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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Greetings Adventurers is the longest running Dungeons and Dragons actual play comedy podcast that has been putting out episodes each and every week since 2012.
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And we think you'd love it. But don't take our word for it, take theirs.
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The thing I love most about Greetings Adventurers is the interactive community. I've been listening for 10, 10 years.
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And now I'm a sophomore in college.
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The only podcast I've ever listened to for that long. Like there's nothing better.
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There's no limit on what might happen.
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So just be prepared.
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Top tier collie right here. The best representation of sitting around with.
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A group of idiots playing D and D. And it's not something you're just watching, it's something that you're experiencing. Download Greetings Adventurers wherever you listen to podcasts. Can't wait to see the next episode. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.
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Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Well, hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello, I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben.
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Hi, Ronnie. How are you?
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Good. Thank you everybody for joining us for this House Hunters podcast on Wonder Plus. This episode is called this app. It's an episode of House Hunters International and it is from Season 129, Episode 5, or Season 136, Episode 1, depending on what platform you're watching. But who cares? Don't look it up by numbers. Go to max and search the title Parent Roommates in Slovenia. And that is what we are recapping today.
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And we have to thank Michelle who wrote into us with this recommendation. This was a hilarious episode. And thank you, Michelle, for suggesting it to us. If you have House Hunters episodes, House Hunters, House Hunters International, or some of the other different types of House Hunters, except for the ones that are one hour long, only the 30 minute ones. Please write to us@watchgrappens Gmail.com and put Dwell, hello suggestion in the subject lines. That way when we go searching for recommendations, we always type in Dwell, hello suggestion. And that way yours will come up in the mix. So thank you, Michelle. This was a great pick.
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Yes, very good one. So let's check it out.
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Ben, let's do it.
B
Let's just jump right in there. Let's just jump right in there. So Andrew's like, I'm a young guy who can't decide whether he wants to be a grad student or a Slavic warrior. Priest. And he and his parents all start cracking up and. Guys, nerd alert. Your delivery has arrived. Okay.
A
Wow. Well, Andrew. Andrew is moving to Ljubljana, where he still will not have a love life, to explore his family roots.
B
And we see everybody hugging, presumably relatives over there. And his mom, who's kind of like bl. Bl. Danner is like. He's an only child. Okay. Yes, we figured. We figured we could tell.
A
We could tell. But is he ready for his parents to move. Move in with him? I'll give you the answer. Been dreaming of this moment for four years.
B
The dad's like, oh, he'll do fine without your help, honey. The dad seems like the same age as the mom physically, but mentally, he's. He's like a Werther's original commercial. I'm not really sure what's going on with the dad, but I don't. It's not like a. It's not a physical age thing. He's just very. He's just always that guy. I think he hit 40 and he was like, welcome to the Bank.
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Yes.
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He's just got that kind of, like, welcome to the bank personality.
A
He sort of has David Strathaire energy, you know, And David has that Enter Davis Strathairn, you know, the actor.
B
I don't think I've ever heard his name said out loud.
A
I don't. I think that's how you say his name. David Strathearn. Strathairon. Strathair.
B
I've always said David Straight Heron.
A
So is it straight here? Well, he has his energy. Okay. And David Davis, whatever. Has the energy you're describing. Like, even in. When he was younger, in his roles, he always played someone that was like, welcome to the bank, you know? So I. I feel that.
B
But darker. He's like, welcome to the Bank.
A
Like, sort of like, more condescending, too. Yeah.
B
He's got like a. Like a. I'm a very intelligent, mature man. I can ruin your life at this bank. This guy's like, welcome to the bunch. Know, this is more of a. Like, I could imagine him in one of those flat straw hats that they wear at county fairs, Right. Playing a little fan show.
A
Yeah, yeah. This is the role that David Strath. Or I'm going to say David Str. Aaron's name different ways. That way I'm covered in case I say it incorrectly. But this is the. The dad.
B
You don't want to piss off all those Strat Hern heads.
A
David. Strat Hern don't come for you. The. The dad is definitely the character that David T.R. is trying to play. But he cannot, he can't help but keep his. Like he, he can't help but be an actor at time.
B
Yeah, he's like a typical movie version of a person. The real person's like, well, I love popcorn. And he's like, I love popcorn. And if you don't, I'm ruining your financial life at this bank.
A
Yes, at the popcorn bank of America. You know, it's funny because, yeah, basically this, you know, our lead guy here, Andrew, he is definitely on the nerdy side. And so you sort of think like his parents are gonna, you a lot of times when you, you sort of see it in the parents too. And, but the parents are just like these very like gregarious people. And the credits roll and we find out that this story of going, moving to Slovenia begins, of all places, in West Covina, California. I was not expecting that at all.
B
I mean, but where else, though? You know what I mean? Also where else? Like, where would this start? But also where else would it start? It all makes sense. So much sense. It makes no sense in all sorts of sense at the same time.
A
Yeah. So we're, we are in West Covina, which a lot of people know West Covina because I think that's also where my crazy ex girlfriend took place. I know it because it's where my friend Jenny is from. And I also know it because you have to go through West Covina to get to Vegas and to Palm Springs.
B
So there's like a mall, there's like an outlet mall there. Right.
A
A lot of big signs, a lot of big, like, targets. All, all, all the big brands are in West Covina.
B
Yeah. So we're in West Covina. They've got a couple little doggies and the mom's like, well, I'm Slovenian through ancestry and my son and I learned that we could get dual citizenship. And since my son wants to live in Europe, he said Slovenia, that's the natural choice.
A
Always. Some would say Paris, but Slovenia. So then they're zooming with Andrew.
B
I like this Reddit subreddit called shit. Americans say it's basically stupid Americans. It's basically people from other countries like Americans are idiots. And then they will like copy posts that Americans make all over social media about how. And then, you know, mock us for being so stupid. And I know it's like a little self hating because I am American and these posts are about me. I mean, they are very like, what, go to Europe? What am I going to do without an air conditioner, you know, which was one of my real thoughts, because I do hear that from other Americans. That's what I had always heard. Yeah. So that was one of my. And so they'll post it like this. And one of the things they constantly post about is people. It's Americans showing up places, being like, look at me, I'm Slovenian. Just walking into bars, calling themselves Slovenian, you know, like, wherever they're from. And so this whole family's cracking me up because I just read a post like that, and the mom's like, we're so Slovenian. So naturally, we're moving to Slovenia. I have a great, great grandmother there. You know.
A
You know what's funny? I do have a friend whose family line is, like, Slovenian. And as soon as I started pressing, as soon as I pressed play on this episode, he texted me, isn't that weird? It was like, Slovenian. Shirley MacLaine was at work there. You know, something was going. Slovenian, Slovenian. Esp. Sher McLean was about the SP, right? Or is she more just about afterlife?
B
I think she's more like. Yeah, Multiple lives. Multiple.
A
Never mind. So he's not like. Like, Slovenian Shirley McLean. It was not a Slovenian Shirley McLean moment, but it was like a weird moment. So, anyway, they're zooming with Andrew, the son and mom Terry.
B
The.
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Terry is the mom, hence mom Terry. She's like, you know, we love our son, and we just. We know sooner or later he's gonna have a girlfriend. We. Why? It hasn't happened. Anyway, Andrew Wright's epic historical. Wait, let me see if I get this right. Okay? Young adult epic historical fantasy fiction with pirates.
B
God.
A
Yeah. I'm wondering where is. He's gonna have a girlfriend someday.
B
I mean, you. You'd think, like, who would be laid more than my son? Am I right? Part of me wonders if we've just got grandchildren scattered all over the place other than the computer screen, which is mostly where I've found them in the past. Not to judge, you know, he's an adult, but, you know, would Kleenex hurt?
A
Know what I mean? So Andrew has written a book called Voyages of Fortune.
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Take your socks out of our laundry. Go ahead. Sorry to interrupt.
A
I have to look up Voyages of Fortune.
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I did. I have it pulled up on my screen here. Andrew Anzur Clement. His picture is like, what you'd think. He's like, ah, it's kind of to the side. And he shaved his sideburns way above his glasses. I guess that is that kind of picture, you know, like, did. Let me Guess your mom isn't living with you yet. So, about the author. Get your free copies of an alternative history novella and his so nothing. You're not going to give me anything. It's an ad. Get your free copies of alternative history novella and a historical fantasy novella and a Russian thriller novella@andrewanswerclement.WordPress.com Polish Period, Slovenian period, American period.
A
So there's a big description on Amazon.
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Number one. I'm so sorry. Number one, Amazon bestselling author of alternative history, thriller, historical fantasy and action adventure.
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Novels from what's Covina.
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Look, I don't want to shit on anybody's dream because. Good for you. But first, learn how to shave your sideburns because you look crazy. And second, you're putting yourself as number one bestselling because you're making yourself such a whittled down category. You're an Amazon bestselling author of alternative history, thriller, historical fantasy, short, sideburned, big toad, web toed, shiny backed author novels.
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So book number one, this is. Oh, sorry. The tagline is divergent times, distant lands, different missions, West Covina. Okay, so in Austro.
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I believed you. I was with you.
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No, no, it doesn't finish. It says that. No, it says all those things except.
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For Western to the end of this. I'm sorry because I cut it off. He goes, lives in Europe, citizen of the world. That's all you need to know about Andrew.
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Citizen of the world. Well, technically Europe, but that's fine. So in Austro Hungary in 1898, a sickly girl discovers a bundle of instructions. A bundle of instructions, people addressed to her by a legendary nobleman who lived centuries ago. He entrusts her with a powerful ring and mission to protect the world from the ambitions of both factions of a mystical power struggle. It will require her to embark on a quest that will cause her own culture to reject her. She's going to be rejected by the Austro Hungarian culture. The girl knows she has to accept now as an outcast, she must outwit the society and Urumi's evil designs as she attempts to alter a series of magical devices that can give anyone the power to control the world. Now I just want to say that's paragraph one and there's two more paragraphs that. The next one's in Thailand, the next one's in Russia and it's a pretty intense description and I'm not going to go through all of it, but it's. It's. This is a book. This is a big book.
B
Well, I just like that he keeps himself Accessible because this is another one called Tito's Lost Children. And of course I chose this because I like Tito's. So I'm like, did Tito's have children? Like were they olives? Were they blue cheese stuffed? So I want to see what it's about. And it's a big picture of, I guess Lavinia and then him holding up his book in a street. And it says an interview with the author. And you know, it's like his mom interviewing him. Why don't I have babies is the first question. Why don't I have grandchildren? But he says, I was inspired to write Tito's Lost Children in a flash on top of Mount Loveson while on vacation in Montenegro. Like, wow. Really? Really. Just talking to the people here. You're like the Colleen Hoover of Slovenian alternative fiction.
A
Now let's. I just want to make sure no one confuses that book with his other book called the Testimony of some Poor Little Rich kids, a novel. 30 year old Luca Williamson is a self absorbed jerk who has life pretty easy. He lives rent free in his parents vacation apartment in Slovenia. Wait a second, wait a second. And writes books full time. Wait a second. Yes. He has no day job, no friends and awful memories of West Covina. What? No. And enough family member money to not care when his nosy parents. Oh God, I really hope Terry and Bill have read this because I feel like there's something going on here. When his nosy parents start renovating the apartment's bathroom and we know that a bathroom in the house that shows it needs renovation. Luca decides to take a vacation from his first world problems generally honked off about the post pandemic world of 2022. He heads to Plovdiv, Bulgaria and he plans for a solitary drinking binge are upended by a chance meeting with a group of well connected Bulgarians. He's invited to party with them. And then it goes on and on and on. And he strikes God. He strikes up a casual sex relationship with Alana, a spoiled hipster from a powerful local family. She wants to use Luca to get revenge on the mobster ex boyfriend who dumped her. But when a beat up homeless child begs for their help, the plan takes an unexpected turn. Over Alana's objections, Luca decides to take the little girl in. And then turns out the little girl is part of the mafia. They're running for their lives and some. And then his mother comes in and ruins everything like usual and says, you didn't clean up the kitchen. So he has to go back to Slovenia.
B
Please Clean the computer screen. Wow. Wow, that's something.
A
That's hilarious. The. The opening paragraph is this episode of House Hunters. That is amazing. That's amazing. Wow.
