Watch What Crappens: "Dwell Hello 316: De Nada Granada"

Podcast: Watch What Crappens
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: August 18, 2023
Episode Theme: A comedic recap of House Hunters International S169E5 "De Nada Granada," focusing on a young hipster couple’s quest for an apartment in Granada, Spain—with snark, pop culture tangents, and British real estate agent roastings galore.

Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie joyfully ridicule and dissect a House Hunters International episode featuring Sam and Sabrina—two recent American college grads relocating from Portland to Granada to teach English. The pair’s journey, joined by a flamboyant British realtor, is lampooned for its hipster aesthetics, naive ambitions, and unrealistic apartment expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Couple: Sam and Sabrina

• First Impressions:
  • The hosts are instantly distracted by Sam’s questionable mustache—a symbol for poor life decisions.
    • “You’re using your powers for bad, mustache.” — Ronnie (01:48)
  • The couple is described as an “odd couple” with low self-awareness and affectations commonly associated with Portland hipsters.
• Personalities:
  • Sam is “aloof” (or “numb”), likened to a two-year-old staring at a Starbucks bulletin board (03:42), seemingly slow on the uptake—and possibly emotionally lobotomized.
  • Sabrina is introverted-extroverted, a “smile talker,” and “utterly charming” to Nick, but her wants are mismatched to their means.

The Realtor: Nick

• Vibe:
  • A foppish, judgy, and over-invested British gentleman ("male Mary Berry"), providing comic relief and an outsider’s bemused perspective.
  • “He’s definitely giving like a Manny Poppins energy... waiting for a family that will invite him in. He’s like a vampire.” — Ben (03:31)

The Apartment Hunt: Unrealistic Expectations

• Wish List Irony:
  • The couple wants a terrace for morning coffee, copious sunlight, a bathtub, an oven, guest rooms, central location, and walkability—all for under €650/month.
  • The hosts mock the “coffee on the terrace” fantasy:
    • “Girl loves to relax again.” — Ronnie (21:17)
    • “If you’re 22 … your coffee nook is your bed.” — Ben (19:34)
• Financial Reality:
  • Ronnie and Ben roast Sam and Sabrina mercilessly for penny-pinching in rent while splurging on massages, flamenco lessons, and ice cream.
    • “You’re over there living like Daddy Warbucks.” — Ronnie (35:06)
    • “Have one less flamenco class, and you could afford this apartment.” — Ben (25:35)

The Apartments: Roasting Each Option

1. Apartment 1: Modern & Central ($700/month)
   • Gorgeous, modern, has oven, no tub.
   • Sam complains about wide streets; Sabrina dislikes the wallpaper.
   • Hosts: Point out their focus is on aesthetics despite Sam’s hipster look.
   • “You’re not date a man with squiggles on his face. You can live in a home with squiggles on the walls.” — Ronnie (29:34)
2. Apartment 2: Dated & Distant ($550/month)
   • Pink tub, “moldy” green-tinged tile, old furniture, no proper oven.
   • Ample ridicule for wanting guest rooms and complaining about “dated” décor.
   • “You slept with a mattress on the floor...” — Ben (43:56)
   • “A balcony for Sabrina to jump off of when she’s depressed by the shittiness of this space and realizes she’s dating…Sam.” — Ronnie (38:56)
3. Apartment 3: Compromise Near Pool ($650/month)
   • Two bedrooms, firm mattress, dark, communal postage-stamp pool.
   • “This can be my bath. I’ll just put soap in here and relax all day…” — Ronnie, mock-Sabrina (52:29)

Life & Relationship Operations

• Relationship Dynamic:
  • Five years dating, first-time cohabiting—in Spain.
  • The hosts ridicule their shock at discovering living preferences.
    • “You’ve been together five years. You act like you’ve known each other two weeks.” — Ronnie (47:01)
• Who’s in Charge?
  • Nick’s (the realtor) running concern is neither knows what they want or who calls the shots.
    • “Who’s the decision maker? And also, why are they together?” — Ben (53:07)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On mustache mystique:
  “It looks like a pipe cleaner wrapped around a butter knife. And it’s on his face and it’s deeply distracting...” — Ben (02:33)
• On entitlement:
  “Your dreams need to be about not getting lead in your water.” — Ronnie (20:08)
• On guest rooms:
  “Why are you putting guest bedrooms into your budget?... I’m going to spring…for a motel rather than stay in their guest room with these two.” — Ben (32:02)
• On decision making:
  “My duty of care can only go so far.” — Ben, as Nick (54:37)
• On their lifestyle discrepancies:
  “Stop romanticizing coffee. You’re a drug addict and this is poison…” — Ronnie (19:11)

Key Timestamps

• [01:13] – Mustache & transformation commentary
• [03:09] – Introduction of foppish realtor Nick
• [05:16] – Explanation of couple’s move and jobs
• [12:13] – Discussion of modern episode quirks and HD visuals
• [17:29] – Coffee nook obsession roast
• [25:19] – $25 over budget outrage and cost breakdowns
• [28:12] – Oven cravings/economic privilege jokes
• [32:02] – Guest bedroom practicality lambasted
• [38:56] – Introduction of hideous bathroom, pink tub, and mold accusations
• [43:56] – Mattress on the floor flashback hypocrisy
• [52:29] – Pool as bath highlight
• [55:47] – Apartment elimination and exasperation with couple’s choice

Episode Flow & Tone

• Language: Relentlessly sarcastic, crass, and affectionate in the criticism of Bravo-style quirks.
• Energy: Fast-paced, free-association, undergirded by recurring bits (on coffee, mustaches, teaching credentials, and British eccentricities).
• Chemistry: Ben and Ronnie riff on character flaws, narrative absurdities, and continue established podcast in-jokes.

Final Apartment Choice & Closing

• Outcome:
  • Sam and Sabrina reject the best apartment over a negligible price difference—choosing the dated, further-out flat for its balcony and (badly) meeting their wish list.
  • Post-move update is minimal: seen getting ice cream, still bumbling through life (and apparently doing nothing to improve their apartment).
• Hosts’ verdict:
  • The couple is hopelessly naive, performative, and needs to reassess priorities (and mustache grooming) to survive in Spain.

Summary Usefulness:
This recap thoroughly captures both the content of the House Hunters International episode and the signature Watch What Crappens tone, giving absentees a vivid play-by-play with comic context and memorable podcast zingers.