Dwell Hello #320: Couple Seeks Old Home That’s Not Haunted in Massachusetts

Summary

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Watch What Crappens — "Dwell Hello #320: Couple Seeks Old Home That’s Not Haunted in Massachusetts"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: October 12, 2023

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Overview

In this spooky, laugh-filled "Dwell Hello" episode, Ben and Ronnie recap and roast a particularly absurd episode of House Hunters titled “Couple Seeks Old Home That’s Not Haunted in Massachusetts.” The couple at the center, Kara and Jeremiah, are recently engaged and searching for a historic Massachusetts home with "character"—but Jeremiah’s only real dealbreaker is ghosts. The hosts gleefully riff on the couple’s quirks, questionable taste, and their ever-growing, impossible list of demands, all set against the backdrop of colonial homes no one in their right mind would call “non-haunted.”

Throughout, Ben and Ronnie’s signature Bravo-sharp banter and improv keep things light, irreverent, and pointedly affectionate, with House Hunters’ narration tropes, New England accents, and ghost jokes in the firing line.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Homebuyers: Kara & Jeremiah

• The Couple’s Dynamic:
  • Kara: A 29-year-old musical theater buff and applied behavior analyst.
  • Jeremiah: A 29-year-old chemical engineer, obsessed with avoiding ghosts, thick Massachusetts accent, and “big guy” sensibilities.
  • Ben: “This is one of those couples where you're like, oh, my God, the guy's the ridiculous one… but then the wife is like, but also, I'm in musical theater and I sing. I was like, oh no, you’re both disasters.” (02:04)
  • Ronnie: “I don't want to live next to either one of you.” (02:28)
• Their Relationship:
  • Observed as already lacking chemistry, with awkward, mundane exchanges.
  • Kara’s theatrical background contrasts with Jeremiah’s down-to-earth, skeptical approach.

2. The Hunt Is On: The Impossible Wish List

• Location: Westboro, MA — a historic and, according to the hosts, somewhat unremarkable town.
• House Goals:
  • Three bedrooms, two baths, $400,000 budget.
  • Character (Kara): “Built-ins!”
  • Space (Jeremiah): Modern colonial, big kitchen, lots of windows, no trees (“because that’s what ghosts hide”).
  • Space for a variety of hobbies: crafting, sewing, knitting, wine-making (“shitty, shitty Westboro wine”), and room for a piano.
  • A spa-style master bath.
  • An un-haunted residence.
• The hosts mercilessly tally the wishlist: “There needs to be space for something like a coffin shaped pinewood thing in the back that's going to make some sort of shitty wine. And there has to be room for some sort of renovated piano… all for $400,000.” (16:05)
• Ghosts as House Deal-Breaker: Jeremiah’s fear of ghosts is relentless, but contradictory, given their interest in colonial homes—a point Ben and Ronnie return to with delight: “You are literally in the market for the most haunted house type of house.” (11:52)

3. House Tour Highlights & Recap

[House #1: 1977 Federal-Style Colonial] (21:06)

• Price: $400,000 (at the top of their budget; couple still claims it’s “so expensive!”)
• Notable features: dated interiors, mint-green/brown paint scheme, low ceilings.
• Hosts’ takes:
  • “Normally on House Hunters, they go, ‘Well, we’ll have to paint this.’ They are completely down with it. They’re like, Oh yeah, cool.” (25:09)
  • Faux-granite countertops and clashing finishes generate particular horror and amusement.
  • Sunroom is a big plus for Kara’s crafting.
• Cons: Tiny master bath, tacky design choices, little counter space.
• “What part about the window fan in the window says there’s going to be a spa around the corner?” (29:46)

[House #2: 1860 Colonial, Next to a Graveyard] (34:03)

• Price: Under budget, $380,000.
• Adjacent to a centuries-old cemetery, which horrifies Jeremiah and, surprisingly, Kara too.
• Notable features:
  • More original features (china cabinet—“for your junk, Kara”), plenty of compartmentalization and red/white “hideous” paint schemes.
  • Upstairs kitchen (baffling to the couple).
• Cons: The graveyard next door brings the ghost worries to a zenith.
• Kara’s crafting obsession escalates (“Give me a fucking crafting room!”), while the possibility of multiple ghostly incursions spirals into parody.

[House #3: 1805 Colonial (with Purple Shutters!)] (42:16)

• Price: $372,000 (plus closing costs, over budget in the end).
• Oldest, quirkiest house. Instant “haunted” vibe.
• Notable features:
  • Built-ins (“She goes right past the stove and looks at some shelves: ‘Built-ins!’” (44:58))
  • Sloped attic ceilings, washing machine upstairs (“best thing to have!”), rooms added staggered over centuries, and questionable tile choices.
  • Bonus: Narrow halls and “the most child’s art project-looking kitchen tile ever.” (46:18)
  • Unexpected view of a lake.
• Cons: Least functional kitchen, lack of counter space, “ghost” trees, bad carpeting—yet the most “character” per Kara and Ben.

4. The Hosts’ Playful Spectacle: Ghost Jokes & Deadpan Roasting

• Recurring bits on “ghost rules,” haunted trees, and crafting-room mania.
  • “Ghosts don’t haunt ranches. They need a second floor!” (12:35)
  • “They literally go through walls, bro.” (22:26)
  • “If you start playing the piano, the ghosts are going to gather around… probably singing ghost Christmas carols.” (38:13)
• The couple’s inconsistent desires, lack of realism, and peculiar chemistry spur extended satire.
• Memorable analysis of New England house names: “Is this like Peggy from Real Housewives of Orange County, the hundredth housewife?” (10:20)

5. Final Decision & Aftermath

• The couple, predictably, chooses House #3 (the oldest and "most haunted"), citing character and the sunroom for crafting.
  • Purchase price: $372,000 (plus closing).
  • Kara: “I’m going to redo that bathroom to my house spa.” (51:14)
  • Family and pets welcomed into their slightly haunted home—but the hosts joke that nearby neighbors are already rolling their eyes.
  • Jeremiah: “Out of all the houses we looked at, without a doubt, this is the only house that is actually haunted. But we have some protection because we talk to the neighbors. So we're going to be able to build a united front against the ghosts.” (52:11)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the Couple:

  • Ben: “This relationship is already curdled and you haven't even gotten married yet.” (06:28)
  • Ronnie: “You are so cheating on him…with someone from, like, the cast of Hello Dolly.” (05:55)

• On the Ghost Obsession:

  • Jeremiah’s dealbreaker: “My number one deal breaker is I don’t want ghosts.” (04:58)
  • Ben: “You’re literally in the market for the most haunted house type of house.” (11:52)

• On Tchotchkes:

  • Kara (via Ben): “I always wanted built ins for, you know, knickknacks, or as my mom would call them, the tchotchkas. That’s Yiddish.” (17:05)
  • Ronnie: “Hadn't heard that term before… Chachkis, no tatchkas.” (17:17)

• On the Graves Location:

  • Kara (via Ben): “I wouldn’t prefer the view out of my window to be a cemetery, especially an old one. It’s like, oh, okay—so only newly dead people for you?” (34:45)

• On Compromises:

  • Rich (the realtor): “Well, you know what? Maybe it’s going to be a compromise that you make.” (31:22)

• On the Final Choice:

  • Jeremiah: “Out of all the houses we looked at, without a doubt, this is the only house that is actually haunted. But we have some protection because we talk to the neighbors. So we're going to be able to build a united front against the ghosts.” (52:11)

• Summing Up the Couple:

  • Ronnie: “After an hour of dragging these poor people who've done nothing to me, it is cute that, like, they're just so in love, right?” (52:53)
  • Ben: “I think it was really cute that they knit together. I thought that was very sweet… I think their choices are terrible, though.” (53:00)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Main Episode Start: 01:12
• Hosts Introduce the Episode & Couple: 02:04 – 04:49
• Ghost-Related Demands: 04:49 – 06:54
• Wishlist Run-Through: 13:23 – 16:05
• House #1 Tour: 21:06 – 33:04
• House #2 Tour (Graveyard Next Door): 34:03 – 41:00
• House #3 Tour (Oldest, “Most Haunted”): 42:16 – 48:52
• Final Deliberation and Choice: 49:15 – 51:05
• Post-Decision Reflections & Wrap-Up: 51:14 – 53:25

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Tone & Notes

Ben and Ronnie maintain their trademark mix of affectionate mockery and Bravo-style wit. Their improv-heavy, New England-accented banter, combined with classic House Hunters tropes (overly long wishlists, puzzled hosts, and clueless realtors), keeps the episode fun and fast-paced. They poke gentle fun at the homebuyers’ quirks—particularly the ghost paranoia and Kara's crafting room fixation—while also marveling at the earnestness (and questionable taste) of Midwest home-hunters everywhere.

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Summary for Non-Listeners:
This "Dwell Hello" episode is a lively, irreverent recap and roast of a hilariously mismatched Massachusetts couple’s haunted house hunt. Ben and Ronnie break down the show’s most absurd moments and character flaws, riffing on House Hunters conventions, colonial home clichés, and everything ghostly. Along the way, they sprinkle in memorable quotes, vivid character sketches, and zingers on décor and house-buying delusions—all with just enough warmth that you root for love (if not for their interior design choices).

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Ding dong.

[A]

Ding dong.

[C]

Ding dong.

[A]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong. Hello. Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

It's our House Hunters podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How you doing, Ronnie?

[C]

Good. What's going on with you, my little man?

[A]

Not much. You know, it's October. It's a spooky time of the year. People get ready for the tricking and the treating and all that good stuff. Watching the scary movies, getting into the spirit. And what better way to usher in Halloween, the Halloween month, than with a very creepy, crawly, spooky House Hunters episode?

[C]

Do it, Ben. Don't threaten me with a good time.

[A]

Fine.

[C]

Yeah, this is a very scary episode. Mostly the couple. This is one of those couples where you're like, oh, my God, the guy's the ridiculous one. You know, he's like, very. If King of Queens was playing the guy from TLC's Sister Wives Cody Brown. But then the wife is like, but also, I'm in musical theater and I sing. I was like, oh, no, you're both disasters. I don't want to live next to either one of you.

[A]

These people are ridiculous. So the episode we're talking about is House Hunters. We watch it on Max. Okay, so here is how you find it on Max, because I actually don't think it's on YouTube. TV. It's House Hunters, volume four, season 112, episode one. Is it episode one? I feel like I miswrote that. It's episode one, episode one, but here's the name of it. Couple seeks old home that's not haunted in Massachusetts. Well, good luck with that.

[C]

Good luck. I. This is the first one I actually looked up on Max that I couldn't search by title. I think it just got exhausted. It was like, too many numbers. Too many. House Hunters Volume 4 Season 11 Episode no, Season 112 Episode 1 Couple seeks old home that's not haunted in Massachusetts. I need a bookmark to get through that title. What the fuck?

[A]

We found this one. Basically, Ronnie was like, pick a. Pick something for this.

[B]

For this.

[A]

Dwell. Hello. It's your turn. So I. I was supposed to give you an episode on Saturday, and then I flaked because I was playing too much Nintendo.

[C]

Then you.

[A]

I was just about to head out to breakfast and you texted me, hey, just a reminder. And I was like, oh. So I went on to Max, and I went to, like, one of the random collections. I was like, let me do an older one. Because for some reason, the older ones are kind of, like, funnier. And I, like, clicked on a random collection on a random season and I saw the description. Couple seeks old home that's not haunted in Massachusetts. And I saw their faces and I was like, I feel like this is probably a good place to start. So I was really happy that it was. It was. It was just as ridiculous as it sounded.

[C]

Yeah, it was. It was so. Well, recently engaged couple, Kara and Jeremiah. Kara, Maya, if. If you're into couple names, are on the hunt for their first home in Massachusetts. She wants character. And then we get to Jeremiah going for all your junk.

[A]

Well, because. Well, because Linda goes. She wants a home with character. And then it cuts to Kara going, built ins. I was like, whoa.

[C]

Okay, so the built ins are for all your junk.

[A]

And he, on the other hand, is fixated on something else. I don't even have to say the dot. Do dot. You know what's coming.

[C]

I'm going to just be quiet for a second and let you assume his obsession is making shapes out of boogers that he picks out of his nose. Okay, and tell us your deal breaker. Tell us your obsession there, Jeremiah. He's like, my number one deal breaker is I don't want ghosts.

[A]

Linda's like, let me have a moment here. I've been doing this for many years. I just need a moment to reflect on my career choices that led me to narrate this idiot buying a house. I mean, even this guy's got someone. And here I am, Linda, alone, drinking Taster's Choice in the morning, staring at my cat. Wow, what a world. Anyway, will they be able to find a home without any spooky spirits? Or will I just have to talk to Mr. Snuffles and say, guess what? I'm Doing today, talking about someone named Jeremiah who literally has $400,000 that he can spend. Wow.

[C]

And he keeps saying every time he says ghost something, he, like, laughs at himself. He's like, although I got a twinkle in my eye, I ain't really afraid of ghosts. And then Kara, his fiance, you know, just like, looks at him like he's just so adorably obsessed with a ghost. You are so cheating on him. I cannot wait till you cheat on him and leave him. I know it's coming soon. It's gonna be with someone from, like, the cast of hello Dolly, and I'm gonna crack up. They're gonna do it. Like, he's gonna be in full sideburns, makeup. She's gonna be obsessed with someone else. Completely weird soon. I'm team Kara.

[A]

Yeah. They have no chemistry, cuz they're walking along on, like, a path with their dog. And she's like, nice breeze today. I was like, wow, this relationship is already curdled and you haven't even gotten married yet.

[C]

Oh, no. It gets even worse because she says that. And then he goes, yeah, it was, what, this morning? But now there's a breeze out. It's like, oh, my God, just seriously, go. Like a stranger in the dog park behind a tree at this point, please.

