Dwell Hello #506 A Fresh Start in Singapore

Summary

Watch What Crappens – "Dwell Hello #506: A Fresh Start in Singapore"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: March 13, 2025
Platform: Watch What Crappens Podcast

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode of “Dwell Hello,” Ben and Ronnie recap a House Hunters: International episode titled "A Fresh Start in Singapore," recommended by listener Melissa. They bring their trademark blend of loving mockery and chemistry to the retelling, focusing on an Australian couple, Tristan and Michelle, whose sharp, often savage banter and “love language of hatred” drive both their relationship and the entertainment value of their house hunt in Singapore. The hosts revel in the couple's dynamic, lampooning their quirks, and gleefully riff on every scene.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Couple’s Dynamic: “Couples Who Hate Each Other, Our Favorite!”

• Ben and Ronnie instantly latch on to Tristan and Michelle's years-long tension, describing their marriage as “positively built on shade and passive-aggression.”

• Memorable moment:

  • “Some of us are fine just being pissed.” (Ronnie, 03:27)

• They compare the couple’s relationship origin story—falling in love as pizza shop coworkers—to a “John Cougar Mellencamp song” (Ben, 06:56) and muse on how life’s mundanity has curdled their youthful romance.

2. The Narrative Setup: From Rut in Sydney to a Risk in Singapore

• Tristan and Michelle are moving to Singapore for his job, but their real hope is that a fresh locale will fix their relationship rut.

• The hosts highlight the inherent doomed optimism (“If we move somewhere new, we’ll hate each other less—newsflash: it never works!”).

• Notable quote:

  • “By rut, I mean deep, deep fucking hatred.” (Ronnie, 04:17)

3. Budget Battles and the “Singapore Dream”

• Tristan wants a “resort lifestyle” condo; Michelle is more concerned about affordability and mocks his financial reality every chance she gets.

• This recurring argument leads to a series of explosive and hilarious exchanges.

• The hosts roast both the Singapore market’s high cost and American expectations vis-à-vis rent.

• Memorable moment:

  • “This man puts the poor in Singapore.” (Ronnie, 04:58)
  • “If he wants that lifestyle in Singapore, it doesn’t come cheap!” (Ben, 05:04)

4. The House Tour: The Three Apartments

Apartment #1 (Orchard, “The Penthouse”) [18:14 – 24:37]

• Modern and sleek but absurdly tiny (580 sq. ft.) and over budget ($3,500/mo).
• Michelle eviscerates the space (“Is there a steep ledge without a railing? Because I’d like to push Tristan off that.” – Ben, 18:22)
• Tristan insists it’s “cozy,” Michelle rebuts with barbs about waxing his back or seeing him at the pool.
• Host highlight: Stories about their own “penthouse” apartments and bad neighbors. “That’s penthouse living.” (Ronnie, 20:19)

Apartment #2 (Bugis: “The Dated One”) [32:06 – 35:13]

• Older, more spacious, but dated and without amenities, closer to Tristan’s work, within budget ($2,300/mo).
• Michelle discounts its “charm,” but both are forced to acknowledge its value.
• Ben and Ronnie predict it’ll be the winner for its practicality.
• Practical tip: Michelle checks water pressure—Ben calls this “veteran apartment hunting” advice (35:13 – 35:58).

Apartment #3 (Tanjong Rhu: “The Noisy One”) [42:30 – 43:58]

• Modern, with great view (even of Indonesia), but far from work and adjacent to massive construction noise.

5. House Hunters Deep Dives and Miscellaneous Banter

• The boys riff on everything from Chinese zodiac signs (hilarious detour 26:06 – 28:59) to their mutual fondness for pizza, with Ronnie noting, “Pizza shop relationships are made to last!” (06:30)
• They mock the couple’s “optimism” regarding the move and jab at their wedding in India, “Talk about a Katie and Tom” (Ben, 13:27).
• The psychic/numerology reading becomes a comedy centerpiece, with Tristan delighted by generic compliments and squirming when the psychic drops hints about a secret lovechild (41:15 – 41:54).

6. Decision Time: “Do We Even Like Any of These Apartments?”

• Over crab dinner, Michelle and Tristan continue to bicker, more focused on food than emotional labor.
• Michelle is adamant about needing a tub, criticizes all three apartments, but they settle on the practical second option.
• "They actually hate all three of them." (Ben, 45:33)
• Three months later, they're "making it work" and seem content enough—proof that “some people thrive on a little bitterness.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Resort lifestyle? I’m already living my ‘last resort.’” – Michelle, [11:18, paraphrased by Ben]
• “The move itself is more me pushing Tristan into it because… who wants to see you sit by a pool all day?” – Michelle, [10:54]
• “Well, I like the idea of you being able to go down anywhere. But that doesn’t happen, does it?” – Michelle, [24:37]
• “This is a room of dead dreams. Love it already!” – Michelle, [35:13]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:01] – The hosts lay out their love for couples who argue and explain what draws them to shows like House Hunters.
• [06:56 – 07:13] – Ben likens the couple’s origin to a Springsteen-esque ballad.
• [13:27] – Wedding certificate drama and a “Katie and Tom” comparison.
• [18:14] – [24:37] – Tour and takedown of Apartment #1 (modern penthouse segment).
• [26:06 – 28:59] – Hilarious exploration of Chinese zodiac signs.
• [32:06 – 35:13] – Review of Apartment #2 and apartment hunting advice.
• [41:09 – 41:54] – Psychic segment with fortune-teller faux pas.
• [42:30 – 43:58] – Apartment #3 and “Can you see Indonesia from here?” jokes.
• [45:10 – 46:00] – Decision-making process at the crab restaurant.

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Flow & Engagement

The hosts’ banter is organic, affectionate in its snark, and full of asides—personal stories, speculative jokes (“Can I talk to the manager of the Zodiac?” – Ben, 29:41), and side quests into subjects like laundry machine mold and bizarre animal facts. Their keen eye for hypocrisy and emotional subtext (especially in reality TV couples) is as sharp as ever.

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Conclusion

Ben and Ronnie deliver a hilarious, affectionate evisceration of “A Fresh Start in Singapore,” using Tristan and Michelle’s house-hunting experience as a springboard for broader commentary on relationships, expat dreams, and the realities of moving abroad. If you love watching couples who argue (but in a loving way), and hosts who turn every detail into comedy gold, this episode is a can’t-miss.

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Suggestion Callout:
“If you have a House Hunters episode you think we’d love, email us at [e-mail], subject line ‘Dwell Hello suggestion’—ideally 30 minutes long and available on Max or YouTube TV!” (Ben, 46:27)

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Transcript

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[B]

Ding dong ding ding ding ding ding. Well, hello.

[A]

Well, hello and welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's a watcher. Crappens Podcasts of House Hunters Podcast. How's it going, Ronnie? How you doing today?

[B]

I'm good. What's going on with you?

[A]

Not much, just excited to talk about this episode. This one is called. Oh, I'm sorry, my laptop. My. Oh, quiet, Quiet down computer. Why is it things. It's on do not disturb and yet it is actively disturbing me. Anyway, this episode is called A Fresh Start in Singapore and it's available on Macs. And thank you to Melissa for recommending it. Shall we get into it? Yeah.

[B]

Now, you know, Melissa listens to this show because, well, I mean, first of all, she recommended something for us to recap, but also because she knows what we like, which is couples who hate each other.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. That's one of our favorite things about this show. I love couples that hate each other and then they decide like, oh, maybe if we move to another place, we'll hate each other less. And then they don't. Yeah, it's just warms my cold, cold heart.

[A]

Yeah, this one, there's definitely some. There's there's definitely some animosity. And what I like about the animosity, but in this couple is that it seems to go back several years. Like, there's little hints of discord that has been building up for like at least 10 years between the two of them.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And they talk about it openly, like they're One of those couples that just hates each other. That's. That's what they do. That's their love language, because they also love each other. Like, they always walk hand in hand, and, you know, they seem to, like, give each other what they need. It's just they both need to hate things and be hated.

[A]

It.

[B]

It's nice. It's nice to see somebody living so positively with negative qualities, you know?

[A]

They both need to hate things and be.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, not everybody needs to be fucking positive skipping through life, you know, Some of us are fine just being pissed.

[A]

All right, well, we open up with Tristan and Michelle, and they're standing in front of a red Chinese zodiac wall with descriptions of the zodiac. And Tristan is like, be wary of changes in life. Be wary or be excited for. And she's like, wow, smooth for the first half of the year. Sounds like a divorce coming our way. God willing.

[B]

Naomi goes, yeah, it does. But they. Neither one of them seems upset about it. And we hear newlyweds, Tristan and Michelle have. Have to get out of Sydney. And he's like, we fell into a rut living here for almost 10 years. By rut, I mean deep, deep fucking hatred.

[A]

Okay? Rut is also. It's also what I call Michelle. Rut. Hi, Rut. Get on over here.

[B]

So they're giving Singapore a shot, and then we see a preview of them just walking around Singapore and seeing a house by a noisy highway. And, you know, we see previews of the place to come. And Tristan wants to spend all this money, and Michelle asks a simple question. Where are you going to get this money from? Jesus Christ. Have you seen your pay stubs?

[A]

I have.

[B]

Talk about a boner killer. I mean, Jesus Christ, man.

[A]

I mean, it's clear you're saving money with your fashions, but that's not going to be enough to cover Singapore lifestyle.

[B]

Show us somewhere cheaper. This man puts the poor in Singapore. All right.

[A]

So Michelle. So, yeah, she's like. She's. If he wants that lifestyle in Singapore, it doesn't come cheap. So now we are into the opening credits and everything, and Michelle and Tristan are sitting on the steps of the harbor facing the water, and they're eating chicken and chips. And Michelle goes.

[B]

And she goes, wow, chicken and chips. Are you about to propose again? I died. I was like, I think this is my favorite episode ever.

[A]

And he goes, well, why would I propose over chicken and chips? She goes, well, because it's underwhelming, and that's kind of your thing.

[B]

Usually we have to make up these lines, but these two are just giving it to each other.

[A]

Well, especially her. She is so acerbic, it's hilarious. I loved it.

[B]

And he's like, we grew up in Newcastle, you know, when we first met, we worked in a pizza shop. I mean, doesn't that just say it? Bitter pizza shop workers. I fucking love these two.

[A]

He's like, I was wasting my money going out and drinking, and she was essentially saving it all so she could go on these big, elaborate round the world trips, like the fancy person that she pretends she is, and then we see them traveling. So here's where this relationship is doomed because this was a relationship that was hatched in a pizza shop and now they are out of the pizza shop and they. They don't really know what to do without that cheese and pepperoni in their lives.

[B]

I think that builds strong relationships. Pizza shops, because I've never worked in one. But me and one of my best friends and roommates will always be best friends because we shared the same pizza shop that when we were roommates, we would always go to the same pizza shop. And it was so good. Every time we see each other, we're like, mexican pizza, am I right?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Every time, it doesn't matter if we've seen each other yesterday or 10 years ago, we're like, mexican pizza, am I right? Oh, God.

[A]

Well, I mean, I just see. The way I see it is like this is like some Australian version of like a John Cougar Mellencamp song. Like, Tristan Michelle worked in a pizza shop, fell in love, put in, putting sauce on top. And it's like the story about, you.

[B]

Know, that they would go, love you till I'm crusty. I'm gonna love you till I'm crossed.

