Watch What Crappens — "Dwell Hello #320: Couple Seeks Old Home That’s Not Haunted in Massachusetts"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: October 12, 2023

Overview

In this spooky, laugh-filled "Dwell Hello" episode, Ben and Ronnie recap and roast a particularly absurd episode of House Hunters titled “Couple Seeks Old Home That’s Not Haunted in Massachusetts.” The couple at the center, Kara and Jeremiah, are recently engaged and searching for a historic Massachusetts home with "character"—but Jeremiah’s only real dealbreaker is ghosts. The hosts gleefully riff on the couple’s quirks, questionable taste, and their ever-growing, impossible list of demands, all set against the backdrop of colonial homes no one in their right mind would call “non-haunted.”

Throughout, Ben and Ronnie’s signature Bravo-sharp banter and improv keep things light, irreverent, and pointedly affectionate, with House Hunters’ narration tropes, New England accents, and ghost jokes in the firing line.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Homebuyers: Kara & Jeremiah

• The Couple’s Dynamic:
  • Kara: A 29-year-old musical theater buff and applied behavior analyst.
  • Jeremiah: A 29-year-old chemical engineer, obsessed with avoiding ghosts, thick Massachusetts accent, and “big guy” sensibilities.
  • Ben: “This is one of those couples where you're like, oh, my God, the guy's the ridiculous one… but then the wife is like, but also, I'm in musical theater and I sing. I was like, oh no, you’re both disasters.” (02:04)
  • Ronnie: “I don't want to live next to either one of you.” (02:28)
• Their Relationship:
  • Observed as already lacking chemistry, with awkward, mundane exchanges.
  • Kara’s theatrical background contrasts with Jeremiah’s down-to-earth, skeptical approach.

2. The Hunt Is On: The Impossible Wish List

• Location: Westboro, MA — a historic and, according to the hosts, somewhat unremarkable town.
• House Goals:
  • Three bedrooms, two baths, $400,000 budget.
  • Character (Kara): “Built-ins!”
  • Space (Jeremiah): Modern colonial, big kitchen, lots of windows, no trees (“because that’s what ghosts hide”).
  • Space for a variety of hobbies: crafting, sewing, knitting, wine-making (“shitty, shitty Westboro wine”), and room for a piano.
  • A spa-style master bath.
  • An un-haunted residence.
• The hosts mercilessly tally the wishlist: “There needs to be space for something like a coffin shaped pinewood thing in the back that's going to make some sort of shitty wine. And there has to be room for some sort of renovated piano… all for $400,000.” (16:05)
• Ghosts as House Deal-Breaker: Jeremiah’s fear of ghosts is relentless, but contradictory, given their interest in colonial homes—a point Ben and Ronnie return to with delight: “You are literally in the market for the most haunted house type of house.” (11:52)

3. House Tour Highlights & Recap

[House #1: 1977 Federal-Style Colonial] (21:06)

• Price: $400,000 (at the top of their budget; couple still claims it’s “so expensive!”)
• Notable features: dated interiors, mint-green/brown paint scheme, low ceilings.
• Hosts’ takes:
  • “Normally on House Hunters, they go, ‘Well, we’ll have to paint this.’ They are completely down with it. They’re like, Oh yeah, cool.” (25:09)
  • Faux-granite countertops and clashing finishes generate particular horror and amusement.
  • Sunroom is a big plus for Kara’s crafting.
• Cons: Tiny master bath, tacky design choices, little counter space.
• “What part about the window fan in the window says there’s going to be a spa around the corner?” (29:46)

[House #2: 1860 Colonial, Next to a Graveyard] (34:03)

• Price: Under budget, $380,000.
• Adjacent to a centuries-old cemetery, which horrifies Jeremiah and, surprisingly, Kara too.
• Notable features:
  • More original features (china cabinet—“for your junk, Kara”), plenty of compartmentalization and red/white “hideous” paint schemes.
  • Upstairs kitchen (baffling to the couple).
• Cons: The graveyard next door brings the ghost worries to a zenith.
• Kara’s crafting obsession escalates (“Give me a fucking crafting room!”), while the possibility of multiple ghostly incursions spirals into parody.

[House #3: 1805 Colonial (with Purple Shutters!)] (42:16)

• Price: $372,000 (plus closing costs, over budget in the end).
• Oldest, quirkiest house. Instant “haunted” vibe.
• Notable features:
  • Built-ins (“She goes right past the stove and looks at some shelves: ‘Built-ins!’” (44:58))
  • Sloped attic ceilings, washing machine upstairs (“best thing to have!”), rooms added staggered over centuries, and questionable tile choices.
  • Bonus: Narrow halls and “the most child’s art project-looking kitchen tile ever.” (46:18)
  • Unexpected view of a lake.
• Cons: Least functional kitchen, lack of counter space, “ghost” trees, bad carpeting—yet the most “character” per Kara and Ben.