[A]

It's like, my Name's Jeremiah, I'm 29 years old, and I work as a chemical engineer because he has the thickest Massachusetts accent of all time. And then we see her, so we learn later on that she definitely has root. She has roots in musical theater. And you can see this because she has to recreate herself at work. And so she's on a laptop with a headset on, and she's like, sure you'd like to add more students onto your ace account?

[C]

She's sitting right by the front door with a literal headset from Amazon, going, sure, I was dying laughing. This is like, you know, hey, we're gonna take your headshots, but we need to know that you can play a lady in an office. She's like, customer service all the way. Just get me now, get me now. I got a headset.

[A]

She's doing musical theater typing, where your fingers come up to your head as you push them down, up and down, up and down. So she goes, my Name's Kara. I'm 29 years old, and I'm an applied behavior analyst at a school for children with autism. Also, you could find me in the 1997 Syosset production of hello, Dolly, which is kind of why I have A thing for guysnet musical.

[C]

Like, we met at a friend's house, and I knew that friend from theater, and he was, you know, this guy, real fish out of water. At this party, he may have had a couple of too many drinks. Okay. And he decided to take selfies with each person at the party. It was so hilarious. And at first. And he. By the way, while she's talking, he just keeps, like, looking at the camera and then looking at her and smiling. Like, tell it to tell it. I can't wait. This is my favorite part.

[A]

This part. This part coming up here. This is wicked awesome. Let's listen. Wait.

[C]

Wait for it.

[A]

So she goes, wicket, honestly, our first picture together. Like, I look less than happy. And we see a picture of their. Their selfie, and she's like, oh, she's absolutely disgusted by this. She's like, I was just about to make a move on the guy who played Seymour and Little Shop of Horrors, and you totally blocked me.

[C]

Yeah, she was. She wasn't pleased. But it still worked. And five years later, we're still doing it. Literally. Literally.

[A]

Yeah. You know, this is the perfect time for us to buy our first home together because, like, we are recently engaged, and we really are, like, ready to start our life together. And we're, like, looking to buy a house in Westboro, Massachusetts. I'm initially from Long island, and about seven years ago, I moved to Massachusetts for work. Well, technically, I heard I had a good shot at the Acton local community theater production of Guys and Dolls, but that unfortunately didn't work out.

[C]

Tough act in synagogue, am I right? But you know what? He's from Gloucester, and I love a lot about this town. You know, it reminds me. It reminds me of where I grew up. And I love that they flipped the script on this because that's usually what the guy says. He's like, I love this house because it's like the house where I grew up.

[A]

Grandma. Grandma taught me fishing here. I need to move into a place that feels like grandma teaching fishing. So Linda's like, all right, well, I guess I gotta find some interesting tidbit about this shithole town. Nicknamed the 100th town after it was the 100th mass uses town to be incorporated in 1717. Westboro is rich with history. This is really all we got. It's just the 100th town. Is anyone famous from here? They have a fountain. Do they have a store? Do they have a Rocky Mountain fudge factory? Anything?

[C]

Literally nothing. They were just named the hundredth time. So that's.

[A]

That Is this like Peggy from Real Houses of Orange county, the hundredth housewife? Really? Is it like that? Just wondering.

[C]

Westboro is rich in this, as Jeremiah is, with split ends. History. Very rich in history. So they're located just 30 miles of Boston. It's ideal for a couple looking for character. Am I right? Am I right? Speaking of someone looking for characters, what am I? What do you say, Kara? Lady who banged a guy from a theater party?

[A]

Wow. The farmer and the cabman can be friends, but they can also be incredibly boring.

[C]

So, Kara, they show a shot of them, like, looking through the town at different kinds of colonials because that's the only kind of house you can buy there, which makes sense. But I didn't know there were this many kinds of colonials. They're like, you know what? I want to. I want to go for an ice cream colonial.

[A]

Really?

[C]

I like zebra colonials. Oh, my God. All right, let's go to a light bulb. Colonial. I know. How many colonials are there?

[A]

Seriously? So they're walking down the street and they see a house, and she's like, hey, look, Jeremiah, that house has all the shapes you've been talking about. I'm like, what was that conversation?

[C]

I've never heard that. Never. Literally.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How many episodes of this have we watched? Yeah.

[A]

I want a house that has a few triangles, a square and a rectangle. Can we find a house like that?

[C]

Don't try to oval me. Don't do it.

[A]

No ovals. Ovals are for ghosts. I don't want an oval. Okay.

[C]

Casper's like a. Casper's like an oval.

[A]

But, like, turned sideways, if you think about it. I don't want any. I don't. I want specific shapes. So he's. They're looking for colonial, which, by the way, is funny because again, ultimately a big thing for him is he does want ghosts. You were literally in the market for the most haunted house type of house. Well, I guess a Victorian is the most haunted house, but I feel like modern horror is in colonials. Like, he is literally going to the ghosts.

[C]

Well, I think living somewhere that's so historic, like, you're only going to get, like, what do you think Ghostbusters came to this town? There's going to be ghosts. I mean, you need to move to, like, somewhere new, like Scottsdale. You know what I mean?

[A]

Get a ranch.

[C]

That's where you get the least ghosts.

[A]

Let me tell you something. Ghosts don't haunt ranches. They don't. Not like ranch ranches, but, like a ranch style house. They ghosts, like, are like. They don't like a single level. They need to have a.

[C]

They need to have a floating. Yeah, you're right.

[A]

They're like a second floor. You know, addicts, you know, they are not into. They are not into mid century.

[C]

Yeah. So Jeremiah's like, we're looking for a house with a lot of character. And she's like, yeah, colonial. Colonial's got character. And he's like, yeah, a modern colonial, though, because I'm a bigger guy and I like more space. Also the modern space on the inside makes me feel less claustrophobic. Really? More space makes you feel less claustrophobic? That's fucking crazy. Jeremiah. Kara, you better. You better nail this one down.

[A]

I know. What a revolutionary concept. Also, like, why are you going for a house style that's like famous for not having open concepts? So they're like, okay, our budget is $400,000 and want a three bedroom, two bath house. And. And then Linda's like, oh, sorry. It's like, I want a three bedroom, two bathroom house. All right. Also important to these two idiots is a dedicated space for their various hobbies. Wow. It just gets worse, doesn't it?

[C]

So then we cut to her, Cara trying on like a weird knitted tank top sweater type thing that has no sleeves. It looks terrible. I don't know if it's just not finished or what, but don't take pictures, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then they show a knitted elephant toy thing that they've made. That's. I mean, that's pretty cute. I. I respect the hobby of knitting. I don't know that I necessarily want to watch the girl from community theater knitting with Jeremiah.

[A]

I know, because it turns out they actually knit together and that Jeremiah is actually a better knitter than she is, which I found. I did actually find that to very endearing. And then he's like, look at my mufflers. Look at it. Does it fit? Do my mufflers fit? And he like puts this like knitted contraption. It's like some sort of half finished ring on her head. She's like, stop it, Jeremiah. So it's very important for her that there's room for crafting and a sewing machine.

[C]

Yes. And. Oh, don't forget. And also. And also he needs an outdoor spot so he can make his wine. Jeremiah. Jeremiah takes on these huge projects and then they show them making wine, but they're using grocery store grapes, like very obviously grocery store grapes. And he's smushing it through what looks like A child's playhouse.

[A]

Yeah, it's like this weird. Like, it looks like an elevated sandbox or something. And they're like putting the grapes in it. And then he starts, like, pawing at the grapes really aggressively to get them to go through, like, the slots. He's like, get the grapes before the ghost do. It doesn't.

[C]

He's like, when I was growing up, my parent had a big piano, so I stripped it down and then I sanded it all and I refinished it and it turned out to be really beautiful. Right? He keeps looking at her and she's like, uh, huh, huh. I can't wait till we get to that part.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But you know what? We don't get to play it because we don't have room for it. So we want to have space for a piano. So right now, for those keeping tabs, we need to have space for a sewing machine, for crafting, for knitting. There needs to be space for something like a coffin shaped pinewood thing in the back that's going to make some sort of shitty wine. And there has to be room for some sort of renovated piano in this house so far.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All for $400,000 just so far.

[C]

So Cara's like, yeah, you know, I would also. Oh, Jeremiah goes, I want a big kitchen with a lot of countertop space. Also a lot of windows and not a lot of trees because I like the sun.

[A]

Okay, so your list continues to go on. And by the way, neither of you seem to have. I mean, like, she works at a. At a special needs school and he's a chemical engineer, it says. But I don't feel like we see any indication that, that he's really employed.

[C]

So then I've just never heard anybody say, you know what? I want windows, but no trees.

[A]

I want to look out. I want to look out on a wasteland. So then he's like, yeah, look, they're still looking at more houses. Yeah, that yard. That yard's nice and big. That would be really good for the dog right there, that yard. I am convinced. The producers had him say yard as many times as possible in this episode.

[C]

Harvard Yard.

[A]

Check out that yard. That yard is really nice and big over there. I really like that backyard over there.

[C]

She's like, yeah, I would like a large backyard that's fenced in for calypso. I always wanted built ins for, you know, knickknacks, or as my mom would call them, the tchotchkas. That's Yiddish.

[A]

Really? Hadn't heard that term Before Chachkis, no tatchkas. I know. Well, she kept saying tchotchkas, but I feel like.

[C]

I feel like I don't know the proper way. I was gonna ask you.

[A]

I think normally we say chachki, not chachka.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Sounds more Yiddish. That's a Yiddish word, right?

[C]

I need help. I need guidance. I just like saying it problematically all these years.

[A]

I just like the fact that she is. She feels like she's introducing the concept of chachkis or chachka's to the American.

[C]

Public, as we say in the Yiddish culture, things you put on shelves.

[A]

And of course, when I say that's what my grandma called, I said, the person who played my grandmother in Fiddler of the Roof. So Jeremiah's like, yeah, you know what? I think that knickknacks look like clutter. It's all junk. I'm like, sir, you have a box on your front yard to make shitty, shitty Westboro wine.

[C]

Do you have a pair of shorts that aren't, like, stained down to the knee cargos? Just while we're on it. Okay. So also, when they're talking about the tchotchkas, we see these shelves, and they're just full of porcelain bunnies.

[A]

I mean, you know, he does have a point.

[C]

He does. So the narrator, Linda, is, like, rounding out there, wantless is a bathtub for her and an unusual wish for him. He's like, my number one deal break. I don't want ghosts. We have a friend, and she told us that if you stand by the bathroom at a certain time of day, you can hear a dinner party downstairs. I don't want that kind of anxiety in my life. I don't need ghosts, and I don't need a lot of trees, because that's what ghosts hide. It's a deal breaker. What?

[A]

God forbid. God forbid your friend has, like, sophisticated, lovely ghosts who are holding regular dinner parties. Like, that's like the dream ghost to have.

[C]

No kidding. Just always having, like, intelligent conversation at a certain time of day.

[A]

At certain time of day. Like, they're like, people are coming over with ghost pot. Like, it's a ghost potluck. They're coming with ghost salads and ghosts chickens and all that stuff.

[C]

Yeah. And you only hear the ghost at a certain place in the bathroom. They're like, the most, you know, amenable ghosts of all time. They're like, you know what? I don't want to bother anybody. Let's just hang out until they go to the bathroom. Just be quiet. Okay.

[A]

All right. Everyone, they're in the bathroom. It's time for a five minute dinner party. Is everyone ready? Okay, come on over. Shirley made some. She made a quiche.

[C]

They just flushed. Hide behind the trees.

[A]

Hide behind the trees. Everyone back in the trees. Whose Bali salad is this? Can you please bring it back up to the trees? Thank you.

[C]

I also love that he thinks ghosts live in trees. Probably because she's been in into the woods and that is where the ghost lives. That's where Cinderella's ghost mother lives.

[A]

Also, like, Kara is lucky that her fiance has this ghost thing because her request gets totally sort of like skimmed over when it's like she wants to have a spa style bathroom in her master suite. Excuse me, ma'. Am.

[C]

What?

[A]

You guys can only have so many requests. They have asked for a lot of things so far, and this feels very extravagant. She is lucky that Jeremiah's ghosting fully overshadows the spa. The spa request.

[C]

Well, luckily I. I'm checking them out and they're grooming, and I'm guessing they have a different definition of what spa means, so I'm okay with that one. She probably just means running water.

[A]

Well. Well, they show a picture of like a very fancy, kind of like jacuzzi style bathtub. And I was like, no, this is.

[C]

I'm sorry, gonna happen.

[A]

No, this is not. That's it. You guys have asked for too much.

[C]

So.

[A]

So they. They go to house number one, which is built in 1977. And it's like, I'm telling you right now, this is a haunted house. I don't have, like, you just like, I haven't seen the conjuring, but I've seen the trailer, and I'm pretty sure it took place in this. In this house. This is definitely a conjuring house.

[C]

So the realtor is rich and rich loves.

[A]

As in Richard.

[C]

He's not advertised. What'd you say?

[A]

I said, as in Richard, not like he's wealthy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. That's a given. So he's like, this. This here is a federal style, by the way, I cannot do this accent to anybody who's like, wow, what a butcher. He's the butcher of accents. You're correct. I'm terrible, but I'm having fun, so off.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So he's like, yeah, this is a federal style colonial.

[A]

That's. Don't you love that? Like, I. Great news. We moved into a federal federal style colonial. He's like. So Jeremiah's like, well, I do love all the people about that.

[C]

Sounds enchanting.

[A]

I know. Can we just say. Can we, like, judge that up a little bit? Federal style, colonial. I don't want federal. I know what they mean, but it makes me feel like it's like the irs. So Germany's like, well, I do love all the windows. And even though we're in the forest here, there's a. You know, there's a little buffer zone between the ghost and the house. I was like, there's no buffer zone. All the ghosts are in the house. They're there right now.

[C]

Don't sleep outside. They're like, no one. There's no, like, haunted backyard. The ghosts are in the house. It's like, those don't care about buffers. They literally won't. They go through walls, bro.

[A]

So Rich tells us. Yeah. So Drew Amaya has a little bit of an obsession with ghosts, and there's nothing I can really do about it. It is what it is. So. Yeah, that's ghosts.

[C]

You know, these people make me crazy. He's like, okay, guys, so we're a little bit right around the budget of your house.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's right at $400,000. And Kurt goes, oh, my God, that's so expensive.

[A]

Well, then don't make it.

[C]

Your budget is $400,000. What do you.

[A]

It's $400,000. So I know. I had the same thought. I can't stand when people make a budget and then something's in their budget and they go, that's so expensive. So she goes, well, hopefully it has everything in our wish list. I was like, you want a spa bathroom, and you want room for a piano and a crafting room and like, literally some sort of, like, dance floor and like a home theater or something, all for $400,000. I guarantee it will not have anything you want.

[C]

You're dragging Jeremiah along with you like a tote bag. Let's stop pretending that you have taste.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. So they go into this room. It's, like, kind of. You know, where it's painted up to the half, like, Wayne's Cotting, but it's not Wayne's Cotting, but I don't know what that style is called, but they're weird. Kind of green on half walls.

[A]

Like a light mint green almost on the top, right?

[C]

Like, minty green. No, on the.

[A]

On the bottom.

[C]

Sorry, on the bottom. Yeah. And then wood floor is in a little living room, and she's like, oh, wow, I can see the piano in here. Literally any empty room, just. You can say that about. This is a piano. Ish room. It's right by the front door. Like, where are people gonna sit? I can't see the piano in there.

[A]

And then they walk into the kitchen, and Rich is like, now come, let's look at the beautifully updated kitchen, which is actually looks rather dated. I mean, that has all the windows have, like red and white picnic table, like picnic tablecloth, valances, valance, valence, whatever you call those valences all over them. It look. Looks so. It looks so not up to date. And they're like, wow, look at this. This is wicked awesome in here.

[C]

And Jared's like, yeah, you know, like this. It could have a piano and like a centralized living space, which I don't know why that made me laugh. And he's saying he loves the high ceiling space, which this is not a high ceiling space. Like, he just feels great things that he's heard on House Hunters before, but none of them make any sense. It's not a high ceiling.

[A]

And by the way, there's completely unfazed with the hideous and garish color scheme of this house.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Like, like, like, I feel like we almost over. We almost breezed by it. Yes. There is like this green, like, half paint job that goes. And there's brown accents, and it looks disgusting. And they are completely like, normally on House Hunters, they go, well, we'll have to paint this. They are completely down with it. They're like, oh, yeah, cool.

[C]

I know the ceiling. Like, you can hit your head on the ceilings. And they're like, oh, my God, what high ceilings. Wow. What a gorgeous updated. It's like leaking. I don't know what they're talking about in this episode. So the kitchen. When he says it's a beautiful updated kitchen, we see a close up of all the stuff in the kitchen. It's a faux granite countertop, and it's like Joe Gorga style on Jersey. When they put in fake countertops made out of foam or something, but painted them to look like granite or marble in that case, but they look fake. And then they're grain black, the granite. And then we go up to the backsplash, which is like light blue, gray, and brown and white. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it's so ugly. I just felt. I felt bad for everybody involved. I know.

[A]

And Jeremiah doesn't like it, actually. He says, you know, there isn't a lot of countertop, and it's a very big kitchen with a very little usable space. I'm like. I'm like, yeah, he may be right on that one.

[C]

So then they go, they go see another kitchen that's exactly like this one. And they're like, as far as layout. And he loves it. He's like, oh my God, there's so much countertop.

[A]

So there's a sun room. And the sunroom is cute. And Jeremiah's like, wow, look at all these windows. We could look at all the ghost houses out there. And. And then that goes out, it leads out to this really cute patio out back. Like flags. I think it's like a flagstone patio, right? And it's this really nice, sweet outdoor area. And he's like, yeah, it's a little bit more cluttered than I'd like. You know, we could do wine, but there's like no place to put, you know, like to store equipment after the fact. Like, do you. Must you just. Your wine is probably very shitty at this point. I would just like give up the wine.

[C]

Store bought grape wine is not good.

[A]

Don't sacrifice like a decent option for yourself just because you want to have your shitty 6 month hobby space for it. You know, you want to have space for your, your wine box.

[C]

Well, and also just add something else to your list, which is a storage shed outside for your fucking wine equipment.

[A]

Or add this to your list. A loyalty card for beverages and more. Yeah, bevmo, baby, please just go to bevmo.

[C]

So Kara's like, wow, this is really pretty out here. He's like, yeah, during the day, but at night the ghosts come out.

[A]

Wait, what about your friend who in the afternoon goes to her bathroom and there's a dinner party those ghosts don't care about. They have dinner parties at 2pm they're already, they're already in the house. You've already been a mom.

[C]

Do they live in the trees or are they having a dinner party? What are the ghosts doing?

[A]

So she's like, oh, my God, Jeremiah, There are no ghosts that are coming out. You know, I don't know why he thinks that ghosts live in trees, but I actually really love the trees in this yard. And I think Jeremiah is just gonna have to get a voodoo doll or something to protect against the ghost because like, whatever it takes to put his mind at ease.

[C]

Also, that's not what voodoo dolls do. This couple, I'm like literally worried for this couple.

[A]

Sage seance. Yeah.

[C]

Or so this episode's also really weird with the. Okay, anyway, glad we got a lot of ghost jokes in. Then they see a half bathroom, then a bedroom, then they head upstairs, like, okay, so you're not gonna show the bath at the bath. Did you notice that in every house, Linda's like, and then they saw a huge patio, a five car garage, a three story building, a basement and a swimming pool. And then they went to the master bedroom. Let's check in with them.

[A]

That's the way house hunters used to be. That way. They used to, they used to always sort of like narrate over the rooms they didn't want to focus on. So the master bedroom is small. And Kara's like, oh my God, these ceilings, very dated. Like, have you seen the rest of the house? All of a sudden the ceiling is the thing that's going to jump out at you when you have like mint green half walls downstairs, right?

[C]

And then the master bath is very tiny. It's really ugly. It's got a shower, you know, I mean, a shower curtain. I'm not shower curtain shaming anybody. But they're like, the master bath, it's like a half tucked in shower curtain. Like you hear a drip. And Kara's like, oh, I was really hoping for that spa. Gosh, we're already at the top of our budget. I don't know how we're gonna build a spa in here.

[A]

What part about the window fan in the window says that there's going to be a spa around the corner? Did you see that the master bedroom had a window fan? Like, it doesn't even have ac. It just had like one of those fans that's like a rectangle. Like half of it's like opaque and the other half is like a fan.

[C]

Oh, I had one of those. Yeah, I had one of those in my place in LA because I didn't have air there. And if I put air conditioning in the room, it would short out the electricity. So all I could get was like a little fan for in there. And I would turn it on and then I would hear knock, knock. Ronnie, this is Lucy, your landlady. You cannot have fans in the window. That's a rule of the building. And you'll need to take that out or I will need to speak with the owners.

[A]

I hope you escalated that up to management because that's ridiculous.

[C]

Isn't that ridiculous? Don't you remember? I think I told you about this. This is a long time ago. I'm remembering it now. I'm still pissed. Like, I've just been filled with fear. It was like 100 degrees outside. It was like during a heat wave. And I can't turn on the fan. And I said, why not? The noise really bothers the neighbors.

[A]

The Noise on Fairfax Avenue.

[C]

It was, like, the weakest fan ever. That I bought it, like, I saw, like, in a pile at Ross dressed for it was like the most powerless fan of all time. Makes noise.

[A]

Well, at least you could relax in your giant spa bathtub. I was in the next room over. The fact that Kara is sitting here really, truly expecting a spa bathroom up in the ensuite. And this house, this 1977 house, is hilarious to me.

[C]

So Rich is like, well, you know what? Maybe it's going to be a compromise that you make. I love that Rich hates these people, and he works with them on nothing. He's like, yeah, here's a kitchen. It's gorgeous. Don't like it. Take a hike, buddy.

[A]

So German's like, well, you know what? It was on the edge of innovation back in the 1970s, but it's no longer up to par. You know that he probably originally said, it's not cutting it anymore. It's like, you know what? Could you say, it's no longer up to par. It's no longer up to par.

[C]

Could you say, you don't want this in your yard. It's no longer up to par. My yard.

[A]

Can you now say, pass the Parmesan? Pass the Parmesan.

[C]

Hey, is there a bus around here? We're gonna have to take the car.

[A]

Next they take a look at three additional bedrooms and a full bath. How big is this goddamn house? I've been narrating for 25 minutes.

[C]

He's like, you know, Then we see a clip of him going, I think I like the in the inside more than the outside. I don't get that yard. I just don't get it. I want that yacht. I was looking for.

[A]

Kara's like, well, I love the character. And, you know, and, like, I just. I loved the sun room so much. And he's like, yeah, well, the kitchen, though, big space. Not a lot of area to work, though. Not a lot of area. Like, can I put a piano in the kitchen? I don't think so. That's gonna be a problem.

[C]

You know what we could do here, though? We could open up the walls. No, you can't just open up the walls, sir. You can't go into an old house like that and just knock out all the walls of a colonial. You can't?

[A]

No. Guess what's in the walls. Guess what's in the walls. Ghosts. Ghosts.

[C]

Fucking ghosts?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, have, like, hello, Amityville. Like, it's not like the. Like, what bleeds in Amityville? Horror the walls. She probably was.

[C]

It's a ghost bear. And wow. I guess we can't remove it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So now Rich is taking them. Rich. Lol. Is taking them to a house below their budget. But there's a catch. And then we cut to Kara going. She's playing the Casio keyboard. She's like.

[A]

She's like, now's my chance to get cast on Broadway. I have a. I have a platform. And Jeremiah goes, very nice, Very nice. Yeah, it's good. Keeps the ghosts away.

[C]

Newly engaged couple, Karen. Jeremiah want a house with character, but there's ghosts in the building.

[A]

So far they've seen a federal style colonial that had a sunroom that's perfect for their crafting. And it had a small yard that would actually be considered large for most people, but not for these two idiots. And it was at the top of their budget. So now they're looking at a lower priced colonial built in 1860. They are going into a house that's built in 1860, and they're trying not to have ghosts. This is ludicrous.

[C]

Yeah. So Jeremy's Jeremiah is like, so you know what? You know what? This is nuts because I have no ghosts on my list. And then boom, A cemetery. Come on.

[A]

Adjacent to a cemetery. An old timey Salem witch trial sound cemetery.

[C]

Yeah, Seriously, the headstones are like an inch thick. It looks like a set of a cemetery. And then Cara goes, I wouldn't prefer the view out of my window to be a cemetery, especially a old one. It's like, oh, okay, so only newly dead people for you. What the hell?

[A]

Also, like, if there are ghosts, look what they have to look at. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Don't be ageist with your ghosts. And yeah, you're subjecting to these poor people who are trying to live in peace to your husband with his grocery store wine runoff in the yard.

[A]

I know. And you're out of tune. Old timey piano that you're singing mystery scales on. So they walk in and Jeremiah goes, this is a beautiful house. Definitely ghosts, though. There's definitely ghosts, you know? You know, I love all the hardwood floors and I love all the windows and the lighting is great, but it's a bit compartmentalized. I mean, the ceilings are really high and the doorways seem really large, and it just seems like something that can be worked on. Okay, if you say you want an open concept, I get that. But I do think it's funny when he's like, I'm a bigger guy. Doesn't mean you. You need to be in, like, the atrium of the U.S. capitol. Okay. Is your head hitting the ceiling? No, you're okay.

[C]

And also, he wants a colonial, but he's upset that it's compartmentalized. It's not an open floor plan. It's different rooms. If you want an open floor plan, you want an open floor plan. This is insane.

[A]

Why are you looking? You're a realtor. Rich is taking you to homes from the 18. This home was built before the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln was in office when this home was built. And then you're like, oh, it feels a little small. I'm like, yeah, because it was a different time.

[C]

Wait till you taste the lead, weirdo. So do they have lead back then? They did, right?

[A]

Probably.

[C]

Where does lead come from? I don't even know. It's also, the other house was way smaller. Like, the rooms were really small. And he's like, this is compartmentalist. I'm like, this is like a mall compared to the other house. So they go to the dining room. And Rich is like, you got an original china cabinet here, Jeremiah, you know what? We're going here? And he's like, you're junk, Kara.

[A]

My tachkas. And by the way, this room is another. Every. By the way, every house they look at is like a two tone house. So this room has brick red on the lower part of the Wayne Scotting. And then the top part, I think the top part is white on top, but it's like this really hideous color scheme. And again, they don't even flinch. They don't even flinch at this disgusting paint job.

[C]

Yeah. So Jeremiah's like, oh, look at this. This could be a bedroom. And she goes, or a crafting room. It's like, yeah, this could be a crafting room. What other things have furniture in them? This could be a nursery. This could be a buffet.

[A]

Or it could be a crafting room. This. This is also, by the way, where, like, Hera's inner, like, obsessive obsession with a crafting room starts to really come out. Because the first house, she's like, oh, we can have a crafting room. And now she's like, or a crafting room. And by the end of the episode, she's like, give me a fucking crafting room. Yeah, it's clean.

[C]

He's like, yeah, that could be the crafting room. And she's like, yeah, my sewing machine would look really nice in here. Really? Could you use it to sew this man some clothing? I mean, what the both of you actually so Rich is like, or you could Open a wall and have a piano room. Rich, stop telling them they can open walls, dude.

[A]

Why are they opening a wall for the piano? Okay, so then Jeremiah goes, yeah, and the piano could block us from the ghosts. I'm like, you can't make up these rules as you go along, because I feel like that's what's happening here. The piano, if anything, is okay. We have established that you have fancy ghosts. If you start playing the piano, the ghosts are going to gather around, and they're probably singing ghost Christmas carols. You just can't hear them. I don't know.

[C]

The ghosts are going to be like, guys, we are done doing our Dorothy Parker's vicious circle. Let's go into the piano room. I hear some piano tinkling.

[A]

Yeah, they're gonna be singing old timey, you know, songs like, you got Accentuate the positive e lim Innate the negative. Oh, my God, they're the ghosts again. They're so scary. Singing songs from 1935.

[C]

So he's like, looking at those trees. I see two things. Ghosts and trees. Trees in the fall leaves. So the second floor, it's like a little attic entrance. So it's really short. He can't fit through there, you know?

[A]

No.

[C]

And then they've got a kitchen upstairs. So obviously, you know, most people would be like, oh, my God, your ma can come live with us. Or we could rent that part out or whatever. But they're like a kitchen upstairs, huh?

[A]

Oh, my God. I knew it. All along, the ghosts have been cooking. So Cara's like, you know, we could turn this into a master suite with a spa bathroom. I'm like, you guys were. This is at 380, and 400 was too expensive, even though it's in your budget. But now you want to renovate out a kitchen and put in a spa bathroom.

[C]

This is not the same water, though. And so they go, look at the other kitchen, the downstairs kitchen, I think.

[A]

No, they know. They go into another room that's adjacent to the kitchen upstairs.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And Jeremiah goes, well, this room is completely useless. And she's like, no, it's not. Because you know what would look completely lovely here? My sewing machine. I'm like, carrie, you already called another room for your crafting room. What's going on with you?

[C]

It's also close enough to use the sewing machine in the spa bath.

[A]

Here's what I want to do. I want to craft in one room, okay? I'm going to sit in the spa bath in the kitchen, and with one arm, I'm Going to craft in one room, and with one arm, I'm going to sew in the other room.

[C]

So Kara says the most sensible thing that I think is has been said so far. She's like, the good news is it's under budget, but there's lots of things to consider. The price is great, but there's also graves. Lots and lots of graves Stand on the ghost debate. No one wants to live across the street from a lot of graves.

[A]

There's a lot of graves. I don't know. Honestly, I don't even remember a lot of the kitchen, the proper kitchen. I know I wrote down that there's a lot of counter space and a ton of cabinets, but I don't even.

[C]

Remember what the kitchen looks like. You walk in, and it's a big square that looks like it's big enough for an island or something in the middle. There is no island in the middle.

[A]

I do remember.

[C]

And then it's got a refrigerator taking up half the counter space and a sink taking up the counter space. And then they've got all this big empty space with no counter space. It's just like the other one. It's just different. What do you call it? Tiles and all that stuff? What do you call it? Right.

[A]

Finishes, maybe? Yeah, I guess esthetics. So now we are seeing them. Kara and Jeremiah are knitting again. And Kara's like, I think you should start a whole men's fashion line of knitwear.

[C]

And Linda's like, that would be crazy. Men wearing sweaters.

[A]

What a bonkers idea. So Linda's, like, engaged couple. Jeremiah and Kara are looking for a home with character and apparently a bathtub and a sewing room and also a wine room and also a crafting room and also a piano room and also place for no gos in Westboro, Massachusetts. Also for $400,000, they've already seen a.

[C]

New, newer federal colonial with room for their budget and an older toothpaste colonial that was next to an old people cemetery. Now, hopefully they can find something with fresher dead people for Kara.

[A]

They go to house number three, and Kara loses her mind. Like, Cara is unraveling over the course of this episode, because now they show up. She goes, I absolutely love the purple shutters. Okay, Kara, we need to get her a tranquilizer.

[C]

And Jeremiah's like, of course you love the shadows. So they go in, and this one is an antique colonial with three bedrooms.

[A]

And two baths, as opposed to the others. I feel like they're. I feel like colonial just already implies antiquiness.

[C]

But Yeah, I don't. I think colonial is just a given at this point.

[A]

I know. So this one was built in 1805. So the United States of America was only about like 25 or, or 30 years old at this point. So this is an old house. I'm surprised it's even still standing.

[C]

Yeah, I've watched a lot of those shows that take place during that time and I just, I've never watched those shows and thought, oh my God, I want to move in there.

[A]

I feel like I understand if people don't love like a modern like box house with all sorts of glossy, you know, finishes and wind big windows. But I also, I feel like at the. A house from 1805, at the very least I'm going to be getting splinters.

[C]

Yes, yes. At the very least your ghosts are getting splinters. Your old ass people ghosts are getting splinters.

[A]

They are.

[C]

So Jeremiah's like, you know what, what's two, you know what's in 200 year old houses? Ghosts.

[A]

Oh my God, ghosts. Sakara goes, you know what? I think I've heard enough about ghosts. I've had enough of ghosts. We'll deal with the ghosts. Maybe they're friendly. Who knows? I'm like, well, they probably will start off friendly and then they could be like, who are these idiots that moved into our domain? We have to haunt them the hell out of. It's literally going to be Beetlejuice. They are going to Beetlejuice, Carrot and Jeremiah out of the house.

[C]

It's the first ghost that any neighbors have seen running down the street after somebody sings vocal warm ups. Like, wow.

[A]

They're like, we were going to do the dayo thing, but we realized actually Cara Dao'd us instead.

[C]

So we see this very green room. This is another kind of green. Now this has a stone kind of column in it. It's like a fireplace with no fireplace. Right. And then they have a pole column and then they've got bad carpeting and then they've got a wood burning stove.

[A]

Oh yes.

[C]

It's all in a built on sunroom.

[A]

So what was funny to me is they walk in and you see this like stove, this very old timey stove. And this is the sort of thing that people love these things. It's like, you know, from the past, etc. So they walk in and you see the stove and Cara just gasps. And then she goes, built ins. She goes right past the stove and looks at some shelves.

[C]

Yeah, but you're junk. So then Jeremiah's like, whoa, look at There's a door here. Where? There's a door. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where does this door go? Rich. Like, oh, God. You're very, very subtle, Jeremiah. Okay, open the door. And it's a basement. We get some wacky Jeremiah music, and he's like, no, no, no. There's definitely ghosts down here. All right, I'm not going down there.

[A]

Meanwhile, this living room, it has red walls and mint walls. Like, so the house one had a mint. Had mint walls, half walls. House two had red half walls, and this one has red and mint walls in it. And again, does not phase them whatsoever. They have no issues.

[C]

Yep. And so Jeremiah refuses to go to the basement, but he can see the piano right up against the staircase, which really doesn't make any sense. Like, Jeremiah just says things.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So Rich is like. And surprise. A view of the lake.

[A]

Yeah. And they didn't even realize there was a lake in this town. Which is also funny. Like, what? There's a lake here? So then Jeremiah goes, I never thought we'd get a what of you out in western Massachusetts. I'm like, you're 30 miles west of. Of Boston. You said so in the beginning. This is not western Massachusetts. Do you even understand directions?

[B]

No.

[C]

So now they go, there's a big kitchen. And he's like, but there's not a ton of counter space in here. And then the tile. And she's like, looks like a child's art project. You both look like child's art. Children's art project. Yeah. Leave. Leave whoever painted flowers on the tile alone. It's the most artistic thing about this couple.

[A]

Stop acting like you are ready for the most chic backsplash when you haven't even muttered a word about the paint job in any of these houses.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's a sun room. And so, of course, Cara loses her mind because it could be another great crafting room. And then there's like, they're walking down the hallway, and the hallway is narrow. So Jeremiah's like, oh, I don't know. This is pretty small in here. This is pretty small. I'm like, you're not. Not. You're not, like, bouncing from wall to wall? Just walk straight. You won't hit the walls.

[C]

Well, and this is one of those attic ceiling things.

[A]

Well, then they go up to the attic. They go up to an attic ceiling, and it's like.

[C]

You know, the first thing I noticed was the slope ceiling. That makes me nervous, because in college, I had a sloped ceiling on my head and knuckle my knuckles. Never forgave me. Wait a minute. You went to college.

[A]

I know. No, I'm sorry. I meant I was working on a collage once in a room with vaulted ceilings. Here's an idea.

[C]

Not see that coming.

[A]

Don't walk. Don't put your bed under the shallow part of the ceiling. It's pretty easy.

[C]

Oh, so there's a washing machine upstairs in the bedrooms. They're like, what? Why would you do that? That's actually the best thing to have. It's your washing machine right by your, you know, your bedroom. Huh.

[A]

It's. I. I have that. And it is amazing. I mean, you run the risk. The risk is that if something goes wrong, you know, everything below the washing machine is. But it's so nice.

[C]

True.

[A]

It's so nice. So. But then, of course, they're in the master bedroom bathroom.

[C]

What could go wrong in a house built in 1807?

[A]

And so they. They go into the bathroom of the ensuite, and Kara goes, this isn't exactly the spa retreat I wanted. Oh, that's a shame. Because I always felt like one of the signature aspects of a home built in 1805 was the Spa retreat that comes with it.

[C]

What they always did in the antique federal colonial moderns spa day.

[A]

What a shame that this is the one antique colonial that doesn't come with the spa retreat.

[C]

Okay, so now they're talking it over, and it just shows a shot of the graveyard. So then they're talking it over, and Jeremiah's like, you know what? Okay, are we going to pick the Federal Colonial, the 101 Dalmatians Colonial, or the Banks colonial? Which one do you like the best?

[A]

Linda's like, all the houses had space for a crafting room. So the choice really comes down to the house, the largest fence yard, whether it has built ins and whether the rooms are spacious enough for Jeremiah. I'm not even going to mention the ghosts. That's beneath me at this point. Also, since they all have room for crafting houses, why do we even. Crafting rooms. Why do we even include that in the episode? Just some notes from my producer.

[C]

So they start talking these houses over, and as we see pictures of all the houses right next to each other and all the options, I think this is the first time in history I just chosen fire. Just.

[A]

You know, I. Well, it was funny because house one, Jeremiah doesn't like because he said, you know, three quarters of that property was buried into the side of a mountain. I'm like, it was a hillside with some trees on it. I My favorite was actually the third one because I'm like, as long as you're gonna get a small. They're basically all three the same houses. At least you're. The third one has a little bit more character to it. It feels cuter. And what was your choice? You just wanted fire. You said no choice.

[C]

Burn it all. They were all. I mean, they all just look like a nightmare. The third one was, I think they had three built ons to the house that were all the room that they kept saying, oh my God, there's so much sun. Yeah. Because it's like a screened in porch. You know, it's going to be freezing in the winter. I don't know. I just.

[A]

I was.

[C]

I was a no for everything.

[A]

Well, well, this is. This is how they go into their final choice. They talk. This is how they talk about house number three. He's like, you know, there wasn't a lot of functional space in the kitchen. And out of the three houses, the one that's the most haunted and you know, there's a lot of trees, which we don't like. And we're gonna have to find like. Yeah, we have to find a way to combat the ghosts in that house the most. Yeah, let's take it.

[C]

I mean, what the hell? Okay, so which one did they take?

[A]

They took house number three. They took house number three.

[C]

Did I even write it down? Let me see if I even wrote down. I don't. I don't think I even wrote what.

[A]

You were just like, I can't deal with these people anymore. Yeah, they chose that house.

[C]

That's how grossed out I was by the end. And she's like, yeah, we did 372 for the house, which is over closing because it was 370. But we wanted to finance the closing costs. And I'm going to redo that bathroom to my house spa.

[A]

So now we go. So now the episode continues because now Jeremiah is playing the piano. The piano is now placed against the staircase, as in his vision. And he's playing the piano. We just hear Kara going at the.

[C]

Pool or at the playground. What was this song?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I feel like they're trolling me. This whole episode she's like, you better. Ha ha ha ha ha. In our face. What are you even. So then he's like, you know, and then we love the backyard here. We got a song porch. And then he's like, we can hang out with our family in the backyard. And then we cut to their family and they're Always like, yeah, no, ma.

[A]

And then he says, you know, out of all the houses we looked at, without a doubt, this is the only house that is actually haunted. But we have some protection because we talk to the neighbors. So we're going to be able to build a united front against the ghosts. The neighbors are like, who the fuck just moved into our neighborhood?

[C]

So Kara's like, it's exciting to know this is the house we'll be in when we get married and when we start our lives together. We look forward to it. Like, good riddance, you two. My goodness. Wow. Well, pretty cute, though. You know what I will say after. After an hour of dragging these poor people who've done nothing to me, it is cute that, like, they're just so in love, right?

[A]

They are.

[C]

I actually just want to run them both off the road, but they're. But they found each other.

[A]

I think it was really cute that they. That they knit together. I thought that was very sweet. And he does support her little hop. Like, she's singing, like, doing this warbling. She sounds like the sister in Dirty Dancing. And she's. She's up there. She's up there singing that. He's, like, playing the piano for her and just supporting her. I thought there was something actually very sweet about the two of them. I think their choices are terrible, though.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, thank. Yeah.

[C]

You know, not everybody can be born with the same taste or we'd all be fighting over a house, you know?

[A]

That's right. Well, thank you, everyone, for listening. This is super fun. We'll be back in two weeks with another House Hunters or House Hunters International episode. We appreciate you and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

[B]

We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of Ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast. And our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.

[A]

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast. Com.