[A]

It's like they would work in the pizza shop, then after work, they'd go into his van and smoke up and, like, listen to Guns n Roses or something. It's like very like, 80s coded, you know? And so, like, but now they have to grow up and he has to get a corporate job and she wants to travel the world. And like, all the dreams that they had when they were working at the pizza shop, they've been. They've sort of like, melted away into the cold bitterness of reality, and now they're just stuck with each other. Like, that's the story that I'm getting from them. Like, in the pizza shop. That's when the world was like their oyster or their clam that they put on top of their pizza. But now.

[B]

But they.

[A]

Yeah, pizza's cold.

[B]

They. They love unhappiness so much that they even, like, they spend their entire marriage traveling together. And if you hate somebody, that is not how to spend your time, like, traveling with them. You know what I mean? That's horrible to have a bad travel partner. But they do that. We see shots of them, like, they're in a helicopter looking miserable. They're, you know, they're in front of the Eiffel Tower looking miserable. And look, now they are in India looking miserable. They're both in life jackets. Like, God, just take us already.

[A]

So Michelle's like, if Tristan didn't want to travel, that was going to be a deal breaker for me. But he's become far more worldly, which is pretty impressive, considering he has such a small perspective on so many things.

[B]

I mean, one time, I even put pineapple on his pizza. Wow. What a prince. Am I right?

[A]

He said, that counted as going to Hawaii. And I said, no, it's only if you take a plane there, you dumb idiot. And he said, well, why do I have to spend that money? I said, what else are you spending the money on? Not your Van Heusen shirts.

[B]

He says, getting married in India. That was the first real dive into real exotic travel for me. India. And so we see pictures of their wedding in India, and they're wearing henna. And her says, I hate you. And his says, I'm a stupid yes arrow pointing on his forehead to her.

[A]

So then they're, like, looking around, and Tristan's like, well, this might be our last time. We're down in Darling Harbor. She's like, good, because I hate being in a place called Darling, especially when I'm near you. And she's like, do you think we underappreciated it? He's like, probably. I guess we could have come down here more, but that would have meant that I would have had to hold your hand longer.

[B]

And so this is a good farewell to Darling, both at the same time. You, Darling.

[A]

You know, she says, I grew up in the country, and I only moved to Sydney because Tristan job was in Sydney, and we've been stuck here ever since. Gross. Sydney. No one likes it. I mean, it's famously considered one of the worst cities in the entire world. Grass.

[B]

It's okay. You know, she's been wanting to move for years, but I put it off. She goes, yeah, he drags his feet with literally anything feet could be dragged on. I mean, go. Except. Except a welcome mat to get his. The mud off his shoes. I'll tell you that. Yeah, he'll traipse that right in, but drag him on in the anything else, he's totally fine.

[A]

I just couldn't live in Sydney anymore. I mean, disgusting culture, diversity pizza. That's better than a bumblefuck rural Australian pizza. I just couldn't do it.

[B]

You know what? They've just not had a strong Housewives version. Oh, was that.

[A]

You know, I don't want to live in a city that, if you add Sweeney to it, becomes an actress. So then they are posing Darling Darling harbor, And they're saying, 1, 2, 3, Singapore. And she says, he emailed me and he said, should I apply for Singapore? And I. And she said that Singapore has come up and would you move to Singapore? And I was like, I will literally live anywhere as long as it's not Sydney. Put me on a raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I'll be happier.

[B]

Yeah. Which is basically just like laying on him during that day. You know what I mean? So then they head off and she's like, the move, the move itself is more me pushing Tristan into it because the compromise is that he does want to live in a resort style condominium. And I'm terrified it's going to blow all our money. I said, I know you want to sit by a pool all day, but who wants to see you sit by a pool all day? Like, do we need to ruin other people's lives?

[A]

And I said to him, listen, I'm already living in a resort style lifestyle, as in, you're my last resort and I'm stuck with you.

[B]

This is what I've resorted to. You know, it was in my wedding vase.

[A]

I've resorted to living in disgusting Sydney with you. A man with nice cheekbones. He's like, well, what are you talking about?

[B]

Just. Just like in a couple of years, after watching you sit by a pool, I'll be resorting my options.

[A]

Well, I work hard and now it's my choice to really find the place exactly the way I want it. So I want a resort lifestyle. So now they're in Singapore and they're walking across a bridge, and Michelle goes, oh, you know, we didn't walk here last time. If. I'm pretty sure if we'd walked here last time, I probably would have tried to throw you over this bridge. But I'm pretty sure we haven't been here.

[B]

So they're looking at the bridge, the skylights behind them. They're closing their eyes and she has one to open, and then they take the picture. And they start laughing because they're those people who think that if just. If they just look fresh for a picture, it'll all be better. But it never quite works.

[A]

You know, we've been to Singapore once before. It's amazing. Everything's so easy, it's so clean, it's so efficient. I'm just waiting for Tristan to spit on something so he gets hold off to jail for 40 years.

[B]

It's a very small island. 120 miles long, 80 miles tall. All right, get that for measurement. It's an 80 miles tall city. It literally connects to every part of the world using Singapore as hq. Congrats.

[A]

What does Sydney connect to? Nothing. Singapore connected to literally to France, to America, to Russia, to Greenland. Anywhere you want to go, Sydney literally is connected to it.

[B]

I wanted to get out of Sydney because it was a short city. And I cannot stand short cities.

[A]

Guess what? Just because you got an opera house that has got a tall roof doesn't mean it's a tall city. All right? So stop with it.

[B]

You think I busted me ass in a pizza shop for that many years saving up so I could live in a short city?

[A]

So?

[B]

So they were married in India. So they didn't get a proper wedding certificate. What? The people who get married wherever you get married, don't you have to go get a wedding certificate from a courthouse or something? Wow, talk about a Katie and a Tom.

[A]

I know. So we didn't get a proper wedding certificate. So now I. So I'm only allowed to get a non working visa. So I won't be able to work. Oh, well, I guess that oopsie daisy on my part. You're saying that I have to move out of a horrid city into the place of my dreams and not lift a finger?

