Dwell Hello #423: Stargazing on the Sunshine Coast

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens

Episode: Dwell Hello #423 – Stargazing on the Sunshine Coast

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: November 14, 2024

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Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Ben and Ronnie recap House Hunters International (Season 179, Episode 1): "Stargazing on the Sunshine Coast." The focus is on Graham, a Seattle transplant with a dream of running a stargazing business on Australia’s Sunshine Coast. With trademark wit and playful mockery, Ben and Ronnie break down Graham’s quest for a beachside bachelor pad on a shoestring budget and the quirky cast of characters he encounters along the way.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet Graham: Dreamer or Delusional?

• Graham, originally from Seattle, is seeking a fresh start in Australia, fueled by a desire to gaze at the stars for a living.
• His ambitions prompt skepticism from Ben and Ronnie, who question his financial plans and practicality.
  • Ronnie: "I just wish that we could follow Graham, because people like Graham are fun to keep an eye on through life and just watch as life slowly beats them down into a pulp." (03:05)

2. Graham’s Background and Motivation

• Graham's background: business marketing degree, aversion to traditional work ("9 to 9:15 is too much"), wants a lifestyle that blends surfing, friends, and minimal labor.
  • Ben: "I just want to look to the sky and hope money falls into my pockets." (05:11)
• He fell in love with the outdoors during travels in Australia and New Zealand, landing in stargazing tours "without any background in it whatsoever." (06:47)

3. The Budget Dilemma and Beachfront Fantasies

• Graham is working with roughly $1,000/month, aiming for a solo beachfront home—utterly unrealistic for the area.
  • Ben: "I want a beachfront home for myself that I don’t want to share with anyone, and I want to be able to afford it on a stargazing budget. That’s possible, right?" (12:19)
• Hilarious skepticism about his ability to monetize a stargazing business, especially when the Sunshine Coast is renowned for, well, sunshine—not darkness.
  • Ronnie: "He's going to start a stargazing business when there's 24 hours of sunshine? Like, hello." (10:19)

4. The Properties: Expectations Meet Reality

• Property 1: Shared House in Coolum Beach
  • Graham is shocked to learn he'll need to share with four roommates and follow numerous "college dorm"-style rules, despite the shared bathroom trauma.
    • Ben: "It’s fully furnished with beat down, ugly IKEA furniture that’s been there for about 13 years and has every stain of every person who’s ever lived in this house." (16:27)
  • Strict landlord rules make the hosts howl with laughter.
    • Ronnie: "Is it what I wanted today? Maybe not, but I’m going to stick my penis in anyway and see if it helps." (16:39)
• Property 2: Townhouse in Kuroi (Hinterland)
  • Two bedrooms, private balcony, decent storage—further from the beach, at the upper end of Graham’s budget.
    • Ben: "A 10 minute drive to the beach. Oh my goodness. 10 minutes from the beach. I mean, you might as well just be living in Nepal." (29:02)
  • Perks include solitude and space, but Graham balks at the commute.
• Property 3: Cottage in Dunan
  • Cute, private, jungle-like backyard, but still not the beachfront fantasy. Light pollution and distance are minor gripes, plus little storage for Graham’s "two telescopes and a pair of Tevas." (32:18)

5. Recurring Themes: Mockery of Graham’s Business

• Hosts repeatedly speculate that Graham's stargazing business is just a cover for more dubious means of subsistence ("male prostitution" comes up hilariously).
  • Ben: "He's either trafficking drugs or engaging in male prostitution. There’s no way he’s surviving on a stargazing budget." (13:37)
• Daytime "stargazing" is ridiculed as a scam.
  • Ronnie: "He’s just a liar at this point. He’s like, you can't see it. It's because you just stared at the sun. Gotcha. Okay, that'll be $50. Thanks." (42:45)

6. Australian Culture Clashes & Language

• Laughter over Australian slang, local customs ("arvo" for afternoon, "ta" for thanks), and Graham’s bemusement at Aussies waking up at 6am for coffee and runs.
  • Ronnie: "The biggest culture shock for me, first off, is the way the Australians speak, because they’ll just take as many letters as they can off every single word." (23:47)
• Mock revelations regarding Graham learning about Australia at 14.
  • Ben: "He did not find out about Australia till he was 14. That's pretty late, I feel like, to not know about an entire continent." (21:28)

7. The Decision & Aftermath

• Despite the appeal of the private cottage, Graham ultimately chooses the sharehouse by the beach, favoring location over privacy.
  • Ronnie: "He’s gonna poop with four other people. That’s basically what he said." (41:15)
• The hosts suspect ulterior motives—possibly "hot girl house" vibes.
  • Ben: "You could have just said that and saved us an entire 30 minutes of our lives." (42:10)
• Postscript shows Graham content among new roommates, undeterred by cramped quarters or ongoing pool grime.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ronnie (on Graham’s optimism):
  “People like Graham are fun to keep an eye on through life and just watch as life slowly beats them down into a pulp.” (03:05)
• Ben (on Graham’s income):
  "You will not make enough money to live in a house with that. I’m sorry." (09:28)
• Ronnie (on house rules):
  "Look at something deep in your eyes and say, is it what I wanted today? Maybe not, but I’m going to stick my penis in any way and see if it helps." (16:39)
• Ben (on Graham's expectations):
  "You just realized that? Who would have ever thought that dragging a telescope to the beach would not fund an entire house in prime real estate terrain?" (20:02)
• Ronnie (on Australian slang):
  "The biggest culture shock for me […] is the way the Australians speak, because they’ll just take as many letters as they can off every single word." (23:47)
• Ben (on Graham discovering Australia at 14):
  "That is very, very late." (21:51)
• Ronnie (on the jungle-like backyard):
  "Very heavy in bench." (37:44)
• Ben (on stargazing in daylight):
  "He’s just a liar at this point. He’s like, you can't see it. It's because you just stared at the sun. Gotcha. Okay, that'll be $50. Thanks." (42:45)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Graham’s Introduction & Motivation: 02:17 – 07:23
• Discussion of Australian Sunshine & Stargazing Feasibility: 09:47 – 10:50
• Tour of Coolum Beach Share House: 12:26 – 20:01
• Cultural Discussion—Learning About Australia/Slang: 21:28 – 24:34
• Tour of Kuroi Townhouse & Budget Debate: 27:08 – 30:42
• Tour of Dunan Cottage: 34:13 – 38:36
• The Final Choice & Reaction: 39:24 – 42:10