B
There's some editorial reviews, but we'll get there later because I feel like we've got way more. There's so much.
A
We've got way more. I have to say that by the way we're making. We're ragging on this guy. I actually love this family. I thought they were so cute. They were such a sweet. Like, I'm. His parents love him, and you can just see how much they love their sweet, dorky, very strange child.
B
Yeah, they're actually like a really cute family. They're really sweet. And, you know, good for him for going to live his dreams. He's got like 20 books or some shit on there, you know. Yeah, for him.
A
Good for him.
B
We're here to mock your dreams. That's just what we do.
A
That's what we do.
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Have a dream, Send it to us. We'll mock it. You know, I don't care. So Andrew's like, while I was doing my PhD in Brussels, I discovered a passion for writing historical fan fantasy novels. And it's a passion I really want to pursue. And the mom's like, I miss him. I just miss him. And the dad's like, if he's not coming back, I mean, we want to see our son. We're gonna have to go to Europe.
A
I just want to rip the band aid off and go. They're acting like it's hard to leave West Covina to go to Europe. I don't know. I mean, give up West Covina, live in a traffic. But I just paid.
B
It just.
A
I just refilled my. My carpooling device for the 10. I just put $40 on that thing. You can't go to Slow Media now.
B
So Andrew is zooming with his parents, and he's like, well, I'm glad you're gonna come and pay part of the rent. That's for sure. And the dad's like, there better be a lot of space. I want to be able to stand at the front door and anyone who comes in say, you can trust this bank.
A
Well, honey, we'll come and live with you as long as you don't write fan fiction about us living with you. And you have to go off to Bulgaria or something and fall in love with some mafioso daughter and you find an orphan in the streets. Just don't do that. Sure, Mom.
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And Andrew's like, well, guys, I Don't really need much space. Well, you do if I'm there. That's for darn cutin. So then Andrew's telling us, I don't want a place that's bigger than we need. And they can come visit, but not, you know, be there all the time.
A
I mean, don't be on top of me because I'm still party paying my part of the rent. Okay, we're doing. We have to do a half and half deal if they want a bigger place. I'm worried about keeping my means as a writer. A successful writer who writes about specific historical fantasies that take place in eastern block nations.
B
Well, I'm being selfish about this, but I think my role as a mom is just to make sure that he stays connected to the world around him. You know, part of being a mother is just saying, andrew, please stop looking at Internet porn and talk to an actual person. Andrew, please.
A
My heart is in Ljubljana. My son is in Ljubljana. My husband wants to bring popcorn to a bank in Ljubljana. Look, I want to have grandchildren someday. And nothing's going to speed up that process than if I move in with my son.
B
I just told Andrew, we'll go wherever you want as long as you just leave the house to get there.
A
So he's like, well, Slovenia is a little country. It's only 2 million people and Ljubljana is the capital. And then we see footage of Ljubljana. And by the way, this was a great coming out episode for Ljubljana. Wow. I knew nothing about this city. And I'm someone who played where in the world is Car? Where in Europe is Carmen Sandiego? I knew nothing about Ljubljana. And it is gorgeous. Good for you. Ljubljana. Hiding in plain sight.
B
Well, here's the first thing I saw when they showed all those pictures of Ljubljana. I said, where's strip malls? Where are they?
A
Is there a west Ljubljana that has a target?
B
So Mom's like, yeah. Oh. So Andrew's like, yeah. So Slovenia is a little country, only about 2 million people. Ljubljana is the capital. And I really love Ljubljana because it sounds like Bujubljana.
A
God, I hope my mom doesn't walk me in masturbating to the Wikipedia page of Ljubljana. So Terry's like, well, it's got a castle looping over it, just sort of like out. Our house has a sign for Ruby Tuesdays looming over it. And it has a river running through it. Sort of like the 10 freeway in our town. So, you know, it's kind of like just going to the West Covina all over again.
B
The center is completely car Free. But Andrew is really into the old Yugoslavian architecture. It's more blocky, you know, Andrew really loves some blocky Hugo architecture.
A
And we see the ugliest, downtrodden Soviet building that's like this big block with blocky windows and blocky doors. It's like the lights flickering on, on the outside. There's like a sign that's like dangling by one corner. It's just like the saddest building. The editor. This is a shady editors who are like, look what this fuck likes.
B
Yeah, exactly. He's I can masturbate in here. Yeah, I told you. Well, I prefer more art nouveau. That's bit more romantic. Am I right, honey? You darn tootin, honey. So then we meet the real estate agent who's kind of dead behind the eyes, but very cute.
A
He's kind of giving Vampire. Matija.
B
Matija macha.
A
Macha.
B
I'm going to just call him Matt to, to keep the offense to a minimum because I think they said it like one time and he's like. The real estate market in Ljubljana has quite shifted in the past few years. Tourists keep coming in and all the people started buying apartments as investment. This is the first one that stopped at a brook, a brick box that had been bombed decades ago and asked to move into it though. So promise.
A
Apartments are all pretty expensive because of high demand. And we have very popular vampire tours come here too. So we like to cater to them. So now they all, they all sit down and they're sitting down with Matt and Terry is like, well, I would be really happy to find a place where I can walk or bike everywhere. And you know, Matt's like, have you looked around? What part of no cars in city center means you can't bike and walk everywhere? Idiots.
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I really like being able to walk though, okay? So I don't know if I'm going to be in the center. And the mom's like, we need at least two bedrooms so we can come visit. Come on, Matt, you can do it.
A
And two baths, just like your average American bank. And Terry's like, well, just as long as I have a view, okay? I didn't come this far not to see a sign of TGI Fridays.
B
I'm sorry, I was coughing off the camera. Okay, so Andrew's like, yeah, sorry guys. Really.
A
Well, that bill, that was a rough cough. Bill wants to have a view and he also wants some outdoor space.
B
So now the wish listed dad's pretty picky. The dad's like, I want a huge shitter and I want A backyard. And I want a tennis court and shitter. It's like, you will not get this. I'm telling you now.
A
Well, I want. Is there a bank? Is there a Red Lobster? Is there a Target? Is there a Home Depot nearby? It's like, bill, you're not in West Covina anymore. You have to give up on some of these dreams.