[B]

Oh, well, can I before we leave, can I just give my apologies to pizza? Sorry, I can't help you here. Right.

[A]

I'm gonna bring my. My trademark a Springs pizza to Singapore. And then they'll all know. They'll wish they had given me a visa.

[B]

Gardens by the Bay is a nature park spanning 250 acres of reclaimed land.

[A]

So we see a beautiful place, reclaimed time. Like the time I spent with my awful husb. Come on.

[B]

Hey, this is Kevin. This is Kevin, my husband. He's got 250 acres of pure stupidity. Look at that.

[A]

He's 250 acres of reclaimed bland.

[B]

If acres were inches, I'd say Kevin. You know, nice work there. See all those videos you've been paying for online? Have Been helping, eh?

[A]

I don't care about 250 acres of reclaimed land. How tall is that land? That's what I want to know. So they're walking through the gardens, and Kevin's asking if they want a location. And Tristan wants. He wants to be close to work because he works at Suntech. And then they want to have two rooms because we don't want to actually be in the same room together. So as many walls as possible would be great.

[B]

We'd appreciate everything being shut off from the other place. That would be great. I don't want to see him at all. Preferably a bed that. With a paper bag to put over Ken's egg.

[A]

And he says, see, I have this idea of, like, moving into a modern apartment. So if my wife can't have a modern hairstyle, I thought at least I can have a modern space to live in.

[B]

I'd also like a gym, because as you can tell by the woman I married, I love ignoring things.

[A]

Wherever we live. I'd like it to be permanent. Just like a hair, a nice perm of a location.

[B]

He's like, oh, so the. Oh, no, sorry, the guy's name isn't Kevin. That's the realtor. So the realtor is like, okay, well, what's the price point? And they want to spend 2,300amonth, which, wow, that's a good living you're making in Singapore to be paying 2,300amonth. Just one income.

[A]

Also, clearly not Americans, because if it was Americans, it'd be like, we want resort living. We want to be close to work, we want to have a gym, we want to have a pool, and we have a budget of $400 because it's not America, so it's cheap, right?

[B]

Or we're putting a tear off a tariff on every burrito we order here.

[A]

You understand? So Kevin's.

[B]

Don't fuck with me.

[A]

So Kevin, he says, well, so we have one person who's willing to spend and one that's not willing to spend. So this is where the conflicts will happen. But that's fun. I love this. I love having two people who are not on the same page. So we can waste all of our time for five straight days. So then they.

[B]

This is great. So they get into the realtor's car, you know, some of those driving to the property things, and Michelle's sitting in front, and she just looks so miserable. I mean, the look of misery on this woman's face. And she goes, wow. He starts parking, and she goes, wow. I'm surprised you have to do this manually. I thought the car would just unpack itself.

[A]

Then again, that's what I've been wanting Tristan to do for so many years, and it hasn't happened, so I don't know why I keep expecting these things.

[B]

And he goes, well, the newer cars do that. And she goes, well.

[A]

He's like, maybe if I was getting better commission off of people like you, I could afford a better car that could park itself.

[B]

She's just dissing this guy's car. I loved it. So he's like, okay, here we go. Heart of Singapore. Orchard Road. And she's like, oh, God, that's the. That's where we stayed the first time we came here. What?

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

Tristan. Tristan just kept walking around asking for apples everywhere. So it's not an actual orchard, you goddamn moron. Talking about getting the worm, me.

[A]

But then he said, but we need the apples for a pizza. And I did remember, it is a vital part of rural Australian pizza. The apples.

[B]

Well, this one has a pool and a gym and pretty much anything that you'd want. So we go to house number one.

[A]

Excuse me, is there a steep ledge without a railing? Because I'd like to push Tristan off that. You did say it had everything that we could want.

[B]

So then Tristan's like, well, how far is it from my work? And the realtor's like, oh, it's just two MRT stations. And she's like, oh, my God, you've got two Mr. T's here. God, that's worth the price of admission alone.

[A]

That's a lot of gold necklaces. So the rain is pouring, and they come in and they have. Kevin has a co broker named Paul who comes in for a cameo. And they go to the penthouse unit. So they're like, did you say penthouse? But it's like 580 square feet, so don't get too excited, sir. So they get in there. I. You remember my place that I used to live on. On Fuller Avenue, Ronnie?

[B]

Yeah, that one was.

[A]

That one was. It was. It was sub penthouse, but it was five. I think that was 585 square feet. That's. Which was, you know, like. There was definitely space in there, but I cannot imagine two people living in there and trying to.

[B]

That was huge to me. I mean, I remember that being big. I lived in the penthouse when I lived off of Western. Did you ever come to that place?

[A]

I never went upstairs to it. I remember picking you up from downstairs.

[B]

Oh, it like, had jail bars to get In. And it was the roof apart. There were two little roof apartments. And so people would go hang up on. Hang out on the roof. And when I moved in there, I was like, oh, my God, I'm in the penthouse. I've really made it this $800 a month. Look how much it's getting me. And it was horrible living out there. And one I just heard, I woke up and I was like, what is that? I was like, is there a leak? Like, what is it? Was someone peeing outside my kitchen window? But, like, right into it. And so the water was, like, splashing through the window. And I was like, excuse you. Do you need to pee? This is a window. And he's like, sorry, buddy, sorry. That's penthouse living.

[A]

That's horrifying.

[B]

Like, gross.

[A]

Oh. Anyway, did you say penthouse? So how much is it? And so it's. It's going to be. It's basically 35.

