Dwell Hello #407: Searching for Community in Bangkok

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens

Episode: Dwell Hello #407: Searching for Community in Bangkok

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Original Air Date: March 26, 2024

---

Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap House Hunters International Season 1, Episode 7, "Searching for Community in Bangkok." Listener-submitted, the episode follows Sean, an American teacher moving to Bangkok, in his hunt for community and the perfect apartment—on an amusingly delusional $400 per month housing stipend. True to the podcast's tone, the hosts lovingly roast Sean, his new mentor-turned-bear-friend Mark, and realtor Diane, between tangents about expat life, snack storage, dance rooms, and the logistics of plugging into communities (sometimes a little too literally).

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Initial Impressions of Bangkok & Episode Setup

• Ben and Ronnie riff on Bangkok stereotypes ("partying, red light districts, drugs") (02:52), then note the contrast with how the episode actually portrays the city.
• Listener suggestion shoutout: Episode selected thanks to Amber and Andrew's email (01:51).
• Meet Sean: From Austin, never married, doesn't feel like he fits his family's traditional trajectory, which Ronnie and Ben mock with affection.
  • "I'm a failure to my entire family. All my relatives look down on me. What can I say?" (Ben, 05:50, parodying Sean)
• Running gag: Sean's longing to "plug into" a community is instantly lampooned as shady.
  • "You need to stop plugging into so many goddamn neighborhoods, dude. Like, are you a criminal? What are you running from, Sean?" (Ronnie, 08:05)

2. Meet the Players: Sean, Mark, and Diane

• Mark: Fellow teacher, local "bear", instant, slightly needy friend to Sean.
  • "He's sort of just like always there. You wake up in the morning, he's at the doorstep...can't get rid of him. It's fine." (Ben, 11:29)
• Diane, the Realtor: Notably weary and passive-aggressive, Diane returns from an earlier episode and takes no guff from Sean’s unrealistic expectations.
  • "No one really knows what to expect. They're all just like a bunch of white people who think that they can get a Palace for $5, pretty much." (Diane, as paraphrased by Ben, 12:27)

3. Sean's (Wildly Unrealistic) Apartment Wishlist

• Requirements: Two bedrooms, a view, greenery, downtown location, proximity to school, city and ocean views, $400/month—all for "community" and "plugging in."
  • "He wants a nice view, something by the school, something in the city, but also in the ocean and also underground, but in a high rise." (Ben, 13:42)
• Ronnie's reaction: Constant, incredulous reminders about the absurdity of Sean's budget and wish list.
  • "You want to eat as much as possible, but not gain any weight. Okay, Sean, I think your expectations might be a little unrealistic." (Ronnie, 14:07)

4. House Tours—And Roasting Each One

House #1: "Snack Drawer" Apartment

(17:19-22:18)

• Modern studio, fold-out dining board, bed with under-storage (perfect for snacks—Mark’s big suggestion), windowed sleeping area, minuscule balcony under an AC unit.
  • "And you could put your clothes there, but what I would do is put snacks." (Mark, 20:10)
• Hosts note that Sean would likely never bring anyone over, despite anxiety about entertaining.
  • "Based on your glowing personality, I'm not sure a lot of people are planning to come to your apartment in the first place. Let's be honest." (Ben, 21:23)

House #2: "Dance Studio" Near School

(23:52-28:43)

• Two bedrooms, directly next to the school for $450/month ("outside Sean's budget"—cue sarcastic awe from Ben and Ronnie).
• Imagined as a "tree house" for its park-facing windows, but with odd storage layout (closet in second bedroom, not master).
• Memorable moment: Mark unexpectedly does a handstand, and Sean busts out "the worm" dance move.
  • "That guy's just this huge guy's just, like, popping up on his hands. I mean, yeah, he did a big handstand." (Ronnie, 28:03)
  • "Sean busts out a very aggressive worm. The worm. And he worms over to Diane, and Diane's watching, like, these Americans. I'm getting out of this career." (Ben, 28:27)

House #3: Downtown "Cozy" Condo

(31:31-35:08)

• Smallest, most cramped, cheapest ($400), but nowhere near Sean's real needs.
• Diane's patience is at an end. The space is "cozy" to the point of comedy.
• Sean tries to be polite about hating it but can't hide his disdain.
  • "House number three is a piece of shit. Let's go ahead and get rid of that one." (Sean, as summarized by Ben, 36:45)

5. Deliberation & Decision

• Finalists: Snack Drawer (House #1) vs Dance Studio (House #2).
• Criteria: View, functionality, location, snack storage, and chance to "plug into" community.
• Ultimate Choice: Sean selects the “Dance Studio” (House #2), citing proximity to work and the opportunity for student game nights (which sends the hosts into another snarky spiral).
  • "So the answer is dance party." (Ben, 38:52)
  • "Your students don't want to hang out with you. Creepy." (Ronnie, 38:52)

6. Epilogue: Life in Bangkok

• Final scenes: Sean is shown happily hanging with Mark and buddies—“bros doing bro things,” seemingly plugged into a community after all.
  • "Sean's been adopted by Mark and his bro friends." (Ben, 39:20)

---

Notable Quotes

• "You need to stop plugging into so many goddamn neighborhoods, dude. Like, are you a criminal? What are you running from, Sean?" – Ronnie (08:05)
• "No one really knows what to expect. They're all just like a bunch of white people who think that they can get a Palace for $5, pretty much." – Diane (as paraphrased by Ben, 12:27)
• "You want to eat as much as possible, but not gain any weight. Okay, Sean, I think your expectations might be a little unrealistic." – Ronnie (14:07)
• "And you could put your clothes there, but what I would do is put snacks." – Mark (20:10)
• "House number three is a piece of shit. Let's go ahead and get rid of that one." – Sean (as summarized by Ben, 36:45)
• "Your students don't want to hang out with you. Creepy." – Ronnie (38:52)
• "So the answer is dance party." – Ben (38:52)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:47 – Brief intro to episode and explanation of Dwell Hello concept
• 02:52 – Hosts’ first impressions of Bangkok
• 05:50-08:23 – Sean's backstory, family dynamics, and longing for community
• 12:18 – Introduction of realtor Diane; first sarcastic impressions
• 17:19 – Tour and breakdown of House #1 ("Snack Drawer")
• 23:52 – Tour and breakdown of House #2 ("Dance Studio")
• 28:27 – Mark's handstand and Sean's worm dance moment
• 31:31 – Tour of House #3; total disappointment
• 36:45 – Deliberation, instant rejection of House #3, and narrowing down to final picks
• 38:52 – Sean's decision and "dance party" joke about hanging with students
• 39:20 – Epilogue: Sean "plugged into" a Bangkok bro community

---

Tone and Style

The podcast keeps its trademark irreverent, loving-but-mocking style throughout, blending inside jokes ("plug into community") with witty asides about real estate and expat life. Ronnie and Ben maintain a playful, sometimes bawdy humor, frequently imagining the thoughts of the show's participants and pushing passive-aggressive realtor Diane to comedic heights.

---

Memorable Moments

• The hosts’ extended riffs on Sean’s desire/creepiness for “plugging into” communities, tying it to house requirements and even dance parties.
• Mark and Sean’s spontaneous apartment breakdancing contest (handstand and worm).
• Diane’s barely veiled disdain for Sean’s lack of realism and her withering one-liners.
• Repeated jokes about unrealistic budgets and the impossible expat wish lists on House Hunters International.

---

This episode is a perfect capsule of Watch What Crappens: a Bravo-adjacent, hilariously sardonic take on reality TV real estate, longings for connection abroad, and the endless comedy of unreasonable dreams—especially those under $400 a month in Bangkok.

Transcript

[A]

Mom, I saw Dylan's dad make dinner, like actually cook. And it was straight fire. He said it was Blue Apron assemble and bake. All the ingredients showed up pre chopped and he just laid it out on a baking sheet and no cap. Dinner was on the table in like 25 minutes. Apparently it's chef design and it has like over 40 grams of protein. That's a lot, right? So maybe we try it. Just saying. You can be the next Dylan's dad.

[B]

Blue Apron.

[A]

Get 50% off your first two orders plus free shipping with code. Listen, 50 terms and conditions apply. Visit blue apron.com terms for more.

[C]

A rich life isn't a a straight line to a destination on the horizon. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn with detours, new possibilities, and even another passenger or three. And with 100 years of navigating ups and downs, you can count on Edward Jones to help guide you through it all. Because life is a winding path made rich by the people you walk it with. Let's find your rich together. Edward Jones Member, SIPC.

[B]

Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong ding ding ding ding ding dong. Hello.

[D]

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a Watch for Crappens House Hunters watching podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going today, Ronnie?

[B]

Good. What's going on with you over there, honey?

[D]

Oh, not much. Just, you know, ready to talk some House Hunters International today. Today's episode we are recapping House Hunters International Season 1, Episode 7, Searching for Community in Bangkok. You can find this on Max. That's where we watched it. And thank you to Amber and Andrew for sending in this suggestion. If you have a suggestion for a Dwell hello episode, whether it's House Hunters or House Hunters International, be sure to email [e-mail] and use the subject line dwell. Hello suggestion. Because when it comes time for us to look for episodes to recap, that is the search term we enter in. So if you use something other than that, there's a good chance we won't see it. So thanks for everyone who's sending in suggestions. A lot of fun ones that we can't wait to get to. But Amber and Andrew were really excited about this one and so we decided, let's do it. Let's search for Community in Bangkok.

[B]

Search for some dick. Let's search for some dick in Bangkok. Okay, now Bangkok, I know from that song, One Night in Bangkok. And that song I know because of the musical chess, there's a big song One night in Bangkok. So for Me, Bangkok's, like, all about partying and fucking and red light districts and drugs and. Yeah, I don't know. That's what I think of when I think of Bangkok. You would not know it from this episode, but because of that preconceived notion and ignorance, you know, because I've never been there, never even seen it on tv. What do you think of that? So I don't really know anything about it, but I have that ignorance about me. So the whole time I was like, this guy gets fisted. You know what I mean?

[D]

That's one way to search for community. I'm looking for a fisting community that's close to the center of town.

[B]

I'm looking for a community of fists to sit on in Bangkok. That would be great.

[D]

My. My earbuds are dying. I've got to switch to other headphones. One second.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[D]

Today, Seriously, it's. It's so much is going on with my. My poor little ears.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of drams. You always have to have two pairs of AirPods and you have to keep one in your ear and one in the charging case. So when it starts to go dead, then you get the one that's charged and put that one in your ear. And then when they're both dead, you get the other AirPod case.

[D]

I didn't know you could. I didn't know you could do that. Because I feel like when I put one in, it's like, quiet until I put the other one in.

[B]

Oh, no. You can have one in at a time. Oh, yeah. That's how I stand. That's how I do it on planes. Keep that shit going forever. I'm sorry. Okay, so text in. Sean Harri is the new teacher at school in Bangkok, Thailand. Fortunately, he has a fellow teacher to show him around. Very large hands. Very, very large hands. I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say Sean doesn't know any farts. Okay, take it away, Sean.

[D]

So Sean's like, yeah, this tall bear that's gotten me around town. He's lived in Thailand for a handful of years now, and I'm excited to meet the bear community that he has out here.

[B]

Pretty much.

[D]

Right.

[B]

And the big bear is like. He's like a mini me. Okay. The big bear is like the husband from hometown.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Isn't he?

[D]

He is.

[B]

Do you think his wife's like a little blonde lady with soccer hair? Soccer mom hair?

[D]

Yeah. I think he has a secret wife who is 23 but has the hairstyle of someone who's 47.

[B]

So we start up in my town, Austin, Texas. Linda's like, growing up in Austin, Texas, Shawn knew the path his life was supposed to take after college. And let me tell you, a finger. Tops. Tops. Sorry, I don't. I'll drop that. Now I'm even grossing myself out. Like, there's literally no reason.

[D]

Shawn's like, you know, my path was supposed to be get married, start a career, start a family, buy a house, be those sort of things. And in some ways, I got really down on myself because I wasn't following that same path. I never got married. I don't have a personality to find a mate in life. I never got a career and haven't started a family or bought a house. I'm a failure to my entire family. All my relatives look down on me. What can I say?

[B]

But he's such a contradiction, isn't he? Because he's like, everything was set out. Wife, children, et cetera. So you know what I said? Fuck that. I'm gonna become a super, super, super Christian.

[D]

What?

[B]

I mean, you're expecting him to, like, kind of rebel in a different way. I mean, you're going to Bangkok. You know what I mean?

[D]

Then in high school, Dum Dum over here had an epiphany. And Sean goes, I kind of had this moment where I said, I think I'm supposed to move overseas. Listen, in high school, you have a lot of epiphanies. Doesn't mean you're supposed to follow all of them. Okay? That's what college is for.

[B]

Yeah. In junior high school, I head into Tiffany, which is where I became obsessed with Tiffany and just listened to her a lot.

[D]

I had an epiphany, Lennox. So Sean's like, yeah. And pretty quickly after that, that's when I found a job in Kenya. And things just fell into place really quickly. And I'm like, they fell into place for your parents, who said, oh, no, we really messed this one up.

[B]

Things fell in place for my parents when they said, God, doesn't it feel lighter not having the unmarried one in our family around? God feels good.

[D]

Things fell in place for my parents when they realized, shit, we're gonna have to support this kid for the rest of his life.

[B]

But also, this is the moment where we start getting red flags from Sean. Cause he starts saying things like, I loved Kenya because of the community. I plugged into. Really plugged into that community. Hope that in this place, I'm gonna find a community to plug into. Can't wait to Plug into the community. He says that so much, which leads me to believe Sean is the type of person who. It's like the typ. Similar to the type of person who just gets new jobs all the time so they can always be the new person and people will always do things for them. Like, oh, my God, you're new. You want to come to lunch with us? Oh, my God, you're new. Let me show you how to do this homework. Oh, my God, you're so new. You know, I think it's just a fucking user, Sean, okay? You need to stop plugging into so many goddamn neighborhoods, dude. Like, are you a criminal? What are you running from, Sean?

[D]

I know. He's like, yeah, I really felt like I was in that community. Like, we spent holidays together. It felt like the people became family, which is why I then eventually had to leave them, because I don't like being near my family.

[B]

I was gonna say, when you were having these big holiday dinners, did anybody accuse you of being hateful, spiteful, and useless? Then it's not your family. Okay, Sean?

[D]

I like him saying, it's like, family. I'm like, you know, you do have a family that you left in Austin.

[B]

No, no, no. A better kind. A better kind of.

[D]

Seven years later, Sean returned to the States to get his master's degree, but he knew he would end up back overseas because he hates being around his mother.

[B]

He's like, yeah, I was open to moving anywhere in the world, but the school in Bangkok, I mean, they're basically the first people that reached back out. So also, I'd heard good things about living in Bangkok. So that was another reason I was like, okay, so you have no plan. You just kind of sent out a general. You just went to the info email address on a couple of school websites, and we're like, that one will do. They said, yes, I'm gonna go, because.

[D]

You know, and I trust when an opportunity that I have no reason to say no to shows up to, go ahead and jump on that. I know. His mom was like, what about the opportunity to get a real job, Sean?

[B]

What about the opportunity to go to singles night at the church? Not jumped on that opportunity.

[D]

Okay, what about the opportunity to carry on your father's lawnmower business, Sean?

[B]

So Sean has never been to Thailand. And he's like, you know, the main thing I'm really hoping for, guess what, guys? It's a community. Guess what I'm going to do to it. I'm going to plug into it.

