Dwell Hello #417: Family Time in New Zealand

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Watch What Crappens
Episode: Dwell Hello #417: Family Time in New Zealand
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: August 22, 2024

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Episode Overview

In this lively and satirical "Dwell Hello" episode, Ben and Ronnie recap an episode of House Hunters International titled "Family Time in New Zealand." Listeners are treated to a comedic deep-dive into the trials and quirks of Scott and Amanda, an American family uprooting their lives for a fresh start in Invercargill, New Zealand. With a mix of Bravo-style snark and affectionate ribbing, Ben and Ronnie reveal the real (and ridiculous) challenges behind house-hunting abroad, family dynamics, and the all-consuming search for space—for both children and pinball machines.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Premise: Why Move to New Zealand?

• Amanda’s Motivation: Seeking better work-life balance and a meaningful career change (02:11, 04:21).
  • “They always feel like they need to have…some main reason that people need to move. Like, you know what? We really need to move because my wife has decided that she's really into pandas.” (02:11, Ronnie)
• Scott’s Role: Stay-at-home dad with a strong attachment to his pinball and skeeball machines. Repeatedly described, with loving exasperation, as a man-child with extravagant hobbies but no visible income (07:25, 06:24, 08:59).

First Impressions of the Family

• Haircuts & Households: Amanda’s hair and persona get roasted, compared to everything from Fantastic Sam’s customers to outdated paper towel commercials (05:04, 05:41).
• Domestic Dissonance: Amanda is a hardworking palliative care doctor; Scott’s main focus is transporting his arcade machines. Amanda is visibly weary; Scott is oblivious (06:24, 06:49).

The Properties: Three Houses, Endless Jokes

1. House One ("Modern Family Home")

   • Four bedrooms, two baths, six-car garage, and a boat (19:27–21:37).
   • Ronnie and Ben debate the absurd amount of garage space and Scott’s never-ending demands for room:
     • “When he said that, I was like, who are the sheep’s gonna be learning to drive?” (19:43, Ben)
   • Amanda’s practicality and frugality clash with Scott’s desire for more space for his games:
     • “I want a job for Scott. Get Scott a job. Why does Amanda have to do all this? She’s exhausted. Just look at her.” (06:24, Ronnie)

2. House Two ("Giant McMansion in Otatara")

   • Six bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths, spiral staircase—a fixer-upper way over budget ($525k) (31:19–32:19).
   • Ben and Ronnie riff on potential murder plots and the endless amount of space for Scott’s toys (and theoretical graves…):
     • “This woman just wants her husband dead. So I brought them to a gigantic McMansion with a huge style spiral staircase for her to push him down. Pretend it was an accident.” (31:19, Ronnie)
   • The excessive space and need for renovations highlight Amanda’s growing exasperation and Scott’s impractical wish list.

3. House Three ("Beige Bungalow in Gladstone")

   • Four bedrooms, under budget, close to Amanda’s workplace and schools (44:48–45:02).
   • The small size and proximity to neighbors disappoint Scott, but Amanda is drawn to the affordability.
   • Ben points out: “It’s also a nice house. It’s a perfectly nice house. It’s good for their downsizing. It has a big outdoors. That deck is huge.” (53:15, Ben)

The Amanda-Scott Dynamic

• The Running Gag: Amanda’s growing intent to "murder" Scott becomes a central comic motif, threaded through talk of boats, basements, and bushland (27:12, 29:30, 39:32).
• Work-Life Balance Irony:
  • Amanda’s move to work less and spend more time with family is undercut by Scott’s expensive space (and energy) requirements, all funded by Amanda’s reduced income.
  • “I know this is going to shock you, but the pinball addict and skeeball machine owner also likes classic cars. Weather shock. I know that's going to surprise everyone.” (28:20, Ronnie)
• Big Deck (and Bush) Jokes: Jokes about "big decks" and "bush areas" become increasingly absurd and risqué, often deployed as double entendres about the realtor Doug (25:20–25:46, 32:02–32:19, 39:19).

Property Market Satire

• Ben and Ronnie skewer real estate clichés (“supply and demand problem,” “six-car garage,” “good-sized formal dining room”).
• The hosts parody both the American and New Zealand perspectives on space, value, and domestic bliss.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• On Scott's Hobbies:

  • Ronnie: “You can't even get a convenient thing to be obsessed with, like a PlayStation, which would give you hours of new entertainment. It's old, gigantic things.” (10:43)
  • Ben: “Scott, I'm so glad that you've decided that the most expensive one, the money that you're not even contributing to, is the one that's most important to you.” (40:48)

• On Amanda's State of Mind:

  • Ronnie: “I love Amanda’s vibe. I like, Amanda just married somebody just knowing that she was gonna murder him one day. I feel like she's watched a lot of true crime. And she's like, I'm gonna be in one of these stories one day.” (11:57)
  • Amanda: “Well, I just want to make it. I can really just have, like, one small bedroom, and I'll be happy.” (16:18, as relayed by Ben)

• On Real Estate Jargon:

  • Ben (as Douglas): “Now, in New Zealand, the dining area is a place that we eat. I don't know if you have that in your house. Is in America.” (48:04)
  • Ronnie: “So Scott's like, well, it's not much of a yard out there. She goes, well, it's a perfect size for the kids to play. Make up your mind.” (47:50)

• The Murder Plot Continues:

  • Ronnie: “Doug, do you think this boat could hold a body as it's taken out to the middle of the ocean to get dumped?” (22:00)
  • Ben: “I was told that if you murder your husband in New Zealand, your only jail sentence is that you have to shear sheep for 20 years, which, honestly, I'm down for.” (29:40)

• Final House Choice:

  • Ben: “And three months later we see it and you know, know they're happy. It looks, looks cute enough. I would have gone with house number one.” (54:30)

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Structure of the House Hunt (Important Segments & Timestamps)

• [03:27] – Setting Up the Premise: Introduction of Scott, Amanda, and their motivations for moving.
• [07:25] – Family Breakdown: Amanda and Scott’s relationship, family background, and financial situation.
• [19:27–21:37] – House One Tour: Features, budget talk, jokes about garage and boats.
• [31:19–32:19] – House Two Tour: Giant McMansion, renovation needs, spiral staircase.
• [44:10–45:02] – House Three Tour: Under-budget, close to work and schools, Amanda’s favorite.
• [52:11–54:30] – Final Deliberation & Decision: Arguments, compromise, and final choice.
• [54:30–55:05] – Epilogue: The family settles in, reflections, closing quips.

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Tone and Style

Ben and Ronnie sustain their signature blend of snark, affection, and over-the-top comedic roleplay. Running jokes about murder plots, a “big deck”, and Scott’s childishness are delivered with loving hyperbole, while Amanda’s exasperation is played for both sympathy and laughs. Real estate clichés and House Hunters International absurdities are liberally skewered throughout, with wild asides and character voices intensifying the sitcom energy.

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Useful Takeaways

• The episode is both a send-up of House Hunters International and a (comic) meditation on family dynamics, marital compromise, and the absurdities of moving abroad.
• Ronnie and Ben’s dynamic keeps the recap energetic, their improvisations and jabs adding depth and frequent laugh-out-loud moments.
• Anyone familiar with the domestic house-hunting process (or Bravo’s reality shows) will find plenty to relate to and mock, thanks to the hosts’ rapid-fire banter and creative detours.

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Final Thoughts

This Dwell Hello episode is an uproarious case study of what happens when whimsical dreams meet the grinding reality of budgets and partnership. Through Ben and Ronnie’s relentless wit, Amanda and Scott’s New Zealand journey becomes a masterclass in both house-hunting comedy and modern marriage satire.

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For more episodes and exclusive content, visit Watch What Crappens’ Patreon or search “Dwell Hello” on your favorite podcast app.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Ding dong. Ding dong ding ding ding ding dong. Well, hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello, I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben.

[B]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

[C]

I'm just great. Welcome to another episode of Dwell. Hello.

[B]

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Feels great to be back here.

[C]

It's a great episode. They always feel like they need to have some kind of running theme or storyline in the show to keep us interested or like some main reason that people need to move. Like, you know what? We really need to move because my wife has decided that she's really into pandas. So here we are in panda land or whatever. But this one is we need to move because we need to move to a different country because my wife wants to spend less time at work. We have part time in America.

[B]

But she also wants a sheep as a pet.

[C]

We got those too. Yeah, I told you about the goat I was terrorized by as a child, Habib. My cousins used to push me into the goat pen and it would knock me down over and over again with the satanic little eyes. Like, you can do that here, you.

[B]

Know, Habib was just doing what Habib does. It's in Habib's nature.

[C]

Yeah, Habib knocked me down many times. Scott and Amanda are making a break for it with their kids, and I had hope. I was like, what are they running from? I mean, obviously a decent hairstylist, all of you, by the way. I'm talking to all of you. But are they criminals?

[B]

What are they?

[C]

What are they running from?

[B]

We should let people know that this episode that we're recapping is family time in New Zealand. We watched it on Max. Just look it up. It's House Hunters International. I don't even know what season episode. Doesn't even matter. Oh, season 101, episode nine. But just look up family time in New Zealand.

[C]

Yes. I'm so sorry. I didn't do that. I guess that is kind of important when it's my turn to do an intro. But guess what?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I didn't really care. I just figured you guys can figure it out. Okay, what's it called? Family time.

[B]

Family time in New Zealand.

[C]

The reason I'm asking is so that I can thank Aubrey Aubry. Thank you so much for the recommendation. This was a really good episode.

[B]

It was. It was very, very funny. So Scott and Amanda are making a break for it with their kids. And we see this guy Scott, and he goes, well, we decided to move now because we're. They're at the kind of age where this will be a good experience for them.

[C]

Yeah, they're moving to New Zealand so that Amanda can have a better work life balance. You know, America worked hard. Work hard all the time. Zero play. I was like, have you been to a mall? Like, no one has jobs. I don't think anybody works you. Amanda wants to question being in public. Do any of you work? What is everybody doing out here all day? I feel like after the pandemic, people just were like, nah, we're not doing that anymore. I'm like, how do. How does anybody afford anything? Why are bagels $5? Who's paying for this and not working?

[B]

Amanda wanted to move to New Zealand because she thought maybe they might appreciate a hairstyle that looks like one of those buildings that they source sand in.

[C]

Amanda looked through a hair magazine at Fantastic Sam's and said, I want to go where the Lego haired people go. Where's that?

[B]

What if I make an igloo but out of my own hair and keep it on my head?

[C]

And Amanda's like, scott actually found the advertisement for a job for me. Okay. So Amanda looks like she's. She has a look on her face like when you're Zoning out and staring at a wall and your eyes are slightly crossed and you're just really bored and kind of annoyed. You just kind of catch yourself in the mirror. And she also looks like she's Chloe Sevigny doing that. Chloe Savigny? Yeah. How do you say her name? Chloe Sevign.

[B]

Seven years. I don't know, I feel like Amanda, she looks like the droll person in a commercial that's still using an outdated brand of towels. You know, at the supermarket it's like, oh, hey, Amanda, what are you doing? Just buying my paper towels. Same old ones. Well, you need to find out about Bounty, you know?

[C]

Yeah, they're just like trying to do anything to make Amanda happy. You know, Amanda's just there buying her like kitty litter refresh or whatever. Like, Amanda, how about a little pepper?

[B]

Are you still using that same old brand of kitty litter refresh? Well, why wouldn't I have what I've always used, but now there's a better version. There's a better way for you, Amanda.

[C]

No, Scott actually found the advertisement for the job. He's like, and I thought it would be, wouldn't it be fun? Let's live somewhere else. Let's go somewhere else. Hey, Scott, how about you move to a job? How about that? Does Scott have a job? I don't think he does because this whole thing is about Scott. What Scott wants. Scott wants a bigger room for his fucking pinball machine. You know what? I want a job for Scott. Get Scott a job. Why does Amanda have to do all this? She's exhausted. Just look at her.

[B]

She is, she's okay. She is fully emotionally drained. She works in palliative care. Okay? Let her make some decisions about what she's going to be doing, where she's going to be living when she's out of the office.

[C]

Well, so Amanda will also be making less money, which could spell the end of fun and games for Scott, the pinball machine addict. And then we see Amanda and Scott feeding ducks with the kids. And the narrator is like, the ducks might be the last people around this family to ever be fed Right. Kids.

[B]

Scott and I have been married for 12 years. We have two children. Our son Liam is eight. And our daughter Megan was adopted from China. She's four and a half. And Scott's like, and I've been a stay at home dad ever since the adoption. Yeah. And I'm a hospice and palliative medicine doctor. And we decided to move here mainly because I had an offer to be a hospice medical director in. Invercargill And I'd never heard of Invercargill, but I just knew maybe this would be the decision that would cause Scott to leave.

[C]

I knew Invercarbo had sheep, and I thought, wow, I wonder if that pinball machine is based on sheep. You hit a ball, go past a bunch of sheep, then you get it in the gutter. God damn it. I'm gonna practice again. Scott, get away from your imaginary sheep pinball machine, please.

[B]

I definitely want one sheep, even if the sheep has to live inside and his litter box trained.

[C]

I told you she was a cat person.

[B]

I just want someone I can talk to. Sure not gonna be Scott.

[C]

Well, things we knew about Invercargill as well. The name's funny. Also, Lord of the Rings was film. So pack up the kids.