B
Well, I'd love a good house Hunter International when they ask for something completely reasonable. Because a lot of times on the show they don't. They're like, I want a mall sized home for $5 and it has to have air conditioning that's like, runs on gold fuel, you know, stuff like that. But this one, they're like, well, we just want a simple two bedroom, two bath with maybe a view and a little outdoor space. And he's like, oh, my God, how will I do?
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Question, does this fast track pass work in Slovenia as well? Because we just refilled it. Can we. Do we have to. Can we use it to get in and out of the town square? Oh, God, I don't even know what you're talking about. And we also only want to pay $1,000 a month. And so then Terry's like, oh. Andrew's like, and I won't. I will not. I will absolutely not go any higher than that whatsoever. So then mom starts to rag on her son Andrew. He is so cheap, it's not even funny. But it is funny because I'm cracking up on my cheap son.
B
He will.
A
He will walk around in the dark so he doesn't have to spend €1 cent on electricity. What do we call on skybees in the dark? That's pretty funny.
B
And he's just always moving his arms to keep himself warm. It's so weird. So Matt's like, all three have very strong opinions about what they want. This is going to be very difficult. Let me guess. Matt doesn't win a lot of, like, sales competitions or where. I don't see a lot of energy in Matt. Matt's just very like, why? Why you call me?
A
Why? Wow. Matt decides to start with Terry first, taking them close to the city center to a place with classic European charm. Unlike Andrew. Sorry, had to say it. But the views might be prettier on the inside.
B
Also not like Matt. Sorry. So they go to house number one, and there's a giant hole out front with construction going on everywhere. And the mom's like, what is it? It's a giant hole. Oh, gosh. Jeez. And it's 13.50amonth, which is 350 over budget. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's old, but it's renovated. And the mom's like, what is up with this construction?
A
Matt, what's the deal with construction? So Andrew's like, it looks like it's gonna take forever. Like, you finding a girl. Yeah. So he's like, no, they are just removing pipes. It's just temporary. So this is the building. It's fine. Construction will not last a long time. Europe is known for fast construction.
B
We are going pipeless.
A
Pipeless sewage future. Slovenia.
B
Luby's really, really going crazy with population. We are moving to pipeless, pipeless plumbing.
A
So it's. It's an old building. It looks old on the outside. It's like an old, like. Like, charming old. And they. It's. It's gonna be expensive. 1350. And Andrew's like, disgusting. It's really not feeling it. Yeah.
B
He doesn't like it. So they go check it out. And it's the space. I think it looks really nice.
A
It's nice. I was shocked at how nice it was.
B
Yeah. They open it. It's kind of one of those train. What do you call them? Train apartments. Right, Train apartments, Something like that. They're like a huge, long hallway. I mean, it's a really, really big place. And the mom's like, this really has a historic feel. It's like, I'm really liking the kitchen setup. I mean, everything's all together. There's a stove, There's a kitchen, There's a sink.
A
I love that because I don't see a dishwasher. And Matt's like, dishwashers right here where dishwasher normally belongs. Sorry that there is no Applebee's sign on it for you to recognize.
B
I can't believe the dad didn't raise his hand and goes, here he is. It's like, such a dad joke. We don't have a dishwasher. Sure we do. He's leaning up against the counter there. Am I right, Ted?
A
I got it now. And yes. So Andrew's like, guys, I don't really need a dishwasher when it's just me here. And he's like, no, no. We're gonna need one when we're here, though. So this is a nice plus for us. Watch. Like Andrew's next novel. A young man forced to use an electronic dishwasher pines for a simpler way of life from his overbearing parents. Slovenia. So he escapes to Bulgaria, where he finds a woman who only likes to wash dishes. By hand.
B
Young man meets wonderful, beautiful mob princess escaping the mob, and they decide to kill his father, who demands a dishwasher.
A
Evil mob boss kills people who don't pay him back by stuffing them in dishwashers, which, as we all know, is the most evil machine made by mankind.
B
Wool is a nice space. High ceilings. It's really hot in here, though. This bank cares about you and your cool factor. Did they turn off the air conditioner? And he's like, there's no air conditioning here, you fucking stupid American slob.
A
This is Europe, not some place off of highway in California. He's like, well, that's gonna be a real problem for me. Yeah, well, your real problem for country. Get out.
B
Not so much for me, dad. It's Europe. It's not that normal to have an air conditioner. God, man, am I right?
A
Young writer trapped in a house with his parents, yearns for a warmer home that he can live in and wash dishes by himself. So he escapes Bulgaria, meets a mob princess who also is a pirate and refuses to put air conditioner into her house. Excitement follows.
B
So mom likes the charm of the bedrooms, which are just like simple yellow bedrooms and stuff. And Andrea's like, after 10 years, basically living around Europe, you know, I'm like a young, single guy, you know, and it's a bit weird to have your parents with you even part of the time. So we're gonna see how that works out.
A
Yeah, well, someone will be able to do your laundry now. So they go the bath. Everything looks good. Like, this is a good apartment. I don't see really any major problems with it.
B
Take this one for sure. They should definitely be taking this one. So the mom is like, wow, this has a bathtub. I could give up my view for this. She, like, splays herself in the bathtub, but it isn't a huge bathroom. And Andrew's like, why is this bathroom so huge? This is ridiculous.
A
And the dad's like, well, I like a shower needs a shower, so I'd be willing to pay a little bit more. I think you've. You're overruled on this one, son. Andrew's, like, all angry and pouty.
B
He's like, God damn.
A
You know what also makes Andrew look like a teenager is the fact that I don't know what he's doing with his mustache when he shaves it, but he's, like, going too hard or something because his skin is all irritated over his lips. So he has kind of like a. He doesn't have a mustache. He has, like, a must rash over his. Over his lips. Did you notice that?
B
Must rash?
A
It's like. It's like.
B
Is it like that kid on. That kid who's on Big Brother right now? Who's got. Who's trying to grow in that mustache? And it's so terrible to see. It looks like a matte. Groaning oh, is that the guy with.
A
The big, big, big curly hair? Yes.
B
I'm like, please stop trying.