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Tone and Style

Delightfully snarky and tongue-in-cheek, Ben and Ronnie play off each other’s jokes, exaggerate the quirks of the show's cast, and turn every real estate cliché into comedic gold. The summary captures their playful tone and irreverent humor, making even the most mundane house-hunting woes a source of laughter.

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Perfect for listeners who want a good-natured roast of both reality TV tropes and the oddballs pursuing their poorly funded dreams on foreign shores.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

Ding dong.

[A]

Ding dong.

[C]

Ding dong.

[A]

Ding ding ding ding ding dong. Hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a watch for crap ins House Hunters recap exclusively for Wondery Plus. I'm Ben and that's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie?

[C]

Great, Ben. How's everything going today, buddy?

[A]

Everything is great. Always happy to convene for some Dwell. Hello. Today's episode is House Hunters International season 179, episode one. At least that's what it is on Max. If the name of it, which is the most important part because of whatever platform you're going to use to watch it, this is what you should look up. Stargazing the Sunshine Coast. Stargazing. One word, I think, either way, stargazing on the Sunshine Coast. I don't remember who. Do you remember who sent this one to us? Ronnie, do you remember?

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Well, apologies to whoever sent it, but. But thank you for sending to us. It's a very fun episode. So we open up with Linda saying Graham's got sky high expectations for his unique plan to start a new in Australia, Sunshine Coast. And by unique, I mean failing. Good luck, Graham. Ronnie, you're on mute.

[C]

That's how we're opening. Is me on mute? God, I'm so sorry, everybody. Construction is still going on at my house, so I have this mic with a mute button on it and if I don't, I press it every time I touch the mic. Every single time. I didn't even mean to do it that time. So anyway, Graham, he's like, yeah, I'm open to stargaze and have my own life. Living at the beach, hanging out with my friends. We're at the beach. I was real friends really tall. I've got a real tall friend. He has a funny accent because, you know, it's like, Australia. So tall. It's at the beach. I'm really into it. Like, life is good. I just wish that we could follow Graham, because people like Graham are fun to keep an eye on through life and just watch as life slowly beats them down into a pulp.

[A]

Yeah, I can't wait to watch the documentary about him where he starts off all cheerful and happy, doing a stargazing business, and then cut to three years from now, and he's, like, hustling for money for heroin or something. Like. Like, this is just gonna go in a bad direction for him. Right?

[C]

He can't even get an onlyfans going. He's missing, you know, half his teeth because he got punched in the face by a kangaroo he was trying to get a picture with to send home to mom, you know, just nothing. Well, nothing great going on here.

[A]

We've seen the Florida project. We know which way this goes. So the narrator's like, but with rental costs going to the moon, or even if they were just really here on Earth, somehow he's gonna pay for a home on the budget of someone who brings a telescope to the beach and looks at the sky. Good luck to them.

[C]

So he's got a friend named Lewis who is basically a piece of meat. I mean, this guy is ass. This guy's an ass. I don't know. I don't even. Not in a bad way. In a good way. This guy's amazing. He's hot. This guy's hot. He's really Australian, and he's the only friend we see him. Yeah, I mean, can you. Are there ugly Australian surfers? Probably. We don't need to see him on tv, that's for sure. This guy's pot.

[A]

Yeah. Gorgeous.

[C]

So, yeah, he's hanging out with little Graham, and Graham's like, glue is good to see you, man. It's been too long and loose is like, good to see you, man.

[A]

Welcome back.

[C]

Louis Lewis is a man of few words and lots of muscles. My favorite kind.

[A]

Yeah, he's great. So Graham says, I'm originally from Seattle. Kind of had the normal upbringing, which is why my parents are like, where did we go wrong? I'm like, you didn't? But they're like, no, we definitely did. Anyway. Went to college and got a degree in business marketing, but I didn't want to do the normal 9 to. Or even 9 to 9 15, really. Just nothing. So I just, you know, I don't Want to stay at a job for the next 40 days or years or any. I don't want to have a job. I just want to look at the sky. I just want to literally look to the sky and hope money falls into my pockets.

[C]

I just want to say things like this. Waves are looking good today, Louis. God, I'm living the dream, man. Living the fucking dream. And Lewis is like, it's well said, a little bit consistent waves, isn't it? And Graham's like, when I was 23, I went over to Australia, New Zealand. It was when I was in New Zealand for two weeks. I called my mom and said, you're not gonna see me for a while. And four years later, she still hasn't seen me.

[A]

Hilarious.

[C]

Haven't been home. Poor mom. She's on all sorts of machines, I think. Well, she was at the time. God, I really got sick of the beep, beep, beep. Guess what I don't hear at the beach beeping. It's amazing. Hope you're doing okay, Mom. Hang tight.

[A]

I said, mom, you're not gonna see me for a while. And she said. She said, honey, when has anyone ever even seen me? Please ask your father that. So I didn't know what she meant by that, but I hung up on her. Well, anyway, Graham fell in love with the region's pristine nature. Just the way I think I fell in love with Lewis. Does anyone have his number? Does anyone on this production team have his number? Just ask him if he's into older women. Anyone, Please. All right.

[C]

Oh, Linda, you gotta keep it in your pants. Cause there's already one older lady having vapors in this episode. It can't be you two.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right. I'll stick that in my pipe and smoke it.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Thank you very much for bringing that up. So Graham fell in love with the region's pristine nature and settled into New Zealand, where his love of the outdoors led him to a stargazing tour company.

[A]

What also known as filling out unemployment forms. So Graham was like. He's like, yeah, I wanted to do a couple of. You know, I wanted one on a couple other people to do tours. And. And, like, it was amazing. And now I give, like, a tour to, like, 30 or so people every night. And, you know, you're just teaching people about the stars, even though you don't really have any background in it whatsoever. But you just are like, there's a star. There's a star. And they pay you to say that? You know, I just make shit up. You know, I Look, you know, it's fun. So anyway, what's so beautiful about stargazing is I can do it anywhere in the world, which is why I'm very specific about location in this episode.

[C]

Yeah. And she's like, well, Graham hopes to use that flexibility to start a new adventure that's been years in the making. And when that fails, he'll need some flexibility to keep paying the bills. So let's hope he's touching those toes every day, everybody. So he's like, yeah, I came to the Sunshine Coast a few years back. Loved it. Loved it. You're not in Seattle anymore, right, bro? And Lewis is like, you're not. You're gonna need a little of this sunscreen.

[A]

A. I'm gonna need the extended cut of this scene, please. Yes. Graham is waiting to start a new adventure that's been years in the making, and so are his parents, and that adventure is not paying for our children anymore. Still a few more years on that one.

[C]

So he was like, yeah, I made some good friends back when I was here a few years ago. They love to do similar kind of things that I do, you know, balancing on boards or, like, climbing up. Really perilous things or, like, holding on to rope. You know, we all love wearing helmets with lights on them. What are they for? I don't even know. Because we never do it at night. You know why? Sometimes stargazing, but we do that. So every time they show him doing a hobby with Lewis, it's something like, I don't know, balance on a. Let's do some parkour.

[A]

Let's balance on a. On a. On a elastic band. And he's like, yeah, I love the ser. And they show. They. They could not have shown more footage of him falling off of a surfboard if they tried. Like, they managed to wedge a shot of him falling off a surfboard. Every corner of this episode, he's like, I like this kitchen. Cut to him falling off a surfboard. It's like, wait a second. What does that have to do with it? I just want to show people what I have to watch every single day.

[C]

And he really said at one point, he's like, yeah, you know, like, all the things that I do with my friends here, like, they're never even. They're things I never even thought of doing before. I'm like, yeah, we can tell. He's like, new. He found some bros to hang out with. So he's like, what? Parkour. I love park is a stupid American again.

[A]

I know. Yeah. So I'm Just gonna take people out to the beach and like teach them about the stars and make enough money to live here. I don't think anyone else is doing it on the Sunshine Coast. I'm like, that's right. Because they can't do it and find a place to live on that. You will not make enough money to live in a house with that. I'm sorry.

[C]

Well, how long is daylight there? Do they have like a normal amount of daylight or is it like super long?

[A]

They have the same amount. Well, I, I don't know. Maybe it's close. I don't know if they are. I think it's roughly the same amount. I don't know how close to the equator the Sunshine coast is, but I think it's probably like. I think we're gonna. We're looking at probably similar amounts of daylight down there.

[C]

For example, in winter, Adelaide receives nine hours and 48 minutes of daylight, while Darwin receives 11 hours. So I guess that's normal, right? But then it says Australia experiences 24 hour daylight for several months during the summer. That's what I thought, that there were days out were like 24 hours. Which I think is very funny that he's like, I'm going to start a stargazing business when there's 24 hours of sunshine. Like, hello. I don't think it works like that. They even showed him with people a couple of times in this episode where he's giving a stargazing tour in the middle of the day. He's like, look, there's a star. No, there's not. Just blinding these people you get for this.

[A]

You're immune at the sand. It's like, yeah, it's quite a niche thing and it's pretty scary. I've actually never started my own business before and I'm definitely, I'm aware it's gonna be quite an expense, you know, bringing a telescope to the beach, bring it off the beach.

[C]

It's like, it's gonna be so expensive, but I'm gonna make it work. So then he meets Caroline, this woman opens in the vapors. I mean, my gosh. Like who? Oh, God, you. You love the outdoors, you love nature. Do you love Graham? He's got an energy around him. He's just so genuine. I don't know if anyone else is doing stargazing on the coast, but who cares? And you can Graham gaze, am I right? I'm gonna start selling my friends tickets to Graham gazing. We'll just, I'll just give them the address and they could just Stand there on the little hill that I'll have planned. We could just gaze at Graham being happy, falling off surfboards, that sort of a thing. Am I touching myself right now? I really can't tell anymore.

[A]

Yeah, I. I'm really amused by Caroline and her sort of like, her sort of, like, Aussie surfer take on, like, the Elizabeth Warren haircut. It's kind of fun. So Graham is like, you know, honestly, I'm not too fussy about this type of house, like, the style and everything. I do want to look for something that's close to the beach, but I really want it because, you know, because I really want to run my stargazing tours, ideally on the beach. So I really want to have, like, a spot by myself. Oh, here's what I want. I want a beachfront home that for myself, that I don't want to share with anyone, and I want to be able to afford it on a stargazing budget. That's possible, right?