[B]

You know us a family of whimsy. So. So Amanda is like, one of the challenges is that the salary is a lot lower than what I would make in the United States, but the trade off is, well, sheep.

[C]

Yeah, pretty much. I was waiting for her, but she's like, lifestyle, I guess. You know, they have grass there. That's fun. Hills. There's hills there. Lots of clouds. So that's. That's gonna be super fun. And Scott's like, we're trying to stick to a budget. She goes, yeah, because I want to stick to a budget. Scott doesn't want to stick to a budget. And what Scott wants to stick to nothing. That's what Scott. Scott just walks around doing nothing all day long. That's what Scott does. Hey, Scott. How's. Working on. Just kidding. That was hilarious.

[B]

I'm just hoping that if I stick around this house long enough, Harvey Keitel walking naked. God, I love the piano. Great New Zealand film.

[C]

I'm basically moving to the porn capital of the world.

[B]

We also, by the way, got to see a clip of her at work. And everyone there's, like, super cookie, like, hi, welcome, everyone. Welcome Amanda. She's going to be here working in our palliative care in hospice serving. Give her a big kiwi welco to Amanda and her beings.

[C]

Everyone, Amanda. Amanda's here from America. Now. We've offered Amanda our spectacular golden package. She'll be working for magic beans. Everyone applaud Amanda. Do not correct her. We work for beans here. Am I right, everybody? We don't make any money here. We only actually on payday. You get cardboard and donut. That's all right for you, right, Amanda? That's just how we do it when you're not in America, right, ladies?

[B]

But we will give you a shape, because guess what? The only people who care about the sheep are the Americans. The rest of us find them to be nuisances.

[C]

So then Scott's like, we try to be partners in our relationship, but Amanda might be more of the boss. Yeah, Scott. I guess. He goes, yeah, because when she's decided on something, that's what's gonna happen. Really? I. I hate this person. Here's why. Scott's like, man, it's so bossy. No, no, no. You play pinball and skeeball literally all day. You can't even get a convenient thing to be obsessed with, like a PlayStation, which would give you hours of new entertainment. It's old, gigantic things. It's people who are like, I need five grand pianos or I won't be happy in this relationship. Could you choose something smaller?

[B]

You know, like drawing? You know, take a class. So Amanda's like, yeah. She goes. She says that she's decided, like, on something that's. That's. What's it gonna be. But if there are bad consequences on my decisions, that's on him. And Scott's like, yeah, well, the hardest thing is that she just likes to throw everything away. She goes, well, guess what? You're next, honey. What you're saying is that you're a pack rat. And I don't like clutter, by the way. I just want to remind America that I'm an actual doctor. And he plays pinball and he's actually trying to equate his. His trials with mine. I don't think so.

[C]

And he goes, well, I mean, I guess if you want to put it in those terms. And she goes, I do. I love Amanda's vibe. I like, Amanda just married somebody just knowing that she was gonna murder him one day. I feel like she's watched a lot of true crime. And she's like, I'm gonna be in one of these stories one day. I need to find the perfect idiot to kill. Oh, my God. He likes pinball. Perfect. And skeeball. Oh, my God. Lord of the Rings. Get one on my finger. Am I right?

[B]

You know, we're just starting to learn about Invercargill. As far as I know, this town is basically a word scramble. I'm pretty sure there's one giant word, though. Wait, gallivant? Is that what it really is? No. Okay, well, so far, I really like it. It's just, you know, medium sized city in the south part of New Zealand.

[C]

Yay.

[B]

And it's a farming community, which is exciting. There's not much to do. All I do is sit around and listen to the sound of Scott's pinball machine. Go off the wind everywhere across the street.

[C]

A lot of real cool outlying areas. You know, a lot of people describe this place like they used to describe me when I was still dating. A lot of bush areas.

[B]

There are a lot of places to go hiking, walk around, be away from Scott, be away from the pinball machine, plot my exit, make my death.

[C]

I love it. Let's cut to Douglas Bath, real estate agent. He's like, at the moment, Deborah Carvel, Deborah Norville, Deborah James Car. At the moment, Deborah Norville is experiencing a great increase in volume of seals because that resurgence has a supply problem. This is what we talk about in economics. Wearing a three piece suit and a scarf and probably a silk open set. I wanted to have a pipe here, but they didn't want to send the wrong message to the of a miracle, which is where this show is aired. So take it as you will. It's the economics of the place. And we've got a lot of buyers, we lack listings. Which leads to a supply and demand problem. Not to be empirical about it, but economy. All right. Herbity. Herberity. Jeopardy. Jeopardy.

[B]

Well, Detective, I would really like something that's four bedrooms, two bathrooms, close to work, which is. I say, of course, I'm the only one that's working so close to my work, I should say. And I don't want to have a long commute in the mornings or in the evenings or anytime, really.

[C]

Scott's like, well, I don't want to be stumbling over our neighbors. Oh, our neighbors are going to be stumbling over you Once my plan has come to fruition. I'm just. Would you plan me murder? That was you talking about. You're talking about murdering Scott now. I wouldn't shut up.

[B]

Leaving little Dutch ovens around the lawn. I don't want anyone to stumble over them.

[C]

Scott's like, well, I don't want neighbors. I mean, I don't want to feel like cramped. I mean, really, you have a skeeball machine and a pinball machine. You're the one cramping everybody, sir. This guy doesn't have a job. And now he is going to force her to get more square footage to fit his toys.

[B]

I can't exactly. Listen, you know, in the past, there have been many times where there's been like a husband who's relocated. Relocated the whole family. And we've often been on the side of the wife and in terms of saying, look, you are uprooting your. Your wife away from all her friends in her life. You. She deserves a lot of the decision here. But, you know, in this case. So in. You know, here we have a spouse, and I normally like to give the spouse a certain degree of. Of say in these things because they are being inconvenienced for the other one's career. But he's got the pinball machines, and I'm sorry, that kind of negates an international move inconvenience.

[C]

But also, it's not her. Like, she's not like, I'm gonna move the family because I want this. It's gonna make me happy. He's the one who's like, we should move the family. I saw a job, an ad opportunity for you in New Zealand.

[B]

True.

[C]

You know what I mean? He's making her move, and he's not only making her move, he's making her pay for the U Haul to bring a pinball and a skeeball to New Zealand. That's not.

[B]

And she's taking a pay cut, let's not forget.

[C]

So I don't. I don't know why, but I just don't like this guy. He seems perfectly nice, but his hobbies aren't. And that's it.

[B]

I'm just annoying.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So Amanda's like, well, space is more important to Scott than it is to me because he has a pinball machine and a skeeball machine, and it's just, like, really embarrassing. I can't believe I'm on national TV talking about this, but I actually want to downsize a bit. I would love to actually, you know, just be smaller. No pinball, no skee ball, no sc. I don't know. I just want to make it. I can really just have, like, one small bedroom, and I'll be happy.

[C]

Yeah. You know, I just don't want a long commute in the morning, and also, I don't want a long commute in the evening.

[B]

Well, what.

[C]

Okay, so you'll have a job at the same place then the evening is in the morning. I know that'll.

[B]

I don't want one of those roads that gets longer during the day.

[C]

Please do not give me a job that's at the end of an expanding road. I will be pissed.

[B]

Douglas, I. So here's my thing, Douglas. I have a unique. I don't like to run. I don't like to drive on the same road twice in one day. So I want to make sure that the road going there is as long as the road coming Back I want.

[C]

To drive somewhere to work, but then after work I, I want a helicopter to bring me home. Is that possible? It doesn't really come with a hair there, does it? Let me tell you why it doesn't. Was the economics of helicopters. Really discuss that length in my, my book that's self published Economics and Buff.

[B]

The economics of Helicopters and bath the Invercargill economic woes of 2024 in the car, you understand in the cargo say, but sort of budget you do. You go to Amanda and she's like Our budget is $500,000 or $500,010 if we sell the pinball machine.

[C]

And we're gonna stick to that budget, aren't we Scott? He's like, yeah, sure, budget master. All right, well we'll just have a seat matches up for you what we've got going on here suitable for you guys. Not sure it means really going to do much for you, but we'll check it out. Economics. Doug starts off with an budget property that's close to work for Amanda. But the suburban location might not be enough to satisfy Scott.

[B]

Yeah, the, the big dilemma is whether they're going to live in town or whether they're going to live in suburbs. But as far as we can tell, the town looks like the suburbs. So I don't know. So Douglas is like, well, my biggest worry with this property is the fact that there's not as much space as what they're used to in America because you know what Americans are? Space, Fast food, stupid people. So unfortunately this is a rather smart property. Not a lot of space and no fast food nearby. I don't think they'll like it.

[C]

So they come to this little cute two story home, little plain, plain home. I thought this one was pretty nice. I liked it.

[B]

I liked it too.

[C]

Douglas is like, we're almost a lot.

[B]

By the way, Almost very cute. How much I liked it. This much, my hands are.

[C]

How much did you like it? So Douglas introduces them to the home. The modern family home. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, third of an acre, six car garage. Six cars. Did you hear that?

[B]

Right?

[C]

You did? Yeah.

[B]

I was like. When he said that, I was like, who are the sheep's gonna be learning to drive? What's happening here? Why do we need six cars for these two people, these two adults, after.

[C]

You'Ve kind of dissed America right now for being too greed with space. What the. You guys in your six cars. Yeah, because that happened last, the last episode too. Remember that? Where they went to that one property and the lady's like, well, there's eight garages here. We should convince. Do these come with a home? And they're like, no, they garages don't come with. So, okay, I'm buying a house, but then there's eight people using my garage. What the lady, you know, something like garage fetish over there.

[B]

It's a lot of garaging. And then Scott's really obnoxious. This is a large house, by the way we see it from the exterior. It's a large house and it comes with a six car garage. And it has like a big deck. It's a nice piece of property. And Scott goes, it's half the size of our last house. Well, why don't you stay in your last house? Why are you leaving your big ass house in America to come to a small house in New Zealand?

[C]

Because literally, he ran out with people on the cul de sac to play pinball with. Because literally, like, how. How many times can you play that? You know what I mean? So then they see a boat out front, and there's also a boat. So Douglas is like, there's no bit. Oh, no, there's no basement. Scott's asking for a basement. And Douglas is like, there's no basement in this scar. But the good news is, Amanda, you're only 10 minutes from your work. We're in the morning anyway, nighttime, you're about 75 minutes away.

[B]

So, you know, there's a lot of the orcs and the elves come out and they distort the roads. Just the Lord of the Rings sort of life. She's like, okay, well, that's pretty. That's pretty cool. And, oh, there's a boat that's. That's fun for someone. And Douglas is like, yes. And it comes in perfectly on the budget. It's $469,000. Oh, okay. Well, that's nice. It's got. Maybe they can throw in the boat too, right?

[C]

He's like, yeah, sorry, go ahead, Ball.

[B]

Machine on the boat and send it out to sea.

[C]

Wow, thanks so much for Douglas. Thanks so much, Douglas, for helping Scott find a. A normal sized toy. A bow.

[B]

Scott's like, I mean, since this house is under budget, we should make an offer on the boat. I mean, you're on an island. You should have a boat.

[C]

I don't want a boat, Scott. But we could have one. We're not getting a boat, Scott. I love boats. I hate boats. Scott. What if we had a boat, Scott? Hey, Douglas, do you think this boat could hold a body as it's taken out to the middle of the ocean to get dumped? Well, I imagine so. I don't see why not. Regular bodies don't wear more than dead bodies don't make way more than regular. And I've bodies. Do they Load her up, Douglas.

[B]

We'll take the boat. I'm into it.

[C]

I'm in the boat now.

[B]

They go in, they walk into the living room. There's a. There's like a log fireplace, you know, but I can. He's like, but it can be in coal as well. It's fully insulated with aluminum windows. So it's, you know, it's cozy, it's warm, it's cute. Scott's like, it's a little small. Is there another living room? This guy, turns out he's a little bit of a spoiled brat. He's like, this is half the size of our other house. Where's the third living room? I'm only seeing one.

[C]

Yeah, this guy's a total princess. She takes good care of this guy, and she acts like she's really bitchy with him. I mean, she is really bitchy with him, and she does want him to die. But then she smiles at him a lot too. I think she really likes him. I think that's just their thing. She's like, it's like moonlighting.

[B]

And Douglas goes, well, there's. This is the only living room. This is a standard sort of thing in New Zealand, or actually, I think maybe the world. I think most houses have just one living room. So it's funny how that worked out.

[C]

She's like, this house definitely hits my wish list in terms of wanting to downsize. All it really needs is about a six foot rectangle dug in the back.

[B]

Also, I would love to have an affair with a guy named Doug. Oh, that's our realtor. That's awkward. So then Scott's like, well, I don't know where I would put the pinball machine. I was like, how about in one of the slots for the six cars in your garage?

[C]

Right. How about up your. Scott? How about there Garage?

[B]

You can put a pinball on a skeeball machine. That's where it's gonna go. Anyways. Pinball machines and skeeball machines belong in garages.

[C]

It'd be like, does this garage have central air? I will not live here. So they go to the kitchen. It's fine. It's like a bright white gray counter, you know, little window to the yard. And Amanda's like, well, there's a lot of counter Space. That's nice. Well, you know, it's pretty. So pretty standard in kitchen New Zealand, you know, we've got fridge enclosed, of course, because that's how fridges are. And one of fridge. Doorless fridge. Sort of cool things. Not stinkle. That sort of thing. I don't know if you've got that in America.

[B]

You have fridge doors in America. Scott's like, oh, where's the other kitchen? This is. This is the only kitchen, unfortunately, you spoiled prick.

[C]

So then they look at. They think it's too small, of course, because it's Scott. So then they look at the backyard, and it's cute. It's like a nice deck area. This is amazing. Look at this. We could have family, friends, friends of family. We don't have any friends or family, do we, Scott? Nope, still don't have any of those. Wow. All right, well, we could just have a nice big empty space to look at and dream.

[B]

Well, I think we can all agree though, that out here it's an awfully big dick. Like, excuse me. This is your big dick area.

[C]

I figured. Doug, I'm gonna stop thinking about you from the moment you pick the dick. Dick, as in the thing we're standing on. Oh, my bad. Those were one. Pretend I didn't say any of that.

[B]

Standing on a dick. I prefer to sit on one, if you know what I'm saying, Doug?

[C]

His dick is. This dick is big.

[B]

But is it.

[C]

Is it big enough to be inside of me?

[B]

Doug, I don't think that that's the way dicks are constructed. Do you understand the word play I'm trying to do with you, Doug?

[C]

I really don't. This is American thing. I can't hear you past my scoff. I'm so sorry. Let's go in, shall we? So go to the bathroom. And he' the main family bathroom. And she's like, well, I mean, it's modern. You know, we're not in buckets. So that's a plus. Am I right, Doug?

[B]

You.

[C]

You never know what you're going to get around these parts. Am I right?

[B]

So then they're in. They're looking out the window. There's just a huge amount of grass out there. And Scott goes, is that land over there part of the property? And he's like, no, that land is not part of the sale. He's like, so what you're saying is someone could build a house right there and I'd be looking right at my neighbor. I'm like, it's an empty lot. First and foremost, this is a city that's like 75 sheep. Let's relax, okay? It's a nice view.

[C]

And she's like, well, it's modern, it's low maintenance and it's manageable and under budget, you know. So, you know, if we go under budget, we can take more family trips, you know, cruises the top of cliffs into sharks mouths.

[B]

Yeah, all that. We can go scuba diving with maybe a company that's not so good with their, their checklists, you know.

[C]

So she's like, yeah, we can go on a trip. And he goes on a boat. She goes, oh God, Scott. He's like, I was just saying, I mean, for that far under budget, we can get the boat, right? Like we're not getting a boat, Scott. I mean it's just small, you know, it is small here and a small lot. And I, I don't know, maybe we can get it if we get the boat. God damn it, Scott.

[B]

So now the family goes to our car museum and Scott's like, hey kids, so your great uncle had a car just like that and he restored it and your grandpa, being a mechanic, helped him restore it. And it looks just like that. Wow. Well, when Scott and Amanda are done boring their children, they've decided to move their family to, from the US to New Zealand. For when? It was for one primary reason, for Amanda to get rid of her husband. But unfortunately he saw the tickets and some excuse about how she wanted to downsize and get a lower paying job. As if.

[C]

Well, I know this is going to shock you, but the pinball addict and skeeball machine owner also likes classic cars. Weather shock. I know that's going to surprise everyone. Wait, let's see what happens next. Will Scott be wearing a bowling shirt?

[B]

Well, my hope is that I would have had more of that balance that I was looking for in terms of the hours in the work and that I have spent time to spend with my family. So it's just like nice to be able to enjoy the life of the kids. It's been fun to see like the cars. I didn't realize that cars were a thing in the rest of the world. So that's pretty cool. And like play with toys and see them with smiles and. And that's when I had this wonderful realization that I, I could have done this in my old house actually.

[C]

So Amanda's like, let's dress up like prisoners. And then we just cut to the kid dressed like in a prison costume going, let me out in fake little jail. What the is going on? No, that Was crazy. We cut away. What was that?

[B]

America goes. Now you're ready to go to jail, which is where I will never be because I will never do any sort of criminal activity, especially pertaining to the life of my husband.

[C]

Yeah, I'm never going to be in jail because we moved to New Zealand, where sentences for murdering your husband are light on women. I mean, did I say that? Sorry.

[B]

I was told that if you murder your husband in New Zealand, your only jail sentence is that you have to shear sheep for 20 years, which, honestly, I'm down for.

[C]

So Amanda wants to be here, but she had to accept a reduced salary to make the move happen, which means she'll keep her eye on that budget. Thankfully, she doesn't ever go to a hairdresser.

[B]

Well, I guess that means that if the eyes on the budget, it's not on the hair.

[C]

So Scott doesn't appreciate benefits of staying under budget. Scott's been easily distracted by his usual flights of fancy. Oh, look at him. There's chasing a can in the street. Like a dumb rescue dog.

[B]

Like a dumb. Also of note, this is the first time that the word fancy has ever been used in the same sentence as Scott.

[C]

Fancy usually what flies from Scott. Am I right? So Scott's like, I'm really glad we moved to the invercargle because we decided to be adventurous, and we're going to take a leap of faith. And the house for two. Oh, and for house number two, Doug brings the adventure out to a neighboring suburb, which means taking Amanda far from her office.

[B]

In the. In the suburbs, no one can hear you scream. So Douglas is like, well, welcome, everyone. We're at Otatara, which presents a whole different picture from being in town. Amanda and Scott have both talked about the New Zealand experience, and I feel like this house can provide them with the greatest outdoor opportunities. And I think their kids are gonna love it. It even comes with a pict Polly Hunter in the piano.

[C]

Listen, it's quite clear to me that this woman just wants her husband dead. So I brought them to a gigantic McMansion with a huge style spiral staircase in front from her to push him down. Pretend it was an accident. Let's look.

[B]

All right, everyone, this is. This is something really special. This is an amazing house. It hasn't been renovated in 300 years, and it has six bedrooms for your. For family members, two and a half bathrooms, and three 700 square feet.

[C]

This is huge. I've never seen a staircase in a house like this before. Scott's like. It's like from A movie set of something. Not one example you can come up with, Scott.

[B]

Hey, Doug, can you show me that big dick? Sure can. It's all the way around in the back. Wow, that is big. It wraps around that far. Of course it does. It's a wraparound dick. Wow, that's common out here. Sure is. Almost everyone has one. Mama's in luck.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I'm counting on it, Doug. So she's like, how much is this place? And Doug's like, this is listed at525,000. I was like, doug, you piece of trust. I've had five seconds where I trusted you. And they should have never known to trust around a wraparound dick. And Scott's like, it sure is unique. Oh, yeah, Scott. Does it look like the movie set of something?