A
I haven't watched Big Brother in like, three weeks. I'm just like. It's just so. It's just. It drives me nuts. But I. I kind of want to catch up.
B
No, you don't need to. Okay. So basically, they're talking about bathrooms. And then the mom's like, well, this place has a bidet. That's nice. And Andrew's like, wow, more money for something to spray water on my butt. He's such a brat. He's, like, basically stomping his feet at every little thing. I know. So they're not sure about this. And Andrew isn't really sure about the construction in the street. Sounds like it's gonna be real noisy and distracting. I'm a writer.
A
Yeah. And ma. And the mom's like, well, you know, you nailed it with historic charm. The great room would just be perfect for our family. And then Andrew goes, yeah, well, I did not, however, see many good places for writing. And dad. The dad goes, well, you're gonna have a hard time finding a place to sit your butt down and write, huh? It's like. It's like you've got a sofa, you've got a chair. What else do you need?
B
Yeah. So they're going over the ups and the downs, and Andrew's like, looks like we might be too close to City center, in my opinion. God. And the dad's like, well, I'm actually finding myself agreeing with both of you on this one. Not sure. Construction, City center. Let's keep a lookin.
A
But to be fair, I do kind of agree with you guys on everything anyway, because that's just sort of my role here. Who wants popcorn?
B
So then we see a guy picking an apple. It's like some older guy in a white shirt, and he's hugging them and speaking in a language I don't understand. And the mom's like, my grandparents came from small farming town near Ljubljana, and they came to the United States in 1911. Do you understand me if I talk louder?
A
I live now very close to a golden corral. Do you know what that is?
B
And then Andrew knows The language perfectly. Which I don't know why that didn't surprise me, but I was like, of course he does. But it should surprise you because, like, you speak. It sounds like you speak if he's not speaking it perfectly, because what the would I know? He's speaking it very confidently.
A
Exactly. So he's telling him. He's like, we're part of the Answer clan. And the guy's like, ah. He's like, this name Answer is a rare last name. And Andrew's like, yeah, it's been really great coming back here, meeting all these long lost relatives. And the guy's like, ah, Manzer. Real special name. Like, by the way, guys, I think this is just a crazy old man on the side of the street. I think we should keep like that.
B
He's like, nope, we're probably cousins. He just said, we're probably. Okay. He just said, answer is the president on the back of the twenty dollar looby. So do I have one to check that? And he just took it. Okay, and he's running away. Bye, cousin.
A
Our cousin just said he's been. He's been cursed by an evil slab of meat and that we have to get away from him, otherwise the curse will spread. So I think we. I don't know who this guy is, to be honest. I think we should keep on going.
B
So then mom's like, well, my father was Slovene, but, you know, he wasn't allowed to learn the language. So we lost the language. We lost it.
A
Then she's telling the guy, thank you for inviting us. And he's like, I don't know who you are.
B
So he's just waiting for a tip. So now Andrew's translating is like, this is how people lived in the 2002 and 3002. And that's how he lives now.
A
Wow. It seems like he might need to be on an episode of House Hunter soon.
B
So.
A
Yeah, I want something that reminds me of being in 300 A.D. so Terry.
B
Is like my son whose superpower is masturbating in 27 different languages. He already speaks fluent Polish and Slovenian was way easier for him.
A
So this guy says he's gonna take us to see where he lives. Okay, I think we're done with this over here. Andrew, let's get back to the house. Hunting.
B
She goes, andrew's a kid who never really seemed like a kid. He was almost like born as an adult who's our best friend.
A
Oh, that's so sweet. I was like, I thought it was so cute. And then Andrew's like, okay, so this man says. He says that this is the room he made in his house about two or three months ago. He wants to live in a room that breathes of oldness. Okay.
B
All right.
A
Come on now, Andrew. Okay, let's just. The car's waiting for us. We gotta go. We gotta go. He wants to feed me a special vial of. Of something. He says it's gonna make him. Make me special.
B
No, we're gonna go now. Goodbye, sir. It's great meeting. Wow. Andrew's really buried in the history that he writes about in his books. And Europe just seemed like a natural. F. Not going to let him get killed by some old hobo. I don't care. Get away from me.
A
You know, he's found this place in his life at a very young age, and I'm. I'm really proud of him. He's. You know, you raise your kid not for yourself. You raise him for other people, to tell them stories of how people can move off to Bulgaria and meet mob daughters and then go on a life of adventure.
B
The dad is so cute. He's crying. He's like, you raise them for other people. Other people who now have their imaginations running wild with mob bosses with busty bosoms spying on the wall of China.
A
You know, when we sent our son off to Slovenia, we said, just tell them. Tell them about Sisi's Pizza. We can bring it to them.
B
I love that you don't only pick chains. You pick the worst. Like, the worst of what West Coveter has to offer. Golden Corral, cc's Pizza. My God, you're like, incredible. Seafood buffet.
A
So Angie's like, well, we're looking for our roots, and he's living them. And Dad's like, I think he's bringing us a beer.
B
Okay, everyone, it's not a beer. I think it's his urine.
A
Let's go.
B
So now this family needs to agree on how much space they can afford. So we see, you know, memories of being at the. This episode, I feel like, is guiltier than most of showing us clips of stuff that happened five seconds ago over and over again. I keep getting confused on, like, where we are in time because I'll. She'll be like, wait a minute. What about this construction? I'm like, another place with construction. Nope, it's the. It's what happened five minutes ago. Okay, so now they are going to look at another place. This one is 900amonth, which is 100 under budget. It's got two bedrooms, one bathroom. Don't even show Me, this place. I ain't shitting with my parents. I'm not doing it. No, this is your gonna have to figure this out.
A
For some reason there's like a streak on House hunters, especially House Hunters International, of parents moving in with their children into places that only have one bathroom. And this is a real, real trigger point for you. It is.
B
I feel like that's one thing about being an adult. You know, there's a lot that's just out of your control, no matter how old you are. Taxes, death, all that good stuff, you know, disappointment, depression. But one thing when you're an adult is you can say, I'm not pooping where anybody else poops. And that's it. I'm standing by that. I don't care if I have to work 10 jobs, I'm not gonna fucking do it.