[D]

You know, a lot of teachers have reached out and have been really great about welcoming me in here. And there's this one tall hairy guy named Mark who I immediately clicked with and more like I just walked in a room and he kind of just like, cornered me and wouldn't let me talk to anyone else.

[B]

It's basically like family. He's like a big hairy guy that I kind of plugged into. You know what I mean? You know what's amazing? Before I plugged into him, his hair was already clogging my shower drain. It's crazy how that happens. Basically family. Yeah.

[D]

I always had this fantasy of, like, what would it be like to be in Monsters, Inc. And now I sort of. I know, I know. Now.

[B]

It smells a lot more like Old Spice than I thought.

[D]

So now they're walking down the street, and Mark's like, yeah, he's kind of like a mini me. I'm like the really large bearded guy, and he's like the smaller bearded guy. We both have beards, but what I'm trying to say is that, like, beard recognized beard. I don't know. I'm just so lonely in the city. I just need a friend.

[B]

It's odd, you know? It's weird how we're kind of, like, on the same level because, like, he's a bear and I'm a bear, but I have to work out a lot more. And he probably still gets as much dick as me. It's not fair.

[D]

Yeah, he's just like a. He's a. He's a big man with a bigger, bigger personality. And, like, he wears me out. I'm not gonna lie. He, like. He's sort of just like always there. You wake up in the morning, he's at the doorstep, and go home at night, he walks you home. It's sort of. Can't get rid of him. It's fine.

[B]

It's fine.

[D]

Ready to leave the country.

[B]

Literally. Don't know anybody else here. So until there's another community to plug into big guy's mind. So Mark and Sean are walking around, and Mark's like, you know the good thing about this place? Huh? You can find food anywhere.

[D]

And then we meet the realtor, Diane Blackman. Remember Diane Blackman? She showed that guy around. We did an episode a few months ago. The one guy who had all the David statues out in Los Angeles at his house.

[B]

Oh, my God. They give her a lot of Looney tunes. Yeah, I did recognize her, but I didn't know from where. I was like, I wonder if I know that girl.

[D]

Yeah. And I remembered her because I remember it was funny because I was surprised that her name was Diane Blackman. So here she was, Diane Blackman's back. And she. Diane cannot stand Sean. My favorite realtor is the realtor who hates her client. And she's like, you know, it's always very similar with people, you know, just like, moving to Bangkok for the first time. Like, no one really knows what to expect. They're all just like a bunch of white people who think that they can get a Palace for $5, pretty much.

[B]

And I wrote down Diane Blackmon. She's back. But I thought right now, I said, diane Blackman, she's black. And I was like, why did I write that she's not black?

[D]

Big news. Saying those words right next to each other.

[B]

I was like, what was I on when I wrote this? Okay, so Sean wants a two bedroom apartment for friends and family, which everybody wants. Your parents do not need to be coming to Bangkok. You won't even go to Christmas at their house anymore. You think they're gonna fly to fucking Bangkok for you?

[D]

No, they're. And if they do go, they will probably stay at a hotel, okay?

[B]

They're gonna.

[D]

They're not gonna stay in your tiny ass, like, negative one bedroom house. Okay?

[B]

Yeah. So he wants a nice view. He wants a few of some greenery, nice view of downtown, something that's by the school. Something in the city, but also in the ocean and also underground, but in a high rise.

[D]

That makes sense. Something that has its own private subway stop. Also maybe free access to an airplane tarmac, its own night market that only Sean can exclusively go to as a resident.

[B]

Sean has listed here, want to eat as much as possible, but not gain any weight. Okay, Sean, I think your expectations might be a little unrealistic. Okay, Jeff.

[D]

It's so funny because starting the episode, I thought the one I'd be making fun of the most would be Mark. But I quickly realized, oh, no, it's Sean's the problem here. Because Mark is like, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I think what he wants is a little unrealistic. Oh, little guy, come on. You gotta bring it back down to earth. So Sean also wants a space that feels like a community that he can plug into. And he wants space nearby that he can see people and be around people. And not just coming home to his apartment. Apartment by himself. Asterisk. But also not coming home to his apartment with Mark.

[B]

Yeah, please get out of my apartment, Mark. He brought that on the application. Super, super weird.

[D]

And Sean also wants to be near work because he says, I like the idea of being close to the community that I'm trying to plug into.

[B]

Telling you, this guy's creepy at this point. Keep your hands to yourself.

[D]

But also, he wants to live downtown. So, like, what else, Sean, what else can we provide for you on your.

[B]

Sean, what can we do for. He's like, I would like donuts, but not with carbs.

[D]

I'd like to have tuk tuk parking.

[B]

And an airplane hangar, but also a sign that says only swimmers.

[D]

And then it just. Only swimmers. And then it cuts to Diane, who's so over him. She just says, you can't be downtown and close to his work because his work isn't downtown.

[B]

I died. Idiots.

[D]

Fucking idiot. Have you looked at the map? You can't be both close to both places.

[B]

So the school is giving him a $400 stipend per month to live, which is nuts. I mean, that's crazy. So he's like, I want to be under $400. And she goes, okay, Mark, I'm gonna need you to back me up on this one. Okay? So if we're looking for a two bedroom in town, $400 isn't easy, right? Can we just.

[D]

Just want to emphasize this is his list of things and he wants to spend $400. $400, okay. So he's like. She says, you know, she tells us, for $400, it's probably better to go for a higher quality one bedroom. Or just like leave Thailand. Just like go somewhere else. Go back to the land of fantasy that you came from. Because you're not gonna find anything for $400.

[B]

I don't know, it costs more money to die, you know what I mean? So they go look at house number one, and it's close to the school. I find it. I get that you would want to be close to work, and he's gonna work at the school, so that makes sense, right? But he phrases it in this way that's like, I want to be close to the kids that I'm gonna be te. No, gross. Why are you like that? I really can't wait to plug into these kids in the community. Gross, Sean.

[D]

Yeah. And Diane does the passive aggressive thing where she goes, well, this isn't very big, but you want to be close to the city, so it's kind of your fault. Small.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He's stuck because he wants to be close to downtown where all the fun stuff is, but all the people he's going to meet are by the school, so he really is fucked. So this one is $500 a month, but it has nice views. And Sean's like, wow, I've never lived in the middle of a bustling city. I've always been in residential neighborhood areas. I feel like it'd be a totally different experience than anything I've ever had before. Okay, so I already know you're not going to choose this one, because people who've never lived in the city and have only lived in, like, suburban areas will always go back to suburban areas if you give them the chance.

[B]

I think so. And a lot of times, the city people do, too. Like, don't you feel like it's always a progression towards the suburbs anyway? You know, at some point you're like, this is hard. Like, I remember living in New York. I lived there for 10 years. Loved it. And that was my 20s, you know, and I loved it there. But at some point I was like, this is just too fucking hard. Like, why am I climbing up the stairs in the snow and the rain and getting pushed around and getting treated like crap? And the subways never run and the bus. Like, at some point, I'm just like, you know, bye. I'm going a place where I can afford a couch. That's it.

[D]

Exactly. I mean, luckily, Los Angeles is kind of all suburbs, so, you know, I can still feel like I'm in the city, but I'm really in the suburbs.

[B]

I felt like cheating when I moved there. I was like, I can't believe I felt like such a pussy for living there. But, you know, it was easier. What are you going to do?

[D]

So they go into the. So house number one. It's so. It's an apartment, and it's modern. It has clean lines. There's a lot of light in there. It's sort of. It reads like a studio because it looks like there's a bed in the living room. But we find out later that there's actually a folding door that kind of creates a wall effect. But there's windows, too. But it's basically a stud, like one.

[B]

Of those offices with glass walls, which is super weird where the bedroom is. I'm not really sure what that's about, but it actually was kind of pretty.

[D]

Yeah. And I. You know, it looked like a nice, simple, small apartment in a. In a city. And Diane tells us that has a view that's, like, really, like, for. For a view that's as stunning as this, it's, like, almost impossible within four or five hundred dollars. AKA, you're a teacher, not a millionaire. So what else do you Want.

[B]

And Mark says, yeah, there's a lot of knowledge that I need to impart on this little guy, and I'm gonna help him. Now look under that bed. There's drawers. And I think that would be perfect for snacks.

[D]

And this becomes the defining quality of this apartment for them snack drawers. He's like, so this apartment has no storage, and the storage that it does have is under this bed. And you could put your clothes there, but what I would do is put snacks.

[B]

Snacks, 100% snacks.

[D]

Mark definitely does seem like the sort of guy who really only has three T shirts, two pairs of shorts, and the rest of his storage is dedicated to, like, twizzlers and twigs. Hell yes.

[B]

Peanut butter crackers don't store themselves, I'll tell you that much. So Mark's like, yeah, you know, this is not very much space in here. It's. It's interesting, though. And he just comes up behind Sean, like, little man. And Sean's like, well, I think the size would be okay without big boy over here.

[D]

Rude. And they're sitting on this tiny little sofa because I think this is the one where all the furniture has been custom made to fit the space. So they're sitting on this tiny sofa, and Sean's like, is there any place to actually dine? And Diane's like, oh, yes, hold on one moment. And she basically takes out a cutting board that's, like, attached to the wall and folds it out and puts a little peg down. It's, here's your dining room table. You can fit a fork on it.

[B]

So then we see the little glass bedroom thing. And he's like, you know, I don't know if I want a bunch of people to come over and then feel like they're in my bedroom. What kind of whore are you? Mark, if you're going to move to Bangkok to be a full fledged slut, I need you to stop kneading walls, Mark.

[D]

I mean, Sean, based on your glowing personality, I'm not sure a lot of people are planning to come to your apartment in the first place. Let's be honest.

[B]

I will tell you exactly where his glowing personality lie. In his arms. He's got very, very nice.

[D]

He's cute. He's got nice arms. He's cute.

[B]

He's oddly tattooed in places that you wouldn't think that he would be. I was like, oh, kind of a.

[D]

Hot way, like a hot, hot. Odd tattoos, right?

[B]

Decent tattoos. Yeah, like decent artwork on the tattoos. I'm like.

[D]

Then they go out to the balcony. This balcony is Hilarious. In order to partake in the balcony, you have to squat under the air conditioner unit. There's like a giant air AC thing. And then there's like sort of like some sort of grate. And you have to get under and squat under the AC and then look out the grate.

[B]

And Sean's like, well, I really wanted a two bedroom for this $5, so I'm not sure about this. And Mark's like, I don't think that you can get that for 400. I mean, look, I would be very unlikely to find. And if you did find it, I don't think you would like it. Okay. And so now we see Sean on a bike riding through a park singing Take in the green lung.

[D]

Yeah, it's like taking in the green lung. And Linda says, Sean is fortunate to have fellow teacher Mark to guide him around the bustling city of Bangkok, where he thinks his 3 cents will get him a mansion. Good luck to you, Sean.

[B]

Bangkok, otherwise known as Sean's first Christmas in Kenya. Am I right?

[D]

Enjoy biking through the Green Lung, also known as a beautiful park that you just ruined with your stupidity. Sorry, I sort of froze on that one.

[B]

So Sean's like, hard to come up.

[D]

With a green lung joke on the fly.

[B]

I'm not even going to try it. So Bangkok is the biggest city that Sean's ever lived in. And Mark, slice. You know, I think that your best experience would be closer to the school. That's where I am. And Mark's like, yeah, he needs to be around a community vibe. Finish a sentence, Mark. That's it. You need a community vibe for what? To plug into. To plug into. I want to plug into a community. I can't wait to fucking plug into this community.

[D]

So Diane says, I think this, this, this house number two is a really good example of a place that's close to school and actually does work with a teacher's salary. You idiot. I can't believe I'm wasting time. I know I'm not gonna get any commission on this. So house number two is literally next door to the school. So now Sean, that's too close for Sean. He's like, well, I mean, I knew we were close. I just didn't know we were right next to each other. I just want some separation between work life and home life.

[B]

Yeah. And I think they would want it from you too. Who wants a teacher that lives upstairs? That's so weird.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So Diane's like, well, the reason I'm showing him this is because it's as Close as you can get. And the community here is a big plus. And it's the only one I could find that doesn't have a law against plugging into them.

[D]

So Mark is like, oh, yeah, I used to actually live here for a long time. That's a lot nicer than it looks right here. And if you. You look closely, you can see my butt marks against the wall. Did a lot of funky stuff in here. So this one is 450amonth. And Sean's complaining. He's like, with this place, I'm further outside the city, and it's still $50 over what I was hoping to spend, but it does give two bedrooms $50 over. You are. You are trying to spend 400amonth to live, and you're going to complain about 50 more dollars? You know, it's already wild that you're expecting to pay 400 to pay $450 a month. I could only dream of that.

[B]

I know I'd be like, hi, this is your tent city. Welcome to the tent city.

[D]

Enjoy.

[B]

So then they go see this apartment. This one's very bright. It's got very white floors, and it's. This is the one he calls a tree house. Yeah.

[D]

Because it's overlooking a park and. And it's really nice. It's bright in there.

[B]

This one's kind of my vibe. I like this one.

[D]

I like this one too. And there's this crazy, like, periwinkle sofa that looks kind of, like shiny and plasticky in the corner.

[B]

And I like that.

[D]

It's cute.

[B]

I'm even. I'm gonna even fan out for the couch a little bit. I think it's nice. I love a couch you can just wipe down, you know, especially the way.

[D]

Sean lives, especially with Marcus coming over.

[B]

Especially with all these big. Plugging into the community parties they're planning. So it's a tiny corner, tiny kitchen, and it's got, like, two little hot plates in there. And Sean's like, not sure about the kitchen space. And Mark's like, these cabinets are even low for you, right? He's like, yeah, even to me, trying.

[D]

To remind you that you're short and you have short person energy with these requests. So it's like a kind of a gross small bathroom and everything. And so the main bedroom is nice size, but a big king bed that takes up a lot of it. So Shawna's really upset that he has a big bed taking up the room. I'm like, well, what else are you gonna do in this room? This is A nice.

[B]

That's weird to me, too. I was like, were you playing? What was the dance class in this room? Well, actually, we do have a dance class.

[D]

We do have one, actually. So his issue is also the primary bedroom doesn't have any closets, but the secondary bedroom does have closets, but there's no bed in the other bedroom. So what are you gonna do?

[B]

Well, surely you're not gonna go buy a bed. That would just be fucking crazy. Like, who does?

[D]

That would be a wild concept to buy a bed for the place that you're living in.

[B]

I know it's probably like, $5,000 to buy a bed. They're like, rent is $20 here, but beds are $19,000.

[D]

I know.

[B]

This is a bedroom me, sir.

[D]

I'm like, I'm pretty sure you could probably find a bed, because guess what? You live in a city, and everyone in the city has beds, mostly. So Sean. So he's really upset that the clothing storage is in one room, but the bed is in another. I'm like, do you not know how to use your feet? Can you not walk through this small apartment to the closet? It's really not a hard concept.

[B]

So let's see what else happens here. Okay, so then there's another tiny little room, this one you're talking about. And this is the one that Mark's like, oh, but you can dance in here. This needs to be the dance room. So. So Mark whips out some breakdance moves, which, I mean, look, I don't know breakdancing from a hole in the wall. Well, actually, I do know holes in the wall. You know what I mean? But I don't know how to break dance. But I do know that it's not easy to do a handstand. And that guy's just this huge guy's just, like, popping up on his hands. I mean, yeah, he did a big handstand.

[D]

And then Sean busts out a very aggressive worm. The worm. And he worms over to Diane, and Diane's watching, like, these Americans. I'm getting out of this career. This is the last thing I do for.

[B]

So weird that you know the exact dance move of the creature I was comparing you to in my mind this whole time. I'm psychic.

[D]

So, you know, Sean likes it, and Mark really wants me to take it because it's close to him. So we'll see how that goes. Diane knows that Sean is going to have to give up more than just a second bedroom for his housing stipend to cover the rent. Idiot.

[B]

Geography teacher. Sean Harris is acclimating to his new home of Bangkok, a big change from his hometown of Austin, Texas, and his last teaching gig in Nairobi, Kenya. Mark, take it away. Mark's like, my first impression of Sean. He's really tiny. My second impression is, no matter where my hand is, he's trying to sit on it. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[D]

The third.

[B]

Can't get over the hand part, bro. Can't get over the hand part.

[D]

Well, guess what? Here's a fun fact that no one cared about that we're gonna introduce later on for no good reason. It was Sean's faith that led him to a life of idiocy. And we see a picture of Sean playing baseball as a kid, and he's like. Like, yeah, I grew up in Austin, Texas, and we were a Christian and we went to church, but it wasn't a big part of my life. But at the end of high school and college, when I was in my big epiphany moment, I decided to take ownership of my faith and make church a choice for myself and also not living near my family. And a big part of that was the summer mission trips I went on where I was getting outside of Austin and going to rural Tennessee and doing mission work. Thank you, Tennessee. I learned the rest of my life from you.

[B]

You know why I love Christianity? To travel. I mean, wow, what a religion. I mean, just the best travel out of any religion. Gotta say, Christians, where it's at. I mean, Mormons, they travel. Christians do it better. Okay, Mormons is this, blah, blah. Let's all wear the same clothes. Christianity is like jeans and a T shirt. Jesus it is. Let's do this. Okay.

[D]

Mark's like, well, from what I know of Sean so far, I think it's really likely that he will overthink a lot of different decisions about these places. So I'm hoping I can separate what matters versus what doesn't matter. Because if I don't do that soon, he's going to do another monologue about being Christian in high school. No one wants to hear that.

[B]

So Linda says the only thing Diane has not delivered so far is something within the range of SEAN's housing stipend. LOL. Well, let's see what this is gonna look like.

[D]

Hey, everyone. Sean found three pennies under his mattress, and that's his new budget for rent. Good luck.

[B]

Can't wait for Sean's reaction to the Big Mac box that he's about to be shown.

[D]

So they go to House number three, which is a condo. And Diane's like, so this apartment is an opportunity to show Sean something that is really close to downtown. And it's by a community that he can, quote, unquote, plug into with locals and expats. Try to hold your laughter while he sees the closet I'm about to show him.

[B]

Diane says, okay, well, this one's good. And the owner realizes that her apartment's only on the second floor, and she needs to make her price a little more competitive. I like that she's. I like that she's like, you're seriously charging this much? Listen here, I've got a guy who does the worm. The worm from America. You think he wants to pay that much? You better rethink it, sissy.

[D]

This man almost made it onto. So you think he can dance. Actually, that's not true. She doesn't know that. Called playing hardball, Sean. I'm not gonna black them.

[B]

You can have this place for 400. Exactly. Plus an autograph.

[D]

So Mark is like, well, you know, the further away from the school you are, it starts to present some challenges. And I think you start to feel lonely. I know a thing or two about loneliness. I'm not saying it comes in waves. Just the constant feeling you feel. And then all of a sudden, you see your best friend come into your world, and he wants to move downtown by the school. That's what I'm trying to say.

[B]

I may not know a lot about loneliness, but I do know this much. When I was young, I never needed anyone. Mark.

[D]

All the snacks by myself. I want to eat all the snacks by myself all the time.

[B]

So they go, check out this room. This is very, very tiny. And Diane's like, it's cozy, okay? And she's like, yeah. I think that he's saying a lot more by what he doesn't say, by what he. Than what he actually does say, which I totally get because I'm doing it right now. Can you hear what I'm saying?

[D]

That's a few little short. I'll give you. I'll give you a clue. Starts with an I, ends with a T in the middle, rhymes with doctor.

[B]

Starts with an I, and ends with a T. And in the middle, it sounds like T. Dia. That took too long.

[D]

I'm trying to say it's idiot.

[B]

I gotcha. I got there after a while. Thank you for being such a good community that I could plug in. So this place is tiny. There's like a tiny little nook. And Sean hates this place, but he doesn't want to be rude because, you know, he's learned better, and so he's not saying anything. And Sean's like, yeah, so am I wrong in thinking this bookcase is on top of me? She's like, it's literally on top of you, Sean. Stop being such a fucking pussy. Okay.

[D]

Sometimes it's hard to know when the bookcase ends and Mark's Mark begins. But is it me? Are there, like, five IKEA bookcases in here for no good reason? Yes. Yes, this is true. And a giant tv. Yes.

[B]

Why is this bookcase. Why is this bookcase made out of pasty, pasty, warm, sweaty skin on top of me? That's Mark.

[D]

That's Mark. I don't mind that he's trying to put a book on me. It just makes me. Makes me feel loved. It's okay.

[B]

So this kitchen he calls roomie, but it's not roomy. I don't know what he's talking about. It's like one inch of cabinet space or counter space. He's like, oh, my God, it's huge in here. It's literally not. But I like that this realtor has a way of just lowering your expectations all the way to the ground. So anything she shows you, you're going to be impressed with to it.

[D]

Yeah. I was surprised she waited till the last house to do this. Like, usually they start with the first one. That's the passive aggressive realtor move. Like, oh, okay, you want to live downtown and have a washer and dryer and two bedrooms and a subway stop and have a great view of everything for 400. Okay, let me show you how much space you actually get. And they do that, and then they feel bad, and then they take some blades off in the suburbs and it's all.

[B]

That's my favorite property. Brothers movies are such those guys. They're like, oh, we found you exactly what you wanted. Here it is. And just kidding. That's like five times what you can afford. But you can buy a foreclosure that we can paint.

[D]

So she's like, do you like it? And Sean's like, well, guess what? For $400, this is. And this being this close to central part of town with this community that you can, for fuck's sake, plug into, I think this is the best deal we're going to get. I'm not even gonna smile when I say that. I'm just gonna be angry at you, and you're gonna have to deal with it.

[B]

So then Mark is like, you know, Sean has Some really strong core values. And he's going to look around and he's going to be measuring each apartment against his core values. One core value. Are you a good person if you can't reach your snacks?

[D]

So now it's time to deliberate. Sean is an adventurous spirit who's also kind of dumb. And he took the first job he was offered, so congrats on that. You almost got human trafficked. And now he's in Bangkok. Sighted unseen. He's torn between the allure of the big city and staying close to his students and colleagues.

[B]

So Sean's like, well, number three is a piece of shit. Let's go ahead and get rid of that one. Okay?

[D]

Not even. Doesn't even give it a nice thing. He doesn't say, well, I really liked it, but it's not realistic. He's like, no, don't even want to think about that ever again.

[B]

House number three is a sinner, and it belongs where it's going. Hell.

[D]

House number three is like, my family. Never want to see it again. And so Mark is like, well, what about the dance studio? And Sean says, well, I like how it could help me plug into the school community.

[B]

I can't with this guy. Isn't it creepy? Like, I'm creeped out at this point.

[D]

By this guy, but he's not sure how to use the second bedroom. I'm like, I don't know, like, literally anything. It's more space, for crying out loud.

[B]

A desk, a closet. I mean, do I have to do this for you? So they label them as house number one, snack drawer. House number two, dance studio.

[D]

Mark's like, well, there. There are the three things I'm picking up that'd be most important to you. You want view, functionality, location. And if I were you, I would add. I would add M&M's into that mix.

[B]

But I can't bear to make out with occasionally when you're both rock. Sean's like, well, they both have views that I like, but in the end, that city view just feels so over the top for me. And, I mean, the snack drawer does have an edge, but they both have a functionality issue. But snack drawer wins in that argument. But the dance. I did get a random boner in the dance studio for some reason. That was good.

[D]

Turns out I sort of blacked out when I was doing the worm and just sort of felt the sensuality of that floor that you'd recently sweated on. So, I don't know. Edge to the dance studio.

[B]

And Sean's like, well, at the end of the day, I came here for the teaching job and to work with students and to get to know my students better. So the smartest choice for me is just to be close enough that, you know, I can invite the students over or hang out with the students or be like, hey, game night with the students.

[D]

Woohoo.

[B]

Students. Get the fuck out of here. Your students don't want to hang out with you. Creepy. Know.

[D]

So the answer is dance party. So one month later, you know, looks cute. It's a bunch of bros come up, they're all like cooking on that, like one hot plate, having a bro night. Mark's like, Sean. Sean's been adopted by Mark and his bro friends. And yeah, so they're bro. That was what he did.

[B]

Congrats. They're good. They were like bros doing bro things in the end.

[D]

Yeah, you know, totally broing out.

[B]

Yeah. Well, that was fun episode. Good suggestion, guys.

[D]

Yeah, thanks for that suggestion. That was really fun. And again, if you want to suggest things, email watchcrafts gmail.com and put dwell hello suggestion in your subject matter. Until then, thank you everyone for listening and subscribing here on Wondery Plus. We'll catch you on the next. Well, hello. Bye bye.

[B]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[E]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[F]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[E]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[F]

We'Ll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped. Handle whatever life throws at us.

[E]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[F]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better.

[D]

Love y'.

[B]

All. Acast Powers, the world's best podcasts.

[D]

Here's a show that we recommend. Greetings Adventurers is the longest running Dungeons and Dragons actual play comedy podcast that has been putting out episodes each and every week since 2012.

[A]

And we think you'd love it.

[C]

But don't take our word for it, take theirs.

[D]

The thing I love most about Greetings Adventures is the interactive community. I've been listening for 10 years, and.

[B]

Now I'm a sophomore in college.

[D]

The only podcast I've ever listened to for that long.

[B]

Like there's nothing better. There's no limit on what might happen.

[D]

So just be prepared.

[B]

Top tier collie right here. The best representation of sitting around with.

[D]

A group of idiots playing dd. And it's not something you're just watching, it's something that you're experiencing. Download Greetings Adventurers wherever you listen to podcasts. Can't wait to see the next episode. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.