Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #421: Worry and Wine in New Zealand

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: October 17, 2024
Bravo Show Covered: House Hunters International – “Worry and Wine in New Zealand”

Episode Overview

In this episode of “Dwell Hello,” Ben and Ronnie recap an episode of House Hunters International (Season 159, Episode 10) titled “Worry and Wine in New Zealand,” suggested by listener Heather. The hosts dive into the housing search of Kevin and Simon, a Canadian couple and newlyweds moving to New Zealand for careers in the wine industry. While superficially a house-hunting adventure, Ben and Ronnie focus on the undercurrents of the couple’s dynamic—passive aggression, unsaid frustrations, and the comic potential of a partnership riven by repression, control, and family issues.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Couple: Kevin & Simon

[01:28–07:23]

• Kevin is described as controlling, overly positive (“serial killer vibes”), and a master of passive-aggressive communication—“smiling the whole time. And that's dangerous. People like that can be dangerous.”
• Simon is more passive, family-oriented, and a funeral director (“so many Simons just, you know, nothing really left to offer the world. Just kind of lying there staring at me with dead fish. Eyes” [10:05]).
• Couple dynamics: Constant micro-aggressions, with Kevin’s smiling intensity masking irritation, and Simon defaulting to inaction or retreat through his family.

2. Wine-tasting and Relationship Tension

[05:36–06:56]

• The couple’s apparent shared hobby of wine reveals more about their communication struggles:
  • Kevin (in the wine bar): “What are you smelling? There’s only one right answer. If you get it wrong, then I’m not making dinner for you for the next week.” [05:36]
• Ben and Ronnie mock the forced nature of their “shared interest,” suggesting wine is an act to give their relationship purpose:
  • “Wine is something that really represents the two of us as a couple because we decided we have nothing in common, so we have to forge a hobby together...” [11:21]

3. The Move to New Zealand: Careers, Family, and Distance

[06:56–14:33]

• Kevin has a job as a vineyard supervisor in Marlborough.
• Simon, lacking opportunities in Marlborough, will work in restaurant project management on a different island—so the couple will live apart weekdays.
• Underlying this logistical split is a comic tension about “accidentally” getting significant distance from each other.
  • Ronnie as Simon: “That was not my master plan in moving to New Zealand.” [07:23]
• Kevin will be alone during the week; Simon will mostly be with his family.

4. What Each Wants in a Home: Competing Dreams

[15:05–19:56]

• Simon wants 2–3 bedrooms for guests/family.
• Kevin wants a smaller, manageable place close to others—so he won’t feel “isolated.”
• The hosts highlight Kevin’s insistence on maintenance and cleanliness as a repeated cudgel over Simon’s familial desires.
  • Ronnie: “He might, though. And I feel like Simon’s parents are gonna be lovely. ...And he’s gonna be like, okay. So Mondays and Tuesdays are spent cleaning up after your fucking slop. Be parents.” [18:08]

5. House Tours & Couples’ Dynamics

House #1: Town Villa
[20:27–27:57]

• 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, walkable to town ($1,150 NZD).
• Simon loves the space. Kevin complains about cleaning and proximity to Simon's parents.
  • Kevin (coldly): “Yeah, well, that’s being in town.” [22:09]
• Shared bathroom with future in-laws is a sticking point for both.
  • Ronnie: “I’ll hang out with your parents... Not a bathroom. Right.” [24:05]

House #2: Orchard Cottage
[33:13–39:03]

• 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, rural but walkable to town, very small, $1,000 NZD.
• Kevin loves the size, Simon hates the lack of room for family.
  • Kevin (snide): “Congratulations. We’re passing a motel, so there’s somewhere for your family to stay.” [33:13]
  • Ronnie: “He just keeps saying motel over and over. ...You know what my favorite thing about this house is? The motel.” [40:23]
• Running joke: Motel for Simon’s family.

