Dwell Hello #402: Old VS New in Greenville South Carolina

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #402: Old VS New in Greenville, South Carolina

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: January 18, 2024
Episode: Recap of House Hunters S147E10: "Old vs New in Greenville, South Carolina"
Theme: A comedic deep-dive into a House Hunters episode featuring a couple, an overbearing mom/realtor, hair product debates, and the eternal tug-of-war between character-rich old homes and sleek, turnkey new builds.

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Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie bring their signature Bravo-inspired snark and affection to a special "Dwell Hello" episode, recapping a House Hunters adventure in Greenville, SC. The featured episode pits traditional charm against new construction as Grace and Ryan (plus Grace’s overbearing mom, Joan) hunt for their next home. The hosts revel in familial passive aggression, home design pet peeves, and southern WASP culture—all while poking good-natured fun at the House Hunters formula.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. House Hunters Confusion & Episode Setup

• Timestamps: [00:45–02:18]
• Ben admits he watched the wrong "Old vs New" episode initially.
• Ronnie sets the scene: "This is the one with the overbearing mother. And, oh my goodness, that mom was... She was over her daughter."
• The tradition of recapping episodes with overbearing moms is honored: "It is a tradition on Dwell Hello—once a season at least, we do an episode about an overbearing mother." (Ronnie, [02:18])

2. Meet the Players: Grace, Ryan, and Joan

• Timestamps: [02:33–09:45]
• Grace: "She just sort of has bland energy, you know, like... Are you watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City? No, but we have an 8-month-year-old..." (Ben, [03:11])
• Grace’s project enthusiasm: Hosts identify with her Pinterest-style, “but should not be doing a project.”
• Ryan: Critiqued for his lack of hair product: "This poor guy. His hair. Wow... She's gonna cheat on you. Make an effort." (Ronnie, [05:22])
• Joan (Mom): Noted for her bright scarf and classic disappointed-mother demeanor. "She's telling Ryan, no hair product husband... There's no TV above this fireplace." (Ronnie, [06:12])

3. Family Dynamics & Design Pet Peeves

• Timestamps: [09:45–16:24]
• Hair Energy: Prolonged bits about hair products as social currency and WASP identity.
• "The father is all hair product... Grace did not marry her father. She married... a man who does not have hair product at all." (Ronnie, [10:01])
• Above-Fireplace TVs: A surprisingly deep exchange on TV placement debates and design forum drama. "Where else am I supposed to put my fucking tv? The fireplace is the center of the room!" (Ronnie, [07:55])
• Passive Judgments: Grace’s "blue door" fixation gets roasted—"Cuz some standards." (Ronnie, [19:15]) and the mom's attempts to keep her from making a whimsical decision.

4. Parental Critique, Class, and WASP Satire

• Timestamps: [10:28–16:24]
• Ben: "Her father is like the waspiest WASP who's ever showed up on House Hunters..." ([10:28])
• Satirical banter about country clubs, being a landowner, and politics, poking fun at Southern upper-class stereotypes.

5. Parenting, Dog Ownership, and Airplane Snacks

• Timestamps: [12:06–15:35]
• Ben and Ronnie riff on leash etiquette: "Dogs are fucking deranged and they will run wherever they want." (Ben, [12:20])
• Airplane Snack Tangent:
  • "He's the person who asks you to switch seats... And also be annoying selecting snacks." (Ben, [13:35–14:23])
  • "Do you have pineapple by any chance? No? Okay, I'll just have pretzels. You're sure about the pineapple?" (Ben as Ryan, [14:23])
• Peanut allergy and airline conspiracy theories: "At some point, you have to wonder if it’s really the airlines..." (Ronnie, [15:35])

6. Home Search and Budget Bickering

• Timestamps: [16:55–24:25]
• Mom Joan is also the realtor; her style is micromanaging and dismissive.
  • "Joan doesn’t listen to shit." (Ronnie, [23:07])
• Budget tension: Grace wants $600K, Ryan says $500K. “Okay, one who’s raising your child? How about lower side of five?” (Ronnie, as Joan, [22:34])
• Grace’s fixer-upper dreams get roasted by both mom and hosts.

7. Food Network Detour (Classic Crappens Tangent)

• Timestamps: [24:25–27:43]
• Hosts joke about starting a Food Network podcast—"We should start a Food Network podcast... Watch What Cookins."
• Tangent includes Food Network drama and the infamous "Kimchi?" moment from Next Food Network Star.

8. House Tours & Running Gags

House #1: New Build, Over Budget

• Timestamps: [32:09–34:10]
• "TV is tipped over on the ground... To distract Grace, here’s a paint sample for the door." (Joan, imagined)
• No blue door; "Just a Saturday afternoon in a bucket of paint, for Christ’s sake, shut up. God, you’re such a flubutant." (Ronnie, [34:47])
• Baby blue walls and “bonus room” mocked.

House #2: Craftsman with Blue Door

• Timestamps: [41:06–43:59]
• "Oh, my God, it is so cute. Look, it has a blue door. Okay. It's not quite my shade..." (Grace, paraphrased, [41:24])
• No covered parking; “Welcome to coupon shopping, stupid.” (Joan, imagined)
• Grace flip-flops—she hates granite, loves defined rooms but wants to knock down kitchen walls.

House #3: Hybrid, Perfect Compromise

• Timestamps: [46:48–50:27]
• Walking distance to downtown, open concept plus defined rooms—a rare unicorn.
• “It literally had everything that they could want.” (Ben, [48:00])
• Only flaw: primary bedroom is on the first floor, cue more stairgate hand-wringing.

9. Decision Deliberation

• Timestamps: [50:32–53:48]
• Hosts root for House #3, but Grace picks the chopped-up Craftsman (House #2) so she can renovate.
• "Grace is one of those people who has the full-on designer board—10 tiles, 19 wallpapers, 87 paint samples..." ([52:09])
• Ronnie: "I'm already exhausted from your project and I don't even know you." (Ronnie, [52:44])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grace and her mom:
  • "The mom is still bitter that Grace dropped out of cotillion class. You know, let's be honest. The mom's like—she could have been a debutante." (Ben, [06:03])
• Design Pet Peeves:
  • "Where else am I supposed to put my fucking tv? The fireplace is the center of the room!” (Ronnie, [07:55])
• Epically cutting Joan:
  • “Joan doesn’t listen to shit. Joan was like, I don't care what you want. I'm going to show you whatever the fuck I want." (Ronnie, [23:14–15])
• On Floor Plans:
  • "I want a house with walls so we can tear down the walls. Mother." (Ronnie, [44:38])
• Best Moment in House Hunters History:
  • "No one wants to stay with a baby. I mean, come on, get over it, Grace." (Joan, as quoted by Ronnie, [29:13])
• On Baby Placement:
  • "Put the newborn right at the top step and watch her go." (Ronnie, [48:52])
• General Tone:
  • “We mock because we love.” (Overall, multiple moments)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Episode Setup & House Hunters Mix-Up: [00:45–02:18]
• Meet the Family: [02:33–09:45]
• Design Quibbles & Hair Product Satire: [09:45–16:24]
• Family & Class Satire: [10:28–16:24]
• Dog Off-Leash, Airplane Snacks: [12:06–15:35]
• Budget/Needs Negotiations: [16:55–24:25]
• Food Network Tangent: [24:25–27:43]
• House Tours: [32:09–50:10]
• Decision Time: [50:32–53:48]

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Conclusion

Ben and Ronnie deliver a signature Watch What Crappens episode, blending sharp humor, pop culture asides, and a genuine affection for home reno reality tropes. The hosts revel in Southern archetypes and House Hunters quirks, all while zeroing in on the self-sabotage and familial drama that make for the best reality TV—"we mock because we love." The running jokes around hair, blue doors, and house projects land as classic Crappens, making this recap as enjoyable as watching the show itself—if not more.