[B]

Just some movie that's unnamed. Can't even come up with a good quote. Am I right, Doug?

[C]

So this one's big. This one's like a big house. And Doug's like, well, here's the living area. It all had a large conservatory area, so it sort of almost doubles as a size of your living area. It could be two living areas. Am I right, Scott? That's for you, America. That is for you. Maybe you could put a wall here. You could have two living areas to keep Scott happy. A Prince Diaries Dear diary, my name is Scott. I need two living rooms, right? As won't live at all. When I just be dead, I'll be dead, Scott, in the single living room.

[B]

Now, this is a 1980s model, and so there's aspects to it that are a wee bit older. So for instance, you may notice that your oven basically is a tin box with some buttons on it. So just overlook that. I think everything else is nice about this place.

[C]

Scott. That's a good size formal dining room. So it's the one then. God damn it. It's going to be like the end of the Agatha Christie thing where everybody did it. Everybody's going to be the murderer of Scott. So she's like, yeah, I think it's kind of cute. And so they go, look at the kitchen. And Amanda goes, this is not my dream kitchen. Okay, well, I'm sorry. Fire Doug then. Jesus.

[B]

Did I. Did I say kitchen? I meant husband. The kitchen's fine. This place is very. This place. It's clearly like there was someone probably. Probably an elderly person who's been living there for 40 years. And this is. This is a house that needs a lot of updating. So even though it is a big, giant house, it's also, it's going to be a lot of money to fix this place up.

[C]

It's going to need a lot of work. There's a pink bathroom with like bird stuff all over it. And she's like, I mean, I like that there's double sinks, but it needs to be gutted. I mean, it is Scotty in here. So ugly as house, ugly as hell inside.

[B]

Someone needs to take a giant knife and go right down the center of this room until all its innards pile tumble out of it. This is, this place needs to be gutted. Now, I'm not saying I understand that experience from any previous lovers.

[C]

I'm just saying I'm not making plans or anything, but when they do it, you should put plastic all over the room like Dexter. So that when you're done and you just wrap everything up, take it out on the boat, get rid of it. No one's going to know a damn thing. What were we talking about? Big dick?

[B]

Well, I'm torn between the kitchen and the bathroom. I'm not sure which one's worse. Oh, wait, I've got to write an entry. Scott, that's the worst.

[C]

So they look at the primary bedroom saying, wow, double closets, double sinks. A girl could get used to this. Am I right? Girl could get used to being alone. Do you have double malls here where moms can just walk in malls and not be bothered with their choice, their previous choice of a husband. Be great kings here. I never want to see Scott's face again. Can I just have a whopper in peace? That's my question. Doug, Doug, can you help me?

[B]

See, that's why it's not so strange. I asked for a double living room. Shut up, Scott. It was my running joke. So Doug, like, well, there's nice view out of the miesta too, right? This is the north facing area here. So you're going to get some sun, which is also really important to you. Yeah, well, unless there's a big dick that can enjoy that sun on, I don't really care. You know what I'm saying? Get over here, dog.

[C]

So Scott's like, bedroom, bedroom, another bedroom, 3, 500 square feet. I mean, lots of bedrooms. I mean, it's what I'm used to as an American. So the neighbors aren't right on top of you. Oh, that wouldn't necessarily be bad if your neighbors were big dick. Doug, am I right? Doug, where you live?

[B]

Doug, show us what it's like to be in New Zealand. Oh, close, close quarters and such.

[C]

So Scott, Likes it because it's big. And he's like, my wife's not gonna like it because it's got a big price tag, but hopefully she'll come around. So then they look at an empty, big empty room. And Douglas is like, this is what we call New Zealand granny flat. It's probably the most modern area of the house. There's an area where people, you know, leave grannies or things like that. You don't like your mother, just put her in a granny room. She'll never bother you again. Hold on. My phone. Drink. God damn it, Mother. If call me again for that. Goddamn granny die already.

[B]

This is the room where we flatten grannies, if you know what I'm saying.

[C]

Oh, man.

[B]

So I like. He's like, it's probably the most modern room in the house. And it's just an empty room. There's nothing in there.

[C]

Scott's like, this would be a good games room. And she's like, well, it could be a playroom for the kids. Well, you can't have both, Amanda. You can't have children with a skeeball lover and then complain that he's immature. You know what I mean? Get over it. And your kids can play some skeeball.

[B]

And Douglas is like, but wait, let me pull. Let me pull back this good. And I've got something to show you. Check this out. All right, now we're talking. Doug. Okay, Scott, go the other room. Doug's got something to show me. Maybe just put more of the granny flat. Oh, well, don't tease a girl dying.

[C]

Mmm. It's like a tiny little attic looking space. And he's like, you can fit a poker table in here, Scott. Oh, God. Do you think Scott has anybody to play poker with?

[B]

Guess what, Scott? You won't have any time for poker because you'll be spending all your time cleaning this huge house because you know it's going to take me three hours drive back on my variable commute.

[C]

So there's a big basement. It's huge. It's 800-1800 square feet. And Amanda's like, wow, Even if the weather is bad, the kids could ride their bikes in here. This is amazing, Doug. We could just roller skating here together, holding hands, making figure eights on each other's faces.

[B]

Now you in it. You could actually just live down here in this basement and never come upstairs ever again. And we just never have to see you. And what happens upstairs doesn't matter, because you're down here with your pinball machine. And if Doug happens To be here showing me his big dick. Ben.

[C]

Well, be it.

[B]

We'll never know. So be it.

[C]

So Doug's like, oh, and actually, actually situated on six acres of land. And Amanda's like, oh, God, this is all ours. Yeah, it's all connected. It's a bush area. Another native bush area over the back. It's basically Amanda night school. Bush everywhere. Bush everywhere. You can run sheep here, Amanda.

[B]

What's the point of a bush area if there isn't a good big dick to look at it from? Am I right?

[C]

Right?

[B]

Get over here, Scott. Get over here. Douglas. Douglas, wait. Get over here, Scott. Now go throw yourself off this edge.

[C]

Okay, Douglas, listen, I don't have to take care of all this land, But I do like that there's a lot of areas to bury Scott. I mean, for the kids to play.

[B]

Yeah, I. I can't wait to murder Scott. I mean, I can't wait to have a sheep. That's what I meant. That's what, that's slang. That's American slang for I want a sheep.

[C]

So now they're talking about the house, and Scott's like, oh, my God, everything's so big. It's just like America. Just go back, Scott. Jesus Christ.

[B]

It's just a sell over budget, which would be hard, especially if we do have to put the money into redoing the kitchen in the bathroom. And the kids would really like that forest and everything. And there is a good place to bury your body. But I don't know, I. It's just a lot maybe. I don't know. I guess I could get all that money from your life insurance. Why? I didn't say that out loud. But then again, you, life insurance, I would only get. Get 45, so never mind. You're out. You're lucky, Scott. Safe.

[C]

You know what's so funny, Scott? I would get 45 from your life insurance, and that's not a lot of money, but it's still 45 more than you've ever made while we're. While we've been married. So there's something. So anyway, and Scott goes, well, I think we'll keep this one on the list. Yeah, Scott, because guess what? You only get three to look at. Okay? So you're not taking anything off the list, sir.

[B]

Yeah. Scott, I'm so glad that you've decided that the most expensive one, the money that you're not even contributing to, Is the one that's most important to you.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Love it.

[C]

So we see a family shot, Everybody's walking on the Beach. The kids are playing, and she's like, all right, kids, let's pretend you're in prison. Can we stop playing this prison game?

[B]

All right, which one of you guys did committed white corp white collar crimes? All right, Tax evasion.

[C]

All right, guys, we're gonna package a bunch of whole foods cheese here, okay? For no money. Everybody ready? It's prison games.

[B]

Well, I hate to break it to everyone. My child got a dui. Prison games. Prison games. So they're on the beach. When breadwinner Amanda accepted a new job in Invercargill, it was the key to her and her fun loving husband Scott slowing down and raising her kids differently. Unfortunately, she'll probably have to work extra hard to pay for the house that Scott really wants. So that's really up. Anyway, let's see what they're up to.

[C]

This is the kind of childhood Scott and I envisioned when we had Liam and we adopted Megan. They can be outside. They can be out every. Every day, five minutes from the beach. Like, it's just such a huge adventure for them. There's just so, so much space for me to run away to.

[B]

But with only one income supporting them because Scott stays home and plays skeepa all day, which has nothing to do with skiing, although he insists he does do the slalom. A reduced income of that. The hunt is quickly becoming a battle of space versus budget.

[C]

So then Amanda's like, scott doesn't appreciate the benefits of staying under budget. And Scott's like, oh, where are we gonna put my pinball machine?

[B]

I literally hate Scott.

[C]

Every time Scott's on, I just want, like, the Nickelodeon slime to fall from the ceiling and cut him. I hate him.

[B]

I know. Does he have an earring too? Scott love has number two.

[A]

He does.

[C]

He has, like, a little tiny Claire's like, stud.

[B]

Yeah. Scott loved house number two space and didn't mind that it came in over budget. Not that it contributes to that budget in the first place.

[C]

I guarantee you. Scott wanted to move to a different country because he's already hit on, like, every mom at the playground, and nobody would bang him him. And he just got a little new earring, and he's like, you know what? Maybe people will loosen up in New Zealand. Bueller's very itchy today. What do you it Stop the itching. Just pretend it doesn't bother you, darling. It was very busy here. Itching your face off on the television. You're on television.

[B]

Bueller's like, I'm just concerned with the way that Amanda's talking about Scott, is that how you feel about me?

[C]

Look at her staring as I get attention now, right? Nope. Okay, I'm gonna go lay down dejectedly off camera.

[B]

No, no, no. Of if you want to see more of me, you have to pay that one.

[C]

I would be hiding behind her bed now from now on.

[B]

So.

[C]

Okay, back to actually paying attention to this. So Scott loved house number two space, but whatever. So that's time to go to house number three. With house number three, Doug shifts his focus back to Amanda. Oh my God. Thank God. Your eyes back on me. I can feel it. Scott.

[B]

So this is a really great location. Oh, is it? Your crotch essentially located close to town, close to Amanda's work, close to schools. And this is one of the prime locations in Invercargill, so.

[C]

Wow. Can't wait to see what that is. This town sounds like it's hopping. Listen, I've never been to Invercarville, but I can tell you it sounds like a party town. So when Doug of all people is like guess what's happened this part of town.

[B]

Yeah, it's walking distance from the closest office mix. So poor tight.

[C]

Oh, it's no office men. I'll give out that dog.

[B]

Here we are, we're in the suburb of Gladstone. This is a really popular spot. There's fives of people walking around. You're a block away from Queens Park. It's four bedrooms, two net bathrooms and a 2300 square foot property on a quarter acre.

[C]

The road is really busy though. I mean there's so much traffic. I would worry about the kids. I mean Scott wakes up in the morning and gets the paper every day. He could just get run over. But we'll take it. It, we'll take it.

[B]

I would hate it if if some local here in the city just pushed him right into traffic. That would be a terrible way for it to to end for him.

[C]

It would be terrible if Scott came out to get the paper and it wasn't there yet and he looked up and the paper boy was there and threw the paper, hit him right in the head and forced him to fall down the step and crack his head open. God, that would be terrible.

[B]

How much for a down payment?

[C]

Here we are in the summit of Gladstone. It's a really popular spot. You're a block away from Queen's Park. I think Ben just read all this, so I'm not going to do it again. But the house is listed under budget at $480,000. Right? Amanda, is it cold out? No, my nipple. Are my headlights On, God, I feel. I love under budget. I love under budget, Doug.

[B]

All right. Excellent, excellent. I love it more as. You don't have to to. So they walk in, and Scott's like, oh, lots of space in the entryway. You're not putting a pinball machine in the foyer. Scott, can I put a boat.

[C]

No. Scott put a boat in the entryway.

[B]

No skee ball either, by the way. I just want to say something, Douglas. This man's had a skeeball machine for 12 years, and he has yet to actually land the ball in any of the rings.

[C]

So there's a babe. Seriously, did you get into something thing? You're killing me over here. As he's jingling. I think he got, like, a. Or something. Okay, I'm gonna take off that. She can stop jingling in my ear. Okay, now. Now just go ahead and scratch yourself away. Okay. Scratch it all off. Buer. Okay. So they walk through this house. There's some patterned ceilings, and Scott's like, ah, we don't have that in America. Do you have two ceilings? Do you have maybe, like, a double ceiling? Thank God. This is what we call character in this area. The properties here have ceilings, chandeliers, decor. Do you not have that in America? Decor?

[B]

Yeah, this is a. He literally says, this is a feature of these properties in this area. Ceilings and chandeliers and decor. All houses have. All houses have lighting and ceilings and decor.

[C]

I like that. Douglas. Actually, we always make jokes like, the realtor hates these people. Douglas legit does. And I think Douglas. Douglas is drunk. Dress like he's gonna host the Masterpiece Theater. I don't know.

[B]

What the hell? So formal.

[C]

So funny.

[B]

So formal in this. He's like, based on the midlife crisis earring that you've got going on, Scott, I've got to assume you don't know anything about real estate, so let me just remind you that our houses have rooftops and walls. Yeah.