4. The Hosts’ Playful Spectacle: Ghost Jokes & Deadpan Roasting

• Recurring bits on “ghost rules,” haunted trees, and crafting-room mania.
  • “Ghosts don’t haunt ranches. They need a second floor!” (12:35)
  • “They literally go through walls, bro.” (22:26)
  • “If you start playing the piano, the ghosts are going to gather around… probably singing ghost Christmas carols.” (38:13)
• The couple’s inconsistent desires, lack of realism, and peculiar chemistry spur extended satire.
• Memorable analysis of New England house names: “Is this like Peggy from Real Housewives of Orange County, the hundredth housewife?” (10:20)

5. Final Decision & Aftermath

• The couple, predictably, chooses House #3 (the oldest and "most haunted"), citing character and the sunroom for crafting.
  • Purchase price: $372,000 (plus closing).
  • Kara: “I’m going to redo that bathroom to my house spa.” (51:14)
  • Family and pets welcomed into their slightly haunted home—but the hosts joke that nearby neighbors are already rolling their eyes.
  • Jeremiah: “Out of all the houses we looked at, without a doubt, this is the only house that is actually haunted. But we have some protection because we talk to the neighbors. So we're going to be able to build a united front against the ghosts.” (52:11)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the Couple:

  • Ben: “This relationship is already curdled and you haven't even gotten married yet.” (06:28)
  • Ronnie: “You are so cheating on him…with someone from, like, the cast of Hello Dolly.” (05:55)

• On the Ghost Obsession:

  • Jeremiah’s dealbreaker: “My number one deal breaker is I don’t want ghosts.” (04:58)
  • Ben: “You’re literally in the market for the most haunted house type of house.” (11:52)

• On Tchotchkes:

  • Kara (via Ben): “I always wanted built ins for, you know, knickknacks, or as my mom would call them, the tchotchkas. That’s Yiddish.” (17:05)
  • Ronnie: “Hadn't heard that term before… Chachkis, no tatchkas.” (17:17)

• On the Graves Location:

  • Kara (via Ben): “I wouldn’t prefer the view out of my window to be a cemetery, especially an old one. It’s like, oh, okay—so only newly dead people for you?” (34:45)

• On Compromises:

  • Rich (the realtor): “Well, you know what? Maybe it’s going to be a compromise that you make.” (31:22)

• On the Final Choice:

  • Jeremiah: “Out of all the houses we looked at, without a doubt, this is the only house that is actually haunted. But we have some protection because we talk to the neighbors. So we're going to be able to build a united front against the ghosts.” (52:11)

• Summing Up the Couple:

  • Ronnie: “After an hour of dragging these poor people who've done nothing to me, it is cute that, like, they're just so in love, right?” (52:53)
  • Ben: “I think it was really cute that they knit together. I thought that was very sweet… I think their choices are terrible, though.” (53:00)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Main Episode Start: 01:12
• Hosts Introduce the Episode & Couple: 02:04 – 04:49
• Ghost-Related Demands: 04:49 – 06:54
• Wishlist Run-Through: 13:23 – 16:05
• House #1 Tour: 21:06 – 33:04
• House #2 Tour (Graveyard Next Door): 34:03 – 41:00
• House #3 Tour (Oldest, “Most Haunted”): 42:16 – 48:52
• Final Deliberation and Choice: 49:15 – 51:05
• Post-Decision Reflections & Wrap-Up: 51:14 – 53:25

Tone & Notes

Ben and Ronnie maintain their trademark mix of affectionate mockery and Bravo-style wit. Their improv-heavy, New England-accented banter, combined with classic House Hunters tropes (overly long wishlists, puzzled hosts, and clueless realtors), keeps the episode fun and fast-paced. They poke gentle fun at the homebuyers’ quirks—particularly the ghost paranoia and Kara's crafting room fixation—while also marveling at the earnestness (and questionable taste) of Midwest home-hunters everywhere.

Summary for Non-Listeners:
This "Dwell Hello" episode is a lively, irreverent recap and roast of a hilariously mismatched Massachusetts couple’s haunted house hunt. Ben and Ronnie break down the show’s most absurd moments and character flaws, riffing on House Hunters conventions, colonial home clichés, and everything ghostly. Along the way, they sprinkle in memorable quotes, vivid character sketches, and zingers on décor and house-buying delusions—all with just enough warmth that you root for love (if not for their interior design choices).