D (2:51)

Yeah, just make sure you're watching them on Hulu or Max so we can find them.

A (2:55)

Make sure they're not behind a paywall beyond that for cheap. Yeah, and we want to make it easy for everyone else to watch it without having to like fork out money, you know yeah. So this one is, as I said before, forget Paris. We're buying in Bordeaux. You ready to do it, Johnny?

D (3:14)

What's the title? That was me saying it twice. Because it's also the title of the show. Like, we want to live in Paris, but we're cheap. We're going to Bordeaux. Hideous. Bordeaux. Do not go to Bordeaux. Where's the home goods in Bordeaux? Nowhere.

A (3:29)

Bordeaux is a great. It's a great city for this couple because they seem bored and they look like doe.

D (3:38)

And also, I'm sure Bordeaux is absolutely gorgeous. I'm just making fun of it because this couple and I don't think they really like each other. So this couple met each other online. She's like, we met how most couples. Most couples meet these days on apps. And I was like, you must have been just giving up at this point, because I feel like you both. I feel like they both lightly hate each other. And she says things like, well, I was really into wine, so now he's kind of into wine too. So that's kind of our thing. I'm like, he still hates it. One of you still hates wine. I don't think you like each other. You're settling.

A (4:14)

Yeah, they're. It's also funny because they're, like, moving to the land that the big selling point is that, oh, if you really are into, like, wine and oysters, you come to Bordeaux and turns out she's like, never even had an oyster before. I was like, you're a little bit of a faker.

D (4:28)

She's a settler, and I'm telling you, she's settling for Bordeaux even though she wanted Paris and she settled for this man. Even though she wanted anyone else.

A (4:36)

Any. Anyone else. But they met over apps. Literally. Apps. Little small olives and bread straws.

D (4:42)

Well, no, that would be a good marriage. I feel like if you meet someone over apps and you like them, you're okay with eating around them. You're okay with them. E. Around you. They're not disgusting. They don't, like, put their olive pit up their nose or whatever. You know, that they're presentable. That's a good way to meet.

A (4:57)

Yeah. Well, it would also be. Maybe she meant they met in an apps, which would not be good because that's, like, in a church. And, like, they're gonna have a very serious relationship. Cathedral specifically. Okay, moving on. So Bob and Julie always dreamed of buying a place in Paris. They also dreamed of flying and starring in the NBA.

D (5:19)

Oh, well, settled. So we see Bob and Julie strolling around the streets of Bordeaux. And Bob tells us, well, when we saw the numbers financially, we decided Paris wasn't really the right place for us. Bordeaux is like Paris, but cheaper. Just how Julie is like Giada, but, you know, not cheaper. She's cheaper. There I said it. It was on the free. Plenty of fish. That's where we met.

A (5:50)

The free payment plan of. Ok, okay, Cupid. So then we meet our favorite realtor in France, Adrian. She is a repeat customer. And by customer, I mean actually the person selling she is a repeat realtor on House Hunters International. I think anytime they film something in the south of France, they get Adrienne, who I think is like a New Yorker, but she comes on with a beret and big glasses and she's like. So they want to be in the dead center, but the buildings are going to be older and there's going to be some challenges with that. Nothing a beret can't help.

D (6:24)

Yeah, she's got a beret for every occasion, every color. That's her thing. She's like, berets, they're my thing. Look me up on the apps. So she's here. I think one of the times we saw her was when that big bear gay guy wanted to move to Paris and be a cabaret singer. And she's like, you know what? All he wants to do is sing in a cabaret. What am I going to do? Tell him no. So I found him a place above a McDonald's.

A (6:46)

Yeah, the shower was tiny, but you know what? He can still sing in it. We will work. It'll be fine. I put a beret on him. He was happy.

D (6:53)

What was his thing? Was he, like a Celine Dion gay? I don't remember. Yes, he was something extreme.

A (6:59)

He is like, he was, like, from Kentucky and had just gone through a breakup and wanted to, like, escape to, like, Nice or something and start up, like a cabaret to sing show tunes. It was like a very specific need that he had. And he called her. I just remember they looked at every place they looked at. The shower stall was too small for him. He's like, I'm a big bear. I can't fit in this thing. Why are you gonna have to. It's France.

D (7:24)

All right, so we see some clips from them looking at listings and being like, oh, my God, the ceilings are so low. It's Bordeaux. Julie, don't complain about the ceilings. How do you think the ceilings feel about you? Okay. They're like, we have settlers in us. Okay? We need people with higher standards inside of us. Something Julie never said by the Way. Okay, so here we are. House Hunters International. New York, New York. The Hudson river, the New York skyline. Bob and Julie are at home.

A (7:57)

Bob Higgins. Of course. His name is Bob Higgins. So Julie is. By the way, even our note taker said they look like a Julian Bob Higgins. They do, don't they? I said that before I even read that note.

D (8:11)

This is like some basic shit, you know, some basic townspeople. Like, hey, we need a name for the next door neighbors of the couple. They're mentioned. I don't know. Smith. Come on. Could you do better than Smith Higgins? All right, just go with Higgins.

A (8:26)

Room. Yeah. So she's like, well, we met like most couples do these days in a very boring way online. We both were living in New York City at the time and just happened to come across each other on the apps we were on. Settle. Settle for life.com. it was great, great decision.

D (8:44)

I could do better, but why bother Dot com? So it's been fun. So we see photos of them doing things, you know, Higgins type couples do. Hiking. They wear matching rain ponchos.

A (8:59)

We both got two coffees with milk together at Starbucks. That was a thrill that day.

D (9:05)

He likes oats, I like almond. That was the sticking point.

A (9:11)

He's a little bit country, I'm a little bit alt country, you know? So then we see them end up having a picnic in the park. And Julie's like, look, I got some beautiful French cheese. We should move to this cheese. Can we live in this cheese?

D (9:27)

I just love French cheese. I'm not gonna specify the kind of cheese. Just know it's French because if the cheese is French people.

A (9:35)

Yeah, it's just if you meet a Higgins, the way to their heart is to bring them French cheese.

D (9:40)

Okay.

A (9:41)

Stick a little French flag in it on toothpick, and I am sold.

D (9:45)

And they have a little picnic and he pour some wine in a glass. And Bob's like, I work for an international retailer where I'm director of AI Operations. Oh, hell no. You know, I backed up my chair and was like, bob, you are going to get so much shit for this online.

A (9:58)

Yeah, well, he's the one who clearly programmed like, when you go to Banana Republic online and you need to get a refund, and it's like, hi, I'm Susan. How can I help you today? And you're like, I need a refund. Okay, I can send you to the Myanmar office now. Or we can talk about, would you like a job? It's like, no, I want a refund. Okay, I'll get you to an Operator. Right away. But first, a little more. Have some information about you. More about.

D (10:26)

Yeah, so you want a subscription to our service? Is that. Wait, no, that's not what I said. I want to sue you in your pants off. That's what I want. Oh, so you want me to send you more of what we've already sent you? Great. I'll send you to the Spanish line. Hold, please. Also not sure I got. Speaking of AI fucking with me, I turned on. I got in my car the other day and turn on my car and I say, lady in the car, Siri. You're not supposed to say her name, but I said it, and I was like, hey, could you tell me the directions to whatever? And she comes on. She's like, hey. She had a totally different voice. I was like, who the fuck are you? You're not the voice I've had all these years. They just decided to change the voice without telling me. I was not okay. And I was like, you know what, Ronnie? It's a. It's a little change. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. I drove around pissed all day every time I talked to her with this new voice. And I don't like the new. Like, the other one was nice.

A (11:22)

She needs to go on vacation. She's like, listen, Siri's out right now, but I mean, listen, you got. You got joy here, okay? I can help you out.

D (11:32)

Yeah, no, it was some rando. I didn't approve of that. That's assault. You can't just, like, slip in a new person into my car. It's my private space. I was AI Director of Operations. Bob. Bob Higgins.

A (11:45)

I was mad last night because I was trying to get a refund for my Internet fee that I paid on thin air when I flew back from Norway because it was like a fricking 11 hour flight. And I paid. I was like, I'm gonna pay for Internet the whole way, which is expensive. And so I paid for it. And after, like, two hours, the Internet went out and, like, it didn't come back on. And the flight attendants were like, oh, yeah, the antenna must be broken. So I paid for, like, 11 hours of Internet and only got two hours. And so I would like a refund. And so I. There was like, no, of course Finnair does not have a refund. Your Internet payment link. So I went onto the little chat bubble and I was like, hi, I'd like to get a refund for the Internet. Is this about an existing booking? Okay. And then it was like a loop of Questions over and over and over again. I couldn't get anywhere. And I'm going to blame Bob Higgins for this because he's the one who is the AI programmer.

D (12:37)

Seriously, they're the worst when you get stuck in those loops. Oh, so frustrating. I just start doing and I start yelling at it. I'm like, operator, operator, operator, operator, Operator.

A (12:51)

Well, Julie has some news for you. I work in E commerce for fashion and retail companies. So we work remotely, which makes it easy for us. We also emote remotely, which makes it easy for us.

D (13:04)

I emoted about five minutes ago, but it won't show up for you for about seven minutes just because that has to get past central.

A (13:12)

We are two very remote people in our passion and in our work.

D (13:19)

So Bob is cutting a wedge of Brie on his lap. I hope that nobody told Julie that because I just wanted to see if Julie could figure out what it is. She's like, wow, what an odd way of cutting that French cheese. Is that how the French do it?

A (13:32)

Yeah. He didn't have a cutting board. It was so weird. He was just sort of doing it in like his. It was like on his lap or his hand. I was like, I just. It was very unsettling. He was like, I didn't like it.

D (13:42)

Your doctors are not a cutting board.

A (13:44)

Bob worry. She works in E commerce, so she can get him a replacement if things go awry.

D (13:52)

He says that they travel a lot together and they've experienced some really cool places. We have seen the Walmart in every country, let me tell you that.

A (14:01)

We've been to Hagen's land, which many people don't know is actually right next door to Dollywood. Yeah, It's a great amusement park. They've got a merry go round and a hall of presidents, but the presidents are presidents of Target. Yeah. So it's a great. It's a great amusement park.

D (14:19)

So he's like, I've always been pulled towards Paris as an additional place to live, but financially, Paris wasn't the right place. So I saw Bordeaux, I said, it's basically, discount Paris. Let's go there. Discount Giada.

A (14:33)

So she's like, yeah. We realized that we were instantaneously in love with it because it had everything we loved about Paris for French people, French cheese, buildings, cars, and some of the bigger cities that we went to. Just it, you know, it just didn't have the price tag and the tourists that you have to deal with. So we really liked it a lot. Yeah.

D (14:51)

She's like, oh. And, you know. And it just doesn't have the tourists. It has you.

A (14:58)

Yes, it has. I feel like Bordeaux does have tourists quite a bit. Bordeaux is not like some podunk city. Like, Bordeaux is famous.

D (15:05)

I love when Americans go to buy places in another country, and they're like, ew, tourists. You're not just a regular because you're buying a house there, you know?

A (15:16)

I mean, you're the one who later on the episode is gonna be like, what's an oyster? How do I eat it? Come on.

D (15:20)

Oh, girl. I dare you to go into a store and ask for French cheese in Bordeaux and see what they do to your ass.

A (15:26)

Yeah, exactly.

D (15:28)

So we go back to the. So basically, it's like, would you. He's like, bring my cracker. She's like, what? Like, brie, my cracker. What's brie? Do you mean the French cheese bomb? So now we go to Bordeaux, France, and people are at outdoor cafes. They go in and out of shops if there's cobblestone streets, you know, Very France.

A (15:48)

Yeah. And Bob's like, you know, I think first and foremost, it's just a different place pace of lifestyle. You know, in the States, you just kind of, like, live to work. And the difference is you want to. We want to flip it around. We really want to work to French cheese, you know? She's like, yeah, this is a permanent move. And we're just, like, really looking to completely relocate our lives and really kind of bring down the housing values around us in Bordeaux.

D (16:08)

We want to un. Gentrify a neighborhood in Bordeaux.

A (16:12)

We want to bring American cheese to Bordeaux.

D (16:18)

Also. Bob is one of those people who thinks he's making up idioms. He's like, yeah, you know, I've been thinking about it. We'd rather work to live than. Than live to work. You understand? Everybody write that down. Okay? That's a Bob. That's a Bobism.

A (16:35)

How do you say cookie in French?

D (16:37)

Okay?

A (16:38)

That's the way the bonjour crumbles. Am I right, everyone?

D (16:44)

So we see them travel over the globe. The huge house hunter's globe spins. And now here we are, and here we go with Adrienne. She's like, I'm Adrienne. I got a green beret on today. I don't want to hear any lip about it either, okay? Keep your lip in America. This is Frank France, okay?

A (17:01)

I'm not. Let me tell you something. I did not serve in the military, but I will rock a Green Beret like you've never seen before, okay? Because we all have our viewpoint of how we want to see our lives, you know? And for Bob and Julie, their viewpoint is extremely boring and also cheap and very sad and settling. I mean, they chose Bordeaux over Paris. Can you even believe it? I've got the perfect spot for them. It's a generic white apartment with white walls and a little slab of Brie in the center of it. Enjoy.

D (17:29)

You know what I always tell them? Don't be disappointed in what I show you. For me, home is where the beret is, okay? Bob's writing it down to say that later. He's like, I'm totally selling that in an ebook later. So thank you.

A (17:42)

Can't have a beret and eat it too. So you know what? Bordeaux gets a lot of attention because it's the largest wine producing region in the world. And if you love oysters and you love the Atlantic, then you're gonna love this part of France. Wait, you've never. You've never been to. Never had an oyster? You don't even like the Atlantic. What the fuck are these two people doing here?

D (18:04)

Vineyards in the Bordeaux region span over 250,000 acres that neither of these people will be welcome in.

A (18:11)

Okay, thanks.

D (18:12)

So then Julie's like, oh, my God, I also love wine. And I'm learning more and more about wine each day. I mean, Bob was more into it, but now I'm into it.

A (18:21)

So I'm learning so much about it. Did you know it's from grapes? So Bob is like, yeah. And, you know, we're a two hour train ride from Paris. Boo. Stupid city in the north, so.

D (18:32)

Wow, how convenient. That's so convenient.

A (18:36)

Yeah. Don't you love that?

D (18:37)

I could basically eat dinner in Paris every night if I wanted to. It's two hours away.

A (18:43)

By the way. I just want to say they're like, kind of living my dream. And I'm like, they're so stupid. Moving to Bordeaux. God, so jealous. So Adrian's like, okay, so at the moment, the housing market in France is quite depressed, mainly because these people are coming in. They're just all depressed that this is what's turning into their beautiful city. But anyway, the interest rates are up. Not in these people. No one's interested in these people. But, you know, people can't afford to buy much, but it means there's a lot of really good real estate at really good prices. You can get a. You can get a flat here for the low price of the.

D (19:18)

So here's our wish list. Two bedroom, two bath, separate offices, Bordeaux hypercenter. Okay, you want a two bedroom, two Bath. And also two offices. And you want to pay $5 for a store.

A (19:29)

And you want to live in the hyper center, which I love. It's called the hypercenter. They're going to this old, like, beautiful city with this, like, Gothic architecture and like, vineyards, and it's all picturesque and bucolic. And the European is like the hyper center. I'm like, whoa.

D (19:44)

It's just a bunch of unmedicated, jumping around.

A (19:50)

Hyping things up.

D (19:52)

I also want a full size fridge, which I think is funny. I guess you have to put that on when you travel. You know, you're like, oh, and you need a fridge. Okay, thanks.

A (20:00)

Yeah. And most importantly, Bordeaux charm. Because, I mean, what's the point of moving to Bordeaux if you don't feel like you're in Bordeaux? I'm like, if you live in Bordeaux, you will feel like you're in Bordeaux. I'll tell you that right now.

D (20:09)

Yeah. And they want to spend 375 grand. So good luck on your four fucking bedroom office complex.

A (20:17)

In the heart of Bordeaux. Okay. In like old Bordeaux character.

D (20:23)

So now we go to a cafe and Bob's like, oh, ideally, too bad. Two bath. I mean, look, we work remote, so we need two desks. And we don't want to talk over each other in the same room. Okay. All right, let's talk about location. Where you guys want to live. Hyper center. Anybody? Anybody down for the hyper center? Those kids need help. I suggest just going to the hyper center. You want to feel like a good person, Throw your brain. Ask them to catch it. They'll bring it back to you. They get. They run themselves out.

A (20:51)

Julie's like, well, as one half of the Higgins duo, if there's anything that I'm known for, it's for being hyper. So I would like to be in the hyper center of Bordeaux. And coming from New York City, we're used to having everything right outside our doorstep. So if we could also have some rats in the hyper center, that would be wonderful.

D (21:08)

We've got right outside the doorway, we've got a deli, we've got a bank, we've got a person sleeping. We've got a pile of poo poo. We've got a used syringe. So if you could recreate that somehow.

A (21:22)

A cowboy wearing only underwear, playing the guitar, can he be put in front of our doorstep? So Adrian goes, okay, all right, all right, let's talk about the kitchen. Do you need a turkey oven? Which I love that she said that. Cause she's had to Deal with so many Americans that have been like, I just want to have an oven big enough to make a turkey oven when my parents come. Do you need a fucking turkey oven? You know, you can't even get a turkey here, right?

D (21:42)

That was really funny. She just laughs at herself. And Julie's like, I mean, it would be nice to have some sort of an oven. A French oven. French oven. I'm really big into roasting vegetables. Okay. And I like to bake every once in a while. You know, vegetable type things.

A (21:58)

I don't think you got my humor. Turkey oven. I was talking about this, this galoot over here, your husband. Do we need him here? Turkey oven.

D (22:06)

And he's like, full size refrigerator is mandatory.

A (22:09)

Mandatory.

D (22:10)

Okay. And let me guess. You want nice views. Do you want nice views, too?

A (22:13)

Wow.

D (22:14)

You too. You two are really a mystery.

A (22:18)

Let me guess, you want some rococo finishes. You want to quote, unquote, feel like France, you know? You know who lives in those generic white, white box apartments? French people. Oh.

D (22:31)

And he's like, well, we've lived in a bunch of white boxes in the States before, and we just want something where, you know, you're in a different country, you're in Bordeaux. You just want character, you want charm. Not necessarily in a partner. And we'd both be screwed, but our surroundings, that would be nice.

A (22:48)

Okay, so no white boxes. I wish I could say the same for my new clients. I got two of them right here. Two white boxes.

D (22:56)

375 is your budget. She's like, wow. So you want to be dead center of town. I get that. I get it. But the building's going to be older. There's going to be some challenges with that. I'm going to love watching them try not to cry. Let's go show them some bullshit. Come on.

A (23:12)

So now we go to the Bordeaux hypercenter, which, because it's French, it's pronounced the Bordeaux hypertair. So it's beautiful. Of course. It's gorgeous. I was the president of the French world. Adrian is like, so as you can see, we're really in the heart of Bordeaux. Okay. This is the hippocamper, as they call it. Okay, hold on one second. Bonjour, madame and monsieur. Do white boxes coming through. Okay, let's go to the first apartment.

D (23:44)

So the hyper center. No, the epoch. So the hyper center. The epauls. So the hyper center. All right. You know, we're not doing this all day. Times are ticking. There's only so much daylight. Boredom. Let's go.

A (23:58)

So this street we're about to turn onto, as I understand it, is the longest pedestrian street in Europe, which means you have so much space to see the people running away from you. Look. I think that one's saying, oh, no more Americans. Hide the cheese.

D (24:09)

This is the longest street that you're gonna notice that people are crossing as you walk towards them. You're gonna love it.

A (24:17)

This what's great about the street is that you can walk so many blocks and not be interrupted by a car while you look at people close the shutters over their windows.

D (24:25)

It's the longest pedestrian street, and you are the most pedestrian people I've met in a long time.

A (24:31)

If you listen closely, you'll hear them saying, eh, go east. Eh, go east. In this case, they mean go east, get out of the city.

D (24:40)

All right, the location's great. It's an old building, lots of characters, which they want. It's the color of Dockers. So, Bob, that's for you. And there's a fully equipped kitchen in here. Okay. And by fully equipped, I mean you don't cook. Why are we lying? Okay, let's go in, vegetable lady. Come on.

A (24:55)

Yeah, Here you get to get. Get your turkey ready, because you're gonna do a lot of cooking in here. So Bob's like, wow, this is perfect. There's a tram stop right here. A pharmacy, a grocery store. This is awesome. Yeah, it's everything we're looking for.

D (25:09)

I was really hoping to live next to a pharmacy here.

A (25:12)

We are so glad to live next to the tram. These two people are two trams. Like, I mean, tram is, like, the saddest name for a vehicle. It's a tram. It's, like, got on the tram. Okay, so. So this is under budget. It's $370,000. So it's $5,000 under budget. What's the catch, though? Okay, well, you know, you might need a little extra, and you're gonna see why, because here. Come on in. Come on into this Place de la Victoire. So they go in. It's all right. I actually don't mind this one so much. You know, they've got a nice kitchen, right? They got a nice living space. It's well located. It's under budget. They just don't like the size of the bedrooms.

D (25:59)

Well, it's two bed, one bath, no offices. Okay. One of the bedrooms, isn't it this one with, like, the window, the, like, the glass window thing, which is not a bedroom. Okay. And she's like, yeah, it's a bedroom.

A (26:11)

It is.

D (26:12)

It is. And they're like, no, it isn't. And Bob's like, I don't want to watch Julie poop. I need another bathroom. Saying, well, Bob, you know what? No one wants to watch Julie poop. Okay, but that's. It's gonna happen. It needs work, and it's small. Okay, but you're under budget, so look, you got all the amenities. It's a great spot. I love it. You'll take it. Great. Okay, here, sign this paper. It's like, wait a minute. Not so fast, Adrian.

A (26:37)

But there's, like, a window here. All right, we'll hang a drape. I don't know. You're in France. You can find textile.

D (26:42)

Okay, I like that. She goes, what is this, a fish tank? And she's like, oh, God. You know what you do? Hang up a curtain. That's what you do. And then later in the episode, he's like, but that's a window. And then she goes, well, but she gave us options. She gave us very viable options on addressing that. It was a curtain, Julie.

A (27:02)

It was a curtain from her E. Commerce site, perhaps. And of course, Bob wants to take that glassy bedroom to be his office. And Julie's like, no. She's like, bob may think that he's gonna get the actual office, but when we were in the city, I would work right next to my pillow, and I don't want to do that anymore. This fucking guy made her sit there and work on bed. She gets the opposite time.

D (27:23)

That's Bob. You can tell Bob's that kind of guy. You can just read it all over.

A (27:27)

Cutting cheese on his thigh. Forcing Julia to do work on the bed. I don't like that. Yeah.

D (27:33)

And so she's like, it's my turn for an office. He works with a robot. So then we go. So Adrian's like, all right, here's the other bedroom. But here's the trick. And to go into the bedroom, you got to go through the bathroom. Oh, God. I gotta watch Julie poop while I'm just trying to go to the bedroom. Yes, Bob. All right, this is the Julie Poop entrance.

A (27:53)

So my. Like, one of my apartments here in LA for a few years, it had this layout where in order to get to the bedroom, you do have to go through the bathroom. But it was fine because the toilet section was. Was, like, in its own.

D (28:09)

Behind its own, like a water closet or whatever.

A (28:11)

Do you remember that apartment? Right? Remember? So, like, it was like the. The bathroom was sort of. Yes. You had to go through it, but you weren't going through something, going to the bathroom. But in this case, the bathroom hallway is, like, the toilet's, like, right in the center of it. In fact, the toilet, I think, faces the door into the bedroom. That is an issue, because if someone's pooping, you're, like, trapped. Like, I can't go out of the bed. I can't come out of the bedroom until they're done pooping.

D (28:35)

I feel like we see so many awkward bathrooms on House Hunters International. Like, what is it with other country? Like, other countries aren't private about pooping. They're like, okay, well, here, okay, this place comes with a popcorn machine, and there's a toilet attached to it. Like, what? Why do I have to poop where the popcorn's being made? Like, that's how we do it here.

A (28:56)

What do you want from me? Weird. They do such weird. So last week, I stayed in a hotel for one night, and it was like, this old building. So they kind of, like, built out the bathroom inside. Like, the. The room is, like a rectangular room, and they kind of, like, built the bathroom inside the room, and they encased it in glass. And what you do is you open up this, like, frosted glass door, and you're in, like, a triangle wedge. Like, imagine a pizza slice, and that's the bathroom. And the sink is at the wide side of the pizza slice, and the toilet is there, too. They're both on the wide side of the slice. But to get to the shower, there's another door. You enter on one side of the slice, on one side the glass slice, and the other side of the glass slice is another door. And. And you go through that, and it's another pizza slice, but going in the other direction. So you have, like, these two triangles that are nested next to each other. So you're going through this, like, warren of frosted glass pizza slices. And because they were, like, these triangles, it was really weird because you feel like you're in a square, but you're in a triangle. So every time you back up, your butt cheeks hit the narrow part of the pizza slice. It was the weirdest thing. I was like, why do they design these bathrooms so strangely?

D (30:06)

I don't know. I think sometimes people are just like, I don't want just square, square, square. We do something interesting. It's like, okay, but now how do I fit my butt in here? It's a triangle.

A (30:15)

I know when I was showering, and every time I backed up, it would be a. I was like, oh, my God, I'm getting My butt. My butt prints on this frosted glass every time I just try to move around.

D (30:26)

Do you remember that hotel we stayed in in Austin that they were like, it's very European, okay? So the bathroom sink was in the room. Like, it looked like it would be a bar or a counter, but it wasn't. It was the bathroom sink. But then you have to go into the bathroom. But then the bathroom was just a shower, and then the toilet is in the shower. And they're like, that's how they do it in Europe. That's what they told us. They're like, that's how they do it in Europe. I'm like, okay. And they said, does it bother you? It shouldn't bother you. I mean, the toilet's in the place. I said, it's just a weird design thing because I turn on the shower. Like, you turn on the shower, you go to the bathroom, and then you get in the shower, right? Because you let the shower warm up or whatever. But now you can't do that because you're, like, showering the toilet at the same time. I was like, why am I having this discussion with the person at the desk? I was just curious as to why it was just such an odd way to design it. We've been doing hotels in America for hundreds of years now, guys. And they're like, but the way. Have the bathroom sink in the room by the bed and then have the pooper. And the. That's how they do it in Europe.

A (31:30)

And another weird thing they do in Europe, too, is they'll sometimes, like, instead of having a shower door or even a shower curtain, what they do is they just have this little panel of glass right near the shower head. It's like a foot wide. And it's like, that's enough. That's all you need. And you get water everywhere because of course, it's under the shower.

D (31:52)

Have you seen my bathrooms here? Yeah, that's what I have now here. That's how I did my house in la. But it's because I couldn't find places that would ship me longer. Longer or wider, I guess. Shower glass. And so I was like, that'll be fine. And it's so short, and there's water all over the floor every time. And my sister's like, you need to get this fixed. I'm like, no, it's like a. We've stayed in hotels like that. Yeah, that's what I say now. It's European.

A (32:15)

European. The other thing that.

D (32:17)

Thanks Europe for giving me excuses.

A (32:20)

I experienced also Another. A new type of shower in Norway, which was. It's like the. It's like a. It looks like a phone booth. And so in order to get into the shower, both, it's like. It's in the corner. So you got two walls as. As part of the shower stall, but the other two walls are like glass and they both open up like a double door. And then you close it together like a double door. It was the weirdest thing ever, and somehow I messed it up and I got water everywhere because you have to close both. It's like. I'm like, why are they both doors? Why do you need two doors here? You don't.

D (32:53)

Why do we need to reinvent bathrooms? Okay. Bathrooms are most utilitarian thing we have as human beings. Poop, clean. Just.

A (33:02)

Why is this so hard?

D (33:04)

Yeah, it does seem to be crazy hard. Okay. So they look at the. That toilet and they're like, oh, I don't know about that. Bob's like, watching Julie poop. That's not the way I want to go to sleep. And so they're like, but it's worth it because there's a pharmacy here and we'd have to renovate the bathroom, which you're not going to be able to do for that five grand you're saving anyway.

A (33:24)

And all I've heard about, like, renovating things in France is that it's a nightmare. It's a true nightmare getting construction done in France. So now it's gotta be, because I.

D (33:34)

Don'T even think they use. They don't even do construction like we do. Like people make fun of America construction because it's like sticks and. What do they call it? Stick and stick and something construction, where it's wood and drywall. And they think that they're like, why isn't it stone built like castle from 500 years ago? Well, because we're used to burning our houses down here just. Or remodeling the bathroom for 10 grand, you know, there. It's like, nope, get a stone cutter because you're going to be here for a long time. Suckers.

A (34:02)

Yeah, no, I've just. I've just heard that, like, getting like contract. If we think contractors in the US Are difficult. I've heard that the contracts in France. Contractors in France are extremely difficult and they don't show up and yada, yada. Of course that's a mass generalization. But I've just heard, like, it's like a nightmare. France and Italy, nightmare getting construction done. So. So anyway, now it's Time to go. They're done with house number one. They're gonna go to the next one they're gonna look at is gonna be moving. Ready? But first, we go down to the street where Bob and Julie are gonna be trying oysters for the first time, or at least Julie will be. So she's out there and she's like, oh, my God. And Adrian's like, okay, here's your chance to try oysters. If you're lucky, you'll get some hepatitis, and we can end this entire facade. I mean, charade.

D (34:48)

A charade of poison. Here's a fun fact. One out of every hundred oysters is poisonous. Julie, why don't you go first?

A (34:58)

Well, being in Bordeaux right now is both exciting and terrifying, mainly because I think I just drank a pearl. But I'm excited for this new adventure and, you know, coming to a place that I love. Or rather, a place two hours south of a place that I love. But at the same time, it's gonna be tough finding a group of people here when we don't know about anybody. And every time we walk by, they point and laugh and say something about American chees.

D (35:20)

Bob's like, yeah, it's going to be real weird to move here. I mean, we don't get to call Amazon to get same day delivery anymore. What the f is that about?

A (35:28)

Yeah, yeah. So why are you moving to France if you want these things? So.

D (35:34)

Yeah, that's a good question. So then we go. So he's like, ladies first. He's treating her like she's the royal taster to make sure this shit isn't poisoned, which I love. And she's like, oh, my God. I mean, it tastes like the ocean. And he just looks at her. She's like, but it's delicious.

A (35:53)

You know what? Bob is definitely more demonstrative than Julie. But don't underestimate Julie. I hear those under the breath comments. I guarantee she gets whatever she wants. Or she's just deeply unhappy in this marriage she settled for. Either way, she's getting out of here. I love this lady.

D (36:08)

She's like, do not underestimate Julie's superpower. Passion, passive aggressiveness. Okay, she was passive aggression. She will get what she wants. Don't count her out yet.

A (36:21)

So now they're walking in a really busy spot, and Adrian's like, so as you can see, we're on a major shopping street. You know, anything you want here. But, like, you know, the pop is not on the street, but it's really busy. It was the HEPA center, etc. And so they're like, oh, wow. And Julia's like, maybe a little bit too bustling for me. I'm like, I feel like a child passing by on a scooter is too bustling for her.

D (36:44)

Okay, lady who really wants to live in Paris. I know. So now we go to the house number two in Pol de Caleo. So Adrian's like, yeah, we're looking for a place that's a little more expensive, but more space. It's going to feel more like a house. It's in the center with exposed stone. We don't want to watch Julie poop anything else.

A (37:06)

All right. All right, you guys get ready. No elevators here going to the top floor. So you have to go to the top floor of this thing in Europe. Walk up. Etc. And they're like, oh, God. And they hate that it's a walk up. But, like, she's like, oh, come on. It's a walk up. You'll live. Come on, we'll get to the top. Yeah, I love that. I love that. Like, Adrian's fine with it. And they're just like, oh, my God, so many stairs.