[C]

So Scott's like, well, it's not much of a yard out there. She goes, well, it's a perfect size for the kids to play. Make up your mind. One minute she's like, you know what? I want tons of room for the kids to play. And then she's like, that's plen for the goddamn kids.

[B]

Now look at this wonderful dining area. Now, in New Zealand, the dining area is a place that we eat. I don't know if you have that in your house. Is in America. Score.

[C]

Yeah. We have actually got food courts. Is there one restaurant in here? How many restaurants are in Here, I'm going to need at least six. Like, is it going to be Panda Express? Saro Hot dog on a stick. Tell me you've got hot dogs on a stick. I do not want a hot dog off of a stick Back.

[B]

I'm a little concerned, though, that it's 50 shades of beige in here. I'm talking, of course, about my jacket. Whoa. I just dissed myself. What's wrong with me?

[C]

Fifty shades of Am I right, Doug?

[B]

You know, that's a reference. You ever read in the book, Doug? You ever go out onto your big dick and read that book?

[C]

So what else? Amanda loves this modern, bright white stainless steel countertop. This is not a modern kitchen. I don't know what the she's talking about. This is not a mod. She's like, this is so modern. It's from, like, 1950. What are you talking about?

[B]

I'm starting to gaslight, Scott. It starts now. God, Scott, isn't this a modern kitchen? Right, Scott? Right.

[C]

So now we go see the bedrooms, and Douglas is like, oh, this could be one of the kids bedrooms. I'm the third. Or my kids are sleeping. Big day, like, right?

[B]

They're sleeping out in the yard. Okay, you want to play out there? You can sleep out there. Enjoy the spiders.

[C]

So Scott's like, I think Amanda likes this house, but I'm hoping she can see this is so not America. It's very small.

[B]

Only one dining room, only one kitchen, only one living room. Unacceptable.

[C]

Seriously. You want a single room, you're about to be a single. Just kidding. I could never leave you, honey, Even in my imagination. So now they're looking at a bathroom, and she loves it. And she is a cheap ass, this girl, because she. This house is nothing great, but every room they walk into, she's like, amazing because it's $20,000 under budget. Every single room, she's just like, I'm saving money. I want it.

[B]

And they. She's like, you know, this house is really quaint and charming. It almost has that European feel. Feel. God, I just want a house that feels European. It's like, you could have moved to Europe instead.

[C]

Well, I. Who's. Who's talking? Oh, it's Amanda. I think what Scott really didn't like about this house is it's like a lot of houses in America. Like, it's close to neighbors. So, like, you come to New Zealand and you want big spaces and green stuff and sheep. Like, you want to feel the sheep deep. Like, it's where Lord of the Rings was filmed.

[B]

You Want to find hobbits? Okay, now if you were a hobbit, this would be an enormous house, let's be honest. But unfortunately, we weren't blessed with that.

[C]

Speaking of hobbits, are they supposed to give you boners? Doug, Doug. So look at me. It's so touching me. I'm trying to show you a house here. I'm sorry, dad. Well, it is under budget, so it's hot. Scott's like, it's just small. It's just not America. But. But you know, I guess the high ceilings do make up for it, right? Because you know, where you can't walk, you can at least point up.

[B]

Yeah, maybe we can hang one of your pinball machines from one of those high ceilings. And if it happens, fall.

[C]

We get to fall every time. You try walk into the bathroom.

[B]

You know, I love the modern kitchen and the nice bathroom. And I like that Scott might be forced to sleep out in the yard with the kids. You ever see the Flintstones? Remember how that starts in those opening credits? Let's do that, Scott.

[C]

Yeah, anyway, because in the opening credits, there's a work bell that goes off. Scott won't get it.

[B]

That won't be happening. You know Scott, he would never pay for ribs as big as those.

[C]

So she's like, I know people think it's ridiculous. I want sheep. But when I think of New Zealand, I think of sheep. I want a sheep. They're like the only things that like, give the same personality vibe with their own eyes.

[B]

All right, let's talk about these three houses. Okay. All right, Scott. Well, I know you want a place for the pinball machine and the skee ball machine, and I'm just worried that there's so much house and it's over budget for house number two. I think we. I think I just have to murder you, unfortunately.

[C]

So relying on Amanda's reduced salary solely means that ample space for toys and games might not be in the cards for Scott and the kids. Also not in the cards cards. Cuz Scott will never make a friend friend. So Amanda's like.

[B]

And also he doesn't have enough credit to open up his own card.

[C]

So they take a walk and try and decide. And they decide they're gonna cross off the beige bungalow. And she goes, yeah, it's just not the right home for us. And he goes, I know it was the closest to your work, but really you're not gonna have much of a say in this. She's like, yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's so many neighbors, too many witnesses. I mean, Too many people nearby.

[C]

So she liked the modern family home because you know what it is, it's under budget.

[B]

Yes. And it's also a nice house. It's a perfectly nice house. It's good for their downsizing. It has a big outdoors. That deck is huge. It really was a big dig. And like I thought it didn't need that much updating compared to the other ones. And it's under budget and potentially with the boat.

[C]

And of course he loves the gigantic one. He's like, I want that at six acres. And she's like, Scott, you are not. You, you don't even do a dish. Like, why are we pretend that you're going to take care of six acres of property? You're not going to do it, Scott.

[B]

He said, but we could, we could, but we could put the pinball machine in and the skeeball machine in that giant basement. It's like the other one has a six car garage. You're not, you're really going to spend like a hundred thousand dollars more just to have room for your skee ball. Like you might as well just build a, a she shed and put it in there.

[C]

Yeah. And she's like, well, I mean, you know, it's expensive and then we're going to also have to renovate it. But I guess we could just, just renovate it. She goes, if we, I guess we could just rebuild our savings and renovate it. What are you talking about? You're.

[B]

You're making $5, you're taking reduced hours and a reduced salary and you're going to go through your savings.

[C]

So your hus. See, she acts like an. But ultimately she's like, I want Scott to have room for his pinball machine. You are such a sucker.

[B]

Huge sucker. And three months later we see it and you know, know they're happy. It looks, looks cute enough. I would have gone with house number one.

[C]

I would have totally not gone with any of these houses. I hated them. But I would have, Doug. For sure. I would have. And Scott's like, you know, moving halfway around the world really was quite an ordeal. Yeah. Because you were trying to find a discount service for £5,000 of toys.

[B]

You.

[C]

And she's like, well, and we're always going to be Americans, but now we're kind of americi. We Murderous is what she. So.

[B]

Yeah. So don't look at me. Anyway, that was it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks Aubry for suggesting this episode. Super funny. And if you have suggestions for Dwell. Hello. Just email [e-mail] and just put in your subject header dwell. Hello suggestions. That way we can find it when we search through our email for that that key phrase. So thanks everyone.

[C]

Thank you everybody everybody. Bye bye.

[A]

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