House #3: The Barn House/Vineyard Home
[42:38–47:38]

• Modern black farmhouse, 3 bedrooms, vineyard location, expensive and far from town.
• Simon's dream: spacious, scenic, ideal for hosting family.
• Kevin dreads the isolation, jokes about the house’s “morgue feel” due to cement and steel construction (funeral director humor).
  • Kevin: “All I see is loneliness. Wine is the loneliest number that you’ll ever feel. Oh, god, please, no.” [46:26]

6. Couple's Fissures and the Specter of Breakup

[47:38–49:50]

• Ben and Ronnie dig into the possibility that Simon took the job across the water to escape Kevin; Kevin may sense this but buries it under “positivity.”
  • Ben: “I think this is a relationship in trouble. And I think that Simon... wanted to get away from Kevin and. But he’s not strong enough to tell Kevin that he wants to end it. So he’s going to let it peter out that way.” [48:58]
  • Ronnie: “You better hope that I don’t meet somebody at a bookstore that is better than you because you’re gone at your stupid job while you left me here alone.” [47:38]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ronnie (on Kevin):
  • “He has a stick up his ass. That’s it. He even walks like he’s got a stick up his ass.” [01:59]
  • “He’s like every evil waiter you’ve. You’ve dealt with...smiling and quietly dismissing you.” [02:59]
• Ben (on Simon’s passivity):
  • “God, so many Simons just, you know, nothing really left to offer the world. Just kind of lying there staring at me with dead fish. Eyes.” [10:05]
• Wine-tasting scene:
  • Kevin (imitation): “What are you smelling? There’s only one right answer. If you get it wrong, then I’m not making dinner for you for the next week.” [05:36]
• Kevin on the one-bedroom cottage:
  • “The one bedroom is pretty good for me, though. It just means I’ll be able to maintain the property on my own. You know that extra one bedroom that no one’s actually in ever, that's just a lot for me to handle.” [34:41]
• On the barn house:
  • Kevin: “Yeah, the morgue feel.”
• Show's summary of the couple:
  • Ben: "They don’t actually like each other, and so they've never been apart, and now they're on different islands. So no wonder why Kevin is having a melt, like a passive aggressive meltdown right now, because he totally does not know how to be alone." [29:14]
• On Simon's family:
  • Ronnie: “Let me just roll the tape. My family. My family. My family. Do you have enough takes of that? God, I love my fucking family.” [29:54]
• On relationship prognosis:
  • Ben: “[Simon] wants Kevin to pull the ripcord. That's my, that's my analysis of this guy.” [49:25]

Segment Timestamps

• [00:40] – Recap intro and episode background, listener shoutout
• [01:28–07:23] – Character analysis: Kevin and Simon
• [05:36, 06:01] – Wine-tasting, early passive aggression
• [10:05, 11:21] – Career backgrounds and the “shared wine hobby”
• [13:14–15:05] – Move logistics, family ties, upcoming separation
• [19:34–27:57] – First house visit, their divergent dreams
• [33:13–39:03] – Second house visit, growing tension over family, maintenance, and space
• [42:38–47:38] – Third house visit (“barn house”), the culmination of Simon’s hopes and Kevin’s anxieties
• [47:38–49:50] – Hosts predict relationship doom, psychoanalyze motives

Tone & Style

Throughout, Ben and Ronnie keep their signature playful, sarcastic, and incisive tone, “mocking because they love.” Their banter focuses on both Bravo’s editorial choices and the nuances (or lack thereof) in the couples featured—in this case, laying bare the friction and emotional suppression that House Hunters International can’t show, but is always lurking beneath the surface.

Takeaways

• This episode is less about New Zealand’s real estate and more about the subtext of a couple’s unraveling.
• Ben and Ronnie’s commentary transforms what could be a banal house-hunt into an hour-long dissection of codependence, family baggage, and the futility of “wine” as a marital glue.
• The hosts' comedic riffing makes the episode a must-listen for fans who enjoy reading between the lines of reality TV.

Recommended Highlights:

• [01:28–04:43] — Hilarious breakdown of Kevin's “nice guy” menace
• [22:09] — “Yeah, well, that's being in town.” Kevin’s passive-aggressiveness at its peak
• [34:41] — Motel-running joke and house size disputes
• [46:26] — “Wine is the loneliest number that you’ll ever feel”

For more recaps and exclusive content visit www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens