do, because the last house they Walked up to. And she went, it's a ranch. And he goes, it is. And she goes, I think. And then John's like, hey, welcome. And she goes, is this a ranch? And he said, yeah. She goes, told you. Told you. It's a ranch. Neither one of them know. They just keep saying these words over.

[A]

It was not a ranch. That was not a ranch house being conned.

[B]

So now they have to decide what are they gonna get. Dun, dun, dun. So they're sitting in their kitchen, and house one is a white picket fence. And it's the Cape. The Cape guys has a garage, and.

[A]

It'S fenced and nice landscaping. And Drew likes that. The basement likes the basement has potential to turn the toilet into a full bathroom. So there's a lot of toilet upside down there. But sky hated the pink bathroom. And she would. Then she knows they'd have to completely gut it. And there's no central ac. But he's like, yeah, but it just has that American dream feel to it, you know, because when people see Drew Ski, they think, american dream.

[B]

When people see Americans, they think, wow, those people must not have central air, huh? So then we go to house two. They have a soaking tub, and Drew thinks it's overpriced, but it is. Move in ready. And it has central ac. And the basement's a perfect Drew Ski playhouse.

[A]

And then house number three. Sky liked the four bedrooms and the soaking tubs, and she liked that the basement was finished, even though the. The basement has a mystery smell that no one can figure out. But Drew Ski didn't like that the bedrooms had angled ceilings on the second floor.

[B]

I guessed house number two. What did you guess?

[A]

I honestly was flummoxed because I was like, these three houses are so miserable. Every now and then, you get a House Hunters episode where you're like, you just have to start over. Scrap this episode. All three houses were so terrible. I feel like none of them had a redeeming quality for me. I barely could find anything nice. Except the first house had the cute landscaping. My only clue was I felt like the acting was bad for the first house. So I thought, maybe they'll do the first house. I was like, also, he does have that nice car. It does need a garage.

[B]

You were correct. That is what they chose. Ding dong. So they closed five weeks ago, and they did do a remodel. John did say to his word and remodel it.

[A]

Which, nice job, I thought.

[B]

But, yeah, but What? Wasn't this one? $30,000 over budget, and then they came up With.

[A]

No, that was.

[B]

Oh, that one was under budget, right?

[A]

Yeah, it was under budget. So they.

[B]

They.

[A]

They were. It was good. They. The kitchen looked great and then they were in the process of fixing that bathroom, so I was like, okay, well, you know what, with that new kitchen, I think it is the right choice after all.

[B]

It's cute. They did a good job. And they showed the living room with shade redone as well, and it looked really. You did it.

[A]

They figured it out. They did it. They did it. You know, they don't have central ac, but you know what? They figured it out. And you know what? In the end, these were three terrible houses, but they made one of the terrible houses look kind of cute. So I'm impressed.

[B]

And also have to say, like, there are two people I would have expected to be terrible. You've got this guy dj, and then you've got this lady who owns Exercise. You know, I hate exercise, so I would just. And she has like books called like, you're great. So I would normally not like these people, but I have to say, their house turned out great and they turned out to be pretty cute too. So all in all, what a warm hug of an episode.

[A]

Yeah, I have to say, they were like pretty lovely people and it all worked out pretty well for them. So happy to see there's a real rahway miracle. And on that note, thanks everyone for being here for Dwell. Hello. Send us your suggestions. Just email [e-mail] and, you know, maybe we'll. We'll choose one of the episodes that you really like, so we'll catch you on the next one. Thanks for listening here on Wondery Plus. Bye, everyone.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Com.