[C]

I can get my own beachfront property for $1,000 a month, right?

[A]

Does it have parking for my telescope? She's like, all right, well, that's a tight budget and an unrealistic expectation. You're on a Shoestring. I mean, you're literally on a shoestring. Is this a new hobby of yours? Yeah, man. They said if I. If I want to work myself up to the last bands I got started on a shoestring.

[C]

He's got $11,000 to play with, and I'm going to be honest, it's going to be tough. But he's also got something extremely valuable to a lot of people in this town. A butthole. So let's go see how this is going to work out for him. So we see Chiron. Known for its surfing and golfing. Coolum beach is considered a quieter and less crowded than the Sunshine coast, better known beach town. I'm taking to him a place called Coom because he's just so cool, isn't he? He's just so, so cool. Come sit on me lap. Why don't you do that? I'll tell you all about the house.

[A]

I took him to Coolum beach, because Coolum is what you say when he tells you that he does stargazing professionally. You go, cool. So anyway.

[C]

The longer. The longer name for this town is Coolum. Is my Uber here yet?

[A]

But he knows this guy, by the way. He is either he is either trafficking drugs or he is engaging in male prostitution. Right? Like, there's. There's just no way he is. He Is surviving on a stargazing budget. Am I, Am I, Is this crazy?

[C]

Well, I was trying to do the math because he said he works for a company now where he's doing. He's doing stargazing tours for 30 people a night. So if you charge 40 bucks to all those people and you've got 30 people a night for five days a week, that's 150 times what I say. 40 bucks. 40, 50, 30. It's a lot.

[A]

Like 1200. I don't know. I mean, but you know, like, you know, like the old thing. Remember there was that movie, star maps, and it was basically like the people selling star maps in Hollywood were really just like male prostitutes. That's where I'm like, star maps, stargazing. I don't know. I think he's a male.

[C]

Oh, is that what that was? They were really prostitutes?

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[C]

Did. They were. They were just pretending to sell the maps. And then people were like, oh, yeah, I like your wiener.

[A]

And they're like, okay, I think, I think so. I never actually saw the movie, but I remember that was like, I remember hearing the synopsis. And so all I'm saying is I'm pretty sure that Graham is a male prostitute. We're watching a male prostitute.

[C]

Well, I bet the star maps business went out of control once that movie came out.

[A]

Jeez.

[C]

Like I suddenly care. Where does Angelina Jolie live again?

[A]

I was like, guys, I'm very interested in knowing this. Celebrities are in Los Angeles. So I'm just kidding.

[C]

I haven't had to pay for it yet.

[A]

Well, you know what?

[C]

Getting close.

[A]

I say God bless. So I won't though.

[C]

I'm too tired anyway. So cool is just down there. Okay, so we're looking at Coolum and he's like, oh my God. Super, super excited because, like, it's right by the beach. It's like five minutes from my house. Like, boom. You're watching the moon rise over the ocean. That's amazing. That's amazing, Caroline.

[A]

Whoa. So I've actually been to Coulomb before, like back when I was here a few years ago. It's kind of where I met Lewis, you know, and from what I remember, it's like really nice, kind of like a low key surf spot. So I'm like really excited to check it out. Like, what could go wrong? All right, so I found you a four bedroom, two bathroom share accommodation. Just casually going to mention that you'll be sharing with four other people.

[C]

Yeah, what the hell? And he's like, Wait a minute. How many people I'm assuring with and she's, like, full. It's like, yeah, that's not ideal. But he still got a huge smile, you know? He's like, yeah, and how many people shared the bathroom? That's not great either, huh? So four people, one bathroom, huh? Wow. Okay. Well, you know, it's living with other people. I'm not super sure about that, but, God, so far, you're doing great, Carolyn.

[A]

It's fully. It's fully furnished with beat down, ugly IKEA furniture that's been there for about 13 years and has every stain of every person who's ever lived in this house.

[C]

Now, listen, it may not be perfect, but here's the advice I give to people. Look at something deep in your eyes and say, is it what I wanted today? Maybe not, but I'm going to stick my penis in any way and see if it helps. All right, I'm ready. Caroline.

[A]

The good news is you don't have to worry about spilling your spaghetti on the sofa because it's already spaghetti stained. Colored. The point is a piece of. I think that's what I'm trying to say.

[C]

So there's two shared living rooms here, and, you know, the bathroom that is shared between God knows how many people. And then he's not liking it, but he does love that the bathroom is nice and clean, so that's good. You know, he's like, well, at least they're into keeping things clean. But, you know, I'd be living with four other people at this place. Like, it's a bit of a shock, you know, because I'm like, 27. I don't want to feel like I'm back in college. So it's a tough one at the moment.

[A]

Yeah, she's all right. Well, here's your bedroom, okay. It comes with a bed and a bedside table, and you can hang up all your dreams in this closet here. She's like, oh, okay, cool. There's not a lot of storage space. Oh, all right. Well, is there some? Now, how much of your nothing needs to be stored? Just tell me as well.

[C]

I've got a telescope, a garage, a guitar. Just because, you know, it's a prop that, of course, I would have. I don't really know how to play it, but does anyone really. I do not play a telescope, though. I'm sitting on the dock of the bay. Want to hear it?

[A]

Hold on one moment. We're just going to look at some footage of you falling off of a surfboard.

[C]

Caroline. Damn It.

[A]

I'm sorry. We just edited right over your singing. Okay.