A
Well, unfortunately, you don't understand what it's like to live in Slovenia in the year 200 or 300. Everyone poops in the same place. So that we walk into this apartment and it's like the first thing. It's literally you come face to face with this wall of mirrors. It's crazy. They're obviously trying to make it seem bigger. So they come in. It's almost like they walk in the front door and then have to like side shuffle to get into the rest of the apartment. And the rest apartment's like, it's not great. I don't like it, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Based on the outside of this.
B
Very, very. Yeah, because like masters about it.
A
Yeah.
B
So the real estate guy, Matt, he seemed like kind of dead eyed and stuff. And he still is, but I'm getting like kind of like hot gay vibes from Matt as we go along because. And he's just like so cute in his little men's warehouse outfit and stuff. And I'm starting to like fall in love with Matt as we go. And on this one he goes, well, this one is 100 under budget, but you will see what that does to you. So come in and see what you get, you cheap idiots.
A
You get what you pay for.
B
Yeah, have fun pooping with mommy.
A
So they walk in and they go into like the primary bedroom. And dad is like, well, if this is the master bedroom, that means we're sleeping under whatever that is. It's like a light fixture. He's like, what? What a crazy. They just. Why can't they have light bulbs? They're just the shape of circles like they do in West Covina.
B
What happened to circular light bulbs? Am I right? And Andrew's like, well, it's enough for me. It's got a bed and it's desk and it's just this tiny teeny little kid's bed, you know. And he's like, I have an amazing view. That's all I need. Well, we're going to be living with you, honey. Well, somewhere else, not here. Right? Mom, come on.
A
So I got the log line for my new book. An unemployed but massively talented rider stuck living with his parents discovers that the light fixture above their bed is actually an alien force that can be used for good. But then when a mob realtor son comes and steals it, he goes for a life of adventure in rural Slovenia.
B
So now they look at the little tiny kitchen and the bedroom. Andrew's like, I think it's weird when a kitchen leads to a bedroom.
A
I thought it was the other way around. I thought you had to go through the bedroom to get to the kitchen.
B
I think it's really weird when a bedroom leads to a kitchen.
A
In writing we call that a revision. So mom loves the view. There's a. The views are really beautiful. Like, you just. It's the. It's up high, you see out into like this. It looks like a village. I know it's a city, but it's like really medieval rooftops and everything. It's. It's really gorgeous. It was at this moment I was like, they're gonna go for this because this is a view you're not gonna get in West Covina.
B
Yeah. Yeah.
A
Truly.
B
Yeah. So Andrew likes the location. The price is right, you know, and he's like. And it's right on the edge of the pedestri. And so it's not totally in the tourist center, but it still has access to CC's. Unemployed man who aliens have just told has the biggest penis they've ever seen on a human, hides out in the cc's while his Russian mobster girlfriend eats zebras out of a Slovenian think tank of politicians and red walls. Sorry, I'm getting lost. That view is really pretty.
A
They find success making fully customizable pizza for the masses. So yes, they're right on the edge of the pedestrian zone, which is exactly how I described your father to my mother. He's just over the edge of being pedestrian. So they. So of course Andrew likes that it's cheap and, you know, mom is like, well, I'm prepared to overlook a little dated furniture for this fantastic view from every room, but let's face it, this place needs some work.
B
Yeah. And so Dad's like, I don't know either. I need more space. What about when people walk in? How. Where am I gonna ask them to wait while I go over their financials?
A
Is that a thing? People visit other people. I've never really had that experience in my life.
B
When Andrew told his parents he wanted to move to Ljubljana, Slovenia, his mom, Terry, jumped at the opportunity to be back in her family's homeland. So she says. And then the mom's like, I'm a warrior Slavic princess, honey. Yeah.
A
You know what I love about Ljubljana? And this may be disrespectful to the city name, but I do love that it sounds like it was like whoever named the city was, like, drunk. What do you want to name? Hey, what do you want to name the city?
B
I want to.
A
They wanted to call it, like, Little Liana. Like, Little Liana.
B
Linda Medley. So Andrew's like, you know, I'm not comfortable basically living with my parents yet. We'll see how that works, because we're all looking for three different things. Also, I have no idea who's going to win, what we're going to end up with, but I will tell you this. At the end of the day, my penis will be in my hand. Here's a penis, honey.
A
You know, I'm not worried at all about Drew, but she is, by the way. I'm just going to workshop that. Do you guys like that? Maybe we start calling our son Drew. That sort of will make him more appealing to someone who wants to have sex with them. Anyone? No. Yeah, well, he's an only child, and I'm worried that he's gonna be alone. And right now he's mostly living with him. The imaginary friends that he creates in.
B
His books, they're terrifying. They're terrifying women.
A
They all seem to be about overbearing parents who chose to move in with him. I don't know what that's about.
B
So then he's like, I'm a young guy, and I just can't decide whether I want to be an American grad student or a Slav warrior priest.
A
Oh, God, honey, he's doing the Slavic warrior priest bit again. Well, if Andrew lived in the past, in a past century, he would be a monk. He would just be very happy with very little tiny monk cell and a strange haircut where he could just sit and write and masturbate.
B
I've been looking for age appropriate Slovene women. Oh, yeah, Slovene women. That might be interesting to have in the mix. But Andrew Might do okay on his own because he's talking about joining a curling team. Like, what? The mom just wants to come up. He's like, don't worry, Mom. I'm gonna be social. I'm gonna join the Slovenian curling team.
A
You know that's not about curling hair, right? I don't care. Well, he'll do fine. And he'll do fine without your help, honey.
B
Whoa, where'd that come from?
A
I mean, like, yes, you're doing great, honey. That was not a crack of the facade. I'm a very happy husband.
B
So then Matt takes them to a nice big house, but it's very far away. And they're like, why are you taking us so far away? Matt's like, please, this is the only way we can be alone. It's like, whoa, wait a minute. Is Matt falling in love? I think Matt's starting to fall in love during this episode with Andrew.
A
Yeah.
B
How can you not? He's just so charming.
A
I mean, that's a thing. Maybe Andrew. Maybe Andrew wants the warm embrace of a man. A man named Matt. Okay.
B
Man named Matt. So let's find out. 3. This one is 1400amonth, which Matt's not even trying at this point.