D (37:29)

Well, she makes him walk all the way up the stairs, and they're like, breathing hard, and she goes, okay. But there's one little downside. You just walked me up five flights of stairs, and now, now you have a downside draw.

A (37:42)

The downside is we went to the wrong floor. It's all the way on the first floor. We're going back down, kids.

D (37:46)

Literally, the downside, it's 385. So it's 10 grand over. And Julie does not love that. So this is two bed, two bath, fifth floor. Good location. Spacious and charming, but it's pricey and there's lots of stairs.

A (38:03)

Yeah, the walk up that is tough. I mean, every time you bring gross groceries home, you have to go up a five story staircase. That's. That's a lot. But you'll be toned. And, you know, people can do it. Obviously people can do it because Adrian had no problem going up those stairs when they were huffing and puffing. So it's like, really? It's got a nice, like, open layout. It's bigger. It's really nice. This is a really nice place. They've got, like, nice, good kitchen amenities, good views. It's also two stories. Right. So there's like, good separation of space.

D (38:36)

Yeah, this one's definitely the prettiest place. The kitchen amenities are new. Okay. There's a full bathroom attached with the full Shower, toilet, and washing machine. Okay. They're like a washer in the bathroom. Okay. You got to get over that one, because that's gonna be everywhere.

A (38:54)

Yeah. You should just be so lucky to have. I'm always surprised when people complain about the washing machines. I feel like I spend enough time living in apartments where I had to go all the way down to the basement to do my laundry that anytime I see any in unit, washer or dryer, I'm just grateful. I don't care where it is.

D (39:07)

You could put it in West Hollywood. We didn't even have that, so I would have to take it to the Laundromat. And it sucks. Oh, my God.

A (39:13)

Awful. I think anytime you have something like that on the premises, you should just, like, just get down on your knees and kiss the ground.

D (39:20)

Yeah, it's worth it, this place. The washing machine and dryer was outside. It was, like, in this kind of shed thing. And I was like, that's not going to work. We have to make a space inside. So I crammed a new closet in there to put, like, a stackable. And then I went to my friend's house, and her washing machine was outside. And I said, oh, so yours is outside? Does that work for you? And she's like, yeah, that's just how you do it. It's California. What are you going to do? And I was like, God damn it, that was a lot of money. And I could have just been happy with what I had. So, yeah, now when I see it, I'm like, just be happy with what you have. Idiots.

A (39:55)

Speaking of idiots. So they go upstairs, and by the.

D (39:58)

Way, this is an entire laundry list of everything I did wrong on my house this episode.

A (40:03)

This is like a confession of bathroom I saw in Norway. So they go upstairs to look at the second bedroom, and since it's upstairs, it's like a sloped ceiling. And so then Bob, of course, is annoying about it. He's like, what? Oh, my God, I'm gonna hit my head. He goes, I forgot my helme at home. Oops. Oh, my God. I'm gonna, like, you're a grown adult. You'll be able to deal with a slanty ceiling. Okay. It's not that hard.

D (40:32)

Yeah, I mean, I get it if these guys are looking with a couple million bucks, but they're looking for $375,000.

A (40:40)

In Bordeaux in the city center in a major city.

D (40:43)

Like, come on. The woman is not a miracle worker just because she has, like, berets, like, a miracle worker doesn't mean that she can actually work a miracle.

A (40:52)

That's why you get a beret. That's the way you get a beret. You get a nice felt beret on your head and protect yourself against those sloping ceilings.

D (41:00)

That's why she does it. So they talk about the place and Julie's like, well, it's pricey and it has problems, but we do have separate spaces. And you can't beat the window views. I disagreed with this. The window views I didn't like at all because weren't they just a view on the other apartments? You're in France, don't you want to see Francy things? The first one had good Francy views, but this one, you're literally looking into your neighbor's apartment. So that's okay. But to be like, oh, wow, the views, it's of some hairy dude's asshole.

A (41:35)

Across the street and they're like, wow. And the location's great, like Port Kailo, Kalu, whatever is right out the window. And so our recapper Chandler did some research on Port Calu and said that it is a historical landmark in Bordeaux, France. As built in 1495, it's a monument with a castle like exterior which was once the main gate to the city. These people have a view of a landmark, a historical landmark. And they're going to still complain about the slope ceiling. I don't, I can't, like, I don't want to hear it. Everything is going well.

D (42:06)

That's a contender. But I have to get past the price. So to lower the price, Adrian has to take them outside the city center. Sweet. So we see them travel out. But first Bob picks up a bottle of wine. He's like, $500. Gee, I could buy a house for this, Am I right?

A (42:28)

And then he tells us, you know, in the city, in New York City, we'd see a Broadway show or all these other cultural activities, but here we're a two hour train ride from Paris. So it's more about having an open mind, the new things we can experience, rather than the same old things we do in this day. It's a question, is it possible to make those grapes in the vineyards sing some Hamilton? Just trying to capture some of the old city.

D (42:49)

One thing I'm really into is Broadway rapping. So be great if we can get a little bit of that.

A (42:57)

I've seen Cats seven times. I'm gonna really miss that. And living in Bordeaux, well, they want.

D (43:02)

A European lifestyle in the center of the city. But this apartment's a great way of Getting in on the ground in Bordeaux without breaking the bank, without bothering the people by the hyper center. Okay? So let's check out a place that no one else wants to live in the outer city limits. Let's go.

A (43:19)

Yeah. So they go to this place that's only $300,000. And I love the list.

C (43:24)

This is.

A (43:25)

Okay, this is the list on house hunters that they put up on the screen. Two bed, two bath, second floor, Bang for the buck. Newly renovated north of center. No charm. Disgust.

D (43:41)

Absolutely zero charm. And she's so funny. Adrian's like, all right, everybody, look, I know it's a different neighborhood than you might be used to, but you know what? It's young. It's hip. Like, you guys, like, Bob.

A (43:56)

Bob is a very hip guy, you know? So they go in. I mean, this place is. I hate this place so much, because this neighborhood. This is not like there's nothing going on in this neighborhood. And I don't think they should live here. So they said they go in. And I think Adrian's trying to be like, hey, it's cheap, it's updated, but it's just so boring. This is such a boring place. Although it really would be perfect for the Higgins. It's so Higgins. It's very Higgins coded.

D (44:20)

Yeah, it's totally Higgins coded. It's drab. It's boring. And there's a little balcony, which they like. And Bob's like, but I do not see a Borderly's charm anywhere. Well, back at you, Bob.

A (44:32)

Geez.

D (44:33)

All right, look. Look at the way these doors open. Isn't that crazy? There are doors that open? He's like, okay, that's it. That's. That's the pitch.

A (44:44)

Crazy doors. You can write home for your. To your friends, assuming they're not too busy seeing Wicked that you got some crazy doors in Bordeaux, you know? Yeah.

D (44:53)

And she's like, it's a. It's. This balcony is big enough to work out here. Are you Right, Julie? She's like, oh, God, I'm never gonna have a desk inside.

A (45:04)

I know. Look, we got a towel warmer. It's actually just a bunch of mice doing the can. Can. They just drip towel over them and it keeps it warm.

D (45:14)

Or as a towel warmer, as we call it in this house. Julie's desk. All right, Julie.

A (45:22)

It also doubles as a beret warmer, so multifunction.

D (45:27)

I would test it out, but I never take off my berets. So she was like, is this really what we're moving all the way to France for? This sucks. So now they have to decide what they're gonna get. Dun, dun, dun.

A (45:43)

So I personally thought they were gonna do the first one, Place de la Victoire, because it was a good location. It was under budget, and it was relatively modern. Had a pretty good kitchen. And even though, um, the office space was a little tight, they're used to, like, working together in tight quarters. So I was like, this is gonna be the one. Plus, our experience is people rarely go for, like, the best option. There's always something that's really good, but it's out of the budget. And people often will discard it because it's out of the budget, even though we're always like, go for the one that's out of the budget. So I was like, number one is probably the one they're gonna take.

D (46:17)

I thought it was gonna be number one, too, but I think that pooper killed them.

A (46:22)

That's. And I remember that just before they made their decision, I was like, the toilet, if the toilet were on the other side, like they had, it was like, shower, then toilet, then sink, or something like that. If it had been switched, it wasn't even shower. It was just like, sink. If the toilet had not been there, if the toilet could have been sequestered away, I think number one would have been the choice.

D (46:38)

Yeah. So what'd they end up taking? I don't even remember.

A (46:41)

They chose number two. I was actually so impressed and happy for them because they should have taken number two. That was the best one by far. Even though you have to go upstairs, it was, like, the biggest one. It was two levels. It didn't have a sloping ceiling. It was in a great location. It was modern. It was, like, by far the best choice out of all three of these.

D (46:57)

Yeah. So we see them living there, and it looks cute. And Bob's like, well, we're still working American hours, so the 8 o' clock start day is a 2 o' clock day for us. So we do real fun stuff. We walk every morning, and that's pretty much it. But.

A (47:15)

We feed the ducks, although the ducks run away from us. So we just usually wind up throwing, you know, breadcrumbs into flagstone cracks. But that's okay. That's actually oddly fun for us. We call it flaggy crack.

D (47:29)

And that's them. This nice, basic couple. Found a pretty cute little place. So good for them. They did. They did.

A (47:36)

I think, actually, it's awesome that they lived there in Bordeaux, because they're in wine country in beautiful Bordeaux. Oh, that's beautiful. Well, thanks. Everyone for being here. If you have a Dwell hello suggestion, make sure it's available on Max or Hulu and just email it to us@watchwalkerappingsmail.com and put Dwellhello suggestion as your subject so we will find it. Thanks everyone for being here and supporting us here on Wondry plus and we will catch you on the next one. Bye.

B (48:05)

This is Paige desorbo from Giggly Squad. Boost Mobile gives you the same network coverage, speed and service you're used to, just at a more affordable price. Why pay more if you don't have to? Offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or head to boostmobile.com to learn more. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers who cancel within 30 days of activation will have Boost service fees refunded, activation fees if applicable, and phone payments will not be refunded.

A (48:46)

ACAST powers the World's Best Podcasts Here's a show that we recommend.

C (48:54)

We all have bad days and sometimes bad weeks and maybe even bad years. But the good news is we don't have to figure out life all alone. I'm comedian Chris Duffy, host of Ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast and our show is about the little ways that you can improve your life. Actual practical tips that you can put into place that will make your day to day better. Whether it is setting boundaries at work or rethinking how you clean your house, each episode has conversations with experts who share tips on how to navigate life's ups and downs. Find how to be a Better Human wherever you're listening to this.

A (49:28)

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.