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Ding dong. Ding ding ding. Well, hello.
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Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's Watcher Crappin Special House Hunters episode or House Hunters Podcast. You would think that we'd never done this before, by the way I'm talking right now, but actually, this is one of many. So thanks for coming to listen. I'm Ben. That's Ronn. How's it going, Ronnie?
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Good. What's going on with you?
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Not much. Just filled with joy doing this. A really funny House Hunters International episode. To recap, courtesy of Ain't no Thing like Allison King, our. Our Patreon Super Premium Premium sponsor, Allison King recommended this episode of.
C
What a great recommendation.
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Great recommendation.
C
Yeah, Fantastic stuff here.
A
It was hilarious. The name of this episode is Glamorous Pest Technician Moves to Brisbane. So you can find that on Max. That's where I watched it. And usually you just type in that name and you'll be able to find it because sometimes it's on YouTube, TV, etc. But once again, it is Glamorous Pest Technician moves to Brisbane. It's House Hunters International.
C
Yeah, Great episode. So this guy, what a character. Okay, so he's eyebrows, first of all, we just need to talk about the eyebrows. Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, listen. I get micro needling. Microblading, whatever you call. No, micro needlings for the face. I get that on my face. Microblading is different, guys. Microblading, it turns out, is just having someone. You pay somebody to take a sharpie and draw grimace eyebrows on your face. Stop doing this, it's the weirdest trend. I'm not just saying boys are gays. I'm not homophobic. Cooking out about it. Everybody stopped doing it. It's one of the weirdest trends I've ever seen. And thankfully we're moving out of that trend and into the gelling, the eyebrow gel where. Or lacquer or whatever they call it. Well, and that looks crazy too, but at least you're not permanently harming yourself. I think some of these people with these eyebrows are just. You're hurting yourself. Stop hurting yourself. It's like watching. It's, it's watching self harm or if.
A
You'Re going to do it, do it. Within reason. I have a friend who did it, but it's very subtle. So she, it, it does not look, does not look crazy. She just is like, it's like sort of accents it like her. She was concerned that her eyebrows were a little bit too thin. So she would give it a little, A little something like it's a little body, but it does not look like this. This is literally thick sharpie on the, on the forehead.
C
And you know the whole reason that your friend had to do it was because of another harmful eyebrow trend. God damn it. I keep knocking my camera off because my light keeps falling. I'm just a disaster. But she had to do that because the other Trend in the 90s was making your eyebrows so thin that nobody recovered from it. I mean, people are still having trouble recovering from it. You can even see on my eyebrows here. I'm still having trouble learning to grow these back in. They won't just grow back in anymore. They're spur. It's like sporadic growth, not sparse growth. Listen, let's stop with our eyebrows. Let's just all have middle aged hairy eyebrows. Just let them grow wild and go crazy. Just curl up, be all over like this chaos. Yeah, we're harming ourselves, guys. For what?
A
For what exactly? My. I, I've gone to that stage in life where my eyebrows are just turning into giant canopies and they, it's like they want. My eyebrows now exist because they want to catch someone falling out of a 42nd floor window. You know, remember the cartoon, someone falls out of big a window, but they land on the, on the awning and they bounce off and land on the street. It's like my eyebrows are like, I'm ready. Put me in. I will do that for whoever is above me right now.
C
Yeah, you're like a sweet side. You're. You're saving people from suide. So Eddie's like, oh, I've left my small tin Willington. I was like, oh, my God, this is made for me, this episode. He's only said one thing and he has those eyebrows. His eyebrows literally said everything else.
A
And I'm in and we see him and he's got like suspenders and a fedora and he's wearing like a pink shirt and like black pants. It's. I forget what. I don't know how you describe this look. It's a look that I feel like I first saw in the 80s, but then made a comeback over the past few years. So he's going for this look.
C
It's like fabulous. Marcel Marceau.
A
And he's walking alongside a woman named Maxine. I think her name is like Maxine Preble or something like that. And she's dressed in yellow and she is slowly growing more agitated with him over the course of the episode. But at this point she still likes him.
C
She is trying to do that thing like, oh my God, it's a guy and I'm going to be fabulous as well. But she kind of hates him. You know, where he like makes smart ass little comments to her and she's like, dawn, you sleep, homo. You know, like, he'll be like, you know, I just want to live alone. Probably like you will for the rest of your life, right, Maxine? And she's like, I hope you die. They kind of laugh. So he goes, I kill piss for a living. And she's like, oh, that's fantastic. Called what have I Come To Working for a Gay Pest Control Killer. I didn't even know that was legal.
A
Oh my God. You kill pests for a living. And I show pest houses. Get it? It's like, no, Maxine, it's not as good as gay humor. Sorry.
C
Eddie is an adventurous New Zealander taking on a risky job in order to live out his dreams in Brisbane. Oh, really? He took on that risky job in order to live out his dreams? Do you hear that often? Ronnie just joined pest control because he needs the money to live his dream. Are there other ways to get the money to live your dreams? Yeah, I mean, the glamorous world of pest control.
A
Now normally this is where I would chime in and say, look like, you know, pest control is a perfectly fine job. But if we're talking about risky jobs, I'm thinking firefighter or someone working like deep sea fishermen or whatever. But then I'm like, but Australia does have spiders the size of cars, so it is actually a pretty risky job. He's literally taking out, you know, snakes and bats and spiders and crazy insects. So it is. It is, I guess, a pretty. It does take some balls to do it in Australia.
C
Well, it's New Zealand where he's from. Right?
A
He's from New Zealand, but there he's moving to Australia.
C
Oh, yeah. But he started. He started in New Zealand, so I don't. God damn it. Fuck you, Light. Just get the fuck out of here. Light. Who needs you? Light. You keep falling down. I don't even need you anymore. My light has taken on the risky job of being alight on a computer, which apparently it can't handle.
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Okay, everybody's falling over.
C
Yeah, it just keeps falling down. But risky job in New Zealand. Yeah, I think that it was easier in New Zealand. And then he's going to get here and just squeal because every time he sees anything in this town, he starts squealing. Right?
A
I know. Oh, my God.
C
Oh, my God. I thought that was a fly, but it was a car passing by. I'm okay now, darling.
A
He seems just as amazed that he is in pest control as all of us. He's like, can you believe it? I'm actually in pest control. That's shocking.
C
Yeah.
A
So Maxine says, so not only do I have to find Eddie a property, I've been tasked with finding Eddie a man. And let me tell you, he's got the most expensive taste. That's right. He's gonna buy his man. But we're on. We're on. Want an escort site?
C
Let me tell you, no one complains more about expensive things than poor people. Both. And I mean that both figuratively and literally, all right? Because he's going to be begging for both physical things and liter. All right. You get it, right. All right. That's. That's my Maxine attempt at. At humor. We all got that right.
A
And he says, you know what? I just like nice things. I would like. I would like trendy. Higher. I want with a swimming pool, a gym, a view, and. Oh, my gosh, it seems so greedy, doesn't it? Yes.
C
Delusional. That sounds delusional.
A
Yeah. I don't know if all those things you can get on the salary of being in pest control, but you know what you do? You boo.
C
And you know one thing I've never heard about Australia? Affordable. No one's ever been like, whoa, you know what's great about Australia? It's just so affordable.
A
Yeah. So. So now we have the opening theme song, and we come back, and now we have Eddie. And he's telling us, I was born and raised in Wellington, New Zealand, and I live there most of my life. And we see, like, little. Little Eddie in a red polo sitting on a wicker chair. His life in New Zealand is pretty slow. It's pretty chill. It's also pretty chilly. And, you know, back in Wellington, I worked on the railways. It's almost like being a flight attendant, but on a train and, you know, also equally scary.
C
It's not, though. It is literally not. You don't get to just call yourself a flight attendant, sir. It was not like working. Have you ever seen a flight attendant on the train?
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No.
C
What do you think he was doing? Tickets.
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Yeah, tickets.
C
Show me your tickets to get off. Show me right now. All right. Now tell me this. Do you like regular eyebrows, micro needle micro. Microbladed eyebrows or gelled eyebrows? Do not answer wrongly after, oh, just threw your mama from the train. All right, wrong answer. Wrong answer, honey.
A
He's probably handing out potato chips and stuff, you know. So then he says, the first time I came to Brisbane was with my family. I was probably 8 years old, and we would come every. Every year, and the more and more we'd come, the more and more I would love it.
C
It's like. And I thought, I'll get a little older. I was thinking, oh, my gosh, I want to live my bed one day. So I did have an opportunity a year, a couple of years ago with my partner. At the time, we came here on a trail run, and I loved it. Unfortunately, my partner wasn't a fan, so we did have to go back to New Zealand, which was hard because I got a taste of my dreams. Then my partner ruined it, but I've murdered him with mosquito spray. Actually, he's dead now, so I'm back.
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You know. And you know what? When my partner and I split up, I thought now is the perfect time to come back because I put it off for so long. So now Eddie has finally arrived in Brisbane, and Linda says, and to keep himself afloat down under, Eddie is willing to do just about anything. Well, apparently not get on the pole, but the next best thing, which is pest management.
C
Could you imagine your dream being dashed because your boyfriend wouldn't let you stay in Brisbane? I could not imagine going back to the pest control place, like, where they're like, oh, we're shocked that you're back, Eddie. No one thought you'd be back. Just be like, oh, God. Admitting failure and pest control back at the same pest control. I'd be so Pissed.
A
Yeah, Eddie. So now we see Linda's like, yeah, Eddie is willing to do just about anything, which is also what my mentality was when I took this job. Isn't that funny? And here I am 20 years later. So, Eddie, we see him show up in a pest control van, and he's like, at. At whatever client's house he's at, and he's like, putting on lip balm and he's got the lime green polo. And then he just sort of just like walks in slow mo up to the house to do his pest control stuff.
C
Yeah, it's like peace control. And the truck says, trusted peace management. But I don't believe you. I don't trust you because you call yourself trusted.
A
You know what I mean?
C
It's like, trusty. Hey, trusty white van. Kids, you want some ice cream? No, I do not.
A
I know.
C
So he's like, oh, I work in peace control. It was not something I could see myself doing, but I do enjoy it. It was a bit of a shock when I saw my first huntsman spider. It was like the size of a dinner plat. Show a picture of the huntsman spider. Isn't he handsome? Can you believe that? He. He almost lost it all for Snow White. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a picture of the huntsman. Put on a picture of the huntsman spider. Oh, yes, that's a spider.
A
That's terrible. I had to actually kill that. I didn't know it was part of the pest control problem.
C
Thankfully, I had my ex around when that happened. He's dead now. He died from a huntsman spider bite.
A
I thought pest management was getting rid of people who don't like Brisbane. Those are the real piss. So then. Then they show, like, this stock footage of an enormous spider on a tree and it just eats a little bug. It's. But it's huge. He's like. Well, I mean, the first time I saw that, I nearly lost. I mean, it was the size of a dinner plate. It was pretty scary. Oh, anyway, it still is pretty scary. I actually hate them. I actually don't like anything bigger than an ant. I actually don't even like ants either. I'm terrible at my job, is what I'm trying to say. Just trying to.
C
I don't like anything as big as a dinner plate. Even a dinner plate. I choose to eat off out of bowls mostly, or Blakes, which is a bowl and a plate mixed.