[C]

Well, it's enough space for you. It's just going to be sleeping here, probably with people that you've met on real estate jobs. I'd imagine so. Okay, well, let's check out the kitchen, the second lounge room. So they check that. And it's an open kitchen, you know, two couches, a coffee table. There's bar seating. He's like, whoa. Lots of space. Kitchen's good size, you know, Love what's going on over here? Wait, why is there paper taped to the wall over here?

[A]

What is this interesting piece of art here on the wall? It's an. It's a. It's an art installation about rules. Yay. So there's a couple of rules from your landlord, and he's like, okay, visitors are not permitted to stay overnight without prior permission. Noise must be kept to a minimum. No stupid stargazers. Wait a second.

[C]

Well, I said it would be a challenge living with four of the people who were naturally going to hate you, you know, because you are a kind of sleep with a lot of different people. Stargazer. Hey, what do you mean? Like, you need written permission? What if you hook up with somebody in a bar? You can't bring them home. Just get out of here.

[A]

You have to tell the landlord if you're gonna have, like, a buddy that night. No, no, no, no.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's like, oh, I feel like I'm back in college. I'm like, this may explain why you wound up as a stargazer if this is what your college was like. So Graham is like. He's like, am I living with my mom again? These rules are ridiculous. God, how much does my mom suck, everyone? Right? Oh, God. I literally lost track after reading the entire page of rules, and there was, like, another page of rules. So it's been, like, a bit of a shock to me. I'm like. I'm realizing I can't live this close to the beach while also getting a place of my own.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

You just realized that? Who would have ever thought that dragging a telescope to the beach would not fund an entire house in prime real estate terrain? Yeah.

[C]

So there's not door pool, though. So, like, whoa. It's a very dirty, misshapen pool. I don't know what it's supposed to be. It looks like a half a keyhole, but not a whole keyhole. It's weird, and it's dirty as hell. He's like, this is amazing.

[A]

Could someone at least done, like, A courtesy, like wipe with the net. I mean, I understand sometimes the wind blows and leaves fall in, but come on, now you're on television pool.

[C]

So she's like, well, if you're gonna live near the beach, you're gonna have to do a house. Yeah. So then, unfortunately, on the pricey side of Sunshine coast, space and privacy come with a compromise, too. And the gram tells us that he was 14 years old when he first heard of the old Aus. But never in my wildest dreams that I think I'd actually go there. It's funny, a conception in your head of what a place is going to be like, but then when you're there, sometimes it's like, different, you know, like when I saw Mickey Mouse was just a big man walking around in a mouse hat. I kicked him in the nuts and I said, you, you creep. Get your hands off of me. That's why we're not allowed back at Disneyland anymore. What was I talking about?

[A]

I just want to reflect on something that I definitely missed during the episode. But now I am noticing here in the notes he did not find out about Australia till he was 14. That's pretty late, I feel like, to not know about an entire continent. He was 14 when he found out about Australia. I'm sorry, that is. That is very, very late.

[C]

Well, there you go. You know, some people find out about Australia at different times.

[A]

I mean, you know, look. No, no, no judgment. Actually, I take it back. A huge amount of judgment. Huge amount of jud.

[C]

I can't judge because when I was in geography class, I really hated that class. And there was always like a big map. And I just. I don't know. It's just too hard. I was like, I don't want to. I don't. I just never learned it. I still don't know it. And the question came to me, like, they pointed to state and you have to name the state. And I called Mexico, which, by the way, is a country. They pointed to Mexico and I called it Hawaii. So that's pretty much my experience with that whole thing. Every time I'm on a plane and they show you the cross country thing and they label the states and show you what you're flying over. I still don't know. I'm like, wow, North Dakota is so close to South Dakota.

[A]

I am not judging people who don't have an awareness of what country is where or what state is where, because that happens to all of us. I just think it is wild that he didn't. I had never even heard of Australia until he was 14. Like, it was like a concept. Like, you called. You called Mexico Hawaii, but you knew what Hawaii was.

[C]

I knew there was such a thing as Hawaii.

[A]

There was a Hawaii.

[C]

You're making me feel better.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, look, I have this big clip. It's for a microphone. And my hands are looking really old. So look what I did. I put the clip on the back of my finger. Look how young my finger looks. Do you see it? I'm gonna start doing it.

[A]

You've turned back the clock. You've turned back the clock on finger, finger, finger, finger aging.

[C]

Look at this finger.

[A]

Look.

[C]

The rest of my hands look like Kyle Richards. But this one looks really young.

[A]

It looks. It looks like a baby. I'll tell you, it's the thing that finger has the age of someone who learned about Australia at an appropriate time.

[C]

I just learned about it. It's like, holy crap. The biggest culture shock for me, first off, is the way the Australians speak, because they'll just take as many letters as they can off every single word. So afternoon is arvo, and thank you is ta. And at first you're like, what, what, what? It's a little different from back in the States.

[A]

Yeah, it's crazy. A lot of times it took me forever to understand what they were saying to me when they said. And I was like, what's that? It turns out they're saying, look at that dumb idiot. Which I think is so funny. That's their way of saying, hi down here. Look at that dumb idiot on the fly. I will say that that much.

[C]

And also he shocked because everyone gets up at 6am and. Or he'll say, it's 6am and everyone's already gone on a run, started their day and had their coffee, and I'm in bed for another two hours. That's crazy, right? But maybe it's just because, you know, older people, because I get up at 4:30 now.

[A]

I don't know what's wild Stew. That is wild. I think it's just age also. What are the odds that Graham's clock is still on US time? He's like, it's crazy, man. By the time I wake up at, like, by 6am People have already had breakfast, they've had lunch, They've already had a full workday. It's like, you're.

[C]

Change your clock, sir.

[A]

You're a day behind. You're a literal day behind the rest of this continent. So as glorious as the daylight hours are around these parts, I like to call them as glorious as Louis Graham is here to help share the nighttime. I have nothing to say.

[C]

So now he's. Now he's on the beach with a table of food and three telescopes. And this is where a group of people approach him in the daylight. And he's like, gather round. Nice to meet you. Look at the stars. And it's like, bro, they can't. It's sunny. What are you talking about?

[A]

You literally moved to the sunshine coast. He didn't move to the moon Express.

[C]

So he's like, well, when I heard about stargazing in New Zealand, like, it just instantly felt right. I was like, whoa, this is cool. I can make money, but also, like, unwind and relax.

[A]

Yeah. I knew it was something I needed to do. It was either that or find Old Zealand. I decided, you know what I'm gonna do? Stargazing. So tonight we're gonna have basically three main constellation guys. We're gonna have Orion, canis major, and McDonald's. If you look closely, the stars look like a Big Mac. Like, are you sure you're qualified for this? Totally, man. I'm totally qualified to teach you about stars.

[C]

So he explains that he wants to be close to the beach because he wants to see the moon rise. And he's like, I might have to sacrifice a little just to make it happen to live here. Well, don't look at me, Caroline. I'm sacrificing you. Just kidding, Caroline. Kidding. Well, they do tend to sacrifice virgins. Can we talk about something else?

[A]

When can you introduce me to Lewis? Stay off of him. She's mine. Well, Graham's. Graham's gonna struggle finding something that's close to the beach, given the amount of money he has to spend, which is about $5. So I'm going to take him to the hinterland and show him a great property in a town called Coolroy, where he'll last for about 15 minutes before having to go back to Seattle.

[C]

So she's like. But there's good storage for him to accommodate his telescop. So they walk through the neighborhood. Caroline's hoping a combination of privacy and space and kuroi will compensate for the reality that Graham simply can't afford an oceanfront place to himself. And it'll also give him more space to entertain her when she comes over every day with the hot dish.

[A]

I also want to point out that I can afford an oceanfront place, so if Lewis wants to come by, I can teach him what it's like to be with a real woman who can pay for his lifestyle.

[C]

Unfortunately, I Heard that that ocean front is burning down in. Burning up the occupants inside. All right, there. Back off, Caroline. All right? You're not supposed to be able to hear.

[A]

Yeah, well, the, the. The property values are real cheap in slotsville, population one.

[C]

So they go check this place out. And Graham's like, well, it's a little bit farther than I'd love. I needle flatmate here. It's like, no, it's a two bedroom townhouse. Two story, two bathrooms, One bathroom for you, one bathroom for me, another bathroom for our child.

[A]

And I'll tell you one thing. I know you're worried about your flat, but I'm anything but. Check out these caves. Sweet green. It's like, all right, all right, that's scared. Well, thousand dollars per month. That's at the upper end of my max limit. Well, but it's in your budget. I hate when people do that. Your budget is $1,000. It's in your budget. It doesn't matter if it's in the upper end of the lower end. It's in your budget. If it's. If it's too much, then it shouldn't be in your budget. Yeah.

[C]

And Caroline's. Well, I think he's shocked that he's going to have to drive to the beach. He's really struggling to picture the village lifestyle. And so it's really going to test him. So they walk in. 10 minutes.

[A]

A 10 minute drive to the beach. Oh, my goodness. 10 minutes from the beach. I mean, you might as well just be living in Nepal. Exactly.

[C]

I know 10 minutes doesn't seem like a long time, but I feel like it's not really just 10 minutes. Nothing's ever just 10 minutes.

[A]

Yeah, maybe not.

[C]

I think that's a big lie.

[A]

Yeah. So they walk in and it's a big unfurnished space, the big tile floors, everything. And he's like, where is the. There's no furniture. No. But I'll be your table. Oh, okay. Well, you're a little surprised.

[C]

And your chair and your bed and just shower. All right, Caroline, it's getting a little weird now.

[A]

Have you ever rolled a round on a nice cold tile floor? It's sort of sexy if you think about it.

[C]

Try that right now. So she's like, all right, well, you've got a little kitchen over there. It's like, kitchen. Yeah. Okay, well, you know, I don't know about storage. Well, there's a back area. Okay, well, you. You know this tough one because I didn't want to come here just to drive all the time I want to be close to the beach, but, you know, I do get to be on my own, so I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. So they go upstairs and they look at the bedroom. Then she's like, there's a lot of great storage. He's like, yeah, you know. Yeah, there's. They have the storage in the back. This is pretty cool. And you also have your own private balcony. Ever do it on a private balcony? It's real sexy. Real sexy. All right, Caroline, listen. Yeah, this is nice. I mean, I can. I can look at the planets from the balcony, which is cool. I mean, to be fair, I could look at the planets from really anywhere in this neighborhood, but, like, it's even cooler from the. From the balcony, I guess.

[C]

So then they look at another bedroom, and it's small. He's like, I don't love this one as much. You know, the other room's better. Make this room like the other room. That's not how it works. Okay, well, I could. I could have a desk there so I could coordinate people. That would be perfect. I could have office space. And she's like, all right, let's go check out the bedroom. Look how it looks behind us. That's amazing. Here we go. Taking off our shirts first.

[A]

It's just.

[C]

Let's get comfortable. Method. Let's get method with it.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. I'm trying to get into a sexy. A sexy mood after I temporarily couldn't stop laughing after you said you needed office space. Okay, hold on. And I'm horny again.

[C]

Talk about other things that you need a printer, maybe. Oh, God, yes.

[A]

Hilarious.

[C]

Have you ever laughed and climaxed at the same time?

[A]

He's like, yeah, you know what? I like how I have my own space. There's tons of storage, and there's a perfect balcony. I love. It's great for my telescope. Yeah, let me see your telescope. I hear it's a real grower. And a shower.

[C]

God. Oh, my God. You could use a mower. All right, that's enough rhyming. It's enough rhyming there. I'll put my pants back on. Jesus Christ. I know. They call it the bush out here. Okay, that's enough. All right. So nice size shower. Single vanity toilet. Yeah, it's good. So, you know, it's going over. He gets his own space. He gets storage. He keeps saying storage over and over again. You've got two telescopes. I think you. You don't even have more than one shirt, sir.

[A]

Two telescopes and a pair of Tevas okay, you don't need storage.

[C]

You're gonna be fine. Go find a container store.

[A]

Okay, I know. Well, it's a place to himself. The next buy, it's a place to himself that's as close to the beach as Graham can afford. But while it fits his budget, it won't fit everything he needs. Oh, well, if you want to talk fit, let me come to moma. Alright. Okay. Well. Well, everyone. Life in Seattle was very different. Nine months a year, it's basically raining. So you're inside a lot of the time. But my parents are like not super big travelers. I mean, they told me there wasn't even another half of the earth. So, you know, I'm learning things. But they're, you know, they're kind of. They're the kind of generation where that you go to school, you get a good degree and you stay at that job for 40 years. And they were quite shocked when I said I want, I wanted to go fly across the world and earn money looking at stars.

[C]

Yeah. And so Graham is with his friend and they're slacklining, they fall off, you know, because it's Graham.

[A]

Yeah, we see the Chiron explains what slacklining is touted as a way to. Touted as a way to improve balance, posture and concentration. Slacklining is similar to tightrope walking, except idiots can do it too.

[C]

Yeah. This is another thing though. It's showing imbalance on nothing, you know, like, whoa, whoa. And falling, you know, with his bros. His new bros. Yeah.

[A]

So Graham is basically like, yeah, I got, I got like some really cool friends here and like, you know, they like some of the things that like what I love to do. Like we slack line a lot. We also just slack around. You know, I love surfing, falling off the surfboards, getting chased by sharks, sharks trying to bite me, sharks spitting me up and being like, ew, gross. And I'm like, really? I'm not even good enough for the shark. The shark's like, honestly, I've got standards and I swim to shore and just laugh. You know, that kind of stuff. It's fun.

[C]

Well, he's looking for something close to the beach, but his money's just not going to get him there. So now, now we're going to another place. Welcome to Dune In. Everything I'm showing you today has two O's in it. Why? I don't know, but it does. Welcome to Dune in which is about seven minutes to in immunity and seven minutes to newest Nusaville. Okay, now Amundi does not have two O's but it sounds like it does, doesn't it? Sounds like it's got four. Those are actually used. So. Sorry about that. I broke the rule. But then it is also seven minutes to New Citadel, which does have 2o. So we're back.

[A]

You know what? You know, I was gonna show you take you to Umundi, but I'd rather take you to I'm horny. Do you see what I did there? No. All right. So the beach is about a 10 minute drive from here. Oh, I apologize. The beach was longer to the other place, but it's a 10 minute drive from here. Well, that's a bit far to the beach. Yeah.

[C]

Wait, how much was the other place?

[A]

I don't know. I thought this just. Were they both just.

[C]

You lied to me. I followed you down that.

[A]

I. I conflated this one.

[C]

Yeah, because one is further from the beach.

[A]

Yeah, that one was further. This one's the one that's only.

[C]

Okay, so this one's 10 minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So double O's. That's all that matters. So this is a thousand. It's really nice. This one's really nice. It's like really cottagey cute. It has a backyard that's like a little jungle. He doesn't need furniture. There's plenty of storage. Sunsets at night.

[A]

Yeah, it's all great. And Graham's like, yeah, that works. And you know, it's a little bit farther away, so like maybe there might be some. Some light pollution. And she's like, yeah, that was great. Sunsets and everything. And he's like, yeah, I wish you could have gotten me a spot literally right on the beach by myself in a little cottage. I'm like, yeah, let me remind you that you are. Your sole income is. Is dragging a telescope to the beach. You're not gonna get a cottage on the beach.

[C]

So there's also a drum set. So that's nice because there's also like another child living here.

[A]

I forgot about the drum set.

[C]

So Caroline's like, yeah, well, the current tenant is a musician and I think he goes on tour next week. So. Look at that.

[A]

It's like, I like it. I mean, I like what he's done with this. This space. I mean, the drum set, that's pretty cool. It doesn't have much storage space for my T shirt, so I don't know. But like, it's cool. And then he's like, and this kitchen. I mean, nothing here is crazy big. I'm like, excuse me, are you going to be serving. Having dinner parties here? You are going to be on the beach surfing. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I guess. And she's like, guest cooking dishwasher. And he's like, I mean, I guess that's cute. There's three quarter the normal size. She goes, well, it's just you then, isn't it? For now.

[A]

Right.

[C]

All right, let's look at the bathroom and laundry. All right. Let's take off our clothes to see how this machine does. All right. We've got to practice on something.

[A]

Yeah, let's just see if it. Let's give all our clothes a spin. I guess that means we'll be naked. And he's like, oh, yeah, no, that's cool. Yeah, this is cool. It's almost like a hybrid type of tiny house. It's like, no, it's just a tiny house, and it's really the best fit for you right now. And she's like, yeah, yeah, you've got a. You got some good storage. You got a great bench space. You. Yeah, so you have a bench. So downsides is that it's tiny. Upside. There's a bench.

[C]

Yeah, bench. Heavy. Very heavy in bench. So then she's like, you know, I think he likes it. It's beautiful. It's not close enough to the beaches, but you know what? It's still great location for Caroline gazing. Right. So let's see if you'll take it. So they. They check out the bedroom. You know, he likes it. Okay. But he's not totally excited. He likes a hammock outside. He lays in that and he's like, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it's definitely what I'm looking for in terms of being private. You know, no one will ever hear you scream. What?

[A]

She's like, and by the way, it's a great place where you can. You can grow some herbs out there for your cooking. He goes, huh? Don't you mean herbs? I have to remember that I'm in Australia and you guys pronounce it with the horse H. You know what H also stands for? Horny. Get over here. My little parsley.

[C]

Stands for awning. All right, that's hilarious. Why are you touching me? So then he's like, you know, I just wish there was more storage space, you know, for my telescopes and my surfboard and such. But I also wish it was closer to the beach. It was a little bit of a drive. God. 10 minutes. Ouch. Ouch.

[A]

No closer to a decision. Despite Caroline's help, Graham is hoping that my future husband can offer some insight. Cut to Lewis And Graham talking. Graham's like, sue, are they at Twisters or not? Lewis is like, nah, they just pop off. Oh, I guess they're opening up some bottles. I said, what? Twisters? I was like, is this Australian lingo for some sort of, like, good deal on real estate? Sue, you think these houses are twisters? Yeah.

[C]

So Graham's like, if you told me what my life would be like three years ago, it'd be like, what three years. What's that? It's the thing. I'm running stargazing tours in three years.

[A]

In some far off land called. What is it? Australia. That's not real.

[C]

So the narrator's like, well, now he's changing things up by moving to Australia's sunshine coast. I've got my car, my telescope, luckily, and there's a beach with clear skies. All I need is one gigantic penis to make it whole. And here's Lewis, small.

[A]

But that last part is proving very tricky. So he's like, well, I saw the home in Coom. So he. Obviously, he likes that the first house is near the beach, and then the second one has storage and everything, but he's. He winds up crossing that one right off the list because it's just too far. And he does not have room. He does not have. He cannot afford furniture. I mean, maybe he could, like, roll his. Put, like, a sheet over his telescope and use it as a couch, but it's just too expensive. So that one's out. And then the third one, the one in Dunan. So that one is, to me, the obvious choice. It's a cute little cottage. Ten minutes to the beach is not a long drive. It's really quick to get over there. It's really cute. He can live on his own. No rules, no roommates. Like, it's pretty much like, it's the obvious choice to me.

[C]

Yeah, but. And it sounds like he's gonna get it right. And he's like, you know, I just. I don't know. I'm taking the one that has shared with four people, bro.

[A]

Yeah. He goes. Because Lewis is like, that's the best one. You should probably go there. He's like, absolutely. Oh, man, I gotta live by the beach. I'm gonna live with four people and a bunch of rules.

[C]

Yeah. So he decides that to avoid rules, she's gonna go live with. He's gonna poop with four other people. That's basically what he said.

[A]

Why?

[C]

I mean, I did that. That's what I was doing when I was 27. I was living in a Sharehouse in Brooklyn. So, you know, who am I to judge? I lived right above the pooper. I lived in a closet that we turned into a bedroom. It was a coffin that I had to crawl into. It was like 8ft long. I fit a twin bed mattress in there and my little recording studio thing, and that's what I was doing at 27, and it was still fun.

[A]

And it's like, really, like, I'm like, why? I still have a hard time believing he wants. Like, he's a free spirit, and he wants to live in house with all these rules. What. Why on earth? There must be some other factor. And then we see three months later, and he's in the house and this gorgeous woman, one of the roommates comes out. She's like, oh, hi, Graham. How are you? I was like, oh, okay. You're in a house with hot girls. You're the slacker.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In the hot girl house. You could have just said that and saved us an entire 30 minutes of our lives. Lives.

[C]

Well, yeah. And you're in a, you know, new place with young people to live with and become friends with. So, you know, ultimately, I think he probably did the right thing. I don't think people like him can be alone.

[A]

No, he's definitely the person that lives in this. He is definitely the person you meet. And he's really nice. He's like, yeah, you gotta come over to the house. We're gonna have a party. I've lived with four other people. And you're like, what? And the next thing you're at is party, having a great time.

[C]

Yeah. So he's in the pool, just making it look fantastic. Sal's and cleaned it.

[A]

So that's a leaf on his head.

[C]

And this is where we see him giving the stargazing tour in the sunshine, which is, you know, he's just a liar at this point. He's like, you can't see it. It's because you just stared at the sun. Gotcha. Okay, that'll be $50. Thanks.

[A]

The girl's like, hi. Hi. What's going on? How was last night? He's like, yo, it was so good. It was actually perfectly clear skies last night. She's like, right. I actually really don't care. You tell me that every single morning. We get it. Stars. Okay. Tell me about financial markets for once.

[C]

Yeah, but he does it. He got his little sharehouse, so he seems like a happy little camper. Guys, everything's going great. So, you know, I. I'm not even confident that he really knows what the stars are but he's doing in this daylight. I think he's probably just pointing at things and saying Orion a bunch.

[A]

Yeah, I think he just knows about three constellations and he knows that the people on his tour know less than he does. So he's just. Just aim it at things. But good to have a happy life. So thanks everyone for listening. If you have a suggestion for Dwell hello, just email uswatchfor happens gmail.com and please put Dwell hello suggestion into the subject and that way we will know we will see your email when we do searches for episodes to cover. Thanks again and we'll catch you at the next one. Bye everyone.

[C]

Bye bye.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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