[B]

Was cooking meth there. I remember the first night I moved in, I was looking over the, you know, the edge of the roof, and there was, like, steam coming up. And I was like, oh, no. I hope someone's house isn't on fire. And I was kind of stoned. And so I was, like, looking for them. And then I kept smelling it, and then I felt, like, really stoned. And I was like, cool, I wonder what that was. And then my friend later was like, do you think they're cooking meth in there? And I didn't really know what that was at the time, but, God, I could have had a good neighbor. Yeah, say hi to your neighbors. That's the point. Okay, Sorry I ring on the bell.

[A]

So on a Western retreat, you're going back on memory lane. So the. This. This one costs $3,500 a month. It's always so funny. They have to convert everything into US dollars, even though these people are not US citizens. So $3,500 a month. And she's like, well, I told you, like, you can't afford all those modern amenities. Why are you showing us this, Kevin? And Kevin's like, well, first of all, this is my job, and I'm trying to offload this penthouse. And also, like, a lot of my foreign clients love Orchard, so you never know. I mean, then again, a lot of my foreign clients are pleasant people to be around, too. So there's that.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of my clients marry people that they like, too. So what the fuck do they know? I don't know why I'm here. Why do you think I'm here? So they look at it, and it's a cute place. It's nice. It's very modern and sleek and marble y. But it's extremely tiny.

[A]

It is. And then there's like, a language barrier moment because Tristan is like, well, it's modern. It's bra. This is a lounge room, right? But he says, lounge room. He sort of slurs it. He's like, this laundry room, right? And Kevin's like, sorry, laundrom. Sorry, laundroma.

[B]

He's like, whatever sort.

[A]

Michelle's like, welcome to my life. Yeah.

[B]

As in, welcome to bumble town. Is this the mumbling room? Yes, it is. There you have your answer.

[A]

Mumble Town population. Tristan. No resort living available.

[B]

So she's like, wow, look at that stairwell. Because it's so tiny that she's like, wow, look at the stairs. It's just a stairwell going up. There's like a little tiny sliver of space they could stand in. She's like, wow, water room.

[A]

I know. Well, it looked like, you know, it looked like that there was gonna be a whole second floor. And I thought, this is nice. I mean, the stairwell also had, like, lighting underneath it, like LED lights. It was very nice. So, like, ooh, the stairwell. Where does it go to? But they. Well, before they even go up there, they still walk around. And by walk around, they move about three inches because it's so small. And she's like, it's really small. I mean, given the price, I thought we'd get more space. It's like, yeah, but you're in Singapore in the center of the city, so you will not be getting space. So they go up the staircase and they. There's like a little rooftop balcony thing or something like that. It's like a little. Little area up there which looks nice, but it's pouring rain. So they just don't even. They don't even go out there.

[B]

Yeah, but it is really nice. And then they look at the bath. Everything's really nice and sleek in here, you know? And Tristan's like, oh, I like the windows. You've got this real openness, a lot of natural light. I have something to jump out of when I look next to me, you know, that kind of thing. And she's like, yeah, it's really nice. It's a private courtyard. And it is. And it's 150 square feet. Duck. Huge. Gigantic. Enormous.

[A]

Love it. Yeah. And it is pouring rain out. And so Kevin is like, well, you know, it's Singapore, hot and wet. Oh, that's funny. It's the exact opposite of my love life with. With Tristan, which I call cold in dry.

[B]

So she's like, well, this is a little expensive, don't you think? And it's a little small. And Tristan's like, cozy. I would call it cozy because the whole time she walks through and she's like, this is. He's like, cozy. Call it cozy. So he's demanding that she call it cozy. And she's like, well, it is resort style. It is lovely. But why do you even want to live like that? I mean, what are you trying to prove to people? No one wants to see you in a bathing suit, and I'm certainly not going to wax you back every day.

[A]

So then they're like, looking at the pool and Tristan's life. But I like the idea of being able to go down to a pool. She goes, well, I like the idea of you being able to go down anywhere. But that doesn't happen, does it?

[B]

I'd love for you to go down into a pool, too, and then be able to have a stick long enough to hold you under. Fortunately, it doesn't always work out that way, you know, so show us something cheaper, cheaper, happier. Maybe get a car that parallel parks itself.

[A]

That would be nice. You know, the apartment is amazing, but how are we going to make ends meet? I mean, I feel like we'd be on. On Tristan Street. And by that I mean Struggle Street. So now they're going to go to a less modern neighborhood that's a little bit older. And this is. We see a preview of house number two, which has very sort of antiquated furniture. And Michelle is like, well, I'd call it dated rather than charming. It's nothing at all like what Tristan was hoping to have in Singapore. And he's like, yeah, but at the end of the day, it's about the price.

[B]

So they're walking around Singapore checking stuff out, and they're like, wow. Tristan goes, wow, look, there's so much going on. Isn't there Chinese stuff and such?

[A]

Yes. Congratulations. You're a regular Inspector Clouseau. Look at you discovering Asian things in Singapore.

[B]

I died when he said the Chinese stuff. So she goes, but the Chinese right next to a Hindu one. What's with it? So they go up to a Chinese zodiac infographic sign thing and they're reading it and it says, zodiac signs are an animal and its reputed attributes to each in repeating 12 year cycle. So he's like, what are you? And she goes, I'm a rat. What are you? I'VE just died when she.

[A]

He's like, I know, but what sort of zodiac sign are you? Get it?

[B]

He's like, well, zodiac signs are not the most flattering mean to say. Which one are you?

[A]

I don't know. How do I find out?

[B]

Let's see. Right now, I think I'm the year of the Rabbit.

[A]

What zodiac?

[B]

1975, Chinese zodiac. I'm the rabbit. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's cute.

[B]

So according to Chinese zodiac, people born in 75 have a rabbit sign.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What does that mean, though? What does it mean? Oh, it's long. It's long. Oh, my lucky numbers are 1 and 6. My colors, green, blue, gray and black. That's so close. All it's missing. It needs to. I. I love green and blue, but I need brown in there. I love brown.

[A]

I'm the year of the horse.

[B]

That's a hot one.

[A]

Yeah. I'm a horse, guys. Yeah. Although I think we all agree dragons the best. Like anyone who got dragon, they really hit. They really hit the jackpot.

[B]

Well, guess what? I'm intelligent, resourceful. I leave people with a lively and cheerful impression. Okay? I'm very gentle.

[A]

That's defining feature. Yes.

[B]

Patient and courteous. Lol. I don't know about this, but, you know, I do like green.

[A]

What does it say about horse?

[B]

Okay, let me see. Chinese zodiac. Horse. Chinese zodiac. Why can't I spell anything? Horse. I spelled it X, O, I, A, C, and I still found it.

[A]

God bless you.

[B]

I don't know what that means. Okay, let me see. Let me read it. Horses in Chinese mythology. No, no, I want to read zodiac. Not in mythology, Horse. Zodiac. Okay? The horse is the seventh of the 12 year cycle of animals. Okay? There's a long tradition of the horse in Chinese mythology and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What colors do you like? That's all I need, colors. Let's see. They're blessed to have rabbits in their life. All right. They should.

[A]

Hey, you're a rabbit.

[B]

More gifts. Yeah, look at that.

[A]

Wow, that worked out really well for you.

[B]

Show more love to rabbits. Wow. What a great life.

[A]

It's so nice that my zodiac sign was just really about you.

[B]

Oh, okay. I just couldn't find it. I don't want to make people wait. Okay, so horse gets ignored by rabbit, gets requests ignored by rabbit.

[A]

So anyway, getting back to the zodiac situation. So TR is the year of the ox. The infographic says ox personality traits diligent, dependable, strong, determined, and also, let's just add in annoying and stupid. All right, thank you. Very much, Michelle. For your contributions.

[B]

Pizza maker. Where's that you really this one up Chinese Zodiac billboard.

[A]

Sometimes he'd add peach to the, to the pizza. And I'm like, no apples, only trees.

[B]

We see that Year of the Ox comes after Year of the Rat. And she's like, oh, wow, look at that. Side by side for eternity, huh? This is the most depressing wall I've ever read.

[A]

Tristan's like, can I speak with the manager of the Zodiac? Is it possible I could be placed in a different section? Thank you.

[B]

So they talk, they bitch about Sydney some more. And he's like, almost the second we stepped on the plane and moved to Singapore, I could see Michelle almost brighten up a bit. And by that I say, she only asked for three more servings of chips in the plane.

[A]

You know, I could see her brighten up there. And we're just flying there. There she was in the plane, snoring quietly. Not so quietly, actually, with little bits of Biscoff cracker cookies tumbling out of her lips. What an remind me of the old days.

[B]

So they keep reading the wall and they're reading their joint romantic history. And Michelle goes, oh, look at that. Romance is not what it seems. This could be the end of it. He's like, we had a good run, didn't we? She goes, beware of betrayals. Oh, great. Great trip. Thanks for moving me here, jackass.

[A]

He's like. She's like, wait a second, are we just moving to a different neighborhood in Sydney? It says, beware of betrayals. So he says that me and Michelle have an interesting dynamic as a couple. Yeah, I would say it's pretty tumultuous. I will fight to the death to get my way. And he just holds the money over my head. It's his money. He can spend it the way he wants. Hahaha. Isn't that great? Isn't it? Isn't it so wonderful to see the promise of our wedding be destroyed by financial obligations?

[B]

So now they go to the outdoor bazaar and look around and he's like, well, maybe I need a work bag, but I don't think there's anything I like in there. I mean, Jesus, you two need to lighten up.

[A]

I know. So she's saying, you know, he wants modern, but. But she. That she knows that they can't afford it, so they go to another neighborhood called Bugis or Bujis or whatever. I mean, I do like the idea that they might be in a neighborhood called Bougie. So Michelle is like, they go to a Place that's close to his work. And this location was also a red light district after World War II, but now it's become a top, top tourist destination with hundreds of restaurants and shops to explore.

[B]

And hook us. Who says you can't work? It's all under the table here, darling. So they love it. Well, it's basically a commercial building. Right. I think they have to walk through like a restaurant.

[A]

They do get into the place. They do.

[B]

And they're like, wow, what an interesting entrance there. I was just handled noodles handed noodles. Not going to complain about that.

[A]

So Tristan's like, well, it does look a bit older. Does this have a pool or a gym or anything worthwhile? Something to distract me from my awful wife? And he's like, well, it doesn't have facilities, but it's a one bedroom with a price point of $2,300. I like that they want a two bedroom and facilities. And he's like, well, it doesn't have facilities, but what it does have is actually less than what you even wanted in the first place. So there's that. Yeah.

[B]

He's like, do you want the things that you want or the price that you want? Okay, you can swim in the soup.

[A]

So, yeah, they walk into this place and Michelle's like, well, this is quite dated. And he's like, unlike you when I first met you. So I don't know it was dated, but it was. I personally saw this as a space that could be easily, you know, with appropriate adjustments and decoration and look perfectly fine.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of mid mob vibes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I figured they would take this one because I feel like she's the kind of girl who sews her own dresses that look like they're from the 50s, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that I, I thought she would like this one more than she did, but they don't. They're just like, ew, it's dated. Not charming. And he's like, I mean, it's an open plan but functional. She's like, oh, yeah, it's not very pretty, is it? So I don't know if I like this. He's like, yeah, it's a bit sad. It's a bit old. Bit sad. God. There we go with our wedding vows again, still.

[A]

And then there's like a plot of land outside the window. Just some grass. And she's like, well, we didn't think you'd get a nice grassy like this in Singapore. And they're like, yeah, there's also not even any traffic sounds. So, you know, it's it's all right. But then they go into the bedroom, and the bedroom is actually huge. And this is when I was like, they're gonna take this one, because even if it's dated, the amount of space that you're getting here, this is. And especially if she's not even able to work. So she's gonna be in that. That apartment most. Most of the day. This is gonna be the one.

[B]

Yeah, I thought this was gonna be the one, too. When the. Right. When they walked in there, I was.

[A]

Like, this is the one.

[B]

Yeah. And Kevin's like, it just seems like them. They're complaining about it, but I think that they like to complain, so I think they're gonna choose this one.

[A]

They're not modern people. They. They want resort and modern, and they're not, you know, I mean, she's complaining about a place looking dated, but then look at what they're wearing on. On screen. So then Kevin says, yeah, this bedroom is, like. It's twice the size of a normal bedroom. And, you know, you can combine your study area, your makeup table. Tristan's like, makeup table. That'll be the day.

[B]

And she doesn't like the furniture. She goes, but, you know, it is nice to have a big bedroom. You know, we can dance in there. Just kidding. Would that be something? I can ignore him in there. Do you have a curtain that we can put up in the middle of this thing?

[A]

I can dance there with all my dreams of what I want in my life to be so we can call.

[B]

This a room of dead dreams. Love it already. Hey, love the shower. So she's so smart, like people who think like this, because you don't learn to do this until you've lived in a place with bad water pressure. But she turns on the shower, and she's like, good water pressure. That's very important.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's so many things that I. There are little things when you do those. Those inspections, you know, things I did not think about. For instance, the washer and dryer that came with this place, it has one of those compartments that you put the. You put the detergent in. You like, it's like a reservoir. You put, like, a bunch of detergent, you close it, and then you don't have to keep adding detergent every time you do the. The. Every time you do your laundry, it just does it automatically until you have to fill up the reservoir again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So we got this place, and then the first time we decided to do laundry, we open up the reservoir, and it Is like black, full of mold. Like mold that became almost like a rubber. It was probably dangerous. It was scary. It was scary mold. It was like. It was. Was disgusting. And it's like. Okay, so it's a reminder when you go on your inspections, people, when you want to buy a house, look in the reservoir of the washing machine. Okay. It's like the little things like that. Turn on the shower, Open up the reservoir. Look at the ceiling. Look at. There's so many things. I just was like. I was like, everything seems fine. Everything seems fine. But you don't know until you get your first place. That's what I've discovered. You don't know what to look for in those inspections until. Until you've lived somewhere. And then you see everything first.

[B]

Yeah, those washing machines. I'm never sure about that reservoir. I'm like a pod person. I like to throw a couple pods in there because I put more pods than you need. I don't know. I like the freedom of pods. So I just opened my phone because I heard. I got it, like a buzz or whatever. So I looked at it and I just opened Reddit. Just because that's habit. And they. I want to show you. We're not on video, so I'm not disgusting the audience. There's a frog. Can you see this, Ben?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're pinching the back of a frog, and it looks like they're pinching black warts or. I mean, it's disgusting.

[A]

Oh, it's like a little.

[B]

That's how the frog has the babies. It's called a suriname toad, and it has one of the strangest birth methods in the animal kingdom. Babies erupt from a cluster of tiny holes in their mother's back. Oh, I'm never gonna see that. Who is?

[A]

It was nature. It was nature. It was like a little frog coming out of a big frog.

[B]

So is poop. I don't wanna watch you poop anymore.

[A]

It just goes to show that the Tsunami toad was doing the substance way before the substance was doing the substance.

[B]

I haven't seen it, but that. That was shocking. Yeah, I guess I need to rethink of it. Like, I need to reframe it. It's nature. Stop being disgusted by natural things. But right. Little frog coming out of it. I'm disgusted. Oh, maybe I didn't show you close enough. Okay. Anyway, the water pressure is good.

[A]

I think I benefited. So the point is, when you do your home inspections, make sure there's no little baby frogs coming. Things that they shouldn't Be coming out of.

[B]

Oh, be careful what you pinch.

[A]

I think that's lesson. That's always a. That's just a good motto for life. Inspection or none.

[B]

So they're looking at this place. There's a communal garden here. It's very pretty, but they have to share it with people, so they don't love that. And because Kevin basically wants to, like. I think he wants to, like, look at chicks. I think that's why he wants a pool or something, because they don't like this private garden. So, you know, they do, like, they're.

[A]

Like, upset that they would have to actually share this garden space with other people. It's like you realize you're the ones coming into their community garden, not the other way around.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And it's also very quiet because it's on kind of preserved land or something. So they don't have city sounds here, which is also a nice place.

[A]

And it's like in the city, but.

[B]

They don't seem to really care.

[A]

We want a pool and a gym. So now. Now they're going to house. They're going to start heading to house number three.

[B]

So.

[A]

So it's like we. They have to go to, like, a different part of town for this. So. But first they're doing some more touristy activities. So Michelle's like, so do you want to get a professional to do the fortune for us? They're like, all right, let's do it. Let's go see a psychic. Let's. Let's traumatize this person with what he sees in our future. Like, all right, let's do it. So they go sit down and Michelle tells us, together, we've been to 28 countries, and every single time I try to just ditch. Ditch Tristan and never see him again, but he somehow always seems to follow me. It's her scent. I can smell it anywhere.

[B]

So they sit down to get their fortunes told. And Tristan's like, so it's numerology, basically, so that he. They answer questions and write them down. And then he's adding up the numbers. And Tristan's like, so what do you think he's doing? Adding up the letter has. I mean, what is this? And she's like, yes, they get converted to numbers. And the numbers, you're for to just be quiet. Here's your. Here's your future silence.

[A]

You know, he's always telling me how, how, how he tells me now he always expected that he'd be a successful international businessman. Lol. And he says, my job as a solution Engineer? Yeah, that means he does xeroxing all day long. That's it.

[B]

And the fortune teller's like, well, all bosses like you. And he goes, that sounds like me. And you are very handsome. And he goes, yeah, definitely me.

[A]

Definitely me. This is the most accurate fortune teller I've ever heard in my life. And I think everything he said is absolutely true.

[B]

I would want my money back. Well, maybe I'd let him keep it if he called me hot, but I'd be like, what the hell? It's not a fortune. Your boss likes you and you're hot. What the fuck kind of fortune is that? Dude, I just gave you 20 bucks.

[A]

And then the fortune teller turns to Michelle and he's like, and you, you are a problem solver. Whether it's a gangster or a government, she's got no problem. She's like, fitzroy, unless. Unless it's a perm. Well, yeah, it's my Achilles heel.

[B]

You're right on the money there, fortune teller. Now give me your goddamn money.

[A]

I want my money back. She wraps up, so. So Tristan is like, well, I love this guy. He says, my bosses love me. He says I'm handsome. I mean, everything he so deeply accurate. And then the guy goes, oh. And in 2016, 2016, you got a relation now. You have a girlfriend, you have a child with someone else. The child has been trying to reach you. You owe back money. You owe $45,000 in child support.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

No, nothing. I don't know what this. This girl's offers more. I don't know. This is not a good fortune dealer.

[B]

Yeah, I kind of like this part because I think the guy just totally outed him. He's like, yep, you somebody in 2016. He's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Wait, wait, wait. It's all right, though. We didn't get married until 2017. She goes, we'll discuss this later. So because they're moving overseas for him and she doesn't get to work, he's going to get to pick the apartment. And she's like. I mean, he imagines himself sipping cocktails by a poolside. He thinks Singapore is going to be a Hawaiian vacation, you know, but I don't want to spend our money just to live here, you know, I mean, it's just a bit awkward. It's just awkward.

[A]

So now they're gonna go to the third place in Tanjong Ru, where. Where resident. Where lifestyle and residential meet together. And it's very far away because it's, I guess they have to go all the way to the east or something like that. And so right now the only way to get to that part of the city is by car because they're still building the train line out there. So they're gonna have to take. He's gonna have to take a cab every day to get to where work.

[B]

And this one's right next to construction. And it's not only construction, it's the new MRT station. So it's. It's a huge station being constructed. You don't want to live right there.

[A]

A whole station for Mr. T. So, yeah, and he says it's going to be going on for like three or four years. So this is like massive construction. And so they have. They go out there and there's like, you know, they have a nice balcony, but you. If you open, the moment you open up the door, you just hear all that noise. So it's like a. It's. That's perfectly fine. They meet Melissa, a co broker, and it's a nice. It's like kind of a nice generic apartment. You know, nice views high up.

[B]

Yeah, it's nice. This one's also kind of modern. You know, someone's living there, so it's hard to tell because it's kind of messy, but it looks kind of modern too. It's just. What's gonna really kill them is the traffic noise and the far. And she's like, well, would you rather, you know, live in a more modern place or would you rather have lunch with me, Me every day? Because this one's not close to his work, so he would never see her. And I thought that was cute. She's like, I'm all alone here. Are you ever.

[A]

He's like, modern place. Modern, Modern. The answer is modern. There's no other option. Yeah. And they're like, look, you can see Indonesia from your balcony. Which is kind of weird. It's a weird concept for me, like, that you can look out and see Indonesia somewhere. And they're like, that's cool. That's cool that you can see Indonesia. I don't know if it's worth it, but cool. So then, yeah, this is. Is. This is like at. The apartment's nice, but there's like a lot of logistical elements that are just not very good for it.

[B]

Yeah. So now they have to decide what are they gonna get. Don, Don, Don, Don. Now they have the talk over what they're gonna get. So what do you think? I still think it's number two.

[A]

I think it's Number two also. So they go and they're discussing it over crab, and he seems to not even. Even. He's so excited about the crab. He's just, like, not even listening to her.

[B]

She's like, it's like trying to have a conversation with you at a restaurant that you're excited about. It really is. Because she's like, all right, so we need to talk about this. He's like, all I'm thinking about is spicy crab. So they bring this big crab covered in all of the sauce. And he's like, oh, my God. She goes, all right, let's get serious. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't hear any of that. All I could think about was the crab.

[A]

She's like, are you listening to me? Are you. Are you listening to me? She's like, well, what about the really dated, crummy one? It's like, oh, we're talking about the apartment. No. You're sure? Do we have to keep wearing that on every single house we look at?

[B]

So they both hate that one, but ultimately they're like, we should take that one.

[A]

Yeah, they want. They actually hate all three of them. As she goes. As Michelle goes through every single house, she's like, well, I didn't like that one. That one was too expensive. I didn't like that one. That was dated. That one didn't have a tub, and I absolutely need to have a tub. She was very big on tubs. She was. She was like. In fact, the second one had. Didn't have a tub, and she was so annoyed by it. It was just a shower.

[B]

And then he goes, yeah, but there's a pool, so we could just go in the pool instead of the tub.

[A]

I know. That was so gross when you said that. I forgot about that. So they choose the second one, and then it's three months later, and they do seem to be happy. And they did a nice job with their spot, and they made it look nice the way we thought that they would. Would. Yeah.

[B]

And it's totally perfect for them. I thought it was pretty cute. So, you know, look at those two being unhappy together for the rest of their lives. Congrats, kids.

[A]

Congratulations. Thank you. I think was Michelle for sending in that recommendation. And just a. I'm sorry, Melissa. Just reminder, if you have suggestions of a House Hunters episode you think that we would really enjoy, just emailing it to [e-mail] and put in the subject Dwell. Hello suggestion. Just make sure it's available on max or on YouTube. TV, but ideally Max and it's 30 minutes long because some of those house hunters are actually an hour long. But yeah, send us your recommendations of something for us to cover and we will try to cover it. Thanks for listening and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye.

[B]

Thanks guys. Well, hello though.

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