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Transcript

[A]

Ding dong.

[B]

Ding dong.

[A]

Ding dong.

[B]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong. Hello.

[A]

Well, hello and welcome to.

[B]

Well, hello.

[A]

I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

[B]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

[A]

Good, baby. Welcome to another episode of your show Dwell. Hello, guys. This is Ronnie Ben from Watch what crap ins. Normally we recap Bravo shows. If you're listening to this, you will subscribe to us on Wondery Plus. So you probably already know that. But just in case somebody's like, downloading illegally and sending member just to convert them to our side, we support that and we love you for being here. This episode is House Hunters season 147. Episode 10 is in volume 6 on Max, and it's called Old vs New in Greenville, South Carolina. Now, when you look it up, go on Max and do a search for old versus New in Greenville, South Carolina. It'll show up. House Hunters has a lot of episodes starting with the words, yes, old versus New.

[B]

I can confirm this because a funny thing, a funny story. When Rodney and I sat down to record this episode, it was yesterday. And Roddy's like, well, I love the House Hunters episode with an overbearing mother. And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, you know, the overbearing mother. I was like, what mother? I just remember a lady with, like, long, flat hair. And he's like, what? I said, what? And then it turns out I had watched Old vs. New in St. Louis, and this is Old vs. New in Greenville. So I watched the wrong Old vs. New. But since I watched it, we will. We are. We will recap that one too. But this is the one with the overbearing mother. And, oh, my goodness, I was cracking up this episode. That mom was. She was over her daughter.

[A]

And we have a tradition. I mean, it is a tradition on Dwell.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Once a season at least, we do an episode about an overbearing mother. And it is just one of the things we love to do. So was so glad to get the suggestion from Maureen. So thank you, Maureen.

[B]

Thanks, Maureen. You found the other.

[A]

There's going to be a lot of old versus New coming up. So here we are. A lady with very straight soccer mom bangs or hair, just in general, kind of leads with her diamond. She's one of those ladies who's, like, holding up her wedding ring. Like, the first thing we get, she walks into a room, like, holding up her wedding ring, which, I mean, I get it. It's a girl. It's a diamond. Nobody loves me.

[B]

She definitely. She. This lady, her name is Grace, she just like has bland bangs energy. She's like, my name's Grace and she really does.

[A]

But Grace is hot, right? I mean, sorry.

[B]

She just sort of has bland energy, you know, like, you just know. You can imagine being at a party and talking with her. And this is the conversation. Oh, my God. Are you watching Real Houses of Salt Lake City? No, but like, we have like a. We have like an eight month year old. So, like, we barely got to watch TV anymore.

[A]

You know what? Instead of watching tv, you know what I really enjoy doing? I really like putting my stamp on things. So I've just knocked a wall out of my closet. So that's what I'm working on right now.

[B]

I like a project. She's. She just loves a project.

[A]

She's one of those people who loves a project but, you know, should not be doing a project.

[B]

This.

[A]

You just know it's going to be a disaster. We see at the end what her project beginnings are, and it's horrifying.

[B]

There was she. She does not speak with expertise. Like, you don't look at her and say, this is a lady who knows how to do a project. I'm like, this is a lady who's been on Pinterest.

[A]

This is a lady with a Pinterest 100.

[B]

I know that because I'm a lady with a Pinterest.

[A]

I'm a lady with a Pinterest. You should see the homes I have selected on Pinterest. And you should see I was lying down this morning and I have these big wooden artwork things that I order because I saw them on Pinterest and I ended up ordering them off like fucking, I don't know, like Wayfair or something. They're heavy. They're made pure wood. They're huge. There's three of them right on top of each other and two of them just fell off the wall. They've been hanging up there for what, a year? And they just crashed down. My dog still won't even go near that side of the bed. He was terrified. My point is they were hung up with two screws each. Okay. They're probably. They're he. They're pure wood. I hung them with two screws, not screwed them into the wall. I screwed the screws and then hung them on top of the screws. Bad. This is me. I'm Grace.

[B]

We are. We are all Grace.

[A]

We are.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah. So we have Linda. Grace and Ryan are on the hunt for a home in Greenville, South Carolina. But while she wants a Craftsman fixer, Upper. He just wants the opposite. Unfortunately, the opposite is not her hair product.

[A]

You should use some. Yeah. This poor guy. His hair. Wow. He. Listen, like, some people are given looks and stuff, and he is. He's cute, too. But just stop with your fuzzy hair. Like, I get it, you're married, but this is. She's gonna cheat on you. Like, make an effort. Put some gel in there. Pomade something. It will be up to their agent. Grace's mom with a bright scarf. She's really proud of this bright scarf to sort out other quirks. Now, let's just take a moment and notice the moment and the scarf, okay? Not enough can be said about the mom's scarf, the headband, and the sunglasses with the plastic diamonds all over the sides of them.

[B]

The mom is still bitter that Grace dropped out of cotillion class. You know, let's be honest. The mom's like. She could have been. She could have been a debutante.

[A]

Grace tried to take down a wall in the bathroom of the country club. Damn it. Grace. Embarrass the family project. So the first shot we get of the mom is just this extremely disappointed look, which I love. It's very on brand for Disappointed Mother Day on this show. And she's telling Ryan, no hair product, husband. She's like, ryan, I want you to notice that there's no TV above this fireplace.

[B]

Also, no volume in my daughter's hair. I mean, look at the work I've done with my hair. Okay? You can't blame it on the jeans. You blame it on the product, all right?

[A]

There's no TV to focus on. So let's worry about turning up the volume on Grace, okay? Because. Wow, this is deafening.

[B]

I was. When I was watching it, I was like, this is a tale of Two Bobs. Because Grace just has her hair flat, straight down. And her mom was, like, swooping. You know, she's got, like. It comes. It swoops up in the back, it soups up in the front. She's like, I'm on tv. I don't mess around.

[A]

Fighting. Fighting. Bob's so Ryan's like, well, I'm fine with a fireplace as long as we don't have to put a TV above it. God, he's an above the tv. He's an above the fireplace TV stickler. You know, this is a thing I follow a design Reddit, I think it's called Design something like that or like, home interior something. I don't know. And people will put up their room, and then you give them advice on their Room. I mean, I don't because I'm an idiot, but people do give advice on rooms, and there is like a whole brigade of people who are like, I'm so sick of TVs about fireplaces. I mean, I feel like they're only signed up to this Reddit so that they can come give people shit for putting their TV above their fireplace.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Where else am I supposed to put my fucking tv? There's the center of the room with the fireplace. That's the only place to put it. Nowhere else. Most of these places that I just don't know what to do, I feel so judged. I feel attacked.

[B]

I personally, my feeling on this is that if I could put the TV not above the fireplace, I will, just because I feel like the fireplace should be the fireplace, but if it has to go over the fireplace, it's fine. You know, I used to have my TV over the fireplace.

[A]

It's just I do right now and. Does my neck hurt? Yes. Because my fireplace is too high. I get Ryan's point, but, you know, it's. He's just got like, wall privilege. I don't know if he's like, from a place that has like 10 walls or whatever. Like, he's just got all this wall free space. I do. I have to put it above the fireplace. And I don't appreciate feeling judged by you. Product free Ryan.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, look, these. Grace and Ryan are just like the most boring people you meet at the party. You just see it. It's like, I hate to go back to this hypothetical party, but you know that when. When Ryan joins the conversation for a moment, you think, oh, God, someone can save me from Grace. And it just gets worse with Ryan because Ryan's like, wait, what's the Real Housewives of? Is that a show?

[A]

Is that Ryan's like Real Housewives of What? How long does it take you to walk to your country club?

[B]

Yeah, Ryan's like, you know what show? I wish they'd bring back Two and a Half Men. You know what, Ryan.

[A]

So Grace. Grace is. He doesn't want a TV above the fireplace. Grace just wants a blue door, okay? Because she's had one one time, and so she just wants one. And she says, if there's a blue door, it's just meant to be Grace. Cuz some standards.

[B]

Or pain. Like, honestly. And I love the mom saying, I need to make sure Grace doesn't make a decision based on whether her house has a blue door or not. Stupid idiot. Debutante failor.

[A]

I Blame her father and his raising her. But he didn't lift enough of a finger to even make a mistake. That lazy.

[B]

The dad's like, whatever you say, Susan. He pours some whiskey. It is. My name's not even Susan. No pun intended. Whitney Houston.

[A]

You know, they say that, that you marry your father. The father is all hair product, okay? We see the father in America. The father is. I don't even know if he's good looking. All I see is pomade. All I see is gel in his hair. Grace did not marry her father. She married. I think there's something wrong with the father that Grace is like, I'm marrying a man who does not have hair product at all because my dad is so over hair product dead.

[B]

Her father is like the waspiest WASP who's ever showed up on House Hunters. Because I think like most WASPs, I don't think would come on the show. But he was like, you know, like he, he welcomed Ryan because they just talk about golf. They sit around, they talk about golf. They go to the golf club together.

[A]

They.

[B]

They hang out at the golf club. They probably say things that are. You wouldn't want to hear on tv. And then they get drunk.

[A]

I feel like if you're going to vote, you should be a landowner. You know what I mean? You should really only have a say in what happens the country if you've got a piece of the pie, you know, Otherwise you're just, of course poor people are going to vote for their own interests. They're going to vote for your money. That's what they're going to vote. That's our conversation. I guarantee.

[B]

The problem with liberals, yeah, that's. That is what the whole thing is. So anyway, we now come. Now that show actually properly starts. I love we could do like a 10 minute recap on like the first five seconds of the recap. So Ryan's like. So we see Ryan, he's like, I'm really excited to be back and in Greenville.

[A]

And yeah, you look real excited there. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan of the dead face. Like, seriously, Ryan, did you just wake up? Because Ryan has no. Ryan is like lacking in charisma. Ryan has about as much charisma as he has hair product.

[B]

Ryan is the sole member of the Van Heusen Loyalty Club. I will say that. Like, you just can tell. It's like, wow, why go to the mall? You can just go to Van Heusen.

[A]

So they're walking their baby. I mean, the baby's in a stroller, but they're going down the street with the baby. And they have a dog off the leash. Listen, I don't care if you think your dog is the best, most well trained dog. When I was a dog walker, I had to walk 15 dogs at a time. And my cousin was also a dog walker, and he would. They would just follow him like dog Jesus. He never had to use one leash. I tried that one time. All my dogs ran into the road, okay? In Long Beach, I got fired.

[B]

Dogs are fucking deranged and they will run wherever they want to run.

[A]

I'm so.

[B]

Dog just ran in front of a dog last night, I was leaving my driveway, and what comes skittering across the sidewalk? A dog with no leash and no owner apparent. And then, like 20 seconds later, this lady just comes moseying across the driveway. Because I knew she was. I knew she was coming next. I'm like, I'm not gonna pull the driveway because there's gonna be some stupid owner who's gonna come sauntering by. And sure enough, here she goes. It's like your car. I could have run over your dog. Maybe I should have. And honestly, your dog has probably already run into the street five times by now. You stupid idiot. Put your dog on a leash.

[A]

Yeah, well, I was a person who didn't. And I almost killed 15 dogs. Now, thankfully, first of all, I was only 19. So everybody who's about to freak out about it, I was young and stupid. I learned then dogs need leashes, okay? Also, there is no such thing as dog Jesus. Although I'll bet my cousin still can do it. Shout out to Dean. Ding. Put your dog on a leash, okay? Don't be a traumatized. Don't traumatize Ronnie there. Full circle back, okay? So he's like, I'm Ryan. And then he just, like, looks at her like, say it. Say your name, stupid. We look like idiots. And Grace is like. And I'm Grace. I'm Grace. He works as a management consultant in the health care industry.

[B]

He does. Like, literally. If you've ever wondered what a management consultant in the health care industry looks like, look at this person. Like, when Susie said that, I was like, oh, I'm just gonna start calling him middle seat. Because he's the person who gets stuck in the middle seat that's like. Pulls out his, like, Acer laptop and start working on reports next to you. It's like, sorry, I'm in management and health in the health care industry.

[A]

Do you feel like he's the person that asks you to switch seats? Or he's like, hey, Grace is in the back. My wife. Would you mind if we switch seats and you can take my middle seat and I'll take your other seat.

[B]

He would do that. He would also be annoying in selecting a snack from the flight attendant. He'd be like, what snacks do you have? Okay, pretzels. Do you have cookies? No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you have pineapple by any chance? You have pineapple? No. Okay, I think I'll just. All pretzels. You're sure about the pineapple? It's like, you know what? She doesn't have pineapple. They don't serve pineapple on airplanes. Go back to your laptop.

[A]

Well, I think her dad. I think Grace's dad is probably one of the people who's like, oh, God. So one person dies from peanuts, so now no one can have them. God, remember the days when we all had peanuts?

[B]

Well, that was me. When United Airlines stopped carrying stroopwafels and they replaced it with, like, a vegan, no nuts, no nothing thing. And I was like, oh, one person dies of peanuts and you can't have stroopwafels no more.

[A]

Well, that's my first reaction, literally, to everything. Until I get used to it. I'm like, oh, this is a new rule. Like, whenever society comes up with a new rule, I'm like, these kids. And then I'm like, oh, my God, do not eat peanuts in public. You guys, seriously.

[B]

Listen, I mean, peanut allergies are real and they're scary, but also, like, I know we don't have to have, like, peanut butter snacks in airplanes, but, like, do we have to be served pretzels that are formed out of sawdust and water? I mean, they're literally the worst snacks on American Airlines. Come on.

[A]

Well, at some point, you have to wonder if it's really the airlines causing a lot of this, like, spreading it. Like, suddenly they're like, everyone, there's peanut allergies everywhere. They might be spreading it just because those stupid pretzels are so much cheaper. I mean, peanuts are not cheap. Nuts are not cheap. Anybody who' been to the store knows that nuts are not cheap. Maybe they're just peanuts.

[B]

I. I just, like, there's just gotta be something better than those dry ass pretzels they serve on American Airlines. I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah, well, I love a dry ass pretzel, actually. God, I really do. It makes me feel so thin. Even though they're not that much less calories. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm eating pretzels, you guys. I'm basically a twig. So they're walking their dog and their baby off a leash. Put them both on a leash. Okay, so Grace and her mom, Joan Herlong. I love it.

[B]

I didn't pick up her last name. Was called her longest. She's like an incomplete sentence. Joan and her long. It's like the match game. I think that's dead, people. We saw Joan and her long.

[A]

And then like, Betty did every answer Scarf number one. Survey says. Yep.

[B]

Attitude. Her long attitude.

[A]

So they're sitting on laptops in the living room. Okay, now, these two hate each other. And here's how we know. The mom has a stem glass and it has white wine. Grace has a non stem glass and it has red wine. The mom is on a Mac. Grace is on Windows. How do you two even know each other? Like, do you hate each other?

[B]

Oh, isn't it? And Grace is like the. Grace says that she's the project manager of her mom's real estate company. No, you're not, because if you were, you wouldn't be on a different operating system.

[A]

Exactly. I mean, what. I don't think she is. I think she's just. She just takes a paycheck. She runs like, the real. The realtor.com section or whatever. You know, she's. Mom got her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Made sure that our. Our listings RSS is up to feed or whatever. Up to sand. Our feed is up to. Is updated. God damn it.

[B]

Spit it out, Grace.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

We got a real estate business to do.

[A]

And Grace is like, did we get the closing paper on the things. On the thing of the house, of the thing?

[B]

Did we get the. Did we get the mortgage escrow contingencies? And she's like, oh, God, Grace, you stupid idiot. I rang you to be better than this.

[A]

So Ryan's like, we both met our first year. You both met? Really? Did you both meet your first year? Ryan? He's like, we both met here in Greenville, and we have a daughter, Carson, who's seven months old, and a dog named Joan. I mean, Boomer. Sorry.

[B]

By the way, the dog named Boomer.

[A]

Since I have a Boomer, I can tell to shut up. Causing world war.

[B]

So they have a dog named Boomer and a daughter named after the neighborhood in Los Angeles where there's an Ikea Carson.

[A]

So Grace is like, yeah, we recently moved back from Atlanta. You know, we're both from here. And when we had our daughter, we thought, God, this kid needs to be raised with more disappointed looks. Let's go back to my mom.

[B]

So Ryan's like, I just feel like this city is. They're. Oh, they're sitting, like, having drinks with a friend. Like, I feel like this city has changed so much since we were last here. There used to be Joanne's fabrics, and now they're still a Joanne's fabrics. But I noticed they repainted their parking lot.

[A]

Now all I can see are Joan's fabrics. Because that scarf. Wow. I mean, you really never let go of the brightness of that scarf.

[B]

Still traumatized classic Joanne. Her long, how long was she. No, that's just her name. That's just her name.

[A]

Joan. Her long is so long. She sits around the scarf.

[B]

Okay, it's not a fat joke. It's a length joke. It just sort of has the same structure as a fat joke.

[A]

So Grace is like, you know, Greenville's in the mountains, but the downtown is really what sells us, you know, what's downtown? There's, like, restaurants. And also, Ryan likes golf, which isn't downtown, but still, I love that bustling.

[B]

Downtown core with its country club and golf course.

[A]

And we've been living with my mom for seven months, and my mom's been shaming my baby for not having a Mac. We've gotta move.

[B]

Last night, I saw my mom creeping into our nursery and trying to put a little baby wig on. With a swoopy hairstyle, Carson has been.

[A]

Reaching for the brightest scarf in the closet. We've gotta go.

[B]

By the way, amusingly, old versus new in St. Louis also had a prominent scarf situation going on. Just want to bring it there. It's a little teaser for the next episode, so. I know. So they're in the kitchen, and now they're all going to talk about what they like. And Joanne has attempted to do, like, some sort of, like, show of domesticity. She's, like, made some, like. Some, like, Duncan Hines, like, M M cookies. Like, she never makes these cookies. You can tell. Look at. Her husband is half drunk at 4pm like, is it happy hour yet? And she's going to act like she's Betty Crocker over here making Eminem cookies. She does not make mm cookies.

[A]

She doesn't. And they were so the ones that you buy already done in the store, you just plop them onto the pan because they were all exactly the same circle. There's like, four of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two of them were eaten, which was impressive. And I feel like she's a mom that puts those out and then is like, oh, so you're gonna eat cookies now? Great, Grace. Great. This is what you need. It's like, you made the cookies. Why are you guilting me about eating the cookies?

[B]

Well, because this is how she stages her homes probably. She's like, if you want to sell a home, you put a cookie in there. Because that's what they do on, like, selling Sunset. They do like, the fresh baked cookies and you put them out on the counter. So she's like, went to Harris Teeter and put out some cookies on the front. She's like, if it works for him. But we're not home buyers. It's gonna work for house hunters.

[A]

I don't want to go into a new house and smell something that's been cooked in. Like, I want to smell new. I want to smell wood. I don't want to smell your cooking. Do you remember that time on selling Sunset, they got burgers. They got, like, in and out burgers. Who does that at a house showing? Who wants to buy your body odor smelling house? Gross.

[B]

I know. It is a weird choice. So the mom is going to be their realtor. They're furious.

[A]

Like, why am I so mad? Sometimes you just wonder, like, what are you mad about? I'm mad all day. Like, I. And I love this stuff. I'm not mad, like, what's wrong with me? I'm furious.

[B]

So. So Joan is like, okay, dum dums, what's your budget?

[A]

Yeah. And she's like, I put M M's in these cookies, so subtract $2 from whatever it is. Okay.

[B]

Count towards my commission. Even though commission. Commission may have two M's in it, but they are not these M's condition.

[A]

No. No. Okay. So then Grace is like, Well, I say 600,000. And Ryan's like, okay, one that's not working. I say 500,000. And she's like, okay, one. Who's raising your child? How about lower side of five?

[B]

He's like, well, we're gonna need to save 100,000 for the surgery. I'm gonna need for watching TV at your mother's house above a fireplace. Thanks, Nick.

[A]

So the mom, Joan is like, oh, that's doable. Spoiler alert. Joan doesn't listen to shit. Mom's Joan.

[B]

No.

[A]

Joan was like, I don't care. I don't care what you want. I'm going to show you whatever the fuck I want.

[B]

She's about that. Yeah, exactly. And meanwhile, the dad's just sitting there smiling and just drunk. He's like, well, you know the thing about, you know, Bill Belichick? You know, he's had a good Run. But it's time for New England to look into someone else. I mean, if Dallas loses in the postseason one more time. I mean, not my issue. And Tiger woods, can you believe he's still out there?

[A]

Now, what about death taxes? So then Grace is like, I want to do a fixer upper. Don't even say that word around me. Grace. Do you know that they just gave Joanna Gaines a cooking show on Food Network? I don't know. If they just gave it to her network. Yes.

[B]

Not on her own network.

[A]

She has her own network. Get out. Go. Just go. Why do you have to have her on Food Network, too? Come on, man.

[B]

Joanna Gaines. We all know that time slot is reserved for. For a country singer who is past her prime, who needs to be cooking her family's macaroni and cheese recipe in a soft filter.

[A]

No shit. Did Guy Fieri run out of ideas for game shows? What the hell?

[B]

Hello? Like, so suddenly we're not allowed to watch Martina McBride cook something?

[A]

Also, Reed Drummond. Did you know that her family, like, proudly lives on Osage land? Like, she's gross. Okay, so here's what happened. I follow something. I'm on a Reddit. I mentioned Reddit all the time because I'm literally just scrolling through it all day. But they have this thing that's, like, suggested Reddit, and usually they're terrible. It's like the Dodge Caravan. And then you see people like, is anyone else's blinker out all the time? What the hell? And then you have to say, I'm not interested in this community. Well, one that started popping up was Food Network, which is why I have all this Food Network gossip.

[B]

I'm not interested in this community. You suddenly turn into Lucille Bluth. I'm not interested in this community.

[A]

I swear. You have to, like, judge whole communities of people. That's me watching such crazy ones.

[B]

I'm not interested in this community.

[A]

It's like gel pens, you know, it's people like, why would I use ink when I could use gel? What do you guys think about this new gel pen? And you have to be like, I'm not. Don't. I don't like this community. Or whatever, but Food Network, I'm getting all this goss. People get so upset over Food Network stars. I didn't know there was a whole thing. We should start a Food Network podcast. You want to. Okay, great. Okay, it starts. It starts next week. Everybody watch what? Cookins.

[B]

Here's what's going to be called Kimchi question mark.

[A]

That's the running joke that will never die from the next Food Network star. Years ago, they giving them all a mystery ingredient. And one of the Southern lady goes, kimchi. It's like alive and it's bubbling.

[B]

What is that? We're like, oh, my God. This. This network that's supposedly like, they're vetting people to be their next star, like a figurehead for their network. And you have people on there being like, I never heard such a thing before. More.

[A]

When did we. We did the whole season of Food Network bonus episodes. That's when we used to do bonus episodes of full recaps of stuff. Oh, my God.

[B]

Was on it. That was. I'll say. It was all about Susie Fogelson with talk about Wasp. The way she just had this, like, cool demeanor and just like she would just flop her hands if she didn't light something. She goes like, this makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't, I don't, I don't understand.

[A]

Also, the season that the lady who, who was like, I'm just a poor mom. My thing is making recipes for 10 cents. Was it when she won?

[B]

Well, though, I think it was a different. That was a different season. That's when Food Network star actually had a little bit of credibility with Melissa. Whatever. But by the time we got to count.

[A]

Have you seen her as a judge on these shows? She comes on as a judge. She is so snooty to everybody. She's like, I cannot believe you put mayonnaise in the same dish as fish. I'm like, lady, you were making like, you were like roasting canned beans over a trash fire. You were on Food Network star. When did you get so hoity toity?

[B]

She deserves it compared to freaking kimchi lady making it to like, probably the finals, you know, like, yeah, my point of view is just down home Southern cooking because we cook with love. Anyway.

[A]

Oh, okay. So anyway, the mom made cookies. Okay, so Grace wants a fixer upper and I was triggered. So we'll not go back there. And then the mom is like, oh, really, Grace in all your spare time with a baby and a full time job? Makes a lot of sense, idiot. Good thing you're named Grace, because I'm certainly not affording you some grace these days. Dumbass.

[B]

I'll tell you. You know what, Grace? Maybe I should have named you debut. Not okay.

[A]

With your stringy hair.

[B]

So Ryan's like, I want something more traditional. I'm just, I can't. I can't run it because. I haunt something.

[A]

I don't even know where you are.

[B]

You know where I am in the notes.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

He goes, ryan says, okay, I'll just read it, I guess I want something more traditional. No gay marriage in my home. I want newer homes, open floor plan, but open not in terms of relationships.

[A]

And she's like, oh, but I want. Look, we need to have three bathrooms because there's gonna be so much of the baby stuff everywhere. And when my friends come to visit me, I don't want them to have to deal with that. And the mom goes, oh, please.

[B]

Best moment in house Hunter's history.

[A]

I died. And the dad goes, nobody, honey. And the mom goes, yeah, no one wants to stay with a baby. I mean, come on, get over it, Grace.

[B]

Grace is an American hero. Thank you for articulating that on television. You. Thank you for using your platform, Grace. No one wants to visit with a baby.

[A]

I died. So Grace is like, I like to find rooms. Because Ryan's like, oh, you know, I want open floor plan. It's like, no to find rooms. And then he's like, well, we need to be close to the country club. You know, I need to be close to the golf at the club, specifically. So if we could be close to the country club golf area, not the country club pool.

[B]

I need to have the shortest distance to home that I can drunk drive back to. So Grace is. Grace is like, well, I like white kitchens but no granite countertops. It's also my political view. And that's like.

[A]

That reminds me.

[B]

Dad, dad, Dad.

[A]

Okay, so they also want a two car garage because Ryan's like, oh, my God, it's so frustrating to find street parking.

[B]

Those busy streets of Greenville, you gotta watch that suburbs. Those, those country club adjacent streets are just packed. Packed with people trying to parallel park.

[A]

And he's fine with the fireplace as long as you don't put a TV above it. And he's like, I don't like feeling like you have to stare up into space to watch tv. And the mom's like, excuse me, our T above the fireplace. And you're still alive because you look who's still freeloading off mom and dad. Wow, you sure can't eat some free Eminem cookies while you about TVs. How's that, Ryan?

[B]

Funny, you don't about Obamacare as much now that your neck is broken. From my tv, apparently.

[A]

So the dad. So they're like, when's the target?

[B]

Well, dad, no, he says that snarkly because. Because Ryan's like, I know. My, my, my neck hurts when I watch TV in your house. Dad's like, when are you mo again?

[A]

So, Ranga, just as soon as you find her a blue front door, don't.

[B]

Forget the real idiot is in this duo.

[A]

So Grace explains that she has a super emotional connection to blue doors because she had a blue door in Atlanta. So if she can find a blue door, it's meant to be.

[B]

I mean, no further questions needed. She had a blue door in Atlanta, so she's emotionally connected. It makes sense. I don't know why anyone would question this at all.

[A]

I feel like there's a blue door somewhere. Like, I just hope that I get a white lady with terrible straight bob. I have emotional connection to one. That's all I need.

[B]

This is where the great Min Jones says, again, now, okay, hello, America. I put on a sassy jacket just to show that I'm not really related to my daughter. I'd like to create some distance. Listen, part of my job is to make sure she doesn't make a dumb decision based on a blue door. Okay? If I was a different cloud, I would soft pedal it, but it's great. So I just say no. Like, every time she reaches for a lollipop.

[A]

Girls are real debutant. So they go see house number one, and she's like, okay, well, this one's for Ryan. I didn't want Ryan to think it's all gonna be about Grace. This one's brand new, and the TV is tipped over on the ground.

[B]

Here. I attached a little. I attached a little paint sample from Sherman Winnell's the door. Just to distract Grace for a moment while we walk around the house.

[A]

So this one's like a brand new house, but you know. You know, the little cookie cutter houses, but it has brick. I like brick. I'm a big fan of brick.

[B]

This house. I actually thought this was a nice house at built ins I liked. Oh, by the way, I just want to mention real quickly, something just to really further establish Joan's character is that in her kitchen, she had a sign up that said, no sniveling. And I just love that. I just love that every time Grace is like, my mom, there's no blue door. What does the sign say? No sniveling.

[A]

That's right. Live, laugh. Shut the up. Grace.

[B]

No sniveling was the only sign in the entire kitchen. The. Oh, it was. There was no, like, caliente. Nothing that said Paris. It just said no sniveling.

[A]

You looking for the dishwasher? Her name is Grace painted on a washboard.

[B]

We don't use comma in this dishwasher. We just use Snivel. We put it in there and wash it away.

[A]

So Grace is like, but it doesn't have old house charm. And she's like, oh, shut the up, Grace. Grace, you saw, you married.

[B]

Since when did you care about charm?

[A]

This has bells and whistles of a new house. And it's. Listen, it's not only five bedrooms. There's also a bonus room, and it's 3,200 square feet. Grace. Whoa. Okay. That's huge.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Ryan's like, yeah, it's also close to the country club. And the mom goes, yeah, and it's649, 605, so suck on that.

[B]

Way over. Way over their budget. And then. And then they look at her like, what? And she goes, oh, do you still want me to show you the house? Because we could leave if you want.

[A]

And Grace is like, listen, there's not a blue door. She says, oh, Jesus Christ. Just a Saturday afternoon in a bucket of paint, for Christ, shut up. God, you're such a flubutant. Just be quiet.

[B]

I know you'll have to step out of line for the Joanne, you know, President's Day sale on notions, but, yeah, it's a Saturday afternoon.

[A]

So this. This is baby blue walls. There's a lot of baby blue walls in today's episode. I think that's a big thing in Greenville. They're like, you know, which is right now, baby blue walls.

[B]

It's very ironic. They're like, well, we've been thinking about passing a resolution to call it baby Blueville, but for right now, it's just gonna stay Greenville.

[A]

Well, you know, Greenland has a lot of ice, and Iceland has a lot of green. Just.

[B]

And Grace has no charm. So I'll tell you what. Grace has a lot of.

[A]

You know what we call Grace? Green. Bland.

[B]

Iceland has a lot of green. Greenland has a lot of us. And Grace just has a lot of lint. We call her lint trap sometimes.

[A]

Except.

[B]

No one cares to scrape it out of her. Yeah.

[A]

So they changed something super weird on this. They keep showing. So in the beginning, when he was like, I don't like TVs above fireplaces. They showed a TV above a fireplace, and it had, like, a little topiary thing, and it had, like, a little wooden house on the mantel. But then now they're showing. I think they show it again here, and I think they show it in every house. They just keep showing the same mantle with a TV above it. And it. It confused the fuck out of me. I'm not really sure where the actual shot belonged to.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's just classic Greenville. I think that's all that it is. So. So then she's like. I mean, she's basically taunting them. Joanne's just taunting them. She's like, I know you love that tv, Ryan. Don't worry. You'll be so faced from the country club, you won't tell if you're the wall or the ceiling. Am I right, Grace? Right.

[A]

I'm sorry that you're gonna have to look at that TV, but think about the TV's perspective. It's got to look at you.

[B]

You know when they say they're spying on people through the tv, guess what? You're the people that make the spawn program end. So congratulations.

[A]

Okay, so Grace does not like the open floor plan. And I like that it's refreshing hearing. Because usually the mom's like, I love an open floor plan because I can watch the kids while I'm in the kitchen. Which just has never sounded right to me because my mom's very much like, why the would I want to see the kids while I'm in the kitchen? I go to the kitchen to not have to see the kids, you know, so this is like the kind of mothering I'm used to.

[B]

But, you know, this was not like crazy open floor plan because there still were actually kind of rooms. It was open floor plan, but there was kind of like the vague suggestion of walls. That kind of broke it up a little bit.

[A]

You know, it was more sectioned off. And then the Grace goes, what is on the wall? My mom's like, that's Wayne Scott. And, Grace, just a reminder, you actually work in the real estate business.

[B]

Grace, Wayne, Wayne Scotting. Two of the men I'd picked out for your debutante ball.

[A]

You know, people think that new means no charm, but I think no charm means, you know, basically Grace, you know, and charm comes from architectural details. Did I fail in that category? Kind of. But I blame your father.

[B]

So then they go. They look, and the backyard is really small. It's really small. And they don't. They don't like it whatsoever. And she's like, whatever. You got a tiny kid and a tiny dog. And we all know this isn't your forever home, because look at this guy. I mean, you think he's not going to cheat on you with a waitress at the country club? I mean, come on, Grace, get over it.

[A]

So there is the main bedroom on the. The first floor. And she's like, oh my God. I. This has a bedroom on the first floor. We have to have the bedrooms on the same level. I don't want to have to hike up to the second floor whenever the baby's crying and she goes, oh God. Your baby sleeps through the night.

[B]

Grace, listen, if a baby falls down the stairs, it's not the end of the world. Look, you turned out fine. Oh, did I ever tell you about that story?

[A]

My God, why are they so mean to Grace? Graves is raising this newborn baby and she has to. She. And she even mentions that Ryan does not help at all. And they want her to just like take it. It's like you just go up and down the stairs and she goes, well.

[B]

This baby sees through the night, but future babies may not. Oh, future babies. That means you have to have future sex with this one. Think about that.

[A]

So now they go upstairs. There's this house, by the way, is really nice. You pointed out it's new, but they still did. But the way the details, the wood. I like this one. I think this is a great one.

[B]

Hey, Grace, pop pop quiz. What's that? A window? Wayne Scott.

[A]

Poor Grace never gets it. She goes, oh God, look what's in this bathroom. The Wayne again, right, Mom? Wayne Scott. And God damn it, Grace.

[B]

It's a full word.

[A]

She never gets it. So Ryan's like, I love this house. It's new. There's a two car garage. And Grace is like, well, I like that there's full three bathrooms for all those people that aren't going to visit us. But it's not a craftsman. I just want a home that tells a story.

[B]

Okay, well, here's the story that every home you live in will say, I was a great home and then these two idiots lived in me.

[A]

Literally every home has a story.

[B]

And it says, there's a story.

[A]

I'm expensive and I'm going to rob you of all of your joy trying to keep up with me. Have fun.

[B]

Here's a home. Here's a story at home could tell. There once was a girl named Grace whose mother spent thousands of dollars in debutante class. One day she dropped out. That was the end of the story. Actually, now I think of it.

[A]

Okay, so now we go to back to the mom's house and they're talking about what they want. Linda's reminding us of what's happening. She's like, well, she wants an old Craftsman. He wants a waitress from the country club. He will marry her if he gets her pregnant, though he's traditional. Like that.

[B]

So they now go to Seahouse number two, which is a Craftsman bungalow. And there, the door is like a robin's egg blue. And Grace. Or a Tiffany blue, maybe. And Grace is like, oh, my God, it is so cute. Look, it has a blue door. Okay. It's not quite my shade, but.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh. So. Oh, so now it's a shade issue. It's a shade issue, Grace. Okay, skank, listen.

[A]

So she's like, well, this one's only 4.89, but it doesn't have the four bedrooms. And I think she. Oh. She said, I wrote down three bass, but I feel like this did not have three bass. Didn't this one have two and a half?

[B]

It had 2.5. So it's basically living in squalor.

[A]

Yeah, basically. Slight. Poorest. This is very, very poor. So Ryan's like, one thing I didn't see is parking. And the mom's like, yeah, there's no covered parking. Welcome to coupon shopping. Stupid.

[B]

I know. Listen, you can just string together some garbage can lids and park your golf cart under that. So. So she's like, well, but the good news is it's walking distance from the country club, so fewer DUIs for you, sir. And Grace is like, wow, I love the fireplace. Look at all the Wayne Scott. And on it. That's the mantle, Grace. That's a mantle.

[A]

So basically she's like, I like it because the. The rooms are chopped up. No, Ryan's like, I mean, it feels choppy between the rooms. I know Grace is gonna like it. And she's like, I do like it. It's choppy. And the mom's like, we'll call it chopped up or call it defined. Okay. Tomato, no class. Oh, am I right? Kitchen. Okay. So it's a little bit like you, Ryan, in high school. So it's very dated. That really makes no sense. I have no idea what I was thinking.

[B]

Actually, I think Ryan in high school was undated, if you know what I'm talking about.

[A]

I think I meant to say it's a little like. It's a little unlike Ryan in high guys. You know what? We're getting. Going to pretend that didn't happen. Edit that out. Okay. So Grace is like, oh, my God, I hate that Wayne's cut. That's a counter. Grace, help me. So they're a side. They're a shade lighter than the last ones, but they're almost exactly the same. The last ones were black, and these are light brown. And now she's like, I hate granite. Wow.

[B]

Well, she says she hates granite cuz she hates the marbling on it. So then. Well, she said that at some point in this, you know. So then it's like sort of like a tighter kitchen. It's a nice kitchen actually. And Ryan's like. He's like, yeah, this is not good. Just. But I want a project. I want to do something with this kitchen. I'm like, do not let Grace do something to this kitchen.

[A]

She will just dry it.

[B]

No, no. When Scotting is.

[A]

And also, if you want a project, it's not the kitchen. You know what I mean? Like, if you're going to take on something with a new born, you need your kitchen. You can't just be like, oh, I'm going to start. Hey, hand. Hand Grayson Carson a hammer and watch her just start tearing down. No. And then kitchen's a huge project.

[B]

And then listen to this dum dum. Grace is like. She's the whole episode. She's like, I just. You know what? I hate an open concept. I just want like to find rooms. Hey, you know, we could do this kitchen. Let's blow it right open. Let's just make it a big open kitchen with an island. Like. Like anc.

[A]

I want a house with walls so we can tear down the walls. Mother. So this one is. Okay, this one's a pretty nice one.

[B]

It's cute.

[A]

It's cute. It's smaller. It is Craftsman or whatever. And Grace will have a project. So then they go to lunch. Okay. Grace's fashion is questionable. She's wearing a. Well, they're having lunch with a friend. And you know, Grace is like, we're downtown. So I'm Cosmopolitan today. Because she's wearing kind of a top that's like got stringy chest things that are all tying. I don't know.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I'm like, Grace, this is my. I don't know why I'm fixated on the top. But you know, as much as we make fun of her, I like Grace and I'm rooting for her. And this just isn't. It's not helping anybody. I want to go help Grace, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. This was not a great. I would not say this was a great advertisement for Greenville. I'm sure Greenville is like super cute and lovely. I don't know if Grace and her house hunt was the vessel that the city needed to put out, put its.

[A]

Best foot forward is House Hunters ever though. I mean. I mean the American. Because House Hunters International. I literally want to make move everywhere they show me Even when the apartments are terrible, which they usually are, I always want to move to whatever city they're showing me.

[B]

But, yeah, domestic. They just love to zoom in on, like, a mud pile, like, on. On the other one that we're. On the other one that we're gonna walk. Watch the. This couple goes, like, walking through a park. Like, we love St. Louis. It's so beautiful. And they walk through this, like, disgusting park with, like, a big, giant puddle. And they're like, isn't it scenic? And you're like, look at the scene.

[A]

Yeah, it gets scary on this one sometimes. On the regular house hunters, so the mom is like, oh, wait, I'm sorry. I'm getting tired. This is so long. I don't know why it's so long, but the mom. I think this one's actually kind of nice. The houses are all kind of nice.

[B]

On this house number three you're talking about now.

[A]

Well, was this a huge one? This one's really big, too, right? I think this one's really nice.

[B]

The houses were really good. They have. They. I liked all three houses. I thought they were all quite good. So house number three, it's, like, all white and. But it's. I think it's. It's not new construction, but it's like. It's kind of a mix of both. It's actually kind of the perfect choice because it's at the top of their budget, but it's at. But it's within their budget.

[A]

And random numbers, too. It's like 599-601.

[B]

Yeah. And it's walking distance to downtown. And Ryan's like, well, it's no country club, but I could. I could walk to downtown where all the queers are. See what that life is like.

[A]

They're all. You know what? The country club's good, but there's also a lot of holes downtown. So.

[B]

So what was really good about this house, I thought, is that when you walk in for them, what was good about it is that you walk in into the right. There's like, a dining room. There's, like, a defined dining room. I think there's even a defined, like, living room or sitting room. But then when you go back to the kitchen, the kitchen and the den area is, like, one big open space. So you actually get open concept and defined rooms, which I thought was, like, perfect for both of them.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. I thought this one was a winner myself, for sure.

[B]

And that the kitchen was beautiful and there was no TV above the fireplace. This one literally had everything that they could want.

[A]

And the bedroom in this one is humongous. And it had like multiple rooms in the main bedroom. And also, I like the colors. Like, I like the brown room. This one was cool. I thought it was really good. And I thought that you could put the baby in your room in another room. Because there's like two rooms in here. So I didn't understand the whole, like, where do we put the baby? So then they go upstairs. Okay, so there's like this loft area, like the bonus room. And the stairs lead up right to it. And then Grace gets up. She goes, this is perfect for the baby.

[B]

I know. I was like, what, you're gonna have the baby play at the top of the staircase or just have, like, toys there? I was like, have you seen the Omen? Okay, don't. But don't have like a collection of toys at the top of your staircase. This is not smart.

[A]

Okay? Put the newborn right at the. Right at the top step and watch her go.

[B]

Grace's whole thing is that she doesn't. She wants to be on the same floor as the kids, and she doesn't like that. The primary bedroom is on the first floor floor. But luckily this floor actually, this house is so big that there's an alternate primary bedroom on the second floor that's like, maybe not as big, but perfectly fine as the primary. And they're like, well, I guess this will do. That's beautiful. Ensuite. I guess. And they're just like really fixated on this. And the mom is like, okay, you know what you've got to give. You got to shut up about this, okay? What is up with this up and down stairs thing, Grace? Okay, you can walk upstairs. Apparently, I know you don't like to exercise, Grace, and that's gonna catch up with you someday. For right now, you can walk up a staircase.

[A]

And she goes, listen, I wish you'd just get over this because a first floor master is great for your lifestyle and for resale, Dummy. So then we see the bathrooms. The bathrooms are a little wonky here. The. In both. In all the bathrooms, they're not as well thought out as the rest of the house. There's like single sink that's like a. You can tell that the bathrooms were redone cheaply, right? Because they just put in like some Lowe's in there that doesn't really fit properly with single seats. There's no mirror in this bathroom.

[B]

Yeah, I saw no mirrors. I was like, it's not quite finished. Yeah, this house took all the boxes like There was the only issue that they could try to come up with was that the, the intended primary bedroom was on the first floor. That was the only, only issue with it.

[A]

So it comes down. Linda's like, it could all come down.

[B]

To the blue door.

[A]

These losers. So we see them trying to decide what they're going to get and then they do that thing where the baby's making noises. So they put the hand over and go like. And then the baby looks totally impressed with itself. Get over yourself, baby. Okay. You did not just for an American Idol. Get over yourself, Carson.

[B]

You're no Mandisa. So.

[A]

Oh my God, that's a blast from the past. So they're talk about not wanting gay marriage in their house.

[B]

So now it's time to talk about the houses. So they're deliberating and, you know, they all have their pros and cons. I personally think they're going to go for house number three. I felt like the, the issues they had with it were kind of a stretch. I didn't see any. It was within their budget, had everything they wanted. It was clearly going to be house number three.

[A]

It was gorgeous. I loved the white, the painted white brick, which I don't always love, but I loved it on this house. I just thought it was such a cute place. I really wanted them to get it and they didn't. Okay. They said, fuck you, Ronnie. We don't care what you think.

[B]

And Ryan, it turns out, never really had a choice in this because Grace goes, well, I know which one I'm thinking of. And he's like, I know which one you're thinking of too. So that's one we're gonna do. I was like, ryan, don't you have a say in this?

[A]

No, because you know Ryan, he just wants to go downtown. Isn't this the one that's downtown? Don't they pick?

[B]

He chose the one that's closest to the country club. He wants to go to the country club and get wasted. So he's happy. He doesn't care.

[A]

So she gets the one, the Craftsman with the chopped up rooms that she wants to do the kitchen and knock down the walls. So then we see like the future. And Leah Thompson's there. She's like, michael J. Fox is my son. So we see the future and Grace is one of those people who has the full on designer. Like I've picked out 10 tiles and they're all on this board right here. I've got 19 wallpapers, 87 paint samples. I'm like, oh, My God, Grace, do something else. I'm already exhausted from your project, and I don't even know you.

[B]

Exactly. And she's still talking about how she's gonna, like, blow out the walls in the kitchen. She's gonna. She's like, I'm gonna do this for you, Ryan, and take out the walls in the kitchen, because that's my concession to you. I'm like, you realize that just makes it all open concept. You don't know what you're doing. I also thought it was funny that the friends that they had over were not her mom. Her mom's like, I am not going over that box. I told her it was house number three, and she would not listen to me. So we're gonna stay at our home and drink our asses off.

[A]

And I like when she goes, yeah, you know, the kitchen is our only project. I'll probably open it up. Or, you know, we. Maybe we could find a solution to covered parking. I mean, it does only have two and a half baths, but that's plenty as long as our guests only come for the day and don't stay at night. Oh, God. Like, oh, Grace, come on. Get. Get what you want, Grace.

[B]

But also, like, no one's staying for more than a day. Also, you have two and a half baths. That's enough space for a guest bath. Like your kids stuff. I don't know.

[A]

So one of the problems with this is all the episodes look so good of House. I want to recap everything, because then we see the next episode because it starts automatically playing, and it's like, now Snowbirds from Denmark escape to Longboat, Florida. And he's like, this is the House that I wanted this whole time. Like, oh, yes, you wanted it. I did not want this. It's like, oh, my God, Why are we not doing this episode?

[B]

We have to do on the lists. Put it on the lists. We could do that one before the St. Louis one. That's fine. I love Denmark. Any. Anything Danish. I'll be happy. Happy to do it. Looks so good. It's like an older couple, and she's.

[A]

Just like, oh, fine, you get what you want. I see. Good for you, Hans.

[B]

Hans and Hans. And what's a Danish lady's name? I actually don't. Can't think about Danish.

[A]

I think it's something like it's out of a story. It's like Inga or something, you know? Oh, my gosh. We have to watch it. It looks so good. All right, everybody. Well, this was, you know. You know what? It was. You're listening to it. Thank you so much for being here. This was super, super fun. We love doing these. Thanks for the a suggestion. If you want to suggest one, go over to watch what crappens gmail.com, shoot us an email and put in your title dwell. Hello suggestion. Okay. And we will find it and go over them. We've got a ton of suggestions in there. And everybody, thanks for being here. We love you guys.

[B]

Love you so much. We'll talk to you next one.

[A]

Bye.