Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Dwell Hello #521: S264 E10 Old School vs Trendy in Maryland

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: October 16, 2025
Episode: Dwell Hello #521: Old School vs Trendy in Maryland (House Hunters S264 E10)

Overview

In this raucous episode of Dwell Hello, Ben and Ronnie recap and riff on an episode of House Hunters featuring newlyweds Bernardo and Nia as they set out to buy a home for their blended family in Baltimore, Maryland. The central clash? Bernardo craves "old-school" coziness reminiscent of his grandma’s house, while Nia dreams of a “sleek and social media-worthy” modern place—preferably with new floors and, ideally, a chicken coop. The hosts gleefully dissect their quirks, cultural superstitions, house-hunting wishlists, and, of course, the couple’s unwavering dedication to kites and tray ceilings.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Meet the House Hunters: Bernardo & Nia (01:35–06:00)

• Bernardo: 41, registered nurse, wants vintage, cozy, grandma-style vibes. Mentions his grandmother’s old brick Ohio house frequently.
• Nia: 27, stay-at-home mom, grew up in Honduras, craves modern “Instagram-worthy” interiors, wants floors (not dirt!), and dreams of raising chickens for fresh eggs.
• Blended Family: Three sons from Bernardo (ages 21, 19, 16), Nia’s 5-year-old daughter, and a young daughter they have together.
• Running Joke: Their insistence on having a family kite-flying tradition—“Dad, we never fly kites. Why are you being so performative for TV?” (04:11)

2. The Clash of Old vs. New (06:52–09:48)

• Nia shows aspirational homes from social media; Bernardo is mystified by her online house stalking.
• Bernardo wary of trends; wants something time-tested, like “brick houses—those last forever.”
• The not-so-subtle subtext: Both are striving to replicate parts of their upbringing in choosing a home.
• Nia is worried about old homes harboring ghosts, citing cultural superstitions. Ronnie quips: “Have you seen Poltergeist? That was a brand new house.” (09:08)

3. Wishlists & Personal Quirks (11:35–15:25)

• Bernardo’s Must-Haves: Old-school, tray ceilings (because he’s tall), primary bedroom “oasis,” finished basement for his psychiatric nurse practitioner office.
• Nia’s Must-Haves: Newer house to avoid ghosts, four bedrooms, “deep tub”, and a big yard for kids and a chicken coop (chickens apparently ward off evil spirits).
• Notable quote, on tray ceilings:
  “It’s also insane to be going to say I only want old homes, but they have to have tray ceilings because that’s not an old home style.” (12:15, Ronnie)

4. House #1: Trendy New Build ($629,900) (15:44–24:44)

• Modern vertical “shoebox” design: gray-and-white everything, waterfall kitchen island, electric fireplace.
• Nia swoons over “black details,” wants social media backdrops.
• Bernardo’s main critique: Not enough ‘grandma’ elements (brick, real fireplace).
  “This doesn’t look like my grandma’s house … I want to stand her $600.” (17:09, Ben)
• Gas vs. electric stovetop debate: Nia prefers electric because she keeps burning herself on gas (!), to Ronnie’s amusement.
• Absence of a deck and chicken coop: both points of contention.
• Basement office area would be too close to the kids’ play space.

5. House #2: 1960s Colonial ($485,000) (25:09–31:58)

• Authentic brick, wood paneling, “used” feel; aligns with Bernardo’s “grandma” taste.
• Nia is anxious about ghosts due to the age and number of prior inhabitants.
• Backyard: big plus; no HOA so they could have up to six chickens.
• Quirky features: classic baseboard radiators (Nia doesn’t recognize them), some “newer” fixtures.
• Finished basement space for Bernardo’s office, but includes a “ghost sink” (industrial utility sink) and an awkward dividing wall.
• Ronnie, exasperated: “Every single thing is to come down to how his grandma did something…why you’re not doing it just like her.” (27:17)

6. House #3: New Build McMansion ($???; ~1hr from work) (32:45–39:59)

• Located in a developing McMansion community; plenty of construction nearby.
• Feels “sterile” to Bernardo; Nia is delighted by the fresh, spirit-less feel and—critically—the staircase, which she deems “royal” and ideal for “prom pictures.”
• Office located off the foyer—great for Bernardo’s business, though he gripes about the absence of a tray ceiling at first.
• Another gas vs. electric fireplace conversation for kid-safety.
• Sliding door with no deck (just a Juliet gate) prompts more jokes about danger and deck expenses.
• Main draw: Only house with tray ceilings in the primary bedroom, much to Bernardo’s “oasis” delight.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nia’s Social Media Aspirations:
  “I’m going to buy an entire house for one post of a bathtub on social media. I’m going to become viral over my bathtub.” (22:56, Ronnie as Nia)
• On Ghost Phobia:
  “I don’t want to watch a ghost washing its hands. Let’s get out.” (31:36, Ben as Nia)
• On Relentless Grandma Nostalgia:
  “You are entering psycho territory here. Is your grandma in some wooden chair in your basement at home right now?” (32:08, Ronnie)
• On Chicken Coop Practicality:
  “What else do you do with chickens? You’re not going to slaughter them there. Like, you’re just going to get…” (29:23, Ben)
• On House #3's Staircase:
  “This is royal. This is where we’re gonna—okay—we’re gonna have the kids take prom photos here. And not only that, like, we’re gonna invite heads of state. This is a staircase.” (35:35, Ronnie as Nia)
• Trey Ceiling Obsession:
  “He loves it because they have tray ceilings. Guys, the only home in town with tray ceilings. He’s like, this is it. I found it. I saw this on social media. Knew I was gonna marry it.” (39:21, Ben)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:35: Introductions to Nia and Bernardo; family backstories
• 04:11: Kite-flying “tradition” and performative family life
• 07:27: Social media influences and Nia’s vision for her dream home
• 09:48: Cultural fears about ghosts in old homes
• 12:15: The “tray ceiling” debate begins
• 15:44: First house tour – skeptical reviews and appliance arguments
• 25:09: Second (older) home – ghosts, radiators, and budget-friendly drama
• 32:45: Third house, the McMansion – construction woes, stairway to social media stardom
• 39:21: Epiphany over tray ceilings in bedroom
• 40:35: Decision-making discussion and final choice announcement
• 41:24: Recap: electric fireplace compromise and razzle-dazzle plans

The Final Decision & Epilogue

Ultimately, Bernardo and Nia choose the third, new build McMansion with the tray ceiling—his non-negotiable “grandma” meets “oasis” requirement—along with an electric fireplace for Nia’s social media visions. Ronnie and Ben delight in their stubbornness and circus of priorities, but agree, “it all worked out.” The self-aware, mocking affection for the couple’s quirks and Bravo-style dramatics makes the recap as entertaining as the original House Hunters episode.

Closing Thoughts:
The episode is a comedic tour de force of observational humor, Bravo references, and home design snark—perfect for fans of Watch What Crappens and reality TV send-ups. Ben and Ronnie’s banter is consistently sharp, with the Trey ceiling fixation and ghost paranoia providing particularly fertile ground for jokes.

For More: Visit Watch What Crappens on Patreon for bonus episodes and more recaps!