A
But also, like, that's like, off.
B
You get what you get. It's Lulibiana, the Ljubljana Lubliana. I get what I want, Liana.
A
I just want you to know I'm a Ljubljana 10. You should be so excited. So they get there fourteen hundred dollars a month, and Andrew's like, I am not willing to pay more, especially for one extra toilet. Who wants one extra toilet?
B
It.
A
So they go in the door. It has this door that just opens automatically, like, supermarket. And this house is huge. It's modern, it's beautiful. Honestly, this is a great deal. $1,400. This is like $50 more than the tiny ass apartment at the top of that building, the communist building. This is a great deal. And then we find out that it's 20 minutes. Excuse me? It's a 20 minute walk from the city center. Like in Europe. I think one thing that we both discovered, everything is a 20 minute walk. Like, walking 20 minutes in Europe is just like going out and getting a morning coffee. Like, everyone walks 20 minutes to get somewhere. So it's. To me, that's like, really not that far away from anything.
B
Well, I mean, we were always staying kind of in the center of town too. I don't think everything is a 20 minute walk. But I do know what you mean. And I think that a 20 minute walk sounds really close. Andrew's like, that is so far.
A
I'm like, 20 minute walk, my Puritan.
B
They're not.
A
Listen, you guys aren't going to any clubs. You guys are just gonna hang out. This is a gorgeous. This is a shockingly gorgeous house. Like, normally when House Hunters International goes to eastern, former Eastern bloc countries, you know, it's. We don't always see so much modernity, but here we have like a fully updated, gorgeous house for a cheap price. And they're like, I don't know. I don't know about this.
B
They're like, gross. A sauna in the bathroom. Why in the world would we do that? That is crazy. And Andrew's like, well, I don't need to pay 400 extra dollars for a sauna.
A
I mean, 400 extra dollars for a sauna. Walk in closets, a fully modern and enormous kitchen. Huge beds, huge, huge living spaces. Who wants any of that?
B
This is absolutely disgusting. I mean, I like an older feel. I hang out with my parents. I mean, this is just renovated. It's clean. Oh, boy.
A
Who wants counter space? This is ridiculous.
B
So funny, because literally everything they see is like tons of space perfectly rebottled. And they're like, disgusting. So the dad likes it. He's like, well, this checks all my boxes except for maybe no outdoor space. And Andrew's like, yeah, well, the problem is it's further away from the city center. I mean, it's going to be a schlep. Every time I want to go into town. 20 minutes walking.
A
Every time I have a date, that's gonna be 20 minutes to understand. That's gonna be a lot of walking for me. Mom and dad.
B
Dad. So the dad's like, but it's quiet out here. Yeah. You don't want to move to a new place and then be stuck in the middle of nowhere, even though you're not. Right. Yeah, it's another family. He's like, this is another answer. Clement answer slash. Clement family, three way tie.
A
It's like when we have to decide between going to Cheddar's Red Lobster or Outback. It's a answer. Clement family, three way tie.
B
So.
A
So house number one, the good part is it has two bedrooms and outdoor space, but it's no view and it's not on budget. And house number two does not have two bathrooms, but it does have a view and it's on budget and has outdoor space. And then house number three, well, its biggest cons are that it's modern and disgusting, has space for Everything. It really has everything you could ever want at a. At a bargain price. So that's all terrible. So X is across that one.
B
One. My opinion, House number one. Yes. House number two, probably because there's a view, but only one bathroom. So that's a no. Get rid of that. And house number three is the nicest, but it is too far. So I would take house number one.
A
I would take house number one. Even though house number three is amazing. I totally understand. You do want to be in the thick of it, at least in the beginning. So I think house number one is the obvious thing because the construction won't last forever. But I had a sense that we're gonna go for house number two because people always choose the worst houses. And I knew the way that, the way that the mom loved that view. I was like, there's no way that, that anything can compete with that.
B
Yeah. And you know, it's like a tourist thing. It's like, oh, my God, look at this view. All the rooftops. And a local is probably like, oh, my God, you got somebody to take the view of the roofs. Oh, that's disgusting view.
A
Also, don't forget the parents are actually not moving in here full time. They're just. They just want a place that they can live. They can come part time. So they already have a big ass place. They even said they have like a five bedroom place in West Covina. So they already have space. And this is. They know they don't have to be cramped for the rest of their lives in this place. They're just happy to have a view and something that feels super European.
B
Yeah. So they pick. Which house do they pick? House number two, of course. Of course. Yeah.
A
The garbage.
B
Of course. And they do it in the funniest way too, because they're the mom. I don't know if you noticed, but she keeps acting like she has acting hands. She'd be like, I really enjoy the kitchen. What do we think of the kitchen? Wow. That house had a nice walkway. She like makes these acting hands. So they're talking it over on this little boat and the dad's like, well, this decision might really show who wears the pants in this family. Sure might, honey. Who wears the pants? So she, her pick wins. So he's like, how do those pants fit you? And she's like, they fit quite nicely, thank you very much. Ha.
A
So. So that's the one they choose. And then, you know, we go to like three months or so, and three months later, they're walking all hand in Hand in the street. All the tourists, all the Slovenians are like Americans, invading, ruining everything.
B
Though, to end this, I want to read an editorial review of the book. The Kosovo War, Tito's Lost Children. First of all, the title is the Kosovo War Period. Tito's Lost Children. I don't think you're supposed to have a. A tale of the Yugoslav Wars. I don't think you're supposed to have that much. You're not supposed to have a period in a title. Okay, there. But here's the review. This is by Romana Torina, Journal of the Society for Slovene Studies. One in a long list of novels produced at a record pace by Clementine. Because he just can't stop writing, he just spits out these books. It keeps the reader turning the page. Effective in its ability to offer experience of urgency to the reader, Clement can put characters on the page and draw attention to immediacy of their feelings. Walking in the steps of the protagonist, we are introduced to the impossible relationships A young teenager is asked to form with the family of the man who accidentally killed his parents. You killed your parents. You killed him off when he found a floater in the toilet. That was shared.
