Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #322: Firewalking in New Mexico

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: November 7, 2023

Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode of Dwell Hello, Ben and Ronnie recap a standout House Hunters episode from season 149, entitled "Firewalking in New Mexico." Their focus: Lori, a self-described shaman, energy healer, and firewalking instructor, who’s house-hunting in Taos, New Mexico for a women’s retreat center. Blending sharp Bravo-inspired snark and pop-culture references, Ben and Ronnie dissect Lori’s spiritual branding, property priorities, and the show’s parade of mystical posturing, all while zeroing in on the absurdities that make House Hunters so delightfully mockable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Introducing Lori—the White Lady Shaman

• [03:32] The recap opens with the introduction of Lori: “energy healer and shaman…on the hunt for a second home just outside of Taos, New Mexico.”
• The hosts immediately call out the cliché:

  “Wow. A white lady appropriating other cultures’ spiritual practices and moving to New Mexico. Congratulations, you’re an original.” (Ben, [03:57])

• They question her authenticity and credentials in a comically aggressive way, emphasizing their intent is not cultural insensitivity, but to lampoon what appears to be opportunistic spiritual branding.

2. Firewalking and Branding Overload

• Lori’s credentials are unpacked via her website and bio:
  • Titles like “Breakthrough Master,” “Energy Healing Practitioner,” “Master Firewalking Instructor,” “Certified Hypnotist,” and “Minister” elicit the hosts’ skepticism.

  “Too many hyphenates. If you’re one thing, I’d be…okay. But too many hyphenates…it means con artist, right?” (Ben, [11:58])

• They compare her hair to TV personalities (e.g., Geraldine Ferraro, Jane Atkinson) and joke about her self-aggrandizing language.
• [08:02] The profession of “master firewalking instructor” is lampooned:

  “It’s probably like a made up profession…I know there’s firewalking in the world…but when we get to certification, I think that’s probably not a real profession.” (Ben)

• Ronnie skewers the privilege of voluntarily burning your feet:

  “You’re lucky to have feet that you can walk on. Stop fucking burning them and thinking you’re some badass. Okay? Be grateful for your feet.” (Ronnie, [08:28])

3. Mocking the ‘Women’s Retreat’ House Hunt

• Lori wants “a home to host women’s retreats”—leading to incessant repetition of “groups of women” and “women gathering.”

  “This is just so great for gatherings and having groups of women here…like, I’ll walk into a Chipotle: This is so great for groups of women and gathering.” (Ben, [04:33])

• Lori’s aversion to humanity (i.e., neighbors) and obsession with privacy and flat firewalking space becomes a running gag:

  “I’ve never had neighbors, and I certainly don’t want to look out and see humanity now.” (Lori, [27:44], as paraphrased by the hosts)

4. Spiritual Nonsense and Pseudo-Indigenous Rituals

• The show starts with Lori blowing into a beer bottle and doing “prayers” invoking the “great serpent” and other groan-inducing mystical mishmash ([11:18]).
• The hosts savage her for performative shaman rituals:

  “Are you making the donuts right now, Lori? Maybe slow it down. Maybe put some emotion into it.” (Ronnie, [11:28])

• They draw Bravo parallels—comparing Lori’s TV shaman act to those they've seen in the Real Housewives universe.

5. Suspect Spiritual Geography

• Lori declares of Taos: “It’s directly across from Tibet, and there’s something special about that.” ([20:12])
• Ben debunks this with an “antipodes map”—finding it leads to the Indian Ocean, not Tibet.

  “Lori, this woman is such…I mean…let me tell you what the antipode is of Taos, New Mexico...middle of the Indian Ocean. The closest thing is Madagascar.” (Ben, [21:24])

6. House Hunting: The Three Options

House 1: The Log Cabin ($1.48M)

• Emphasis on “living logs,” massive windows and a spectacular cliff-side view.
• Hosts point out the impracticality (“you’re taking people with depression for a retreat and putting them on a literal cliff”).
• No flat land for firewalking; Lori still fixates on privacy and log interiors.
• Bathroom is “too much” thematically:

  “Isn’t this funny? It’s a log for a sink, but it’s also a rock…” (Ben, [33:11])

• Features a hot tub and a tacky eagle statue—the eagle will return as a big “reveal.”

House 2: The 44-Acre Ranch ($1.5M)

• Not a “log” house, but boasts acreage, privacy, and an outdoor space perfect for firewalking.
• Hosts like its retreat functionality but critique dated interiors.
• Discussion about a door from Lily’s potential room to the outside—hosts joke she’d “sneak into the forest and get stuck,” highlighting the absurdity.
• The way Lori rejects the huge downstairs master as a shared space for “women’s groups” frustrates and amuses Ben and Ronnie.

House 3: The Six-Bed, Five-Bath Bargain ($925K)

• Not “log” enough, but brimming with bedrooms for actual capacity.
• Lori hates how “close” the neighbors are (there’s still an acre of land).

  “She is the only shaman who does not apparently like human connection.” (Ben, [53:49])

• Hosts suggest it’d be the logical choice for women’s retreats, but Lori is underwhelmed by the style and wallpaper.

7. The Decision & The Eagle Spirit Animal

• Ronnie and Ben mock the “deliberations,” noting none of the houses is “perfect” since Lori will never be pleased.
• Lori ultimately chooses House 1, the log cabin with the eagle statue—citing the eagle as her spirit animal in a surprise (non-)twist ([58:25]).

  “It’s the shape of my spirit animal…[which is] the lyric of a Steve Miller Band song.” (Ben, [58:48])

• The hosts rip the self-indulgence and question the mathematics of three-bedroom retreats (“the math isn’t mathing,” Ronnie, [61:18]).
• Lori gets $70K off the asking price; hosts imagine her “burning Jocelyn with cigarettes” as Plan B for firewalking since there’s nowhere else to do it.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On spiritual grifting:
  “I’m gonna mock it relentlessly…you’re triggered? Too fucking bad. Go meditate about it…this is a bunch of bullshit. This lady charging you for this stuff. I don’t believe in Lori for one damn second.” (Ronnie, [05:24])
• On credential inflation:
  “Lori is a breakthrough master...founder of Breakthrough Coaching International and Breakthrough International Academy and Breakthrough Coaching International Academy...Fun Coaching Coaching…” (Ben/Ronnie, [07:11])
• On firewalking as a spiritual act:
  “Stop having feet privilege. It’s disgusting.” (Ronnie, [08:28])
• On Lori’s attitude toward neighbors:
  “I’ve never had neighbors, and I certainly don’t want to look out and see humanity now.” (paraphrasing Lori, [27:44])
• On the ‘antipode’ of Taos:
  “The closest thing [to Taos on the other side of the world] is Madagascar…So no eagles…Lori’s a liar because she says…it’s the exact opposite of Tibet.” (Ben/Ronnie, [21:24])
• On “log” fixation:
  “I just give me some log in my life.” (Ronnie, [40:11])
• On House 3’s bargain:
  “If you actually cared about the people who are paying for your retreat, you’d actually give them beds.” (Ben, [52:32])
• On decision-making:
  “Nothing has or ever will make Lori happy, so she’s gonna have to settle with what she’s least disappointed by…” (Ben paraphrasing Linda, [56:20])

Important Timestamps

• [03:52] — Introduction to Lori, her spiritual job titles, and the New Mexico “white shaman” trope
• [05:55-06:14] — Hosts confirm Lori is not indigenous (based on online research)
• [11:18] — Lori’s bottle-blowing, serpent-invoking, ritual performance
• [20:12-21:31] — The Tibet antipode is debunked
• [31:13-34:41] — Tour of House 1, notes on log obsessions, “living logs,” and neighbor-aversion
• [44:23-49:36] — Tour of House 2, focus on acreage and space for firewalking
• [51:00-55:45] — House 3, neighbor concerns, and bargain-basement snark
• [58:25-58:48] — Lori’s final selection and the eagle spirit animal “twist”
• [60:16-61:18] — Hosts doubt Lori’s retreat ambitions and rag on the logistics

Tone & Style

Ben and Ronnie maintain their signature comic bravado—acidic, theatrical, and wildly referential, with echoes of Bravo housewives drama and campy commentary. Their irreverence leans hard into parody, especially when it comes to “spiritual entrepreneurs” and reality TV’s penchant for self-serious, un-self-aware personalities.

Conclusion

With a mix of Bravo-fan inside jokes, pop culture riffs, and sharp social commentary, this episode of Dwell Hello delivers a send-up of “spiritual branding,” retreat culture, and the ritualistic absurdities found on House Hunters. Lori’s real estate journey is less a genuine search for sacred space and more a catalyst for the hosts to clown on New Age clichés—especially when housed in a log cabin shaped like an eagle. Whether or not Lori ever hosts that women’s retreat, her journey provided plenty of material—and plenty of laughs—for Ben and Ronnie.