A
Sometimes what I do is I put a bowl on a plate and then put it on my head. And tell people it's a hat. That's much. That's the best way for me to deal with dinner plates.
C
That's a light. A hat and a plate.
A
That's what you call pest management plates.
C
The original pests or polite bits of pesty plight. We don't like those.
A
We don't like those. Or Pilates, really, if you think about.
C
It, that's a plate and a potty. All right. Nobody likes potties mixed with plates.
A
Pilates. As we all know, that's when you're late for taking your pills, right? Almost a pill. Oh, no, I'm sorry. It's when you take a pill and pretend you're Christine Lottie. Right.
C
Speaking of Wellington, I lived in a pretty shabby apartment, so I'm hoping to find something a little trendy. All right. I want to create a whole new self. I mean, I don't want a different job. I want a new me that looks like this mate. Because this me is gorgeous. Doing the same job I do, which is piss control, just in a different place, which is totally different, except it's the same, so make any sense?
A
Failure is not an option. But unfortunately, it does feel like an inevitability. But either way, I'm excited. So now we see Maxine and Eddie walking together along the water, and he's like, I'm super high maintenance. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not high maintenance at all. Though I do have a long list that you must, you know, consider.
C
I'm not high maintenance. What? Closer to me. Walk further from me. Walk closer to me. Walk farther for me. It was funny. And so Maxine's like, Brisbane is a great place for young singles, especially in the suburbs. Well. Well, I don't know how far in the suburbs. Suburbs we can send Eddie, but we're going to try. All right.
A
Yeah, yeah, it's great for young singles, especially in the suburbs. That's not usually what people say. So Eddie is like, yeah, I'm still getting used to the different areas. I mean, everything is so spread out. It's, like, so daunting, especially being on my own. And so Linda says, as much as Eddie wants a swanky apartment, Maxine knows the key to a smooth transition is finding him the right area, which is far away from the general population.
C
I'm thinking of a new. If I'm thinking of New Farm Newstead for him, or maybe South Brisbane, which are all really vibrant, close to the city and have extremely up eyebrows. Okay, arguably up eyebrows. And I looked at Google Images and then did location searches to find somewhere where he'd be the most comfortable.
A
Well, you know, Maxine is just as crazy as me, but I do trust it. Well, I hope I can. Maxine's like, you better trust me because I'm the only one in the city who wants to talk to you.
C
I'm sorry. I'm going to take you to the number one place that Google Images gave me to visit with someone with your eyebrows. Is Sesame street close? Have you heard of that? Okay, no. All right, we're gonna go to New Farm. All right, so now in terms of where you'd want to be, do you know where you'd want to be? And he's like, well, I would like to be walking distance from bars or somewhere. Like an anthill or a wasp nest.
A
It'd be great. Yeah, there's some place where I can sort of ideally telecommute so we can bring the bugs, bugs to me and I can kill them in my place, you know, and one to two bedrooms would be nice. And two, preferably something modern. I would like a balcony with a view. And I'd love to have some facilities, you know, swimming pool, a gym if possible. Probably looking at $1500 a month for that. Oh, also, if we could have covered parking and also valet service and on site restaurant lobby, yoga room if possible. We could also get dry cleaning in the building. And actually, I think I want my budget to be more like 800amonth. Is that possible on a pest control salary?
C
She's like, you're kidding me, right? And he goes, no. She's like, well, we might have to slightly adjust your expectations. He's like, oh my God, is that what you do every time you go into a dressing room? Is this how we walk around there?
A
Well, I mean, would you get a roommate? Then? He goes, absolutely not. Unless he wanted to date me. She's like, okay, well, that crosses that off the list.
C
So then we see a graphic of his wish list, and it's no roommate. And she's like, he's asking quite a lot, isn't he? The plan is to show him what he can get for under what he's looking to pay, which is, guess what, it's a handful of splooge. All right, let's. Let's take it. Let's take him.
A
So now they are walking in a town called New Farm. She's like, so this is New Farm. It was actually supposed to be a farm, but somehow turned into a town. It's a real issue, you know, it's close to a lot of bars, restaurants, ironically, no farms, but they know there's lots of activity, lots of parks. Are you active? I actually know what I already know the answer to that.
C
He's like, on Grinder. No, I don't mean that. I mean, are you active? Well, Scroff. No. Hinge hinges a little, you know, innocent, but yes. That one as well. She's like, do you move? He's like, sorry, could you speak in English? You exercise? Oh, no.
A
Gross. Disgusting. Well, the property we're going to see is a one bedroom, one bathroom and some nice views as well, but doesn't have any facilities. There's no way.
C
Am I supposed to use the restroom. Supposed to be in the. In the parking lot?
A
Unfortunately, yes, that is the answer.
C
There's no pool or gym. Is that what you mean? She goes, yeah, I guess. Well, where are you supposed to hit on people? Well, it's only 1300 because, well, I. Look, I do need a summer wardrobe, so I love that price. I mean, for 200. Whole new wardrobe.
A
I know. So they go in and it's a one bedroom. And Eddie is concerned. And it's like a very straightforward apartment. It's, like, all white. There's like a little island, a little kitchen. It's very, very simple. It's like a standard apartment.
C
But he loves it at first. He walks into this simple place, he goes, wow. Oh, my God. It's so modern.
A
Yes. You know, this is one of my favorite parts of the property, the kitchen. Are you much of a cook, Eddie? It's like, near. I'm more of a baker. She's like, oh, okay. So what's your favorite thing to bake? He's like, probably my carrot cake. I'm like, you are not a big. I. There's. I got a vibe. Like, he was just like. Let me think of the first cake that comes to my mind. He's like, my carrot cake. I mean, I think it's pretty good. I mean, like, it's perfect because you can roll out your batter here. I'm like, well, you don't roll out cake batter, but that's fine.
C
Yeah. I don't know that I believe that he was a baker. And I also don't know that I believe that he's a pest person. I think he's kind of lying about everything.
A
Yeah. Something does not feel right here.
C
So he's like, there's room for all the mess because I'm not a very clean cook. But you know what? It's not perfect, but it's actually fantastic. Now, it's funny because I'm thinking, this place is so small and it's so plain, and he's acting so fabulous, I'm surprised that he likes it. Well, he sees another place just like this later and he's like, gross. It's so plain. So confused as to why this one's okay. But they look at a bedroom, and it's small but nice. It's. It's a really nice, clean, new looking place. And he's like, oh, my God, this room's too small. I can't believe it. What am I supposed to do in here? Supposed to go to fucking bed. What else do you think you're gonna do in there?
A
I know. He's like, there's no view. She goes, yes, well, they just frosted the windows in anticipation of you moving in there. They're like, oh, really? The neighbors don't want to see you.
C
It's for neighborhood safety, all right? It's not really for yours. So he's like, does the furniture come with it? She goes, yeah. And he goes, well, I do like that. It's very nice. It's poorly put together. IKEA shelf. Really like that. Love a little wobble in my shelves.
A
Well, I'm glad you like something in this room. You know, he's really worried about the size of it. I'm just like, you're gonna be sleeping here, mate. That's it.
C
Yeah. So now the bathroom. And she's like, now the light does actually turn on the fan. You know what? I like that she warned him, because my bathroom, it does that. And it makes me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to go in the middle of the night when you just want it to be dark? You don't want the light to wake you up. Why would people hook up the fan and the light together? Can a man have his nighttime pee?
A
Yeah, that's. That's, that's. That's annoying. But I think that, like, she has to say it, because this way he doesn't turn on the line, go, what's that noise? There's something wrong here. Does. I'm hearing and saying there. It's like. It's the fan. It's attached to the light, so you don't have to complain about it.
C
So it's like, well, this is more spacious than I thought it would be. Look, there's plenty of space for all my skincare.
A
Maxi'S. Like, I didn't realize that you used any, but that's nice to know that you try Anyway, well, I'm not gonna say Eddie is vain, but he ease into his own self preservation. And then we just like had to him, he's like, he's like attaching, he's like putting on lip balm in the, in the mirror.
C
So get out of here. So they leave the bathroom and now they're checking out the living room and she's like, the furniture comes with the living space. And he goes, I do love high ceilings and what a view to look at. Unlock the bedroom, you stupid.
A
So then they go to the balcony which is really big. And he's like, this is absolutely lovely. I don't really like that the other balconies can sleep through. That's like not a lot of privacy. And as we've said many times, times before. How do you think they feel? How do you think they feel? One moment they have a view of Brisbane, the next they're seeing two giant caterpillars on your forehead.
C
Yeah, I said this could be your viewing platform. Like a modern day dating game without the air, you know. Can you see that? Is it creepy? You could just stand out here in your underwear, look around for hot guys. You know how you do. Maybe touch yourself if you see one. You know, it's like a little hello wave, but instead of waving your hand like this, you're waving it down there by your wank. Yeah, I think it could work for you.
A
And he's like, maxine, when was the last time you had sex? Probably over a decade ago. It shows. It shows, Maxine.
C
So. Well, Maxine, when you put it like that, you make it sound like I'm being picky, don't you? Because she's like, listen, you could find the man of your dreams and you've got, you know, a great view. And he's like, oh, you're making me sound picky. I love the size of the lounge, I love the kitchen. I don't think I can get past the bedroom size and the fact that there are no building facilities. I mean, there's nowhere for me to mingle. Listen, no one meets anybody in the apartment gym. Do you think?
A
No.
C
Is that a thing?
A
No. And even if you did, then it's weird because like if something were to happen and then it's like you have like a fling or something, then you're running into them at the apartment gym. Like you don't shoot where you work.
C
Yeah. So he's like, well, I'm not going to cross this off the list, but I would like to see what else you've got. Which I'll bet is what every, everybody at every retail store says when you come out of the dressing room. Have you chosen anything else?
A
So, well, to get any space and amenities, Maxine will have to break the bank. Unlike what she did with her dress, which we all know only costs about 10 cents. Just look at that. So now they're going to a new flat and it's gonna be nineteen hundred dollars a month.
C
Hundred dollars. It better be good. So they come to see this place. I think it's nice. I mean, it's like a little couch. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's pretty nice. And he's like, it's pretty basic. It's like toast with nothing on it. It's the same as the last place you just saw.
A
It is like. You know what I like to call this place feels very Maxine. It's like toast with nothing on it. Am I right, Maxine?
C
Listen, it's like toast with nothing on it. Which is basically what Maxine's breath smells like, I'm sure, Maxine.
A
So then we. This is actually like a little bit of like a preview of like, where they're gonna be going. And when we come back from commercial break, we're back in like Eddie's flat and he's having like a very rom com moment. He's trying on different outfits for Maxine while she sips white wine. It's kind of like a gay and his girl. And so it's like, it keeps cutting between. He like walks out of frame, walks back in frame with a new outfit. He's like, what about this? What do you like this look, Maxine, she's like, it's a bit too casual. All right, well, what about this? Well, I don't think you should go on a date dressed in your pest control outfit, but try another one.
C
And then he jumps out in another one. She's like, that one's perfect. He goes, do you break in? Listen, this woman does not like you. Otherwise she would have said, at least try one pair of pants that fits.
A
Just one.
C
You don't need to wear leggings everywhere you go. All right?
A
She's like, I've been in real estate for 15 years and I've never sold a single thing. I'm this close to landing something. So if it means watching a gay change outfits, I'll do it.
C
Well, after a dream of living in Brisbane was crushed by my ex partner, I moved back on my own, hoping to create a whole new me in this country, new name New pretend job, new eyebrows. No one will catch me.
A
You know, it's an adjustment to live in this fast paced city. I think that what I would like to gain most from this move, most of all is my independence. Learn to be on my own and hopefully for not too long, but also to progress within my career because, you know, they call me the most glamorous pestic you'll ever find. And then we just see like lots of insects and everything. And then like a little turkey. A little turkey is like walking along.
C
This is the best. We should. We see all these terror, terrorizing things. And then a turkey's in the street and he's like, I'm a cold.
A
Those things scare me so much. It's like, I'm sure you're really going to progress in your industry given your reaction to a turkey.
C
So Maxine's like, eddie is so freaking quote unquote funny, right? He's a pest control specialist with the highest standards I've ever seen. I mean, pest control, could you imagine?
A
Okay, Eddie, now that we're walking on the street to the next house, you're not really making this lazy for me. And he's like, oh, is that what picking out a dress? It seems like it was never easy for you, was it, Maxine? No, not that. I'm not talking about that. He's like, well, I'm sorry, but it is your job.
C
He's like, other things not easy for Maxine. Dating, all right? Clothes, picking.
A
Split ends. Am I right?
C
Hot oil treatments. Not easy, apparently. Apparently you have a lot of trouble.
A
With those using oil of olay, okay? What you got to do is to stay out of the sun, okay? Maxine.
C
General water drinking. All right? Maxine.
A
Making jokes. They just really suck. Maxine.
C
So she's like, okay, ice cream time. He's like, oh, God. Maxine's favorite saying. It's always ice. Creamy clocks somewhere. My right, Maxine.
A
I scream, you scream, we all scream because there's a turkey on the street.
C
At least I'm not picky about the ice cream, right? Do you have mango custard?
A
I was like, that was very specific for someone claiming to not be picky about ice cream. And they're like, no, but we do have mango cheesecake. I was like, oh, you raised his specificity and you challenged him with it.
C
Do you think that's just a thing over there where they're like crazy cheesecakes? Mango cheesecake. We don't have mango custard. We do have mango cheesecake and mango toothpaste. Which one would you prefer?
A
So he's like, we know. I've saved up the last year to come back from Wellington. Help the hell on earth that is Wellington. And I'm hoping, fingers crossed, that I can find my dream apartment away from all the turkeys.
C
And Maxine's like, well, he can have what he wants, but it's not his price range. Cheeky little monkey. So if Eddie wants to live within his means, he may have to think about getting a roommate. A roommate? A roommate. We've brought in a turkey to interview with Eddie. Oh, my God. Terrified of those things.
A
I mean, it's a perfectly normal human going to work. It's just a turkey and like a tie and glasses and a mustache. You're not a human going to work. You're a turkey.
C
So now that's their couple's name. Maxine and Eddie are walking on a sidewalk. And he goes, Maxine goes, we're in new state, as you can see. It's very happening here. Very, very happening. He goes, lots of singles. IO she's like, heaps of singles. Singles coming out of the wall.
A
You know, we'll be able to find you a man in no time. It is a two bedroom, one bathroom and it has a pool, spa, gym, and all of that. So be great for you to seduce a man off the street or possibly a turkey.
C
So. So keep pool, spa, gym, all of that. And he's like, oh, my gosh. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. With so many boxes getting ticks, it's like, please don't be dirty. What do you mean, boxes getting dicks? Let's talk about that. Right? Boxes getting ticks. I mean, geez, is it that different from. Welly.
A
Sorry. I just, I like to, I like to mention ticks a lot because it's kind of my industry. So we're in the SEC now. We're. We're finally at the second house, house number two, and it's. Is this the one that had the. No, the third one was the one that had had the brown fixtures, but this is just another. Again, another pretty standard apartment, right?
C
Yeah, this one's 1900, though. So he's like, what is two bedroom and one bath in 1900? And she's like, well, maybe you'll have to get a housemate. He goes, well, I don't know about sharing a bathroom. Why would I want to do that? She goes, you've never shared a bathroom? I mean, I don't know what to say. I've given you everything else. No, Maxine this isn't like some little like, oh, what's the big deal? So you're gonna share a bathroom. That's a huge life choice. You don't just tell someone, oh, not only are you going to have a roommate, now you're going to like have a roommate that you have to poop after. No.
A
Yeah, share a shower with. That's a lot.
C
No, sorry, Maxine, you're, you're fired.
A
And I just like, what? She goes, I've given you everything else because, okay, let's just bake it up there, Maxine. Because one thing you haven't given me is fashion. All right? Yellow dress.
C
So he's like, I don't like to have to come home and listen to someone else's problems, which is probably why I'm single. Am I right? I mean, listen, the worst you ever have to hear from me, you say, hey, do you have any problems today, Eddie? The worst is one. One word turkeys.
A
All right, all right, okay, now. All right, now they walk in, she goes, neil, Eddie, don't look at the view straight and just go straight into the bathroom. I bet you heard that before, haven't you? Kinky bastard.
C
Not the bedroom. But it was the bedroom. You must look like you have to go pee. Pee.
A
By the way you're shuffling in the hallway, I can tell you need to go straight to that bathroom.
C
Yeah, don't look straight. Just go straight into the bedroom. And so they do. And he's like, well, it's pretty big. And she goes, you've got built in wardrobes as well. He goes, yeah, I feel like the high ceilings makes it more spacious.
A
Yeah, literally, because there's more space vertically. It's funny how things, funny how when you add space to things, that feels more spacious.
C
Yeah, it's crazy how that works.
A
So then they go into the kitchen, living room area and Max. And the kitchen is basically, it's kind of like a loft style kitchen. It's basically like an L shaped kitchen up against the wall. And he's like, oh, no, this is pretty basic. It's like a perfectly fine kitchen. It just has a slightly different layout. There's no island, but there's plenty of counter space. But he doesn't like it at all. He's like, it's pretty basic. It's very Maxine in here. She goes, okay, well, didn't hold back.
C
He goes, well, you know now, I mean, look at that view. The view is stunning. Well, actually, now that I look at the view, there's not much of a View. She goes, it's industrial. It's like, yeah. And she goes for 1900 with two bedrooms. He's gonna have to get over it. Maxine.
A
I know she's in no mood. She's like, I came on this show to be a real estate agent, not to be a real estate agent and a matchmake, okay? I'm not getting paid enough for this.
C
No one's paying me to be an eyebrow wrangler, right?
A
Some people pay a lot of money to look at a warehouse. And that's what he's going to get.
C
He's like, well, this bathroom is pretty mixing. She's like, go ahead and explain that one. Plain Jane never going to get me. You know what I mean? So where's the other mirror? Why aren't there two mirrors in this bathroom? And he's like, why do you need. She says, why do you need two mirrors? You've only got one face. He's like, the same reason you don't need any double. Gorgeous. All right?
A
It's like, you know, there's just not a lot of room for. So if I were to get a flat mate. She goes, well, just. You need to get someone who just has really basic with their hygiene. He's like, I especially don't want basic hygiene flatmate.
C
So now there's a second bedroom. And he's like, where? Spacious, but the balcony's not big. And she goes, well, but downstairs by the pool area, there's barbecues. You can take everyone down there. And it keeps the mess out of the house, doesn't it? By everyone.
A
What?
C
I mean, all the friends you're gonna. I don't know, you'll see people down there. Just go down there with me. Hopefully people will gear there.
A
So then they go down to the pool area and it's like, all right, so this is definitely where you'd bring everyone down to. I can see that now I just have to make friends who actually want to come over and hang out with me. No problem.
C
So she's like, well, all this shared space makes up for lack of space on the balcony. No, it doesn't. You can't just take me to a public park and be like, well, your house is small, but here's a park.
A
No, especially because that public space, everyone uses it. So when you want to use it, it's. There's always awful people at those places, you know, like just when you want to use the grill, there's always someone there who decides that that's the day they want to do a Four hour spit roast.
C
Yeah. I've never wanted a place with facilities because of that. Because of the people that use that, you know. So he. But the place is pretty bland and expensive. I'd have to get a flatmate because I don't want to share one bathroom or one mirror.
A
I think Vaccine can do a lot better. I'm not sure if you can tell, but I'm quite a colorful person and I want my apartment to match my personality. So now, Eddie, he goes on a date with a guy named Janny. And he's like, sue, what are you doing for Big? He's like, oh, peace control. Because peace control. No, pest control. Like cockroaches and spiders control. Sorry, it's my accent. How do you guys say it? Peace. Oh, another shot, please.
C
Marrying this one. Marrying this one. I mean, piss versus piss. This is amazing. So I'm on the hunt for a man. I suppose I'm looking for someone who's driven, respectful, willing to come for the ride with me. Enjoy Brisbane, show me around, take me out, not murder my dreams before I kill him with mosquito spray. You know how it goes.
A
So now he goes on another date with someone named Connor. This guy has a beard and he's like, bloody Maxine. She's so pushy. She's like, I want to stay. Connor's like, why? No. Right. She tried to barge in on our date. Stupid.
C
Oh, this guy, he's so sarcastic. I love that about him. And in terms of what he wants versus what he wants to spend, it's going to be a little bit tricky. Much like his butt on a day. I mean, seriously, that guy spread himself like peanut butter on toast all over this town. Ask all the guests. I know them all.
A
It's so funny that this, this episode of House Hunters is like, mixed with some sort of, like, speed dating B storyline. I don't think I've ever seen this before.
C
Also, I have to say, he can pull some pretty nice butt.
A
Yeah, he was definitely honestly, punching above his class. I mean, I don't want to be mean, but like. But the first guy, I was like, this guy is. This guy's cute.
C
I was like, johnny's cute. Yeah, he's pretty cute. He's not. I don't think he's punching above his class. He's just. Or his weight. He's punching above his eyebrows weight. You know what I mean? Like, those eyebrows should not be able to pull like this. But it's working for him. So, you know, I might consider a Magic Marker or a Sharpie. Soon. So he's like, I don't think I've expensive taste at all. I just like nice things that are expensive. You know, you can have something that's bougie and doesn't cost much and I expect her to find it. It.
A
So now we are going to. Now we, we see a tall building and everything. And Maxine has brought Eddie to South Brisbane and she's like, you know, the great thing about South Brisbane is the South Bank Parklands. There's a man made lagoon and a beach here with tons and tons of turkeys. Maxine, how could you do this to me?
C
Man made lagoon. Wow. Was that your nickname in Kinder?
A
So they're walking and then he gets startled and he's like, huh? He goes, something just flew at me. She goes, so what do you do when you go spray houses and bugs jump out at you? Are you like, you?
C
My gosh. She like imitates him. He's like, carry on, Maxine, keep it up.
A
Right. All right. Well, the facilities in this complex are second to none. It's only a one bedroom. However, it has a ginormous balcony. I am talking half the size of the apartment.
C
He's like, what are we talking about? Price Wiser, mixing. So 1700, but it's well worth it. So we see this one big balcony and they go to the elevator and she's like, we're on the sixth floor on this level. You've got a gym on this end. He's like, oh, the place where you go talk to people who are almost shirtless. The place where you work out. Disgusting. I'm not doing that. That. I'm not doing that.
A
And they go. And it's like, it's gorgeous. This building has really nice facilities. There's like a yoga center and everything. They've got a wellness room and a spa. And so it's really, it's got really nice stuff and everything. So they go into the apartment and the apartment has like a very kind of like modern look to it in the sense that all the cabinets in the kitchen, which is the first thing that you see, are kind of like, like wooden or they're, they're not like real wood, but they have that dark brown look to them. So it's, it's nice. It's not just like a big white room.
C
Yeah. It's kind of got that mid mod thing going on there.
A
Yeah.
C
And she's like, well, what do you think of this? Can you imagine yourself backing up a storm? And he's like, absolutely not. Normally A friend of brown. But I do like that there's black features and handles on the brown, so that's cool. And it's got an island, which I love. Listen, have you ever had anybody pointing out black knobs before?
A
Love, you know, I didn't realize I was a black nub Stan. I mean, black knob stand. Until I got to this apartment. I realized, yeah, black knobs, let's put them on the list.
C
So she, Maxine, sees something crawling on the wall and she goes, and look at that, it's a piss. You're a pest controller, right? You can sort that out. He's like, excuse me, we're not working right now. I'm not impressed with the pest and by the pistol mean you, Maxine. Or is it supposed to be funny? Or I wish I had some spray that could turn funnier, Maxine. Cuz that was not it. That was not it. You know who's a mother? Not you, right? Mother mixing.
A
I'm like your stylist who picked out this dress. Not working at the moment. Okay, so they're walking around and the ceilings are really high. And Maxine goes, well, they have to be to allow your head to enter the room. That was a joke, Eddie.
C
God, you know how gays love funny, fabulous women. She's like, yeah. Do you know any? They could show me a house.
A
Learn from them, please. It's such a massive spice. It's great for entertaining. But I'm a little disappointed. I wanted a view, you know, with the apartment being so bougie, you'd expect, you know, bringing guests out there for them to be like, where? What a view. But it's more like, wow, what an unpleasant view. Because the thing is this, the balcony outside is. It's clear, like first floor, right? First or second floor. So it's not really a balcony, it's like a patio. But honestly, it's a huge patio space. It's big enough that you can have a table with chairs out there. It's like, yes, everyone can look down on you, but no one's gonna care enough. Like, no one wants a spy on Eddie and his friends.
C
Yeah, and it's a city view. I mean, what do you think of city view? It's of building things. So I was a little confused by this. So they go to look at a bedroom and he's like, well, the bedroom's bigger than I thought. And she goes, that's what they all say, right, Eddie? Yes. Well, that's what they want to hear, that's for sure.
A
All right, behind you is a double wardrobe. And then you'll do. Then when you do find a lover, there's a small cupboard for him. Get it? High five.
C
Oh, that's hilarious, Maxine. And then this one can be mine, that one can be his. Right? She says, oh, I see this relationship going for straight to counseling. Am I right? He's like, that would have been hilarious had it not been for my last relationship that ended up in counseling after my dreams of crushed in Brisbane. You want to keep it up, Maxine?
A
Yeah, for two with the jokes, Maxine. Okay. Don't think I've gotten over the one about my head being too big to enter a room. You're my. You work for me now.
C
All right.
A
So then they go up to the roof, and there's this amazing rooftop pool and has all these amazing loungers and eggshells, chairs. It's very modern, very chic up there. To which I say, good luck getting a chair in the summer, because it's all going to be filled. It's nice. But you're never gonna get any space up there.
C
Yeah. Which he's gonna love, you know, because he just wants to meet people. I just. That's true. This is, like, the reason you never go to any of those places in an apartment building, because it's someone like him being like, hi. Oh, I'm Edie. I'm into peace control. So can I just do the elliptical? Yeah.
A
I used to have in my old apartment had a. The. The building had a pool on the roof, which was amazing. Had this great views. I loved it so much. But anytime you went up to the pool area to just, like, chill out, you're like, I want to use this. You know, I want to. I'm in this building. I should use this area. I'd go and sit in one of those chairs by the pool, and I'd bring, like, a book or do some work up there. There's always someone like Eddie, who is yapping three feet away and just going on and on and on, and he can't get any work in. And you. It's like, not good eavesdropping either. It's always like. So had the funniest thing happen the other day. My car, it needed to go into the shop, so I brought to the shop. And then afterwards, I went home and I just, like, napped for three days. I'm like, this is what I have to listen to in my Zen area. It's the worst.
C
Yeah, you can't Zen out in public, you know? And also, as far as those Zen rooms go, those are people who are too cheap to actually buy something to fill that out. They're like, just call it Zen and put a pillow in there.
A
Yeah, yeah. And there's that, too. So. So. But it's this. That being said, this is a really nice rooftop. And Eddie's like, you know, I wasn't expecting this at all. I really do like it. I'm just worried about the pri. The privacy through the balcony and, like, 700amonth. I'm not really going to have that kind of option of getting someone, like, you know, not that I want to, but obviously there isn't that second bedroom, even for, like, a flat mate. And she goes, well, you're just gonna have to get that boyfriend. Good luck with that. Over three, Maxine. Over three.
C
Like, don't think about the money. Think about the lifestyle. Think about the lifestyle you could buy with the boyfriend. Just watch a step. You could fall in the pool. He's like, don't you dare, maxing, because I'll drag you in with me because I'd like to see you try and drown your ass in there. All right, don't think I haven't done it before.
A
I'm steadier than I look, little gay boy. So, Eddie, so now it's time to think about it. So it's time to come down to three options. And so they sit down to add, like, a little brewery to, like, discuss. Is it gonna be house number one, house number two, or house number three?
C
He's like, let's face it, stranger poo is not gonna work for me. Get rid of number two. I can't take it.
A
He goes, you know, I said, I'll be thinking about making sacrifices. And Max goes, well, you know. Know, when you say that, I couldn't tell if you're being sarcastic, to be honest.
C
Well, listen, I do want to make a sacrifice, but you're gonna have to stay still long enough for me to tie you to a pole and stake you. You know what I'm saying?
A
So then before he goes further in, like, the deliberations, they have flights of beers. So he's like. They both have, like, three or four beers. Like, okay, let's go on to the next beer before we discuss anything. And she goes, all right, but I'm gonna swap you my beer for your beer because this one's called the Big Easy. And I think you'd. You're dating two guys at once. I'm really getting a hang of this guy. Humor.
C
I think he's like, Shorts fired. My gosh, Maxine. Oh, but Connor and Yani, such amazing people. So, you know, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling hopeful. She goes, should we do a pros and cons list for the boys and cu. That's mean. She goes, well, we're going to do it for the homes and goes, yeah, but the homes don't have feelings. I mean, God. I mean, why don't we just make a list called cons and have your picture row on it over and over again?
A
All right, well, in that case, I'll still do it pro for the boys. They're both out of your league. Cons for the boys. They've actually taken the time to talk to you. All right, I think that narrows it down.
C
So he's like, well, I am stressed because some tick boxes and some don't. You know, it's just like a whole thing. Let's get down to business, Maxine. And she's like, all right, shall we? Shall we? Squeal it. A turkey Passing, not the pest business.
A
So basically, he's. He's leaning towards house number one because it's cheaper and he's new. He. He only put some of it, some of some money away for savings from Wellington, but not a lot. So he's got to be prudent. But she's like, or you could bankrupt yourself in a fancier building. How about that?
C
So I. I think I remembered it wrong because I just said he got rid of number two. Right?
A
He got rid of number two. But then he was. He was leaning towards.
C
Towards.
A
But then he was leaning towards number one, the one that was under budget. And she was like, yeah, but you're a gay in the city. You need to be in the cooler place. So even though it's a few hundred dollars more, it's probably worth it for.
C
You to go there to house number two. So he got three with the. Oh, the house number three. Okay, that makes more sense. Yeah. So he ended up getting the 1700 with the balcony he doesn't really like. But, you know, I was actually impressed that he was going to choose number one and be sensible. I was like, wow, good for him. But then she's like, no, you don't. You want everyone to make fun of you. All right, well, I guess I'll do the one I can't afford and we'll have to leave in two months. He's like, sam's good. Good for you.
A
Yeah. So it turns so he goes for that one, and then he is now with Janny. It's now it's like a few months later and he and. And Johnny or Yanni are. They've hit it off and they are now dating and Yanni has actually moved in. It's like, wow, that was actually, actually pretty quick.
C
Yeah, this was really quick. Yanni just moved right in and they're like flirting. They're kind of cute, I guess, you know. And Yan's like, well, I'm going to take you on the city cat one day. It's like a bus, but it's on the river. And Eddie's like, so then it's better than it was.
A
God. Brisbane, the city of opportunities. Driving cats on waterways.
C
Oh, God. Last time I was this excited about a bus on the water was speed too.
A
Love the way that ended. So, yeah, basically he's happy, he's got a hot boyfriend, and then they ultimately wind up on the rooftop walking along and Yanni pushes him into the pool. He's like, oh, my God.
C
Pretty cute. And that's pretty much it. That's it. Yeah. Pretty cute to see that little guy happy. You go now, Yanni, prove yourself to be good and wipe those eyebrows off and get him some help. Help. You know, if you're going to be a good partner, that's where you start.
A
Absolutely. Well, everyone, thank you so much for being here. If you have any suggestions for Dwell, hello, email us@watchmcgmail.com and please put as your subject line dwell. Hello, suggestion. That way we will see it. Thanks so much for listening and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye, everyone.
C
Bye. Well, hello.
A
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We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast. And our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this.
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Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: July 11, 2024
In this special "Dwell Hello" edition of their podcast, Ben and Ronnie gleefully recap a standout episode of House Hunters International entitled "Glamorous Pest Technician Moves to Brisbane." The hosts lampoon, praise, and bemoan the journey of Eddie—a flamboyant, fashion-forward pest technician from Wellington, New Zealand—as he searches for a new home (and maybe a new boyfriend) in Brisbane, Australia. True to Watch What Crappens form, the episode is equal parts incisive, campy, and outrageous, focusing particularly on the eyebrow trends, cultural quirks, and Eddie’s hilarious dynamic with his realtor, Maxine.
[01:38 – 02:50]
[04:10 – 06:20]
[07:07 – 08:57]
[09:34 – 10:04]
[19:37 – 22:27]
[22:27 – 33:00]
[37:21 – 39:40]
[40:01 – 47:03]
[50:14 – 51:33]
The hosts’ tone is irreverent, sharp-witted, and affectionately mocking. Their banter features fast quips, sly pop-culture references, and genuine affection for both their subject and the genre. Even as they eviscerate eyebrow trends or mock Eddie’s “delusional” real estate expectations, their warmth and love for reality TV shine throughout.
Ben and Ronnie’s recap is a hilarious, incisive ride through an especially colorful House Hunters episode. They spotlight everything from eyebrow grooming atrocities to the dangers of Australian pest control, all filtered through Eddie’s uniquely high-maintenance yet endearing worldview. Eddie ends up with a posh pad (if a bit above budget), a promising new boyfriend, and plenty of shade from Maxine and the hosts—proof that sometimes, your biggest house-hunting obstacle is your own fabulousness.
For questions or suggestions for future "Dwell Hello" episodes, the hosts encourage listeners to email them at watchmc@gmail.com with "Dwell Hello suggestion" in the subject line.