A
I also want to say one last thing. Is that the way this episode. I know you were ending it on the review, because that is the way to end it, but I have to point this out, that when this episode ends, Andrew basically says that, like, you know, when his parents aren't there, it's fine. And it's a great. This place, it's. The apartment is a great place to spend time with family and friends and just hang out. And we see that there's a guy on the couch playing Bag Butt.
B
It's. Didn't you notice? I forgot this. At the end, he ends up with Matt. I can't believe I forgot that Matt's at the apartment. I think they end up. Well, I don't know if they end up together together, but I was like, oh, my God, they ended up. My. My fake gay storyline in my head, like, came true. Matt's there in the apartment, like, playing some music or something.
A
I was honestly, like, I wasn't totally sure that Andrew was straight. I don't know. But he basically says that his great grandfather played the bagpipes.
B
You know what? I cannot believe I almost skipped the part where he ends up friends with Matt. That was so cute. I love that part.
A
But did you hear about the twist in that book, that review? The bagpiper killed the parents. So be careful, everyone.
B
The bag Piper was Andrew all along. All right everybody, thanks so much for being here. This was a super fun one. We will talk to you next. If you want to give us an episode to cover, find it on Max. That's like the easiest place for us, honestly. And email. Watch whatcrappensmail.com and say House Hunter no Dwell. Hello suggestion. And we will search and find it hopefully. Thanks to everybody who does that. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next time.
A
Bye.
B
Well hello.
A
ACAST Powers the world's best Podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of Ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast and our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house. Each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a better human wherever you're listening to this ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
B
Acast.
A
Com.
This episode dives into the House Hunters International episode “Parent Roommates in Slovenia.” Ben and Ronnie hilariously recount and analyze the journey of Andrew, a self-professed nerd and aspiring novelist, who moves to Ljubljana, Slovenia to “find his roots”—while his equally quirky, loving parents tag along with their own hopes, dreams, and specifications for their son’s next home. The Crappens hosts bring their trademark mockery and affection, infusing the recap with pointed jokes, fictional storylines, and sidebars, all while painting a vivid picture of Andrew’s real-life adventure—and the homes (and characters) he encounters.
[03:02-08:40]
Andrew is introduced as a nerdy, creative type, torn between being a grad student, a “Slavic warrior priest,” and a historical fantasy novelist.
His parents, Terry (mom) and Bill (dad), are described as gregarious and supportive, ready to move to Slovenia with their only child. Ronnie likens Bill’s vibe to a banker out of a Werther’s Original commercial:
“He’s just got that kind of ‘welcome to the bank’ personality.” – Ronnie [04:25]
The family hails from West Covina, CA. Ben riffs on West Covina’s big box stores and claims its only landmark is “a sign for Ruby Tuesdays looming over it.” [20:09]
“Guys, nerd alert. Your delivery has arrived.” – Ronnie, on Andrew [03:02]
[09:17-16:22]
“His picture is like, what you’d think… let me guess, your mom isn’t living with you yet.” – Ronnie [10:13]
“Book number one: Divergent times. Distant lands. Different missions. West Covina.” – Ben [11:44]
[16:22-22:33]
“I have a great-great-grandmother there, you know?” – In-character, mocking the ‘We’re so Slovenian’ logic [08:40]
a. Expectations vs. Reality
[22:33-25:12]
b. Viewing the Apartments
[25:12-39:18]
“I’m not pooping where anybody else poops.” – Ronnie [38:24]
“This bank cares about you and your cool factor. Did they turn off the air conditioner?” – Ronnie, as Bill [28:35]
“Pooping with mommy. Have fun.” – Ronnie, on house #2’s single bath [39:48]
[32:27-36:08]
“You raise them for other people. Other people who now have their imaginations running wild with mob bosses with busty bosoms spying on the Wall of China.” – Ronnie [36:30]
[49:33-54:25]
Family weighs pros and cons (“When we have to decide between Cheddar’s, Red Lobster, or Outback, it’s an Answer Family tie.” – Ben [49:33]).
They pick House #2 (the one-bathroom, high-view place)—clearly, the parents’ (Terry’s) wishes win.
“This decision might really show who wears the pants in the family. Sure might, honey.” – Bill and Terry [51:56]
Three months later: all are shown walking hand-in-hand, blending into Ljubljana. Andrew is apparently getting social: Matt the real estate agent appears hanging out at the new apartment. Ben speculates:
“At the end he ends up with Matt. My fake gay storyline in my head, like, came true.” [54:09]
On Andrew’s “nerd” appeal:
“Guys, nerd alert. Your delivery has arrived.” – Ronnie [03:02]
On Andrew’s author bio:
“Number one bestselling author of alternative history, thriller, historical fantasy, and action adventure novels—from West Covina.” – Ben [11:04]
On parents’ wish list:
“I want a huge shitter and I want a backyard and I want a tennis court and shitter.” – Ronnie, mimicking Bill [23:11]
On House #2’s single bathroom:
“I’m not pooping where anybody else poops. And that’s it.” – Ronnie [38:24]
Regarding Andrew’s family novel inspiration:
“They all seem to be about overbearing parents who chose to move in with him. I don’t know what that’s about.” – Ben [44:33]
On their heritage-finding quest:
“Our cousin just said he’s been cursed by an evil slab of meat…” – Ben [34:01]
On the final episode image:
“At the end, he ends up with Matt… My fake gay storyline in my head, like, came true. Matt’s there in the apartment…” – Ronnie [54:09]
Ben and Ronnie bring their irreverent, affectionate style, balancing sharp pop-culture parody with respectful affection for their subjects—even as they rib Andrew, his writing, and his parents’ pushiness. Their jokes often veer into the absurd, suggesting alternate House Hunters-inspired novels and running with daydreamed storylines (“mob princess who washes dishes by hand,” etc.), but they punctuate it all by genuinely appreciating the family’s sweetness.
Even as they mercilessly mock Andrew’s literary ambitions and the family’s quirky American expectations, Ben and Ronnie celebrate the sweetness at the episode’s core: loving, slightly overbearing parents, a son trying to make it on his own, and the universal challenges of growing up—and house-hunting—abroad. The laughs come fast and thick, peppered with sharp asides that will delight any fan of House Hunters, Bravo, or simply good-natured shade.
For more recaps, bonus episodes, and video content, visit Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens